Emissary Anon

The wagon comes to a complete stop. ”What is your business here?”

The driver’s voice is harsh, the journey’s length wearing down upon him. “We come from the kingdom of Erreda, across the Erin Sea. We have business with your Queen.” Princess, you dumbass. Business with the Princess.

”There is no queen here, be on your way.”

”I don’t take orders from some guard.”

You sigh and stand up, stepping out of the wagon’s rear. ”Leave now, I will not say so again.” You fasten your cloak and walk towards the front.

”We’re going forward with or-“

“Silence Acus! Not a word more.”

He shuts his trap before he gets you in deeper shit. ”You lead this Caravan?”

“Yes sir I do. I am Sir Anon of Glaemar, I apologize for my fellows behavior.”

”What is your business, Anon of Glaemar?”

“I come at the behest of my lord, King John. I serve as his emissary to discuss relations between our two kingdoms.” You look back towards your driver who bows his head in shame. “I believe my comrade has something he’d like to say.”

You stare him down; spite lies heavy on his words. ”Apologies sir.”

”Apology accepted,” the guard says pleased at his disdain.

“I don’t mean to keep you, but could we continue on?

“Yes sir, but I must ask that your friends wait outside.” You nod, flicking a platinum bit to Acus.

“Don’t spend it all in one place.”

The guard smiles and steps aside. ”Welcome to Canterlot.”

You pass through the checkpoint and into the city. For the most part the ponies pay you no mind. They seem to be more concerned with their own affairs than a foreigner. A few scoff at you in disgust, but it never turns into anything more than that. These rich snobs are exactly the sort of people you wanted to avoid. Their lives revolve around wealth, nothing more. What things you would do to them…

You’re stopped by an elderly couple who pass in front of you. “Excuse me.”

”Sorry sonny I didn’t see you there.”

“It’s quite alright sir. Have a nice day.”

”You too,” he says walking off. Gotta love old people. They may smell weird, but they’re respectful. That’s more than you can say for everyone else.

”Watch where you’re going!” Speaking of which…

You turn to the commotion, the couple and some noble in a confrontation. ”I’m very sorry sir.”

”Sorry? That’s all you have to say? This is worth more than you in blood you hear me!” They’re obviously scared of him, but they stand their ground nonetheless. A few guards notice the trio, but keep to themselves. Some guards they are.

”Please, we meant no harm. I’m sure-“

”Don’t give me that hogwash. I’ll have you pay for every bit you’ve cost me.”

Walking between them, you interject yourself into their conversation, “Is there a problem here?”

The noble runs his eyes over you, his disapproval prevalent. ”What rock did you crawl from under?”

You ignore his remark. “Is this man bothering you two?”

”Well, we’re partly to blame…” How modest.

”Can’t even own up the blame. Go back to the lower districts where you belong.” This guy just won’t shut up.

“If you have a problem with them, you have a problem with me. Are we clear?

”You won’t intimidate me welp.”

You visibly run your hand over your sword, maintaining eye contact. “Are we clear?”

A small bead of sweat runs down his face. ”Crystal.”

“Good.” You turn and look at the crowd that has gathered.

“Nothing to see here folks. Go on with your business.”

They disperse, the noble fleeing in the mess. ”Oh thank you. Thank you so much.”

“No problem, just keep those eyes open okay?”

”Will do,” he laughs. You head up the street having done your good deed for the day. The streets grow barren the closer you get to the castle. Less civilians, but more guards. They watch you like a hawk. You’ll have to mind your manners.

”Business?” the gatekeeper asks.

“Royal. I request audience with your Princess.” The guard looks at you questionably. You reach into your satchel, the guards preparing themselves to your amusement. You pull out a scroll with the Erreda insignia molded onto it. “Deliver this to your princess. That should grant me an audience.”

The gatekeeper nods his head to a fellow guard who takes the scroll from you. ”Just following protocol.”

“I understand.”

The guard heads through the gate and into the grounds, leaving you with the rest of his unit. Awkward is an understatement for how you felt. The guards stare at you, and you just stare right back. Just a few more days and you’ll be headed back home. This place doesn’t sit right with you, it’s too nice. You can appreciate a certain degree of it, but it’s strangely overabundant in this land. It’s almost too good to be true.

