Another Displaced Human Dilemma

Chapters

[2] I'm...Not Dead?...
[3] Resolution, Conclusion, Convolution, Restitution
[4] Slipping Into Ponyville and Into the Season
[5] [S4E03]-Castle Mane-ia
[6] [S4E04]-Daring Don't
[X] What's This?
[8] [S4E06]-Power Ponies
[9] [S4E07]-Bats!
[10] [S4E08]-Rarity Takes Manehattan
[11] [S4E09]-Pinkie Apple Pie
[12] [S4E10]-Rainbow Falls
[13] [S4E11]-Three's A Crowd
[14] [S4E12]-Pinkie Pride
[15] [S4E13]-Simple Ways
[16] [S4E14]-Filli Vanilli
[17] [S4E15]-Twilight Time
[1] Let It Begin...
[7] [S4E05]-Flight to the Finish

[2] I'm...Not Dead?...

Another Displaced Human Dilemma
By: The 'Main Character of the Story'

< 2 >

I'm... Not Dead?...

Bleary and dazed I awaken!

... I think I should've made a better reentry than those first thoughts. 'I'm alive' and 'I'm awake'... Eh, I guess it's justifiable.

Aaaaanyways, I felt my hind legs loosen, so I moved them. Yup. Definitely meant I woke up. My legs were always the first to move when I woke up; I guess muscle memory carries over.

"Oh hey... I'm alive." I looked around at my surroundings. The Everfree Forest. However, it looked a lot less creepy and more like... a normal forest. With normal levels of creepiness. On a higher note, even with the super-creepiness overlay removed, I recognized this as the spot I landed at. I slowly got to my hooves, taking a feel for my body and going through a general 'waking up' routine of stretching out. My wings gave a satisfying pop as I stretched.

Damn, wings are awesome. Two extra appendages to stretch out and pop pleasantly.

"Oh hey, I don't think I got tentacle raped. Neat. That's good." I breathed a sigh of relief. My body didn't feel sore or anything, or violated in general—it was a safe assumption, and one I was willing to believe. Actually, I just felt exhausted. Like I've been asleep for a month. Or two. Or...

The air gave a strange feeling around me. "Oh, what did I do now?!"

"Ow!" I exclaimed as a saddlebag materialized from a direction from my right, evidently with some momentum, hitting me in the head.

"Oh, gee, thanks," I grumbled, picking up the bag and slinging it on. Frankly, after just waking up, I felt lost. Like I completely lost track of what my plans were. Slowly, threads of memories swirled back into my head as it pushed the drowsiness out. "Oh yeah, that's right. I was on my journey to do... things."

I had a feeling that my planned step one was to get to Ponyville. Giving my slightly ruffled but mostly serviceable grey wings a test flap, I felt like the skies were finally a safe place to fly in. Once again, I began the process of letting instinct take over and within maybe a minute, I was cruising along at a decent pace. I was about as comfortable flying as one could be after passing out on the ground, sleeping on a forest floor for who knows how long, and waking up still in Equestria, clearly not a dream, clearly still being new to the whole pony body thing.

About the length of time I was out, it really didn't help that when I was knocked out, the time of day was... not very discernible. All I knew about the time at the current moment was that it was nighttime. Luna's moon had this nice radiance to it, and the stars were—

"Whoop."

—Were distracting me from flying. Obviously one should not multitask when learning how to fly. Going around the tree I nearly flew into, the leaves rustled as I passed by. Flying high enough to see over the canopy, Ponyville was actually quite a distance away. But at least I was high enough not to worry about flying into trees.

And yet somehow, even in the dire situation of being stuck in an unknown land, I was still amazingly unmotivated to fly that distance if I could afford not to. Maybe I should just stop at Fluttershy's place.

I flew in quiet mental silence for a few seconds.

... Yeeaahh... Noo... Maybe?...

... Maybe I'll just stick with a cloud. Besides, they've got to be comfy, right? According to Rainbow Dash, at least. I pitched up, resolved to make my bedding on a low flying clump of suspended ice particles, determined to make that fact as comfortable as I could in my head.

Being a relatively clear night, it took a bit of flying to actually reach one twin-sized cloud. Seriously, that's how clear the sky was. Despite the clear skies though, there was definitely a current up here. Still, after finally settling on said cloud, I found that it was, in fact, quite comfy. Especially compared to the forest floor.

Somehow, it wasn't even that cold. Maybe it's a pegasi thing. I laid the saddlebag thrown at me earlier down beside me and resigned myself to my impulse to sleep.

<<+>>

I groaned as I woke up. Cracking my eyes open, there was a bright light. But nope, it was definitely still dark out.

Man, that moon is bright.

But that aspect of the night sky wasn't the one immediately concerning me. Even with a nice fur coat, the night air was still noticeably cool. Then a thought came to me. 'But... isn't it summer? Wait, it's supposed to be warm outside, right?' I wondered, scratching my head.

I'm getting this notion that there's something about a summer celebration happening real soon, but the rest of it won't come to me, likely the product of laser-guided amnesia.

Still, I haven't gotten some sort of clever reply from myself, so I guess that meant I'm either doing my best to make this story make sense, there's been a lot of backspaces, or I'm just really stuck in the strangeness of Equestria. I sat up to take a look at my surroundings. And boy, was that a bit surprising.

Ponyville was on the opposite side of me from where it was was when I went to sleep. I quickly surmised what happened. "Oh, so there's a current up here. I... guess that makes sense. Maybe that's why it's a bit cool up here too? Ah, what the hell am I talking about, I ain't no meteorologist."

Scanning the town from my new angle, I found that I had drifted all the way across to the other side of town. In fact, near by, the trees took on a fairly organized pattern. "Oh! I'm near Sweet Apple Acres! By the convenience of the plot..."

I waited. "No? No comments from me yet? Surprising." I know I was definitely not dreaming about earlier, and this was definitely still just some crazy story. After all, the bag of bits next to me didn't come from nowhere.

... Wait, yes—no-... you get what I mean.

There's something about the night that brings out my audacious side. I'm willing to bet this is being written some time after 12 AM. But it's not restricted to my writing. Nope, that just describes me in general. I swung the saddlebag onto my back and leapt from my perch.

All traces of sleepiness were left on that cloud, because as I flew down, I was already wide awake and alert. I had an idea in my mind, forming as I glided down to my destination. I was headed for the closest place of relative importance—the Sweet Apple Acres farmhouse. As I got closer to the orchard, the air became comfortably warm and humid, just as the summer nights I remembered. It must have been something to do with their weather management.

Now the plan involved cunning, skill, a number of gambles regarding coincidences that needed to happen (and were going to happen, I'm sure of it), and a mindset of someone that really should just be sleeping instead. With most of those items checked off, I dove closer and closer to the humble home. And to my partial surprise, step one was as easy as I imagined it to be. Windows were cracked open along the walls of the house.

And now, for step two. Actually, step one-point-five.

... Still no author comment? Hm. Okay, step two.

I half-flew, half-clambered my way at the second floor of the outside of the house, not having completely mastered precision flight yet. I began with the closest window to me, taking a look inside. It was-

Wow. No way, already? "Well, no argument from me."

Because of either plot convenience or lazy writing, I was able to climb right into Applejack's room. And then came the sort of hard part. Keeping as quiet as possible, I stepped around the room, reminding myself that I was in Equestria under the will of myself, and that it's been proved to myself that the author-me can bend reality.

That totally made sense. This felt real and yet completely unreal. I focused on the second one, because being unreal is what all of this was running on. I kept that running through my head as I searched for a good way to reunite AJ with her parents.

'Hey! I elicited a reaction,' I exclaimed in my mind, continuing to step around on my light, silent, pegasus hooves.

'That... that's...' I stuttered in mental monologue/dialogue as I hefted a decently-sized plank I found in the corner as quietly as I could. 'That's the plan. And this definitely has some weight behind it.'

'It's a reality controlled by basically myself. And because of that, I'm going to have some fun messing around in it,' I thought as I tiphoofed towards my target, wings out in balance.

'I know. Sorta sucks. Maybe I should've just went straight to Fluttershy's place instead, huh. Not to mention this being so much work to make sure she doesn't wake up or have a chance to fight back.'

I didn't respond. I was too focused. Man, she must be so exhausted to be out like this. With what little details were surfacing in my memory, combined with my entire experience earlier, I was sure it was an adventure involving the extra-hostile Everfree and the eternal twilight.

And there I stood, right on the edge. Of the bed. All of the insane fanfiction-ness of one and a half chapters culminated in this single moment.

I raised the plank and brought it down hard, something cracking. I brought the plank back up and examined it briefly. The moonlight revealed a small indentation. Also, Applejack stopped breathing, and was sort of bleeding. I prodded her with the plank.

Definitely dead.

Well, mission accomplished. I just screwed up the universe. 'What now?' I taunted myself. 'Can't follow through with any finely crafted stories you might have had in mind. Not when a main character's dead.'

"Yeah, I know," I whispered. "Sucks. I just killed best pony. But hey! I can get away with crap like that because I'm basically a god here."

"Well, when you've demonstrated that you have complete control over the universe, I've basically got all the chances I want. I could do all the ridiculous things I want and the next second, none of it happened. So, now that I got the whole 'screw with the system' thing out of my system, you can go ahead and undo all this now."

"... What. Dude, I just killed a main character off. I just killed the apple pony! Who does, in fact, smell like apples. More specifically, sweat mixed with apples. When everything else within the area, from the air outside the window to the walls, smells like apples, that's the only distinctive feature... But again—I just killed AJ," I whispered matter of factly to the narration.

"But you do. Which means I do. So why don't you just rewind time and set this all straight?"

I clenched my eyes and sighed, sat down, and put a hoof to my face. "Well then. This is a development." So, now I learned that author-me is not necessarily on the same side as me. I guess there wouldn't be much of a story if I just went around with omnipotent abilities anyways. A serious story, at least, which I think was the idea from the beginning.

And this really was serious stuff. This is reality for me as of this moment. "Huh." And even with all that, I had to remind myself that this was all just a story. A story taking place in a magical, fictional land with talking pastel ponies. "No matter how you put it, it's difficult to argue this is reality, given my surroundings."

"Right, right. So, now I've got to deal with the effects of AJ being dead. First and foremost, I'm definitely going to be hunted down."

"Well who knows? Maybe they'll put me on trial. I'd imagine Twilight would really like to go through the formalities for my punishment. Hey, maybe I could plead insanity. After all, I'm just a human-turned-pony from another universe currently stuck in a work of fiction written by myself in another universe."

I scratched my head. "Oh, man. Even the testing process. Man, this story's going to suck for me."

"I know, I know," I said irritatedly. I walked over to the window, putting my hooves on the sill before taking one last look at the recently deceased Applejack. "Dammit."

I escaped from Ponyville's latest adventure, flying into the night. Too bad I won't be around to see it. Or at least the first half of it.

<<+>>

I found myself flying towards Canterlot. I had no set motive, so I reasoned that I wanted to see the city before I was restricted from showing myself anywhere.

Obviously flying straight to the capital was a smart idea after just having killed a national hero and personal friend of the leadership. Ohhh...

I forgot about Luna. Forget the possibility of any of the important ponies having the ability to sense another's death, I wonder if Luna could sense stuff happening in dreams. Or rather, ceasing to happen. Hopefully AJ was in NREM sleep.

Listening to my intuition, I decided not to go to Canterlot, instead indefinitely extending my flight time. I surmised that I may have to encounter some city guards before actually getting into Canterlot. After all, they enforce no-fly zones over the capital here, too, right?

Rather than trouble myself before my impending doom, I steered away from the mountain and headed elsewhere. I flew up higher into the sky, which was a challenge for me both physically and psychologically. However, remembering what I knew about flying, it was easier to cruise at higher altitudes. I'm not sure how much of a difference a thousand feet did, but probably some.

I mean, wow, I could see everything from here. Against the stars on the horizon, I was sure there were some city lights in the distance. The Everfree forest was actually quite large, but even then, I could see its edges from high above. Hey, even Cloudsdale's liquid rainbow falls had a small radiance to them at this distance. Well, at least I was able to enjoy Equestria briefly before condemning myself to my current fate.

I'm still sticking to the fact that killing an Element bearer is a significant and noteworthy thing. Even if it's a horrible, immoral thing to do that one shouldn't have done after just landing in a new universe.

How was I going to deal with this? I could try running for a while. There was a substantial amount of bits in the bag. There is the small issue that I don't know the exchange rate around here, but I assume that there's enough to sustain me for a week of basic needs. Or enough as the plot demands.

For a given length of time of 'a while'. With the flexible mechanics of magic, I had no clue how long I had. However, I'm going to assume that there's a spell to determine things like magical identities and whatnot, and somehow they're going to trace it to me from the crime scene. After all, I didn't account for having to hide my crime. I probably might as well have signed my name on the wall.

Once they do determine who did it though, if they have records, which Twilight would have access to as a Princess I'd assume, I wouldn't be there! Because I didn't exist up until a couple of hours ago. Unfortunately, that doesn't change the fact that they know they could find who did it by then...

Hopefully I could find a place to stay soon. All this exposition and narration is getting dull.

<<+>>

After flying for an indeterminate amount of time, I gave up and set myself down on the town closest to me at the end of my gliding descent, hoping to find a hotel as soon as possible. The town was nothing special, really. The traveling inn was nice though. For a decently sized room, it didn't cost much. Acting like an incredibly tired traveler, which wasn't all that difficult, considering my state, I was able to weave through the booking process without attracting any attention to the fact that I wasn't from around here. The attendant behind the desk himself was fairly considerate, likely sympathizing with the late-night aspect of it all.

From it, I was able to get a small grasp of the currency around here and how much things cost. In my case especially, it was made a little simpler by only having two different bits in the bag. The best analogy I could come up with at the moment is that it's comparable to carrying around $20s and $5s.

Breakfast was apparently at 7, and the clock read somewhere around 2, so I was going to get an acceptable amount of sleep. After all, when your previous life (and current life, technically) involved writing at the most ungodly hours and waking up before 6, this wasn't much different. Except for the part where every moment after breakfast, there was the possibility of getting slammed down by Royal Guards or maybe Twilight herself, or more likely in the latter case, Rainbow Dash.

I laid down on the bed, going through what I was predicting to happen. Judging by the pace of events in the show, I figured that Twilight was going to come to a solution some time within the day, with the next day being the latest. Once that happened, there would either be a personal vendetta against me or a man(pony?)hunt sending tons of guards to find me. In that time, there may or may not be publicity of the situation. In the likely event there was, I wasn't sure how fast news travels around here, but I'll assume 'fast enough'. So maybe, by Day 3, if I make it past Day 2, at the best, I'd have to be really careful about where I step, and at the worst, I'm captured. Actually no, that's the second worse.

The worst would be I'd be dead. On that thought, I again resigned to my inclination to sleep and take care of the rest once I got there.

Author's Note

And in my dreams I find myself in the A/N box! Wow, I know things I don't know when I'm awake again! Wow, look at the date! Three months! That's a quarter of a year!

Shut up.

Man, this chapter was weird. I... don't even know what to say about it. I mean, the first third is just some stuff happening, the second was that crazy ordeal, and the third is a lot of narration fluff.

*Sigh* As long as we can get to the next chapter really quickly, we should be in better shape.

Hopefully. Hey, do they make good breakfast at this place?

It's a hotel you found in a town you don't even know the name of.

I see. Random hotel breakfast food. So it should be decent.

It'll be enough that you can run from the impending wall of plot doom approaching you for a bit.

Whatever. Doesn't the season end next week?

Staaaahhhp. Deadlines are frustrating.

Shh... you still have a month before—*mph*

Go away, worry about Luna finding your dreams, and I'm going to sleep.

OH SHIT LUNA AND HER INCEPTION POWERS

If you're surprised about what happened to AJ, I direct you to that blog post I made a while back.

Hey, can we have artsy A/N boxes again soon?

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[3] Resolution, Conclusion, Convolution, Restitution

Another Displaced Human Dilemma
By: The Gray Pegasus

< 3 >

Resolution, Conclusion, Convolution, Restitution

There was a ringing from one of those classic bedside mechnical alarm clocks.

Then a slap on the clock, silencing it.

Reality was proving itself to be consistent, and definitely not a dream, despite all hints of being one. Except for the time. That seemed consistent.

Continuing on from that, everything was realistically consistent with the way it was before I went to bed, unlike dreams. Any traces of any dreams faded away like they normally do. However, I do remember that I had another bit of a meeting with myself. Too bad a lot of the knowledge I'd normally have is locked away when I'm awake.

I surrendered to the inevitability of getting out of bed. The clock was set to 6:45, and that left me fifteen minutes before breakfast was open. I picked up the saddlebag, its brown leather a weight in my hooves. Where they got leather around here, I don't know, but Applejack's hat is leather, so it's definitely a thing.

Oh yeah. Right. She's dead.

I picked out the single smooth stone I carried with me from the castle in the Everfree. The exposition rock. It wasn't doing anything right now except reminding me of what life is now through its mere presence. Kind of like those totems they carried around in Inception. Except for me, I still wasn't sure if I was in a dream.

Breakfast was definitely the right idea.

<<+>>

After showering for a bit to get rid of all the dirt from hanging around the Everfree, use up a lot of hot water, and just to freshen up myself to get ready to face the day ahead of me, I headed down the hallway to the common area where breakfast was served.

Unsurprisingly, I was the first one there, likely because I was the one in most of a hurry. I went around the selection of food, going for my basic breakfast of eggs, bacon, and-

Wait. I stood in my spot as a realization came to me. This was that obligatory moment in HiE fics where the character complains about the lack of bacon. Sighing my way past that non-negotiable fact, I settled on the 'hay bacon', whatever that was. It seemed to be the counterpart to pork bacon, and would have to do.

The last thing I picked out was a bagel. Because bagels.

I sat down at a table, slowly eating my meal. I stared at the circular piece of bread, tracing it around and around. It was like my mind right now—just the same thoughts going around and around in a circle. Events of cause and effect going all the way in a circle back to the beginning so that the last effect became the first cause. I was thinking in a loop.

Despite my thoughts going in a circle, the clock hands also went in a circle, and that meant that time was still going. I finished the rest of my breakfast quickly. The bagel was pretty good.

Once I was done, I headed back to the front desk and checked out. I flew away from the hotel in no particular direction. It wouldn't be much use in the end, though, I think. I went through a recap of my situation, going over it thoroughly.

No doubt Twilight Sparkle would be brought in for the investigation. I'd be surprised if she wasn't—I just killed an Element of Harmony and one of her best friends. In fact, I'd think it'd be a bit cold of her if she didn't, or cold for anyone that barred her from joining.

So basically, I'm expecting Twilight to be on the case. Which meant on my case. They'd probably track my magical signature or something. From there, they might check records for who exactly that pony is. And find absolutely nothing. I think that's a bit humorous.

Nonetheless, they were going to find me, and fairly quickly I guess. Put plainly, this was pretty bad. I... don't think I have a good chance of getting out of this alive, actually. I can't run forever; hell, I just got here. Unless I got past the border. I wonder if that would work.

Nah, probably not. Somehow, Twilight would find a way to chase me in a foreign country, and when she did, I was going to be deported not only from the country, but life.

"Well, yeah," I replied to myself. "You-slash-I am the author. You already showed me you can control the world. Really, by that point, I was willing to believe I could do anything I want. You know, if you really want the story to continue normally, I'm sure you could just rewrite it to work."

Yup, this was foreseeably going downhill, straight to a ground elevation of six feet below sea level.

<<+>>

Although flying alone at cloud level was comforting, having only the occasional wingbeat to listen to, I got tired eventually. The cruise was long, and there were no in-flight snacks, unfortunately. But there was an easily visible large city down below in front of me. I headed down towards this big city. The architecture felt of that of the mid-20th century. It felt European.

Truth be told, it wasn't a good idea to stroll around in a large population center that likely gets news fast after you just killed a pony. On the other hand (hoof?) it might be a paradoxically good way to stay hidden. Mulling over it a bit more that way of thinking probably isn't as applicable here compared to when I was human. Having your race consist of uniquely colored ponies with ID simply being a tattoo on your rear end tended to negate the advantage of hiding in crowds.

"Oh!"

"Oh—sorry," I apologized to the mare I bumped into.

"No, no, no problem," the white pegasus reassured me as she picked up some bags of groceries. "I wasn't really paying attention."

I picked up a pear she dropped and gave it to her. "I wasn't either. Sorry about that."

She smiled at the gesture. "Thank you. You don't... sound like you're from around here." Oh yes, right. Her accent was tinted with British.

"Oh, no, I'm just... passing by," I replied while running through my head speculations about where I could possibly be.

"Oh! Where from?"

"I—uh—Pranceton." ... Huh. Well, that was convenient. Not sure if that came out naturally or if I garbled my speech in the middle of saying something as close to truth as could be.

"How nice," she smiled. "Enjoy your stay in Trottingham." She kept on going about her business.

I sighed. That was probably the most normal interaction I was going to get ever. What lay ahead of me did not bode well. I took off towards one of the roads out of Trottingham, aiming to find a small town somewhere down the road.

<<+>>

Somehow, I found what I was looking for. It was a small town, smaller than Ponyville, but equally quaint I'd say. Hell, I even found a tavern to go take a breather in.

And so that's how I found myself sitting at a bar having whatever the stallion serving recommended. I honestly did not care. I looked around at the patrons, finding a mix of regular-seeming ponies and others that looked like they were also just passing by. By looking at clothing and any visible cutie marks, I guessed that professions included farmers, shopkeepers, hell even lumberjacks.

Really, I was just tuning out my surroundings, contemplating the chess game of life I was stuck in, which I might as well claim was being played by some crazy gods. I heard the door to the place slam open. Lazily, I glanced over, expecting to find some burly pony.

I found something a lot worse.

"Where is he," Twilight growled.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

"Princess Twilight!" many ponies exclaimed, bowing.

"Excuse me, Princess, but who exactly are you talking about?" one of the employees asked from their position at her hooves.

"The murderer of my friend Applejack," she hissed. "I'm sure you've all heard of this?"

All the ponies gasped as the realization dawned on them. My own eyes went wide at that, at least helping me blend in for a few more seconds.

"Who is it?"

"Yeah, who's that bastard?!"

"It's... it's..." Twilight looked around, and I'm pretty sure I noticed a dull glow from her horn. Her expression turned into a death glare when her eyes went over me. "Him."

"... FUCK!"

And with that simple expression, I bolted for the nearest window. Or at least I tried to. Rainbow was fast. Fast enough that after tackling me into the wall, she also got the first punch in. And a few other punches that I dodged and let the wall take the hits.

"YOU! KILLED! MY! FR—"

I promptly interrupted her with a headbutt. I wasn't too worried about her since she was in a blind rage; Rainbow didn't seem to be the type to be focused when she let emotions get the best of her. I was more worried about the alicorn in the back who looked like she was holding back her rage, and was evidently putting in a lot of effort to control herself. Twilight looked like she might spontaneously explode.

I leaned over once more as Rainbow sent her hoof out in an attack, and with my head moving against the wall, it definitely felt bumpier than a couple of seconds ago. A buck to Rainbow's midsection sent her flying back.

If I was going to get out of here alive, I had to do it fast, because kicking Rainbow into a table did not help my case at all. I leapt for the window again, this time reaching it. My hooves broke the glass easily and—"Shit!"

Something caught onto my tail and my forelegs landed hard on the broken glass stuck in the window frame. Then I was forcefully dragged back into the room, resulting in deep gashes in my arms from the glass. It hurt, and my howling let everyone know. Not that I was going to get any sympathy, but I'm sure some of them were wincing imagining my pain.

I was being dragged along the floor by an unseen force, then lifted onto a table and dragged through various things. Bottles were also smashed on my head, though not by any visible pony. I wasn't sure who was doing it, seeing that there was no one behind or next to me. However, I did catch a glance of Rarity's expression of partial desperation, partial fury, and definitely gritted teeth. I was slammed into another table. And then it stopped.

I was already terrified as hell, but adrenaline also kept me aware of what was happening. Fighting all the pain, I rolled off the table and again attempted to escape, painfully landing on my bleeding forelegs. Then a hoof pressed down hard on my back, then quickly rolled me over.

Pinkie was just giving me an empty stare. I could see the sadness deep in her eyes, but on the surface, partially because of stereotyping, the first thing I saw was a concealed murderous intent. I only stared back with a pained expression. Escaping was becoming more difficult physically and emotionally.

Getting off the floor, however, soon proved to be the least of my concern as I felt very powerful magic lift me up and throw me against a wall again. Alongside broken bones, I couldn't really keep up much of a mental process. What was still functioning in my brain allowed me to watch as Twilight walked up to me slowly.

Twilight was broken. Likely more than me. Anyone could see that she had been through a sea of emotions, and all of that was bottled up in a shattered bottle glued together, that was bound to shatter again from the turbulent hurricane contained within. Her horn was a blinding light, but it was in no way the comforting light at the end of the tunnel that some would say.

This was a brightness that was plain hypnotizing, scorching deep into my memories and branding everything that brought me here into the walls of my mind. Twilight opened her mouth as if trying to recite something about bringing me to proper justice in a court, or at least I think that's what she was trying to get out. I think some of her friends were urging her on to just finish me in revenge, while Fluttershy was probably telling her to calm down and do the right thing.

The alicorn was heaving. Stressfully seething through her teeth. But she didn't look like she was furious and was aiming to kill me. She looked like she was desperate, trying to get herself under control, but—

<<+>>

"D-dear Celestia—I—I didn't—"

"No Twi, you did the right thing!"

"N-no! I—I—just—just as bad—"

"There was—was no recompense for—for him. Might—might as well."

"No! Th-this is—isn't—isn't how—"

And there I stood, right on the e...eehhhuuuuuuhhhh—"Uhhhhhh..."

I wobbled in my stance with the board raised, suddenly shocked at what... happened?

In my surprise, I lost balance for a moment and stumbled in place, my hooves lightly thumping on the ground. The weight of the board went to my right and made a solid 'thunk' against the wall.

"Huh... uggh... wha..." I heard Applejack mumble.

I went wide-eyed. "Oh, goddammit!" I hissed.

"Huh?"

My first reaction was to put the board up against the wall and slide it down relatively quietly. 'Relatively quietly' here meaning 'no one else is going to get woken up'. It gave another solid, yet light, 'thunk' as it hit the floor.

"What?!"

Then I dashed over and clamped Applejack's mouth shut. Smart, I know.

"Mmmph! Mmm mmm MMM!"

"I, uh, hi. Yeah, uh, this is... not good. Um, look, can we start over? This was really stupid of me."

Applejack lightened her struggling and instead gave me a very confused expression. That's an improvement.

"Okay, I'm not here to hurt you." The irony was hitting me hard. "And, uh, if I let go, can you promise to talk quiet and reasonably?" I pleaded with her.

She looked straight into my eyes with those deep emerald eyes of hers. Maybe it was her whole Element of Honesty thing, I don't know, but I felt like she was boring a hole through me like an oil rig to the earth.

But she stopped struggling. Hopefully it wasn't because I suffocated her to death.

I felt her try to nod. Oh good—not dead. I released my hooves slowly.

"What in Celestia and Luna's name is your problem?!" she hissed as she sat up.

"I, uh, was sort of traveling, and I'm really tired." I scratched the back of my head. "Especially after having to escape the Everfree... and then some."

Applejack took on a look of sympathy. "Oh. The Everfree, huh. Why'd you do somethin' like that?"

"I told you. I was traveling. And then I got attacked by all these weird things. I must've been out for a couple of hours after these plants tried to kill me."

"Ohhh... you were in the Everfree when it was real bad." She rubbed her chin in thought. "So what bright idea led you in here?"

"Uh... no bright ideas. More like an impulse."

"An impulse."

"I saw your window open and somehow thought that waking one pony up would be better than waking up an entire household. I was banking on waking up someone sensible." I just kept on rambling my way through this. At least humans tended to be good at that.

She shook her head. "You made one crazy gamble." But then she looked up and cracked a small smile. "But I can tell you're being sincere. Might've not been the best idea, but you got good intentions. So what'dya need?"

"Uh, can I just have maybe a blanket or somethin'? And maybe sleep over in your barn or somethin'?"

She considered the proposal. "The barn ain't the best place to be. Not right now, at least. I'd give you the couch downstairs, but since nopony else knows you're here..."

"I'll take your bedroom floor."

"Hm..." She was taking a long moment to think about the decision. I don't blame her—some random pony asking to sleep in your bedroom, even on the floor? You'd have to be insane—something Applejack was not so much of compared to her five other friends.

As she was thinking, I found myself thinking back to what the hell just happened. It didn't even feel that long that I found myself in the same situation, but that first time, I just plain killed her.

Then the day after that sped by like no time. Then came the confrontation outside Trottingham. My head was already feeling heavy, and in my sitting stance, I turned my legs to look at their undersides. I could remember the feeling of being lacerated by the glass, deep grooves being cut into my flesh.

But now, there was an unblemished grey coat. My head was feeling really heavy, and... was I still thinking coherently. Was Applejack saying something. Wow, was I not drowsy during this time the first time around? No, wait, that was because I was wide awake from murdering Applejack. And then there was some conversation about reality, and consequences. Was I dreaming? No I think I'm still awake. Maybe a little bit of shut-eye would do me some...

Author's Note

Oof. Ohh. Uh, what just happened? I feel tired.

You died.

Wait, what?

Told you. Consequences.

But what about that last part? Or not even? I swear I heard Twilight and Rainbow and Rarity's voices after that one part happened. So what just happened?

You died quite a painful death due to your quite stupid actions. So there, right after you faced the consequences, I sent you back for a second try. Because really, as interesting and exciting this whole ordeal was, it was somewhat idiotic.

Huh. So... what now?

Try again.

Try again to what?

To go about a life.

Huh. I'm guessing that that one instance was the only free retry I'm ever going to get?

You're going to want to be careful about your life from now own.

I'm going to hazard a guess and figure that I at least get some plot armor.

Only when applicable.

How about when we get to the finale? That was freakin' awesome!

We'll deal with it when you get there.

Jump to top

[4] Slipping Into Ponyville and Into the Season

Another Displaced Human Dilemma
By: The Grey Pegasus

< 4 >

Slipping Into Ponyville and Into the Season
(And Back Into the Story)

"Hey. Hey. Wake up."

"Ug... wha?"

I was launched back to reality on Applejack's cue. I noticed that I was leaning on the wall next to the window with a blanket draped over me. I looked around, finding Applejack sitting next to me. How much time had passed? It was still dark out.

"I gotta head out. Not sure if you were plannin' to do the same," she said in a whisper.

I shook my head, still waking up. "Why?" I asked while stretching out.

"Why, the Summer Sun Celebration of course! I gotta be there for Twilight!"

My brain felt like a tape drive, processing the information slowly, despite it all being laid out in front of me. "... Oh! Oh, right! So we didn't miss it?" I exclaimed quietly.

"No, of course not. So you goin' or not? I was thinkin' you were headed for the train station 'fore you stopped here." She paused. "Wait, if you came from the Everfree, how'd you get to Sweet Apple Acres?"

"I took a cloud. Erm, slept on a cloud. Above the Everfree. Because I was too tired to fly anywhere, so I settled on a cloud. It drifted."

She stared at me for a moment, as if examining my answer for any traces of a lie. "Okay," she replied, content. She was probably used to such answers, having to deal with Rainbow Dash.

"What time does the train leave?" I asked.

"Little over half an hour. Said I'd meet the rest of my friends there soon." She stood up to leave, presumably to get ready.

"Hm." I sat up. "Guess I'll be goin' then. Don't want to miss the ride. Thanks for letting me stay."

Applejack smiled, giving a quick wave. "See ya there."

As I positioned myself to launch out the window, she spoke again.

"Wait!" I let my wings hang, pausing my take-off. "You never gave me your name. I'm Applejack. Who are you?"

I gave a small smile back, realizing this was the first time I ever introduced myself in Equestria. "Name's Stardust. Pleased to meet you and thanks again for having me here."

This time, I when I exited through Applejack's window, I flew not towards Canterlot or to places unknown, but to the recognizable town of Ponyville.

<<+>>

I landed in the outskirts of the town, deciding to walk the rest of the way in. I didn't bother asking for directions to the train station; I remembered the general direction from my time in the air. If I forgot, got lost, or needed to find the place specifically, I could have just followed some pony walking towards the general direction of the station. From what I remember from the show, Ponyville wasn't much of a lively place at night or the early morning, but right now, there were a few ponies out walking. Most of them seemed to be headed in the same direction—the same one I was headed towards to. I confidently assumed they were headed for the train to Canterlot as well.

"Hey, so where's all of the landmarks? You know, like Sugarcube Corner, and Carousel Boutique, and the whatever-it's-called tree library?" I asked quietly out loud.

"Great. Real helpful."

I mulled over the statement. "True. Ponyville's either a bunch of random street views or a cluster of random buildings from the sky."

As I walked through the dark streets of Ponyville, I took a look around at my surroundings. Despite living in a fairly quaint place, the homely feeling of the thatched buildings was still moderately striking to me. It must've been that small town charm mixed with some rural quality. Strangely, in that way, it also felt familiar.

I found myself walking by a few landmarks on the way. Down one road, I saw Town Hall, so that was obviously the way to the center of Ponyville. Down another, I saw Sugarcube Corner. Far down one street was Twilight's library. What was its name again? Golden Oaks? Was that even its name? For some reason, as I looked at it, I felt a little sad. As I kept with the trickle of ponies, I might've caught a glance of Carousel Boutique. Finally, I arrived at the small train station.

Just as I thought, ponies were already congregating on the platform. They conversed in hushed voices, likely in respect for the early morning hours and their own ears and voices.

There was a short line at the ticket counter, which I quickly found myself past with a train ticket of my own. The platform itself was warmly lit—bright enough that ponies could avoid falling onto the tracks, but dim enough that it was still considerably dark. I entertained myself by looking around the crowd, trying to identify background ponies, but I couldn't find anyone familiar. Either because the ones in sight were the obscure scene-filler ponies, or because it was too dark to recognize somepony if I actually knew them. Or both.

Although if the first case was true, I guess the second case didn't matter. But then again, the second case would be a reason why I couldn't see farther. Maybe there was someone else farther in the crowd that I would recognize. Like Applejack. Or the other Mane 6. If anypony I would recognize would be here, it would be them, especially given that Applejack is the reason I'm standing on this platform waiting.

In more ways than the direct reason, probably.

Also, I notice that I'm not consistent with my pronouns. I do prefer 'one' in place of 'pony', and the latter is used to replace 'body'. For some odd reason, because 'body' isn't species specific, and—

*WWHHHHOOOOOOOOOT*

Oh hey, the train. Good, I was hoping I could finally get out of here.

... Wait, what does that—

<<+>>

"Citizens of Equestria, it is no longer with a heavy heart but with great joy that I raise the summer sun. For this celebration now represents not the defeat of Nightmare Moon, but the return of my sister, Princess Luna!"

The two alicorn princesses rose up into the air and performed their ceremony of moving around the celestial bodies. The Moon gave way for the Sun, and a sunrise faster than I'd ever seen before happened before my eyes. Seriously, I think I can feel my eyes actually strain a bit from having to adjust that fast.

It was nice, in a way. Impressive, actually. Although, also really, really brings out the skepticism in me. Like, really, how did the Sun and Moon work here? I guess that's an answer for—

*BOOM*

Wait, did Twilight just... what did Twilight just do?

Whoa, now that's a wake-up.

No, seriously, Twilight, when did you learn how to do aerial special effects? That is not a Rainbow Dash Sonic Rainboom. Like, you're not even allowed to do that. You just got your wings, uh... well, not too long ago.

Then again, the answer is probably somewhere along the lines of 'she read it in a book some time between the previous show-scene and right now'. Or took pointers from Rainbow Dash. Well, in any case, it does look nice from the angle down here on the ground, regardless of what it may look like from the show's camera angle.

I watched as Twilight flew in for a landing somewhere up at the front of the crowd. I figure her friends would be up there as well.

Really, it's all information overload at this point. The crowd around me was a murmur of conversation, mostly in awe of the spectacle before us.

I do note that I did like to tune into the talk about Luna. It seems her political standing compared to Celestia is quite interesting.

Hey, who's writing the story, you or me?

And you've got control of the world around me.

<No, it's naturally occurring. I thought we've been over this already.>

Regardless of what is canon and what is fanfic detail, that's what I found interesting. They do like Luna. Part of it might also be the whole 'dream guardian' thing. Hey, as long as she keeps out of mine.

With the event over, the crowd was beginning to disperse. I figured many were going to use their time in Canterlot to see the sights of the capital city. One would think that I should do the same and sightsee while I'm here, but honestly, I'm feeling the need to go secure a place of residence first. Checking in late at night that first time was not pleasant.

Besides, what did I even want to do in Canterlot right now? You know what, I think I'm going back to Ponyville.

<<+>>

After sidelining myself for six hours sampling one of Canterlot's cafe's for breakfast, taking a tour of the Palace grounds, and sampling a different restaurant for lunch, I finally found myself joining a crowd boarding a train headed back to Ponyville. The afternoon crowds were still going strong from the event that morning, and I found the situation feeling uncomfortably like livestock herding.

Okay, maybe not. At least we all managed to get a seat. I was careful to strategically position my saddlebags next to my flank to hide the fact that I was, er, not yet branded by the Equestrian way of life.

Really, I'm open to the idea of going along with my wild and free mustang ways, but goddamn does it feel like I would be incredibly judged by anyone that sees it.

Which, logically, in the coming days, will be many. But I'll... take it as it comes. Just give me a bit of a break right now. I'm not ready to be given the awkward glances yet.

The train whistled before pulling away from the platform. The ponies sitting on the benches with me kept to themselves. The stallion next to me was reading the paper. The mare across from me was eating lunch. And the mare next to her seemed to be going through a bag of merchandise she picked up in Canterlot.

I don't even have a phone to keep me busy. I mean, I could describe what it's like exiting Canterlot Station, but it doesn't really get interesting until we get past the gates and start going around Canterlot Mountain.

Man, I don't even have a phone to take a picture of the view you get of the Everfree. Remind me to go get a camera later. They got those instant camera Polaroid-types, right?

I rubbed my chin. 'You know what, that's a valid point. Blank flank and looking like a tourist everywhere? Weird.'

I scoffed. 'How depressing of an image that would project.'

I rolled my eyes. 'Regardless, I'd rather not be a topic of the Crusaders.'

Oh, so now you admit you're totally writing the story.

Speaking of Ponyville, that seems like a great place to be. I'm falling asleep on this window.

<<+>>

I woke up just as the train was pulling into Ponyville. I slung my saddlebags back onto my back and fell into step like livestock getting offloaded. The platform was bustling with ponies getting off, and I continued to follow the flow off, until there was finally enough space to stop and check my surroundings.

According to Celestia's sun up above, it was just about midday. Probably a little past, actually. The train ride was about half an hour, but unfortunately, I didn't have a watch. Another thing on my list of things to get, and this time, I was a bit more serious.

Seriously, a consistent timepiece would be a really good idea. Even if the pace of life in Equestria, or at least Ponyville, is much slower than that of home, time is time.

I'm sure I could find Time Turner and get something good, right? Probably even a kick out of it.

Around me, ponies were still walking towards the inner parts of Ponyville. It would be safe to assume that some of them booked a night or two for the Summer Sun Celebration. Especially ones from far away. I'd imagine having Luna participate for the first time in more than a thousand years really brings out ponies from all corners of Equestria.

And that meant if I followed the crowd, I'd eventually be lead to an inn or a hotel where I could stay a few nights until I figure out better long-term rooming in Ponyville.

"... You know what, I think I'll come back later," I remarked as I looked at the cluster of ponies gathered outside of what was clearly an inn.

Three floors, thatch roof, colorful. And completely busy with ponies checking out.

<... Gee, descriptive.>

So imaginative!

Ignoring that lack of visual detail, I turned onto the street intersecting where I was and kept on walking, figuring it would bring me somewhere interesting. And quickly enough—"Oh sweet! Golden Oaks Library!"

Couldn't have been more than a five minute walk from that inn. Which gave me something to do!

I'm funny, aren't I?

I walked the remaining distance to the front. "'Public Library'," I read off of a sign. "That you never see ponies use other than plot-important characters. That's what you call conservation of detail."

I opened the front door and stepped into the atrium. Oh man, I was in Twilight's library! The hairs over my body were positively tingling with excitement.

Oh yeah, and there was no one home. "Well, I guess that means I don't have a reason to stay quiet."

I walked towards the center of the atrium where the big wooden horse head was. There was a curious looking blue box-thing placed on the table. "The heck is this thing?"

I didn't touch it, because, well, it wasn't mine. It was Twilight's—and that meant it was probably a good idea not to touch because weird stuff happens around Twilight. Instead, I settled for looking at it at different angles. "What's with all the keyholes? Geez, you'd think this was like, a WMD control box with that many keys required."

I felt a strange poking sensation in the back of my head. "What?"

... No response.

"Okay..."

Having inspected all I could of the interesting hexagonal box, I laid my saddlebags on a wall and began browsing the bookshelves. This was a library after all, and I was going to do exactly what I came here to do.

Read.

I'm pretty sure that I can occupy myself for at least a good hour catching myself up on Equestria, Ponyville, or even the world in general while I wait for that hotel to clear out. It would be a productive use of my time. Anything to broaden my knowledge would be a good idea.

I settled for looking up books on Ponyville, seeing that I was going to spend the foreseeable next few days just in the town. Start small, after all. Then move on to bigger things like the weird magical weirdness that one might find in strange places like the Everfree.

<<+>>

With Twilight reorganizing her bookshelves every so often for god-knows-what, I wasn't actually sure how to find the books I was searching for. And for all her organizational skills, she couldn't even be bothered to label the shelves.

At the same time, there was a weird intuitive sense that allowed me to find the section I needed with only a few minutes of looking. It was either me being attuned to books, Twilight's pretty good, if somewhat arbitrary, organizational skills, or cartoon laws, but in any case, I was up against a wall reading before ten minutes had passed.

And I'm not ashamed to admit it. I started off with a foal's book. But pictures! Instead of just words, like this story.

Unfortunately, picture books are only so long, and within three minutes of that, I'd moved on to more substantive material. The history of Ponyville was interesting, but not really what I considered important at the moment. Instead, I stuck to the more recent writings about the town, to aid myself in actually finding my way around the place.

I jolted at the sound of the door opening.

"Aaah!"

Then a really bright flash of purple. Then a deep thump—that one came from inside my skull. And probably vibrated up from the rest of my body, too. I felt kinda singed. Also, that really threw me up against the wall I was already sitting up against.

"Ugh... am I dead again?"

And more thuds as books fell down on my head.

Hardcovers, dammit!

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!"

Yeah, that's Twilight. "Oh, good, she didn't kill me this time," I mumbled to myself.

Books began levitating off of me. "What are you doing here?!" Twilight asked, somewhat apprehensively.

I shook my head clear. "Thought this was a public library," I answered. Probably a half-lie, but hey, she wasn't Applejack.

Twilight raised a brow suspiciously. "I locked the door before I left though."

"Nope." I sat up on my haunches, returning an unamused look at the princess. Ooh, what an attitude, especially to someone that was just having a great day. "Door was unlocked."

"Twilight, are you sure you locked the door?" Spike asked. Oh hey, there he is.

"Of course I did!"

"You had a really long day yesterday," Spike said. "And you woke up this morning all anxious about the Summer Sun Celebration. And excited. I'm starting to think you overlooked it."

Twilight's expression grew confused. "Well then, Spike, didn't you check? Or notice?"

"Uh..." The dragon paused.

"Well," I interrupted, "In any case, I'm here, I was reading, and now your bookshelf is all over the floor."

Twilight winced. "Oh. Right. About that... Really sorry about what happened."

"Uh, yeah, no, it's fine," I assured her, waving a hoof. It is Twilight Sparkle we're talking about here. "Don't worry about me."

Twilight began picking up the fallen books and placing them back in their shelves. "What were you reading about?"

"Not much," I replied. "Ponyville, really. Get to know the area."

"You know, I haven't seen you around here," Twilight said. "And I've gotten pretty good with faces. You must be visiting for the Summer Sun Celebration. Where are you from?"

"Pranceton," I answered naturally. Oh, wait—is that even a real place? Ooh, I hope—

"Oh!" Twilight said, perking up. "You mean like the university?"

I'll be damned. "And similar, quaint, small-town-ness to here," I noted, motioning to Ponyville outside. "Sort of. Slightly cozier though. And lots of trees."

"It does sound like a wonderful town," Twilight said. She pointed a hoof to herself. "Although you probably know it already, I'm Twilight Sparkle—"

Obviously.

"—and this is my assistant, Spike."

Unbeknownst to her, also obvious. The dragon smiled and gave a friendly wave.

"And you are?"

"Stardust," I answered. "Pleased to meet you."

Damn right.

Author's Note

OH MY GOD. You... you know what, I'm just going to ignore it.

Yeah, that... that's a good idea.

Dude! It's been like—

I know. Just ignore it.

That seems like an excellent idea.

I know. You said it. I agreed.

So... you're not going to, like, wipe this from my mind or anything?

Nope.

So every time I enter the Author's Note zone, I'll just remember that it's been almost two years.

Yup.

Okay.

Yup.

Doesn't Season 6 come out in like—

A COOL FUTURE AWAITS GOTTA DO MORE STORY OKAY BYE.

Does that mean the next chapter will—

Jump to top

[5] [S4E03]-Castle Mane-ia

Another Displaced Human Dilemma
By: The Grey Pegasus

< 5 >

Castle Mane-ia

Page flip.

Frustrated groaning.

I lifted my gaze up from the book I was reading and looked out of the doorframe into the main atrium where Twilight was analyzing the box.

"What's wrong, Twilight?" Spike asked. Very macho apron, by the way, dude.

"Ugh, I've gone through every book in Ponyville, Spike," Twilight said, "and there isn't a single mention of the mysterious chest that came from the Tree of Harmony, nor anything about keys to unlock it! But something tells me that opening it is pretty important. I hope Princess Celestia has some ideas. If the library in Canterlot doesn't have anything, I-I don't know where else to look!"

At that moment, Spike belched out a letter. Twilight began reading it. "My dearest Twilight, while it would be perfectly lovely to have you in Canterlot once more, I have another option in mind much closer to Ponyville..."

She continued reading it in silence.

You know, now that I think of it, this seems really important. I continued to listen.

"That... that sounds like a fantastic idea!"

"What is it?" Spike asked.

"Princess Celestia just suggested that we should look in their old castle's library," Twilight explained. "Since it's built over the Tree of Harmony, it might have information about it!"

Twilight's going on an excursion to the Everfree? This is definitely important.

... I think I've actually found myself at the start of an episode. Huh. I should pay attention more...

"Oh no," Spike said. "You are not suggesting that we go there."

"I'm not suggesting it," Twilight said. "Princess Celestia is! We should get moving right away—we're burning daylight, Spike!"

"Uh... how long do you intend to stay there?"

"As long as necessary! Or... maybe just one night."

"One night?!"

Whatever the case, it sounds like Twilight's in for some fun. Her own definition of fun, of course. But episode-type fun, well, I guess that's to be determined.

Have fun, Twilight. And Spike. Or maybe good luck, buddy.

I stuck my head back into the book I was reading. It was about Equestria's international relations. Really, really interesting stuff. I'd already spent the last few days reading about Ponyville, then Equestria. I had a decent amount of knowledge on the former and cursory knowledge of the latter. I was definitely sure to go back and read about the latter in more detail, but I'd already spent a day and a half on an old-fashioned equivalent of a wiki walk.

Not bashing books or the classic researching system or anything, but I miss Wikipedia links already.

Anyways, the first thing I decided to look into was our most prolific international associates: the Gryphons. Really, really interesting stuff about those griffons.

But if you expect me to do world-building by spouting random stuff, that's really cheap and not at all interesting, so that's not happening.

"Hey."

I perked up at Twilight's voice. She mostly left me to my readings, so I wasn't really prepared for her to suddenly interrupt now.

"Stardust."

I raised a brow. "Yeah?"

"You know, you've been in the library for a few days now," Twilight noted. "And when you're not, you don't do much other than go around Ponyville just walking. Maybe visit a few locations."

"... Are you stalking me?" I asked.

She rolled her eyes. "No. I'm observing you. Nopony's spent this much time in my library... probably ever, next to me. You go through books for hours."

"Are you about to make a hypocritical point?"

I heard Spike snicker behind Twilight, who simply glanced at him. She turned her attention back to me.

"You always look through the history sections," she continued. "You say you're in Ponyville as a tourist, but you've stayed here days after the Summer Sun Celebration. And you've barely talked to me, so it's not about being near a princess!"

I looked at her oddly. "Your point?"

"You're giving off some... 'old me' vibes."

Oh, she brought it up. She just did. I acted like I didn't know what she meant. "Which means?"

She pursed her lips. Then just switched topics. "You're into reading history so much, so I've observed. And you act as if you're into seeing the sights. So how about... taking a field trip?"

Wait, what? Is she asking me—"Are you asking me to go with you to the castle in the Everfree?"

Twilight smiled. "I told you that I see myself in you. I can see it in your eyes when you read—you're so curious and you have a sense and appreciation for detail. And you probably need to get out more. And interact with others."

Well, I have been told before that I channel Twilight well when I wrote her in stories. If Twilight can see herself in me, then I guess I write Twilight accurately. Who am I kidding, I'm great at writing Twilight.

Isn't it evident?

"Besides, maybe it could help you find your cutie mark?"

Gee, thanks for bringing that up, Twilight. "So... you're asking me to come with you."

"It doesn't seem like something you'd object against," Twilight said. "And I like to think that I've become a pretty good judge of ponies over the past two years. Would I be wrong in thinking that you would make a good extra set of eyes in research?"

"Extra set? What about Spike?"

The dragon crossed his arms. "Does it really sound like Twilight would pass up the opportunity for more help?"

"So you're just going to ask some random stallion that walked into your library a couple days ago and began meticulously reading?" I asked a bit incredulously.

"For the exact qualities I've observed in you," Twilight said. "And I've got a good sense that my judge of character is right this time. The fact that you don't have a cutie mark just seems to make it even more destined for you to be here!"

I don't know whether to be flattered or peeved.

You know, I just remembered—this is an episode, isn't it? That scene earlier sets it up to be one. So that means, if I go... I get to take part in the episode, right?

"So?" Twilight asked.

... Right?!

<... Yeah.>

"Count me in!"

<<+>>

I felt the show camera floating around for a few brief moments here and there. It was taking scenery shots as Twilight, Spike, and I were journeying to and through the ancient castle.

... You know, how does that even work? The show camera? Because, you know, this is a self-insert fic.

... But why even have the show cameras?

It is?

—None of this being canon. Right.

I put a hoof to my chin. 'I suppose that makes sense.'

"Stardust?"

"Huh?" I looked at Twilight.

"Anything you want to say?" she asked. "You're thinking."

"Nothing important," I replied.

"Okay!" She turned to the doors next to her. "Well, in that case..."

Twilight opened the doors to reveal a vast library.

Oh boy. I could feel her grin from behind her.

The alicorn gasped in joy as she flew in, reveling in the books. "Wow! Look at all these ancient books! It's a veritable goldmine of information! I can't believe it! Woo-hoo!"

"Whoa, whoa-whoa!" Spike said, almost seemingly in protest. I watched him walk in warily, then startle himself with a giant pony statue. "Uh, heh-heh. So, uh, Twilight. Uh, ready to head home?"

"Are you kidding? This place is perfect!"

I watched Spike sit uncomfortably amidst the dusty shelves. Yeah, good luck, buddy.

Then the show camera left. Wonder where off to now?

