Ponyville Bachelors' Club

by TheBigLebowski

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Noteworthy, Sex, Comedy, Caramel, Big Macintosh, Slice of Life, Thunderlane, Doctor Whooves
Length: 6608

Every once in a while, the stallions of Ponyville get together to, well, be stallions. They all come for different reasons, some to drink, others to talk, some to gamble, others to stay sane, but regardless, time after time, they come.

Every once in a while, the stallions of Ponyville get together to, well, be stallions. They all come for different reasons; some to drink, others to talk, others to stay sane, but regardless, time after time, they come.

Rated Teen for mature topics of conversation.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters portrayed in this story. They are the property of Hasbro and the producers.

Published 2013-11-22 04:30:04 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-22 04:30:04 UTC

Guy's Night

"But Thunderlane, why can't I go with you?"

"I'm sorry Rumble, but you just can't."

The charcoal stallion was half way out the door, but his younger brother simply wouldn't let him leave.

"It's not fair! I don't want to stay here while you get to go out and have fun."

"I thought you said you like it when Flitter and Cloudchaser watch you," said Thunderlane, nodding to the two mares on either side of his brother.

"Yeah, come on Rumble. We can have just as much fun here. What do you want to do?" inquired Flitter, nuzzling the tiny foal maternally.

"I want to have a guy's night like him."

"Well, we can't do that; we're not guys," said Cloudchaser playfully.

"Tell you what," prepositioned Thunderlane, kneeling down to eyelevel with his sibling, "Tomorrow, we'll have our own guys' night, just you and me. Sound good?"

Rumble seemed to consider the offer like a business proposal, working over whether or not to allow his brother to leave, but he eventually nodded, saying, "Deal."

"Cool."

The black stallion playfully mussed Rumble's hair, drawing a smile from the foal.

Then, he turned to his brothers' foalsitters, "There' food and cider in the fridge if you want some. I'll pay you when I get back later."

"Oh forget that Lane," commanded Flitter, "You don't need to pay us."

"Yeah, just go. Have some fun. Heaven knows you've done enough for us," said Cloudchaser playfully elbowing the stallion's ribs.

Thunderlane gave a smile, and then pushed through the door, leaving it swinging on its hinges.

****************

Thunderlane cruised above Ponyville, flying towards the edge of town. The house he was headed for was secluded, and was marked by its lonely lights standing out in the darkness of the young night.

He descended from the stars to the house's front porch, the laughter and noise from within growing louder as he drew nearer. Thunderlane found a smile growing on him in preparation of a good time, and leaned into the door, entering the house.

He was nearly blown back outside by a thunderous "Wazzap!" from all within.

Upon regaining his footing and slowing his heart rate, Thunderlane looked around the interior of the room. He was one of the last to show, and nearly every stallion who frequented these get-togethers was already present.

The house was simple enough, but it had plenty of things guys tended to universally like, such as a bar, a set of weights in the corner, a poker table and a massive, flat screen t.v.

Big Macintosh was seated on a stool at the wooden counter, and had stopped drinking from a mug of sweet cider to greet the dark pegasus . Noteworthy had taken up his usual seat in an armchair in the corner, Caramel in the seat next to him chatting away. The dark blue earth pony was strumming out notes contentedly on his ever-present guitar, and was smiling with each hit of the string. Snowflake, the owner of the bachelor's pad, had stopped chatting with Lucky Clover near the weights to give a sort of intense, glaring smile his way.

"Is everyone here already?" asked Thunderlane, still recovering from the enthusiastic greeting.

"Naw, Time Turner ain't here yet. We're just waitin' on him now," explained Noteworthy as he struck a resounding chord.

Thunderlane took a seat next to Mac at the bar, and poured himself a tall glass of cider.

"He's always the last one to show isn't he?" asked Caramel in a gruff baritone.

"Eeyup."

Thunderlane chuckled a bit as he took his first drink. Big Mac always came to these get-togethers, and yet, he almost never spoke on his own. They had to pry to get him to say a complete sentence in the past, and even then, it only consisted of a few words. Drinking didn't help the cause either; the draft horse could hold his cider better than all the others at the gathering combined.

