S1E01: Unusual Punishment*

There is no good way to start this story. Quite honestly, I'm not even sure I understand most of it. I just know that a madman explained it to me, which makes me question it's occurrence at all.

But it did happen. I have to keep telling myself that. And I suppose it all started with a crash landing. All in all, not the most heroic of beginnings.

~~~~~

I work in a shop. Just this tiny flower shop tucked between two much larger buildings. It's almost invisible, much like I was at that time. Not that I wanted to be noticed. I had moved to Ponyville from Hoofdon only a month before, and my accent could cause ponies to stare.

That day I was arranging flowers, waiting for the tiny bell above the door to tinkle as somepony came in. Hours passed, and not a soul did much more than glance at the window.

Except one. Late in the day, a single stallion pressed his nose up against the glass. He moved with quick strides and only stopped to stare through the flowers at me.

I gave a small wave, which he didn't bother to return. He pushed the door open, ducking past me and sitting among the flowers.

"Y-you alright, mate?" I murmured, not wanting to approach him.

He made a sound deep in his throat, sort of like a growl but soft and gurgling.

"O... kay..." I took a step back. Now that I looked at him, he wasn't exactly a pony. His neck and snout seemed a touch long, and his eyes were oddly matte and small. "I'm just stepping out, alright? Be back in a bit."

No response.

"Yeah..." I whispered, backing out the door and locking it swiftly. I turned, trotting purposefully down the street towards the police station. I was going to report this to the authorities and then go about some shopping as though he hadn't appeared.

But that wasn't going to happen today. For whatever reason, fate had decided that I was done with normal not only for today but the rest of my life. And maybe that was good. But it sure didn't seem like it.

It was the single loudest sound I had ever heard. It was like a bomb had fallen and gone off less than two feet away (which it nearly had). I jumped, stumbling backwards and into the street and staring at the odd object that had nearly killed me.

It was blue. Very blue. And that was really all that could compute before somepony came tumbling out of it. He rolled across the ground, laying with his eyes closed right in front of me. He had barely any hair and a light-grey coat, along with a strange piece of clothing that was smoking and torn to shreds. It looked a bit like a coat, but there was so little left that I couldn't really tell.

I jumped up, running to his side and shaking his shoulder. "A-are you dead?" was all I could think to say.

The stallion groaned. "Not quite yet, dear--" his eyes lolled opened and he shrieked.

"What? What is it? What?" I asked, checking myself over.

"What... are you?" he murmured, disgusted.

My jaw moved but no words came out. I wasn't sure, really, whether I should run and hide or help him out.

"I'm sorry, that was... that was incredibly rude. Of course, if you'd be kind enough to help me up...?" he looked up at me, rather pathetically.

I rolled my eyes, deciding that this stallion was most likely not a threat. I grabbed his front hooves and pulled him upright, where he remained for only a moment before pushing himself up onto his hind legs. His knees wobbled and he collapsed onto all fours. "Oh, I should've known..." he muttered, staring at his hooves.

"Um..." I watched him check himself over, feeling his various appendages and making odd comments.

He finally managed to twist his head around to face his flank, and chuckled at the sight of his cutie mark. "Now that-- that is interesting. What... what is that?" he swayed his hindquarters about. "It's like a tattoo, but... the color's in the fur... that's fascinating, really!" he looked over at me. "Oh, you've got one, too!"

I finally found my voice. "Of course I do! And so does everypony else over the age of six!"

The stallion stared at me, shocked, then started laughing again. "'Everypony?' So you're all ponies, then, eh?"

"I'm leaving now," I said simply, turning and booking it down the street.

"No, no! Wait!" I heard his hooves scrambling and then a dull thud as he hit the ground. "Ohhh..." he moaned.

I stopped, but didn't look back at him. "Why?"

"'Why' what?" he repeated, trying to get himself off the ground.

"Why should I trust you? I don't know you. I just know that you're amnesiac or--or mad, or something," I insisted, still looking away.

"Because if someone doesn't help me right now, I'll probably be run over," he admitted.

I finally turned to face him, trying not to giggle at the sight of a full-grown stallion laying belly-up in the middle of the street. "And why would I help you?"

"Because I know that under your cynical exterior there beats a heart that doesn't wish to see a carcass in the road," he muttered through clenched teeth, wiggling his limbs about uselessly.

I must admit, I grinned a bit when he said this.

"Oh, for God's sake, I'm not crazy, just help me."

I trotted to him, pulling him up once again and wiping the dirt off his chest. "Now, would you mind giving me a name?"

"It 'Doctor.' Just 'Doctor,' thank you," he told me, taking two precocious steps towards the sidewalk.

"Where are you from?" I asked. "Your accent's like mine, so not around here, I guess?"

"Well, to you I'm an alien, but for now we should just say we're neighbors. That's much simpler, eh? Plus, it isn't really a lie, just not what most people expect. Less neighboring houses, more like neighboring dimensions," he rambled.

"Erm... sure," I agreed. He was definitely not right in the head. "What, uh, what dimension are you from, then?"

"One where the horses can't talk, that's for sure. Well, most of them can't..." he continued to mutter to himself. "Now, if you could get me back to my box I'll be on my way."

"What, you mean that thing?" I pointed to the blue box laying on its side in the alley.

"Yes, that thing," he grumbled. "Just... just lead me over there and I'll be fine."

"Okay..." I hooked his leg around my shoulders and started off toward the box. He tripped along beside me, trying to find a rhythm that suited him.

"How do you do it? Front left, back right, front right, back left?" he asked, staring at his hooves as we shuffled along. We were only a few yards away, but he was like a dead weight.

"I suppose. I honestly never gave it much thought." I was getting close to shoving him towards the box and just leaving him there.

"Really? Hm, I guess you're right. I mean, where I'm from I only have two legs! But then, it's sort of obvious--"

"Yeah, alright," I cut him off, dragging him the last few steps and letting him lean against the box.

"Oh. Uh, thanks." He looked at the box as though looking for wounds. "That's all I needed. You can go. But before you do-- I never did catch your name."

"I don't believe I threw it," I replied sarcastically. "It's Rose. Roseluck."

The stallion ducked his head and squinted hard, as though he was getting a headache. He stayed this way a moment, making a small sound of pain before returning to normal. "Nice."

"You okay?"

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

I shrugged.

"Well, you just be on your way. I've got to figure out how to get back inside..." He clambered up on top of the box and started pounding on it, shouting what seemed like wake-up calls.

That was enough for me. I continued down the street, making my hasty way toward the police station. I was never sure, but I thought I heard the far-off sound of grinding engines a few minutes later.

