Adventures in Equestria*

by The Jello Master

Rating: teen
Tags: Twist, Random, Adventure, Crossover, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy
Length: 2714

*Contains little to no Equestria

"A Series of Short, Badly Written, Unconnected Stories with no Reason to Exist" was too long of a title.

Don't take this seriously, doing so will only cause literal readings of dubstep lyrics... or so I've been told.

Published 2012-03-08 23:44:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-15 00:58:08 UTC

The Ultimate War of Pony

The Ultimate War of Pony
Written by: The Jello Master, Zalg (Magicarp), and Zick

Pinkie was play the NES. Fluttershy walk in through door with wing bony. “Pinkie, why play NES?” say Fluttershy. Suddenly, all the ponies run into room and get sucked down NES. Fluttershy wing bonys no fit in NES. She stop. Suddenly, in Mario world. Toad makes a running. Applejack beat up Toad. Steal Toad vest. “Sorry” say Toad “Princess in other castle.” Fluttershy and Twilight make the wing sexing. Twilight was pregnant. Flying unicorn is born. Suddenly, Gary Oak appear! Gary Oak make a killings flying unicorn. Suddenly, magic unicycle emerge from hell. “Muahahah” say Gary as unicycle away. “Noooo BABY!” cry Fluttershy. Suddenly, TWIST! Twist chase Gary on motorcycle. Suddenly, Yugi appear. Twist beat Yugi in card game on motorcycle but no save Yugi grandfather. Twist use Millennium Motorcycle and make chasings of Gary. Gary tosses Pokeball. Twist makes the catching. Anvil falls from sky onto Twist ball. Make a crushings. “NOOOO TWIST!” yell No one. Everyone runs after Gary jumping pits and stuff. Pinkie hit head on block. Mushroom pop out. Much brain damaging occur. Pinkie suffer aneurism and die. Suddenly, green mushroom touch Pinkie. She live. Fire imp appear. Pinkie kills with magic of sledgehammer. Mario hat appear. Pinkie put on head. Makes a Mario. Team advances on castle. Turtles attack. Everyone make a look for Rarity. “Where be she?” ask Fluttershy, bony again. Scootaloo race ahead. “Watch out Scootaloo!” yell Applejack. Lakitu throw a spike thing. Scootaloo make the impalings. Sweetie Belle makes a cryings. Pinkie jump on her head, make spine crushings. Applebloom was only left. Suddenly, Ryu appear. “Hadouken!!!!” yell Ryu, shoot Hadouken at Pinkie. Pinkie block with power of friendship, hold Applebloom in front of blast. Applebloom explode in sonic rings. “You missed pal.” Say Mike Dawson. Fluttershy make a murder Mike Dawson. Twilight shoot with 12 gauge. “Applebloom, you sacrifice not in vain!” yell Applejack, grab a rifle. Applejack shoot Ryu. Ryu die because he no know how block guns. Derpy see fighting. Derpy has join party. Suddenly, Derpy bumps into car, trigger alarm, alert horde. Boomer come. Bill shoot Boomer. Lewis shoot Derpy, mistake for zombie. Overdose on pills. Castle in sight. Group make it there without trouble except Rainbow Dash die from Gary Oak shoot gun. They make it to castle doors. Castle doors flatten Fluttershy, make a wing boner as spine crushed. Luna appear scare Applejack. Get shoot in face. Trixie make shooting magics at them. Gary Oak appear out of nowhere return fire, save them all. Pinkie beat in Gary Oak head with sledgehammer. Suddenly, Spike appear make a laughing. Rarity tie up behind him, C4 on chest. Spike trigger explosive. Rarity make a booming. Spike pull out dual samurai swords and chop up Twilight. Applejack get cut up too. Pinkie shoots Spike through face with cannon. She escapes unharmed after meeting the wizard a getting a ride home. Pinkie wake up, passed out on floor with friends around her. They were all dead. She wishes on the seven dragon balls she was saving for her birthday that they were all safe. It didn’t work.

