Anon in Equestria

by Bastinator

Rating: teen
Tags: Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Human, Main 6
Length: 29812

A human takes a walk, only to end up in Equestria. His life is changed forever.

A human takes a walk, only to end up in Equestria. His life is changed forever when an encounter with a frozen Discord gives him some powers.

This is my first story from a while back so it probably hasn't aged well.

Published 2013-11-14 19:30:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-14 19:30:03 UTC

Chapter 1: Introduction

It’s been a long while since you’ve just walked. Walking to college or your job was one thing, but now, you can just relax. And that’s exactly what you do, relax. Walking through the park at night was one of the few things you could truly enjoy. The gentle rhythm of your shoe hitting concrete, coupled with some light crickets chirping away is simply intoxicating. Your close your eyes, wishing this peace could last forever. If only you’d known…

Now, silence… You snap open your eyes, the lack of sound breaking your hypnotic trance. You look around, scanning for what caused this sudden intrusion of your peace. The trees seem to have become denser as your walk continued. What was a clean cut path has now become far more of a natural forest. Diverting your gaze to the floor the ground itself has also changed. You remember the concrete floor being a part of your walk, but instead it was replaced by the soft dirt.

It’s all good Anon. You just went off the path a bit is all. You can just turn around an- Down the path, covered in shadow, you barely make out the silhouette of a wolf. “Fuck.”

Terror. Sheer mother of god Terror. The one creature you thought you’d never meet and here it is. If you hadn’t gone to the bathroom before this you know you would’ve pissed yourself. Fuck it’s coming closer. Think dammit think. Bing! God that took long enough.
You reach into your pocket, pull out your spring assisted knife and flip it open.

That’s right you stupid wolf, you may get me, but I’ll get the fuck out of you. Wait, wolves? Your mind begins to chug again. Wolves, you think to yourself, dogs, large, predators, packs, wil- Pack. A growl from some nearby bushes catches you off-guard. ”Clever girl”

And you’re running, howls and snarls echoing from your rear. All you wanted was a damn walk, but Nooooo. You take a quick peak behind you, trying to grasp the severity of the situation. Not ten feet behind you are four wolves, eager to make you their next meal. NOPE!

Setting your fucks given meter to max, you start sprinting like Forrest Fucking Gump. You reach the end of the forest, but like hell you’re stopping there. You can make out a town on the distance, it isn’t yours, but when there are wolves trying to gnaw on your face you think you can make an exception.

Upon reaching the town, you reassess the situation. Wolves? Gone. Jimmies? Rustled. Town? Empty. After all this, you can’t think of anything better then getting that bit of relaxation you wanted. Being a coward, you decide it’d be best not to wake the town’s inhabitants. After a few minutes of searching you find a comfortable looking alley, well as comfortable as you can get. Compiling a small bed out of various items, you lie down and sleep.

Oh damn the light, it burns! Shielding your eyes you get up. This is what it must feel like to be a hobo. You can hear voices coming from the town square. At least you can finally get some help. You’re almost at the entrance of the alleyway, when you see all the commotion. Ponies. Ponies everywhere. Is this some kind of farm community? Whatever, you’ve talked to enough farmers to know how to act.

”Five bits is an outrage! I’ll pay no more than three.” Did that pony just…? Bitch Mode: Dumpster Diver Activate!

Talking ponies. Talking. Ponies. It’s by far not the weirdest thing you’ve heard about, carrot astronauts still takes that prize, but this can’t can real. You’re just delusional. Yeah, that’s it. This is just a figment of your imagination, but… It can’t hurt to check right? Bringing your fingers to your arm, you take a little pinch. Oww. “Double Fuck.”

Why? Why did this shit happen to you? Go for a walk and end up in Ponyville. Heh, clever name that. Peeking over the dumpster, the town square is pretty busy and doesn’t look like it’ll slow down any time soon. You gotta get out of this alley. No one may know where you are now, but you aren’t going to take the chance that they won’t. What help are you going to find in a dumpster? It’s not like they drop invisibility cloaks. Come on brain, get me out of here. Thump and darkness. Why is it always…? A cardboard box? A grin slowly grows across your face. Luck is on your side today my friend.

Slipping out of the dumpster, it’s time to enact your master plan. You slip the box over your body, tearing out a small hole to see through. Working your way around the ponies isn’t easy, but you’ve go it down. Just a little more and you’re home fr- ”What in tarnation?”

Oh god the light again. Silence. Every p0ny is looking directly at you. Anon, you’ve been spotted. ”The horror! The horror!” Time to run.

Almost out of town. Anyone else hear that screechin- Bam, on your back again. A cyan blur slowly approaches you. ”No one’s faster then-“ Tackle and run. Tackle and- God dammit rope! Who uses rope anymore? You writhe around on the ground a bit, multiple ponies approaching you. ”Quick thinking there AJ”

”All in a days work Rainbow.”

Bam, hoof in the face. “That’s for tackling me you bucking idiot.” Oh god your head. Consciousness.exe has had an unexpected problem. Restarting. Mission Failure.

Consciousness.exe has finished resolved the issue. Running. You awaken to complete darkness. Great, come to a town of talking ponies and you get locked in a basement. Just your luck. You notice a soft glow emanating from the floor. Is that- a rune? You take a step back, observing the layout of this device. It appears to be circular which means that you’re about to…

Electricity courses through your body, granting the room a purple hue. The pain is indescribable. They do this shit to criminals? Soon the current ends, allowing your body to plummet face first onto the stone floor. Fucking Enchantments. You can almost hear Sandal giggling to himself at your despair.

So you rest, not like there’s anything else you can do. Being surrounded by a magical fence of electricity made sure of that. You hear some voices coming from what you think are stairs. Let me guess, it’s time to play 20 Questions.The door bursts open, light pouring through the frame. God damn that light. You should have spent more time outside during the day.You vaguely make out the outline of several ponies, maybe six in total. A few more seconds and your eyes will finally adjust. More fucking light? Why can’t you get a break?

“So this is the thing that attacked you Rainbow Dash?”

”Sure is, pretty fast for only two legs.” A compliment? These ponies are pretty fast to forgive and forget.

Your eyes, finally adjusted, can make out your not so gracious hosts. Six in total, all of various colors and features. You’ve got two “regular” ponies, one pink and visibly bursting with energy, and another orange wearing a cowboy hat. The orange one is probably the one who got you with that stupid rope. There are another two ponies, but with a horn on their heads? Unicorns, at this point you’re more surprised at the fact they can talk then how they’re mystical creatures. One is purple and you have a hunch that she’s the leader, pretty bright too. The other is milky white with a purple mane; you find it hard to describe her with anything other than majestic. Probably a stuck up bitch though, another hunch you have.

The last two are attract more attention, both featuring a pair of wings. Pegasuses? Pegasi, that sounds right. One is yellow with a pink mane, very skittish though, she reminds you of yourself at one point. The other is cyan and boasts a rainbow colored mane, kids these days and their crazy antics. You at least know her name, Rainbow Dash. Fuck Anon, pay attention to what they’re saying. You can sort everything else out later.

”I’ve never seen anything quite like it before, at least not in any of the books I’ve read.” Great, you’re an IT now. Another downgrade. ”I’d better inform the princess, she is likely to know how to proceed.”

”Indeed,” the white unicorn gasps, “This THING is positively ghastly.” Yep she’s a bitch alright.

“Do I have any say in the matter?” All the ponies turn back to you, shocked. I guess they didn’t know you could speak after all. “I’ll take that as a no.”

The first words to come out of your mouth and they fall on deaf ears. You should have just fapped and gone to bed. ”So… you understand us?” The purple unicorn being the first to respond. You nod your head dejectedly.

”I think it’d be best if you sent that there letter sugarcube.” The purple one slowly walks up the stairs and out of the room, calling to someone named Spike. No one has a simple name it seems. Awkward silence ensues.

”So what’s your name?” The pink one blurts out.

”Uh… You can call me Anon, I guess.”

At least she’s treating you like a person. ”Cool! My name’s Pinkie Pie. This here is Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity and Fluttershy. The one who just left is Twilight Sparkle.” Oh god the names… ”I can’t wait till you get out of here. We’ll be the best of friends, and I can throw you one of my super duper PARTIES!”

“I have enough friends, but thank you for the offer.”

”Pfft, you can never have enough friends. This one time I met this donkey…” She continues to speak, but you soon lose interest. All you want is to get out of here.*Bluurgh* WTF was that? Maybe Spike? How fat must that fucker be?

The door slowly creaks open, followed by the purple po- Twilight. You better start using their names. ”We’re going to Canterlot.”

“Well, as much as I’d like to go, I’m kind of stuck here so have fun without me.”

”Sorry, but you’re coming with us.” Twilight’s horn begins to glow, what the hell is she doing? You start feeling… Weightless? Looking down you see your floating above the ground. Jimmies are approaching the rustling stage. ”Rarity, would you please bind his arms and legs?”

”Hmph, how barbaric.” Every word she speaks makes you want to beat her down. Rope slowly works its way around way, tying itself to constrict your movement. Your finally put down, the sudden weight making you jolt in surprise.

”Let’s go um…”

”His name’s Anon” Pinkie interjects.

”Fine, let’s get moving Anon.”

“Whatever…”

You haphazardly step out of the circle, hoping they didn’t forget to shut whatever that is off. Phew, nothing. You make your way up the stairs and out of what looks like a library. Check, Twilight’s a nerd. No sign of this Spike character though. The stares of the crowd send chills down your spine. If it wasn’t for this little group you’d have certainly been lynched by now.

“So uh, where is this Canterlot anyways?”

”Over there” Fluttershy finally spoke, if you can even call that speaking. She has the tiniest little voice you’ve ever heard. Kind of cute.

You turn to where she was looking, to see a castle way of in the distance. “That’ll only take a week to get to, and I don’t want to take up your time, so how about you let me go and I’ll walk from here.”

Twilight glares at you, “Nice try, but you’re not getting off that easy. Besides,” a chariot quickly dropping beside her, “We’re not going by hoof.”

“A for effort?”

”Just get in” Jeez, no sense of humor at all.

You finally manage to get in the back, moving around with your limbs bound is a lot hard then you thought. Twilight swiftly follows. ”I’ll be back by tonight” Twilight reassures her friend. The fact that she didn’t say “we” disturbs you little. The pegasi driving the chariot quickly ascend into the sky. You fear that you might end up falling off; flight was never something you were completely comfortable with. Twilight laughs quietly at your noticeable fear. Her calm demeanor slowly rubs off on you. For what it’s worth, this place is beautiful. You never really got to appreciate your surroundings, mostly because it’s filled with grey lifeless buildings, but this place has a certain aura about it. Even with the threat of the unknown approaching, you feel… at peace.

It’s been about half an hour you wager. You wish you had your watch, but it was taken, along with your wallet and knife. The sun is beginning its descent, and so are you. You hadn’t even noticed how close you had become to the castle. Strange, you tend to notice things fairly quickly. You cast your head over the side to get a better view of this ‘Canterlot.’ You can see a few ponies in its streets, making their way to their homes. Guards are patrolling the pearly white walls. It’s not that different then where you grew up. You get closer to the ground, eventually landing in what you believe to be the courtyard.

As your feet touch the ground, you hear an inaudible whisper. You look around, but see nothing, just a bunch of statues. Must’ve been your imagination, being around talking ponies and magic has that effect on you. ”Hurry up Anon. It’s impolite to keep the princess waiting.”

You quickly shuffle behind Twilight, working your way up the steps and through the castle doors. You’re greeted by a battalion of guards, patting you down for any hidden items on your person. You’re pretty sure your beef whistle doesn’t count though. They nod to Twilight, granting access to the main chamber. Twilight, with you in tow, enters.

You find yourself in a great hall of sorts. Ornate and elegant, this definitely fits your picture of a princess castle, just without all the pink. At the end of the room is another Pegasus… or Unicorn… Ok, the fuck is that? It’s at least six to eight feet tall, has both a horn and wings, and her mane reminds you of Rainbow Dash, only far more regal. She picks up her head and looks directly at you, her eyes overpowering yours, causing you to look at the floor.

”Celestia!” Twilight yells before running, or galloping, over to the Princess, practically dragging you along with her.

”My faithful student Twilight, it is great to see you again.” After a quick embrace her eyes turn to you. “I see you brought him along as well.”

”Of course Princess, it’s wonderful to see you again.” They must have been very close.

”You seem quite famished dearest Twilight, we can talk during dinner.” Your stomach grumbles at the word dinner. Celestia grins, “And I’m sure you would enjoy some food as well.”

Food. Oh wondrous food. There may not be any meat, but you’re just happy you can eat. ”Twilight, could you please unbind him? He may have difficulty otherwise.” The rope begins to loosen and soon you have controls of your limbs again. Without remorse, you begin to serve yourself. It hits you that you’re being incredibly uncivil, Rarity would probably have a hissy-fit. Straighten up and act proper, you weren’t raised like an animal. This sudden change has not gone unnoticed, as Celestia giggles at your behavior. ”It’s quite alright Anon, eat up.”

“Thank you Princess, I haven’t eaten in a while.”

You are about to dig in when a thought comes to mind. How does she know your name? Twilight didn’t tell her and Celestia didn’t ask so how… Almost on queue, you and Celestia look at each other, Celestia having smile across her face.

The both of you continue to stare at the other, Twilight oblivious to your current predicament as she continues to ramble on about her life. ”Hello Anon.” Her mouth unchanged. “How are you?” The fuck? “Such language, it is certainly… refreshing.”

You shake your head, hoping that you’re just going crazy again. Another laugh, your jimmies can only take so much rustlin. ”It sure is strange, the world you come from. So much violence, hatred…” Her voice suddenly more serious, “Such chaos…”

”However,” her voice lightening, “you seem far more… stable, then your peers. Perhaps you can stay…” The Jimmies have officially been rustled. OUTOUTOUT!

Relief. You refocus on Celestia, hoping that she is done with her charade. She slowly nods at you, and turns to her pupil. Is it over? ”Twilight my dear, I believe you may have misjudged poor Anon here. As you can clearly see, he’s trying to be as civil as possible. A simple misunderstanding is all this was.”

”But princess he attacked-“

”Rainbow Dash after she tried to prevent his escape. He was acting on instinct, would you have done any different?”

”I- Well- No Princess… I guess I wouldn’t.”

”I believe we should make it up to our friend here by-“

”Anooooooooon.” A whisper creeps into your ear. It sounds familiar… ”Anoooooooon” It continues to call.

You turn and stand from your chair, slowly walking towards the voice, almost pulled. ”Anon? What’s the matter?” Celestia questions.

“It’s nothing, I just- I want to take a walk.”

You can hear both Twilight and Celestia stand; you almost turn when the voice calls you again. ”Anooooon” The voice softening as you continue. A part of you wants to stop. Just turn around and sit down, but you just… can’t. You find yourself at the castle entrance, continuing to creep to the voice’s origin.

”Seriously Anon, what wrong?” This time Twilight slightly concerned.

“It’s alright, don- don’t you hear that?”

”Anon, you should really come-“

You pick up the pace, on the verge of running, the voice egging you on. ”Anoooon. Anoon.” You’re sprinting now; you have to get to that voice. You need to. You catch your foot on a branch, causing you to violently trip, followed by silence. You look up and… A Statue?

As sudden as the voice appeared, it dissipated, leaving you tired and weary. You pull yourself up, coming face to face with some sort of statue. You could have sworn the voice came from here, but now… nothing. This statue is certainly strange to say the least, some combination of horse, lion, goat and a bunch of other creatures. Unique is one word you can use to describe it. You reach out your hand, feeling the same pull as before.

”Anon what are you-“

The head of the statue shifts to a devilish grin as your finger tips reach it. Green clouds your vision, as your body writhes in pain. You fall back, vision clearing. “Fucking Enchantments…”

Why does everything try to kill you? You’ve barely been in wherever the hell you are for a day and it’s abundantly clear that you’re not welcome. My legs are still all screwy. How about you give me a lift now Twilight? Almost as if she read your mind, you feel weightless again. Your ascent is inconsistent to say the least; Twilight didn’t seem to have complete control over you as she did before. You blink a few times, getting a sense of your surroundings again. Celestia and Twilight had their backs to you, inspecting the statue.

“You can drop me whenever you’d like Twilight.” The two ponies gave you a quick glance and returned to the statue. “As much as I’d love to just float here, I like my feet better on the ground please.”

”Anon what on earth are you talking-“ More stares, Twilight’s one of surprise and Celestia’s of anger. Bitch Mode: Activate. You fall like a rock, the flow of magic interrupted.

“Why didn’t you-“

”Silence!” You’d never heard Celestia yell, and apparently neither did Twilight. ”Why did you run? Speak!”

“I don’t know, I just felt like I should”

”Enough of your lies, I will not let you release chaos in Equestria.” Well at least you know where you are- Fuck my brain! Celestia is in your mind again and god does it sting. Your brain feels like it’s being torn to shreds. OUTOUTOUT! Pain continues to seep into your mind, fuck... pain… Consciousness_2.exe has encountered a problem and needs to close. Damn ponies…

You awaken to the sky, the stars gazing down upon you. Twilight seems unaware of your condition. You appear to be on the chariot again, Celestia nowhere in sight. “Twilight?”

”Yes anon?” She doesn’t look at you.

“Am I dead?”

”Far from it.” She laughs a bit at your absurd question. ”Listen Anon, there some things we need to talk about.”

“Like how your princess almost killed me? That’s one thing you don’t need to tell me, don’t fuck with Celestia.”

”I know that you’re upset-“

“Hell yeah I’m upset. Has anyone torn your mind to shreds? I doubt it.”

”Just calm down and -”

“I almost die, and you tell me to calm down? Fuck you!” You turn away from her, fuming with anger. You should be beating the shit out of her, having a mouth like that. In fact as soon as you land you’ll… Wait what? This isn’t you Anon. You’d never actually do this shit. What’s wrong with you? You and Twilight just sit there. Just you and a now whimpering Twilight. Why’d you do that Anon, you’d never do that to someone? “Um… Twilight?”

No response, just more whimpering. You sit next to Twilight, who’s bawling her eyes out by now. You wrap your arms around her, trying to be as tender as possible. “I’m sorry.”

