Two Tracksby BastinatorChaptersChapter 1: Am I Blue?Chapter 2: Apple TownOne Too ManyChapter 1: Am I Blue?”Great job boys! Another gig done, another sack of bits to split.” He sets down a hefty satchel and begins to divide it up, making sure he does a little ‘miscounting’ in his favor. “Don’t get too greedy there, Fumble Note. It’s hard to play when you’ve spent all your bits on the mares and cider.” ”Not that you’d know,” another member of your group takes a jab at you, “When’s the last time you- you know?” “What? Taken a drink? Rode the purple thunder home to Valhalla. Jeez, I’m smart but I’m not a fucking mind reader dude.” ”Shoot man, you know what he means,” your buddy Stringer chimes in, coming in through the hallway door, the screams of a dozen p0nies silencing with its slam, “When’s the last time you got the good ol’ whistle wet?” Is he talking about- Well there’s no mistaking what he meant. “It’s been a long damn while, just me and the Misses,” you reply wiggling your right hand. Your little group descends into laughter as Fumble finishes his four-way split of the money. ”Alright then, that’s about 120 a piece?” “I see yours is a little bigger than the rest,” you joke. ”I’ve got six kids to feed,” he shrugs. ”I thought it was three?” ”They doubled…” his poker face the reason he probably needs the money. “You don’t even have kids you greedy bastard,” you chuckle, pushing over half your share to him and pocketing the rest, “Still, you need it more than me.” ”Really? Thanks, Anon, you’re the best partner I’ve had.” What can you say? You’re one of a kind. ”I figured the pot would be a bit bigger to be honest,” Stringer spins a bit in his hoof, “I mean, this has to be the biggest gig we’ve done.” ”Yeah,” the last member, Zeek, decides to add, “You’d think the princesses could part with a little more than this.” ”It is the Gala after all. For Celestia’s sake, we got a bigger payout in Winnypeg.” The three continue to bicker on the couch as you eye the door, finally taking your stand. “Well, it’s getting late guys. I’m gonna hit the sack.” ”Close the blinds,” Fumble befouls your innocent phrase. You give him the finger, leaving their chortling behind you as you exit into the hallway. ”ANON! IT’S ANON!” Ehhh, you’re not in the mood tonight. “No autographs tonight, alright Bigs?” ”Whatever you say, sir.” He escorts you back to your room, Bigs taking place just outside. What would you do without him? Get mauled by a horde of loving p0nies that’s what. They wouldn’t hurt you, but a mauling is still a mauling. You slip out of your shirt, tossing it to the side of the bed before cracking your back. Taking a quick shower you pinch your belly, a bit distraught by the newfound fat beginning to take hold. Sometimes you miss the old days, at least you were always in shape then. Then again… 100 degree weather never was your idea of a good time, neither was -20. You grin, wondering how you ever managed to make it through all that crap, but when the answer hits you… …It hits you like a train. You shake your head and put on some fresh pants... You know, some fresh air sounds nice, so you take a step out onto the balcony, letting the air fill your lungs. The yellow specks outline the city below, Canterlot, still surprisingly busy despite the party being up at the castle. Big cities never were your style, but you go where the work is. It’s so quiet up here, you note as you lean against the railing, you could almost… “I resolved to call her up. A thousand times a day,” you whisper to the moon, your oldest of companions, “Ask her if-“ A knock from the door destroys the mood, forcing you back from the balcony. “Yeah, who is it?” ”It’s me sir,” Bigs answers back, “You have a visitor.” You’re tempted to be angry with him, but he hasn’t necessarily had the easiest night either. A reminder will do though. “Bigs, I told you no autographs. Is it Zeek?” ”No sir.” “How about Fumble or Stringer, either of them?” ”Uhm, no sir.” Rubbing your fatigued eyes you almost want to pass out right there. “Well then, tell them ‘I’m sorry, but Anon is not taking visitors right now.’” ”But sir I-” “I’ll get your kid the record he’s been begging for,” you bribe your own guard, silently praying he’ll shoo the fan away. “… I’m sorry, but Anon is very tired. Perhaps if you were to come another time Princess.” PRINCESS! “Wait wait wait!” you holler, tripping over your bed as you scour for a clean shirt, “Keep her there, just give me a second!” Shit- fuck- tit! Get in there you filthy arm! No, not that way! ”He’ll be with you in just one moment, princess.” Can you believe your luck? Meeting a fucking princess? This has to be the best thing that’s- alright, second best thing that’s happened since you came here. “Just another second!” you shout, rushing into the bathroom. Do you look alright? How’s the hair, fine fine, and the shir- NO! It’s all wrinkly, this won’t do at all! “WRINKLES!” ”It’ll be another moment,” you can hear Bigs say, catching the hint of laughter in his voice. Oh he thinks this is funny huh? Wait until you get him the hundred k version of ‘Bottles of Beer’ record instead. It was horrible, you know, it wasn’t your proudest moment. You can hear the female voice murmur, and you don’t like the tone. “Don’t go! I’m- uh. THERE! Just a few more seconds, promise.” ”He says just a few more seconds.” She can probably hear me you dick… God you love to hate this guy. Just a little- Phew! There we go. Maybe you should double check to make sure? No, she’s been waiting long enough. “Alright, she can come in!” you accidently shout out, “Crap…” Deep breathes, there’s nothing to worry about. It’s not like the most powerful, or one of, p0ny in Equestria wants to see you. Oh wait! The door begins to open up, Bigs stepping through and holding it for- her… ”Princess, may I present-“ She holds up a hoof, staying him with a smile, “You’re excused, Mr. Bigs.” “Y-yeah. I’ll uhm, get the record for you tomorrow.” ”Thank you sir,” he nods, “Princess…” The door clicks behind him, only a second passing since, and yet you can’t help but feel a year’s worth of time pass. She hasn’t aged a day… ”It’s nice to see you again, Anon.” ”Likewise, Princess.” ”You don’t need to call me that,” she smiles. God you’ve missed that smile. “Well, it’s nice to see you too, Twilight.” Come on, get your act together and ask her if she wants a drink. “Do you uh- want a drink?” ”No thank you, besides,” her eyes move around the room, “You don’t have anything, do you?” Wait- Ah crap she’s right. Stop tripping over yourself dammit, she’s just another mare. No, not in the slightest. “You’ve certainly moved up in the world.” “I could say that about you too. How long have you been like- like this?” ”About two years now, and you?” “You know how long,” you try to remain calm, an ounce of resent finding its way in your words. ”Don’t be like that, Anon.” All these feeling coming back in such a rush… When there’s happiness, there’s always the anger. “You never answered my scrolls.” She sighs, looking to the wall opposite you, “I’ve been busy.” “Two hundred and seventy three busy?” Twilight laughs painfully, resting on the side of your bed, “You remember. Haven’t changed a bit, have you? You still don’t know how to pick up after yourself.” She levitates your shirt into the clothes bin, trying her best to not look at you, “So how’ve you been?” Why the hell is she here? You’re happy- no, not happy- Not mad either… This is confusing. “What do you want, Twilight?” Her hoof traces the bed lining as she speaks, “I heard your performance. It was beautiful.” “I get that a lot.” ”I’m happy for you. Happy that you finally broke through.” Where’ve you heard this stuff before? Oh yes, when she left… “Princess, with all due respect, once was enough. Get to the point, or just leave, please.” She nods sadly and walks over to you, “I know that we didn’t leave on the best of terms, but…” She presses a hoof in your hand, that subtle warmth… “I’ve missed you. If these few years have taught me anything, it’s that I have to take the good with the bad, even if it is a bit messy,” she laughs. “Twilight,” holding her hoof with both hands now, “I’ve never forgotten about you, not once.” She presses her head against you, a wet spot forming on your stomach, “Neither have I.” You hold her close, her soft sobs always being too much for you to handle. “I’m sorry Anon… I’m so sorry.” “Me too, Twi. I’m sorry…” 6 years ago… “Am I blue?” You hum as you kneel next to the rails, silently appraising the steel beams. “Am I blue? Ain’t these tears in my eyes… telling you…” ”Hey!” a stallion shouts from the train, “You’re paid to work, not sing!” Ugh… If there’s anything you hate more than someone yelling at you, it’s stuck up train operators. For all the physical differences, p0nies are just as bad as regular people. “Singing helps me get my job done, so unless you want an hour delay maybe you should sit back in your comfy little seat and let me work, will ya?” Near red in the face you can almost feel his blood pressure skyrocket, “How about I tell your boss about you slacking off? We on the same page, buster?” You stand, dusting off your jeans and giving him a good proper stare, “You want to say something?” If only this were back home… If only… A soft tick drags your attention away and towards the watch on your wrist. “Well I’ll be… It looks like it’s time for my lunch break,” you grin back at him, “Be back in a few.” He doesn’t even wait for you to turn your back before he starts hollering at you with the typical “Hey’s” and “Get back here’s.” Before long he’s grunting and wheezing, and looking back you find him desperately trying to squeeze through the train car’s window. Foolish bastard. ”I’ll get Steel Bit on you! Don’t make me do it!” “Ehh, shove it!” you call back, satisfied with your impeccable timing. His cries begin to drown out as you get further away from the tracks, finally taking stock near a cluster of bushes and sitting down next to a small tree. Well, small for you… The shade’s not the most upstanding but it beats anything else in this desert. Heh, hell, you’d go for an umbrella any day of the week if you could find someone who was selling. You lean against the tree’s base, making sure to keep the sun out of your eyes. This place reminds you of those old movies your parent’s used to go on about, the ones in the good ol’ wild west, cowboys and all. Well, you haven’t seen a cowboy since you got here, unless you count that guy down in Appleloosa. He’s a nice guy and all, but, damn, that cheeriness runs you the wrong way. You yawn and relax for the time being, these lunch breaks being the only real time you get to relax besides sleeping. Otherwise, it feels like you’re in a Tolkien movie, just without the fun bits. Just thinking about all that walking makes you tired. Ugh… Maybe you should look into a more stable job with some benefits, perhaps even – dare you dream? A chair. You almost groan at the thought, a nice comfy chair with cushions and all, or even a bed! How you miss slipping into one of them. But you open your eyes and it’s all the same, just more rock. A chirp sounds from above, your eyes meeting the miniature frame of a bird as it cocks its head down at you. As it flaps down to the ground across from you, you reach slowly into your pack, careful not to scare him, and draw out a piece of bread. You bite off a tasteless chunk and lay it off to the side, this time pulling out your book and pencil as it scampers over with caution. “It’s alright,” you whisper to yourself, flipping to an empty page, “It’s just a little food.” With a single swipe it snatches what’s left and flaps off to safety, a nice little distance away, but just close enough for you to get a good view of him. This’ll be a good break. You manage to finish up the wings when it looks back at you, the creature looking for more food you reckon. Tsk tsk. “Do you think I’m made of food? I’m rationing enough as it is.” Man, if you give a mouse a cookie… Smacking your lips you undo your canteen and take a swig, making sure not to drink too much. You still have to have enough water to make it to the next town. What is the next town anyway? ”uhm… e- excuse me?” The bird shuffles back at the voice. “No no no no!” you start pleading all too late, the bird already flapping away. “Dammit!” You spring up, almost fuming in anger after coming so close to finishing up. “eep!” What does it take to get a little peace and quiet around here?! So who’s the hotshot this time? Pegasus? Why aren’t you surprised? The Pegasus has her head in the bushes and is shaking like a leaf, her yellow wings damn near about to fall off. “By all means, scare off any other animals that are hiding about.” She manages to sneak her head out and give you a glance, taking in the image of a very irritated Anon tapping his foot. ”H-hi.” “Hi,” you stay just as stern, scratching your neck, “Get out much?” ”Ex-excuse me?” “Has your day been alright? Would you like to talk about it, or maybe you’d like a drink of water? Is the shirt off my back too much?” ”I- I-“ “I- I- Speak up! Christ, if you’re going to waste my time at least be courteous about it.” Her eyes grow red as she backs away, but you’re not nearly through with your rant. “I come here, on my break, deliberately away from EVERYONE ELSE, and you p0nies still manage to fuck with my time. Just leave.” ”B-but,” she sniffs on the verge of tears. “B-but NOW!” That seemed to do it, the Pegasus turning tail back towards the train, weeping all the way. You just shake your head and take another swig of water. There are few things worse than hearing a woman cry, mare in this case. And one of those is disturbing your break. Another tick comes from your watch… Damn, it’s already been an hour. Oh well, back to work… You manage to catch the pegasus’s mane as she runs back on the train. A tinge of guilt manages to creep up on you as well. Maybe you were a little harsh on her. Oh well, hakuna matata. It’s hard not to groan when you look back down at the tracks, your job calling like a bad case of the flu. Setting your watch, you sit down with your bag and get back to work. Buckled, huh? That’s certainly strange. Equestria may not have the biggest or strongest p0nies, but damn they have some of the finest steel you’ve seen. Probably because they use magic and shit… not literally though, that’d be gross. In any case, it must’ve been one hell of a thing to even put a dent into this puppy, but to deform it? That’s got you stumped. You scratch your chin thoughtfully, an intense aroma forcing you to cough. Clenching your nose only makes it worse, the concentration now saturating into your nostrils. Surely it’s supposed to be sweet, but when you douse yourself with the whole damn perfume bottle it might as well be mustard gas. ”Acheem!” Why can’t you catch a break? Let’s play a game for shits and giggles, guess the race. Deathly use of perfume. Check. Snarky comment. Check. Woop! Is that tapping of the hoof? That’s a check. You’re no mathematician, but 1+2+1 obviously can only equal one thing. You turn around, the white p0ny doing her best to express her disapproval. Fucking unicorns… Once again, not literally. Her purple locks are expertly done, only making her fit the stuck-up rich girl stereotype even further. It makes you sick that people, or p0nies, like her are given any attention at all. Showoffs… “Is there something I can do for you, ma’am?” you ask, already tired from both the conductor and lack of a decent break. ”So you’re the supposed ‘technician’ are you? You don’t look like much.” Lord, give me the strength not to deck this chick. Or, give me the ability to stop time. Either