No Room

by Okhlahoma Beat-Down

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Romance, Random, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 2827

When a camping trip results in meeting fictional characters that can't get home but can get to this world, my friends and I are forced to care for the ponies that come through. Of course, if the Government wasn't so...twitchy...

I like camping.
Well, liked.
Just me, my friends, the middle of a park or something, they'd bring their cars or tents and I'd bring my van, and we'd do camping things. Only problem is that I didn't expect to be bringing home ponies in my van that weekend.
So now I have to care for them, and also try explaining to them how this world works, why humans know so much about them, and why the men in suits and trucks are so insistent on kidnapping them…

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-08 17:45:36 UTC

Campfire

For added effect, I accelerated towards the camp where my friends had begun setting up, then at the last second, yanked the handbrake firmly and performed an 'advanced' halt. It wasn't too difficult to do, but every time I tried it, my van would tip dangerously, but yet somehow slam back onto its wheels as though jack-shit had happened. I smirked, and checked my watch as I started to take things from my car so I could get ready. 5:00 and already dark and cold.

The cold weather didn't do much to bother my friends or I; I was part Scottish and visited family there quite a bit, and I grew up in England, so I was pretty much used to really shit winters and absolutely decimatingly hot summers. I don't know why my friends didn't mind cold weather, but I'm certain it also has something to do with being British. I had nothing that needed unpacking for a camping trip, since I'd stocked my Land Rover Camper Van with everything I needed, but the only thing I'd need to do would be get my four markers out and put them exactly where I'd be parking my van for the 4 day camping trip. They were four iron rods, each one...moderately similar in length. I approached the small, 3 tent site. Well, 2 tents, one sheet of fabric stretched out between some trees, with a sheet to cover the floor, bags to serve as walls, and a tarpaulin over that and pinned to the floor.

That was Luke.

Improvised tent from a Basha, wop wop.

Anyway, the first person I spoke to was Duncan. He was a small man with brown hair, quick features, and...blue eyes, I think. Can't be bothered to find out. He was wearing a white polo shirt, cargo pants, and a pair of Nike trainers*. "You really didn't need to powerslide there, did you?" he sighed. "We're in a forest nobody lives near, the wardens don't even come down here, and you're still trying to get bitches."

"Yes." I replied firmly, marching alongside him and then stopping in front of a clear space in front of some trees. I looked the area over; judging by the lack of tyremarks, footprints, or even animal droppings, I could easily tell that this was an area nobody went into. Looking further along, I could see where the trees became a thick mass, impossible to navigate by vehicle, and that was all around. We'd set up pretty deep into the forest, so if one of us went batshit insane during this camping trip and killed the others with either the firewood axe, shotgun in my camper-van, or their cutlery, then nobody would find us for a while. I nodded satisfactorily, and rammed all four steel rods around the small enclosure of trees. It was already night-levels of lighting, so we were relying on lamps to help us set up.

I turned to Duncan. "Are we genuinely not lighting a fire by now? It'd help us get ready a lot faster. Plus, it's cold. Not that I'm complaining, since I can quite easily just sit in my heated van and clop or something, but you guys are seriously taking a while." My small friend glared, folding his arms and walking away.

"You are such a penis." he groaned, moving towards his tent. From what I could tell, it could carry a large number of people; 3 compartments, a canopy held up by two lengthy plastic rods, a transparent plastic window, and blue waterproofing. Under the canopy and central compartment, he'd placed a table, chair, his luggage, and obligatory compound bow. I frowned, and looked around. Looking back at me was Luke, a tall man with brown hair, several H4H** wristbands, and a deep-green shirt. He was also wearing camoflage-print trousers and assault boots, like he would. I'd known Luke for a long time; he also got me interested in Army Cadets. I did that with him for a few years, learning important skills, then I found out I couldn't join the Army. So there HE was, with a few years of military service under his belt, and me, with two rods in my back to support my spine.

Tangent.

Anyway, I looked at him confusedly. "Why does Duncan have a bow?" I asked. Luke simply shrugged, then crawled back into his Basha tent with the tarpaulin. It wouldn't be very warm, but if he said it was better than what he had to sleep in during his Army career, then aaaaaaaalrighty then****. I rolled my eyes, and looked around for Alex. When I didn't see him, instead seeing a partially put up 2-man tent, I shrugged my shoulders and walked back to my van to drive it to my parking space.

After a massive faff in getting our tents together, we'd finally put them in a circle around the camp-fire, with the back of my van being close to it. I had a small table and two chairs set up either side of the table, which was placed next to the small steps coming from the back of my van, meaning I had easy access to go into my van and get some drinks. The other guys had put their camping chairs in front of their tents, so we had a pretty similar layout. However, we were all separated by gaps inbetween the tents, but all of us looked into the centre camp-fire, so we could all talk with each other pretty easily. I reclined in my seat and sipped my root beer as Alex resumed his attempt in explaining why Pinkie Pie was his favourite pony.

