Disclaimer stuff
I don't own My Little Pony.
My Little Pony belongs to Hasbro.
My editors troll me on a regular basis so if there are any errors, I blame them.
I am a scientist of sorts. Recent findings have lead me to discover the human world. It is a strange place. Ironically, the humans too have constructed their own microcosms. What you are about to read is a document that attempts to explain the rules of one of these microcosms. There should be many more to be found. Before you read it, I must warn you that by reading it, you may end up in danger.
Physics of Pinkie Pie
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic TM is a television show intended toward young female audiences. Yet it soon gained a cult following of young adult males just like many other of Lauren Faust’s creations. These fans termed themselves bronies as a portmanteau between bro, short for brother, but loaded with various connotations and pony. They soon created a large amount of media related to the show, causing lots of grief around the world as many people could not accept the fact that males could like My Little Pony due to the nature of the show, as well as the poor ratings previous incarnations of it had garnered.
There have already been attempts to discover the true physics of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic TM. Although these attempts are somewhat of a joke (citing arbitrary terms like dark matter), they pose a valid question. However, due to the system in which the universe runs, it is difficult to explain the complexities of the universe's physical nature. Therefore, this paper focuses on one character in the universe, although in a simplified format so that nonbronies may also understand the basis for such a strange show.
The most prominent anomaly in My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic TM is Pinkie Pie. Unfortunately, the main explanation for her various activities is just that Pinkie Pie is being Pinkie Pie. One of the most intelligent characters in the show, Twilight Sparkle, cannot gain a grasp onto how Pinkie Pie is able to seemingly defy the laws of physics. These inconsistencies continue in season two, where Pinkie Pie is shown displaying similar properties.
In the episode Over a Barrel, Pinkie Pie traverses universes and breaks the fourth wall and stretches out a portal of sorts. Trans-universe travel requires a large amount of energy in order to escape the gravity well. Also, Pinkie Pie shows signs of mass generation. In various segments she is shown in an expanded state. This expansion includes appendages, such as tongues, or extra limb growth as when counting in A Friend in Deed. The energy needed to create such mass is dictated by e=mc^2, where c is the speed of light. Since the speed of light is high, the ratio between the two is similarly high. This makes the various activities Pinkie does highly improbable.
It is known that Pinkie Pie consumes a large amount of sugar. Note that sugar contains a large amount of energy. However, unless this mass is directly converted to energy, it is still highly unlikely that Pinkie Pie can harness the resulting energy to perform the feats that she does. While the sugar could explain her expansion since it is added mass, and she may just be expanding volume, it is nonetheless unlikely. If Pinkie Pie is indeed expanding volume, then her skin is most likely a non-organic substance such as rubber. Also, normal chemical energy conversion still does not suffice for inter-dimensional travel. This argument also applies for the energy provided by the Elements of Harmony, since in some cases, Pinkie Pie is not laughing. Pinkie Pie is also shown to be extremely fast, although this could be due to exercise, since the athletic ponies can achieve the same speed.
Most likely, Pinkie Pie can actually convert the food she consumes into energy directly. However, this theory does have its share of problems. Converting raw energy back into matter, and specific types of atoms and molecules at that, is a hard task to accomplish. One factor in this is that Pinkie Pie has an extreme amount of intuition. Another solution is that Pinkie Pie has some sort of space-time travel abilities, since magic does exist in the My Little Pony universe although earth ponies cannot use it with very rare exceptions. It is also possible that the cartoon, despite being (mostly) physically accurate in other regards, is campaigning against reality. This could also be some strange government conspiracy that the government is well known for.
Unfortunately, the mechanism of Pinkie Pie’s physical anomalies is unknown. In fact, the only sound explanation remains that Pinkie Pie is being Pinkie Pie. There is not enough information to determine much more. It appears that Pinkie Pie has a strong mechanism which functions to prevent knowledge of Pinkie Pie’s actual mechanisms. This is showcased in Feeling Pinkie Keen. When Twilight Sparkle tries to investigate the source of Pinkie Pie's almighty power, she is subjected to a variety of potentially lethal experiences such as pianos falling from the sky and getting by a large swarm of bees. Although ponies are probably more resistant to bee stings, it is still biologically improbable to survive getting stung by each bee in a swarm. Now excuse me while I take some precautionary measures to avoid getting destroyed.
This probably means that Pinkie Pie is actually extraterrestrial. If Clarke’s third law is correct, Pinkie Pie could be using a technology that could be so small as to be undetectable. In the future, we hope to bring further understanding of the physical properties of the My Little Pony Universe, as well as some of the other phenomenon, such as Ponytas, toothless alligators, and various alicorn properties. The most interesting phenomenon of all is the Sonic Rainboom (TM) since it is a trick performed by Rainbow Dash, making it about 20% cooler than anything else. Assuming we are not eliminated by studying Pinkie Pie, this paper hopes to open avenues of research into understanding the properties of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Once the properties are well defined, we can begin to discover what chemicals the show evokes in order to make bronies like it so much, as well as the reason others dislike or are disinterested in the show.