~~~~~

"Look here, miss..."

"Roseluck.

"Miss Rose." The officer's glasses slid down his nose once more, and he pushed them up with a sniff. "We don't have anything on a guy with scars. What did you say his cutie mark was?"

"He-- he didn't have one." I stuttered, just now realizing how mad I probably sounded.

The officer peered at me over his glasses, his eyebrows arching so high they might've come off his head. "I've heard enough."

"But--"

"Go home, Miss Roseluck. Better yet, go back to work. If he's still there, be sure to put him on the phone." He flashed a cheesy grin, crumpling up the paper he had been filling out and tossing it in the bin.

I grimaced. "I'm not leaving until you come look. He's dangerous or--or mad or both!"

"Well, better grab yourself a newspaper and make yourself comfy on that bench there." He gestured to a wooden seat full of angry-looking crooks. "Hope you're okay with eating donuts for the rest of your life." He showed his teeth again and left the desk.

I smacked my forehead on the marble surface. Why did I think anypony would believe me, anyway? I just sounded daft.

"Hey." I felt somepony prod me on the shoulder. "Hey. I believe you."

"Hm?" I lifted my head off the desk, looking into a set of very wide, green eyes. "What do you want?"

"I believe you. I saw the same guy in my shop." The mare stuck out a hoof to be bumped. "Lily Valley."

I barely tapped her hoof. "Roseluck."

"I was just about to report the same thing. This kooky stallion came and smeared his face all over my front window, then came in and sat in the middle of the flowers like nopony else was even lookin' at him," she explained. Her accent was distinctly Fillydelphian. "Figured he was prob'ly on the run or somethin' like that."

I gave her a weird look. She returned it. "I don't understand. What do you want me to do?"

"I want to come back to your store. I figure if two of us look around we're bound to find somethin' worthwhile." She grinned practically the same grin the officer had give.

"No. I've had enough crazy for a lifetime in the past hour alone. I'm not going to go sticking my snout where it doesn't belong." I pushed past her. "Nice meeting you."

"Hey, if you don't go out on a limb, you'll never get the fruit." She thought about that for a moment. "That doesn't fit the situation as well as I thought it did..."

"Goodbye, Lily." I pulled open the door, heading back out into the fading light.

"No! Wait! I swear, just a quick peek, then I'll go," she yelled after me, trotting by my side.

"Oh, fine!" I shouted. "Why has everypony decided to bug me today? I swear, if one more problem comes up, I'm gonna--"

There was a loud sound in the distance, followed by a flash of very yellow light. Puffs of grey smog floated up towards the sky.

