0-0-0-0-0
There is a light in the heart of equines.
Of all the races of Equestria, one would be extremely hard pressed to find souls as equally warm, as trusting and so loving of every facet of life. Whether or not the sheer compassion of the ponies of Equestria is an intrinsic gift or merely a byproduct of the socially nourishing upbringing is a mystery; however, many speculate that it is likely a combination of the two.
In all aspects, ponies are not only taught, but individually learn the immense value of care; of empathy, of happiness and love, the value of life itself. Again, one would be extremely hard pressed to find one that cherished this more so than Pinkamena Diane Pie. Pinkie loved life, she loved laughter, and it made her heart swell to hold her friends close and share that joy with them.
To see a friend, her loved one, torn away from herself and broken to the point where ‘hope’ is but a distant memory, is such a drastic and insufferably agonizing shift that most ponies would fail to react with little to no rationality at all.
Perhaps this is merely another factor that led to her abandonment of those values that stormy night.
“Taste the rainbow, motherfucker.”
Beady brown eyes cracked open instantly upon her statement, only to find the razor sharp tip of an uncomfortably large knife dangling a mere inch from the pupil.
Suddenly, the knife was no longer an inch away.
Pinkie plunged the knife directly into the eye of Rainbow Dash’s captor, his tortured screams of pain and horror filling the bedroom as she yanked it from his face. She wasted no time in skewering his hand directly into the headboard of his bed as he flailed pinning him in place as he shrieked in agony.
Pinkie didn’t give him time to scream again, as she kicked him in the face as hard as she could, feeling bone snap beneath her hooves. The screaming quickly stopped.
He jerked when she kicked him, but not enough to dislodge his impaled hand from the wooden perch. Pinkie wrenched it free with both of her hooves, panting as he tumbled to the floor, and didn’t move. ‘Master’ didn’t seem to be breathing anymore.
It couldn’t hurt to be safe.
Well.
It couldn’t hurt Pinkie, anyway.
With a scream of hate, Pinkie jammed the knife straight downward and into his face, another spurt of blood flying as she ripped it from his jaw. It was then that she noticed his beady almond eyes flickering.
It wasn’t that he wasn’t screaming because he had died already; he wasn’t screaming because she’d broken his neck.
In a way, Pinkie Pie was almost glad that he hadn’t died so swiftly.
Almost.
Pinkie ripped up as much non vital flesh as she could first. He couldn’t be allowed to embrace death so easily. No; he had to suffer first. She stamped his fingers as hard as she could, gripping the knife in her mouth and finally piercing his lungs, again and again with short stabs. It felt like a long, long time before the room was occasionally illuminated via distant lightning until she eventually stopped stabbing him.
She hadn’t even noticed that she was crying; or, for that matter, just how much blood she had coated herself with. Pinkie felt hot and cold at the same time; like she were dreaming, going numb. This wasn’t really happening to her. Pinkie wasn’t that kind of pony to so casually throw life away, of any kind.
Or maybe, in the instant that she made that decision, Pinkie Pie stopped being the childish Pinkie Pie that she was, and took up the mantle of Pinkamena.
Why?
There is no why.
There was only black, boiling hate. Sorrow, disillusionment, and boundless hatred.
There is a light in the heart of equines.
However, the brighter the light that shines within the souls of the innocent, the greater the darkness that shall rise to oppose them.
0-0-0-0-0
Pinkie Pie – no, Pinkamena – sat bolt upright in bed, covered head to hoof in cold sweat.
She shakily rubbed the sleep from her eyes, and when she pulled her hooves away, found them to be damp. Pinkamena shook her head, tugging fitfully at the candy-print decorated sheets. That dream again. Or, nightmare, rather.
Instinctively, she wiped her hooves to clean them of the foul liquid; wipe away the blood, wipe it all off. It took her nearly a full beat to catch herself, and forced her hooves to her sides. There was no nightmarish assault, there was no battered and barely breathing Dashie. There was no blood, there was no rain, there was no ‘Mister Klaskovsky’.
Not anymore, at least.
It made Pinkamena sick just thinking about it, the filthy bulge of self-loathing and hate boiling in her chest as she unwillingly thought of her own actions against ‘Master’. But it had been an active decision, she vaguely told herself yet again as she slowly slid out of bed, the bright morning sun garishly burning at her eyes. Pinkamena had chosen to take action, and this had been the result.
She stared at herself with bloodshot eyes for the longest time over the washbasin, breathing in and out of her nostrils until the mirror began to fog slightly.
So.
This is what Pinkamena was now.
Just a miserable pink ball of disgust and regret.
Bitterness and misery began to swell in her chest, and Pinkamena found it difficult to look at herself any longer. She sourly fed Gummy his breakfast, and quietly slipped from Sugarcube Corner without waking any of its other residents.
Pinkamena was well versed in her routine.
Force herself out of bed before the nightmares returned, drag herself through town past all the ponies beaming revoltingly large smiles at her, try not to cry in front of Rainbow Dash. Back home, perform what work was necessary, and then refuse to leave her bed until the hurt went away.
If only her Dashie would get better.
Pinkamena could forget everything she had done, if only her Dashie wasn’t like… this anymore.
She wound her way through Ponyville almost in a haze, just as always. Past all the smiling faces, through the busy streets and happy townsfolk.
