Building Blocks

by BirdyTheEarthPony

Rating: teen
Tags: Tragedy, Adventure, Sad, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Romance
Length: 40498

During the midst of his teenage years, Ethan is thrown from his known life into a world of unknown.

Ethan, an 18 year boy in his final year of high-school had been feeling....wierd. Something was off and he couldnt quite put his finger on it. He spent time to reflect on his life, his constant success, emotional masks, bouts of depression, and deep questioning of the meaning of life. Deciding that he must just be in an emotional slump, Ethan barely notices things missing from his everyday life. But that soon changes as one day everything just disappears, and a new life is set before him, where he must rebuild his life; block by block.

Published 2012-03-09 16:24:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-08 08:12:31 UTC

Wave of Realization.

Chapter One
Wave of Realization :

Was I dead? Did I get knocked out and killed by a noxious gas? Did a nuclear impact take me by surprise? But soon sound resonated through my entire head, I had no idea what had happened and I had no clue where I should start piecing things together. Everyone that I knew was gone as far as I could tell and I had no idea what had happened. Let’s think……I was at school, then suddenly I was the only one there and I kept hearing these…..’Voices’. But no one was there? I definitely heard voices though. I tried to shake my head in confusion but was met with a stabbing soreness that hindered my movement greatly. I wasn’t dead, but I wasn’t in much better shape than dead. I tried to peel my eyes open, excruciatingly enough, they opened.

Blinding light filled my vision. It made my head throb and my nerves shriek in horror.
My eyes snapped shut to seal in what darkness it could. I thought to myself, “Should I even open them again? What if there is nothing, and I am in a barren wasteland of a place? Oh well, now’s not the time to keep secrets I guess…..” I tried again, this time my eyes opening gradually, the pain not nearly as bad. The blinding white light that had been there had subsided and I was now met with a warm glow. Everything was blurry but I could see outlines, a brown short one, a fuzzy blue one, white or light brown walls, and it looked like I was in a bed. Ok good, I was in a hospital….but what for? Maybe I had a slight panic attack and my mind went blank for a few minutes, no biggie. Ill be home in no time!

I opened my mouth to call for a nurse or someone, but was met with a painful rasp that barely escaped my throat. Well that’s not ideal. Why couldn’t I speak? Was I paralyzed? Oh god, I had to be, I hadn’t tried to move my legs or arms and I could barely move my neck! No no no no no no! I couldn’t be paralyzed! My entire life had been built around my athletic ability! I could jump the highest, run the fastest, lift the most, and I was the biggest! Frantically I tried to move my arm, then my legs. To my great relief they moved slightly, in great pain none the less, but movement was improvement. Nothing to weird about that but…..something was off. I felt…different. I couldn’t feel any fingers or toes, but it didn’t feel like they were missing. My vision having cleared, I decided to eye my arm, but something caught me before that. My nose or the very tip of my face at least was longer, and light brown? What is this? Vertigo maybe? No, this was different; I could feel that it was longer somehow. I moved to my arm slower that I thought eyes could move. Craning my neck, I saw something horrific. A single, long, very slender, brown coated limb met my gaze instead of my long, finger-y arm.

What had done this to me? Was I part of an experiment or something sinister? I quickly examined the rest of my limbs but was met with the same sight. Not my strongly built legs or arms, just these slender, weak looking brown stump things. I could bend them but what was the point? My thoughts had to be cut short as I heard a tapping walk coming down, what sounded like a laminate hallway. It sounded like a pair of heels but there were multiple clicks. Maybe just two people in heels in a hospital, not to strange. Wait a second, yes it was! No one wore heels into a hospital, unless they were crazy! The two pair of heels stopped outside the door directly across from me. Suddenly I heard a familiar voice say, “Let’s see if the patient has improved any……” I expected a response but there was none. Maybe the other lady was a beginning nurse and just didn’t want to interrupt or something. Whatever the case I snapped my eyes shut, that voice had been the ghost voice from earlier. What the hell was going on here……..

The door slowly creaked open and I heard the two people walk in. They got right next to my bed and hovered there for a few seconds before turning to walk out. Now was my chance, I could get a glimpse of these two before they leave without them seeing me. I opened my eyes and gasped. Instead of a set of nurses in heels I saw a lonely…..nurse? It wasn’t two people, but it was a single…..thing. It had 4 legs that looked a lot like mine, although not emaciated and feeble. The hair was pink and smooth looking, tied in the back with a bun. It had a tail like a horse almost, but it was pink just like her hair. Right on her flank there was a red cross, just like the one on her nurse hat. She turned around quickly looking in my direction. I threw my eyes shut and closed them tightly, but I was not quick enough. She…or it…had seen me stir, and within seconds was by my bedside.

“Are you okay? I saw you look at me! I can’t believe you’re actually up! You probably don’t understand me even; you’ve just been here so long….” I felt one of her arm slinky things get dangerously close to my face. My eyes flew open and I moved my head away from her arm. She drew it back immediately, gasping “Oh you are up!” I got a closer look at her face; it looked like a horse but smaller. Like a pony? This nurse was a pony that talked? My definite look of horror was replaced by obvious curiosity, as she extended her arm back towards me. Her skin….err, coat I mean, was completely white, and she had big blue, non threatening eyes. If I was going to be killed I guessed, this pony wasn’t going to be the one to do it. She asked curiously, “C-Can you understand me even?” I nodded my head slowly, trying to avoid the sharp pains from earlier.

“WHAT?!” the shrewd change of volume hurt my ears and I recoiled a bit. “No way can you understand me you’ve been in a coma for so long!” My face quickly contorted into a look of surprise and dismay, a coma? I tried to talk but only a rasp came out yet again. “Oh you’ve never talked before have you; I bet your vocal cords are so dry! Ill be right back!” The nurse pony rushed out of the room in amazing haste to retrieve something I assumed. I thought to myself, a coma? Never talked before? This was ridiculous, I can talk; and I had before, as for the coma, how long had I been out?!

Just as soon as I began to think these things, the white nurse pony burst through the door and was at my bedside. She shoved a vial in my through my lips and emptied the contents into my mouth. I was surprised and confused, I just had a strange blue liquid thrown down me and it felt so weird. It took a lot longer to travel down my throat than previous things. I looked to the nurse pony as she eyed me eagerly, waiting for a reaction I bet. She got one all right; as I threw my head to the side of the bed she wasn’t on and vomited. The whole contents of my stomach were spilled on to the floor, a mixture of brown goo and, brown goo. I muttered a quiet word of apology, “S-sorry” She paid no mind to my upheaval and focused on me, sparing me no remorse as she peppered me with questions about how I felt. All I could manage to say to this was bad and she seemed unimpressed by these answers. Then she asked one that I actually cared to answer, “What- I mean how you can understand me? You have never spoken or heard anyone talk……” In a panic my eyes widened, “Never?” I choked out, “But I had always…talked…I thought…..” The nurse suddenly got a look of dread and looked sadly at me, “Hun you’ve never even been awake……You have been in a coma since birth.”

It was my turn to be surprised, “What!? No! I have been alive and well up until yesterday! What? How? Tell me who you are! Where am i? Why are you trying to trick me?” my voice had finally become almost fully functional but it still exerted my body physically. I was out of breath and my bed had been peppered with a light mist of blood, overuse of the tongue no doubt; if the nurse was right that is. She sighed a deep sigh, “You poor thing, calm down please…. Ill tell you all I can, just listen please, don’t freak out.” I chuckled, surprisingly enough, "Yea a coma, no biggie, I'm fine....." I scoffed. She sighed, “You again, have been in a coma since birth. We don’t know how or why a pony like yourself was born so healthy, but in a state of comatose. I am Nurse Redheart, and I have been watching over you since the day you came to us. Now you, you are in the Ponyville Hospital and I wish I was tricking you.”

“Wait did you say, pony…..like me? What am I? A pony like you?” My voice was weak and was cracking as I was close to tears. I had been in a coma my entire life? And I had been a pony…… All that I had done, the identity I struggled to build, my athletic prowess, my parents, friends……girlfriend…… It was all fake?! All of it? My life was one big damned imagination! Nurse Redheart cleared her throat, “Well yes, you are what we call an ‘Earth Pony’, like me! They can’t use magic like unicorns or fly like pegasi but they have their own unique….” I cut her short with a scream of rage; she seemed to take several steps back from me, obviously scared. “A-are you alright?” I sighed, tears running down my face. “My entire life has been a lie. An imagination, all of my thoughts, dreams, memories, all gone.” Nurse Redheart dropped her head, “I’m so sorry, and I know it doesn’t help but, I really do feel terrible that you had to hear this the day you woke up…” I couldn’t respond at all. I just sat there and wept. I wept for all that I had lost, all that I had once had.

Nurse Redheart took the hint and left me alone to my thoughts; which was a blessing. I needed to cry every tear I had.

To Lay the First Block

Chapter Two
To Lay the First Block

I woke up with dry eyes and an incredibly sore face; outside birds were beginning to chirp, just as they had when I was in my old life. If I hadn’t been painfully aware, I would have thought I was back in my old skin. My body still throbbed and strained against my every movement as years of lactic acid buildup began to flow. I turned towards the nearby window and saw few streams of light escaping past the dark blinds that seemed to conceal me inside, as if I was a secret. I closed my eyes and began to let my brain toss around the situation that I had been thrown in to. I was a pony, as much as I didn’t know what that really meant; I was still thankful to know something. Apparently I had been in a coma since birth, which raised many questions; One being how I had formed an entire world inside my mind. I yawned then mumbled a few thoughts to myself as I always did when I was confused, “Maybe at birth my conscience grabbed onto all that it could…..Perhaps I heard a few words before I slipped into a coma, and then my brain filled the rest in. Just how did I get the image and shape of humans stuck with me? If it was true; and I have been a comatose all of my life, then how…..” Nurse Redheart cut me short as she slipped into the room, “Oh your awake already! I also see that your voice has made progress as well, excellent! I brought you breakfast, although I somehow doubt that you will eat it……with a practically new stomach, aaaaaahhhh, well I wouldn’t risk solids just yet” I solemnly nodded in agreement, expecting the worst. She rolled a small cart to my bedside and sat down next to it, cranking my bed to a sitting position. Now that I was eye level with the small cart she took off the ironic silver colored plate cover to reveal just what I had feared.

The plate before me held some of the most disgusting things that I had laid eyes on. “Well go on! You need to eat something at least!” Nurse Redheart cooed. I looked at the meal before me, brown mush, a sultry green pastel mush, and a runny yellow mush topped with a bit of white goop. “Uh, well I” , I thought I would say a rude or snarky comment but I stopped myself; In my past life…or mind, I had not been a butt-hole to anyone and I was not about to start now. “The brown one looks mobile! I don’t want it, errrr….in me….” I smiled, to dismiss any chance that I was being rude. Nurse Redheart chuckled, “Yes I know it looks bad but nopony is going to starve under my care!” This time I laughed actually, it hurt of course but was accompanied with spreading warmth through my limbs. “Well ‘ere it goes….” It wasn’t bad actually, just unidentifiable really; mystery so far, was a sensitive subject with me.

“So please nurse, if you have time…would you please tell me about me” She laughed, “In time, in time.” I gave a disappointed huff at this and asked “A name at least?” She thought, “Pick one!” I gave it no thought at all, “Ethan!” I practically shouted at her.
“Hrmm…What an odd name… But hay, it’s not up to me!” This moment lasted only seconds before doors began to burst open and voices of panic rang out. “Have to go! Don’t run anywhere!”. I scoffed, like I was going anywhere… Well actually I might just try. I could move my joints more fluidly now and could even hold them up for a short while. Good enough for me. I hoisted myself into a sitting position then paused; what was I doing……”idiot” I muttered; but it was too late. I was already halfway to the ground.

I landed quite comically actually; all four hooves on the ground, just my body was too. If anyone had looked I would have passed for somepony sneaking around on a covert mission. I did this sneak-shuffle walk all the way to the bathroom. When I got to the door I tried my best to open it with my goofy hooves. Wasn’t going to happen, so I settled for the alternative. A sharp metallic taste filled my mouth, but the door was open! I did the weak-sneak-shuffle over to the sink, then using all the power that I had, I raised on my back two hooves to get a grip on the sink. I looked into the mirror hanging from the wall.

It wasn’t me. Not me, or like me, or anything at all! My eyes were sunk deep into my head with rings around each. I looked horribly emaciated and decrepit. I had a light brown coat, with a dark brown mane. Dead looking brown beads looked at me instead of eyes. I was a wreck. I remembered Nurse Redhearts cross on her flank and decided to check mine for anything. Nothing, just a patch of brown coat. I looked the exact opposite from my old former self. The door to my room opened as I heard a voice ring out “Okay I’m back, just had a patient fly into a……” Oh goodness I am going to be in trouble, I need to hide! Instinct kicked in as I crouched near the door, waiting with small quiet breaths. Nurse Redheart casually walked into the bathroom and spotted me instantly. Our eyes met, I no doubt wore the “You can’t see me look” because she just looked and me and asked, “Really?”

She scolded me for a bit, but was none the less impressed with my early ability to walk. “Okay you win, we will start physical training” she teased. “Great!” I was happy to try and restore my physical shape.

It took almost a month, but I had made it through this somehow. I was ready to leave the hospital for short amounts of time. I had learned to walk, use my hooves for practical things, eat solid foods, and I had learned so much about pony life here in Equestria. My size had grown considerably and I was just a bit taller than the average pony. I was ready to take on the world!

I looked back over my shoulder and saw Nurse Redheart wave a hoof goodbye. She looked just like my mom did when I drove away for the first time on my own; into a scary world full of hate and crime, all to fend for myself. I thought I saw a tear roll down the Nurses face as she yelled, “Be back here at sunset mister!” I thoroughly felt five.

I took no more than 3 steps before I heard a whistling sound from somewhere close by. A gasp was heard then the attacker struck, “HI!!!! I’mPinkiePiebutyoucanjustcallme Pinkie okie-dokie?!” My first 3 steps, were certain to be my last.

I yelled sharply, “Don’t hurt me don’t do it!” Pinkie just giggled and continued to pepper me with questions. “OH You’re a silly looking guy! No Cutie-mark? No problem! Maybe it will be a giant cake or a carrot?! NO! CARROT CAKE! Cake, CAKE! I don’t know you and I know everypony in ponyville, so therefore….I don’t know you and when I meet someone new I throw parties! You’re coming to your party! PARTY! Okay bye-mister…….? Mister what again?” I looked stunned, but I managed to mutter, “Uh...E-Its Ethan…” She darted away screeching, “SEE YOU AT YOUR PARTY THEN!!!!!!”

I was shaken, but I had a task at hand, I wanted to get to the library and see if there were any records at all of me existing. I looked at the rudely drawn map I had taken with me to see it wasn’t a map at all, just four words. “It’s the big tree” I guess that’s what I get for asking Nurse Coldheart for directions……

Luckily enough, it was the big tree and I found it quite easily. I walked to the door and knocked, from inside I heard small footsteps walk up and open it. A small purple and green dragon was standing at attention, “Welcome to the ponyville library!” I stared for a good twenty seconds before the dragon shrugged and walked away from the door, leaving me there. I took a step inside and looked around, not knowing where to start. A purple pony was at a desk writing without even using her hands! I ran up to her, causing her to jump, “Ahg! Oh, hi! I’m Twilight Sparkle and I run the ponyville library….” I was staring again, “Oh uh. Hi, I’m Ethan and I am here to look for…ahh…well….What’s that? “I pointed to her horn.

“You mean you don’t know?”

I shook my head.

“Well I’m a unicorn and I can use magic and channel it through my horn!”

“Really?” I asked, “That’s amazing!”

“I don’t mean to be rude but you only look a little bit younger than me, and you should know these things. What’s the deal?”

I sighed, “It’s a long story Twilight.”

“Good, I love long stories.”

So I told her my story. All that I knew, leaving out some of the sad parts of course. When I was finished she stared inquisitively at me. “So you have been in a coma since birth?” I nodded. “But you lived a life before that, all in your mind?” I nodded again. “That’s amazing! I wish you could tell me more!” I shrugged, “Honestly I wish I knew more myself too.” She laughed aloud before speaking this time, “We better get to your party before we are late!” I looked at her, “Wait how did you know? Also its early isn’t it?” She pointed towards the window; the sun was setting already. “Pinkie is good at those kinds of things.” With that I got up and fallowed Twilight towards a house that looked like it was made entirely out of candy.

I stepped in the door and was met with screams of joy and congratulations. The place was filled to the brim with ponies from all over. I took a step back but before I could get any further Pinkie was pushing me towards a table of sweets that spanned the entire room. I ate and I told my story to many ponies that all seemed very interested and ready to hear more. I was soon approached by three young fillies that focused on my flank. “Scootaloo he aint got one ‘neither!” a yellow filly said to an orange Pegasus that was now happily perched on my back. “Nope, no cutie marks girls!” Soon all three were standing in front of me with impatient eyes, “Hey I’m Scootaloo” The orange Pegasus said, “This is apple bloom” pointing the small yellow filly, “And that is Sweetie Belle” she said, leaving the grey coated filly the only one left. “And We Are the Cutie Mark Crusaders!” they shouted in unison. Scootaloo eyed me down menacingly, “Wanna be part of our super secret exclusive club?!”

“Uh…sure do!” I humored them, they all three made joyous sounds and shook my hoof violently. “Ah’m might excited to have you help us get our cutie marks!” Apple bloom said as she looked to Scootaloo, “Yea we are gunna get our cutie marks really soon I bet!” Scootaloo told me to meet them at their clubhouse then proceeded to draw a map to their clubhouse. Honestly it was almost as bad as Nurse Coldhearts map.

I was still smiling when I got to the couch in the corner of the room; the acted just like I did when I was a kid…..Didn’t they? Or maybe not, when I was a kid.....I…..What was I like as a kid? I tried to pool all of my memories together but nothing, not one memory of me when I was a kid; just my early and late teen years. “What…..” I was thinking aloud again, panicking this time. I had lost my childhood.

I ran outside. I had to be away. Losing my memories was the last thing that I needed. It was the only reason that I was still sane. I ran to the back of the building, not wanting to get lost. I looked in the window to see if anypony fallowed. Not only that, nopony had even noticed. I saw them in their groups, laughing, having a good time, together with friends. Then that feeling came back. That sinking feeling that I got sometimes. My childhood was gone; all of it. Not one memory. No friends or what they were even like.

They might as well be dead. Everyone. I might even lose all of my memories. Then what happens? Do I forget I was even in a coma? Do I lose who I am? Do I still even think? I ran away from the sounds of the party. I needed to clear my head. I wanted my childhood back, but I had to remember that it never even happened. I hurt. So I ran, ran from my childhood, the coma, my memories, fate, and I ran from myself.

I was a broken pony………

Take My Reins

Chapter Four
Take My Reins

It was a nice night outside, the stars were clear and bright and the moon looked full and beautiful; just as it had in my past mind. “It all looks so similar…..How can it be different?” I wondered aloud. I was somber in my thoughts as I stared into the night sky. I had never been a runner, but now……now I was running from everything all at once. Was I really running for a reason? I was at a party meant to welcome me into this strange world and I ran from it. What was I doing? I was being pathetic; A real let down to myself. But, somehow I felt justified. I had just lost some of my most important memories, and I didn’t even know if they were memories at all. It was just so confusing, and I had to process this all at once. A light breeze swept over me, sending a slight chill down my spine and disturbing the long grass around my hooves. I started walking again, feeling sorry for myself and moping, not knowing what to do next with my life.

I had been walking for some time enjoying the night air and peaceful solitude before I came to a small stream. It was clear, but still held a reflection of the night sky within its waters. I came to the water’s edge and looked to the bottom; small moss tipped rocks barely stirred as the fresh water cascaded over them. My eyes changed focus to the reflection, this time in front of the night sky there was a face; different than before, it was me. My once pale brown coat had grown a lustrous latte color as my mane had darkened into a softer brown that blended better with my body color. My eyes that had been deep set and sunken, now were full and vibrant; the glazed brown color from before had been replaced with a smooth, dark , rich brown that gave me a look of character. I smiled at the reflection, “Not near what you were buddy, but you’re better” I then decided that I needed to pick myself up from this slump. Being a sad wretch was getting me nowhere in a world where I was already nowhere. I had to start climbing and I finally knew where to start.

Before returning to the tree-lined path that I had been fallowing I looked back into the stream. I was met with my face once again, this time with a hopeful look. I had direction; a place where I should head and I knew how to start. I sighed, returning to the path, continuing along as I had before. As I walked I held my head higher, letting the light breeze tease my mane and entice my senses. I could tell this walk was going to be a habit for me in the near future. Someway further down the path I broke away from the worn dirt road to sit under a giant tree that had grown away from the rest. Even in the moonlight it seemed to cast a shadow upon the ground. This was going to be my spot I decided; my spot to think and clear my head, and what better time than now to do just that?

I slumped against the worn bark and leaned my head back, staring at the sky through the newly formed leaves. “What had even caused me to lose my memories?” Focusing on a small star that seemed to twinkle, I sighed “Will I lose them all? What happens if I do? Did they even technically exist?” nothing but the wind answered me, picking up to an almost strong gust. I closed my eyes for a small moment to think. Realizing that I was tired, I decided I would just rest here for a small moment is all. Give me some more time to clear my head before returning to the hospital before Nurse Redheart sent a full search party. Just a few moments……

Something wet hit my nose, then another, and another, before soon I was being pelted with raindrops that seemed to be more of a mist then anything. My eyes snapped open and I saw that morning light was being hidden by thick ominous looking clouds. I had slept all night out in the wild! I could see ponyville off in the distance, so I started at a gallop towards where I knew the hospital was. I eventually got to the big front door of the hospital, but before entering I hoped that I was early enough. I was not.

There sat Nurse Redheart, looking furious and tired, “I said Sunset.” She glared at me “NOT, sun RISE the NEXT MORNING!!”
I stammered, “Uh…. I…got lost?”
she shook her head. “Sure you did, lost all the way to a party, or so I heard.”