Flood gates have officially opened. If she was letting back any tears before, they’re running down her face now. You never let go of her, hoping that in some twisted messed up way, having a bipedal alien from another world hugging her will make it all better. And in a way, it did. By the time we got back to her house Twilight had regained most of her composure. She worked her way out of the chariot, looking back at you with her puffy red eyes. God is she adorable. “Celestia said that you’ll be staying here for a while, at least until she knows what to do with you.” You feel the anger rising as she mentions that name, but you quickly drive it down.

“So where will I be staying exactly? I’m pretty sure my bed in that alleyway was burnt when the other ponies found it?

Twilight blushes slightly, “I guess you’ll stay with me.” She blushed? Oh god please don’t have that mean what I think it means.

“Sure, why not?” You put on a fake smile, hoping she finds it genuine. She’s beaming now. Okay maybe that smile is real after all.

Before long the chariot lands, Twilight escorting you back to her house library thing. ”Spike! Spike!”

“I’ve been meaning to ask you, who is Spike?”

”Oh, he’s just my assistant. Spike, we have a guest!”

”Jeez Twilight, don’t you know how late it is?” A talking baby dragon. Wh- You know what, I’ve had enough mind fucks for one day. Let’s just roll with it.

“Spike I presume? Nice to meet you.”

”Yeah, Yeah, are we done? I’m kind of tired.”

”Spike, don’t be rude.”

“It’s alright Twilight, I’m anxious to hit the sack myself.”

She looks puzzled at your terminology, but shrugs it off. ”Alright Anon, let’s get you to bed.” You follow Twilight as she bounds up the stairs. ”I only have one bed, so we’re going to have to share.” Why is everything awkward all of a sudden? All you did was give her a hug. Fuck it you’re tired. Setting aside your jacket you slip into bed, Twilight soon follows. Twilight turns off the lamp and wraps her front legs around you. ”Goodnight.”

You close your eyes, going over what happened today. You wound up in some place called Equestria. You got captured by a couple p0ny and a Pegasus. You heard voices that made you almost lose your mind. You invoked the wrath of a magical princess. And now you’re in bed with a unicorn. Maybe Twilight will explain this shit tomorrow, but for now, this pillow is seriously comfortable.

Chapter 2: Ponyville Tour

”Anooon” Not this shit again. “Anoooon. Return the slab.” I’m not falling for- Wait what? “Return the slab, or suffer my curse” God dammit Ramses. Time to wake up you stupid fuck. It’s go time.

“Stupid dreams.” You look at the clock on the wall, 5:57. Yep, it’s time to get up alright. You slowly get out of bed, making sure not to wake a tired Twilight. Looking back, you can’t help but d’aaw. Twilight quietly lays there, her hind legs slightly twitching as she hugs a little pony doll. At this rate you’ll turn fag in no time. Turning away, you head down the stairs.

Twilight was supposed to talk to you last night, about what you don’t know. Probably about what was up with that bitch Celestia. Just thinking about her fills with you rage. Gotta calm down there bud. If there’s one thing that’ll get your mind off of this shit its books. Good ol’ boring ass books. Twilight is still sound asleep, so you might as well learn while you wait. You start pulling out books… Equestria 101 “I know I’m going to regret this…”

132 bottles of beer on the wall, 132 bottles of beer. Take one down, pass it around, 131 bottles of beer on the wall. How is Twilight not up yet? You’ve been waiting here for hours. “Morning Anon.”

“Good morning sleepy head. Were you planning on waking up some time before noon?”

”It’s only 6:30” Look who’s the idiot now dumb fuck.

“Sorry, I can’t really keep track of time. By the way, do you have my stuff?”

”Yeah it’s over there by the door.” You pick up your effects and move back over to Twilight. “So what was it you were supposed to tell me about?”

Her ears fall after you’re done. “It’s about last night.” You sit down, eagerly awaiting an explanation. ”I think it would be best if we start with some background stuff.”

Equestria, Nightmare Moon, Elements of Harmony, Mane 6, Discord. As much has you hate to admit it, this stuff is actually quite interesting. “And that brings us back to last night. When you were at the castle, what happened?”

“Well, I don’t really know. Everything was fine until we were eating.”

”Annnnd?” As crazy as what happened, you can’t bring yourself to lie to her.

“I heard a voice call my name. So I went looking for it.” She simply kept nodding her head. “So that’s what I did. The closer I got to it, the more I needed to hear it.” Twilight kept nodding, wanting me to finish the story. “I tripped and fell in front of some sta- that was Discord?” A simple nod was she could muster. “I looked at uh, Discord, and I felt that pull, like I needed to touch his statue. When I did, I got hit by some sort of enchantment. “Then that bi- I mean Celestia went apeshit and tried to kill me.”

Twilight shook her head, “That wasn’t an enchantment. That was Discord.”

“But you said you sealed him up, it couldn’t have been him.”

”He may be sealed, but not completely. He still has minimal influence over the surroundings, but it’s weird. This is the first time he’s anything like this has happened.”

“So Discord tried to kill me? What a dick…”

”If he wanted to kill you, I don’t think we would be talking right now. Do you remember after you got hit by blast? Before Celestia went “apeshit.” Corrupting ponies one at a time.

“Yeah, you lifted me up and Celestia got pissed.”

Another head shake, “I didn’t lift you up, and neither did the princess. You did.” Fucking Sweet. Wait… what?

Well that’s quite a bit to take in. Learning that you can do magic and shit isn’t something that happens everyday for you. “So, Celestia attacked me because… she thought I was corrupted by Discord or something.”

”More or less. She was only trying to protect Equestria Anon. She didn’t want to kill you, just stop you.” That’s a good enough reason, right? I mean if you knew your coworker was a terrorist wouldn’t I stop him? Why did she have to turn out to have good intentions? Now you feel guilty about how much of an ass you’ve been.Wait, who cares about Celestia? You can do fucking magic, not very well, but still, its fucking magic! Bing! You slowly turn your head.

“So, Twilight… Wanna teach me magic?”

”No.” What?

“But-“

”I’m sorry Anon, but I can’t.” Pfft, like hell she can’t.

“Can’t or won’t?”

”Both, I’m haven’t mastered it myself; besides Celestia already told me to make sure you don’t use yours.” Great, you discover you can manipulate shit with your mind, but the princess has deemed you a liability. Well, she’s just being careful, you would’ve done the same thing in her… hooves. ”Come on Anon, I’ll give you a tour of Ponyville to get your mind off of this business.” Ponyville? Damn, and you thought your name was clever.

Grabbing your jacket, you follow Twilight out the door. The sun is just above the horizon, good thing too, you wouldn’t want more ponies screaming. You make it up to Twilight, following her side-by-side. ”Down this road is Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack lives there along with the rest of the apple family, and if you follow this road you’ll find Fluttershy’s cottage and the Everfree Forest. She’s pretty skittish though, so don’t expect a grand welcome.”

“Hence shy”

”Off somewhere, is Rainbow’s house.”

“Somewhere?”

”Rainbow’s house is in the sky, and she never likes to stay in the same place.” You want to say how ridiculous that sounds, but then you remember exactly where you are. They see me rollin. You follow Twilight, finally being able to enjoy a nice walk. You can get used to this. ”Here’s Rarity’s Boutique, and just a heads up, Rarity will probably be dragging you in there when she finds out those are the only clothes you have.” At least she warned you right? Twilight suddenly stops, peeking around the corner.

“What’s the hold up?”

”Shhh,” Twilight nudges you to look, “That’s Sugar Cube Corner.” Seeing as how it was practically made of dessert, I can get how it got its name.

“Why the hushed voices?”

”Mr. and Mrs. Cake live there along with Pinkie Pie.”

“Let me guess Pinkie Pie can be a bit too energetic?”

”Can’t be too happy silly!” Oh god…

”Why are you guys sneaking around? OH, are you playing Hide and Seek? I love Hide and Seek! Can I play too?” The noise! Dear god it’s too early in the morning for a dash of Pinkie.

“Pinkie, can you please tone it down a bit? You’re going to wake up all of Ponyville.”

”Silly willy, that won’t wake up ALL of Ponyville!” Voices begin to rise around you, growing in volume.

“Alright Twilight, time to go.”
You’ve got to get back to the Twilight’s home soon. There’s no telling how the ponies will react to you. ”The horror! The horror!” Well, same as before you guess… Every p0ny really seems to have it out for you, and you feel its time to fix that.

“Ponies of Ponyville!” Your voice cuts through the crowd. Time to wing this shit. “I apologize for whatever transgression I have inflicted upon thee. I hereby submit to whatever punishment you deem appropriate.”What the hell was that? Come on brain, you can do better than that. “If it is of any consultation, I- *splat*

Great, try and fix a situation and they throw, whatever the hell this is. It smells… fruity? You remove the mush from your face, freeing your vision. It’s a pie. Looking toward the crowd, you’re shocked to see them armed to the teeth with cupcakes, pies, muffins, marshmallows and various other treats. “Surprise!” God dammit Pinkie.

Ponies and their strange antics. You might get the frosting off of your clothes, but you’re going to smell like a candy store for the better part of a week. ”Did you like your surprise? I hope you liked it. You remember before you left, how all those people didn’t look very happy? Well, apparently they didn’t want to be your friend, and how can you have a party if no one wants to be your friend?” She really is an odd one, but at least it worked out in the end. The town might have hated you before, but after unloading you with, what you are convinced was a couple tons of dessert, they seem to have gotten over you. ”I hope you’re ready for your party! Remember, Sugar Cube Corner 8:00.”

One second she’s here and the next she’s gone. Damn ninja ponies. You check your watch, 9:43. Well, if you’re going to that party, you might as well have some clothes that aren’t candy coated. You set out for Rarity’s boutique, readying yourself for a massive bitch-fit.

Retracing your steps, you finally arrive at what you hope is Rarity’s boutique. You give the door a couple good knocks and a familiar voice greets you. ”Come in!” You take off your shoes, being a complete gentleman, and enter. Her boutique is fairly open, with a few mannequins and over a dozen cloth spools scattered about. ”Now, what can Madam Rarity help you with?” She never takes her eyes off of her work. Respectable.

“A change of clothes would be great.”

”Anon?” Her ears perking up at your voice. “I had heard you were ba- *gasp* What in Equestria happened to you?”

“You don’t want to know…”

”Pinkie Pie?”

“Pinkie Pie.”

”Figures, it certainly wouldn’t be her first crime against fashion.”

“So, are you able to help you with my little problem?”

”Of course darling, you are looking at the best seamstress in Ponyville.”

“Thanks Rarity. So where do we start?”

”Well, you’re going to start by washing up. Just go up the stairs, turn right and it’ll be at the end of the hall.”

“Thanks again Rarity, you’re a huge help.” You turn and waddle up the stairs, trying not to drip frosting on the floor.I guess you pegged her wrong after all, she may be a bit snobby, but she’s very gracious. Alright, washroom washroom washroom… Ahaa!

You’re actually a bit surprised at how large it is. Your bathroom wasn’t even half this size. You begin undressing, feeling the cool Equestrian air flow across your skin. “Hey Rarity,” you shout, “Where should I put my clothes?”

”Leave it in the hamper outside the door; I’ll get it in a minute.” You do as you’re told, shutting the door and returning to the shower. You step in, turn the knobs, and let the water flow. Good ol’ icy water. You reach for some shampoo. You wonder…

You close your eyes and concentrate. You did it before, so you can do it again. “Concentrate, concentrate,” you mutter to yourself. Try as you might, nothing happens. So much for magic… You continue washing yourself with soap, before you turn back to the shampoo. One more try won’t hurt… Come on, use the force Anon. You open your eyes, the shampoo bottle, basked in green, floating before you. “Fucking Jedi.”

You grab the bottle, still shocked that it worked. You wonder what else you can do. You can’t wait to tell Twilight. Oh shit, Twilight is going to be pissed. She had one rule and you broke it, you’re an asshole. You’ll cross that bridge when you come to it, for now you still have to get your clothes from Rarity. You quickly wash up and get out of the shower. Rarity seems to have taken your clothes and set out a large towel for you, how sweet. Wrapping the towel around your waist, you head back to Rarity.

Rarity seems to have continued working, several spools levitating around her. “Wow, that’s gorgeous.”

Rarity turns to you, face visibly blushing. “Oh it’s just something I threw together. Your new attire will certainly put it to shame, which reminds me…” Rarity magics up some measuring tape, “Time to take your measurements.”

“Whoa now, you can just use my previous clothes.”

”Oh heavens no, it was quite clear that they weren’t tailored to you. The jacket was far too baggy, and those jeans… Don’t get me started on the jeans. Now just hold out your arms, this will only take a minute.”

“I really don’t think this is-“

”Hush, I cannot and will not allow you to wear mediocre attire. Now raise your arms.” Just do it Anon, she is trying to help. You begrudgingly raise your arms. ”Better.”

”Hmm, yes, I thought so…” She’s been taking measurements for a good ten minutes. How many could she possibly need? ”Almost done darling, just one more minute.” A minute may be too long. Your towel has been slipping little by little, and you haven’t been able to move.

“Rarity can I quickly-“

”Hush, I just need your neck, then you…” Times up. The air swiftly fills the void left by your towel, your face burning in embarrassment. You look back at Rarity, her white face now a brilliant scarlet. Her eyes darting between you and the… accident. She knows. You know that she knows. First time you’ve been in front of someone nude since birth, and you feel like you want to die. ”W-well, this is uh, well hmm…” You quickly grab the towel and rewrap it around you. Awkward…

*bing* “Clothes are done.” She quickly gallops away, probably anxious to get out of that situation. You let out a sigh of relief. Nothing is ever simple here is it… Rarity returns, face still deep scarlet, with your clothes neatly folded.

“I’m sorry about the towel. I tried to tell you…”

”Nothing to be sorry about dear,” her eyes still dancing between you and the towel, “just an accident.” She’s not very convincing. You take your clean clothes, and put them on in the other room. ”I’ll have your outfit ready before the party.” You head to the door following Rarity.

“Thank you again, I’ll be sure to pay you back for the clothes somehow.”

“Don’t trouble yourself with payment; you already have enough on your plate.” You wave goodbye and head back to the library. You really have to make it up to her, you owe it to her.

You make it back to the library, making idle chit-chat with a few ponies along the way, one of which even gave you bite to eat. They really aren’t all that different from people one Earth, if you look past the physical we’re really just the same. You go upstairs; apparently Twilight and Spike are off with the rest of the Mane 6, leaving you alone. You’ve still got a couple hours before you have to head to the party, so you think it’d be best to catch up on some much needed rest.

Your nap is relatively peaceful, your mind wandering around the past. You think about today, Twilight and Pinkie and Rarity. You want to go back, but your mind won’t let you. ”Time to wake up Anon” All you see is a grin… that grin… You jolt out of bed, ending whatever nightmare was about to occur.

”Good you’re awake.” Oh god not her. You turn around and take a knee, your body running on fear at this point.

“Princess, what are-“

”You did it again Anon, even after you were told I forbid it.” You stare at the floor, too terrified to speak. “Look at me when I address you Anon.” You raise your head, eyes fixed on Celestia.

She gives off a weak smile, “You’re lucky I have no wish to harm you.” Your muscles relax; at least you won’t be dying today.

“Thank you princess.”

”I wish to apologize for harming you yesterday. I assumed the worst had befallen you.”

“I understand princess.”

She nods her head, “I am aware.” Celestia begins to descend the stairs. ”Come, let us talk.”

“What is it you wish to discuss princess?”

She leads you outside, the sun falling behind the horizon. ”Would you like to stay here in Equestria?” Celestia sounding unsure of her words.

“You mean, you’re able to send me back?”

”Possibly, after some time I might have located your world, I can send you there if you wish…”

“I don’t understand why you are giving me a choice. You can send me there regardless of what I say.”

Celestia gives you a sympathetic smile, “Because it’s your life, not mine. I could send you back if I wish, but from what I have seen of you, I think you could find peace here.” Peace. That’s the one thing you’ve ever really wanted, and you have a chance of reaching that here. Even with all the wacky customs of Ponyville, you could learn to love it. ”The choice is yours Anon. Choose.” You look at her, and for the first time, you know you want to do.

You nod to yourself before looking back up to her. “I want to stay.”

Her smile grew at your answer.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a Pinkie Party to attend.”

She nods her head, “Welcome to Equestria.” With that she flies off, leaving you to your new home. You once again head to Rarity’s boutique, only to find a note and package.

‘Dear Anon, your clothes are in the bundle by the door. Meet you at the party. ~Rarity’ You grab the bundle and head back to the library to change. Opening the package, you find it contains what you presume is a premium Victorian suit, excluding the top hat and cane. It’s a challenge to get on, but well worth the effort. You work your way to Sugar Cube Corner. The chanting of ponies can be heard outside, they must be having fun.

“Let’s give it your best Anon.”

The atmosphere is filled with bliss. Ponies are chatting, dancing and just having fun. It’s kind of intoxicating. ”Hey Anon!” Oh boy, Pinkie Time. “What do you think of your party? You like it? I think it’s a little small myself, we’ll have an even bigger one tomm-“ You shove a cupcake in her mouth to stop her from talking, followed by bear hug. Pinkie quickly gulps down the cupcake, a smile from ear to ear, “What’s that for?”

“Being you.”

Pinkie begins bouncing around the room, “He’s happy! He’s happy! He’s happy!” You laugh and move on, this is your party, so enjoy it. The night goes on as you mingle with your guests. You eyed Rarity whispering to a group of ponies, who blushed and waved when she saw you looking. You got into a hoof-wrastle with a severely inebriated Applejack, who proceeded to give you a run for your money. You barely beat her thanks to the miracle of alcohol.

Twilight showed up a couple hours in. She wanted to talk to you when you got home; apparently she also had a chat with the princess. Fluttershy was, well she was Fluttershy. It was hard to make conversation at first, but when you brought up animals she couldn’t stop talking. Apparently those wolves you found in the Everfree Forest were called timberwolves, they were literally wolves made of wood. Who knew? Rainbow Dash tried to get you drunk, which got her flustered when you said you don’t drink alcohol. Something tells you that that won’t stop her.

Spike passed out in the punch bowl… twice. The party raged on for hours before it slowed down as ponies started to leave. You carry Spike on home, but not before saying thanks to everyone for your party. You barely got the door open as you stumbled into the library. That party made sure to sap you of any energy you had. Twilight rushes over to help you out with Spike. She levitates him over to his bed before turning to you with a grin that would put Pinkie to shame.