Oh wow, just now? Well, I guess that feels right, filmed-footage-wise.

I began walking into the library. "My little pony, doot-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo, my little pony..."

"You said something, Stardust?" Twilight asked, unburying herself from her pile of books.

"Huh?" I replied, interrupted from the opening theme song. Well, I guess that's something I'll be missing from the episodes. Sadness. "Well, not anymore."

Twilight paused, seemingly processing the odd words. "Well, in that case, it's time to start going through the books and finding some information! You still remember what I told you about the chest, right?"

Twilight had told me all she knew about that hexagonal blue box while we were walking through the Everfree. An unfilmed and unrecorded time, of course. "Yup."

"Great!" Twilight motioned to the vast bookshelves with a foreleg. "Put those wings to use and pick a shelf!"

Immediately, I had a small objection. "But where do we even start?!"

Twilight rubbed her chin. "I recommend just picking books at random and seeing if the book may have relevant information. Do this for a couple—"

"And see if there's any relation between topics within that section?" I finished for her.

"Exactly!" she smiled. It was very clear that she was ecstatic that a pony like her, me, was here.

But aren't you writing me? Or us, rather? Which meant you're just finishing your own sentence?

<... Fortunately, it's not a blatantly out of place interruption and is in fact completely in-character for a self-insert.>

Yeah, I guess that is actually true. Books, books, books! I really hope this library has some semblance of an organization system. Although, now that I think of it, it's quite impressive that these books are still intact after a millennium.

—gic. I know.

What do you mean?

<<+>>

There was a brief bit about candles, but otherwise, time just really flew. It was nighttime outside. Candlelight was pretty dim.

Anyways, I guess that's what I meant about not worrying for long, then. Of course, I was getting pretty burned out, sitting at a table with the duo and the aforementioned candles, still thumbing through books.

Oh wait, I don't have thumbs anymore. Or fingers. Dammit.

"Find anything, Spike?" Twilight asked.

"Uh, nope, nothing yet."

"Stardust?"

I simply shook my head.

"Aah!" Spike suddenly exclaimed. I jerked at his reaction, looking in his direction.

Wait, is that—

"Angel?" Twilight said. "What are you doing here?"

Please don't bite.

Suddenly, there was the sound of something moving. Grinding.

Bookshelves opened up to revealed a secret room. Twilight got up to investigate, and Spike and I followed.

"The Journal of the Two Sisters..." Twilight said. "Maybe this is the book Princess Celestia was talking about!"

"She talked about a book?" I asked.

"It was in her letter," Twilight said.

It was?

I thought back to the moments when the show camera was present during our walk. "Oh yeah."

"Well, looks like she's going to be occupied for a while," Spike said to me.

"So what do you suggest we do?" I asked him.

"I'm staying right in here," he answered, walking towards Twilight, who herself was already engrossed in the book. "There is no reason for me to be anywhere else," he said flatly.

I looked back at the dark library. "Yeah, no argument from me there."

I joined the others inside, now left with the options of sitting around chilling with Spike, or sitting around reading over Twilight's shoulder. Or sleeping—that worked too. Oh, and I wanted nothing to do with the death bunny—who, I might note, had only given me a couple of strange looks so far.

Well, there has to be something interesting in that book. I'm sure Twilight would understand.

What did you say?

... Is this relevant to me?

Okay, you know what, you're rambling. Bye.

<<+>>

Somewhere, Angel actually got some carrots. Fresh ones. Really, what? Where would those even be found in a castle that hasn't been lived in for a millennium? Do they really have preservatives that good?

Regardless, it sounded a bit appetizing, the munching and all, but I wasn't messing with him.

"Guys, you've got to hear this!" Twilight exclaimed.

"Which part?" I asked, sitting next to her. There really was a lot of interesting stuff that I can't go into detail about because apparently that's what I was rambling about.

"Right here," Twilight said, briefly pointing with her hoof. She turned the page, revealing detailed room plans.

This was some pimped out castle. Seriously—it wasn't your ordinary ruins. It was kid-friendly booby-trapped ruins.

Well, it is. Either that, or Scooby-Doo fun. I do admit the latter is a much more entertaining and appealing thought.

Twilight continued reading. "'I love to duck behind the paintings, and though the Hall of Hooves still gives her a bit of a fright, the trap door slide is Luna's favorite.'"

"'Hall of Hooves'?" Spike echoed.

"'Soon the Organ to the Outside will be finished. I can hardly wait.'"

"What's the 'Organ to the Outside'?" Spike asked.

"I have no idea!" Twilight said gleefully.

"Man, you're really enjoying this," I noted. Then I quickly interrupted her before she spoke.

"You don't need to explain," I said, preempting a possible explanation about how it was Celestia and Luna's history before Luna developed an inferiority complex.

"It's all just so exciting!" Twilight said.

My ears perked up at the muffled sound of a pipe organ, coming from somewhere on the castle grounds. "What the hell was that?..."

Twilight looked at me oddly. "Are you highly stressed out or something?"

I returned the questioning look. "What do you mean?"

She looked back at the book. "Just saying, ponies regress into certain choice words if they feel they're in a stressful scenario."

"Uh, Twilight, did you hear me?" Spike said. "Did you hear something?"

"Oh, Spike," Twilight smiled. "Quit being such a scaredy-dragon. This castle is thousands of years old, and half of it was destroyed by Nightmare Moon. Of course it makes strange sounds. It's practically falling apart!"

Something clattered to the side, causing Spike to jolt, which Angel found humorous.

"O... kay."

"Twilight," I said, "this place logically should be in much worse shape than it is after a millennium of being unused."

"Not with the spells they cast on it," Twilight said. "They made sure this place would last. Against all possibilities, including attack by magical creatures or mundane armies."

"Yeah, I'd hope. You realize that 'practically falling apart' means a stone ceiling could just collapse at any moment right on top of us?"

Twilight groaned and presumably rolled her eyes. "We'll be fine, Stardust."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, if you say so." I paused. "And in all honesty, we probably will be."

"Weird sounds, castle falling apart," Spike said, "and you both think we'll be fine?"

"We'll be fine, Spike," Twilight reassured him.

"But you heard something, right, Stardust?" he asked me.

Oh yeah. "More likely yes than no." I looked at the entrance to this hidden room. "I mean, we could check it out. Or close the bookcase door."

"Be quiet, you two, I'm reading..." Twilight said.

Spike and I shared a glance. He shrugged at me.

As creepy as the dark castle was, this is, after all, a kid's show. At least, I'm pretty sure it still is, mostly. It gave me a brave feeling.

I got up, and started walking towards the exit.

"Stardust?" Spike said. "Where are you going?"

I shrugged. "Out. Probably see what's up around here. Wanna come with?"

His eyes bulged slightly. "Nooo. You can explore the creepy castle by yourself."

"Well, suit yourself. I don't blame you." I walked out of the room to go take a look around the place myself.

I could hear some commotion in random places in the castle. A lot of things were shifting around. "Yeah, a millennium doesn't do too great for lubricants, eh? Not that stone things moving around were usually lubricated anyways..."

I jolted at another sound. The hairs on my back rose a little.

... Actually, maybe 'commotion' wasn't the right word. That was more of a scream. You know, like a terrified one. Or tortured one.

What the hell kind of episode was this?

... That's a great question, actually. What was happening in this episode? The show camera showed up, for like, a brief few blinks. So it had to have been going elsewhere.

Regardless of what the actual episode was like, I can tell you being here on the ground in the middle of it is really spooky. The cartoon look doesn't do the creepiness justice. Because damn does it look real to me. Unfortunately, my art skills are not sufficient enough to convey that.

<...>

Yeah, I can sense speechless replies too, you know.

I'd finally made my way to the main library doors when a clear organ note reverberated through the area.

I jolted in response. "What the fuck?!" I hissed.

That's it—I may be new to Equestria's magical craziness, but I'll be damned if I let my human determination and persistence be beat by this weird place. It can't master me!

I was going to find out what the heck was causing that organ to play—magic or mundane! I set off at a moderate walk.

For all the crazy that happens in Equestria, well, I come from Earth. Knowing home, this place really isn't much worse. Different, but not worse. Situationally, could be worse, but morally? This place is a vacation.

At least, so far. And whenever I'm dealing with show canon.

There were occasional claps of thunder and flashes of lightning—though that's probably adequately explained by the fact that the Everfree had natural weather.

Natural weather, everyone. No matter how long I'll have to live here in Equestria, pegasi-controlled weather will never be considered 'natural' in my books.

Though, it might be a decent thing to note that due to the ubiquitousness of magic, it's entirely possible that the weird weather effects are also due to some atmospheric ambiance thing. You know, the world sensing that at this location, thunder and lightning are standard set pieces for 'creepy'.

Oh, wait a minute, that's right. That's the actual explanation. Given an in-universe explanation, of course, but that is, in fact, the literal explanation for the weather effects. 'Because it's creepy'.

Man, at least Scooby-Doo properly justified their weather. I can't even be sure that's the case here unless I look outside.

*WHHUMMMMMM*

The air shook with that organ chord. I pinpointed the location of the organ. I was going to find out what was going on. Instead of wasting time, I took to the air after a short trotting start. I banked down a hallway, and a few more.

Then I skidded to a halt by one room. I noticed the large cathedral organ. Its pipes went straight up the wall, looming over the room.

And there was a figure of a pony sitting at the keys.

My heart was racing. This was legitimately freaking me out now. "Oi! Who the hell are you?!"

The figure jerked. Then turned to me.

"... Oh boy."

"Who are you?!" Pinkie exclaimed. She hopped over. Then gasped. "Wait! I've seen you a little bit! You're supposed to be a tourist from the Summer Sun Celebration, but then you stayed for days afterwards, and usually now you're supposedly going to Twilight's library to read, and somehow you're sort-of good at hiding so I guess I never gave you a welcome party, but should I have given you a welcome party because you were a tourist? Although I guess it should've been clear after a few days that you weren't an ordinary tourist there for the Summer Sun Celebration, but really sometimes maybe it's important to be real considerate before going all out with a Pinkie Pie welcome because..."

"Oh boy that's like, a lot of dialogue," I said.

Pinkie froze. Then her grin got super wide. Then she gasped. It was an expression of realization of something she was going to find extremely fun.

Oh wait. I think I may have just figured—

"It's a fanfic! Oh wow! You're writing yourself!"

Huhhhhhhhhh...

"Hi Grey!"

"Omigosh this is going to be so much fun!" Pinkie looked at me. "You're Stardust!"

I held up my hoof, as if I was trying to make a point. I took a deep breath... but I couldn't find any words.

"That's okay!" Pinkie said.

"Ooh, but Grey running out of words isn't."

"I know, right! It's almost like I'm actually real! And breaking the fourth wall!"

"But that's what makes things fun! I think Stardust's imagination needs to be more active, though."

"What does that mean?!" I exclaimed.

"Well, you kind of just walked over here not scared of some scary horrible possibility," Pinkie said, making some motions with her hooves.

"But it's a kid's show," I countered. "It really, really, wasn't likely."

"Oh yeah, you're right!" Pinkie exclaimed. "We're tied to the episode's plot as much as possible with minimal derailing!"

"I can't tell if Pinkie's weird antics are off-putting, or really, really relieving that I have someone that understands the situation I'm in." Fully serious here.

"Well I think it's going to be a load of fun!" Pinkie said. "But it's all about control."

"Wait, so can you break it on will, or just select moments and places?"

"Grey knows the answer!"

<... Okay fine. Right. The answer is 'when it's plot relevant', but Pinkie switches between having medium awareness and being fully engrossed in your reality. It's... literally what the best interpretation of the show is.>

"So..." I started, "I actually have a greater sense of the story than she does?"

"Can't you just do the same thing with me as Pinkie and make me blank out about this half of my backstory?"

"He theoretically could," Pinkie said. "After all, you still have your actual in-universe backstory from when you woke up here in this very castle a few days ago."

The thought of forgetting 'actual reality' and being forced to accept the new reality was somewhat frightening. Very, actually.

"Don't feel so bad about it, Dusty!" Pinkie said. "You'll get used to the idea. Besides—if it weren't for your crazy idea about this story, you would've come into Equestria just like that! Not a dream-like-thing or anything, but actually forced to accept the reality completely from the start!"

That was when she leaned in close. "... Like instead of killing Applejack..."

She gave me a stern stare. I backed away a little. "... Yeah. Got it."

Pinkie hopped back to her chipper self. "Anyways, I think we've actually taken up enough time now! You should go back to Twilight before the real fun starts!"

After a moment of processing, I finally nodded. "Yeah. Okay."

"See ya later!"

I turned around and walked out. After fully recovering from that ordeal, I hopped up off of the end of a stride into the air, flying back to the library at a relaxed pace. "So, does she know what's going to happen in this episode?"

"Will she always know?"

I grumbled slightly. "I just don't want to feel left out of the loop."

"Well, okay, I guess."

I got up to the the library's floor when suddenly, there were crashing sounds behind me. "What the hell now?..."

I backtracked on hoof to the atrium. There, I was met with the sight of the rest of Twilight's friends going mental. "Seriously, what the fuck?"

"AANNNGGEEEL!"

"Um," was all I could remark. "I mean, I guess I should get used to this kind of thing."

I watched as Fluttershy ran over to the fallen column, trying to lift it up.

Then I think Applejack saw me. I think Rainbow, too. They got even more hysterical though and started smacking around the room like pinballs. "This is... not what you want to happen in a castle that's 'practically falling apart'. I really hope these columns aren't load-bearing."

It was like watching a trainwreck. Lots of insanity, but I just couldn't turn away.

"What got into them?"

I looked behind me and found Spike, and with him, Twilight and Angel.

Twilight looked at me. "Stardust? Did you..."

"I found them like this," I replied.

She stepped closer to the scene. "Alright, everypony, stop!"

With that, she cast a spell that halted everyone in their spots.

Applejack was the first to come to her senses. "Twilight?" She hesitated for a moment. "Stardust?"

I simply waved my hoof, slowly, without any expression on my face.

"Must... save... Ange—" Fluttershy stopped herself after seeing her bunny safe by Twilight, who waved back to his owner. "... Oh."

"Fluttershy?!" Rainbow exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"She's with me!..." Rarity said.

Seeing that everyone had calmed down, Twilight released them. "Have you all spent the whole night running around, scaring each other?"

"Well, that depends," Applejack said.

"On what?"

"On whether or not you're the Pony of Shadows," Rainbow said. "Or him," she added, pointing at me.

I simply stared back.

"Oh, that's just an old ponies' tale," Twilight replied.

The organ began playing again.

Spike froze. "Then who's playing... that?"

I figured that this was a fun part of the episode that would be best left intact, so I didn't say anything.

"We're going to find out," Twilight said, determined.

Twilight led the group towards the organ chamber. I trailed behind slightly, but my presence was quickly brought up.

"Hey Twi, who's that guy?" Rainbow asked. Then she looked at Applejack. "Wait, and why did you recognize him?"

"Oh," Applejack said, "he, uh, had to stop by the farm on the morning of the Summer Sun Celebration on the way to Ponyville. So yeah, I met Stardust before." Applejack looked back at me and waved.

"He's here because I wanted an extra set of eyes," Twilight said. "We came here because Princess Celestia said there might a book useful for learning about the chest we got from the Tree of Harmony."

"Did you find anything?" Fluttershy asked.

"Well... we found something."

Twilight then motioned for them to quiet as they came to the entrance of the organ chamber. "The Pony of Shadows!"

The organ continued to play as Twilight approached the organ, and Pinkie.

"Hey, you guys!" Pinkie greeted as she turned around. "Did you know I can totally play the organ? Because I didn't!"

Oh yeah. Ponies can play musical instruments that require a lot of dexterity. Really, wow. Please show me how that works—seriously. It's pretty cool.

"Pinkie?!" Everyone's surprise brought a sly grin to my face.

"Check it out!" Pinkie played 'Charge' on the organ. Hm.

"You're the Pony of Shadows?" Rainbow questioned.

"The pony of what?"

"See? What'd I tell you?" Twilight said.

"I thought you went to ring the school bell all week!" Applejack exclaimed.

"Oh, yeah!" Pinkie said. "I only had to ring it for, like, five minutes! They said that was good enough! Eh, can't imagine why... So then, I decided to throw a 'finish ringing the school bell' party! But I didn't have any bluebells, and you can't throw a 'finish ringing the school bell' party without bluebells, so I went to Everfree Forest to pick some, but it started to get so chilly."

Pinkie began playing a tune that wouldn't be out of place in some classy nightclub.

"Really? Thanks!"

"It's cheery music!"

"Pinkie, who are you talking to?" Twilight asked.

"Oh yeah!" Pinkie turned her attention back to her friends, continuing to explain her situation. "Anyways, I had to wrap myself up in the tarp I was gonna use to gather flowers, and then I saw Fluttershy and Rarity. But they went into the castle before I could invite them to my party. Luckily, I followed them inside so I could help you all with your party!"

Rarity spoke once Pinkie stopped playing. "What party is that?"

"Uh, the 'everypony come to the scary old castle and hide from each other while I play the organ' party? Duh!"

Rainbow looked at me. "Oh yeah, this is Pinkie Pie, if you haven't met her yet. She's gonna have throw you a party if she hasn't yet."

"Oh, we've already met! Hi, Dusty!"

I just returned Pinkie's wave.

<<+>>

While Twilight and her friends headed back into the secret room, I decided to wait by the bookcase entrance, watching from a distance away.

Rarity was sewing up a tapestry. Fluttershy was talking with Angel. Rainbow and Applejack were talking about some 'daring pony' competition. And apparently Pinkie was the judge for most of it.

"Well, it's good to know that whenever your imagination is getting away from you, a good friend can help you rein it in," Twilight said. This must be the episode conclusion, judging from the lesson-learned type message. "And even though I didn't find anything out about the mysterious chest, I'm glad I was here to help all of you."

"You certainly did that, Twilight," Rarity said.

"Yeah!" Rainbow chimed in. "Why weren't you scared?"

"Reading Celestia's diary made it hard to be afraid, because I knew what it was like when she and Luna lived here," Twilight explained. "Knowing something about the past made it easier to deal with my problems in the present, even the scary ones."

"I... suppose that's a valid lesson," I mumbled to myself. "Certainly a situational one, but likely more true than not."

"I've just thought of a great idea!" Twilight exclaimed. "Why don't we keep a journal, just like the Royal Pony Sisters?"

"All of us?" Fluttershy asked.

"Sure! That way we can learn from each other! And maybe some day, other ponies will read it and learn something, too!"

And that, folks, was how LifeProTips was established in Equestria. Although... Twilight's journal going into public domain... wonder how long that'll take. Depends how long it takes for them to fill up the journal, I guess.

They made what seemed like closing remarks, and then I sensed the show camera flick off.

And I knew what that meant. "Drum roll—Myyy little pony, doot-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo, myyy little pony—doot, doot, doo..."

Author's Note

Wow, so that was the first regular episode of the season.

I know, wasn't fun?!

Isn't this awesome?! I can interact in the A/N box too! And you gave me fun tags!

Uh... So she can get in the A/N box too.

But wowzers! I get to join in the A/N box! It's practically a fourth wall outside of the fourth wall! That's like, sixteen walls!

How sleep deprived are you?

Rough, dude.

If you keep up this kind of pace, you might catch up before the third episode of Season 6! I mean, it's a lot of transcript copying to save time, plus you get to copy and paste dialogue directly—

This isn't going to be regular, is it?

So... try not to run into her?

Oh you guys are no fun!

You should just use the inverse tags like you did prior to editing.

You should illustrate this A/N box!

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[6] [S4E04]-Daring Don't

Another Displaced Human Dilemma
By: Stardust Rapture

< 6 >

Daring Don't

Page flip.

"Hey, Stardust."

I looked up from the book I was reading to answer Twilight. "Hm?"

"How long are you planning to stay in Ponyville?" she asked.

"Uh..." I tried to think of a good answer. But after staying in silence for some amount of time, I think I timed out of the window to give a lie. "... Indefinitely."

"... Indefinitely?" Twilight echoed.

"Uh, yeah," I said, shrugging. "Why do you ask?"

"What made you say indefinitely? Why do you think you'll stay here for a length of time?" Twilight paused, but it was clear she was thinking of something else to say. "... Is it about your lack of a cutie mark?"

I suppose that's enough of a fair statement actually. "I guess you could say I'm on a journey of self-discovery."

She smiled. "Well, in that case, I'd love to have the chance to talk to you more."

I raised a brow. "Hm?"

"You're a grown pony who doesn't have your cutie mark! You'll make an interesting case study for me!" Twilight said, revealing her motive for asking. "Sure, there's been ponies like you before, but I'd like to have the chance to study somepony like you myself."

A case study. Well... I dunno, that's one way to stick around Ponyville, right? I mean, I wasn't forcing myself to stay here like most other stories. I was actually being asked to.

Neat how that worked out. Never could quite figure out how to justify this scenario before. I guess some time away did some good. Wait, I thought true outside factors were supposed to be left out of the story?

Inconsistency is fun. Anyways, I should probably say something to Twilight.

"Uh, sure, I guess," I answered.

"Great!" Twilight exclaimed.

Not a moment later, Pinkie burst through the door.

Oh boy. I guess it's time for entertaining insanity again.

What?

"I'm part of this episode, silly!" Pinkie exclaimed, standing in front of me. I was so distracted, I didn't even notice her come over to where I was sitting.

Twilight gave Pinkie a confused look. "You're... what?"

"Did I just hear that somepony is staying in Ponyville indefinitely?!" Pinkie asked, looking at Twilight, then me, then back at Twilight again.

Twilight rolled her eyes, smiling. "Only you would be able to hear something like that, Pinkie."

"Then I can finally officially throw Dusty a party!" Pinkie jumped up in joy, then—

"Whoa!" I was yanked into the center of the atrium. Then she plopped a party hat on my head. I looked at the book I was just reading, having lost my grasp on it when Pinkie pulled me aside. "Well, I guess I could just finish it later..."

"That's right!" Pinkie began setting up some tables, hopping around as she did. All the while, she was still looking at me, so clearly she was still talking with me. "That might actually be really important!"

"Important?" I asked, taking the party hat off. Party hats weren't really my thing. "It's a Daring Do book. Unless some craziness with Rainbow is about to happen, how is it important?"

"Exactly!" Pinkie waved her hooves in the air.

Oh, right, she mentioned something about an episode.

"It's going to be a lot of fun!" Pinkie told me.

Just then, the door opened again.

"Hi, Rarity, Fluttershy," Twilight greeted. "Glad you both made it!"

"But of course!" Rarity smiled. "I wouldn't miss one of Pinkie's parties for the world... even if it's for some holiday I've never heard of." The unicorn looked at me and waved. "Hello, Stardust. If you're going to be in Ponyville for a bit, you simply must experience one of Pinkie's parties—they're such wonderful fun. It seems like today's your lucky day—Pinkie had planned a party for... because she could!"

I rolled my eyes, smiling. Fluttershy waved to me as well, and I returned it.

"Actually, it's a different party now!" Pinkie announced.

"Different party?" This time, it was Applejack, who had also just arrived. She also waved at me. "Hey, Stardust."

"Dusty is staying in Ponyville indefinitely!" Pinkie explained, setting a bowl of punch on a table.

"Really now?" Applejack said approvingly. "Well that's just great! You'll love your stay here, guarantee it."

"I've got no doubts about that," I replied.

"Where are you going to be staying?" Rarity asked. "I mean, the inn is nice, and their prices are fair, but are you going to be staying there for the duration of your stay?"

Yeah, that was going to be something I was going to have to take care of. "If there's any other place I can find that can save me some bits for rooming, I'll try and find one," I said.

"I could help you out with that," Twilight said. "Since you said you'd be agreeable to working with me, I'm sure I can help you set something up in town. Or even stay with me. Whatever we figure out would be best for you."

"Thanks, Twilight." I did have an idea of who I might be staying with, and it wasn't Twilight. Or any of the others.

"I thought he's not allowed to think about those things," Pinkie said. "Isn't it supposed to be a surprise for him?"

Wait!—... Oh come on! Now I've got to figure it out all by myself...

"You'll be fine!" Pinkie said. "You wouldn't have known if the original plans went through anyways!"

"Who are you talking to, Pinkie?" Fluttershy asked.

"And what about?" Rarity added.

"No one at all and nothing of your concern!" Pinkie gleefully replied. "Now let's party!"

<<+>>

"Heya, Twilight!" I quickly looked at the door; Rainbow had just arrived. "Aren't you excited that—"

Pinkie interrupted by blowing a horn in Rainbow's face.

"So glad you've finally made it!" Twilight said.

"What's everypony doing here?" Rainbow asked.

"We're having a welcoming party!" Pinkie exclaimed, blowing her horn again. "And hey, that's a deviation from the script—neat!"

"For who?" Rainbow asked. Then she saw me. "Stardust?"

"Hiya." I gave her a single wave.

"I mean, first it was supposed to be National Random Holiday Party Day, but this is much better!" Pinkie explained. "Woo hoo!"

"Not that having a party for a holiday I've never heard of is a bad thing," Rarity said, "but it's really convenient for Pinkie to have a more concrete reason for a party." She sipped the glass in her telekinesis. "And the punch is quite tasty."

"You might say the secret ingredient is... a secret!" Pinkie grinned.

Rainbow looked peeved. "How come nopony bothered to invite me?"

Applejack looked at Rainbow with an annoyed expression. "I came to invite you personally, but it seems you were a speck too busy reading the last Daring Do book for the twelfth time."

"Yeah, well, in three months and twenty six more days, I'll be able to read the next one," Rainbow said.

Oh. So I guess that's what Pinkie meant by the book I was reading earlier being plot relevant.

"Oh, haven't you heard?" Twilight said. "The release of the next book got pushed another two months."

RIP.

Rainbow sputtered. "Two more months?! I've been waiting so long already! I don't think I can take another two months! I'll never make it!"

Heh. You'll live, Rainbow.

"Yeah!" Pinkie said next to me. "Remember all the hitches in the past seasons? Like Season 3! It only had half the amount of episodes—and Twilight just 'poof'—got her wings in one episode! Everyone went crazy!"

"I thought sixteen walls was reserved to the A/N box," Pinkie pointed out.

"We're being inconsistent," I replied. "I guess it's the new thing."

"Well as long as totallynotabrony keeps describing it as meta, we're doing fine!"

"It's not like anyone else is checking, though. And besides—it's not really a meta story."

It was getting weird enough that I just turned my attention back to the regular conversation.

"A.K. Yearling just might be my favorite author," Twilight said. "I know everything about her. Where she grew up, where she studied literature, where she wrote the first Daring Do book..."

"Where she lives?" Rainbow asked.

"Uh... no," Twilight answered, "though I could probably find out somehow. Why?"

"Don't you get it?" Rainbow said. "The new book is obviously delayed because she needs help dealing with whatever everyday nonsense is distracting her from spending her every living breathing second writing! So I— I mean, fans like me, can get to read the new book ASAP! Think about it! We could help her with her laundry, buy her groceries, cooking her meals, whatever! Now, who wouldn't appreciate that?"

"That sounds like something called 'being a creep'," I pointed out.

I noticed Twilight wince slightly, but she hid it from Rainbow by simply looking away. "Well, yeah, she probably just wants respect for her privacy."

"She can always just say no," Rainbow pointed out.

"Is that going to be effective though?" I asked.

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"Well, it still might be worth a shot," Twilight said, trying to appease her friend.

"Of course it is! So... how's about getting that address?"

<<+>>

"Dun dun-dun duuuun, dun du-duuun..."

"Star—Stardust?" Twilight said. "Are you listening?"

I perked up, brought out from my humming stupor while walking beside Pinkie, who was laying down red tracks to mark our path. Well, it was fun while it lasted.

"What?" I asked her. Oh, right, she brought me along because it was part of her case study as to possible reasons why I didn't have my cutie mark at such an age.

"I just asked you, about your home life, what it was like?" Twilight said. "Just trying to use our time for some progress here—which was part of the reason I asked you if you might want to come along in the first place. Since Rainbow stopped listening to reason about A.K. Yearling's privacy..."

"I think I spotted the house!" Rainbow suddenly exclaimed. "We're super close! This way!" She ran ahead, and the rest of us followed.

As we approached, it was clear something had happened to the house.

"Wait!" Twilight exclaimed. "Oh no. What happened?"

"Apparently somepony has intruded on her privacy pretty hard already..." Rainbow said.

"Yeah, that's one way to put it," I said.

She knocked on the door, which promptly crashed down. We took that as a welcome in.

"Hoo-wee," Applejack said as she looked around, "somepony really trashed this place."

Pinkie suggested something else. "Hmm... Maybe... or maybe A.K. Yearling's just a terrible, horrible, unbelievable slob!

"That'd make her worse than me," I noted. "So probably not."

Our inspection of the place went on for a bit longer. But probably not even a minute later—

"What are you all doing here?"

Everyone looked to the door. Rainbow probably summed it up best. "Uh... A... K-K... Yearling...?" She squeed in excitement.

"We didn't do this!" Twilight exclaimed. "We swear!"

"What have you done to my house?" Yearling asked.

"Like she said," I said, motioning to Twilight, "wasn't us."

The author began setting her place back in order.

"We're awfully glad to see you're alright," Twilight said as Yearling kept shifting things around. Maybe she was looking for something instead.

Rainbow whistled. "Okay, clearly this isn't the best time, but I've just gotta say how much we all really love your books..." She chuckled nervously. Yeah, you're being real smooth, Rainbow.

Obviously, the author had much more pressing matters, because she clearly wasn't paying attention. Instead, she opened up a book which instead held a secret compartment. She sighed in relief. "It's safe."

"Great!" Rainbow exclaimed. "Maybe now would be a good time for me to ask her how we can help move the new book along a little faster. Chop chop!"

I'm pretty sure I gave her a flat expression, but Twilight was the one with magic, and so pulled Rainbow aside. "Rainbow Dash, a minute please!"

In fact, Twilight was doing the concept of decency a favor by pulling the pegasus out and away from the house, the rest of us following. "A.K. Yearling has made it pretty clear that she wants to be left alone. We need to respect her wishes!"

"You should tell that to those guys," Pinkie suddenly said.

There was a clear group of suspicious figures preparing to enter the house.

Well, maybe suspicious was too weak of a word. We all went to the window to watch the confrontation.

Three intruders. One author.

And in a moment to our surprise, underneath all of the clothes, was the adventurer herself. Who promptly began kicking ass.

Twilight and Rainbow summed this one up. "A.K. Yearling is Daring Do!"

"A.K. Yearling and Daring Do are one and the same!" Twilight exclaimed as we spectated. "My mind is officially blown!"

"Aw, come on, I knew it all along," Rainbow said.

The fight inside continued, as did their commentary.

The choreography, I admit, was pretty good. And the camera angles the show camera was taking were pretty spot-on. The fight got to a point where the ring was thrown into the fireplace.

And to be expected of our pony-Indy, it was skillfully whipped out and cooled with a fallen water pitcher. The scuffle continued...

... And Daring apparently lost.

"Many thanks, Daring Do," this newly arrived stallion boasted. "As you've probably surmised, our earlier search for this treasure was... unsuccessful. So kind of you to find it for us."

"Give it back, Caballeron!" Daring yelled.

"That's Doctor Caballeron to you." That voice was so confident. So arrogant. Really, pretty much on par for a referencing of Raiders of the Lost Ark.

"He's from book four, Daring Do and the Razor of Dreams. He wanted to partner with Daring Do on her adventures."

"Oh, so that explains that," I said. "I was on book three..."

The heated conversation between the two, ending with, naturally, the run-down of his nefarious plan. "... I'm going to sell this to him, make a bundle, and retire from archaeology in splendor."

"Caballeron, you fool!" Daring struggled against her captors. "You're dooming the valley to eight centuries of unrelenting heat!"

"To market, henchponies!" With that, the raiding party left out the door, leaving Daring to slowly recover from the fight she just lost.

"Uh..." Fluttershy said, "should we go in and help her, maybe?"

Everyone seemed to realize that it wasn't a feature film, but reality. "Oh, right."

Wait, reality. I didn't follow, instead thinking otherwise. "Guys?"

Too late. They went in to help.

Well, I saw all of the movies. I decided trying to push for an epic climax verging on the edge of defeat wasn't preferable, if possible. I took off after the group of bandits. After a few hoofbeats of a running start, I transitioned to silent flight.

See, here's the thing. These guys are just dumb cartoon villains. Not only that, but they were all earth ponies. They can run—but they can't fly.

Granted, nothing bad was likely to happen at the end of this episode even if I decided not to intervene, but seriously—why the hell would I just stand around and worry when I could actually do something about a possible threat to... the region? I think it was the region. Daring said something about a valley.

Regardless, that's not something you're supposed to stand around and wait for someone else to take care of. Not in this sort-of lawless land, and certainly not in the middle of nowhere where no authorities could pin me down for misconduct of vigilantism.

I swiftly navigated between the trees, eventually catching a glimpse of the perpetrators. They had slowed, seemingly confident that they were safe.

Only if this fic was still rated 'Everyone', you amateurs.

The doc seemed to have been comfortably talking about his plans. He looked so content, keeping that ring close to him around his neck.

So I gave the bastard a flying kick that sent him flying a good number of yards to the side, away from his henchponies. I think I heard a crack there too. My momentum carried me to his landing spot.

"Hey," I greeted, skidding to a halt facing backwards, catching a glimpse of his ponies processing the ambush, all the way behind some bushes.

Caballeron, face down in the dirt like he probably deserved, turned his head sideways, trying to look back up at me. "Who in the world are—*HCK*"

I pulled back on the ring, forcefully shutting him up by choking his words in his throat, and putting the pressure on with a hind leg on his back to keep him down.

With my other hind leg, I smashed his face back into the ground. Then I knelt down to his ear. "You know who you remind me of? Nazis. I hate those guys."

His ponies were getting pretty close—between the sudden ambush and the almost comical distance I punted Caballeron, it gave me that much time. The doc probably didn't expect to get his head knocked around like it did, because the ring only met the resistance of trying to get unhooked from his head as I took it in hoof and launched off, leaving leaves rustling in my wake.

I gave a sly chuckle. "Yeah, take that, villain of the week. Asses are getting beat properly and deservedly, now that I'm around."

I caught a flash of movement in the corner of my eye. But it wasn't the bad guys. I changed my course and cautiously went for an inspection.

Fortunately, it was exactly who I needed. So I tried to get her attention, snickering as little as possible. "Doctor Jones!"

What, I'm not allowed to have fun with our Indy expy?

Daring snapped her head in my direction, and I spun the ring around my hoof. She ran over to me. "Who the—... you were with the mares back there."

I bobbed my head. "Yeah, I was. Until all of this went down, and what seemed like an important, dangerous artifact was leaving with the bad guys." I held up the ring.

"Huh," was all she replied, taking the ring back. She placed it around her neck.

"...A pony who stops entire armies of bad guys with nothing more than her bare hooves and an attitude..."

Daring went on alert.

As did I, but I actually processed the sounds.

Daring... didn't really, and had the faster reaction.

"...and—! Ow... That's starting to hurt." And with that, Rainbow was promptly assaulted by Daring.

I followed the tumbling ball of pegasi.

"Yow! Stop!"

Daring looked exasperated. "Oh, it's just you." She began to walk back in my direction.

"Wait, don't go!" Rainbow called out. She looked like she was mumbling stuff to herself. "I am suuuuuch a huge fan."

Daring sighed in response. I couldn't blame her. In fact, I think she glanced at me, hoping I could give her some respite from the manic blue pegasus.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Rainbow protested. "Let me help you! I promise I could be a huge, huge help if you just give me a chance."

Daring turned. "I. Work. Alone. Besides—" she pointed at me, "—he already did." She spun the ring around her neck as emphasis.

It took Rainbow a moment to get over the fact that I just stole her possible spotlight. "Bu-but why? You won't team up with any pony? It's so useful! Like—like in book—"

"My work always involves secrets," Daring interrupted. "And since you never know who you can trust, it's best never to trust anypony you don't know."

"Got a point, Rainbow," I said. "And it's dangerous stuff... although Temple of Doom did have Indy run around with those two..."

"But just because you can't trust some, doesn't mean nopony can be trusted!" Rainbow countered.

"Look," Daring said, "now's not the time to argue." She looked at me. "What did you do with Caballeron and his thugs?"

"Caballeron got a kick to the gut and the rest of them I left in the dust," I said.

"... Well, not the cleanest solution, but it worked. I'm heading back home for a bit and then taking this," she flicked the ring, "somewhere safe." The adventurer began walking back in the direction of her house.

Unfortunately, that left her with Rainbow and me.

I took pity on the gold pegasus and started up the conversation first, before Rainbow could... bug her with her blatant fangirlism. "So... Daring, what made you start writing your adventures?"

She looked at me questioningly. "Have you read my books?"

"Yeah, Stardust," Rainbow interrupted, "you haven't even finished the third book!"

Daring glared at Rainbow, causing the blue mare to shrink. To my surprise, she actually began answering my question. "Felt like sharing them, you know? Adventures, ancient artifacts, doom-bringing—magical items endangering the status quo is a fairly common concept to the common Equestrian, and of course, everypony likes a good legend. What better way to make bits than tell exciting stories of them? And you can't get more vivid and a feel more authentic than the source content."

"Huh," I replied. "That makes sense. So where do you send off the artifacts once you've recovered them? A museum?" I chuckled.

Daring rolled her eyes. "I told you, I can't tell you."

"But—" Rainbow was hushed by Daring's hoof. I could see it in Rainbow's eyes that she was getting annoyed at me stealing her thunder. By being normal.

"It's a closely guarded secret because of the dangers they pose—" Daring said, looking both Rainbow and I in our eyes. She released her hoof from Rainbow's muzzle and began walking again. "Weren't you listening?"

"And writing's your only side job?" I asked. "Although, I do imagine that your successful series rakes in the cash."

"Nope!" Rainbow exclaimed. "She's also an esteemed archaeologist in Canterlot! As A.K. Yearling, of course."

Daring leaned her head towards me. "There you go."

"Better and better by the minute." I decided then to point out something in jest—and was, prior to this episode, because Daring Do was supposed to be a projection of Rainbow's imagination. "New question—did Rainbow Dash change her manestyle to look like you, or did Daring Do change her manestyle to look like a famous flyer that pulled off an incredible aerial feat in Cloudsdale?"

Somehow, that actually got Daring to halt in her tracks and look at Rainbow, then me. "What?"

"Yeah!" Rainbow said, taking advantage of my bringing up of her accomplishment. "I'm totally famous! The Rainbow Dash of the Sonic Rainboom."

"Well, I did recognize that name," Daring said, but this time, not with a bored expression. "And I did read about you in the papers—"

"OHMIGOSH DARING DO READ ABOUT ME!"

"—but there's really no relation between my mane and hers. Must be a... functionality of simplicity thing."

"Down to the gradients and style," I said. "Copy and paste." I went further for the fun of it. "And eyes, too."

Daring glanced at Rainbow again, this time seemingly a bit wary, probably from the oddity of the scenario. After all, I just told her that they had practically the same eyes.

That's what you get for making this part of Season 2 canon!

"Just coincidence..." Daring said.

"Maybe you're related," I jokingly suggested. 'Jokingly'. Because we all know how well that actually ended up. For the record, I still thought it was entertaining.

"Absolutely not," Daring sternly asserted.

"That would be so cool though!" Rainbow squeaked. "If I was related to Daring Do!"

"Look," Daring said, turning to Rainbow. "If you really want to help, how about you, uh, go ahead on back and get you and your friends to help clean up my place. It'll make it easier to pack for my trip later. I'm still a bit sore from that scuffle earlier."

Rainbow gasped at the opportunity to please her idol. "Right away!" She flew off back in the direction of Daring's house.

"Hey," she said, clearly addressing me. I looked at her. "I... appreciate the help, but you should get going."

I raised a brow. "As much as I trust your ability to take care of yourself, there's nothing wrong with a pony watching your back."

"I said I'll be fine," she told me gruffly.

I rolled my eyes, figuring it wasn't really worth bothering her anymore than she was. "Suit yourself."

I took off in the same direction of Rainbow.

And then my ears caught what may have been faint crashing in the distance.

"Stardust—" My attention snapped to Rainbow, who was apparently waiting to see what would happen to me.

"Shh, shh." I tried to listen closer to the possible sound.

"Did Daring Do say anything else to you?" Rainbow whispered.

I looked at her flatly. "She told me to catch up with you."

"That's it?"

Oh, something was definitely getting closer. "Daring Do!"

I turned in the direction of the booming voice. "Oh, who the fuck is that now?"

There was something big coming through the trees. "The ring!"

"Uh oh." That was trouble. I began making my way back.

I halted in my tracks as this big blue... thing confronted Daring. "Give it to me!"

"Ahuizotl!" I stopped paying attention to the confrontation as I tried to make my way around, making sure I would be better hidden from view. I heard some snark about a ring and a proposal, but unfortunately for me, I missed most of it. Sucks.

What I didn't miss, though, was the sound of big cats growling. I took a peek around a tree.

Daring prepared to put up another fight against Ahuizotl's cats. I pretty much trusted her ability to hold her own—I'd read enough of the books so far to know that. So I stuck to the shadows, like an ace up a sleeve. Just in case something went wrong.

If Daring didn't need the help, then that would be great. And if she found herself in a bind, or lost the ring somehow, then I'd take that as a cue to jump in and lend a hoof.

"Daring Do! I've got your hat! You want me to toss it? Daring Do! Daring Do!"

My attention was caught by Rainbow, who was standing out in the open like an idiot, waving Daring's pith helmet around. I saw Ahuizotl eye her. "Rainbow, you idiot!"

I kicked off and headed straight for Rainbow, knocking her—"Aah!"

I was swung around in the air by—"Oh goddammit!"

Ahuizotl just chuckled sinisterly as he waved me around for Daring to see. And with that break in her defenses, the cats pounced on her and tied her up. Ahuizotl walked over to his tied-up captive, with me still in his tail's grasp.

Wait, the cats tied her—

The ground, at that moment, felt like it was mocking me for being half a second too late tackling Rainbow down.

"Don't worry, Daring Do!" Rainbow yelled after them. "I'll come help you!"

"Don't bother!" Daring yelled back. "I'd say you've already helped plenty!"

Rainbow dropped to her haunches. "What have I done?"

"You stood out in the open and distracted her from the fight," I told her bluntly, brushing myself off. "So, good job."

"You don't need to tell me!"

There was a soft stampede of hooves off to the side, and it was quickly revealed to be Twilight and the others.

"Thank goodness you're alright!" Rarity exclaimed.

Twilight sidled up to Rainbow. "Quick, where does it hurt?

"In here," Rainbow said, pointing at her chest. "Daring Do and the ring have been captured by the dreaded Ahuizotl, and it's all my fault."

The others gasped.

"Dash, I'm sure whatever you did was an honest mistake," Twilight said.

She glanced at me, and I shook my head slightly, indicating 'not really'. Her glance turned into a light glare.

"Whatever," Rainbow said. "Let's just go home."

"We can't go back now!" Applejack said. "Looks a mite like she needs our help more than ever!"

"Trying to help is how I got in this mess in the first place. You were right, Twilight. We should've stayed out of this."

At that moment, I knelt down in front of Rainbow, then literally began shaking some sense into her. "No, Rainbow, you weren't trying to help. You stood there and watched, or talked, instead of acting."

She gave me a guilt-ridden look, and then looked around at her friends. I could see gears grinding in her head.

Twilight sighed. "Look, there's more going on here than meets the eye. In every Daring Do book, there always is! We can't turn our backs on her!"

"There's no excuse to run, Rainbow," I said. Everyone else said similar things in agreement.

"Where's the Rainbow Dash who would help anypony at the drop of a hat?" Pinkie asked.

"Or pith helmet, as the case may be," Rarity noted.

"She's here where she's got no business being." Rainbow continued to try to finally open herself up to the idea that she had blinded herself. "She should be at home."

Twilight went into lecture mode. "It's fine to look up to Daring Do, but you've put her so high up on a pedestal, you can't even see your own worth anymore! She's in the fortress, and we're here, and we wouldn't be who we are if we didn't go in after her! And neither would you! "

"Like I said, Rainbow," I said, crossing my hooves, "enough with the words and pity, just get moving."

"So, are you with us, or not?"

<<+>>

"Dust, this way!"

I let Rainbow take lead, since she'd finally got her self-esteem back to a point where she was well-determined to do the right thing. I figured it would be best if I let her work it out herself, and let her have the spotlight this time. After all, the episode was about Rainbow.

Fortunately, a loud, boasting voice about doom to the region was a pretty clear indicator of where we needed to fly to. We swooped into the chamber where Daring was held, catching her just as she was about to fall into a pit of piranhas.

"Gotcha!" Rainbow motioned towards a hallway to the side to coordinate our movements.

With a bit of effort, we got Daring onto safe ground.

"I was just about to save myself, you know," Daring said, probably unpleased she had to see Rainbow again.

"Of course," Rainbow replied. She took out Daring's hat. "I just thought you might need this."

After all, you can't have the adventurer without the hat.

Daring picked it up. "Have I mentioned yet that I work alone?"

Rainbow just grinned. "Have I mentioned yet that you're lucky I don't?"

Daring sighed, but it was quickly clear she appreciated the help. She ran off towards the ritual chamber, and I let Rainbow take point once again. We reached the chamber, and Twilight and company had already began the process of delaying... whatever Ahuiztol's process was.

"Come with me!" Daring waved us over "Help me get all these rings off!"

"That's a lot of rings, Daring!" I said as we got over to the golden column.

"Then do it quickly before they notice!" she hissed. She put her hooves on the topmost one, and Rainbow and I followed her direction.

Here's a fact—giant rings are heavy. Gold is a pretty dense metal. As rings get bigger, mass increases.

Basically, this took a bit of effort.

"If we can remove the giant ring at the bottom," Daring began explaining, "the whole fortress will collapse!"

"That's insane!" I protested.

*WHACK* *CLANG*

I lost my grip on the ring as something whacked me in the back of the head, hard. The two mares lost their balance, and the ring we were grabbing fell back to the top of the remaining stack. We were just over halfway through the pile.

"Whoops!" Pinkie exclaimed. "That wasn't supposed to happen. Guess my hooves were a little slippery." She waved at me.

I looked at what hit me. It was the ring from earlier. Instinctively, I picked it up.

At that moment, I had the attention of everyone in the room. Including Ahuizotl and his ponies.

"Stop her!" Ahuizotl objected to our actions up on the pedestal. He sicced his ponies after us.

I did the one thing I figured I should do in the face of an evil trying to use a magical ancient artifact. I held up the smaller ring in defiance and said a line of protest. "It belongs in a museum!"

I headbutted the first pony that leapt up at me straight in the gut.

"Keep 'em away!" Daring yelled behind me.

I swung the ring at another's face, the contact making a satisfyingly resounding clang. "On it!"

Ahuizotl lunged at me. In the same instant, I realized that since this ring needed to go on top, and Daring and Rainbow had basically removed most of the stack, that meant I just had a fancy, dense, insignificant metal object in my hooves.

I tossed up the ring and bucked it as hard as I could. My coordination in my pegasus body needed some live fire testing, after all.

You know what? That resounding clang was even more satisfying.

"Ponies! Run! This place is goin' down!" Rainbow exclaimed.

That was a pretty clear signal to leave, so I took my leave through the skylight in the ceiling.

The temple began collapsing behind us.

<<+>>

We flew a good distance away to clear ourselves from any danger; on the way, Rainbow and Daring dropped the last ring they were carrying. It shattered, ensuring no further danger would come of it.

I watched as Rainbow spoke with Daring, letting her have her moment. Daring actually looked happy now. They ended with a hug, and I heard something about finishing a book.

With that, Daring left Dash's side.

And flew over to me.

"Hey, Stardust, thanks for your help," Daring said.

I shrugged. "Yeah, well, we wouldn't even be here if it weren't for Dash," I said.

"That's fine," she replied. "She did good. No harm done."

"I didn't mean that in a bad way, by the way," I clarified. "It was her idea to find you in the first place."

Daring nodded. "Well, I didn't think I'd need any help," Daring said. "But turns out I did," she admitted.

"Rainbow's okay. Just a bit... overzealous. And stubborn," I pointed out. "Headstrong and stubborn. You sure you two aren't related? Rainbow never mentioned anything about her mom."

Daring rolled her eyes. "We're not related," she replied flatly. Though, it was clear that she understood it was a lighthearted jest.

"I dunno, Harrison Ford played some characters good at assertively denying... I'm just going to leave the benefit of the doubt."

"No idea who you're talking about, but you can think what you want, it's not true."

I chuckled. "Sure thing, Indy."

"Why do you keep calling me these random names?" Daring waved it off. "Anyways, uh... you keep an eye on her, alright?" she grinned. "Troublemaker. And you... you keep your skills sharp, Stardust..." she pointed at me, and trailed off. She tilted her head.

"Hm?"

Daring waved her hoof back and forth. "I like to keep important details straight," she noted. "Helps me make my stories more authentic, even if I end up twisting around a lot of details. You know, help me stay appreciative of the truth. Just 'Stardust'?"

I understood what she, and the story plot, was getting at. Characterization had to move forward, after all. So, naturally, I couldn't, and shouldn't, pass up the opportunity to admit to the truth.

"Stardust Rapture."

<<+>>

"You know, Stardust," Twilight said, "for all the help you were during the whole debacle, you still always seem to be off on your lonesome at most other times."

I looked up from the Daring Do book I was reading; it had not even been a week since the events that transpired in text above. “I learned to be self-reliant. I worked better that way. Unless you really know that they’re a completely trustworthy companion, I found that it was better to learn how to work alone. Others won’t always be able to be there for you.” I paused. “Now I’m wondering if this was already a friendship lesson or something of the sort...”

“Friendship lesson?" Twilight put a hoof to her chin. "I could always take a look through my records... wait, how did you know about them?”

“Uh.”

Suddenly, Pinkie burst through the window. "You know, that was almost the actual lesson of this episode!"

"Pinkie, wha—" Twilight stopped herself, then focused on what Pinkie actually said. "What are you talking about?"

"Wait, really?" I replied.

"Well, almost!" Pinkie replied. "Except Rainbow taught Daring Do to trust others! But for you, you're just really skeptical about others' reliability!"

"Yeah, there's a difference there," I noted.

"But is there really?" Twilight asked, seemingly accepting the odd scene that brought up this topic. "Daring Do said she worked alone for various reasons, some of which almost alluded to her considering others as liabilities to her mission. And that it was dangerous work."

I stared forward, processing Twilight's logic. Or, my logic, rather. "Actually, you may be right. Competency matters a lot, Twilight. When messing up means really bad things are going to happen, you want to minimize liabilities—luck shouldn't be part of the equation. I'd say Daring was in the right for her to ask to work alone."

Twilight rocked her head around. "So maybe there isn't a difference after all."

"It's all situational."

"You could say that for a lot of things."

"A better lesson might be 'trust others when you're desperate'."

"That's a single situation though. If you're not desperate, then you need to consider if the offered help will actually be helpful."

"Exactly. It's all situational."

There was a knock at the door.

"I'll get it!" Pinkie jumped up at the opportunity.

"Package from A.K. Yearling," the mailpony announced.

Pinkie took it, and Twilight and I stood up to receive it. We opened the package, and it turns out, there were two books.

"One of 'em's probably for me," I said, "and... one for you?"

"Wow!" Twilight exclaimed. "I wonder why though?"

I shrugged. "Let's find out." I opened the book. "'To Twilight Sparkle, on the request of a mutual special somepony. We see our legacy of keeping dangers to Equestria at bay are in good hooves.' Oh, well I guess this one's yours."