“How did you even…”

before I could finish asking she cut me short “Pinkie Pie told me, she has a way with those things.”
Of course……
“Well Mister since you are alive I guess and have NO trouble “finding” your way about I don’t see why I should keep you here anymore….I mean you can still come by and check up on me….cant you?”

I nodded my head, “Yes of course nurse! Always, you have given me nothing but good care and I am forever thankful Mrs.Redheart!”

She looked sad, almost too sad. Something was about to happen.
She looked at me, tears in her eyes and said “Goodbye son, be careful…..” before I could react she had left back into the hospital, crying.

“Wha-?! Mrs.Redheart! You’re my mom? How?” I yelled in the direction that she had walked but I got no response. Day two on my own and I had another bomb dropped in my lap.Why would she just say that and then leave? I decided to go ask the only other person I really knew at all for some help, direction or anything!

Twilight Sparkle had just left her house and was running through her list of errands to complete before I almost ran directly into her.

“Hi Ethan, why the hurry?” she asked, adjusting herself.

“I was leaving the hospital and I was sorry for making Nurse Redheart mad and then she yelled at me and I think she kicked me out but before she did she called me son and I don’t know if I’m her son or how I’m her son am I her son?!” I panted, feeling a bit like Pinkie Pie with that last sentence.

“Well I guess shoping can wait really….” She said flatly as she put her list back in her saddlebags.

“So Ethan what happened at the party last night?”
I felt bad, they had noticed.
“Well I needed to clear my head; I lost something very important to me….”

“What was it? Do we need to ask everypony if they had seen something?”

“Not really, thank you though, it’s a kind gesture”

“No really it’s no problem at all Ethan let me just ask Pinkie and….”

I cut her short. “It’s my memories Twilight; I lost some of my memory.”

She didn’t seem too shocked, “But how do you have memories? If you were in a coma your entire life, no offense but, you should be blank.”

I should be blank? Maybe I should be blank…..Just start new, leave the old me behind, but I knew I couldn’t. I missed my old life very much still.

“Hey Ethan? Are you still listening?”

I blushed, “Sorry I kind of got lost in thought”.
“No problem! Since you did say memories and how you lost them, I thought maybe you would allow me to try a new spell to see if I could recover them?”

I looked at her, with shock in my eye. “Get them back? You can give me my memories back?”.

“Well I can certainly try! No guarantees though…..”She trailed off as she went through her library, scanning books. I was left sitting on a plush couch in the center of the library. I looked around and saw a common theme; Books. Everywhere there were books, I understood that it was a library and that books were not abnormal but the amount of books here was just plain excessive!

Soon enough Twilight found her way back carrying a large dusty book in her magic grip. “Okay just relax please and try your best not to move!”
I laid down on the couch, my head nearest to her. “This shouldn’t hurt should it?” I looked nervous.

“Nope”
I don’t know if there was more to the sentence because before she could finish I was out.

I awoke with Twilight inches from my face, horn still slightly glowing. I backed up suddenly, blushing. She looked at me with a blank stare, “Ethan you don’t have any memories but the ones you have from waking up.”

I sat in stunned silence, what was it that I remember then? Just a large dream that I’m losing fragments of? But how could I speak their language and think thoughts at all?

My voice cracked, “So I can never have my memories, or dreams, or whatever back?”

She shook her head “No I don’t think so Ethan, I’m really sorry, truly I am. I know this must be hard for you and all and if you need help with anything feel free to ask me!”

I looked up, I did need help. Now actually, I needed to find a way to be productive or to help somehow, maybe earn some bits and buy a house even. But first I wanted to be in prime physical shape, just as I had been. I thought it might help me with my thoughts and my fears, at least some. “Yes actually! I need a job, or someway to earn money and I need it to be very physically demanding!”

“That’s a really….odd request.” She cocked her head to one side, “If you really wanted a job that fits that criteria I would seek out Applejack, she has one of the hardest jobs in Equestria!”

“Really?” I asked, “Where is she and how can I get there?”

Twilight laughed and looked out the door; the rain had picked up now and was almost a downpour. “Well, you aren’t going anywhere is this terrible rain, and neither am I!” Twilight sat down on the couch next to me, “Why do you want such a hard job anyway?”

“Well” I started, “Back in my old memories, I had been somewhat of an athletics star. It was what I did and what I took pride it. I just think that if I got back to where I was in my past thoughts that I might be a little more stable in this world.”

“Oh I see, so you’re trying to find an identity in a way?”

I nodded. I hadn’t even thought about this, I needed an identity in this world now; just as I had in my last mind. So far I had been the “lost and confused” pony, but no more!

Twilight sighed, “Sorry if I jumped to conclusions, I just get carried away sometimes with my thoughts and I tend to say something I shouldn’t have.”

I shook my head, “Not at all Miss Sparkle, you are a very wise pony! I do need an identity and I hadn’t even thought about that. Thank you for reminding me!”

Twilight blushed and looked away from me, “Not very many ponies use my name like that! You’ll embarrass me! Just call me Twi or Twilight please. “She giggled. “Anyway as soon as the rain clears we can leave to get you to Applejacks! Oh and I almost forgot, since you don’t have a place to stay, I guess it would be okay if you stayed here!”

I tripped over my words, “Here? Just me, a random pony, in your house? When do I need to leave, and what do I need to do to pull my weight around the place?”

She chuckled and looked outside, “The rain is clearing some, atleast enough to travel in. And yes you, here, no rules or policies or anything tricky. Just don’t sweat things so much, you worry too much and that means a lot coming from me, trust me.”
She trotted towards the door and looked over her shoulder, “Coming?”

I rushed out after her, looking forward to the new direction that I was heading.

The Start of a Beginning

Chapter Five
The Start of a Beginning.

It took us a while to reach the gates of Applejacks apple orchard; we entered the front gates to see Applejack getting ready to hit the orchard.

“Howdy!” she trotted over to us, “What brings y’all to Sweet Apple Acres?” she tipped her hat at me.

Twilight spoke up first, “Ethan decided that he needs to get a job, but he didn’t just want any job; he wanted the hardest job he could get! So naturally I brought him here!” She smiled at me before she turned around, “I have to get some shopping done, I’ll be home around nightfall! Remember your welcome to stay anytime!” She left me and applejack standing there awkwardly.

I turned to look at Applejack, as she questioned me, “weren’t you that pony that ran off durin’ the party that we threw for ya?”

“Well yes, and I apologize for that, I panicked and didn’t know how to react…..” I kicked my hoof at the dirt, making tracks in the loose soil. “Some stuff…..uh came up.”

She chuckled at me “Twi told me all about ya; quite the story you’ve got on yer hands. I’d imagine that’s a lot for a pony to deal with all at once.” “Anyway why ya want a job so labor intensive? I mean you really just got to workin’ condition an all.”

I shook my head, smiling “Well Applejack In my past memories I used to be very physically active, and I don’t see why I shouldn’t be the same here. Also I need to stop being a dead weight to everyone. I mean Twilight is even letting me stay at her place until I can afford my own!” I looked to Applejack, “So is there anything I can do?”

She tapped her hoof on the ground and thought for a minute “Well ah could have you carry all the buckets of apples back to the barn, but it is quite a walk.”

I looked at her and bluntly asked, “When do I start?”

She laughed, “You sure about this? It’s a mighty hard job!”

I nodded, “Of course I’m ready for anything! Just tell me what to do! Ill do it the best I can! Promise!”

“Good jus’ fallow me and every time I fill up the buckets around the trees take them to that barn over yonder!” She motioned towards a barn, a good 300 yards away. “Now let’s go, times a wasting!” And like that, we were off.

It was easy at first, the buckets weighed around 30 or 40 pounds and the run to the barn was not too bad, but it got harder as the day went on. The short 300 yard trot became a painfully slow drag, and I swear the buckets weighed at least 100 pounds. But I continued on, constantly staying about four or five trees back from Applejack, who seemed very impressed with my ability to keep up somewhat. As the day wore on, I started to falter; Applejack was 10 trees ahead, then twenty, then I couldn’t even see her. I picked up another bucket and began to trot towards the barn, painfully slow when Applejack casually walked past me carrying a bucket full of apples. She looked back over at me, “Soon as we get these buckets up we are done fer tha day!”

“Mmmplmmhff” was all I could say with the bucket in my mouth.

She shrugged and kept trotting towards the barn. Then as I saw her walking off something kicked in. I got up and matched her pace, eventually catching up with hers. She looked over at me , confused; she picked her pace up some more to stay ahead of me. I did the same. By the time we were halfway to the barn we were in a full out gallop. We rushed into the barn at the same time and flung the buckets to the ground, quickly returning towards the orchard. Without the bucket in my mouth I felt much lighter and stronger. I quickly outpaced her and was to the orchard about fifty yards before her. I waited for her to get to the bucket next to mine and then we were off again. This continued until we had every single bucket in the barn.

We fell down exhausted as we walked into her house, laughing. She poked me, “Yer faster than I gave ya credit for!”

I breathed heavily, “Yea but I think I about killed myself trying to stay ahead! But there was no way I was letting you win!”

She walked over to a drawer and pulled a small bag out, handing it to me. “You’re a real competitor aren’t ya? You know, I think me and Rainbow Dash could use a pony like you to help us stay ahead of the game! Next time we get together to race an such I’ll be sure to invite ya on over!”
I looked quizzically at the bag, “Oh thanks, I’d be glad to compete against you and….who was it, Rainbow Dash?” I opened the bag, it contained several bits. “What’s this?” I asked inspecting the bits inside.

She gave me a sarcastic response, “Well ya may be fast but I didn’t expect ya to be dumb! It’s what ah owe ya for today’s work! Twenty five bits, paid in full!”

I looked to her, “Uh, that’s a lot. I didn’t even work that hard, no way I earned this many bits!”, Handing the bag back to her.

She shook her head, “Keep em’, we worked a good portion of the orchard today! I figure at this rate we will be done in a few weeks; much earlier than it usually is for us!”

I shrugged, “I guess, what time do I need to be here tomorrow?” I made my way towards the door, still looking at Applejack.

She grinned, “Crack of dawn if you’re still up to it!”

I nodded, hoping that I wouldn’t be too sore to continue in the morning. “Sure thing Applejack! I’ll be here to help!” I opened the door, letting the chill of the night seep through my coat.

Applejack waved her hoof in goodbye, “Be careful on the walk home Ethan! Thanks again for the help, I can’t wait until tomorrow!”

I walked out the door with my hard earned bits in my mouth.

It was another brisk night, the moon still partially full. Clouds still littered the sky from the rain this morning and from time to time would cover the moon; casting darkness over the path I was on. I thought about today’s events. I had done something productive! I had put my hoof down and finally started to make progress. I had made another friend, and I could not gripe. But still deep down inside I was sad. Sad that for every friend I made here, I lost one in my past mind. The people that had influenced my life were fading away and I couldn’t stop it or delay it. I sighed, see this was the funny thing about depression; it could come back at anytime, anywhere. And worst of all, for seemingly no reason.

I remember back to my teenage years, playing football and lifting weights, all while being an active member in my school with outstanding grades. I was going to do great things in my life, and I knew this. But still almost every night I would cry myself to sleep. I had never asked for help, or as much as told anyone. I just felt weak for admitting I had a problem. I guess that was the chink in my armor, I couldn’t accept my faults. I pushed them to the back of my mind and let them eat at me. I strove to make myself perfect, but it was silly trying to think I could do. All that trying for perfection would do was fail me. I always felt wasted and empty. The people around me never understood why I didn’t party or hang out with them; I just preferred to be alone with my thoughts. Most of the time was spent trying to figure out why I felt so bad. Why did I feel so bad? Even now as I walk along a moonlit path, I feel bad. Yes I was losing my memories, but I was making new, real, good memories. But that wasn’t it was it? I had something else eating at me but I couldn’t place my finger on it. Just this bitter sadness that seemed to dwell on me, wait until I was alone to strike.

I eventually came to Twilights house, walking quietly as to not disturb her. It was very late and I took the long route to her house to allow my mind to think. I got to her door and slowly opened it, not making a sound. I entered the giant main room to see Twilight sitting at a desk, reading a rather large book. She looked to the door and saw me standing there holding my bag of bits.

“Oh, your home awfully late. How was your first day of work?” she asked.

I walked over to the couch and plopped myself down on it, “Really hard, but I got paid quite a lot actually so…” I yawned. “It was worth it.” I grabbed a couch cushion near me and pulled it into my face, closing my eyes.

“Well that’s certainly good, uh you look tired; feel free to sleep anywhere you please. Don’t let me bother you; I will only be studying a little while longer. See I’m reading this book over the effects of constellations on magic creatures and I….”

I didn’t make it to the end of the sentence. I was making it a habit to fall asleep when I shouldn’t. One day that would probably catch up to me, but tonight I figured, it was fine.

Getting a Hoof Up

Chapter Six

Getting A Hoof Up.

I slept like a rock, as I should have. That was the hardest I had worked since my last weeks of physical training. I was sore but I still had to get up to go work yet another day. I opened my eyes to find a soft grey filtering through the libraries main floor. I looked over to the desk where Twilight had been before and smiled; there she lay, an open book under her face and a completely burnt out candle at the very edge of her desk. Her nostrils flared every time she drew a breath and every so often she would twitch; deep in some dream no doubt. She looked so peaceful and soft. I on the hand was a wreck. I could feel my ruffled mane sticking up, my eyes seemed glued together with after sleep and to top it off drool had run down my face at some point and soaked the cushion I was resting on. I quickly turned the cushion over, concealing my night’s mishaps. It would be time to leave soon anyway. I drug myself off of the couch and groggier than before, found my way to the kitchen sink. I turned the faucet on and splashed cold water on my face. I wet my mane, attempting to make it stand flat but to no avail. I made my way back into the main room and took one last look at Twilight before leaving off towards Applejacks.

The morning was crisp and cool; a slight fog had moved in and was receding quite rapidly. It was certainly going to be a very humid day. My coat was already clinging to me as beads of sweat found their way to the surface of my skin. I walked alone for some time before I finally made it to the orchard. There were so many trees left! As I was admiring the orchard Applejack had walked up behind me at some point.

"Beautiful isn't it?” she said while staring over the orchard with me. "We built this here orchard from the ground up, using only our hooves and minds" she sighed. "Planted every tree here that you see." She began walking towards the orchard.

"You coming? Or you gunna look cross at the trees all day? “She asked cutting me a sly smile, "I'll race ya!"
She beat me by a mile this time though, her muscles were used to manual labor and quick recovery. I was used to.....well nothing yet!

We worked hard and long up until lunchtime. Off in the distance we heard a bell ring as a raspy old voice called out to us to come home to eat. Of course it was a race; this time closer, as my muscles had limbered up some. When we got to the front yard of her house there was a picnic table set up with food and drinks waiting for us. A voice called out from above, "Hey AJ mind if I join in?" Before I could look a blue Pegasus was sitting next to me, looking at Applejack.

"Howdy Rainbow Dash, awful nice of ya to drop in on us." Applejack chimed in.

Dash brushed this off, already stuffing her face with pie, "Yea yea so who's your friend here?" She inspected me closely, just inches from my face; causing me to blush.

Applejack scolded, " Dash don't be rude now, this is that pony that pinkie threw a big fuss over a few days back. Had a party an everything!"

Rainbow Dash seemed to think before putting a hoof to her mouth "oooohhhhh yyyeeeaaaa you’re that pony who was in a coma then got scared and then ran off right?"

Applejack looked absolutely horrified, as Rainbow dash just shoved pie in her face. I couldn't help but to burst into laughter. Seeing them there, complete opposites; contradicting each other all too well.

Applejack cut in “Ah’m mighty sorry some ponies just can't hold their TOUNGE!" She said, glaring at Rainbow Dash.
In response she just lay down on the bench, belched and asked, "well its true isn't it!?"

I noticed she was looking directly at me, "Well yea I chickened out I guess. Just had to get away and have some alone time."

She nodded "yea Pinkie can get kind of overwhelming sometimes, ya know, unless your me. I can handle anything “she said smiling to herself.
I noticed her rainbow mane; I mean how could I not? It was practically in my lap. It was short and spiky, but it was cute on her; her tail was the same story. I caught myself looking for a little too long before I broke my gaze and started to turn back to my food. Before my eyes made it I glanced at her flank, just a little too obviously. She caught me, "Hey man watch where you stare!"
I stammered, my face turning an obvious fuchsia "I was just...uh I - uhm....Your cutie mark. I mean just because I don't have one I was wondering how I get one and yea.....sorry"

She sat up, immediately looking at my flank, " oh wow you don't have one do you?! But you don't look much younger than me! You need one!"

I sighed, “I’m in no hurry at all. I have plenty of time to find what I'm good at."
She looked dissatisfied "Boring. Hey you look pretty strong, maybe wanna race with me and AJ really quick?"
Applejack looked up “Heck yes! Let’s go Ethan c'mon!"

Before I could protest we had already been lined up by Rainbow Dash at the entrance to the orchard. "Okay we are going to race to the end of that line of trees, around the house and then back here!"
I and applejack nodded, it wasn't too far and I should be able to keep up at least a little! I cut them both a grin.

Rainbow lined up next to us, before she started her count down. Right before she said go I saw her look at me and wink. Then we were off.

I lost by what seemed a mile, I rounded the corner of the house to see applejack and Rainbow Dash talking casually. I ran up, out of breath and wheezing, “Good....hhh ....race girls...." I lay on the ground. They chortled and helped me up.

Dash looked at me and smiled, “I like your style kid, and you didn't give up even though we whipped you by like 8 miles!"
I cut her a sarcastic grin before turning to Applejack, "So when do we get back to work?"

She thought for a minute, "Ah say we call it a day actually, me and Dash haven't hung out for some time now and we got catchin' up to do."
Rainbow Dash nodded, “Yea your more than welcome to tag along if you want!"
I laughed, "no way I could keep up with you two, I think I am just going to go around town and see what trouble I can get into. Kind of explore a bit"
With that the two ponies nodded and said their goodbyes as I walked towards the town. I could hear them bickering about who was faster without wings as I walked away.

I made my way through town, eying the other ponies wandering about. They all seemed very happy; lazing about and talking causally. I took note that they all wore what looked to be saddlebags. I needed one I decided; it would help when I went to collect things. I had planned to go on several adventures when I had time off from the orchard, just to find unique items, just as I had in my past life.

Nearby, a light tan colored pony stood looking bored. I walked over to the pony and asked casually, " Hi, I was wondering where I could get one of...those?" I pointed towards her saddlebags.

She looked inquisitively at me " oh these? You can get them from anywhere really, but by far the best ones are made at the carousel boutique! “she pointed towards a brightly colored, very fashionable, building.
I thanked her and made my way towards the peculiar looking building.

When I got to the door of the boutique I heard a light struggle going on within. Without thinking I burst through the door, setting a small bell in motion that was there to alert the owner of any new customers. I looked about my surroundings; the walls were adorned with bright colored articles of clothing that looked to be professionally made by some pony. A voice from behind a nearby door rang out, “If you would kindly wait just a few more seconds I will be right with you!".

The voice sounded exasperated and hurried, I wondered what was up. Why would a pony be in such a hurry? I didn't have to wait long for a striking white pony entered the room. Her mane was long and purple; it easily put the items on the wall to shame in terms of beauty. She looked at means apologized immediately. " I am so very sorry for the wait! I am Rarity, the most fabulous designer in all of equestria! What may I help you with?" She wiped beads of sweat from her forehead.

“Hi, I'm Ethan. I'm new around here and I was wondering if I could get a..." I stopped to notice her eyes darting around the room hurriedly. “Ma’am is there something wrong? Maybe I could help?"
She looked at me, her pent up problems spilling out, "Yes! The absolute WORST. POSSIBLE. THING. Has happened!" She feigned, a luxurious red couch coming from behind to catch her.

I was confused by the drama of the matter, " uhm....what may I ask?"

“You see I need a special dress done for a royal mare in Canterlot, I have it complete; except for one thing! It’s missing the jewel that is supposed to tie the entire piece together! I would just go get another but I have no pony to help bring it back to town!"

I chimed in, "I’ll help! Where do we need to go?"
Her ears perked up, "You will? Wonderful!!! But we must hurry! "
I soon had a shovel in my mouth and was rushing out the door with Rarity close in front.
We hadn't made it ten hooves when she started to walk, casually eying nearby floral bushes; commenting on making spring dresses and such. Nothing of too much importance to me I thought. When we had reached the outskirts of town she turned to me, "Aren't you that pony whom was in a coma his entire life? I saw you at pinkies party didn't I?"
I nodded, “sure am, still trying to get my hooves on the ground really. But I have a job and am making bits so that's always a plus!"
She smiled, “By the way dear, sorry for being absolutely rude earlier! What was it that you wanted anyway?'

I laughed, trying not to act too charmed by this graceful mare, "I just wanted a saddlebag to carry my things, trinkets and such!"

She eyed me thoroughly; getting very close to me. Sizing me up no doubt. “Hmm well it wouldn't be too hard; it would need to be a bit stouter in build. Maybe a white saddlebag to compliment your luscious caramel mane! Or maybe a dark black to compliment your rugged features!"

She lost herself in thought. Just in time to for I had began to blush a bright red. No pony had complimented me on my looks yet and it caught me off guard.

A few minutes later we came to the mouth of a gaping cave. Rarity looked up, "This must be where we can find one! Let me see..." she illuminated the cave momentarily, showing several large gems imbedded in the dirt about 30 yards into the cave. “Please if you wouldn't mind digging those up for me?"
I nodded, walking to them and sticking my shovel in the ground, “sure thing! Be out as soon as I'm done!"
“Thank you dearie! You are a true life saver!" She turned around to the mouth of the cave and sat down a red couch upon the ground. She was promptly fast asleep.

I began digging in the dark cave, not much bothered by the work nor the darkness. After what seemed like hours I got to the first jewel. It was a bright lustrous diamond, already cut to perfection. I thought that it was odd that natural gems were cut, also in the ground...... something was up. I climbed out of the hole I had dug, blinking my eyes in the dark. Suddenly I was hit from behind knocking me to the ground with a thud.

