Teething Problems

by Midnightshadow

Rating: everyone
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Spike, Random, Adventure
Length: 2666

When Twilight Sparkle needs to see the dentist, some extra precautions are needed. The unicorn is not so very fond of doctors, so Spike has to resort to extreme measures, with some help from his friends.

Published 2011-07-11 13:58:36 UTC
Last updated 2011-07-11 13:54:44 UTC

Chapter 1

Teething Problems
by Midnight Shadow

an MLP:FiM fanfic

***

The shadow paused just inside the purple equine’s bedroom, barely
opening the door enough to sneak in. His target was asleep, snoring lightly. Like smoke he moved, a soft pitter-patter of claws across the wooden floor to her side. Fishing an object out of an unseen pocket - a thin ring, coloured a dull green but almost black in the half-light - he placed it carefully, ever so carefully, over the tip of her horn where it fastened itself securely and seemed to vanish. To finish the job the figure pulled out a tiny little paint-pot and a fine brush, which he used to apply spots of black paint to her horn. Standing back for a moment to gaze upon his masterpiece, he nodded once and then he was gone.

Twilight Sparkle awoke, yawned. Staggering out of bed she looked in the mirror; Her hair was a mess! Bedmane, ugh, she thought to herself, is there any curse so foul? Her hair was so messy she could barely see her horn. She picked up a hairbrush with her ma-...

She frowned.

She picked up a hairbrush...

No matter how hard she tried, the stubborn thing refused to rise off the dresser.

“Uh oh,” she said to herself, “this can’t be good...where’s my
magic? I can’t use my magic! Spike! Spike!”

It took only a few moments for her ever-helpful, number-one assistant to appear at her frantic calling, “What’s wrong, Twilight?” he asked curiously from the doorway.

“I don’t know!” she all but wailed, “My magic’s not working! I can’t do...I can’t do anything at all!”

“Oh my, that sounds serious! We’d better get you to a doctor!”

“No!” she said, “No! You know I hate doctors!”

“Well alright,” said Spike, picking an ear with his claw, “if you say so. Let’s go downstairs, I’ll make you a nice cup of tea and we can look for answers.”

Spike ran out and down to the kitchen, slamming the door behind him. Twilight followed a minute or two later, after she’d managed to turn the knob.

Spike was in the kitchen, standing on a stool with a pinafore tied around his waist adjusting a teapot. When he was happy with it, he took a deep breath and exhaled steadily on it until it whistled. He was getting better at this! Celestia had made use of free kettles of boiling water on several occasions, much to Spike’s chagrin, and he was glad she didn’t keep having to posting them back anymore.

Spike made the tea; tealeaves in the pot, add the boiling water and let it brew. Pour the milk into the cup first and finally add one lump of sugar. Just the way she liked it. It looked like Twilight needed the cuppa too. She was getting frantic. He tried to soothe her, “I’m sure this is only a temporary thing, Twilight - maybe some poison joke?”

“But...but...I haven’t been anywhere near Zecora’s cottage in weeks!”

“Then you should feel ashamed of yourself, leaving that Zebra-pony all by herself!” Spike chided, setting the cup before her.

“She’s been busy with that new assistant of hers and...and why am I talking about that? I’m having a crisis here! A unicorn without magic is like...is like...”

“A dragon without fire?” replied Spike, pouring the tea through a
strainer.

“Right! Or...or...”

The front door slammed open, and a hyper-active pink pony bounded through. “Oooh!” she said, “Is this a guessing game? I love guessing games...is it like a muffin without hotsauce?”

“Eeew!” said Twilight, remembering.

“Kinda,” said Spike to Pinkie Pie, “Twilight’s lost her magic.”

“Ohhhh, that sounds serious. She should see a doctor.” Pinkie stopped bouncing around the room and walked - walked! Now Twilight knew it was serious - to the table where the purple unicorn was sitting, trying her best to drink her tea without picking it up by using the magic which had seemingly deserted her.

“I know, right? But she won’t!”

“Have you told her about Horn Rot?” asked Pinkie, staring at Spike, and then glancing at Twilight. She leaned in and whispered, “I heard it’s a terrible disease! Just terrible! First you wake up with Bed-mane... then you notice your horn’s got spots on it... and then you’ve got no magic... and then...”

“And then what?” whispered Spike, just a little too loud.

Pinkie drew her hoof down her forehead and made a 'ssskkkrrrrt!' noise, “then your horn just...falls off! And you’re an earth pony. Foreverrrrrrr!”

“Forever?” asked Spike, clapping his paws over his mouth.

Pinkie nodded solemnly to Spike, “For-EVER!” before they both turned to stare at the unicorn, who by now was shaking with fear.

Twilight burst into tears, “You’ve just got to help me Pinkie! I don’t know what to do!”

“Oh I wouldn’t worry, Twilight, as long as you didn’t wake up with spots on your horn and bed-mane too then it’s probably just a... a thing.”