None of the stallions were willing to start festivities without everypony there, and with the impending arrival of Time Turner, they all simply bummed around, waiting for the door to open and reveal the brown pony. So, Thunderlane, still sipping his cider conservatively, scanned the room, remembering each and every one of his friends present that he only wished he got to see more often.

Caramel's deep laugh seized his attention, and he began reminiscing about all the memories he had of him. The light brown earth pony was famed in Ponyville for his mane, which was universally regarded as nothing less than glorious. Rumor had it that he brushed it one hundred times a day. Personality-wise, he was a decent guy, just like the rest of them, and apart from being infamously forgetful, he didn't really have any issues. On a different subject, the stallion worked as a smith, making horseshoes in a shop next to Carousel boutique, where he lived with his seasonal roommate Noteworthy.

Noteworthy. The dark blue stallion was still strumming his six-string. His swept back mane was cut short and had a nearly spiky appearance, but it worked for him. After all, every mare between Ponyville and Appleloosa knew of him. The stud was an infamous heartbreaker who split his time between the two towns, playing in a jazz band in Ponyville and living the quiet life in Appleloosa during the summer. He had been coming to guys' night for years, but this was one of the first times he had been since he returned from the southern town he had been staying in for a few months.

And then there was Snowflake, Ponyville's resident meathead. He was a good guy, and he was nice enough to offer his home as the cite for guys' night, but he was excessively masculine at times. He had muscles to rival a minotaur, but his foal-sized wings were a root cause of his self-image issues. He made up for his tiny appendages with excessive steroids, which nopony dared to confront him on. Regardless, he had achieved somewhat of an alpha status accompanied by widespread respect among stallions at the gym.

One of the stallions that he had won the respect of was Lucky Clover, better known as Lucky. He acquired the alias through the depiction of a clover on his flank and his gambling prowess. He was infamously good at beating the worst odds in any game, and it had become the root source of his income. Rumor had it that he had never guessed wrong at the roulette wheel, and he was close to unbeatable at poker. He had gained an intense friendship with Snowflake after the pegasus used his bulk to bail him out of a tight spot in Las Pegasus over a game of cards and one too many cocktails. Lucky spent most of his time there, as it was most beneficial to his wealth due to the casinos being bigger and more fun to beat at Black Jack, but they all looked forward to his time spent in Ponyville.

Suddenly, a breeze blew in as the door opened.

"WAZZAP!"

The burst of hot air exerted by the cumulative release of breath from all within blew the earth pony back outside. Eventually, Time Turner, his swept back mane displaced by the gust of breath and his green scarf blown around his neck in a fashion not unlike that of a noose, dragged himself back inside the house.

"Why do you do that every time?"

"Relax Turner," said Lucky, his voice the highest pitched of the group, from his chair near the poker table, "we're just saying hello."

"Well, next time, say hello a bit quieter. I'd prefer to keep my eardrums. And please, I'd rather you call me Doctor."

"Alright Doc," agreed Lucky sarcastically, "and, what's your PhD in again?"

"Metaphysical Inter-Dimensional Theoretical Progressive Quantum Mechanics, better known as time."

Thunderlane couldn't help but chuckle a bit. Time Turner, or Doctor as he preferred to be called for reasons unknown, was the most profound member of their little clique. He had employment as the official timekeeper of Ponyville, but he took his job very seriously, to the point of taking frequent astronomical observations to check the clock tower's accuracy to within one hundredth of a second. He was the most sophisticated, almost excessively so, stallion any of them knew, from his dress to his speaking style, and prided himself on being a gentelcolt, but he wasn't above having fun.

"Alright! The boys are back ya'll!" sang Noteworthy as he rose from the chair energetically, "We're all here, we're all right, now let's murder some brain cells!"

The stallion got up and helped himself to seven mugs, filling them each to the brim from a tap on the inside of the bar counter as each stallion took a seat on a stool. He slid the cups down the countertop and everypony caught one.

"To us," said Caramel, raising his glass, "The Bachelors of Ponyville."

"Ow Ow!" added Noteworthy as seven mugs clinked together in unison, and the first official drink of guy's night disappeared down the hatch.

"Ah, now what lads?" inquired Time Turner after licking his lips clean of his drink's foam.

"What do you mean? We party! Now let's drink!" said Noteworthy, perhaps a bit amped up from all the testosterone in the room.