"WHAT!! ARE YOUUU doing stealing OUR gems?!" A nasally voice said behind me. I swiftly turned around, only to be struck again; this time opening a large gash above my left eye. Not that vision helped me much but I could still tell blood was running into my eye. I heard a shuffle behind me and I bucked in the sound of the noise. I connected with a sickening thud as something flew against one of the cave walls behind me. I thought that I was safe but just then two more beasts grabbed me by the front hooves. A sharp sting flew through my back, sending rivets of pain through my body. I could hear Rarity scream and come rushing in; she illuminated the room revealing my attackers.

Three dog like figures stood around me, staring, waiting to attack. Suddenly the bigger one went directly into the soft earth below. I knew what was about to happen. I counted in my head.
One.

Two.

Three.

GO!
At go, I lifted my back legs and slammed them into the earth as hard as I could

I was met with a loud crunch as the earth below my hooves gave way. A scream pierced the cave's silence as the uninjured attackers rushed to the thirds aid, completely ignoring me. Rarity saw opportunity and quickly lifted the gem from the hole I had dug. "Ethan, run!"

That's all I needed, I bolted towards the door, stumbling about with blurred vision. Rarity and I ran all the way to Ponyville, not once looking back.

As we burst through the doors of the boutique we let out a collective sigh. Rarity dropped the gem and rushed over to me, "Let’s get you to the Fluttershy now! We can't take our time at the hospital let’s go!"

I pushed her away and laughed, " it’s just a scratch! " I felt very tired suddenly.

She pushed me towards the door, "No its not please let's go!"

Why was she in such a hurry? A little gash above the eye---- then I saw it. I was looking in one of the rooms many mirrors when it hit me. My entire side was covered, dripping in blood. Right above the blood stained coat was a jagged rock that looked to resemble a knife. It was jabbed in all the way to the hilt. “Oh I guess I need to see soneonei just dontthink that need to ....run...maybe walk..." I closed my eyes, trying my best not to pass out.

Time was slipping around more fluidly now. I was at a strange house with a yellow Pegasus when I opened my eyes one time, I would blink; then I was on a gurney. Then at last when I opened my eyes I was at the hospital surrounded by six ponies.

I blinked, clearing the fog that had previously clung to my vision. My left eye felt swollen and sore. I turned from my side but was met with a sharp pain. Wincing, I looked to the six around me, “Wha-what happened?”
Rarity spoke up, “You were attacked by diamond dogs while you were digging! The dreadful creatures knocked you to the ground and tried to murder you! I feel just dreadful for making you go in there alone! "

Twilight chimed in, "Fluttershy was close by thankfully and she heard Rarity scream in the boutique, she rushed in and made sure that you didn't reach critically low blood levels." She looked at Fluttershy.

I smiled at the Pegasus, “Wow so you saved my life! Thank you so much!!!" I would have hugged her but I didn't want to move.
She hushed her tone "Oh...um you’re welcome...." she took several steps back.

I wondered if I had scared her or said something wrong but before I could finish a thought Rainbow Dash was in my face " That was so awesome!!! I wish I could have seen it! I bet you were kicking them left and right and up and down!" She gave a quick Buck in the air, knocking down my IV drip. Applejack caught it before it fell scolding Dash.
"Rainbow Dash stop right this instant! He needs 'is rest and relaxation. Can't have you missin from the orchard for too long now can we? Ya jus' needa few days an I'm sure--" she was cut off by a loud party Popper exploding into her face.

Pinkie pie bounced around my bed, tossing confetti about. "You saved my friend and that make you my friend and I throw parties for my friends! Or play pranks on them! Or bake cakes for them!" She gasped! “Since you were grumpy-wumpy on the first party we can throw you a 'you saved my friend from a pack of diamond dogs' party! "

I had met this pony twice and she had decided to throw two parties. It was ridiculous but I couldn't help but smile. “That sounds great Pinkie, I'd love that!"
She pounced towards me but before impact a purple glow enveloped her. "No pinkie we need to let him rest. He needs to get better and nurse Redheart needs to see him" twilight started walking out with the other 5. They all said their goodbyes, waving and saying their thanks.
Then they were gone, I was alone. I sat there and smiled, enjoying the residue of their friendship. For the first time in a while I felt completely content, you know; for being almost killed and all.

I closed my eyes expecting a rest , but no more than 5 seconds passed before nurse Redheart walked in. She slowly made her way to my bed and sat beside it.
“look I....." she didn't get the chance to finish. I leaned over to her and hugged her. She started to cry.
Through her muffled sobs I was able to decipher one single word-

Son.

Pieces To My Puzzle

Chapter Seven
Pieces To My Puzzle

My mother and I sat in silence, just holding one another. I was glad to finally have a connection with my mother, even if I had only known her a short while. She had stayed with me through my entire coma, which had to be incredibly hard on her emotionally. I wondered, how many nights had she sat where she is now, crying herself to sleep? But it didn’t matter anymore, I had my mother and she finally had me. I thought back to my mother in my past memories. So full of energy, so strong. Me and her fighting her cancer together, the stressful times that we had made it through, everything. Maybe Nurse Redheart and I could form a bond that was close. If it was even half as close it would be amazing; but I could not lie to myself. Nurse Redheart and I had a lot of bonding to do.

She broke the silence first, “I-I’m just so glad to have you back!” tears were still streaming down her face “I thought I would lose you and then you came back to me. Now you are doing better than I would have ever hoped! But when I had heard you’d been stabbed I panicked. I was about to lose you again and I felt terrible. I had never really explained to you what had happened. After I initially told you I got nervous about what you would say and ran away. I apologize for that.” She embraced me again in a very tight hug, her tears slowly coming to a stop.

As I rested my muzzle on her neck I asked her “Nur---Mom……..”I lingered on that word; it felt foreign on my lips as it left my mouth. “Will you tell me about me?”

She retreated from our embrace and sat on her haunches, “Yes, I wish it was a longer story and I wish I knew more but I will tell you all I know.”

I looked at her, eyes full of wonder; what could have caused me to be this way? I wanted to know, and badly.
She started in, “Simple enough, me and your father decided that we should have a colt. But things were not the same for us as every other pony. You see, your father had a condition that made him very infertile, but we prayed to Celestia and kept trying and after years and years of trying we finally were blessed enough to have you. Things were regular for a very long time but right before you were born something came up.” She sighed looking reminiscent. “Your father went to make a delivery to Canterlot. He boarded the train early in the morning and that was the last time I ever saw him. His train crashed only a few miles from its destination. He was….the only one who died…”

I saw her pause and wipe a tear from her eye. “After that day I fell into a deep place. I hated myself for letting him go, for him being the only one who died. I hated a lot of things. Most of all though through this hate, I cherished you. You would be all I had left of him. Sadly I fell into some very bad things. I started hurting myself, trying to drown the pain away in cider and tranquilizers.” She stopped for a moment.

“Mom?” I put my hoof on her shoulder. “Are you okay?” she rested a hoof on my bed,

“Yes dear, I just needed a second. This next part is hard to accept, I still have issues with it today.” She straightened her back, as if preparing for the worst.

“One day I felt pains in my abdomen and went to make sure everything was fine. But it wasn’t; the doctor said that you were going to be born 2 months early. He asked if I had used any sort of drug, to which I said yes.” She sighed. “He said that you would very likely not survive.”

I found myself thinking aloud, “So I was very close to not surviving at all?”

She nodded, “Very, very close. I went into labor a few days later and gave birth to you. You were a healthy little thing; you even looked just like your father. When I held you for the first time though, something went wrong. You suddenly had a seizure; it raised your heart rate to dangerous levels and caused you to go comatose.” She grabbed me for another hug, sniffling again.

“I waited days, weeks, months, then years; I waited for you to come back. But you never came. There was always hope though, you seemed like you weren’t even in a coma really; just a long, peaceful sleep.” She broke a grin that lit up the entire room, “Then one day you woke up and were finally back with me!”

She had left a big hole in the story though, “Mom” I asked “What was my father’s name, and what was he like?”

She looked at me to explain, “His name was Dust Cloud. He got it from his dusty colored mane and his extreme ground speed. He worked tirelessly as a delivery pony. He had a very unique cutie mark; it was an envelope with a flame trail behind it. I used to call him my little Hot Mail because he would always be sent back to me. All but one time…..”

She turned from me. “Look you need your rest; you should be good to go tomorrow. That is if you feel up to it, I hear Pinkie has quite the party planned for you.”

I nodded, sleep sounded like a very good idea right about now. My mother turned to walk out of my door. Just before she was gone I shouted after her

“Goodnight mom…..I love you.”

With that she smiled then left.

I closed my eyes and went to sleep, I had a big day tomorrow it sounded like; and I didn’t want to miss another party, maybe I could stay this time.

The morning went by relatively fast, I got a wrap that wrapped around my entire wound and my body. I talked to my mom again before I left,

“You sure it’s okay that I just…leave?”

She shooed me out the door, “Of course! You are a young stallion; I can’t think to keep you here! Plus I’m sure your friends are waiting for you” with the last statement she winked at me.

I hugged her again before saying my goodbyes and walking out into the midmorning sunlight.

It was a beautiful day outside, the birds were singing their springtime songs and the flowers filled the air with the scent of fresh bloom. I inhaled deeply before walking towards Twilights library. I found myself picking up pace even though I had been strongly advised not to exert myself any. I laughed silently under my breath; that wasn’t me. I took off full gallop towards the library door, planning to stop right before I hit the door just to see how close I could get. When I was only a few yards from the door I heard a clicking noise. Twilight walked out to see me inches from her face. We had a split second of realization before we collided into each other, tumbling back into the library.

I got up slowly, looking over to Twilight “Uh sorry Twi! I just was happy to be on my hooves again!” She looked annoyed.
“Ethan, I am almost 100% positive that Nurse Redheart wouldn’t want you running at all, anywhere for a while!” She glared at me, inching closer and closer “Ethan. Promise me that you WON’T do anything stupid to hurt yourself please!”
I stammered “Yes ma’am!” I gave a salute with a crappy poker face grin. She flicked my nose with her hoof. “Better be good! Now let’s go, the party is in several minutes and you are going to love it!”

I walked beside her all the way to Sugarcube Corner. I never noticed how pretty she really was. She had a light mulberry coat that gave a cool feeling when you looked at it. Her mane was a moderate violet that gave a stark contrast to her coat; the rose colored streak that ran through it only added to her beauty. She truly was a very kind pony and I admired the fact that she cared about me as much as she did.

I walked into the Sugarcube Corner to see a grand party, almost more extravagant than before. There were fewer ponies this time, many who looked like they had stopped by to see what the commotion was. Pinkie burst forward from a box in the floor, “Hey everybody Ethan is here! Give him your applause everypony!” The room gave an awkward clap, led on by the charismatic pink pony, which seemed to be a single entity of energy and joy today.
She took me by the hoof and led me to a long table with a big box on top of it.

“It’s your present! It’s a super-secret-special-one-of-a-kind-only-you-Ethan-original-gift!” She shoved me forward, “Take a look! It’s from all of us!”
I looked around the table; all six of my newly acquired friends had assembled in a semicircle around me. They fixated on me with an eager glare, “Go on open it!” Pinkie Pie shoved me towards the box. I gingerly hoofed at the wrapper; opening gifts had always made me nervous. I never felt like I was ever grateful enough and that I was always disappointing the person who was giving me gifts. Opening the lid slowly, I peered inside and gasped at the sight inside.
In the box lay the most beautiful saddlebags that I had seen yet in Equestria. It was fashioned with a stunning white leather-like material that brought light to the box. It had golden clips on the flaps that held them firmly in place. A black fur had been used as a lining to the part of the saddlebags that would rub my back and chest.

“Well don’t be shy now, try it on!” Rarity hung close behind me awaiting my response. I slipped it on with ease, pulling a strap to make sure it was very secure and snug.

“I love it!” I looked to Rarity, who was absolutely beaming with pride.

“I made it from only the strongest, lightest, and of course beautiful materials. Bleached Corray Eel leather, making it scratch and tear resistant while also waterproof! “

“Wow Rarity, thank you! It’s absolutely beautiful!”

She looked at me and laughed, “Well that is all thanks to Dash here! She picked the colors and style out for you.”

“Yea I had to pick a color that went with you. It had to be tough” she punched the air “Cool!” she lay down in the air “And fast, but not too fast, since your slow and all!”

“Very funny Dash. We will race again once I am better to see how slow I really am!”

“Pfft, yea whatever slowpoke!” she gave me a playful nudge.

Twilight spoke up now, “I added an enchantment to make it incredibly light so you can take long journeys with it and not worry about it weighing you down.”

I had to agree, this saddlebag was large yet, it weighed close to nothing! Honestly it was quite the piece of craftsmanship on Rarity’s part, and I did love the color scheme; even though it was picked due to my lack of speed.

“Well ya’ see those straps right there?” Applejack hoofed at a strap beneath my chest. “That ain’t standard on most saddlebags, but ah’ figured you could use one to keep it strapped tight while you’re fightin’ off badies!”

I nodded, “Should come in handy if I get in a tight place! Thanks Applejack!”

Pinkie was pushing Fluttershy towards me, “Tell her what you did Flutters! It’s really cool!”

Fluttershy turned bright red, looking around me but never directly at me “Uhm well you see…I uh added.. the uh….Sheep wool, it is very special and..” she stared at the wall behind my head, “it won’t rub or chafe , while keeping you warm or cool, depending on the weather…..”

I took her in a tight hug as she squeaked out faintly. I kind of did it just to tease her really; I knew she was very nervous around me. I didn’t know why but I intended to change that! The hug soon escalated into a full group hug, me in the middle.

The rest of the party went pretty smoothly, we talked lots about general things. When I could get back to work, if I needed to buy a house, how awesome Rainbow Dash is, stuff like that. This went on for quite some time. When we had finished up I looked outside to see dusk had broken the horizon, blanketing much of the sky in a dark midnight blue. We walked outside and said our goodbyes, all going our separate directions.

I had started off towards my favorite thinking place when I heard Rarity whisper behind me.
“Hey Ethan, come here. I need to speak with you for a moment.”

I walked to where she stood, slightly off of the path in the faint shadow of a bush. She looked around to see if anypony was near then, without speaking a word she used her magic to open up one of my saddlebag flaps. She opened her own and produced a rather large velvet bag, setting it in my bag.

“I sold that dress that I had made from the gem you retrieved for me. I apologized for it being late and told her the reason why. She sympathized and felt terrible for almost killing you and all. So she paid me double. I tried to stop her but she insisted. I guess being one of the richest ponies in Canterlot has its perks…..” She stared at the sky, “I-I’m sorry I asked you to get that gem. It almost took your life and I was afraid I….uh, we might lose you.”

I put a hoof around her, “Rarity I wouldn’t leave that easy, and you know I can’t accept these bits.”

She slowly shook her head, “You have too, I wouldn’t have a use for that many bits.”

“How many bits are we talking Rarity?”

“10,000 in solid 20 mark bits.”

We sat in silence for quite some time before she stood up and started to walk away. “Rarity…….” She looked back over at me. “Thank you, it means a lot that you gave me this.” She turned to me, winking “It’s no problem. Not for a friend like you.” She smiled then departed towards her boutique.

I sat by that bush for a little while longer. How could these ponies be so kind to someone they had just met? They were more sincere and kind than any other person I knew in my old life. These ponies tried to give so much, and take so little. It amazed me really. Was everypony like this? I was beginning to like this world so much. I had a caring mother, a great group of friends, all the bits I would need for a long while.

I continued to walk along the path all the way to my favorite tree. It was another beautiful night, just like the first night I sat here and collected my thoughts. A mild breeze swept spring smells in the air, a crisp scent that filled the nostrils with a rich earthy smell. I lay down on the grass, letting my senses run wild with the scents, feelings, and sounds that surrounded me.

I sat in silence, just smiling to the sky, happy and content with the life I had been given. I got up soon and began to walk towards the library. I walked at a quick trot, hoping I could catch her up, still hard at work studying. When I arrived I saw no light from inside, odd for this hour. I opened the door gingerly, not allowing it to creak or pop. There on the couch lay Twilight, sound asleep with a book lying underneath her head. I smiled at her antics, “Always in a book” I whispered to myself. Making my way around the couch I realized that I had nowhere to sleep now. I wondered if I should take her bed, I doubt she would mind really. And I would explain myself in the morning. I sighed, walking up the stairs towards her bed. It was slightly a mess, made and tossed about carelessly. I undid the strap that held my saddlebag in place, letting it slide to the floor with a soft thud. I climbed onto her bed but decided against getting under her covers which might seem a little too personal. I set my head down on one of her pillows, it smelt like her, and I took the scent in with a big sigh. It smelled of lavender and of some other scent I couldn’t quite put my hoof on.

I stretched out my weary limbs. It had truly been a long day, and I was not shy to admit I was extremely tired. I lay and let the soreness of my side dim away as I slowly drifted off to sleep.

Everything seemed to be perfect in my life for once.

Role Swap

Chapter Nine
Role Swap

Those words resonated through my head, relaxing my muscles but sending my mind into a flurry. I had been expecting anything….Anything but that. She always seemed so happy and energetic, always striving to be her best at absolutely everything. Ever since I had ‘arrived’ here I had been the one who needed help. Now the roles had been switched. Rainbow Dash needed somepony and right now I was that somepony. I returned her hug, letting her tears soak my mane. I thought of what to say…..nothing came to mind. She didn’t need to hear “its okay” or “I understand.” What she needed to do was talk about it, and come to think of it; so did I.

“Dash….lets go somewhere. I know where we can go talk.” I took one of her hoofs in mine, leading her towards my tree.
She wiped her nose with the hoof I had taken and started to follow me, head hung low. “….okay….”

We walked on in complete silence. I didn’t know what to say to her when we got there; but I did. I knew exactly what I had to say. I had to come to terms with my own loss, and in doing so, help her accomplish the same.

When we got to the tree I led her to the trunk and lay down, facing the stars. “You know, you are a really strong pony….”

She mimicked me and lay down next to me. “I don’t think so….I hid this secret so long; lied to so many ponies. Put on a game face just to pretend to be normal…..”

“And it hurts so bad…..” I finished her sentence “I just learned recently that I never had a father, and it already hurts so much. How could you hide it so long?”

“I….I didn’t want pity. I wanted to prove that I was strong to my dad, even if he was gone. The last thing I w-wanted him to see is other ponies feeling sorry for me.” She rolled, her body facing away from me.

I let the silence permeate the air for some time before I said what had to be said. “I don’t even miss the dad I never got to meet. I can’t even remember the one I thought I had, so I really can’t miss him either. I just want someone to look up to, someone who will ask how my day was or make sure that I did what I was supposed to.”

Dash rolled back towards me “Yea….. I tried to find a father figure, I tried long and hard…..Eventually I fell in love with the Wonderbolts. I pretended that they were here to instruct me, to make me who I was supposed to be. In following them I learned to fly for all I had. I based my entire life around flying, not because I loved it....” she paused

“Because it’s what I thought they wanted me to do.” Tears streamed down her already tear stained face. “I tried so hard to be them, so hard that my cutie mark became a bolt of rainbow lightning. Wonder….Bolts…. People wonder in the clouds and bolts are self explanatory; but why the rainbow? Not because of my mane, no! Because I didn’t have a father, I had 3 father figures!” she stamped her hoof in the ground infuriated.

This made me tear up quicker than I had expected. Not only did Dash lack a father, she had a brand on her flank that reminded her daily that she couldn’t replace her father with anypony for as long as she tried. Her cutie mark wasn’t a sign of speed or skill….it was a sign of searching; a sign to remind her that she would always be searching for a father, because that’s what she had set her life priorities to do.

I rested a hoof on her shoulder and looked into her watery eyes. “Let it out…You need this.”

“Why did he have to die?! He didn’t deserve it! I didn’t deserve it!” she pounded the ground with her hoof with each question. “My mom didn’t have to change….She didn’t have to leave me alone! What she did was selfish! I was sad and alone when my father died, and she decided then was the best time to kill herself?!”

My jaw dropped, she didn’t have a mother either? This tortured pony had to live a life with absolutely no connections? I was infinitely gladder to have Nurse Redheart as my mother, even if I didn’t know her as well as some.

I took Rainbow Dash into a full embrace “We will find ourselves one day. I promise you and me together.”

I knew this wasn’t about our fathers, which was only an attributing factor. We were sad that we didn’t know who we were supposed to be. Rainbow Dash had faked who she was her entire life and I had never even lived. But I promised her by that tree that we would find each other through each other.

She gave a nod and broke a faint smile “You know he died in a train accident of all things…..I need to forgive him, it wasn’t even his fault….” She wiped her tears away; finally coming to terms with this was helping her already.

“I usually don’t break down like this, just a while ago was the anniversary of the crash and I needed to come to terms…and you came at just the right time……Thank you…” she hugged me tighter and longer than I had been hugged before.
We sat there embracing for a long time. Rainbow Dash began to fall asleep in my arms, her warmth radiating between us, making sure we weren’t cold. She nuzzled up close into my neck, burying her face in my mane. She was asleep and hopefully at peace, if only just a little more.

I sat there for a long time, feeling her chest heave up and down with each peaceful breath. She was such a strong pony, to withstand all of this without having anypony to talk to. Her father had died in a train wreck just like mine and her mother had killed herself some time later. That had to be the worst, losing your father then your mother. I thought back to my mother, working with me, waiting all of those years for me to awake. I smiled, having peace knowing that I had at least some ties in this world. Rainbow Dash had made me appreciate what little I had in this world, my mother, my great friends, my bits, and soon to be, myself hopefully.

Tiredness ebbed at the corners of my vision; I was going to fall asleep by my favorite place. But this time it wouldn’t be alone.

Before I dozed off I leaned in close to Rainbow Dash’s ear and whispered, “Thank you….”With that, I fell into sleep.

Morning light crept between my closed eyes, causing me to open up to my surroundings. Dash's face was still plastered into my neck.

