quick hoove's strange life

by lazertoad

Rating: teen
Tags: Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Romance, Adventure, Sex, Derpy Hooves, Main 6, Lyra
Length: 3004

quick hoove's life of a thief and assassin

A strange stallion named quick hooves that he think has no friends....he cant blame anypony....he is a thief and assassin after all but what will he do to change and what will his enemies become to him.And how will his hatred get in the way of everypony and everything he loves. first story...yay?enjoy.

Published 2013-11-20 23:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-16 02:03:35 UTC

a ghost of my past

*Many years ago*

"Ummm...are you sure about this quick hooves?" whispered Fluttershy. We were trying to sneak into flight school building so we wouldn't have to do the weekly race.

"Fluttershy." I said seriously. "If I wasn't sure would we be doing this?" I questioned .
"I... I guess not." She silently said.

Just then we heard a loud voice.
"HEY you two!!!" shouted our coach. Fluttershy yelped
"Come on Fluttershy!" I yelled at her. She looked up at me(since i was a few inches taller).
Her eyes started watering, she then started wailing. Oh great. I grabbed her hoof we took off.

*A few hours later*

CREAK CREAK CREAK. A ceiling fan (that obviously needed to be replaced) wouldn't stop. "Well...sorry for all this Fluttershy." I said feeling bad for the yellow and pink mare. "SHHHHHHH QUIT...NOW!" Shouted some mare that was really ticked. I decided to work my magic on her.

"Excuse me... but i couldn't help notice something is making you mad" I said coolly and smoothly. "Well actually yes.... actually there's a colt that recently broke up with... ".she started timidly. "No no no what you need to do is go to his house and stick it to him" I interrupt.

*Five minutes later*

"How did you do that!" Fluttershy said in a shocked tone. I grabbed two apples from a stand, without paying. She sorta cowed when i offered the apple."What... come on it's ok." I started while looking into her teal eyes. She took it and had a worried bite.

*Several hours later*

"Well this is it." I say with finality as we look at the two storied cloud home. "t-thanks for walking me home." said Fluttershy. Then she moved up to me then hesitated then she quickly nuzzled my cheek. Quicker than i could blink she moved inside her home. Extremely shocked, I flew home "Well that was.. interesting".

*Present*

"Well now... I remember." she said blushing. She then said bye and left. "WAIT WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO I ASKED?". I sigh, then i saw the ball.

Author's Note

Hoped you liked (bronysquidiness did editing thx)

breathless in canterlot

I gasped for breath as a sack was lifted off my head,I felt woozy.my equipment was on a table,well except the small switch blade I had planted in my throat two years ago.I could escape,but then I saw the two ponies blocking a stairwell,lets see lets see I thought to myself as the ponies were distracted.the one to the left had scars on every inch of his body judging by how he kept talking about the wonderbolt's winning streak I could say he was from cloudsdale. the other one seemed like he was from canterlot,nothing special about him."hey I think you have a misunderstanding here fellas"I say slowly moving my hooves to the back of the chair I was tied to.the canterlot pony came up to me smaked me in the head with a baseball bat,I coughed up a large amount of blood.
"he's had enough"said a pony walking down the stairs the two ponies groned and moved up the stairs."who the hell are you"I mumbled as I coughed blood on his white coat.he looked disgusted then finally said"I need you to meet the boss,he's at a weapon showing right now" I groaned,"ok fine"I say bored yet curious at the same time.If they were at a weapon showing that only met one thing.

royalty.

~canterlot castle gardens~
"ok who do you need me to make go on a little trip"I say with a dark grin.The captain frowned "I need you to eliminate my second in command" he said (I believe shining armor was it,oh well it doesn't matter right now)."ok sign here"I say pointing at a contract,"you have to be joking"he said."with a business like this I have to work a certain way with every client"I joke,"fine,the target is in the castle,third floor,look for a ton of mares in sexy underwear"he said writing his name on the paper."ok"I say walking toward some bushes laughing about how the guy knows all of this.
I pulled out my custom multi-scoped bow and steel (glass penetrating) arrow.I pulled my arrow and I saw a mare yell,then I saw blood on the window and a body fall out of the window."aww hell"I moan and fly towards the body,I see it was my target..."hell"I moan again.
"HEY YOU STOP HOOVES BEHIND YOUR HEAD"said a unicorn guard'I finally coughed out the blade but then the unicorn shot a beam at me."hey owww that hurt"I say laugh everything was blurry.then I collapsed.