"YEEE-AAAH!" added Snowflake.

"Wait," interrupted Caramel before the others could down a second cup, "I have a better idea."

Author's Note

So, this is an idea I had when I started thinking about what the stallions in Ponyville might do. After all, they need friends too. I hope you guys like it. Please leave a comment and tell me what you think. Thanks.

Festivities

"Come on Mac, focus," hissed Noteworthy.

"You got this. You're the champ; no way he can beat you," encouraged Caramel, urging the red draft horse on.

Mac eyed his target through white-rimmed sunglasses, graciously provided by Snowflake's fraternity years. He flicked his blonde mane out of his face and found his tongue protruding from his lips in concentration as he zeroed in on the prize. From the other side of the table, Doc coached Snowflake, who also wore a pair of white-rimmed glasses that screamed 'single'.

"If he messes up, you've got to seize the opportunity. Don't let him get away."

"Yeah," whispered the pegasus in quiet determination.

"Come on brother. I'm trying to give you some luck right now," said Lucky from behind the meathead as he patted his shoulder.

Macintosh's concentration was unbreakable, and sweat beaded on his forehead in unyielding focus. He took a deep breath in, and all present held their breath as he reared back from the table's edge, leaned forward, and released.

The ping pong ball bounced on the table with a satisfying *plink*, and arched over its target. The white plastic moved in slow motion as it drew nearer and nearer its destination, until finally, it landed in the last red cup on the far side of the table.

"Yes!" shouted Caramel as he jumped on his much larger friend, who had thrown his hooves over his head and adorned a look of nonchalant confidence.

At the same time Snowflake pounded the table and Lucky and Doc sighed in disappointment, and Thunderlane, who was wearing a white hat and aviator sunglasses, and seated on a bar stool adjacent to the table blew a whistle, raised a green flag and declared, "Match point! Big Mac is the undisputed cider pong house champion!"

The charcoal pegasus looked to Snowflake, and most likely due to his two losses that night, said, "Now drink up bitch!"

The white Pegasus's eye twitched, but he only slammed the drink down, crushed the cup against his skull, and bellowed, "YEEE-AAAH!"

"Calm your tits Snowflake," advised Lucky, "You lost. Don't act like you won."

Meanwhile, team Mac, consisting of the champ, Noteworthy and Caramel continued celebrating and cheering, practically hanging from the jungle gym that was Big Macintosh as he held his forelimbs above his head in triumph. They were barely able to keep their balance after the close tournament of cider pong. Eventually, they stopped horsing around (pun intended) long enough to talk.

"Alright," started Doc, "We're all a little tipsy, except in the case of Thunderlane, who is utterly plastered. I vote that to be the last game of cider pong we play tonight."

The others agreed, and retired the ping pong table.

"But we can't end the night yet. It's only eight," argued Noteworthy whose amber eyes had been corrupted by the redness brought on by drink.

"I've got an idea," said Lucky, a bit too gleefully to not raise suspicion.

************

"If I'm gonna play poker with Lucky, I need to sober up first," said Thunderlane as he retreated from the table to retrieve an energy drink and a bottle of water from Snowflake's fridge, "Don't deal me in yet."

"Whatever ya say Lane," agreed Noteworthy as he started passing out cards around the table, two per player.

"Big blind's ten bits, small's five," stated Lucky, comfortable in his domain of expertise.

He was the only stallion at the table that had chosen to continue drinking cider; the others were going thirsty. They knew that in order to have any kind of a chance against the gambler, they needed their wits sharp and their eyes clear. Lucky however, didn't need to take extra precautions; his friends weren't total failures when it came to gambling, but they were nothing compared to the world cup tournament players he was used to beating.

Each of the stallions slyly peered down at their cards, and checks went around the table.

"The flop is..." said Noteworthy in anticipation as he laid down the first three cards, "jack of clubs, three of diamonds, queen of hearts."

Caramel looked down at his cards; the three of hearts and the ten of spades. He had a pair, and his heart rose a bit in excitement. He checked himself suddenly, and looked up to see Lucky staring at him, an evil grin across his face.

"Dammit," he grumbled under his breath.

He had practically told the shark his hand.

"I raise," said Lucky brazenly as he pushed ten more coins to the center of the table, prompting everypony but Caramel to immediately fold.

