Friendly Competition

by Gypsy Writefag

Rating: mature
Tags: Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Rarity, Random, Pinkie Pie, Sex, Human
Length: 4773

Pinkie Pie and Rarity enter a competition of sexual prowess, and you are the judge.

Pinkie Pie and Rarity are good friends. Sometimes, things get between a good friendship, such as wanting to prove yourself better than your friend. In their case, however, the competition is quite strange, as they both believe their sexual abilities to be better than the other. This is where you come into the picture: You're the judge.

Contains human on pony.

Published 2013-11-17 19:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-17 19:00:01 UTC

Let The Games Begin

Everything is normal as always, and that is bad. Ponies are smiling, some are even waving at you. It makes you want to cheer up, but that is an impossible task. It's coming, and you know it. Somewhere, at any point in time, it's going to happen. And there is nothing you can do to stop it. Gods know you've tried.

With a heavy sigh, you continue down Mane Street, largely ignoring everything around you. None of it matters anyway. Most of the ponies know you, but the reverse can't be said. It's just another street bustling with life. Thankfully it's a lot more cheerful than its Earthen counterparts, but it's still just another day. And days bring that subtle change of the winds, along with the distinct smell of bakery. Even without looking, you know what's about to happen.

"Hi, Anon!"

Her bubbly, charismatic voice speaks those words for the millionth time. It's become routine at this point. Introductions never change.

"Hello, Pinkie", you sigh as you turn around to face your daily annoyment.

"What are you up to?" Her whole face is one big, shit-eating grin.

"I'm on my way to Quills and Sofas", you reply meekly.

"Really? Oh, that sounds like fun! Can I -"

"No."

"But we could jump around on the sofas and play -"

"No."

"Hey! How about we go back to my place and have lots of -"

"Shut up!"

Pinkie mechanically slams her mouth shut, but the smile never leaves her face. Even when you raise your voice, she's just standing there with that stupid grin on her face. Already your fists are clenched and your body trembling. Had you been a cartoon horse like everyone else around you, steam would surely be blowing out your nose.

"Can you please quit it already?!"

"Quit what, Anon?" she asks innocently.

"Every day you find me and try to get in my pants. Every god damn day!"

Predictable as she is, she just snorts and laughs. "Why would I want pants, silly? And if I wanted some, I'd just get my own pair!"

"God damn it, Pinkie, you know what I mean!"

She stands up on her hind legs and ruffles your hair with a hoof. "You're silly, Anon. Now, let's go to Sugarcube Corner and -"

"No!" You shove her hand away as the fury builds inside you. "Just stop, okay? I don't want to go back to Sugarcube Corner."

Pinkie's eyes light up like a Christmas tree. Oh no.

"You want to do it HERE? In PUBLIC? Oh, Anon!"

Your jaw drops and your eyes grow wide as you spot the pink pony actually blushing and batting her eyelashes.

"You've gotta be kidding me..." you mumble.

"Oh, daaarling~!"

"I'm so done..."

The smell of bakery around you is quickly mixed with the aura of expensive perfumes. Here comes the worst part of the entire day. Here comes little Miss Aristocrat. Here comes the arguing and yelling and inevitable anger. Celestia have mercy.

"Oh. Good day, Pinkie." Rarity does a horrible job at masking the contempt coating her words.

"Yeah, it WAS a good day", Pinkie replies.

"Let me go back to Earth..."

The two mares are staring each other down, neither of them blinking. All around them the world continues moving, but their little bubble of heated anger isn't bursting any time soon. In fact, it seems both of them are completely ignoring you. Taking a sneaky peek, you spot a corner no more than fifteen meters away. With a bit of sneaking, you might just be able to avoid this confrontation.

Just as you take a single step backwards, both mares immediately turn to face you. Their faces have turned into enormous smiles and wide eyes. You swear these two are telephatic. Well, Pinkie is for sure, but Rarity must be as well.

"So, Anon!" they both blurt out in unison. After shooting each other an angry stare, they begin rambling.

"At Sugarcube Corner we have lots of cakes and -"

"I just got the most splendid new mattress!"