She yawned as I stirred awake, smiling upon seeing me, “Good morning you…”

“Good morning, sleep well? “ I stretched my legs out, causing my bones to pop in relief.

She pulled me back in with a strong hug, “Better than I have in years Ethan….I needed to get that weight off my chest.”
I returned her hug “Me too, I’m glad that we finally accepted some things. We still have a long way to go, but any step is a good step.”

She nodded, getting up and stretching her wings. “I have some thinking to do today Ethan, it means a lot that we talked last night….Thank you…” she flapped her wings a few times, lifting from the ground.

“No, thank you Dash, and please be safe today. I have some things to get done today myself!” with that she flew away, waving back at me from some distance.

I felt needed again. I felt like I could once again help the ponies around me. I didn’t feel useless and even better I didn’t feel alone. I started walking towards town, heading towards the hospital. I was going to spend all day with my mother.

Nurse Redheart was milling through paperwork when I walked through the doors to the hospital. “Hello and welcome to the…oh son! How have you been? Your check up isn’t for another week even why you are here is beyo…”

I took her in a hug before she had the chance to finish, “I love you so much mom, you mean the world to me and you are one of the only ties I have here.”

She returned my affection with hesitation, seemingly caught off guard “Oh…uh, you too son! I am so lucky to have you….”

I stepped back from our hug, not wanting to make it awkward, “So I am just going to help you out today and bond a little bit if that is okay with you.”

She nodded “Of course son! I have lots of work to do today, you can help and we can talk about things that you have missed. Let’s get started, we need to move some of the beds to the washroom and we have a long day ahead of us!”

I followed her to the nearest room. In it were old wilted flowers and half deflated groups of balloons clustered about. It was an absolutely depressing sight to behold. She grabbed the bed and started to exit the room as I examined the flower arrangements.

“Good thinking Ethan, I’ll take the beds and you can clean out the rooms interiors.” Nurse Redheart wheeled the bed out of the room swiftly; leaving me in a well lit room that looked as if the grim reaper had just been present.

I hoofed at a nearby card, flipping it open. “Dear Grandfather, please get well soon. You can’t leave us now. I just got my cutie mark and I want you to see me graduate from grade school! I am ever so close! When I get out I am going to get rich and famous and buy you all of the nasty jelly stuff that you could ever want!”

I smiled at the gesture; the old coot was probably already eating some nasty jelly food bought by his grandfilly!

I looked up from the letter, on the wall there was a whiteboard with the words “Deceased 9:07 P.M.” written in red ink.

My head drooped, as I whispered “Oh…..”

Just last night, a live pony had sat, thinking of a time where his grandfilly would be a big, famous, star that would shower him in troves and troves of jelly. Now he was dead.
Death is a funny and cruel thing. It takes who it wants and pays no mind to the thoughts or the feelings anypony. As happy as this place was, I had no doubt seen the saddest it had to offer. I continued cleaning the room, stripping it bare and white, leaving the memories of this previous pony in the trashcan alongside used tissues and old cups.

My mother walked in, seemingly paying no mind to the tragic history of this very spot. “Let’s go son, we have more rooms to clear.”

“Is death always this bad?” I looked to her

“Not always, but death never changes.” She walked out of the room.

We continued cleaning rooms all through the day, almost nopony even walking through the hospital doors. Some rooms weren’t as sad, others were almost even happy. It was an even mix between those two, none near as sad as the first room that I had cleaned out.

Finally we were done as we made our way into the main lobby. “Son thanks for the help today! Sorry it was sad sometimes but that’s just the way it is….. Here would you be a dear and take this last bag of trash out please?”
I happily nodded, “Sure will!” I started walking out the door with the bag in tow when she stopped me,
“Hey I need you to take these old newspapers out too. They need to be thrown away as well please.”

I opened the trash bag and allowed her to sweep the numerous newspapers into the trash. I left out the front door and walked all the way to the trashcan, flinging the bag over the top and into the bin. One of the old newspapers fluttered to the ground, opening to the main cover. I decided to read it, I just felt like I needed to for some reason.
The caption read

“In Remembrance: The great Train wreck that took one of our finest”
Below this was a picture of a mail pony wearing a big smile, his hoof around a cyan blue Pegasus that was holding a filly with a brilliantly colored mane.

I thought to myself, this must be the anniversary paper to Rainbow Dash’s dad’s death. I might as well read on.

“This day may years ago we lost one of our finest members of our society to a horrible train wreck bound for Canterlot. He was a delivery pony by nature and the best delivery pony we had to date. Dust Cloud A.K.A ‘Hotmail’, was the only casualty taken from us in this dreadful crash. He was a loving father of one; wed to his long term beloved wife, Dawn Dash with their only filly……Rainbow Dash.”

The paper hit the ground as a wave of realization swept over me. If Dust Cloud was Rainbow Dash’s dad….then that meant that he wasn’t my dad at all. My mother had lied to me!
I dashed towards the library, talking to myself in a hurried panic, “If she lied about that, what else has she lied about? Is Ethan even my real name?!”

I burst through the door not wasting any time in looking through the books in the section labeled records. Twilight walked in and saw me franticly flying through book pages.

“What are you looking for in particular Ethan?”

I turned towards her, “Twilight I need the records for Mrs. Redheart as soon as possible, it is of the upmost importance!”

She used her magic to pull a red bound book from the top shelf, “It should be in here…” she flipped through the pages until she stopped at one, “Here it is, let’s see…..Redheart…Filly of Chalk Redheart and Cindy Redheart….. Admitted to the hospital as lead nurse…Unmarried and without children…. Wait, Ethan didn’t you say she was your mother?”

I was out the door like lightning; I was full of rage and a feeling of betrayal. I needed to find out the truth.

I rushed through the hospital doors, a copy of the old newspaper in my mouth. I marched right up to where Nurse Redheart stood and tossed the newspaper at her feet. “Tell me the truth! Now!”

She sat on her haunches with a defeated look on her face. “I….you….I was just…..”

I stomped the ground as hard as I could, cracking a tile near my hoof. “NO! TELL ME NOW DAMNIT! NO LIES! DON’T LIE TO ME. DON’T…..don’t rip my heart out anymore that you have already….”

She burst into tears, “It was the closest thing! I had to say something! I couldn’t let you not have a father...”

“Yes you could have! You could have said nothing, let me get over it. Not tie me to a tree so that anytime I made progress I came flying back to square one! Tell me the truth!”

She looked at the ground, “When I gave birth to you…”

I kicked the paper in pure rage, sending it flying into one of the walls near me, shattering a picture frame. “You are not my mom! I looked it up! You haven’t even been married! Stop lying to me!” I leaned in close to her face, glaring.

She stepped a few steps back, falling to the ground “Okay! I admit! Your mother died when you were born! She never gave a name, a father, or even her own name; she died before we could even ask her. We were just in such a hurry…..” she sobbed, making sure not to look at me. “We didn’t know what to name you, and before we could you went into a deep coma. We don’t know who you are or where you came from! I’m sorry……”

It was my turn. I sat on my haunches; speechless…..I was a true bastard pony. No name, No family, no ties to this world at all. Back to square 0. I examined the bottom of my hoof until I felt a tear fall into my coat. Nurse Redheart put a hoof on my shoulder, “I’m sorr…”

“Shutup! I don’t want to hear your shit anymore! Sorry doesn’t tell me who I am or where I came from! It won’t give me a father or a mother! It won’t tell me what to do next! Why would you lie to me?! Just to destroy me from the inside out? Huh?!” I pushed her away and ran out the door.

This was too much. In the past week I had lost my father three times now, only to learn that I didn’t even know his damn name. I had lost my mother twice now, the memories of my old mother slowly fading, and the memories of my fake mother still fresh, stinging nettles on my heart. I had my friends but I felt so betrayed right now that I didn’t know what or who to believe. I would have cried but I had no tears left. I was fueled by pure rage now. Two whole lives had been complete lies. I truly felt stuck in a hole all by myself. My friends would be there for me but they couldn’t be what I wanted them to be, and who is to say they aren’t lying to me as well? What if this is just another coma? Maybe I died and went to hell. That had to be it, or at least it felt like it.

I was at my tree, almost by instinct. So far it was the only thing that had been truthful to me. I walked to the trunk, seething with rage and confusion. I screamed at the top of my lungs and threw my head into the tree, rattling the leaves it held. I hit it again.

And again, and again. I hit it until my neck was sore and blood ran down my face, it had made a clear stain upon the tree. I turned my back to the tree and started bucking it as hard as I could. My wound re-opened almost immediately but I didn’t care. I continued kicking as hard as I could, each hit making a loud crack that rang through the air.
I tired myself out taking my rage out on the tree that had been there for me. I had betrayed the one thing that had never betrayed me. I was angry at myself now. Leaves and blood littered the ground around the tree. I turned from the poor tree, my head almost dragging the ground and walked. Wherever I walked there was a faint trail of blood and I was getting progressively dizzier as I went on. I didn’t care. I wanted out any way, and if I died, who the hell would care?

I had been walking up hill almost subconsciously. My vision was blurred badly but from the ledge where I stood I could make out the faint outlines of Ponyville. I was high enough up. I stepped to the edge of the cliff.

“I’m sorry I was ever here…I didn’t belong here in the first place.” I let a single tear fall from the eye that wasn’t stained with blood.

My vision swayed and twisted in odd ways as I began to lose consciousness. If the jump wouldn’t do it the loss of blood was sure about too. I gave myself some final thoughts, Maybe this was a better place without me. I am not needed anyway, Dash is all cleared up and everypony else seems fine……

I’m sorry world…

I let myself slip off the edge, the weightlessness taking over my senses. It was peaceful. I opened my eyes one last time just to see a bright rainbow light from off in the distance.

My vision faded to black, and before I slipped into the abyss I heard a loud booming noise that rattled my senses to the core.

I thought death was silent.

Not Where I Once Was

Chapter Ten

Not Where I Once Was

I had always wondered what nothing felt like. I wondered if it was just a space of floating consciousness, or what was left over from your life. Would I feel anything at all? Would I even know I was dead? Wait, what is this even? Am I dead or is this just a really skewed dream? I felt something tugging at me….or part of me that is. I didn’t know where I was being pulled from, but it was from different places every time. I felt lights plucks, like when you touched a spot on your body that was numb. A surge of warmth went through me, sending the tugs away, leaving only the feeling of hot spreading liquid.
If this was death I didn’t mind. I still had my thoughts and memories. I thought of Ponyville, the hardships I had dealt with, the friends I had made. The promise to Rainbow Dash….I promised that we would find each other through each other. I had lied I guess. She would be sad probably…..How could I do that to her? The one time she found somepony who she could relate to, he went and jumped off of a clip.

I really suck.

I am an idiot. I took my own life in desperation and rage, but in doing so I inflicted great sorrow upon Dash…… I had promised.

I tried to remember my life before I was in Equestria, and I could remember some things, but some of them were still missing. My dad and my mother were both gone, my childhood and my friends. Pretty much all I could remember was some things that I did in my late teens of life.

Wait….. I thought that when you died some miraculous events happened that allowed you to remember everything. But I couldn’t…… Then it hit me,

I wasn’t dead!

In all my life I had never been so happy to have been alive. I could come back! I could change things, apologize to Rainbow Dash and find ourselves! I could explore lands unknown to me and see Equestria wide and far. But I had to live; I had to survive almost killing myself.

I focused in on the spreading warmth, the tugging that had returned and tried to open my eyes. I tried for a very long time, straining my body, my mind, everything I had. I was pure focus. Suddenly a flash came to me; I saw the very last things that I remember happen before my eyes, the rainbow, the sensation of falling, the blood, the boom. What was that boom anyway? Was it what happened right before your body shut off?

I didn’t even know what I would see when I opened my eyes. I may be lying at the bottom of the cliff, broken and covered in blood. Or I could not even wake up at all. But I just needed to live, to survive for another day.

I tried my hardest to open my eyes, harder than I had before. To my surprise my eyes not only opened, but they shot open. In full view I could see everything around me; I looked like I was in a hospital. But this was not the Ponyville Hospital; it was much more advanced and looked cleaner. I was in a well lit light blue room, surrounded by machines that were ticking away, circulating what looked like blood. A tube ran from this machine into one of my legs, warmth spreading from it. At least six other machines surrounded me, keeping tabs on my current state. The door diagonal from me had a sign labeled ICU hung from a hook near the top.

I was overtaken by a gagging feeling, noticing the tube taped to my nose, running down both nostrils and my mouth. I pulled them out with a sense of urgency and a feeling of being choked, setting the machine nearest to me into a flurry of alarm like beeps. Something from the corner of the room stirred, I looked over to where the movement was and saw Rainbow Dash rubbing her eyes, looking to see what had set the alarm off.

She ran to my bedside, pushing some machines away, “You’re up?! You scared me to death you asshole! I was just flying when I heard cracks and then I”

At that time a blue pony wearing a white doctor’s coat rushed in, running to me pushing Dash away, checking the machine and then me. “How are you up already? You shouldn’t even have enough blood yet… Anyway, don’t pull anymore stunts like that. We can’t come running here anytime you disagree with your treatment.” He ran several diagnostic checks on me, making sure that I wasn’t a vegetable and that I still had a brain and not mush.

In several minutes he left the room giving me advice to not pull anymore machines out, making sure to put emphasis on the not part of his explanation. When he left the room Rainbow Dash walked back over to me, not saying anything at all. She took my hoof in two of hers and just held it up, staring into my eyes.

“You know you scared me to death out there…….” She sighed, “You almost died, why were you doing all that to yourself anyway? I mean just that morning you had looked so happy.”

I looked to the ceiling, not wanting to explain it, but knowing I had too. I couldn’t almost kill myself then give no reason why.

“I went to spend all day with Nurse Redheart and learned that she had lied about my father, she never even met my father. She had just seen a newspaper and made up a story for him on the spot. Not only that but she wasn’t my real mother I soon found out; she had just lied to keep me happy.” I took a break, catching my breath.

“Then when I asked her to tell me the truth she told me that my mother had died birthing me and that she had never even given a name of a father or a name for me. No name, no mother, no father, no family.”

She just held me in her arms, not letting go even as I protested against it. Her warmth spread through my cold body, breathing life into my heart once again. It was her turn to help me out, not by feeling sorry; but by being there for me. I was back at square one and didn’t even know my real name, or if I had one. I had chosen my own name but it felt wrong knowing that my mother had a name in mind but never had the chance to tell anypony.

Rainbow Dash laid my body back to the bed, “I’m still holding you to your promise Ethan, and you won’t be able to get out that easy. Now you need your rest so we can get out and find ourselves as soon as possible. Goodnight Ethan…..”

I closed my eyes, not protesting at all for I was very tired. I hoped that she did hold me to my promise. We would be searching as soon as we could manage. Me and Rainbow Dash……Together.

As it turns out Dash had preformed what she called a ‘Sonic Rainboom’. Apparently it’s very hard to do but when she saw me falling she preformed it almost instantly. When she caught me she knew that I was about to die and had to act fast. She flew me all the way to the hospital in Canterlot. That was a really long way to go but she had done it in minutes flat.

This pony truly was amazing at what she did, and I had to admire that.

It took a full week for me to recover. I was given the usual instructions, “Don’t run, jump, lift, or pull anything at all, yadda yadda.” I had listened to those so well in the past, why start now? We stepped out into the light of the mid noon sun and squinted, taking our time to adjust to the bright light. Our eyes soon adapted and I quickly noticed two things. One, we were severely out of place and outclassed here. Almost everypony wore fashionable clothes or accessories that looked horribly expensive; and two, this place was massive.

I turned to Rainbow Dash, “Want to help me start finding myself right now?”

She grinned, nudging me a little too hard, “Sure, let’s go! Where to first? Ancient aqueducts? A dangerous temple?”

“No Daring Dash, the library.” I chuckled, making her make a disgusting sigh.

“Really; The library? That is like…the most BORING place in Equestria!”

I started off towards what looked like a library, “Yea I know but I need to see something”

We sat in the library for quite some time, Rainbow Dash falling asleep as soon as I started sifting through old hospital records from Ponyville. I was looking for any mysterious mares that gave birth, just to find any information at all, no matter how miniscule. Eventually I came upon an entry that described what had happened.

It was a turbulent night, full of clouds and rain. At 12:01 A.M. A mare walked in, obviously in labor and having pains in her abdomen. Nurse Redheart was the only nurse on duty and immediately contacted the other doctors. The mare was admitted to room 001 and began giving birth.

Wait, I remember that room number…. I had a flashback to when I was helping Nurse Redheart clean out the rooms. I saw the whiteboard that read Deceased in big red letters as I held the card from a beloved grandfilly; their memories together, thrown in the trash along with cups and old rags.

I read on.
Nurse Redheart delivered a healthy colt at 12:24 A.M. As she gave the colt to the mother she had discovered that some time during labor, she had passed.

Patient passed giving birth at 12:24 A.M. Soon after the colt seized and turned to a comatose state. The other doctors arrived to determine the cause of death. Death was discovered to be a simple blood clot. A blood thinner was administered to alleviate the clot but it was too late.

The colt has been assigned a watch room to be observed until further notice.

I looked up from the book, tears brimming at the edge of my eyelids. I saw myself in that room again. But this time it was on the night of my birth. The whiteboard on the wall read,

“Deceased 12:24 A.M.”

Not one vase of flowers ever entered the room, not one card from loved ones, not any trace of her ever being there; just the sign that told her time of passing.

I slammed my hoof onto the table. If the doctors would have been 3 minutes early they could have saved my mother. I could be at home right now, sleeping warm in a bed with my mother a few rooms away, thinking of each other. I would have the proper name, a place in this world already. I would know my father, my grandparents, aunts, uncles, or maybe none. Even then I could be helping my mom through her life as she helped me through mine.

But none of these were my circumstances. A Nurse that had been on the job for less than a week let my mother die and me slip into a coma. My mother never had a chance to see me. She was somewhere right now, watching over, not even knowing what I look like or what I’m called.

This is why Nurse Redheart felt obliged to watch over me. She had killed my mother and almost killed me. I had every reason to hate her. She was the reason I was a bastard pony living without a given name or any family.
Three minutes had changed my life forever.

I got up from the desk me and Rainbow Dash were sitting at, walking to a balcony that lay at the top of some nearby stairs. I needed some air.

Rainbow Dash cracked open one of her eyes, making sure that I was gone. She slid over to the book that I had been reading, carefully scanning the story that I was reading.

“What could be this interesting anyway….”

She stared at the entry upon the paper, tears automatically gracing the pages.
“This is you isn’t it Ethan….. You really don’t have anypony…..at all”

She closed the book and spotted me at the top of the balcony. She took lift and landed next to me, taking me in her embrace.

“Ethan, you will always have me at least. It may not mean much to you but I just want you to know that.” She leaned against my side, propping herself up.

I stared at the retreating sun, a cascading darkness taking over the sky. Then I looked to the Pegasus next to me, she was all I had right now; my only crutch in this world where I was given nothing to hold on to.

I leaned into her, balancing our weight between us. “It means everything Rainbow Dash…..Everything I have…”

She put her mouth to my ear, “I love you Ethan. We will find ourselves through each other. I promise. I wouldn’t want any other pony to go on this journey with.”

We sat in silence and watched the sun set upon the horizon. I had her and she had me; just us two, facing this cruel world all on our own.

The next day we decided to head back to Ponyville to get back to a normal, non tragic life for some time. We took the train back, making quick time. By the afternoon we had made it back and met up with our friends for a ‘Back together forever and ever Pinkie Pie party lunch bash’. Really it was just a big picnic at Applejacks with lots of cake involved. Dash and I told all but the truth. We told them we had been racing and I had forgotten I couldn’t fly and ran right off the cliff. What we had been through only needed to be known by us. It was our adventure to embark upon.

After lunch we said our goodbyes and went our separate ways, Rainbow needed to check her house out to make sure it was still in one piece. She told me that tomorrow we would hang out again.

I was thankful to have some time for myself. I planned to visit all of the shops in town and find some kind of hobby to distract me for a while, but before I could head off Twilight stopped me

“Ethan I need you to help out in the library for a little bit if you don’t mind. Sorry its short notice but I am in a big rush!”

I smiled, “Sure, not a problem Twilight! I’ll do whatever you need, except sort books; I was never too good at that.”

She gave a fake laugh, “its not sorting books…..don’t worry please.”

Something was up but I was none the wiser, so I happily followed Twilight back to her library. Little did I know that every other pony was following us back to the library except Rainbow Dash.

I walked into the completely darkened library. How could she keep it so dark all the time? I was followed by five ponies, the door quickly being shut and sealed by Twilights magic. I turned around quickly,

“Wha-What the hell are you guys doing?” the lights in the room illuminated as Applejack motioned towards the opposite end of the library

I turned and there she stood. A deflated looking Nurse Redheart stood alone, her head pointed towards the ground.

Tension filled the room as I walked several feet from her, and glared at the top of her head. If my eyes were lasers she would have melted by now. We stood like this for several minutes, letting the tension grow. I knew what my friends were trying to do but it was too soon. My wounds were still fresh on my soul and I was in no place to forgive her.

She looked up; meeting my hate filled eyes boring into hers and quickly looked back at the ground. “I’m….sor”

“You killed my mother.” I said this flatly with no emotion, causing her to be silent.

She tried again, “But it wa-“

“You put me in a coma for most of my life.” I said with the same unchanging flat tone.

She began to cry, but her tears fell on deaf ears. Twilight walked over to me,
“You shouldn’t be too harsh Ethan she came to me to apologize personally to you.”

I looked at Twilight “I appreciate what you are trying to do, I really do. But stop it and let me go. My wounds are still too fresh on my heart. This is the pony solely responsible for my coma, my mother, me not knowing who I am, lying to me and breaking my heart twice. I am not ready to apologize to her yet. One day, I might be ready. But for now….for now I need to let me heal.”

The room was silent; Nurse Redheart had retreated further in the room. Twilight held no words of advice or comfort. No other pony spoke for the longest time. I turned and started walking towards the door, looking back over my shoulder,
“One day I will forgive you. I will, but right now I need to rebuild what little I can. Don’t hate yourself or me. I don’t hate you….I just hate what happened.”