All the Ponies go to the Moon

All The Ponies go to the Moon
Written by: The Jello Master, Zalg (Magikarp), Zick, and Febreezey Fresh

It was morning. Rooster made the crowing until Spike shoot it with shotgun. Applejack woke up, realize she was in Fluttershy’s bed. “What a twist!” say M. Knight Shymalan, punch Twist in face. Pinkie burst through doors wearing bedazzled space suit. “Would be fun to make party on moon.” Say Pinkie. “No.” Say Fluttershy. “Yes.” Say Pinkie. Fluttershy offended and punch Pinkie. Epic fist fight occur. Pinkie wins after cheating and using brass knuckles. Fluttershy face get broken and hurted. Bronies cry in agony because spelling and grammar is bad. M. Knight Shymalan pull up in semi truck with space ship in trailer. “Let’s go make plot twists on the moon!” Say Shymalan. Suddenly, Rainbow Dash appear with Spike and Rarity and Twilight and space suits for everyone. They all go into the rocket and fasten several seatbelts and Shymalan crawl into front seat. Shymalan ties knot with seat belt around Twist’s neck. “No escaping.” Say Shymalan. “ghhgfdghfgh.” Say Twist. Everyone laughs at Twist. Space ship flies into air break sound barrier and fly straight into the moon. Spike flies out of seat and hits front windshield, splatters dragon blood everywhere. Rarity dumps Spike out garbage chute. Applejack vomits in agreement. Suddenly, Luna appear holding rifle from Vietnam. “All of you, off of the lawn that I own.” Say Luna. She then speed off in Gran Torino to fight the Asians. Evil face on moon smile at Fluttershy and eat her face off. “NUUUUUUUU!” say Twilight. “Yeeeeeeeeee.” Say Gary Oak as put moon back in his pokeball. All ponies float in space as Jason, riding a surfboard, picks up Gary Oak and flies him off into the sunset, killing Rarity in the process with pistols. Shymalan takes off quickly leaving Applejack behind. Shymalan chases Gary Oak but it is no use because Jason’s surfboard is faster. Gary shoot back and kill Shymalan. Twist hits the self destruct switch on the control board and takes the controls so she can go fast enough to catch up to Gary and explode all of them the end. Link plays the song of time.
Part 2: Return to top of page.

Rainbow Dash Asks About the Colour Indigo

Rainbow Dash Asks About the Colour Indigo
Written by: The Jello Master

One day, Rainbow Dash went to ask Twilight why her mane didn't have the colour indigo.

"Hey Twilight," said Rainbow Dash, "do you know why my mane doesn't have the colour indigo?"

"Probably because indigo isn't a primary or secondary colour," said Twilight.

"OK, thanks Twilight," said Rainbow Dash.

The End

The ponies climb Mt. Everest

The ponies climb Mt. Everest
By JK Rowling, Zalg (Magikarp), and The Jello Master

Rarity and Applejack was sit at the table. Every seems to be forget us durring our adventure. say Rarity

"Why doesn't we go on our own adventure, they can't forget us then" Say Applejack.

They think about adventures for many minutes until they decide to do something original and climb Mt. Everest.

"That sounds like fun and original" say Spike

"Fuck you Spike" say Rarity.

Spike goes to his room and puts on his eyeliner and favorite My Chemical Romance shirt.

He was all ready for adventure as he slit and cried while listening to a Slipknot CD.

"That music makes the sucking" yelled Rarity rom the kitchen, because continuity is important.

Fluttershy was digging a grave for a soon to be dead squirrel that owed her money when she heard Slipknot.

"Spike must be emo again" said Fluttershy.

Fluttershy wing bonies as she decapitates the squirrel with a shovel.

Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash was playing Sonic and Knuckles with Pinkie Pie.

"I really wish we didn't just put this game in a super nintendo and pretended we were playing it" said Pinkie.

"I wish my super nintendo wasn't possessed by demons" said Rainbow Dash as her super nintendo sacrficed a goat.

Mario's satanic face pops up on screen.

"Fuck this noise: says Pinkie as she shuts off the TV.

Mario is sad but nobody notices so he goes and hangs out with Spike.

"I wish people would notice me" says Mario as he smokes cigarettes with Spike behind the mall.

"Shut up and pass the lighter" said Spike.

Applejack and Raritywere sitting there feeling forgotten.

"I wish you weren't emo like Spike said the Narrarator.