"And I even have my party cannon ready -"

"- just waiting to be tested by more than one pony -"

"- sloppy make outs and -"

"SHUT UP! BOTH OF YOU! JESUS CHRIST, WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP?!"

Every mare in sight is cowering in fear of the sudden, explosive outburst, even Pinkie. Giving the strangers on the street an angry glare, they quickly scurry away, leaving you only with Rarity and Pinkie, both of whom look like they have just seen a pony-eating monster.

"I am sick and tired of both of you! Every day of my life is completely ruined by the two of you! I can't even stay inside all day, as both of you proved! This has got to stop, right now!"

Following your outburst, you pant as you shake with anger. Tears are welling up in both of the mares' eyes, and for just a moment you almost feel bad about your scolding. Almost. They brought it on themselves. A man can only take so much before snapping. You know it's not going to help anyway. You've lost count of the times you told them both to quit it. It's going to continue until the end of times. Venting the frustration was still worth it, however.

Yet the unexpected happens. Rarity puffs up and assumes a far more serious demeanour.

"You're right."

"E-Excuse me?"

"This has gone on far too long."

Even Pinkie is nodding. Just what in the world is going on?

"Yeah, this has to stop", Pinkie agrees.

"Thanks", you sigh with relief. "I'm sorry about shouting, but -"

"Both of you, come to the Carousel Boutique at eight tonight, and we can finally settle this."

Your eyes instantly shoot open and find Rarity's serious, blue eyes. "What?"

"I'll be there!" Pinkie cheers before suddenly turning around and prancing on down the street.

"Eight tonight, Anon", Rarity repeats. "Don't be late. It's not like a gentlecolt to be late."

"But I don't even -"

"Toodles!"

With confusion in your heart, you watch the two mares leave the scene, waiting for an explanation to pop out of the sky. None ever comes. Only when an amazed filly throws a bit in front of you do you realise how long you've been standing as if frozen in time. Your sudden movement scares her, and she runs off to find her mother with tears in her eyes. Oh well; money is money.

Flipping the coin in the air as you walk, you contemplate the situation. Lord knows what could happen if you actually went to their shady appointment, but they did say it would bring an end to their constant bothering. It's not like they were going to hurt you or anything. Perhaps.

Sighing heavily to yourself, you turn the corner and find the door to Quills & Sofas on your right. The familiar bell rings loudly as you step inside, and the ever cheerful owner greets you.

"Hello there! What can I do for ya?"

Without even looking at his inventory, you raise your brows. "You have two guesses."

*** *** ***

Evening rolls around as expected. Thankfully neither mare sought to annoy you for the remainder of the day, leaving you in a much better mood than usual. Still, their "invitation" looms in the back of your mind, and you can't help but be intigued by it. Everything happened so fast that you barely understand what the hell was going on. Maybe they were going to fight each other. That would actually be rather amusing to watch. Going might not be a bad idea.

Worst case scenario, you can always leave. It's not like they're going to do anything drastic. They are cute, marshmallow ponies after all. And if going to their little event will help you be rid of their soul-crushing antics, you're more than willing to take a late night walk to Rarity's.

Thankfully the nights are never too cold in Equestria. Whether it's magic or just the climate is beyond your knowledge, but it's a nice little bonus. As you step outside, it's actually quite refreshing. The brisk air feels fantastic in your lungs, and you inhale deeply before setting out on your short journey.

Ponyville is small, even for the quite large amount of citizens. Getting to the boutique is no more than a five minute walk. Sugarcube Corner is only three minutes away, but even you can't feel justified in complaining about an added two minutes of walking. Starving children in Africa and all that.

Right as you are, the walk takes no more than five minutes, and you arrive at the front door at eight exactly. Rarity is going to be so proud of you. You shudder at the thought of her praising you like a child and knock on the door. Strangely enough, there's no lights on inside the boutique. This is looking more and more like the introduction to some secret club with rituals and everything.

As the door opens, however, it's just Rarity looking as normal as ever.

"Right on time. Aren't you a real gentleco-, uh, gentleman!" she chuckles.

"Let's just get this over with", you mumble as you slip inside.