Twilight is bursting with excitement; you’ve never seen anyone quite as happy. Wait, Pinkie… Well you’ve never seen anyone other than Pinkie so happy. ”Ok ok, I talked to the princess before coming to the party, and she said the two of you had talked.”

“Yes.”

”She told me that you guys made up about Canterlot.”

“Yes.”

”And,” she was practically jumping for joy, “she said you chose to stay in Equestria!”

“Actually, I didn’t.”

”W-what?” Any joy she may have had instantly disappeared.

“I said I wanted to go home.” Engage Poker face. You could see the tears well up in her eyes. Release the Kraken! “I’m just kidding Twilight. I’m not going anywhere!”

”You flankhole!” Twilight laughed fighting back the tears. You give her a hug of reassurance. Letting her release some of those mighty magic tears. You could never leave this cute little p0ny.

”That’s not all we talked about though.”

“Really?” She’s got your attention all right.

”The princess told me you used magic without permission.” Dammit, you put your head down.

“I’m sorry Twilight…”

”I forgive you Anon, but using magic without guidance is extremely dangerous.”

“I know…”

”And that is why the princess has allowed me to teach you how to control it.” Now she’s going to lock you in the- What did she say? ”So… Would you like me to tea-“

You pounce on her, giddy like a school girl. “Yes! I would love to learn from you.” Excluding the towel incident this really has been the best day of your life. The town isn’t mad at you, you are now a studying magic under Twilight, and you have a new life in Equestria.

”Well, your new life begins tomorrow. Come on, let’s go to bed…”

God, it’s getting hard not to love this place.

Chapter 3: A New Life

Day 13 in Equestria. It’s been a few days since you’ve moved out of Twilight’s library. Apparently Twilight was able to pull a few strings with they mayor, setting you up with a cozy cottage near the edge of town. Twilight wasn’t particularly trilled with the idea, but you both knew you needed a little privacy of your own. You still go back for your magic lessons and some nice conversation from time to time.

Since that party you’ve grown pretty close to Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie. She’s made sure you feel welcome in Ponyville, something that you’ll never be able to repay her for. She’s always there to put a smile on your face. Rainbow is in a whole different ball park. After High School, you spent most of your time sitting on your ass, and man, are you paying for it now. She has kept you on your feet and off your ass with all your races and workouts. You’re thankful she wasn’t your wrestling coach or you might not have even made it here alive. Though she is certainly a hard ass, she can also be pretty laid back. She still pressures to drink, trying to add another thing to compete at, but you feel like you can tell her anything.

The rest of the Mane 6, on the other hand, hasn’t had such a connection. Rarity sends you new clothes on occasion, but word down the olive branch is that she’s been gossiping about you. You still owe her for the suit, but it could be worse. Fluttery has mainly kept to herself. You have caught her sneaking around your house though, it kind of creeps you out. Now Applejack always seems to be busy. You’ve helped her out at the farm, bucking apples a few times for some spare bits, but that’s about it. Overall, life is good in Ponyville. Good at last.

”Just clear your mind Anon.” Another magic lesson with Twilight. Current exercise, Defense Magic. You concentrate, raising your shield, eyes peeled for the next attack.

“Ready.”

Twilight nods, hurling several purple orbs at you; they burst into flame as they hit your shield. Two more orbs fly in from your right. You take a quick roll backwards, narrowly dodging them. Twilight disappears in a flash of light, teleporting behind you. You drop to your knees, ducking under another set of orbs.

“Solar Flare!” A burst of light blinds Twilight, allowing you to escape. Thanks Tien.

You give Twilight a few seconds to compose herself. ”Very good Anon. You did some extra reading it would seem.”

“What can I say? I just took your advice.”

”Well, I thinks that’s enough for today. You can take the next few days off, just finish the rest of Marelin’s Magistrate and work on that barrier.” You give her a quick hug before rushing out of the practice chamber.

“Thanks again Twilight, see you soon.” You step out of the library, the sun high in the sky. You almost don’t hear the screech of an oncoming pegasus.

You continue walking home, even as Rainbow attempts a crash landing on your position. You almost lose your balance while Rainbow forces herself on your shoulders. ”Sup Anon.”

“Besides you? Nothing, Twilight just gave me the next few days off.”

”Sweet, got any plans?”

“Not really, just reading and sleeping if I can help it, you?”

”I’ve got cloud duty today. After that I’ll probably head to the club, wanna come?” Another chance to hang out with Rainbow Dash? Sign me up.

“Sure. Say, you think I can help with cloud duty? I’ve been meaning to test out a few spells, but I never got around to it.”

”Fine, you can help with any clouds I miss, if there’s any left by the time you catch me.” Dash soars into the sky, giving you a smile. “Try and keep up.” Challenge Accepted.

By the time you catch Dash it feels like your right lung might explode. “God…dammit… Dash…”

Rainbow bursts into laughter at your displeasure. “Stop acting like such a filly Anon. At least I left you a cloud or two. You place your hands behind your head, trying to catch your breath.

“I really need to get back in shape.”

”Too bad, just hurry up will you? You know I hate waiting on you.” She blushes before heading back into the sky. Where’s some of Popeye’s spinach when you need it?

After a few minutes you catch your breath, Rainbow obliviously relaxing on a nearby cloud. Payback time? Payback time. You cut a hole in the cloud, Rainbow falling in panic. “Yo what’s the big idea?!” Flustered Rainbow is flustered.

“What the matter Dash,” you chuckle, “Can’t take a little excitement?”

”Pfft,” Rainbow scoffs while trying to hide her blush, “you going to do something cool or just keep being you?” Bitch just tried to rustle your jimmies.

“You’d better put on a helmet, cause I’m about to blow your mind.”

Rainbow rolls her eyes, calling your bluff. Remember the steps Anon. Clear, focus, control and let the magic do its work. You raise your hand, a green sphere forming at your fingertips. Think of something clever… Hurling the sphere at the cloud, “Precipitate this!” Fuck you’re a nerd. The ball slowly fades from view as it approaches the target. 3,2,1, Impact!

You wait… and wait… and wait… Nothing happens. Rainbow places a hoof on your shoulder. “It’s alright Anon; no one gets it right the first time, except me of course. I’ve got thi-“

“No! I refuse to be beaten by a fucking cloud!” You’re practically fuming at this point. “Hit it.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Jmty_NiaXc starts to play.

”Where di- nevermind I don’t want to know.”A wild Cloud appears. Anon used Rustled Jimmies. Anon is charging his Jimmies. Enemy Cloud used Reinforcements. Enemy Cloud has transformed into Super Cloud.

Anon has finished charging his Jimmies. Anon used Chaos Ball. It’s super-effective! Enemy Super Cloud has fainted. Anon gained 300 Exp. Points! Anon got 20 bits for winning!

Total Annihilation. That cloud never stood a chance. “Suck it cloud! Never underestimate the jimmies! You can see it now Anon: The Cloud Destroyer… ok that is pretty shitty. “Damn Dash did you see that?! Dash!

She’s frozen in place, haw hanging open and wings practically erect. You charge at Rainbow, hugging her with all your might. ”I-it rained m-m-money…” Dash mutters, her face dark red.

“Who cares, my spell worked damnit.” You set her down, picking up the various bits off the ground. “The money is just a really weird bonus, and if it makes you feel any better…” Lowering your voice. “Drinks are on me tonight.”

That’s all it takes to perk her up. Free alcohol is simply an offer she can’t refuse. “All night? She asks, still frozen in place.

”All night.“

”Bucking sweet!” She takes off into the sky, turning right back to you. ”I’ve still got a few sections to clear, meet me at the club at 7:00?”

“Just don’t keep me waiting.” With that she bolts off, leaving you alone for the trek home. You stop at a café on the way home. Getting used to an all vegetable diet sure isn’t easy. Belly full, you reach your home. You place your newly acquired bag of bits on the counter before heading upstairs to your room. What’s the time, 3:00? You’ve got time for a nap right? Your strip off your shirt and pants. *squee*

The fuck was that? You adjust your weight, trying to see if it’s a loose floor board. Doesn’t seem like it, so you shrug it off. Laying on the bed you check your To-Do list, a habit you picked up from Twilight. Morning run, check. Class with Twilight, check. Yadda yadda yadda. Pre-bed excercises? No check. Pre-nap push-ups and sit-ups it is.

Twenty seven, twenty eeight, twenty niiine *squee* “Ok, what the hell is that?” You stand up and survey the room. Everything looks fine, but you know something’s up. Could just be air coming under the window. You make your way over to it, checking for any abnormalities. Nope, window checks out. The tree outside does catch your attention though… it kind of creeps you out. It sort of reminds you of that tree in Poltergeist, except this one isn’t dead and has yellow wings… Damn you really are slow aren’t you?

You prop open the window, trying to stare in Fluttershy’s eyes. “You could have just asked to come in.”

”Eeeh!” she squeaks when she’s been discovered. “I’m sorry, I was uh, around s-so I uh…” Poof! She’s gone. Everyp0ny sure has been acting strange lately. Whatever… You close your window and finish your push-ups. You’ve still got a good two hours before you meet up with Dash. You lie back, and close your eyes. *squee*

“Fucking Fluttershy.”

I guess you won’t be having that nap after all. It’s hard enough to sleep during the day, when there aren’t people watching you. Screw it, you’ll just get there early. You scramble off the bed, donning some of Rarity’s new clothes, thankfully pulling back on the formal stuff at your request. You head downstairs and into the bathroom, miniscule in size compared to Rarity’s, but she is a woman after all. After a quick drain of the one-eyed snake, you decide to check yourself out in the mirror.

All things considered, you look good. All you need is a shave and a haircut, and you’d look even better then when you got here. One alteration spell later, and you’re better than ever. You give your teeth a little brush, not wanting to risk messing up your dental work. You’re becoming a homo fast aren’t you? Enough, you look fine as it is. You grab an apple from the kitchen, it having to pull dinner duty, and adding some more bits to your bag before heading out the door.

The club you and Dash are meeting at is called The Broken Record, Dash’s favorite. It got its name from some DJ called Scratch, who apparently kept the music going for an entire week, breaking the previous best of five days. You haven’t had the pleasure of hearing Scratch yourself, but she does have quite the rep. You head on inside, ready for a wild night.

This place sure is something. The dance floor is packed to the rim with ponies, jamming it out to the music. Turns out that Scratch is off today, again… You spot Rainbow by the bar; apparently she got the same idea of getting here early. You place a hand on her back, taking a seat on the stool next to her. “I hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long.” She turns to you, wings bursting out, knocking out a couple passersby. You can’t help but laugh. “Want a drink?”

”Like you have to ask.” You motion the bartender over.

“I’ll have a…”

”Applejack Daniels.”

“Yeah, one of those for her, and the strongest brew you got.”

”Hold up Anon, think about this for a sec.” Her words give you a pause. ”If you think I’ll sit here and watch you drink that moonshine you are out of your mind.” You guess she doesn’t want you to hit the hard stuff so soon. ”Make that two sets of moonshine barkeep!” Like a true drunk.

Bits exchange hooves and you turn back to rainbow. “Once a drunk always a drunk.”

”Hey I have a reputation to maintain, I can’t have some new guy downing the hard stuff, while I just watch. Someone needs to put you in your place.”

“Be careful not to bite off more than you can chew Dash.”

”You couldn’t take a sip of an Appletini a week ago, and you think you have what it takes to go the mile with Rainbow Dash? I’m gonna make you eat those words.” Two shots of moonshine are slammed in front of us.

“We’ll see.”

Many hours later… Fucking moonshine. Why do you hurt so good!?! ”Gonna *hic* give up yet?”

“Ne- *hic* -ver…” You down another shot, never knowing what battery acid tasted like until today. “You?”

Dash slams back another shot. “Nope.” Her head collapsing on the bar. You poke her with your shoulder.

“Hey… Wake up!”

”Hsphmrdf.” She can’t even talk right anymore.

“Hey… Wanna *hic* dance?

”Whaaa?” You stumble off the stool, pulling Rainbow with you, your blood alcohol level about .14 now.

“I said… Do. You. Want. To. Dance?” She doesn’t say anything, instead just pulling you onto the dance floor. Pretty sure that’s a yes. You both spend the next couple minutes shuffling about, barely staying on your feet. Losing your balance, you hold onto Dash for support.

“You know… you’re *hic* cute when you’re drunk.”

“And you’re cute when… you’re cute.”

Poof! Another outburst from her wings sends a couple of ponies on their asses. That never stops being funny. “I’ve bee meening to axe… why does, you do dat?”

”Whut you mean?”

“U kno, wit your *hic* wings.”

”Oh…” Rainbow’s face consumed by red. ”They do dat when I’m… with sum…” She isn’t able to finish before she averts her gaze. So that means- Oh... Oooooh… Fucks, fucks everywhere.

Your drunk, she’s drunk. We’re not acting like ourselves, so just tell her we should call it a night. She’ll understand right? I mean why wouldn’t she? Just go with the flow Anon. ”I thi-“ Rainbow’s forces her lips against your own, joining you two together. Why can’t I hold all these fucks?

Bad flow! Flow! Bad! Stop flowing! But it’s too late for that. The deed has been done. The flood gates open. Pandora’s Box unleashed. Rainbow finally breaks the kiss, laying her muzzle on your shoulder. ”Thanks Anon...” Not the feels. Oh god not the feels. God dammit Anon. Why the feels? You got fucks on one side, wanting to push her away, and feels on the other, wanting to hold her in your arms. She shifts her head, nuzzling further into your neck. ”Thanks for everything…” Feels it is.

You wanted this night to be special, a night you both will never forget. Give her this moment you drunken bastard you. You put your arms around her, taking in her warmth. Her breath tickling the hairs on your neck. Pulling back, you gaze into her irresistibly glistening eyes. You lean in, joining Rainbow with a gentle kiss. All is well in Ponyville, all is well.

Author's Note

Prepare for a change of pace in Chapter 4.

Chapter 4: Seeds of Chaos

”Anoon.” Seriously? “Anooon.” Not again with this shit.

“Piss off Ramses, I’m tired of your shit!”

”Hehehe, you kiss your mother with that mouth, or just your precious Dashie?” …What? The voice lets out a bellowing laugh. “That got your attention well enough.”

“What the hell are you talking about?

”Oh, but I think you do.” The voice lets out another chuckle. ”What did you call it, a night to remember?” Jeez, how much did you drink last night? You remember the bar, some ponies, and a lot of alcohol… ”Hmmm, do you really not remember?”

“Who are you? Show yourself!” The jimmies have been thoroughly rustled.

”You don’t know me? I’m insulted.” A splitting headache erupts, your mind losing control. Your body feels constricted, claws brushing against your sides. “It’s only me…” The voice no more than a whisper.You can feel its warm breath on your ear. “Discord.”

Your body springs to life, jolting upright. Sweat dripping down your face. Fuck your head hurts, but the voice… Discord’s voice… is gone. Just another dream Anon. Another terrible fucking dream. You feel around, trying to survey your surroundings. You’re in bed, the sheets sticking from your sweat. Ever so slightly you open your eyes, the sun’s ray forcing them back closed. Your first hangover, and by the way things are turning out, it’ll also be your last.

You stumble out of bed, your body limp and fatigued. The window is just a few feet away, curtains wide open. The curtains scrapes, causing another barrage of pain. Seriously, fuck hangovers. You finally manage to unclench your eyes. The room is pitch black, the curtains finally serving a purpose. You hang your head noticing Johnson, your partner in crime, enjoying the fresh air. The bastard is always getting you into trouble.

Let’s see… Time? 11:36? To hell with it, you can sleep in late for once. You make it back to bed, tripping over air a few times on the way back. Slipping under the soggy covers you curl up next to Dash. Enjoying a nice and quiet… “Dash!”

Wall and man are now one, or damn near close to it. Any more force and you might have had a new Anon shaped hole in the wall. Dash is still in bed, sleeping away, a little drool dropping onto your pillow. You’d d’aaw if you were sure you hadn’t taken a trip down animal lover lane. What did you get me into now Jonhson?

You ease off the wall, kneeling next to Rainbow Dash. “Dash.” Nothing. “Dash.” You give a quick snap next to her ear. No Response… “Don’t you ignore me… DASH!” You give her a light smack on the head. We’ve got movement.

She opens her eyes, giving you a smile. ”Morning Anon.”

You look her dead in the eye… “Did I have sex with you last night?

Poof! Wing boner. “No! Did I or did I not, screw you?”

”I thought th-“

“It’s a simple question. Yes or no!” Rainbow Dash remains silent, now somewhat glaring at you. You’ve seen this game play out before; you just hope it ends differently. “Ok Dash look…” You calm down a bit, trying to settle things peacefully. “I’m going to take a shower, and when I come back I want a straight answer. Ok?” She just nods her head, giving you a look of contempt. “Ok, I’ll be right back.”

The water is extra cold today. Though you deserve as much. Snapping at Rainbow was completely uncalled for. She is probably just as confused as you. You scrub harder, trying to remove all the douche you have built up. Things were just starting to turn out well too. You get out and dry off, walking back to your bedroom.

Rainbow seems to have made her way over to the window, unfazed by the light. Apparently ponies don’t have hangovers like humans do. Luck assholes. You quickly get dressed, tossing last night’s clothes in the hamper. “Just start whenever you’re ready…” Sitting on the bed, you wait. She doesn’t even look at you as she speaks.

”Yes.” Well there goes your weekend. You open your mouth to speak, but no words come out. What should you say? What CAN you say? You just shot your relationship with her in the knee. No apology can fix that.

“Do- Do you want something to eat?”

”I think I’ll just wash up.” Yeah, you fucked up.

“Fair enough.” You stop in the doorway. “Bathroom’s on the left.”

”Thanks.” Not even trying to hold back the resent in her voice.

You pour yourself a bowl of Wonder Crisps, ‘The Breakfast of Champions’ it boasts. “I sure don’t feel like a champion.” You hear the water begin to run upstairs. Picking up a fresh towel, you climb up to the bathroom. A few sniffles and sobs manage to make it over the shower. I hope you’re proud of yourself Anon. You set down the towel and go back downstairs.

The cereal tastes like crap, but you manage to get it down. Being an ass tends to put a bad taste in your mouth. You wash off the bowl, and place it with the others. Water finally stops running. You wait a few minutes for Rainbow to come on down. Hopefully you can think of something to say…

Rainbow Dash comes bounding down the stairs. She gives you a glance before making her way to the door. “Where you going?”