Twilight burst into fresh tears.

“Oooohhhhh, you mean the hair isn’t a fashion statement?”

Twilight was frantic now. She’d not been able to find anything in her library about the dreaded horn rot, it hadn’t helped that Spike could only take a single book out at a time, but he was obviously trying his best. He was such a wonderful assistant, she mourned, how would he cope when... when...

"Twilight, give it up! We’ve got to go, you heard what Pinkie said!”

“Yeah! What I said!” Pinkie was trying to help, which consisted of her emptying the fridge in search of cakes or cake-making materials which may somehow cure horn rot.

Twilight stopped and hung her head, “I give in, we’ve got to get to a doctor!”

“I’ll get the hackamores and the tack,” said Spike, and dashed off down to the basement.

“Wait, what?” shouted Twilight.

“Oooh yes, he’d better. Horn rot can make you blind. And crazy.”

“Crazy? And blind?”

“Uhuh! Loco in the coco, Twilight, especially in an advanced form such as yours!”

“How do you know I’ve got an advanced form!” she wailed, dashing to a mirror.

Pinkie followed and pointed with a hoof, “First is bedmane, then spotty horn, then comes loss of magic... and then... you start foaming at the mouth!”

Twilight looked, and surely enough there were flecks of green foam on her lips. She started wailing again, spraying the mirror. As she’d frantically been plying her hoof through her hair, she’d noticed... the spots!

“But don’t worry, I’m sure we’ll get to the doctors before your hooves go numb.”

Twilight looked down at her hooves, a worried expression on her face, “How can I tell if my hooves have gone numb?”

“You can’t!” Pinkie giggled, “You won’t be able to feel them, silly! How are you supposed to tell?”

More wailing was her only answer to the rhetorical question.

***

Twilight sniffled as she was led through Ponyville, Pinkie bouncing beside her, keeping up the random chatter. Spike rode on her back, keeping a good hold of the reigns, just in case. She was already planning what to do incase the worst happened. She would give her library to Spike, her faithful assistant. She would bequeth her worldly posessions to the sick and needy, although Applejack would have her summer saddle - she sniffled, Applejack had always loved that saddle. Maybe it would remind them of her when she was gone. What she wouldn’t give to hear that voice one more...

“Howdy partners, where’re y’all goin’ on such a fine day?” called Applejack, joining Pinkie.

“Oh, nowhere special.” said Spike.

“With Twilight gussied up like that? Looks a mite special tah me!”

“Applejack, I’m sure she just wants an excuse to look pretty, dear.” said another familiar voice, as a pristine white unicorn with gorgeous purple mane and tail slotted herself on the other side of the pair, “Don’t you worry yourself about such things. Beauty comes naturally to a girl like Twilight, especially when she’s been taking tips from moi.”

“Rarity!” cried Twilight, “Don’t come any closer, I’ve got the dreaded horn rot!”

“Oh my, that sounds simply frightful! Allow me to escort you to... wherever it is you’re going. I simply cannot abandon a friend in such a time of need.”

“A time of need?” asked yet another voice, a timid one this time, which belonged to a yellow and equally timid looking pegasus, “Oh my! I can’t let Twilight go without help!”

“You’re all,” Twilight sniffled, “you’re all so good to me, a doomed unicorn... what would I do without you? If only Rainbow Dash was here... I’m not long for this world, I can tell! My hooves have gone numb now!”

“Hehe, that’s jus’ from walkin’,” said Applejack... and then she clammed up. Something didn’t sound right, thought Twilight... this was all too...

“Hey gang! Where’re you all...” a blue pegasus with stunning rainbow mane and tail flitted into view, conveniently.

“Rainbow Dash! Just the pony we wanted to see...”

That does it, thought Twilight, something is up. She stopped in the middle of the track, “I don’t have horn rot, do I?”

“Eh... hehe... why’d you say that?” asked Applejack, grinning broadly, eyes flicking side to side for backup.

“It’s worse than that, isn’t it? There’s no such thing as horn rot at all, is there?”

“There... there might be...”

“I don’t believe a word of it,” said Twilight, “where are we going? Come to think of it, Spike, you seem to know exactly where you’re leading me...”

“It... it’s the dentists, Twilight,” said Spike, “I’ve been watching you chew. You try to hide it, but you wince every time you chew one of Applejack’s apple fritters.”

“I HATE DENTISTS!” shouted Twilight.

“I’m sorry, this is for your own good-” said Spike.

“THAT’S IT! GET OFF!” Twilight bucked a few times, Spike held on grimly.

“Twi-i-li-ight you-ou a-re for-get-ting some-thing!”

She stopped, snorting, “And what pray tell is that?”

“You’re forgetting you don’t have any magic. And...” he added quickly.

“And?”

“And girls, grab her! Rarity NOW!”

Twilight felt her friends close in to stop her from escaping, and a sudden zap behind her ear. It... it felt kinda nice. She staggered slightly, seeing stars.

