Painby Heretic_MorganChaptersMiseryAngerLoss (Epilogue)PainMisery"I-i didn't k-know," the mare said through her tears, "he's a-always been prone to d-depressions, but I didn't think it'd b-be this bad." She had been sitting in the hospital waiting room for almost three hours after she had been called by the policepony who had stumbled across him. According to the doctors, he had an inch deep cut from his hoof to his shoulder. They said he was lucky; any longer and he would've bled out. She didn't see how that was lucky. He'd be in the hospital for at least a month, and then he'd be in a psychiatric hospital for a year by court order. Looking up from her hooves, she saw a nurse walking towards her and quickly wiped away her tears. "He's awake, though just barely. He won't stop asking to see you, and refuses to sleep until he does. Please come with me." The nurse turned around and began walking away, the mare quickly following after. They passed several hallways before turning down one marked I.C.. Through one of the windows, the mare saw a unicorn in a full body cast, a bit of purple hair peeking out of the bandages around their head. Looking away, she followed the nurse until they stopped at a room labeled I.C.U. 8. Opening the door with her hoof, the nurse ushered the mare into the room, closing the door behind her. The sight that greeted her caused her heart to cringe. Before her was her ex-coltfriend, but he no longer had an electric blue mane and tail or a lusterous midnight black coat. Now, his mane was a pale icy blue and his coat was a dull charcoal gray. "Hey," he said, his voice dry and raspy, "I'm actually surprised you came." A brief coughing fit interrupted him, and brought tears to her eyes. Looking up at her after the coughing subsided, he was surprised by the tears, "I thought you didn't care about me anymore. Why are you crying?" Another coughing fit racked his body, punishing him for speaking with a sore throat. "Please stop hurting yourself," she said as she stepped closer, "if it hurts to talk, you don't have to." He opened his mouth to speak, but was silenced by her hoof on his lips. "Please. Just relax. You shouldn't strain yourself," tears flowed down her cheeks as she moved her face closer to his, gently placing her lips on his one last time. She felt a smile spread across his face as his chest stopped moving. She kept her lips pressed to his until a doctor came in and moved her out of the way, shoving her out of the room. "Starting cheat compressions. Nurse Redheart, fetch me the Defibrillator. And will somepony please shut that door!" The door closed in the mare's face as she watched the doctor start pushing on the pegasus's chest with his hooves. AngerShe didn't want to be here. His parents were here. They kept whispering to each other and taking quick glances at her, as if she couldn't notice. They only made her feel worse. Couldn't they see she hated herself enough for what had happened? But what did they care? How did they have any room to judge her? She remembered him clearly telling her that his parents often said that they wished he would never have been born when they didn't know he was nearby. Well, now they get to see what it's like, not having any kids. Her hooves tightened on the edge of the waiting room chair as they looked over again. It was taking all her restraint to not go over there and hit them as hard as she could. It would get rid of those disgusted looks they kept giving her, but she knew she couldn't afford any fines should she assault them. As they looked over again, a nurse walked up to her and asked her to follow her. His parents made to follow her but another nurse stopped them. She couldn't help but let a small, smug grin steal across her muzzle. He wanted to see her more than his own parents. "Take that, assholes," she muttered under her breath. The nurse looked at her, but otherwise didn't react, quickly leading her to the room he was being kept in. Once they arrived, the nurse motioned to the door before walking away. She steeled herself, unsure of what awaited her behind the door. Gathering her nerve, she pushed the door open and stepped in before she could change her mind. Loss (Epilogue)It was over a month later, but the mare didn't feel any better about what had happened. She never would, either, because of one simple fact: she was at his funeral. Her black dress was a little snug, and restricted her wings, which twitched underneath the smooth fabric. As his family took turns giving some final words, she kept looking down at her hooves, glancing at the slip of paper resting against them; his suicide note. His parents didn't know about it, because he had hidden it where only she would know. Again, she ran the words through her head. My Love, It's always been easy to fool ponies into thinking I'm fine. Even you thought I was alright, but then again, it is my special talent. Either way, this world holds no joy for me, not anymore. Even you, who so thoroughly cared for and loved me, would not be here had I not failed my first attempt. And so I try again. Maybe I'll see you soon, if I fail. But know this: even if I succeed, I will always be yours, in this world and the next. You need only find me, and our hearts will do the rest. I love you, Dove, and I always will. Wishing you well, Cold Heart. Dove brushed a tear from her eye and slipped the note into a pocket in her dress. Slowly, she stood up, making her way to the front of the small crowd. She had planned a short speech, but wasn't even able to get halfway through it before she was crying too hard to be understandable. Taking her seat again, she waited for the priest to finish the sermon. Once he was done, they all gathered around the open grave and watched the coffin be lowered in. Grabbing a nearby shovel, Dove scooped dirt onto the coffin before passing it to the next pony. Each thump of dirt hitting the coffin caused her to see more and more why Cold Heart chose to do what he did. But as she walked away, she vowed that she would never take the easy way out. A sudden cramp in her stomach caused her to double over in pain. Recovering, she started walking again. 