or. No? Damn. Next time then. You roll your eyes and rummage in your bag. “So was there anything I can do for you?” Or is she just wasting your time. ”Don’t give me that attitude. Just who do you think you are?” So it’s the latter. Maybe fortune telling has a job opening? “I think I’m Anon, and if that’s not enough to tickle your fancy, I think you’re wasting my bloody time. Forgive my transition of nationality.” The unicorn holds a hoof to her mouth in shock, “How dare you address a lady with such language!? Fluttershy told me the repair p0ny-“ “Person.” ”Whatever you call yourself… She managed to say through tears how positively rude he was, and there’s no mistaking it, that was YOU, you… heathen!” “Bra-fucking-vo!” you stand up clapping, making sure everyone in the vicinity can hear you, “Out of all one of me you managed to figure it out. You’re a real smart one, Miss.” ”Are you mocking me?” her voice firms up. A paper tiger… “My god! Two for two! Are you related to Mr. Holmes? Because you’re pissing off Moriarty.” ”I won’t take such insults from a- a simple repair p0ny.” Person… Repair PERSON! No no, just calm down Anon. Calm- Nah, fuck it. Screw this cow! “Riddle me this Sherlock, what has 4 legs, purple hair, bleaches their flank and is going to run home crying to mama?” ”I will do no such thing!” she exclaims, standing her ground proudly. You give her a shit-eating grin as her brain catches up to what she just said, her expression already descending into one of horror. ”I- No no, you- you tricked me!” she desperately tries to convince you even with her eyes beginning to well up. “Go on,” you shoo her off, quite proud of yourself, “Train’s that-a-way. “ ”T-Twilight!” she cries out galloping back to her mother’s safety. Stealing a glance back at her… Wow, mare’s do the weirdest things with their butt. They must be freaks in the sack. EH! Don’t think like that you sicko. At least she’s gone now, good riddance. It’s about time you get some peace. Speaking of piece… You tear off another hunk of bread and take a bite of the stale crap. It feels like someone’s watching you though. Turning back, you find the conductor sitting in his seat, hooves crossed, still a mad little ball of fur. You grin and give him the bird, the expression meaning nothing to him, but what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Now back to this mystery, what kind of creature could cause such damage? Most creatures out this way might be able to take down a p0ny, hell, even you have to be careful, but venom won’t do a damn thing to this. The tracks don’t bear any signs of acidic damage either, so that leaves you with physical damage. An Ursa would have the sheer strength, but they would never venture out this way. Maybe an earthquake? Possible, but you’ve never heard of a local one, so that puts it slim. A dragon then? Nah they’re too greedy to, but their fire could… Fire. Heat. That- that could be it. Massive fluctuations between the hot and cold, two extremes that the rails couldn’t handle. No no no, that doesn’t work. Rails are made to withstand this type of beating. That is unless… *crunch* You sigh in exasperation, the crunch of hooves against gravel beside you, another fucking joker looking to take your time. Well you don’t have enough to spare. ”Are you the repairman?” the p0ny asks, at least she got it right. “I’m busy here, alright? If you want to help, sit back in your fancy compartment with your friends. Some of us are working,” you snap, dealing with four too many p0nies. And you’ve only met four today… She doesn’t say anything, but you don’t hear her leaving either. So you actually have to tell her to leave. “Are you deaf? Skedaddle.” She’s a unicorn too, a bit surprising that you couldn’t smell it on her. Your nose must be recharging after that last disaster. She maintains her rather creepy stare before finally blinking in confusion. ”I’m sorry, what?” You’ve got to be shitting me? “Let me put in words you’ll understand. Me work, you leave, me happy.” Seriously, she looks smart enough but she acts like she’s never seen a human- well that does make sense, but still. ”I don’t mean to stare, but I’ve never seen anything like you before.” Aaand Bingo! We have a winner! God you miss home more every day. “Well as much as I’d LOVE to give you my biography, some of us have work,” you stand up again and move a bit further down the track. As you were thinking before being interrupted - for a fourth mother of god time - the tracks would be made to withstand the heat unless they- ”Wow, you’re pretty tall.” Calm down… Just calm down. There… “Please leave me alone, I’m literally just trying to get my job done without interruptions. That one Pegasus chick annoyed me during my break, that unicorn gave me crap for the former, I’m just tired. Can you understand that?” ”Oh- Oh I can completely understand. It’s like when I’m trying to finish my newest collection on Advanced Magical Theory and Pinkie keeps pestering me to go to the lake.” You don’t even… “Sure. Just like that, now if you’ll excuse me.” Kneeling down next to the rail you give it a scan up and down its length. Most rails would have a- what’s it called? Oh you know this one, Anon, a uhmm… Heavy huffs of warm air cover your ear, an uncomfortable closeness shortly following, claustrophobia of a sort. You turn your head in a dramatically slow motion, your irritated eyes settling on the unicorn’s as she looks down to where you were looking. It takes her a minute before she notices, and hopefully she can read expressions like she can Magical Theory… ”So what’re you looking for?” Yeah, you are going to murder someone today. “What? What do you want?! I will do anything, just leave me alone you ditzy… Grah! What?!” She raises a brow, “I’m just curious what you’re doing?” She- what? No, that doesn’t make any sense. “Why did you come out here? Why won’t you leave me alone?” Can’t she see that you’re tired? “Oh! I almost forgot, you made Fluttershy and Rarity cry! Why did you do that?” “The same reason I want you to leave, because I want to work in peace.” ”Oh… That was it?” “Yes. That’s it. I didn’t want all the gold in Fort Knox, just a little peace and quiet. Sooo I can read Advanced Magical Theory.” She gasps, inhaling enough air to make any other p0ny pop, “You read Magical Theory too!?” “Ya-no,” you stay sternly, “Now could you please give me some privacy? I’m trying to work, for theeee fifth time now.” You swear if she doesn’t leave- “Expansion Joints! Eureka, that’s it,” you snap, happy as a clam that you remembered the name. ”What’re you doing with your fingers?” “I am snapping in pure unadulterated happiness.” It occurs to you that you don’t even know who this unicorn is, but right now you don’t care. “I can’t believe I didn’t see it the first time. I walk down these damn rails all the time and I didn’t notice.” ”What didn’t you notice?” she asks in a whisper, not trying to be intrusive but still failing. “The Expansion Joints! Well, the lack of them.” ”So the joints don’t expand?” Ehh, she doesn’t get it. How could she though? You know what? She deserves a lesson. “Expansion joints are little breaks in between the rails. These are so whenever the steel is subjected to intense heating and cooling, the piece of metal is allowed to expand and contract freely.” The purple unicorn nods, beginning to understand, “So this railway didn’t have those little breaks, so now the track has been warped?” “Precisely! God I am a genius.” You stand up and rush back over to your bag, fumbling through the various items concealed within. ”What’re you going to do?” “I… have to write a letter to my boss and get it to the first post I can. If my suspicion is correct, this entire railway was made before Expansion Joints were commonplace, so this entire track is a hazard.” ”Wow. How long have you been doing this?” You stop yourself midsearch and turn back to the unicorn, “I never caught your name.” “Anon, and as much I enjoy your company, you really need to get back on the train.” ”Are you sure? I can help you deliver the letter, we have a dragon, he’s my assistant, named Spike who could-“ “Look lady-“ ”My name is Twilight, Twilight Sparkle.” “Mine’s Bond, James Bond.” ”But- you just said-“ “It’s a joke, anyways, I’m good. I’ve been doing this for a while, I can get it done myself.” You sling the bag over your shoulder as Twilight trails behind you trying to get your attention. ”But I can help- Besides, I’d really like to learn more about you. I’ve never-“ “Seen anything like me before, yes, I’ve heard,” you turn back, knocking on the conductor’s glass. ”So you finally decided to get to work, huh? Good, we’re late enough as it is, so are you done?” “Oh, would you rather me not? If you want I could get another repairman out here who could- Oh wait, I’m the only one who’s not a week away, darnit.” If his brows could furrow any further- I don’t know, insert funny joke here, shit. “But yeah, you’re good to go. Tell your boss to cancel all shipments down this railway, it’s not safe.” ”Are you bucking kidding? We’re already hours behind schedule here.” “Trust me, I know. Also, don’t go the designated speed, go a few clicks slower, there’s no telling how much damage there is elsewhere.” The conductor shakes his head and slams the glass closed, “Bucking kids…” You turn back to Twilight who’s giving you a pleading look, “You won’t even know I’m here.” “In the train, now.” Her shoulders go slack as she walks back in defeat, poor mare. Destroyed her dreams like they were nothing. Might as well give her something to aim for, even if it’s impossible. “How about this Twilight, you get a signed letter from the Princess herself saying you can come with me, and I’ll let you tag along. Deal?” Her eyes practically light up, “DEAL! I can’t wait to tell the princess about this. She’ll let me come for sure.” “Wait, what do you mean you’ll tell her?” ”Oh, I forgot to say that I’m the princess’s pupil. You’re going to the closest town right? I’ll be sure to pack my bags.” The roar of the train sounds before you can object, the giant mass of metal slowly making its way down the tracks. “You’re kidding right?! Tell me you’re kidding!” ”I’ll be back!” she hollers back cheerfully, “Just don’t leave, I’ll be there in a day or two!” She’s- Nah she’s just pulling your leg. She can’t know the princess, that’s impossible. This encounter would have to have been, one in a million, two million maybe. Oh god, what if this is that one in a million encounter. To have her tag along with you? Every. Single. Day. Is this karma? Because Karma’s a massive cunt. God… Fuck Equestria. You sigh and begin walking down the tracks. Maybe you’ll be wrong. Who knows? At least you still have some peace and quiet. “Am I blue?” Author's Note Credit to Harry Akst and Grant Clarke for the song "Am I Blue." Credit to The Police for "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic." Chapter 2: Apple TownShe presses a hoof in your hand, that subtle warmth… “I’ve missed you. If these few years have taught me anything, it’s that I have to take the good with the bad, even if it is a bit messy,” she laughs. “Twilight,” holding her hoof with both hands now, “I’ve never forgotten about you, not once.” She presses her head against you, a wet spot forming on your stomach, “Neither have I.” You hold her close, her soft sobs always being too much for you to handle. “I’m sorry Anon… I’m so sorry.” “Me too, Twi. I’m sorry…” If you could go back in time then… No, if she could go back in time… “I’m sorry,” you pull away from her, “But this? This can’t work. Not after what’s happened between us.” Twilight wipes away her tears, only leaving behind her reddened eyes, “Can’t we start over?” She should know it’s not that simple. “If you want to start over, then it’ll be as I was. Oh… You don’t like that idea very much do you? You don’t have to answer; I can see it in your eyes.” You were an absolute dick to her, to every p0ny that tried to get near you. She’d be insane to want to go through that again. ”Anon, if it meant-“ “Just stop,” you interrupt, turning away, “You’ve said your piece, and so unless there’s anything else you want, I’d like you to leave.” Stay firm with her, Anon. Do not let her in again. Fool me once shame on you. She steps close, the soft crunches against the carpet finally ceasing, “Is that what you really want?” Don’t turn around. Don’t do it… You look back, those eyes silently pleading at your heart. “Fool me twice,” you whisper under your breath, “Dammit Twi… You really would follow me again, through the thick and thin…” Another couple steps. “Yes, but you never answered my question.” You stifle a laugh, almost smiling. Guess neither of you have changed; she’s still loaded with questions. But then you remember her leaving, and the smile that has yet to breathe, suffocates within you. “No, I don’t want you to leave. Shit…” You retreat to the balcony, letting the cold serve as your shield against her… but when you feel warmth next to you, it melts right on through. She always does this- did this- Whatever! You might have been able to tell her off once, but that was long ago. You were a different person then. You sigh, gripping the railings with Twilight by your side, “Why don’t you want to start over?” This time you do manage a chuckle, another shield to mask your feelings. “You think it’s about what I want? I wanted you to talk to me, Twilight. I wanted you to come back into my life, even just as friends. But you couldn’t. Well guess what? Now I can’t, and- Forget it, just drop it.” She won’t break you. She almost did once, but not this time. You can almost feel her gaze leave you as she turns to look over Canterlot, “I’ve always enjoyed this view. I could spend an hour just watching…” “Yeah well… I haven’t had the luxury of time.” ”Even you found time to enjoy it. How often did you lose hours of sleep just to watch the stars?” How could she know that? You never let on that… She smiles at you knowingly, “I did the same thing, but one night I heard you start to sing.” “Ha, I guess I did find time to get lost sometimes, even if it made my work a little harder.” Looking off over the city, you can’t but feel like you’ve finally made it. After all this time. “You know, this is my first time ever going to a big city.” ”Really? Didn’t you tell me-“ You cut her off with a simple look. Even after all this time, Twilight still knows better than to bring that up. “Really. My boss always steered me away from the routes that ran this way. I guess his superiors didn’t want me to disturb the Canterlot hierarchy.” ”They aren’t all like that.” That she should definitely know better. “They sit up here all day and night, feasting on the spoils of those who do all the heavy lifting. A bunch of limp-dicked… I’m sorry, Twilight. That’s not me anymore.” ”Is that what you think of me?” “You know what I think of you,” you snap at her, clenching your fist against your forehead, “Why’d you have to come here… Tonight of all nights.” She looks hard into your eyes, “You know why,” and walks out. You follow close behind her, anger once again finding its way in your voice. “So that’s it? You’re just going to leave again? After all you’ve said!” ”I’m happy that you can put the past to rest, but not all of us are so cold…” Twilight takes a look around your room one last time, “Try not to make a mess. You don’t want to make it harder on the ‘working folk.’” Again. She thinks she- Does she even care?! “God dammit Twilight!” you nearly scream at her, stomping towards and leaning your head against the bathroom door, “Why can’t you see that I still love you? What am I doing wrong?!” She shakes her head, smiling painfully at you, “You were right. It won’t work between us anymore. It just can’t.” Twilight holds back the tears as she stops at the door to the hall, looking down at her hooves, “I guess a part of me still wanted to hold onto the past, hold onto you in a way… A childish dream…” “That’s not childish,” you try to explain. “Do you know how many times I couldn’t sleep because you weren’t there by my side? I had spent the last four years tossing and turning because I lost my hold of you. I prayed that I could find a way to earn your affection back then, but all I found was silence to answer me. I lived this childish dream of yours every day. There’s not a second goes by that I don’t want things to go back to the way they were.” You would give anything to relive those days long past. “But I didn’t part ways, it was you. YOU! You ran away because you couldn’t tell me no. You let me chase you for years, never saying no. That’s all I wanted, an answer, but you just couldn’t find the sincerity.” Her voice is hoarse as she avoids looking at you, “Is that what you really think? Do you really think that’s why I left?” You open your mouth to speak, only to close it. After all these years, you never questioned her motives. Could you have been wrong? “Were- It wasn’t my advancing away? Then what could it have…” She didn’t know how to respond, she wasn’t ready to. ”You were afraid… because you felt the same way?” Twilight sniffs again, eyes reddening once more, “After four years you finally figured it out. I hope you’re happy.” “Twilight wait-“ ”I only wanted to patch things up, and you manage to throw me to the timberwolves. You try and tell me how you feel,” she wipes a tears away and furrows her brow, “Well you have a funny way of showing it.” You don’t have time to respond before she runs out the door. You rush over to the door just as it slams in your face, and you begin fumbling with the handle. “Twilight !” God- Open you fucking door! You push through, ignoring the clamor of fans down the hall as you pursue after Twilight. “Twilight! Just wait! PLEASE!” 