"...I mean come on, she's funny, bouncy, and physics defying!" he finished. "What's not to like?"

"Well," I began, "The fact that Deadpool is funny, likes bouncy things, and defies every single law of physics by even being alive, so that's one major hole in your theory." Then Luke cut in as well.

"Second of all, I'm not a Brony, so I'm not following your opinion." he added, raising a gloved hand.

"Thirdly, we all know Twilight Sparkle is best pony." Duncan said matter-of-factly.

"You realise that if Rarifag were here, he'd be spamming the chat with links to Purple Smart porn." I laughed.

"Blue Fast, Yellow Quiet." Alex added. "Pink Bouncy, White Fuckable."

"Orange DeadParents." I snorted loudly, causing Alex and Duncan to burst out laughing at my cruel sense of humour. I then pointed to Luke. "You won't understand any of these jokes."

"I'm glad." he smirked. "So what exactly is your reason for picking out here to set up?" he asked Duncan. I listened intently as I pulled out my Nokia phone to read a new text. Can't even remember what it bloody said.

"Well," he began, gesturing to the trees around. "This is actually an unexplored part of the UK, and that means we'll find something interesting here. Plus, it's nice to get away from all the pollution and lights of the caravan sites we normally go to."

"Yeah," I cut in, swallowing some of my hotdog I'd been cooking over the fire. "But why here? We could've gone somewhere else, Scotland maybe. Why somewhere not even a few miles from home?"

"A better question is why not." Alex replied calmly. "Plus, who knows what we might find in these trees? Lost scrolls, dead bodies, Improvised Explosive Devices, unexploded bombs, secret WW2 bunkers, the list goes on." I considered that for a moment, then nodded in agreement.

"I suppose so."

A few hours passed where we did generic 'around the campfire' stuff, including sit and listen to CDs I'd play from the back of my camper-van, until we decided it was time to go to bed. I packed up what I needed to pack up, put it inside my van, then bid my friends goodnight and closed the door. The light inside remained on whilst I got ready for bed; I removed my shoes, put them under the 'bed', ensured my shotgun wasn't loaded, folded down the front seats, then pulled the curtains down on the back windows after setting the bed up. I turned off the lights, and moved to close the blinds in the driver's compartment.

Left window, check.

Right window, check.

Windshield, che-

Wait.

What's that light in the distance?

I sat up, and opened the glovebox to get my binoculars. Sure enough, in the distant forest, there was a glowing. It was blue, easily noticeable in the mist that was descending however, it was not making any sense; we were miles from the nearest house, if there was anybody out there they'd have heard us talking and seen our campfire, and most of all, wouldn't be allowing deer to get that close to them. I could see the shadows of four-legged animals looking about the mist and light, but couldn't exactly make out what they were. After about ten minutes of watching this, I shrugged, put the binoculars away, and pulled the curtain down. I lay my head on my pillow, and then drifted off to a moderate rest.

"Jack, get the shotgun, there's something in the foresf."

I awoke sharply, checking the clock. It said it was 2:00AM, not ideal time to be waking me up, but if it was important enough to begin a sentence with 'get the shotgun', I was fine with whenever I woke up. I looked bleary-eyed at Duncan, Alex, and Luke, all in the end of my camper-van doorway, looking equally as worried as each-other. Grumbling as I got up and put some trousers on, I spoke my mind.

"It's probably a fucking deer." I said firmly. "It's illegal to shoot deer. How are they even intimidating? Mating season is in...what, spring? Jesus, if this is nothing, Imma shoot yo' collective asses." Once I'd finished ignoring their responses, I grabbed my shotgun off its rack, clicked two rounds into it since that was how many I pulled from the box, pocketed about 10 more, and tied up my boots. Finally, I pulled the door open, and stood in the middle of our encampment. The fire had died to embers, and all around were quietly chirping crickets within leaves, bushes rustling quietly in the gentle wind, and tall, tall trees looming high. As I looked around, I loaded the remaining four rounds into the shotgun, before finally cocking it. I sighed after a minute or so, before turning to the guys.

"See?" I said frustratedly. "Nothing there." Apparently, I spoke too soon, as a sudden light began getting brighter in the distant forest. We all collectively shit ourselves, and dived into the van and slammed the door. "Well, I was wrong." I corrected myself in a higher-pitched voice than normal. I clutched the shotgun for dear life, flicking my eyes up to the box of rounds, and finally deciding to stuff my small satchel full of them. I slung on a shirt, jacket, and the satchel, before finally feeling a tad more protected.