The stallion eyed his opponent closely, trying to determine what his blue friend had concealed beneath his hooves. Internally, he took his time debating his next move.

"He's probably bluffing me. But I only have a low pair. No, ten bits; he wouldn't bluff with that much when he bought in with fifteen. He's got a queen. Yeah that's it, he's got a queen."

"I fold," said Caramel, flipping his cards to the center of the table.

"Ha ha," cheered Lucky as he collected his bounty, allowing all to see his hand, which consisted of a pair of twos.

"What?!" yelled Caramel in disbelief upon seeing the turned over cards, "What the hay, I thought for sure you had queens. How'd you win with twos?"

"Deuces never loses," said Lucky slyly grinning at his friend, who's jaw was still hanging loosely beneath his glaring brow.

****************

"Alright, I can walk straight now," declared Thunderlane triumphantly ten hands later, "Deal me in."

The black pony took a seat, brushing a hoof through his crested silver mane, and Noteworthy passed out the cards once again.

The flop came down without any bets, as did the turn, but the river, consisting of the king, queen and ace of hearts, and two nines, one of spades and the other of clubs, prompted bountiful bits to hit the table's green felt. Apparently, all had some sort of hand.

Lucky raised the bidding from ten bits to thirty, which he had accumulated quickly in the first few hands, and all but Thunderlane were able to make the check.

The black pegasus looked down into the faces of his cards; he had a nine and a two, which appeared to be much better of a combination through his still tipsy eyes.

"All in!" he said confidently as he pushed his whole ten bits to the center of the table.

"That's not enough," explained Doc, "You're still twenty short."

Thunderlane lowered his muzzle in thought, but then he climbed onto the table, laying over the jackpot like a model.

"What's this?" asked Lucky, gesturing at the prostrate stallion before him, "What are you betting?"

"My dignity," responded the Pegasus as he caressed his own flank.

"Can you do that?" asked Caramel.

"Why not? It is something after all, and you could argue that he's worth at least twenty bits," said Doc, prompting Big Mac to scoot his chair a bit farther away from him with an uncomfortable expression.

"Not like that!" the brown stallion tried to explain, "I meant..."

"Oh, but it is like that," said Thunderlane seductively, maintaining eye contact with Lucky the whole time.

"Dude," began Snowflake, his voice weak and a bit shaky, and his face pale, "you forgot to call no homo."

"Exactly," he hissed, lustfully looking into the eyes of his opponent.

Lucky looked down into his hooves; he had an unbeatable hand, his own jack and ten of hearts matching the river's trio to make a royal flush. He glanced back and forth between the pile of money and Thunderlane, who he would have to accept alongside the coins if he won.

"Come on big boy," said Thunderlane, making eyes at the stallion, "You know you want it."

The pegasus patted his own flank, and just as his tongue started to slowly wet his lips, all the others folded in unison.

"Yes!" roared Thunderlane, gathering an enormous sum out from beneath himself and turning his own cards over, "You were right Lucky. Deuces never loses!"

The stallions exchanged worried glances with each other while Thunderlane amassed his winnings. Their friend's moment was almost unbearable, but being as drunk as he was, they tried to dismiss the act as harmlessly frivolous. After all, he had won the game, so the strategy, however unorthodox, worked.

"That's quite enough of that," said Doc as he retired the remainder of his money to a saddlebag and retrieved a glass of cider from the counter.

"Get back here you pussy!" yelled Snowflake, unwilling to let the game stop before he won his money back, which Thunderlane was vigorously hugging.

Noteworthy began dealing another hand, and all bought in, except for Big Macintosh, who also resigned his money for another time when the outcome would be more certain.

"Come on you guys, why won't you play?" asked Caramel disappointedly.

"Because I prefer intellectuality over barbaric behaviors like gambling, no matter how fun or lucrative it can be at times, and I'm bleeding money to that shark," he said, pointing to a grinning Lucky, "and I'd rather have some funds for food next week. Besides, I find talking to you blokes much more satisfying; it's what I look forward to most in these nights."

The others chuckled a bit before Thunderlane asked, "And why's that Doc?"

"Well, living here is great. I have consistent work and everypony is nice, and the stallion to mare ratio is very favorable, but that's a blessing and a curse at once. It's hard to be a guy when you're constantly around girls."