I turned to Lily, but she was already gone, running all-out away from the explosion. I stamped my hoof in frustration, resolving to be the only pony running toward it. I galloped down the street, dodging ponies in their frantic efforts to escape.

Fate just wouldn't give me a break today. For whatever reason, some higher power had decided to make my life a living hell from this point forward. I knew this because, after only 30 days in Ponyville, a criminal had blown up my flower shop.

The place had been tiny to begin with, and an explosion so large had torn it to pieces. There was almost nothing left, just a molten hunk of metal laying at my hooves that had once been the bell above the door. Flower petals floated down with the ash, though most were blackened and flaking apart.

I didn't really have a place to go, of course. I didn't know anypony well enough to live in their house for a few days while I searched for a new one.

That's not true. I knew one pony. I just had to wait for her to turn up again, which was easier than I thought it would be.

A second explosion went off across town. It was pretty safe to assume that it was Lily Valley's shop. Guess I'd better get used to crazy, because I was moving in with it.

~~~~~

Ever heard the expression 'tailor-made hell?' Those words could barely compare with the sight of Lily's apartment.

First off, it could barely be described as living quarters. There were three rooms: a bathroom, a kitchen, and a den. The den was stocked with an antique-looking radio and a futon that Lily used as a bed. Secondly, the whole place smelled like fake flowers, the kind that chokes you when you get near it and that hangs in dull pink clouds after you spray it. This really didn't make much sense at all, seeing as this was the apartment of a florist, and that fresh flowers should have been abundant.

I didn't really give it much thought, seeing as Lily's first action was to pull out the futon and say, "Guess you'll be bunking with me, huh?"

I spent most of the night wedged in the narrow space between the mattress and the wall, staring at the awful paint job on the ceiling, wondering about the Doctor. Who was he? He'd just shown up, out of the blue, spouting complete nonsense.

But... the more I thought about it, the more sense it made. Weren't crazy ponies supposed to be unable to stick to a story? He was so sure of himself while he talked...

I tried to squirm into a better position, pushing myself out of the crack and hauling myself onto the mattress.

Which was empty.

"Oh, my god..." I jumped up, looking to the other rooms. The doors were wide open, showing only a dimly-lit space beyond each one. "Lily? Lily!"

A swift set of hoof beats in the hall drew me towards the door. There was a mail slot lazily installed in the cheap wood, and I bent down to peer through it. Without warning, the metal slot flew open, smacking me in the snout. I leapt backwards, catching a glimpse of an ice-blue eye before it disappeared.

"H-hello?" I murmured, pushing the door open just a crack.

"You!" shouted a nearby voice.

I jumped again, groping for a light-switch on the wall. The dark form moved toward me, and I flicked the switch-- revealing a much more acclimated Doctor.

"Do you have any idea what you have in your apartment?!" he shouted, pushing past me. He shoved the door open, marching into the apartment and pulling a device out of the pocket of his coat.

"Did you follow me?" I asked, furious.

The Doctor ignored me, putting the silver stick in his mouth and trotting about the room. He clamped his teeth down on the object, causing the end to emit a blue light and a warbling sound. After a few minutes of this, he spit the device out of his mouth. It landed on the tile with a metallic clink. "Alright, what have you done with it?"

"Excuse me?" I was taken aback. "Look, I hope you know this isn't even my apartment."

"Oh..." he muttered in a disgusted tone. "Well, why are you here, then?"

I sighed. "I needed a place to stay after that maniac blew up my shop. I was living in a flat above it." I clicked on the lamp, flooding the room with a dim yellow light. "Why are you here?"

"Nothing that you'd be able to understand, quite frankly," he spat, tucking the silver thing back in his pocket. He grinned at me. "Goodbye!"

"N-no! Wait!" I went after him, following him down the stairs and out onto the street. "You can't just go swannin' off, I need your help!"

The Doctor chuckled. "Well, you're in for a disappointment, then."

"Come on! Don't pretend that you had nothing to do with Lily disappearing!"

He scoffed. "Don't need to pretend. Who's Lily?"

"Mister, she's gone," I said firmly.

"Maybe she won the lottery. Also, please call me Doctor." The stallion picked up his speed, trying to leave me behind.

I galloped to catch up. "Look, you don't need to make me look like an idiot on top of treating me like one. What's your name?"

"I told you! It's 'The Doctor!'"

"What kind of name is that? Doctor who?"

He groaned. "Look, what is it you want?"

"The truth would be nice."

The Doctor stopped short. I bumped into him. "Truth about what?"

"Well, start with who the hell you are," I demanded.

The Doctor grabbed my foreleg. I fought the urge to shake him off, but I knew this was important. He wouldn't look me in the eye. "Do you remember when your parents first told showed you a picture of themselves when they were little? You just couldn't quite believe that your mum and dad had ever looked like that, they were always grown-ups to you. When you look at things, you see them for what they are. When I look at things, I see what they were and what they could be." He turned to look at me, his eyes burrowing into mine. His hoof slipped away. "That's who I am. Now, forget me, Roseluck."

I watched as he stalked off, ducking into an alleyway. How was I supposed to forget him after he pulled a stunt like that? And how did he find me?

I made my way back to Lily's place in a blizzard of questions, not coming up with a logical answer to any of them. The metal stairs clanged under my hooves, reverberating in the concrete stairwell.

One of Lily's neighbors must have shut off the light, as the hall leading to the flat was dark. The walk to her door never seemed to end.

There was nothing left to do, now, but search the apartment. There wasn't much to search, but I found something that intrigued me.

There was a scrap of paper with an address scribbled on it. Lily being an Earth Pony, the hoofwriting was terrible, but after turning on the light I could make out the house number and part of the street name.

Honestly, it could have been anything. But something about it made me think it was important.

Of course, there was no use in hunting down the house tonight. I laid down on the futon, closed my eyes, and wondered what it was like to get a full night's sleep.