The gate creaks open, the messenger nodding towards the gatekeeper. ”You’re clear to proceed.” You take a step forward, the guard blocking your path. ”However, we must ask you to relinquish your weapons.”

“Yeah yeah, protocol and all I get it.” You undo the straps binding your sword and hand it to the guard. Kneeling down, you withdraw both knives from your calves, tossing them in front of him.

”Anything else?”

“Just give me a second alright,” you reply jokingly. You reach into your sleeves, untying the leather bonds inside. After a few more straps the gauntlet falls loosely off your arm, its blade secure within. You hand it over, the last of your weapons taken from you. “I expect those to be as good as I left them.”

”They’ll be safe with us.” Somehow you doubt that very much. You shouldn’t keep royalty waiting so you step through the gate and into the courtyard. You head straight for the door, the guards opening it for you. You thank them and go inside the castle. The walls stretch upwards making you feel small in comparison. It’s a bit too shiny for your taste. You enjoy a more rustic feel compared to the regal nature this one exudes.

”So you’re the foreigner we’ve been expecting?” You turn to look at the purple pony addressing you.

“I believe I am. Pleasure to meet you Miss…”

”Sparkle, but call me Twilight.”

“As you wish Twilight.” She leads you down the hallway.

”How was your trip if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Uneventful.”

”I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Peace is a luxury, not a burden. I welcome it with open arms.”

”Oh, I thought that your people… never mind.” She didn’t need to say it, you got the picture. Sad to say, but she’s actually correct. Your kind wouldn’t have gotten this far without their violent demeanor.

The two of you enter a large circular chamber. A fire burns at each side of the room, a stone table lying in the middle. ”The princesses should be here shortly. Please take a seat.” You do so, Twilight sitting at the side. There you sit, twiddling your thumbs until they arrive. You go over your lines in your head, recalling the do’s and don’ts of diplomacy. The king was fairly vague about what action he wanted you to take. Who knows what goes on in that brain of his?

”I would guess many things.” You stand and bow.

“Princess Celestia, it is an honor to meet you.”

”Please, sit. We have much to discuss.”

You perform a quick survey, finding one princess less than you had expected, “I was led to believe that Princess Luna would be joining us.”

”She had a prior engagement to attend. You understand.”

“Of course. So,” you say straightening up, “Shall we start?”

”Agreed, and for the record what is your name?”

“Anon. I’ll be acting as King John’s emissary in his stead.”

”Anon. A curious name. What does it mean?” No one’s asked you that before. You didn’t even ask that.

“I don’t know. Now onto the terms…”

”Why did he choose you?” Celestia interrupts you once again. Her questions… do not quite make sense. You had figured she would be well prepared for these diplomatic meeting, but it appears she would rather chat. If only that was your purpose.

“Excuse me ma’am?”

”Why are you here? It’s a simple question.” This is seriously annoying.

“I was asked to.”

”Why?”

“Why do you care?” you snap at her. The room falls silent after your outburst. It’s not like you to go off the handle like that. “Apologies, I didn’t mean to lose my temper.”

”Accepted. Do you still care to know why?” You nod embarrassed at your lack of control. ”You interest me Sir Anon of Glaemar. More than the others of your kind.”

“How did you know- I never spoke my title.”

She smiles lightly, “You didn’t need to.” The gears in your head begin to turn before you realize what she means.

“Tampering with a person’s mind is not an act I’d call friendly.”

”I had to be sure I could trust you, now I can.”

“You hand out your trust too willingly princess. That’ll turn against you one day.”

”Perhaps,” she nods with a smile, “but you… I can trust you.”

You lean back in your seat. “No. You really can’t.” You clear your head and focus on the present. “Can we please focus on the task at hand? Every second is precious.”

”You’re right,” she says pulling out the scroll from earlier. ”Did you get a chance to read this?”

“No, it was strictly for your eyes only.” She nods and hands it over to Twilight.

“‘Princess Celestia, I, King John, the ruler of the Erreda and its provinces, greet you. My forefathers were all rulers of Erreda and now I have taken the throne. Upon the excavation of my father’s archives, I learned of your dealings with both him and those before. I wish to continue this bond between our two nations.’ This is wonderful news princess. There’s so much we could learn.”

”Please continue Twilight…”

”As a symbol of our cooperation, I would like to propose a… Marriage?”