Rarity follows you upstairs to her bedroom, and inside sits Pinkie, who is apparently playing with dolls. Rarity merely rolls her eyes and scoffs before locking the door and walking over next to the childish pink pony.

"Now, Anon", she begins. "I trust you know why you're here?"

"Not really."

She completely ignores your remark. "The time has come for the three of us to settle our differences."

"Yeah!" Pinkie cheers overenthusiastically.

"What differences? It's just the two of -"

"And we're going to do that the only way we can: a competition."

"Wooo! Competitions and games!"

"A competiton of what, exactly?" you ask cautiously.

Rarity sends you a confused look. "Of intimacy, of course. Tonight shall be the night we find out which of us -" She points a hoof at herself and Pinkie "- Is the better mare in bed. You, of course, shall be the judge."

Silence falls over the three of you. Or at least it would if Pinkie would stop her ridiculous cheering. You wonder why Pinkie isn't an actual cheerleader. Perhaps they don't exist here in Equestria.

"What are you talking about?" you ask Rarity. It is, however, not the unicorn who responds.

"Well, Anon", Pinkie says very seriously. "When a mare and a colt love each other very much -"

"Pinkie!" Rarity sighs.

"You're gonna stick your thing in our things and decide whose thing is better!" Pinkie cheers.

"I know what Rarity meant", you deadpan.

"Then why did you ask?" Pinkie retorts. "Let's just get right to it then!"

She immediately jumps into the air and spins 180 degrees, landing firmly on all four of her hooves before bending over and lifting her tail. In the blink of an eye she is completely presenting herself to you with absolutely no shame. In fact, there seems to be a lot of eagerness in her body, as evident by the small puddle already forming underneath her.

"Hold on a second!" You manage to force you eyes away from the incredibly inviting sight. "Let me get this straight: You want me to decide which of you is better at having sex?"

"That was the general idea, yes", Rarity says with a nod.

"And then you're going to stop harassing me?"

"We've never 'harassed' you." Rarity looks quite offended.

"C'mon! I'm dripping over here!"

"Yes you did, and you know it!" The anger is slowly returning once again.

"All we wanted was to settle once and for all which of us are better, that's all", Rarity scoffs.

"You could have at least told me."

"It's a female thing, you wouldn't understand."

"For pony's sake, rut me already!" Pinkie screams.

You can't help but glance over at Pinkie once more. You never really realised how chubby her butt is. It's so perfectly curvy and wobbly, and the way she's slightly jiggling around as she waits for you is enticing to say the least. Couple that with the fact that you can see everything she has to offer, leaves it as no surprise to yourself that the fabric around your groin suddenly feels very tight.

"Oho?" Rarity chuckles and points at the increasing bulge. "What's this?"

"Shut up."

"I think even you want to find out which is the better mare~."

"Look... All right! Fine! Let's do this."

Rarity pumps her hoof slightly into the air and smirks before advancing towards you with bedroom eyes.

"Her first", you simply say with a nod towards Pinkie's bubbly butt. A hint of disappointment flashes across Rarity's face, but it's gone before you can even fully register it.

"Saving the best for last. We are so much alike, you and I", Rarity purrs. Instead of pressing the issue, she simply goes to a luxurious chair near the wall and sits down, waiting for her turn to come.

"Get on the bed, Pinkie." She immediately cannonballs onto the bed, eliciting a groan from its owner.

As you undress, Pinkie immediately begins rambling on. It was to be expected, but it is still grating to listen to her barrage of words.

"So, how do you wanna do it? Upside down? Balloon style? A Pinkie Party Deluxe maybe? Ooh! What about anal? Or perhaps I could ride you like YOU'RE the pony or -"

"Wait, hold on." You stop with your shirt halfway off. "Did you say anal?"

"Yeah! It's when you take your thing and -"

"I know what it is", you interrupt. "Are you really into that?"

"I dunno, but it sounds fun!" Pinkie giggles.

"Are we going to be here all night?" Rarity scoffs from the corner.

Ignoring her, you take off your shirt and quickly work on your pants. It's mere seconds before they hit the ground, leaving only a tented pair of boxers left. Pinkie's blush returns at the sight, and you even hear a quiet gasp from behind you.