Why couldn’t the world stop for just one day? Couldn’t they all see that she was suffering? Couldn’t anypony tell that she was just as miserable and unhappy as Dashie? Why did they all have to keep being so horridly friendly? They didn’t mean their kind words. None of them did; it was all just pomp and circumstance, smoke and mirrors. They were all so damned shallow.
Pinkamena trundled in through the heavy doors to the dual hospital and mental institute eventually, unable to shake off her apathy long enough to wipe her hooves.
“Hello again, Miss Pinkie Pie!”
“How many times do I have to tell you,” Pinkie stared coldly at the outer-Ponyville’s hospital receptionist. “My name is Pinkamena.”
The flat-maned pink mare glared daggers at the deep cobalt receptionist, who nervously shuffled her appointment papers in the nearly deserted waiting room. Pinkie Pie – or, rather, Pinkamena – had been a regular visitor, every single day.
And the receptionist was always smiling.
“Yes, ma’am,” the receptionist nodded her head awkwardly. “Just remember that visiting hours are almost –” she didn’t get the chance to finish, as Pinkamena barged past her and down the hallway, the clop of her hooves filling the air as she left wordlessly.
It was bad enough being around herself; that was something that Pinkamena couldn’t escape. But lately, she had just begun to find the company of others more and more intolerable. Except for Rainbow Dash.
Her Dashie needed her.
“Dashie?” Pinkamena muttered softly, knocking once against the obtusely heavy wooden door to her friend’s room. It was always such a chore to wind her way through the labyrinth of hallways, but the prize at the end was worth it. She could see her Dashie again.
She nudged the door open, slipping inside the dimly lit room and taking a breath of the cool air.
Rainbow Dash lay just as she always did, staring blankly up at the ceiling beneath her sky blue sheets and breathing slowly. If Pinkamena closed her eyes, she could almost pretend that she was a little peaceful.
Even though she knew that wasn’t the case at all.
“Hey, Dashie,” Pinkamena said a little more loudly, a hint of warmth creeping into her voice. Rainbow Dash had that effect on her. Besides, the pegasus could use some good ol’ fashioned friendship right about now. “It’s me again. Are you feeling any better today?”
“Yes, Master.”
Pinkamena cringed at her response, a pain flaring in her chest. Always the same, always with the ‘Master’.
“No,” she said a little more forcefully, sitting down quietly in a chair beside the bed. “No, Dashie. It’s-it’s me. Pinkamena. You remember me. Right…? Right, Dashie?”
“Yes, Master. I’ve been a good little cum bucket.”
Pinkamena flinched again, drawing in breath sharply through her nose. It took everything she had not to weep at the sight of her friend, but she’d already done that for so many days now that maybe she didn’t have any more tears to shed. Pinkamena took a deep breath, holding her dear friend’s cerulean hoof gently.
“It’s… it’s gonna be okay, Dashie. You are going to be okay. You hear me? You-you just have to hang in there, and remember that we – that I’m here for you. I still love you, so, so much. You’re going to be okay, Dashie,” Pinkie fought back the urge to sob. “You have to. Please, Dashie. For me. Please, be okay.”
And this was mainly how Pinkamena’s visits with Rainbow Dash went. She would speak to her, hold and cradle her, struggle against the tears that she swore she wouldn’t shed anymore until the nurses forced her out. But she would be back the next day; Pinkamena knew she would. She had to be, for her Dashie.
“ –and after that, maybe we’ll go to the park. What do you say, Dashie?”
“I’m a good–”
“No!” Pinkamena clapped her hooves in front of Rainbow Dash, making her flinch. The flat maned pink party pony glared at her friend with a mixture of revulsion and pity, and her frown grew deeper. “No, Rainbow Dash. Please. Please, please, please stop saying that.”
When Rainbow Dash only stared back at her, Pinkamena pressed on.
“Please, Dashi- Rainbow Dash? For me?”
“Yes,” Rainbow Dash complied, dipping her head a little. “I’ll be a good girl. I’ll obey.”
Pinkamena opened her mouth to say something, but clamped it shut, torn. Of course she wanted her Dashie to get better; but this ‘obedience’ thing was out of hoof.
“No, look at me, Rainbow Dash,” Pinkamena said seriously, tilting the pegasus’s head up toward her. “Not because I said so. Because you want to get better. Okay, Dashie?”
Rainbow Dash had a faraway look in her eyes for a moment, prompting Pinkamena to hold her close again.
“Hey, hey. It’s okay,” Pinkamena said softly, doing her best to be comforting. After all, it was her Dashie that was more important. “We’ll just drop it. Maybe another day. We’ll drop it. Okay? Shh, shh shh shh.”
Without warning, Rainbow Dash shoved her away.
“Stop touching me,” Dash glowered hatefully at her, pushing the mare from her embrace. Pinkamena pulled away, her heart feeling like it was going to break in half at the rejection. But Rainbow Dash merely returned to her ceiling staring again, blank look covering her face.
At least she had stopped her ‘other’ actions.
It had been even harder when Rainbow Dash was first hospitalized; begging Pinkamena and her friends to, of all things, return her to her ‘Master’. How she would sometimes plead with Pinkamena to do unspeakable things to her, screaming and crying when she didn’t. Pinkamena still refused to leave her side, even when her Dashie began grinding herself against the bed, moaning lewdly and making her blush and turn her head.