I walked to the door, letting Twilight open it with her magic; releasing me outside.
This situation sucked but I couldn’t hate forever. I couldn’t hate Nurse Redheart for what she had done. She was a rookie and chances are that I scarred her as much as she had scarred me. She was living with the fact that I had nothing because of her. I was glad that my friends had tried to help me, it showed that they cared.

They did care. They cared a lot for me and everypony else. I can only assume that’s why they were so eager to help Nurse Redheart out. But I needed some time.

That was all I needed. Time and a little help here and there; if I had this, eventually…I was going to be okay.

The Sky Opens

Chapter Eleven
The Sky Opens

I was still thinking of them when I got to the main square in Ponyville. “Maybe I should buy my friends some gifts….Just to show them that I care about them too…..”

I visited almost every store in Ponyville that day searching for gifts. Twilights gift was the easiest to buy; I stopped by the Quill and Sofa shop to look for hers, finding what the shop owner called an ‘EverQuill’. He claimed that it could be used forever and not break, while also only needing a dab of ink a day. I also got Spike something, it wasn’t much; a pony sized bed with all of the usual accessories, but I felt he needed something a little bit bigger than what he had. I ordered the bed to be shipped immediately.

For Rarity I got a studded broach that had the letter R intricately inlaid in amethyst. The R was surrounded by opal sheets that gave the little broach a texture that Rarity would have to love. I bought Applejack a special pair of horseshoes that were meant to buck a tree at twice the force with half the damage done to the tree. Any other pony I guessed would have these but Applejack would never allow herself this luxury.

Pinkie Pie was hard to buy for. She was such a party animal, so much that she for sure had everything party related. She was always so….happy. I don’t know if I had a hard time buying for her because she had everything, or because we were polar opposites. I thought back to when I was in high school in my past life. Kids like this were usually hiding something very deep; nothing too bad, just something that isn’t happy. They would usually sort things out but they had days just like everybody else did. So for her I bought an extra fluff-stuffed down blanket. It was baby blue and was absolutely ridiculous in size. When I had the cashier box it for her, I made sure I placed a note between the blankets folds that read “For ‘those’ days.”

I walked into the herb shop looking for Fluttershy’s gift and soon found the perfect item; a whole set of plants and potions dedicated to animal care and well-being. It was surprisingly expensive, costing almost as much as the broach for Rarity, but I didn’t mind. I had the money and didn’t need it anytime soon. Well considering I wasn’t going to need a house if I kept sleeping in a hospital every night….

Rainbow Dash was an obvious buy; A Daring Doo adventure kit, specifically designed for long journeys and strenuous use. It was odd that a book series had sparked such a fuss, enough to make an entire adventure kit? This thing was serious to! It had a shovel, a compass, a pickaxe, climbing gear, a waterproof compass, a fire starter, every book in the series, and the signature hat. I felt satisfied with this purchase, knowing Dash would love it.

With my saddlebags loaded down I decided to head back to Twilights to give the gifts when a slight tugging from inside distracted me. I looked to my side and there stood a medical supply store tucked between two bigger stores. Why did I want to go in there? No pony I knew worked in the medical field, all except one…….

I walked in anyway, not even knowing what to look for. Medical stores here were just like the ones that I can remember; lots of blue and lots of metal. I walked the store until a light purple pony approached me, “Hi, do you need help finding something? You look a little lost Hun.”

I laughed, still looking around “Yea I am not a doctor but I do have a question. Do you have anything that would like…help a nurse out in anyway?”

She put her hoof to her mouth. “Well actually we just got these new yesterday.” She led me to the back of the store, handing me a modified saddlebag.

“It’s a saddlebag modified to carry the essential tools any nurse would need. Its extra convenient an-“

I cut her off. “I’ll take it! Also fill it with the tools please!”

I didn’t know what the hell I was thinking. The pony that had killed my mom and almost me had lied to me and made me hate life…..but I knew I couldn’t hate her. I was still mad, but she needed to know. She needed to know that I would move on and that I am still grateful to her for watching over me. I shook my head walking out of the store.
It was time to give my appreciation.

I had Twilight invite everypony over to her library for some ‘Important news’. Within minutes all six of my friends had shown up. I got up and distributed my gifts to them, all wrapped in a neat box with crazy balloons over them.
“Now what the hay? It sure ain’t my special day! Why the gifts Ethan?” Applejack looked at me confused,

I shrugged, “Well after earlier it showed me that you all cared so much, and I felt like I needed to return the favor is all!” I smiled at Applejack.

My smile was broken by a squeal as Rarity held her broach up in the air victoriously “Oh it’s absolutely wondrous! I can theme so many outfits around this! And what is this? It’s textured! What a lovely touch!”

Next was Rainbow as she flew around the library, proudly sporting her Daring Doo hat, leaving the rest in the box, “I love it! It’s awesome Ethan! It’s like…EVERYTHING Daring Doo related! The books, the gear…..” she paused. “The haaat!!” with hat she took off around the library once more.

I looked to Pinkie, who saw me look at her. We made eye contact and she gave a small smile accompanied with an understanding wink; all before she broke character and started bounding around the room, wearing the blanket like a cape.

I saw Twilight scribbling down something with her new quill, testing its strength and longevity of the ink. She looked impressed and that was good with me. I looked for Spike, who was already asleep in his new, comfy, large bed. I decided not to wake him and let sleeping dragons lie.

A polite tap from behind caused me to jump and give a small shriek. I turned to see Fluttershy doing the exact same thing I was doing just a few feet behind me. “Umm sorry I scared you it’s just, I really like your gift and all but I can’t take this….it’s just so expensive and I mean”

“Take it, no choice.” I said, jutting my chin up, looking quite smug.

“Oh…fine then…” she smiled and nuzzled me before joining her friends in the library again.

They were all happy, enjoying their new gifts. Twilight was now trying to get the smallest dab on the quill as possible. Applejack was bucking the walls, knocking books off and examining where her hoofs had hit, amazed at the lack of damage. Pinkie was playing ‘roll around like a sausage’ while Fluttershy was going through the vast amount of ingredients before her. And of course Dash was now pretending to be a miner of some sort, pickaxe in one hoof, and compass in the other.

I had given all of the gifts, all but one. I asked Twilight if I could borrow some paper to write on. She handed me a clean piece of parchment and I began to write.

“
Dear Nurse Redheart,

I am very sorry for my harsh words earlier. I wish I could lie and say that’s not how I felt, but sadly it is. I do hope to forgive you very soon and I want you to know….wait….believe it. You are a very dedicated and hardworking pony and you deal with death and tragedy daily. I want to thank you for watching over me all of those years. It must have been hard on you; seeing me every day…knowing why I was there. But I’m glad you endured it. You gave me a start in this world and I will be forever grateful for that. I want to talk sometime soon, maybe even help around the hospital.

I will still be searching for who I really am. And to be honest, something yields me in saying that I will ever find out. But I will try my best! If I’m lucky I might help some other ponies out in the process. Thank you again Nurse Redheart….

Love,

Ethan.
“
It took a lot for me to write love at the end of that letter. I was still mad, but I did love her. She had wanted to be my mother so badly, to have a companion, someone to talk to; anyone. She wanted it so bad that she even lied about me, her, and my father, just so I would stay her son. I wish she would not have done those things but I understand why she did. To be honest I don’t think I ever remember her ever talking about another pony around me…other than me.

I said my goodbyes to the ponies circling the room as I headed out the door. I had to give Nurse Redheart this gift in person. I almost ran all the way to the hospital. I didn’t know why I was running, but I just was. I got to the door and knocked, not wanting to catch Nurse Redheart at a bad time. Then I waited.

I waited several minutes before I decided just to leave this inside the entrance. Nurse Redheart was probably cleaning the rooms or something; she would see it when she returned. I sat the note, neatly folded on top of the saddlebags and went back through the door. I felt better than I had on the way there. I felt like I had made a step in the right direction.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Nurse Redheart stood at the top of a tall ladder in room 001, a tight noose in her hoof. She sighed and slowly slid it over her neck, crying as she tightened it up. She looked to the sky and mouthed out “Please Celestia, stop me if you must!”
A knock rang out through the hallways of the hospital. “What the…...” she slid the noose off and slowly got down from the ladder, standing at the door to room 001, listening. She heard nothing for awhile, but then she heard hoofsteps trot into the main lobby. She held her breath, what odd pony knocks at a hospital? A light thump hit the floor followed by a few more hoofsteps leaving the main lobby.

Nurse Redheart cautiously opened the door to room 001, looking down the lobby; and in seeing no one tentatively walked to the door. By the door lay the newest model nursing saddlebag, filled with new and expensive looking nursing instruments. A note lay on top. She took the note and opened it slowly.

As she read tears fell on the paper that she held. Not tears of sorrow or loss, but tears of joy; the closest pony she had ever had to a son was willing to move on with her. Just minutes earlier she had hated herself for what she had done; but now…now she felt like it had caused a greater reaction. She hugged the letter close to her and smiled. Looking to the sky she said “Thank you Celestia, dear Luna Thank you!” as she tucked the letter into one of the side pockets on her new saddlebags.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

I walked into the library that looked like it had been put to sleep, hearing only two snoring breaths coming from somewhere else. I smiled to myself, knowing that I had taken a few steps forward today. I lay down on the couch and nestled closely to the corners, closing my eyes and falling peacefully into sleep.

I woke as soon as the sun broke the horizon, sending the birds into a flurry of morning songs that beckoned all of Ponyville awake. I stepped outside into the morning light to see that several ponies had already set up booths to sell produce and other items; it was going to be a beautiful day. I cantered around for a bit, wondering how I could talk to Rainbow Dash when I suddenly felt the air around me shift as the hyper Pegasus landed next to me.

“So what is on the agenda Ethan?”

I thought back to yesterday, remembering some of the businesses that I had passed. “Know anything about that gym over behind the Quill and Sofa shop?”

“You mean Chestnuts Knee and Cannon?” she looked confused,

“Yea that place! Well I was thinking if we were going to be going on adventures together that we needed to be in the best shape ever.”

“Yea that’s not a bad idea! I could be like twice as fast as I already am and I could learn to fight other ponies off.” She started flapping her wings excitedly.

“Lets hit it then!”

Then off to Chestnuts Knee and Cannon we went.

We were met at the door by a burly looking pony who was jet black with what looked like shattered glass as a cutie mark. Dash leaned over to me, “He is a bouncer at a lot of clubs here in Equestria, they say he is the best too-“

“Hey, you guys looking to join up? My names Chestnut and I run this place.” he grabbed one of my hooves, shaking it. “Yea you feel a little limp in the muscles; I think you need a tune up if you ask me!”

I couldn’t stop myself from cracking a smile; gym owners were the same here as I remember in my past life. He walked over to Dash, eying her physique.

“You look like a fit enough mare, built for speed and agility no doubt. We have classes that would fit your needs!” He looked to the both of us, “You could even start today if you wanted!”

So we did. That day Rainbow Dash enrolled in the speed and agility courses, rising to the top of the class by the end of the day; not surprisingly. But I wanted to work on strength so I focused on weightlifting with Chestnut. To my surprise I was the only pony lifting in the entire gym.

“Chestnut if you don’t mind me asking…..uh…why am I the only one working with weights?”

He sighed, “Kid, not many ponies value strength anymore. Other than me, no one else even bothers with it. That’s what makes me one of the best bouncers around, I even get hired to bounce the Gala and private events for Princess Celestia.”
I was impressed. This pony worked all by himself and he was no doubt the strongest pony I had seen here yet; he easily lifted twice what I even attempted. He had me doing Hoof-Presses, Curls, Hay-Bails, Saddlebag Runs, and many other pure strength activities.

Finally the workout came to an end with a two mile ‘Rocky-Saddlebag’ which meant I had to run around Ponyville while wearing a saddlebag weighted with rocks. The rocks poked me in the sides and made it hard to breathe and by the end, I was practically walking to the finish line where Rainbow Dash and Chestnut sat talking.

I collapsed, exhausted at the doors to the gym where they waited, “Geez Ethan it only took you all day!” Dash made circles over my head.

“Sh…Shutup….too…tired….” I took the saddlebags off, standing weakly.

Chestnut laughed, throwing the bags over his back with ease, “You did well for day one kid. Stay with me long enough and you will be one of the strongest ponies around, no doubt.” He smiled and hoofed me in the shoulder, sending me staggering. “I’ll see you two next time!” with that he walked through the doors to his gym.

Dash and I walked back to the library, both of us too tired to talk. She put up a big game but she was just as tired as I was truth be told. I took this time to think. I had felt comfortable around Chestnut, he was telling me that I had done a good job and was going to do great in the future. He had even told me that if I stayed with him I would end up okay…. He was the strongest pony in Ponyville, if not Equestria. Even as an older pony he still held figure well and didn’t look any older than me; If not for his gruff voice I would have guessed him only a few years older than me actually.

Dash landed beside me and started to walk, letting her wings lay limp at her side, showing obvious signs of being tired. “Uh…mayybbeee I should stay at Twilights tonight, you know, just to make sure you don’t…..run off?”

I gave Rainbow Dash a weird look, “It’s okay to be tired, that was a really hard work out and you gave it 120%. I’m tired too! It hurts to walk, hell it hurts to move!”

She gave a bad poker face, “Yea if you say so, but I’m not tired! I was just bored of flying is all!”

“Sure you are.”

When we walked into the library we must have looked horrible because Twilight gasped, “What happened to you two?! You look like you got beat up!”

I laughed “Well kinda, we joined Chestnuts Knee and Cannon and today was our first day. It was really hard but we hope that it gets easier don’t we Dash...Dash?”

We both looked over to the couch; Rainbow Dash was already fast asleep, snoring loudly.

“Well uh, that doesn’t sound like a bad idea really. Do you mind if she stays here for the night?” I looked sympathetically at Twilight.

She just smiled and shook her head, “Not a problem, she can stay as long as she needs.”

I walked over to the couch, looking for a space to sleep. Rainbow Dash had sprawled out, covering the majority of the couch. I decided that the floor would be just as good as anyplace right now. “Twilight, thank you; I will try not to crash your place too often.”

She just sighed, “It’s no problem really; stay as long as you like.”

I thanked Twilight and said goodnight to her and Dash, who didn’t even hear a word of what I said, then I rolled over on the rug to look at the ceiling before closing my eyes and falling fast asleep; tired and exhausted.

Good Vibes Again

Chapter Twelve

Good Vibes Again

Dash and I continued to go to the gym daily for a few weeks, I was starting to look quite strong and my size had added to the intimidating presence I put off to ponies who didn’t know me. My forehead now held a scar that ran right above my left eye and I had a divot near my back where I had been stabbed. I still had not found my cutie mark but that never really bothered me. Rainbow Dash soon was so fast that she couldn’t take speed training anymore and was going to start on strength training with me today. I still had not talked to Nurse Redheart but I wanted to sometime soon.

I woke up feeling invigorated and ready to take on the day. Today was the day Rainbow Dash was going to start working out with Chestnut and I, and I was excited to have a workout partner finally. I saw Twilight had already left to go deliver tickets to the Grand Gala to our other friends. She had left one for me to give to Rainbow Dash when I met up with her.
Stepping outside of the library I spotted Dash playing with the mailbox like she usually was, “Hi Dash, Twilight gave me your ticket to the Gala thing or whatever to give you. Here” I handed her the fancy looking ticket.

She put the ticket away, “You know we get invited to this every year and I am kind of tired of just going with my friends. I mean, yea their great and all but, it’s just getting old; somepony new needs to go with me!”

My heart gave a flutter; surely she was talking about me! I had spent almost every day with her and I had definitely bonded with her more than any other pony. Wait......did I like her? I did like her; my tastes had changed. When I first arrived here I never even thought about anypony in a way other than a friend. But now I realized I had changed. I couldn’t remember any girls from my past life…and right now; right here in this moment walking next to Rainbow Dash, I didn’t care.

“You alright Ethan? You seem kinda…I don’t know, nervous or something.” She pushed me a bit “Prolly just nervous about how bad I am going to make you look today when we work out together!”

“Uh...Y-yea, I bet you are...is...I mean are going to!” I looked away from her, hiding my blush. She just gave me a strange look and walked on.

What the hell was that Ethan? I had always been good with girls but now I was tripping over my words like a dumbstruck colt. I had known Rainbow for a long time now, but in the last few seconds I can barely even talk to her! I was glad that we were at the gym now though. I could always trust on Chestnut to help me out with problems that I had. He would always listen and give sound advice.

We walked up to where Chestnut stood, nodding to greet him.
“Hey you two, Ready to work out this morning?” We were the only ones in the gym at this hour, but he decided to go ahead and start our workout.

I was excited to have a workout partner for once. I looked forward to talking with Dash about the workout when we had finished, grilling her on how hard it was. But instead when we got to the workout portion I found myself doing most of it by myself. Chestnut spent the entire time supervising Rainbow Dash, making sure she knew the lifts and had the correct weight on each set. I didn’t mind, I knew the entire workout and was doing all of it at high enough weight to get a good workout but not kill myself if something went wrong.

I was doing my last workout of the day when Chestnut walked over to me, “Alright that’s enough for today. Time to get some lunch!”

As he turned around I stopped him. “Hey Chestnut…I have a question I kinda want to ask you.”

He turned, “Sure kid, you can ask me anything you want” he put his hoof on my shoulder.

“Well…There is this pony that I like… Kind of a new feeling came up and I don’t know what I should do.”

Laughing, he teased “Never got lovey-dovey eyes before? I figured you’d have at least had a crush before. Anyway it’s really easy! All you gotta do is be yourself. Just walk up to the pony you like and don’t change a damn thing about what you do.” He flicked my muzzle. “Just don’t sweat it. Now I have to go meet somepony for lunch.”

I nodded and watched as he left the gym. I decided that I just had to suck it up and tell Dash that I wanted to go to the Gala with her. There I would ask her to be my marefriend. It wouldn’t be too awkward; she has to see it coming already!
I stepped outside of the gym and looked around for Rainbow Dash, who was nowhere to be found. She must have left to get to her house already, probably to take an afternoon nap on account of being so tired. She wasn’t as tough as she looked after all! I still wanted to talk to her but I decided that this would give me some time to figure out what to do with the rest of my money, seeing as I only had around 2,000 bits left.

I had never went back to work for Applejack, when I got out of the hospital the last time they were already done with this harvest and wouldn’t need my help for some time. I didn’t want to work at the hospital for sure and I really didn’t have the skill or hooves to work with Pinkie or Rarity. Twilight didn’t need help from anypony and Rainbow Dash trained with me. Fluttershy probably wouldnt really trust me, we had spent barely any time together anyways.

I walked to the First Bank of Ponyville and spoke to the teller pony behind the first window that I saw. She gave me a friendly nod as I asked to open an account; I filled out the necessary paperwork and soon deposited most of my bits. I only kept 500 out for food and other things that I might need. I decided I needed another source of income soon before I was broke.

I ate a small lunch and headed towards the library to ask Twilight when the answer came right up to me. I saw Chestnut smiling and walking up to me,

“So kid I was just reminded that the Gala is coming up soon and I have a question for ya.”

I nodded, “What is it?”

“Well you know the Gala is quite a big thing, and I was thinking that I could use some help this year in keeping ponies out. You want to work the Gala with me? You look pretty intimidating now and I bet you could hold your own, it nets a pretty big sum of bits too.”

“Oh yea! That’s pretty sweet; I was just saying I needed a few more bits. You sure I can do it?”

He nodded, “It’s easy, and after that I bet you could get a steady job at any club in Equestria “

I was eager for the Gala now, I could stand outside and whenever everypony was in I could head inside and be there…with Rainbow Dash. Not only did I have a chance with Dash now, I also had a job opportunity that was promising and sounded fun. Maybe from there I could be a personal bodyguard or something along those lines!

“Then sign me up!” I shook Chestnuts hoof excitedly “When and what do we have to do?”

“We just stand at the door and let ponies on the list in and ones that aren’t we ask to step away. But I won’t be there the entire time; I have a date actually planned for the Gala. I will just help you for the first few minutes until my date arrives and then let you have it. This of course means you get the entire paycheck.”

My mouth fell agape, “But…but that means I’ll have to d-do it by myself?”

“Well yes, but I think you can handle it no problem. I already told Princess Celestia that you would be the bouncer and she was fine with it.” He patted my back before he walked off, “I’ll watch out for you kid, don’t worry.”

Wow was all that I could say or even think. Not only had I just gotten a job and a way to ask Rainbow Dash out. I had just been personally approved by none other than Princess Celestia herself! I gave an excited jump, drawing looks from nearby ponies who walked away from me hastily.

Chestnut trusted me, and that meant a lot to me. He treated me like his son…and I treated him like a…..like a…father. I had a father figure that I could trust with my feelings and emotions. I was happy knowing that my financial future was sealed and that I have a father figure to help me when I needed it. Maybe what I was looking for was in Ponyville and I wouldn’t have to search much at all. I still wanted to know my real father and mother but I would be happy just having someone to support me for the time being.

It was still midday and I was completely stumped as to what I should do. Dash was asleep. I didn’t need to search for a job anymore and I couldn’t hang out with Chestnut; he seemed busy with his date. I thought about my newfound father figure and had a wondrous idea.

“Maybe I think….I think I’m ready to talk things out with Nurse Redheart….”
Subconsciously I had already been walking towards the hospital.

I walked into the hospital and spotted Nurse Redheart immediately, sitting behind the main counter and looking at me, speechless. I walked behind the counter and took her up in a hug. She returned the hug and we said nothing for a long time.

“I’m…I’m sorry Ethan…” she buried her head into my neck.

I pulled her tighter, “its okay…I’m sorry too…sorry that what I said was harsh and that I was a burden for so long. It’s okay that you said the things you did, and I understand why you said them”

She looked me sincere in the eyes, “That letter that you left me did more than you will ever know Ethan…More than you can even imagine.”