6 years ago… You cast your gaze upwards, making out the edge of the town, rolling hills of apple trees stretching past the horizon. The thought of taking a bite of even one of those juicy balls makes your throat ache, only accentuating the thirst that’s been building over the day. Giving your canteen a shake, knowing that it’s dry but still silently hoping that some deity would serve mercy unto you. It rattles, but no dice. It just goes to show, wishful thinking doesn’t take you anywhere. You could jog on over, cut your time roughly in half, but… it’s all the way over there. No sense in running, you never have a need. Turning you head right you spy where you’ll sleep for the night, a small rocky formation just out of town. It’s like Pride Rock, but scaled down a couple thousand times. So you guess it’s your own personal Mini PR. You shake your head, staving off drowsiness just a little longer. There’s no time to think about sleep. There’s a message to deliver and until that happens you’re not doing jack. The age of the town becomes clearer as you get closer, the fresh pine and cedar apparent from their newest building. It’s been roughly five months since you last came this way, and even then they weren’t quite done. One of the builders wipes his head with a towel, turning about to see you coming down the tracks. Please don’t do it. I swear if you do- “HOWDY THERE!” Ugh, why is it always him? At least he’s working right now, so that buys you some time to find a hiding place. The last thing you want is to hear is his rambling. Last time you did… You shudder thinking about it. Now, where’s the courier’s office? You head down the street, hand clutched to your satchel. These folks wouldn’t steal from you, but you know better than to lift your guard. Never again… An elderly mare looks up from her knitting and smiles, “Mornin’ sonny.” “Ma’am,” you nod to her, trying to keep your gaze forward. Another greeting comes here and there from a few of the p0nies who aren’t working in the fields, each getting the same nod of acknowledgement. Finally you spot the office, a little run down since you were last here, but still standing, so that’s a plus. No sign in the window though, you note as you walk up the steps. Ahh, they probably forgot to replace it. Twisting the handle you walk on in, your heart skipping a beat as you freeze in place. Two foals are kicking and running about, only stopping when they see you in the doorway, “What that?” “This… isn’t the courier’s office.” ”MOM!” the second one screams, “Weird thing!” A clammer sounds from the back as their mother books for the front door. “I said git you little-“ she pauses as she sees you standing in the doorway like a dumbass, “Oh! Howdy there, thoughts my kids was talking about them crab spiders. Darn things.” “Crap, sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude.” ”Nonsense,” she waves her hoof, ushering her kids away, “What can I do ya for?” “Nothing, I lost my way is all. This wasn’t a house the last time I was here.” ”You’re looking for the courier buildin’? Yeah, they moved out down the roads a bit, it’s got the Pegasus sign out front, can’t miss it.” Well, this turned out better than it could have. You haven’t spent a night in the stockades yet, and you don’t plan to. “Thank you, I’ll be on my way.” ”Can I getcha somethin’ to drink? Ya look thirstier than cured ham.” “No thanks,” you lie, wanting nothing more than a cold glass of water, “I’m good.” ”Whatever you say honey,” she waves you off, “Bush! Get down from there!” You make a quick escape, thankful you have some directions. After another little bit of walking you walk up to the door, this time a sign in the window and a door chime when you walk in. An earth pony sits behind the counter, a bushel of scrolls laid out across the top, a bell sitting just in front. You look around the corner, getting a glimpse of a Pegasus laying on in his hammock in the back. “Is it amateur hour already?” you ask out loud, moving back over to the counter. You tap your fingers on the wooden top, trying to get his attention, but it looks like he’s in a deeper sleep than you thought. “Come on dude, don’t make me use the bell.” Again, no response. You sigh, hitting the bell once, ears in pain from its annoying ring. His eye twitches, but other than that he’s as sound as a baby. “Fine, you want to play like that,” you mutter, finally put up with his sleeping bullshit, placing the bell right next to his ear, “I’ll fucking play like that.” You smash the bell with all your might, causing the whole desk to shake and ring like a bomb had gone off, “GAH!” The pony stumbles back in his chair, frantically dusting himself off and coming to a stand, “Uhhh, welcome to the Winged Courier, fastest courier in Equestria. How can I help you?” At least his boot-up’s fast. You reach into your bag, looking for the scroll. ”Hehe,” you hear him chuckle, “Nice purse.” “Excuse me?” you glare back at him, pausing in your search. ”I’m just admiring your purse,” he laughs, cracking open a bottle of cider, “Do you have a matching outfit with that?” This isn’t back home, Anon. Don’t let it get to you… Ignoring him you finally find the scroll, sliding it across to him. “Just send my letter.” He grabs a quill and paper and leans back against the wall, “Alright, who’s it addressed to and where’s it going?” You hear a yawn, followed by some hoofsteps as the Pegasus emerges from the back weary-eyed. “It’s addressed to Steel Bit, and he’s in Detrot City.” ”Hey,” the Pegasus groans in a deep beefy voice that reminds you of a jock, “Nice purse.” You’ve got to be kidding, “Hey! I said the same thing!” ”No way, did you ask if he had a-“ ”Matching outfit, totally!” the earth pony cheers, the two finishing up with a ‘hoof-bump.’ “If you two ladies are done with cheer practice, I need this on the next flight out, priority mail.” ”Yeah yeah,” the earth pony grumbles, making a few marks on the paper, “Alright, we’ll have it there in… about a week. That’ll be ten bits.” “What? Maybe I heard you incorrectly, did you say a week, and that it cost ten bits?” The pony grins like an idiot to himself, even putting on his thinking cap, “Uhhm, yeah that’s about right.” ”You got a problem with that, partner?” his partner adds in, “Ey, throw me a cider.” You’re stunned, these guys are just acting like this is normal and drinking a couple brewskies while on the job. “Yes. I do have a problem with that, a big fucking problem,” you turn back to the earth pony, “A week is unacceptable for a courier service, and ten bits? That’s highway robbery.” ”The price is the price dude,” the Pegasus takes a gulp of his cider in smug satisfaction, “Ey, this is some good stuff.” ”I know right? Braeburn sure knows his stuff.” “Are you two even listening? This is atrocious, where’s your manager, that unicorn what’s-his-face?” ”Him? He left months ago. Left it all to me and my bff here. So if you want the manager, you got to talk to me.” This motherfucker… “Alright then, why is this supposed to take so long, first of all? Any good Pegasus could make the run in a day.” ”Well dude,” the Pegasus juts in. “You see all these letters and stuff, well here’s where you are,” he takes your scroll and places it right at the end, “There’s a little wait.” You look at the tags on the other scrolls, the latest one dating two weeks back, “So until we get these out you’re just going to have to wait.” “These are from weeks ago,” you point out to them, the earth pony taking a gander. “Well, they just got to the front of the list. We’re very busy.” You can tell. Sleeping and drinking on the job is exactly what you’d expect from a service like this. ”You know, if you don’t like our service you’re more than welcome to go to the other courier service across the street.” This move… It would be funny if you weren’t the one getting led by the nose here, “Wait, there isn’t another service in town, darnit. I guess you’re going to have to wait.” Ahh you could laugh right now if they weren’t pissing you off. Just- fuck it, you’ll have to wait then. They’ve got all the cards. You’ll come back tomorrow, see if they sober up. You shell out ten bits onto the counter and head on out the door. The Pegasus chugs the rest of his cider, giving a disturbing belch and patting his chest, “Hmm that was darn tasty. Get me another will ya?” ”Don’t get too hasty now, we’re running out as it is.” You stop just as he says this, turning back to them. “Really?” ”Really,” the earth pony groans, tossing him another bottle, “Damn buffalo ran off with the rest of our cider making stuff. We ain’t got much left.” You stroke your chin in thought, going over the plan in your head, “And we don’t just hoof it out to any purse-having two leg neither.” “Oh I wasn’t going to ask,” you saunter back up and leaning against the counter, “Just wondering if that means you can’t make anymore cider now.” ”We’s got some,” he admits, “but Braeburn’s rationing us out, considering the party tonight.” You’re not interested in that last part, but the first part? That tickles you just the right way. “So… Where would you, get more supply, if I were to ask?” “Why’s you asking so many questions partner?” ”Maybe you’s looking for a date tonight?” “No. I was just wondering if you get supplies by train. That last one out was one way, so they didn’t drop anything off for you, did they?” They don’t have to answer. You already know. You reach back into your pocket, pulling out a small metal badge, your initials and railroad insignia engraved into it. “Because you see, I already shut this track down about a day ago, and that means there aren’t going to be any shipments coming through this way until I get that letter out.” ”Ur blowing smoke.” “This is the official seal of a Railroad Tech, that being me. I deemed that track hazardous. So nothing comes in, nothing comes out.” They both still look a little confused so you lean a little closer. “Let me put this in terms you’ll understand. No letter, no track. No track, no supplies. No supplies?” You reach out and snatch the bottle from the Pegasus, either too drunk or mind-fucked to care. “I guess you can kiss this sweet cider goodbye.” Taking a relieving swig you walk back to the door. “So unless you pair of drunks want to go cold turkey this time in about, say three days, I would get to sending that letter as soon as possible. Adios!” The door shuts just as you remember something. Walking back in you see the Pegasus drunkenly fumbling with his courier bag. “Oh yeah, and I’ll be taking this back,” swiping up your bits, “If you’re lucky, you’ll get a couple tomorrow.” Before they can say anything you shut the door behind you, giving a hearty yawn, not noticing the shadow approaching you, “Howdy partner!” Oh god not him… Just the sound of his voice is enough to last a lifetime. “Watcha doing out here? Sending a letter out to the misses?” he jokes, walking dangerously close to you. “No, Braeburn,” you move to escape him, but he follows right on with you. ”Sorry I couldn’t come down earlier. We’ve all been working on that house for the past week, ain’t no way I dropping my britches then and there.” “Don’t worry about it,” you reply coldly, swigging your cider with the same expression. ”Yeah… We’s fixin’ to expand out a ways. Ah had to get down from there, it’s hotter than a goat in a pepper patch up there, though I reckon you’s know something about that.” “Don’t I ever,” you look around, not wanting to make the same mistake as earlier, “Where’s the store?” ”Confused aren’t ya? That’s alright, it’s over yonder, I’ll show ya.” You really wish he wouldn’t, but the sooner you get some food and supplies, the sooner you can sleep. Braeburn eyes your cider with a grin, “Enjoy that did ya? Ya don’t got to answer, it’s uh- what you city colts call it? A something question.” “Rhetorical, and I’m not a city boy.” ”Don’t get your britches in a twist, I’s just playing around some, partner.” You don’t have them in a twist, and you’re definitely not his partner. ”Gosh darnit, I almost forgot to ask! All us ponies are having a little get-together tonight up in the saloon.” Christ man, can’t he take a hint? What makes him think you want to go? ”I knows you weren’t so keen on it last time, but I ain’t taking no for answer this time, ya hear partner? You’re gonna have a good time, even if it kills ya!” he laughs to your displeasure. “No, Braeburn. I’m busy.” He smirks purposely, “My flank you are. Come on partner, when’s the last time ya took off the saddle and cut yourself a piece of pie.” Take off the saddle? That sounds like some kind of sexual innuendo coming from them, well, riding bareback isn’t your fetish either. He takes your silence as license to keep talking, “It’ll be good for ya, Apple’s Honor. What’s the worst that could happen?” “I could have fun,” the word almost causing you pain just to say. Life isn’t about having fun. It’s about getting through the day to day, putting in the work to make it a better place. This ‘get-together’ is just a distraction from the goal, and you’ll have none of it. Braeburn snickers at your remark as the two of you round the road, “If ever I saw one, you’d be the joker. See, this is why ya need to come out tonight, get a little socializing time with the rest of us.” “Not the social type.” ”Don’t be a stick the mud. Aha! You looked like you enjoyed that cider, didn’t ya? Rhetorical question!” You’ll admit, that was kind of funny, but he’s still not going to convince you. ”Well, I’ll have you know, Mr. Anon Mud Stick, that there’s a lot more where that came from, tastier too. Finished up