But she wouldn’t leave her friend.
Pinkamena would be there with her, always and forever.
Dashie needed her by her side, every day. She needed help, she needed Pinkie Pie.
But, try as she might, Pinkamena just couldn’t find it within herself to bring forth the old enthusiasm and happiness that she wanted to. She wasn’t that mare anymore. Aside from pain, she couldn’t feel much at all anymore.
Maybe she wasn’t anything anymore.
Pinkamena lost track of time, as she usually did when sitting by her Dashie’s side. She was a little surprised when the door swung inward after a couple of knocks.
“Dash? Oh, hello, Pinkie Pie,” Twilight nodded to her with a half-smile. “Good to see you’re up and about again, finally.”
“I told you,” Pinkie scowled, eyeing sullen draconequus beside her. “My name is Pinkamena.”
Discord gave her an odd, slightly tilted look, a mix somewhere between concern and confusion.
Pinkamena instantly barged between the two of them, leaving before they could being spewing their sentimental nonsense again. Especially Discord. Ever since she and Dashie had come back, he had been all tears and moping.
What did he know about suffering or regret? It was his fault all of this happened in the first place!
She shoved him out of the way, stomping down the hall hatefully and muttering dark things under her breath. Maybe it shouldn’t have been ‘Mister Klaskovsky’ that Pinkamena had dealt with first; maybe it should have been the wretched draconequus.
Pinkamena found her steps faltering, but she picked up pace again, stepping lightly over the linoleum floors, the occasional patch of sunlight filtering in cheerily through the windows.
What a horrible thought to have.
What kind of a monster was she? That would so readily – so casually – refer to something so heinous as taking another life?
But she had done it before…
What harm could doing it again…?
Pinkamena shook herself viciously, carrying on. She refused to continue that line of thought anymore. Thoughts that no pony should ever have. It would distract her from what she needed; and right now, what she needed was to get this abominable day over with and begin her next one, so that she could come back and visit her Dashie as soon as visiting hours began again.
“Pinkie!”
She almost paused again, but continued her pace. She didn’t go by that name anymore.
“Pinkie Pie!” Twilight called after her, and with a heavy sigh, Pinkamena gradually slowed her steps until she came to a halt.
“I already told you,” she rehearsed as she turned to face her violet companion. “My name is Pinkamena.”
“Yeah, of course it is,” the unicorn nodded nonchalantly. “Look, Pinkie –”
“Pinkamena.”
Twilight harrumphed, blowing out a breath of air and flipping her mane from her face.
“Fine. Pinkamena,” Twilight said. “Look. I’m just going to be blunt here. Everypony knows that you haven’t exactly been taking this whole situation…well.”
“Bite me.”
“This is exactly what I’m talking about,” Twilight sighed. “Pinkie, I – well, we’re all worried about you.”
“Sure you are.”
Twilight frowned, thinking. Why did she have to be so difficult?
“Twi, I get that you’re trying to be the ‘responsible’ one,” Pinkamena made a set of air quotes. “But I would personally appreciate it if you would just leave me alone. The only one really important here is Dashie.”
Twilight opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again. She placed a comforting hoof on her shoulder, giving her a level look.
“Pinkie…” Twilight said slowly. “You know we’re your friends. And I understand that what you went through was… bad –”
“You don’t know anything,” Pinkamena slapped her hoof away, oddly reminiscent of what Rainbow Dash had just done to her.
Twilight paused, and pursed her lips.
“Pinkamena,” the unicorn stated carefully. “I know you said that you don’t need help – and before you give me another speech about how ‘Rainbow Dash is the important one’ again, I just want you to know that the others and I have been discussing it, and well… I mean, maybe you should get yourself checked in here, too.”
Twilight rushed it all out breathlessly, teetering nervously from hoof to hoof. Before Pinkamena had time to reply, she pushed on.
“I mean, not, like, permanently, or anything,” Twilight rubbed her foreleg in agitation. “Just… just to, maybe, see a professional about… about things. So… how about it?”
For a moment, Pinkamena almost considered her offer. Finally get the burdens off her back. Really sit down and discuss the horrible things she’d done, the things she’d seen. See a professional.
And for what?
For them to tell her that she was crazy?
“How about you eat dirt,” Pinkamena retorted coldly, scowling as she stamped away. Perhaps if she kept her head down and stomped faster, she could pretend that she hadn’t really seen the wounded expression on Twilight’s face.
Her friend’s face.
Now she was hurting her friends.
Maybe she was a monster.
0-0-0-0-0
A long day at Sugarcube Corner.
Pinkamena wordlessly handed customers their orders, cleaned up after everything was finished, and refused to look anypony in the eye. She hated their constant, judgmental stares and curious, prying eyes. They were all so nosy. Probably under the pretense of ‘caring’.
Stupid ponies.
She felt the boiling black taint rising in her again, but she fought it back down. It made her physically ill to think about bringing harm to somepony else, but at the same time…
No. Those were bad thoughts.
Pinkamena dragged herself into bed, tiredly patting Gummy on the head before crawling beneath the sheets gloomily. She wished it would all just go away, she wished that she didn’t have a night full of tormented dreams to look forward to. Pinkamena felt so tired and drained.