"Stardust Rapture is your full name?" Twilight asked, closing the cover of the book in her telekinesis.

"Pretty cool, isn't it?" Pinkie said.

Twilight raised a brow. "You knew?"

"Nope! Sorta!"

Twilight looked at me, and I shrugged in response. I held the book out for her to take, and we swapped.

"Wonder who requested it?" I wondered out loud.

"Well," Twilight began, "I would've thought Rainbow, but 'legacy in good hooves'? She was clearly talking about that mutual somepony. So not Rainbow, but I must know who it is."

"What a mystery!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"Sure is," I said. Then again, I do remember this detail in an idea planning, so I knew who it was. Should probably keep that a secret though. Mortals working for the Royal Canterlot Archives presumably kept that detail of their lives hidden.

I looked at the book in my hooves and realized something. "Great. I probably shouldn't read this until I finish the rest of the series."

"Oh, you'll catch up soon enough, Stardust," Twilight said. "You're as much as a bookworm as I am."

"Am not. I have a taste for art and words, but not to your extent. Good stories, though, that's a sweet tooth."

I do love myself a fun story. But that was probably evident already.

Author's Note

See?! Lots of fun! Sooo much fun, it was actually pretty long! But maybe that was because of transcript copying...<

... You couldn't even let either of us talk first, Pinkie?

I'm super hyped! The A/N box is sooo much fun! And isn't it neat that you came up with your 'self-reliant' lines just before writing this chapter?<

So, regarding Daring Do, is that story idea still on the line?

Ooh. Fun.

Daring Do is pretty cool, isn't she? And while you need to catch up on her books, Grey needs to catch up on a few show-related fics before Season 6!<

<... Yeah, I probably should.>

But prooogresssss. What's the next episode?

... Oh.

Liiiiteeerraaallly.<

Well, on the bright side, it's probably not going to be a huge portion of the chapter. I guess I'll use the time to get into some real estate. I need to find somewhere cheaper than the inn to stay.

Jump to top

[X] What's This?

Another Displaced Human Dilemma
By: A Grey Pegasus

What's This?

Page flip.

"What the hell am I reading?"

Page flip.

Chunk of pages flip.

"Hey Stardust, what are you reading?"

I looked up at Twilight. "I have no idea." I closed the book to show its cover to her. "It was asking to be read, though."

Twilight's expression perked up. "Oh. That one. I haven't read that one in a few years. Yeah, it's... an interesting one."

"Yeah, I'll say. You here for anything right now?"

"I am in fact here to exist."

Wait, what?

"Horse words!"

Um. I am sensing something is going strange here.

"Whoa!" I yelped as suddenly, I was lost in a white void, losing my grip on the book I was reading in the process. Although, it seemed that the book had faded into the aether as well.

"Please tell me what the hell is happening," I said. "I didn't screw anything up, did I? This is totally not an episode."

I looked around. Infinite white void. Alone.

Like that Spongebob future episode with Squidward. What a classic.

Oh yeah, and now I really get how unsettling it is.

"Hello?!"

A... panel of white opened like a door.

And then Pinkie walked in. What a relief, seriously.

"You're in the no-zone, Dusty!"

"I'm in the what?" I asked.

Pinkie walked towards me and shut the pseudo-door behind her, leaving us in a seamless void once again.

"The no-zone!" Pinkie repeated. "I don't know how to describe it either!"

"That... that's great."

"Or maybe it's like a physical manifestation of the A/N box!"

"Wait, really?" I looked around as if I could find something. "I guess you could call that physical... Where's me?"

"Oh, he's still typing," Pinkie answered. She turned around and opened a door-panel-thing out. "Today's a special day! See ya later!"

Then Pinkie left and shut it beside her.

"... But I don't even know what the hell is going on." I leapt up off of my hooves and started flying forward. I think. "I sure hope I find out."

It was maybe a minute of silence and absolutely nothing happening before I stopped and instead just sat down. "Can anyone tell me, what the hell is going on?!"

I pursed my lips at the answer, just processing the words. Reality, as in true reality, started flowing back into my consciousness. "So... why all this?"

"Stretching out... right. Because you just slept for five hours. So... you are going to actually write stuff later, right? This is a cop-out."

"... Well that sucks.>

"Oh yeah. That explains why you still haven't gotten to the next chapter. Despite S6E3 being tomorrow."

"You actually made me read Read This though?"

"I guess so. Much better than the Don't Click trash."

<Wonder if I can write a pseudo-sequel today and get it to work..."

I shrugged. "Wouldn't be the worst idea. You've already wasted time here. A no-zone for a nothing-thing." I stood up and began aimlessly wandering around. "Could you just get to work on something? I really want new stuff to start happening in my world."

"That never stopped any other story." I paused. "Wait, so what'll happen with all of this?"

"It's not like the A/N box is a physically tangible thing when it occurs anyways. It just 'is'. So are you done with your April Fool's thing yet?"

"Low. Effort."

Author's Note

"That has almost zero bounds itself, due to being a near-meta story. Right. No, seriously, go do something else right now. Work on a fic. Work on a paper. Use that weird dream you had about ponies while taking a nap. Just end this thing."

"But aren't they all?"

"There's really, really got to be something else you can do other than dragging this out." I'd just noticed that the plane of existence had dimmed.

I slapped myself in the face. Ow. Hooves are firm.

Then I figured out what to do. I stood up and opened up a panel-door thing out. "Yeah. Okay. I'm leaving."

<Wait, you can—?—oh come on!"

"Leaving."

I stuck my head back in. "This would make a neat illustration, by the way." I turned around again.

"Back to the narrative."

<... I regret nothing.>

Jump to top

[8] [S4E06]-Power Ponies

Another Displaced Human Dilemma
By: Said Grey Pegasus

< 8 >

Power Ponies Plus Pegasus's Proddings

Page flip.

"Oh wow, this is gonna be fun!"

I looked towards the little dragon immersed in his brief moment of excitement. "You done with your preview yet?"

Spike closed the cover on the Power Ponies comic book. "I don't want to be!"

"That ain't how teasers work, buddy," I said as he walked past me to the register.

It was neat, being in a comic shop. I could geek out and nerd out at stuff, just like home. The difference being, I wasn't discreetly geeking out over Friendship is Magic stuff.

For obvious reasons.

Spike invited me to come with him here, since he said he needed to pick up some reading material for when Twilight was off doing her own things. I suspect that this was usually during Twilight's light reading before bed.

For a relative definition of 'light', of course. Which I completely understood.

Or being on the internet.

"You picking out anything, Stardust?" Spike asked from over near the front counter.

"Uh..." Well, it was hard to choose. I wanted to be familiar with my choices, after all.

"Come on, you can just go pick at random if you want," Spike said. "It's part of the fun! I'll tell you if you made a good choice or not."

"Well..." If he insisted.

I'd base a good choice off of artwork. And maybe a cool title. "The Gunmetal Gry—"

Aaaa-aaann... and... suddenly I... uh... lost the will to pick out something. "Maybe next time."

"You sure?" Spike asked.

"Yeah, I'm sure."

I have no idea what's going on yet at the same time completely understand. Also, my hooves are now leading me away from the shelves.

<<+>>

"Why am I here again?"

"Because now I can second guess myself and then get an actual differing opinion from a highly similar point of view."

Twilight had basically dragged me along to her and her friends' restoration venture in the palace in the Everfree. Now, I wouldn't really consider myself an interior designer, though I'm quite confident in my artistic abilities. Not that Twilight was aware of such abilities. I think.

I looked at Twilight with a bored expression. "Seriously? That sounds like an excuse."

Twilight took a momentary pause from watching their castle restoration effort to look at me with a raised brow. "What are you talking about?"

"Honestly, I'm..." I paused. "I'm not exactly sure." I mumbled under my breath, "If I'm talking to you even."

Yeah, what is wrong with you this chapter?

"Isn't there anything I can help you with, Twilight?" Spike asked.

Are you going insane right now?

"Alright, Stardust, if you really don't think you can add any input, maybe you should just go with Spike," Twilight said.

"It's not like I asked to be here," I told her.

"Well I thought that maybe I could get more looks into your personality here, but apparently not."

I gave her an odd look. "Honestly, I don't think any proper justification by you would have gotten me here."

I turned away and headed over to where Spike was going. Twilight never said anything back. Either she didn't hear what I said, wasn't listening, or just ignored it.

I really want to shake this feeling that something is off, but I just... can't.

You are not okay. Wait... a lot of things are not okay.

Heavily breaking the fourth wall—that is definitely not okay.

But you never even fully figured it out the first time! Now you're just rambling because it's so easy to do. Stop making me ramble, dammit!

"I know I saw a magnifying glass laying around the last time I was here..."

That was Spike. I continued walking in the direction of his voice.

"Spike! Where are ya, Spike?" That was Applejack.

"We're breaking for tea and biscuits!" That was Rarity.

I found Spike looking at his comic book intently with a magnifying glass.

"Yo, Spike," I said. "What're you up to? The others are calling for you."

"Not now, Stardust, I'm trying to read this thing... 'Take a closer look to join the adventure in this book'? What does that even mean?"

It was at that moment that there was a bright light coming from Spike's direction.

Twilight, leading the others, entered the room. "Spike! What are you—"

Well, all hell started breaking loose once Spike was apparently being abducted by the comic book. Twilight tried to grab on... then Rainbow... then AJ... and Rarity and Fluttershy too—

"Dusty!"

I yelped as Pinkie yanked me along by her hoof.

"This is gonna be so much fun!" Pinkie exclaimed, heading towards the magic comic book.

"Pinkie!" I tried to protest.

She leapt into the book with me in tow. "Weehee!"

<<+>>

We find our heroes on a dark city rooftop...

And... I... what?

Oh. Oh. Okay. Let's roll. *Ahem*.

We find our heroes on a dark city rooftop...

"Is this... Maretropolis?" Spike said. Clad in the classic comic crime-fighter's garments, the dragon stood up to confirm his suspicions.

He was met with the cityscape of Maretropolis, right before his very eyes. And with a lot more depth than a 2D printed image.

"Somepony wanna tell me what the hay is goin' on?" Applejack asked out loud.

Turning to the voice, Spike found the line-up of the story's heroes. "Holy new personas, ponies! You're the... Masked Matter-Horn! Fili-Second! Zapp! R-Radiance! Mistress Mare-velous! Saddle Rager! You're the... Po—"

POWER PONIES!

DUN. DUN. DA-DA-DA-DAAA-DA!

Twilight perked up, though probably not because I tried to hum a theme tune that may have been familiar to her from a past voice life. Her head swiveled left in right in search for one seemingly missing pony. "Where's Stardust?"

I'm right here!

"Wh—what?!"

I get to be the narrator! Neat! Hohohoho... I get to be the grey pegasus in charge for once.

"Cool!" Pinkie exclaimed. "Hiya, Yellow Box!"

This is really weird.

"Can't you do anything to help us out, Stardust?" Twilight pleaded.

Nope. Only narrate. But hey—welcome to my head as it normally is!

"You might be certifiably insane, if it's really like this," Rarity said.

I probably am. Now go! Spike's actually the one supposed to be giving exposition and pointers to you.

Before anyone could raise anymore questions, there was an explosion. The group ran over to the edge of the building to see the commotion.

From the smokey museum facade came a figure combined from generic comic villain traits, Doctor Octopus, and fetish hentai. "Power Ponies!" Mane-iac boomed, before inserting the obligatory evil cackle. "How kind of you to join us!"

The Mane 6 took a moment to digest it.

"Y'know, Stardust," Applejack said, "it'd be a lot easier if you just didn't make so many comments. Now why the hay did she call us Power Ponies?"

Spike came to the obvious realization... which he probably should have already from naming them earlier. "You're the... the superheroes from my comic book! It somehow zapped us all in here!"

"So somepony zap us back out!" Rainbow said.

"My comic book!" Spike remembered. "It said the way to get back to where we started was to defeat the Mane-iac! Your arch-nemesis!"

"Time for the mane event!" the voice from below boomed. Having already thrown a pretzel stand at the Power Ponies, Mane-iac ripped a mailbox from the street to use as a second projectile.

It flew through the air, finding the end of its trajectory where Pinkie was standing.

*SMASH*

However, the pink pony was gone... in a flash.

"Pinkie!" Rainbow yelled. "Where'd she go?!"

"Wheeeeeeee!" Pinkie exclaimed, far away from the others.

Spike explained. "She could be miles away from here by now! Pinkie is Fili-Second, the fastest pony in all of Maretropolis!"

Meanwhile with Pinkie...

"My name is Pinkie Pie, and I am the fastest mare alive!"

Geez, why couldn't you be Deadpool or Spiderman instead...

"But Speed Force yaaay!"

NO, Pinkie. Just... don't.

"Mmm... the comic plot doesn't get resolved that way though!"

Of all the possible comic characters with reality-altering powers...

Back on the rooftop...

We return to a brief scene with Applejack tied up to a lamp post by her own failure.

"This rope ain't right!" Applejack protested to me.

"Twilight!" Spike called. "Freeze her mane!"

"Do what?!" Twilight questioned.

"You're the Masked Matter-Horn! You can shoot all kinds of crazy power beams from your horn!"

However, the alicorn was not yet accustomed to her powered-down, less over-powered, not-really-alicorn-like state, and was unable to conjure up anything useful.

"STARDUST!"

Mane-iac continued to watch and cackle in amusement. "You know, I'm beginning to enjoy this."

"Help?!"

The plot says no!

"Plot?! To hell with—" The building side had yet another chunk of it blown into debris.

Spike moved on to the next hero in the group. "Dash! Quick! You're Zapp, and your superpower is controlling the mighty forces of nature! Unholster the lightning bolt!"

Rainbow took a moment to process it, before giving it a shot. Her little prop was a lot less impressive than Mjolnir, but it was still her weather-controlling device. However, all she succeeded in doing was creating a tornado.

I think Spike wanted you to make lightning, Dash, not be like Lightning Dust and make a tornado.

"Dust, shut up!" Rainbow yelled.

Pinkie came back at just the right moment to get caught up in the poorly summoned whirlwind. Down below, Mane-iac was laughing her ass off. I suppose she's entitle to it—the whole inter-hero conflict plot really should be farther down the line with better established characters. And maybe a decent moral argument. Because just having character powers clash against each other is boring, right?

"Fluttershy!" Spike yelled desperately. "You're Saddle Rager! Lose your temper, and you'll turn into a huge, super-strong monster!"

"Oh, gosh!" Fluttershy replied. "That wouldn't... be very... polite!"

But aren't you always angry, Fluttershy?

"No?!"

Spike was really grasping at straws here. "Ugh! Rarity! Use your jewelry to create attack constructs!"

"What's an attack construct?!" Rarity asked.

"Just think of something, anything, and your bracelet makes it appear!"

Imagination powers! Your animated costume compels you, Rarity Reynolds!

Unfortunately, Rarity had either poor imagination or priorities, because all she conjured up was a china set.

"I do not have poor imagination!" Rarity protested. "And what do you mean, 'animated costume'?"

Ah, she's right. They're all animated!

You really got to get back into the present. Anyways, physics decided to give Spike a break, and launched him out of the tornado, right next to—

"The Electro-Orb!" Spike grabbed ahold of it, then attempted to sneak away.

Then he tripped on his cape.

The Electro-Orb was snatched up by Mane-iac. "Why, thank you, Hum Drum!" She disappeared in a fit of evil laughter.

"I'm Hum Drum...?!" Spike exclaimed in horror. Oh no..."

*CRASH*

Sounds of destruction notified Spike of more immediate issues than his self-esteem. He jumped into action, reaching out to the only pony not stuck in the tornado.

"Applejack! You gotta... help stop the... tornado from destroying.. the city!"

"But every time I move, this darn lasso gets tighter!" Applejack said, still tied to the lamp post. Kinky stuff, AJ.

"By Celestia, I wish you were actually down here with us, Stardust..." Applejack grumbled.

"You're psychically connected to it!" Spike explained to our Wonder Woman expy. "Will it to where you want it to go, and it'll obey you!"

The most straight-headed pony of the group was able to actually accomplish her intended action, lassoing the tornado down. Upon doing so, the rest of the group were able to recover and regroup.

"Lemme get this straight," Applejack started, "We've been sucked into some kind of comic-book world?"

"Technically, it's called Maretropolis," Spike explained. And if we wanna get back to Ponyville, I think we have to stop the Mane-iac from using her doomsday device to destroy it!"

"No biggie," Rainbow said. "I was already awesome—"

You did copy Lightning Dust well, down to the uncontrolled tornado sweeping up your friends.

Rainbow glared at an arbitrary direction. "... And now we've all got superpowers!"

"Almost all of us have superpowers..." Spike lamented.

"But you must have them too, Spikey-boo," Rarity said. "Your character is wearing a cape!"

Hey, did you just assume his character's role? Assumptions!

"Stardust..."

"No, Stardust is right..." Spike said. "Hum Drum's pretty much useless..."

Twilight looked at the situation more literally, finding a bright side. "Good thing you're not really Hum Drum, then."

Exactly! Spike, you can be more useful than the character you're cosplaying as! Ain't that a fun one.

Rainbow, scanning the cityscape, was already ready to jump back into action. "So the six of us Power Ponies will take care of Mane-iac, and get us back to Ponyville!"

"Spike, where is the Mane-iac building her doomsday device?" Twilight asked.

"Her top-secret headquarters!" Spike answered. "But you'd better get there quick. That glowing orb she just stole is what she's going to use to power it up!"

"Lead the way, Spike!" Applejack said.

"Then leave the rest to us!"

Classic Rainbow.

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

Transition go!

"Wha—"

<<+>>

Outside of Mane-iac's totally nondescript headquarters...

A neon sign depicting a shampoo business flickered in the night.

"There it is!" Spike exclaimed.

"Is that a... shampoo factory?" Applejack noted observationally.

Twilight started strategizing. "All right, Power Ponies, here's the plan. Rarity, you, me and—"

"Come on out, Mane-iac!" Rainbow taunted as she sprung into action. "Or the Power Ponies are comin' in!"

Leeroy Jenkins went ahead and charged in, actually casting 'lightning' this time, hitting the neon sign. The sign was now reduced to a burnt and twisted wall ornament.

Twilight rolled her eyes. "So much for element of surprise."

"Guess I'll just hang back here doing nothing..." Spike lamented.

"Oh, I don't think she's home," Fluttershy said, hoping. "Maybe we should just come back later..."

She was answered with Mane-iac's undeniable laugh of evil.

"She's home," Rarity noted flatly.

The garage door opened, revealing the welcoming party of a bunch of warm-up mooks.

"Time to Power Pony up!" Applejack exclaimed.

Super Sentai stance!

"Ooh! Nice catchphrase!" Pinkie said, regarding Applejack's rally.

I'm not really sure that really makes things that much more interesting though. And you're still breaking the rules you set.

You're lucky it's the one chapter where we both get to go nuts.

"Freeze ray!"

Comic narrator role go!

*ZAP*

Matter-Horn fired a beam of ice powers... or what should've been. Instead, the henchpony was pelted by some irritating snow.

"It's an improvement, darling," Rarity commented from beside Twilight.

Hm... Right. Got it!

Meanwhile, Mistress Mare-velous was dealing with her own problem—with noted ease. She threw two hoofrangs at the charging pony-

*ZING* *THACK* *THUD*

—catching his legs, causing him to trip.

Fili-Second was also quickly dealing with food things on her end. Eating, smacking some hapless henchpony's face—

*ZOOM*

—all in a few seconds' work.

Radiance was handling henchponies with ease, putting her conjuring powers to quick work.

*BANG*

Above her, another mook put the destroyed neon sign from earlier to some last use, bucking it off of its mounts in an attempt to crush Radiance. At the cost of one of his own guys, but that's how they roll apparently.

Radiance was quick with her wits though, and formed an umbrella attack (defense?) construct to protect from the steel rain. The sign rebounded upwards—

*CRASH*

—finding its final resting place as scattered debris.

"Ooh, I do so love a functional accessory!" Rarity remarked, admiring her bracelets of power.

Elsewhere in the brawl, Fluttershy was being a pacifist. She wouldn't even do anything against the pony rushing her.

*ZAP* "My hair!"

But at least Zapp was getting some good target practice with the lightning strikes. The singed henchpony was stunned by his ruined hairdo.

"Seriously?" Rainbow said to Fluttershy, bewildered. "You aren't even just a little angry right now?"

Come on, Flutters. I believe you're just always angry inside.

Fluttershy shrank away at that comment.

"Nice work, Power Ponies!" Twilight said confidently. "Now let's take care of the Mane-iac and get ourselves home!"

As if summoned, the supervillain appeared.

"I don't think so!" Mane-iac said. "I have a city to destroy, and I'm not about to let the Power Ponies stop me! Not this time!"

"Just watch us!" Rainbow said.

Mane-iac pulled out a giant weapon.

"The Hairspray of Doom!" Spike identified. "It stops you in your tracks and renders your powers useless!"

You're gonna want to speak up there, Hum Drum. Our heroes are unaware of this!

Zapp, however, helpfully demonstrated its effects to the others anyways, with her charge being met by a spray of the dangerous gas.

*HISS* *CLINK*

She fell to the ground, incapacitated.

"We'll just see about that!" Radiance declared defiantly.

However... our heroes... chose poorly, and tried to attack in the same frontal-attack manner.

*HISS*

The Power Ponies were quickly subdued, and Mane-iac released a well-deserved evil laugh.

Two (one?) of the Power Ponies remained, hidden in and behind a mailbox.

"Fluttershy, please!" Spike pleaded. "Just a little anger?!"

"Well, I'm not so much angry as I am concerned, bordering on terrified!" Fluttershy replied.

Mane-iac appeared behind them, bringing the count to... well, just Hum Drum.

"Stardust, do you really have to rub it in?..." Spike mumbled. However, his attention proper was grabbed by Mane-iac looking at him face-to-face, grinning the grin of a victor.

"Don't spray!" Spike winced in anticipation.

"Oh, Hum Drum, why in all of Maretropolis would I use the Hairspray Ray of Doom on you?" Mane-iac mocked. "Rather pointless, don't you think?

With that, Mane-iac dragged off the six immobilized Power Ponies, leaving Hum Drum to reflect on his failure.

"Stardust..."

*CLANG*

Spike looked down at the bucket he had just stepped in, mirroring the situation at the start. A symbol of his uselessness.

Oh, and to answer your question, Spike, yes, I do.

<<+>>

A short while later, in the vents in Mane-iac's headquarters...

"What am I supposed to do? I'm useless," Spike thought out loud. "No wonder my friends never need me to do anything important. They're the ones with superpowers. They've probably already figured out how to escape."

Geez, Spike. I wasn't that serious earlier. Have some pride in yourself.

"I'd feel a lot better if—"

*CLANG*

Yeah, that one's on you...

Clumsily, the dragon fell out of the air vent passageway, and onto a suspended walkway. Before he could retort, he saw his friends still trapped in a cage.

"They're still in trouble!"

Down in the cage, the mares were still doing their best to accomplish something.

Twilight felt some movement return. However, this was already known by the villains, who had a timer set to ring when the effects were known to start wearing off.

The giant hairspray sprayed their cage, fully re-freezing them.

"Congratulations, Power Ponies!" Mane-iac laughed. "You shall live just long enough to see me fire... the instrument of your destruction!"

<Behold!>

The Hair-Dryer-Inator-Some-Number!

Spike tried to correct from off-screen (off-panel?). "Actually, Stardust, it's called—"

He was interrupted by another cackle. "Once the Electro-Orb has powered it up completely, this cannon will amplify the power of my mane one million times, expelling an energy blast that will cause everypony in Maretropolis's mane to grow wild!"

Shush.

"You will be my weapon's first victims, and there is nopony who can save you from this fate!" The crazed villain laughed again.

"Ahem," Fluttershy spoke up. "I don't mean to interrupt, but aren't you forgetting about somebody?"

"Hum Drum? Little guy? No superpowers whatsoever?" Mane-iac laughed at the absurdity of the thought. "He's utterly useless!"

The timer rang again, signaling the hairspray interval.

"Puh-lease. Everypony knows you just keep him around because you feel sowwy for him. Wah. Wah."

That's heavy.

"You get how I feel yet?" Spike commented.

"Maybe in your world," Twilight objected. "But in our world, Spike—uh, Hum Drum always comes through when we need him! Always!"

Yeah, that's the spirit, Twilight! Break that fourth wall!

Twilight seemed to have picked up the narration this time. "Well..."

"Stardust, if you were down here, I bet you'd be able to talk that loony Mane-iac to death," Applejack said.

I wish I was so I could try. Alas, I'm stuck as a disembodied voice.

Rarity rolled her eyes. "Shame..."

Back at the walkway, the rousing speech was what Spike needed to realize he was a main character after all.

"I'm not like Hum Drum!" Spike exclaimed quietly. "When my friends really need me, I do come through! And they need me now!"

With renewed resolve, Spike set out to enact a working rescue plan.

"I see dementia must be a side-effect of prolonged exposure to the Hairspray Ray of Doom." Mane-iac laughed.

She turned to give her big villain speech. "Tonight, we stand upon the brink of immortality, for we collectively—though, mostly me—have finally defeated our most hated nemeses! We have hurled the brush of badness into the now fearful face of goodness, and have struck a blow for freedom in the name of oppression! And nothing will stop us!"

<... Cool.>

In the background, Spike was setting up a trap with... various implements he found?

"No time to talk, Stardust," Spike said. "I've got friends to save."

He pushed off this giant crate off a raised walkway. It was connected to a chain, which was connected to a large tarp, which quickly tightened to ensnare a good chunk of Mane-iac's forces.

Go!

*RINGRINGRING*

Spike swung from a chain like a badass—

*THWACK*

—punting the hairspray operator from his position, knocking over the giant hairspray in the process.

"Way to go, Spike!" Twilight cheered.

Within a few more seconds, the mares were free and their powers were back. Radiance cut them out of the cage with a conjured file.

"Get mad!" Rainbow encouraged Fluttershy.

"I'm trying!" Fluttershy said, straining. "And no, Stardust, I'm not angry inside!"

Fili-Second distracted the other henchponies with her incredible speed, causing Mane-iac frustration.

"Over there!" Mane-iac yelled. "There! There!" She clutched her head in bewilderment. "Idiots!"

*ZAP*

Three henchponies were quickly dealt with as the floor beneath them was turned into ice by Matter-Horn.

"Stardust?" Twilight said.

What?

"Now that I think of it, you're missing out on some great fun."

Maybe, but spectating and commenting is pretty fun too.

"Still, pretending to be superheroes? I didn't expect to be transported into some fictional realm to be something I'm not, but I'll give it credit for how fun it turned out to be!"

Yeah, well, I know that feeling much more than you'd expect...

"Huh?"

Dammit, Twi, now you made me miss out on some narration!

*SCREAMS* More screams. *WILHELM SCREAM*

I wonder what Spike's up to.

"Looking for Fluttershy!" Spike responded. He quickly found said pony trying to make a quiet exit. "Fluttershy, where are you going?"

Fluttershy smiled meekly. "You seem to have everything under control."

"Fluttershy, we need you!" Spike pleaded. "You have to power up!"

Yeah, Fluttershy! Do it!

She can't hear you...

"Who can't hear me?" Fluttershy asked. She shook her head, turning her attention back to Spike. "I'm sorry, it's just that nothing is making me mad."

*SMACK*

Mana-iac's firefly bitch slap seemed to have been amplified to a boom, as Fluttershy saw the injured firefly land next to her.

"Oh, goodness!" Fluttershy exclaimed. "Are you okay?"

Ah, I think the firefly will be fine. After all, it just saved your life.

Fluttershy glared at Mane-iac, doer of evil, including the great evil of smacking a firefly that was ruining her aim.

Hey Flutters, you angry yet?

"YES," she flatly answered with a deepening voice.

Hulk up! Hulk up! Hulk—

*ROAR*

Yeah!

"Yeah!" Spike agreed.

The reactions of the other mares seemed to indicate the same.

The giant dryer laser fired—

*BZOOO*

—and did absolutely nothing except reflect back at her.

*SMASH* *SMASHSMASH*

After a few moments more of destroying the machine, Saddle Rager noticed the now-calm factory floor. It was clear that the Power Ponies had accomplished their mission.

"My mane!" Everyone looked over at the Mane-iac, who had clearly now lost her mind in defeat. And taking the full force of her weapon's laser. Tied up by her own mane, all she could do now was lose her mind further in her laughs of insanity. "My maaaaaane!"

The team looked proudly at their work. Spike began summing it up. "Once again, the day is saved by—"

THE POWER P—

<<+>>

The first thing I heard were the screams of the group.

Then I felt the impact of the floor. Or one of their bodies.

"Oof." I stood up and shook my limbs around. "Huh."

"Awesome!" Rainbow jumped.

"Whoo-ee!" Applejack agreed.

Everyone was clearly excited. I was too—it was like walking out of a fun movie.

"Did you see how I was raining down a storm of justice at the end there?!" Rainbow said.

"You catch how I was wieldin' that lasso?" Applejack added.

Then Pinkie offered a platter. "Cupcakes?

"How did you—" Rarity started.

"Eh, we had a good half second before we got sucked back out of the comic, and the Maretropolis bakery was only sixty-five blocks away!" Pinkie explained.

Well, I'm still stuck in a magic cartoon. So you know what? Cupcakes it is. I started grabbing for one.

Applejack slapped my hoof away, smirk on her face. "Hey there, fast-talker, you didn't do anythin' except narrate and make snide comments. How about lettin' the actual ponies that did work get their rewards first?"

Rarity added in. "And if our experience was, as you mentioned at the start, how your normal mental state is, I think you should get yourself checked, Stardust."

"I'm perfectly fine..." I said.

"I agree!" Pinkie added.

"I'm just glad to be back," Spike said.

"We wouldn't have made it without you, Spike," Twilight said. And I hope you realize that just because we don't always need your help, it doesn't mean that we don't think you're helpful."

"And that you don't have to have superpowers to be a super friend."

Everyone agreed with that sentiment.

"But I do have one question," Twilight continued. "Where exactly did you get that comic book?"

"This one I got in Canterlot at the House of Enchanted Comics," Spike answered. "Well, I didn't know it meant they were literally enchanted!"

"If you think about it, that kind of thing was a bit dangerous..." I noted.

"Ah, you're just jealous you missed out," Rainbow teased.

"They probably have some failsafes built into it just in case?" Twilight suggested.

Despite everyone else's incredulity, Spike still tried to justify himself. "I thought it just meant, like, the comics they sold there had really enchanting storylines! Hey, wait up! I'm an important part of this team, remember?!"

And with that, I felt the show cameras stop rolling.

<<+>>

"Lucky! Luckyyyy!"

I entered Lucky's house, which at this point was also going to be home for me for the foreseeable future.

"Stardust!" The voice came from upstairs, and shortly after, hoofsteps were coming down the stairs. The gray earth pony came into view.

"I wasn't interrupting anything, was I?" I asked my landlord-slash-housemate. I mean, I didn't think I was interrupting anything, since he looked perfectly relaxed.

"Nah, just a light nap," Lucky replied. "What about you?"

"Is Roseluck here?" I asked, already starting to walk past Lucky.

"Uh, yeah. Why?"

"I'm going to bed," I said, feeling my mind start to drag.

"Long day?"

"Feels longer than it should've. Just want to get my head down and into some quiet."

I didn't hear Lucky say anything until I was halfway up the stairs. It sounded more like a comment to himself rather than talking to me. "Well, an hour earlier and you would've had problems..."

If I could see his face, he was probably saying that with a plain, blank expression. But I could be wrong. Maybe he was smugly grinning about that past hour instead.

Author's Note

Well.

GREEEY! SEASON 7 STARTS, LIKE, TOMORROW!<

No amount of writing can stop my determination! Besides, this is important!<

Which seems to have been resolved enough?

You better stick to it this time, mister! You've got three seasons left to write this time!<

If I'm being honest, I'm not really sure how this is going to turn out.

Let's see it.

Sigh. Third time's the charm...

Jump to top

[9] [S4E07]-Bats!

Another Displaced Human Dilemma
By: A Great Pegasus

< 9 >

Bat!

Page flip.

A gasp. "Oh my, Hinny of the Hills opens next week!"

It was a nice and simple morning in Lucky Clover's household. Around a table sat the homeowner, his marefriend, and a tenant. Between us three ponies was breakfast and light conversation.

I looked up at Roseluck, who was reading through a newspaper. "What's Hinny of the Hills?"

She looked up from her newspaper with a smile. "Only one of the most anticipated Bridleway musicals for months!"

Oh. A Broadway musical. Guess more of Manhattan found itself here. "Do you have plans to go?"

Roseluck's expression turned disappointed. "I wish. The show's been sold out for months." She turned to Lucky, leaning in and almost pouting. "Maybe you could manage to get some tickets?"

Lucky stared for a moment, before giving Roseluck a defeated look. "Oh, fine... You know I don't really like using—abusing—my luck like that..." Then he softly smiled, nuzzling Roseluck's muzzle. "Only for you..."

"You can do that?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "Get tickets to a sold-out show this big?"

Lucky looked unhappy at the thought. "I can 'do' it, yeah. It's not exactly 'doing' though as much as 'getting lucky about it'. Trust me, to be as lucky as I am can get annoying at times. 'Luck' isn't a talent, it's just... a thing that is. And it being what my cutie mark denotes, it's a thing that's a part of me."

My expression turned pensive. "But that implies you're never down on your luck?"

"You'd think it would be great and all, but it's a fickle thing that sometimes gets out of hoof without me having any control over it, and after a while, those instances get annoying. And sometimes even completely bars me from certain things." Lucky saw my confused look. "Just trust me on this."

I took in what he said. "I guess that means you avoid casinos and a lot of competitions."

Lucky nodded. "Some casinos know me and won't even let me near the place, let alone enter. I can pass luck to other ponies too—so it just wouldn't be good business for them if I stuck around for any length of time. Certain competitions deem it an unfair advantage. Can you see why having 'luck' as my thing has its downs now?"

I nodded. "I guess so." I took a breath. "Well, lucky me I guess. I always seem to be down on my luck, so maybe living with you will help my situation some."

Lucky lightly chuckled. "I'll try not to pass on too much to you."

Then I realized something. "You know, despite you living here in Ponyville, the town hasn't seem to have had much luck concerning the various happenings surrounding Twilight Sparkle and her group."

Roseluck laughed. "If only he could do something about all of it, our lives would be that much more peaceful."

Lucky shook his head, smiling. "That mare. She must have some incredible lack of luck, since my presence doesn't seem to have done much. At the least though, I get off unaffected when something does go down."

"So your incredible luck is thwarted and rendered null by the presence of Twilight Sparkle," I concluded.

"Overwhelms it, yeah," Lucky answered. "Seriously, I respect the princess, but she's got a strange aura about her. The most I could do is save myself—and I guess anything else I'm near, by extension."

"Parasprites," Roseluck shuddered. "Oh, were we not prepared for what would follow the new pony in town..."

"Was the town quiet before Twilight moved in?" I asked.

"More so," Lucky replied. "Ponyville's always been a quirky little place, but at least it wasn't being threatened to be burned to the ground or anything every few weeks. Figuratively speaking." He turned away slightly and mumbled. "Most of the time."

Speaking of time, something small has always been quietly, very subtly bothering me for the time I've been here.

I never really knew the exact time.

Not because their timekeeping methods were unreliable or anything, or that the sun could potentially be up to some weird antics due to it being affected by magic, but simply because I never had anything to keep track of the time with me.

I know I said I missed my smartphone for the camera—among its countless useful other features—but now I just really missed my watch. My sweet, solar-powered, radio-controlled, analog-digital watch.

Well we always did.

I'm sure Equestria has some good scratch-resistant materials or enchantments.

"Hey," I spoke up. "Is there a place in town where I could get a good watch?"

Roseluck beamed. "I know just the pony! In fact, you met him a little bit last week. Time Turner is the pony in town for all things relating to time."

Oh, right. How obvious. And Roseluck's been right in front of me all this time, too.

"How much do you think it'll cost me?" I asked.

"Oh, you'll have to find out yourself," Roseluck said. "He makes quality timepieces, but I'm not sure I've yet understood how he prices his work..." She waved a hoof. "Just tell him I sent you. He might work something out."

<<+>>

I opened the door to the very nondescript establishment where Roseluck said I would find Time Turner's place. It was a curious place that had all sorts of timekeeping pieces on display, from various small desk clocks, to ornate grandfather clocks. All ticking away at a somewhat-chilling synchronous harmony.

"Hello?!" I called out. I made my way to the counter near the back of the store. There was a bell.

I gave it a tap, and it, in return, gave a 'ding'. "Hello?!"

Waiting... waiting...

Well you wrote me being able to enter, so obviously. And it's not that early in the morning, but Twilight wasn't home for some reason, so I just moved finding Time Turner up my schedule. Twilight had a session planned today, but I guess something came up, so I headed here instead.

But yes, there was an 'open' sign out front.

You know, I thought you weren't supposed to talk this much unless I opened the fourth wall window first.

I think you're overcompensating.

Suddenly, the door behind the counter opened, revealing the brown earth pony himself, in his collar-and-tie wearing glory. Our eyes met.

"You!" Time simply exclaimed.

"... Yes, me?" I answered, a little unsure. Of, well, what might happen next.

He squinted his eyes a bit. "... What brings you here?"

"I'm looking for a new watch, so Roseluck sent me here."

Time perked up. "Ah, of course! Of course she would, that girl." Then he paused. "Why are you looking for a new watch."

I looked at him questioningly. "... Why? I just... want a new watch to tell the time."

He moved towards me and leaned over the counter to take a good look at me. "You said something when we first met that I wouldn't expect just anyone to just know."

I pursed my lips. "And that would be..."

From behind his tie, he pulled out a very familiar, funky-looking, pen-like implement. He waved it around a little.

"So you are him."

The Doctor chuckled, having elicited the reaction he was looking for. He put the sonic screwdriver back in his tie; guess he found it more functional than random hammerspace. "Now—who are you, exactly?"

I put my hooves up in defense. "Wait, wait, first—I gotta ask. Have you always been here, or were you initially in a... uh, human form?"

He turned his head inquisitively. "So you know more than it seems."

I waved my hooves. "No, no, I'm taking guesses here."

"But you knew."

I sighed, putting a hoof to the bridge of my muzzle. "Look, I'm just a nobody. I just got randomly flung into this universe from I can't even remember when in my own timeline, and I'm just trying to make it through."

Wait—can he sense... the fic? Can he discover things about the true, true reality?

He seems... nice. And eccentric maybe. Expected, but still.

Fine by me.

The Doctor seemed to have finished considering my answer. "I see... So what do you remember from before you arrived here?"

I shrugged. "Certain chunks of my past. Then it gets fuzzy in certain places. It's like past a certain point, my actual history is ambiguous." I shook my head. "I just came here for a watch. I don't think there's any huge issue with my presence here."

He nodded. "Still—so curious! Flung from a different universe you say... I suppose there are things even us Time Lords never discovered. Beyond what we could find... I do wonder if these ponies have the capability to unlock newer secrets..."

"I mean, you were a fictional thing from where I came from, so..."

"Fictional!" he exclaimed. "We're pulled from two completely different universes it seems... Highly curious!"

"Hey," I said. "How many regenerations have you had, anyways?"

The Doctor looked at me. "Ten? Eleven? Ten and a half?" He looked at his own body. "Depends how you consider this, I suppose—and any effects of the possible inter-dimensional travel. I'm not sure..."

"Do you still have the TARDIS?"

"It's in the back. Poor thing still struggles to make sense of up and down, forward and backward in this place with somewhat different laws of time and space though. Even after how long we've been here. She's getting there though. Maybe one day!"

"... Is it still a blue box of strange exterior and interior proportions?"

He threw up a hoof in glee. "That it is, that it is." He grinned at me. "I suppose whatever possibly somewhat sentient thing grabbed us through the dimensions decided some things were worth keeping."

"One last thing—what the heck do I call you? By your name here, or... The... you know."

"Either works, honestly. I've warmed up to my name here. And... I quite like the change of pace that comes with living as a part of here. It's much more quiet and simple. Less... strange things that lead to horrible events."

Then Time Turner turned the topic back to me.

"Now—you! Despite this world being much, much less busier than the world from which you came, you have decided to get a new watch so you can continue to obsess over time and schedules! I would recommend just going with the flow and relaxing, but you are the customer. And I wouldn't want to explain to Rose why you left empty-handed."

I raised an eyebrow.

"It's been so long since I've been able to use some anatomy-relative terms! A small indulgence, just this once." He winked at me. "So! Former nobody, everyday busy person of Earth—anything specific you're looking for in a watch?"

I shrugged. "Well what interesting things do you have?"

He pointed at me with a hoof. "Name anything and I'm sure there's something we can get."

"Well I used to wear a quite functional Casio that was solar-powered, radio-controlled, analog-digital. And, as per many watches of the time, multi-function."

Time Turner slapped his forelegs on the countertop. "You're now in a magical land with magic ponies, and that's it?! Imagination!"

"I have plenty of imagination!" I protested. "I just think those would be some good starting points..."

"Well! Unlimited power sources are a quite easy thing to come by here. Crystal Empire exports plenty crystals of amazing varieties that, when combined with each other in various ways, lead to an infinity of possibilities! So power! That's a no-brainer.

"Now—an automatically updating watch! You certainly had your taste in your period's modern technology. With the right combination of crystals sensitive to the position to the sun and add in some corrective logic to account for any strange sun-happenings, I can make a watch that'll be sure to be the correct time wherever you go.

"And as for actually reading the watch. You want classic clock hands mixed with an interesting secondary interface. And for that, I'm sure we can figure something out with magic projections."

It was already tickling the gadget geek within me. Still, there was the big question. "How much will it cost?"

Time waved a hoof. "Ah, for someone special like you? Dimensionally displaced, knows who I am, and is a friend of Rose? Consider it my pleasure. Besides, every pony that comes in here always wants some boring, plain timekeeping piece. Yours will actually be interesting to work on!"

"Thanks," I smiled. If my wallet could express emotions, it would be too. "But until then, can I maybe just have a normal, run-of-the-mill watch of some sort? My time-of-day estimating skills are pretty good, but I'm conditioned to obsess about time to the minute."

"Oh, humans, such fascinating, petty creatures," the Doctor remarked. He pulled out a simple wristwatch from behind the glass under counter. "Take it. It's a simple little mechanical piece that's there to fill the display. Nothing much to it, little old-fashioned, self-winding—somewhat charming, perhaps, if you're into these kinds of things. Won't charge you any bits for it either. I'll just have Rose tell you when to come back."

I nodded my thanks. "Until next time, Doctor."

<<+>>

Well, there was a small sense of familiarity from finally having a watch around my right wrist once again. You said I won't cross path's with the Doctor often?

I don't see myself having plans involving him in the future.

Great. He's certainly an interesting one, but... a little eccentric maybe, for my taste. I don't need a Time Lord to add to the weirdness that is my already more-adventurous life.

Anyways, maybe Twilight's home now. We all know how she doesn't like plans getting sidetracked, so I guess I should check in with her as soon as possible.

<<+>>

I opened the door of the library treehouse.

"... But in order for the spell to work, I need the bats' full and complete attention."

Huh. That was Twilight.

"Oh no..." That was Fluttershy.

I shut the door behind me, catching their attention. "Uh... Guess you're all busy with something?"

Oh wait, there's a show camera.

... What'd I miss?

"I got vampire fruit bats ruinin' my harvest!" Applejack exclaimed.

"Oh," I said. "Sounds bad."

"It's terrible!" Rainbow said. "All the cider..."

I thought about making a quip about a drinking problem, but decided against it.

"Fluttershy, I need you to do your Stare on the bats," Twilight said, getting back to the topic, before I accidentally interrupted.

Fluttershy looked away. "Oh, gosh, I don't know."

Rainbow went up to her, irritated. "What's the problem? You've used the Stare plenty of times before!"

"Yes, but it's not something I take lightly," Fluttershy explained. "I've made a vow not to use it except in dire circumstances."

"This circumstance is plenty dire to me!" Applejack noted.

"Me too!" Rainbow added, more dramatically this time. "Think of the cider! Won't somepony please think of the cider?!"

"Dash," I said, looking up at the ceiling, "I think you should get yourself checked for a drinking problem." Well, there it goes. Sometimes my brain just doesn't catch things before they come out.

"I don't!" she protested from her position on the ground.

"I'm sorry," Fluttershy continued, again bringing everyone back on topic. "I just don't like the idea of taking away the thing that really makes the vampire fruit bats..." she took a breath, "vampire fruit bats! It just feels wrong!"

Twilight countered. "But if we don't do this, there won't be any apples left for anypony here in Ponyville. Doesn't that feel wrong, too?"

Applejack gave the ultimatum. "So what's it gonna be, Fluttershy? Will you do your Stare on the bats or not?"

After a stare-down in which Fluttershy wasn't going to win, she conceded. "Um... Um... Okay, I'll do it."

<<+>>

Due to unforeseen circumstances butting into Twilight's schedule, but Twilight not wanting to have to reschedule, she decided to drag me along to their rounding up of the vampire fruit bats.

I pitched in a little, helping carry some baskets of apple bait around with Applejack.

"So why not just pesticides?" I asked. I mean, the answer was probably pretty obvious, but I still wanted to hear it.

Applejack answered pretty simply. "I ain't puttin' no chemicals in my apples. Proud to be fresh, organic, and healthy... plus all the legal stuff... and taxes... and costs."

"Makes sense..."

As I walked to the tree they were setting up, I looked around the orchard to see the other mares doing their part. Of some interest was Rarity, who was wearing a hazmat suit she got from somewhere.

Equestria. Your mix-and-mash technology will always elude me.

So which one am I in?

Which is?...

"Good work, everypony!" Applejack announced. "I think we got 'em all!" She turned to Fluttershy. "Now all we need is for you do to your Stare."

"Oh, um, are you sure I really need—"

Everyone returned a glare of some sort.

"Okay..." Fluttershy flew up to her position. "I really, really, really hate to do this to you..." she said to the bats. "I just hope you can forgive me..."

Then Fluttershy Stared.

Whoa. I think I could feel some eery energy radiating from her.

The ordeal was quickly over, once Twilight had cast the spell she had prepared. "You can stop staring, Fluttershy."

"Did it work?" Spike asked, because I guess he needed some dialogue while he was present.

"Only one way to find out for sure," Applejack replied.

Rainbow went up to the tree and attempted to offer an apple. The bats rejected it. "Ye-he-heah, whoo!"

Everyone was pleased. Well, except Fluttershy, I guess. Spike had one more line of dialogue in there too.

<<+>>

"So early?" I asked Twilight.

"Well it would be a good idea to confirm that we actually did solve Applejack's pest issue," Twilight answered. "We all agreed to check in this morning, when she starts her apple bucking." She looked at me somewhat questioningly. "I mean, that's why you're also here, right? She did pretty much invite you too."

"I guess..."

So, it was the next day, and instead of making up yesterday's pretty much missed question-interview session, she was dragging me along on a mini-field trip.

But really, I guess that's just an excuse to tag along with the episode some more.

Well you don't need to admit it.

We arrived at Sweet Apple Acres after some walking, and were met with a disappointing find.

"The spell didn't work!" Twilight noted out loud.

"You're darn tootin' the spell didn't work!" Applejack exclaimed. "I think we're gonna have to take more extreme measures!"

"I hear ya, Applejack!" Rainbow agreed. "C'mon, everypony! Let's track down those vampire bats!"

Rainbow went off as she usually does, only to quickly discover that the bats were not the culprits.

"... I don't think these bats are the ones that sucked my apples dry," Applejack said.

Rarity inspected an apple in her telekinetic grasp. "But if the vampire bats aren't eating your apples..."

"Who is?" Twilight finished the question. "Fluttershy, you're our animal expert. Do you know of any other creature that might be capable of this?"

Fluttershy shook her head. "I'm sorry. I don't."

"Well, there's only one way to find out," Twilight declared. "We'll have to catch whoever it is in the act."

"And how do you propose we do that?" Rarity asked.

"A stakeout...!"

I looked at them flatly. "... Are you freakin' kidding me?"

Video cameras. Magic or electronic. This place needs them.

I guess so.

... Wait, what?

Wait what. Wait, wait, wait, this isn't fair! What are you even alluding—

<<+>>

Rainbow, naturally flying at head-height, decided to make some fun commentary. "The witching hour..."

Somewhere in the night, an owl hooted. Yes, it was night already. The day was uneventful.

Boy oh boy, we're on a night patrol. Scouring the fields for some unknown creature. All for some apples.

"Maybe we should just call this off..." Fluttershy said warily, looking around. "Not sure about the rest of you guys... but I'm really hungry..."

"You knew we'd be here, Fluttershy," I said. "Didn't you grab dinner or something beforehoof?"

She didn't answer. I guess not?

"Oh, Fluttershy, it'll be okay," Rarity said. "Don't forget, darling, we're all in this together."

"That's right," Twilight agreed. "Nopony leaves this orchard until we've solved this mystery. Agreed?"

Everyone was in agreement.

"Does everypony have their pony signals?" Applejack asked.

Twilight and Rarity demonstrated by using their magic as bright spotlights. And Pinkie apparently had a WWII-era anti-aircraft searchlight packed into a small flashlight.

Ow!

"Portable sun!" Pinkie exclaimed to me, after blinding me for a moment with, well, the 'portable sun' she was holding... in her mane.

Yeah, okay.

"Now remember, Pinkie Pie, only use the signal if you see somethin' suspicious," Applejack said.

"I got it," Pinkie replied. "Something suspicious..." She found Fluttershy off by her own in a corner. "Whatcha doin'?!"

After that brief bit, we all headed into the orchard.

Applejack recited the plan. "Alright, now everypony split up. We'll each patrol our own row of the orchard. Whoever or whatever's destroyin' my apples has gotta be here somewhere."

With that, we split up.

You know, I don't care what universe it is, night will always be spooky to some degree. Still, despite that, I walked my patrol steadily, alert and ready for what might come.

Kid show logic... kid show logic... I'll be fine.

"...Fluttershy?" That was Pinkie. "Yoo-hoo! Fluttershy!"

We all met up where Pinkie found something. She was up in a tree hanging upside down, facing, well...

Rarity got out a descriptive title for what we found first. "That's not Fluttershy... That's Flutterbat!"

"We've gotta get her down from there!" Twilight said.

"Uh... Fluttershy," Rarity spoke, "sweetness, please come down, and... do stop being a vampire bat."

The thing that was probably somewhat Fluttershy in some form just responded with a hiss and mean looks.

Rainbow went up to take a try. "Fluttershy! It's me, Rainbow Dash! Why don't you cut the bat act and come on down?!"

Flutterbat reacted by knocking Rainbow away.

"Whoa!" Rainbow was surprised. "Maybe we should just let her come down when she's ready..."

Fluttershy did come down, but not as intended. It was more of a menacing flyby.

"Flutterbat on the loose!" Pinkie yelled! "Run for your lives!"

"Pinkie Pie, calm down!" Twilight said. "See? She's back on her... branch."

"She's just biding her time!" Pinkie said fearfully. "Waiting for the right moment to pounce!"

"Pinkie Pie, bats don't eat ponies," Applejack said. "Not even vampire bats."

"But maybe vampire ponies eat other ponies! I'm not taking any chances!" Pinkie started boring a hole into the ground... somehow.

I shrugged. "You'd think she'd have struck already then, if that were the case."

"Biding her time!" Pinkie's voice came muffled from her small tunnel.

"Besides, she's not even sparkly or anything, so I don't think it's the kind of vampire we have to worry about."

"What about me?" Twilight asked.

Oh, right. Twilight Sparkle. Lulz.