~~~~~

I can't really say I woke up the next morning, because I had, in fact, been awake all night. However, when the sun shone through the grimy glass and crept over the window sill, I rose to my hooves and pushed open the cheap wooden door. I descended the stairs in a daze, my fatigue weighing heavily on me.

The harsh sunlight hit me full on when I opened the exit door, leaving me blinking for a minute or two before I could continue.

I quickly hailed a taxi, passing her the paper with the address.

"Look, lady. I can't read this. You know what this says?" she complained, shoving it back into my hooves.

"Erm..." I stared at the letters and numbers. "It's 506 something boulevard... probably..."

She rolled her eyes. "You shoulda told me. One of those, huh?"

"I... I don't know--"

"You're one of those conspiracy nuts," she explained, starting off toward the house. "That's all anypony ever goes to his place for."

"Really?"

"Yeah. And all those kooks have one thing in common: they keep rambling about this 'Doctor' character. Must be a psychiatrist." She chuckled at her joke. "There it is. Yellow house on the right." The cart came to a halt.

"Thanks." I stepped down, heading for the door.

"Oop! That'll be three bits, lady." The mare held out her hoof for payment. I tossed her three coins and approached the door.

The house was very normal, really.  It looked just like every other house on the street. I sort of expected a conspiracy theorist to have a house covered in security cameras or something.

There was an old-fashioned knocker on the door, which I grabbed and tapped lightly a few times.

A bedraggled-looking mare opened the door. "Oh. You're Lily, huh?"

"Uh--" I started to say.

The mare sighed deeply. "Silver Boulder's out back in the shed."

"Thank you..." I mumbled, slipping past her and cutting through the house. I thought I heard her mutter something about me being female under her breath, but I ignored it. This pony obviously had information about the Doctor, and was determined to get it all.

You know what I said about the normal-looking house? The shed was exactly what I was expecting. I spotted three security cameras on the outside, and what I discovered to be a heavily locked door.

After pulling on the handle a few times, a slat slid open at eye-level.

"Oh. You're Lily, right?" spoke a very non-threatening voice.

"Well... no, but I know her. That's why I wanted to talk. See--" the slat closed, and I heard numerous chains being undone on the other side. Silver then opened the door just wide enough to yank me inside. "Hey!"

The pony looked very serious. "Why are you here?"

"Well... look, Lily went missing at some point last night. I found a paper with this address on it and figured--"

"Do you know about the Doctor?" he blurted.

"Uh... y-yeah, I sort of--"

"Then you're in danger," he said sternly, deadly serious.

I bit my lip.

The stallion turned, digging through files on a shelf beside him. He was a rather non-descript pony, all in shades of grey with a lumpy rock as a cutie mark.

Silver tossed a picture down on the table in front of me, pointing at the familiar face of the Doctor. "That's your Doctor, right?"

I bent down, looking hard at the photograph. The image was grainy, but it was definitely him. "Yup."

"Take a look." Silver lifted the first, showing me a second photo. It was the same as the previous, just zoomed out a bit. The Doctor was now standing in a crowd of other ponies. He lifted this one, too, and it zoomed out even more. Silver had to point to the Doctor, as the crowd was too crazy for him to be seen easily. One more picture was revealed, and I could now see what the crowd was watching. It was a very famous image of the first summer sun celebration.

