Rob Ford in Equestria

by Rob Ford

Rating: mature
Tags: Fluttershy, Random, Crossover, Sex, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Angel
Length: 2063

Rob Ford in Equestria

Everyone's favorite crack smokin', bitch slappin' Canuckistanian mayor gets TOO DAMN HIGH and trips all the way to Equestria!

Published 2013-12-24 22:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-01 07:30:26 UTC

Wow. Much Ford. Very T-Model.

It's a well-known fact that if the rent ain't too high, then something else is. In the case of one little city in Canuckistan, the thing that gets too damn high is its very own drunkard brony mayor. When he's not interrupting someone's speech or making lewd comments on live television, he is ~~likely~~ definitely smokin' it up with some of his Somali buddies somewhere in Toronto.

Somewhere in Toronto…

"Hey man, let's get high!"

"Lel okay"

A few minutes later…

Our heroic brony is TOO DAMN HIGH! He's so high that he decides to cross a literally chickenshitless road with the prime objective of getting to the other side, but unfortunately for him, an award-winning 2014 Ram 1500 was driving on said road at the same time, so the Ford went splat under the not-Ford truck, and the driver got his ass raped by a brown dude in jail, not that we care about that, though; we care about what happened after this browny died and went to Android Hell for being a naughty robot (if you know what I mean)… on second thought, that sounds excessively boring, so let’s skip ahead to the part where he’s in the Perpetually Gratis Jungle; many lesser bronies have been lost upon not being there, but this one is smart enough to find himself — how about that, eh?

Upon waking up (not down, cuz that’s gay, yo), he immediately knew where he had been transported to 'cause he’s really über smart and stuff. He was unmenacingly sitting up when suddenly, a manticore and its effeminate timberwolf lover jumped out of the bushes and started chasing him. Fortunately, he is Le Karate Master and therefore can run really fast.

Later, after he had majestically outrunnerized the terribly homosexual monsters, he reached the sunny edge of the forest and happened upon a cottage thing. ”Aww fuck yeah, time for RAPE! I could use some mare pussy right aboot now.” said Sir Ford. Yes, he actually said "aboot" instead of "about". Don’t blame me. He’s Canadian. Things are different up in 'Murica’s Hat.

In preparation for a rather unpleasant meeting with a certain white rabbit, he whipped out his Swiss Army Knife and set it to medium stun. Upon kicking open Fluttershy’s door, said rabbit immediately attempted to destructificate our hero’s nads. Good thing he had that phaser ready. “PEEW PEEW” said the Swiss Phaser. Devil Bunny responded with a pitiful “Oh no I'm dead”, then he died.

Our hero walked into ~~a bar~~ Fluttershy’s bedroom and found her cowering under her succulently succulent bed. He got out his large crack pipe (the biggest in Toronto!) and smoked some of that shit, then injected four whole marijuanas for good measure. Rob Ford then articulated “Hay Fluttershy you're my favorite pony” and started petting her on the top.

She responded by crying even harder, and God Ford became pissed on as fuck by this, so he said “Okay fuck you, you little bitch!” and flipped her over onto her back, then delicately spread her hind legs apart and drank in the delicious sight in front of him. He heard a faint whisper: “No, please don’t…”. Good thing he was too high to give a flyin’ fuck because of all that cocaine and mary jane that he injected just before this unstartling new development.

The Fordster started rubbing Fluttershy’s pussy with his left hand while singing his favorite song: “Every day, I wake up in the morning, smack my bitch, where’s breakfast bitch…”. While Fluttershy started getting unconsentingly wet, Fordie took another hit from his bong with his other hand. Alarmingly, he got a great idea from this foul act. He stopped rubbing Fluttershy’s hooter and shoved his bong into it. Fluttershy, being the whorse that she is, didn’t scream in pain; instead, she moaned as the combustion gave her a pleasurably pleasurable pleasure.

Meanwhile, Devil Bunny had magistically reincarnated his pingas as a parasprite and was wirelessly flying it upstairs. The poor thing got tuckered out from never having eaten anything in its entire short life, so it died and went to purgatory for the terrible sin of being too ignorant to believe in Allah. This did not go unnoticed by Lord Ford, who has the best hearing of any layer mayor around (it’s Onion Enhanst™). He swooped down the stairs seemingly, grabbed the parasprite, ran back up, took the bong out of Flutterfuckershy's delicious horse vagina, and rammed the parasprite all the way to her cervix. She moaned moaningly, then started starting to start the beginning of the start of the first part of the artful beginning of masturbation with a parasprite in her vajayjay. It’s like a jay bird, ja?

⍀\/⌿

Twilight Sparkle, who was visiting her secret marefriend in Canterlot (psst: it’s Princess Luna) was watching the ongoing rape with her marefriend, Princess Luna. They were using a smelloscope for that extra spice of eroticism. Mutual lesbian masturbation is a wonderful thing – not as wonderful as chaos, though! Either one can lead to excessive application of carpet-munching to the forehead, but only chaos has the muscle to support up to one hundred and fifty nein thousand grams. In addition, it seals leaks instantly – use it on pipes and faucets for a permanent seal :twilightsmile:! As you knead, it activates, turning from green to white, to show that it’s ready to hold on tight. Whether it’s penis to vagina, vagina to vagina, or even penis to penis, any job, big or small, chaos putty repairs them all. There’s nothing you can’t do with a bit of chaos in your life! Discord truly is the best pony ;_;

⍀\/⌿

All good things must cum into an end, which is why Bobbin’ Rob was thrusting hard into Fluttershy’s plothole. With a final grunt and slap, he crame buckets into her. After he pulled out, his drug-filled jizz started oozing out of dat plot. It was the sexiest thing that Twilight Sparkle and Princess Luna had ever witnessed. They came with the fury of a thousand moons while rubbing their marehoods together, and were married the very next day.