'Yes,' she thought to herself, 'I will live for my Cold Heart.' Pain"I'm breaking up with you." The black pegasus kept a smile on his face as he watched the mare of his dreams walk away. Once she walked around the corner his hoof connected with the wall next to him hard enough to crack the concrete and break bone. Slumping to the ground, he cradled his hoof to his cheat while tears started to pour from his eyes, "c-celestia damnit. Why? Why?" The pegasus leaned against the wall, banging his head against it as the memories flowed. He still remembered the day they met, 5 months ago at a school dance. How nervous he had been around her. As the night went on and he drank more of the spiked punch, his confidence grew enough to start talking to her. As they talked, he had started to fall in love with her voice, her laugh, and everything else about her. Despite the confidence boosting punch, however, he still wasn't able to tell her how he felt, so he had gone home alone, thinking it was just another not-to-be. The next morning he had been woken up by a letter coming in through his window and hitting him in the face. Opening it up, his face had grown the biggest smile he ever had. There were only 14 words written on the paper: It seems like you really like me. Do you wanna go out with me? Even now, that memory brought a smile to the depressed pegasi's face as he remembered what those two sentences had started. She had convinced him to give religion a try, taught him how to be confident without alcohol, and showed him the brighter side of life. The pegasus was so wrapped up in his memories that he didn't even notice when somepony leaned out of a window above him and yelled at him to stop banging his head against the wall, before throwing a bottle at his head, where it broke into several large shards. Thinking back, he remembered the feeling of her pressed up against him as they lay outside looking up at the stars, the taste of her lips on his, and her natural cinnamon smell as he buried his muzzle in her mane. A crack of thunder shocked him out of his memories, and was the only warning he got before it started to rain on him. "How fitting," the pegasus said, "that the sky should mourn my loss with me." Looking around, he finally noticed the broken bottle next to him. Grabbing the largest shard, he placed it against his left hoof, next to the already plentiful cuts there. "Not across anymore. Everypony knows across is just for attention," he readjusted his grip on the glass, "I'm gonna get it right this time." He didn't even feel the glass pierce his skin. Author's Note A brief 20 minutes of writing during a depression.
Misery"I-i didn't k-know," the mare said through her tears, "he's a-always been prone to d-depressions, but I didn't think it'd b-be this bad." She had been sitting in the hospital waiting room for almost three hours after she had been called by the policepony who had stumbled across him. According to the doctors, he had an inch deep cut from his hoof to his shoulder. They said he was lucky; any longer and he would've bled out. She didn't see how that was lucky. He'd be in the hospital for at least a month, and then he'd be in a psychiatric hospital for a year by court order. Looking up from her hooves, she saw a nurse walking towards her and quickly wiped away her tears. "He's awake, though just barely. He won't stop asking to see you, and refuses to sleep until he does. Please come with me." The nurse turned around and began walking away, the mare quickly following after. They passed several hallways before turning down one marked I.C.. Through one of the windows, the mare saw a unicorn in a full body cast, a bit of purple hair peeking out of the bandages around their head. Looking away, she followed the nurse until they stopped at a room labeled I.C.U. 8. Opening the door with her hoof, the nurse ushered the mare into the room, closing the door behind her. The sight that greeted her caused her heart to cringe. Before her was her ex-coltfriend, but he no longer had an electric blue mane and tail or a lusterous midnight black coat. Now, his mane was a pale icy blue and his coat was a dull charcoal gray. "Hey," he said, his voice dry and raspy, "I'm actually surprised you came." A brief coughing fit interrupted him, and brought tears to her eyes. Looking up at her after the coughing subsided, he was surprised by the tears, "I thought you didn't care about me anymore. Why are you crying?" Another coughing fit racked his body, punishing him for speaking with a sore throat. "Please stop hurting yourself," she said as she stepped closer, "if it hurts to talk, you don't have to." He opened his mouth to speak, but was silenced by her hoof on his lips. "Please. Just relax. You shouldn't strain yourself," tears flowed down her cheeks as she moved her face closer to his, gently placing her lips on his one last time. She felt a smile spread across his face as his chest stopped moving. She kept her lips pressed to his until a doctor came in and moved her out of the way, shoving her out of the room. "Starting cheat compressions. Nurse Redheart, fetch me the Defibrillator. And will somepony please shut that door!" The door closed in the mare's face as she watched the doctor start pushing on the pegasus's chest with his hooves.