She actually felt a modicum of perverse pleasure at the thought of an oncoming rain, judging from the cloudy sky. At least the world would reflect her feelings, for a little while. Dark, cold, damp and turbulent. Pinkamena immediately scolded herself for thinking such things.
She needed to sleep.
More than that; it didn’t matter if she slept anymore. No, what she needed was rest. Her body hurt, her heart hurt. Her soul was aching, and it just wouldn’t stop. Pinkamena wanted to make it all go away. She wanted peace, she wanted out.
But everything would be fine in the end, she promised herself. Just so long as she could hold in there, just like she kept begging her Dashie to. Just for one more day, the same as she told herself every other day. One more day.
One more day, and maybe Dashie would finally start to get better. One more day, and maybe Dashie would finally see just how much Pinkie Pie really cared about her. One more day, and maybe she could finally rest again.
One more day, and maybe Pinkamena could finally be happy again.
One more day, and maybe Dashie would finally love her back.
Always, and forever.
0-0-0-0-0
Hope, Rope, And Heartache
0-0-0-0-0
Blood.
So much blood.
Pinkamena scrubbed viciously at her hooves, scrabbling with the soap as her breath came in rapid bursts. The filthy taint, such a blatant mark of an outright monster; had to get it off, had to get it off. She held her hooves beneath the cold flowing tap, staring at them as spots danced before her eyes.
This was what she got for reacting to dreams again. She felt a bit silly momentarily, lightheadedly turning the water off and drying her hooves. Silly Pinkamena. No blood. There was no blood, it was all gone. Her breathing was still heavy, and she forced herself to remain calm. Pinkamena shook the sleep from her eyes, and exhaled.
Just a bad dream.
Judging from the light outside, it was barely past dawn. Pinkamena stifled a yawn with her hoof, unenthusiastically dragging herself downstairs. She didn’t need sleep.
She needed Dashie.
Pinkamena trudged through Ponyville, the early morning sunlight beaming down on her. She gradually picked up her pace, intending to get to Rainbow Dash as quickly as possible. Besides, she didn’t want to have to spend any more time around others than absolutely necessary.
The cool air of the waiting room rushed up to meet her as she slid in through the double doors of the hospital, and Pinkamena was silently glad that there didn’t seem to be anypony around. Not even the receptionist, which she was even more thankful of. She didn’t think that she could stand to look at that constantly smiling cobalt mare for long, anyway.
Quietly, Pinkamena scurried down the twisting halls, the sound of her steps echoing slightly as she trotted at an even pace. It seemed a bit odd that for a facility as large as this one, there seemed to be such little traffic for this time of morning…
However, Pinkamena shook off her questions and trundled inside Rainbow Dash’s room, not bothering to knock this time.
“… Dashie?” Pinkamena whispered, closing the door behind her. Rainbow Dash failed to answer, as she usually did. Unsurprisingly, Dash slept beneath her sheets as per usual, the only signs that she were still alive slowly moving chest. Pinkamena sidled into the chair beside her bed as she usually did, simply sitting and watching her friend sleep for a while.
It vaguely occurred to Pinkamena that in any other situation, she wouldn’t be caught dead watching somepony else sleep. That was just a little creepy.
But Pinkamena didn’t really want to think about death much at that point.
Even when Rainbow Dash finally woke up, she still said nothing. She simply laid there, staring up at the ceiling and remained completely unresponsive to Pinkamena’s every word.
0-0-0-0-0
Of course, the accursed receptionist had to come back.
“And a good morning to you too, Miss Pinki-Pinkamena.”
Paper Pusher nodded quietly to the sullen and sour looking pink pony as she passed silently, a look of bitterness and contempt glued to her face. Pinkamena was definitely not in a good mood that day. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that now Rainbow Dash was speaking to her even less than before.
“Go buck yourself.”
And with that, the bubblegum colored mare pushed her way out of the hospital and rehabilitation center, past a couple of elderly ponies entering directly in front of a very recognizable, very tired looking draconequus.
He did perk up a little upon seeing his favorite pink party pony. At least, momentarily.
“Hey! Good morning, Pinkie!” he beamed down at her.
“Out of my way, you pastel patched-up pinheaded prick.”
“Okay, whoa. That was not very nice,” Discord frowned down at her, only for her to shove her way past him and out into the morning sunlight.
Stupid receptionist.
Stupid Discord.
Stupid sunlight.
Pinkamena plodded tiredly down the street, winding her way back through Ponyville. It didn’t matter. She didn’t feel like doing anything. Just go home, get some rest. Prepare for the next day, get that one over with, too.
She wasn’t quite certain what instigated it, but Pinkamena gradually found herself traipsing toward the library. The slightly swaying Golden Oaks sign beckoned her warmly, and with a sigh, Pinkamena began struggling with herself once more.
Perhaps she should take Twilight up on her offer…
But that would be conceding defeat.
Although, it was clear that she was unhappy…
But what was anypony else going to do? They couldn’t help her Dashie. Nopony could help her, either.
“Pinkie Pie?”
It took Pinkamena a moment to realize that she’d been staring at the library, lost in thought. Twilight stuck her head out of the kitchen window, waving her over.