the brew this morning, and MMM-UHMMM! I think my grammy might have her work cut out for her.” “I don’t drink,” while you finish the rest of the cider. You cut him off before he can draw this to your attention. “I don’t drink in excess. One’s more than enough.” ”Where’s the fun in that? Half of the fun is waking up in a bale of hay, bruised hooves, and a whole bucket of questions. Ya can’t say that ain’t fun.” “I don’t drink,” you repeat once more, making it very apparent that this subject is over. He swallows hard, perhaps your wish has finally come true and he’s swallowed his tongue. But after a few seconds he speaks again, much to your displeasure. ”Mares, there ain’t nothing in Equestria than spending some quality time behind the old barn than that I reckon. Ugh, that’s sick. There’s no way you’d ever go for that, you’re not that desperate. Shrugging off his utterly disgusting suggestion, you look onwards, spotting the store you’re headed for. ”I saw you walk in on Ms. White down the road, getting mighty comfy with her hmmm?” Braeburn’s tone hinting at something much more. “I walked in by mistake and that’s that,” you reply, finally stopping in front of the store with a sigh. ”No mares huh. Alright, I better let you get to it.” You’d jump for joy if it wasn’t for the fact that you’d have to hit yourself afterward. ”Unless,” Braeburn turns his head up curiously, “You’re more of a- *cough cough* stallion man.” Why is it so hard to get a little peace and quiet? He chuckles as you walk up the steps, “Just yanking yer chain, partner. So how about it? Do I save you a seat?” “I’ll think about it.” ”Really?” “No,” you enter the store as swiftly as possible, leaving him back outside. ”Hey now don’t be such a stick in the mud,” you hear him call in his overly friendly manner, but you just roll your eyes and move to the desk. The mare behind the desk looks up just long enough to show that she knows you’re there, then moving back to her book with a yawn. So… You’re not the only one who’s a tired wreck. Good, you shouldn’t be carrying all the baggage around here. Grabbing a loaf of bread off the shelf you scratch your chin, grabbing a second one just in case. If that Twilight girl does come… God, don’t even think about it. You’ve got enough on your mind as it is. Then again, if she really does… You pick up a small bag of potatoes as well and head for the counter. She yawns and puts down her book, “Will this be it for you?” “Do you have a water pump here?” waving your empty canteen, “I could use a refill.” ”Yeah, it’ll take a minute.” Handing it over she goes to the backroom, letting you twiddle your thumbs and wait. What if she does come? What if you actually have to let her tag along? Oh lord, what have you done… She’d be there, all the time. Always watching and talking, asking questions like some shrink. Pfft, and to think you’d have gotten away from it all. You check your watch, drumming your fingers against the counter until she comes back out, “Will that be it?” “That’s it.” You hand over your bits that you would’ve used for that damn courier service with a small grin. ”So… Breaburn huh?” she asks, counting your bits. “Yeah. He’s- something else.” ”You’ve got that right. At least you get to leave, I’m stuck here in this town.” “It’s a bit of a shitbox isn’t it?” ”No need to be so nice about,” she finishes bagging up your purchase, “What’s it like out there?” “Free. Do I need to sign anything?” ”Doesn’t it get lonely?” Does it? “No,” you answer, “So do I sign anything?” ”No, I’ll see you around,” nestling back into her book. Not likely. Walking out you head to your little get-away up in the rocks. The sun’s fading behind the horizon at this point, so you whip out your bag and get a small fire going. You rub your hands over the flames, combating the rapidly approaching chill of night. It’s a good feel though, helps make sure you’re still up and ticking. A grumble from your belly tells you it’s time to eat, so you break off a hunk of bread and sate your hunger. Leaning back you watch the stars overhead, far brighter than you ever remember them being back home. Astronomy always bored you, but the stars still grabbed your attention. Light-years away those giant masses manage to push out such a glow. A part of you wonders if your sun is out there somewhere, somewhere in the sky. Your home’s out there as well, all the people you left behind. Not really many of those actually. Just one you really cared about… Your heart sinks as you think about the past, and you quickly thrust the thoughts aside for the stars to shine into your mind. Biting off another piece makes the scene complete, just you and the stars. A laugh breaks your silence, forcing you to get up and investigate. The town’s alight with the buzz of ponies trotting down to the local tavern, the mare you heard erupting into another fit of laughter before being escorted back inside. ”Who’s that up there?” you hear another pony ask closer to the edge of town, a filly and his father. ”Doesn’t matter, some nut or another, come on, mommy is waiting for us.” Just enjoy the night Anon. Let it go. Back by the tavern, you can barely make out the frame of Braeburn at the doors, looking over the approaching crowd. He greets each one that comes in but… You slink back down into your nook, throwing a stick in the fire. “Damn fool…” Kicking another twig into the fire you lay down and close your eyes. You just need some sleep. That morning… You stretch your arms out, brushing it against the lukewarm twigs from last night’s fire. Breakfast, or a shower? Breakfast. Shower. Tentatively, you raise your arm and whif, instantly wheezing like a smoker on his eighth pack. “I guess my body chose for me.” Standing up, you crack your back and look down on the town, the street laden with empty bottles and quite a few snoozing drunks. “See kids, this is why you don’t drink.” Bagging your stuff you head down again, not entirely sure where you might go to take a shower. This place isn’t exactly the pinnacle of civilization, so running water might be as rare as a giant poke doted leprechaun. You’ve actually seen one once, that was a creepy ass fair though. You don’t know where they got that pig-bear-man. Then again, you could’ve been hallucinating, but this doesn’t help you now does it? It’s not like you know anyone here besides Braeburn, and even then, you wouldn’t use his shower if he paid you. Wait what about that one mare? You walked in on her by accident, oh damn, what was her name? You remember Braeburn saying it, but you were actively not paying attention. Urrr- White! That was it, thank you ears for being so keen. Perhaps she’ll be kind enough to let you use her shower, or whatever she uses to wash herself. Come on, hurry up Anon. The grim feels like its multiplying. Jogging down the dead street you eventually find her home, giving a short one-two knock. What if she’s hungover and you just pissed her off? Fuck, why didn’t you think this through? The door opens, and you can barely see a groggy eye peeking through the hole, “Hello?” “Sorry to bother you, but can I use your shower?” ”No.” Well that was quick. ”Feel free to use the hose out back. No offence hun, but you showing up here twice puts me on the wrong side of tomorrow, if you get my drift.” “No, I really don’t.” You can hear her sigh through the door, “Just don’t use it all, alright? My foals still need a wash.” ”No we don’t.” ”You’s getting a bath whether you like it or not!” she yells back at them, “Sorry, just head around back. Pump’s by the shed.” “Thanks,” you head around back, taking off your bag as you walk. A nice wash will do your body good. You can hardly remember the feel of hot water. You give the pump a few good turns, jumping as the icy water hits your hand. “I guess I won’t remember it for a while yet…” You start to undress, taking off your shirt, when you realize that here in the back you’re wide out in the open. As much as you’d like to show the world what you’ve got, there’s a fine line in the sand, and this is about a mile over. Your eyes dwindle over the shed, the boards almost falling off the damn thing. Sporotrichosis or public nudity? You’ll take the infection anyday, you think pulling the hose along to the shed. You wind it through one of the windows that line either side, draping your clothes on the other. The water trails down the sole of your foot, almost causing you to jump. You raise the hose away from you and prepare to swallow your tongue. “This is going to suck,” slowly turning it back to you. “Fu- fu- fu- fuck!” Your whole body shudders as it feels like you’ve been dunked in arctic waters. You have to hold your hands together to stop them from shaking. “Why couldn’t I have picked breakfast?” No soap, so you won’t be getting completely clean, but a rinse is better than a stew in your own filth. Your mind travels back to the water and you instantly shiver. “Gah- I’ve got to get my mind off of this.” Think about something else, anything else. You’re back home, in a nice hot shower. Ohh… Your body almost feels like it’s getting warmer. Why don’t you do this more often? Closing your eyes, you envision the porcelain tiles that line the walls, showerhead running off above. A smile creeps onto your face as you relive that moment, getting ready for graduation, the smell of freshly cooked bacon seeping into the air. “Michelle, my belle. These are words that go together well, My Michelle.” You wave a single back and forth as you hum the tune, completely forgetting how crappy your situation is. “I love you, I love you, I love you. That's all I want to say.” The water really does feel hot again, almost stingingly so, but it fits your memory so well. You don’t even hear the hooves outside in your daze. “My Michelle...” ”Who’s Michelle?” Your eyes snap open to a pair of purple eyes… and hair… mane… horn… “Twilight…” you grumble, your mind finally coming to. Why’s the water still hot? “Gah!” Your hands push the hose away, Twilight’s eyes strolling up and down your body, “So that stuff wasn’t your skin? It was clothing?” “Don’t look-” your hands cover your privates, the hose falling back into position, “Ga- Stupid hose!” ”I was told you went this way so I warmed up the water for you,” she smiles as you avoid the blistering water. “I’m bathing, get out!” ”I was just-“ ”I said-” you begin to shout, another spray of water forcing you to jump away into the opposite wall, a sickening creak following your impact. “Please no…” The weight of the structure begins to shift, and before you can escape the entire building leans over, collapsing on top of you. This is why you work alone… You crawl out of the wreckage, pulling your now soaked clothing with you through the muddy soil. Meanwhile, Twilight, the unicorn with less brains than half a downs-zombie, is tossing the wreckage left and right looking for you. ”Anon? Omigosh, I’m so sorry. Are you down there?” If you were, she’d be crushing you, the dumb mare. You stand up, marveled at the fact you haven’t been impaled, and also enraged at how you’re dirtier than you were before. Well, at least your satchel came out mud and water free. With one hand you scoop off a glob of mud from your leg, flicking it away so you can at least put on your boxers. ”Mom! That weird thing is throwing poop!” No- God you hate children. They just make everything worse. Twilight finally looks over as you finish zipping your pants, “Oh thank Celestia you’re alright. I thought you were crushed.” “No thanks to you. What the hell were you thinking?! Do people not know the meaning of privacy here?” ”What in Tartarus happened here?!” Rubbing your eyes, you turn around facing Ms. White who’s livid to say the least, “My kids were telling me you were throwing poop around! And my shed! I hope you’re going to pay for that.” There goes your plans for a vacation… “I can explain…” ”And who they hay is this?” she points to your ‘accomplice.’ ”My name’s Twilight Sparkle.” ”Oh that’s just grand,” she looks back to you, “What happened? You two were butting hooves in my shed? There’s plenty a bush if ya need privacy.” “It was an accident. I slipped in shower after… Twilight here,” you hiss the last part, “Surprised me. It didn’t help that the shed was an accident waiting to happen.” ”You trying to blame my shed? Besides, who said you could go in there? All you were supposed to do was use the hose.” “Look, I’ll pay for the fucking shed, okay? Get off my ass, this whole place is starting to piss me off.” ”Good, I think a hundred bits otta do me good.” “A- a hundred? Are you off your rocker?!” She sits on her flank and crosses her hooves, “That, or I could call Braeburn.” The alternative never crosses your mind as you scour through your bag, “A hundred right?” After handing over the bits, leaving you with a whopping three fucking coins left, you being skulking over to the couriers office, Twilight by your side. You stretch your arms, some of the mud crusting up under your arms, your clothes still sopping wet. ”If you want, I can dry those-“ “You know, the last thing I wanted was for you to show up in the fucking first place, so if you could do me a solid and shut that trap of yours, that’d be great.” ”My trap? I don’t get it.” How much bad karma do you have to deserve this? “Of course you wouldn’t. Just be quiet.” She smiles, her horn beginning to glow as she opens up the bags on either side of her back, a scroll floating in front of you. “And what is this supposed to be?” ”It’s my permission slip,” she says with almost childlike glee, “Open it.” You snatch it, unamused at how happy she can be after what she’s done to you. Been here a whole ten minutes and she’s already made you lose two years of saving. “Let’s see here… ‘To whom it may concern, It has come to my attention blah blah blah, Twilight Sparkle, my most faithful student,” you eye her with suspicion. ”It’s true.” “Doubt it. Where were we… ‘faithful student is tasked with accompanying you on your future ventures… From, Princess Celestia.’” Prin- Princess. A- The princess wrote you a letter. A motherfucking princess! Why couldn’t it have been about something else, anything else. ”Does this mean I can come with you?” You shake your head in your hands, sobbing like a little baby in your mind. “This is going to be a long week.” ”Week? I’m not leaving that soon, I’ll be here for months. We’ll learn so much about each other,” she squees in delight. “Forgive me if I don’t hold my breath… Here it is.” ”Here’s what?” she asks as you walk up to the courier’s door. “This is where our, god I hate saying that word, ‘our’ journey begins.” Please Steel Bit, if you have any powers of omnipotence, fire me here and now. The door chimes open, the desk still littered with scrolls, but at least that drunk bastard is awake. Well, sort of. He’s leaning against his hoof, struggling to stay up. “So I guess the threat of losing your booze didn’t get it through huh?” He snaps to attention, stumbling back on his school for a moment, “You! No no, we’ve got it out alright. I’m just waiting on that pair of wings to get back.” “I’m losing my patience,” you cross your arms with a squelch. ”It coming, don’t ya worry none. It should be back any minute now.” He looks behind you as Twilight enters, immediately putting on his cool face, “Well hello there gorgeous. Welcome to the Winged Courier, fastest guys around. Let me start off by saying that you’re the prettier than a slice of pie.” ”Oh, thank you,” she blushes. Why does this shit never work for you? Nevermind… “The flight shouldn’t ever take this long. Hell, this chick got here faster than him.” ”It’s ain’t a fault of mine. Just calm down.” Grumbling, you sit and