AngerShe didn't want to be here. His parents were here. They kept whispering to each other and taking quick glances at her, as if she couldn't notice. They only made her feel worse. Couldn't they see she hated herself enough for what had happened? But what did they care? How did they have any room to judge her? She remembered him clearly telling her that his parents often said that they wished he would never have been born when they didn't know he was nearby. Well, now they get to see what it's like, not having any kids. Her hooves tightened on the edge of the waiting room chair as they looked over again. It was taking all her restraint to not go over there and hit them as hard as she could. It would get rid of those disgusted looks they kept giving her, but she knew she couldn't afford any fines should she assault them. As they looked over again, a nurse walked up to her and asked her to follow her. His parents made to follow her but another nurse stopped them. She couldn't help but let a small, smug grin steal across her muzzle. He wanted to see her more than his own parents. "Take that, assholes," she muttered under her breath. The nurse looked at her, but otherwise didn't react, quickly leading her to the room he was being kept in. Once they arrived, the nurse motioned to the door before walking away. She steeled herself, unsure of what awaited her behind the door. Gathering her nerve, she pushed the door open and stepped in before she could change her mind.
Loss (Epilogue)It was over a month later, but the mare didn't feel any better about what had happened. She never would, either, because of one simple fact: she was at his funeral. Her black dress was a little snug, and restricted her wings, which twitched underneath the smooth fabric. As his family took turns giving some final words, she kept looking down at her hooves, glancing at the slip of paper resting against them; his suicide note. His parents didn't know about it, because he had hidden it where only she would know. Again, she ran the words through her head. My Love, It's always been easy to fool ponies into thinking I'm fine. Even you thought I was alright, but then again, it is my special talent. Either way, this world holds no joy for me, not anymore. Even you, who so thoroughly cared for and loved me, would not be here had I not failed my first attempt. And so I try again. Maybe I'll see you soon, if I fail. But know this: even if I succeed, I will always be yours, in this world and the next. You need only find me, and our hearts will do the rest. I love you, Dove, and I always will. Wishing you well, Cold Heart. Dove brushed a tear from her eye and slipped the note into a pocket in her dress. Slowly, she stood up, making her way to the front of the small crowd. She had planned a short speech, but wasn't even able to get halfway through it before she was crying too hard to be understandable. Taking her seat again, she waited for the priest to finish the sermon. Once he was done, they all gathered around the open grave and watched the coffin be lowered in. Grabbing a nearby shovel, Dove scooped dirt onto the coffin before passing it to the next pony. Each thump of dirt hitting the coffin caused her to see more and more why Cold Heart chose to do what he did. But as she walked away, she vowed that she would never take the easy way out. A sudden cramp in her stomach caused her to double over in pain. Recovering, she started walking again. 'Yes,' she thought to herself, 'I will live for my Cold Heart.'
Pain"I'm breaking up with you." The black pegasus kept a smile on his face as he watched the mare of his dreams walk away. Once she walked around the corner his hoof connected with the wall next to him hard enough to crack the concrete and break bone. Slumping to the ground, he cradled his hoof to his cheat while tears started to pour from his eyes, "c-celestia damnit. Why? Why?" The pegasus leaned against the wall, banging his head against it as the memories flowed. He still remembered the day they met, 5 months ago at a school dance. How nervous he had been around her. As the night went on and he drank more of the spiked punch, his confidence grew enough to start talking to her. As they talked, he had started to fall in love with her voice, her laugh, and everything else about her. Despite the confidence boosting punch, however, he still wasn't able to tell her how he felt, so he had gone home alone, thinking it was just another not-to-be. The next morning he had been woken up by a letter coming in through his window and hitting him in the face. Opening it up, his face had grown the biggest smile he ever had. There were only 14 words written on the paper: It seems like you really like me. Do you wanna go out with me? Even now, that memory brought a smile to the depressed pegasi's face as he remembered what those two sentences had started. She had convinced him to give religion a try, taught him how to be confident without alcohol, and showed him the brighter side of life. The pegasus was so wrapped up in his memories that he didn't even notice when somepony leaned out of a window above him and yelled at him to stop banging his head against the wall, before throwing a bottle at his head, where it broke into several large shards. Thinking back, he remembered the feeling of her pressed up against him as they lay outside looking up at the stars, the taste of her lips on his, and her natural cinnamon smell as he buried his muzzle in her mane. A crack of thunder shocked him out of his memories, and was the only warning he got before it started to rain on him. "How fitting," the pegasus said, "that the sky should mourn my loss with me." Looking around, he finally noticed the broken bottle next to him. Grabbing the largest shard, he placed it against his left hoof, next to the already plentiful cuts there. "Not across anymore. Everypony knows across is just for attention," he readjusted his grip on the glass, "I'm gonna get it right this time." He didn't even feel the glass pierce his skin. Author's Note A brief 20 minutes of writing during a depression.