To be cuntinued

Author's Note

smoke weed every day ( ͡°_ʖ ͡°)‎

Google Docs version

Such chapter

Rob Ford was [internally debating] the superiority of Gangnam Style vs The Fox as he strolled benignly through Ponyville. He immediately stopped upon witnessing the foal-scarring sight of his arch-enemy, Flash Sentry Savior Of The Universe, kissing best pony: Twilight Sparkle. This terrible act was enough to send our hero into a righteous fury the likes of which none since Gandalf’s time have seen; his skin color changed to dark green and his eyes shone as brilliantly as the sun itself.

“RAAAAAGGH!” roared Robert T Ford III. He smashed the ground beneath him with his ridiculously large fists as ponies and two changelings ran away in terror, literally metaphorically screaming their heads off. As Flash Sentry Savior Of The Universe stared in shock, Shrek’s disciple ran down the street toward him, mercilessly smashing everything that got in his way. As he approached Flash Sentry Savior Of The Universe, he turned around half-tau radians, bent over, stretched his ass open goatse-style, and farted a stinky green onion directly at worst pony.

As the Chuckun Lord decimated Flash Sentry’s bowels, Twilight Sparkle could see that, without a doubt, she had found the bearer of the seventh HELEMENT OF ARMORY. All available signs pointed to this undeniable fact – even the sharp and pointless ones! He was majestically graceful with every rancid onion he farted; a mareilizer in every aspect. Even his devilishly angelic voice contributed to his beauty: “Hey, Flash fag! WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY? LEL!”.

⍀\/⌿

Elsewhere, Pinkamena Die-anne Π was having cupcake fun-tiemz with her best buddy Arnbow Dah. “I love you, Adolf Dashler!”.

Once upon a time, Ron Paul was happening in his office yet again. This caused much onion in his anus (eat onion heil Shrek). But Ron Paul was gay, so nobody cared. As a result, his colon imploded implodingly in prismatic rainbows, as if a colon had imploded somewhere. The door to his office, which was door-shaped and attached to one of his office’s walls, opened like an office door opening when an office door opens in an office. The carpet, shaped like a carpet and attached to the floor, carpeted like an office carpet carpeting when an office carpet carpets in an office.

As that previously-mentioned door opened, a mane-shaped mane, which was mane-colored, could be seen passing through the opening doorway (doorway shaped BTW). ARNBOW DAH entered enteringly as she entered through the doorway-shaped doorway-colored doorway. She had swastika-shaped Nazi swastikas branded over her ugly-ass cutie marks and was holding a red flag printed with Hitler’s face. She opened her huge pony mouth and yelled a yellishly yellow “HEIL CELERY!”.

Suddenly, a seal jumped in and shouted “Ha, Gaaæəy!”. Shrek then burst in holding an 18-year-old boy against his naked groin. “Check yourself before you Shrek yourself, eh lasseh?”. Then Shrek roared a mighty roar as he filled Ron Paul’s butt with onion-flavored love. When this ogrenes act was completed, he jumped out of the stained-glass window and left his teenager with that seal, who was dick-slamming into Ronny. “It’s all ogre now,” the teenaged boy said to the room.

Then the boy’s chest began to grow until a miniature Kanye popped out like a chestburster, except he was a dick with a face and screamed “AYYO RON, IMMA LET YOU FINISH. BUT WHERE DA WHITE WIMMIN AT?”

While all of this damn commotion was commoting on, a completely unrelated event was being eventful: Rainbow Dash had found the onion shack of destiny on her westward journey while traveling west. AS A RESULT, she was being sexed by Shrek’s hard shrock, which was pounding her pristinely plump pegasus pussy like there ain’t no yesterday.

In an alternate universe, a pimply brony typed “mysides.jpeg” on his laptop as he stared at this story and fapped furiously to it. And then everything was Shrek. <Is this text in green? < yes <these arrows should stay in the story <stay they shall. The stupid pimple brony articulated to no one: “Oh gawd ponies are so fucking sexy like holy shit man YOU DO NOT EVEN KNOW.”. “But Ponies are concerous!” one man said. “HÖRT IHR DEN BASS?” asked another. The first man responded respondingly: “Sorry, I don’t speak Nazi.”.

Pastor Ethesto chided the non-believer. “Cancer is a message from Celestia to tell you that she's tired of your shit. The troll of all diseases, cancer is also is a form of physiological retardation. After a pony does something stupid like smoke cigarettes or eat paint chips, little biological things in their body called cells start to act all freaky. Whereas the body is usually able to recognize old and decrepit cells and euthanize them properly, a cancer patient is like a nearsighted foal that can't see the difference between Jessica Marelba and a pig with lipstick, resulting in a situation where ugly and damaged cells that need to die simply don't get killed off. Instead, these gimpy cells reproduce by splitting into new retard baby cells, endlessly flooding a random body part. Once the body notices that a body part has been taken over by the cancer, it wisely attempts to remove itself from the gene pool by listening to Wrecking Ball on a permanent loop. This was also seen in changeling society, the instant Changeling Idol was introduced to TV. Thought and intelligence were suddenly flooded, raped, and thrown down into the dirt by all the retards that MTV usually maintains fairly well in a well-maintaining fashion. Soon, society will collapse when unable to decide who can do the best cover of a song from Le Lion King.” (Das Lion King is a fucking ripoff it’s Hamlet with lions. Heil Shakespeare.)

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Author's Note

made with help from poop tickling trolls on Skype, including:
- Summit Cloud
- Smiles
- anyone else who helped