Our moment was soon interrupted by the hospital doors bursting open with a pair of blue ponies carrying another in on a stretcher, looking green with a sharp looking limb sticking through one of her hooves. I winced at this sight, knowing that had to hurt.

I let go of Nurse Redheart, winking “Looks like your skills are needed.”

She smiled “Thank you Ethan, you are always welcome here.” then walked off to care for the other injured pony.

When I walked out of that hospital I felt like a Pegasus. I wanted to just take flight and fly right into heaven. Up until now I had never had this much go so good for me all at once. I had a job, a father figure, a soon to be marefriend, an open friendship with my caretaker, and I still had a great group of friends.

It was only beginning to get dark outside and I didn’t really want to head back to Twilight’s library yet…Maybe I should go find Rainbow Dash and just invite her to the Gala. As if on cue she landed right next to me, “You look extra happy, what’s the deal? I mean I’m not saying you can’t look happy it’s just…you know. “

“Oh not much, I just made peace with Nurse Redheart, Got a job bouncing THE GRAND GALA, and some….other things!” I gave a giant cheesy grin, expecting a laugh.

“Wow, congrats on that. What other things are you talking about.” She eyed me with a curious grin.

“I just was thinking about asking somepony to the Gala now that I’m going, and I think I know who I am going to ask is all.” I looked terribly sheepish, so bad even I could tell.

“Really?! Me to, I was going to ask this somepony I kinda just met awhile back. I was going to ask Celestia for an extra ticket but I just found out today that he won’t need one!” she gave an excited yelp, making my ears ring.

I couldn’t hide my happiness, she had just described me perfectly and I had played this game before. It was a for-sure thing that we both were going to ask the other to the Gala, it just depended on who said the others name first. I was never too good at this game and was especially good at making the girl come out first. I set my plans into motion immediately.

“So….who is this lucky ‘somepony’ who will get to attend the Gala with a grand mare such as you?”

She blushed, “Aww stop it Ethan! I can’t tell you his name because it will be a surprise! All I can say is that he is dedicated to always getting better, strong and athletic; just like me, and an all around great pony!” her eyes gave off dreamy looks in every direction, everywhere but me. She wouldn’t make eye contact with me. She had to be too embarrassed to just say it, so much that she couldn’t look at me without being obvious.

We walked for some time, each of us happy and oddly silent. When I slept that night my dreams were filled with me and Dash at the Gala, hoof in hoof.

The next few days went by faster than usual. Chestnut continued to work out with Rainbow Dash and I was left alone most of the time. Dash had stopped seeing me as much during the day but I figured it was her just preparing for the Gala. I had to be fitted for the usual Gala bouncer attire; a black tuxedo with a black bowtie, a pair of pants that didn’t fit well at all, and my favorite part was the headset I would wear to talk to Chestnut during the Gala incase I had any problems outside and needed help. Other than that everypony else was too busy getting ready for the Gala which was now only one day away.

Soon, it was the day of the Gala. We all loaded on the train to Canterlot and took our seats, I sat away from my usual group of friends to talk with Chestnut before the big event.

“Now kid, if they are on the list, greet them nicely, shake their hoof and wish them a good time. You don’t have to scare anypony off….just be able to if the situation arises.”

I nodded my head, shaking slightly from my building nerves. I stole a glance at Rainbow Dash who looked absolutely stunning. Her mane was shining and her coat was glorious…. My stare only lasted a second as Chestnut snapped me back to reality,

“So remember, NO. Ab-so-lut-ely No drunk ponies, even if they are on the list. Ask them to leave politely and if they don’t, and end up attacking you, take em’ down!” He gave me a pat on the back, “You’ll do fine kid…. No need to be so nervous..”

Truth be told, the job was not making me nervous one bit. But as the hours drew closer I grew more and more nervous about asking Rainbow Dash out. I felt like I was about to ask someone out for the first time all over again; which in this case was true. As the train was about ten minutes from Canterlot we started to get our attire on. I squeezed into my tight tuxedo, choking bowtie and all. Chestnut and I looked like twins… he had the exact same thing that I was wearing on. Rainbow Dash wore a long flowing dress that hugged her curves tightly, making her seem absolutely extravagant.

At this point I lost it; I looked like a…well, a bouncer. She, on the other hoof, looked like a princess and I was about to ask her out.

I excused myself and took to the bathroom, where I promptly threw up.

Finally the time had come. I stood by the entrance, long list in hoof, Chestnut giving me the few last tips that he could. Luckily they were first to enter, Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, Chestnut and then Rainbow Dash, who looked at me before she went in, cutting me a smile
“Good Luck Ethan!” she winked and flew in, catching up with Chestnut before the doors closed shut.

I turned around and saw the line had already begun to form. Ten ponies, all in their bests, stood waiting on me to let them in.

A light purple Earth Pony walked up to me first, eying me with a nervously. “Uh..Uhm…B-Berry Punch sir!”

I flipped through the pages and saw her name, marked it off, and took her ticket. “Have a wonderful time Miss Punch!” I smiled charismatically at her and let her through.

That was easy enough I thought. If only everypony is just like her, then everything will be fine. The line had now grown to twice the size and I had many ponies left to check.

My earpiece crackled and then I heard Chestnuts voice loud and clear, “Everything okay kid?”

I pressed the small button near my chest, activating my speaker, “Everything is going fine! Enjoy yourself and good luck with your date.”

He chuckled, “You too kid, you too.”

This night was going to be a long night; a long, but glorious night.

Wasn't Meant For Me

Chapter Thirteen

Wasn’t Meant For Me

The line of ponies dissipated pretty quickly, soon leaving only a few straggling late ponies here and there. No problems had really arisen yet, a group of young fillies had tried to sneak in but their disguise was quite embarrassing. Thinking that dressing like a very tall dragon named ‘Mr.FireDragon’ would be a good idea to get in, was not a very good plan. I could have yelled and embarrassed them, but they were just young and adventurous. I decided to play it cool, telling them that their name wasn’t on the list; all the while faking being afraid of them. They shambled off making silly noises, causing me to grin.

The way I had handled the situation made the beautiful young mare in line behind them giggle and look me over once or twice before passing on. After the stragglers had thinned out I decided to wait another ten minutes or so before heading in myself. Every name had been checked off of the list and I was eager to see Rainbow Dash.

Suddenly my earpiece rang out with Chestnuts voice,
“He he, it will be fine. Don’t worry about it.” He sounded drunk.

I heard a second voice, but it was too muffled to hear.
Chestnut burped, “C’mon, just take the dress offfffffff! You Prolly look better without it anyway. We are alone and nopony cares what we do. We are adults!”

I heard a drunken sounding giggle as a response. “Yea, totally, I mean we could do….” another drunken laugh. “Whaaaatttteeevvveeeerr weeee waaanntteedd!”

The two broke out in a laughing fit, slowly subsiding into a giggle. I thought that the second voice sounded familiar but I still couldn’t place my hoof on it. There was silence for some time before I heard the earpiece ring again, this time with a thud that sounded like clothing hitting the floor.

I could still hear Chestnut’s muffled voice, “Ha, come over here Dashie let me strip that dress off!” he laughed at his comment.

“I don’t think it’s right… I mean I know he likes me and I don’t feel right doing this… I think he was going to ask me out tonight…” the voice answered back.

Chestnut scoffed, “Yea well ‘he’ isn’t here is he? He is a puss, you deserve only the best…ME!” he laughed again, this time maniacally.

Wait…Dashie? Who was Dashie? It surely couldn’t be Rainbow Dash…could it? I mean, I was supposed to be her date to the Gala! I was going to ask her in only a few minutes!

This time Rainbow Dash’s voice came through, “Yea! I guess your right! He could have been here…and you ARE the best!” she giggled, “Come and get it off yourself you silly stallion y-“

That was enough. I threw my earpiece to the ground and smashed it with a hoof. The pieces suddenly started to fall into place, Her working out with only him, her missing at lunch every day, the pony she had just met, strong, better, it all made sense now. I had been played by Chestnut!

I was furious, Chestnut had convinced Rainbow Dash that I was weak and didn’t deserve her. When I asked about the special pony I was asking out I must have made it too obvious that it was going to be Dash, so that afternoon he asked…. I had looked up to Chestnut, he was always so happy and he was strong and informative, just like a father should be….

What the hell was I kidding myself; I didn’t deserve that did I? I was just destined to be stepped on by everypony else, no matter what I did. My newfound father figure had called me a puss and stolen the mare that I was interested in; and to rub salt in the wound, my closest friend, the one who I trusted so much that I was minutes away from spilling my guts too, had agreed.

I began speculating; I bet Chestnut got her drunk and then convinced her to buck with him. I had never even seen Dash drink… He knew what he was doing too! He had turned the headset on and let me hear it. He wanted me to hear it didn’t he?! Just to prove that he was better than me? The son of a bitch… No wait, that was me again. Not him, not anypony but me. Dash and Chestnut were having a drunken go at it while everypony else enjoyed themselves inside.

Just bucking great.

I kicked my earpiece, throwing it against the wall with a crack. A stumbling white unicorn walked to the door.
“Let me in….you...you sorry sack of shit!” he tripped but quickly regained himself.

“Get the hell away from here.” I ground my teeth together. This unicorn was about to get the worst of me.

His horn lit a bright green as he grabbed my front hoof, pulling it towards the wall. It threw me off balance, knocking me against the wall for a short time. He kept swinging my hoof around, making me stumble all over. All he was doing was pissing me off.

“Haha, yea dance you stupid ass earth pony!” when he said this he tripped and lost his magic hold on my hoof.
I took my chance and ran up to him, grabbing him by the horn.

“Wha-what the hell man!? Get off of-“before he could finish I had slammed his head on the pavement, knocking him dizzy. He stood up, charging his horn once again.

I took this time to kick his head into the nearest brick wall. He hit with a thud and the sound of breaking bone filled the air. He immediately fell to the ground, clutching his horn. A small trickle of blood ran down his forehead onto the pavement in front of him. He tried to use magic but was met with an increase in blood and a sting of pain. He yelled out and before I could say anything else he ran off, stumbling back and forth.

He was lucky. I had it in for this bastard; but not just him. I had it in for Chestnut and Rainbow Dash. The people who I had come closest to had betrayed me, knowingly to my back! They thought that they were better than me. That had to be it, nopony wanted to be seen hanging around a bastard pony without a cutie mark. I hated them, I hated me, and I hated them again!

I thought about crashing their little ‘Buck fest’ but what was the point. I would just get to witness firsthoof how he and Dash were defiling my trust for them. I was jealous but had every right to be. A pony who had everything took something from me just to prove he could. He was even better than me in every way; I mean, why wouldn’t Dash want the strongest pony in Equestria? But I had still trusted her, she could have told me! Not lead me on with her teasing games!

I sat by the door the entire rest of the party until it concluded in the morning hours the next day. My rage and sorrow had spent all night boiling inside of me. I fully intended on making Chestnut and Rainbow Dash hurt for this. Somepony had to share the hurt inside of me; and I had chosen them. I became cynical and looked forward to our next meeting; I wanted to make them pay. I was tired of apologizing and letting myself get stepped on. I wanted to spread my suffering to them more than anything in ALL of Equestria...

My flank tingled slightly as I saw a tall white pony exit through the doors and walk up to me,
“Hello my little pony! You are Ethan I presume?”

I nodded, glaring at the strange pony with the flowing mane.
“Ah, well I am Princess Celestia. I just wanted to thank you for your time and effort into keeping the ponies inside safe! It went off without a hitch! Did you enjoy the party?” she looked at me eagerly.

“Didn’t go in.” I spoke to her dryly.

“Oh…Why not? You could’ve had your partner relieve you, no?”

“No. He was too damn…’busy’ with somepony else.” I looked to the ground, seething.

“That’s very…rude of him… Since you worked twelve hours straight I will pay you for two six hour shifts. One shift paid 10,000 bits; it is high, but being such a high profile job posed a certain threat. “She looked disappointed at me for my language.

“Yea…Whatever I guess just send it to Ponyville for me then” I held back tears.

“Is something wrong my loyal subject?” she leaned close, eying me cautiously.

“Y-yea it’s nothing…thank you for the job and all.” I said, shifting away from her.

She nodded and walked away, leaving me by the door as the V.I.P guests left. Many fabulous looking ponies walked by, most of them looking at me with disgust. Soon enough the ponies had started to thin when a white unicorn walked out fallowed by several skuzzy looking ponies. She had bright blue hair and a cutie mark that looked like a musical note; on her eyes laid a pair of dark purple glass. She turned toward me with a coy smile,

“Hey dude! Are you that bouncer that pulled an all nighter, and busted up that unicorn colt?”

I nodded. “Yea but he was drunk. Who are you?”

She stuck her chin I the air “I am Vinyl Scratch, best DJ pony in all of Equestria! I have been looking for a pony that could pull an all nighter and you did it while bouncing the Grand Gala! Dude that’s hard, you wanna hang with my crew later tonight? I mean we have a little party of our own planned and you look like you could use a boost. “

“Who is coming? I don’t really want hundreds of ponies or anything...”

She shook her head, “Nah its exclusive, trust me. The Gala is for all the soft stuff.” She looked around; making sure no pony was close enough to hear. She leaned in to whisper into my ear, “You get the hard shit at this party. You seem like a pretty chill stallion. Hang with us and tonight, it’s all on me. “She ruffled my mane. “See ya there!”

I looked where she had stood. A piece of paper had fallen to the ground, with an address and a time posted on it.

“The ‘Shop’ Behind the Train Station. 7 P.M”

It was time to get some rest before the party tonight. I felt like I was going to need it. I walked from my post at the door, heading towards what looked like a hotel several hundred yards away.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

The six friends walked out laughing and talking about the party,
“Yall were great fun as always! A’hm just glad that only one of us to lost to tha' drink this year!”

Twilight looked at Applejack, “Yes, last year was quite the….disaster.”

Pinkie Pie was bouncing around the group in circles, “Wee! Now we can ride the train back to Ponyville and have a giant welcome home after party-party!”

Rainbow Dash was holding herself up on one of Chestnuts shoulders, “Shut up Pinkie, I don’t want to even hear party again for the rest of the day…..” she looked like she was close to heaving.

Rarity looked to her in disgust, backing away from her slightly “You really should watch yourself dear….You look like a wreck!”

Fluttershy looked around behind the group, “Uh…where is Ethan? We can’t go home without him…can we?”

Chestnut looked up, “He probably couldn’t handle any more time up. Poor kid probably already headed home.”

Twilight looked over her shoulder at him then looked at Applejack, whispering “You think Ethan will take it okay? I mean, it was obvious that he liked Rainbow Dash.”

Applejack whispered in response, “Problem is, she liked em too…An I’ll be right honest; this Chestnut fella gives me a bad vibe….”

Twilight just nodded, walking on.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

The alarm next to my bed went off, signaling that 6:30 had come and it was time for me to head to the party. I grabbed my saddlebags and left out the door.

The sun had begun to set and it was a cloudy night, filled with hollow gusts of wind every now and then. Canterlot seemed empty at this hour, not one pony was on the street. I was alone again, just walking. Pains followed me with every step as my anger grew once more.

They knew I had liked her. They both knew, they both willingly tore my heart out. The one crush that I had since waking up failed worse than any relationship I can remember from my past. Where were they even? Had they left me here? Wait that’s a stupid question, of course they had.

Whatever.

I soon found myself behind the train station, standing in front of a shabby building with a sign hanging overhead that just read ‘Shop’. This was the place.

I walked in and looked around; shelves that were under stocked and broken littered the floor. If this was a shop, it was the worst I had ever been in. Soon a door near the back swung open and I was met with one of the posse ponies from earlier,
“It’s back here; just follow me.”

I followed him down a set of spiral stairs until I was in a dark room with smoke clinging to the ceiling. There were dim lights about that barely illuminated the ponies within. He led me to a door near the back of this room that opened up to reveal Vinyl Scratch sitting behind a desk. She gave me a big smile,

“Welcome my friend, I know this place doesn’t look like much but here in a few minutes…It will be amazing!”

She passed me a vial full of a foul smelling clear liquid, “Take this, it’ll soften your insides up and make you absorb the stuff better.”

Everything in my body, mind, and soul told me to refuse it and walk out of this place. I had never even been to a party or done one single drug, but here I was; about to get high on something I couldn’t even pronounce. But I didn’t care; I wanted the hurt to go away, for the pain to stop.

I took the vial from her and downed it in one swig. “Let’s start this; I wanna forget that I’m alive…”

Slamming her hoof on the desk in front of her she gave a yelp, “Yea! I already like you dude! Hey Strike, “She motioned to the pony standing by the door, “Bring in the good shit!”

He left and quickly returned with a backpack full of vials, needles, tubes, sinister looking spray bottles, and several cups. Vinyl opened a blue vial and downed half of it, tossing the rest to me. “Don’t taste it, just…” she shivered. “Just drink it”
I took it and did as she said. It was icy cold going down my throat and I could feel it the entire way. My vision went blue and my head felt weightless. She grabbed another vial and passed it to me, “Hit half of it. Don’t take it all bud.”

I couldn’t tell what color it was but it felt good. My body was numb and I felt invincible. If these were drugs, I had been missing out.

“This is amazing Vinyl! Like….What do we do now?”

She laughed, spinning around and striking a pose “Now?! Now we start doing drugs my friend!”
And she wasn’t lying.

I felt water rushing past my face and in my nose. I shot up, hitting my head on a bucket, causing me to reel and my stomach to churn. I rolled on my side and threw up a foamy mixture of blue and green slime.

“Whoa there, just take it easy. No sudden movements”
I opened my eyes, seeing Vinyl standing over me with a bucket.

“What…how long was I out? I remember the blue stuff and the crap after that but..What else did we do?”

She set the bucket down, “More like what didn’t we do! We hit almost every drug we had. I knew Earth Ponies were resilient but damn! You took em like a champ. Even after all of that dosage, you still had time for me!”

I blinked in disbelief, “You remember what happened?”

“Well yea, I do this all the time. It’s no fun if nopony knows what went down!”

I laughed, feeling the soreness in my joint. I looked down to see several tiny red bumps just above my knee. “What did we do then?”

She sighed, “Aright let’s see…. Tranc’s, T-Vials, Lip flower Plant, Parasprite drops, then after all of that we bucked around a bit and passed out.”

My eyes widened. Me and her bucked; and after all of that? She was a good looking pony but i had never intended to do...that! I felt like I had betrayed Rainbow Dash. I liked her and wanted to be with her…No, No I deserved to have fun! She didn’t care about my feelings why should I care about hers? I shouldn’t like her anymore! She and Chestnut both can go do whatever they please. I had Vinyl and her posse and I didn’t need anypony else. Just as long as I could forget my anger and stow away my sorrow; I would be fine!

She laughed, “Ha, don’t worry kid it happens sometimes. Plus, you weren’t half bad. Anyway you should probably get back to where you live; I have to get ready to DJ at a local club tonight.”

I sighed, “I don’t wanna go…”

“Well none of us do, but you gotta go. You can’t stay here forever; even I have to get out sometimes. But hey I tell ya what; I’ll give you the info on some ponies I know that will hook you up with the best stuff, wherever you are.” She slid a piece of paper in my bag and walked off. “Oh and when you leave, ask the shop owner for some shades! Your eyes are like…green or something.”

I didn’t want to leave, but like she had said; I needed to. If I wanted to get back at Chestnut and Rainbow Dash, I couldn’t do it from here. I trudged up the stairs, passing over knocked out ponies left and right. I felt bad but some of these ponies looked worse than me.

I got to the store front when a shady, dark green Pegasus came over to me, giving me a pair of thick, black sunglasses. I slipped them on and almost couldn’t see the room around me. When I walked out into the sunlight, even with the glasses, I was almost blinded by the light.

“Ah! Holy shit I hurt!” I said aloud on accident. I checked to make sure no one heard and walked towards the train station to catch the first train to Ponyville.

I took my ticket and started a line near the loading gates. The train arrived in five minutes and I was eager to get home and wreak havoc. I had the entire train ride back to plot my revenge. I intended on doing whatever I could to make them aware that they had killed me on the inside.

A whistle blew in the distance and I watched as the train rolled up to the station. The conductor stuck his head out and began to scream “All abour- oh, it’s only you. Well...alright let’s go; I’ll try and get you to Ponyville as fast as I can!”

I smirked,
“Nah…Take your Time. Take your sweet, sweet time.”

I entered the train; my rage, sorrow, hurt, and vengeance all filing in close behind me.

Take What I Had

Chapter Fourteen

Take What I Had

The train made its signature clicking and clacking noise as it loused over the countryside. It was lonely in the train car but I was actually glad to be alone. Nopony to ask if I was okay or to console me; rightfully so, being as I wanted neither of those things. I wanted my rage, jealousy, lust, and self-loathing to completely engulf me. I sifted through my saddlebags, finding small slips of paper here and there with names and places on them. I found one that read

“Ponyville, Stirrup Street in the hut behind the stationary store. Password is Hooks”

It wasn’t a bad idea really, I had the bits and the time; all I needed to do was hit up the stationary store before I crashed at Twilights. She should probably be asleep already and I mean heck, I’d probably only get a little.

By the time the train arrived in Ponyville it was already dark by a few hours. The streets were void of anypony else. I found the quaint stationary shop and went to the back like the paper said. A small shed stood attached to the back of the store. It looked like nothing more than an outhouse with a small cut in the door.

I walked up to the door and knocked cautiously. A bright yellow pony stuck his head out of the door.

“What is the word?”

I thought for a second then remembered that the password was “Hooks.”

The door made a click and I was lead inside. It was dank and smelled of mildew; a set of stairs led to a second story above the stationary store. I opened up a shabby door to a well lit room with absolutely no windows. A light blue unicorn quickly turned to look at me in a panic.

“Who are you, and what do you seek from the GGGRRREEAT and POWERFUL TRIXIE!?”
I laughed; this unicorn had to already be high on something. She had a cape and everything to go with it. I walked up to her, unfazed “What do you sell here even?”

She looked insulted that I wasn’t impressed by her intimidating attempt at an introduction and opened a nearby cabinet. “Well! Since I guess you are going to be DIS-respectful to the Great TRIXIE! I will only take your bits and not give any extra!”