The others laid their cards down and forgot about the game for a second while they listened at tentatively.

"I can't go to a mare with half the things I keep bottled up inside. I don't have a release for most of the things I keep locked up within. I can't go to hardly anypony in this place save you six to talk about desire, or anger, or half the things that come with being a stallion. They don't understand, they can't understand. That's why I treasure our little therapy sessions."

All present nodded upon his conclusion, and the card game gave way involuntarily to talking.

Testosterone

"You're right Doc," started Caramel, leaning forward onto the table, "I see where you're coming from, and I miss being able to just be a guy sometimes, especially when Noteworthy's out of town, but at the same time, it's nice. It's hard for a stallion to be lonely for long here."

"I thought you were still with Sassaflash?" asked Lucky.

"I still am, but things are going downhill between us."

"I see where you're going with this," started Doc as he reclined a bit to listen.

"She keeps coming between me and Noteworthy. She says I spend more time with him than her. I just tell her that's because I live with the guy, but she's still pissed. And the worst part is, she hardly ever comes to me with anything; it's always her friends that tell me this stuff. They're like freaking messengers."

"Why haven't ya told me any of this?" remarked Noteworthy, "I hate to come 'tween you two."

"It's not your fault. It's between her and I, you don't need to worry. I don't know, she just thinks she's not important to me. She is though, but I don't know how to show her that," the stallion looked to his friends, "What do you guys think?"

"Well," started Thunderlane, "When I'm having mare trouble, I normally just find another mare."

"I'm not talking like that Lane. You can keep living the way you are player, but I need to stick with Sassaflash."

"Have you told her anything like what you just told us?" inquired Doc.

"Yes, and she's still stuck in her head."

Noteworthy chimed in upon reverting to his armchair in the corner and placing his guitar in his lap, "Well fella, sounds like you've got only one option."

The musician strummed a chord, and waited for anticipation to build before saying, "You've gotta give her somethin'."

"What like a gift? How will that work?" started Caramel before gauging the many expressions in the room.

At once he realized what he meant.

"We've done that in the past. How will that help now?"

"It works for me," admitted Lucky, "I've held my share of relationships. I just realized I'm never going to tie the knot, so I quit breaking hearts."

"So I need to have sex with her?"

"Not just sex," started Snowflake, "make up sex; the best kind."

"That's such horseshit," started Noteworthy, "I mean, it works, but it's not the best kind."

"No, it definitely is the best," remarked Snowflake.

"Maybe for you," laughed Thunderlane.

The white pegasus swelled up in anger upon being challenged.

"Remember when I dated Cloudchaser a few years back. Go ahead and ask her about it; she'll tell you."

"She already did," started Thunderlane, snickering again, "Ever wonder why she dumped you right after that? You had that fight and then I'm assuming you made up, and then what?"

Snowflake's head lowered in shame, but then he looked back up, glaring.

"You want to make something of it Lane?" he said threateningly.

"No I'm not saying anything other than maybe, it wasn't as good as you thought," he said, appeasing the meathead, but then added, "But, she did start going out with that guy from Cloudsdale, like, a day after she left you."

Snowflake rose from his seat, sending the furniture skidding backwards, but the black pegasus didn't stop there.

"And to top it off, she came to me a few days later, and she told me a bit about you. Needless to say, now I know you're not just compensating for your wings."

"THAT'S IT!"

Snowflake lounged for Thunderlane, but the pesgasus was quick, and he fled only to be pursued around the home's interior by his much larger, enraged friend.

They made three laps, knocking nearly everything to the floor and putting a few new holes in the dry wall.

"Guys help!" shouted Thunderlane as he diverted his course by pushing off a wall, Snowflake crashing into it behind him, and flying to the opposite side of the room.

"You're in deep now," scolded Noteworthy from his chair with a sly grin.

"Come on!" he yelled, barely avoiding a strike to the face, "He'll kill me!"

"You know what," began Doc to the other as an empty bottle missed Thunderlane's ducking skull by inches, "he's right. Should we help him?"

They looked over at the sound of a heavy thud, and found that Snowflake had Thunderlane curled up on the ground in the mother of all sleeper holds. The larger of the two was taunting back and his veins were coming to the surface of his skin, his victim's face turning cherry red.