~canterlot jail~

"alright you can go now"said the guard,just then I saw a fire colored maned pegasus walk in the cell."spitfire what are you doing here"I grumbled as I walked out of the cell."don't worry you won't have to repay me" "thanks"I say happily as we walked out the jail.

"so I guess I will see you later"I say getting ready to fly,"ohhh no were going to cloudsdale,I know this great place to eat and this AMAZING club"she said excitedly."no way"I say walking away from her,"ohhh come on you just got out of jail you need to relax and meet ponies,possibly get a marefriend"she winked at me giggling."fine on one condition"I grumble "of course"said spitfire "you gotta pay for everything"I say with a sly grin.
"fine lets just go already"she said,I looked back at the broken window and saw the whole scene over and over again as we set off.

Author's Note

fourth chapter.....don't really know what to say...tell me what you think about it so far in the comments good bye

clubs,backstory,and misery

"Celestia isn't gonna be happy tonight"fleetfoot groaned as she took a sip from her drink."I do a few crimes so what"I say leaning back in my chair putting my hoofs on the table.
just then the chef I knew jory put my plate on the table.it had a slab of meat.
"What is that!?"spitfire and fleetfoot said together wide eyed as well as eveypony else in the room."can't a stallion eat with his reform ponies!"I yell,another pony comes up to me and I grab his throat with one hoof and a chair with the other.Ibash the chair against his skull as blood and flesh fly around I yell in happiness at this success.just then fire and fleet grabbed my shoulders and pulled me out of the cafe but I was still mad."I WILL KILL ALL YOU AND FEAST ON YOUR DAMN SKULLS AND EAT YOUR SHITTY ARMS AND LEGS"that's all I got to say before we were out of the cafe."how many more times are you gonna have to do this QH"fleetfoot moaned.
"I don't know"I say finally cooled off,"look we still have time before the club opens,how bout you tell us about your past,just leave out all the blood and gore"spitfire said."well it all started about the time at flight camp I guess,lets see I was always bullied by this one dude named coal burner and one day he beat me in the middle of a field,the next day everypony woke up to him lifeless hanging from the flagpole"I say satisfied.
"After my dad left and discord killed my mother I became the holder of the element of misery since I killed about seventy-five plus ponies"I say with a sad look on my face.
Spitfire and fleetfoot looked at me sadly,"Well that's the past,so where's the third one of you"I say flatly."soarin said he was sick so yea"fleetfoot said."you know QH I just thought that we should invite you to our heartswarming eve party what say you"spitfire said with a smile.
"Hmm I got to think about that"I say putting a hoof to my chin.
~sky high club~

WUB WUB WUB SCCRREEECCHH the music being played by a unicorn with a spiky mane and awesome shades waved to us as we walked in,there was about fifty ponies dancing and drinking.
Spitfire walked off saying that she had to use the"little fillys room" I started to walk towards the dance floor when fleetfoot grabbed me and turned me around.
she started dancing a little weird and I remembered where I saw a dance like that."what is this a manehatten gentle-colt club or a cloudsdale nightclub"I say jokingly.fleetfoot moved closer not saying a thing.
So like any other NORMAL pony I danced with her and then a few minutes later fleetfoot was staring into my eyes moving in close about to embrace me when all of a sudden spitfire came up to us.
"Fleetfoot can I talk to you in private"she said sounding annoyed,they left.
I sat down and considered leaving when I heard a familiar voice."you are causing excellent misery and chaos hehe"said the voice.discord.I'm still mad at you"I said gritting my teeth,"fine but that colt you killed caused misery to his family when he becam how should I say it,breathless in canterlot HAHAHA"then he left.
mad I mumered to my self"I wish I stayed to dance with fleetfoot"With that I walked out of the club and flew off into the night.