"How did this happen?" Rarity asked. "That's what I don't understand."

"I think this was actually our fault," Twilight answered.

"Our fault?" Rainbow said, incredulous.

"And how'd you figure that?" Applejack added.

Twilight projected an 80's style neon CGI board to explain.

Wait, she can do holoprojections like that? Neat. I'll have to bring it up with her later...

"Okay, so this is me, these are the bats, and this is Fluttershy doing her Stare. The spell was supposed to go right onto the bats like this, but somehow the spell must have backfired. It took the vampire fruit bats' desire to be vampire fruit bats and transferred that desire into Fluttershy."

Everyone paused to take it in.

"Totally makes sense," I commented sarcastically. Seriously, that's a contender for flimsiest justification of a plot, right next to tons of stuff from this story!

"C'mon! We'll reverse the spell and make it right!"

Pinkie popped up from out of the ground. "Then what are we waiting for? Let's save Fluttershy before that thing eats us all!"

"Hit the deck!" Rainbow exclaimed.

We all did so, as Flutterbat did another menacing flyby.

"Follow that bat!" Pinkie pointed.

Our pursuit didn't last very long, as our target was quite elusive.

"I can't believe we lost her!" Rarity exclaimed.

"Oh, Fluttershy, where are you?" Twilight called out.

She received her answer, and Flutterbat did another flyby.

On closer inspection, however, it was actually in a move to grab a fresh apple and suck the juices out of it.

"If she keeps this up, your whole crop will be gone in no time!" Rainbow concluded.

"That's the least of my worries," Applejack said. "I just want my friend back."

"We'll never get her back unless we corner her and catch her so I can reverse the spell!" Twilight said.

And so the hunt continued, until we found Fluttershy again.

"There she is!" Twilight whispered.

We were quickly noticed, and our target flew off again.

"Oh, this is no use," Twilight said. "I think the only way we're gonna catch her is if we find a way to lure her closer to us."

I suppose so. Or maybe try catching her? Isn't Rainbow fast enough?

Applejack brought up another concern. "But even if we can lure her to us, how're we gonna get her to stay still long enough for you to do your reverse spell?"

"Aww, if only we had Fluttershy to do her Stare on the Flutterbat," Pinkie said.

Oh wait, I've seen this movie before. Or at least one of them. I remember it involving gargoyles or something.

Twilight gasped, as she realized what they needed to do. "That's it!"

"Yeah," I said. "Ya'll need to get a mirror."

I started walking away.

"Where are you off to?" Twilight asked.

"To try harder."

"But—"

Can't hear you from my wingwash, Twilight.

<<+>>

Just track the odd sounds... just track the odd sounds.

I heard some relatively large wings flying around. After rounding a tree, I found my objective, still feeding on fresh apples.

I guess Flutterbat really had her bat senses tuned up, because she turned her head in my direction. Like before, the reaction was to lunge menacingly and flyby.

Or try to. I grabbed her tail in my teeth as she tried to pass by.

"No you don't!"

The sudden pull of my weight dragged her down into the ground, causing both of us to tumble. She landed a short distance away from me, and gave me a mean look.

"Alright Fluttershy. Unlike others, I'm not scared to do mean things to you. Besides—it's for the good of everyone—including you. No hard feelings here, just doing a job that needs to be done."

She hissed back at me, baring those pointed teeth.

"That's how you want to play, eh? Let's see if you still remember how to be angry." I grabbed two intact apples within my reach, and tossed them up in preparation.

"Want apples? Let's play."

I threw the first one in the air, and Flutterbat reactively went to grab it to feed. Upon grabbing it, she landed back on the ground, already in the process of sucking it empty.

I threw the second one, very deliberately aimed. This one hit her on the head, catching her attention a lot more. It bounced off her head, and entranced by the prospect of another apple to feed on, she lunged for it before it hit the ground.

And that's when I met her lunge, and tackled her down.

Flutterbat struggled like the half-wild animal she currently was, but I managed to get a good hold on her tail.

"Sorry about the slight lewdness here, Flutters!" I yelled through clenched teeth. I tried to keep myself grounded, while she tried to fly away. "This the first time you had a stallion this close to your ass?"

She hissed at me.

"Maybe not?" I started dragging her to where I expected the others to be waiting.

All the while, she continued to resist, flapping harder. "No! You! Don't! Erh! Erh!" I had to counter-flap, keeping us planted on the ground and headed where I intended to go.

Flutterbat continued to struggle against me, hissing intently.

"Arrrgh!"

Now she was scratching. Dammit, Flutters, you need to fuck off. For your own good.

"By god! I'm trying! My best! To not! Have to! Hit you! Over! The head!"

"Wait, what's that?!" Well that was Rainbow. Only a little bit further.

I struggled to stumble out into a clearing where the others had set up a trap with a few mirrors.

Fluttershy hissed loudly as she smelled the strong aroma of Applejack's large, prize apple. I felt her tail yank against my teeth as she jumped off of me towards the new smell, but I kept my jaw clamped hard.

"Help, maybe?" I asked, mumbling.

Twilight and Rarity snapped out of their slight trance and got into action. Rarity stunned Fluttershy in place with a mirror to reflect the Stare, allowing me to release her tail and move my jaw around. Ow. I miss having hands.

Twilight cast the spell on Fluttershy, transforming her back.

"Oh... where am I?" Fluttershy said, now back to her normal self.

Everyone cheered at having the timid pegasus back.

"Thank goodness you're okay!" Applejack exclaimed.

Fluttershy was still confused. "But... what happened to me?"

"You turned into a vampire pony!" Pinkie explained.

Fluttershy gasped. "I tried to eat ponies?!"

"Of course not!"

"So I wasn't a vampire?"

"Yes!"

... Yes?

"Yes!"

"Wait, but I—?" Fluttershy shook her head. "Yes I was, or yes I wasn't?"

"Yes, you were!"

"But I didn't try and eat ponies?"

"Yes!"

"No!" I exclaimed.

"Eh?!" Fluttershy was baffled. "I'm confused..."

"Me too..." Rarity said. "And I was there!" She turned to me. "You didn't hurt her, did you?"

"Just a small scuffle to grab her," I answered. "After bonking her in the head with an apple I threw. Really, more of the harm done was her trying to get away from me..." I winced from the scratches she gave me. Hope they aren't too deep...

"Oh!" Fluttershy exclaimed. "I'm so sorry! I-I didn't—"

I waved a hoof. "It's fine..."

Twilight scrunched her face. "Well, we had a plan..."

"Smart plan, I'd guess," I said. "Versus immediate action." I felt the cuts Fluttershy gave me with a hoof. "I'm sure it was a good plan that would've worked too."

Applejack spoke up. "Ya'll are tellin' me I didn't need to cut open my prize apple after all?..."

"Guess so?..."

"Aw..."

<<+>>

Fluttershy had us over later that morning, after we'd built the bats a sanctuary. There was also a thing about seeds being recycled by the bats or something that would grow better trees later.

Spike was finishing writing into their journal. "Okay, got the part about the spell, Fluttershy turning into a bat, building a sanctuary..."

"Be sure to put in there that I came to see that my short-term solution was a little short-sighted."

"Which one of 'em?" I asked.

Applejack rolled her eyes. "Okay, to be fair, we had no idea you'd actually manage to grab Fluttershy, Stardust."

"I mean, hey, I thought Rainbow Dash was fast enough, but apparently she's not fast enough."

"Hey!" Rainbow exclaimed.

I chuckled.

Fluttershy added onto the journal entry. "And that you shouldn't let anypony pressure you into doing something that you don't think is right. Sometimes you have to tell even your closest friends 'no'."

... Wait, what? That is the oddest lesson ever. That's like, the 'don't do drugs or smoke or underage alcohol' lesson.

"But Dashie doesn't pressure others into joining in with her drinking problem!" Pinkie exclaimed. "So we couldn't make that show the lesson!"

"Pinkie!" Rainbow exclaimed. "Not you too!"

Applejack laughed along. "Now, how about we celebrate our stronger than ever friendship with a nice, ripe, juicy apple?"

Pinkie grabbed the offered apple. "Stand back! I vant to suck its juuuice!"

Everybody laughs ending.

Hit the outro drum roll.

<<+>>

I came back home after a fairly easy day. Lucky's house was still pretty quiet. "Lucky! You home?!"

As walked through the entrance hallway, he appeared in the living room to my side. "Stardust! So how was your day?"

"Fine," I replied. "You?"

Lucky motioned to an envelope on his table. He leaned back and sighed in what I think was content, but maybe also a slight hint of exasperation. "Well, like Roseluck said. Almost anything's possible when it comes to me."

I sat down next to him on the sofa. "What is it?"

"Tickets to Hinny of the Hills, sold out for months."

I was taken aback in surprise, and my expression when I looked at him showed it. "How?"

"I was up in Canterlot early this morning, and... well, let's say, after a short series of contrived events, a pony I managed to do a favor for wanted to repay the debt." Lucky waved a hoof at the envelope at the table. "Was a pretty well-to-do guy. Said he had tickets for the musical and gave them to me in return."

I just nodded, accepting the story. "That's nuts."

"Yeah... well, anything for Rose, I guess. There's four in there, so maybe she can bring her friends Daisy and Lily along. Those three are so close."

"They like musicals?"

Lucky chuckled. "You should see how dramatic those three can get sometimes. They love theater."

"Sounds like it'll be a great time."

"If I can spread good luck and good will, that's enough for me."

Author's Note

Heeyo! Talk about a fast production time on this one.

It's an improvement.

Going off on an episode-independent adventure tends to make for long chapters. Say, you keep alluding to various fics and stuff...

Say no more. What about this chapter though? We should probably talk about.

About the only thing not on our side is time and playing catch-up.

Wew. Let's see it then?

Jump to top

[10] [S4E08]-Rarity Takes Manehattan

Another Displaced Human Dilemma
By: The Displaced Human

< 10 >

Stardust Takes the New Jersey Transit Northeast Corridor Line

Page flip.

"Mmm... nope."

I sighed, putting the sketchbook down. Today was a slow day, and I didn't have anything to do today, so I decided to stay home and lock myself in my room, that I'm continually grateful to Lucky Clover for renting out to me.

Said homeowner was currently out having lunch with Roseluck and her friends, leaving me along in the peace and quiet of an empty household.

Over the course of some of the discussions between Twilight and I, it sort of occurred to me that I needed a hobby to keep myself busy when I had nothing to do. Mainly because 'video games' were not an option, so I had to fall back on my other hobbies.

That would just be considered fiction here, though, and I'm not sure if I'm up to trying to be the Equestrian Tom Clancy. I'm not Valiant, you know...

<... Well, maybe you could write some sort of metafiction? We seem to be pretty good at that.>

We have to go deeper!

But no, I can write whenever I want to. That never really changed; they have typewriters. But I need to exercise working with my hoof more. Manipulating mark-making utensils with my mouth just doesn't do my yearnings any justice.

Man, I miss my hands... Maybe if I was a griffon instead. I'm sure they could function pretty well with their talons.

One wonders why we haven't adopted such prostheses here.

... Later? Wait—

Just then, I heard the door open downstairs. "Hey, Stardust!"

There was more than one set of hooves, so I assumed it was Lucky and Rose. After a while, you get familiar with the weight of hoofsteps; par for the course of recognizing unique features of others, no matter what species.

"Yeah, I'm upstairs!" I called back. I stood up out of my chair and went down to meet them. It was, in fact, the Luck couple themselves.

"So..." Roseluck started, "something came up on Daisy's end. She had to cancel with us for our trip to see Hinny of the Hills in a few days."

"Wouldn't want an extra ticket to go to waste," Lucky said. "You've been good help and pleasant to have around the house. Figured we could treat you to something nice in return."

"You want to come with us?" Roseluck finished.

A trip to New York? Now why would I say no? I've got a history with that place, and I certainly won't stop enjoying the city just because I got thrown into an alternate reality.

Manhattan still exists here in some form, and by god, will I continue to enjoy visiting it. It wasn't a hard invitation to accept.

"Yeah, definitely!"

<<+>>

I found myself at the train station, along with Lucky, Roseluck, and the third flower pony, Lily Valley.

And it was right then, standing on the platform, that I realized something.

We were at a train station in a relatively small, rustic town. We were headed for a large city that is undeniably New York—Manhattan, to be exact. And assuming Princess Celestia's mention of Fillydelphia in that parasprite episode meant that the Philadelphia-equivalent city was also somewhat nearby Ponyville...

Holy shit, I never left home.

Ponyville suddenly got that much cozier. Here I was, in what could be considered humble Princeton, sandwiched by the large powerhouses of New York and Philly. So from now on, I'm calling this train station Ponyville Junction, and I don't care what anyone else says otherwise.

It's nice to actually be able to get some of home back.

Just then, my comforting thoughts were interrupted by some feminine cheering. Very familiar feminine cheering.

I looked down the platform.

"This trip is fun already!" Pinkie celebrated for a reason I was unaware of. "I love jumping up and down! Whee-hee!"

OH WAIT, A SHOW CAM. And... it's gone.

I immediately wandered over to the group, interested in the potential episode.

Twilight noticed me and greeted first. "Stardust! What brings you here?"

"Oh, we're going to go see a showing of Hinny of the Hills," I answered, motioning back towards the three earth ponies I was with.

"You're seeing it too?" Rarity said. "How wonderful! How did you get your tickets? The show is impossible to get tickets for unless they were pre-ordered months in advance!"

I shrugged and smiled lightly. "He got lucky."

Everyone started boarding the waiting train, and my group situated themselves in the adjoining car to Rarity's group. I stuck around with the six to continue conversing, even as the train lurched forward and off to our destination.

"How long are you ponies going to be in Manehattan?" Rarity asked.

"Just the day; go enjoy the city for a bit, then watch the show," I answered. "Why? What about you?"

"Oh, we're staying the week to support Rarity," Twilight answered. "It's Fashion Week, so she's here on business. But she also managed to get tickets for a showing of Hinny of the Hills for tomorrow night, so we also have that to look forward to."

"That sounds great," I said. "What about the rest of the week?"

"Well, while Rarity handles more of her business, I figured the rest of us could just enjoy the city," Twilight answered.

I nodded. "Well, there's plenty to do, so you can't really run out of activities."

"Have you been to Manehattan before, Stardust?" Rarity asked. "It's such a wonderful city from what I hear, but I've never been there myself until now."

"Yeah, plenty, actually," I said, not hesitating over the obvious technicality. Now wasn't the time for rambling over a technicality—I'm pretty sure the human city is mostly comparable to the pony city.

"You have!" Rarity exclaimed. "Please, do tell us your firsthoof experiences."

"Oh! So you know a lot of good places to go," Twilight said. "Any suggestions?"

"Well, there's the Museum Mile next to Central Park. The Met's a nice place to go..." Already shooting off locations without checking if they're actually real—great idea.

"... The Met?" both of them asked.

... They're real places here, right?

<... Yeah, sure, why not.>

"The Metropolitan Museum of Art," I clarified. "To think of it, I should give that place another visit... five hours the last time didn't seem to be enough..."

It'll be fun! And I gotta see what they have hanging in the huge room where Washington Crossing the Delaware is displayed normally. Unless there's more interesting attractions to visit.

But... they don't have cars. How does that work? Are you serious about this?

You don't even know if you're being serious?... Well, in any case, I'm noticing some possible discrepancies between Manhattan and Manehattan now... I'm doubting they have an equivalent to the Intrepid Air and Sea Museum. Which is a bit saddening.

Eh? That does sound nicely convenient.

"Stardust?... Stardust..." Twilight said, trying to grab my attention. When I reestablished eye contact, she made a comment. "You zone out a lot."

"Uh... I do, don't I," I answered.

Seriously though, is it actually possible to have a head this thick as to be completely ignorant of external stimuli? Because I don't remember us being this bad.

"We were just asking," Twilight continued, "what else would you suggest?"

"There's the obvious places," I shrugged. "Statue of... uh..."

What is it here? Because I know Liberty exists here, but I have no clue as to the name.

"The one in the harbor with the torch?" Rarity finished for me.

"Yeah, and Ellis Island."

"... What's Ellis Island?" Twilight asked.

Fuck.

"Uh... immigration gateway of the East Coast?"

Help me out here...

They were still confused. "I'm pretty sure that doesn't exist," Twilight said.

"Uh... maybe I got mixed up with a story I read," I said, trying to save face.

"You said you've been to Manehattan multiple times before though," Twilight noted.

"Sometimes memories can get mixed up," I responded. "Manehattan's a big place."

I decided to take an out. "Hey, I think I should get back to my group. They've been so kind to invite me along just by chance."

While it did change the topic, adding in that last bit kept me here to finish a new conversation. But at least I wasn't likely to make a faux pas here.

"By chance?" Rarity asked.

I scratched the back of my head. "Yeah... one of their friends had to cancel, so Lucky and Roseluck invited me as to not waste the ticket to the musical."

"Oh! That makes sense. So are you touring Manehattan with them too?"

"Uh..." Good question.

"After all," Rarity continued, "if you weren't originally planned to be with them, they may have just made plans to go to places that differ from your interests."

"True... I'll go see what happens." I stood back up and headed back towards Lucky and the others. An hour or so of travel was ahead of us, assuming that the travel time carried over from home.

<<+>>

"Stardust... Hey, Stardust..."

I slowly woke up, head leaning on the window of the train. It just occurred to me that I'd been drooling in my sleep—whoops.

I quickly wiped that away, then looked forward to see Lucky looking back at me. He seemed to have been holding back a grin.

Roseluck, next to Lucky, and Lily, next to me, suppressed some giggles.

"... What?" I asked. "So I do that in my sleep sometimes..."

Then we passed through a tunnel, and in the darkness, I saw my reflection in the window.

Lucky snickered. "It was Rose's idea."

"What, you look great with your mane styled like that!" Roseluck said.

"I agree!" Lily added, also laughing. "You've got to wear your mane handsome the way all handsome stallions do."

I looked across at Lucky, then our reflections in the window. "Well..."

I brushed my mane back forward, eliciting some moans of disappointment. "Feels awkward to wear my mane the same way..."

"Nonsense," Lucky said. "I think it's a very comfortable way to wear my mane, and other ponies wearing the same style isn't going to stop me from enjoying the way I feel and look."

"Well, you can say that for yourself," I said, looking at my reflection momentarily before looking away.

Just in time, too, as we exited the tunnel and was presented with a view of—"Oh, hey, New York."

Hey, wait, were those the Twin Towers?...

Do they have names?

"New Yoke?" Lily asked, leaning over me to take a look. "Oh, that's great! We're almost there!"

The remaining travel time passed by quite quickly. Our group and I came to an agreement that, since I wasn't originally included in their plans, I was free to either join them or go off on my own touring Manehattan, and then meet them back at Bridleway by the time the musical was set to start.

We got off at Penn Station, or whatever it was called here, and out into the concrete jungle of Manehattan.

"Man, Madison Square Garden looks a lot less impressive in Equestria..." I commented to myself.

"Less impressive?!" I looked back to see Rarity with a questioning expression. "I didn't hear the entirety of what you said, but just hearing the words 'less impressive' while we stand—"

She motioned around us.

"—in the heart of this glorious metropolis?! My, my! Explain yourself!"

I looked around, and never directly at Rarity. I mumbled my response. "Animation budget, probably."

Oh, what does that mean?

Wait, wha—

<<+>>

—and out into the concrete jungle of Manehattan.

"Man, Madison Square Garden is always a wondrous sight. I haven't been to Manhattan enough times to get bored of it, at least." Wait... this feels... what just happened?

"Get bored?" Rarity walked up beside me, with the bustling crowds flowing around our group. "In this glorious metropolis? I'm not sure any amount of traveling will ever make me think any less of wondrous Manehattan!"

My eyes moved around, scanning the various skyscrapers. "I bet it would, if it was your daily commute. You'd get used to it eventually..."

"Hm, perhaps so," Rarity said. "Well, maybe, maybe not. At least, I feel like this feeling would never fade." She turned to her friends. "Come along, ponies! I found us a place to stay only a block from the train station in the very heart of this grand city!"

"Hey, look!" Applejack called out while we were walking. "That's the theatre where Hinny of the Hills is playin'!" The sight elicited 'oohs' and 'aahs'.

"Wow, Rarity!" Twilight exclaimed. "How'd you manage to get us seats for tonight?"

Rarity smiled. "Oh, I gave some designs to the costume designer, so he pulled a few strings. That is what makes Manehattan so splendid and amazing. You do something nice for somepony, and then you never know when they'll do something nice for you!"

"So then you can do something nice for us!" Applejack figured.

"Like get us in to see Hinny of the Hills!" Fluttershy added.

"Which is only the best musical in all of Equestria!" Rainbow Dash said.

"It must be good if Rainbow Dash is impressed," Applejack noted. "Normally she doesn't even like musicals."

"I know," Rainbow said. "Ponies just bursting into song in random places at the drop of a hat? Who does that?"

META. META. M E T A.

Oh wait—song. Uh, what do I do?

Okay...

<<+>>

So... the song happened. I still have no idea how these song montages work. I don't think it's something meant to be experienced in a regular state of mind, because I sure as hell don't remember having much lucid moments during it.

I do remember that Equestria is more lax about letting tourists up Liberty's torch.

Also, Applejack acting as a, well, wagon jack to replace a wheel.

And just a few seconds ago, Rarity did her whole swing around a lamp post thing, and preached all about generosity. And showing it to random strangers.

Lots of stuff about generosity in the big city.

"Eh... you girls really haven't experienced the city culture, have you," I commented.

"Ugh!" Rarity exclaimed. "Stardust, dear, why must you sound so pessimistic? You're in one of Equestria's centers of opportunity! It gives you so much, so we should be courteous enough to give back chances for opportunity when we can!"

Oh... oh, I'm right. I almost forgot... that one time when a complete stranger gave us an umbrella when I was a kid, and Mom didn't have one, and it was pouring out.

I suppose people like Rarity aren't that far-fetched at all. Law of averages, I guess?

I looked around. What about it? Looks to be plenty of crowds around here, 'bout normal for New York, so it doesn't feel like they skimped out on animation.

<... Right. Uh... oh, hey! Rarity's continuing the plot.>

Rarity sighed. "To think my dresses could soon be displayed on the most glamorous shopping thoroughfare of the most glamorous city in Equestria! Oh, it would be my dream come true!"

I rolled my eyes, joking to myself. "Displayed across windows on Fifth Avenue. Pinnacle of her career. Well, wouldn't be a bad peak."

"Oh, but it wouldn't!" Rarity said in reply. "To have ponies admiring my designs! Oh!"

"With the connotation of expensiveness and possibly being overpriced?"

Rarity gasped. "Overpriced! Ponies pay for quality, Stardust!"

I snickered, looking away, this time keeping the comment in my thoughts.

I guess some gender qualities transcend universal boundaries.

"Is there anything left to do we can help you with?" Twilight asked.

"Hm, nothing I can think of," Rarity said. "The dresses are all completely finished, all made from a fabulous new fabric I've been developing for months. Stretchy, but not clingy. Shimmery, but not showy."

"Sounds amazing," Fluttershy commented.

"There's nothing left for me to do but check in at the runway with my dresses by two this afternoon."

"Oh, that's funny," Pinkie said. "Because that clock over there makes it seem like that's only ten minutes from now!"

Just the, the sky rumbled. It started raining.

Well, maybe someone will lend me an umbrella again.

"Oh, my ribbons and threads," Rarity said, worried. "And the runway ballroom is all the way across town! If I don't get there, I'm disqualified! Taaaaxiii!"

Across 'town'? In New York? Good luck with the traffic, Rarity. You are screwed.

Huh?

You mean to say... it wasn't really busy at all.

Well, now we've got a problem. The six seemed to have been trying to hail a cab.

"Huh?" Rainbow stepped back after a short argument with some pony. "What? Does everypony in this town want a cab?"

"Because it's New York, Dash..." I said. "Everyone needs a cab..."

"I'm afraid getting a taxi at this time could prove almost impossible!" Rarity exclaimed.

"Please won't you let her have this taxi?" Twilight pleaded with some businesspony. "She has somewhere very important to be right away!

"Not likely!" the pony answered back. "She can get in line like the rest of us!"

Everyone else in line complained in agreement.

"Oh, it's no use!" Twilight signed. "The cab drivers just drive right past to get to the next pony in line!"

I looked at the confrontation inquisitively. Is it really that hard to miss a combination of horn and wings? I walked over.

"Hey, buddy," I said.

The businesspony looked at me with a bit of a stink eye. "I already told your friends to wait in line. Didn't get the memo?"

I shrugged, then pointed towards our purple alicorn friend. "I'm guessing Princess Twilight Sparkle's status has no weight here?"

All the ponies' eyes went wide, and they all started stammering, and apologizing, letting us by.

But it still made no sense! One of the country's heads of state can't have some authority when they need to?

I don't think they're that bad. Anyways, the cabbie from earlier that had a busted wheel pulled over, giving Rarity her much-needed lift.

"New wheel works like a charm! So now which of you nice folks are hoppin' in?"

"Fashion runway plaza in seven minutes," Rarity said. "Can you make it?"

"Hang on!"

Rarity waved us goodbye. "Ta-ta!"

As Rarity left, so did the show camera. Well, Rarity episode, I guess.

Twilight stepped aside me, looking around at the fading attention she was getting. "Gee, Stardust, was that really necessary?"

"I would've thought that using your status as leverage was something you'd use in a desperate situation like this..." I replied, rolling my eyes.

"I..." Twilight bit her lip. "I guess I never considered it."

I raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"I've never had, well, 'status' to use before. And using it to force things to go my way... feels wrong."

"Your friend was about to miss an incredibly important appointment that you all came here to support her for..."

Rainbow stepped in. "I think Dust's got a point there, Twi." She slapped Twilight on the back. "Come on, Twi, live a little! You're a princess now, enjoy the benefits."

Twilight scrunched her face. "I'm still uncomfortable with the idea."

"Well, there's no changing the fact that you're an alicorn," I said. "Short of surgically removing your wings and shortening your legs and... I dunno, just making your smaller again?"

Twilight winced at the mental images. "Eugh. Okay, okay, I'll think about it."

Then Spike spoke up. "Anypony else got a sneaking suspicion we're forgetting something?"

Everyone's expression turned to alarm. "The dresses!"

I put my hoof between my eyes. "Oh boy."

<<+>>

I bade them farewell and went off to explore Manehattan by myself. They had their own plans, and I... well, didn't have my own plans, but I wasn't going to intrude on theirs.

So where to?

Well, I guess so. But you said that the auto show is in town, right?

I've got nothing else to do. Why not check it out?

I found myself a less busy corner and hailed a taxi. The cabbie pulled over, and I got into his cab.

"Where to?" he asked.

"The convention center."

"Jaw Bits Center, ah?"

"... Yeah, that's the one."

Hopefully. Gotta find some way to burn the time until the Broadway show.

<<+>>

The cool dusk air met the crowd as we all walked out of... er... what's the place called? My head swiveled as I searched for the name.

Oh, there. New Antlerdam Theatre.

I stretched my joints out after having sat in a theater seat for a few hours, and they all popped in satisfaction.

"What a great musical!" Lily smiled next to me. "Hinny of the Hills was as great as everyone said it'd be!"

"Oh, thank you so much for getting these tickets," Rose said, hugging Lucky.

"Hey, Stardust," Lucky called out. "You got any more plans of your own, or are you going home with us?"

"Uh..." I thought a little about my answer. "You know, the others are here for Fashion Week and stuff, and Rarity seems like she's having an interesting time, so I'll just go check out what's up with them."

Lucky chuckled. "Has all that time with Twilight really rubbed off on you?"

I rolled my eyes, smiling. "Maybe."

With that, I waved them goodbye, then headed for the hotel where they were staying at, which was just a short walk away.

So they had floating museums. And by that, I meant, yes, they did have a carrier. A lot less impressive than a big ol' Essex-class aircraft carrier and a bunch of planes, but an equivalent ship was there.

<... Wait, what? Why?>

I went there, toured, and still don't get it. I think it was a sea-borne pegasus platform or something. I dunno. No jets on the deck. Oh—I did learn that they do have event-based and location-based ship naming systems. Which is weird, because I always figured they would be more Royal Navy-like, and have a word-starting-with-letter naming system instead.

Yeah. More powerful ships, more significant location—like Manehattan or Baltimare. So I guess some things stay the same between militaries.

Something wrong?

I shrugged that off and walked into the hotel. I asked for Rarity's room, and subsequently, found myself outside of the door.

Rarity opened it up, looking really uptight and frantic. "Stardust!"

I poked my head in, eyes going wide at the sight. "Rarity! Why are you operating a sweatshop in a hotel room using your friends?!"

"PROBLEMS," Rarity said intensely. "Now if you don't mind, I have work to get to."

Rarity tried closing the door on me, but I held it open. "... Do ya'll need some help? I don't have any plans of my own from this point. Does anyone here mind filling me in?"

Rarity gritted here teeth. "This pony—Suri—stole my designs after I leant her some of my fabric. I couldn't bring my dresses in after Prim Hemline had already seen them, so now I have to improvise! And, dare I say, I think this may even prove to be a boon, with a new design driven by bold inspiration!"

I walked into the room. "Well, some do work better when cramming during crunch time." Myself included. I think.

Applejack spoke up. "I told 'er that all she needed was fabric to get back in business. She's nearly turned this hotel upside down in the process."

"You're using the hotel's draperies and sheets?" I said, mixed between impressed and incredulous. "I sure hope you paid for all of the material you're using from scrapping all their stuff..."

Not to mention the fact that I'm not exactly sure I'd call this 'high quality' material compared to what Rarity originally had. Still, I thought I was great at improvisation. Though, upon closer inspection—"Wait, how'd you get your hooves on all these room keys?!"

Look, I know how the saying goes, but I think this overreaches 'desperate times—'

"Desperate times, desperate measures!" Rarity exclaimed, shoving me to a workstation, ignoring the matter of probably stealing hotel property. "You're good with your hooves, right, Dusty dear?"

"Uh... yeah—"

"Good! Now get to work!"

Twilight grumbled next to me. "Rarity had us skip the dinner we had planned at the Far-Afield Tavern later, and the food she ordered for us hasn't even arrived yet..."

Rarity overheard. "Don't fret. It'll be here in an hour. That's not going to be a problem, is it?"

"Well, we're supposed to be watching Hinny of the Hills by then..." Rainbow grumbled. "Oh yeah, Stardust, how was it?"

"It was..." I hesitated, not exactly wanting to make things more awkward. "Uh—"

Rarity saved me from that fate, but only because she took it upon herself to do so. "Oh! I see! I go out of my way to get you tickets for a show, and this is how you repay me? By abandoning me in my hour of need? Oh, oh, oh! Fine! Go and see Hinny of the Hills tonight! And then tomorrow morning when you come to see my fashion show without any fashion to show, you can have more entertainment! "Oh, why look, there's our friend Rarity going down in flames! Isn't friendship magic?!""

Hey, she just title dropped!... How many times has the show actually title dropped?

Oh, and she's manic. Talk about a high-stress work environment.

"Rarity, calm down," Twilight said. "What's gotten into you?"

Um—

"What's gotten into you?!" Rarity lashed back. "Oh, go ahead! See your little show! Congratu-fucking-lations, fillies! Sounds like you've all figured out already it's everypony for herself in this town!"

With that, she stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her.

... Of all the characters you get to have drop the F-word first, it's Rarity.

It is.

<<+>>

You know, it's still quite impressive how well the all-nighter worked. The dresses did come out pretty well.

Still, there's that familiar feeling of accomplishment and yet foreboding that came with putting the final touches on while the sun was coming up.

"There," Twilight said, adjusting a last piece on a dress. "That's the last of them."

Upper management came bursting through the door at that moment.

Rarity gasped. "Finally!"

And just like that, she was gone, taking the dresses and show camera along with her.

"You're welcome!" Twilight yelled.

Personally, I still felt like I had energy and was somewhat awake, but I was familiar enough with this scenario to know that it was a deceptive physical state, and I was probably going to crash at any moment.

I looked around. "Anypony want breakfast or something before we go to bed?"

I got mixed reactions, but didn't really stick around to check who was coming with. I just knew there was complimentary breakfast and stuff on the first floor of the hotel.

Food, then sleep. Always a solid plan.

<<+>>

Unfortunately, lack of sleep combined with lack of setting an alarm meant we missed the fashion show. Still, it was only proper that we all head down there anyways to see how Rarity did.

After all, she would've been disqualified were it not for our hard work...

Once we arrived, we were met by two mares, one pink, one cream. Judging by their looks, I'd say the former was the boss of the latter.

"Hi there," Twilight greeted them. "Our friend Rarity was here for the fashion show, and we came by to see her. Is she around?"

"Oh, Rarity?" the pink one said. "It's such a shame, but I'm sorry to say, she lost." The tone she said it had hints of smugness, one of someone confident that they won instead.

"Oh," everyone said dejectedly.

"Who might you be, anyways?" Applejack asked.

"Suri Polomare," Suri introduced herself. "If I have to say, my chances of being the winning designer are quite good." As if remembering that she had a subordinate next to her, she looked to the mare beside her with disinterest. "Oh, and this is my assistant, Coco Pommel."

Oh hey, I recognized that—"Ohhh, so you're the one Rarity was talking about, what with all the fabric-stealing and all. Only really heard that story about you, but man, your voice really just gives it all away."

Suri's expression went from smug to confused.

"Grade. A. Bitch!" I smiled a goofy grin and chuckled. If I had fingers, I'd be making the 'a-ok' symbol.

A couple were taken aback at the sudden verbal assault. Applejack and Rainbow's expressions turned suspicious, maybe even somewhat hostile. Suri looked like she was recovering from a slap in the face, getting her smug bitch-face back on as quickly as she could.

"Riiiight," Applejack said, breaking the stalemate. "Let's just go find Rarity..."

We went off to find the white unicorn. Applejack positioned herself next to me. "Is that how you greet random ponies you just met?"

I shrugged. Probably not, but this was fictional pony land. But maybe I would've even it were real. "I mean, between what Rarity told us and how she sounded... I was just being honest." I leaned in towards Applejack. "Personally, I think she's the type that hasn't had someone call out her bullshit, but desperately deserves it."

Applejack looked back ahead with a blank expression. "And I thought I was the honest one."

We made a full circle back to the front lobby, not finding Rarity.

"... I have to rush back to Ponyville, but I just wanted to thank her first for—"

Oh, well there she is.

"Uh-uh-uh, you'd best steer clear of Prim for a while." Oh, and there's Grade-A Bitch. "She's pretty furious. Isn't that right?"

"Um... yes," Coco timidly agreed.

Then Rarity noticed us. "There you all are! I can't believe it, I thought you went back home!"

"We missed the show because we overslept," Twilight said. "Suri told us you lost. I'm really sorry."

"I lost?" Rarity said. She shook it off. "You know what? I don't even care. I'm just happy you're all still here after how I treated you. Taking advantage of your friendship the way I did. How could you ever see past it?"

"Yeah, you were pretty rotten," Applejack chuckled.

"Wow, Applejack," Rainbow said. "I know your thing is honesty, but come on!"

"Well, I gotta protect my title from somepony here." Applejack playfully jabbed me in the side.

Twilight ignored us. "Last night we may not have seen you at your best, but we know you. And we would never let one thing like that change how we feel about you."

"Yeah," I agreed. "Tight project deadlines tend to do that, even between friends..."

"Oh, thank you!" Rarity exclaimed. "You really are the most wonderful friends a pony could have! You know, I already arranged to make it up to you this afternoon! Hope you're all available for an exclusive performance of Hinny of the Hills!"

In the middle of the group hug, Rarity turned to me. "You too, Stardust. I don't believe you'd be opposed to a second viewing."

I shook my head, smiling. "Of course not."

Something felt off though, but I couldn't quite put my hoof on it. Oh well, I guess we'll find out later if it matters.

<<+>>

The final act of Hinny of the Hills was just finishing up when the show camera came back.

"... And I'm a dancing pony!"

Cheers all around.

"Wow!" Applejack exclaimed. "That was even better than I imagined!"

"I loved it!" Rainbow paused. "Uh, I mean, it was a'ight."

Laughs all around.

"How did you ever get them to agree to do an extra performance just for us?" Twilight asked Rarity.

"Remember my costume designer friend who got me the tickets?" Rarity said. "Well, I offered to make all the costumes for his next show!"

"Um, here in Manehattan?" Fluttershy asked.

"Well, um... yes... it will keep me away from Ponyville for a while."

Sighs all around.

"But I so wanted you to see this show!" Rarity said. "And working for this designer is such a great opportunity!"

"We know," Applejack responded. "We're happy for you, Rarity. We're just sad for us."

Just then, Coco Pommel arrived. Who, I might say, was a pretty mare. Nice creamy coat, interesting shade of mane. Cute personality and manecut. Hm... 8 out of 10, would bang.

<...>

"Mind if I join you?" Coco asked.

"Sure," Rarity smiled. "Come on down."

From her saddlebag, Coco produced a gold trophy.

"This is the first place trophy for Fashion Week." Rarity gasped. "With my name on it! But I thought I lost!"

"You didn't," Coco said. "You won. Suri was hoping that if you didn't claim your prize, the judges would consider it a forfeit and first place would go to her. So she lied to make you and your friends go away, and, well, I lied too. I've worked for Suri for so long, I started to believe that it really is everypony for herself in this city. Until I saw how generous you were with your friends and how generous they were with you. It made me start believing there was something better for me out there. So, I–I quit. I brought you something to say thank you."

Coco pulled out a second item, which appeared to be a spool of thread.

Rarity accepted it, and it appeared she had something on her mind.

"Hm. I suppose you'll need a job now that you're no longer with Suri. How would you like to work for my friend making all the costumes for his next show?"

Coco happily accepted.

And with the show camera focusing on her happy expression, it cut away.

But then Coco turned to me. "Oh, and... I just want to say..." Coco bit her lip. "Yeah, you were right about Suri." She turned her face away, hiding what I assumed was a satisfied smile concerning her resignation.

I chuckled. "The seal of approval is appreciated."

I think that about settles it for this one.

Author's Note

That sucks. But New York was fun!

Greeey! The next chapter is a freeeebieee! But not for me, since I get to go on a road trip!<

Which means you just plug in some personal plot and stuff?

Oh, it can't be that hard!<

Still think you can do that super-rushed schedule?

Maybe we should talk about the current chapter though. That's half of the A/N's purpose.

I'd wager a guess that part of that can also be attributed to Fortresses Over Germaney and her role there.

You know, this was a long chapter.

Also—should be mentioned that the umbrella story was a real personal story. Random generous people do exist!

You know, partially backtracking—speaking of a World War II-themed story... pony Intrepid?

But pony Baltimare?

... War story?

Bonus fun- tab group while writing:

One of these things is not like the other, and got me momentarily confused.

Jump to top

[11] [S4E09]-Pinkie Apple Pie

Another Displaced Human Dilemma
By: [Author]

< 11 >

Pinkie Apple Pie

Page flip.

"So you really can't give me anything substantial, Stardust?"

Twilight was looking through various books concerning Equestrian heritage and regional lineages. She was increasingly interested in my personal history, which I suppose made sense to gather a more complete view of her subject of study. Kind of like knowing family history and ethnicity, to get a more rounded idea of a person's current medical state and probable future issues.

I shook my head in response. "... No." I looked down sadly, doing my best to act the part. "I... I think something may have happened to my memories."

WAIT. Episode?

"Your memories?!" Twilight exclaimed. "I know we've skimmed over this a few times in the past, but you never told me that the extent to which your amnesia is was this bad! Aren't you concerned about it?"

Uh... try not to dig myself in too deep of a hole here... "Uh... not really? I think? I seem to remember the most important parts about myself, and anything else I can't properly recall, I can... seem to remember the right feelings about?"

You know, why do we need to justify whatever this episode start is though? Can't we just say she was on a physical wiki walk?

Twilight frowned. "Well, maybe another time then. It's a complex issue anyways."

She went to a bookshelf to pick out another book. Oh—suddenly, show camera.

"What'cha doin'?!" Pinkie greeted from the opening created from Twilight picking out a book.

Twilight yelped and jumped back in surprise.

"'Aaagh' yourself!" Pinkie climbed onto the shelf and crouched in the tiny space between the books. She giggled. "But that doesn't answer my question, silly."

"Just some genealogical research," Twilight answered.

"Ohhh," Pinkie said, climbing out of the bookshelf. Then she whispered, "I don't know what that is."

"Genealogy is the study of family history," Spike explained, stacking some more scrolls of family lineage onto a pile to the side. "Y'know, where ponies come from and who they're related to."

"Ooh, fascinating." Pinkie decided to grab one of the scrolls. From the bottom.

Twilight tried to protest. "Maybe you should pick one from the..."

Despite that, Pinkie removed a scroll from the bottom of the pile.

... Which didn't fall.

"Geez, Pinkie, I ain't ever playin' Jenga with you," I said.

Pinkie smiled, scroll between her teeth. “Oh hi, Dusty! I thought you were good at it yourself, though.”

“I mean, I’m pretty decent, but not physics-breaking good.”

Twilight, once again, was sidetracked from her original train of thought by two ponies breaking the fourth wall. “What’s Jenga?”

That question was left unanswered as Pinkie was already headed out the door, unrolling the scroll. "Uh-huh... Interesting... I see... Hmm, that makes sense... Not much of a surprise there... WHAT?!?"

We headed for a window to see what Pinkie was up to.

"This is the most amazing thing ever! Why didn't you tell me how amazing this is?!" Pinkie was literally jumping with enthusiasm. "Genealogy is better than cotton candy on top of a fountain of chocolate! You'll never believe who it says I'm related to!"

"... Who?" Twilight asked.

That question was left unanswered as Pinkie had already ran off, taking the scroll with her.

... Wait, so how am I supposed to know the answer to that too?

*Mental gears grinding*... *Thought process turbine spooling*... *Light bulb*

"We should probably go after her."

"... Wait," Twilight said. "You're a pony that seems to be more grounded than Pinkie, yet at the same time, with the capacity to be as weird as her."

My eyes looked away from her. "Yes...?"

"Okay... can you just... can we just... let's start with... what's Jenga?"

Really? You know what? Okay, fine.

"It's a game that involves stacked wooden bricks, and normally adheres to the laws of physics, like friction, and more importantly, gravity," I answered. "Now, don't you think we should go find out what Pinkie was all worked up about?"

I jumped out of the loft window, gliding down to the ground. Soft thuds beside me a moment later confirmed that Twilight had followed.

"Sure," Twilight said. "But while we do, explain this 'Jenga' game to me."

I slowly put my hoof up to my face, lightly sighing in exasperation.

Jenga. Really?

<<+>>

A quick investigation involving questioning random ponies on the street about sightings of the pink pony led us towards Sweet Apple Acres. Along the way, I managed to finish the very simple explanation of what Jenga was and its various rules, and subsequent strategies.

"... What about variations then?" Twilight asked. "I mean, I can see how the base game can be fun, but has anyone ever done anything to put a twist on it? Like, maybe there's trivia questions on the blocks. Or party game actions that someone has to do?"

I rolled my eyes. "Well, being a party game, there's plenty of potential for variations, but the one I remember had the blocks with questions coated with glossy paint, slightly reducing their coefficient of friction."

"Sounds like it could be an interesting way to promote getting the question blocks then," Twilight countered.

"On second thought, the paint didn't affect the blocks' ability to slide that much."

"Still was an interesting thought."

"Why do you seem so obsessed about Jenga?"

"What? I can't be naturally curious about something? I'm learning something new. Surely you've gone on random strings of constant thoughts before, especially if it's something new to you. Admit it, you have. You're just that kind of pony."

I turned to look at Twilight momentarily with a blank expression. Then I looked back straight. "Yeah, okay, fine."

The joys of sharing highly similar thought processes. Writing a fairly authentic Twilight must be so much fun.

I gave an aside glance at an arbitrary spot just a little bit off to my other side with a blank expression. Then I looked back straight forward.

Yeah, okay, fine.

"Hey, we're here," Spike announced from his perch on Twilight's back.

And just as we arrived, a wagon pulled by Big Macintosh was leaving. On it, Applejack, Apple Bloom, Granny Smith, and... Pinkie Pie.

"... Now where are you all headed?" I asked.

"We're off to find out if I'm actually a distant relative of Applejack's!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"That's... great!" Twilight said, doing her best to try and make sense of her day so far.

"Apple family road trip!" Apple Bloom happily yelled.

"Eeyup," Big Mac added, succinctly as always.

"Pinkie found this family lineage that says she's a fourth cousin twice removed of ours," Applejack explained, "but it was smudged near the end, so we couldn't be sure. So we're headed down to Cousin Goldie Delicious's place to see if she has anythin' to confirm."

"I can see why lineage might be a little hard to trace in this specific case," I said to myself, somewhat jokingly.

"Aw, that's not nice, Dusty!" Pinkie said. "Even though you said it real quiet, I can read the narration you know!"

Everyone just looked at me oddly, in silence.

"The Apple family aren't just a bunch of stereotypical rednecks!"

"Pinkie!" I yelled.

The Apples raised their eyebrows at me.

"Is that what you think?" Applejack asked.

"It was an obligatory joke, geez!" I exclaimed.

"Obligatory?" they echoed.

My expression turned into defeat. "I blame Pinkie."

That seemed to satisfy them. I think.

Thankfully, Twilight broke the awkwardness. "Well, you all just have a great time on your trip! I'm sure it'll be a great experience no matter the outcome."

With that, Big Mac started pulling them along again.

"Thanks, Twi!" Applejack waved. "See ya'll later."

"Bye, Dusty!" Pinkie yelled. "Have fun on your own doing stuff! Freebie freestyle chapter!"

I could only just lift a hoof up and wave back awkwardly.

Eventually, the Apple wagon was far enough away. Twilight turned to me. "What is up between you two? Pinkie's always been weird, but adding you into the picture?"

I looked away. "Just ignore it and/or accept it. I try to. It's a lot simpler that way. Trust me when I say that there's nothing to worry about."

"If you say so..."

<<+>>

Twilight, Spike, and I were back at the library, finishing what time left we had in Twilight's planned session.

"Okay, so you don't remember much about your family history?" Twilight asked, back in her books and notes.

I shook my head.

"Well, it would've been nice to know if late cutie mark discovery ran in the family," Twilight said. "I mean, I've heard stories about things like it, but there doesn't seem to be any actual documented cases."

"Sorry that's all I could give you," I said.

"I couldn't find any references to late cutie mark discovery as relating to your home region," Twilight continued. "There's a few records about it in other places, but no major cultures have had it as a part of their life."

"Is the cutie mark really that essential to have a proper life though?" I asked. "I mean, have you found any cases where ponies get by without them?"

Are you breaking allowed-meta and not-allowed-meta rules again?

I felt a light smack in the back of my head. Okay, fine. I'll shut up about it.

Twilight shook her head. "If there are, I don't have any books on it. A pony that can get by fully well, happy, and satisfied with their life without their cutie mark is, I think, unheard of. It's just such a defining part of a pony's identity and spirit."

After all this time and all the pony I've been exposed to, I don't think I've still fully accepted the idea of a flank tattoo and the essence it holds as something that should determine a pony's life. Still, magic land, magic universal laws. Their souls or life energy or whatever have tons of tangible, interactive ways of being messed around with.

"Why aren't there any prominent cases of ponies without cutie marks making it through their lives okay?" I asked.

Twilight shrugged. "The lack of a cutie mark just isn't something most ponies are made to live with. It's like... their life just drains out of them and they can't hold themselves together, until eventually..."

"So... they get depressed," I said. "Then what, high suicide rates?"

"It's not exactly depression," Twilight corrected. "In many cases it is, but not always. The suicide statistic is also one that's debatable. Some of these ponies just... run out, for lack of any terms I can come up with right now."

"Right, okay. So, if I'm getting this right, free life until maybe puberty, then once a pony's hit physical maturity, their... essence starts draining because they don't have a boost or whatever it is a cutie mark provides?"

Twilight considered her response. "Pretty much." She paused. "Not trying to scare you, or anything. That's why we're here, trying to work it out."

You know, I think this whole cutie mark business is exclusively an Equestrian thing, which seems like a big liability for them. But there must be some advantage that I'm not aware of. Maybe I'll figure it out eventually, or find a book that explains it. For now, there was something else about the 'cutie mark life essence' bugging me.

"Well what about me?" I asked. "I feel fine. I seem to be doing fine."

"Hm..." Twilight thought over it. "Maybe. Maybe you are, maybe you aren't but we just don't know." She shook her head. "You really are an incredibly strange pony, Stardust."

Hey, as long as she doesn't decide to poke through my soul or my memories, everything should be fine, and my secret of being a former human tossed into Equestria remains safe. I like to believe Twilight wouldn't break a professional agreement to not violate my privacy unless I explicitly give her permission to.

"Hey, Twilight," Spike suddenly said. "I've finished sorting all of the ancestry documents." By him were a few stacks of scrolls, the same from earlier before Pinkie showed up.

"Why do you have all of those with you?" I asked Twilight. "Wouldn't those kinds of things be better suited to be stored at, I dunno, town hall?"

"Copies," Twilight answered. "Ponyville keeps at least two separate copies of old documents, like ancestries and lineages. Besides, as public information, it's also suited for being here at the library."

"I see..."

I just gotta say, this feels like a lot of filler...

All from the opening sequence of an episode?

"Hey, Stardust," Twilight said.

I turned my attention back to her. "Yeah?"

"Are you doing anything after this?"

I thought about it for a moment. "Not really, no. Why?"

"Great!" Twilight stood up and walked out of the loft balcony. I heard the sound of leaves rustling and something being cut. She walked back in with a length of tree branch in her telekinetic grasp. "I've always wanted to practice basic craftsponyship spells a little more."

I raised an eyebrow. "What do you—"

There was a flash of magic. The spell had transformed the branch into—

"There!" Twilight said. "Fifty-four perfectly identical wooden blocks, down to fractions of a millimeter!"

I put a hoof to my face. "Oh god."

"So let's play Jenga!"

How, how did this chapter turn into Jenga?! Yes, I'm talking to you-me!

I continued staring is slight disbelief as Twilight stacked the 3x18 tower in a matter of seconds with her telekinesis.

Because I'm in another dimension where the game probably didn't exist up until this point.

It's a bit ridiculous.

I just... ugh.

"Spike!" Twilight called out. "Want to join?"

"Sure," Spike smiled as he walked over.

I noticed a problem. "Hey, this is a bit unfair... you have magic and Spike has claws."

Twilight raised a brow. "So? You've played this game before apparently, so clearly you have your own way of playing."

Yeah, it involved appendages I no longer have. "Well..."

I moved around my current set of appendages in an attempt to figure out the best way to go about it. In the process, I moved around my third set of limbs that I'm almost used to remembering exist.

Oh, right. Pegasus wings have some interesting dexterity to them, right?

"Two ways to go about it," I continued. "Could use a pencil or wing." I moved around my right wing as emphasis.

Twilight levitated over two pencils. "I guess I'll try not to use my magic. It'll be more fair that way."

"Okay then." I looked around at the three of us, sitting around the neat, undisturbed wooden tower. "Well, Twilight, you built it, so you go first."

Twilight looked at the tower thoughtfully, then picked up her pencil in her magic. She paused, tapped her chin with it a bit, then finally put it between the feathers of her wing.

I suppose that's the best way to get some accuracy while maintaining enough control and force to move around an artificial manipulator.

Twilight went with a conservative choice of poking out a center block in the top half of the tower, tapping the pencil with a hoof. It fell through, and upon landing on the floor, she picked it up in her magic and put it in the air in front of her. Using both wings, she grabbed it with the tip of her feathers, then gently placed it on top of the stack.