”Where do you think?”

She opens the door, only to have you slam it closed from afar. “We need to talk.” She attempts to force the door open, but to no avail.

”Open the door Anon!”

“Like I said,” sitting on the sofa, “we need to talk.” Her jimmies be a rustlin.

”We have nothing to talk about, now let me out.”

You shake your head.“I know I’ve been an asshole.”

”You’ve got that right.”

This is going nowhere, but you have to try. “I’m sorry, but you have to put yourself in my shoes.”

”Buck you Anon. I thought we had fun last night.” Her eyes start getting watery.
”And when you kissed me last night… I actually thought you liked me.” Step in Anon.

“I do like you Dash. You’re special to me.” You’ve got a bite, just reel her in. “But you have to understand, I’ve never even been comfortable with other human girls. And you’re not a regular girl.” Go Anon go. “I wasn’t ready for this, not so soon.” Keep it up… “I wanted this to be special, not just for me, but for you as well.”

You open the door. “If you want to go, then fine. I just needed to let you know where I stand.” You put your head down, content with your speech. The door clicks closed, leaving just you and your thoughts. “Cya Dash.” So this is what it feels like to lose something you love. A piece of you… gone…

”I’m not going anywhere,” a familiar Pegasus sitting next to you. Fucking Troll Dash. ”I’m guess I’m sorry about how I acted as well.” She wraps a hoof around you, ”I shouldn’t have forced myself on you.”

“No no, it’s my fault. We were both pretty hammered; I just kept egging you on.”

”Maybe YOU were hammered, but I was still going strong.”

“Pfft, whatever. You were one sip from tanking. How about lunch at the café, my treat?

”I guess I can stand to be around you a little longer.” She gives you a playful smack across the face. Everything went better than expected.

God that sun is bright.
You’ve still got a hangover, but it seems to have quieted down for now.
”Hey Dash, can I ask you a question?”

”Shoot.”

“Promise not to laugh?”

”Jeez, just spit it out.”

You take a deep breathe. “How was I?” She stares at you, cheeks puffed to full puffiness. She’s trying not to laugh. She’s losing. “Oh come on!” Gone.

”Bwahahahahaaaaa. Really Anon?” You’re not sure how she can stay flying while laughing like that. “Boy Anon, they sure don’t make ‘em like you anymore?”

You think for a second. “So was that your answer?” Rainbow Dash breaks out in another burst of laughter. Turns out you should’ve been a comedian.

”You were alright I guess, maybe not the best,” giving you a wink. ”But you’re definitely in the top 5.”

“Top 5? How many stallions have you been with exactly?”

You both arrive at the café, she takes a seat and extends a rather creepy smile. “Who said they were stallions?” Bitches be creepy yo.

The rest of lunch was pretty uneventful, though the patrons gave you and Dash some pretty strange looks. Every time you looked at them they just looked away. Fucking ponies. You hand over some bits, catching a few more glances from the other ponies. The fuck is wrong with them? “HEY!” God dammit Ninja Pinkie!

”Hey Pinkie.” Dash doesn’t even flinch at Pinkie’s appearance, something you will never understand.

“Hello Pinkie Pie.”

”Ooh aren’t you two just so cute together!” What? ”I always knew you would come around Anon. You know what this means…”

“Actually, Pinkie, I don’t.”

”Me either.” Dash adds in, just as confused, “What in Equestria on are you on about?”

“The paper silly! Didn’t you see?” Pinkie pulls out a newspaper out of thin air, throwing it on the table. “See?”

‘Anon’s Dash of Love ~ Love is in the air at The Broken Record as Ponyville’s own Rainbow Dash and new resident Anon were seen sharing a romantic evening before retreating back home for a mysterious rendervous. Will their physical differences be enough to stop the power of love?’ If that wasn’t enough there’s a cluster of photos showing the two of you together dancing, drinking… kissing.

”How the in hay did they get these?” Dash snatches the paper from you.

”They just followed you around and took a photo silly. How else do people get pictures?”

”Pinkie, how many copies are there of this?”

”Dunno, the paper’s been printing it out all day.”

”Anon, we have to get the rest of these before- the- Anon? You ok?”

“Oh me? I’m fine.” Your eye begins to twitch, your body shaking slightly. ”Just you know… rusted jimmies is all… I’ll be going for a walk now.

”This is a bit more pressing, we need to-“

“Going For A Walk! Be Back Maybe.” You walk away, body twitching as it tries to contain your jimmies. Hours seem to pass as you keep walking… The same pictures keep running through your head, the two of you together, the way those ponies were looking at you. God, it makes so much sense now. You look up, just you, a barren field and the night sky. You pretty sure you’re out of earshot of Ponyville. “KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHN!“

You release your very jimmies into the sky! “How. In. The. FUCK! ONE FUCKING DAY! GOD DAMNIT!” Cursing just makes you angrier. ”Ffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-“

”ENOUGH!” A voice tremors from beneath the earth. You watch angrily as a group of humanoid dogs burrow out of the ground, surrounding you. ”You too loud! You leave or Diamond Dogs MAKE YOU!” Oh, and then there’s this guy. You’re just so fucking angry…

“Make me faggot!”

”Graaah!” Your attackers scream as they charge you. You raise your hands, imagining them wrapped around one of the dogs.

“Fuck you too.” One of the dogs collapses, it whimpering on the ground. Concentrate on its neck, make it suffer. You can hear its bones cracking at your will. Its eyes bulge as you force all the blood into its brain. One of the free dogs claws at your face before you can finish it off. He’ll have to wait.

You step back, increasing the distance between you and them, if only for a second. You raise a group of shields, advancing on their position. “Go time!” You drive your knee into the closest dog’s face, his nose gushing a torrent of blood. Keeping momentum, you leap frog over his head, planting your fist across his comrade’s neck. You notice several mutts make their way out of the ground, reinforcing their masters.“More toys…” you mutter, your vision basked in red. At this point you’re running on pure rage, abandoning all reason, just intent on ruining someone else’s day.

You summon a few green orbs, not unlike those used by Twilight, just more dangerous. Most of the mutts dodge the first pair you throw, a few weren’t so lucky, collapsing in a heap of seared flesh. You grab another orb with your hand, dogs only seconds from melee range. “RAAAA!” You manage to strike a mutt in the belly, focusing the orbs energy on that spot. Its body collapses on you, innards spewing on your jeans. “This was a gift!” You throw its corpse at an oncoming mutt with a mere thought, bouncing on your feet ready to continue the fight.

A hidden mutt manages to clasp on your back, biting down on your exposed neck. Reaching back, you gouge at its eyes with your fingers, using the sockets as leverage to throw him over you. You cover the wound with your hand, unable to stop the flux of blood. Numerous dogs converge on you, taking advantage of your situation. Desperately, you launch your shields at them, turning the shields into makeshift cleavers. The majority drop, nothing more than a pile of sliced meat now while the rest flee back down from whence they came.

You limp back over to your original victim, still squealing from its broken bones. “Didn’t th- *cough cough* think I’d forgot about you did you? You hack up some blood, infringing your speech. “You should of *hack* stayed in your *cough* fucking hole.”

”Please, ah spare me please.”

“No.”

”Anon!” you hear the mane 6 call out to you, fast on approach, trying to get your attention. Not this time. Not this time. You raise your fist in the air, permeated with the anger and chaos you possess.”Anon wait!” You turn your head, noticing too late the purple orb’s approach.

“Fuck.” The attack was only meant to stun you, but the loss of blood and sudden trauma cause you to gradually lose consciousness.

”Get out of here,” Twilight sparing the Diamond Dog from his fate. You can hear the others mutter to each other, all just gibberish to you.

“You *cough cough* do care…” Your muscles go slack as you close your eyes, any strength or anger you had left evaporating from your mind.

It’s just you and the blackness. Peaceful blackness.”Hello Anon….”

Chapter 6: Chaos Unleashed

”Oh my little ponies. How great it is to see you again.” Discord whizzes into the sky, his presence corrupting the very landscape. ”I had almost forgotten how boring Equestria had gotten in my absence.” He plucks a cloud out of the sky, biting off a chunk. ”This won’t do at all.” *snap* The cloud turns a vibrant pink, Discord taking another bite. ”Delicious!”

You slowly regain control of your body, Discord unable to command you. You look back, the mane 6 equipping the Elements of Harmony. This is all your fault, no pony should have to pay for your mistakes. “Celestia,” you call, walking back to the group, “I’m sorry I…”

”Discord’s will is strong, do not feel ashamed.” Her words do little to comfort you. She puts a hoof on your shoulder. ”We will stop him Anon. Are you ready my ponies?”

”Ready,” your friends exclaim. The mane 6 begin to levitate, channeling the power of the elements. Your gaze turns back to Discord, who’s carelessly helping himself to his candy clouds.

“Get him girls,” you manage to mutter. He’ll pay for all he’s done.

A wave of energy erupts behind you, temporarily knocking you off balance. You never knew how powerful the Elements were. A colossal- rainbow? A rainbow soars above you, speeding towards Discord, who remains still, unbothered by this threat. His arrogance knows no bounds. Stupid bastard. Mere seconds from impact, Discord looks directly at you, grinning. Why is he- *snap*

A brilliant light scorches across the sky, forcing you to avert your gaze. “Did we get him?” You looks back to the sky, Discord’s work undone. The clouds have returned to their original color, the sky shining once more. The cheers from the mane 6 allow you to relax. Whatever he tried, failed.

Celestia trots toward you, the mane 6 in tow. ”Is it over Anon?” Her words puzzle you, along with your friends.

“How the hell should I know? They’re your elements. Shouldn’t…” A chill runs down your spine. Discord was supposed to turn to stone. But there was no Discord…

”Tada! Why the long faces?” letting out another boisterous laugh. “You get it? Long, face!” You can hear him smacking his knee. You honestly can’t believe he used that… lame… ”No takers? That’s fine,” his voice circling us, “you’ll come around.”

Twilight speaks up, “It doesn’t matter how hard you try, we’ll stop you Discord, one way or another.” I’m gonna find ya, I’m gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha… Stop screwing around Anon. Nice one though.

”Another?” Discord questions. “I didn’t know you had so many options.” Another laugh, “Face it Twilight Sparkle, those petty elements are your only chance, but you can’t stop what you can’t see.”

As much as you hate to admit it, he has you by the balls. Discord easily dodged that first attack, your chances of hitting him with the elements now that you can’t even see him, are negligible. Besides, you don’t know how many times they can use them without having to recharge. He’s thought this through, you can tell. ”Lucky for you, I’m feeling rather generous.”

”What do you mean ‘generous’?” Rainbow Dash stepping up to the plate.

”I mean that I’d rather not wait for you tire yourselves out trying to find me, so instead… I’d like to play a little game.”

”Oh! I love games!” Pinkie Pie shouts, completely lost in current events.

”That’s the spirit, you game girls?” The mane 6 eye each other, silently agreeing to play. Not like you all have a choice.

”We’ll go along Discord,” Celestia nods, “On the condition that you don’t hinder my little ponies.”

”You are in no place to make demands,” his voice irate, “though I will allow it.”

”Then we agree.”

”Stupendous, now let’s go over the guidelines.” Fuck, he’s serious? This guy is batshit crazy, practically throwing away an easy win. ”The game is fairly simple, all you have to do is make it to the highest tower, where I will be waiting alone.” Simple enough. ”But…” You knew it was too easy. “All of you have to make it to the tower, Anon and Celestia included, or else the game is over.” That’s not so bad, Celestia can just- “And no cheating, you have to go by hoof. Same as last time.” Fuck… ”So… let the games begin.”

“Aggghhhhhhhhhh!” You fall to your knees, clutching your skull trying to relieve the pain. Your head feels like its being shredded apart. It’s like every part of your brain is trying to flee.

Celestia runs over to you, “Anon what’s wrong?” It feels like someone replaced their dick with a cactus and is giving you the skull fuck of your life.

”Oh he’s fine Celestia,” Discord reassures her, “Nothing he hasn’t dealt with before. Come now Anon, aren’t you acting a little childish?”

”You said you wouldn’t harm us, play by the rules!” You tell him princess…

”If I recall my dear Celestia, your condition only extended to ‘your little ponies.’ Be lucky you are of no interest to me. Anon on the other hand…” You can feel him sifting through your thoughts, his claws pulling your mind asunder. ”This one looks interesting… How marvelous…” Get your grubby hands out of my head! OUTOUTOUTOUT!

The pain dulls, your mind recovering. ”I believe that’s enough.”

Rainbow Dash rushes to your aid, catching you before you collapse. ”W-what did you do to Anon!?” she screams.

Another smug laugh envelopes our group. ”You should be more concerned about what I took… Now, don’t keep me waiting.” *snap*

And with that Discord was gone. You rise to your feet, body still shaken by Discord. Most of the pain has subsided, but you can still feel the effects of his mind tap. ”What did he mean by take, Anon?” Twilight asks you.

“No idea,” wiping off a bead of sweat, “I was a bit preoccupied if you didn’t notice.” Your words sting, anger seeping into your voice.

Rainbow steps in, “Anon…” her voice calming you.

”Sorry, Twilight.” You take a step towards the castle. “I don’t know what Discord did, but I’m not going to let this little stunt stop me.” Celestia and your friends fall behind you, listening intently. “When I first came here, I was just an outsider… a freak, and I was treated as such. I never let my anger control me until I came here. I had no other emotions to feel at the time. Discord sensed this weakness, using it to make me inflict harm on those around me.” You walk down the line, your eyes on each of them. But not now. Now, I have felt things I never have before, and it’s thanks to you.”

“To Celestia, for giving me a second chance at life.”
“To Pinkie Pie, for showing me that things can always turn around.”
“To Applejack, for giving me a helping hand.”
“To Rarity, for extending her to me her generosity.”
“To Fluttershy, for making me feel welcomed in a new world.”
“To Twilight Sparkle, for guiding me through the trials ahead.”
“And to Rainbow Dash,” you stop at her, resting your hand on her mane. “For looking past the flesh, and accepting me in her heart.”

Tears swell in her eyes, but she forces them down. We can’t let our emotions control us, now more than ever. “You all have given me so much, but I have yet to return the favor.” You move back to the center, looking intently at the castle ahead. “Here, now! This is my chance to right all the wrongs I have done.” You turn back to the ponies, fucks being given to the max. “And I promise you all here today, I will not rest until Discord is no more! So… shall we pay our host a visit?”

The ponies nod, trotting behind you as you enter the castle. The also time you were here you ended up unconscious and broken, maybe you’ll have a change of luck. Right now you’re taking the lead, walking aimlessly around. You have no idea why they’re just following you. “Princess, what’s the fastest route to the tower? I’m not very acquainted with the layout of this place.”

”That way,” she points her hoof to a corridor at the end of the hall, “That path will take us straight to the tower.” You nod, working your way down the hall. It suddenly hits you that there aren’t any guards.

“Umm, princess?”

”Yes Anon.”

“I was just wondering… where did all the guards go? I mean, when I first came here this place was packed with them.” A hoof covers your mouth, shutting you up.

”Shhh.” You look down the hall, seeing a shadowy figure up ahead.

You can’t get a clear look at, but you can tell it’s a p0ny, bits of its armor glowing blue. Celestia removes her hoof, pressing herself up against the wall, the rest of us do the same. Whoever that is, Celestia doesn’t know him. Probably just a lost guard. You ignore your instincts, walking up to the figure. “Hey, you lost?” The figure jolts his gaze to you, his eyes shining neon blue. The fuck?

Anon, you fucked up. The figure steps into the light, revealing itself. Rarity lets out a feeble gasp. This p0ny might have been a guard at one point, but now it’s just different. You feel like you should know what this thing is, but you can’t- “Greehhaaaaa!” Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Oh fuck! The creature charges you, knocking you on your back.
It raises its hooves to pound you into the floor, ending your journey before it begins.

Applejack comes to your rescue, bucking it away from you. The creature comes back unfazed, barely giving you enough time to get back on your feet. Damn this thing is tenacious. You dive underneath it, grabbing the neck and forcing it into the ground with a sickening snap. A gift of Discord you presume. You make your way off the floor to observe whatever this thing is.

This thing has no mane to speak of, or any hair for that matter. Several pipes seem to protrude from its hide. Its skin is shredded, more blue light emanating from under it. Metallic plates can be found on its exterior, granting protection from physical attack. It’s like a hybrid of a p0ny and machi- You step back, finally placing its origin. ”What in Equestria is this thang?”

“It- I think it’s a husk.”

”It’s a what now?” Pinkie spurts out.

“I’m probably wrong, but it looks like a husk, a p0ny husk at least.”

”And what exactly is that?” Celestia asks worriedly.

“Well, it is kind of like a zombie, but any organic matter is replaced with synthetic material. It’s not possible though, it isn’t even real.”

”But how do you know what it is?

“I don’t, I just remember it being in a game… I… played...” How could you have been so blind? ”This is what Discord meant by take.”

”What did he mean?” Twilight says.

“It means he took the darkest things I know from my past and brought them here.”

”Well, it can’t be that bad sugarcube, this is probably as dark as it gets.” She doesn’t even know… You look at Celestia and Twilight who appears to share your concern. Of course they know, they’ve seen your past. “I’m afraid not, on my world, this is just comic relief when compared to the things we’ve imagined. There are far worst things he could have brought, many of which could’ve destroyed us in an instant.”

Fluttershy lets out a little squeak, “We should keep moving, I mean, if that’s alright with everyone.” How does she remain so cute in the worst of time?

”She’s right,” Rainbow proclaims, “the sooner we make it to that tower the better.”

“Alright, we don’t know what else he brought here so let’s take positions.” You raise your voice, directing the ponies like you would a platoon of soldiers. “Applejack and Dash, I want you two guarding our flanks,” heh flanks, “Rarity will give you guys magical support.

”Roger that.” They reply.

“Pinkie and Fluttershy, you’ll be in the center. Pinkie, I want that party cannon of yours fixed and ready to assist where needed, and Fluttershy… What the hell can Fluttershy do? She’s doesn’t seem very capable…

”She can use that stare thing she does!” Pinkie yells.

“Stare thing?”

”Yes,” Twilight explains, “She’s able to kind of paralyze things she looks at.” Fluttershy looks down, shaking like a leaf.

“Fluttershy,” you push the hair out of her eyes, “I need you to be strong for your friends and I. Everyone needs to do their part, will you?”