"So, you want my butt?" Pinkie says quietly. It's very unlike her to not be extremely loud, and it's oddly arousing. She even wiggles her plump ass in front of you, putting you in a trance.

"Come on", she whispers. "Let's party."

Without any regard for embarassment or your own body, you drop your boxers immediately and crawl onto the bed. Pinkie excitedly scurried backwards until her butt slams against your groin. Her ass jiggles around your shaft, sending ripples of pleasure throughout your body.

You place both of your hands on her cheeks and grab a tight hold of her luscious flesh. You could jiggle this ass around all day. In the back of your mind you blame yourself for never noticing this magnificent piece of meat in your life. It really is something on another level.

"Get on with it already!" Rarity groans from her chair.

"Yeah", Pinkie whispers. "Let's invite the guest of honour inside."

"Pinkie, stop trying to be sexy. Those lines are way too cheesy", you chuckle.

"Oh yeah? Well you're a butt." Pinkie blows a raspberry at you, but you shrug it off and grab a hold of your dick. Spreading her cheeks apart with your left hand, you quickly locate her puffy anus. It looks way too tight, and disappointment washes over you as you realize it may not be possible at all.

"Ooooh~" Pinkie coos as you prod her hole with your tip. Her tongue immediately drops out of her mouth, and she continues moaning quietly to herself as you press forward.

Getting in is proving a challenge, and you have to make sure to take it slow, lest you want Pinkie to experience pain. It's more work than pleasure, but the reward is so worth it. You push forward little by little, stretching her hole apart a bit more with each push. It's a war of attrition, and you're intent on winning.

"Ugh, this is taking too long!" Pinkie exclaims. In the blink of an eye she somehow manages to suck your entire dick into her ass, as if she possesed magical power.

"OH MY GOD!"

In one fell swoop, your dick is being crushed by Pinkie's extraordinarily tight ass. While you should be feeling nothing but pain, you are assaulted with intense stimulation, and Pinkie seems to be enjoying herself as well.

"Oh gosh! Anon! This is amazetastic!" she squees underneath you. Before you can even adjust to the sudden change, she leans her rump forward and slams it back into your groin. The suction on your penis makes it feel as if you are being blown by space itself, and you lose complete control of your body as she rides you.

"Oh my... How lewd..." Rarity says in quiet astonishment, yet the arousal she so dearly tries to hide shines through like a radiant sun.

"P-Pinkie!" you blurt out.

"I know! This is- Oh GOSH!"

Pinkie rapidly increases the speed of her grinding, and each counter-thrust quickly increases in force as well. You grab on to her jiggling ass for dear life, but you never mange to gain back the dominant position. Pinkie is riding you as if you were nothing a toy, and despite your lack of control, you can't help but lose yourself in the pleasure.

"Yesyesyesyesyesyes!" she glees with delight. "Oh, YES! Plow me!"

"I-It's too much!" you scream.

"Do it, Anon!" Pinkie encourages. "Fill me with your cream!"

The flesh enveloping your dick is moving so fast it barely feels like flesh anymore. Incredible speed coupled with inhumane tightness creates only a blur of electric, white-hot pleasure shooting directly into your brain. Registering the oncoming orgasm is difficult, as everything before you is just a mishmash of jiggling flesh, moans and excruciating pleasure.

"P-Pinkie! I'm- I'm-"

"YEEEES!"

The pink pony slams her ass back into you one last time with enough force to send your upper body flying forward, eventually landing right on her back. Your face lands in her puffy mane, which smells like distilled strawberry.

Whether you're actually ejaculating inside of her or not, you have no idea. Your entire body is tingling and shaking uncontrollably. You have lost control of every single one of your limbs. The force and intensity of Pinkie's anus is far too much to bear; a deadlock keeping you in check with incredible stimulation.

"Oh wow, Anon... That was the best..." Pinkie pants. She pulls her ass away from you and thrusts backwards one final time, with far more force than before. The impact sends you flying backwards and onto the bed, your dick sliding out of her anus with a loud 'plop'.