"We're fucked." Alex kept repeating quietly to himself. "We are fucked we are fucked oh shit we are fucked"

"We're not!" Luke replied sharply, slapping Alex. "We have a shotgun, a huge supply of shells, a compound bow, the wood-cutting axe, a mentally-unstable pyromaniac, and someone with years of Household Cavalry training under his belt between us. And besides, that might just be a farmer or some shit, so get your shit together!" Alex quietened down.

"OK." I breathed finally. "I think I have a plan. Duncan, get your bow and Bowie knife, and as many arrows as you can carry. I'll bring the shotgun and Luke and Alex can keep the axe here just in case. Duncan and I will go towards the light, and call you when we know what it is. You'll hear gunshots if it's...y'know, dodgy. Alex, Luke, keep yourselves here, and be prepared to act as our Jocks if we need to escape quickly. Everyone get your shit together, and meet in the middle of the camp in 5 minutes. OK?" I received uncertain nods.

"Well, I guess that'd work." Alex sighed. "I'll get the axe and some torches." With that, they all stood up to get whatever I said they should get. I looked at my phone: 0 messages. Now was not the time to be calling my mother, since I was about to go for an escapade that may result in my disintegration, and secondly because I was NOT their favourite child. There were my three sisters, one of which had Downs Syndrome, and my brother, who ran a DJ company and did more work for my parents than myself. If anything, I was 'that one child' that wanted to do nothing but play games, and live as far as possible from his parents as he could. I muttered something even I couldn't remember, and began to wait for those 5 minutes.

Quietly, Duncan and myself hunkered down beneath the branch for cover, and waited for our eyes to adjust to the light. I had my Shotgun in a position where I could easily shoot whatever I saw with it, but as a trade-off I'd have to pick it up to shoot something behind us. Duncan simply lay his bow down beside him. We could definitely hear voices, but we didn't want to reveal ourselves to them just yet, in case they turned out to be some kind of terrorists or criminal gang. The light was absolutely dazzling, and coming from above us at some kind of peak. Details became more and more visible to us, like the fact there was a wall in front of us, so, facepalming, we both got up, and began to climb. I wasn't cut out for doing much more than office work or minor physical labour, so lifting Duncan over the wall was a lot more difficult than one might have expected considering his size. He also managed to blow our cover, and scare the people behind the wall into silence, by yelling loudly as he fell over the other side and landing hard. A few seconds passed, before I finally called out.

"Duncan?" I shouted. "You alright?" My response, if you could call it that, was simply a rope being thrown over the wall. Smiling slightly, I slung the shotgun over my back, grabbed the rope, and began to ascend the ancient-looking wall. It was a lot more difficult, since I was carrying about 80 shotgun shells in a bag, plus a shotgun made out of wood and iron, so that made my job of pulling and walking a lot harder. Finally though, I reached the top, and didn't make the same mistake Duncan did: I stopped, crouched, and flicked the rope over to the side I intended to go down. Then, I tied it down, and began to descend. Once I'd reached the bottom, I could get a better look at my surroundings; it seemed to have the appearance of an ancient temple in a deep pit (Think of a Mayan City), with one huge central pyramid that had a blinding rainbow light coming from the top. However, there was no sign of Duncan. I swallowed hard, and pulled out my shotgun again. Its reassuring weight helped ease the tension slightly, but I still felt as though something was very, very wrong.

A) There was a Mayan City in England

B) I couldn't find one of my best friends, and

C) We'd heard voices from the other side of the wall, so whoever the owners were had shut up and hidden, possibly taking Duncan with them.

"Duncan, where are you, mate?" I called again. There was no response, just shifting noises and whistling inbetween buildings. I flicked my eyes about and slowly began to make my way towards the central pyramid. I went down empty streets, finding nothing that might indicate a human presence; no floodlights, no cars, no wagons, no nothing. It seemed only things over the age of 900 years old were visible. But that still wasn't to say Duncan hadn't been kidnapped by Amish people. As I continued my route to the central pyramid, leading me to several dead-ends, I continued calling Duncan's name, getting no response every time. I was getting more and more panicky...fine. Fuck it.

I'm calling the lads.

Hello, you have reached Orange answer phone. Please leave your message after the tone. Thank you.

Bleep.

"Shit. OK, guys, I don't know if you have your phones off, or-or what, but Duncan's up-and-fucking-disappeared. He went over the wall first, a-and when I went to meet him over the other side, he wasn't there, but we heard voices before, so he might have been fucking kidnapped. If he has, we're in DEEP shit, OK? We might need to call the police in a bit, so stay sharp, alright?"