"Maybe we should. I don't feel like burying a body tonight," explained Caramel as Mac rose to help the endangered.

It took Noteworthy all of his strength and Mac a little more than half of his to remove Thunderlane from Snowflake's vice like grip.

Once separated, Mac held Snowflake in a full nelson and Noteworthy and Lucky held Thunderlane away from his still seething assailant.

"YOU'RE DEAD!" shouted Snowflake, trying to no avail to free himself of the utterly calm Macintosh.

"No, you'd miss me," started Thunderlane after reacquiring breath, "Man you have anger issues. Maybe you should lay off the roids."

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"

"Relax. Damn man. Are you pissed at me or are you just upset that whoever made you forgot to give you a neck?"

"Shut up Lane!" yelled Lucky, smacking him upside the head.

Doc took the role of negotiator while Caramel tried to get clear of the line of fire. If something went wrong between the two stallions, Lane was sure not to run again by the glare on his face, and a brawl would definitely ensue.

"Thunderlane," began Doc, "apologize."

"No way, he tried to kill me!"

"You provoked him, now say you're sorry, or I'll have Mac let him go."

The pegasus sighed, and sarcastically said "I'm sorry I insulted your masculinity, your neck, your juiced up chest, your love life and for pissing in your cider."

"It's o...WHAT?!"

"What?" countered Thunderlane calmly.

"Did you say you p..."

"No," interrupted Thunderlane, feigning innocence.

Doc interrupted the tension, and said, "Now, apologize for trying to kill him."

"He had it coming!"

"He'd be dead by now if we hadn't stepped in, and then, you would probably be taking much bigger, much more painful beatings in prison a few weeks from now."

Snowflake sighed, and still glaring, said, "I'm sorry I tried to snap your scrawny neck."

"Good enough. Now, both of you promise that you won't try and murder one another when we let you go."

"Fine," the two grumbled in unison.

The holds loosened, and the two found themselves facing the previous source of their aggression. Eventually, Thunderlane extended a hoof.

"We cool?"

Snowflake extended his forelimb, and bumped the stallion's hoof.

"We're cool."

The seven returned to their seats.

"So, where were we?"

"Somewhere between Snowflake's girl leaving him and his small dick," said Thunderlane, and then darted back around the room with Snowflake in a pursuit of blind rage, while the others tried desperately to stop them.

Symposium

Thunderlane, defiantly laughing, taunting, and laughing at his red eyed pursuer, sped around the room with Snowflake close behind.

The other five tried to catch them and bring them back to earth so as to deny either of them the chance to come to blows with the other. They knew their friends too well, and there was no doubt that neither of them would stop fighting once they started until the other was out cold, and that wasn't a favorable outcome.

However, the stubborn pair continued blitzing around the house, knocking glasses over and buzzing the heads of their friends. Thunderlane zipped past Lucky close enough to disturb the hairs on his head, but Snowflake wasn't as nimble, and the stallion had to duck to avoid the oncoming freight train of an equine.

Lane repeated the maneuver to Doc, Noteworthy and Caramel, but when he tried it with Big Macintosh, the stallion only reached up and caught him in a very big brother-like headlock.

The draft horse muscled the struggling Thunderlane beneath his forelimb and locked him into a stockade of muscle, repeating the maneuver with a tad more effort to Snowflake when he darted for Thunderlane's vulnerable skull.

He held the two stallions, one under each forelimb in unbreakable holds. Their wings buzzed and their back legs kicked as Thunderlane pleaded and Snowflake demanded that he let them go, but Macintosh's grip held true.

They refused to stop, and so, the red stallion brought the two's crowns together with a thunderous *crack*

"Agh," groaned Thunderlane while Snowflake grimaced.

"Y'all are actin' like a bunch o' foals! Now knock it off, or I'll end this tussle myself here and now!" bellowed Macintosh, much to the surprise of his companions.

"Are ya gonna stop?" the red horse asked, receiving two vigorous nods.

"Thunderlane, if ya start somethin' else, I won't stop him again, and Snowflake, I won't let ya kill him even if he starts it. Y'all understand?"

He released the two and shoved them in the direction of their seats, and that was the end of the quarrel.

They all regained their breath from the frantic pursuit, and then reacquired cups of cider and tried to forget what had just happened.