Author's Note

Well now you know some of the ponies he likes and dislikes
hope you enjoyed

what are friends for?

"Why are we burning all of these again?"Somepony asked,"Well somepony talked and now those guards are heading here right now"Said Another pony."SLEEP WALKER GET OVER HERE...QUICKLY!"A mare yelled,she was peeping out a window only to see guards landing in the front of the building."What now mimic?...SHIT!Ummm ok let's see here uhhhh....OK hey timebender get the rookie." Sleep walker pulled out a shiv that his friend made awhile back,A young stallion "You wanted m- cahhhhuggghh"He collapsed with thud."HOLY SHIT THE FIRE IT'S BURNING THE GA-!"Timebender was interrupted by ab explosion,sleepwalker dived for a locket he rubbed it between his hoofs,and blacked out.

"-Don't hurt me no more."As I was sitting on the park bench I suprised myself by singing,behind me a bush rustle.I turned to a few strands of a pink mane poking out of the bush,"I can see you...I just wanted to let you know."I said as I grabbed a almost empty beer bottle and took a swig."OOOO!can I have some of THAT!"

"So What's your name again,pinkie pie right?"I asked still having a head ache from the mare's constant yelling,"Yep yep pinkie pie is my name! How about you?"
"Sha-I mean...,Quick hoofs."
"How Long have you been in ponyville?"pinkie pie asked staring off into the distance,"About a month or two."Lie.
"Look ummm pinkie I would adore to keep chating with a pony as intresting as you but...I must go see the fellow pony I'm staying with."
"Okie dokie"she said waving a hoof at me.Nodding I reply"Adieu!"And with that I walked to fluttershy's

*Fluttershy's cabin*

"Oh My Quick hoofs I've been worried you were gone for awhile I thought something bad might have happened."Fluttershy said,well time to spill the beans.
"Fluttershy I need to tell you something I think we both think will be Important ....you know that theif slash murderer that lives in ponyville?"
"Yes...what about him"
"Well What if I told you he was talking to you right now?"I say with a slight grin,she was quiet for a minute then asked me "Are you going to kill me of course not.sooo will you still let me stay here?"I ask with a worried smile.
"Of Course,what are friends for?!?"She said with a big grin."what are friends?"I ask With a confused look.
"What Do you mean haven't you had a friend before?"
"No Not really the only true friend I had was my old running buddy sleepwalker...but ahhh he's long dead."
"What Happened?"Fluttershy asked,"sigh,well pull up a seat and grab and drink.This might be quite the story."
I was still thinking on what the true concept of what friends are for.ohh well,and with that thought gone I began my story.

Author's Note

adieu-farwell.
Well Thats about it

A Introduction Fit for a Theif.

A Introduction Fit for a Theif.

"CRAP CRAP CRAP!"I told myself as I swiftly evaded the many ponyville guards.

I was jumping from house to house using my agility, when I was almost out of there, my grip failed on the large sack of bits.

Just then I heard a Guard shouting "HEY YOU STOP RIGHT THERE!" while he pulled out his Crossbow. That is right about when I started flying, leaving a multi-colored trail in my wake.

*Later that Night*

"Lets see poison check, spectacles check, map check, dagger and blow dart tube check, blow darts check." I think.

Looking down to my chest, I noticed that I was low on food. "Well, guess I will have to get food tomorrow." I wonder again.

"And by when you mean get you mean steal?" said a voice. I turned around to see five guards blocking my only escape route. I grabbed my smoke bomb and threw it out at the guards. Quickly evading the arrows, I ran outside.

Judging that I couldn't go back there, I ran to the only safe place.the Everfree forest.

*The Everfree Forest*

"Bucking great it's dark, cold, I'm hungry, and I can't see a thing." I mutter to myself. Just as my luck was getting worse, I heard a howling noise. My eyes went wide. As I started to gallop as fast as i could, I started to hear barking.