I leaned in close to her, squinting my eyes “You can try if you must. But when I paint the floor with you, I’m taking everything!”

My heart began to race. I hadn’t been threatening yet and I was not used to doing so…but it felt good. I could see her squirm under my stern stare as her façade melted. I liked it when I went out of my way to break another pony down or hurt them. It was the same rush I got when I had beat that unicorn up at the club, and when I did drugs with Vinyl. I needed more.

“Y-yes okay well let’s see…we have just about everything.” She stammered, opening a nearby wardrobe.

“I’ll take the blue vial, and the Tranc’s. Four needles filled full. What’s that powdery stuff?” I hoofed towards a bag near the bottom filled with what looked like sugar.

She brightened up a little, “Oh that is just my ‘Trixie Dust’. I make it myself from several plants in the Everfree. Only a magnificent and powe-…… er chemist like me can blend it. Makes you forget the pain, y’know?”

I handed my other merchandise back to her, “If it works, I’ll take as much as I can carry. I need to forget…”

We stood there looking longingly at the floor for some time. I could tell this pony had suffered some hurt in her past but I wasn’t one to pry into a drug dealer’s personal business. She had noticed the same about my demeanor and moved a little closer, softening my mood.

“You know…it works best if you talk about the problems first…trust me I know.” She pulled a chair up using a weak spell that barely lifted it from the ground.

I wanted to hear her stories first. She seemed sad and forgotten; I wondered if she had even left this house in a long time. “Okay Trixie but you go first…”

She started in with her story,

“I am a performing mare, I travel…well traveled around and used my magic to entertain ponies and make them happy. Well” she drew a long breath. “One day I made my way to Ponyville and instead of the usual cheers and awes of amazement ponies were afraid of me. They called me names and even sent a unicorn named Twilight Sparkle to defeat me.” She looked down, kicking at the dust with her hoof. “It was an act; almost everypony from every town knew this but them. I told them about me defeating an Ursa. But instead of just laughing a little at the absurdity of the story, they went and got one! Not only that; but when Twilight had driven it away the town turned on me! They drove me out of town for the way I acted. They just forgot to remember it was an act. I never meant to hurt anypony, just entertain. But now; all because of Twilight Sparkle, I am selling drugs hidden away in a manure hole of a home with only my thoughts and Trixie Dust to help me forget the pain.”

She sighed, taking some of the powder in her hoof and inhaling it through her nostrils.
Her eyes went wide for a moment then a dull hue found its way into this mare’s already dull and soiled eyes. She leaned on me, her mouth slack, not saying a word. I took the cue and scooped my own hoof full and inhaled it in one breath. Everything seemed to go out of focus accompanied with a sharp pain in my nostrils.
The room seemed grey and alone. I didn’t know why I was here or what had gotten me here. I was sad but I had no idea why. It’s like my mind had been wiped of all previous knowledge. I could still move and walk and I knew the unicorn leaning on me was named Trixie. Other than that I was at a complete loss. Trixie spoke up lethargically,
“Let me just…yea…” she walked as if in trance over to a machine that looked like it played music somehow; She absent mindedly hoofed at a button, causing slow beats to fill my ears like putty. The sounds oozed around me, soothing my already calm demeanor. Whatever this stuff was, it was my favorite.

The room flashed and soon I was sitting at a desk from my past life. I looked around, the room void of anypony else. The desks were purple and the walls were curved, showing years of constant use. My old teacher walked in, an Earth Pony with a book as a cutie mark; just as I always had remembered it. Or had I? I swore that something seemed off; maybe her cutie mark was something different? I didn’t care; I was at my old high school, reliving my past experiences and I enjoyed that.

Suddenly the room came back to normal with Trixie just staring at a wall absent-mindedly. My vision had cleared and I could tell the drugs had worn off. Oh well, it had only been several minutes. Trixie looked over,

“So did you like it? The dust that is.”

I nodded, “I didn’t remember my pains, only my good past.”

“If you have anywhere to go you should probably leave, the dust has a way of stealing your time” she motioned towards a clock on the wall, “It’s been twelve hours already. The sun will probably come up soon. Also I have a shower if you need it. The dust has its way of leaving its…mark.”

I asked her where the showers were and she hoofed towards a door that I had not previously noticed; I walked in and sat looking into the nearest mirror. My pupils were the size of a pen head and I had two streams of blood leaking from my nose. My mane had since been messed beyond repair without a wash.

I took a few minutes in the shower, just letting the warm water and steam soothe my worn senses. If I wasn’t careful I was sure to fall asleep in the shower. I squeezed a dispenser of shampoo that had the face of a smiling unicorn on it; a small dollop of green gel landed in my hoof. I massaged it into my mane, taking in the scent of green apples and some unknown smell that made it sweeter more then sour.

I stared at the dispenser, a smiling unicorn with a subtle wink placed on one eye. It had no words or brands on it. Then the old me came rushing back. Trixie was still a pony just like me. She had a personality and a drive; or at some point she did. Her room was barren and dull, not characterizing anything about her. How long had she toiled all alone in this place? Eaten by depression and a nagging feeling of regret for that long can empty somepony’s souls. In a way all she had left of her past personality was this smell; just a small token of her past life to remind her of her glory days.

I turned the water down and stepped out of the steam, drying off on a nearby towel. I stepped into the room to see Trixie had not moved. She looked almost grey, devoid of any emotion. She was gone. Years of torment had placed this poor unicorn in the grinder of society; and she had lost. She had been ground to the bottom and used as fertilizer for future generations.

“I really liked the soap; it was not like anything I had smelled before.” I said this more out of pity than enjoyment. I knew that it was part of her, however small.

She seemed to notice, a small spark of life running along the rims of her eyes. “Oh that… I uh, make it myself. It’s a special blend from Everfree. Completely safe and good for the mane; I-I used it all the time until I came here. I tried to sell it for some time but ponies just laughed at me and walked on.”

I put a hoof on her, “Well I like it Trixie…And I like you. You know pain like I do…and if you’d be okay with it, I’d like to get to know you better.”

She seemed to smile, not much but I could tell she hadn’t seen affection in some time, if ever. I told her to be careful and I was on my way. I had invited her to spend the day with me but she had refused. Part of me wanted her to come just so I could continue ignoring my inner rage. I still hated Chestnut and Rainbow Dash and I still planned on enacting revenge. As much as I hated the fact that I couldn’t change completely; as seen with my display of sorrow for Trixie, I still had made my mind up about Dash. I would absolutely never fall for her again.

It was some time before I found my way to Twilights again, my mind warped and forgetful since my run with drugs. I stepped inside to Twilight helping a dark pink pony select a book,

“Okay Cherilee, this book should have the subjects you are looking for and.......Ethan?” she stepped over to me, eyeing me and sniffing my mane. “Where have you been and why do you smell…familiar?”

I thought about my answer. None of your business played on the tip of my tongue for a moment but I couldn’t be mad at Twilight or any other of my friends. “Oh, I...Uhm...Vinyl Scratch wanted me to bounce a party and you all had left already so I…Uhm I stayed longer than intended I guess.”

She eyed me, clearly seeing through my answer letting it slide none the less. “Hmm okay then… Have any plans for today? Maybe go see Rainbow Da-“

“Yes! Yes...yes yes! I want to see her, and her…friend…Chestnut! Both of them.” I couldn’t stop myself from cracking a smug smile.

Twilights eyes seemed to almost burst, catching the meaning in my use of the word friend. “Look Ethan, I think it is best that you cool down a little bit. Maybe…I mean…”

Nope, I was already gone; on the hunt for my uninformed attackers. Hell would be here with me to help them pay. I had used the last of my sorrow and remorse on Trixie; all that I had left was a smoldering, gluttonous hate.

I didn’t have to search long; I found them walking alone together on a road leading out of Ponyville. I bet Rainbow Dash was showing that bastard my favorite spot, just so they could buck on it! The nerve of them… I started to trail them; I kept close enough to see, but not to arouse suspicion.

Soon they stopped and both turned around at me, spotting me easily. I was the only pony within a shouting distance of them. I stood alone, glaring them down. Chestnut started to head towards me, Dash close behind. I went behind a nearby tree to set my saddlebags upon the ground when one of the flaps slid open slowly, revealing a small yellow vial of viscous liquid. I grabbed it in my mouth and downed it without being seen; I would need the confidence boost to take Chestnut on hoof to hoof.

I came out from behind the tree to see they had walked within 30 yards of me,
“Hey kid! We thought you had stayed in Canterlot for good! How ya been?”

I gave no response, returning his comment with only a stare.

He put a hoof on my shoulder, “Me and Dash have missed ya kid!”

“Oh?” I laughed, letting my psychotic emotions escape me. “I thought…I thought that NOOOPPOONNY would miss liiittllee ol’ me!” I threw myself at his feet, giggling like a colt. “Not a bastard colt with no mom or dad or any aspirations? I won’t go anywhere in life will I? Boo hooo! Boohoo and woe am I!" The drugs were kicking in.

Chestnut backed away from me, “Uh kid? Why the hell are you so crazy? Did you take some kind of drug or something?” he looked at Rainbow Dash, “Rainbow Dash, go get somepony to help… Now”

I rolled over to where she stood, “Oh no we don’t need help do we ’Dashie’? Big Bad Chestnut is here to save the day from a lil’ ol’ pussy bastard pony like me!” I stood, marching to Chestnut, meeting him nose to nose. “And you! Oh what a wonderful idea to make me listen to it! I commend you; you successfully turned my insides into mush and my heart into your horseshoe!”

Rainbow Dash gasped, “Y…You know? I...I was drunk! I didn’t know you could hear, and I do like you, but Chestnut said you had ditched… I’m sorry for what I said; I didn’t mean any of it!”

My joker act dropped immediately, “Oh yes your sorry to completely sent me through hell, listening to you get bucked like a Hirehorse. Oh sorry is fine…Wait… As a matter of fact, I’m all better now! Gee thanks Dashie, its okay if I call you that right!? Or do I have to be bucking you while your best friend listens for that?”

Rainbow Dash started to cry and backed away from me. Chestnut pushed me away from her, “Hey kid look, don’t be so mean. We were drunk and didn’t know you could hear us. She said she was sorry now buck up like a stallion and get over it; I am just a better stallion for Dash. She deserves a real stallion, not some drugged up halfwit bastard pony!” with that he pushed me again.

I snapped, head butting him right in the muzzle. I felt nothing, the drugs had numbed my senses completely and I felt invincible.

“What the hell kid? I can kick your flank and you know it!”

I leaned in close to him, nibbling on his neck in an intimate way. I touched my mouth to his ear “Then do it.” I pricked my teeth at his ear. He spun around and kicked me right in the neck, sending me flying. I popped back up immediately to see him charging at me. I fell to the dirt, tripping his large frame up and sending him to the grass.

I took my opportunity and leapt on top of him, head butting him repeatedly. With every strike I screamed “POW” at the top of my lungs. He deflected my forehead with his hooves and soon kicked me off, flying into the air.

“You’re on Angel Dust kid stop this! You are going to hurt yourself! Dash, go and get somepony now!”

I stampeded back towards Chestnut, meeting a hoof to the side of my chest. I stumbled sideways but did not fall. I used my sideways momentum to get behind him, tackling him to the ground. I held him there getting close to his face

“Not more than you hurt me you spiteful bastard! I looked up to you, I trusted you! You should have known this! I spent all of my time with you and you not only used me to get close to Dash, you made sure I could hear you two bucking; just to add salt on my wound!”

I let him up, pointing towards my eyes which had a yellowish tint with pupils no bigger than a pen head. “Is this what you want?! Me…dead on the inside? I already tried piece of shit, it didn’t work out like I wanted it to! But oh trust me you did a damn fine job of killing me on the inside!”

He got up, looking at me “Kid…That’s not what I want…If you’d hear me out; I never meant to sleep with Dash. I didn’t know you looked up to me so I didn’t figure you would care…but I see what I have done…I’m sorry. I…I know I can’t promise to fix this; but I’d like to if you’d allow it.”

I shook my head, my rage forming tears. “S-she was all I was looking forward too. I had you as a role model and her as a friend I loved…and you took both of them from me. I’d kill you if I could…But I can’t. “

He came closer to me, “Look…Ethan, please just calm down. This is the drugs talking kid, jus calm down.”

I sniffled, wiping my nose. “Nah, I can’t kill you and I can’t kill myself. So I’m going to let you finish what you started.” I wrapped my forelegs around his neck, trying to choke him out with all that I had left in me. I was going to force him to kill me.

I felt a swift knock at my temple, sending me dizzily to the ground…
Chestnut stood over me, “This is for the best kid…”

The last thing I saw before I passed out was his hoof striking me between the eyes.

Recieve

Chapter Fifteen
Recieve

I awoke suddenly from a nightmare. I knew I was running but I did not see or hear what it was. I looked over my surroundings; grey and cold. I was shivering and sweating at the same time, my body shaking with tremors. I felt clouded and unmistakably hung-over. I was in what looked to be a jail cell; all I can remember is seeing Chestnut ask me how I was doing. What had I done to land myself in jail? Usually I was very cool and pretty calculated, even when it came to revenge.

I paced around my cell, shaking and allowing my head to clear. What in the hell had I done? How severe was it? Did I kill Chestnut, or even worse; Rainbow Dash? Would someone come and get me or would I rot in here?

A pony in a police uniform walked past. I thought about flagging him down but my greater conscience kept me from bugging him. Another officer walked into the room and whispered something to the patrolling pony. He turned and looked at me before nodding, allowing a hooded unicorn to enter the room. He escorted the Unicorn over to my cell, unlocking the door.

“Your bail has been paid son. We don’t want to see you again; you are a colt yet and you have a long life ahead of you. Don’t throw it away.” I smiled sincerely at the pony and walked out by the mysterious unicorn.

It wasn’t until we got outside that I realized the pony who had bailed me out of prison was Trixie.
She looked at me from under her hood, making sure to conceal her identity to every other pony. “I heard you got canned and I had to come get you. I didn’t want you to say anything is all. That’s all this is; nothing more.”

I hushed my tone, “So the only reason you bailed me is so I wouldn’t ‘rat’ you out? Sure…”

She cut me a agitated look, “You are pissing Trixie off, let’s just go back to my place and forget again…in silence.”

I nodded and followed by her side as we walked out of the prison and across Ponyville.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Twilight Sparkle walked with Rainbow Dash into the prison. “Look I know he said mean things but he needs you right now. He needs to hear you while his mind is clear and he can talk to you without Chestnut.”

She lowered her head. “Yea, I mean it was a mistake! He has to know that…that I kind of…”she shrunk her voice to a whisper “love him.”

“I know Dash, we will tell him. But you have to understand that what you did was wrong as well. He feels really deceived by you two, and he will need some time to get over it; but hopefully you can move forward.”

She just nodded with her head down.

Twilight walked up to the front desk of the prison, lifting a bag of bits on to the counter. “Excuse me, we are here to bail out Ethan; he was admitted here yesterday and we need to make sure we take him home.”

An orange receptionist pony shrugged, “You just missed him, got bailed out no more than five minutes ago by some unicorn, and she didn’t leave a name either.”

Rainbow Dash flew face to face with the receptionist, “WHAT?! No, you can’t just let some random pony take him! Where is that fair? Where did he go?!”

Keeping a bland face the receptionist just sighed, “No rules on who can bail anypony out, sorry kid.”

Twilight pushed the furious Dash away from the counter, “What she meant to ask was what this pony looked like or if they filled out any paperwork.”

The receptionist turned away from them, “Can’t give out any information, please leave and quit holding up the line.”

Rainbow Dash was already storming out of the doors.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

I forgot again.

This time the effects were clear and I could spend more time in my memories; I was in the old carriage that I used to pull around in my school days. I always went too fast, I just loved to feel the wind resist against my face as I screeched around corners, causing other ponies to look at me with scorn. I was just running down an old dirt road towards my parent’s house. I ran and I ran but I never came any closer to my house, never any closer to my parents. I stopped and looked at my carriage. It was foreign in shape from most carriages; the wheels were black and thick, smelling of a rubber composite. The doors had weird handles that surely no pony could open without magic and it was glass in an open space near the front. What was this thing I was pulling? It seemed familiar but I had never seen one… Or had I?

I came out of my past memories with a weird sensation of un-belonging. Why had that foreign thing been so familiar? Whatever the case was, I needed to shower and rest.

I walked absent-mindedly into the bathroom, not noticing the steam or the sound of running water. I only realized when it was too late after I heard the squeak of the shower handles being turned off and the sliding of shower curtains.
Trixie gave a shriek and fell back into the shower whilst pushing me away with a surge of magic.

“I- I’m Uhm..I’m really sorry Trix, I was still kind of foggy and I just walked in and….” I stammered.

“Shut up, and never call me ‘Trix’ again; I am not your pet.” She came from the bathroom, nursing the back of her head while glaring at me.

I had to admit that she looked beautiful; even after the years of emotional abuse, she still held a certain aura that seemed to light her coat in luminescence. Her mane was wet and pressed against her body, deflating her usual intimidating demeanor. I walked up to her,

“Let me see if your head is okay.” I walked around her, putting my hoof to split her mane where she had been holding it. Only a small red bump lay under her mane, “It looks okay Trixie. I really am sorry that I walked in on you.”

She walked to the other side of the room, deep in thought. “Well then, shower if you need too. Whatever…”

I shrugged it off and made my way to her bathroom, which was still humid from Trixie using it only minutes ago. Her scent lingered in the air around me, mixing within my nostrils, drawing my mind to dwell on her. I stepped in the shower and let the water wet my coat and warm my body. I found myself thinking more and more about Trixie, Did she have a special somepony; on that, has she ever even had one? What about her parents were they still alive and if they were; what were they like? Maybe I can just stay with her and run away, leaving all of this mess behind me; leave Chestnut and Dash to do whatever they want while traveling with Trixie. We can even save each other from this life…

I began to turn the shower off, stepping out into the bathroom again, the cold air sweeping around my legs. I heard a click and another gush of cold air flooded into the room. Trixie stood in the doorway, blushing ever so slightly, “Ohhhh! I am most sorry!” she said in a sarcastic tone, walking up to me.

I quickly threw a towel over me, blushing and backing up. “Oh…haha, you got me; I said I was sorry!”

She walked up to me, still wet from her previous shower and hugged me. She took me in her arms and put her muzzle to the bottom of my ear and whispered “I heard what you said…and all I can say is time will tell if you only let it.”

Chills ran down my spine, “Heard what?”

She scoffed, “You were talking in the shower idiot…”

I just returned the embrace; I had nothing else to say. I meant what I had said and was eager to finding out if it was all true.

She stepped away from the hug and looked me in the eyes, a rekindled spirit staring me back, “Two things Ethan. One, are you sure? And Two, Don’t try and save me, I can’t be saved”

“Yes, I am sure and I am positive that I can save you from this life! It can change and grow and be so much more!”
She gave me a smile that was laced with sorrow, “Well I can’t stop you, but for now…let’s just enjoy ourselves.”

With that we walked into the main room of her house without a care in the world.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________
Rainbow Dash paced in front of Chestnut, “Did you really do that to him? I can’t believe you! H-He was my friend and I loved him! “she had tears streaming down her face.

Chestnut gave a halfhearted shrug and sat down. “Look I don’t care about that shit. You are mine and he isn’t good enough for you. End of story; just forget he even exists.”

Dash let her temper flare, charging up to him “You only say that because you are just a bully! You pick on other ponies and you need to stay away from me and my friends. I can’t believe I ever even let myself like you…you…you..trash!”

Chestnuts eyes flew wide, “Don’t you ever call me that again do you hear me? You are mine and you do what I say. You will be my marefriend and you will have my colts just as I planned from the start! “

“No! You are a monster!” she said, pulling closer to him and meeting his glares.

Chestnut lifted a hoof and smacked Rainbow Dash hard in the face, cutting her right below her left eye. Rainbow Dash shrieked as he came on her again. “Don’t ever say no to me!” she tried to run but he struck her again, causing her cut to bleed more.

Rainbow Dash kicked at him and flew as fast as she ever had. Chestnut gave pursuit but had no chance of catching her. She flew out of the gym and towards the only place that she could go in this state…Twilights.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________

All that I remember was drinking a few cups of cider and taking a few pills with Trixie; but now I was lying on the floor next to her, deep in embrace. I felt her breath warm my neck as her sides rose and fell. We looked like we had had a full party for two, but I knew none of what happened. Her wardrobe had been tipped over and her bathroom floor was wet. Water had been trailed throughout the room, creating a path as to where we had been. I looked back to her. She was looking at me with her big purple hued eyes through strands of her snow white hair. She was stunning this way.
She caught me off guard by giving me a peck on the nose, “Sleep well my prince?”

I couldn’t help from smiling and pulling her in to a closer hug, taking in the scent of her mane. “Mmmhmmm….”

I knew what I was doing was bad for me. I knew that I had problems and friends that I needed to talk to and to see. But I didn’t want any of that right now; I had her in my grasp and for once, I had no fear of being betrayed. She had nothing and no reason to betray me, I felt like I had given her life back that she had lost a long time ago with her career. She wouldn’t betray me because she needed me…and right now, whether I needed her or not; I had her.

We cleaned ourselves up and sat patiently for some time.

Trixie took a breath and hesitated some, “Do…Do you want to take Trixie to lunch? It has been some time since I actually went out…”

My heart fluttered. She had actually wanted to go out with me! I was going to get to go into Ponyville with Trixie and eat lunch! I nodded my head furiously, “Yes yes! Just tell me where and we will be gone!”

Trixie fastened her cape around her neck “Let’s just go to the café, Trixie will need to get used to being seen in public.”
We left, stepping over broken glass and splintered wood, presumably caused by us last night.

It was a bright beautiful day in Ponyville; the birds were making sure the whole world knew their presence and the winds had decided to breeze the land gently with a warm zephyr. We walked from the shady alley behind the stationary store and into public view. Few ponies gave us a second glance, but many still eyed Trixie with caution. Trixie had a small grin planted on her face as we walked.