"There!" Twilight said, pleased with her start, not using her magic in any gameplay-impacting way. "You go next."

"Okay then," I said. I looked at the stack and considered my options. I picked up my pencil in a wing, feeling out how accurate my control of it was.

It wasn't as ideal as actually having fingers, but pegasus wings had some surprising control to them. Cartoon anatomy, yay!

I decided to play dangerously and go for a bold move. Lower half, get an edge piece. The key was short motions—preferably one swift one, but any motion that was not long and drawn out would preserve the stability of the tower.

I tapped around, looking for the loosest block I could find. It was pretty hard to, actually, since apparently Twilight's magic woodworking spell made for really precise sizes. Though, in another sense, such precision-made blocks made the game easier, as there were less imperfections in the block surfaces.

I aimed the pencil at an edge block and gave the back end a really strong hit with my hoof.

The block jumped out length-wise, leaving the tower with a momentary tremor. I moved around the stack to pick it up in both wings as Twilight did, and placed it next to her block on top of the stack.

"Hm," was Twilight's thoughtful commentary on it.

"Hm," Spike also hummed, but more confidently.

"Can't keep taking from the centers forever," I said.

"Well, you can from the layers being built," Twilight noted, "once the lower ones all run out."

"Hm," I commented back. True. Though, eventually we'd run out of blocks. I'd do the math to figure out at what point that would be but...

... Eighteen... three... nine... then nine... by three... so three... then one. Eighteen... nine... three... one.

Something like thirty-one valid moves, centers only?

I looked back at the action, and Spike was considering doing the same as I did. He aimed at an edge block, then flicked a claw. He had to do it a few times, but finally got it out with little disturbance to the overall tower.

"Ha ha!" Spike cheered.

Lucky bastard, still having digits at the end of his limbs.

I still can't believe you've done this.

<<+>>

The next day, I happened to catch the Apples coming back from their trip, with what looked like a different wagon than the one they left with. They also looked a little worse for wear, but at the same time, pretty happy.

About the same time, Twilight found them. Being one of the ponies that saw them off, I thought it would be appropriate if I went over and greeted them back, along with Twilight.

"Applejack!" I heard Twilight greet as I neared.

"Oh, hey there, Twilight!" Applejack waved from her seat in the wagon. "Hey, Stardust!"

"So?" I asked, walking alongside the slowly rolling wagon. "How was your trip?"

"Mm..." Applejack took a moment to consider her answer. "Eventful. Very eventful."

"Did you find out if Pinkie is a long lost relative if yours?" Twilight asked.

Applejack shook her head. "Naw. Turns out, Goldie Delicious's family tree was also smudged."

"Oh gee, what a coincidence..." I commented to myself quietly, rolling my eyes.

"Who cares?!" Pinkie exclaimed. "The trip was so much fun anyways!"

"How so?" Twilight asked.

With that prompt, Applejack recounted the events of the episode which I was not around to see. The Apple family learned quite a few lessons during that time, it seems.

All in all, it sounded pretty fun. Though with Pinkie along, I guess that was a given.

<<+>>

A scene of the Apple family in their living room, with Pinkie Pie.

It looked like they were just having a good time, but are now in an argument of sorts.

The scene goes out of focus as Pinkie appears in the foreground.

"Look at me! I'm part of the Apple family too! I'm arguing! Argue, argue, argue! Bicker, bicker!"

<...! Wait—Pinkie?! How did you—?! Stardust—I—we're not even here?! How—WHICH FOURTH WALL ARE YOU BREAKING?!>

"All of them!"

She goes over to join the Apples in their mild conflict over who got to wrote in the journal entry.

"Apple core fade-out!"

Author's Note

But I was in suuuch a good mood! Besides, it seemed like you needed an out anyways.<

Right... and I... got stuck in a near-filler chapter?

Grey didn't take as much of an advantage as he could with the freebie chapter!<

You mean to say, you got too lazy to research other possible avenues of exploring Ponyville.

You've been away for far too long. This shouldn't really be an issue.

Not if we were back in his prime! And Grey is still slacking on keeping up with the series!<

Jump to top

[12] [S4E10]-Rainbow Falls

Another Displaced Human Dilemma
By: This Eccentric Pegasus

< 12 >

Rainbow Falls, Projectiles Drop

Page flip.

"Equestria Games, huh..."

I was looking through Ponyvile's newspaper detailing the upcoming Equestria Games. So far, I'd pretty much gotten the gist of it.

Ah...

Well, besides that—or in the light of that—it's, well, yeah the Olympics. But not exactly the modern Olympics. No, it's more like the ancient, original, Greek Olympics, in the sense that it's mainly a national event for the country's cities to compete against each other, with participation from non-professional athletes.

At least, if I-and-author are remembering our history right.

"You interested in it, Stardust?"

I looked up towards Lucky, who was sitting across from me eating breakfast. It was another quiet morning, but today, just between us two.

"Well, is there anything you can tell me about it that I might not know?" I asked. "Other than you not being allowed to compete."

Lucky shrunk a bit at the remark, clearly a little annoyed at the mention. He straightened up, "Do you think you'd want to try your hoof at an event? There are some events where Ponyville's not particularly strong at, and even some we're absent in."

"What events is Ponyville not good at?"

He put a hoof to his chin. "Well, let's see... I'd say Ponyville suffers in race-specific events. Since we're only a moderately-sized town, it's not that easy to find talent when the applicant pool is narrowed."

"Race-specific? So, for example, me as a pegasus—what events might I enter that Ponyville doesn't have good contenders for?"

"Well, Ponyville has all of the basic flying track events filled," Lucky said. "Our best fliers are already on the sprints and the relay. Honestly though? I'd just say if you're really interested in competing, just join our team heading over to Rainbow Falls for qualifiers this week. They allow sign-ups on location. Just make sure you notify one of our team coordinators."

I'd expect there to be some list of ponies I could go to, but because the author of this story is both lazy and on an accelerated schedule, I figure Twilight would suffice.

Your fault. Scene cut.

<<+>>

"Hey there, new guy!"

I was patiently sitting in my seat on the train when suddenly, I was greeted by prominent background pony Thunderlane. By this point, we were already on our way to Rainbow Falls. I guess Thunderlane wanted to see who else was aboard.

"Been hearing a bit about you around town. You've been working with Twilight Sparkle for the past few months on something, right?"

"Yeah, that's right," I answered.

"Cool. I'm Thunderlane," he introduced himself. Then he pulled aside another pegasus who was a clear mish-mash of various character designs—primary color scheme of Lightning Dust with a mane-cut almost similar to Twilight. "Oh—and this is Helia. And we're Ponyville's premier aerial sprinters! How 'bout you?"

"I'm Stardust," I responded. "I... was told I could head over there and see what events Ponyville didn't have any entrants in yet."

"Newcomer with fighting spirit for Ponyville!" Thunderlane exclaimed. "I like it. Well, good luck there, Stardust. There's a number of events to choose from. Pick wisely—competitors are only allowed to enter one event."

"We're just walking around to see the other Ponyville teams," Helia said. "Maybe you should talk to the others and find out what you could enter in before we get to Rainbow Falls."

"Yeah!" Thunderlane agreed. "Come on with us, the next car's full of really enthusiastic ponies. No doubt they might help you come up with something."

"Well..." I considered the offer. I guess there'd be no harm in just trying to come to a decision early. "Okay then."

Thunderlane and Helia walked down the train's aisle into an adjacent car, and I trailed behind them closely.

Before I even entered the next car, I already heard Helia greet the ponies. "Good luck, Rainbow Dash!"

Oh, it's them. I should've guessed. Upon seeing the interior of the car I noticed that there was a show camera rolling. So, episode point.

"Sorry we couldn't fly with you on the Aerial Relay, but the air sprinters needed us too."

"Too bad we can only compete in one event," Thunderlane added. He sighed. "But, rules are rules."

"Good luck!" Twilight said. She turned to Rainbow. "It was nice of you to be part of the team that doesn't have... uh... the strongest flyers."

I looked around. Putting it lightly and politely there, Twi...

"Nothing nice about it," Rainbow said. "I know that I can pick up the slack for anypony. With me on the team, we'll qualify. I'm sure of it."

Wow, what an ego. Though, you do wonder if her ability to back it up gives her the privilege to be that way.

"Ponyville is very lucky to have you," Twilight said.

As long as Rainbow doesn't push it and be and ass about it, right?

"Yeah, I'm pretty awesome," Rainbow agreed.

Eye roll. Oh, Rainbow.

"Oh, hey there, Stardust!" Twilight said, finally noticing me. "Didn't expect to see you here."

"Yeah, Dust!" Rainbow greeted. "You trying out for any events? Ponyville could always use more fliers—and I know you've got some edge," she grinned.

I walked over to their spot and sat down across form them. "To be honest, I'm not sure what events I could enter."

"If I got one tip for ya, don't sell yourself short," Rainbow said. "You're a pegasus—you've got wings! Go for a pegasus event if you can."

"I agree," Twilight said. "We've seen what you can do. Competitors should always aim to enter an event that's specific to their race."

"And the pegasi events are the coolest!" Rainbow added. "You can't beat heart-racing high speed!"

I have to admit, Rainbow's hype was getting to me. "Okay, I appreciate the pep talk, but that doesn't exactly tell my what my options are."

Rainbow scrunched her face. "Well, I guess you'll just have to wait when we get there, yeah." She poked a hoof into my chest. "But you gotta enter a pegasus event, Dust."

"Alright, Dash, I got it."

Meanwhile, while the three of us were having a conversation, apparently Pinkie—apparently taking the role of cheerleader—Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, and... the white, big, muscly, burly pony were all doing something else in the train car.

What was his name? Snowflake?

"Oh, meet Ponyville's aerial relay team," Rainbow explained. "Me, Fluttershy, and Bulk Biceps."

BULK. BICEPS.

Ohhhh why did that sound forced.

Rainbow looked away, but also had a smirk on her face. "We've got this."

<<+>>

The train arrived at our destination of Rainbow Falls.

"Wow, this is really scenic," I commented as we walked along.

"It is, isn't it?" Rarity agreed beside me. "Such a nice town that we have the wonderful opportunity to visit."

"No time for sightseeing for some of us here," Rainbow said. "We've got business to handle. You too, Stardust."

We continued walking, passing by a lot of training athletes. There was even a team of griffons off to one side. Interesting.

And wow, do those wing exercises... look painful. Wing pushups? Wing bench presses? Geez... pegasus and griffon wings are weird.

"There's Rainbow Dash!" I heard a stallion exclaim. "She's an awesome flyer!"

"I heard that she's flying the last third of the relay," his conversation partner said, "which means everypony else is gonna have to be way ahead to beat her!"

Wonderful ego-boosts. But I guess commentary like that is only natural.

Then, there was a boom in the sky.

"The Wonderbolts!"

Which begs the question—what exactly was the boom? Sound barrier? Then what's the Rainboom?

Well... I guess I'll find a book later to exposition it to the audience?

Just explain some dynamics in a few sentences please...

<... Fine. Sound barrier—linked to airspeed and air pressure. 'Rainboom'—linked to a winged individual's flight magic and their physical potential to exert it, bottlenecked by some physical interactions concerning wing anatomy... or something. Most good fliers can break the sound barrier within their normal potential. When the physical limit of exertion is surpassed, flight magic undergoes some reaction that's like hitting the afterburners instead of the pegasus pushing themselves to fly faster. 'Rainboom' is a phenomenon that occurs when this stream of magic interacts with the pressure wave from sonic booms when flying faster than the speed of sound.>

... That's a lot of weird mixing of magic and physics. Let's not do that again for a while.

Maybe you should continue writing that series then...

"I hear they're flying for Cloudsdale," another pony said. Right, back to Wonderbolts.

"Then Cloudsdale will definitely qualify. They're the best flyers ever."

Yeah, that'll probably happen when you bring an elite, professional team to compete against amateurs. Geez, the things that happen for a cartoon plot.

The Wonderbolts landed in front of Rainbow.

"And the game is on!" Spitfire declared.

"Hah, nice to see there's some real competition here!" Soarin added.

"Two more days of practice, then we'll see you in the air, Rainbow Dash!" Fleetfoot said "If you're lucky."

With that, the pros walked off.

I heard Rainbow sigh a bit. She turned to the others. "The Wonderbolts know a winner when they see one, and we'll be winners just as soon as we practice! Right team?"

"Right," Fluttershy agreed.

"Yeah!" Bulk Biceps agreed with his normally enthusiastic catchphrase.

"Hooray!" Pinkie cheered.

There was some pause as Twilight seemed to be waiting for some cue. "And, um, I'm with her! Hooray!"

We noticed off to the side that Cloudsdale had their own small cheerleading squad doing their own routine. Which led to Pinkie wanting some pompoms.

<<+>>

I stuck around a little bit longer to see Rainbow and her team start training. Not much to talk about. They were... struggling. Yeah. Typical to create a plot conflict and humor I guess.

Applejack was also trying to launch up some of her apple brown betties with her tail. She... got direct hits, so she had good aim. Just... needed to be a little more precise.

After that, I left Rainbow to her own devices and adventure, and whatever drama she'll manage to cook up this time. Speaking of Rainbow, my biggest takeaway was Rainbow mentioning that they needed to be one of the first four teams to cross the finish line. So I do gotta ask... why are qualifiers restricted by team amount, and not performance?

By convenience of the plot, I had already made my way to the main location for the event officials.

"Hi there," a mare greeted me from behind a table. "What can we help you with today?"

"I'd like to enter an event," I answered simply. "I don't know what pegasus events Ponyville doesn't have entires for yet, though."

"Oh, okay. I'll have somepony find out and put together a list," she said, just before delegating the task to another pony. After she was done with that, she turned back to me. "Anything else we can do?"

"Actually, one thing—I just have a question."

"Sure."

"Why are some qualifiers restricted by team amounts?"

The mare answered right away. "Those events are typically the ones where there's a lot of cities and towns around Equestria aiming to enter, so each location holding qualifiers is given a quota to fulfill, no more, no less. For less common events, there's usually no limit to amount of competitors, but the qualifiers are just to ensure that the entrant is properly qualified to compete in the event. You know, has the capability to perform, won't endanger others, normal barriers for entry."

"Ah, makes sense."

Good application of logic. And... okay, on that second part.

"Oh!" the mare exclaimed. "Here's the list of flying events that Ponyville has no entrants in."

I gave my thanks, and took the list over to a table by the side to look through.

The list had all of the possible events, but the events where we didn't have any ponies competing were clearly demarcated. With some imagination on the author's part, I probably could've named some interesting, pegasus-only events, but it seemed that the author was too hung up on figuring out a single word he couldn't remember but desperately wanted to try and use, so his imagination wasn't working.

I scanned the list for open spots. One familiar sport caught my eye. "Biathlon."

Wait, seriously? As in, we go long distances... then do target shooting. With rifles.

Seriously?

This is a gift. It's a gift, isn't it.

I practically ran back and signed up for it as fast as I could. Pegasus biathlon. Oh, what fun is in store.

<<+>>

"You know how to use one of these?"

I found myself in a relatively secluded corner of Rainbow Falls, away from most of the crowds. I think the episode drama had already started—I heard something about Soarin getting rescued by Rainbow. But I really couldn't care. Behind the stallion in front of me was a wonderful sight.

I stared at the rack of target rifles behind him. "Of course."

The official gave me a short stare back, then turned around and pulled one from the rack. "Alright, let's see it."

I took the rifle in hoof as he placed down two small magazines of what was probably, if not an equivalent to, .22LR.

And maybe a little generic HiE? After all—firearms.

We can only hope so!

He pointed off to the side. "Five targets. Eight shots available per round. You know how the rest works?"

I nodded, and the official gave me permission to continue.

I took one magazine—in a hoof, which was... weird, and loaded it into the recess in the rifle.

Cartoon problems!

I laid down, taking the prone position shots first.

Pull the bolt handle back... Mmm... that's a smooth straight-pull bolt. Didn't think I'd find this in Equestria.

Push back forward, chamber a round, and lock.

Take aim.

Pull.

There was the satisfying 'pop' of a small-caliber round, and I think my pony ears were sensitive enough to hear the whiz of the bullet as it flew through the air.

Then... nothing.

"Alright, not too bad," the stallion said from behind me. "Get a warm-up in."

I cocked my head in slight frustration. Look, I never competed in this kind of target shooting as a human, but I had decent experience with rifles, including these kinds of target rifles.

This was Equestria. I think I should be able to do pretty damn good in a land of cartoon ponies...

Fine. Warm-up. I need to get used to hooves and forelegs and this anatomy for precision shooting...

I released a low growl of frustration in my throat. Alright then, bolt pull, eject, push, chamber, lock. Aim.

Pull.

*Ping.*

Now that's more like it.

Repeat. *Ping.* Repeat. *Ping.* Repeat. *Ping*. Repeat. *Ping*.

Pull, eject, magazine release. And then check the chamber again.

I stood up and looked at the official, who had a hint of approval on his face.

He nodded towards the second loaded magazine. "Second round."

Fair enough. Standing and shooting. Now there's an interesting one. Pony anatomy is weird. But it still works.

Won't bore you with the details on this one. I spent all eight allotted cartridges on this one, but hey—still got all five targets.

Upon finishing, I looked back at the official. "Do I have to do the flying part to fulfill the qualifiers too?"

"You do, but qualifiers aren't today," he answered. "It's just a fifteen kilometer aerial course for the qualifiers, but of course, in the Equestria Games you may do the thirty kilometer course instead."

"I see."

"That was some good shooting," the stallion finally said. "Who are you representing?"

"Ponyville," I answered.

His eyes went a little wide at that. "Ponyville? Didn't expect to see talent like this suddenly pop up from a place like Ponyville."

I gave him a questioning look.

"The biathlon and similar sports have always been traditionally been dominated by Cloudsdale—you know, pegasi warrior heritage, so they take pride in their abilities and maintaining them. In recent years, coming in behind Cloudsdale have been the Gryphons that enter. Kind of same mentality there. No other teams really put up numbers as notable as those two."

"Well," I said, somewhat confidently, "I'll see if I can give them a run for their money this year then."

<<+>>

I headed back, towards the main town, deciding that I should notify the others of the new development on my end. However, I couldn't find Rainbow or the others in the training area. I asked around, and to my surprise, Rainbow had been injured, and her friends had gone to see her at the medical center.

And so that's where I went.

It didn't take much more questioning to find Rainbow's location once there. However, there was a very interesting certain pony waiting outside of the door. A certain, notable gray pegasus.

Derpy waved at me. Or is it Ditzy?

"And how is our patient doing?" That was Fluttershy, from inside the room.

"I've been better," Rainbow replied. Hearing her speak, I figured I should step inside also.

"We just wanted to let you know that we're so sorry you're hurt, but you shouldn't worry a bit about not being able to be in the tryouts. We'll be alright," Fluttershy said.

I stepped inside just then.

"... We even have a replacement."

I halted in my tracks. "Wait, um—"

With that, every pony in the room turned their heads toward me. Also, a show camera was like, way in my face.

"Oh, Stardust!" Fluttershy exclaimed. "We didn't know you'd be here."

"You know," Rainbow said quietly, looking away, "I wouldn't mind Star..."

I stepped aside, and Ditzy stood in the doorway waving the Ponyville flag.

Rainbow just stopped speaking.

"Wrong gray pegasus..." Fluttershy said.

Is this some kind of joke?...

"I think it's hilarious!" Pinkie exclaimed. "Who is the gray pegasus right now?"

"Oh, wow, really? Neat! I never noticed!"

With the short interruption from schizophrenic-appearing Pinkie over, Fluttershy continued speaking with Rainbow. "We're so, so sorry that you can't compete. We all know how much you love to fly. And we promise—

"Cross our hearts!" Bulk Biceps exclaimed.

"—That if we qualify and make it to the Equestria Games and all win gold medals, you can have ours, because we know how much a gold medal means to you."

"Thanks..." Rainbow said, looking like she had a lot to think about.

Twilight cleared her throat. "I think Rainbow Dash might need to rest some more."

With that, everyone got up to leave.

"Don't forget your betties!" Applejack exclaimed on the way out.

As I passed the doorframe, I heard Twilight say a few last words. "You know, choosing not to choose isn't really a decision."

After that, she stepped out into the hallway, immediately coming face to face with me.

"What did that mean?" I asked Twilight.

Twilight sighed. She looked at me, not saying anything. She was clearly wondering whether to fill me in on details or not. "Look, if I tell you, can you keep this between us?"

"Sure, yeah, okay."

Twilight sighed again, then began walking as she talked. "So, Cloudsdale's team, the Wonderbolts, just had an accident with one of their teammates. Since he's been out, the Wonderbolts' relay team needed another pony to help them practice, and, you know, Rainbow's there..."

Sounds like the episode's drama.

"So what happened? Why does it seem like only you know about this?" I asked as we walked. It seemed like an awfully big detail for others to miss out on.

Twilight rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Rainbow's hid it pretty good. She's... fast like that. But then the Wonderbolts offered her a permanent spot on their team, and... you know Rainbow and the Wonderbolts."

"I thought the Equestria Games were by city?" I asked. "Why would Rainbow even be able to compete for Cloudsdale? Wouldn't that be against the regulations or something?"

"Rainbow is a Cloudsdale native, so she could technically represent them, as her hometown," Twilight answered.

Oh, right.

"Makes sense," I replied. "But I feel like there should be some residency clause in there."

Twilight shrugged. "Well, there isn't. So, Rainbow took a third choice and just didn't decide at all."

With that, Twilight broke away at a faster walking pace, headed to oversee the ongoing practice. She seemed to have a bit of a heavy load to take care of right then and there, so I guess I'd just leave her be until later.

<<+>>

Even though I let Twilight go ahead of me, I still trailed behind her to go see how Ponyville's fliers were doing. And they were... sitting down, contemplating their fate.

"Even with Rainbow Dash's replacement, I don't think we're gonna qualify," Twilight said to everyone frankly. "No offense."

"Gah!" Pinkie exclaimed, pointing at a huge pile of pompoms. "What am I gonna do with all these now?!"

"Uh, what were you gonna do with them before?" Applejack pointed out.

Meanwhile, Rarity sighed. "Maybe my Equestria Games uniforms will still be in style next year. I mean, I am pretty fashion-forward."

Then, we saw—

"Is that Rainbow Dash... walking?" Twilight said.

Everyone, including the Wonderbolts, watched the pegasus attentively.

"Does... this mean you're feeling better?" Fleetfoot of the Wonderbolts asked.

"I-I feel great," Rainbow stammered, "because... I was never hurt in the first place."

Cue gasps.

"I faked my injury so that I wouldn't have to choose between flying for Ponyville or Cloudsdale," Rainbow explained. "I wanted to fly with you both, and the decision was too hard!"

"Oh, Rainbow Dash, you don't have to choose us," Fluttershy said. "I know you love to win, and you should go with the team that surely will."

"I know now who I should've been loyal to," Rainbow said.

"Good choice," Spitfire said. "Always stick with the winners."

Gosh, what a pretentious dick. Aviator hotshots.

<*Snicker.*>

"Ponyville," Rainbow declared. "Because it's not just where I live, but it's where my friends are. The ponies who really care about me, whether I can help them win a race or not."

Cue cheers from the Ponyvillians.

"Are you sure that's the right decision?" Spitfire asked.

"You lied to me about Soarin's wing just so you could get a better flyer!" Rainbow exclaimed. You may be a winning team, but you're still not the kind of team I wanna be a part of."

WHOOOAAAAA. Sports scandals!

"Huh. Rainbow Dash, you are something. Saw it at the Academy, seeing it again here. We could learn a lot from a competitor like you."

"Think we already have," Fleetfoot agreed.

Spitfire turned towards Soarin, who had followed Rainbow onto the scene. "Ready to fly?"

"Really?" Soarin looked relieved.

"Never should've lied and tried to replace you to begin with," Spitfire admitted.

Soarin gasped in joy. "Go, Cloudsdale!"

Yeah, you keep tellin' yourself that, buddy.

... Seriously though, wow. These 'professionals' really are something, aren't they.

But that's some really weak moral compass on them, methinks, for 'elites'. At least judging from that dialogue.

<<+>>

So, with Rainbow carrying the team on her back—figuratively, of course—Ponyville qualified. Because Rainbow's speed stats are overpowered, so yeah. In a display of gratitude and respect, Spitfire also gave Rainbow her Wonderbolt pin.

We were back from Rainbow Falls by now, and I just watched Rainbow exit the front door of Twilight's library home.

"Hey there, Dust!" Rainbow greeted as we approached each other.

"What's up, Rainbow," I greeted back.

"Nothin' much," Rainbow replied. "Just finished writing a bit of a journal entry for our Friendship Journal that Twilight keeps." She changed the subject. "So how are you, Mister Ponyville Biathlon Representative?"

"Feeling good," I said. "I need a find a way to practice my marksponyship skills though..."

"I'm sure you'll figure it out. Later!" With that, Rainbow flew off, and I entered the library. Naturally, I was here to talk with Twilight about some stuff, but I saw the journal open on a podium just straight from the entrance.

So I decided to read it.

Oh, I can't deny it. I love to win! But if I ever gotta choose between winning and being loyal to my friends, I'm always gonna choose my friends. 'Cause as much as I love winning, I love them waaaaay more.

I do wonder a bit—you'd think she'd have learned that lesson by now.

Maybe so. I guess she still has to overcome the weight she places on her idols.

Just then, I heard hoofsteps. "Stardust!"

I looked up. "Hi, Twilight. So, I've got to talk about something with you..."

Author's Note

That's... uh, well, at least we're back within a very reasonable amount of time.

Ah, the ol' tip-of-the-tongue phenomenon. You must've spent fifteen minutes trying to figure out the word from its definition, and apparently still couldn't come up with it. I guess taking the time away from writing did do some good. Anyways- biathlon.

Everything coming together... because you had time to develop characters and plots from a set point in time, and then work in reverse off of qualities you've given to them at that point in time.

Guns though?

That is very current meta, and concerning a subject I would not like to even think about... Also, at least Rainbow picks friends over winning.

<'Winning'.>

So hard. Bigly!

We are.

Jump to top

[13] [S4E11]-Three's A Crowd

Another Displaced Human Dilemma
By:

< 13 >

Four Doesn't Even Get an Idiom

Page flip.

"Star Swirl the Bearded Traveling Museum in town, for one day, this weekend..."

This morning, I wasn't at Lucky's house, but rather, decided to get up relatively early and just get breakfast at some cafe out in Ponyville. Different sights, different atmosphere. I quite like the atmosphere of quiet mornings in a cafe.

There were only the soft sounds of ponies moving about, all in various paces from slow walks to quickened walks. The occasional voices from ponies ordering breakfast or receiving breakfast. Light conversation for those that were eating with companions.

Then there was me, like a few others, reading the paper.

You know, it was a really interesting thing, to get the news for the day from an actual print newspaper. I felt so detached from everything—a far cry from the 24-hour availability of news back when I was human. Nope, I had to rely on the papers and word of mouth to find out anything that was going on, which involved considerable lag time. Events happen quickly, but their methods of reporting on it and spreading the information to the masses does not.

Whether that's a positive or negative thing, that's a very debatable topic. Personal opinion though, I was able to keep up with the seeming overload of information, and really liked being able to get all the details in with relative accuracy, after collecting from a reasonable amount of sources. Knowing more details makes you more informed, and being more informed allows you to make better decisions and form more complex views.

Maybe. But I think that's nonsense—they have levels of technology that probably put them at a pace roughly equal to that of the early to mid 20th century.

Anyways—a traveling museum? That's... interesting.

It's probably based off of traveling circuses.

Nothing with great magical power, I suppose. Or, I'd hope, knowing Equestria.

Have I ever mentioned how great it is to be able to talk to myself, but be less weird about it because we're technically two different entities?

At least we both keep it in our heads.

I got up from my seat, breakfast finished. Your fault making this fic, by the way.

Yeah, I understand.

I headed out the door of the cafe, wondering what I was going to do this morning. I stood outside for a bit, considering my options, but also figuring out what my body felt like doing.

And... weirdly enough, I felt like... just flying a bit. I took off in whatever direction there was to an open fly zone.

Besides, I guess I needed to train for that biathlon anyways.

<<+>>

I'd been flying around Ponyville for a few hours, according to where the sun was when I started and where it was now. I have to say—it's kind of incredible, the distances that can be flown while not tiring out. They say humans had better stamina over their prey, but I guess that didn't include flying things because wow, flying is such cheating. Which is why we invented airplanes, I suppose.

I was pretty winded by the end of my session, so a drink would've been nice. As luck would have it, I was by Fluttershy's cottage. A visit probably wouldn't hurt.

In fact, I just happened to catch Fluttershy as she was out getting her mail.

"Oh, hello, Stardust," Fluttershy smiled as I approached. "What brings you here today?"

"I was just flying around," I replied. "Do you mind if I come inside and have a glass of water?"

"Of course not, come in." Fluttershy welcomed me inside and led me to a table. On it, she dropped off her mail, before going into her kitchen. It didn't take long for her to return with the requested glass of water.

"Thanks." Mm, a nice, refreshing glass of cool water.

As I quietly appreciated said glass of water, Fluttershy opened her mail. One of them appeared to bring her great joy. "Yes! Oh, this is wonderful!"

"Hm?"

"The Equestrian Society for the Preservation of Rare Creatures have given me permission to observe the rarest, tiniest, most adorable magical creatures in all of Equestria – the Breezies!" Fluttershy explained.

"Sounds like an opportunity you've been waiting for."

"It is! I feel like I should tell somepony else! I'm just so excited!" Fluttershy looked around, as if expecting there would be someone else in the vicinity. Finding none, she took the letter under her wing and left out the front door.

"Uh... I should probably go check it out," I told myself out loud, to nobody in particular. Well, what would be nobody, were it not for the always-present other me-entity.

This is probably a lead-up to an episode, isn't it.

No response.

You know, I've gotten used to these kinds of things actually being answered, so the lack of one really doesn't inspire confidence in me.

<<+>>

"... Wow, Fluttershy, that's fantastic!"

Trailing Fluttershy led me to Twilight's treehouse. All roads lead to Twilight, I guess, when an episode is involved. Then again, my current relationship with Twilight is the reason why everything's worked out so far.

"Oh, it's not just fantastic; it just might be the best news ever!" Fluttershy said.

And as I entered the room, so did Pinkie.

"I just got the most incredible mail anypony's ever received in all of recorded pony postal history!" Pinkie exclaimed. "It's a flyer about a one-day sale on used patio furniture! Aah! Could this day get any better? Woo-hoo!"

Yeah, keep me away from that. I don't have money to spend. Oh—and I noticed the show camera for a second, but it disappeared right away.

"Hiya, Stardust!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"So what news brings you here?" Twilight asked, a grinning, expecting look on her face.

"Fluttershy's news, actually," I said, frankly. "I was there when she got the letter, then she got so excited, she ran off to tell someone else." I paused a bit, but then transitioned into changing the topic. "So what big news did I miss here?"

"Princess Cadance—Twilight's sister-in-law—is visiting this weekend," Spike filled me in. "Twilight's really been looking forward to just spending quality time with Cadance, since they've always been really close."

Oh, cool. Cadance. I guess some events will transpire that will lead me to meeting her, so that should be fun.

"Sounds like a great time," I said.

"Ooh, ooh!" Pinkie waved. "Twilight, you should at least introduce Stardust to Cadance! It isn't everyday that a pony gets to meet the Princess of the Crystal Empire!"

"Well..." Twilight said. "I suppose it wouldn't hurt. What do you think, Stardust?"

"Um..." I got hung up on what seemed like a bit of an excuse here.

Pinkie ran up beside me and whispered, "Just say yes! I'm trying to help you and Grey here enter the plot!"

Well, when Pinkie puts it that way, "... I wouldn't mind it. She sounds like a great pony."

"Okay!" Twilight said. "Meet us at the train station this weekend then."

... There's gonna be a catch here, isn't there.

No response.

The lack of a response is worrying.

<<+>>

I found myself on the platform at Ponyville Junction—which I said it will be called from now on—with the rest of the Mane 6. First of order was actually sending Fluttershy off on her trip.

Rarity placed a blanket in Fluttershy's saddlebag. "Here's a wrap, in case it gets cold."

"And I packed you a basket of nice fresh apples in case you get hungry," Applejack added.

"Have a great time!" Twilight said, adjusting Fluttershy's hat.

"Oh, I will," Fluttershy said. "And I hope you have fun with Cadance."

The conductor called all aboard, and in a short moment, Fluttershy was aboard and off, waving to us from the back. And Pinkie with some small antics, for comedy relief. Like getting distracted by this red balloon.

"Oh, I'm a bit nervous about Cadance's visit!" Twilight worried.

"What could you be nervous about, Twilight?" Applejack asked. "Cadance just loves you to pieces!"

"I know, but I really want her visit to go without a hitch!"

"Oh, why wouldn't it?" Pinkie asked.

"Well, the last three times we've seen each other haven't exactly been worry-free," Twilight noted.

"The fate of Equestria has hung in the balance during most of your visits with her," Rarity agreed.

Really though? There was the wedding, the Crystal Empire, and... what's the third one?

Oh, hey, you're back! And... I guess I'll have to take your word on that one.

"Exactly," Twilight said. "Cadance and I haven't really had a chance to just enjoy being friends again. Which is why it is so important that this visit be about the two of us having some real quality time together."

"I'm guessin' you've got a plan that'll keep it that way," Applejack said.

"The timing couldn't be more perfect. For one day only, right here in Ponyville, the Star Swirl the Bearded Traveling Museum! Cadance and I can spend the whole day looking at Star Swirl the Bearded artifacts!"

I didn't want to say it out loud, but... seriously Twi? Not only does that sound a bit lame, but I don't think a traveling museum has enough content to fill a whole day.

"Sounds like a perfect drama-free way to spend the day with Cadance," Rarity declared.

"Not counting the drama surrounding which of the bells from his cloak they've chosen to put on display," Twilight continued, pointing towards an announcement flyer on the wall. "Spoiler alert: it's this one!"

Rainbow, as per usual, found that pretty 'eh'. She made mock coughing actions. "Uh, sorry. Something in my throat... like a big ball of 'lame'!"

See, even Rainbow agrees with me.

"I think it sounds delightful," Rarity countered.

"Yup, definitely sounds like you two will have some real quality time together," Applejack agreed.

"Exactly," Twilight said. "Just quiet time."

There was a loud train whistle from down the track, and a pretty loud train accompanying it. Whoa—was that a... crystal bullet train?

Its brakes screeched as it halted to a standstill in front of us. A door opened up, then came the fanfare. Hey, is that Flash Sentry?

Never mind that, though, Cadance just stepped out. She bowed to Twilight. "Your Highness."

"Your Highness," Twilight replied in kind.

They straightened back up, giggling. "I'm teasing, Twilight. We're sisters-in-law. We don't have to be so formal," Cadance said. Behind her, her train left the station. "Knowing you, you've made some plans."

"Boy, have I," Twilight said.

Shush, I'm trying to pay attention.

I didn't hear the rest of what Twilight said, but she did turn towards us to tell us something. "You guys—"

"Now, now, don't you worry about a thing!" Rarity said. "We will make sure that nothing—but nothing—interferes with your visit."

"Go on, have a hootenanny with your kinfolk," Applejack agreed. And that is one hell of an expression there, AJ.

"You really are the best friends a pony could ever have," Twilight thanked her friends. With that, she chased after the other alicorn. "Coming, Cadance!"

Pinkie sighed happily at the sight. "Two sisters-in-law bonding. Well, I for one am gonna make sure that nothing spoils their day!"

"Heeey," I suddenly realized. "Pinkie, that didn't work at all. Not the way you said it would, at least..."

"Oh!" Pinkie turned back to me. "I know! But it did what it needed to do!"

"Which is..."

We didn't get any further than that before a new sound reached our ears. It was something like... a whistle. We turned our eyes towards the sound, and saw something fast approaching from the sky.

"What is that thing?" Applejack asked.

Rarity's eyes went wide. "Whatever it is... DUUUCK!"

"Rarity, that doesn't look anything like a duck!" Pinkie exclaimed.

Whatever it was crashed into a nearby tree.

"What is that?" Rainbow said.

The tree burst into flames, revealing—"No, not a "what", but a "who", dear."

"Oh, no... That sounds like..."

Everyone knew the name. "Discord!"

As for me? EXIT STAGE LEFT, EXIT STAGE LEFT. With my mind made up very quickly to stay out of the way of this nutjob, I slid away before anyone could notice. However, I was curious enough to stick around in earshot, but away from eyesight.

Is this what you were staying quiet about earlier?

Yeah, yeah. I still want to hear what this guy's up to though.

"What in tarnation are you doin' here?" Applejack asked. "And why the jumpin' June bugs are you blue?"

"More like a shade of cerulean, to be precise," Rarity noted.

"Whatever color you are is the color of trouble!" Rainbow said simply.

"Oh, Rainbow Dash, I've changed, surely you remember?" Discord said. "I was reformed by lovely little—" He interrupted himself holding back a sneeze. "F-F-Fluttershy—" Then he sneezed.

"What are you, sick or somethin'?" Applejack asked.

"Well, of course I'm sick," Discord said. "The blue skin? These sneezes? Could somebody find me a fainting couch?"

There was a bit of a pause.

"What?" Rarity said.

Oh, right. Rarity and her couch-conjuring ability. I guess they were all staring at her right then and there. I peeked out of my cover to see Pinkie pushing over a random pile of luggage.

"How charming, thank you," Discord said, regarding the pile of luggage to sit on. Can't imagine that was too comfortable, but whatever. "I can't stop sneezing and wheezing. In short... I need help."

"If you're so 'sick', why have you come here instead of, y'know, staying home in bed and getting over your weird illness?" Rainbow asked.

"Because this condition has left me helpless, simply helpless!" Discord continued dramatically. Why, I can barely lift a spoon." He continued after some more dramatics that the others weren't really buying. "I came to find the one pony who truly understands me and could nurse me back to health. Where is that dear, sweet Fluttershy? I need attention! I need some care! I need—"

"You need to chill," Rainbow said. "Fluttershy's out."

"Oh, of course, her trip to see the Breezies. Ah, yes, I had forgotten that was today."

"How do you know about her trip?" Applejack asked, rightfully suspicious.

"Well, she told me about it in her last letter," Discord answered.

"You and Fluttershy write each other letters?" Pinkie asked.

"Well, of course we do! We're friends!" Discord exclaimed. "It's just such a shame that today of all days is when I really need her. Oh, well, I know what to do."

"Good thinking," Rainbow said, clearly having enough of the draconequus. "Head on home, put your feet up. I'm sure eventually you'll have the strength to make yourself soup or something..."

"Oh, no-no-no-no-no-no! I mean, while she's gone, you ponies can take care of me! Isn't that what friends are for, taking care of each other?" He grabbed them all in a weird hug that none of them wanted to be part of. "Let the healing begin!"

"Not it!" Rainbow quickly flew off. Can't say I blame her.

And you know what? The longer I stayed here, the longer I risked being discovered. If he hadn't already secretly done so. Yeah, I'm leaving too. Good luck, everyone else.

<<+>>

I found myself wandering through the Star Swirl the Bearded Traveling Museum—

What? I'm curious.

Yeah, yeah, I know that Twilight and Cadance are going to be here. I'll take my chances.

What does that mean?!

Nonsense. You're just not putting enough thought into remembering any of those times.

"Oh, Stardust, didn't expect to see you here!"

I turned towards the greeting and found myself face-to-face with two alicorns. "Oh, uh, hi there, Twilight. I was just, uh, curious, you know." I looked at Cadance and motioned towards her with my hoof. "Should I—I should... bow, right?"

I started bowing down, but kind of slow and awkwardly. I was still struggling with knowing Cadance's character, and the whole 'bowing' thing just felt... a little too formal right now.

Cadance just giggled. "You can rise."

I rose from my near-completed bow. Also, I'd just noticed that Twilight was—"You are... dressed up. As Star Swirl."

"I know, it's great!" Twilight clapped her hooves in delight.

"Who might you be?" Cadance asked me. "You sounded like you know Twilight pretty well."

"Oh." I looked away a bit. "I'm... an associate of hers. I'm working with her on... a topic of her research."

"Oh, nonsense," Twilight said, waving a hoof. "You're a friend, Stardust. We interact frequently enough and intimately enough. An 'associate' doesn't just stay with ponies in a different city to help finish making dresses for Rarity, or help resolve Applejack's apple crop crisis." She turned towards Cadance. "He came here to Ponyville on a journey of self-discovery. He hasn't been able to get his cutie mark yet, and after a short series of events, he agreed to stay in Ponyville as the subject of my study."

I moved my hindquarters around a bit, still feeling awkward at the mention of the lack of the special butt tattoo. Not that moving around stopped Cadance from peeking around to see for herself.

"That's really interesting," Cadance said. "Maybe Twilight will get to share more about your studies and findings later."

"If you say so..."

"Hey!" Cadance explained, with her attention back to the exhibits. "Look! I think this is the candlestick he used to light the way when he was exploring the caverns of Maretania!"

"It sure is!" Twilight agreed.

It was a candlestick on a golden candle holder, inside a glass box. Historical context considered, I guess it was interesting. I have to say though, it was... really plain. No engravings on the candle holder or anything?

"Oh, I can't believe I'm getting to see it in real life!" Cadance said.

I suppose historical value was enough though.

Then it started rattling. A moment later, Twilight and Cadance jumped back in surprise.

Ohhhh no. And again, I'm going to take my leave.

I managed to slip away again, just as Discord appeared in front of the two mares, and sneezed. And again, curiosity got the best of me, so I remained close enough to watch.

"Discord!" Twilight exclaimed. "What are you doing here?!"

"Oh, dear, dear Princesses, I'm sorry to say that I'm sick." Discord continued making sick sounds. "Blue flu."

"Blue flu?" Cadance asked.

"Ah, I fear I've already given it to poor Applejack and Rarity." He sneezed again.

"Magic health bubble," Cadance told Twilight.

"Good thinking." Twilight conjured up said spell, protecting them from any possible contaminants.

"Indeed," Discord agreed, though with clear ulterior motives. "How would Twilight nurse me back to health if she were sick too? You will be letting me stay at your place until I'm all better, won't you?"

Twilight was obviously not happy with the suggestion. "Stay? With me?! Uh, now is not really the best time, though I'm sure you already knew that..."

"But taking in the sick and the desperate—isn't that what Fluttershy would do? Isn't 'helping' something that friends do for friends? Unless, of course, you're really saying that you're not my friend." There goes Discord, playing his gambit cards.

Twilight grit her teeth. "No, that is not what I'm saying."

"Oh, how elated I am to hear that," Discord said, knowing he was winning. "Shall the three of us head back to your place? I don't want to get anypony else sick."

Twilight sighed. "Guess we don't have much choice."

"Carry me?"

"It isn't far," Cadance said. "I think you can manage."

"Oh, poo."

As they left the area, Twilight began looking around, probably in search of me. She managed to catch my eye, then gave me this look of despair.

Dammit, Twi, why?

I'm sure her look was conveying the same thing Discord was saying about helping friends.

<Don't... You don't have to... Twilight wouldn't do that—she wouldn't subject anyone else to the fate of dealing with Discord.>

I grumbled in frustration. Something's just calling me...

Because this is a fun cartoon, and we like FiM a lot for many of its aspects. I'm sure a... chance meeting with Discord would spice up my life a little.

We'll see what 'naturally occurring' plot stuff will get us into. It'll be great.

<<+>>

I opened the door to the Library—

"AAAAAHHHH!—"

—to get swept away by a rushing torrent of water?!

I heard the subtle sounds of some magic, and a moment later, I was back to standing on firm ground.

"Stardust!" Twilight exclaimed. "What are you doing here?!"

I shook my head a bit to reset my mental state, and to dry myself a bit. "Uh..." Across from me was the chaos lord himself, lying in Twilight's bed. "You seem to be having problems."

That caught his attention.

... Whoops?

The draconequus looked at me funny. Then sinisterly. Then curiously. "Well what have we here?"

"Oh no, Discord," I said, immediately deducing what he was thinking about me. "Don't say a word about it."

"Stardust?" Twilight asked, caught off guard by my sudden response to Discord.

"Oh, but it's such a wonderful thing!" Discord exclaimed. "Don't you want to share it with—"

"No. There's no reason why I should."

"What are you two talking about?" Twilight asked, confused.

"Well, just something interesting about your new friend here—"

I felt some strange magic grab me, or really my essence or whatever, and start shaking it. My physical body wasn't too happy with the metaphysical interaction.

"—has, regarding himself."

I wanted to respond in some way, but my body just felt... like it wasn't there. So that's what happens when your soul gets messed with.

"Uh, Stardust, are you okay?" Twilight asked. Her eyes went to Discord's talon, twiddling around like he was toying with something. Which he was. "Discord, stop. You shouldn't do these kinds of things when you're sick."

"Or at all," Cadance added.

"Oh, fine." Discord stopped moving his talon around, and control over myself immediately returned, allowing me to gasp in relief.

"Stardust, what was he talking about?" Twilight asked.

"Nothing you need to know about," I replied, grumbling.

"Really now?" Discord said. "It's not important enough? Well, maybe it isn't right now, but I'm sure she'll find out once it is. Or eventually. Isn't that right, Grey?"

<Shut the fuck up. Go away. And bug the other me that's standing right there. He dragged me along.>

"Hey!" I exclaimed in protest, eliciting a look from Twilight and Cadance.

"Fine," Discord huffed. His expression turned back into his smug, scheming smile. "Well, Grey said to bug you, and I've heard that you've been having strange cutie mark problems, isn't that right? After all, that's why you're staying here in Ponyville, correct? As Twilight's little guinea pig?"

Twilight scowled at the light insult. "How'd you know Stardust is here in Ponyville as a subject of study of mine anyways?"

"Oh, just passed down the grapevine," Discord answered. He turned his attention back to me. "In any case, due to shortcomings of the mastermind-in-charge—

"—there's no good point for you to earn your cutie mark, especially not in the time leading up to a very important meeting with somepony that happens to be an unavoidable fate for you," Discord finished. "So you know what—mastermind-in-charge actually came up with a pretty good new plan to solve it!"

"Mastermind-in-charge?" Cadance asked suspiciously. "Concerning a cutie mark? I don't like the direction this is going."

"Neither do I," Twilight agreed.

"Don't fret," Discord waved his paw. "It's nothing you're not familiar with." Then he grinned. "It's just me—the most fantastic deus ex machina device the FiM fandom has to work with!"

Then came the onset of a sneeze. He huff, puffed-

*ACHOO!*

—And sneezed at—"Eugh! What the hell, man?!"

"Stardust!" Twilight exclaimed. "Are you okay?"

"Oh no, he wasn't included in the health bubble spell!" Cadance noted.

"Some weird as hell sparkly feeling sneeze," I mumbled, annoyed.

Cadance gasped. "Twilight! His flank!"

Twilight also gasped.

I decided to look. "Oh." Well, what was a blank space of platinum grey a few moments ago, was now covered by two playing cards—two aces of spades.

"Discord, what did you do?!" Twilight asked, furious.

Discord waved his paw. "It's his actual cutie mark anyways."

Twilight stammered a bit at that, before being able to form a sentence. "How do you know?!"

"I just do. Trust me. You'll thank me later, Grey—actually, wait no—you already have."

"You're sick, Discord," Cadance said. "I have my suspicious about this... And you should too, Stardust."

Again, Discord disregarded it. "It's foreshadowing, Dusty boy."

I remained speechless. This was... supposed to be something big, right?

"What does it even mean?" Twilight asked. "If it really is his cutie mark?"

"So many interpretations," Discord said, smiling. "So many that will fit."

"Honestly?" I said. "I'm not sure I ever figured it out."

"... 'Ever figured it out'?" Twilight echoed. "You say tons of weird things, but that? What does that mean?"

Cadance joined in. "Wait, have you seen your cutie mark—or the image at least—before? In a significant way?"

"Alright, this is ridiculous!" Twilight exclaimed, halting the tangental topic to get back to the big problem at hoof.

Cadance caught the cue. "How did you even catch this flu?"

"Inadequate hoof and claw washing?" Discord shrugged.

Twilight went to action. "There must be some way to just cure you! There has to be a spell or remedy in one of my books!"

"There is one way..." Discord said.

"And you didn't think to mention it earlier?" Cadance said.

"Slipped my mind. On a hill at the very edge of Equestria, there grows an exquisite magic flower. Pick the flower as it drops its petals at sunset. Then you can make a magical soothing elixir to cure the blue flu."

"Of course it's something like that..." I said.

"Oh? Back to operating status, are we, Dusty?"

"I suppose you have a good reason you didn't bother to get this flower as soon as you realized you were sick?" Twilight asked.

"Well, I couldn't travel that far in my condition," Discord said. "By the time I got there, I'd be too weak to even attempt to retrieve the flower."

"You'd have done all of us a favor," I told him.

"Morbid!" Discord commented back. "You really are back to one hundred percent already, are you?" he giggled. "Well, anyways, I'd say Fluttershy would be quite sad to hear the news, and Grey would still have a problem on his hands."

<*Grumbles defeatedly.*>

"So where exactly are Cadance and I headed?" Twilight asked, still focused on getting rid of Discord as soon as possible.

"Well," Discord cleared his throat, "you'll want to head north, turn left, th— Oh... You know, it'd be much easier if I took you there myself."

"I thought you were in no condition to travel," Cadance said.

"I'm not," Discord agreed. "We'll need to make some arrangements." He chuckled.

Twilight turned towards me. "Stardust... you should come with us. I'm... worried about something that might happen as a result of... that new cutie mark just appearing because Discord sneezed on you."

I put a hoof up in protest. "I think I've had enough of him for now, and would really prefer just to stay away from this wacko for a bit." I looked away slightly. "Besides, he was your and Cadance's problem anyways..."

Discord chuckled. "You know what? Let's compromise."

I started to say something, and I think Twilight and Cadance were about to also, but Discord snapped his talon first.

<<+>>

"Face it, Dusty, you would've loved to come along on our little road trip. I gave you and Grey the excuse you needed!"

I looked at Discord with an annoyed expression from inside the glass bottle he shrunk me down and stuck me in. Well, I'm regretting my decisions now—like I expected I might. How the hell did we get myself into this? We're smarter than this...

Up in front of us, we heard Cadance straining as she and Twilight pulled the exquisite, heavy chariot carrying Discord through the sky. I mean, for fuck's sake dude, this thing has stairs leading up to your 'throne'.

"Fancy, isn't it?" Discord responded.

"Doing okay there?" Twilight asked Cadance.

"To be honest, I'm a little out of practice when it comes to flying," Cadance replied.

"Well, then lucky for you," Discord said. "We're here."

We landed with a pretty hefty thud at the base of this lone hill in what seemed like the middle of nowhere.

"It's just at the top of that hill," Discord directed them. And with that, the two alicorns were off to retrieve said flower atop the hilltop, right now covered from view by clouds.

Once they were a good distance away, Discord released me from my small size and glass prison, setting me down next to him, back to normal size. "Alright, Discord, what's up here..."

"Hm? Going to have to be a little bit more specific there, Dusty," Discord hummed.

I grumbled. Okay... which question first. "How about bringing us here, to this place? It's suspiciously out in the middle of bumfuck nowhere."

Discord smirked. "Oh, that? Well, you'll see in just a moment."

"Alright, then what about this cutie mark?"

"Pshaw." Discord waved his talon. "You know it's the right one. Just be appreciative, will you? It was Grey's idea, anyways."