As it got closer and closer, I pulled out my 9 inch black dagger ready to strike. It jumped out of the bush. And it's tail was wagging. "It's just a dog." I say to myself. I hear a voice not too far from where I was at "WINONA, I GOT AH TREAT FOR YA"said a country accent. The dog ran off towards the voice. I face hoofed myself. I kept on walking until I found a Odd-looking hut. I saw a shadow in a window, so with the idea that somepony was inside, I headed towards the door.

*The Next Morning*

I left my mentors tree hut after she gave me some bits. I decided to fly back to Ponyville. I saw two mares pulling a wagon, so
I grabbed my cutie-coat elixir and took a small sip.

I crawled sneakily ahead of them and landed on a bridge waiting for them to see me. They stopped and looked at me, as I looked like a abused foal. They put me in their wagon and started heading towards Ponyville going faster than usual. Waiting for the perfect chance, I grabbed what could and flew off. They looked back at me too shocked to protest. Just as I was exiting the forest, I hit a convenient tree and blacked out.

*???*

I slowly cracked open one eye. There was a cabin, with a rabbit staring at me intensely. Trying to get up, I felt a jolt of pain everywhere on my body. "Where am I?" I asked myself.

There critters flying and running around the cabin. Looking into a doorway, there was a yellow and pink coated pegasus. She yelped "Oh..... um...... s-sorry for that."she said softly.

I tried getting out again, and she darted towards me and pushed me back down. "No no no, you need your rest. You hurt yourself pretty bad out there." she said quietly.

"OK FINE" I moan "But tell me this, who are you?" I asked her.

"F-Fluttershy"she said.
I gasp, thinking of memories long ago.........

Author's Note

Yay, starting chapter!!! Thanks to my buddy BronySquidiness for editing.

Tell me of mistakes.

constant muggings

"Ohhhh great..."I say as the vase shattered everywhere on the floor.the rabbit stared up at me "hey tell ya what...will tell her it was you"I say grinning.
then just on que the door opened."hold on this going to hurt"said a very intriguing mare."AGGRRRRRHHH"i yell in pain as i was coverd in a magic aura.just then fluttershy walked in and yelped

"Why don't you two go out and grab a bite or something"said fluttershy."you sure?"me and lyra said in unison."y-yes"fluttershy said obviously frustrated.

~later that afternoon~

"So what's your name"I questioned the intriguin
g mare."names lyra.lyra heartstrings"lyra said grinning."nice name,I'm quick-"I started but was pushed into a allyway by lyra."I know who you are...thief"said lyra gritting her teeth starting at my deep blue-violet eyes.

"Well well well what do we have here.two ponies making love?"said a hooded colt with a accent.clearly from appleloosa."hey..lets be civilized ponies here"I say grinning stepping closer.

I grab his shoulder,in a flash I stab him in the chest.blood dripping from the blade as I pull it out.pushing him down.lyra pushed a mare against a wall and garbs a brick.
Continuously bashing it against the mares face.the mare went limp.then in a split second a colt pinned her down lyra couldn't push him off.
I grabbed the other mare and pull her around in enough time for her to get shot by a arrow.I spread my wings and fly off tackling the other colt.while sticking a dart in his neck.he went limp in my hooves.I looked back at lyra,two dead ponies

one brick."damn"I say shocked,"bastards"grunted lyra wiping blood off her face.

~later that day~

"Thanks lyra for making this"I say mouth full."ohh it's nothing"she says frowing."whats wrong are you sad for us getting rid of those ponies"I question as i finish a hay sandwitch.
"No it's just that my m-marefriend is coming back from manehatten and she won't like it if your here"she says dissapointed.dissapointed I shrug "ok you have a good night"I say as I give her my plate."you too"she says as i walk out the door,"oh for luna's sake can't they make it warmer"I say as I shiver.

*middle of ponyville*

As I walk towards fluttershy's cabin I see a well dressed pony,as I walk past him he grabs my shoulder."who are you"I ask.just then I Felt a sharp pain in my neck,then I see a dart

Then everything went black.

Author's Note

Well there a little more action....all editing goes to brony squidiness