Fluttershy picks up her head, confidence restored, “Yes.”

“Thank you Fluttershy, I need you to ‘stare’ anything that gets too close to Pinkie. Princess Celestia, Twilight and I will take the lead, but be ready to help if things head south.” The ponies take position, good job Anon: The Pony General. “Let’s move out.” You keep making your way down the hall, picking off small groups of Husks along the way.

”One more left, and we can take the stairs straight up to the tower,” Celestia intrusts. You hold up your hand, signaling the group to stop. A murmur echoes down the hall.

“I’ll check it out.” You shield your mind, always prepared for another Discord mind tap. The murmur grows louder as you approach, easing to the edge of the hall. You peek around the corner, making sure you remain undetected. The hall is filled to the brim by a horde of husks. There must be at least fifty, sixty at most, and they’re blocking access to the tower. Just your luck, so close yet so far. You pick out some figures towering above the crowd, humanoid in appearance.

They’re clad in black armor, probably too thick to penetrate without some heavy magic. Each carries a different weapon, each massive in size. You can see an axe, sword and what you think might be a halberd. Its hard to pinpoint where they’re from, though they’re obviously from something you’ve played. You look closer at their armor, noticing a few texture problems. It’s not black, just… burnt… Fucking Black Knights. You head back to the group, bringing the bad news. “This path’s a no go, we need a different route.”

”What’s down there?” Celestia inquires.

“You don’t want to know.”

”I believe I speak for everyone when I say that if there’s something down there, we need to know what it is.” The rest of the group agrees. She has a point, leaving them in the dark will only hurt you in the long run.

“Alright, we’ve got a metric fuck ton of husks, along with a small group of Black Knights.”

”Which are…” she eggs you on. You’re going to have to explain what each of these things is aren’t you? Yep.

“The black knights are… well knights in black armor. They’re one of the hardest enemies to fight; they’re fast, strong, tough and overall annoying to deal with.”

”Any weaknesses?”

“If memory serves, the best way to kill them was to backstab them, but that would mean separating myself from the group, so that’s out.

”And magic?”

“That could work; someone could keep them in place while the rest beat him down.” Too bad you couldn’t do that in Dark Souls… “Even still, we have to find a way around, this route is too risky.”

Celestia nods, “Follow me.”She turns back the way we came. It’s going to be one of those days isn’t it?

Celestia leads you through a labyrinth of corridors, each almost the same as the other. How anyone navigates this place is a mystery. You come across a four-way split, your group standing in the center. The halls grow darker and darker; you can almost feel the void upon you.

“Which way princess?” She twirls around, looking down each path. Oh god, she better not be doing what I think she’s doing.“Celestia which-“ *shling* A battle axe clashes into the floor before you. Fuck that was close! You turn, the knight raising his axe into the air, several blue lights surrounding you. “Ambush!”

The knight swings again, barely missing your head. Husks throw themselves at the group, each p0ny fighting back to back. You kick the knight in the chest, giving the group some breathing room. ”Fluttershy behind you!” *squee* The husk freezes, allowing Pinkie to pointblank cannon his face in two.

Twilight tosses back a trio of husk, quickly turning back to”Celestia watch your left.” You see a duo of husks tossed through the air. Everything is going better than expected. Wait, aren’t you forgetting something? You look just in time to dodge another axe. Crap baskets!

You focus, using your magic to pull the knight down. The knight only appears to slow down. Fuck this guy really is strong. The other ponies are too busy handling the husks to help. Time to solo this guy… Just like old times. You release your grip on him, his momentum causing him to stagger. You leap up, swirling behind the behemoth and knocking the axe out of his hands. Try as you might you can’t remove his helmet to choke him out. Lucky bastard.

The knight lumbers forward, knocking out the remaining husks. He’s heading right towards Applejack and Rainbow Dash. “Girls watch out!” The knight takes a swing at Applejack, fighting against your pull. Rainbow Dash swoops in, knocking AJ out of the way only to take the blow herself. Rainbow yelps in pain, crashing to the floor. Oh no you fucking didn’t!

Anger seeps from your very pores. “No one. Hurts. My. Dash! You raise your fist, imbued with your chaotic rage. “NO ONE!” With all your might, your fist pierces the knight’s helmet, his skull breaking just as easy as the armor. The knight dissipates, dropping you on your feet. You rush over to Dash, Fluttershy tending to her injury. “How is she Fluttershy?”

”She’ll be fine, but she won’t be able to fly for some time.”

”Like buck I won’t. This is nothing.” Dash begins to spread her wings, about to take flight. You grasp her, hindering any further movement.

“I’m not letting you hurt yourself trying to be tough.”

”I’m fine,” she argues.

“No Dash, you’re not.” You, along with Rainbow Dash get back on your feet. “But we still need you. Give the wing a rest…” You give her a tiny kiss behind the ear, cheering her up. “We’re moving out.”

We once again follow Celestia’s lead, moving from hallway to hallway. Celestia brings the group to a large pair of doors leading to another chamber. A strange aroma fills your nostrils as you enter. It reminds you of some food you had back home. You shake your head, probably just another trick by Discord, desperate to force you back.

The room itself is quite impressive. Ornate pillars are scattered throughout, making the room feel a bit cluttered. Art is proudly displayed, a golden manticore being the center attraction. A large window granting view to your final destination. The group gathers, each taking a look at the imminent future. ”So there it is…” *drip*

You turn around, the p0nies resting to chat amongst themselves.*drip* The smell is back, bolder than before. You make your way towards the noise. *drip* Oregano? You take another sniff, absorbing the aroma.

By now you’re back in the center of the room. *drip* You look down, a small red pile at your feet. Dabbing your finger in the substance you give it a taste. Tomato sauce? You slowly raise your head, taking in the sight of a scrabbled mass floating above you. His noodly appendage outstretched…

Chapter 7: The Bigger They Are

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding.” The creature continues to linger above you, stretching out one of its many appendages. This thing can’t possibly be here, it’s too weird… Oh, Discord… The monster’s ‘tentacle’ gets closer and closer. Pastafarians would jizz themselves right about now.

The monster lets out a heart wrenching wail, his tentacle beading toward you. You roll backwards, the tentacle striking the floor. The room quakes at the sudden strike. Your group slowly approaches you, investigating the noise. ”What in Eques-“ *gasp* The monster slowly descends, now eye level with the rest of you. Rarity nearly faints at the sight.

It frees its arm, pieces of stone clinging to its oily pasta noodle. The impact has left a small crater in the floor big enough for a filly to hide in. If that thing were to have hit you… You don’t want to think about what you’d look like. The creature slowly approaches, inch by inch. *creak*

You shift your head, several Black Knights entering the chamber. Fuck, not them too. You turn to look at the main threat, but it seems to have- disappeared? Sir, I’ll take a second helping of NOPE! The group quickly hides behind separate pillars. You can’t let them find you… *drip* “God dammit…” you mutter to yourself.

The knights pan out, obviously aware of your presence. *drip* The light clang of Lordran steel clanging with stone is not one you wished to hear in person. Twilight opens her mouth to speak, but you forcibly close it. You aren’t taking any chances with these guys. *clang* Something fell, and from the sound of it, it must have been something heavy.

A muffled yell comes from the center of the room. What the hell is happening out there? The knight’s movements grow in volume, obviously in danger. You peak your head around the pillar, barely making out the scene. The monster has grabbed hold on the knights, their bodies hanging in the air. That could be you if you’re not careful. You see the knights are trying to free themselves by cutting off their attacker’s limbs, but a new one is always there to grab them. One by one, the knights are being engorged by the creature, disappearing into the mass of spaghetti. You look closer as the last knight is brought before it. Moving the tentacles out of the way, it reveals a toothy maw as it chows down on its new prey. And you thought that thing was just for show…

Silence returns to the room except for the occasional drip. It doesn’t appear to want to go out and search for you, instead waiting for you to come to it. Like a venus fly trap, except made of spaghetti… You close your eyes, focusing on any more threats besides the obvious. You motion the others to group up as you make your way into the open. You peek over your shoulder, nothing. “I guess most of you are pretty curious as to that thing?”

They all nod, still partially stunned in utter disbelief.“That thing,” you peek over your shoulder again, still nothing, “is known as the Flying Spaghetti Monster. It’s the deity of a religion known as Pastafarianism. I only know the basic concept of the creature, apparently Discord filled in the rest.”

”What exactly did he change?” Celestia ask.

“Well, though they never went into its specific behavior, I’m pretty sure that it doesn’t just attack people for no reason.” *drip* You turn back, the monster still nowhere to be seen. That thing is starting to creep you out. “Umm,” you look back to the group, “I also don’t remember it ever eating people, however I really don’t know all that much about it.” The ponies appear worried; this creature is strange even by Equestrian standards. “I wouldn’t worry about it though. It only seems to attack anyone who gets too close to it, so if we stay out of its way we’ll be fine.”

”But, I thought you didn’t know that much about it.” Fluttershy peeps. Her words are true, you really have no idea how this thing acts.

“I don’t, but it hasn’t gone on the offensive yet, so we should be ok.” *drip* Something wet lands on your ear. You shake your head, wiping it off with your hand.

The ponies look at you, “Anon?” their voice uneasy. You open your mouth to talk, but a familiar scent stops you. Assumption is the mother of all fuckups… You brace yourself, too late to stop the oncoming carnage.

A shield blocks the incoming attack, white sparks flinging outwards from the creature’s tentacle slam. Thank fucking Celestia for that. You would’ve ended up a part of its saucy goodness if not for her. Wait, is that what actually happens? The tentacle smashes against the shield again, knocking you back to your senses. It’s too close to give up on its new prey. “We have to get out of here, which way?” Celestia, focusing on maintaining the barrier, points her hoof to another set of doors at the far wall. *smash* This thing just won’t quit.

“Alright, Pinkie, get on Applejack and provide covering fire when you can.”

Pinkie Pie plops on AJ’s back in an instant, “Okie dokie lokie!”

“Everyone else, make a break for the door as fast as you can, I’ll try and hold this thing back.” *smash* You notice some of them are a bit uneasy. You can’t really blame them. “Look,” you say, stealing their attention, “We got through that ambush, and we will get through this. I promise.” A few ponies straighten up ready to act. “We ready?”

”Ready,” they yell in unison. Celestia relinquishes control of the barrier, giving you total control.

“Go!”

You let out a bubble of energy taking out the barrier and knocking back the mass of spaghetti. The rest of the group is off like a bullet, Pinkie shooting off her party cannon. You begin to backpedal, trying to gain as much distance as possible between you and your pursuer. It doesn’t take long for the Flying Spaghetti Monster to recover from your minor cheap shot. It lets out another wail, sending a handful of noodles towards you.

You pick up a sword of the ground, its owner no longer in need of it. The sword cuts through the noodles like… well noodles. You continue chopping away at your attacker while sending out a few chaos blasts to stun the creature. Unfortunately, the Spaghetti Monster is barely affected by your attacks as it simply advances. Its flows through pillar after pillar seamlessly, its body unaffected by the strange terrain. It closes in on you rapidly, uncovering its incisors, the combination of tomato and rotting flesh far less appealing. You take a quick look back. The group is almost at the door. Flee Anon flee!

“Solar flare!” you shout, sending out your own surprise gift of light. The monster releases a painful shriek, pulling back its pasta tentacles to shield its eyes. “Double thanks Tien.” You sprint back to the group, turning your back to the monster. Big mistake.

The spaghetti monster compacts into itself, its tentacles forming into some kind of chamber.It then slowly wraps its tentacles around a few surrounding pillars. You can hear it rising in pitch. You’re about halfway to the door. Just a little more…Silence. Why did i- *boom*

“Anon look out!”

A meat ball twice your size is launched next to you, shattering against the wall, bits of beef giving the floor a nice coat of crimson. You keep running while the monster’s aim still off from your blast. *boom* Another blast collides with a nearby pillar and breaks the foundation. The column crumbles with shards of stone pounding on you like hail. A large piece comes crashing down, blocking you from your friends. You turn around to see the monster barreling towards you. Yeah, it’s pretty pissed.

You ready your marinara soaked sword and ready your barrier. It hisses, preparing another strike. ”We got your back!” You look up and see your friends. Saving your ass once again, all in a day’s work. Rainbow Dash pulls you up while the others barrage the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

”Nice job, you trying to get yourself killed?”

“Yeah yeah…” You leap down the other side with Dash. “We need to- *boom*Another shell demolishes the stone slab, flinging your group far and wide. You land on your stomach, a ringing sound in your ear. “Fucking meatballs.”

You pull yourself up using some nearby debris. The sword you had retrieved is a bit out of your reach. You reach out to it, only to be yanked off the ground. The blood rushes to your head as the monster guides you to its expanding maw. Eaten by the Flying Spaghetti Monster… somehow you think you should feel honored. ”No you don’t!”

Oh god, not Fluttershy. ”Who do you think you are? Acting all high and mighty, going around and eating people!” She flies up to it, ignoring the evident danger. “I have met some pretty mean creatures, but you take the cake!” By now she’s eye to eye with it and isn’t backing down. ”You may be big and strong on the outside, but you’re just a little filly on the inside.” She’s staring intently, oh god she’s staring. Go Fluttershy! The creature shudders a bit, its limbs shaking slightly. ”Now you put him down, and don’t you dare let me catch you harming anyp0ny again!”

The monster is full-on trembling now. You don’t know what she did, and you most certainly don’t care. As long as she can this get this thing to not eat you, anything goes. It eases you to the floor. Blood can once again circulate properly. ”Now, go home.” The creature cowers, sinking back into the darkness. Fluttershy: The God Tamer, coming to a theatre near you.

“Th-thanks Fluttershy, you sure pulled my ass out of the fire there.” She blushes and sets upon tending to the others. We are all relatively unharmed, Rainbow’s wing being the exception.

You find your sword and bind it to your belt. Never know when you’ll need it. Celestia is waiting by the door for you.“How much further is it? This journey is becoming a bit too much to bear.”

”I understand how you feel. It shouldn’t have ever come this far.”She observes her ponies. You can sense her worry about their safety.

“I’m sorry, but the only way we can keep them is to keep moving.”

”I apologize. These stairs go all the way to the top. Once there we can take the skyway for a straight shot to Discord.”

“Sounds like a plan let’s-“A sudden but abrupt tremor interrupts you. They continue to grow every few seconds. You give a sharp whistle and throw your hand forward. “Let’s move it out!”

You hold the door open so the rest of the group passes through. Another tremor, this one more intense than the last. You don’t know if Mr.Spaghetti is back for round two, but you’re not sticking around to find out. The ponies are already rushing up the steps by the time you close the door. Great minds think alike it seems…

You make haste up the stairs following the ponies. The ascent is only stricken by the constant tremors that have plagued you for the past four minutes.

“How tall is this thing?

”Too tall sugarcube.” Another quake jolts you off balance. Whatever it is, its outside and its pissed. ”What the buck is that!”

Something bursts out of wall, a white fist knocking you back down the stairs. I couldn’t help it, it just popped in there. I- I tried to think. ”Look!”

The steps dig into your sides as you fall back to the lower level. You pass a window on the way down, barely getting a glimpse of your new enemy. No! It can’t be, it can’t be.

I tried to think of the most harmless thing… Something I loved from my childhood… Something that could never ever possibly destroy us… You fall on your back, the window showing you the face of your attacker. His white body, contrasted with his sailor hat and collar, those deceitful eyes, masked with childlike innocence. And that smile… oh that smile…”What in Equestria is that thing Anon?” Celestia yells down. You take a deep breath, your mind sufficiently blown.

“It’s the Stay Puft Marshmallow man.” Nice thinking Ray.

”W-what?

“We used to roast Stay Puft marshmallows… by the fire at Camp Lakonda.”You just keep looking at him, his smile… “Mr. Stay Puft…”

Celestia turns to her student, “Anon is out of it, what do you think?”

”Sorry princess, I’m terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought.” How did it turn out like this?

He bellows aloud as he strikes at another section of the tower. A tiny piece of debris collides with your head, pulling you back to reality. You grab hold of the railing and use it to prop back upright. Everyone else is peering down at you. “Keep going!” You start back up the stairs trying to retake lost ground. Stone refuse is scattered around. This guy is tearing the tower apart a chunk at a time.

You make it back to where you originally fell. Surprise surprise, he took out the fucking stairs! The hole in the tower reveals the belly of the beast. “I wonder…” You look back up at the others. “Make it to the top! I’ll be there soon. You unsheathe your sword and look outwards. “There’s no time like the present…” Take a few steps back. Deep breathes. Eyes on the prize. You sprint towards the tower gap and lunge at the behemoth.

You sink the sword deep into its gut while your feet dig into his fluffy marshmallowness. It’s like you’re a rock climber, and Mr. Stay Puft is an anthropomorphic mountain that crushes the life out everything. Completely normal. You work your way up, using the sword advance your position. This does not go unnoticed however as Mr. Stay Puft drives his fist at you. A quick barrier shields you. You can’t move up while he hits you like this.

“Hey,” you shout back at the tower, “HEY!”

Pinkie Pie opens the window, “What are you doing out there silly?”

“Doesn’t matter, can you help me with this thing?” He continues to beat down at your barrier which is fading fast.

”No problem, just leave it to Pinkie.” Something about that phrase is disconcerting, but you don’t have a lot of options.

“Just hurry!” you shout back at her.

Pinkie closes the window and disappears back into the tower. His fist hits again, this time taking out your shield all together. Still no sign of Pinkie. You see Mr. Stay Puft’s fist rising for another jab, this one being the end of you. Fuck it, all or nothing. You reach your hand as far as it can go and pull. Nothing, pull harder! The marshmallow hide gives way as your sword glides through it. Fist incoming! You pick up your feet, wall running across his stomach. His fist narrowly misses you, instead knocking him backwards. Success, you just bought yourself another minute of life. “Pinkie!”

”Fire!” A colorful array of projectiles flies towards Mr. Stay Puft causing him to raise his arms in defense. Smells like its time for smores. You give Pinkie Pie a salute before climbing again. Globs of molten marshmallow roll down his body, forcing you to divert your course. This coupled with having to dodge the onslaught of incoming attacks, is making your journey far longer than it needs to be. You finally manage to make your way to the top. Few have dared to dream about standing on top of a giant marshmallow man, but only you have succeeded. Now you just need to get back to the tower…
So… How the hell am I supposed to get back? Damn you hindsight!