"Enough of that," said Doc, sitting down heavily in an armchair, "No more talk about nights we've gotten lucky; it'd be utterly pointless. Between Noteworthy and Lane, they've probably bedded most of the girls we've come to know at least once, twice in some cases."

"Especially Cloudchaser," said Thunderlane, "Man I lit that up!"

With that, the white pegasus lounged for him again.

Snowflake hit Thunderlane with a blow that would have crippled a bull, sending the charcoal stallion flying back into the wall. He hit with a *smack*, and before a second passed, Snowflake was on him again.

"Ya know what," stated Mac, nonchalantly leaning back in his seat as Thunderlane zipped by, hitting the other side of the room with a crash, "Maybe we should let 'em have it out."

The others nodded and leaned back in their seats as well to let the fight play out.

It wasn't long before Snowflake had Thunderlane wrapped up again in a choke hold, but Thunderlane just couldn't stop jeering at him.

"She said mine was bigger than yours," he squeaked through a compressing windpipe, "and so did her sister Flitter," again, Snowflake's hold tightened a bit as the black pony added, "at the same time."

"Wait," started Snowflake, releasing his grip, "at the same time?"

"Yep."

"Respect bro," he said, extending a forelimb in the direction of his previous victim.

Thunderlane bumped it, but then the brawl continued from the same place it had left off, with Snowflake immediately constricting Thunderlane into the same hold as before with an added level of violence.

He was able to wriggle a hoof free, and swung it backwards, hitting Snowflake on the snout and prompting him to recoil, allowing enough time for an escape.

Thunderlane danced back and forth in front of Snowflake, dodging haymakers and hooks amidst taunts, which only enraged the stallion more and more.

"Whatcha got?" Thunderlane teased as he connected with a lightning fast jab, setting him up for another jab and another until his opponent was off balance.

That was when Thunderlane put all he had into a single blow; he wound up and leaned into a massive swing landing on Snowflake's left eye.

Snowflake stepped back, and appeared as if he was about to fall, but just as Thunderlane was beginning to celebrate victory, he looked back up and snorted hot air into his face.

The white stallion reared back, preparing a blow of his own. Thunderlane saw it coming.

"Oh sh..." he started, but he was unable to get out of the way.

The hook sent him flying back to the other side of the room, leaving a pony shaped imprint in the wall where he hit.

Meanwhile, back where things were a bit more civilized, the others continued their conversations.

"So, what do you guys find attractive in a mare?" started Lucky, taking a sip from his cider.

"How do you mean?" inquired Doc.

"Alright we'll start simple. Pegasus, unicorn or normal?"

"Earth," came the answer from Noteworthy and Lucky, Mac again, choosing not to respond.

"I don't know," began Doc, stroking his chin, "I've always like pegasi a little more."

"Same," agreed Caramel.

"Alright then, what demographic?" asked Doc amidst the sound of grunts and breaking glass behind them.

Suddenly, Thunderlane flew across the room and landed on the table next to Mac.

Weakly, he reached over and took Mac's forelimb, and croaked, "Help me."

The red stallion only looked down at him and muttered, "Nope," before Snowflake grabbed him by a leg and flung him to the far side of the room again.

Thunderlane landed on the bench press, the bar, with nearly six hundred pounds of bar bells, coming free and landing on his chest.

"Ungh!" he choked, and then began straining with all his might to rid himself of the burden.

He lifted with all his might, moving the bar an inch at a time until finally, he pressed it to the full extent of his forelimbs.

"Check it out!" he yelled triumphantly, only to look up and see Snowflake bull rushing him.

Any hint of satisfaction left his face as he zipped out from underneath the weights, leaving the bar conveniently suspended in mid-air until Snowflake was where he previously was. The bar fell onto Snowflake's back, pinning him to the bar, and Thunderlane didn't waste the opportunity to tease him.

"Well, I guess I've always liked the partiers," admitted Lucky to Caramel, the precarious movements and dances of a jeering black pegasus visible in the background.

"I know a mare you should meet," began Noteworthy, "I wouldn't date her, but man is she wild. Naw, I've had plenty o' mares in my run, but I think I like country girls the best."