“Good morning, Pinkie,” Twilight said cordially. “You aren’t busy, are you?”
“Yes,” Pinkamena lied immediately. “I’m very busy.”
“Ah. I see,” the unicorn trundled around toward the front door, tugging it open to better face her. “Well, if that’s the case, do you suppose that you could spare a couple of minutes when you have the chance?”
“For…?” Pinkamena deadpanned, her impatience growing.
“Actually,” Twilight began uncomfortably, and Pinkamena realized just how tired she looked. The unicorn had begun to develop bags under her eyes, her mane was disheveled, and her voice shook slightly as she spoke. “I’ve been doing some thinking over what I’ve gathered from you and Rainbow Dash, and, well…”
Twilight took a deep breath, running a hoof through her mane agitatedly.
“Actually, do you mind just coming inside? I can make us some tea, if you’d like.”
Torn between concluding her reclusive behavior and discovering why her friend looked like she was on the verge of passing out, Pinkamena rubbed her foreleg awkwardly and nodded. A hint of worry for Twilight arose, and she followed her inside as the door snapped shut behind them.
Pinkamena waited patiently at the wooden table as Twilight magically heated the tea, the soothing scent of chamomile tickling her nose.
“… I don’t have all day, Twi,” Pinkamena said eventually, strumming her hooves against the top of the table slowly.
“Right, right,” Twilight shook her head, the tea sitting completely untouched before her. She took a deep breath, and it was obvious she was having difficulty finding the proper words. “Pinkie, I’m… worried about Rainbow Dash.”
“Glad we can agree on something.”
Twilight fought the urge to roll her eyes, but continued.
“I’ve been thinking… well, actually, I’ve been doing some, er… experimenting.”
“Do you have a point to make, or are you just going to beat around the bush all day?” Pinkamena asked.
The unicorn ground her teeth in frustration, but calmly said “Look, Pinkie. I’m just going to come right out with it. You’re obviously not doing well. You… you do know that if you ever need anything, your friends are there for you; right?”
Pinkamena opened her mouth to speak, but clamped it closed.
“I need Dashie to get better. How about you fix that, Twilight?”
The mare gave Pinkamena a pained look, and for a moment, she felt a twinge of regret as Twilight looked even more tired than she did before.
“I-I’m trying,” Twilight said with a strained voice, a pleading look in her eyes. “I swear, Pinkie. I’m trying.”
They sat in uncomfortable silence for a long while, neither of them moving or speaking. For some reason, the drained and exhausted look Twilight was giving her only made her feel guilty. Eventually, Pinkamena stood roughly, pushing away from the table.
“I have to go.”
And with that, she departed.
0-0-0-0-0
Pinkamena sat on the edge of her bed for the longest time, listening to the crickets chirping outside.
She could solve all of her problems, and she could do it so quickly.
Pinkamena wouldn’t have to worry about nightmares any more, no fear of waking up coated in blood. She wouldn’t have to worry about her friends, she wouldn’t have to worry about Dashie never getting better. Pinkamena could solve her every problem with what she held in her hooves.
Rope.
She stared at the carefully knotted noose in the dim moonlight, running the side of her hoof along the coarse material. It would be a simple matter, really. The rafters were just the right length away, and she could finally make all the hurt go away. She could finally have rest again.
And, after all, it wouldn’t be the first time she committed murder.
Maybe she would just be ridding the world of one more monster.
Pinkamena held the rope, twirling it a couple of times. She felt… hollow.
“… No,” she whispered aloud, tucking it beneath her pillow. “Not yet.”
Not just yet.
She had to hold on, she told herself quietly. Just one more day, give it one more day. Maybe Dashie would get better the next day, maybe Pinkamena would still have something to live for.
She didn’t harbor much hope.
But even a little hope was better than none at all.
0-0-0-0-0
Pinkamena awoke feeling just as achy and tired as she did the night before.
However, the hollow and empty feeling had been successfully replaced by a deep sense of bitterness, of sharp anger. She was still breathing, she still hurt. And the stupid sunlight was just as bright and cheerful as ever, pooling into a large rectangle through the window and onto the floor. Gummy basked in the morning light, his legs kicking a little as he rolled.
“Pinkie Pi~ie,” she heard Mrs. Cake calling from downstairs. “Are you in the mood for breakfast today, or is Pound going to eat your share this morning, too?”
Looks like she wasn’t going downstairs.
Pinkamena opted instead to shimmy out the window, sliding down the gutter and onto the ground below. For some reason, the thought of interacting with any of them brought a sense of revulsion. She didn’t know how they could even stand looking at her, knowing what she’d done.
Back to the hospital.
To that building that had become such a staple in her recent life, back to Dashie.
0-0-0-0-0
“Good morning, Miss Pinkamena.”
“It’s about time you got it right,” Pinkamena said sourly to the recovery wing’s receptionist, who bit back a retort. Paper Pusher took a deep breath through her nostrils, forcing a little smile.
“Here to see your friend?” she beamed at the dour mare, and Pinkamena’s eyes narrowed dully.
“Is it any of your business?” Pinkamena snapped, scribbling her name onto the clipboard and throwing the pen back onto the desk.