“I think Trixie wants a window in her room”

I looked at her, “Really now? Why do you want a window now…I mean with what you do and all…”

She let her grin grow across her face, “I am no longer doing that. Last night we talked about it. You said that I could change everything and lead a normal life. You asked me to be your marefriend, if I gave up selling drugs; and I of course said yes.” She stopped, turning to face me. “Ethan, I can relate to you. You are the first pony to show me compassion in a very long time, and you have given me another reason to live.”

I took her in a hug, drawing looks from passing ponies. “I love you Trixie…I love you because you can love back, and that would be a first. I trust you…”

We stood there for some time before I felt a presence looming over me.

“Where have you been!” Twilight glared at me furiously. “After you attacked Chestnut and got put in jail nopony could find you! What are you doing with Trixie!?”

Trixie took a step back and hoofed at the ground.

“She bailed me out Twilight, I’m sorry that I couldn’t tell you all but I didn’t want you to see me in that state.”
Twilight shook her head “That’s okay Ethan…We were all just worried about you, especially Rainbow Dash.”
That name stung my soul, rekindling the betrayal that I had been dealt by her. “Oh really? Was I too happy for just a second?”

Twilight hushed me, “No Ethan! Stop being so stubborn, she is sorry for what she has done, it was unfair of her. After you attacked Chestnut he went and abused Dash physically; she ran to me because she was scared and didn’t want to get hurt, she wanted you to forgive her.”

I shook my head in disbelief. That bastard had beat her?! He would pay by my hoof! I hated to admit to myself but I didn’t want Dash to get hurt even though I was mad at her; she didn’t deserve that. “What?! He beat her? I’ll bucking kill him!”
I didn’t notice Trixie flinching at the drop of Chestnuts name.

Twilight came next to me, “its okay Ethan, he hasn’t been seen since. We think he skipped town for good. But you are going to have to speak to Dash.” She turned to Trixie. “What are you doing here Trixie?”

Trixie shyly gave Twilight a peek before looking back at the ground, “Oh…Trixie and Ethan were just going on a ….lunch date is all…”

Twilight laughed aloud, looking at me in disbelief “You and Trixie are special somepony’s?”

I nodded defiantly, “Yes we are Twilight, she understands me and loves me back. Most people miss-understood her original act as how she really is and basically exiled her. She means no harm and is a wonderful pony!”

Trixie blushed and hid behind me, making a squeak when she moved “y-yes Twilight, Trixie is sorry if she upset you…”

Twilight just giggled and walked over to Trixie, extending a hoof. “I am sorry for the way we treated you Trixie. If you would please forgive me...” Twilight didn’t finish her sentence.

Trixie had jumped her and was giving her a giant hug. “Yes! All Trixie wanted was to be accepted by you; you are such a powerful unicorn and I looked up to you when you dispelled the Ursa Minor! I am sorry too, for the things I did. I let the show get to my head! “

Twilight gave me a weird look while patting Trixie on the back. I was surprised too; I had to admit that it was weird for Trixie to be showing this sort of affection, she hadn’t had any affection given to her in a long time but I guessed that the rejection that she felt was a big part of who she was. Now that had been lifted and she was finally accepted.

“You know Twilight if you want to join us for lunch we can catch up” I asked her as we all three walked towards the café.

She shook her head and stopped waking, “I would love to, but you and Trixie deserve a date and I need to find Rainbow Dash; I want you to talk to her today, she really needs to apologize in person.”

I nodded, waving her a goodbye. As much as I hated to admit it, I really did want to forgive Dash. She was only a few months older than me probably and felt just as much confused and betrayed as I did. She had no reason to hate me, so why did I hate her? I ruled her out. I wasnt mad at her, I was mad at what Chestnut had done to her. She wasn’t herself and Chestnut saw it fit to take advantage of her.

I was going to make sure that he paid if I ever saw him again.

Trixie and I ate lunch slowly, taking time to look into each other’s eyes for resolve. She looked alive and full of life and I felt like I could take on the world again. I hoped that this could last; that I could forgive Dash and reconnect with all of my friends, all the while forgetting about that bastard Chestnut and moving on with life. I saw Trixie look around to make sure nopony was looking our way, and then she locked eyes with me. I could feel my insides melt and my heart begin to pound.

I knew what was about to happen and I never had wanted anything more than this.

She leaned in closer to me. I leaned over, meeting her muzzle halfway across the small table. We lingered here for a small time, enjoying the warmth of our breath on our lips before she made her move. Our lips locked for the first time and I almost exploded. I awkwardly returned the kiss before figuring her out; I twisted my head to match with hers and kissed her deeper and more sensual than before.

This felt so right. Our bodies bound by the lips, locked into a love forced by fate. All of my feeling faded, leaving only the love that I felt for Trixie in this moment.

Prologue

I shifted in my seat as my teacher droned on and on about the environment in the most hypocritical way. I decided to take this time and reflect a little more upon my previous thoughts, “What if there really is nothing? Even better question; what is nothing?” A light tap broke Ethan’s listless stare as the person nearest to him extended his I-phone to show a YouTube video that he honestly couldn’t care to watch. It wasn’t that i didn’t want to see it, no not at all. It was something else. Something that had been bugging me for the past week; My life had been in a kind of fog, I couldn’t remember much and I have constantly been in a sad, fidgety mood.

Soon enough the bell for next hour rang and all the students got up to leave. I decided to stay for a bit and wait on my friend after class, to talk about how I felt, which I admit was weird for me. “My thoughts are sacred to me, why would John care anyway.” I sighed a deep breathy sigh and got up from my seat to walk to next hour. This is where things struck me as odd. I go to a school with upwards of three thousand students, but as I stepped outside I was met with silence. Not the low whisper silence of a hushed student body, no a silence only broke by the wind and the leaves as they hit the ground. Odd I thought but it was quite chilly and the students might just be inside. As I walked, I looked into one of the glass doors that lead to the hallways of the main building, not a soul. I stopped dead in my tracks. I inched closer to the window and only saw a transparent reflection of my own face, struck with a visage of pure horror.

I didn’t scare easy, Ever. And now here I was, trembling and alone. Close behind me a female voice rang out faint and far away, “He really did, didn’t he?!” My first reaction was to look in the reflection of the glass that I had been fixated on. No one was behind me. A slow feeling crept through me that made my skin crawl and my nerves jump. I was a fighter, always since birth even, I had been a fighter. Brave and stalwart I always stood up for what was right and for the smaller guy, but now; now I was the small guy. I broke into a sweat as I heard faint whispers behind me once again, this time closer. Then, with all my bravery and courage rolled into one, I ran. I ran fast and soon, I was leaping onto the front porch of my girlfriends house. I peered inside and saw no one, the door was slightly ajar and I knew something was terribly wrong. I rushed inside and flung myself into every room but hers. I knew why I hadn’t, but I didn’t want to know.

There it was, secure and shut. Just like it always was. I crept closer to it, being careful to be very quiet, but I knew why. I opened the door and there it was. There I was, her room just as she would usually leave it, slightly a mess but organized none the less. I got to the bed and laid down where she would have been, not one trace that she had even been there, all but one thing. The pillow smelled lightly of her, and I grabbed onto that pillow and sobbed in the grey morning light.

I thought back to the many nights that we had laid there, argued, kissed, hurt, cried, and shared all that we knew. I cried for what seemed like forever until I looked at the clock. It was blank. 88:88 flashed on the clocks display, I got up and then I began to think what had happened, then a voice, clearer but still faint, “Crying? How can he cry? What is even going on?” Then like a ton of bricks had landed on me, I fell to the ground. I couldn’t get up, move blink or even breathe. It felt like something was down my throat, clogging all the flow of blood. My eyes felt dry and unmovable, as did all I had. I quickly regained my panic and thrashed as best as I could. My once strong body had failed me and all I could manage was a light convulsion “Uhmm! Quick someone hold him down please! We need to get him….out….soon…. or he’ll….die” This time the voice was clear as day but broken up into fragments. I noticed what felt like irons grab me by the arms and pin me down, I screamed, only I didn’t. Not one word escaped my mouth, I could rasp all I wanted but nothing came at all. As I fell back onto the soft carpet I felt a pillow that hadn’t been there before. I found this odd, there weren’t even pillows on the ground! Then blackness, the thick soupy blackness that consumes all that touches it. No screaming, thrashing, flailing, or blinking. Just blackness.

Everything Is Good.....Now What?

Chapter Eight
Everything is good….Now What?

I sat in my room, holding my Ruger 10/22. It was a nice gun to have, just to go and shoot on the weekends. Originally I had bought it for home protection, but it was really just for fun.

My dad walked into my room “Son now remember, don’t play with it! Guns aren’t toys!”

I laughed and brushed him off “Dude, I’m seventeen. I think I got the gun safety thing down”

“Yea yea, we got a big manly ‘seventeen’ year old over here! I know, you think it’s silly but, it is my job to constantly remind you of what you’re supposed to do; even if it’s only to give a few pointers here and there. “He said, chuckling.
I woke up, my father’s image still plastered into my mind. I missed him; he had always been there to make sure I was doing well. Make sure that I wasn’t sending my future in the wrong direction. He was always a few inches taller than me…or was he? No, he was shorter than me…I think.

Oh no….

I tried for all I could, I tried so hard my head started to hurt. But nothing ever came. My dad as I knew him was gone. I didn’t have any memory of him, all but one; his voice saying “Son, you have to learn to make decisions yourself….I won’t be here forever”. It was hard to believe that he had never even existed; just a figment of my own reality. I held my eyes tightly, not wanting the sorrow to escape my eyelids. I had to find a positive, had to find a way to combat this.
I just needed to meet up and spend some time with my father here! I opened my eyes expecting a sudden surge of hope to propel me forward out of the bed. But instead, a wave of sad realization slapped me in my face. The father that I had in this world was dead. I had never had a father.

This time the sorrow came forth freely from my eyes. It wasn’t a sobbing, loud sadness. This sadness was an empty sadness. I sat there in the dark, letting tears fall from my eyes. I felt empty and alone. Everyone needed a father, or at least a father figure. But I had none, no one to keep me in line, make sure I was polite and courteous, to make sure that I was doing the right thing. I had never been taught to ride a bike or to fish; none of those things.

I heard Twilight walking up the stairs and quickly turned away from her. I didn’t want her to see me like this. She obviously had noticed me move because she walked right up to me and poked me with her hoof “Hey it’s okay you slept up here, you don’t have to hide from me….” Her voice trailed off as she noticed the tear soaked pillows and the ones currently running down my face.

“Ethan, are you okay?” she asked in a comforting tone.

I sniffled, my voice breaking badly “Y-Yea I…I just was …nothing”

Twilight was not taking my answer as acceptable, “Sure, because ponies just cry like this all of the time. Come downstairs and we can talk about it.”

I didn’t want to. Celestia knows that’s the last thing that I wanted to talk about. I never liked admitting my weaknesses and I was counting this as one. What if she thought less of me? What if I just didn’t fit in now? But I knew she wouldn’t take no for an answer, so I followed her down the stairs, hating every step. We sat on the couch together; her bringing up a cup of what looked like coffee.

“So tell me what the problem is Ethan, you can tell me anything. Well anything but nothing. I know that’s a lie.” She sipped her coffee.

I sighed, wiping at my eyes with a hoof. “I lost the memories I had of my father. All of them, I can’t even remember what he looked like or anything he ever said.”

“Well you have been in a coma, how could you remember him?”

She obviously didn’t fully understand my situation, but how could she? Did I even want her to understand my situation, it would be so confusing. Especially to her knowledgeable mind, since she would need an answer to everything.
She smiled, “We will just have to pay your dad a visit today! Not a problem, you can start building new memories right away!”

Wrong choice of words on her part; I immediately started to let tears fall again. “H…he’s dead…”

Twilight took me into a hug. “I didn’t know……sorry. I wish I would’ve known”

I sat there, not returning her hug; my tears falling onto her mane and back. I felt cold, and empty once again. I was cornered by life’s cruel decisions. I was the first to break the silence, I needed to walk again.

“Twilight, I need to go clear my mind. Just walk around a bit is all. I will be back before too much longer….”
She gave an understanding nod, “Just be careful please, and don’t do anything drastic.”

With that, I left. I just walked, like I usually had; thinking what to do next.

Despite how I felt, the sun had managed to rise and it was an absolutely beautiful day. I of course, found a way to make it bad, thinking it as hot and humid. I felt miserable on top of that; I was sad and I was angry. What in the hell was I supposed to do? My memories were leaving me stupid and I had no dad to replace them in this world. I must have walked for a long ways because it wasn’t long before I could just barely see Ponyville in the distance.

Before I decided to turn back I heard a crashing thud from somewhere over the nearby hill. I peered over to see Dash laying in an impact hole with three other pegasi hovering over her laughing.

“Ha, you’re stupid Rainbow Crash, everypony knows you SUCK but yourself!” at this the other two ponies by his side laughed along, one of them even adding a “Yea you suck!” at the end of their giggling.

Rainbow Dash tried to crawl out of the mini crater she had created, but before she could crawl out one of the ponies pushed her back in laughing. “Stay in your hole you trash, it’s where you belong!”

I was infuriated; the combination of emotions I was feeling was not good. One of the only friends I had was being bullied in front of me and I had nothing to lose. People in school used to call me a white knight because I had a zero tolerance for bullies. I was a bully-bully, to say, and right now I was a rare mix of rage and desperation. Not good.

Rainbow Dash was on the verge of tears, “Guys I d-don’t care just let me go….please...”

The ponies laughed, “That would be too easy Rainbow Crash, you gotta pay us to get out!” one of the ponies even spat on her. I saw a tear escape Rainbow Dash’s eye as she began to cry.
That was it. My little fuse lit, burnt, and exploded all in a few seconds. I walked up to the scuffle casually enough, drawing the attention of the smaller Pegasus who landed right in front of me.

“Hey get lost punk before I beat your flank!” he glared at me.

“Oh, yea don’t want to interrupt anything….” I turned my tail towards him and before he could look back I reared my powerful hind legs and bucked him right in the mouth. He fell backwards covering his mouth with his hooves, screaming in pain. On the ground lay shards of teeth in random spats of blood.

“What the hell?” the leader of the group flew up to me, getting in my face “Get lost man! You don’t want to deal with me! I’ll make you wish you were dead!”

I didn’t give him time to react. Without missing a beat I reared my head back and head butted him twice, right on the bridge of his nose. I felt a crack on the first one but the second one is where I felt a break. He took several steps back, blood falling from his nose. I swiftly swung my hoof right into the side of his head, knocking him out. The third pony grabbed my neck from above, lifting me off the ground. I was being choked and had to get out quickly. I immediately threw all my weight backwards, swinging with enough force to cause the Pegasus to crash to the ground. I was on top of him when we crashed, keeping my position I turned over, facing him. I delivered four quick kicks, two in the side and two in the head.

When we had landed my wound had re opened and I was bleeding from my side quite badly. I was walking back to Rainbow Dash who was staring, mouth agape at me, when I saw the ponies whose teeth I had knocked out. He was slowly standing up, wobbly and obviously in shock. I grabbed him by his head and turned his face towards Rainbow Dash’s “Apologize.”

He made no sound.

“APOLOGIZE!” I screamed at him, hoofing him in the mouth, making him yell.

“I-I …aim sowwrthy…” he mouthed painfully.

I dropped him on the ground and walked over to Rainbow Dash, “Are you okay? Did they hurt you?”

“N-no, thanks to you I’m fine… Usually they just tease me but they weren’t going to just do that this time…were they?” she sounded scared.

I hugged her, “No Dash, they weren’t just going to tease you….But they won’t mess with you again. Because if they do I swear they won’t have the chance to do it again”

I looked to the group of ponies I had just decimated, “Did I go overboard” I looked at Rainbow Dash,
“Nah, they will be fine I think. It was actually kinda cool! They way you just beat them up, it was crazy! Thanks again for saving me!” she hoofed me lightly on my back, obviosly trying to hide her shaken state.

“Hey wanna walk back to town with me?” I looked at her eagerly

“Hmmmmmm….walking isn’t my thing but what the hay, let’s do it. I probably need to rest a few days anyway.” She smiled at me. It was different though, it was a warm, day-fixing smile that made me feel okay.

We walked back to town together, joking about the day’s events and comparing how fast or strong we were. I wanted to get to know Rainbow Dash a lot better. She was a really cool pony and like me in many ways; I could relate to her.
At Twilights library she stopped at the door, “Hey well thanks again! Maybe next time I can save you from some trouble!”
Before she could go I grabbed her attention “Hey wait, if you let me run inside really quick and grab something I’ll buy us dinner!”

She laughed, “Ha sure, I’m game for a free dinner anytime!”

I ran inside to grab my saddlebags, quickly slipping them on and tightening them snuggly in place. I found Dash flipping the door to the mailbox up and down, “Took ya long enough, lets go!”

“Uh, where too? I don’t know the good places to eat around here!” I asked walking up to her.

“Oh I know this really fancy place right off of Stirrup Street that has some of the best food, but it’s kind of expensive so I don’t know if…”

I cut her off “Let’s go, lead the way Captain!”
She giggled at the nickname and started off towards the restaurant.

She was right when she had said fancy. It had the whole velvet carpet thing going on, full with butlers and candlelit tables. I thought that this was going to be awkward, it was starting to look more and more like a date; I didn’t want that at all. I silently prayed that Rainbow Dash wouldn’t take this the wrong way. To my great relief, when we were seated she let out a disgusted sounding grumble,

“Man, I could never get in to this fancy crap, why does the good food have to be at such stuck up joints?” she flicked through the menu, looking a little overwhelmed and unimpressed with the options.

“What should I get?” I was looking through the menu as well, nothing sounding too good at all really.

“Dunno. Honestly I’m just going to point to something when the waiter gets here.” She closed her eyes and turned a few pages before stopping. “It will be from this page!” she didn’t bother looking at the selections.

As if on cue, a stuffy looking waiter showed up, looking hot and uncomfortable in his tuxedo uniform. “May I take your orders?” Rainbow Dash instantly showed the waiter the menu and pointed to a random spot.

“Ma’am that is a list of our dressings….”

Rainbow blushed slightly and slid her hoof up the page a few inches, “Uh that one then!”

The waiter wrote something on his order pad and turned to me, “What will you be eating sir?”

I thought for a second, easily making my decision. “The same!” I handed my menu to the waiter who repeated our order.
“Okay then…Two Middle Eastern Carrot Salads” without even taking our menu booklets he turned and walked away acting very annoyed.

I sat the booklets down near the edge of the table, looking towards Rainbow Dash; we had so much in common, it was really the first pony that I had connected with. We had the same mindset, “Be the best and win!” I didn’t know her work ethic, but if it was anything like mine she was always up to something and trying new things.

She was busy sticking her hoof in the lit candle at our table, trying not to get burnt. Should I talk to her about how I feel, with my lack of father? Probably not, she had a happy family I bet. She would just try and console me, feeling sorry for me deep down inside; I didn’t want to burden her with that at all. Just because we liked to do the same style of things didn’t mean we shared problems and emotions that were anything alike.

She looked up from her now singed hoof, “I’ve seen that look before kid, what’s on your mind?”

I nearly swallowed my tongue “N-nothing! I was just sitting here bored” I gave a halfhearted laugh, trying to conceal my inner thoughts.

But they felt like stains that everypony could see; a screen that my eyes were projecting for others to openly read. I had a problem with being completely transparent with my emotions. Most everypony knew what I was thinking.

Rainbow Dash narrowed her eyes, “I don’t like being lied to and you’re bad at it. Tell me what is wrong with you or else!”
I weighed my options, what would else even mean? But before I could mentally prepare another lie, the chains that were holding my thoughts back burst. All of my thoughts formed words and then sentences before I even knew what was going on.

“I never had a dad. The dad that I thought I had turned out to be an imagination that I dreamt, and I soon learned that the dad I had here died long before I ever got a chance to meet him. I was fine with this, I still had my imaginary dad in my mind but when I woke up….he was gone. I couldn’t even remember his name or what he looked like.” I put my head on the table, embarrassed that I had just popped my emotions like that. “Sorry….”

I felt a light hoof lay on the top of my head, “After we eat let’s take a walk and talk about this. I think we both need too.”
What did she mean by we both needed too? Did she have a giant secret that she hadn’t told anypony? Maybe she was just embarrassed by the fact that I was a bastard pony. Whatever the case was, I was eager to find out.

Our dinner came and to say the least it was disgusting. Rainbow Dash ended up cooking hers a little extra on the candle flame; while I decided that my plate was sad and needed a smiley face on it. I looked to her plate and saw all of the burnt carrot nubs haphazardly thrown in a pile and laughed, probably a little louder than I should have actually as it drew the attention of the entire restaurant. Rainbow Dash looked at me then at my plate and started laughing just as loud. This only made me laugh louder and so on. No more than one minute later we were approached by our waiter who asked us to leave.

“Thank Celestia!” Rainbow Dash flicked a carrot stub at me and started to walk out.
I paid for our ‘dinner’ and walked out after Rainbow Dash, who was a good ten steps ahead of me. I caught up to her and hoofed her side. She just kept walking with her head hung lower than usual. Then I noticed that she was crying.

“Uh, Dash are you okay?” I looked her over, making sure she wasn’t hurt. “If you’re that hungry still I guess we can go somewhere else…..”

“Thank you…” her voice faded as she slowly turned to face me.

“What for?” I was extremely confused at this point.

“I…Well I…..I thought I was the only pony in Equestria that…” she inched closer to me.

She was the only pony in Equestria that what? Dash had to be pulling a joke. She was going to get really close then say boo and scare me or something! In response I tensed my muscles in anticipation.

She got closer....

I held my breath.

Even closer.....

Braced my back hooves.

She draped her head on my neck, almost hugging me.....

Okay here it goes! The big shock! But I was going to be ready this time; I was going to scare her instead!

She wrapped me in a hug.....

I tensed my muscles and got ready to pounce.

Here it goes!

“I don’t have a dad either…..”