Rarity punched the narrarator.

"That won't end well for you" said the Narrarator as Rarity got syphilis.

Meanwhile, Twilight got hit by a car, because fuck giving her a reason to go on the adventure.

Gary Oak, was nowhere to be found.

His answering machine message said "At a crazy orgie with some hot bitches, be back later, Ash is a loser"

"Looks like we couldn't get Gary for this adventure" said Applejack sadly.

"I'll come" said Twist.

"No" said Pinkie as walk through the door and shoot Twist with a double barreled shotgun.

Everyone walks through door and grabs mountain climbing gear and they take a plane to mount everest.

As they pass over, they see the people from Lost.

Pinkie waves to the people from Lost, whatever their names may be.

They land at the bottom of mount everest.

They all step on an escalator and go to the top.

"This escalator sure is convenient" say Rarity.

"Yes, yes it is" says the Narrarator sinisterly.

Pinkie's ice pick falls off of her backpack, it kills Satanic Mario and he falls down the escalator, forever.

Spike sacrifices a goat in his honor.

Suddenly, the escalator is done and they arrive near the top.

Gary Oak flies by on a pteradactyl.

"You should've tried my cell" said Gary as destroy the top of mountain with pteradactyl's hyper beam.

AVALANCHE! shout everyone except is not avalanche because there is no snow.

Rocks fall, everyone dies.

The Radical Train comes to take all the mutilated corpses home.

The Rapture

The Rapture

A tale of woe, by H.P. Lovecraft and Christian Weston Chandler
(Actually just The Jello Master and Zalg (Magikarp)

In the begninnining, there was God.

"I really like creatininining things" says God.

So God got out his magic stretch armstrong doll and used it to creat robo-ninja-pirate-raptor-jesus

"Someday I will make you destroy all mankind" said God.

Meanwhile, in Ponyville.

Pinkie was ride a skateboard and do triple kickflip off park bench.

Park bench cried as his face get skateboard on.

Suddenly, Spike pull up in Honda Civic, blasting Eminem through his sick stereo.

"Get in" say Spike.

And they made love.

"That is the romantic subplot" say Narrarator.

Spike drive down freeway.

Spike see a bus.

Spike fire pistol sideways at bus killing driver.

Spike get out of civic and go steal bus.

Suddenly, Jesus raining from sky, destroy everything.

Jesus kill carrot-top with flamethrower.

Make carrot cake pie with her dead body.

"That was delicious" said heavy Weapons guy as die from cyanide.

"How dare you do that to my friend Jesuses" said Fluttershy as break one's skull

But the Jesuses did not care.

Jesus1 transformed into a robot leg

So did Jesus 2

Jesus3 was the torso

Jesus 4 and 5 was arms

"I'll form the head" says Robo-ninja-pirate-raptor-jesus

Jesuses7 and 8 sat there with nothing to do.

Suddenly, their heads explode

Spike, with bus full of ponies and friends, stood there guns smoking as they put cigarettes in them.

Dave, who was never metioned before, stood his ground as the robot arm crushed him into paste.

Dave's blood soaked minecraft shirt hit Twist in the face.

"I am going to be being avenging you" say Twist as take adrenaline shot and strap bomb to chest.

Twist explode, Jesus not injured.

Everyone let Twist's death be in vain.

Suddenly, Gary Oak pull up in tank.

"Sup losers, lets kill some Jesus" say Gary, pump a shotgun.

Suddenly, whole army of assorted characters, charge Jesuses.

Jesus shoot laser eyes, kill Twilight and Rarity in puff of smoke.

"How dare you!: say Spike, pull dual AK47s.

Spike open fire as drink bleach. Spike die on his own terms.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" say Fluttershy

Fluttershy get so mad, have aneurism and die.

Applejack and Pinkie stand alone, everyone else is dead.

Pinkie sacrifice Applejack to the egyptian gods.

Slifer the Sky Dragon comes down from the sky.

Slifer kill all non-robot Jesuses and fly back into sky, never seen again.

Pinkie stand alone, katana in hand.

Her and robo jesus face to face.

Park bench come flying in f-16 fighter, fly so fast it chops pinkie in half.

Park bench drops a nuke.