“Oh you guys...why’d you...why’d you do that?”

“She’s still talkin’, is she supposed t’still be talkin’?”

“Uh I dunno...zap her again, Rarity.”

There was another pleasant shock behind her ears, and suddenly the whole day felt just wonderful. She loved the ground that came up to meet her and she loved the trees and she loved the sky that swam into view as she lay down on her side and she loved her buddies and she loved Spike and wasn’t the whole world just awesome?

She slumped to the ground, sighing happily.

When she came to, she was propped up on a bale of hay and somepony had a large metallic rasp shoved halfway up her muzzle. For some reason this struck her as exceedingly funny. A light blue coloured young filly unicorn with a dark-blue and almost-white striped tail and mane was concentrating very hard on the task at hand and the rasp was going Up and down and swooshing all about - it tickled her teeth and she giggled heartily.

“Miss Twilight...please stop that...oh dear...can some pony get me a speculum? Yes, that’s the one - just like that, tighten it just a tad...” the running commentary was kept up as Colgate - junior dentist extraordinaire - did her work on maintaining Twilight’s dental hygiene. To combat the giggling, a strange metal contraption was fastened to Twilight’s mouth that kept it open at a good distance, and with a few more practiced twists of the rasp, the spurs and spikes that had formed over the last six months were filed away to smoothness.

“Whelp, I think that’s it - though next time you should really consider getting my boss to treat her, I’m just a junior dentist... and I’m pretty sure you don’t need quite that much anaesthetic.”

“Ah, we’d like to, sugarcube - no offence - but last time Twilight got her choppers seen to, your boss hopped away feelin’ distinctly green after.”

“What do you mean? Was he sick?”

“Nope, can’t say he was. He was the most healthiest frog I ever did set eyes on. He got better, but he won’t come near Twilight with his toolset o’teethy torture nomore.”

Colgate giggled, “He must have gotten better. Wish I’d seen that.” she squinted, looking up into the drooling maw of the zapped-silly unicorn.

“You’d better make yerself scarce a’fore Twi snaps out of it of you’ll see it fer yerself, missy.”

“No worry about that guys, you zapped her pretty good.” she looked around, smiling, “Take her home, Spike. Let her rest and try to make sure she eats more shoots and leaves in the future. That’ll keep her teeth in better condition. Too much fancy grain doesn’t do a pony’s teeth any favours.”

“I’ll keep that in mind doc. Thanks for helping me out, guys!”

“T’ain’t nothin’ sugah.” said Applejack with a hearty laugh, “I did it fer the look on the ol’ gals face, ah tell you whut!”

“I’m gonna remember this for ages! Best. Prank. Ever! Nice one Pinkie Pie!” said Rainbow Dash, giving Pinkie a brohoof. Even Fluttershy giggled demurely behind a hoof.

“I thought the foaming sugar in her tea was the piece de resistance, I have to say.” said Rarity - the lot of them save Pinkie had been holed up outside the entire time looking in through a window and trying very hard not to giggle.

Pinkie beamed, “I have to give it to my main dragon, Spike, for the inhibit-a-whatsit - and for the paint job!”

“Priceless!” agreed Rainbow.

“It’s on loan from the Princess, it’s made of enchanted jade and sky-iron - blends in and interferes with a unicorn’s natural magical talent. They’re not easy to come by, you can guess why. You have no idea how hard this was to put together. Especially...this.” Spike beamed, and brought out of the same place as he’d stowed the strange green ring - it was a camera, a magically-enchanted device to paint a picture of whatever it was pointed at automagically. They were growing relatively common, but it was still something he’d had little exposure to. Practicing for this in secret had been hard but it was going to be worth it...

“Let me just set this up over here and Rainbow, get Twi’ pointing towards it... everyone crowd in! Ready? Setting the timer...”

Spike ran over to the group and they grinned like idiots whilst Twilight plastered her goofiest derpy-eyed expression all over the canvas. Many more pictures were taken that day with Twilight in compromising - yet harmless - situations. The trip back was pretty quick, but they had a little time for “side projects”. Spike collected them all together as he wrote a quick note to the princess and added the copies like he’d promised. Blowing dragon-smoke at the instamagic camera and the evidence, he sent it on it’s way.

Twilight was exhausted, it had been such a fun day! The sun had been shining and the little birdies tweeting and the candy-floss clouds floating by had seemed sooo happy...in fact she’d felt like she was floating the entire time....

“I luth you guyth,” she giggled, somehow finding herself being wrapped up in bed, yawning.

“I know you do Twi,” said Spike, giggling also.

“My theeth theel thunneth...wath happenth?”

“Oh don’t you worry Twilight, you’ll find out in the morning...” said Spike, removing the inhibitor last of all. It would come in useful again one day, but for now he sent it back to the princess with a swift burst of green dragon-fire. That final task done, he patted Twilight’s head gently and left the room. She’d be mad in the morning, but it had been totally worth it.