“Anyone want to give me a hand?”

”One second Anon,” Celestia responds as her horn begins to glow. You feel yourself rising, the princess moving you towards her. Mr. Stay Puft isn’t intent on sitting on the sidelines and hurls a piece of his own melted mass at Celestia.

“Block it!” Twilight and Rarity manage to toss it away, only for another one to come barreling towards them. “Celestia block it!”

She does just that, raising her barrier… and dropping you. “FUUUUUUUUUUUU-“

The wind gushes around you as you continue to fall. All the progress you made, gone. The trees are hastily approaching, like miniature stakes that are getting larger… and larger. You will not die like this, not after all you’ve gone through. Close your eyes and focus. Ignore the face of death. You focus your rage, lightning cracking across your skin. You focus your fear, your body radiating a blazing green. You focus your- *zap*

You open your eyes, spying the stone ceiling. So… looks like you’re back on the floor. Damn you hate teleporting. One mistake and you could end up in a stone wall. You get to your feet. Well, you made it to the skywalk. The other ponies don’t appear to be her yet. You sheathe your sword, still remarkably in your possession. Opening the door to the stairwell, you look down at your comrades. They’re coming up, but their demeanor has changed drastically. They appear solemn, no chatter, just silence. Oh… right… You exit to the skyway, leaning on the hoofrails behind the door. No harm in simple trolling.

You hear the soft clops of hooves, the ponies walking onto the skyway. They simply trot along, leaving you unnoticed. Sure that all the ponies were ahead of you, you revealed yourself. “Took you all long enough.” Everyp0ny turns to you, shocked by your sudden appearance. “I thought I was going to have to wait all day,” you smile just before the mane 6 embrace you, glad to have you back among them.

”How could you make a lady worry such as that, how uncouth.”

“Yeah, well you can teach me manners when this is over.” You rejoin the group and walk along the bridge. “So whatever happened to Mr. Stay Puft? I haven’t seen him.

”He sort of wandered off after you fell,” Fluttershy peeps, “We don’t know where he went.” You think you do, the smell of burning marshmallow hitting you again.

“Girls, run.”

”What do you-“

“Run!” On cue, a familiar face raises eye level to your own. Not today mother fucker. You unsheathe your sword, and slash him across the eye. Seizing the moment, you and the rest of the group sprint towards the opposite tower. It isn’t long before Mr. Stay Puft is back on your tail again. You glance back, his face contorted into a horrifying visage. NOPE! He begins swinging wildly, knocking off different sections of the sky bridge.

That lard-ass is going to snap the bridge clean off. You unleash a storm of chaos balls behind you, desperately trying to get him to slow down. He takes the hit and keeps on coming, bits and pieces of his sweet gooey self seeping down his wounds. You somehow overtake a couple ponies; your feet will be feeling it when this is over. A thud echoes out from behind you, causing you to stop and look back. Twilight is on the ground with Mr. Fuck Face closing in. You bolt back to her and try to get her back on her feet. A shriek pierces your ears and you know it’s too late.

You tighten your hold on Twilight and close your eyes. You won’t let her die alone. A quake sends you both into a vice grip… but nothing happens. The two of you remain locked together, any moment that inevitable end may come. You slowly unclench your eyes only to find that Mr. Stay Puft is nowhere in sight. Twilight gets back on all fours, you back on your two. Just a couple feet from you lies a chasm cutting away from the bridge. A part of you feels like you should be at the bottom…

”Where did it go?” Twilight asks shaken from the brush with death.

“I don’t know. I heard a shriek and then…” You pull Twilight behind you and ready your sword. Something’s very wrong here.

”Anon,” Fluttershy says walking next to you, “Can you please put that away?”

“No can do Fluttershy, I’m not getting caught with my pants down.”

”Do what she asks sugarcube.” Applejack interjects.

”Just trust me,” the tiny Pegasus tries to convince you. You can feel something isn’t right, but Fluttershy thinks otherwise. And Applejack trusts her to boot. You slowly sheathe your sword again, ready for another draw. ”Thank you Anon,” Fluttershy walks towards the chasm. ”You can come out, it’s ok.” A pair of eyes plops above the bridge startling you. “Don’t move Anon, he’s just scared is all.” She turns back to the fat pair of eyes, “Come on, don’t be afraid. I won’t hurt you.” Your own eyes grow wide as a familiar pasta-like creature floats before Fluttershy. ”Everyone, I’d like you to meet… Wuten.”

She named… the Flying Spaghetti Monster… Wuten. Fuck it, your mind is incapable of being blown at this point. You take a few steps forward, this ‘Wuten’ trying to hide behind Fluttershy. “It’s alright Wuten, he won’t hurt you.” The Flying- Wuten, takes her at her word and eventually comes into full view. “So that shriek I heard…”

”Was Wuten. He saw you were in trouble and saved you. I guess he felt bad about how he acted before.” The Flying Spaghetti Monster… saved you… from the Stay Puft Marshmallow man? Your brain is so full of fuck right now. You clear your throat and extend your hand. “Um, thank you, Wuten, for saving me, us.”

He ponders your move, slightly intimidated. ”It’s ok Wuten.” With added reassurance, Wuten extends his own noodly appendage and wraps it around yours. You give each other a firm noodle to hand shake.

“Thanks.” You think you caught a sparkle in his eye, but you can’t really tell. You hear painful wail from below, Mr. Fuck Face isn’t out for the count yet. ”Fluttershy we need to get to the tower.”

”Oh alright,” Fluttershy says, “Bye Wuten.” The rest of the ponies leave to enter the tower, Fluttershy galloping after them. You look back to Wuten. He’s far less menacing now that he isn’t trying to kill you. You give him a pat and turn to leave, looking back over your shoulder.

”Give him hell.”
“Shrieeeeeek!” Wuten jets down after Mr. Stay Puft, giving him some much needed revenge.

You get to the door, Discord awaiting you inside. After all of this… that bastard better be there. He got Rainbow Dash hurt, and he’s going to pay for it, one way or another. You ready your mind and enter…

Chapter 8: Peak of Chaos

The door slams shut behind you, its echoes flowing through the tower. You regroup with the ponies as dread begins to take you. Discord is definitely here. You can feel it. He said he’d be here and give you a fair fight. It’s not Discord to go back on his word, you hope. A slight tingle arises in your head, and you quickly shield your mind. Yep, he’s here. ”What’s wrong Anon? Didn’t you have fun last time?” his voice whispers in your ear as you progress up the steps, coming to a large chamber, the villain nowhere to be seen.

He calls that shit fun? “I guess if you call having your brain eviscerated fun, then I it was yes.” He lets out his signature laugh, but all it does is piss you off. “We got all got here Discord,” you shout drawing your sword, “So come out!”

”Tsk tsk tsk tsk, Oh Anon, don’t you remember the rules?” You think back and try to remember what he meant. Make it to the tower, all of you together, come by hoof.

“We didn’t do anything wrong, now uphold your end!”

”I don’t think so. I told you no cheating, and you broke that rule.” You got here entirely by foot, he’s bluffing.

“Bullshit! I never broke any rule.” Right? You don’t know what you could have done wrong.

”It was when you were fighting that delicious marshmallow man if that helps you remember.”

“How did I cheat? All I did was…” Dammit. “Teleport.”

”There you go. It’s sad really, coming so far only to fail at the last moments.” He is practically bubbly at your defeat.

“Sorry everyone.” Pointing your head down.

”Now don’t feel so bad, you only let down all of those people you claim to be your friends.” Another mind game, but poor execution on his part. ”Why didn’t Celestia just pull you back in? Or Rarity? Or Twilight?”

“Save it, it’s not going to work.”

He pauses, acknowledging your statement. ”So it would seem.” You can feel him circling you, his unformed eyes stalking you. ”How about I give you another chance?” Another chance? As foolish as it would be to make a deal with this thing, you don’t have a choice.

“What do you have in mind?”

Celestia speaks up, “We can find another way…”

“No we can’t. Discord is holding all the cards now.”

”Listen to the poor man Celestia. He knows the stakes.”

“It’ll be ok princess,” though you know it won’t, “so what’s the catch?”

”Just a simple rule change really,” his voice engulfing you, “I’ll overlook your mistake …if you let me add another player.” You take a step back; he could pull anything out of your mind again. It’s too big of a risk. It takes him only a second to sense your hesitation. “Nothing from your mind, rest assured. Just another, acquaintance… in Equestria.” You regroup with everyone to discuss this.

“I’m not so sure about this y’all.”

”Me neither,” Fluttershy agrees.

“Discord has us… well me at least, by the balls. We don’t have any other choice.”

”Classy Anon,” Rarity snuffs, “but correct.”

”Let’s just buck‘em up. We’ve done it before.” Rainbow blurts out.

She’s not thinking this through, but then, none of you are thinking straight. “What do you think Twilight?”

She shakes her head in thought, “I don’t like it, but we can’t do much about it. We won’t get another chance.”

“Princess?”

”Twilight is correct. We must agree to his terms.”

You all eventually come to a consensus. “We agree Discord.”

”How delightful.” *snap* Discord appears in a blaze of fire, his grin disheartening. ”Now let me present a new friend of mine…” He points to a window which creaks open allowing some sort of mist inside. It slithers towards Discord, purple and starry in appearance. The mist explodes in light, taking the form of a large female alicorn her hide as dark as night. ”Nightmare Moon.”

Nightmare fucking Moon. You have got to be shitting me. It took the elements to take her down before, and now she’s teaming up with Discord. ”Sister!” Celestia yells taking a few steps forward.

Nightmare Moon gawks at the princess, “Stay back vixen!” She releases a small wheel of fire at her sister, Celestia quickly dispersing the flames harmlessly.

”What have you done to my sister Discord!?”

You can answer that, “The same thing he tried to do to me.” You step back to Celestia, trying to comfort her. “He tried to turn my pain and anger against me, twisting my views to fit his needs.” You look over the corrupted Luna attempting to understand her. How much pain does she hold to do this…? “She was overcome by her feelings, corrupting her into Nightmare Moon once more. She isn’t your sister anymore Celestia, just a puppet of Discord.”

”Bravo Anon,” he makes a show of your discovery, clapping in earnest, “Though I had hoped it would be you standing beside me, but it appears that Ms. Luna will have to do.” This bastard fails at turning you, so he corrupts someone else… Unacceptable. You raise your sword and take stance.

“I’ll die before I join you,” you say taking a few lessons from heroes past.

Discord chuckles, “So be it.”

You charge at Discord, tackling him to the floor. First Strike! Raising your sword, you plunge down at him only for a pair of hooves pounds your ribs, forcing you off Discord. You look over at the group, who are staring in disbelief. “Any help?”

”CHARGE!” Rainbow Dash screams as she bolts into the fray. The others holler as well and come to your aid.

You stand up, Discord and Luna busy with the others. You wince in pain as you breathe; Luna probably broke a few ribs with that hit. Discord notices you and leaves Nightmare Moon to the others. ”Hello Anon, need a hand!?”

He strikes you with the back of his paw, launching your body across the room at his sheer power. It’s going to be one of those days isn’t it? You get up in time to see him slithering back towards you. Sword ready and mind focused. Time to fight back.

You toss a few blasts of energy at him, each fizzling away at impact. Discord closes in, simply absorbing every attack you use. You slash at him, Discord dodging them merrily. Fuck, I hope the others are faring better than me. You slash at him again, dodged. Throw a chaos ball, fizzle. “Having fun Anon?” He grabs you by the throat and picks you up. “I thought you had learned to use your magic by now. Well, my magic.” You’re thrown into air, grasping for something to hold. ”Apparently not…”

You land on a chandelier as you swing to and fro. Damn him, you only trained a couple weeks with Twilight. How could he expect you to have mastered the art of magic? Peering down, the battle rages. Celestia and the others are steadily advancing on Nightmare Moon. Even in that form she can’t take on all of them. “Enjoying the view?” You hear a quick snap and gravity does the rest.

He’s just toying with you as you finally hit the floor, leaping off at the last second and rolling onto your feet. “You asshole.”

”Now now, I know you can do better than that,” he replies, pulling you to your feet. ”I’ve seen you do better than this.” Discord slashes you across the chest with his talon. Fuck! Blood begins soaking through your shirt. You clench your chest in desperation, failing to stop the blood flow. ”That was just a scratch, now fight me!” *snap*

A shortsword appears in Discord’s hands, mimicking your own. ”En garde!” Discord yells as he takes a stab at you.You barely manage to block his attack before he comes in for another. Retreating is the only option you have; you never fenced in your life. Shuffling your feet you back away from Discord, his attacks still spiraling towards you. ”Going so soon?” He asks casually.

“How do-“ You’re interrupted as you clash swords with his. “How are you so good at this?”

”I’m not, you just suck worse than me.” That dick! Have a taste of your own medicine! You lower your sword and unload your magic on him. The explosion sends Discord stumbling backwards. Finally, one of your attacks works. Discord snickers at this little surprise. ”Good, give in to your anger.” Fucking Emperor Discord.

Another blast is sent at him, striking his upper body. He coughs lightly, acting like he’d just swallowed wrong, “Keep it up Anon and you might live till daybreak.” Why won’t he fucking die! Lightning courses from your sword and engulfs Discord. And all he does is laugh.

“Stop laughing and DIE!!!” You sprint at him, only for him to catch you by the neck again.

He looks over you, assessing your damage. Crooking another smile he throws you back down. ”Do you see now?” You rise to your knee, this fight not going very well.

“See what? I know you’re not even trying.”

”See the power within you. Only by releasing your emotions will you even hope to defeat me.” His words puzzle you; magic is mastered through focus not emotion. Unless… You rethink your past, the cloud, the diamond dogs, and even here. The emotions gave you strength…. He’s right, your magic, unlike those of unicorns, relies on the strength of your feelings as opposed to your mind. Your rage, fear, love, hate… It empowers you. Another shit-eating grin graces his face, “Now you get it…” He pulls you back to your feet, readying his sword. ”Again!”

You raise your sword, allowing your anger guide you. Discord lets loose another flurry of strikes catching you off-guard. “Release it Anon, show me what you can do.” Fuck him. You kick Discord’s lower half knocking him back. You look him dead in the eye.

“Hello, my name is Anon Ymous. You killed my father. Prepare to die!” You would’ve made Mr. Patinkin proud today…

You tighten your grip on the handle. “Come on!” Your blade jolts at Discord giving him barely any time to block. You can’t help but smile as your sword cuts towards him. Discord backs away as he is unable to go back on the offensive. He should have thought of this beforehand. With a swipe of your sword, you mange to disarm him, leaving him defenseless. You have him right where you want him. One chop and he’d be out like a light. Discord looks slightly worried now, his odds falling rapidly. You look back over to Nightmare Moon, who’s cornered by your friends. The battle won’t last much longer. But for now, let’s savor the moment. You let your hand come loose, the blade clanging against the floor. You ready your fists, Discord confounded. “No sport,” cracking your knuckles and returning to your stance, “Come on.”

The two of you face off, each ready to strike at the first sign of weakness. You grin at Discord who’s gotten fairly serious. “Hey Discord, what has two eyes but can’t see?”

”Hmm-“

“You. Solar Flare!” Discord brings his hands to his burning eyes, opening himself up. Works like a charm. You leap at Discord, landing a blow on his head, and slide down his back. Taking his tail, you swing him around, gaining momentum. Vigor courses through your veins, augmenting your sheer strength. This is incredible, you feel amazing! You release Discord sending him flying into a nearby wall. Why haven’t you done this sooner?

You walk over to Discord, your muscles twitching in anticipation. You grab him by the wings and toss him around. This guy isn’t even a threat. You kick him in the ribs trying to get a reaction. “Get up! I’m tired of waiting on you.” Another kick, no reaction. “I said get up damn you!” You bring down your fist, Discord catching it in one swipe. He looks at you and laughs. He- he’s still toying with you.

Discord pins you against the wall, helpless. ”Poor Anon. So tough, but so arrogant.” He tightens his grip on your throat. ”Did you really think you could defeat me with the power I gave you!?” You attempt to fire a blast of energy, but he digs his talons into your stomach, your strength slowly being sapped from the wound. You clutch at his hands trying to loosen them from you, but to no avail. ”I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!” Can’t… breathe… You look to Celestia, who’s keeping Nightmare Moon trapped for now. The mane 6 gather behind Discord to prepare the Elements. Just have… to last… a little longer…

”I gave you a chance to join me…” He slams you against the wall repeatedly. ”To be by my side...”Again. ”But I’m done asking…” Again and again he pounds you against the wall, the tower’s foundation shaking at his strength. He locks his talons atop your head. ”Now you’re mine!” He tightens his grip again, cutting off your flow of oxygen completely.

Hurry up girls… You can feel him trying to invade your mind, his claws tearing through your defenses. But- you have to buy the girls more time… just a little more. Anything.

You made a promise to your friends. You told them you wouldn’t rest until Discord was defeated. It appears you’re not going to make good on that promise. Discord continues to force his way inside your head, images flash over in your mind. You see your home that you left behind, the ponies you now call your friends. your night with Rainbow Dash. the power of your rage. the betrayal you felt when they left you.

You will stop Discord, if not for them, then for you. He needs to learn a valuable lesson. A lesson only you can teach. No one fucks with Anon. No one…

Bad End

”It is so easy to just relax Anon. Just relax…” He releases another wave into his mind tap. Blistering agony weaves itself into your form. Please girls… You close your eyes, putting all your effort into keeping out Discord. Hurry…

A surge of energy hits you, one you’ve felt before. Discord senses this too, turning his head back. You can’t let him get away. You reach out for your sword, reenacting the wampa cave scene from Star Wars. You won’t let him away! Letting go of your mind, you pull the sword into your hand.

Discord finally enters your mind forcibly corrupting every inch of it. You wrap your legs around his waist, locking the two of you together. He tries to get away and loosens his grip.“Not today motherfucker!” You sink your sword deep into his neck, his chaotic blood spewing out of his wound. The corruption continues to spread, encompassing every inch of your mind, warping it.

You sense Discord’s vulnerability, your sword severely weakening him. The opportunity of his power is too good to pass up. Channeling your energy through the sword, you siphon Discord’s being into you. The feeling is indescribable as Discord’s very soul enters you. His body falls lifeless before you, freeing your body. You draw your sword from his corpse, chaos dripping down the blade.