Pinkamena pushed a lock of her flat and oddly grey-tinted mane from her face, scowling as she slowly trudged down the hall. The morning sunlight pouring in through the windows just seemed too happy. It wasn’t doing anything for her mood.
Pinkamena knew the routine; the same as every day. She would come in to visit a silent Rainbow Dash, who would either lay there staring up at the ceiling the entire time or blankly recount her need for ‘Master’ again. And again. And again.
But they called Pinkie crazy.
Pinkamena’s frown deepened as she turned another corner. She knew that they all called her crazy behind her back. They were probably mocking her right now, calling her names and laughing at her.
What right did any of them have, ridiculing her? After what she’d been through; after what she had to do for her poor, poor Dashie…?
She shook her head slowly, vacating her face of expression as she approached Rainbow Dash’s familiar wooden door. She didn’t need to be carrying in that kind of anger and hate to her friend, who was supposed to be recuperating.
But Pinkamena didn’t harbor much hope any more.
Rainbow Dash never got better. She would just lie there the whole time, and Pinkie would sullenly drag herself home again to ponder whether or not life was really still worth living at all, and start another wretched day anew. Maybe it just wasn’t worth it.
Pinkamena knocked once, and nudged the door open morosely with her hoof, silently entering the room.
At which point, Pinkamena received a very, very pleasant surprise.
“Hiya, Pinkie Pie!”
Pinkamena’s mouth hanged open for a moment, and she took in the sight to let it truly sink in.
Rainbow Dash sat up with her back propped against a few pillows, the blanket tucked up to her thighs as her forehooves were folded neatly in her lap, tapping against each other impatiently. More eye catching, though, wasn’t just the fact that she was actually sitting up; Rainbow Dash had the biggest, goofiest looking grin Pinkie had seen anypony wear since… well, herself.
The morning sunlight drifted in warmly through the opened window, the curtains billowing friendlily as if to complete the picture.
“… Dashie?”
“You’re normally here a little earlier, Pinkie,” Rainbow Dash forced a smile, the flabbergasted mare suddenly noticing that her mouth was still hanging open. “Making Dashie – I mean, making me wait so long, I was wondering if you’d show up at-oof!”
“Rainbow Dash!” Pinkamena squealed as she threw her hooves around her friend’s neck, a miniscule grin beginning to appear on her own face. There was just something… off about Dash’s smile, it seemed a little too unnatural. Regardless, Pinkamena hugged her again. “I-I just – wow! Look at you! I mean, sitting up, and-and, and talking, and-”
“Pinkie Pie,” Rainbow Dash strained without much effort, but smiled a little wheezily. “You’re asphyxiating me.”
“Say what now?”
“I can’t breathe, Pinkie.”
“Right, right,” Pinkamena pulled away slowly, her somber expression returning all too soon to her face. “Sorry, Dashie.”
“Don’t worry ‘bout it,” Rainbow Dash replied gruffly, clearing her throat. She shortly returned to tapping her hooves together edgily, the plastic smile still plastered to her face.
It made Pinkie Pie a little uneasy, but she shrugged off the feeling as a hint of relief trickled into her. Rainbow Dash was smiling. Now if only she’d get up and fly again…
“I can’t believe – I mean, what’s up with your… well, this?” Pinkamena waved her hooves haphazardly, her curiosity getting the best of her. “The other day, you were all like ‘blargh’, and now you’re all like ‘Hiya, Pinkie!’ and I’m all ‘whaaaaaaaaaaat?’ and that is way –”
“Oh, you know,” Rainbow Dash said quickly, cutting her off. “I’m just feeling a little more like myself, is all.”
Pinkie could tell that she wasn’t being completely truthful, but decided not to press the matter for fear of worsening her condition. All that really mattered was that Rainbow Dash – her friend, her Dashie – was better again. That somehow, she was going to be okay.
It was almost like a spark began to burn in her chest, brightening her from within and scaring away the shadowy fears.
She was awake.
She was talking. She was talking to her.
Her Dashie was going to be okay.
Pinkamena actually felt a smidgen of her enthusiasm rising again, the joy of just knowing that her friend was getting better filling her. She felt like her heart was going to leap out of her chest if she got any happier.
“Ooh, this is great!” Pinkamena hugged Dash again, nuzzling against her shoulder excitedly. “I can’t wait to tell Rares and AJ that you’re finally up again; before you know it, you’ll be flying again in no time, and you can show me around the Rainbow Factory, and we can throw a ‘Glad You’re Back Dashie’ party that –”
“Uh, actually,” Dash edged away from her touch a little, and rubbed one of her wings uncomfortably. “If-if it’s all the same to you, I-I still don’t wanna fly, really.”
Pinkie Pie stared at her for a full beat before she remembered it.
“Right, right,” she pronounced slowly. “Wing.”
“I mean,” Rainbow Dash said quickly. “It – I mean, I know it looks fine, but-but whenever I try, it just…”
She held her hooves before her agitatedly, gripping at the tip of her wing in them.
“… Dashie,” Pinkamena said softly. “Your wing isn’t broken anymore. Discord fixed it for you when we came back. I don’t know why it’s so hard for you to just get over that.”
It took only a moment for Pinkamena to realize that she’d said the wrong thing.
Rainbow Dash stared at her friend then; she stared at her long, and she stared at her and hard. Dash didn’t show a tiny bit of emotion, her face as blank as the walls around her.