Marriage? That is unheard of. Other cultures perhaps, but the people of Erreda are proud, even to a fault. What is that old man thinking? “Go on…”

”…between our two families. Anon will provide any information you require about our available bachelors. I hope for a speedy reply. ~King John.” You’re utterly speechless at this. The king has made some wacked out decisions before, but this? This is crossing the line.

Celestia glances to the unicorn, “What do you think Twilight?”

“I don’t know what to say. This wasn’t something I thought would happen.”

”And you?” she asks, her eyes trained on you.

You clear your throat and straighten back up. “It’s my King’s wish, and I must help in whatever way I can.” Even if you don’t agree with him, that doesn’t give you the right to disobey him.

”I believe we can make this work,” Celestia states.

”Princess!” Twilight blurts out, her manners lost in her shock.

“I have negotiated with his kind before besides, this could be better for us in the long run.”

”I understand that, but doesn’t this seem a bit ridiculous to you?”

”Yes it does, but it will help bring our two nations together. It’s for the best.”

Seems you and Twilight are the only ones that find this fishy. ”I trust you princess.”

You were hoping they would have rejected the idea, but alas there goes your weekend… “I offer my full cooperation. My knowledge is yours.”

Celestia smiles, “I’ll hold you to that.”

Three hours later and you’re beat. ”I think that should do it for tonight, don’t you agree?”

“Whatever you say princess.”

”Twilight, could you lead Anon out?”

”Of course. Follow me.” The two of you leave the chamber, Celestia staying behind to look through the list you presented her. Hopefully she finds one of them to her liking, but who knows. ”Celestia has arranged a room for you to stay in the city.”

“That was nice of her, but I’d like to stay with my men. They get a little rowdy without supervision.”

”I’ll have her know. May I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

”Those people you listed… How are they really? I could tell you were focusing on their positive traits.”

“I wouldn’t touch them with a ten foot stick if that’s what you’re asking, but they’re John’s heirs, so I have to make them sound upstanding.”

”That bad?” she sighs. “Things will get interesting once everything’s said and done.”

The two of you reach the gate. ”Your equipment sir.” You thank him and begin stowing your weapons.

”You certainly came prepared,” Twilight says.

“I’m just a soldier, this is nothing for me.”

”Wait… Why did your King send a soldier as his emissary?”

“Maybe I’m just that charming ey?” you reply with a wink.

She rolls her eyes playfully. ”Oh no, you hath swept me off my feet,” she jokes.

“No such luck yet I’m afraid.” You finish tying your gauntlet and look back to Twilight. “I guess I’ll see you at the meeting tomorrow?”

”Until then, Sir Anon of Glaemar.”

“Please, just Anon will do.”

Her grin almost finds its way upon you, ”Good night Anon.”

You walk through the barren streets, the night’s breeze flowing through your hair. You tip your head to the city guard as you pass outside the city’s walls. ”Night sir.” You ask him where your friends disembarked. He points to an inn just outside, shadows thrashing about within.

“I told him one thing, and he fucks that up too.”

”Need some help?”

“No,” you reply with barely contained frustration, “I’ve got this.” You swing the door open, one of your men falling face first into the ground. You kick him in the gut and step over his bellowing form. Tables are thrown about and torn apart, some of your fellows engaged in a bar fight. Placing two fingers in your mouth, you release an ear piercing whistle, silencing the lot of them. “Form up!” you shout, the drunken buffoons lazily getting in line.

You walk down the line taking count, all but one present. “Where the hell is Acus?” You hear some commotion on the second level and head upstairs. You bring your head up to one of the doors, muffled sobs coming from inside. Pulling your head back, you kick open the door, Acus holding down a mare on a bed. “I said form up!”

He staggers over, towering above you, ale heavy on his breath. ”And what if I don’t?”

You smile, kneeing him hard in the groin. “That.” You kick him down the stairs and look at the traumatized mare. “Did he… you know…” She shakes her head, tears rolling down her face. “Get somewhere safe now. This is no place for a young lady to be.”

She jumps out the window and flies off, hopefully back home. You head downstairs yourself, making sure to stomp extra loud. “I don’t expect a lot from you, but this? This crosses every line I made.” Acus rolls into line, trying his best to stand up straight. “I asked for good ol’ soldiers, and what do I get? A bunch of inbred heathens trying to fuck anything that moves.