A few drops of semen drips from her stretched anus and onto the bed. Due to the white haze in front of your eyes, you're not sure, but you think Pinkie actually turns around and licks it up. She says something too, but it's far too muffled for you to understand. There is only pleasure, and it has devoured your very being.

"Anon!"

Rarity's harsh voice snaps you back to reality. She's right above you, with a hoof on either side of your head. Her face is red; a blush far heavier than anything you've seen before. In addition, her body is trembling, and you feel a distinct heat radiating from her lower body.

"It's my turn. Get yourself ready, pronto!"

However much you would love to respond, the lack of oxygen in your lungs has left you taking short, staggered breaths and unable to speak. Rarity glances down at your limp penis and groans.

"Come on! This is a competition!"

"I'm..." you manage to huff. "Pretty sure... You don't stand a chance..."

Fire lights up in her eyes, and she furrows both of her brows. "Oh you are going to get it."

Rarity decisively slams her rump down onto your groin, coaxing a moan out of you. Right as you were, her cunt is more than aching for your manhood, and in order to bring it to full function, she starts sliding herself up and down your shaft, coating it in her love.

"You better, mmh! Get hard r-right now!" she whines.

After the incredible, unbelievable session with Pinkie, your dick is far more sensitive than usual. Rarity's grinding is the work of a perfectionst and an expert, and it's far more than you can handle. You grab the sheets tightly and close your eyes as the unicorn slowly but surely brings you back to full capacity.

Each intricate movement of her hips leaves you wanting more, as wetness spreads across every in your dick. She keeps a slow and steady pace far different from Pinkie's extreme and rapid speed. The sensations are far more subtle and gracious, which only makes each of them so much more valuable. You wonder just how spectacular the full package is going to be.

"Well then", Rarity mutters as the warm-up concludes. "Think you can handle a true lady?"

"Less talking, more riding."

"Charming."

Despite her deadpanning, Rarity grabs a hold of your shaft with her hoof and guides it to her entrance. In contrast to Pinkie, no effort is needed to slip inside. It is as effortless as walking, and a shiver runs down your spine as Rarity slowly descents onto your rock-hard cock.

You throw your head back and moan loudly, eliciting a smug chuckle from Rarity. Her chuckle, however, quickly turns into a quiet, deep moan; a very feminine one at that. Despite not being inside her ass, she is almost as tight as Pinkie; something that completely baffles your mind. You don't dwell on it, however, as you are far too busy enjoying the perfect fit of her embrace.

It takes a full minute before you hilt her, and the moment you do, both of you let out deep, loud moans in perfect harmony. Rarity places both of her front hooves on your chest for leverage, rubbing your nipples slightly as she does so.

"H-Huge..." she mutters. "My goodness..."

Although you thought the insertion was slow, the speed at which she starts riding you is agony itself; ecstatic agony of the highest caliber. This time around, you can feel every little detail happening; from the cool air flocking to each bit of exposed skin to the way her walls grip your shaft tightly as she slides up. Everything is pronounced and exaggerated, even her moans.

Opening your eyes, you are met with an unexpected sight. Pinkie is staring down at you with bedroom eyes and a heavy blush on her cheeks. She's biting her lower lip as if anticipating something. You don't understand, her turn is over. The answer quickly reveals itself, however.

She leans down and locks you in a deep, passionate kiss. Like her ass, her lips are larger than the average pony's, and far more luscious you assume. They are covered in saliva, which is promptly smeared onto your own mouth. She wasn't kidding when she mentioned 'sloppy makeouts'.

Despite the kiss being amateurish, the raw passion behind it becomes far better in the stark contrast to Rarity's graceful movements. You don't wait for Pinkie to open her mouth; you do it first. The party pony happily obliges to your request and each of your tongues dart out of your mouths, meeting at the halfway.

Hers is much bigger and much wetter, leaving with you little chance to offer resistance to the overpowering force she provides. At times, she even manages to wrap her own tongue all around yours, smothering it in her desire and passion.