"B-but that can't be..."

"But it is." Silver was getting excited. "The Doctor is a legend. Just catching a glimpse of him could mean your life will be changed forever!"

"What about... talking with him? See, I've run into him twice, and I--"

"Twice?!" he cut me off again. His face was first over-joyed, then suddenly grave. "Celestia help you..."

~~~~~

The visit with Silver had shaken me up pretty bad, but I was confident that things were gonna be okay. After all, he was a major nut-job, and I was lead to believe that the Doctor was too.

But... that picture...

No. It had to be a fake.

I sighed. This was so bloody stupid. The Doctor wasn't some fantastical dream come true, he was just a run-of-the-mill stallion with some kind of complex. Or several.

He was just so... plain. I mean, that could have been anypony in those pictures, really. It was a coincidence, nothing more. Silver Boulder was just taking things to the next level.

"What did you say was in your shop?" a gruff voice whispered right in my ear.

I yelped, hopping at least three feet away.

"Shh!"

"Doctor?"

"Shh!" he repeated, pressing a hoof into my lips.

I whimpered, trying to peer around him.

"You're being followed."

I leaned a bit further.

"No! Don't look! I think it's the one from your shop." He hissed.

I pushed his hoof away. "How did you know--"

"Never mind. Elongated snout? Eyes too small and... lizard-y?"

I nodded.

He huffed. "Alright. Just keep walking. When I say, turn left."

"You mean I'm being stalked?" I started a slow trot.

The Doctor groaned. "I wasn't gonna say so, but yeah. Now! Turn here!"

I broke into a gallop, veering left. The Doctor was right on my tail, urging me to move faster.

"Open the door!" he instructed.

"What door? There's no door!" I took a look at my surroundings. We had arrived in the same alley I had first met him in. Oh, this was just classic. "Oh my god, we're here again! What are you gonna do to me, eh? You got a gun or... or something?"

"Dammit, I cloaked it! Uh... h-hang on, I'll find it..." The Doctor stuck a hoof straight out in front of him and started wandering about the small area.

My sense or urgency was gone. He was clearly insane.

Just as I had decided this, the stallion appeared to smack into thin air. "Ah!"

He gave the air in front of him a rough shove, and I could hear a door creak open as he was bathed in soft yellow light. "Come on!"

I practically had to pick my jaw up off the ground. "How the hell--"

"Don't have all day!" he yelled as he walked inside. The air where he had disappeared into seemed to shimmer and fall away, revealing the blue box. It was a rather familiar sight at this point, and I approached it cautiously, trying to figure out how the Doctor's voice sounded so far away.

You know, at this point I shouldn't even be surprised. I should have expected this, even.

Beyond that little blue door lay an inviting yellow room. Gentle light seemed to seep out of the very walls, and a glass pillar rose from the center. It was surrounded by a hexagonal desk filled with various blinking dials and all sizes of levers. The whole room, in fact, seemed to be pieced together from junkyard salvages and worn out adornments.

The bloody thing was bigger on the inside.

"How?"

"Just is." He flicked a switch and the door slammed shut behind me.

"So... How come you aren't stumbling around anymore?"

"I practiced."

"Well... when? You don't learn to walk in 10 hours, that's just not how things work."

He looked up at me, a wry smile curling his lips. "Rose, just because things don't make sense doesn't mean you can't believe in them."

"Just tell me. No riddles."

"I went back in time. Had days and days to figure this hooves thing out. How do you stand it?"

"Didn't know there was another option..." I muttered.

The Doctor fooled with a few more controls, and the pillar's blue core began to grind up and down. This movement was accompanied by a sick, wheezing sound of straining engines.

"What is this thing?" I asked, running a hoof along the odd root-like structures that seemed to support the ceiling.

"A TARDIS."

"Is it magic?"

"No, it's alien."

"Are you alien?"

"Already said as much, dear. Clean out your ears, please."

I scoffed. "What's after me?"

"A criminal. An alien criminal from the future."

"Why?"

"Dunno yet. But I'll figure out, then I'll fix it, then I'll be off." The noise stopped. "Outside, please."

"B-but the criminal--"

It was the Doctor's turn to scoff at me. "Just go outside."

I gave him a concerned look. He shooed me, mouthing 'go.'

I pushed the door open a crack. "We moved?"

"What, you think I can travel in time but I can't change my position a bit?"

I shrugged. "Never met a time traveler."

He grinned, a crazy grin wider than I'd ever seen. "Then you're missing the best bits of life!"

I hung my head. "Look. I'm glad you're trying to help me, but--"

"You?" He laughed. "This isn't all about you, missy. You're just all caught up in it. This is about the future of ponykind!" He chuckled. "'Ponykind'..."

"Well, thanks for that self-esteem booster..." I grumbled. "In all honesty, Doctor, could you please explain what exactly is going on?"

He sighed. "Companions. Why do bring I you along? You always end up slowing me down... Okay. Look, there is a planet with an Equinoid species very similar to yours a few hundred light-years away. That planet has decided that a fair punishment is to separate hackers from their technology."

"Hackers?"

"This species is so advanced that brains can be hacked. Thoughts can be changed, and volition can be taken control of. Very clever criminals use innocents to commit crimes in the hopes that it won't be traced back to them."

"Ew..."

"Anyway! Once they're sent here, they revert to a more primal state. See, technology does most of the work remembering things and making decisions there, and these criminals can only think on the very lowest level."

"I thought you said they were clever?"

"Oh, they are. Normal citizens would be in a comatose state."

"Oh."

"But, never mind. Look, they saw your shop as a form of safety."

"Why?"

"On their planet, technology grows on trees."

I laughed out loud. "You can't be serious."

"I am! He saw the flowers as an advanced life form, something that could help him! When it didn't, he assumed it an enemy and--"

"Blew it up."

I gave me an approving look. "You're quick."

I smirked. "So, why are we here?"

"Ah, I tracked a signal with the TARDIS. We should be within one hundred meters of their command center."

"Command center?"

"Oh, they're quick as you are." He looked around. "So where do you think they are?"

I thought for a moment, then started to smile. "Gee, that's a tough one. How about the one place with trees in a hundred meters?" I pointed behind him. "The Everfree Forest."

He grinned. "Fantastic!"