"You stay away from my sister," rumbled Big Macintosh, extending a hoof threateningly, but his glare eventually broke into a smile when he saw the terrified look on his friend's face.

They all chuckled a bit, but Mac interrupted to sternly add, "but seriously."

"I suppose I've always liked the ones that need me the most," started Doc reflectively.

"But they're the clingy ones," complained Noteworthy.

"Those are the best kind," interrupted Caramel to his roommate, "I agree with Doc, because you know they'll never leave you."

"How 'bout you brother Mac," started Noteworthy as they heard the barbells clatter to the floor and Thunderlane's cursing choked to a stop, "What do you think?"

The stallion, his drink still in one hoof, waved the other theatrically, and said, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

"And what does that mean to you Mac?" started Caramel, prying for more words.

"It means I like 'em country too."

The others applauded, hoping for an encore from their friend of few words, but all he added was "Eeyup."

Suddenly, a loud crack interrupted their talk, and they all turned to see Snowflake on the floor holding his head and Thunderlane with a broken board in his hooves.

"You just hit him with that?!" asked Lucky concernedly.

"Yeah. I had to. He was winnin...ungh!"

Snowflake was back up in a heartbeat, and had tackled his opponent to the ground and commenced beating him with his hooves before he could finish.

"Should we stop them now?" asked Noteworthy.

"One more question, then we'll head over there," answered Lucky, "Why do you guys come here? I know it's not just to drink and b.s., so what's your motive?"

"I do it because I can be a stallion around you all. I don't have to try and be a gentlecolt like I do around mares, and it's a perfect release," answered Caramel sincerely.

"I guess I come here to be with guys who won't judge me for who I am," started Noteworthy, "I can be me when I'm here, and who I am is a lover, a fighter, a musician, and a bad poker player who likes to have a drink every now and again."

The others nodded in embracing thoughts.

"I'm here cuz it's the one thing I can do off the farm. After a day o' breakin' my back in the fields, I'd rather give it a rest here than anywhere else," explained Mac.

"This is an escape for me," started Lucky, "You guys don't hate me like most of the world does. Granted, I have taken most of the world's money at one point or another, but they despise me for it, and you guys just tip a glass to me for it. I'm accepted here."

"So," started Doc, "I think we can agree that we come here to forget for a while. Whether it's a way to forget about work, our past, ourselves, our lives," he said looking back at the two stallions still contorted in a tumbling mass of hooves and curses, "our lost lovers, and whatever Lane wants to escape from," he reverted his gaze to the four in front of him, "we can all come here and just be what we are for a few hours, and what we are, are stallions."

"Amen," said Mac, lifting his glass to the center of the group.

Five mugs came together in the night's final toast.

Then Lucky said, "Alright, let's get them away from each other; Thunderlane just went limp."

Night's End

Mac carried an unconscious Thunderlane on his back as he and Doc plodded back to the fight's loser's home. Thunderlane had held his own, leaving Snowflake with a black eye and a missing molar, but Thunderlane had a swollen face and several bruised ribs to show for it.

Now, the two were making sure that he got home ok so that he wouldn't have to be left in the care of Snowflake for much longer. No doubt the two would become stronger friends as a result of the fight with the way guys gained respect for each other, but right now, the meathead was still fuming.

They reached the front door, and Doc knocked. The door was opened by Cloudchaser, who, along with her sister Flitter, ushered them inside.

"What happened?" Flitter hissed so as to not wake Rumble.

Mac shrugged while Doc simply said, "Guy's night."

They laid him on the couch inside to receive a weak smile as he came to.

"Hey buddy," started Doc, looking down on his charcoal friend.

"I won didn't I?" he asked, prompting a chuckle from all present.

"Same time next week?" Thunderlane inquired.

"Yeah," answered Doc, "same time next week. We'll have to invite more next time. I don't think I have it in me to keep Snowflake from killing you again."

"Good," Thunderlane said as he rolled over, "I'm looking forward to it."

The two smiled, but were hastily ushered from the house by Cloudchaser so she could tend to Thunderlane.

The stallions stood on the front porch as the door shut in their faces. Then Doc looked to Mac as he began walking away.

"I'll see you next week."

"Until then. Take care of yourself. See ya."

And then, they plodded off to home, only to begin counting down the days until the next time that the Bachelors of Ponyville would meet.