"O-Oh, Anon~" Rarity coos as she speeds up slightly. Her pace is still slow, but you much prefer it coming from her. The way she moves her hips and clenches her muscles on your shaft is unrivaled, and speed would only lessen the impact. Despite this, you can't help but thrust upwards every time she pushes herself up; the need to be inside of her is too strong.

Pinkie suddenly breaks the wet, sloppy kiss, but her mouth doesn't stray far from your own. She giggles quietly and nuzzles your nose with her muzzle.

"I don't care if I win", she whispers. "I just wanted to have fun with you."

Expecting no response, or perhaps not caring for one, she immediately dives back into the makeout session. You can't help but smile at both her words and the passion pouring into you directly from her. Having two unoccupied hands, you place one on her cheek and caress it, while the other roams the uncharted areas of her puffy mane. Even through the kiss you can hear her coo quietly.

"T-Too much!" Rarity squeaks. She suddenly doubles the pace of her humping, causing you to almost choke on Pinkie's tongue. Everything you had thought about her slow, sensual movements is instantly invalidated. Only ten seconds of her brisk pace is enough to send you to the point of exploding inside of her, and now you really lose control of your hips. Whenever she thrusts herself down, your hips shoot upwards, putting so much more force into each connection with her rump.

"Goodness, yes! H-Harder, Anon! Faster!"

Hearing the cries of her friend and the moans of her lover, she puts additional force into her kiss, forcing your tongue back into your own mouth and assaulting it there. This doesn't last long, however, as she once again breaks the kiss to stare you in the eyes and smile.

"Come inside her", she whispers. "Shoot your load inside my best friend!"

She immediately leans back in and kisses you, moaning vigoriously as she does so. The kiss, however, only lasts a split second before she's back to speaking.

"Fill her up! Make her your mare!"

"OoooOOOHHH!"

Pinkie's sudden and vulgar encouragement proves too much, and you bury yourself as deep inside Rarity as humanly possible. With your dick firmly lodged inside of her, you let loose an orgasm nearly as powerful as the one inflicted by Pinkie herself.

Inside of her, Rarity's muscles clench down on your shaft continuously, pumping away and milking you for every last drop. Every constrictment of her pussy affects your brain as well; it feels as though someone is squeezing your skull tightly. Dizziness spreads throughout you, but you still register every part of Pinkie's kiss, as well as Rarity's unladylike moans as she reaches her own peak.

Just as you shoot your last load deep inside of the unicorn, her cunt sqeeuzes your shaft with newfound strength, and she promptly covers it in her juices. Although you are already spent, the feeling is incredible. It is as if becoming part of Rarity, connected by her innermost love itself.

Pinkie breaks the kiss for a final time, giggling as she does so. "I think she liked it."

Rarity collapses completely on top of your chest, although it looks like she's swooning more than anything else.

"Yep, she loved it", Pinkie states cheerfully.

With a quiet glee, Pinkie jumps up into the bed and lays down next to you. You make sure to wrap your arm around her and snuggle close. The fresh smell of strawberry eminating from her mane is refreshing, and you can help but chuckle alongside her.

Having found enough strength to move, Rarity crawls up to your other side. You give her the exact same treatment. Even the noble, aristocratic unicorn can't help but coo as you snuggle with her. The differences between the two seem invisble, but Pinkie quickly breaks that mental image by placing a hoof on your limp penis and playing with it.

"So..." Rarity huffs. "Who won?"

"Hmmm..." You glance skywards for added dramatic effect. Pinkie chuckles, but Rarity doesn't seem to like the results being delayed.

"Both of you", you state calmly.

"What?!" Rarity blurts out.

"Yay!"

"How could ever I compare the two of you? You are so different, and both fantastic in your own ways. It'd be a lie to say either of you was superior."

Rarity crosses her hooves and grumbles. After a moment of sulking, she looks you in the eye and asks: "But I was the more graceful, lady-like of us, was I not?"

You can't help but chuckle at her question. She really is a sore loser.

"Yes, yes you were."

"That's better", she responds with a smile.

"Hey, I can be a gracer-lazer, too!" Pinkie exclaims.

"You're the best gracer-lazer, Pinkie. Plus you smell of strawberry."

"Woohoo!"