“… You know, Pinkie… I think I just want to go back to sleep, now.”
The mare gave her a wavering, pained expression, and tugged at the ends of her flat mane in her hooves.
“… My name is Pinkamena.”
“Sure, Pinkie.” Dash said expressionlessly, rolling over and turning her back to her. “It’s not you… really,” Rainbow Dash said without turning to face her, her voice slightly muffled. As she turned away, Pinkamena felt like her heart was going to snap in half. “I just really want to get some more sleep now.”
“… Okay, Dashie.”
Pinkamena hung her head, sitting miserably on the edge of the bed beside her for a while. Why was it so difficult for Rainbow Dash – or anypony, for that matter – to get better? Didn’t anypony care about how she felt? Pinkamena took in a deep quivering breath, and stood to leave. She shook her head as she did so, her thoughts heavy.
Of course, nopony asked how she felt because it didn’t matter how she felt. The only thing that mattered was that her Dashie was getting better. Even if it didn’t really seem like it very much, her Dashie was getting better. And Pinkamena would be there for her, just like every day, and sooner or later she would see –
Pinkamena bumped directly into the draconequus as he entered, knocking the breath out of him.
“Oh! Uh… h-hello, Pinkie Pie,” Discord shuffled uncomfortably out of her way, and she stared up at the saddlebag-toting draconequus. “You’re… still here, I see.”
“She was just a little late!” Rainbow Dash perked up immediately upon his arrival, dropping all pretense of sleeping. Pinkamena rapidly grew suspicious, slowly looking back and forth between Discord and her dear friend, who had apparently just been feigning drowsiness.
A couple of stray thoughts pried at the edges of her thoughts, but Pinkamena dared not think of them.
Such things were silly.
And Pinkamena Diane Pie was a serious, serious pony.
There was a tense, awkward silence hanging in the air, which Pinkamena was the first to break as odd looks were shared all around.
“Yeah,” Pinkamena said slowly, mistrustful expression plain on her features as she slowly exited the room. “Just a little late. You know busy ol’me.”
The sound of the door latching quietly behind her as she began her trek toward the hospital’s entrance once more left a foul taste in her mouth.
0-0-0-0-0
Rainbow Dash and… Discord?
Such a ridiculous notion.
Pinkamena meandered quietly out of the hospital, opting instead to wander the streets.
She just felt so… lost.
Pinkamena didn’t know for how long she simply tottered about Ponyville. She almost felt a little dazed; she fought the idea, but the more she did, the greater the likelihood of it seemed. Why was Dashie so glad to see Discord?
No, no. That was preposterous.
Her Dashie didn’t care about him. Rainbow Dash knew that it had been Pinkie Pie who cared about her the most. She had to have known. Pinkamena loved her more than anypony else did. Surely Dashie knew this…?
Pinkamena had nearly gotten to the point where she was ready to simply get out of the sun and crawl back into bed, wishing for the day to be over once again when she heard it.
The sound she never thought that she would hear again.
A beautiful, wonderful sound, accompanied by a brilliant light spectrum blasting through the sky.
A Sonic Rainboom.
Pinkamena stared up at the billowing aurora of multicolored light in awe, and it took her a full beat for her mind to catch up with what she had just witnessed.
“DASHIE IS FLYING AGAIN!” she shrieked, scaring the living daylights out of a carrot vendor beside her.
0-0-0-0-0
It didn’t take her long to follow the trail toward the library.
As to how, or even why Rainbow Dash would go straight for the library was a mystery to Pinkamena, but at this point, she didn’t really care much for ‘why’. Dashie was okay.
Dashie was flying.
To her surprise, Pinkamena found both Rarity and Applejack ahead of her, tugging open the door to the library.
“I mean, really, darling, you don’t really believe that she would – oh, hello, Pinkie Pie!” Rarity nodded toward her, only to be rudely brushed aside as Pinkamena yanked the door open.
“Outta my way, Dashie’s in there!”
Applejack followed Pinkamena closely, who was in turn followed by a severely flustered Rarity.
“The nerve –!”
“Hey, she up there?”
“Move it, bumpkin! Dashie is flying; out of my way!”
“I already took care of the problem. You don’t have to worry about enacting any kind of revenge against Discord,” Pinkamena heard Twilight chuckle good naturedly, and the others froze as they flooded into the room upstairs.
“Revenge?” Rainbow Dash said, confused. Her wings ruffled by her sides agitatedly, and Pinkamena tried to slip past Rarity to get closer to her friend. “No, Twilight. Where. Is. Discord? Did you – what did you do?”
“Twilight, dear,” Rarity attempted to keep her mane in place, gently nudging past a nervously watching Pinkie Pie, who was solely interested in Rainbow Dash. “I did try to assure the others that giving you the benefit of the doubt was the best course of action, but I am a wee bit worried myself. You wouldn’t have happened to have seen Discord, would’ve you?”
“One at a time,” Twilight said with a hint of pride. “I already resolved the issue.”
“What issue?!” Rainbow Dash stamped her hoof, demanding attention. “Twilight, where is he?”
Again with Discord. What was it with her Dashie and Discord lately…?
No, no, no, no. Those were bad thoughts, and Pinkamena didn’t want to have bad thoughts anymore. Dashie loved her. Of course she did.