<*Defeated sigh.* You know, Discord, you're a real fucking load.>

He chuckled. "You two sure are bringing out the expletives in force. I'm filled with joy, knowing I can have that effect. Anyways, you said it yourself, Grey—best deus ex machina tool the fandom has. And don't go roundabout-ing with the whole 'naturally occurring' plot nonsense too—you're just a nutty human writing a self-insert fic, talking to himself through typing. All this is all you!"

I felt that shocked pause.

"And let's hear that meta comment one more time, also, shall we?"

"Okay, okay," I said, moving away from wrecking the existential grounding of this story. "You said 'foreshadowing' though."

Discord rolled his eyes. "Oh that's simple. Spoiler alert: I'm not actually sick. I just wanted to mess with Twilight and her sister-in-law!"

I scoffed, not even really fazed by the revelation. "Figures."

"Anyways, the best has yet to come!" Discord said excitedly. "Watch this."

He pointed up at the top of the hill, where Twilight and Cadance were now at. Apparently, the first twist was that it wasn't just any flower, but this gigantic, towering thing. Together, the two alicorns were able to uproot the giant flower from the ground.

Then something rumbled. Then shot out of the ground from where the flower was planted.

"What in Equestria?!" we heard Cadance exclaim all the way from the bottom of the hill.

"It's a tatzlwurm!" Discord exclaimed. "Now we sit back, and enjoy the fun!"

I mean, I had this small urge to go help, but considering I wasn't even supposed to be here, I guess it was going to resolve itself in the end.

The massive worm creature roared and began attacking Twilight and Cadance. Its tentacles took ahold of Cadance's leg.

"Twilight! Help!"

"Get your coils off my sister-in-law!"

"Mmm..." Discord hummed next to me. "That's some wonderful fetish fuel, don't you think?"

I shrunk away. "Shut up, Discord. Don't make it weird."

He looked at me with a smirk. "You know you're thinking it. Princess Cadance is one pretty mare, isn't she?" He waggled his eyebrows.

I looked away some more. "You're making it weird..."

Discord playfully punched me in the side. "Don't be afraid to admit it!"

The conflict between the alicorns and the exotic creature continued.

"Let go of my sister-in-law!" Magical zaps from Cadance to release Twilight from—

"Potential tentacle rape."

"Then you stop making it weird, Grey."

Through the combined efforts of both alicorns, they managed to zap the tatzlwurm back into its hole. Then Cadance made sure it stayed there by piling on some heavy rocks.

With that ordeal finished, they headed back down the hill back to us.

Discord was already way ahead of them, jumping around in mocking joy, already back to his normal color palette. "To the ends of Equestria! To face such great danger! And she did it for me! She did it all for me, for me, for me!"

"You... were... faking?!" Twilight was enraged, confronting Discord right up to his face.

"I was! But I had a very good reason."

Twilight landed back on the ground. "We're listening."

"Well, I was in my thinking tree—that's where I do most of my really deep thinking—I was there, and I said to myself, I said, 'Discord, your friend Twilight says that she's your pal, but she never writes and she never pops in for a visit.'"

"I don't even know where you li—"

"'Now that she's a princess, maybe she's decided that she's too good for you.'"

"I have never considered myself t—"

"But how was I supposed to know for sure that I'm truly still friends with one of the most important ponies around?"

"I'm not more—"

"By seeing if you would go to the ends of Equestria for me, of course. Which you did, literally. Congratulations, Twilight, you passed my friendship test!" With that, Discord gave her this little trinket necklace thing.

Twilight wasn't pleased.

"Why the angry eyes? You love passing tests. It's not because my little exam put a damper on your visit with Princess Cadance, is it? Made it so that there was no time for you two to focus on your friendship?"

"You didn't put a damper on our visit at all," Cadance said.

"He didn't?!"

"I didn't?!"

"Spending the day at the Star Swirl the Bearded exhibit would've been more relaxing, but to be honest, relaxation is the last thing I need," Cadance said.

Twilight raised a brow. "It is?"

"Don't get me wrong. Life in the Crystal Empire is wonderful, but it's become a little... predictable. I enjoy a little excitement now and then. Getting to face all these challenges today was just what I needed. And facing them with you just made me realize even more how lucky I am to have somepony like you as a friend. We may not see each other very often, but I know you'll always be there when I need you. Just like she was there for you, Discord."

"Yes, she's a real sweetheart," Discord said, clearly unhappy his plan was foiled by Cadance actually enjoying her day. "We're all so lucky to have her in our lives."

Suddenly, the ground rumbled. The tatzlwurm came back to exact its revenge, popping up right out of the ground beneath us with a furious roar.

"What in the world?!" Discord exclaimed in surprise.

The giant creature just spit on him. The two alicorns were still protected by their bubble spell.

Then Discord turned into this sickly green color.

I had one simple thing to say to him. "Karma, bitch."

<<+>>

"I think it's pretty clear that my visit with Cadance didn't go quite the way I expected," Twilight said out loud as she wrote in their journal. "But in the end, I realized that when you're with a good friend, even the most chaotic day can end up being a great experience that brings you closer. Wouldn't you agree, Discord?"

Discord was quarantined in his own bubble, inside of Fluttershy's cottage where I and the rest of the Mane 6 currently found ourselves.

"Yes, Twilight," he responded sickly.

"I don't wanna go sayin' you got what you deserved..." Applejack started saying.

"Well, I have no trouble saying it," Rarity said. "You got what you deserved!"

"Whew," I said. "You are a harsh one, Rarity."

She looked at me with a smirk. "And you aren't?"

I returned the expression. "Just saying, I was there to tell him that first."

"Now, now, he's learned his lesson," Fluttershy said. "Isn't that right, my little patient?"

"I'm so glad that you're back from your trip, Fluttershy," Discord said, seemingly earning some disapproval from everyone else. "Just your presence here is making me feel so much better. I was just wondering, could I trouble you for just one more thing?"

"No!" Twilight exclaimed.

"What?" he said, trying to grin in his sick state. "I was simply going to ask for a teeny, tiny glass of water."

I scoffed.

Bookends, am I right?

<<+>>

I found myself in Twilight's library for a very important talk. Unfortunate—I thought that that previous section ended on a pretty good ending note for the chapter.

I know. Proper story flow.

"So... Stardust," Twilight started.

"Before we get started," I interrupted, "Does this mean your research sessions are done?"

Twilight shook her head. "No, actually. It's... actually just introduced a new stage to my research... circumstances considered. You said you've never 'figured it out', which means you know this is your cutie mark. And Discord wasn't actually sick when he made it appear, so I'd assume he was definitely conscious of what was going to happen."

I looked back at my flank, now adorned by what I knew to be my cutie mark, as reinforced by my settled character design. Two playing cards, both the ace of spades, overlapping at diverging angles.

Or as I simply called it, the Twin Aces.

"Like Cadance asked," Twilight continued, "have you seen this as an image or a vision before?"

Well, here goes more story-making on my end. "I... I think it was a dream, yeah. Some sort of vision. But never in real life, I think."

Twilight rubbed a hoof on her chin. "What does it mean? What do you think it means?"

"I told you, Twi, I wouldn't really know where to start," I answered. "I guess we'll have to work from the symbols and see if we can interpret a meaning out of them."

"Give it your best shot, at least."

"Okay..." Well, I think there were a few possible choices, but I went with the one that I think I mostly decided on. "Something about always having an ace up your sleeve, and knowing how to play the cards you're given."

Twilight chuckled a bit. "Alright, sounds like a good, possible meaning to start from." She shook her head in slight amusement. "Two aces of spades... what an interesting cutie mark for a interesting pony... you're an evolving mystery, Stardust."

Author's Note

Okay, okay, but first—can I just—step in here for a bit?...

There. Now would you just look at this thing? You got Discord to magically solve the whole cutie mark thing?

Well... at least, it sure is nice being a complete package now, with the Twin Aces on my flank.

... I'm not?

In time for what?

I still have no idea what you're talking about.

Also, let's not have Discord around like that again? I guess that's another benefit of having one more scene with him not around—he can't invade the A/N box.

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[14] [S4E12]-Pinkie Pride

Another Displaced Human Dilemma
By: The Twin Ace'd Pegasus

< 14 >

Pinkie Pride

Page flip.

"Did you really have to throw all this in my face?"

So, I literally just woke up because these stapled together sheets of paper got thrown at my head. And there is absolutely no one else in the room except me, which means you just used your author powers of directly messing around with the world and conjuring things up.

"Yeah, you threw money at me the first day I got here," I whispered, making sure not to speak too loudly, lest I wake anyone else in the house. I liked talking out loud, even if just to myself, alright? "So what the heck is all this anyways?"

I wiped my face, clearing some more of my drowsiness. "Whaaaa..."

Okay, fine. I picked up the sheets of paper and started skimming through it, picking up the main points. "So... it's a Pinkie chapter... and... this looks all very metered and lyrical."

Oh, so it's a musical episode.

I scrunched my face a bit. "Alright, so then what? I think I've gotten used to the whole 'we're around for every episode' thing because 'self-insert stuff', but obviously we've skipped out on every single song ever. One way or another."

"Keep it boring, got it."

I sifted through the transcript a bit more. "It seems like too much work to try and weave my way in and out of this. I guess we're throwing out 'naturally occurring' plot stuff for today?"

I sighed, throwing the transcript onto my desk. Beside the desk was a window looking out the front, and right now, it was the calm before the musical storm.

"Alright, let's just get this over with. Somehow."

"Oh yeah, and who the heck is that Cheese Sandwich guy?"

<<+>>

"Pinkie singing... right." So, apparently that starts off the Ponyville segment, which was after the opening sequence, I guess. And lo and behold, we have Pinkie bouncing around town, singing and stuff.

I decided to watch from a distance, sitting at a table at some restaurant's outdoor patio.

...

<<+>>

Montages are still something that I cannot explain because I'm in a weird state of consciousness during it. So just take my word for it, Pinkie sang about planning parties, background ponies were featured, and now apparently there's an occasion for Rainbow.

Yeah.

<... Can you actually hear anything if they're just talking to each other?>

I... might have to get closer.

... Neat.

They'd raised this banner that had a... drawing or painting of Rainbow on it. Roughly. The Mane 6 were outside the front of Sugarcube Corner, currently discussing the important matter of a Pinkie-guaranteed amazing party.

"Great!" Pinkie exclaimed. "Now, who's ready to join this super duper party pony to plan this super duper pa-rty?"

"I am," said this stallion who appeared from the shadows. He was wearing some sort of Western-getup.

Everyone gasped at the surprise appearance of this newcomer. He blew a party horn in response.

"Who are you, stranger?" Pinkie asked.

"Name's Cheese Sandwich," the yellow pony answered. "I plan parties."

"What an amazing coincidence! I'm Pinkie Pie, and I'm planning a party!"

"Oh, it's no coincidence, my little pony. My cheesy sense was a-tingling, telling me a party was in the works."

"A cheesy sense? Ah!" Pinkie was getting excited. "Double amazing! I have a Pinkie Sense!"

"Yes. I sensed you did. And I happen to be the premiere party planner in all of Equestria. If there's a party in need, there I'll be. Be it wingding, hoedown, hootenanny, or shindig, I'm your pony."

"A pair of party pony planners in Ponyville?! What can be more perfect?!"

Exacto, Pinkie. That is perfect. You know what they say, two heads are better than one, but too many cooks spoil the broth.

"I'll tell you what," Rainbow said, "making this party epic! 'Cause this isn't just any birthday. It's also the anniversary of when I moved to Ponyville!"

"Good heavens, Rainbow Dash," Rarity noted, "It's your 'birth-iversary'!"

... What kind of term is that?!

"Exactly!" Rainbow agreed happily. "So what do you say, party planners?"

"Oh, I think we can do it!" Pinkie said confidently.

"Oh, I don't think so," Cheese said.

Cue gasps from casting doubts despite the party pedigree of two ponies present.

Cheese threw off his cloak and hat in a burst of enthusiasm. "I know so! After all..."

Then we get sucked into another song montage. This time about Cheese's impressive party-planing abilities.

... Wait, is that Weird Al Yankovic?

No... I mean, Cheese. That's Weird Al.

That's awesome!

"C'mon, everypony!" Rainbow exclaimed, still in song-mode. "Let's party down with Cheese!"

"You're really a certified party pony?" Fluttershy asked.

"That's right!" Cheese said. "That's my guarantee! The super-duper party pony–that pony is me-e-e-e-e!"

He got carried away by an excited crowd.

"But what about the super party pony named Pinkie...?" Pinkie sang, left behind.

Then the song ended.

"Yeah! Hah, now that's what I'm talking about!" Rainbow expressed her excitement by flying around. "I'm so stoked you're here, Cheese Sandwich!"

"Yeah," Applejack agreed. "You sure did come on the right day."

Rarity sighed in awe. "Your party sounds simply divine."

"We're so lucky to have you here," Twilight also agreed.

"Just doing my job, little fillies," Cheese said relatively modestly.

Rainbow continued on excitedly. "I mean, Pinkie Pie's parties are fun and sweet and all—"

Wait, what does she mean 'Pinkie Pie's parties are fun and sweet and all'? Are they handing it off to this guy that just waltzed in from the shadows then sung a huge song to prove how awesome he is?

"—but now this party's gonna be—"

"Epic?" Cheese finished.

"You said it! Oh, yeah!"

"Feels gouda!" Pun!

"Uh, heh, no offense, Pinkie," Rainbow said.

Pinkie just smiled. "Uh, n-none taken."

... Pinkie, I think you're being much too... meek. But I guess Cheese somehow already setting up a huge stage for Rainbow's party has something to do with it.

"My birth-iversary's already looking way cooler!" Rainbow exclaimed, looking at the new setup. "You are my kind of party pony, Cheese Sandwich."

Totally not rubbing it in.

Cheese chuckled. "You got that right, Rainbow Dash. All right, party ponies, I've got some planning to do!"

Cue cheers.

<<+>>

I headed over to Sugarcube corner where I figured I would find Pinkie.

"Hey, Pinkie," I greeted.

"Oh, hey, Stardust," Pinkie greeted back, clearly down. She was watering plants... except she wasn't watering anything because the plants were to her right.

... Does she know how this episode is going to turn out?

Pinkie grabbed me by my shoulders tight. "No! I... I don't! Is it going to turn out okay? Is Rainbow going to have a great party?" She let go and put her hooves to her head. "Am I going to be able to throw my friend the greatest party of her life?!"

Wow, a Pinkie lockout. Impressive.

"You know," I said, "if it makes you feel any better, the sudden change from them trusting in you to throw a party to Cheese planning the party doesn't make sense to me either."

It didn't appear to make Pinkie feel any better—not that I expected any different—but it did put her less into this down mood and more into, I dunno, confused?

"Pinkie!" Suddenly, Twilight appeared, apparently also searching for Pinkie. "Aren't you gonna help Cheese Sandwich plan the party?"

"That's okay." Pinkie chuckled nervously. "He obviously has what it takes to do it all by himself. Heh."

Twilight was taken aback. "Really? Stardust, help me out here."

"I'm just going to let things run its course this time," I answered.

"Yes, indeedy!" Pinkie answered Twilight. She chuckled nervously again. "After all, if Cheese really is the super-duperiest partying-est pony of them all, maybe that means... I'm... not."

"That logic is stupid," I commented, right before another song montage cut in.

It was a weird montage, as song montages usually are, but it cut back to relevancy in the second half. Said part of montage included callbacks to literally the first episode, Friendship is Magic Part 1, the Pinkie-goes-nutters mane-deflation Pinkamena episode, Party of One, and Cadance and Shining's wedding. That's cool.

At the end of her song, Pinkie resolved to not let Cheese take away her position from her with renewed... uh, resolve.

Boy, this'll be fun.

<<+>>

I followed Pinkie out to her search for Cheese. In doing so, we arrived at the venue for Rainbow's party, which featured a stage with a proper banner with Rainbow's image—seriously, did he just get special access to Ponyville's printing place?—a bright light that was able to project Rainbow's cutie mark into the sky during daytime, and and impressive ice sculpture the size of tree in the shape of Rainbow's cutie mark.

"Geez, where did Cheese even get all this stuff?..." I wondered to myself. More pony hammerspace, I guess. Especially with the goofy party pony he was.

Then Pinkie barged in. "Freeze, Cheese! I challenge you... to a goof off!"

Cue gasps from all the ponies present. I walked amidst the crowd to listen in.

"Oh, no!" Fluttershy exclaimed. "Not a goof off!"

"What's a goof off?" Applejack whispered while stepping over Fluttershy.

"I have no idea," Fluttershy answered, chuckling.

"This Cheese has stood alone a long time, Pinkie Pie," Cheese said, now wearing a fez. "You think you can out-goof me?"

"Oh, I don't think so. I know so!" Pinkie said, echoing the words from earlier. "And the stakes are high, Cheese Sandwich. Whoever wins will be dubbed the ultimate super duper party pony and headline the Rainbow Dash birth-iversary bash!"

"And the loser?" Twilight asked from the sidelines.

"Doesn't!"

Cue more gasps.

"So, are you in, Cheese?" Pinkie goaded. "Or are you... boneless?"

"Nopony calls me boneless," Cheese growled. "Right, Boneless?"

His rubber chicken responded as rubber chickens do.

"Then the goof off is on for high noon!" Pinkie declared.

"Um, Pinkie?" Twilight said. "It's already 3 o'clock."

"Oh. Oh, well then. Make it 3:10 to goof off!"

I chuckled a bit. "Oh, I get it. 3:10 to Yuma. Funny."

And so in ten minutes, we had ourselves a parody of a western, with our two goof-off-ers facing down across a long stretch of street. Wearing spurs. Because I guess that makes sense.

I mean, it does, but... you get what I mean.

The jingle-jangle of the spurs followed their steps as they squared off. Pinkie, wearing a huge ten-gallon hat with an arrow through it, blew a party horn.

"All right, everypony," Twilight said. "According to my official goof off rulebook..."

"She actually has a goof off rulebook?" Rainbow whispered incredulously.

"Are you kidding?" Spike said. "Twilight can find a rulebook for everything!"

"Is that small library actually that endless?" I wondered out loud.

We got shushed by Matilda the donkey. Or Mule? Mule, right?

Even though as my biology professor said, there's no 'he' mules or 'she' mules, only 'it' mules...

"The two competitors have free range to goof about," Twilight began explaining, "be it by singing, dancing, playing, prancing, joking, or performing—to make the judge chortle, chuckle, giggle, guffaw, hoot and holler, whoop it up, and party down."

The two party ponies did a quick warm-up pseudo-quickdraw of their goof skills, with Pinkie making a funny face, and Cheese... sticking his tongue out with a mouse playing a tuba?

"The funnier, sillier, wilder, and goofier, the better," Twilight continued. "Rainbow Dash, since the winner will be headlining your party, you are the judge."

"Heh," Rainbow chuckled. "Big tense competition on my birth-iversary. What could be better?"

... Wait.

"Cheese Sandwich, Pinkie Pie, are you ready?" Twilight asked.

"Can I object to this?" I said sort of timidly.

"I was born ready!" Pinkie said. Well...

"I was ready before I was born!" Cheese said in return. I guess things will just run their course for a bit.

"Then..." Twilight started, "Let the goofing begin!"

So now we get sucked into another musical madness, but this time in sort-of real-time without the montages.

The two started off simple enough, going through a few small acts. Pinkie with her props like a mustache and a beanie hat, and Cheese playing the accordion while... dancing or something.

Then Pinkie started dancing on a ball and tossing cupcakes to Rainbow.

... Then Cheese came in rolling on a giant cheese wheel? And started dancing with cheese shoes.

Then, Pinkie in her odd cartoon powers managed to get party balloons to lift a hot air balloon basket, and grabbed Rainbow with a fishing pole.

Then stuff with Boneless, the rubber chicken?

I think I was going dizzy with all the weirdness. And the musical battle.

Then a live-action Gummy the alligator?

Then a cheese throne, then... Cheese singing the Smile Song?

Wew.

"That's my song!" Pinkie exclaimed, popping out from under the yellow carpet laid down on the ground.

"What do you mean?" Cheese asked. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"THAT'S IT!"

Back to song.... "Roll out the party cannon..."

And there's the all-famous Party Cannon.

... And then Cheese rolls in with a...

... Does this make tanks canon in Equestria?

Oh, hey, Pinkie somehow got ahold of a crane with an absolutely massive rainbow pinata. And she started singing in Spanish.

Then something happened that caused the bottom layer of the cake-like pinata to fall on Rainbow. Ouch?

And finally, we cut back out of song mode. Whew, how exhausting to keep conscious during that.

"Rainbow's not having the best party ever!" Pinkie exclaimed worriedly. "I... I broke the Pinkie Party Promise!" She waved for a halt to the competition. "Stop! The goof off is off!"

The crowd was confused at this new turn of events.

"But I haven't named a winner," Rainbow said.

"You don't have to," Pinkie said. "I forfeit. Which means... Cheese Sandwich wins."

The realization seemed to hit Cheese by surprise. "... I do?"

"Yes," Pinkie conceded. "You get to headline Rainbow Dash's party."

"But, what about you, Pinkie?" Twilight said.

I raised a brow, but spoke softly to myself. "Wow, now you're all suddenly worried? Geez. Talk about a flimsy plot excuse."

"I..." Pinkie sniffled. "I don't."

"Pinkie, wait!" Rainbow exclaimed. "I'm sorry I got all swept away by Cheese Sandwich."

"We all are," Twilight agreed. As did the rest of the Mane 6.

Spike sighed. "Sorry, Pinkie."

"No," Pinkie said. "I'm sorry I let my pride get in the way of you having the best birth-iversary ever. Cheese Sandwich really is a super duper party planner, and he'll be a terrific headliner. I should've been a big enough pony to admit that and let you have your day."

"Wait, wait, wait, wait," I decided to butt in. "Why are you—"

However, before I could continue Rainbow stepped in front of me. "But don't you get it? You're both super duper party ponies. Sure, Cheese Sandwich is a great guest party pony, but you're Ponyville's permanent party pony. Nopony could ever take your place, and we could never have a party without you."

Then Cheese stepped over. "Rainbow Dash is right. I never meant to take your place in Ponyville. I just wanted to show you what a great party pony I am, Pinkie."

Eh? Questions abound.

"Why me?" Pinkie asked.

"Well..."

Enter a miniature song montage...

... That explained that Cheese was a nobody until he came to Ponyville and experienced one of Pinkie's parties when they were all little. And that Pinkie was the reason for Cheese being the party pony that he was.

"Me?" Pinkie asked after all of it.

"Yes!" Cheese exclaimed.

"Hah, really?!"

"Really!"

"So I was the pony that threw the awesomely spectacular party that inspired you to become an awesome spectacular party thrower?"

"Swear on Camembert!"

Before anyone could get any farther, I released my pent-up exasperation at the plot of this episode in some non-sensical scream. I caught everyone's attention with my small act of going nutty.

Rainbow gave an exasperated sigh. "Okay, what now, Stardust?"

"Okay, can we just..." I put my hooves to my head. "... Ya'll are... I can't even find the word to describe you all." I facehoofed. There, that's the description I figured conveyed it best. Facepalm-worthy.

"Look," I continued. "I have a record of everything said during this ep... this day!... Well, everything of note, at least!"

I pulled out the transcript that got whisked into existence earlier and waved it around.

"I mean, you'd think it would've been a great idea from the start to have Pinkie and Cheese work together to host Rainbow's party, because, you know, simple math. Awesome plus awesome has got to equal super awesome, right? Heck, that's what you guys were saying at the start!

"But then for some reason, everyone's just like, 'Yo, this Cheese guy who just showed up is showing off some really awesome stuff, let's let him do everything!' and kinda just threw Pinkie to the gutter? Even though initially, Rainbow was like, 'two party planners equal perfect'?"

Everyone looked away, slightly embarassed.

"We did apologize for that though..." Twilight said.

I released yet another low scream of frustration.

"It was all up to Pinkie to realize things were getting worse... because of a problem she probably can't even be blamed for. And after Pinkie comes to her senses faster than anyone here, you're all like, 'Yeah, Pinkie, you're great, no one could actually replace you!' but none of you acted like that until Pinkie and Cheese came to a resolution by talking it out!"

I was going to have an aneurism by this point, but I made my final point. "Like, did you just all spontaneously forget she was one of your best friends or something?!"

I let out a final tired gasp. "Seriously, guys. Work on your communication skills..." I looked at Cheese Sandwich. "You—" I paused. Then I looked at Pinkie. "—Both of you, actually—especially. Communication skills. Were you ever going to tell Pinkie what she did for you?"

"Of course!" Cheese said. "I mean, I didn't think all this would happen but..." he trailed off.

That whole tirade seemed to leave everyone in silence for a couple moments.

"So..." Rainbow said. "It's my birth-iversary, and now Pinkie and Cheese together gotta throw me a bash!" she said, trying to get back to topic.

It worked, and everyone was mostly back in the celebratory spirit.

"Yeah!" Pinkie said.

Cheese agreed. "Let's go!"

They collected their various implements, like the Party Cannon and Party Tank, and went off to go headline Rainbow's birth-iversary together.

<<+>>

The party continued into the dusk, with a final song. Apparently during a proper musical sequence, Twilight can actually dance. However, all things come to an end. By the conclusion, we found Cheese readying to head out, waiting under a tree.

"Cheese Sandwich!" Rainbow exclaimed. "Oh, I gotta tell ya, you and Pinkie have totally made this the best birthday/anniversary super combo ever! Hah, it's totally—"

"Epic?" Cheese finished.

"Yeah, it is!"

"That's all I needed to hear, little filly." Donning his western outfit from earlier, he began to leave, but left a box for Pinkie.

She opened it up, revealing Boneless the rubber chicken.

"Just a little memento of my visit," Cheese said.

"You're giving me your special rubber chicken friend?" Pinkie asked.

"Oh, he's not the only one," Cheese grinned, pulling out another rubber chicken. Then he walked off into the sunset.

"I never did get that pony's name," Pinkie said, just finalizing the whole 'wandering loner' thing for the pseudo-western theme.

Cue everyone else—"Cheese Sandwich!"

"Oh, yeah!"

Author's Note

Wow, what a journey!<

I'm glad you had everything come together well in the end, Pinkie, but this was an unnecessary conflict!

Oh, Stardust, don't have an aneurism over what happened today! It's all good!>

*Unintelligible mumbling.* This episode is less 'Pinkie's Pride' and more of 'Everyone's Poor Attention Span and Communication Skills'.

Well... I mean...<

Okay... gotta do some work on dates and time... the 'big year' of 2012 was Season 2 and Season 3, this fic started with Season 4, which was 2013-2014-ish?

Interesting.

Wowsee! That really is a long time!<

You know, as much as I don't like this huge late-ness and catching up, I still think the story is better off for it.

Woohoo, tons more of going-into-episodes-blindly-without-a-plan!<

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[15] [S4E13]-Simple Ways

Another Displaced Human Dilemma
By: The Copper-Eyed Pegasus

< 15 >

Simple Ways

Page flip.

"Looks like you're starting to have Rainbow Dash rub off on you."

I was currently hovering alongside Twilight as we walked along, headed to the town center where they were holding the announcement ceremony for the Ponyville Days pony, which was apparently the coordinator position for the whole event. In my hooves was a book about Ponyville's history, because I sort of wanted to have context about the whole thing.

It was a general history of Ponyville. This one actually had records of the previous Ponyville Days too.

"It keeps my hooves free," I answered Twilight. "I don't have fancy magic to hold books in front of me so I can read while walking." And it's not like I can walk normally on my hind legs for long distances either...

Twilight giggled. "I understand."

"Hey there, y'all!"

We turned our heads to see Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie and Fluttershy approach us.

"Hey, everyone!" Twilight greeted.

"What an exciting day it is," Rarity smiled.

I landed on the ground and tucked the book I was reading underwing. "Seems so."

"What were you reading there, Stardust?" Fluttershy asked.

"Just things about Ponyville and what this event is about."

Applejack laughed. "You're like Twilight all over again. Straight to the books if ya don't have a clue 'bout what's goin' on in the town."

"Well..."

"The festival is about celebratin' the founding of Ponyville!" Applejack slapped me on the back happily. "Come on, Stardust, how hard can that be? It's about havin' a great time celebratin' who we are as ponies of Ponyville."

"Well I guess..."

Applejack, using her hoof still wrapped around me, shook me around playfully. "There ain't no 'I guess', Dusty! It's as simple as it gets!"

Everyone as had a chuckle at my expense, but I smiled along.

"Hey, everypony!" Just then, Rainbow flew in from somewhere behind us, joining us just as we about to cross one of the bridges leading over the creek that cut through Ponyville. "What's going on?" As we crossed the bridge—"Wow! I can't believe how many ponies showed up!"

"I can!" Pinkie said. "I mean, finding out who the Ponyville Days pony of ceremonies is is a pretty big deal!"

We followed the crowd that was coalescing around Town Hall, where the pick for the festival coordinator would be announced. From the building emerged Mayor Mare, and behind her, three old ponies. They all took their positions, at the podium and at a reserved table respectively. Meanwhile, we all stood amongst the crowed, waiting patiently.

"I didn't know Granny Smith was on the selection committee," Twilight said.

"Of course she is," Applejack replied. "Ponyville Days celebrates the founding of Ponyville, and she was right there."

Yeah, Ponyville isn't an old town. It's somewhere around, what, 75 or something by what I read?

"I'm glad the committee didn't automatically pick me so everypony gets a chance to see how great being me actually is!" Pinkie started. "Even though the festival's basically a party and the pony of ceremonies gets to organize the whole thing! So it'd totally make sense if they did pick me."

Everyone around us shushed her up. Then we heard the microphone feedback as Mayor Mare prepared to speak at her podium.

"Citizens of Ponyville," the mayor began, "this year's applicants were all exceptional, but there can only be one Ponyville Days pony of ceremonies. And that pony is..."

Suspense! Everyone held their breaths... and Pinkie to the point that her head inflated like a balloon and started floating. Oh, Pinkie.

The three judges finalized whatever they were talking about, and Granny Smith gave over the piece of paper with the decision to the mayor.

"Rarity!"

The crowd cheered her a congratulations.

"Whoo-ee!" Applejack exclaimed. "Alright, Rarity!"

"Yeah!" Rainbow agreed from her normal position hovering above us. "Whoo-oo-oo!"

"Congratulations, Rarity!" Twilight said. "Do you know what you're gonna do?"

Somehow, already, Spike came in rolling in a table with a model of Ponyville.

Ha. I mean, it's not like Rarity knew she would become this year's coordinator, right?

Rarity looked smugly confident. "Oh, I might have a few ideas."

<<+>>

We found ourselves in Rarity's boutique to hear her presentation on her plan's for this year's Ponyville Days. There was an easel with a drawing board and a record player—

—uh... well, if that's what it is, set up on the runway, but Rarity herself was still backstage preparing.

Pinkie, as usual, was bouncing in anticipation. "I'm so excited for the festival, I can hardly stand up straight!" Then she flopped to the ground, eliciting an eye roll from Rainbow.

"Me too," Twilight agreed. "I'm glad Rarity was picked. I know she'll add a touch of elegance to the whole thing!"

"Probably more than a touch!" Applejack added.

The boutique lights turned off, and the runway lights turned on. Spike stepped out from the curtains for the presentation. He cranked the gramophone up and it started playing this old-timey music.

He cleared his throat and began reading from some cards. "This year's Ponyville Days festival, designed by Rarity, will feature various high-class events such as... a silent cider auction and tasting."

Ooh, nice drawing...

"... A Ponyville gala in town square..."

More nice illustrations...

"... And, of course, a Ponyville fashion show."

I mean, everyone else was 'oohing and aahing' at the events themselves, but god, it's been so long since I've been able to draw on my own. Darn hooves. Is it bad to indulge for a bit on seeing some nice sketches?

"This year's Ponyville Days festival pony of ceremonies creates shimmering couture of her own design."

A spotlight turned on, lighting the burgundy curtain. They opened up to reveal Rarity wearing yet another of her dress designs—"And the theme is... 'Small Town Chic'!"

"Wow, Rarity," Twilight beamed, "You really have put a lot of effort into this."

"I'll say," Applejack agreed.

"Oh, I think it's going to be magical," Fluttershy said.

Rarity gasped at the compliment. "Do you really think so?"

"Totally, Rarity," I added in. I'd give a very approving thumbs up if I still had hands.

"I can't wait!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"Oh, that's such a relief," Rarity said. The house lights came back on, and Rarity descended the runway on some stairs. "But of course, I couldn't possibly do it all on my own. The festival is in three days!"

"Pinkie Pie and I can hang lights and decorations in the town square!" Rainbow offered. "Hey, Dust, wanna help?"

"Sure thing," I answered, glad to help around.

"Yay!" Pinkie cheered.

"And I can get Sweet Apple Acres all ready for the cider tastin'," Applejack said.

"Oh, that's just perfect!" Rarity smiled. "And now, Twilight, if you and Fluttershy wouldn't mind helping with the fashion show..."

"Of course!" Twilight enthusiastically replied.

"I'd be honored," Fluttershy also agreed.

"I can focus on the thing I'm worried about most of all," Rarity said, as if there was some great overarching thing at stake.

"What?" we all asked.

Rarity seemed to be bubbling with anticipation. "Creating a Ponyville Days festival fantastic enough to impress... Trenderhoof!"

...

Applejack broke the silence. "Uh, who's Trenderhoof?"

"What?! How can you not know who Trenderhoof is? Trenderhoof is only the most amazing, handsomest travel writer to have ever traveled or written! Before Las Pegasus became an Equestria travel destination, he wrote about it! Before the culinary revolution in Trottingham, he discovered it! He knows what's going to be hot even before it's tepid!"

Rarity revealed to us this small shrine she apparently had of this pony.

"He's a... travel journalist," I said. "That wears fancy sweaters and hipster glasses."

I mean, I guess some ladies fall for this kind of tacky thing. I think I saw Rarity jerk a bit at my opinion though. Heh.

"Sounds like somepony has a little bit of a crush," Twilight smirked.

"Oh, Twilight, "crush" doesn't even begin to describe it. He's practically divine. I can't believe he's coming!" Rarity continued her gushing over this pony, hugging a picture of him.

"Ay, Rares," I said, a small smirk and a brow up, "You can't really say that for sure unless you manage to wrap your hooves around him and, uh, work your magic, eh?"

The snark elicited various reactions, mostly the stifling of laughter. Rainbow's hovering wavered, and Applejack punched me in the shoulder, but she was also clearly holding back a grin.

I didn't know if Rarity heard me or agreed with me, but if it's the latter, well... at least she doubled down on her personal beliefs.

<<+>>

It was the following day, and preparations for Rarity's Ponyville Days festival were underway.

"Dust!" Rainbow called out. "You think this looks even enough?"

I flew over to her position to look at our work, hanging up long decorative banners. "Mmm... well, the left side is hanging a bit higher than the right, plus the center is off. Guess we'll have to budge it over a bit."

Rainbow rubbed her chin. "Do you think we really have to? I mean, I don't think it's that noticeable."

I pursed my lips. "Well, Rarity might."

"Hm, guess you're right." She flew over to the banner, and I followed her lead. We took up opposite ends of the banner and adjusted it as we previously saw fit.

"By the way," Rainbow said, "about what happened during my birth-iversary... I mean, I guess you had a point, but couldn't it have waited until after the party? I think it made us a bit mopey inside during the entire time."

"Uh... yeah. Right. Whoops." I furrowed my brow in annoyance. "Point still had to be made though. Maybe while it was all fresh in their minds." I shrugged. "Besides, Cheese also needed to hear that bit on being a better communicator..."

"Well, maybe... but still..." With that, we finished fixing the banner.

"Lights!" We looked down to see Pinkie bouncing up and down to hang up lights. "Heeey guys!" she greeted us upon noticing our fixation on her. "Wanna help?"

"Well, I think we've got the big banners done," Rainbow said. "Let's take a break a bit from the rest of them and help Pinkie out with the lights."

"Sure," I said. But just then, my ears caught a commotion off to the side.

"Well, that will never do!"

That sounded like Rarity. And turning my head in that direction did reveal that it was, in fact Rarity... who was—

"Rarity, what are you wearin'?" Applejack asked, justifiably questioning Rarity's strange fancy, uh, farm clothing? Also beside her was this brown unicorn stallion, wearing an argyle sweater and glasses. Wonder who he was.

"What, this old thing?" Rarity asked.

"Aren't you too busy plannin' the festival to keep makin' new outfits for it?"

"I am. But the thought of hauling apples inspired me, and I just couldn't stop myself!"

Um... something's up—

"Really?" And Applejack knew it also.

"If there's one thing I love, it's hauling apples!" Rarity declared very strangely.

"I'm growing fond of it myself," the stallion said dreamily.

"Yo, Dust, what's up?" Rainbow suddenly asked, now hovering beside me.

"I dunno, but Rarity's up to some weird things, and I wanna find out," I answered. "Because it seems like it'll be fun."

"I'm feeling a tad inspired," the stallion sang, "Without farm life, there'd be such disparity, these thoughts I think with great clarity, apples high to the sky, she's the one of my eye, that fruit-hauling pony named..."

Wait, fruit-hauling? But wait, that doesn't describe Rar—

"—Applejack!"

You know, I could sense Rarity's great disappointment just from seeing her movements. I guess this was Trenderhoof?

I mean, damn, the dude even has an argyle pattern as a cutie mark! I guess his purpose in life is to be some trendy hipster type? HAAA. This is the guy, I guess. He walked away seemingly entranced by Applejack.

This guy gave me uncomfy vibes already.

"Stardust!" Rarity had turned her attention to me.

"Huh?" was my immediate reaction.

She looked at me with hints of desperation. "Stardust, you're a guy. What am I doing wrong?!"

My expression grew even more confused, even though mentally, I think I'd already figured it out. "Eh?!"

"That..." Rarity turned her head in the direction of where Applejack and Trenderhoof went off to. "That was Trender. But for some reason, he's become obsessed with Applejack and not me!"

"Hey guys!" To our side, Spike ran up to us. "What's up now?"

"Trender is still latching on to Applejack!" Rarity exclaimed. She looked back to me. "Spikey here's just a little dragon, and I appreciate his support, but you're a stallion-y stallion, right Stardust? You have better senses about the male mind! So what am I doing wrong?!"

By now, Rarity was in my face pleading, so I pushed her away to give myself some room. "Geez, don't ask me," I said, looking my eyes away. "I'm a stallion-y stallion, not whatever that campy colt is..."

Rarity made a noise and a slightly shocked expression.

"What, were you hopin' for something more helpful?" I asked with a slightly unamused expression.

She returned the flat expression. "Perhaps..."

"So what if Trender is tacky and campy on the outside," I said, giving my plain analysis, "he's apparently into the whole 'strong, workin' mare' thing on the inside. Must be all the muscle and sweat and feminine ruggedness or whatever AJ's got goin' on..." Then I mumbled, "Come to think of it, I guess a guy like him would be into the strong, dominant type..."

Rarity seemed to hang on my words. "Maybe you're right! Maybe I should just be assertive and come onto him!"

I reeled back at that. "I was joking!" I exclaimed somewhat worriedly. "Including about that bit back at the boutique the other day!"

"Well, maybe I don't need your help then," the unicorn said as she strode away with new determination, with Spike accompanying her. "I'll just figure it out myself!"

I facehoofed. "I already told you AJ has qualities you don't, Rares..."

With that, I trailed Rarity and Spike off towards Sweet Apple Acres.

<<+>>

Rarity seemed to have gotten herself into a bit of a bind, trying to do 'farm things'. It ended about as well as you'd expect an urban-dweller would do, when trying to impersonate a rural native.

"Rarity, why do you want to plow a field?" Spike justifiably asked her as she rode on top of the plow, accomplishing nothing.

"Is it me, or could this use a splash of color?" Rarity examined the plow some more. "And maybe a wash!"

Facepalm-slash-facehoof.

"Don't we need to check on the gala decorations?"

"Yes, yes, of course, but Trend obviously has a thing for farm life. If I can't convince him that I'm just as much of a farm hoof as Applejack, I'll never get him interested in the festival."

"The festival. Right." Spike wasn't buying any of it.

"And I do appreciate your help ever so much. I couldn't do a thing without you, Spikey-poo."

That seemed to win Spike back. "Well, that's what friends are for!"

"Right, so—" Rarity mounted the plow... for some reason. Then she took the ropes in her hooves like they were reins. "Come on!... Farm... thing!" She sighed in defeat. "Oh, how does Applejack do it?"

"Well, it would help if the harness was on right!" Applejack said as she arrived, still being followed by Trenderhoof. "What are you doin'?"

"I am simply lending a hoof with the chores," Rarity said, "which I love doing ever so much."

"Well if you're still interested after the festival I can teach you all about it," Applejack said, taking the ropes over from Rarity and putting on the harness. "But right now, I need to get the plowin' done, if you don't mind."

And with that, Applejack pulled away, leaving Rarity to topple backwards off of the plow and by Trenderhoof. However, the unicorn stallion had no interest in her, and moved past her to watch the farmer.

"She makes it look so easy," Spike noted.

"I know," Trenderhoof admired, his eyes still latched on the earth pony. "Isn't she fantastic?"

You know, I was starting to feel a little bit jealous. AJ's best pony, and I like to feel superior in accepting that fact. Not that I would ever approach her, because she's more of 'I'd totally chill and have drinks with her' best pony, but still.

<<+>>

A little while later, Trenderhoof was still stalking Applejack as she went about her work, and I went about stalking everyone as they all continued their conflict.

This time, Applejack was up to some apple-bucking.

He clapped upon seeing Applejack's work collecting the fruit. Applejack's expression conveyed that she was getting pretty tired of his shit.

And wow, holy fuck is this guy a weirdo.

"I really don't see what the fuss is all about," Rarity said.

And neither do I, Rares. To everything happening.

She went up to a tree and inspected it, tapping it with a booted hoof.

"Now, Rarity, you be careful," Applejack said. "If you don't get the buckin' just right, you could sprain a hoof."

"I am perfectly familiar with the apple-bucking process, thank you very much," Rarity said. "But while you seem to rely on raw power, I believe a certain amount of style is required. It's really more of a dance, if you ask me." Rarity did this dance as she winded up for the buck, I guess.

She was rewarded with a single apple for her... dainty effort.

"Et voilà!"

Applejack rolled her eyes. "Well, your way is definitely long on style."

"Thank you," Rarity said, seemingly pleased with herself.

"Now, if you'll all excuse me, I have some more chores to do." Applejack walked away yet again, escaping Trenderhoof by going into the chicken coop. "Inside!"

"Rarity, can I ask you something?" Trenderhoof said.

Rarity beamed at finally getting his attention. "Oh, why, Trend, you can ask me anything."

"I've been meaning to ask for a while, and frankly I'm sort of embarrassed. Rarity... do you think... Applejack would be my date for the festival?"

Wham. And when you push Rarity—

"Why don't you go fucking ask her yourself?! Hmph!"

I stifled a laugh. Really now? Well! I bet that wasn't in the script, but boy does it enhance it! And still Rarity!

I flew off to go make sure I didn't miss Applejack sneaking off somewhere else out of my sight.

<<+>>

Applejack found her way into her barn, so I flew in through one of the second floor windows to continue listening in.

"Well, that was close," I heard Applejack breath in relief.

"If you've come to apologize, there's really no need," Rarity said, somehow already in the barn.

"What are you talkin' about?"

"Let's dispense with the charade, shall we?"

"Listen, I know you really want Trend to like you—"

"And he does! Despite somepony's best efforts!" Things were getting a bit heated down there.

"I swear I don't know why he's payin' so much attention to me. And I don't know anypony who's that interested in farmin'. Not even me!"

From the floor above them, I saw Rarity hitch up a wagon and begin walking away with it. "Well, maybe it's time Trend met a real country pony."

"Shouldn't you be workin' on the festival instead of comin' up with new ways to impress Trend?"

"Oh, I'm sure you'd love that. Well, I have a new vision for the festival." Then Rarity suddenly switched to a country—or more accurately, redneck accent. "And it's gonna be more country than the whole Apple family put together!"

I held back my laughter as best as I could. This was absurd—but hilarious! Rarity, you don't disappoint.

"Alright, Stardust, get down from there!"

I jerked back to reality as Applejack called me. I looked over the side of the loft. "How long did you know?"

"I saw you flyin' around earlier," Applejack said. "I ain't blind. Hell, my senses were turned all the way up before I got in here..."

I flew down from the loft, then bellowed a great laugh. "Oh my god, it's a love triangle where A loves B and B loves C, but C doesn't give a fuck! This is great!"

Applejack just looked at me oddly. "Yeah, it's a little funny, but Rarity's gone nutters when we all need her to focus on plannin' the Ponyville Days festival!"

I calmed down, realizing the gravity of the situation. "So... you two seem to be in a bind."

"Rarity is in a bind," Applejack corrected. "I'm just having a bit of... annoyance."

I looked back behind me in the shed, seeing Big Mac standing next to an empty spot where a wagon once was, until Rarity took it. "We should probably go see what Rarity's up to."

Applejack frowned. "Right..."

<<+>>

We made our way back to Carousel Boutique. Apparently, the others were already there.

"Applejack, Stardust, what's going on?" Twilight asked.

"I'm too scared to guess," Applejack answered.

Once again we were all waiting at the base of the runway. The lights dimmed again, and the runway lights buzzed alive.

The curtain opened to one of the most ridiculous redneck caricatures I'd ever seen. Now she wore a full straw hat and denim overalls, had frayed mane ends, and finally, Rarity started speaking with the Southern drawl to match—"Firstly, Ah just want to thank you all for comin', and second, Ah know y'all will all adore my new festival theme!"

And the... textual narrative accent to match. Wow, that's hitting it really hard!

Spike was playing a banjo to provide background music.

"'Simple Ways'!" Rarity announced the title, still sticking to her adopted accent.

The lights came on... and—

Applejack and I burst into laughter.

"Well? Hwhat's so funny?" Rarity asked.

"Rarity, that is the silliest getup I have ever seen!" Applejack answered.

"Rares has gone full fuckin' redneck!" I said, being straightforward. I couldn't stop laughing "This is hilarious! What a caricature!"

"It is a little funny," Fluttershy agreed.

"Fun-nay?" Rarity echoed, seemingly insulted. Not that she was the one that should be insulted here.

Twilight was also laughing. "Rarity, you aren't serious, are you?"

Rarity broke her act momentarily. "Well of course I'm serious—" She cleared her throat. "Hwhy wouldn't Ah be?"

"Because you would never dress like that," Applejack said, now serious. "You like fashion and high society and fancy things."

"And Ah can like plowin' fields and haulin' apples just as much," Redneck Rarity countered.

"But you don't!"

"How do you know hwhat I like?"

"Because I know you."

"Weeaaall, maybe you don't know me as well as you thaink."

"And I suppose it's just a coincidence that Trenderhoof seemed so interested in country life, too?"

"Ah don't know hwhat'chu're gittin' at!"

Applejack was getting irritated. "Well then, I guess I'll just have to show you!"

"Be mah guest!"

"Rarity," I interrupted, "No matter what you do, you're not winnin' Trenderhoof over."

"Hwhy is that, Stardust?! Hm?!"

I went behind Applejack and picked up one of her hind legs by surprise.

Mmm... apple flank.

"Stardust!" Applejack exclaimed at the sudden assault.

I ignored Applejack's surprise and held out her leg, knocking on the firm muscles. I grinned. "Ain't no clothes gonna substitute for—"—Appalachian mode—"—ack-tchu-al, gen-you-ah-ne frame."

I released Applejack's leg, and she put it back down on the ground. She scratched the back of her head shyly at the implied compliment.

Everyone else had mixed reactions about what I just pointed out, and how I did.

Back to my regular mess of a New Jersey-melting-pot ambiguous accent, "You asked me for a stallion's perspective, Rares. Well, you got it."

Rarity glared at me for a moment, then continued her initial plan of leaving out the door. "If you all will excuse me, I have a hootenanny of a festival to put on." With that, Redneck Rarity left the building.

Applejack growled in frustration.

I went up beside her. "So... what's your plan now?"

Her expression changed to a smug, plotting grin. "Oh, I'll show her. She can't run from who she really is, and she ain't impressin' anybody!"

Applejack turned around, heading deeper into the the boutique. "Come on, everypony, help me find the dress Rarity made for me."

"Uh..." I got over my initial hesitation and followed her. "What's your big plan now?"

"I'm gonna show Rarity just how ridiculous she's bein' tryin'a be more like me just to impress some stallion! I'm gonna go over and show her what she's like and see how she feels about me bein' ridiculous!"

"It's right here," Twilight said, levitating over a pretty pink-and-turquoise dress. Minimal frills, white dots on the turquoise. Not minimal, but not overbearing. 'Small-town chic', as Rarity termed it.

"Thanks, Twi!" Applejack said. "Help me put it on, and fix my mane up too."

Fluttershy went over to help. "Are you sure this will work?"

"I think Rarity's original planned theme is fantastic!" Applejack said. "She just needs some sense knocked back into that head of hers."

After a bit of work, Twilight and Fluttershy turned Applejack into a presentable, refined mare.

She lifted two legs diagonal across her body. Then she grinned at me while posing. "So, Stardust, how do I look?"

I chuckled. "You look great, AJ."

"How 'bout the frame?" she smirked. "The clothes work for it?"

"The clothes are there to accent it." I chuckled some more. "Rarity knew that."

"So now what, Applejack?" Twilight asked.

"Not Applejack," Applejack said, turning towards the door. "Apple Jewel."

Oh, I gotta see this.

<<+>>

We made it back to Applejack's barn. While Applejack snuck inside through the back, I decided to spectate through a side window.

Redneck Rarity was lecturing the fillies on her new theme. "Now, to be a model in thuh Simple Ways fashion show, you maight thaink "simple" means "less is more". Well, that jus' ain't so. If you want to be real simple, more is more."

... The fff..., Rarity. Seriously, what the hell. Yeah, she does... clearly not get it.

Rarity posed poor Apple Bloom around. "Now, y'all go off and make yourselves look jus' like that." She called over to Spike. "Who's our next model for the fashion show?"

"Um..." Spike said. "Apple... Jewel?"

"Who the hay is that?"

Cue tango music—diegetic or not, I wasn't sure, but that's what played when Applejack—all fancy and all—revealed herself on the runway. She stepped out and posed and all that to emphasize her point.

She spoke in a high-class accent. "Why, Rarity, whatever would make you think I was joking?"

It shocked Rarity out of her act. "Because you would never wear an ensemble like that. You like plowing fields and hauling apples—"

Applejack pushed Rarity's hat down on her face. "And I can like fashion just as much."

Rarity doubled down, again speaking in an accent. "But you don't!"

"Well, maybe you do not know me as well as you think."

"Fine. But Ah got a whole festival to plan, so if you're goin' to start modelin', just git on with it!"

"Life is a festival, and you should celebrate it by looking just like me! Because I'm a trend-setting fashionista!"

More poses! More photos!

Rarity was starting to break. "You're a trend-setting fashionista?! Why, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever– I mean..." Then she caught herself and got back into her act. "Good for you. Ah, on the other hoof, couldn't care less how Ah look, long as Ah get the chores done." Then she continued acting like some country redneck. And brayed like a mule.

Literally, the most unattractive Rarity has ever been, and it's hilarious.

"Oh, is that so?" Applejack grinned.

"Yes, indeedy-doodle!"

Applejack released a mock gasp. "Not me! My mane needs to be perfectly coiffed at all times."

"Well, mah mane is full of dust and split ends." I'm amazed Rarity could even tolerate it. A crush on a guy is one hell of a crazy thing, I guess.

Applejack looked into her well-manicured hoof. "My hooves are so polished, you can see your reflection in them." Wow. That's impressive.

"My hooves are cracked and dry from working in the fields!"

"I'm so fashion-forward."