wait, tearing through another hunk of bread. Twilight looks over you with interest, fervently taking notes. With a grunt you swivel in your chair, turning your back to her as you eat. At least you would, if she didn’t scoot hers around so she could get a better glimpse of you. “Git!” you shoo her away, “No privacy, Christ.” A stumble and groan sounds from the back, the backdoor creaking open as the Pegasus limps through, “I- I got it!” He falls on his face and starts crawling along, Twilight looking on in shock. You just smile smugly and eat your breakfast, the feathery fuck deserved it. The earth pony helps him up and takes the letter, reading over the tag, “It’s for you.” “About damn time,” you put your food away, hearing him snicker ever so slightly. “Unless you’d like to forget the taste of cider, keep the snickering to yourself.” You rip it off his hooves and pull it open, traveling over the lines carefully as you sit back down. In this job, every little detail is key. The more you know, the better you can perform. Hushed breaths line your neck with unwanted heat, Twilight hovering just over your shoulder. ”Who’s Steel Bit?” “My boss. Let’s go Twilight, we’ve got ground to cover.” ”Hey!” the earth pony exclaims before you can leave, “We haven’t been paid.” “Oh yeah,” you pull out your last three bits, giving Twilight one last glare before tossing them his way, “Keep the change.” As you start walking it’s silent but then she has to open her mouth, “So-“ “Tampa Neigh. My boss will be there. He’s already reopened the railway until we can get the resources to fix the problem.” That fool… Don’t say that, Steel Bit’s done well for you. He must have his reasons. ”That’s not what I was going to ask.” “Please, feel free to hit me with any question you want then. I’m at your disposal,” resent heavy in your tone. ”I was wondering who Michelle was. Is that your wife?” “I could laugh right now, but I’m too pissed at the moment.” Oh, she’s still waiting for your answer huh? Figures. “It’s just a song, and no, I didn’t have a wife back home.” ”Back home? You’re not from here?” Really, is she this dense? “Unless you’ve seen others like me around here, then obviously no, I’m not from this cesspool.” ”Then where? Is it like this one?” “Remember when I told you to be quiet?” She shakes her head, typical. “Oh! I have to get the rest of my stuff!” Twilight gallops off the opposite direction, “Come on.” “Have mercy…” you groan, trailing behind. Eventually you come to a… chariot, two guards in the front who are dripping sweat. You recognize them by their armor. They… greeted you, when you first came to Equestria. Quite the pushovers actually. But it isn’t the guards or the chariot that catch your attention, but the five colossus bags that are in the back. “You’ve got to be shitting me?” No wonder the guards are sweating, they’re hauling a boxcar worth of haul! They were lucky to get off the ground. Using her magic, Twilight finally manages to get one, ONE, off the back before she starts to sweat, “Care to give me a hoof?” You wiggle your fingers as the guards sadly unclamp and go to help her, Twilight instead taking more notes. ”Fingers… instead… of… hooves. What are they called? Is it a foove?” You sigh, rubbing your temples in hopes to stave away the oncoming headache. “This is going to be a very long trip…” Author's Note Credit to The Beatles for "Michelle" One Too Many“Twilight !” God- Open you fucking door! You push through, ignoring the clamor of fans down the hall as you pursue after Twilight. “Twilight! Just wait! PLEASE!” You take a sharp left after her, the two of you moving away towards the fans. Bigs makes sure they won’t follow, but the mob doesn’t concern you right now. How could you have been so blind, so fucking ignorant that you couldn’t see it? You were convinced- Screw it, your mistake is in the past. It’s time to fix the present. She makes it to the end of the hall first, taking a swift right around the corner. Even as small as she is, ponies can be remarkably fast, but you won’t let her get away this time. You can’t let her. Not again. Come on legs, once more unto the breach. Pushing the pain in your fatigued chest to the back of your mind you pick up the pace and round the corner. “Twilight, stop running!” By god you’re out of shape. “We need to talk!” She glances back for a second only to skid to a halt as she reaches a dead end. Thank the architect for making this place a maze. You can see her glancing every which way for an exit as you come to a tired halt. Seriously, you have to find a gym or something. At least she’s finally stopped, any further and you’d swear your lungs would collapse. You don’t even smoke! ”Just leave me alone, Anon. I…” Twilight’s eyes are a hot red with tears on the verge of emergence. You never wanted this. “I just want to be alone right now.” “How can you expect me-” Deep breathes Anon, “not to follow you, after what you said.” You put your hands on your hips and push your chest up to help your breathing. You’ve got to lay off the cheesecake. Chocolate’s still on the table. “How long? How long have you felt that way?” You watch her horn begin to glow and you know you can’t stop her. “Please, I need to know.” Doomed to repeat history, Twilight would simply ignore your pleas and faze out of your life once again. Leaving you without answers… once again. But you can’t help but show a slight grin as the glow loses intensity and she finally looks back up at you. She doesn’t want to leave you, you can see that, but you also know just how strong her instincts are telling her to flee. You know that feeling all too well, it’s how you got here in the first place. ”I never meant for it to go this way,” her admission more pained than you’d ever want to hear. “Neither did I, but we can’t change the past.” She shakes her head, “No, I meant this, me meeting you again. I hoped we could heal old wounds, but all I did was make them bigger.” Now it’s your turn to shake your head. Despite what you’ve blamed her for, it wasn’t her fault alone. “I made this happen, Twilight. I pushed too hard then, and I pushed you again now. It was a different type of pushing, but… It was never your fault, not really.” ”I could’ve said something. Told you how I felt, I could have stopped all of this.” She has a point, you can’t disagree, but you can’t change the past. Twilight knows that, she tried after all. She wipes a tear from her eye, the first to have escaped, “You asked how long I felt about you like… like this.” You can’t help but mirror her smile, or is it the other way around? ”Do you remember the first time you sang on stage?” How could you forget? You wanted to strangle Twilight for it… in a good way. “You mean, the first time you forced me to sing on stage? Because that I remember.” She giggles at the memory, piece by piece her teary exterior breaking down, “I couldn’t let you squander your gift.” That was so long ago, you were so nervous at the time, clammy hands and a couple dozen ponies with their eyes on you. God how you hated the crowd. You got over it… ”Do you remember the song you played? You should, you-“ “Sang it tonight,” you finish the sentence for her. “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic. It was fitting.” ”When you sang that song, you looked so happy.” You had to get into it first, but when you did, it was a magic all of its own. “I thought you chose it random, one of the dozens you had sung before.” “It wasn’t…” ”When you looked down through the crowd, you looked right at me. You weren’t singing for the crowd anymore, you were singing for me.” “Like I said, it was fitting.” Hell if you keep downplaying it you might end up convincing yourself. ”I didn’t know how you felt at the time, but for me, it was the most sincere, the most touching thing anypony had ever done for me. You stole my heart that night and you never gave it back.” “Could’ve asked. I’d still probably say no but…” you joke, both of you sharing the laugh. “That song was for you, Twilight. As far as I’m concerned, it’ll always be yours.” Her smile fades with a strained sigh. Don’t tell me you ruined this with that sentence. You’ve come too far to fail because of that. Thankfully not, as she sports another grin as stressed as her sigh, “Then can I ask you a question?” “You can, but I can’t guarantee it’ll be the truth,” your joke falls on deaf ears this time. You guess it’s time to serious the fuck up, “Alright.” She doesn’t move any closer, neither of you have despite every impulse sent by that damned brain of yours. Instead she looks to the floor, a single hoof pawing at the tiled floor. ”Tonight, when you sang that song. Who were you thinking of?” “Oh Twilight…” you take a step closer, Twilight tensing up at the movement. ”Please, just tell me.” If you move any closer you’ll lose her, so you move back a step. “It’s your song, Twilight. You’re the only mare I think of, song or no. It’s always been you.” Please say that’s what she wanted to hear. Please say that’s what she wanted to hear. Please- When she moves back, you could swear you fucked up, ruined everything by telling her the truth. “I can’t apologize for keeping these feelings…” Be stern, Anonymous, chest up, hands at your side. “…and I won’t. You’re the only mare I’ve ever cared for, past or present, and I don’t see that changing.” “Thank you…” You’re not sure you heard her right but she hasn’t left yet. That’s gotta be a good sign, right? “I needed to hear that.” “We can make things better between us.” Reason has never been your strong suit. Emotion and impulse have always been your sword and shield. “It’s not too late to make things right.” ”I- I need some time to think.” Twilight looks up at you, “Alone. Can… Can you wait for me, just until tomorrow?” Today has to be one of the happiest days in your life, and it shows on your face. “Princess, I’ve been waiting 4 years for a chance like this. I can wait another day.” A smile, a genuine warmhearted smile grows on her face as her horn glows, “I do love you, Anon.” “I know.” Hmm, no carbonite? Damn. With that and a flash of light, she’s gone. Where? You don’t care much at the moment. You turn in triumph, the opportunity you’ve long awaited for all these years finally here. … Shit, now you’re up and don’t want to sleep. Hell, might as well hang with the band for a few. Wonder if Fumble Note managed to guilt some more bits from your mates. You chuckle to yourself as you begin the walk back, unaware of the pair of yellow eyes that had been watching over the two of you. ~~~ 6 years ago… Wiping another streak of sweat from your face you eye the horizon, Detrot a good week of walking to actually reach. You’re fairly sure you’d rather take a cactus up the rear than go there, but orders are orders. No pony is going to let you use your hose out there. The big cities always manage to bring out the worst in people, and ponies aren’t an exception. Dickbags, the lot of them. At least Steel Bit equals them out somewhat. Good guy, even for a pony. Your mind wanders to how dry your mouth is, but you know better than to let it get to you. Maybe you’ll catch some rain sometime once the terrain decides to green up a bit. Until then, ration time. Joy… Looking back at your companion you can’t help but stifle a laugh. Unicorns, their prissy little hooves were never meant to handle this type of beating. Welcome to my life, sucks doesn’t it? “How… much further?” She manages to get out between gasps of air. She’s just lucky she brought some water for herself. Unlucky for you. “Take a look at the horizon, keep looking and really get a feel for it. It looks like a long way, and you’re right. We’ve got quite a few more of those to go.” You almost say that with a bit of glee in your voice. You haven’t heard a tone like that in a while. Sounds kinda nice. “You don’t… seem to be -whew- having much… trouble at all!” This mare just doesn’t shut her trap does she? Three days. Three fucking days and she hasn’t slowed down. Not. One. Bit. The thought of bribing her crossed your mind once, and then you remember feeling a bit lighter than usual. Can’t very well bribe someone without any money. Apparently one thing does get her to slow down, you answering. Honestly, you’re not too keen on that idea, but it’s either that or your sanity. Sigh… If you didn’t have enough baggage already. “No, I don’t have much trouble. It’s called exercise, look it up.” A hefty thud reaches your ear causing you to stop. Not because you’re alarmed, but because facepalming when your walking is just a bit too much work. “What are you doing?” You know exactly what she’s doing, being a dingbat with a touch of downs. ”Looking up ‘exercise’ like you said.” Why? Why can’t she have been born a deaf mute? Your life would’ve been so much simpler. She unbuttons her saddle, alternating between rubs of her hooves before she takes out a- Why did she take a god damn dictionary? “Oh for fuck’s sake… I told you to take the essentials, not- A book isn’t essential.” ”But how else could I look up ‘exercise’ for you? Ah, here we go. ‘Exercise: bodily or mental exertion, especially for the sake of training or improvement of health.’” She lets out a gasp to your surprise, “That means I have been exercising! Rainbow Dash can’t make fun of me for it anymore!” Rainbow Dash? You don’t- No, you can’t begin to think of who or what that is. Still, you don’t think it’d be hard to find something else to insult her. “Are you done now? We’re burning daylight.” You standby tapping your foot in irritation as she plops her book back in its ‘designated position.’ You’re going to burn that book by tonight. It’d make fine fuel for a fire. “There, all do- Oww!” As she tried to get up her legs buckled beneath her, giving her a nice taste of dry earth. Serves her right. “Can- Can you help me up?” She extends a hoof upwards, reaching to the hand of god, that being you in this situation. You just look at it in disgust. “Seriously?” ”If I can’t get up, we’ll be late. I don’t want you to get in trouble. Please?” Her eyes plead that weak part of your heart that still thinks of mares as girls, the ‘gentleman.’ Too bad for her, that guy took a vacation long ago. That being said, you hate being late. Be nice and get there on time? Or be you and have Steel Bit ride your ass? Easy choice, you aren’t gay yet. “Ugh, fine. Tttthere we go,” you pull her up with ease and help her keep balance for a second. “Are we good, can we go now?” ”Yep!” She does a little hop and starts a steady trot to both your shock and irritation. It gets that much worse when you see her pull her paper and quill from her bag with magic. That bitch made you wait, and now she’s just fine and dandy? Bullshit! “Excuse me, but what the fuck was all that about?” You want to pelt that smile of hers into the dirt and give her a first-hand introduction to Satan, or whoever it is here. ”I’m sorry, what was that?” Satan. Meeting. This shit’s happening. “Oh, you mean that? I just wanted to test something really quick.” Pawing at you face is generally a sign of repressed rage and if you were doing it any harder you’d rip the flesh right off the bone. “A test?! Are you kidding me? I don’t have time for this!” You stomp off ahead of her, this time not slowing down for her sake. You’d given her that luxury and now she’s lost it. “But… I wanted to test your fingers, you know… to see how they worked!” She futily tries to keep up with you now, and this time, you know that her grunts of exertion are genuine. “Could you, slow down a little? It’s hard to- You’re really fast.” “You didn’t even need to look that up in the dictionary did you?” you shout back to her, not giving up an inch. “It was just an excuse to begin your act. Bravo, ten out of ten.” ”T-thank you.” You’re seeing red at this point, like, everything is blood red. You might want to get that checked out. “I was being hypocritical you stupid… Gah, fuck it.” Slow down, Anon. You’re going to give yourself a stroke if you keep up this pace for much longer. There we go, easy does it. You’re still angry, but at least things are returning to their normal color… and you won’t die from the heat. Then you hear it, that scribbling on parchment that reminds you of nails on a chalkboard, only this time it isn’t you who’s doing it. ”fuuuuuck… How do you spell that?” Alright, even you will admit that tickles your funny bone but only for a second. You’re still angry with her. “F, U, C, K.” You say, keeping your chuckle to yourself as you pull out your canteen for a sip. By god is that refreshing. Funny how good water can taste when you’re an inch from dehydration. Twilight hums to herself for a minute, apparently staring down at the mysterious word before her when you snuck a peak. ”Anon?” I can’t hear you. Lalalalala. “Hey, Anon?” This place is going to be your tomb. “What?” ”What does ‘fuck’ mean?” “What, you can’t look that one up?” ”It’s not in the dictionary.” She says almost matter-of-factly like she knows everything there is to know about it. Seriously, unicorns are pretentious cunts through and through. “Yeah, and I’m sure you read the whole damned thing too,” shaking your head at the mere notion. ”I’m very good at memorization. That’s why I’m Celestia’s star pupil,” her sheer joy coming out in almost a squeak there at the end. “Do you know what you’d get if you looked up the word ‘nuisance’ in the dictionary?” Wait for it… Wait... “A picture of you.” ”But dictionaries don’t have-” “Oh god, just shut your face hole. Damn.” … ”damn…” You’re going to kill her. ~~~ That night… You light up your watch, the soft green glow telling you that it’s a few past nine o’ clock. Sun’s down, heat’s gone, you can almost hear the critters scampering about, and… Yawn… Yeah you’re tired, at least you think that’s what yawning means. Right? Sure let’s go with that. You turn back and look at your reluctant companion through the moonlight, some square object basked in a purple aura in front of her. “We’re stopping for the night. I hope you brought a nice bed with you,” you scoff, insulting the pleasantries she’s grown accustomed to. “We wouldn’t want you to sleep on the nasty ground.” ”My bag isn’t big enough to…” Aaaand tuned out. It’ll only last so long. Twilight adapts quicker than you care to keep up with. “…keep going. By my calculations we should-” So that’s what that thing is? Sheesh, she’s a bigger nerd than you thought… she did read the whole damn dictionary though. You should feel sorry for her. Should. “Keep going? And exactly how much further are you thinking to go exactly?” you cross your arms and await her answer. ”Well, calculating our speed over the past two days, I surmise that if we add an additional-” “Ha ha whoa now, hold your horses for a second. I asked how long -you- were thinking about going.” Even as dark as it is you can still see the mix of shock and confusion on her face as she looks between you and her calculator, “But if we just-” “No, Twilight, there is no we. There’s just me, myself and I and guess what? Not one of those is you. Go on and keep walking, but I’ll be making camp and having some dinner.” You swiftly turn your back on her and make your way to one of the trees a couple dozen yards away from the train tracks. About halfway there you can hear her shout after you, “But what about me?” Don’t laugh An- Okay, fine you can have a little one but no more. “What about you?” That should set her head straight. You set down your bag and grab some twigs for a fire, your grin losing form when you hear Twilight come back trotting over. “I think it’d be better if we stuck together. Strength in numbers.” “Trust me, honey, you need me a lot more than I need you,” you reply with a roll of the eyes. The audacity of it… “I can take care of myself just fine, and- I don’t know you well enough for you to call me honey.” Thankfully you don’t have the fire going yet, because you’re about to throw yourself into it. “It was sarcastic… Hey, can I see that dictionary of yours for a second?” Maybe she thinks you’re opening up to her or maybe she’s just a certain kind of stupid, but she levitates it to you without question. “Sarcasm: the use of irony-” *rip* “I know what sarcasm means,” tossing a couple pages in with the other combustibles, “Maybe you should look up gullible.” ”My book!” La la la, where did you put that flint and steel? It has to be in here somewhere. “How could you do that?” Ah there it is, right under a potato. Darn thing always manages to lose themselves. You turn to get a face full of angry Twilight face. “I’m sorry, what was that?” Oh mockery, sweet mockery, how you sustain me. Even in these trying times- “You don’t just do that to somepony’s books you meanie!” “What’s the big deal? You’ve got the definitions wound up in your head anyways, so how I see it, it does me more good than you.” ”Than does -not- justify tearing a book apart!” “It’s just a few pages,” you reason with the flustered mare as you start up the fire. “Plus, you’ll be happy I did in a few hours when the cold hits you.” “I can make my own fire. I can’t make my own book.” You rub your eyes painfully, each second she talks more painful than the last. “These are my personal things and if you think-” “Alright, fine, if I apologize will you be quiet?” She sits back on her flank and taps her chin thoughtfully, “Maybe... If you meant it.” …is this chick serious? Ha, good luck with that one. “In that case, keep going. I’ll live with it, unfortunately.” You blow into the embers as you coax the first flames from the pages, the sweet warmth making you grin. ”You- You’re supposed to apologize! Apologize!” Once again you look over to see her standing right next to you, eyebrows down and face scrunched. “Now.” “Is that supposed to intimidate me?” You see the crack in her shell as her pout becomes a nervous smile, “Maybe?” There’s a few things in this world that piss you off… Okay, make that a lot of things, but this one has got to be like, top 5. Just below Equestria, ponies, socializing and more ponies. People trying to take advantage of you. That’s number five and that’s because they so often fail. So you decide to give her a lesson. You stand up straight taller than a minotaur and tower above her, looking down on her with furrowed brows. “I’ve uh- never seen you this tall.” “You’ve been with me for three days,” you lean down, “it’s called perspective. Now sit over there and be quiet… Please.” “Okay…” she turns and walks to the other side of the fire, tail between her legs like a scared dog. Dammit. Fine, that wasn’t really number five. That’s seeing people sad… unless they really pissed you off. Like that winged chick and her unicorn friend. Those were kind of okay. You’re going to regret this, you think as you sit down and tear off a piece of bread. “Hungry?” She hesitates to look up at you, even when you are trying your hardest to be sincere. No seriously, you are. If you were any more serious you’d be in a Christopher Nolan movie. Even still she doesn’t seem to answer you. Maybe if you wag it around a bit. “Look, I know you ran out of food this morning. You didn’t think I knew what that comment about you not being hungry for lunch meant? C’mon, I wasn’t born yesterday. Now take the food already, jeez.” You feel the piece slip from your fingers and make its way over to her hooves where she nibbles at it. “Thank you.” “Don’t mention it.” These ponies know you as somewhat of a stoic wanderer and you’d like to keep it that way. “I forgive you.” “Excuse me?” She silently swallows the last bit of bread, “I forgive you for tearing up my book.” You don’t need to hear this but you acknowledge her regardless. The last thing you need is a mopey ass companion. Actually the last thing -is- a companion but you digress. Fishing back around in your bag lets you lay a hungry eye on one of your potatoes but you decide to wait, instead grabbing your knife. “You’d best get as much rest as you can. You may have been pretending it was an act about being sore earlier, but trust me, I know you are. Some shut-eye will do us both some good.” Both of us. God, you hope the princess is at least going to pay you for babysitting her student. Maybe it’ll make up for the bits you lost, but there’s no sense thinking that far ahead. You just need to get to Detrot. Hopefully Twilight will have gotten the message and skedaddle by then. ”Aren’t you going to eat something?” “Does it look like I’m going to sleep,” you ask as you lie down, knife clasped in hand atop your chest. She gives you a onceover and nods, “I’d say you were going to sleep.” You strategically grin away from her as she’s technically right. “There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me.” Wait for it. “I’d like to know more.” You swear these ponies talk off scripts. “Just go to sleep.” ~~~ Hmm, bacon. Sweet sweet bacon. What you wouldn’t give for a nice thick slice, fat and all. Screw the bacon, just give me a pig. You wouldn’t know how to carve it but you’d find a way. Christ you need some meat right now. Beef, fish, pork, hell you’d go for a rat burger right about now. Where are you? I know you’re out there, skulking about and waiting for the fire to die down a little. You’re not sure how much longer you can hold this pose. The cold is starting to creep in and you’re having trouble fighting off the shivers. There! You little piece of shit. What’re you doing down there? You feel the soft pinch on your toes but remain still. Having trouble getting through the boot huh? I call them steel-toed-shoes you fucking nuisance. Just a couple more seconds, get your mandibles nice and deep. And… Now! Lunging forward off your back you hone in on the camel spider’s position, the tiny cretin not getting a chance to escape before you drive the knife in his back. His jaws retract while his legs try to recite his tap dancing lessons, but that won’t do him any good. “Who’s dinner? You’re dinner. That’s who.” Setting him down on his side you fish out your pan, twirling it around while you hum to yourself, adding some fuel to the dwindling fire. Big guy this time, would’ve taken another toe if you weren’t too careful. Whoever said these boots were a waste of bits? Not you, that’s for sure. As you hold the pan over of the fire, getting it nice and cozy for your guest, you look over to your squirming guest. “How much pain you in there, big guy? I hope a lot, you can’t imagine how hard it was to walk back to town with bolts of pain shooting up my leg. And it was all thanks to you,” you poke his behind for good measure. “Well, not you personally, but one of your many brothers and sisters.” The thought almost brings back a phantom pain in your left toe, the pinkie, so useless yet so damn cute. Your mom always used to- “Now,” you whisper between your teeth to your captive, “I know that you want it all to end, just let the pain go and die. But! Life isn’t always so fair. In fact, you can say it’s kind of a bitch. Life took my pinkie toe, so to me, fair’s fair right?” Planting him down with your fingers you take a little of his back leg before replanting the knife in his back. “That wasn’t so bad, now was it?” You flick your pan a couple times. Not too hot, not too cold. Just right. “Looks like its dinner time. Bone ‘petite.” You’re not a sadist. Really you’re not. Just because you take pleasure in watching these little assholes get what’s coming to them doesn’t make you a bad guy. After all, he bit your boots. You really like these boots. Just have to plant him down and there we go, a nice slow roast. Smell that aroma, how can something so bad smell so good. “It’s gotta be a strange twist of fate,” you begin to sing softly with the sizzle of carapace as your orchestra. “Telling you that heaven can wait. Telling you to get it right thiiiis time.” You’re about to continue when you notice your buddy isn’t moving anymore. He could’ve at least let you get through the segment first. Oh well, not like it matters. “Life doesn't mean a thing. Without the love you bring. Love is what we've-” ”Mmm.” Oh you’ve got to be kidding? You can’t even sing without being interrupted. Twice! “Anon?” Twilight rubs an eye as she stirs from her slumber. You guess you can’t blame her this time, you did get a bit vocal. “Wakey wakey, hands off snakey.” Right now, you reckon you’re a bit too happy to let her spoil the mood with simply existing. So she gets a pass until morning. A revocable pass that is. ”Snake?” She scratches her head one moment and the next her eyes almost pop out of her head, “Snake?! Where?” Coming close to losing that pass… “Just an Earth saying about boys. There’s not a snake in sight.” She keeps a cool Defcon One for a few more seconds before sliding in at a three or four. You may not be a knight in shining armor, but you’ve got her covered on snake duty. ”Earth… Like the ground. I don’t get it.” Of course she doesn’t. “Earth is the planet I’m from. Doesn’t take a genius to figure-” ”You’re an alien?!” Okay, her pass has been officially revoked on the grounds of calling you a filthy alien. Your skin isn’t even gray. “Aren’t you supposed to be asleep?” you ask, not entirely in a kind tone of voice but that’s kind of a gimme. ”So… that’s a no.” If she keeps distracting you, you’re going to burn your dinner. Inconsiderate wench. “I didn’t come down in a flying saucer if that’s what you mean.” ”Oh…” She seems visibly disappointed in your answer. You hope the rest can be just as satisfying, “But you aren’t from here?” “I made that clear back in Applefuckitstan. Weren’t you supposed to have a good memory, because you’re two kicks away from a bed post?” Flipping over your spider you decide to make use of the juices and cut up half a potato. “Then if you’re not from here, how did you get here? Are you from another dimension?” Just cut your potato, Anon. Slice, slice, slice, “Did you teleport here? Were you banished from your home?” Slice. Slice! “OH, are you a wizard?” “I came by train, holy mother of god. Happy now?” It feels like only a few moments ago she was scratching her head in confusion, “A train? That doesn’t make any sense.” “Yeah, I know. I stopped trying to figure it out a long time ago. One minute I’m taking a snooze, next thing I know there are guards around me and I’m in some kind of castle.” ”So you -did- teleport?” Slice… slice… “I don’t know, apparently they checked the train and found me asleep. None of the passengers even noticed I was there. Now if you don’t mind, I’m trying to cook here.” This too catches her interest as she stands up to see what you’re cooking. “Ooh, are you making a compote of roots and- EWW!” How you wish shutting your eyes would shut her up. You’d plug your ears, but your hands are full at the moment. She’s still squirming in disgust when you open them again, “What is that?” “Camel Spider, or what I like to call a poor man’s crab. You wouldn’t care for it.” ”Of course I wouldn’t, ugh eww eww eww,” she shivers at your meal. “How can you eat that?” “Well, I’m hungry… so I’m eating it. Cause and effect. I figured a nerd would get that.” She sits back down as she watches you, “So you’re a- *gulp* -carnivore?” You have to stop and look at her for her stupidity and not just for like a second, four or five. Each is equally awkward. “You do see me adding potatoes, right?” You’re not going crazy, are you? Are you? By god… ”So you’re an omnivore, cool.” “I’m