Jesuses explode, spraying goodnessand forgiveness everywhere.

The end.

Gary Catches All The Ponies and Forces Them to Fight to the Death

Gary Catches All The Ponies and Forces Them to Fight to the Death
Written by: The Jello Master, Zalg (Magikarp), and Zick

Gary Oak was sit in Pallet Town. “To Hell with Pallet Town” said Gary, nuke Pallet Town. “Shit, I forgot my Pokémon to make fight to death” said Gary Oak, disgustedly. Gary used arcane magic to summon a portal to Ponyville. Gary stepped through portal, wield dual desert eagles. Gary shoot down 3rd Street Saints in badass drive by. “Oh shit” said Gat as face get blown off. Gary then approached pony town meeting with huge sack of balls. Gary catch all the ponies using balls. Gary return the pony filled balls to his sack. Gary then construct an arena using nothing but lobster shells. Gary sat in high chair upon large podium. Gary release Twist and Rainbow Dash into the arena, drop weapons. Rainbow Dash grab chainsaw, Twist grab toothbrush. Epic battle ensues, Twist saws the head off of Rainbow Dash with toothbrush. “Anypony else want some?” yell Twist. Gary then shoot her in face with desert eagle. Twist survived. Suddenly, Spike smash through walls on the back of Bullet Bill. Spike shoot Gary with Gold-Plated Ak-47. Gary died an agonizing death. Spike loaded all of the ponies into a large schoolbus. Ponies grabbed weapons and prepared to fight their way out. “Fus Ro Da” said the Dragonborn, slaying Spike, destroying schoolbus. Survivors run, but they are no match for turbo-Gary. Turbo Gary threw all of the Chaos Emeralds and Sonichu Balls into the air. Gary then used his machine gun built into his arm to kill every survivor except Twist. Twist then turned into Ultra-Twist using all of the Dragon Balls. Ultra-Twist has the power to make thing explode. She accidently looked in a mirror and exploded.

Good thing she wished to be immortal. She killed Gary with silver-plated .45s. She then sat on the curb, drank a 40 and rockets emerged from her hooves and she flew off into space.

Pony Road Trip

Pony Road Trip
Written by: The Jello Master, and Zalg (Magikarp)

The ponies were sitting in the the town square. “This town sure is square.” Said Twilight. “Let us make the road tripping now.” said Rainbow Dash as tripped on road. Fluttershy did make the wing boner. Then Spike drive up in white van. “Get in van car van.” said Spike. Spike was make the rape a Rarity. “No to that!” say Pinkie punch Spike in face. All make a piling in. Spike turn on Slipknot on radio and make the jam out. “That is the ugly.” say Rarity. Pinkie make the punching of Rarity face. Spike gas pedal. Car van car go in motion of great speeds. Spike hit eighty-eight and sees serious shit. Dead Twist fly out from under car. Bloody entrails splatter grill. No pony was sad because Twist makes the sucking. Fluttershy wing bony again. Many necrophilias occur. Police make a siren behind van car van. Spike makes a shooting with semi-automatic. Carrot Top killed in crossfire. No pony sad either because she is bitch. Spike make a U turn. He run over Twist again. Spike make another U turn. Spike leaves town behind and ponies sigh relief. Rarity makes an annoying. Pinkie does punch in face. Fluttershy does wing boner. Rainbow dash makes a tripping on mushrooms in van. Twilight makes the stating the obvious. Spike hit the gas. Van car van fly down highway making Fluttershy the wing boner. The stop to eat. Everypony eat the burgers. Burgers make Fluttershy the wing boner. Rarity says something stupid. Pinkie does punching. Applejack pulls up in pimpin’ hummer. She was mad about being the lefted. She shot the cap in the Rarirty ass. Rarity made a dying. Fluttershy wing boner again. Many more necrophilias occur. Spike return fire. Hummer explode. Explosion make the killings. Applebloom get killed by shrapnel. Spike shank cashier. Spike use command start on van car van. They speed off. Stop many hours later at hotel. Spike sleep with dead Rarity. Twilight and Fluttershy make the lesbian sex. Lesbian sex occur because apparently that’s popular. Jack Torrance checks boiler pressure. Boiler pressure too high. Hotel explode and kill everyone.