"Ah wear droopy drawers!"

"~I smell like rosebuds.~"

Then Rarity went full nutters. "Ah love being covered in mud!"

I snickered. Oh my god, that is going to be immortal.

Oh, and then Rarity jumped into a puddle of mud. It splashed onto Applejack's dress. On that, Rarity's instincts kicked in. "Goodness! Your couture! Ooh, it's bad. Will somepony bring me a towel to wipe this repulsive filth from my hooves?!"

Victorious, Applejack returned to her normal drawl. "There's the Rarity I know!" she laughed.

See everyone? This is why AJ is best pony. Level-headed, straightforward, and takes no bullshit.

Just then, I heard a pony walking past me. I turned around, and saw Trenderhoof move by me wearing—"The hell are you wearin'?!"

Trenderhoof perked up on my noticing of him. "Farm clothes! I want to move to Ponyville, and live a simple farm life! Being so interesting and traveling is exhausting, you know..."

I raised a brow. "Uh huh. Are you sure that's the reason you want to move to Ponyville? Because there's only one farm here, buddy."

"Uh..." His eyes darted around. "I'll, uh, keep that in mind!" He kept walking towards the front barn doors.

"Look buddy, I don't recommend moving to Ponyville because of a love interest." I gave a smug grin. "It won't work out, and no one likes that kind of... generic stuff."

"Well..."

The doors opened, and Spike ran out.

"Hey y'all!" I heard Trenderhoof say. I facehoofed, then walked around to watch what was going to unfold. "I'm moving to Ponyville! Being the most interesting pony in Equestria is exhausting. I want to leave my exotic, exciting life behind and live on a farm!"

"What?!" Applejack and Rarity exclaimed.

"Well, that's real nice," Applejack said, "but I sure hope you weren't thinkin' of Sweet Apple Acres."

Trenderhoof looked down. "Oh."

"I told you," I said.

"Uh, look, you're a fine pony," Applejack said, sympathetically, "but, uh, well, I'm, uh..."

"I think what Applejack is trying to say is that there's something unappealing about a pony who'd change themselves so much just to impress somepony else," Rarity said. "If somepony doesn't like you for who you are, it's their loss."

"Well, this is awkward," Trenderhoof said.

"Not at all," Rarity smiled. "In fact, I think I know just how you feel."

Applejack turned to her friend. "What do you think, Rarity? Is it too late to go back to 'Small Town Chic'?"

"Not if I can help it!"

I grinned lightly. "Let's head it out then. I left Rainbow and Pinkie to hang stuff up because Rarity went off on her misguided endeavor..."

<<+>>

"Wow, this getup is awesome! Classy."

It was the night of the festival, and various ponies were dressed in Rarity's festival-special clothing. Me included. Suit, bow tie, and top hat.

I had a slick feeling that I gave off this radiant vibe of 19th century rough refinement. And an odd feeling that I should've been carrying a silver-plated pocket derringer...

I don't dress up often, but when I do, damn do I love feeling smooth. I felt like I could take on the world like this.

I saw Trenderhoof over by the Apples. Initially, it looked like he was offering a dance to Applejack, but instead, it was directed towards Granny Smith.

Still, it gave me an idea. I went over to Applejack. "Hey, AJ."

"Hey, Stardust," she smiled back. "Enjoyin' yourself?"

"That's some good cider you ponies made over there," I said, pointing towards the cider-tasting.

Applejack chuckled. "Sure did. We were fortunate that Rarity and Trenderhoof didn't get too much in the way of finishin' our work."

"Was one hell of a day, wasn't it?"

She laughed. "Sure was. But I guess Ponyville wouldn't be Ponyville if it weren't for all the crazy we get ourselves into."

I turned to her. "Hey, here's a crazy idea. How 'bout a dance, AJ?"

Applejack met my smirk with one of her own. "Oh, really now, Dusty?"

She took my offered hoof and we stepped onto the dance floor.

Once on the spot, I had a nice, good, close-up look of the orange mare.

"What, you still admirin' all the muscle?" Applejack teased, noticing my eyes.

I snickered. "It's a little hard not to." Especially not when one of her forelegs was in my hoof.

We had a good laugh over everything.

"Who'd ever thought that the pegasus that stumbled into my room one night a few months ago would become a friend later on?" Applejack wondered out loud.

I chuckled. "I sure wasn't."

I mean, it was a goal to, but it wasn't ever for sure.

"You're a hell of a weird pony, Stardust, but you're alright," Applejack said. "I think you fit in Ponyville just fine."

Here I was now, having a fun time with a pony I initially whacked in the head. Initially together in temporary death, now together living life.

Best. Pony.

Author's Note

Well, you seemed to be mostly absent this time around.

You know, I just remembered something from the start of this chapter—can we have 'train set enthusiast Rarity' as a thing?

<... That sounds hilarious. I wonder why Rarity has suddenly become the most interesting character for me to write...>

She's got this interesting characterization that, on the surface, is a pony that appears refined and cultured, but internally, she's got that nice, natural weirdness that comes out and seems contradictory to her outward appearance. To put it short, she's got the potential for realistic depths that we can continue to dig up and see, and have an absolute ball doing it.

Also, please don't ever type country accents again. That is painful.

I mean, it's not like we've checked to see how common it still is... Also, did you also have to turn Rarity into Hank Hill?

So, a final resolution with the initial opening of this story.

Jump to top

[16] [S4E14]-Filli Vanilli

Another Displaced Human Dilemma
By: Another Ponyville Regular

< 16 >

Filli Vanilli

Page flip.

"Okay, well you still haven't convinced me that your cutie mark isn't related to cheating in some form."

Twilight and I were taking a walk around Ponyville, out and about getting some fresh air instead of conducting our research session cooped up inside the library. She had her notepad and pencil held in her magical grasp, taking notes and re-examining notes as usual.

"I'd like to hope it doesn't," I answered back.

She tapped her pencil against the paper thoughtfully. Then she sighed. "You know, Stardust, my trust in you has been built up a lot these past few months, but this cutie mark—which Discord made appear, mind you—is really causing me a whole lot of discomfort ever since you got it."

I scratched the back of my head. "Sorry, but I wish I could help more."

Twilight sighed again. "Maybe if I just had more tangible proof of your background, it'd put me at ease. Something to corroborate your entire story that you've told me."

"Well, what do you want to do about it?" I asked her. Internally, I was a bit worried. Should she actively pursue evidence, I'd be in trouble, and there were only a few ways out of that one. And of those ways, even fewer that would keep me on good terms with Twilight and her friends.

I mean, I'm sure I could make it fine on my own elsewhere in Equestria, but I just don't like the idea of befriending others only to have to leave them on poor terms and in a negative light.

Twilight put the pencil and pad underwing as she thought about it. She must've really been hit by the question to put her writing utensils away.

"Hey, guys!"

Oh, that was Rainbow. Thank god.

We turned to see not just Rainbow, but with her, Applejack.

"Hey, you two!" Twilight greeted.

"What are you two up to out here today?" Applejack asked.

"Eggheads doing egghead things, probably," Rainbow teased.

I looked at Rainbow smugly. "You want to say that again directly to me, Rainbow?"

She just returned an equally smug look.

"Stardust and I are still trying to figure out what his cutie mark means," Twilight answered. "We still can't tell if it has positive or negative connotations."

"I mean, he seems like a nice enough pony," Applejack said. "Hasn't really given me any reason to distrust him, and you know how I am, Twi."

Just then, we all heard a bush rustle off to our side.

"Or maaaybe he's just really good at hiding deep, dark secrets!" Pinkie suddenly jumped in to join our group.

"Pinkie..." I said.

"Let's not... jump to conclusions," Twilight said.

"You sound like you've been thinking it a while though, Twi," Rainbow said.

Geez, it felt like walls were pushing in on me. This is pressure I didn't want, but frankly, should have eventually expected to face somewhere down the line the longer I stayed in Ponyville.

"Pinkie, why are you even here?" I asked, hoping to shift attention away from the topic of my unprovable past and current motives.

"Oh, you know why, Dusty!"

"I do?"

"Well, maybe not!"

Help?

... Oh.

"Hello there, everypony!" Well, there was Rarity. So... the gang's all here except for Fluttershy.

"Well didn't you notice which way we're going, Dusty?" Pinkie asked.

"I, uh..." I knew where we were, but didn't figure it had any significance up until now. "Well, I guess that answers that."

Wait, so are we going in this direction for a predetermined reason, or did everyone just manage to meet up walking in the direction of Fluttershy's place?

I looked over at Rarity, who was now walking with us. She was the only one here carrying a saddlebag.

"~And there's music in the grass, and the music makes your heart soar in reply...~"

Everyone's ears perked up at Fluttershy's singing voice, and we rounded the corner to see her amongst her animals, cheering her performance.

"Oh, thank you so much." Fluttershy giggled, still talking to her animals. "You're too kind."

"Wow!" Pinkie exclaimed.

Fluttershy jerked her head in our direction, startled. She looked down shyly. "Oh... You... um... you didn't hear me... um..."

"Singing in the most beautiful voice ever?!"

"Uh, yeah, we did!" Rainbow agreed, flying up to Fluttershy.

Fluttershy shrank down and hid behind her hooves.

... What?

"Wow, I've never heard you sing a solo like that before!" Twilight smiled.

I raised my brow. "Wait, you haven't?" But they've had plenty of songs on this show by now...

"It was like a little slice of heaven," Applejack said.

"With ice cream on top!" Pinkie added.

"Melodic," I described it simply. "... Why are we all here again?"

"So... I'm pretty sure this isn't the first time we've heard Fluttershy sing, right?"

"Well, not like this though," Pinkie said. She leaned into my ear. "Just take my word for it!" she whispered.

Driving a plot. Got it.

"Exactly!"

Rarity knelt down next to the shy pegasus. "Fluttershy, I cannot believe your spectacular voice isn't part of the Pony Tones quartet!"

Fluttershy looked away. "Um, well, I—"

"Especially since you're having us perform for your Ponyville Pet Center fundraiser tomorrow night!" Using her magic, Rarity pulled out a promotional poster for their performance.

"Well, you see, I—"

"This simply must be rectified." Rarity rolled the poster back up. "You must share that stunning voice at the event!"

"Yeah!" Pinkie agreed. "It'll be so amazing! You'll be there on stage, basking in the hooflights! The center of attention! A shining star! Everypony staring at you, judging you, jealously noting how they could be way better than you!..."

Gee Pinkie, sometimes I wonder...

"... Why wasn't it them? Why wasn't it them? And then, when you choke, they'll turn on you, becoming a seething, angry mob, and you'll be horribly humiliated, never able to show your face in Ponyville again!"

... Why they write you to do pushy things to Fluttershy when you clearly know she's not like that.

"Pinkie Pie!" Rarity yelled. She whacked the pink pony with the rolled up promotional poster. "Don't be ridiculous!"

"Aw, but I'm so good at it!"

Unfortunately.

Rarity sighed. "Come, Fluttershy, you will join the group, making the Pony Tones quartet the Pony Tones quintet!"

"No," Fluttershy stated.

"Pardon me?" Rarity looked a bit shocked.

"I love the Pony Tones, I'm one of their biggest fans, but I do not want to perform with them." She looked scared at the prospect of it.

"Why not, Fluttershy?" Twilight asked.

"Well, you see... I... I have... um... I... I have..." Fluttershy struggled to get it out.

"She has stage fright," I answered for her, plainly. Anyone could assume just from knowing Fluttershy that that's what was going on inside of her head.

Fluttershy nodded meekly.

Pinkie jumped into a bush... for some reason. "Is it contagious?!"

Oh, that reason.

Twilight rolled her eyes along with everyone else. "Stage fright isn't a disease, Pinkie. It just means that Fluttershy is scared to perform in front of everypony."

Fluttershy smiled at everyone understanding. "I'm very thankful the Pony Tones are singing at the Pet Center fundraiser, and I'm really looking forward to the performance, but I'll be watching safely from the audience."

Rarity sighed. "Well... I think it's a terrible waste of an exquisite talent, but I understand that you're not comfortable."

"Thank you."

Angel, Fluttershy's secret murder bunny, tugged on her mane.

"Oh! Angel's right. We'd better get going. There's a lot of work to do before tomorrow's event."

Well, I guess us being here has served its plot purpose. Let's go.

"Right!" Pinkie bounced past me, already headed back towards Ponyville.

... You know, I still don't know how I feel about that, with Pinkie able to invade my thoughts because it's part of the narration.

That's when mostly everything that matters happens though...

<<+>>

I returned home to see Lucky in the living room on his couch reading a book.

"Stardust!" he greeted. "How goes the session with Twilight today?"

I shrugged. "Same as always. Got nothin'."

He waved me over. "Sit down, maybe we can try something."

"Hm?" I looked at him inquisitively, but had no reason to refuse.

He pulled out a deck of cards from a drawer in his coffee table. "So you say there's a possibility that it's about you being a cheater of some sorts—"

"No—... well—... yes," I interrupted. "But I also said it could mean I just, you know, know how to play my cards right."

"Okay, fine, fine, fine," Lucky said. "But maybe we'll discover something anyways."

I rolled my eyes. "They say the house always wins."

"And I'm the luckiest pony around," the earth pony added. He began shuffling the deck of cards. How ponies do it with hooves, I have no idea, but I'm capable of doing it too, so maybe I just shouldn't think about it too hard.

I looked at Lucky blankly. "So what exactly do we learn if I win?"

"If you win, then we can at least tell if you cheated to do so or not."

I suppose he made a good point.

"Start with something simple, eh?" Lucky said. "Play some Blackjack. Then maybe something else."

I shrugged. "Name of the game is 21. Let's go, I guess. Only one deck?"

"I'm not running a casino here, Dust. Besides, don't want you to get dealt your cutie mark—that'll just be weird." Lucky started dealing out the cards, and I was rather uninterested in whatever was going to happen.

"I would've thought that for a pony so lucky and barred from enterin' casinos, you'd want to recreate the experience," I said.

"I do, sometimes," Lucky replied. "But today just isn't that day. Besides, more decks just give me the advantage anyways."

A few rounds went by, and, I don't know, maybe Lucky had a slight edge in wins? I really wasn't sure if this whole exercise was going to prove anything, leaving me pretty uninvested in the game.

Heck, there wasn't even anything on the line, so it's being no-risk, no-reward didn't help either. But maybe there was still a point to be made here.

After a few more back and forth, maybe going onto ten minutes of this, Lucky spoke up. "You're looking pretty bored there, Dust."

I looked up from my the two cards he had just dealt to me. A jack of clubs and a seven of spades. What a decision.

"Hit." I mean, damn, I'm now remembering that one night I spent in my college dorm's cafeteria writing a simple program that played Blackjack. Time really flew by then. Though, I guess a lot of that was also bug fixing, so...

Lucky slid over a five of diamonds.

I flipped the jack. "Bust. You know, why don't you run a casino of your own, Lucky? Bet you'd make a killing from it."

"I've thought about it," Lucky said. "I still do. Of course, I'd have to face the opposite problem then, with the house probably winning more than it should. Besides, casino's are such finicky business. Not sure it's something I want in anyways."

Lucky collected my cards and shuffled them back into the deck. Then he started dealing himself his cards. He started with a two of hearts and a three of diamonds. Then a five of spades. Then the ace of spades.

"And that's twenty-one," Lucky said, declaring his victory. "Huh, the ace of spades seems to be coming out often today, don't you think?

I shrugged. "Maybe?"

Lucky chuckled. "Maybe it's because of you. Might be your lucky charm or something." He changed the subject. "Want to play something else?"

"I've always been a fan of 500 Rum..." I said.

Lucky chuckled. "You'd like Rose and her two flower friends. They play those games a lot."

Suddenly, the front door opened.

"Speak of the devil," Lucky said as Roseluck entered our sight.

"Heeey there boys!" Roseluck greeted. "Ooh, cards?"

"We were just about to start a game of 500 Rum," Lucky replied.

Roseluck came over and put her saddlebags down. "You know what? I'm feeling hold 'em. Let's play some hold 'em!"

"Uh..." Lucky looked at Roseluck's quietly enthusiastic expression as she sat at our table.

My eyes darted between them. "Am I missin' somethin' here?"

Lucky kept his suspicious gaze on his marefriend as he dealt out cards. "Every time we play, she's always up to something..."

Roseluck reached into her saddlebag and pulled out a bag of bits. She distributed an equal amount to each of us. It wasn't a large amount, but it was still a decent sum that added up to a few day's worth of food.

"Just out of your pocket?" I asked.

"I'm feeling generous today," Roseluck smiled.

"No, you're just up to something," Lucky said. "What are your special victory conditions, Rose?"

"If you win," Roseluck said to Lucky with a smirk, "You get to keep the bits, but it's my way tomorrow night for a few minutes before we call it a night."

... Oh. I rolled my eyes. I get stuck in a game of this?

Roseluck's smirk turned especially sinister. "... If I win, the bits are mine, but we can have some butt fun and whatever you'd like for as long as you've got."

I saw Lucky's eyes go a bit wide. Meanwhile, I just looked at the mare very oddly. "And if I win?"

"You get to keep the bits and decide on which of those terms Lucky and I spend tomorrow night," Roseluck grinned.

"... What?" us two stallions both said.

I considered it. "You know, I don't really see a losin' option here."

Lucky squinted his eyes towards me. "Of course you do."

"Oh, right, the one where I don't win anything."

"You know, I like doing this to Lucky," Roseluck said. "It can screw with his luck. Let's play!"

She grabbed the deck from Lucky and started dealing out the cards.

"Hey, they call it 'getting lucky' for a reason," Lucky said with a growing grin.

I quickly peeked at my two cards before rolling my eyes. "Is your idea of 'gettin' lucky' a win-win, or a loss-win?"

"You know what I'm talking about, Stardust."

The round went by uneventfully, with Lucky winning the pot first. It was his turn next to deal, and I went about my detached way of basically checking and calling whatever bet was put down. The deck came to me, and I suppose that made me pay some attention to the game.

Not enough to stop playing so passively this round, but I had mentally prepared myself to start playing with a more serious mindset. After all, there was some interest to be had in the game. Poker was an interesting game of psychological wits. Besides, free money was on the line, so why say no to winning free money?

Roseluck got the cards next and the round began. All seemed normal, and I raised the pot a bit. It was called by both, and afterwards went swiftly to the fourth card.

I saw a flash of red behind Roseluck. And again, but this time, I saw it more clearly as the hairs of her tail. She was otherwise pretty still, poker face and all.

I threw my cards on the table. "I fold."

Lucky took a moment, but then did the same.

Roseluck looked at me. "... Are you cheating somehow?"

Her unamused expression remained for a few seconds, before she followed our equally unamused gazes towards her flank. Her expression changed to match ours. "Oh, right. I forgot..."

She hopped up and sat on her tail.

I looked back at Lucky, who now had the deck.

He got back to shuffling the deck. "Well it's probably more fair now..."

The next round started, and three cards of the flop went down on the table. I started thinking about it for a bit, and by the time the fourth card landed, I figured that extra bits in my own pocket wouldn't be a bad idea.

After all, I was the only one at the table playing a normal game of poker, where there was only one winning way out.

I was feeling pretty good about this round. "Raise."

They called it, then the fifth card went down. I saw a flush.

Again, the round started with me. I tapped a hoof on the table, checking.

Roseluck scrutinized me. "Raise."

Lucky called the bet.

I looked at both earth ponies in the eyes, feeling out their intentions. "Raise."

A pause.

"Fold."

"Fold."

I'd have won the round anyways, it seems. I very slightly raised my brow at the turnout as I collected my bits. I traced their eyes to my back.

It was then that it hit me. I slightly extended my wing out to look at it.

"Being a little too easy to read there yourself, Stardust?" Roseluck said.

I just grumbled. It had just occurred to me that I had to be mindful of another pair of potentially twitchy appendages now. Just another mental load I guess...

With everyone at the table mindful of tells now, we settled in for a game we didn't know how long it was going to take. And so we did, round after round...

And no one was playing too aggressively with their bets. Lucky's luck didn't seem to make an appearance here either, because he wasn't anywhere near winning.

Roseluck seemed to have the most bits at the table right now, with me trailing not far behind. To be honest, I was getting a bit tired of the game now. I kind of just wanted to leave and go lie down.

Lucky dealt out the cards, but I didn't bother seeing what mine were. Leave it to fate. The three cards went down. Ace of hearts, jack of clubs, ace of diamonds.

Betting round went around. I check. Then a raise, call, call, raise, call, call... then checks.

Fourth card went down. Ten of clubs. Ugh, I really think I'd had enough of this. I could feel the air around the table intensify though, as Lucky raised when it got to him.

Geez, fine. Call it. Call, check.

Fifth card went down. Ace of clubs.

I raised to see if anyone would call, but in reality looking for a discreet out from the game.

Roseluck all-in'd, definitely more than either of us two stallions had bits left, without any waver in her actions. So the two of us also put our bits in the center.

Well, if I was going to be out, I might as well see how. I finally took a peek at my hand... or hoof? Geez, terms are confusing.

... Two aces of spades?! Really?!

Well, I'm sure they would let me win with this hand, but I don't know how fair this kind of five-of-a-kind was. I mean, I guess one could argue that a second ace of spades is a wildcard, but...

The round came to me. I looked at the pot, with all those bits. I looked at the Luck couple, darting my eyes between them silently and inconspicuously.

I flipped my cards on the table. "I fold."

The two of them looked at the twin aces in bewilderment.

While they resolved the scene in their head, I stood up to leave. "I'm going up to take a nap."

That much amount of money wasn't worth the potential trouble of getting between those two.

"... Hey, Rose, did you and the other girls play Canasta the other day when they came over?"

"Maaaybe..."

"And didn't check to see if you put the two decks back together correctly?"

"Well... Didn't you check before you two started playing?"

"No, because I didn't think I needed to. How the hay hasn't this turned up in our play until now? Geez, Rose, now I'll actually have to check to see if there's anything else wrong in this deck."

"Whoops!..."

"Explains why we seemed to get the ace of spades so often earlier. Also, straight flush beats your full house..."

Whatever was going to happen to Roseluck's, and I suppose by extension, Lucky's plans for tomorrow night, I leave firmly in their hooves.

Not from my point of view.

And I will still leave them to handle their own bedtime activities.

<<+>>

The next day, I was out and about looking for things to do around town. Though I didn't win extra bits to add into my savings yesterday, the idea got to me that perhaps I should consider finding some actual work to do around town. Twilight paid well per scheduled session, but the sessions had been reduced to only a few times a week.

"Hiii, Stardust!"

The greeting came from none other than—"Hey, Pinkie."

She bounced up next to me. "What'cha doin'?"

I considered my answer, and decided to just play it straight. "Lookin' for a job, I guess."

"Coool!" Pinkie explained, hopping beside me as I walked. "So what exciting things did you do yesterday, Dusty?"

"Uh... I forfeited a game of poker then took a nap," I answered. I motioned with my hoof, "And it was a great nap."

"You decided to lose at something?!" Pinkie gasped. "Well I won Ponyville's twelfth annual turkey call yesterday!"

She made this gobbling noise that I suppose was a turkey call. "I broke Big Mac's six win streak! Hey, look there he is now!"

I looked off to the side and saw the stage set up for the Ponyville Pet Center fundraiser. Oh, right, ongoing episode, right?

Pinkie split off from me and bounced over to them. "Just skip to the fun part, Grey!"

<<+>>

Somewhere around ten hours later, and I found myself roughly in the same spot.

"Stardust!" Twilight greeted me. "You're here!"

"Sure am," I answered. "Felt like getting out of the house, you know, find something interesting to do."

"Heeey guuuys!" Pinkie greeted. With her was Rainbow. "This is going to be great!"

"I'll say." Applejack joined us from behind.

"Hey, hey, they're starting!" Rainbow exclaimed.

Rarity appeared from the curtains on the stage. "Good evening, citizens of Ponyville! I want to thank you all for coming out tonight and generously supporting the Ponyville Pet Center! Thanks to your kindness, pets are finding loving homes, and we're sure to meet our fundraising goal!"

Twilight looked around. "Where's Fluttershy?"

Applejack rolled her eyes. "Probably hidin'. You know how much that pony hates the spotlight."

Rarity continued. "So, with no further ado, please welcome the Pony Tones!"

The crowd cheered. Then it subsided, and Rarity blew a pitch pipe.

Their song started with this bass voice which I assumed was Big Mac.

"~... Bum, bum, bum-ba-da ah...~"

Then the rest joined in.

"~... Bum, bum, bum-ba-da, ba-da...~"

"~... Oh, ah-ah-ah-ah...~"

After the opening, Big Mac sang again.

"~Trot outside and you see the sunshine, something's in the air today...~"

The song continued, with the Pony Tones singing this great sounding song about finding the music in yourself. I let myself bob to the beat.

"~Got the music in you, got the music, got the music in you!~"

Upon finishing, the crowd cheered again, and ponies rushed to the stage. "Pony Tones! Pony Tones!"

The six of us—Spike was here too—waited a bit for the crowd to die down until we could approach the stage and talk to them personally.

"Pony Tones!" Twilight exclaimed. "That was truly amazing!"

"And you sounded better than ever, big brother!" Applejack added.

He seemed to take the compliment well, as did the other three of the ensemble.

Pinkie found Fluttershy lurking backstage. "Fluttershy, you were on the wrong side of the curtain! You totally missed the show!"

Rarity stepped in. "Uh, just like a true professional, Fluttershy was backstage making sure everything ran smoothly!" She whispered something to Fluttershy.

This pegasus came up to us with his filly. "That was fantastic, Pony Tones!"

"My new puppy and I thought it was super-duper crazy good!" the filly added.

Rarity beamed. "Why, thank you!"

"And we were wondering if you would consider performing at my daughter Zipporwhill's cute-ceañera," the stallion asked.

"Will you? Will you?" Zippowhill asked enthusiastically.

"We'd love to!" Rarity said. "When is it? Next week? Next month?"

"Tomorrow!" both of them said.

Huh. Talk about last—

"Oh, gracious, I'm terribly sorry, but that's much too last minute," Rarity frowned.

The little filly looked downcast. "Oh, no..."

"Well..." her dad also frowned, "I understand."

Fluttershy whispered something to Rarity, and it appeared that they came to some sort of agreement. Rarity chased after the two pegasi.

<<+>>

"So, Stardust, how did you enjoy our show?"

I was heading back with Rarity once the group had all split up from the event. Rarity lived nearby Lucky's place, so I figured I'd just tag along with her so that neither of us were walking back alone.

"I liked it," I said. "Been a while since I heard a good acapella group."

"Why, thank you," Rarity smiled. "We have a lot of pride in our little quartet, and it's we love seeing ponies admire our music."

We arrived in front of the Boutique.

"Until next time, Stardust!" Rarity waved and started walking to her door.

Then I just remembered something. "Wait!"

Rarity stopped. "What is it, Stardust?"

"Do you... do you mind if I come in for a bit? Coffee or tea maybe?"

"Hm?" Rarity looked at me with a bit of surprise. "Why so?"

I looked in the vague direction of Lucky's house. "Just rather keep my distance from home for a little bit longer..."

Rarity paused, then smiled. "Well, no matter. I've no reason to refuse. Come in!"

Welcomed in, I followed Rarity through the doorway. She made some coffee in her kitchen, and we sat around for a bit.

Rarity looked at me thoughtfully. "I'm curious. What's your singing voice like, Stardust?"

I looked into my cup of coffee. "Uh... hasn't been used in a long time," I decided to admit truthfully. "I was much more of an instrument kind of guy than a singing one, too..."

Rarity seemed surprised. She put her hooves on the table and straightened up. "Well! Maybe we should have a listen to it?"

"I'd rather not..."

Rarity smiled. "Oh, come on now, Stardust. It can't be that bad. I bet your singing is still better than Twilight's dancing. Come on now, I made you coffee. Now I want a little something back."

You know, probably still better than just going straight home. The coffee was pretty decent...

Eh?

<<+>>

"Stardust! You didn't come home the other day?"

Lucky greeted me as I came down the stairs. It had been two nights ago since I went and saw the Pony Tones sing.

"Sorry," I said. "Came home late both nights. Was dead tired. Woke up early yesterday though and just spent the day out."

"Huh." Lucky pushed over a small bag on the table where he also had breakfast set. "Well, here, Rose said to give this to you."

I raised my brow as I reached over to the bag. It was full of bits.

Lucky shrugged, but smiled. "She said you won it. I tried to argue that your hoof was just a four-of-a-kind, but nah. She insisted."

"Huh." I dragged the bag over to my edge of the table. "So how was your night two nights ago?"

Lucky chuckled. "I still won. So did she."

I shared his chuckle. "Everyone wins. Always nice."

"Hey, let's go out to town today," Lucky said, changing the subject. "Mayor has a ribbon-cutting ceremony."

"Sounds interestin'. Let's go then."

"Also, you're buying lunch."

"Hey!"

<<+>>

"~... Sky is clear and you're feelin' so fine, everything's gonna be a-okay...~"

And what do you know, the Pony Tones were singing again.

However, there seemed to be something... off about Big Mac's voice. It didn't... sound like it was coming from his direction. It sounded like it was coming from slightly to the side, and with some reverb.

Weird. I really couldn't put a hoof on it. Aside from that though, they were as pitch-perfect as they were two days ago.

"Wow, what great voices," Lucky said after the performance was over. "I think they have a scheduled performance at Sugarcube Corner in a few days. Would be great to hear them again."

I looked back at the stage as we left. The two spa ponies, Aloe and Lotus Blossom, had approached her. "They seem to have a pretty busy schedule this week."

"Mm," Lucky agreed. "I didn't even know they were performing today. Guess Rarity's feeling generous."

"Maybe."

"Now let's go get lunch- and it's on you, remember?"

"Dammit, Lucky."

<<+>>

A few more days later, and we were lined up with other ponies outside of Sugarcube Corner.

"Not on the list?!" Lucky exclaimed. "There's no way I'm not on the list."

"Sorry," Spike said, peeking up from behind his sunglasses. "But we've got to stay within the occupancy limit. And that's why we have an invite list."

"Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure I'm on this list..." Lucky mumbled.

I stepped past him. "Spike, just let him in."

"Come on, Stardust," Spike said. "The list has spoken. He's not on."

"If this is because of a mishandlin' of sign-ups, I'll make sure Twilight hears about it."

"Mhm..." Spike said, disinterestedly. "Look, Stardust, you can head on in, but otherwise, you're holding up the line."

"I'll tell Rarity."

I saw the dragon jump up a bit. "... Okay fine."

Us two gray stallions stepped inside. "Gee, am I lucky to have you around, Stardust."

I rolled my eyes. "Just your luck..."

We settled into the crowd, and by chance, behind—

"Stardust!" Rainbow greeted. "What's up?"

I shrugged, smiling. "Not much," I greeted back, waving to the other three mares of the group.

"Great night for a show, ain't it?" Applejack said.

"They're starting!" Twilight whispered excitedly.

The spotlight focused in on them, and Pony Tones started singing their main song.

As the song went on though, something seemed wrong with Big Mac. There was this growing dissonance between him and what was being sung, and the other three of the ensemble knew it. At one point, he almost even fell off the stage.

Then the curtains fell. And by fell, not the show way, but actually falling from the ceiling. And there was Fluttershy, flying up in the air, singing. With a smooth, jazzy voice.

"~... Yeah, yeah, I love the music, ye—"

"Fluttershy?!" the mares around me exclaimed.

My eyes bulged at seeing the pony at the same time as hearing the voice, and only one thought came to my head. "Damn, Fluttershy, did you get your nodes removed?!" I exclaimed with a wide grin and hooves to my head.

Twilight and her friends looked at me oddly for a moment, but quickly looked back at their now-exposed friend.

Fluttershy, now in plain view to the crowd, cowered behind her tail. As she dropped down to the stage, the spotlight followed.

Everyone around us erupted into a happy cheer. Lucky even poked me in the side, motioning towards the stage. He clearly enjoyed the music.

Up on the stage though, Fluttershy looked like she was getting crushed under pressure. Then she started shedding... uh, manly tears, maybe?

When Fluttershy ran out, we got on stage with the Pony Tones.

Applejack went straight up to her brother. "Big Mac, you got some 'splainin' to do!... Turkey call?"

Big Mac leaned away from his sister, but answered. "Eeyup."

"Trash your voice?"

"Eeyup."

"Zecora remedy?"

"Eeyup."

"Not quick enough?"

"Nnope."

"Needed a deep voice?"

"Eeyup."

"Poison joke?"

"Eeyup."

"Flutterguy?"

"Eeyup."

"Better now?"

"Eeyup."

"And that shy filly was livin' her dream in the shadows because she couldn't bring herself to come into the spotlight?"

"Eeyup."

God, I love the Apple family. Or at least these two. So straight to the point.

"Well, for corn's sake!" Applejack exclaimed. "Let's go!"

<<+>>

We went all the way out to Fluttershy's cottage trying to find her.

"Fluttershy?" Twilight called out from the first floor of the cottage. "You in here?"

Fluttershy walked out from her bathroom on the second floor. "Yes... I'm here," she answered, voice back to normal.

Pinkie crawled up the wall to get to Fluttershy. "That was totally unbelievable! I mean, the curtain came up and there you were, singing in front of everypony!"

This... didn't seem like it was going to go anywhere good. "Okay, Pinkie—"

Pinkie continued waving around while hanging onto the second floor railing. "—And you know, I don't think anypony was jealous, 'cause there certainly wasn't an angry mob!—"

"Pinkie—" I uselessly called out again.

"But it must have been horrible standing there on stage, all eyes glued directly on you!"

"Pink—"

She practically tackled Fluttershy down. "It's like you were living your own personal worst nightmare!"

I sighed.

Fluttershy began crying again. "It was."

No one at all was amused with Pinkie.

"What?" Pinkie asked. "Too much?"

The pegasus slid out from under the pink pony, headed right out the door. Again.

I ran out after her, only to see her already some distance away. "Oh geez, I think she's flyin' all the way back to town."

Twilight shoved up behind me, yelling after Fluttershy. "What Pinkie meant to say is that you were really great!"

She squeezed past me to chase after the pegasus.

Pinkie came up behind me. "Wait! Didn't I say that?"

I lightly hit Pinkie over the head for her antics, before flying after Fluttershy.

Rarity ran past her also. "Hardly!"

"You were great!" I heard Pinkie exclaim behind us.

<<+>>

Fluttershy's lead and the dark of the night was enough that it took a bit to find her. But I did, because yellow is quite a vibrant color that stands out against the ground. I swooped down and landed in front of her.

She was still crying, but I think she was running out of energy.

"You know, Fluttershy," I started, "the only way to get rid of stage fright is to just keep goin' out there until you're used to it."

She took a pause to get herself under control, not seeming to expect straight talk. Through her tears, "B-but... it's so hard!"

I looked at her with hints of dissatisfaction, as she began flying away again. "I want to say it gets easier, but I guess some ponies just adapt better than others..."

Fluttershy landed on a bridge, facing away from me. "Do you know anything about it, Stardust?"

I smiled at her lightly, even if she couldn't see it. "Yeah. I used to be a performer. Used to play instruments when I was young. It was really scary the first few times, but over time, I knew that I had the ability to put on the performance. With a lot of practice, you get to know how rounded out your talents are, and when you know where your talents stand, you can be confident in how you'll perform. From that point on, it's just about gettin' rid of the uneasiness of gettin' in front of a crowd."

"O-o-oh," Fluttershy said with a wavering voice. "I guess so. But I don't think I can get over the last part so easily."

"Well, if that's you, Fluttershy, then I guess we can't really push you too hard." I looked away, rubbing my chin. "... Mom did always tell me I have to get out of my comfort zone, though..."

"I just don't want to dive too far out of my comfort zone all at once." Fluttershy sighed. "It's just not in me to be able to do it."

"Well, you should still try to. It would be a shame to let your talents go to waste. I don't think that's worth your own fears. Don't... don't use fear as an excuse to not try to be the best you can be."

Fluttershy paused, just looking at me. "... Little by little then."

I put a hoof to her shoulder, then looked at the others, who had finally arrived on scene. "They'll hold you to that."

Fluttershy seemed mostly calm, but still tensed up as if preparing to continue running as the other mares closed in.

Interestingly enough, we now found ourselves where it all began, at the stage where the Ponyville Pet Center fundraiser was held. It seemed that from this point, there could be no further running away.

The otheres arrived to continue their shower of complements, as if that would help build up Fluttershy's resolve, when clearly her resolve wasn't the barrier here. At least, not the first one needed to be overcome.

Oh, and then Pinkie started opening her mouth.

In a wingbeat, I was already over to her, pushing her away. I pointed a hoof at her and gave her a simple, "No."

"Fluttershy," Rarity said, now standing in front of her timid friend, "I know what happened back there was hard for you. But you're the one that wanted the Pony Tones to sing for every silly thing that was requested of us."

"You mean, you knew I really wanted to perform?" Fluttershy asked.

"Of course I knew!"

The pegasus looked down. "Oh..."

"And, for all her babbling, Pinkie Pie was right about one thing," Rarity added, somewhat unsure.

"Only one?!" Pinkie exclaimed from beside me.

"When that curtain fell, and everypony saw you singing, you lived your worst nightmare!" Rarity exclaimed, having gotten up onto the stage to recreate some of the feeling. "Was it really that bad?"

"Yes!" Fluttershy hid behind her hooves.

"Well, what was so bad about it?" Twilight asked.

"The thunderous applause?" Rainbow suggested.

"The praise for your fantastic singin'?" Applejack added.

"The screaming fans?!" Pinkie added in, unsubtly, as per usual.

Fluttershy jumped up in surprise, joining Rarity on the stage.

"Maybe the fact that everyone saw her singin' but she sounded like a guy?" I said.

I felt a metal object hit me over the head. I heard it too, actually. That muffled metallic 'ping'. I looked up to see Rarity, unamused and putting her pitch pipe back in her coat.

"And you've been so helpful up until that, Stardust..." Rarity said.

I rubbed my head. "I mean, I was just sayin' what could've been an actual reason..."

<<+>>

And so, that's the story of how we all got invited to a private performance the next day, featuring the Pony Tones plus Fluttershy.

And how I said the lesson of the episode, only half-realizing that I did.

"Stardust, are you trying to cheat me out of the box by not directly having me in the final scene?!"

"Watch me work, Pinkie."

Author's Note

Ohhh that nodes joke is showing its age.

Meh. You know, whenever the chapter goes off on my own adventure, it always gets long.

Poker though.

Hm. So what about what comes next?

If you can restrain yourself.

... We'll see.

Jump to top

[17] [S4E15]-Twilight Time

Another Displaced Human Dilemma
By: Probably Inconspicuous Pegasus

< 17 >

Too Much Meta Time

Page flip.

"Hmm... magic weapon of mass destruction control box?..."

I was in the library helping Twilight do some more research on that mysterious hexagonal blue box that she found all the way a few months ago. I was writing down a few notes as I went through some books that may have pointed to possibilities, but right now, there was admittedly a lull in my energy to keep arduously poring through books. So I resorted to letting my mind wander.

"... Nah." I tore the page I'd written out of the notepad. "That'd be too ridiculous. Probably."

I needed a break from focusing on this. What to do... Oh, hey, narration.

<... Yeah. And?>

I don't know why, but it's taken me this long to connect the fact that there's narration to the fact that it mean's I'm in a chapter.

No, no, there's more to it now. Or, I get more about it now.

It obviously means something's about to happen, because all of this always shows up only when something's about to start happening. Call it a mini-arc in my life. A chapter for you guys can span days or a week in mine.

I don't think it increases my self-awareness, but instead, it actually affects how I view my own world. Preemptive signs of upcoming events. Usually an episode from the show.

<... You know, I'm not sure I like the implication. Remember all the talk about 'naturally occurring'?>

Well it's not my fault that this is how breaking the fourth wall works. If it's such an issue, maybe you should change how my interaction with it works.

I think that would be unfortunately boring, however.

You know what though? My head is feeling a bit dizzy from all the book-reading. I'm gonna sleep on it.

<<+>>

I awoke to a commotion outside of the room I'd confined myself in for privacy. Which made me realize—how much time had passed?

No matter. I was curious to see what was going on outside. I think I heard multiple voices, but my senses were still getting back up to full speed.

I opened the door to see the three Cutie Mark Crusaders doing various things. Sweetie Belle was trying to manipulate a broom with her magic, Scootaloo was sitting in front of unicycle parts, and Apple Bloom was surrounded by chemistry implements and a pot of soil. Twilight was going around talking to them.

And oh hey, that's a show cam.

Let's see... show cam, plus a lot of Crusader activity...

Crusader episode, isn't it.

I rolled my eyes. Boy oh boy, this'll be a ride.

Though, that did put an idea into my head. If, by being able to see the show cameras filming, I could deduce the focus of an episode, that means I could follow the episode around! Because it means some unique things of notes are going to happen. Certainly an interesting thought.

<... You know, that's probably cheating. Instead of letting things happen in a 'naturally occurring' manner, you're using your limited broken-through fourth wall knowledge direct your future actions.>

One could also term it as 'being psychic'.

"Hey Twi, what's he doin' here?" Apple Bloom suddenly asked.

And there it goes. Entered the episode fully.

"Oh, Stardust is helping me with some research," Twilight answered. "Back on topic though, let's try out the formula you made and see what happens."

Apple Bloom let a small droplet of this yellow liquid drip out of the chemistry set onto an apple seedling in her pot of soil.

There was a puff of smoke—which they all coughed from—and for a moment everything seemed okay... until the plant started coughing. And geez, will you ponies practice safe lab procedures and stay clear of fumes?

Everyone giggled at the results, except Apple Bloom, who was fairly unamused.

"Layin' it on a little thick there, aren't we, pal?" she commented at the plant.

Well why bother telling me? Just to make me realize this is a follow-up scene or something?

I walked over next to Twilight. "So..."

Twilight took the plant in her magic, and in a single spell of some sort, whiffed it out of existence and out of its suffering. I don't know how to feel about that, so I'll just view the existence of a plant that was a little more than alive with the same perspective as I view mosquitos. It's dead now, and that's the end of that.

"Hey," Apple Bloom said, "You're that stallion who didn't have a cutie mark a few months ago."

"But you have one now!" Scootaloo exclaimed, having a view of my flank. She walked around to get an even better view of it. "What does it mean?"

"How'd you get it?" Sweetie Belle added.

"Uh..." I looked at Twilight for help.

Twilight didn't really have that great of an answer either. "We're... still working on that."

"Still workin' on it?" Apple Bloom echoed. "You mean you don't know what it means? But how'd he get it then?"

"Peculiar circumstances that are anything but common or applicable to practically any pony but me," I answered. "Sorry, little fillies, if you were lookin' for help about gettin' your cutie marks from me, I got nothin' I can tell you."

"Aw, drat," Scootaloo said. "... Do you maybe know how to put together a unicycle then?"

I smiled. "I do, but I heard Twilight says you have to figure it out on your own."

"Come on, Twilight," Scootaloo said. "Our time's almost up for today anyways. Can Stardust just show me that he can? I mean, just to prove it?"

Twilight looked at me. "Well, I guess it's better than leaving it in a mess. There's plenty of other things Scootaloo can practice on later, anyways."

"Ha!" Spike suddenly came in from the kitchen. "So it is a mess!"

Everyone just looked at him with a blank expression.

I walked over to the disassembled unicycle, quickly scanning over the various parts. There wasn't much. I started picking up pieces and assembling them together. "I always liked mechanical things... or things that could be built from different parts in general. They're like puzzles. Everything goes together a certain way to make a more interesting whole..."

I fixed the seat to the top and presented an assembled unicycle. "And there. Not much to it."

Scootaloo took it and began riding it. "Wow. I guess you can, Stardust."

"Well, thanks for the time today, Twilight," Sweetie Belle said, heading towards the front door.

"See ya next time," Apple Bloom added in.

"Bye Twilight!" Scootaloo exited out with them, and with that, Twilight and I were standing alone together.

"So you're teaching them how to do things," I said simply.

"Of course," Twilight said. "It's always good to learn new things. Whether it would be something they can use in the future or just learn for the sake of learning. They're still trying to get their cutie marks, you know, and they're very persistent at it. But I hope that they'll see more to learning new things than just a potential cutie mark."

"Mm," I agreed simply.

"You seem to have a very rounded skill set yourself, Stardust," Twilight said, looking at me.

I shrugged. "I like to learn about things, and I'm a quick learner."

Twilight giggled. "I know that you know that we understand each other quite well in that regard."

I grinned. "After all this time, I guess it's pretty clear that we're not so different from each other."

"Right." Twilight changed the subject. "Find anything new on that mysterious blue box?"

I shook my head. "Well, I wrote down a few things, but if you ask me, they're all dead ends..."

<<+>>

You know, I think I'm starting to get a hang of this whole story thing.

If I know there's an episode active, and I know the characters in focus, but I wouldn't find myself directly involved, I can still watch along by seeing when the show cameras are filming!

<... Really. You're going to resort to stalking around town looking for these intangible cameras representing the show frames, just so you could follow along a story that isn't necessarily related to you?>

Well, just because I'm in Equestria now, doesn't mean I can't continue being a fan of the show, right?

Well, you know what? Contrived coincidence go!

Aha! But by starting off in an ambiguous narration section, I can place myself exactly where I need to be at any point in time!... Pinkie sort of taught me.

<... This is the only time you're getting away with this.>

Bam! I was walking by the schoolyard as the foals were all out and playing.

"Yoo-hoo!" Diamond Tiara called out. "Gather 'round! It's time!"

Once she caught the attention of everyone, she continued.

"As you all know, I had promised to put on an amazing, first-time-ever acrobatic display for you all today!"

Cue cheers. Why they cheer this bitch on, I don't know, but they do.

"I know, it's so exciting. But I'm tired."

Cue sounds of disappointment. She is le tired, oh no.

"But I did not wish to disappoint you all, so I brought my butler Randolph to do them for me."

What.

Well, her butler came in and did some rather impressive acrobatic displays for a pony of his old age, and—

Cue cheers. Well, I guess he deserved it.

"That was amazing, Diamond Tiara," I heard Silver Spoon say.

"I know," Diamond arrogantly smiled. "I don't know how I do it."

What a bi—

"I can't believe she gets so much attention without even really doing anything!" Apple Bloom exclaimed.

"She's using somepony else to build herself up," Scootaloo said, annoyed, "and without even putting any effort to learn her own skills like we do!"

... No. Bad meta.

... Fine. But that is bad. Meta. Like, worse than just plain meta.

Oh, hey, Diamond Tiara was talking to Sweetie Belle. Something about Rarity offering to take them to Manehattan, and maybe meeting famous celebrities and stuff. Of course, it was all amounting to just rubbing it in, how Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were rich and had connections and stuff.

"Oh, yeah?!" Sweetie Belle countered. "Well, I don't have to go all the way to Manehattan to hang out with the famous and super-cool ponies! Me and my friends hang out with Princess Twilight all the time!"

Diamond's eyes went wide. "D-did you say Princess Twilight?! You hang out with her all the time? For real?"

... Wait, she didn't know? After all this time that Twilight's been in Ponyville? Wow.

"More like just once a week," Apple Bloom clarified.

"You must bring me along next time you go!" Diamond said.

"Bring us along!" Silver Spoon corrected. Ah yes, the doormat drag-along friend.

"I mean, we used to see her around town all the time, and I thought, 'whatever'..."

PFFFT. Okay, I guess not.

"Me too," Silver Spoon agreed. "I thought that."

Oh, she's also a yes-man.

...

"But now she's a princess, which makes her totally awesome!" Diamond exclaimed.

See, there's a problem here, and it involves status and fame. Anyways, there was one more instance of Diamond acting like a narcissist and not really caring about her other companion having the chance to meet a famous figure.

PFFFT. Okay, stop, that's making it even worse. That's... that's...

This much bad meta is too entertaining.

Yes, you should.

"And she's an alicorn," Diamond Tiara said, continuing her plea. "So can I—"

"We!" Silver Spoon added. Geez, don't make it so easy to meta...

"—go?"

Apple Bloom started to reply. "I don't think we should—"

She was interrupted by her other two friends pulling her away to talk amongst themselves. What are they up to?

... Oh, this isn't going to end well, is it. Time to go. Should try to prepare.

<... Where? How?>

Next section, in a moment. Well, a moment for you.

<<+>>

Sections denote scene changes, right? Well, here I am, at Twilight's place, one week later after the opening scene. After all, Apple Bloom did mention that they only meet once a week.

I'm now strategically walking to Twilight's tree, just ahead of the Crusaders and the troublemakers.

The Crusaders can get annoying, sure, but the other two are a special kind of evil. They get the separate label.

No, because that would raise questions of how I knew this was going to happen. This way keeps things in a seemingly natural progression.

Optimal has creates too many problems directed at me. This, though sub-optimal, does not create those problems. I can only buffer the effect initially, but through my presence at the library, I can probably help Twilight out a little more. Here I go.

And... into view... now! I closed in on the door to the library. I slowed my pace down just slightly, then turned around once I felt that the fillies had neared close enough.

"Oh, hey there fillies," I greeted them. "What are you up to today?"

"Oh, uh, hey Stardust," Scootaloo greeted.

"We're, uh, here for Twilight Time," Apple Bloom explained.

I raised a brow and looked at their two tag-alongs. "Hm?"

"They're... our guests," Sweetie Belle explained.

"Uh huh," I said, acting like I didn't really believe them. In truth, I knew the other two really weren't 'guests', and the Crusaders were really just using Twilight as a tool to get attention and status. Kids are impressionable and transparent like that.

Enemies don't suddenly cooperate without hoping to gain something from you.

"Hey, can we just go?" Diamond Tiara whined. "I want to meet Princess Twilight!"

Despite the absurdity of the entire thing, I kept my composure. My reply to that was to stare at the Crusaders. "Does Twilight know you're havin' guests over?"

"She'll be fine with it, we're sure," Scootaloo said.

"Come on, stop holding us up!" Diamond continued. "Who are you to hold us up from meeting the Princess, anyways?

YOUR FACE IS SO PUNCHABLE RIGHT NOW.

I kept a neutral expression on my face. "I'm an associate of hers. I work with Twilight."

Diamond Tiara just grumbled.

I suppose there was nothing else I could really do productively with these foals, so I turned around and knocked on the door.

Twilight came and answered it shortly afterwards. "Hey there, everypony! Come on—"

Immediately, the two 'guests' bounded ahead to the front to meet Twilight. "Princess Twilight!"

"Oh, it's really her!"

"Oh, my gosh, I don't believe it!"

Twilight was slightly surprised by the sudden rush of the two fillies. "Oh, and, uh, you brought guests. Great!"

"Princess Twilight, it is such a thrill and honor to be here!" Diamond exclaimed. "You have no idea. Oh my gosh, who dyes your tail?"

"I so have to get that done," Silver tacked on.

"Actually, it's not dyed," Twilight rebutted. "I've always—"

Diamond moved past Twilight into the library. "Are those books in there? What a bold design choice!"

Mental facehoof.

"You should so do that, Di!" Silver said.

"I know, right?"

Twilight had a short talk with the Crusaders before letting them in. "Listen, I'm all for helping as many ponies as I can, but maybe we should keep these weekly visits just between us, hm?" With that, she stepped aside and let them in. "Okay, which one of you wants to practice first?"

Sweetie Belle pointed at the two other fillies wandering inside the library. "Shouldn't they go first?"

Twilight just smiled. "No, silly! I set up Twilight Time especially for you." Twilight levitated over a pot of soil. "Apple Bloom, go ahead. Let's see how your plant potions are coming."

I stepped inside last, closing the door behind me.

I'm going into the back room and minding my own business, while keeping a close ear to the wall.