~~~~~

"If you have a time machine, why couldn't you just hop forward to the morning? It's nearly impossible to move through the Everfree in the dark..." I complained, another unruly root catching my hoof and bringing me to the ground.

The Doctor plowed ahead. "We'd be wasting too much time. By tomorrow morning they may have escaped."

"Escaped?!" I hauled myself off the ground. "I thought you said that they were technology-oriented! How could they escape?"

"Eh..." The Doctor whined. "I may not have explained that properly. Their technology is non-technological."

"Gonna need translation on that one."

"It means they can use inanimate objects and plants to build working machinery." He explained, allowing a branch to snap back from his grip and into my face.

I spit out a mouthful of sap. "You keep changing your story. Continuity, please!"

He stopped, putting a hoof on each of my cheeks. "They will escape if I don't do something right now. Someone along the line under-estimated their abilities."

"Oh." I managed to get out.

"Good." The Doctor pulled his hooves away, a trail of sap coming with them. "Ew."

I broke the trail with my hoof. "Okay. So... why can't we just let them go?"

"Well, all that the judge really wants to do is get these criminals off their planet. As long as they stay away, they'll continue to send them down. Deflecting the blows will tire you out, so use all you've got to cut it off at the source."

I nodded in understanding. "So you're gonna stop them, yeah?"

"That's what I'm here for."

"Why?"

"What?"

"Why?" I repeated. "You're an alien. You've got other ponies who care about you, why risk yourself to save us?"

He sniffed. "Well, that's easy. I don't."

"You don't what?"

"Shh!" The hoof was back in my face, waving about in an attempt to silence me. "I can see them."

"W-well, how many are there?" I tried to get a look at the scene, but the Doctor was too tall to peek around.

"Ooh, looks like six. No, seven." He paused. "Eh... eight, tops."

I threw my hooves in the air. "Well, great. Great. Two of us, plus a wooden box, against eight criminal geniuses from the future. This'll end well."

"Wrong!" The Doctor whipped out the silver stick I'd seen him use earlier. "We've got this. It'll disable any form of technology. Except wooden ones." He frowned.

"What is it?"

"Sonic Screwdriver. Comes in handy quite a bit. Does a lot of things-- too technical to explain."

I blinked. "It's a screwdriver."

He pressed the tip between my eyes. "It's a super-powered screwdriver. Don't treat it like just another tool. 'Cos it isn't. It never will be."

I held up my hooves defensively. "Fine. Sorry I said anything."

"Hmph." The Doctor turned back to the bushes, continuing to spy on the camp. "Ugh-- now who the hell is that? Why is she there, she couldn't be more in the way!"

"Who?"

"She's got some flowers on her rump... she's not screaming. That's unusual."

"Who?" I demanded.

"Oh, they've gagged her."

"Who!" I practically yelled.