not sure that’s the word I’d use to describe it, but whatever floats your boat.” She takes out her quill while you take a bite. Meat, delicious no-homo meat. Shame there’s not more of you. “Whoever said revenge isn’t sweet?” This draws Twilight’s attention, who has to avert her eyes as you take another bite, “Why would revenge be sweet?” “Payback. They take something from me, I take from them. Call me an agent of Karma.” ”I think Anon suits you more.” “And I think something something be quiet and let me eat.” For the first time since she got here, she actually did as you asked. It’s a Christmas miracle. You get to finish your meal in peace, at least if you don’t mind her scribbling while you do it. Which you don’t. The sound of crunching carapace blocks out pretty much everything else. Finishing up you wipe off your knife and rub your belly after a nice meal. “Was it, good?” Obviously she’s a bit disgusted about the fact you ate that, but hey, that’s her problem. “I wish I had seasoning, some actual food wouldn’t be too bad either, but when you live on the road you eat what you can. If you’re squeamish, these little assholes’ll take off your pinkie toe. Ask me how I know.” You lean back before you think about what you just said, “How do you know?” You sigh to yourself, this time the question is your doing. “Because that’s exactly what happened to me. First time out this way a couple years back. What would be the harm and letting my feet breathe in the cool night air? Pfft, sure showed me.” ”I’m sorry, but what exactly is a toe?” Holy shit, you almost forgot they don’t have toes. Well they’ve got to have something close. “You know what a bear is, right?” She nods. “It’s basically that digit on their paw except it doesn’t have a giant claw on the end. If you’re a bit wild you can think of it as a foot finger.” ”Wow! Are you able to grab stuff with those too?” You swear to all that is holy… “Toes are a lot smaller than fingers. They’re mainly for balance. Thankfully the pinkie toe is about as useful as a poopy flavored lollipop.” That one will throw her for a loop. You’re almost sure of it. In the meantime- ”I’d like to do some tests if that’s okay with you. I can even-” “Twilight…” ”Yes?” “Go the fuck to sleep.” Still got a long road ahead of you. Hopefully you sated her appetite until then. For some reason you find that highly unlikely. Author's Note Credit to Olivia Newton-John for "Twist of Fate."
Chapter 1: Am I Blue?”Great job boys! Another gig done, another sack of bits to split.” He sets down a hefty satchel and begins to divide it up, making sure he does a little ‘miscounting’ in his favor. “Don’t get too greedy there, Fumble Note. It’s hard to play when you’ve spent all your bits on the mares and cider.” ”Not that you’d know,” another member of your group takes a jab at you, “When’s the last time you- you know?” “What? Taken a drink? Rode the purple thunder home to Valhalla. Jeez, I’m smart but I’m not a fucking mind reader dude.” ”Shoot man, you know what he means,” your buddy Stringer chimes in, coming in through the hallway door, the screams of a dozen p0nies silencing with its slam, “When’s the last time you got the good ol’ whistle wet?” Is he talking about- Well there’s no mistaking what he meant. “It’s been a long damn while, just me and the Misses,” you reply wiggling your right hand. Your little group descends into laughter as Fumble finishes his four-way split of the money. ”Alright then, that’s about 120 a piece?” “I see yours is a little bigger than the rest,” you joke. ”I’ve got six kids to feed,” he shrugs. ”I thought it was three?” ”They doubled…” his poker face the reason he probably needs the money. “You don’t even have kids you greedy bastard,” you chuckle, pushing over half your share to him and pocketing the rest, “Still, you need it more than me.” ”Really? Thanks, Anon, you’re the best partner I’ve had.” What can you say? You’re one of a kind. ”I figured the pot would be a bit bigger to be honest,” Stringer spins a bit in his hoof, “I mean, this has to be the biggest gig we’ve done.” ”Yeah,” the last member, Zeek, decides to add, “You’d think the princesses could part with a little more than this.” ”It is the Gala after all. For Celestia’s sake, we got a bigger payout in Winnypeg.” The three continue to bicker on the couch as you eye the door, finally taking your stand. “Well, it’s getting late guys. I’m gonna hit the sack.” ”Close the blinds,” Fumble befouls your innocent phrase. You give him the finger, leaving their chortling behind you as you exit into the hallway. ”ANON! IT’S ANON!” Ehhh, you’re not in the mood tonight. “No autographs tonight, alright Bigs?” ”Whatever you say, sir.” He escorts you back to your room, Bigs taking place just outside. What would you do without him? Get mauled by a horde of loving p0nies that’s what. They wouldn’t hurt you, but a mauling is still a mauling. You slip out of your shirt, tossing it to the side of the bed before cracking your back. Taking a quick shower you pinch your belly, a bit distraught by the newfound fat beginning to take hold. Sometimes you miss the old days, at least you were always in shape then. Then again… 100 degree weather never was your idea of a good time, neither was -20. You grin, wondering how you ever managed to make it through all that crap, but when the answer hits you… …It hits you like a train. You shake your head and put on some fresh pants... You know, some fresh air sounds nice, so you take a step out onto the balcony, letting the air fill your lungs. The yellow specks outline the city below, Canterlot, still surprisingly busy despite the party being up at the castle. Big cities never were your style, but you go where the work is. It’s so quiet up here, you note as you lean against the railing, you could almost… “I resolved to call her up. A thousand times a day,” you whisper to the moon, your oldest of companions, “Ask her if-“ A knock from the door destroys the mood, forcing you back from the balcony. “Yeah, who is it?” ”It’s me sir,” Bigs answers back, “You have a visitor.” You’re tempted to be angry with him, but he hasn’t necessarily had the easiest night either. A reminder will do though. “Bigs, I told you no autographs. Is it Zeek?” ”No sir.” “How about Fumble or Stringer, either of them?” ”Uhm, no sir.” Rubbing your fatigued eyes you almost want to pass out right there. “Well then, tell them ‘I’m sorry, but Anon is not taking visitors right now.’” ”But sir I-” “I’ll get your kid the record he’s been begging for,” you bribe your own guard, silently praying he’ll shoo the fan away. “… I’m sorry, but Anon is very tired. Perhaps if you were to come another time Princess.” PRINCESS! “Wait wait wait!” you holler, tripping over your bed as you scour for a clean shirt, “Keep her there, just give me a second!” Shit- fuck- tit! Get in there you filthy arm! No, not that way! ”He’ll be with you in just one moment, princess.” Can you believe your luck? Meeting a fucking princess? This has to be the best thing that’s- alright, second best thing that’s happened since you came here. “Just another second!” you shout, rushing into the bathroom. Do you look alright? How’s the hair, fine fine, and the shir- NO! It’s all wrinkly, this won’t do at all! “WRINKLES!” ”It’ll be another moment,” you can hear Bigs say, catching the hint of laughter in his voice. Oh he thinks this is funny huh? Wait until you get him the hundred k version of ‘Bottles of Beer’ record instead. It was horrible, you know, it wasn’t your proudest moment. You can hear the female voice murmur, and you don’t like the tone. “Don’t go! I’m- uh. THERE! Just a few more seconds, promise.” ”He says just a few more seconds.” She can probably hear me you dick… God you love to hate this guy. Just a little- Phew! There we go. Maybe you should double check to make sure? No, she’s been waiting long enough. “Alright, she can come in!” you accidently shout out, “Crap…” Deep breathes, there’s nothing to worry about. It’s not like the most powerful, or one of, p0ny in Equestria wants to see you. Oh wait! The door begins to open up, Bigs stepping through and holding it for- her… ”Princess, may I present-“ She holds up a hoof, staying him with a smile, “You’re excused, Mr. Bigs.” “Y-yeah. I’ll uhm, get the record for you tomorrow.” ”Thank you sir,” he nods, “Princess…” The door clicks behind him, only a second passing since, and yet you can’t help but feel a year’s worth of time pass. She hasn’t aged a day… ”It’s nice to see you again, Anon.” ”Likewise, Princess.” ”You don’t need to call me that,” she smiles. God you’ve missed that smile. “Well, it’s nice to see you too, Twilight.” Come on, get your act together and ask her if she wants a drink. “Do you uh- want a drink?” ”No thank you, besides,” her eyes move around the room, “You don’t have anything, do you?” Wait- Ah crap she’s right. Stop tripping over yourself dammit, she’s just another mare. No, not in the slightest. “You’ve certainly moved up in the world.” “I could say that about you too. How long have you been like- like this?” ”About two years now, and you?” “You know how long,” you try to remain calm, an ounce of resent finding its way in your words. ”Don’t be like that, Anon.” All these feeling coming back in such a rush… When there’s happiness, there’s always the anger. “You never answered my scrolls.” She sighs, looking to the wall opposite you, “I’ve been busy.” “Two hundred and seventy three busy?” Twilight laughs painfully, resting on the side of your bed, “You remember. Haven’t changed a bit, have you? You still don’t know how to pick up after yourself.” She levitates your shirt into the clothes bin, trying her best to not look at you, “So how’ve you been?” Why the hell is she here? You’re happy- no, not happy- Not mad either… This is confusing. “What do you want, Twilight?” Her hoof traces the bed lining as she speaks, “I heard your performance. It was beautiful.” “I get that a lot.” ”I’m happy for you. Happy that you finally broke through.” Where’ve you heard this stuff before? Oh yes, when she left… “Princess, with all due respect, once was enough. Get to the point, or just leave, please.” She nods sadly and walks over to you, “I know that we didn’t leave on the best of terms, but…” She presses a hoof in your hand, that subtle warmth… “I’ve missed you. If these few years have taught me anything, it’s that I have to take the good with the bad, even if it is a bit messy,” she laughs. “Twilight,” holding her hoof with both hands now, “I’ve never forgotten about you, not once.” She presses her head against you, a wet spot forming on your stomach, “Neither have I.” You hold her close, her soft sobs always being too much for you to handle. “I’m sorry Anon… I’m so sorry.” “Me too, Twi. I’m sorry…” 6 years ago… “Am I blue?” You hum as you kneel next to the rails, silently appraising the steel beams. “Am I blue? Ain’t these tears in my eyes… telling you…” ”Hey!” a stallion shouts from the train, “You’re paid to work, not sing!” Ugh… If there’s anything you hate more than someone yelling at you, it’s stuck up train operators. For all the physical differences, p0nies are just as bad as regular people. “Singing helps me get my job done, so unless you want an hour delay maybe you should sit back in your comfy little seat and let me work, will ya?” Near red in the face you can almost feel his blood pressure skyrocket, “How about I tell your boss about you slacking off? We on the same page, buster?” You stand, dusting off your jeans and giving him a good proper stare, “You want to say something?” If only this were back home… If only… A soft tick drags your attention away and towards the watch on your wrist. “Well I’ll be… It looks like it’s time for my lunch break,” you grin back at him, “Be back in a few.” He doesn’t even wait for you to turn your back before he starts hollering at you with the typical “Hey’s” and “Get back here’s.” Before long he’s grunting and wheezing, and looking back you find him desperately trying to squeeze through the train car’s window. Foolish bastard. ”I’ll get Steel Bit on you! Don’t make me do it!” “Ehh, shove it!” you call back, satisfied with your impeccable timing. His cries begin to drown out as you get further away from the tracks, finally taking stock near a cluster of bushes and sitting down next to a small tree. Well, small for you… The shade’s not the most upstanding but it beats anything else in this desert. Heh, hell, you’d go for an umbrella any day of the week if you could find someone who was selling. You lean against the tree’s base, making sure to keep the sun out of your eyes. This place reminds you of those old movies your parent’s used to go on about, the ones in the good ol’ wild west, cowboys and all. Well, you haven’t seen a cowboy since you got here, unless you count that guy down in Appleloosa. He’s a nice guy and all, but, damn, that cheeriness runs you the wrong way. You yawn and relax for the time being, these lunch breaks being the only real time you get to relax besides sleeping. Otherwise, it feels like you’re in a Tolkien movie, just without the fun bits. Just thinking about all that walking makes you tired. Ugh… Maybe you should look into a more stable job with some benefits, perhaps even – dare you dream? A chair. You almost groan at the thought, a nice comfy chair with cushions and all, or even a bed! How you miss slipping into one of them. But you open your eyes and it’s all the same, just more rock. A chirp sounds from above, your eyes meeting the miniature frame of a bird as it cocks its head down at you. As it flaps down to the ground across from you, you reach slowly into your pack, careful not to scare him, and draw out a piece of bread. You bite off a tasteless chunk and lay it off to the side, this time pulling out your book and pencil as it scampers over with caution. “It’s alright,” you whisper to yourself, flipping to an empty page, “It’s just a little food.” With a single swipe it snatches what’s left and flaps off to safety, a nice little distance away, but just close enough for you to get a good view of him. This’ll be a good break. You manage to finish up the wings when it looks back at you, the creature looking for more food you reckon. Tsk tsk. “Do you think I’m made of food? I’m rationing enough as it is.” Man, if you give a mouse a cookie… Smacking your lips you undo your canteen and take a swig, making sure not to drink too much. You still have to have enough water to make it to the next town. What is the next town anyway? ”uhm… e- excuse me?” The bird shuffles back at the voice. “No no no no!” you start pleading all too late, the bird already flapping away. “Dammit!” You spring up, almost fuming in anger after coming so close to finishing up. “eep!” What does it take to get a little peace and quiet around here?! So who’s the hotshot this time? Pegasus? Why aren’t you surprised? The Pegasus has her head in the bushes and is shaking like a leaf, her yellow wings damn near about to fall off. “By all means, scare off any other animals that are hiding about.” She manages to sneak her head out and give you a glance, taking in the image of a very irritated Anon tapping his foot. ”H-hi.” “Hi,” you stay just as stern, scratching your neck, “Get out much?” ”Ex-excuse me?” “Has your day been alright? Would you like to talk about it, or maybe you’d like a drink of water? Is the shirt off my back too much?” ”I- I-“ “I- I- Speak up! Christ, if you’re going to waste my time at least be courteous about it.” Her eyes grow red as she backs away, but you’re not nearly through with your rant. “I come here, on my break, deliberately away from EVERYONE ELSE, and you p0nies