… Didn’t she?
“Look, Dash,” Twilight explained to her slowly. “You don’t have to worry about it; I already put Discord under the obedience spell. He’s on his way to Princess Celestia as we sp-”
Rainbow Dash slammed into her, knocking her against her own desk and causing the dimly glowing ball to roll to the floor.
“You did what?!”
Pinkamena and Applejack held the furious Rainbow Dash back, straining against the violently pulling pegasus.
“Dash,” Twilight wheezed. “You aren’t in your right mind; he was hurting you, and he won’t do it anymore!”
“What?”
Pinkamena froze, her mind racing.
What did she mean hurting…?
No, Discord wouldn’t – he couldn’t have hurt Dashie. She felt a burning rage beginning to boil in her chest at the mere thought of the draconequus laying a talon on her precious Dashie.
“I’m not going to let him take advantage of you any more, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight said defensively. “And now, he can’t hurt anypony ever again.”
Rainbow Dash faltered for a moment, sputtering.
“I-you-I – taking advantage of me?”
“Well, Dash, after the level of suffering that –”
“Taking advantage of me? No, Twilight!” Rainbow Dash yelled in despair, tugging at her own mane. “Twilight, he wasn’t taking advantage of me!”
“Dash, you aren’t right in th-”
“I AM JUST FUCKING PEACHY IN THE HEAD!” she screamed, straining at Pinkamena’s and Applejack’s worried grip again. It unnerved Pinkamena slightly; she didn't think she'd ever seen her friend this angry.
Rainbow Dash took a deep, quivering breath, and said “Twilight, as a consenting adult, I asked Discord. He never – never – took advantage of me!”
“W-what?”
Pinkamena felt her grip on her friend loosening as the reality of the situation crashed in on her.
Dashie wouldn’t do that. Dashie wouldn’t do that, not to Pinkamena.
Her Dashie would never betray her like that.
Everything from that point on seemed to rush into a sort of blur for Pinkamena. She heard the others talking, she could see their faces and their lips moving, but it all seemed dulled. If anything, she was in a state of shock. Dashie betrayed her. Her Dashie, that she had stayed close too for so long.
Her Dashie, whose side she had remained by every chance she got.
Her Dashie, who she had killed for.
Betrayed her.
For Discord.
Pinkamena hardly even registered when Twilight gathered them all together to enact a teleportation spell, and barely noticed when the scenery suddenly changed from Twilight’s home to the grandiose palace of Celestia’s castle.
It was as if her mind had slowly begun to shut down, and the only coherent thought that remained was ‘get to Dashie’. She attempted to do so, repeatedly; through the voices of the others, listening to Rainbow Dash crying onto the grey and stiff shoulder of the kneeling draconequus. Why did Dashie have to keep pushing her away?
Pinkamena only truly thought that she had lost her mind when Rainbow Dash smashed what looked like a crystal ball against the floor; at which point, the entire world turned inside out. Up was down, left was purple, and the smell of oranges tickled her ears.
Within moments that felt like years, however, all had returned to complete normalcy as silence fell over the throne room.
Rainbow Dash was the first to speak.
“Can somepony tell me what the fuck just happened?”
0-0-0-0-0
Birds chirping, the sun shining.
It was all just so peaceful.
Pinkamena hated that the world stood in such stark contrast to how she felt.
She pushed a lock of flat mane from her eyes, sitting dejectedly on the steps outside the palace. For a while, she had simply stood in the throne room as the others rambled on, something about the ‘reign of chaos’. Frankly, Pinkamena couldn’t have possibly cared less.
Her Dashie.
Why would she have done that…? Didn’t she know how much she loved her? Didn’t she know how much she was hurting her?
“Hey, Pinkie.”
Pinkamena’s head titled lowly, but she continued holding her face in her hooves as she stared out over Canterlot. Rainbow Dash slowly sat down beside her, the cool air wafting over them comfortably. After a while of silence, Dash began to speak again.
“Twi and the others are… talking things over with the princesses,” she said quietly. “Nopony seems to really know what happened to Discord, but Celestia seems to have a pretty good idea.”
When Pinkamena didn’t respond, she continued.
“I just… I can’t believe Twilight did that to poor Discord. I mean, I guess I can kind of understand why she did it, now that she had a chance to explain it to me,” Dash pulled at the tips of her wings fretfully, shifting beside her. “But, still. She should have known better than to do something so… awful. I-I didn’t even get the chance to tell him how I really feel.”
Pinkamena turned toward her friend to speak, but it seemed that a lump had suddenly formed in her throat.
“Have you ever felt like that, Pinkie?” Rainbow Dash asked quietly, her voice strained. “You want to tell somepony how much you love them, and it hurts so bad, but no matter what you do it just doesn’t seem to work out?”
Rainbow Dash seemed relatively surprised when Pinkie Pie began sobbing hysterically into her chest.
0-0-0-0-0
By popular request, the storyline of Damn-8-Ion.
Author's Note
I hadn't particularly planned on doing anything from Pinkie's point of view from the start, but it seemed like an interesting take to see from her perspective. And I do feel obligated to inform those of you who have followed since the beginning that the next story is likely to be as equally dark as - if not even more so than - the first.
You have been warned.