He continued muttering to himself about the pony, and I took the opportunity to wriggle around him to get a look at the scene.

"Oh my god! It's Lily!" I hissed, trying not to raise my voice

"Know her, do you? Friend of yours?" The Doctor asked.

"Well..."

"Oh, god, I should've known. This is one of those tiny towns where everyone knows everyone else by name, right? God, I hate those places. Too much gossip, not enough doing if you ask me," he rambled.

"For your information, I've only been here a month. Not nearly enough time to get to know anypony."

It was like I could feel him roll his eyes. "Would you stop doing that? I have to stifle a laugh each time."

"It's how I talk. Would you tell somepony with a speech impediment the same thing? Go forbid they speak another language..." I threw back.

He chuckled. "There you go again! 'Pony' this, 'pony' that, it's terribly egotistical. Where I'm from, they have feet instead of hooves, but they don't go sticking 'foot' or 'human' in front of every other word, that's just silly."

"It's not like it's my fault! Blame the settlers, if you need a scapegoat!"

The Doctor pressed a hoof over my mouth. I pushed it away. "Gettin' tired of the taste of your hoof, Doctor."

"Shh! Shh!" His ear pricked. "They're powering up. Wait here, would you?"

He took a deep breath, tucking his screwdriver away, and marched out of the bushes. I smacked my forehead with my hoof.

" 'Ello!" he called. I watched as though it were a film.

Two of the criminals were in sight. They rushed at him, preparing to grab and stabilize him.

"Ah, ah, ah!" He held up a hoof to pause them. They stopped. "You don't wanna do that. See, I've got this." He pulled the screwdriver out of his pocket.

The criminals looked slightly fearful, backing away from him.

"Oh, you know what that is, don't you? Well, I don't want you to be afraid. This is just in case." He tossed it aside. "I want to help you."

The ponies looked at each other.

"Really, I do. You're Lamestinean, right?"

One of them nodded.

"I can get you out of here, alright? I'll get you back somewhere safe, okay?"

What was he doing? They were criminals! I don't know what went through my mind, but I found myself leaping from the bushes and tackling the two ponies. "Doctor, run!"

"Rose! W-what are you doing?" He gasped.

A few more ponies emerged from the shadows. Lily was squirming about, trying to break free of her bonds. Somepony grabbed the screwdriver. Somepony took the Doctor down. I rushed to Lily's side.

"I'm gonna get you out, okay?" Lily nodded fiercely and I started in on her gag.

"No! No, I'm not going to hurt you, I swear! That's not what I do!" The Doctor was pleading with the criminals. Two had taken hold of him and the rest had surrounded him.

I tore the gag away. "Rose, you gotta help him!" Lily blurted.

"I don't even know him!"

Lily gave me a look I will never forget. She stared at me for a moment only, and in that look I could see all the faith she placed in this crazy stallion. I never found out how she knew him, but I could see in those golden eyes that she cared deeply for his safety.

I nodded. Lily smiled a bit.

I huffed a deep breath. "Okay. Here goes, Roseluck. You've got no job, no home, no friends." I chuckled. "No future. But... it's time to be extraordinary."

"What are you gonna do?" Lily asked.

I smiled to myself. "Something the Doctor can't. I'm gonna be a pony." I stood, crouching into an almost feline position, like a coiled spring ready to explode.

Everything happened at once. I sprinted toward the pack of aliens with the Doctor buried at the center. I didn't slow down, not one bit, until I'd plowed over them and come out the other side. The Doctor threw off his containers, springing for the one holding his sonic. He pointed it toward the remaining ponies, who backed off immediately.

"Ha!" he said around the device. "Don't like that much, eh? Now you just stay back, or I'll... I'll sonic you all to high heaven!"

The ponies looked confused.

"Lost in translation... never mind, just stay away!" He waved it threateningly.

"Okay, what now?" I demanded.

"Always the questions with you! But, then again, I do like that in a person... pony..." He pondered that.

"Great! What are we gonna do?" I repeated.

"Well, they're prisoners, aren't they?"

"Y-yeah..."

"Then we'll bring in the warden." He pulled the sonic out of his mouth, pointing it straight up at the sky. The little blue light came out the tip, and the sound was much louder this time.

"What's happening?" I yelled.

"I sending a message! They'll be here any second!" he replied.

"Who?"

"Who'd I say? The warden!"

As if on cue, the sky overhead seemed to rip open, and a peculiar vehicle descended. The wind whipped about us, my mane flying about violently. The Doctor didn't have much mane to speak of, but it still bristled in the pure force of the engines.