Your gaze turns upward, the mane 6 activating the elements. Another ray of light appears as the rainbow spirals towards you. You try to escape, but it’s too late. The rainbow engulfs you bringing about another type of pain all together. Your limbs are frozen in place numb to the world around them. The sword in your hand grows heavy as it morphs into stone. Your head is the last to go. The mane 6 arefulfilling their purpose, sealing the chaos within. They will pay for this…

Day… something in Equestria. Time seems redundant when you cannot appreciate it. Your stony prison is absolute in its defense. Try as you might, nothing seems to be able to break its form. Those ponies you called your friend betrayed you. They encased you in this hellish prison. You will find a way out of here, and when you do… Chaos may have been Discord’s purpose. Domination and Destruction will be yours.

A group of ponies, diverse in race, approach your statue. ”I told myself I’d never come here.”

”It’s ok, it isn’t your fault.

”It’s just…” These feeble beings dare to speak of you like a thing. They will feel the wrath of your awakening.

”It’s all right Rainbow. You don’t have to say anything.” That name sounds familiar, maybe a conniving p0ny from decades past.

”I’d like to spend a few moments alone with him…” A p0ny that speaks of you, how flattering…

”All right, come find us when you’re ready to go.” How you would tear out their throats. Confound this shell of stone.

“Hello Anon,” she knows your name, “It’s me Rainbow Dash.” Rainbow Dash? Rainbow Dash… Ahhh, her. How nice of her to pay you a visit. ”I don’t know if you can hear me, but I hope you can in there.” Anon hears all my child… ”I just- I wanted to say I’m sorry. I should have stopped.” She begins to cry, letting out her feelings.She should be sorry, her and the rest of that accursed mane 6.

Rainbow goes on for several minutes much to your disdain. Pathetic really… ”After you- Turned into this. I started getting sick.” A plague to your captors, how fitting. She gives off a little smile even in her tears. ”You’re a father you know.” WHAT! ”It’s a boy…” Another sob, this wench better keep talking.

”He’s a Pegasus, like me. A great little flier too.” Magic is fucking bullshit. Discord’s last laugh you assume. “He has your eyes…” What is his name? What is the name of your spawn? ”I named him after you, the last piece of you I have… I want to stay, but I can’t. I’m sorry.” With that, Rainbow flies off, back to her friends.

You laugh to yourself, how fortunate are you? Discord has delivered to you salvation. A child, with mind easy to meld. You stretch your voice over Equestria, calling to him, “Anoooooon.”

Good End

”It is so easy to just relax Anon. Just relax…” He releases another wave into his mind tap. Blistering agony weaves itself into your form. Please girls… You close your eyes, putting all your effort into keeping out Discord. Hurry… A surge of energy hits you, one you’ve felt before. You open your eyes, Discord still focused on you. The mane 6 are levitating as they embrace the elements. You’re almost there Anon. You’re at the home stretch now.

You open your mouth to speak, a few guttural sounds escaping. The lack of air hinders your ability to speak. ”Famous last words? So be it.”

He eases his grip, fresh air filling your enflamed lungs. You gasp taking in what may be your last breath. “Our jimmies… are eternal…” Twilight opens her eyes, a white light sparkling from them. You feel your body weaken, moments from retuning to the black void. “None can rustle the triumvirate…” Darkness takes you, a rainbow engulfing you in your final moments.

It’s done. Discord is finally gone, his voice no longer a plague upon your mind. The void awaits you at last, the final step in your journey. You can rejoin your parents, following them to where their souls reside. This may not be the peace you sought, but its peace nonetheless.

A beep rings through the blackness. What? *beep* Pain streams through your body forcing you on your knees. You bring your hands to your throbbing chest, your ribs wincing with each breath. Blood seeps back through your shirt, a gash reappearing on your chest. A torrent of light fills the void. Nothing is over…

Your heart feels like its going to burst out of your chest, the incessant beeping that rings in your mind growing erratic. ”Hold him down!” Hooves press down against your body. You jolt up, opening your eyes. ”I said hold him down!” Masked figures surround you as they try and restrain you. Your adrenaline fades, allowing another bolt of pain to course through you. You let out a muffled grunt before being forced back down to the bed. A sharp ting is felt in your arm, cool fluid calming your aching muscles.

”Is he going to be ok doc?” you hear somep0ny ask. Your eyes drift back to sleep.

”He was shocked is all; he’ll be up in no time.” You fall to sleep, the beeps serving as your lullaby. Your living lullaby.

A tingle forms at your finger tips, cascading up your body. Roused from your sleep, you reopen your eyes. You’ve been here before. These white walls all too familiar. The last time you were here… You don’t want to remember. “Hello?” you manage to crack out. A nurse enters your room and smiles at you.

”Well look who’s awake, it’s nice to see you calm again.”

“W-what happened?”

”Well, it appears you suffered some contusions along with several broken-“

“No no no! Discord, what happened to Discord?” you ask, a part of your mind still not at ease.

”I don’t know exactly, but word down the olive branch is that he’s as good as stone.” You let out a sigh of release and relax. She walks over and sets down a tray of food next to you. “You have some visitors you know…” Your friends. ”Would you like to see them?” You give her a nod.

“Yes, I would like that very much.”

The nurse walks over to the other curtain. ”And how are you this morning princess?” Princess?

”WE- hmm, I am fine. Thank you.”

”Alright then, I’ll be sure to tell your guests that you’re ready.” She leaves the room and trots down the hall. Silence.

You sit up, fighting the pain in your chest. “Princess?” you call, pulling back the curtain. Luna is in the bed beside you, a few bandages around her. She seems to have taken quite a beating.

”What is it you want, human?” She doesn’t look at you and you don’t blame her.

“I was uh, wondering if you were ok is all?”

”How do you think we are doing?” The bitchiness has doubled!

You close the curtain, knowing all to well that she just wants to be alone. “I’m sorry.”

”You should be.” Here we go… ”It is because of you that we became this way.”

“I know…”

”No, you don’t. You forced this upon us.” Bitch doesn’t know what she speaks of. “He tried to turn me as well Luna. Don’t think you’re the only one who’s suffered because of Discord.”

”You did not turn, I did.” Naïve isn’t she.

“He turned me against my friends, when all they did was help me.” You calm down a bit, you won’t let emotion control you again. “I might as well have turned…”

You give her time to think about what you said. She never thought of it that way before. ”I- may have misjudged you.”

“Don’t worry about it. Your anger is understandable.”

”Perhaps, you could speak of it to me?” Now that’s something you didn’t think of. Communicating with someone who’s been on that same beaten path as you, it sounds nice. You open the curtain and look at her.

“Sure…”

The door opens slightly and you can hear the nurse. ”Here we are.” Cue Rainbow Dash.
The door slams open, Dash flying in at you. Anon: The Fortune Teller. She lands on your bed settling down. Ribs, oh the ribs.

“Rainbow, the ribs…”

”Oh sorry Anon.” She jumps off and lands beside you while the others make their way inside.

“So… I heard you gave Discord what he deserved.”

”We sure did,” Pinkie exclaims, “That meanie got it good.”

”Nothing we couldn’t handle,” Rainbow boasts.

”We couldn’t have done it without you Anon.” Twilight says.

“All in a days work I guess.” *cough* Fuck your lungs still hurt, but at least your friends are here with you. You look back to Luna who appears a bit sad. She doesn’t have any visitors. You remember how you felt when no one was there for you. You nudge your head to your neighbor, Twilight taking the hint and talks to her with a few others.

“So Dash,” you ask, “any idea how long until I can get out of here?”

”Doc said you’ll be in here for a month at the most. Why? You ready for another race?” You laugh, broken ribs be damned.

“Something like that…” What the hell are you going to do for a month? They don’t have television in Equestria.

”You know, I figured you’d be cooped up here for a while,” Dash says. ”So I got you a present that helped me.” She hands you a gift, poorly wrapped, but the effort is what counts. You tear open the gift.

“Daring Do and the Quest for the Sapphire Stone.”

”I figured an egghead like you would appreciate it.”

“Didn’t you read this?”

She blushes, “I might have…”

Twilight comes back, holding another book herself. ”Here…” She sets down a copy of Marelin’s Magistrate on the table. ”I still expect you to finish it.”

“I’ll get right on that,” you smile at them. “Thank you all, for staying with me.”

”What else are friends for sugarcube?” It’s good to have friends…”

You spend the next two months in the hospital. A few complications made the doctors hold you back. This gave you more time to spend with Luna, who has been sharing her experiences with you. She’s turned into a kind of sister to you, replacing the one you lost. You managed to finish both Marelin’s Magistrate and Daring Do, though the first one took a bit longer on account of causing you to sleep. Rainbow visited frequently, always dropping off the next chapter of the series. The rest of the mane 6 also visited, though not as much. There was a lot of cleaning up to do after the battle with Discord. A memorial was built for the castle guards who were turned into Husks. The black knights were eventually hunted down and slain. Mr. Stay Puft was found in pieces, Pinkie Pie made sure to not let him go to waste. Wuten is staying with Fluttershy, though only a few know of its whereabouts. That big ball of spaghetti sure made an impression on her.

So here you are, back at home, going over memories past. You moved back to Ponyville, the people here now a part of your family. You make your way up your stairs and to your bedroom. This place, Equestria, has given you the peace you needed. You set an apple down on your nightstand and sit down on the bed. Even after all that’s happened, with Discord and beyond, you wouldn’t change a thing. You brush the hair out of Rainbow’s eyes, smiling down at her sleeping figure. “Not a thing…”

You slip-on your leather jacket and head on out, bag full of bits. Rainbow Dash is making sure to save you a booth at the Broken Record. What better way to celebrate your first year of living in Equestria then getting wasted with your favorite mare. To think that you’d tried to run away from this life. Even with the whole Discord thing this hasn’t been that bad. You do miss how powerful you used to be. It seems after Discord was frozen your powers weakened drastically. You can use simple telekinesis, but your super strength and other powers just dissipated. But it’s alright, you have Rainbow Dash. And as long as you have her, you don’t need anything else.

Twilight greets you as you enter the club and leads you to the booth. ”About time you showed up slow poke.”

“Me? I was waiting for a good hour before deciding to head home.”

”I’m sure, I’m sure.” You scoot on in and give Dash a peck on the cheek.

“Good thing I came back.” The waiter brings over a tray of drinks. You raise your glass high. “To good friends.”

”To good friends.”

You take your time, not wanting to go hard on the booze. Regardless, you feel a sharp pain in your head and the lights hurt to look at. You can’t be hung-over already, the night’s still young. You excuse yourself to use the restroom, the lights cutting into your eyes. The door slams shut behind you and you lean against the sink. It hurts like hell; every fiber in your being wants to claw away at your skull. You shut off the lights, but the intensity stays strong, only getting worse. What’s… wrong…

The light engulfs you, and when you open your eyes, you’re gone. You stand up, your jacket damp with moisture. ”Anonymous!” You turn around a human stomping towards you. But- it can’t be. He should be home.

“Anon?”

Author's Note

The very end, the part preceded by the three space gap, leads to a different story.

Evil End (Mega Gore)

”It is so easy to just relax Anon. Just relax…” He releases another wave into his mind tap. Blistering agony weaves itself into your form. Please girls… You close your eyes, putting all your effort into keeping out Discord. Hurry…

Nothing happens. You open your eyes looking at the mane 6. They can’t get the elements to work. If they don’t succeed…. Discord notices your little predicament with a chuckle, “You didn’t honestly believe you had a chance did you?” Another wave, more pain. Not like this…

You dig your fingers into his arm drawing blood. Discord yelps in pain, loosening his grip. “NOT LIKE THIS!” With one burst of energy you release all your emotion and reach out to your blade. Your sword swings to your free hand, chaos coursing through your veins, and with a single chop you’re back on your feet. Discord yells in pain as you remove his severed hand from your throat. ”You gave me a chance. Now let me give you a lesson… in pain!”

You leap upon him, sinking your blade deep in his chest, just missing his heart. “How does it feel Discord?” you say twisting your blade. You withdraw your sword, tossing it aside. “I said. HOW DOES IT FEEL!?” You toss him into a nearby wall, leaving him drenched in blood.

”Anon…” Twilight begins to say.

“Shut up Twilight! He’s mine!” You stomp over to Discord and place your hand on his head. “Taste my pain!” You surge your will over his, burning his mind with your anguish. “Having fun? Huh!?” Dribbles of drool roll out of Discord’s mouth. “Pathetic.”

You place your foot atop his lion arm, grabbing hold of his elbow. “Maybe you’ll answer me if I do this…”You pull his arm with all your might, his scream pierces the silence of the night. “Answer me swine! Are you having fun!?” You pull just a bit harder, then a little more before he lets out another wail of pain.

”No!”

You smile down on him. “Good.” With one last twist and tug and you rip his arm clean from his body. You have to cover your ears to muffle his pestering scream. “Silence!” You yell as you slap him with his own hand. Tears roll down his eyes, obeying. You bring his arm around again, slapping him once more. “Stop hitting yourself.” *slap* “Stop hitting yourself.” *slap* You bellow loudly, tossing aside his dismember limb. “Isn’t this fun?!”

The joy of domination, you might as well have some fun. “I have a few questions for you Discord.” You take a deep breath. “What do I look like?”

”W-what?”

You kick him in the stomach. ”What country you from?”

”What?”

“What ain’t no country I ever heard of. They speak English in What?

”W-w-what?”

“English Motherfucker do you speak it?!” Damn you love that movie.

You prepare to hit him yet again, but… you smell… something… An odor of strength. It is… enticing… You sniff around, the aroma coming from Discord himself. “What is that delicious scent?” Discord doesn’t respond, still wallowing in agony. You pick him up by his throat, pinning him against the wall, the roles now reversed.

His strength… His power… You can smell it. “You know Discord,” you say clenching and unclenching your fist. “It is so easy to just relax Discord. Just,” a fiendish grin on your face, “relax.” You clench your fist bringing it down on the wound in his chest. The tightness of the wound stops you from proceeding. “It’s your first time so I’ll be gentle.” Forcing your hand into his wound his body tenses up, screaming in pain. ”Or not.”

You work your arm down his wound, navigating around broken bones and burst organs. “Here kitty kitty kitty. Where are you?” The mane 6 are paralyzed in shock at your behavior. This isn’t the Anon that they know. But it’s the Anon you had hidden. You reach another organ, throbbing weakly at your touch. “There you are…” Wrapping your fingers around it, you rip it out of his chest. Discord’s body slumps, his life ended in one clean tear. There in your hands, the source of the intoxicating scent, is the heart of a god…

Discord’s heart still beats in your grasp, his corpse at your feet. The power of a god at your fingertips, it’s… delicious. ”Anon.” Twilight calls out to you.

“Hmmm?” you mutter, not taking your eyes of your prize.

She sees the object in your hand, her voice trembling. ”D-destroy it Anon.”

“Destroy it?” you ask turn to the group. “Why would I ever do something so foolish?”

“Please Anon, don’t make us-“ Your laugh interrupts her.

“We both know you won’t do shit against me…” You turn your back to them. “but with me…”

”Anon what in the hay are you talking about?”

“Discord is gone, my promise is fulfilled, but I have… plans for Equestria. You can join me if you wish.”

”No Anon, we won’t.”

“I may not give you a choice.” You sink your teeth into the heart, blood spraying in your face.

”NO!” Celestia screams charging at you. You grin, sending Celestia flying with a single thought.

“Who knew god was so delicious?” Oh wait, now that’s you. How grand.

A bolt of lightning strikes your back, cracking upon impact. “I’ll get to you in a minute Twilight,” you chuckle returning to your dinner. You devour the heart, face drenched in blood. You wipe off the blood with Discord’s arm tossing it away again. “Yum.” You face the mane 6, Celestia still recovering next to Nightmare Moon. “That was a tasty appetizer, but I’m hungry for something more.” Time to get cracking.

“I’ll give you all a choice,” you say glancing over them. “You can join me willingly, gaining whatever your heart desires.” The p0nies stare at you, each with mixed feelings. “Or I can make you…” You smile, taking a step back. “The choice is yours.”

Twilight steps forward. ”I decline.” The others follow, each defying your rule. Your eyes twist in green.

“So be it.”

Day 964 in Equestria The last remnants of the Resistance have retreated to a fortification in the icy wastes of the Shoh Mountains. A fitting resting place for those who defy my rule.By now it is already under siege by my legions. This crusade of yours has taken far longer than you have desired. Was it worth it? But of course!

You emerge from your tent, absorbing the chilling winds of the mountain. Explosions ring throughout the sky. All as planned. “Come Ripley, time to go.” Your pet exits the tent towering by your side. “I always wanted a xenomorph as a pet.” You scratch its head before calling out for a ride. “Fluttershy! Where are you?”

”Coming my lord.” Fluttershy appears, riding atop of Wuten.

“How is the battle going my dear?” Wuten sets down, allowing you and Ripley to board.

”Oh just wonderful, those deserters don’t have a chance against you my lord.”

“Please, you can still call me Anon.”

”Thank you Anon.” It’s good to see Fluttershy abandon that old demeanor of hers. She doesn’t care much for the life of your subjects, though she still cares deeply for animals of all sizes. It’s for that reason that you made her general of the beast battalion. Every creature from bunnies to dragons to xenomorphs is under her command. Your gaze turns to the smoke ridden castle.

“And the new units I sent to your battalion?

”Flawless, these creatures are simply machines,” she says petting Ripley.

“Perfect,” you reply approaching the castle, “Take Ripley back to the battle, she needs a workout.”

”Of course Anon.”

You jump off Wuten and speed down to the surface, landing fist-first in a sheet of snow. The generals better be waiting for you. You enter the War Tent where a group of ponies stand ready. “My friends, how is the war effort?”

Twilight is the first to speak. “Quite well Anon, my force has your siege equipment shielded from enemy fire.” You nod. Twilight has definitely grown up during her time in the war. She has donned the skull of her former teacher as a sign of her commitment. She is now your personal student, studying the art of chaos. She leads a specialized unit of magic users, Trixie and Nightmare Moon being her top lieutenants.

“Good, and how is said equipment Applejack?”

”Spick and Span. After we managed to capture those Flim and Flam brothers in the last raid, our equipment is top notch sugarcube.” Applejack, leader of your basic ground forces and siege weapons. These sieges would take months if not for her and Big Macintosh’s leadership.