Acus bows his head in shame. “I’ve dealt with insubordinate troops, but right now, I don’t want to deal with it.” There’s too much shit going on for this to be added on as well. “Pack up and head home, all of you. You’re not going to be my headache on this trip.” You already have one as it is.

One of the soldiers breaks rank, “But sir…”

“Shut it. Pack up. Leave… Now!” They stand there like a bunch of brain-dead manticores. “Did I fucking stutter? Git!”

Finally they start moving, picking up their junk and fixing what they broke. One by one they head out the door, leaving the place devoid of life besides you and the barkeep.

”Thanks for that. They made quite a ruckus.”

“If you want to pay me back you could offer me a room.” He’s happy to oblige, handing you a key. “Also, you may need a new door for room B. I may have broken it.”

”With what they paid me, I can renovate this whole darnn place.”

“One platinum bit right?”

”Yeah, how did you know?”

Their death will be slow and painful. “Lucky guess.” You walk back upstairs, avoiding the piles of vomit. The door you broke is almost completely off its hinges. You unlock the next door and head inside.

You once again take off your multitude of weapons, stowing them next to your bed. You consider undressing, but find that your fucks given meter has reached zero. That’s an all-time low for you. You lie down and blow out the lantern. The bed itself is grainy and several lumps dig into your backside. It’s one of the most comfortable things you’ve ever slept on. You close your eyes and drift into a nice slumber.

Morning comes a bit quicker than you’d like, but there’s no avoiding that. The barkeep brought up some towels and directed you to the washroom. It’s nice to talk to someone who’s not a total ass. Finishing your wash you dry off and gear back up. You thank the barkeep and walk outside, a construction crew approaching. He wasn’t shitting about renovating the whole place. You pass the guard on the way back inside. You wonder if that guy ever sleeps.

The ponies keep their distance from you like before. It seems after your incident yesterday, they’ve taken more precautions to you. You don’t spot the old couple which dims your day already. They aren’t here to appeal to you, so you can’t hold it against them. The gatekeeper is still there with a cold face. “Geez don’t you guys take a break?” You quickly hand over your weapons and enter the grounds.

Twilight meets you at the doors like before. ”Good morning Anon. How was your night?”

“You don’t want to know.” She takes your word for it and both of you go back to the chamber. “Did Celestia come to a decision yet?”

“She hasn’t finalized her choice, though she did say that she had eliminated some of the choices.”

Thank the heavens, the sooner all of you can get this done, the sooner you can take the first ship back home. “Well that’s good to hear.”

Celestia enters after a few minutes of waiting. ”Good morning you two, I hoped you had a pleasant rest.”

”He doesn’t want to talk about it.”

“Not that I have to say anything.”

”I will respect your privacy.” A benevolent leader, say it ain’t so.

“So shall we get down to brass tacks?” They look confused at the phrase. You really need to cut back on the phrases. “Down to business,” you clarify, “Where are we on the candidates?” Celestia brings out the list and sets it before you. “Alright let’s see here…” All the names are crossed out, well that was... unexpected. “These are the only available choices. You have to pick one.”

”No I don’t. They are not acceptable.” You can’t let this deal go under. King John doesn’t take too kindly to those who resist him. One of them has to go through.

“Why not Roland? He’s a distinguished soldier with several commendations for valor.

”He has a short temper and drinks heavily as well.”

Fair enough. His knack for getting into bar fights is well known. “Brock. He’s quiet and doesn’t drink. That’s something.”

”Yes, but his accounts of theft and burglary are many.”

Right again. She isn’t making this easy on you. Your own personal loathing of them is probably what tipped her off. You go down the list, name per name, each one disqualified. “How about Kirk?”

”Do you really need to ask?”

“Well I don’t know what else to say. That’s all of his heirs from top to bottom.”

”You know, you said before that I couldn’t trust you. At the time I didn’t know what you meant.” Twilight perks up at the change of direction. ”Now I can understand why. I reviewed that list, and sent my findings to your King. He wrote something particularly interesting in his reply. Do you know what that is?” You could take a guess. “The list wasn’t as complete as you made it out to be.”

”Who was missing?” Twilight asks.

Does she really have to ask? I thought she was being pretty clear. ”The Prince of Glaemar, though we know him as Sir Anon. Isn’t that right?”

You sigh, rubbing your temples. “Yeah… It is…”