"Hello!" he called up at the ship. "I'd like to speak to your judge, please! I'm assuming you brought him?" He spoke with such authority, and yet he sounded like an idiot at the same time.

A speaker crackled to life, and a growling voice announced something.

"She! Sorry, she! Please, may I speak with her?"

The voice gave a single syllable answer.

"Fantastic! Bring her out!"

I saw a flickering yellow light below the ship, and a pony appeared. She looked a lot like the criminals, but her features were sharp and elegant. She had a reptilian tail that snapped back and forth and matching snake eyes that glared at the Doctor. She hissed something in a foreign language.

"Oh, I may speak, may I? Brilliant. Well, what the hell is wrong with you?!"

What a great way to start, especially to the pony with murder in her eyes.

"I can't even begin to cover the laws you've broken!" he ranted. "This is a level four planet, you can't interfere, not yet!"

She spat back a reply. I thought I caught a familiar word or two, but I didn't think that was possible.

"Oh, you didn't know? Don't give me that, you buffoon! That's the biggest load of rubbish I've ever heard! Of course you knew, you just thought no one was watching!" He chuckled. "Look, I could have you arrested for that alone, but I've got a list as long as my arm-- leg-- of other stuff you've done! No matter what level the planet is, they shouldn't have to clean up your mess! It's your problem, and yours alone!"

She shrieked something back, but the Doctor cut her off. "Hey! Not done yet! Now, you're Lamestineans-- ponified Lamestineans, but you've still got laws against cruel and unusual punishment!"

The creature was stunned into silence.

"Ha! That certainly sounds familiar, eh? Well, perhaps you'd be interested to know that this counts as both!"

Silence again. I smiled. He was pretty cool, really.

"Now, listen up! I'm going to give you a pass if you swear to never come back."

Her face brightened.

"That's right, no lawsuits, no Shadow Proclimation, but you'll never come back!"

The words were unfamiliar, but I knew what he was doing. He was saving everypony at once.

Finally, the creature found her voice.

"Who am I?" the Doctor echoed. "That's a great question. Wasn't sure myself for a while. It certainly didn't feel like me. But, you know what?"

The creature shook her head.

"I am the Doctor. And I just saved you all." He grinned wildly again, a crazy smile, one that he just couldn't hold back. "Now-- take these bad boys away and I'll be done with you. For good, you hear me?"

There was no reply, but nine beams of yellow light pock-marked the ground, stealing away the criminals and their judge. The sky slammed shut.

The Doctor turned to me, still grinning. "See? Fixed it."

~~~~~

After freeing Lily, the Doctor disappeared. I didn't go looking for him. He didn't want to be found, after all.

Speaking of Lily, the mare simply wouldn't shut up about the Doctor. By the time we reached the door of her little a apartment, I'd heard the story I'd just lived about seven times over. Lily re-enacted the scene over and over, jumping about and restating the Doctor in a bad accent. I just kept nodding, saying "I know, I know," every time she looked at me.

Of course, fate just wouldn't let me go. Roseluck had been touched by the Doctor, touched by an angel, and she would never be the same again. As Lily searched for the key to her flat, I heard a wheezing sound inside. It was so familiar, it was like the snoring of a family member.

I heard a door creak open, and the soft yellow light seeped out into the hall.

Lily turned the key in the lock.I pushed the door open.

"Hello, Rose. Didn't think I was done with you yet, did you?" The Doctor was leaning against the TARDIS, his swagger fully on display.

"I sort of did," I told him.

He scowled. "Oh. Did I give that impression?"

I nodded a bit.

"Huh. I'm usually so good with vibes..."

"What is it you want, Doctor?" I pressed.

"I want you, in this box, with me, heading off to another planet," he said frankly. He then pointed at Lily. "She's not invited."

Lily opened her mouth to say something, but I did the Doctor thing I stuck my hoof in it.

"So... you wanna come?"

"Why me?"

" 'Cos you're here."

"That's not true. You can't afford to pick just anypony. Something tells me you've gotta rely on your friend to be more than just a conversationalist."

"You're right." He nodded.

I smiled. "Your life in my hooves?"

"Can't think of any-- anypony better suited for the job." He struggled to say it, I could tell.

I turned to Lily. "What do you think? Roseluck: time traveler? Sound good?"

Lily's face was contorted into one of jealousy. She didn't say anything.

"That's a yes." I stepped toward the Doctor. "Bye, Lily. See in a minute."

"Better make it ten. We've got the whole universe, after all," the Doctor added.

I nodded. "Ten it is."

I put my hoof on the TARDIS handle, following the Doctor inside, and pulled the door gently shut.