As you can see, this world appears to defy human universe laws, or physics, as the humans like to call it. Quite interesting, is it not? Yet it is this document that led me on my journey to discover the true nature of My Little Pony. Unfortunately, I had not heeded the warnings deep within the nuances of the document. The curse left me little choice but to discover what this document had only begun to poke at. Maybe you, unlike so many before me will succeed in deciphering the truth. Either way, if you meet your end, it will most likely be a happy one. Make no mistake though, you have been warned. The deeper you dig, the more treacherous the journey will become.
You have been warned.
Interlude of Observance I
If you are still reading this, then it appears you are willing to discover the mysteries of the strange world of Equestria. I cannot observe Equestria directly. Instead, it seems as if this race of humans will provide the key to unlocking the truths which we seek. It is of great pleasure to me then, to say that I have discovered the main group that has provided the insights that you will find in my logs. They call themselves bronies, and seem to spout some friendship nonsense, in accord the the world, yet bicker and argue for some reason. They have produced a great deal of information it seems. There are vast archives of stories and musics dedicated to the world. Yet some of these documents appear to be fictitious in nature. Great care must be taken to avoid errors in the construction of the system of Equestria.
I suppose though that the bronies are not as bad as the rest of the humans. Humans in general appear to be violent in nature. They cannot help but to fight wars. Even during peace time it appears that humans require some threat of violence in order to avoid descending into utter depravity. They are quick to anger and seen to eagerly seek revenge. Of course, this is but a generalization. Not all humans are this way, but they are rare. I would advise against this course of action. Humans do use it as a sort of population control though. It seems as if they breed fairly rapidly, and would drain the planet of resources if the mindless killings did not occur. They are quite incapable of controlling themselves in this regard. For us, infant mortality and aging were enough.
I suppose also that you must be curious as to what I am and why I am doing this. I am an alien in your terms for I am the last of my kind. It has been a while since I have encountered sentient life. Humans are also amusing in many ways. For as quick as they are to violence, they are also quick to befriend each other and are quite kind when tended too. They are quite chaotic. It is always fun to see them interact, for they have the habit of surprising both me and each other. Much like the Pinkie Pie that I have found in the first document I have shown you. The document is quite specific, but I digress. We will come back to the topic of Equestria soon enough.
My diet consists of meat and plants. That would make me an omnivore, in human terms. I like music a lot, particularly what the humans call dubstep. The music throbs and pulses and feels alive. When I listen to it, sometimes I feel like I am not alone. This is perhaps the reason why I cannot bear to listen to some of what the humans call classical. Often times classical music can be quite depressing. I love to read as well. Humans seem to have a great collection of literature, which I have had the pleasure of perusing. However, the best way for you to comprehend my being would be through a story.
When I was young, I lived with my parents. It was an idyllic childhood which seems to be the ideal of humans. One day I encountered an animal of sorts. The human equivalent would be a squirrel. It ran up the tender vines that were natural to my planet. I, being young and rash, decided to climb the vines and play with the animal. Too young to understand why adults hated them so, I had the misfortune of touching it to gain its attention. To my shock, it bit me, hard. Tears welled to my eyes as the pain started to make itself apparent. My parents heard me screaming in pain and came out to see what was going on. When they saw the animal, their eyes widened, and I saw a hatred that scared me. I was shooed inside. They came back in after doing something and lectured me on the various deadly diseases that I could have contracted. This made me a bit angry, as I reasoned that I had as much chance of getting disease from my peers. Also, the animal seemed to have bitten me out of fright. I could forgive it for that reason. After the incident, I never saw the animal again. I can only assume that my parents forced the animal into starvation, or something much darker.
Yes, that was a short story. I think it reveals a lot about why I am here now. I have always loved to talk with people that are different, although I have learned not to approach as closely as I had when I was still naive. That is also why I have had a knack for language. It is this skill that allowed me to become a diplomat for the government of my country. It is why I have been sent to observe as well. When my world was facing the Calamity at the final moment, we were cast out to see if there were other worlds that we could inhabit peacefully. Earth was not one of those. This is a great fault of our people. We are content to wait until the perfect opportunity. Otherwise, I am quite sure we could have flourished on Earth. I am still amazed to this day that I was the only one to find such a world. Fate moves in mysterious ways, a human idiom, appears to hold true. I found the whole thing to be quite ironic when I had finished grieving for the loss of my friends and family.
But enough about the end of my world. Dwelling in the past does us no good, despite the lessons we may have missed. My race has learned this lesson personally. Instead, I hope that you can use these lessons to fix the present and guide the future. It is because of this wish that I hope you will continue reading my story. No one can know how deep the truths go, but I have hopes that you can carry my legacy and peel off the layers of truth, to find out where ancestors have taught us incorrectly. Maybe you feel like I am preaching to you, telling you things that you are wise enough to know already, or insulting what you believe to be true. If that is the case, then I wish that you record your truths, for I know that sooner or later, someone or even something will need it.