For maybe fifteen minutes, I did just that, with events passing by relatively uneventfully outside. Then the door opened up.

"Anything new, Stardust?" Twilight asked as she closed the door behind her.

"Nothin' yet..." I answered. "If I find anythin' new, I'll be sure to tell you."

"Okay, good to hear."

Before she left, I introduced another topic. "So how goes the little ones out there?"

"Still learning," Twilight answered. "Slow progress today it seems. Maybe those three have something on their mind."

"Might it be the other two that they brought along with them?" I suggested.

"Oh, those two?" Twilight said. "Well, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon haven't really been disruptive. They are asking me a lot of questions though." Her expression turned a little weary. "They're really treating me like a really high-and-mighty princess. But I'm just, you know, not the kind of pony for that kind of attention."

"You're a princess, Twilight," I said, looking up from my work. "Own up to it."

Twilight rolled her eyes. "You've mentioned it a number of times before, and I constantly consider it, but I still don't like being on the spot for 'being a princess'. It feels... I don't know, disingenuous?"

I chuckled. "Why? Because you don't really do much in an official capacity?"

Twilight was taken slightly aback. "I—" Then she sighed. "... I guess so. I've done a few important things here and there, but otherwise, I pretty much just feel the same as I've always felt. Except with a title tacked onto my name."

"But with not much actual experience fittin' to back up that title?"

Twilight sat down next to me and sighed again. "Maybe. I know Celestia and Luna consider me to be a very important pony concerning the magical foundation of Equestria, and concerning interpersonal relations, but I otherwise don't act much in the way that I feel a princess should."

I patted her on the back. "I'm sure it'll all fall into place eventually. Heck, you might even find yourself wishing for these simpler times in the future."

Twilight smiled. "Maybe. I should get back to the others. It's their time, after all."

"Of course," I nodded. "I do want to say one thing though."

Twilight looked back at me with a raised brow. "Hm?"

"They're just foals, Twilight. I doubt their decision of bringin' along 'guests' to their special time has a simple benign reasonin' behind it."

Twilight didn't look like she knew what to make of that. "I'll... uh, keep it in mind, Stardust."

"Just helpin' you keep your head straight should anythin' go crazy..."

With that, Twilight left the room and shut the door, leaving me alone once again.

<<+>>

"Hiya Stardust!"

Pinkie bounced over next to me while I was walking around town. It hadn't been a week yet since the last part.

"Hey Pinkie," I greeted back. "What's goin' on?"

"Let's go to the Hay Burger!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"Well..." I considered the offer, also considering my mission. "I do like fast food, and I guess I could take some time out of my schedule."

"Nonsense, silly!" Pinkie said. "It's exactly where you'll need to be!"

I raised a brow. "Eh?"

"Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and Apple Bloom are going to invite Twilight over to eat at the Hay Burger today," Pinkie said. "They're doing it to 'thank' Twilight, and it's actually a somewhat important scene, so I'll give you the excuse you need to be there!"

I doubled down on my confusion. "Eh?!"

Pinkie grabbed me by the hoof and started heading towards the restaurant. "I'm you're ticket in, because I'm supposed to be there anyways! Because!"

<... Pinkie, that's cheating.>

"So?" Pinkie said. "It wouldn't be if I didn't tell you why and just invited Stardust over to get a bite to eat."

"Aw, buzzkill!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"I know," I said. "I'm no fun, aren't I."

"Well, I dunno," Pinkie said. "We can't be omnipresent all the time. That's just no good. Besides, Dusty, you're supposed to be more grounded in reality than I am!"

I rolled my eyes. "I find that a little hard to believe sometimes..."

"... Wait, why later on?"

"We're here!" Pinkie said. She opened the glass doors leading inside the establishment. "Let's get some burgers!"

"Hay instead of beef..." I mumbled. "Pinkie, this is why I don't go to the Hay Burger often. It puts me into a mild depression."

She just slapped me on the back happily. "Come on, Dusty, it's not that bad. It's fast food, it's universally—or multiversally—great!"

I looked around and took in the feeling. Well, maybe I should just stop resisting and enjoy it. I ordered up a two-burger meal, with a drink, and—THANK GOD—onion rings.

Pinkie and I took our seats with our food.

"So?" Pinkie asked.

"You know," I started answering, while stuffing my face with onion rings, "they always complain about lack of bacon, or meat, or whatever, but Equestria's redeemed more than enough because they still have breaded onion rings."

"See?" Pinkie said. "I told you, it'll be great!"

"I know!" I agreed. "At least there's other food here that's carried over. So I lose out on beef and stuff, not all is lost!"

"Ooh, and also like I said, there's Twilight now!"

I momentarily paused from enjoying a fast food meal to see Twilight enter the restaurant with the three Crusaders. "I guess we could join her once they get settled down."

"That's exactly how it's supposed to go!"

"Um..."

Pinkie didn't reply any further. So we kept eating a bit until Twilight and the Crusaders sat down and began eating their food.

And wow, Twilight was scarfing down her food. I think she had, like, four burgers to herself, plus fries and a drink. And these ain't White Castle sliders, these are regular sized burgers. Hay burgers instead of beef, sure, but they were still burger-sized sandwiches overall.

... I wonder if the hay is deep fat fried...

"Now we can go over like we just noticed her!" Pinkie pulled me along before I could form a response.

"Twilight!" Pinkie greeted once we got up to their table. "Haven't seen you here in, like, forever and a half!"

"I know," Twilight replied. "I've been so busy I forgot how delicious everything is here!"

I was about to say something, except I got distracted by a wall of foals peeking through the window, watching Twilight.

"Totally!" Pinkie said.

"Hi Stardust, how's it going today?" Twilight greeted me.

""Hey, what's going on out there?" Pinkie said, also seeing the schoolfoals outside, behind Twilight.

"Uh..." I just kept silent about it. I glanced at the Crusaders.

"Oh, never mind, they're gone," Pinkie said, just as Twilight turned around.

Twilight turned back forward.

"They're back!"

I saw the Crusaders look uncomfortable.

"Never mind, they're gone," Pinkie said again. She left the table at that. "La la-la la-la..."

The foals poked back up, but this time with cameras. Scootaloo was posing around and wasn't being very discreet about the attention they were receiving.

Apple Bloom poked her friend in the side. "Knock it off..."

Twilight closed her eyes, seemingly wondering what she was going to do next. "... Stardust? What was Pinkie seeing?"

I searched for the best way to put it. "Yeah... Twilight, remember what I said last week... about benign reasons?..."

Twilight took a deep breath in and turned around. She stared for a moment, then stood up to leave out the door.

I stayed behind with the Crusaders.

Apple Bloom was pretty annoyed at Scootaloo. "What was all this?" she asked, mimicking Scootaloo's posing. "And this?"

"I couldn't help it!" Scootaloo answered. "When I don't smile in a picture, I look sad."

Sweetie Belle put her head to the table. "Oh, we're gonna look sad all right..."

I followed the Crusaders to spectate through the window. Outside, Twilight was getting swamped by eager foals. I looked at the three Crusaders. "Just sayin', you three better think deeply before diggin' yourself into deeper holes..."

"You... you know?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"Gee, I wonder why suddenly you're able to drag along your sworn enemies to Twilight's place," I said, rolling my eyes. "Clearly they just suddenly wanted to be friends with you for no reason at all. Then all of your classmates just show up when you invite Twilight out."

"We'll... fix this," Apple Bloom said. They stood up to leave out the door and meet the others.

I went back and decided to finish my meal, which had been sitting there for the past three minutes unfortunately being unattended to. I think I had some onion rings left.

I looked outside where the Crusaders were being excitedly flocked to by their classmates. Twilight had flown away, but didn't seem to be troubled about what just happened.

You... might be right there. Alright, guess it'll take one more go at it.

Dampening the negative outcome that's inevitably at the end of a Crusader episode. Sure, the outcome will be forgiven, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hit hard first.

<<+>>

I stood outside of Twilight's tree wondering if what the right approach was. After a few moments, I decided that I'd been standing outside long enough and should knock, then see where the conversation takes me.

I knocked, and the door opened shortly afterwards. It was Spike.

"Hey Stardust," Spike greeted. "Twilight's inside, just got back from eating out."

"Oh, yeah, I know," I said. "I happened to meet her there... coincidentally."

<...>

"She... has a big appetite," I commented.

Spike laughed. "Yeah, she sure does. That pony..."

Twilight came up from her basement. "Stardust! Nice to see you again." She chuckled.

I decided to approach the issue somewhat directly. "So... what was that outside of the Hay Burger?"

"Oh, just a bunch of excited foals from the school, apparently," Twilight said.

"... Uh huh," I said, knowing full well the reasons behind the congregation.

Twilight looked at me inquisitively. "Anything wrong with it, Stardust?"

"Twilight, I don't know if you've noticed, but... those three fillies have been... a little strange with their time with you recently."

"... And what else do you know?" Twilight asked, seemingly unimpressed.

"I'm just sayin'... I think somethin's gotten into their heads."

"... Are you spying on them?!" Twilight exclaimed, suspicious.

"No!" Then I thought about it and what it was looking like. "Well... maybe, I guess, by the definition of the word... Look, you've been an alicorn for a few months or so and then, just now, suddenly all those foals wanted your autographs and stuff?"

Twilight continued looking at me with her brows furrowed. "I mean, I've been living pretty low-key all this time... Look, what's your point here, Stardust?"

"First, they drag along their sworn enemies here during the time you gave them," I explained. "Next, they're suddenly followed by a crowd of eager ponies."

Twilight calmed her expression into a thoughtful one. "Okay..." Then changed to a confused one. "Why are you telling me all this?"

I released a breath of exhaustion. "Because I think your life needs more sanity in it... Also, the Crusaders are young and impressionable. I think they're just diggin' themselves into a hole here."

"Hm." Twilight seemed like she finally caught up with my thinking. "What do you think they're caught up in?"

I shrugged. "I can't be sure. Probably being the center of attention?"

Twilight took it in, then sighed. "Stardust... I'd like to thank you for telling me all of this, but it just makes me a bit uncomfortable."

I shrugged again. "Sorry, Twilight. I'm just bringin' up things I happen to notice while around, and thought you should know. Besides, they're a nice bunch. I'd hate to see them make some mistakes that don't have to happen."

Twilight took it all in. "Well, I'll talk to them about it next time, then." She changed the subject. "We have a bit of work to do today, don't we?"

"Yeah, let's get to it."

<<+>>

It was the day of the next weekly Twilight Time. I was up above Ponyville, intending to fly over to Twilight's place, but also look out for the Crusaders. Just in case.

"Oh... they look like they finally had it explode in their face." I saw the Crusaders running through town, headed for Twilight's place. Oh, and a little ways back, a crowd of classmates running after them.

I headed down on an intercept course, landing in front of them before Twilight's treehouse was even in sight. "Hey you three, you seem to be in a hurry today."

They just ran past me. "No time! Gotta get to Twilight's first! Problems!"

I flew past them and put myself firmly in their path. I got straight to the point. "So how deep of a hole did you three dig yourselves into?"

The fillies looked behind themselves worriedly, then ducked into an alley. I followed them in.

"So..." Sweetie Belle started, "we might've let it all go to our heads."

"I just wanna say it was their ideas first," Apple Bloom said.

"Hey, you agreed to it!" Scootaloo countered.

I silently waited for them to continue.

"Diamond Tiara is usin' our classmates against us now 'cause they all wanna meet Twilight," Apple Bloom said. "But we couldn't invite them to Twilight Time, 'cause, y'know, we're not supposed to."

I looked out the alley, thinking about what they were running from. "... How'd Diamond Tiara get your classmates against you exactly?"

"Well, uh..." Sweetie Belle thought over her words. "She kinda told everypony about Twilight Time in the first place..."

"Then everypony started doing us favors," Scootaloo continued.

"And now everypony expects us to let them meet Twilight in return," Apple Bloom finished. "Aw, geez, we're gonna be in so much trouble."

I observed them quietly. "Alright, let's get out of this alley. Don't go to Twilight's today."

The three of them looked up at me. "Huh?"

"If you run into the others, tell them Twilight is busy today and had to cancel. I'll go over and explain to Twilight what held you three up."

Their faces brightened. "Really?"

"Thanks, Stardust!" Scootaloo exclaimed. "You're a lifesaver!"

We stepped out of the alley. Almost on cue, the crowd of schoolfoals had caught up.

"Twilight Time! Twilight Time!" they chanted.

"So, blank flanks," Diamond Tiara started, "what'll it be?"

The three Crusaders backed up, into me.

Apple Bloom glanced back and remembered. "Oh... yeah, uh, Stardust here just saw us on the way and told us Twilight was too busy today and had to cancel Twilight Time."

Cue confused crowd noises.

Diamond Tiara looked like she was fuming up. "And who are you to speak for the Princess, huh?!"

I walked up to her sternly. "You'd best watch your mouth, little filly."

I raised a hoof somewhat menacingly.

She inched back.

Then I tapped her on the tip of her muzzle. "Good filly."

She continued incessant grumbling.

I felt like piling on more, so leaned in to whisper to her. "Besides, you didn't know they were friends with Twilight? After, like two or three years of Twilight bein' in Ponyville? You're terrible at being a bully to them! Wow..."

Diamond Tiara looked like she was about to explode. Tee hee.

Sweetie Belle spoke up as the Crusaders moved to leave. "Yeah, uh, we'll catch everypony later."

There was some further threatening and angry noises from Diamond Tiara and the crowd, but I already took off before being able to pay much attention to it.

<<+>>

I landed on Twilight's balcony and tapped on the glass door.

Spike answered again. "Uh, hey, Stardust. Usually only Rainbow uses the balcony as an entrance," he chuckled.

I chuckled back as I stepped inside. "I guess Rainbow really is rubbin' off on me. But no, I needed to be... a little more discreet today."

"Huh?" Spike asked.

"Stardust!" Twilight greeted from the top of the stairs to her loft. "What's going on? Nothing too long, I hope—Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle are coming over today."

I scratched my head. "Right, about that... they... sort of got caught up in somethin' and can't make it today."

"Huh? What happened?"

I'd already prepared the explanation on the flight over. "Well, you remember what I was sayin' last week about them diggin' themselves into a hole?"

Twilight squinted. "Yes..."

"Well, today, I happened to come across them runnin' away from a mini angry mob of their classmates."

"Oh." Twilight perked up. "Then what?"

"They needed an out," I said. "So I gave them one. They didn't want to bother you with so many visitors and to ruin their time with you. So I told them not to come here today, and I'll get over here and explain for them."

"Oh, more visitors wouldn't have been a problem," Twilight said, waving it off.

"I would've had to make more nachos though," Spike said. "But now that they're not coming... I guess we'll just have 'em to ourselves?"

"I suppose so, Spike," Twilight said.

"You got it!" Spike smiled as he went down the stairs to go get them.

"Like I was saying," Twilight said, "I would've been fine with the Crusaders bringing over more ponies. If everyone wanted to learn something, I would've been glad to help."

I turned my eyes away. "Yeah, I don't think that was the case though..." I waved it off. "They'll probably talk to you about it later. I was just helpin' them along today."

"Mm. Didn't want them to make any big mistake they might've regretted?"

"Well now, I'm sure it would've been one heck of a lesson for them to learn, but everyone could use less stress in their lives."

Spike came back up with the nachos he made. "Well, guess we get to enjoy these ourselves! They're great nachos, Stardust, guaranteed!"

<<+>>

It was the week after, and it was also after the Crusaders had finished their Twilight Time session. The show cameras were filming again, and this time, the Crusaders' stories were ones of success. They were getting better at the things Twilight was teaching them.

The three were getting ready to leave. Apple Bloom came up to me. "Hey Stardust, we were wonderin' if you had some time to go out and have a bite to eat."

"On us," Sweetie Belle added.

"Hm?" I answered. "Oh, sure. I'm not doin' much today."

"Awesome!" Scootaloo exclaimed.

Everyone waved their goodbyes to Twilight, then we were off to the Hay Burger, apparently.

Disguises? No, they're not wearing anything. Not sure why they would be.

<<+>>

I was working my way through some onion rings when they spoke up.

"We just wanted to thank you for getting us out of that situation last week," Sweetie Belle said.

"Mm," I mumbled in affirmation. I swallowed down what I was chewing. "So... what'd you learn?"

"We talked to Twilight about it," Apple Bloom said. "She was a little disappointed in us, but she understood. Thanks to you bailin' us out, it didn't get any worse."

Scootaloo added in. "I mean, could you imagine what would've happened if we had to drag everypony to Twilight's that day? It would've been so hard to explain on the spot!"

"Twilight let us do a diary entry like our sisters do," Sweetie Belle said. "I said that we got our priorities mixed up, and that we kind of started using Twilight being special to be special ourselves. Twilight's really good at this friendship thing. It would be amazing if we could be as good as her at it."

"Ah, you learn it over time," I said. "Comes with age." I changed the subject. "And what about the others? Can't imagine they just let you off the hook for not lettin' them come with you to Twilight Time."

"We're dealin' with it," Apple Bloom said. "Everypony ain't happy about it."

"We're back to being noponies again," Scootaloo added.

"It was our mess that we made," Sweetie Belle finished. "There were going to be consequences no matter what. But at least Twilight didn't get too mad at us."

Ah, it'll be over soon. They're just kids. It'll all blow over in a few weeks.

Author's Note

Huh. That was interesting.

The funny meta didn't help.

And this chapter was long. Didn't feel like it though, I think...

Huh, I guess so. So, different interactions with the Crusaders. That was interesting.

... Well...

It was still a weird one. But also interesting. Twilight though?

Cool. I'm gonna go back to enjoying onion rings and fast food now.

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[1] Let It Begin...

Disclaimer: This story starts out with a wham (almost literally... spoilers?) but considerably gets more normal. Trust me. Stick around, yo, at least to Chapter 5! Alternatively, just skip to Chapter 4 and come back later.

Another Displaced Human Dilemma

= 1 =

Let It Begin...

Ground. Cold, hard ground. Flat, but not smooth. Stone.

The weather itself was cool. The sun was out, however, as I felt its warmth on my body.

I opened my eyes.

'Wha—what? Where am I?' I looked around at my surroundings. A derelict old castle. Ruins all around. 'Wait a minute...'

Hooves. Oh geez, hooves. And I felt new muscles too. On my back. I flexed them.

Wings.

"Oh geez. Am I in Equestria? No other explanation than that, right?"

No answer. I didn't know what I was expecting.

"... Well, an explanation on why I'm here would be convenient." And convenience revealed itself, in the form of a small glowing crystal on the ground. The stone-sized chunk of crystal was glowing a bluish-white color. I picked it up in one of my hooves. "Uh... hello?"

"Greetings."

I yelped, jumped back from it, and dropped it on the ground in surprise.

"Perhaps you should just sit," the voice suggested. I didn't know where it was coming from. The stone wasn't actually talking to me... I think. It was sort of... omnipresent.

I got a hold of myself and approached it once more. "No... I'm fine. Just... startled." I picked it back up and decided to compromise. I sat on my haunches, holding up the thing in one hoof. To think of it, I didn't even need to hold the darn thing, but I kept doing so anyways. "Are you going to tell me why I'm here? I'm suspicious enough as it is."

"Yes." A pause. "There was a... we shall call it an entity or force in the universe. It is like a plant—it gets what it needs. All you need to know for now is this—it does so by consuming lives. It moves along a path, taking millions of years to reach a full circle. It has already passed over Earth before.

"In what could be considered fortunate, the orbit and timing of Earth was enough that it barely missed the planet—"

"But what about me?" I asked the rock.

"It is persistent. It has, say, a natural instinct that tells it when it is close to something it can feed off of. You were one of the closest to it, as that was how the Earth was positioned. Everyone else in the region was able to be protected, but it was able to manage to 'grab' you—"

"What?! Why me?!"

"Unfortunate circumstances... relatively speaking."

"Relatively speaking," I echoed incredulously.

"When it takes something, the object in question is phased out of their regular plane of existence."

"Person is consumed. They end up in a different dimension," I said, guessing what it meant.

"Correct. Now, the most that could be done for you at that point was to knock you out of its grasp rather inaccurately. This spot in time was the one found to be within reach and the most stable point to drop you in safely."

"You couldn't just land me back home?" I asked.

"The inter-dimensional void is a complicated matter; all that you need to know is that it would have been impossible. Better to land somewhere else than to end up taken by it. If you were taken into it, retrieving you would be impossible, and the fate you would be resigned to is a horrible one."

I zoned out. Really, I guess the facts were all I needed. The 'why', I reasoned, was some crazy thing that couldn't be helped by this point. In a way, it was comforting. Finally something went wrong without a chance for me to do something different. I've finally landed in a situation where I know what happened wrong, and there's nothing I could've done about it. That's actually relieving, coming from a life where if something goes wrong, you either don't know what happened, or you know you could've done something about it.

"Any further questions?"

I thought for a moment. But really, I felt like I knew all the answers anyway; maybe the rock projected all the knowledge into me whether I asked or not, and it's just talking to me to make me feel comfortable. Or it's making me imagine that it's talking with me, and that whatever the cosmic force thing is, it's just spiritually connecting with me or whatever. Since this is Equestria, I wouldn't put it past that.

I shook my head. "No. I think I got it." The stone-sized chunk of crystal stopped glowing, reverting to something that looked like a smooth stone made of quartz.

With that ordeal over, now I actually had to do stuff. But hey—I got no past, so it's a fresh start. Whatever that means. First of order for being able to do stuff was being able to go somewhere. I looked down at my hooves. "Well... this shouldn't be too hard..."

After a little bit of practice, walking actually wasn't that hard. It turned out that being dropped into Equestria in a matured stallion's body meant that my brain also had the ingrained instincts on how to walk. In fact, it was more of suppressing the human part of my brain on how to walk was the trouble. As long as I didn't think about it too much, I could—

"Ow," I said as I tripped and fell to the ground. Yeah, the conflicts between my instincts was something that needs to be worked out. But flying—that was something I still needed to try.

It was a strange sensation, having wings. My mind, being used to controlling only four appendages and now having six was... well, again, it felt natural, but at the same time not. I suppose the solution was to stop my inner human from thinking 'how do I do this', and instead let the new inner pony start thinking 'fly'.

Hopefully, after a while, the human that remained in me would get used to this.

For now, though, I'd have to force commands through, and attempted to fly. It was working!—"Oh god, the heights."

I dropped back down to the ground to catch my breath. Obviously not being born with wings has the disadvantage of being more prone to fear of heights. But I liked the idea of flying. Aviation was cool. So I might as well accept the fact that my wish was answered and I was a pegasus.

Being a pegasus, I assumed my eyesight was better than other ponies. Definitely better than when I was human. Now I have the natural 20/20 vision I always wanted. Probably even better than it.

If I flew high enough, I suppose I could find the direction where Ponyville was. I looked up, at the same time jumping and flapping. I flew out of the roof of the castle and looked around. It was as I expected—and as I wrote originally, a very long time ago—my arrival in Equestria was in the castle in the Everfree. Pretty cliche, but why would that matter? Off to one side of me were mountains, and gleaming buildings jutting out from one of the sides—Canterlot.

And it was in the half-second afterwards that I noticed something very wrong.

"What the fuck is up with the sky." Before this, I didn't pay much attention and just assumed it was sunset or sunrise. But now I saw that half of it was daytime, and the other half was night. Divided vertically. Like someone took dusk or dawn and yanked it back six hours. Instinctively, I gave a wary aside glance, because it felt like one of those appropriate moments.

Which lead to a different problem.

"... No. Can't be. NARRATION?! NO! NO!" I screamed in frustration at this small spot that looked like bits of everything I was saying and thinking. "So let me get this straight. Not only am I stuck in Equestria, but the adventure's being followed?! And... it's FIRST PERSON NARRATION. Wonderful." I facehoofed while hovering in place.

"So, if this is a story... then... wait a minute... then none of this is actually real! That was some interesting effort you put into an attempt to justify me ending up here, author. I'd even call it pretty stupid."

Nothing. I was just screaming at the air again.

"Are you going to respond? I know you're up there! And the audience too! I bet you're all thinking 'Hey, really? Random guy ends up in Equestria and has the power to break the fourth wall? That's ridiculous!'. Yeah, well, guess what? I do. Deal with it."

I waited a few moments, but still nothing.

"Are you ever going to respond?! You've got quite the restraint! I know you're fucking there!"

Whoa. What the fuck? Hey... wait a minute...

"Oh. Wait—this is being seen through the cover pic area. Couldn't you have picked a better scene to use as the cover?"

<<+>>

"—at."

I blinked. Well hey, look at that. Knocked back to the narrative.

"So..." I started out loud while flying back to the ground, landing back on the stone floor of the derelict castle, "Who's in control of the story? You said you have control over my fate."

"So I can do my stuff, but you can intervene-slash-screw with me."

"So what about the whole universe-dimension-anomaly thing?"

"My backstory."

"While the other half of my backstory is 'I sent myself to Equestria because obligatory self-insert'."

"And the audience thinks what of this whatever-this-is?"

"No doubt." I sighed. "So this is all real."

I found the piece of crystal that exposition-dumped my new reality to me. Well, I guess all things considered, everything that it said was factual. And for some reason now, it felt depressing.

I looked at the crystal. "Yeah, you're right. It's a pretty neat rock. I think I'll keep it."

Even though this was basically a clean slate in terms of my life, I still had to start it off first. Since I think that author-me is done for this moment, I decided that I should leave soon.

Before I left though, I decided to wander around the castle for more answers. Simple answers. The first one was this broken mirror. The answer it gave me was a light grey pegasus with copper eyes and a dark grey mane.

"Huh. No cutie mark. I guess that means I've yet to define myself in this universe." Knowing what I created as my pony persona back on Earth though, I had a pretty good idea on what it was going to be. Details were consistent so far.

In fact, the only thing I didn't know about me was what was going to happen for the next few months; I never wrote up a definite storyline, only tons of random ideas and possible stories. As if I left that hole blank for me to find out. Clever me. "I wonder which plot path I'm taking..." I wondered out loud. I was used to doing so; force of habit.

"What?!" What the heck did that mean? I tried thinking about all the possible plotlines I drew out before and... "Dammit. I can't remember any of them." I grumbled in frustration. I just wiped out my own mind. Screw you.

At this point, I figured there was no point in waiting anymore.

"Describe the story in one sentence? Why?" Oh wait—

<<+>>

I glared to the side, where hints of narration were visible to me. "You're just stress testing the fourth wall, aren't you?"

And just like that, I felt alone again. Like shutters were just closed in my face. Man, this feeling sucks. That feeling when you don't know if someone's watching or if you're in the middle of a time-skip. But it seemed too early for time-skips in the story—it's only been a few minutes into the arrival.

The only solution in breaking the fourth wall now was just to keep screaming at the sky. Fake it 'til you make it! I'd imagine it's like if someone keeps knocking on your door regardless if you answer or not. They have nothing to lose, but you're going to be irritated by the constant knocking.

"Well, anyways, as I said, I'm going to move on now. I could go to Canterlot and hit it up with immigration services, or whatever they call it here, but I've got a story to lead. And I think I should go to Ponyville and avoid as much cliches as I can. Barring, of course, the arrival in the Everfree part. Apparently that was unavoidable. You know what? I should even make a list."

I tried to mentally come up with a list, but it turned out I was too lazy to do that at the moment. Guess I'll just deal with it later.

The exit was all the way back up at the top floor, where the roof was destroyed. I remembered the direction of Ponyville, catching a glimpse of it during my initial search. Besides, I was going to have to fly anyways, so I would find where to go matter what.

I set off in the direction of Ponyville, where my future awaited. I'm sure I still wasn't in a time-skip, so I kept speaking my thoughts. "So I'm a human. That ended up in Equestria. For some unknown reason plus destiny. What a dilemma I've found myself in. As if this wasn't done before. As if the idea was never mocked before. Why are you following me. This is basically a dead horse story—literally, too, I guess. I'm now an equine, but I'm also dead. As a human, at least."

After that short thought, I decided to land back on the ground. Really, this flying thing was going to take a bit of getting used to. Geez, I almost feel bad for being like Fluttershy.

I looked up at the strange sky once more. The split sky, between night and day. "Heh... twilight." I felt like I should've been remembering some important details regarding it, but I couldn't, as hard as I tried. Something I suspected outside interference was responsible for...

The Everfree forest was right in front of me. You know, it actually is pretty creepy. That sky looked so much more welcoming now. "God I hate myself... damn self-insert..." I took off again, aiming to make it to my destination this time.

This entire thing was ridiculous. Under more... normal circumstances I would probably be thinking, "Oh hey, I'm in Equestria! Neat!" but with the current circumstances, why the heck would I do that? I'm just another story after all. What makes this one so—

"YOW!"

I jolted and lost some altitude in the literally shocking surprise I felt on my flank. I looked back. "What the hell is up with that cloud?!" Instinctively, I took 'evasive' maneuvers. That being a combination on focusing to keep flying, focusing on ignoring myself on thinking how to fly, a thousand other redundant thoughts thinking in a circle, and to stay away from the black angry cloud.

"OW!" Evidently, it didn't work, as another one shocked me from the side. I looked around; I was boxed in.

This was going to hurt. "I hate—"

The next thing I could coherently describe was a thud as I hit the ground.

"... Ahhhh..." I groaned on the ground. That really hurt. "Well... this definitely isn't a dream." It hurt so much, the only thing I could do to occupy myself while I tried to get up was wonder whether I should've capitalized that last bit or not.

I shakily got to my hooves... and then my ears perked up at these sounds. Wavering in my stance, I looked around. It was coming from fucking everywhere, and it was damn scary.

And that's when these giant plant things came out. "No... please... not the plants... oh god, not plants..." They started spraying this strange gas that I inferred was toxic; what else could it be? Now I definitely hated those cloud things for shocking me so much. I could still feel my muscles trying to recover from all of the electrocutions.

Yup. I was screwed. The plant-things were closing on me, still trying to gas me. "Stupid magic monsters, this is going to suck... I don't—" I coughed, fearful of the end. Oh right—the end. I wonder if that meant the story would end soon.

"I..." Fading. Can't stay up. '... don't want to get raped by plants...'

Jump to top

[7] [S4E05]-Flight to the Finish

Another Displaced Human Dilemma
By: The Stardust

< 7 >

Something About Flying to the Finish?

Page flip.

"What are you reading today, Stardust?"

I kept my head buried in the book I was reading, yet answered Twilight. "World history. Some stuff about geopolitics. With some added cross-referencing with recent publications and newspapers."

Twilight walked over to the table where I had this stuff laid out. Really, I'd practically had claim to the back room of the library all to myself. "Oh! That's interesting." She paused. "By the way, it's almost time for our planned session."

"Huh?" I looked up and looked at the clock in the room. Oh, right, Twilight scheduled a study session today. A study of me, that is. "Oh, okay. Sure. Just... let me finish this page."

Twilight sidled up to me to see what I was reading. "Oh. You really meant world history. I thought you'd be reading things about our closer neighbors. But halfway across the world?—"

"Other hemisphere, actually, but still northern hemisphere."

"Well, that's true. We have some interactions with the ponies there, but they're so far away, I actually haven't read too much into our foreign relations with them."

That got me to stop reading and look at her. "Wait, you're not actually too familiar with these ponies?"

Twilight shrugged. "Not really too much of my area of expertise. I mean, I know some basics about them, but nothing expansive. It's not really knowledge I'd find useful to know off of the top of my head; if I need to learn something, then I'll just go find a book to reference."

"I guess foreign policy isn't exactly a concern of yours."

Twilight raised a brow. "Well is it one of yours?"

I thought about it for a bit. "Well... I... grew up with the ideology that global politics was something important. So... I guess you could say so."

Twilight telekinetically grabbed a quill and a notepad. "Well, this wasn't exactly what I had planned for today, but I think we can work with it."

"You want to make my interest in world events today's topic?" I asked.

"To figure out why you don't have a cutie mark yet, it's important to build as complete of a picture of you as I can," Twilight said. "We've been over this already."

"Well, they haven't," I mumbled.

"They?" Twilight paused. "Well, I'm beginning to believe more in the part where you're as weird as Pinkie Pie, in certain ways. But we'll pursue that line of thought another day. At least you don't drive me insane."

"So... where do we continue off from?"

"You could start by going over briefly what you've read about," Twilight said. "Which cultures, countries, places."

"Well, I did start off with the obvious ones," I replied. "Sort of going outward from Equestria—especially those with some presence in Equestria. So far, I've gone over the Gryphons, the Zebras, and some stuff over the Crystal Empire. Which, I might add, has a whole new interesting dimension on the political stage, ever since Equestria's recent annexation of it."

I waited for Twilight to finish writing down the notes.

She lifted her head once she had finished. "Is there more?"

"Well, there's the Yaks further up north." A Season 5 addition, I might add. So... so long for keeping outside factors separate from the story.

Yeah, probably. If ever.

"You've definitely gotten farther than the Yaks though," Twilight said. "Based off of what you were reading."

Ooh. So now it's time to plug details for other stories of ours! "Well, I got really curious about what was directly across from Equestria, all the way around the globe. Some country called Annamitia, populated by creatures called kapirs; they're kind of basically jungle equines."

"That's interesting," Twilight said with a hint of a smile. "And then those ponies," she said, pointing her quill at the books on the table.

"Those guys. The Tarpans. Bit smaller than the average Equestrian, I might note. Also, their government has a tight control on magic, enchanted items, and other such things throughout their country. I read that Celestia's rubbed some shoulders with them about Equestria's own freedom of magic. Apparently they don't like the idea of possibly highly destructive things randomly popping up."

I shrugged. "Then again, who can blame them for not wanting an apocalypse every few months? Their reaction to Luna's return was quite interesting, according to a paper I read."

Twilight looked genuinely interested in that topic. "I can... see where they might be coming from. I wonder how they guard against all the wild magic though..."

I shrugged again. "Better management of resources? Tight-hoofed control and stern, cold regard for what they deal with?"

"Ugh," Twilight remarked. "That's a clash of culture I'd be interested in reading about later. Later," she emphasized. "This is still all about you and why you're a matured pony without a cutie mark."

"I can tell you that politics is not what I intend on doing with my life," I said flatly.

"Traveling, then?" Twilight suggested. "You must have some sort of attraction to the idea of traveling, and going to different places."

That was true enough. After all, that was a real fact.

"Not to mention that, well, you're here because you chose to go on a journey of self-discovery."

And that was an in-universe 'real' fact. "I suppose so."

"Right then!" Twilight said, writing down more notes. "Open to idea of traveling to different lands... What about interactions with others? Would you say that, when you travel, you're there for the culture or the country?"

Interesting question, Twilight. "I'd say the latter. Interpersonal relations are something I'd prefer to keep to 'as necessary'."

Twilight's face scrunched up. "So... do you mean in the general sense of interpersonal relations, or just when going abroad?"

I raised a brow. "I... guess you could say in a general sense, though I'm not really averse to building up relationships with others I find I would get along with."

"I see..."

I could see the gears working in Twilight's head as she tried to consider what life options were laid out for me, according to this new information. At the same time, she was taking into account information from previous interview sessions—which none of you readers will know, because obviously those were time-skipped over between now and the previous chapter.

I figure that after a few more sessions, Twilight's going to have a list of fields I could look into for further information, and see which one I should consider. Or reconsider, according to my untold backstory.

What a mess.

<<+>>

After finishing what was yet another interesting session of talking with Twilight, which, to be honest, felt like I was just talking to myself for the most part, I found myself out wandering Ponyville. A chance to clear my head, and to Twilight, to go build some better familiarity and relationships with the town and its ponies, given that I was staying here indefinitely.

And yes, I know it happened within a transition, but I'm really serious about conversations with Twilight feeling like I'm talking to myself. And not just in the sense that I'm writing this story, but quite literally her character is such that our personalities are really quite similar. I guess that's what introverted thinking and extroverted intuition get you. An insatiable appetite for stuff of all sorts.

"... Hearts, as strong as horses! We've got hearts as strong as horses!"

"Oh hey," I noted to myself out loud. "Catchy tune. And high-pitched voices. Must be the Crusaders. Sweet, a catchy Crusader song. Hard to go wrong with those."

And then I noticed an oddity. Or felt it. It's weird to describe.

But in short, it's that feeling I have when I feel the show cameras rolling.

"We're in a Crusader episode, aren't we?" I glanced back at my blank flank. God, that term just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it? Especially for such an accurate, simple description. "Catchy tune, Crusaders. Of course we are."

Though, the show cameras were doing something odd. I summed it up with a single question. "How do the song montages even work?"

The song ended, and—"If that's the best you've got, we're going to win for sure."

"We already have the most divine routine planned."

Oh, it's those two little pricks. I decided to leave right then, because I always thought those parts of the episodes were kinda 'meh' at best, and irritating at worst.

"... But you know what you don't have?"

"Your cutie marks! Blank flanks, blank flanks—"

As I got farther, the pestering of Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon faded out.

"What—what are you looking at?"

That... that did not seem like it was the intended dialogue flow. That usually means I messed something up, right?

Huh... what do I do, what do I do... Ah—right. The proper thing to do when in possible focus is to act like nothing's wrong.

"May the best ponies win!" I heard Silver Spoon declare.

Scootaloo met the challenge. "Game on!"

See? Move along, like nothing's wrong.

... I really wish you just kept on being quiet this time around.

"Hey! Hey, mister, hey!"

No, Apple Bloom, I'd rather not.

I did, I just wasn't mentally speaking it.

The filly trio skidded to a halt in front of me.

Sweetie Belle spoke up first. "Hey, you're that pony who's new in town!"

"Uh huh..." I simply nodded.

"And you don't have your cutie mark!" Scootaloo finally said.

I simply stared at her, conveying the same 'uh huh...' with my expression. Except, this was actually more of 'uh huh, no shit'.

"Do other ponies ever bug you about that?" Apple Bloom asked.

I shrugged. "If they have, I haven't noticed."

"You seem like a pretty normal pony otherwise," Sweetie Belle said.

I rolled my eyes. "I try my best." They don't know half of it.

"So... how's it like?" Scootaloo asked. "Being grown-up and without a cutie mark."

Believe me, I really wanted to tell them what it's like to feel like life is just trying to crush you.

"Just something you deal with," I answered them.

"Including the weird looks ponies give?" Sweetie said.

"Here's a good tip—realize when you should care what others think about you and when you should just ignore them. It's easier to see and chase your potential that way, as well as keeping in sight what's important to you. You'll live better if you focus on what you think is important, instead of what others think."

Scootaloo spoke up. "But... what if you're not sure about what might happen? What if you never live up to it?"

"Uncertainty is a part of life that you'll have to learn to live with, and then ask yourself how much you'll let it stop you from trying anyways." I patted her on the head and began walking away. "Remember—don't let things stop you from trying, and always keep in sight what's really important to you."

With those tidbits of information, they were left pondering over it, allowing me to walk out of that frame, because I'm pretty sure I don't have that much things to do on-screen-wise for this episode.

<<+>>

"Ponies... ponies... ponies..."

My walk around Ponyville took me to the inner town. Seeing that I was going to be staying in Ponyville for the foreseeable future, I began coming here more often to get myself more accustomed to the town.

Honestly, it was a fairly... normal place, for the most part. I suppose there's oddities here and there, but that happens everywhere. Even back home.

The town, as everyone already knows, has that old-timey feel to it. Cottages and similar architecture. Small businesses. Fairly close-knit community. Somewhat close to probably what we'd think of when we imagine old people going on about 'the good old days'. Ponyville is, overall, that quaint community that it's portrayed to be.

Enough of that fluff, though. Today, as I made my way through town, I kept an eye out for postings or anything of the sort. If I could find a place to stay that was cheaper than the inn, I was definitely going to check it out.

Because that bag of bits I gave myself all the way back a few chapters ago? As repeatedly mentioned during then, this was reality now, and reality means that my wallet doesn't get magically refilled. Reality means you slowly drain your savings as long as you don't have income.

Speaking of income, Twilight did agree to reimburse me by some monetary amount while I remained the subject of her study. So there was that, at least. I should really put more reading into finance and economics in Equestria.

Hm, I'm rambling. Am I getting weird stares? Because you know Ponyvillians are quirky like that.

<A few, but I wouldn't say it's anything to even worry a bit about. Does it really matter?

I'm just curious to experience some Equestrian rudeness. Maybe I'll even find someone as rude as people back home. That'll make me feel right at home.

When do I get to? Without having to go by my own volition? And by that, I mean by hitching onto the plot.

"Oh hey, I recognize this name," I noted to myself out loud. I tore off a sheet of paper with the name and address. "Lucky Clover. He's one of those more prominent background ponies. And god knows my luck is almost as bad as Twilight's."

I looked around, as if that would help me locate said background pony's place. "I'm also getting this strange vibe about this... it feels like plot advancement. No... wait, not just that. It feels like I've finally dusted off something that's been sitting on a shelf for three or four years..."

<...>

You know, if you wiped my mind about something related to this, it's only gonna bug me more that I can't remember what exactly it is.

Something tells me this is only something that really matters between us two.

That last statement is really going to bug me for a while. Can't you just, I don't know, advance the plot a little faster for me? To spare me some of that irritation? Keep my mind busy?

"Oh!"

Ask and I shall receive, I guess. I instinctively turned to the mare to my side, slipping the room posting under my wing as I turned.

"Um, excuse me!"

Hey, she's prominent enough to get her own character tag!... And this is a very specific character choice, isn't it?

"Are you new in town?" Roseluck asked me.

"I am," I answered.

"I just couldn't help but notice you picking out that ad," she said. "That's Lucky's ad, isn't it?"

"It is," I said, slightly raising a brow. "Why?"

"Oh! Well, seeing that you picked it out, I'm assuming you're looking for a place to stay," Roseluck continued. "The inn really charges quite a bit..." she added, mumbling.

"I am..."

"He's a wonderful pony, if you choose to stay with him. Do you think you'd want to go inquire with him right now?"

"Excuse me?"

"Well I'm... good friends with him, and I was going to have lunch with him today," Roseluck said. "If you'd like, I'm sure he'd be fine if I brought along a prospecting pony. I mean, maybe I caught you in time for a reason!"

"You don't know half of it." I rolled my eyes.

"What was that?"

Crap, I said that out loud, didn't I. "Well, uh, sure, I guess," I answered her properly. "If you think it's fine."

"Wonderful!" she smiled. She motioned me to follow along. "My name's Roseluck. What about you?"

"Stardust. Pleased to meet you."

"Hm," she hummed in affirmation. As we walked, she kept glancing at me. "If... if you don't mind me asking, do... do you happen to be related to Lucky?"

There's that weird feeling of me unable to remember something again. "Uh, no. Why'd you ask?"

"Just... a resemblance," Roseluck said.

Resemblance... Well, I've always been skeptical whenever someone told me like I looked like someone else, and that's happened a lot, so I will take that note with the same attitude.

It's the grayscale, isn't it.

<<+>>

Among the things that kept my thoughts busy while walking with Roseluck were, in no particular order, her own interesting, smooth-feeling color scheme, if that makes any sense, her usual pairing with Time Turner-slash-Doctor Whooves in fics, and the fact that she was noticeably petite in size. Or maybe I just got used to Twilight and her slightly enlarged alicorn frame.

Said thoughts, weaved amidst actual conversation, as to not be rude, got us to Lucky's home with much reduced irritation on my end. The less time I have to dwell on thoughts that irk me, the better.

"Hi, Lucky!" Roseluck greeted upon the door opening.

"Hi, Roseluck," Lucky returned warmly. "Who's the stallion?"

"A prospective tenant!" Roseluck answered. "I caught him looking at your ad, and after a short conversation, I figured maybe I should just go ahead and introduce him to you."

"I'm Stardust," I introduced myself, sticking out a hoof in greeting.

Lucky reached out to return the greeting. "I'm Lucky. I guess Rose already told you some things about me?"

"She did."

"You know, one of the first things I thought about him was that he looked like you after waking up on the wrong side of the bed," Roseluck giggled.

Lucky tilted his head slightly, looking at me. "He does, a bit, doesn't he?" he finally agreed with an expression of interest.

"Uh... well if both of you think so," I said. "At least our eye colors tell us apart easily?"

His blue gave his overall color scheme a 'cooler' feel, while my copper irises gave mine a 'warmer' feel. Not to mention that my brighter platinum grey. As a short note regarding color theory.

"Haha, luckily, eh?" Lucky said. "Maybe you should get your mane restyled just to make it harder. Hey, if you choose to stay with me, I'm sure neither of us will hear the end of it for a while."

At that moment, there just seemed to be a rush of thoughts in my head. Realization. And... memories?

... And... one of those things I seemed to have remembered involves me tripping as I realized these same exact thoughts. At least I was just standing.

You gave me back some of our memories, didn't you.

<Unlocked them. I think it was always meant to be a sort of 'triggered sequence'.>

I look a lot like Lucky. That's supposed to be the 'trigger'? Mind telling me more?

Oh gee, thanks. Nice to know that I was saved from at least one instance of minor suffering. Anything else?

Ah... right. And so the 'Rapture' last name is because... right.

<2013 was a fun and productive year in a somewhat different regard.>

I got out of my own head and looked at Lucky again. Who was, as of this moment, still occupied with a conversation with Roseluck about their lunch plans.

Hm. He's a sharp-looking guy. Not a bad choice, I'd say.

"So are our plans still good for going out to lunch?" Lucky asked.

"Of course!" Roseluck answered. "Do you think it would be good to bring Stardust along, maybe get to know each other more and see if he'd like to stay with you? Get some business out of the way, as it were."

Lucky made a face for a blink-and-I'd-miss-it moment. "Lunch today was your idea. I don't think I'd mind. How about you, Stardust?"

I shrugged. "Sure, I didn't have anything planned today."

<<+>>

It was another leisurely stroll back to the business area of Ponyville, where I now found myself sitting at an outdoor table for at a small restaurant, at the generosity of my two hosts.

"So you're here because you're working with the Princess, huh," Lucky said.

"Mhm," I mumbled through the sandwich in my mouth.

"Must be important work," Roseluck said.

"Well," I said, "it is to her. Enough that she offered to pay me some amount while I worked with her."

"How long is that going to be?" Lucky asked.

"Neither of us really know."

"Then you're in luck, because I have that room open indefinitely," Lucky smiled.

Roseluck leaned towards me. "He likes the extra income," she whispered, "even though he doesn't really need it." She smiled back innocently at Lucky.

Lucky rolled his eyes, smiling. "Or, I'd just like to share what I have with ponies that can benefit from it, because not everyone is always up on their luck."

"And having another pony around to help with the house," Roseluck added.

I decided to have take a swing at it. "For when you're not around?"

They shared a glance. Roseluck smirked. "Well, I think you two are ready to make more formal arrangements, wouldn't you agree, Lucky?"

Lucky raised a brow, but made no objections. And before he could say anything further, we were interrupted by someone else.

"Rose! Rose!"

We turned our heads to the voice. I gasped as I recognized the stallion that had just trotted up to us.

"Rose, I just learned that there's going to be a fun event in the Crystal Empire in a few days—"

"Oh my god, it's the Doctor!" I exclaimed under my breath. While struggling to hide a grin.

The brown stallion paused in his words. Then he bit his lip for a moment as he looked at me. "... Excuse me, do I know you?"

While keeping my grin from getting any wider, I just shook my head.

"Hm! Perhaps later then."

"You were saying, Time?" Roseluck said.

"Right!" Time Turner-slash-maybe-Doctor Whooves continued. "So the foals from the Ponyville schoolhouse are going up to the Crystal Empire in a few days to perform their entry routines for the Equestria Games! And you know how fun these things are to spectate. And it's a chance to visit the ever-interesting Crystal Empire! What do you say?"

"That sounds like fun!" Roseluck replied.

"Fantastic!" Then he looked at me. "And you—you I will perhaps speak to at a later time." With that, the curious pony turned around and left.

"See?" Roseluck said. "Now you've got someone to keep you company and help your housework!"

"Lucky me," Lucky said, seemingly holding back a chuckle.

Well, I guess that resolves that.

<<+>>

"So you're finally getting out and about meeting other ponies!" Twilight said.

"Guess so," I answered. The lunch yesterday with Lucky and Roseluck ended pleasantly, but today was when more formal business would be conducted, now that the landlord had found a willing and agreeable tenant.

That was later, though. Right now, I was hanging out at the library, because, well, writing me doing something else is probably more work then other-me is willing to do.

<And some exposition.>

Yeah, I'm sure Twilight doesn't have anything else productive she can do, either.

"That's a wonderful development for you so far," Twilight said. "If I take my own experiences when I first arrived in Ponyville as the basis, I'd say you're well on the path to being a better you."

"A better me?" I said, unamused.

"Well, clearly something needs to change with what you've been doing so far, because you still don't have your cutie mark."

I guess she has a point. "... Maybe?"

Twilight changed the subject. "So what's your rent?"

"No numbers yet," I answered. "That's for later."

"Once you find out, then we can get to figuring out how much I'll be paying you per study session."

"Are you going to publish a paper on your findings?" I asked.

"Of course!" Twilight answered. "I, as a pony skilled in magic and devoted to studying it, will eventually use it to give back to academia."

"Well okay then."

Twilight examined my expression. "You're wondering why I'm willing to pay you, aren't you."

"Yeah, kind of." As is everyone else, probably. "Though, if I had to guess, it's just you treating this professionally."

"Exactly!" Twilight said. "If I'm going to be writing an academic paper on the subject, then I'll be professional with my source for helping to further knowledge."

Still, I have a feeling I'm going to need to do more stuff around town, lest I go bankrupt. And one reason being that it's probably good for diversifying the plot.

<<+>>

So a day passed during that section divider, and right now, it's the morning after that.

Currently, I was at the train platform with Lucky, who had offered to carry the small luggage Roseluck was bringing along to the Crystal Empire for her and Time Turner's stay.

"He's a good lad, you know."

I turned my head, and there was that brown stallion again. "Hm?"

"Having company around will be a good thing," Time said.

"Do—do you and Roseluck go on trips often?" I asked.

"If I hear of something interesting to see, she's a willing companion."

I looked at Lucky and Roseluck, a few steps down the platform. "Does that get between them in any way?"

"Oh, not at all! Lucky's a great sport about it. He likes to see Rose have a good time."

"Do they ever go on trips with each other?"

"They do. Different experiences, though."

The train conductor made an announcement. "Crystal Empire, all aboard!"

"Well, that's us. Later, then." Time Turner left my side and went to get Roseluck.

"How's my favorite routine going today?!" I turned my head to the excited voice, clearly belonging to no other than Rainbow Dash. "Oh I just can't keep it in!"

You know, it wasn't until Rainbow arrived that the Crusaders waiting on the platform registered in my head. They'd been there for the past few minutes also waiting for the train, but I hadn't really taken it to mind, and I guess they didn't notice me either.

It was then that I also noticed the show cam hover around. That reminded me!

So what ended up happening to the Crusaders this episode anyways? Because... we're definitely still in that Crusader episode that, chronologically, started a few days ago.

Uh, yeah. Why?

Uh... wait, what? And that means...?

But the outcome for the Crusaders was still the same?

Well, okay then. Go with what works.

I scoffed. God knows we need the same.

I watched as the three Crusaders and Rainbow boarded the train. I guess that was that.

"Hey, Stardust," Lucky said, having walked over to me. "Let's get out of here and get something to eat. What'd'ya say?"

"Yeah sure. Let's get out of here."

Author's Note

I mean, yeah, that's great and all, but we do still really want to catch up as much as possible.

I know. Arduous process. But there's episodes ahead you can kind of just... buzz through.

But you (we?) always had more stuff we wanted to work on! Maybe you should stop playing video games.

Sigh. And to top it off, you had to change the cover from the animated .gif.

That sucks.

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