“Brilliant, and Rarity?”

”Ghastly, there is no way we should have gone into battle so unprepared.”

“What’s the problem? You said the army was equipped with your newest armor.”

”Yes, but it wasn’t finished in its design. The chest piece doesn’t match helmets, and the boots… This is the worst, possible, thing.” She proceeds to pull out a chaise lounge and fall upon it. Even now she’s still a fashionista drama queen.

“Whatever, Pinkie?” Pinkie darts in cupcake in mouth.

”yerhfp (yes)?”

“Any dissent among the ranks?”

She gulps down her food, “Not in about… ten seconds.”

“What happens in te-“

An explosion racks the area near you. ”That silly.”

“The usual?”

”The usual, but this time they had a unicorn.”

Pinkie Pie, your personal bodyguard and Secret Police Chief. She uses her ability to be everywhere at all times to detect any insurrection among the masses. Truly vital.

“And Rainbow Dash?” Nothing. “Where the hell is Rainbow Dash?” A gush of air hits you, followed by a armor clad Dash.

“Right here Anon.” You simply shake your head.

“Air Division?”

”Flying strong, I’ve got Gilda and Spitfire up there now.” Dash obviously leads your Air Division, making sure nop0ny makes an escape to the skies.

You nod to them, walking back into the wastes where they follow.Walking through the ranks of your army, they follow.
Through the shattered gates, they follow.
In the entrails of their foes, they follow.
Wherever you go, they follow.

These are your little ponies, which have followed you through thick and thin. You will fight day after day, foe after foe, victory after victory for another chance to be among them.It seems, even in war…

Friendship is magic…

Author's Note

This ending leads directly into a sequel entitled Hero Anon which should be posted by next week.

Chapter 5: Downfall

You open your eyes, the dark void in full view. You run your hands over your neck. Nothing. No blood, no lacerations, nothing. You’re sure that stupid animal got you. “ Oh, he got you alright Anon.”

You swivel around, gazing into the blackness. “Dammit, show yourself Discord.”

”As you wish…” *snap* A brief flash of light later and there before you Discord stands.

“I think you looked better as a statue.”

”Your opinion and nothing more,” Discord retorts. He stands up straight, slowly pacing around you. You can feel his eyes on you, inspecting you. Damn this guy gives you the creeps. ”You appear distraught, trouble at home?”

“Nothing I’d want to tell you.”

”Come now Anon, let’s be civil. I’ll have you know that as well as being a Lord of Chaos, I’m also a certified psychiatrist.” *snap* Another snap of his fingers and he presents his PhD. ”Sit Anon, tell me your woes.” He directs you back to a sofa, sitting in a chair himself.

“How did-?”

”Details details… Now what’s wrong?”

Laying down on the sofa, you begin to speak. You don’t know why, but you feel compelled to oblige him. ”Well where should I start?”

”The beginning tends to be a good jumping off point.” Pretentious fuck isn’t he?

“It started off with Dash…”

”Oh the illustrious Rainbow Dash, I seem to remember you had a falling out.”

“Yeah, you didn’t even tell me what happened you dick.”

”What can I say? Rainbow Dash didn’t care how you felt, so why should I?”

“That’s bullshit and you know it. Rainbow cares for me very much.”

”Sure she does…” He continues scribbling down on his notepad.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Hmmm? Oh nothing. Maybe you don’t know her as well as you should is all…”

“Whatever anyways…”Something about what he said keeps pestering you. You try and shrug it off. “Well, we eventually made up and went out to lunch.”

”Lunch? Interesting.” He’s either acting or being serious. You wish to say it’s the latter.

“We finished up and eventually Pinkie shows up.”

”Ooh, how is Pinkie Pie doing these days? She was the only one who ever really appreciated my work.”

“She’s fine, but that’s beside the point.”

”Go on then…” Discords mutters, returning to his notes.

“At this point I had started to get over my one-night stand, which is where Pinkie comes in.” You feel your anger flaring up again, clenching your fist. “She starts going off on how we are such a great couple and how she knew we would end up together, and just a bunch of other bullshit.” Discord is enthralled in your story, probably enjoying your little fit of rage. “Apparently some asshole had taken pictures of us the night before, and used them in a newspaper article.” Jimmies be a ruslin again. “I wasn’t ready for being with Dash, and now all of Ponyville thinks I’m some sort of Pony Fucker.” Well you are kind of…

”Typical, the ponies of Equestria never cared for who they hurt, as long as they get a good story.” You can’t argue with that. Maybe Discord is wiser than he appears… ”You can continue.”

“No, I think that wraps it up.”

Discord looks up from his notes, raising an eyebrow. “We both know the story isn’t over yet.” His tone severe he looks back down to his notepad, “Continue.”

He knows just how to put you in your place. “Fine.” Discord smiles from behind his notes as you oblige him. “I took a walk to cool off. I’ve never been so angry before.” He simply nods his head in approval. “I kept walking until I was certain no one would hear me and let it all out.”

”But someone did hear you?”

“Yeah, some canine things that called themselves Diamond Dogs. They told me to leave or else. I- I slaughtered them. All of them. I cut through them like a knife through Scrib Jelly.”

”Indeed, how did that make you feel?” Discord was frantically scribbling down something on his pad. Seems he does care.

“It felt…”

You can’t bring yourself to say it. It’s just wrong. Discord senses your hesitation, “Everything you say is completely confidential. Speak freely.” His words ease your mind, allowing you to endure.

“It felt… good.” Did you really just say that? “N-no not good, amazing. What the hell is wrong with me…”

Discord speaks, not looking up from his journal. “Nothing at all, it is completely natural.” No, no that’s wrong, right?

“I just, I felt so free an- and strong. I’ve never felt that way before.” You think back on your life, before you came to Equestria. Such a coward, isolating yourself from others… Always weaker than your peers… Constrained by your flaws… Your life…

”Would you like to feel that way again?” Discord rested his notes down to his knee, the creature now eyeballing you. “I can do that you know.” He stood up, sauntering to you, cracking a simple grin. ”You just have to let me.” A rush of light clears the void. Pain returning to your body. ”I await your answer Anon!” You can feel yourself regaining consciousness, granting your escape. The light begins engulfing your body.

“Fuck off Discord.” You manage to flip him off before you awaken. Watch out, we got a badass over here.

You open your eyes, greeted by a cascade of white. A rhythm of soft beeps assuring you of your status. You move your hand to your neck, IVs protruding from your arm. A bandage is fastened around your wound, you give off a sigh. “I hate hospitals,” you groan to yourself. You gradually sit up trying to see if you had any guests. Nope, just you. Guess nopony cares after all.

You pluck the IVs out of your arm, detaching yourself from any equipment you see. The soft beeps souring into an obnoxious roar. Voices are calling you down the hall, none that you recognize though. They never came for you. The ponies you called your friends just left you. Damn you Discord. You were right after all. You unleash a blinding green light, dispersing from view.

You reappear at home, if you can call it that anymore, trickles of lightning slithering across your skin. You peel off your bandages, exposing your damaged flesh. A little blood oozes from your wound. You wipe it off, the inflamed skin giving off shots of pain. Booze would do good to help. Your bag of bits refilled, you head off to acquire your liquid happiness.

You wipe off some dog bile from your watch. 11:12? Only one bar open this time of night. The Broken Record.The very club that’s driving you to drink. Oh the irony. You step back into the bar, absorbing the erratic beat. The bartender recognizes you, planting down a shot. ”On the house.” Guess you made an impression. You gulp it down. Poison tastes more appealing than this garbage.

“Thanks,” you reply, tossing him your bag of bits. “As much as I can carry.” He nods, leaving to fill my order. You swivel in your chair, observing the place.

These ponies make you sick. Not a few hours earlier they were laughing at you, judging your every move. Now they’re committing the very sins you were tagged with. Assholes. Suddenly you feel… creeped out. Almost like you’re being watched. You can feel someone’s eyes on you. Waiting for you to do something. Not this time douches. You head to the bathroom, checking to see if anyone follows. They are.

You enter, waiting by the door for them to follow. An elderly stallion enters the room. He quickly gives you a curious look-see and goes about his business. Not him alright, he doesn’t seem the type. He leaves about a minute later. Just when you’re about to give up, the prey arrives. A colt, sporting a brown mane and a camera around his neck, sneaks in. Gotcha.

You pick him up by his neck, pinning him against the wall. His little wings are no match for you. “Well well well, what have we here?” You rip off the camera, flipping through the various pictures. Lame, lame, cheesy, cute… How many pictures does this kid take? Aha! You find what you were looking for. A collection of pictures of you with Dash. Drinking, dancing, kissing, everything. He even had a few pictures of you both entering your house. The balls on this kid.

You force the camera into his face. “You see this shit! He promptly nods his head, his fear quite evident. “You know what this did to me?!” He shakes his head, tears forming in his eyes. “You ruined my life you little fuck!” You tighten your grip, making him gasp for air. He tries to speak, the lack of air stopping him. “You want to say something now?”

You loosen your grip a bit, air filling his lungs. ”I’m sorry,” his voice just a hum.

You release your grip, making him collapse to the floor. ”What’s your name kid?”

”Featherweight.” You can barely hear him, probably spends his time with Fluttershy.

“Have you ever heard of a swirly?” He shakes his head, fear returning. You give him a menacing grin. Oh what plans you have for him. You grab him by his mane, his wings still not strong enough to get away. A rancid smell reaches your nostrils, causing you to lurch. “I guess there’s a first time for everything.”

You kick open the stall door, revolted by the sight. That elderly guy sure let it loose in here. The toilet was splattered with the most pungent combination of diarrhea and piss you can imagine. He should probably lay off the Zap Apple Jam. Featherweight is kicking and screaming as hard as he can, but to no avail. Some say, an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. You say, an eye for an eye makes the other guy think twice before fucking with you. You close the door, a new task at hand.

It’s been a good ten minutes, a small price to pay for the pain he’s caused. You exit the stall, leaving a whimpering Featherweight to his pain. His camera is still in your hands, what to do… You drop it, slamming your foot down upon it, pieces scattering across the floor. He’s learned a valuable lesson you think to yourself. He knows not to fuck with you.

Back at the bar, you wave over the bartender. ”You got my stuff?” Another nod and he hands over a few crates of various beverages. “Pleasure doing business with you.” You pick up the crate, heading to the exit. “Oh I forgot,” you say turning back to the bartender. “I think someone had an accident in the bathroom. It didn’t look very good.”

”I’ll have the janitor take a look after we close shop.” Perfect. You enjoy your victory, working your way back home.

Drinks scatter across the floor, you blundering after them. Your sorrow is unquenchable. You place a crate in the fridge, beer still in hand. Raising your beer in the air you shout. “A toast, to Discord! The wisest asshole in Equestria.” You bring your lips to the bottle, suckling at its teet. Sweet alcohol, why do you hurt so good? Drunkenness taking you and you finally collapse, falling asleep.

There were no dreams of Discord that night. He got his point across. Ponyville is full of dicks. *knock knock knock* Who’s knocking at… what time is it? 11:00? Fuck. “Hal be ghrjt mnfe.”

”Anon! It’s me Twilight.” Fucking ponies at 11:00 in the morning. Unacceptable. You levitate yourself up, making your way to the door. The door moves its handle around, trying to piss you off. Fuck it; you magic the door off its hinges, laying it in front of you. Twilight was joined by the rest of her little group. You clear your throat, putting on your cool face as you lean against the door frame.

“Hello ladies.” The mane 6 stand at your door expressionless. You guess they can’t take a hint. “Why don’t you come in,” motioning them inside? They hesitantly enter, displeased at the aftermath of last night’s solo party. “Can I offer any of you a drink?”

“Anon, we need to talk.”

“Aren’t we talking right now? If not then I’m drunker than I think, amiright Dash? She doesn’t respond, instead throwing away a few leftover bottles. “Well fuck you too then.” You’d rather not have some ponies waste your time.

”Anon,” Rarity speaks up, “that is no way to speak to a lady.” Who the hell does she think she is? You serious the fuck up.

“If you’re just going to give me an etiquette lesson, then I must ask that you kindly get the fuck out. My time is too precious to be wasted by common stuck-up trash” Rarity quickly learns her place, unable to retort to my snide comment. You turn to Twilight. “What do you guys want?

”You’re out of control Anon. We heard about what happened at The Broken Record last night.” You think back, remembering Featherweight and his little ‘accident,’ struggling to contain your laughter.

“It really is sad, I don’t know what that guy was thinking, people use those stalls for god’s sake.”

”You know that’s not what I meant. I’m talking about Featherweight! He’s a wreck!”

“Meh, the kid had it coming. Better me than someone else.”

”It doesn’t matter if he had it coming, you’re behavior lately is inexcusable. First the Diamond Dogs, then the hospital, now this? You’ve been getting worse Anon.”

“Worse huh?” She has no idea… “I think not. I’m my own man now. Anon doesn’t have to be bogged down by others anymore.”

”Anon, please, just listen to yourself. You’ve become a serious problem, but we can help you.” Problem? You’re not a problem. It’s them, all them.

“Maybe I’m not the problem. You never thought of that did you? With all your knowledge you never considered YOU are the problem! You and the rest of Ponyville! Twilight is stunned, and, oh boy are you pissed. “Hell, maybe all of Equestria is the god damn problem! He was always right. He opened my eyes to the truth!”

”Anon what are you talking about?” She doesn’t know, she can’t know, maybe…

“What am I talking about? I’ll show you what I’m talking about!” You thrust your hand upon her head, your memories flowing into hers. Images flash before her eyes, taking in years of experience in seconds. She sees your entire life, your childhood, school, job, all the way up until this moment. Your emotions and feelings, everything. Twilight heaves for air, the event too much for her to take. You remove your hand, calming yourself down. “Now you know Twilight.” You grab another beer out of the fridge, chugging it down, the cool liquid dampening your flame. “So… Happy now?

Twilight looks at you with concern, finally coming around. “How long have-“

“Not long, just every now and then. He doesn’t have a set schedule you know.”

”What in the hay is he talking about Twilight,” Applejack questions. You’d be just as confused if you were them.

”Discord… He’s been talking to Discord…”

Pinkie Pie perks up, “I thought we turned him to stone?”

”We did Pinkie, it doesn’t make sense…”

“What fun is there in making sense?” you mock them, borrowing Discord’s signature tone.

”We must tell the princess.” Fluttershy’s voice firmer than usual. ”She’ll know what to do.”

Rainbow trots next to you, here eyes baring holes in your skin. ”Why didn’t you tell me Anon? I could have helped!” Discord’s words still ring in your ears. ‘Rainbow never cared how you felt…’ But here she is, wanting to help you. Was it just a lie? Twilight follows Rainbow, both now behind you.

”Anon, let us help you. Celestia can fix this, and we can put all of this behind us. You just have to let us.”

You sit down next to the door, observing Ponyville. These are the people who suckered you in, only to make your life hell. But these people are your family now. They’re just people, like you. They make mistakes. You have to try, if not for them, then for your friends. “Do you really think she could help?”

”Yes. I’m sure of it.”

Rainbow Dash walks up next to you, placing her head on shoulder. ”Please Anon.”

The rest of the mane 6 follow suit, praying you will listen to reason. You turn you head, giving Rainbow a quick peck on her snout. “Ok.”

You pack up your things, getting ready for your second trip to Canterlot. Donning your initial clothes, you feel like you’re taking a trip to the past. You meet up with the rest of the Mane 6 at the train station. “Everything ready?”

”Yes, Spike has already informed the princess of our current situation.”

“And?”

”You can guess what she said.” Ain’t that a fact? You and the mane 6 board the train, departing for Canterlot.

“How long until we get there?” You’re anxious to get this mess over with.

“About 3 hours, it isn’t as fast as the chariot, but we needed to leave as soon as possible.”

”I still don’t see why I couldn’t just fly him there,” Rainbow says. ”This mess would’ve been settled by now.”

”We don’t want to split up, that’s what got us into trouble before, remember?”

”Still would’ve been faster…” Dash mutters.

“It’s alright Dash, we’ll get there soon.” You try and reassure her, this is your problem, and you need to make it right. “Now I can relax and take a nice-“

”No sleeping Anon.”

“W-why? It’s a three hour trip!”

”If you haven’t noticed, Discord has only spoken to you while you sleep. If he knows what we’re up to…

“I get it, don’t worry. Spoil sport…” Calm down Anon. Don’t rush this, not now.

Three dull hours later you and the mane 6 finally reach Canterlot, wasting no time to reach the castle. The streets are barren, likely by royal decree. The situation really must be dire. You make it to the courtyard, this place feels slightly nostalgic. It feels like only yesterday you first stepped-

“Anoooon.” They’re heeeere. Your body freezes, unable to move despite your best efforts. No, this can’t be happening. Quick Anon, think.

“Fluttershy get the princess.”

”Anon, you have to come with us.”

“I- can’t,” you grunt, even your magic unable to move your limbs. You begin to lose control of your legs, slowly walking down an all too familiar path. “Fluttershy, get the princess. Everyone else, fucking help me!”

Discord continues to beckon you… ”Cooome Anon. Don’t be afraid.”

“Hurry!” Fluttershy runs off, leaving the others to deal with you.

Applejack brings out her lasso, wrapping up your legs. ”We’ll hold you back Anon.” Not well enough, you think to yourself as a heat arises down below. The rope ignites in a blaze, freeing your legs once again. ”What in tarnation? Get him down!”

You’re already back on your feet, another step closer to Discord. Dash uses her speed to knock you back down, Pinkie Pie’s party cannon keeping you planted on the floor. You lose complete control, your body merely a puppet.

Pinkie lets out another blast at you. Your body is ready. You turn the blast back onto Pinkie herself, who shields herself with the cannon. Her only weapon now defunct, you sprint towards the statue. Rainbow Dash and Applejack come in for another strike. Rarity and Twilight firing several flavors of lightning. Work on your barriers Twilight said. Work on your barriers Anon did. A green barrier knocks back Rainbow and Applejack, barely absorbing the unicorns’ magic. ”Anon stop!” Celestia booms from above.

You know it’s too late, you’re far too close. I’m sorry my friends. I was weak… Placing your hands upon the statue, the deed is done. Your built up chaos flows into the statue, shattering the stone prison. Without a moment to spare, discord bursts forth from the statue, his laugh silencing all of Equestria. “Now, who’s ready for some chaos?”