still manage to fuck with my time. Just leave.” ”B-but,” she sniffs on the verge of tears. “B-but NOW!” That seemed to do it, the Pegasus turning tail back towards the train, weeping all the way. You just shake your head and take another swig of water. There are few things worse than hearing a woman cry, mare in this case. And one of those is disturbing your break. Another tick comes from your watch… Damn, it’s already been an hour. Oh well, back to work… You manage to catch the pegasus’s mane as she runs back on the train. A tinge of guilt manages to creep up on you as well. Maybe you were a little harsh on her. Oh well, hakuna matata. It’s hard not to groan when you look back down at the tracks, your job calling like a bad case of the flu. Setting your watch, you sit down with your bag and get back to work. Buckled, huh? That’s certainly strange. Equestria may not have the biggest or strongest p0nies, but damn they have some of the finest steel you’ve seen. Probably because they use magic and shit… not literally though, that’d be gross. In any case, it must’ve been one hell of a thing to even put a dent into this puppy, but to deform it? That’s got you stumped. You scratch your chin thoughtfully, an intense aroma forcing you to cough. Clenching your nose only makes it worse, the concentration now saturating into your nostrils. Surely it’s supposed to be sweet, but when you douse yourself with the whole damn perfume bottle it might as well be mustard gas. ”Acheem!” Why can’t you catch a break? Let’s play a game for shits and giggles, guess the race. Deathly use of perfume. Check. Snarky comment. Check. Woop! Is that tapping of the hoof? That’s a check. You’re no mathematician, but 1+2+1 obviously can only equal one thing. You turn around, the white p0ny doing her best to express her disapproval. Fucking unicorns… Once again, not literally. Her purple locks are expertly done, only making her fit the stuck-up rich girl stereotype even further. It makes you sick that people, or p0nies, like her are given any attention at all. Showoffs… “Is there something I can do for you, ma’am?” you ask, already tired from both the conductor and lack of a decent break. ”So you’re the supposed ‘technician’ are you? You don’t look like much.” Lord, give me the strength not to deck this chick. Or, give me the ability to stop time. Either or. No? Damn. Next time then. You roll your eyes and rummage in your bag. “So was there anything I can do for you?” Or is she just wasting your time. ”Don’t give me that attitude. Just who do you think you are?” So it’s the latter. Maybe fortune telling has a job opening? “I think I’m Anon, and if that’s not enough to tickle your fancy, I think you’re wasting my bloody time. Forgive my transition of nationality.” The unicorn holds a hoof to her mouth in shock, “How dare you address a lady with such language!? Fluttershy told me the repair p0ny-“ “Person.” ”Whatever you call yourself… She managed to say through tears how positively rude he was, and there’s no mistaking it, that was YOU, you… heathen!” “Bra-fucking-vo!” you stand up clapping, making sure everyone in the vicinity can hear you, “Out of all one of me you managed to figure it out. You’re a real smart one, Miss.” ”Are you mocking me?” her voice firms up. A paper tiger… “My god! Two for two! Are you related to Mr. Holmes? Because you’re pissing off Moriarty.” ”I won’t take such insults from a- a simple repair p0ny.” Person… Repair PERSON! No no, just calm down Anon. Calm- Nah, fuck it. Screw this cow! “Riddle me this Sherlock, what has 4 legs, purple hair, bleaches their flank and is going to run home crying to mama?” ”I will do no such thing!” she exclaims, standing her ground proudly. You give her a shit-eating grin as her brain catches up to what she just said, her expression already descending into one of horror. ”I- No no, you- you tricked me!” she desperately tries to convince you even with her eyes beginning to well up. “Go on,” you shoo her off, quite proud of yourself, “Train’s that-a-way. “ ”T-Twilight!” she cries out galloping back to her mother’s safety. Stealing a glance back at her… Wow, mare’s do the weirdest things with their butt. They must be freaks in the sack. EH! Don’t think like that you sicko. At least she’s gone now, good riddance. It’s about time you get some peace. Speaking of piece… You tear off another hunk of bread and take a bite of the stale crap. It feels like someone’s watching you though. Turning back, you find the conductor sitting in his seat, hooves crossed, still a mad little ball of fur. You grin and give him the bird, the expression meaning nothing to him, but what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Now back to this mystery, what kind of creature could cause such damage? Most creatures out this way might be able to take down a p0ny, hell, even you have to be careful, but venom won’t do a damn thing to this. The tracks don’t bear any signs of acidic damage either, so that leaves you with physical damage. An Ursa would have the sheer strength, but they would never venture out this way. Maybe an earthquake? Possible, but you’ve never heard of a local one, so that puts it slim. A dragon then? Nah they’re too greedy to, but their fire could… Fire. Heat. That- that could be it. Massive fluctuations between the hot and cold, two extremes that the rails couldn’t handle. No no no, that doesn’t work. Rails are made to withstand this type of beating. That is unless… *crunch* You sigh in exasperation, the crunch of hooves against gravel beside you, another fucking joker looking to take your time. Well you don’t have enough to spare. ”Are you the repairman?” the p0ny asks, at least she got it right. “I’m busy here, alright? If you want to help, sit back in your fancy compartment with your friends. Some of us are working,” you snap, dealing with four too many p0nies. And you’ve only met four today… She doesn’t say anything, but you don’t hear her leaving either. So you actually have to tell her to leave. “Are you deaf? Skedaddle.” She’s a unicorn too, a bit surprising that you couldn’t smell it on her. Your nose must be recharging after that last disaster. She maintains her rather creepy stare before finally blinking in confusion. ”I’m sorry, what?” You’ve got to be shitting me? “Let me put in words you’ll understand. Me work, you leave, me happy.” Seriously, she looks smart enough but she acts like she’s never seen a human- well that does make sense, but still. ”I don’t mean to stare, but I’ve never seen anything like you before.” Aaand Bingo! We have a winner! God you miss home more every day. “Well as much as I’d LOVE to give you my biography, some of us have work,” you stand up again and move a bit further down the track. As you were thinking before being interrupted - for a fourth mother of god time - the tracks would be made to withstand the heat unless they- ”Wow, you’re pretty tall.” Calm down… Just calm down. There… “Please leave me alone, I’m literally just trying to get my job done without interruptions. That one Pegasus chick annoyed me during my break, that unicorn gave me crap for the former, I’m just tired. Can you understand that?” ”Oh- Oh I can completely understand. It’s like when I’m trying to finish my newest collection on Advanced Magical Theory and Pinkie keeps pestering me to go to the lake.” You don’t even… “Sure. Just like that, now if you’ll excuse me.” Kneeling down next to the rail you give it a scan up and down its length. Most rails would have a- what’s it called? Oh you know this one, Anon, a uhmm… Heavy huffs of warm air cover your ear, an uncomfortable closeness shortly following, claustrophobia of a sort. You turn your head in a dramatically slow motion, your irritated eyes settling on the unicorn’s as she looks down to where you were looking. It takes her a minute before she notices, and hopefully she can read expressions like she can Magical Theory… ”So what’re you looking for?” Yeah, you are going to murder someone today. “What? What do you want?! I will do anything, just leave me alone you ditzy… Grah! What?!” She raises a brow, “I’m just curious what you’re doing?” She- what? No, that doesn’t make any sense. “Why did you come out here? Why won’t you leave me alone?” Can’t she see that you’re tired? “Oh! I almost forgot, you made Fluttershy and Rarity cry! Why did you do that?” “The same reason I want you to leave, because I want to work in peace.” ”Oh… That was it?” “Yes. That’s it. I didn’t want all the gold in Fort Knox, just a little peace and quiet. Sooo I can read Advanced Magical Theory.” She gasps, inhaling enough air to make any other p0ny pop, “You read Magical Theory too!?” “Ya-no,” you stay sternly, “Now could you please give me some privacy? I’m trying to work, for theeee fifth time now.” You swear if she doesn’t leave- “Expansion Joints! Eureka, that’s it,” you snap, happy as a clam that you remembered the name. ”What’re you doing with your fingers?” “I am snapping in pure unadulterated happiness.” It occurs to you that you don’t even know who this unicorn is, but right now you don’t care. “I can’t believe I didn’t see it the first time. I walk down these damn rails all the time and I didn’t notice.” ”What didn’t you notice?” she asks in a whisper, not trying to be intrusive but still failing. “The Expansion Joints! Well, the lack of them.” ”So the joints don’t expand?” Ehh, she doesn’t get it. How could she though? You know what? She deserves a lesson. “Expansion joints are little breaks in between the rails. These are so whenever the steel is subjected to intense heating and cooling, the piece of metal is allowed to expand and contract freely.” The purple unicorn nods, beginning to understand, “So this railway didn’t have those little breaks, so now the track has been warped?” “Precisely! God I am a genius.” You stand up and rush back over to your bag, fumbling through the various items concealed within. ”What’re you going to do?” “I… have to write a letter to my boss and get it to the first post I can. If my suspicion is correct, this entire railway was made before Expansion Joints were commonplace, so this entire track is a hazard.” ”Wow. How long have you been doing this?” You stop yourself midsearch and turn back to the unicorn, “I never caught your name.” “Anon, and as much I enjoy your company, you really need to get back on the train.” ”Are you sure? I can help you deliver the letter, we have a dragon, he’s my assistant, named Spike who could-“ “Look lady-“ ”My name is Twilight, Twilight Sparkle.” “Mine’s Bond, James Bond.” ”But- you just said-“ “It’s a joke, anyways, I’m good. I’ve been doing this for a while, I can get it done myself.” You sling the bag over your shoulder as Twilight trails behind you trying to get your attention. ”But I can help- Besides, I’d really like to learn more about you. I’ve never-“ “Seen anything like me before, yes, I’ve heard,” you turn back, knocking on the conductor’s glass. ”So you finally decided to get to work, huh? Good, we’re late enough as it is, so are you done?” “Oh, would you rather me not? If you want I could get another repairman out here who could- Oh wait, I’m the only one who’s not a week away, darnit.” If his brows could furrow any further- I don’t know, insert funny joke here, shit. “But yeah, you’re good to go. Tell your boss to cancel all shipments down this railway, it’s not safe.” ”Are you bucking kidding? We’re already hours behind schedule here.” “Trust me, I know. Also, don’t go the designated speed, go a few clicks slower, there’s no telling how much damage there is elsewhere.” The conductor shakes his head and slams the glass closed, “Bucking kids…” You turn back to Twilight who’s giving you a pleading look, “You won’t even know I’m here.” “In the train, now.” Her shoulders go slack as she walks back in defeat, poor mare. Destroyed her dreams like they were nothing. Might as well give her something to aim for, even if it’s impossible. “How about this Twilight, you get a signed letter from the Princess herself saying you can come with me, and I’ll let you tag along. Deal?” Her eyes practically light up, “DEAL! I can’t wait to tell the princess about this. She’ll let me come for sure.” “Wait, what do you mean you’ll tell her?” ”Oh, I forgot to say that I’m the princess’s pupil. You’re going to the closest town right? I’ll be sure to pack my bags.” The roar of the train sounds before you can object, the giant mass of metal slowly making its way down the tracks. “You’re kidding right?! Tell me you’re kidding!” ”I’ll be back!” she hollers back cheerfully, “Just don’t leave, I’ll be there in a day or two!” She’s- Nah she’s just pulling your leg. She can’t know the princess, that’s impossible. This encounter would have to have been, one in a million, two million maybe. Oh god, what if this is that one in a million encounter. To have her tag along with you? Every. Single. Day. Is this karma? Because Karma’s a massive cunt. God… Fuck Equestria. You sigh and begin walking down the tracks. Maybe you’ll be wrong. Who knows? At least you still have some peace and quiet. “Am I blue?” Author's Note Credit to Harry Akst and Grant Clarke for the song "Am I Blue." Credit to The Police for "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic."
Chapter 2: Apple TownShe presses a hoof in your hand, that subtle warmth… “I’ve missed you. If these few years have taught me anything, it’s that I have to take the good with the bad, even if it is a bit messy,” she laughs. “Twilight,” holding her hoof with both hands now, “I’ve never forgotten about you, not once.” She presses her head against you, a wet spot forming on your stomach, “Neither have I.” You hold her close, her soft sobs always being too much for you to handle. “I’m sorry Anon… I’m so sorry.” “Me too, Twi. I’m sorry…” If you could go back in time then… No, if she could go back in time… “I’m sorry,” you pull away from her, “But this? This can’t work. Not after what’s happened between us.” Twilight wipes away her tears, only leaving behind her reddened eyes, “Can’t we start over?” She should know it’s not that simple. “If you want to start over, then it’ll be as I was. Oh… You don’t like that idea very much do you? You don’t have to answer; I can see it in your eyes.” You were an absolute dick to her, to every p0ny that tried to get near you. She’d be insane to want to go through that again. ”Anon, if it meant-“ “Just stop,” you interrupt, turning away, “You’ve said your piece, and so unless there’s anything else you want, I’d like you to leave.” Stay firm with her, Anon. Do not let her in again. Fool me once shame on you. She steps close, the soft crunches against the carpet finally ceasing, “Is that what you really want?” Don’t turn around. Don’t do it… You look back, those eyes silently pleading at your heart. “Fool me twice,” you whisper under your breath, “Dammit Twi… You really would follow me again, through the thick and thin…” Another couple steps. “Yes, but you never answered my question.” You stifle a laugh, almost smiling. Guess neither of you have changed; she’s still loaded with questions. But then you remember her leaving, and the smile that has yet to breathe, suffocates within you. “No, I don’t want you to leave. Shit…” You retreat to the balcony, letting the cold serve as your shield against her… but when you feel warmth next to you, it melts right on through. She always does this- did this- Whatever! You might have been able to tell her off once, but that was long ago. You were a different person then. You sigh, gripping the railings with Twilight by your side, “Why don’t you want to start over?” This time you do manage a chuckle, another shield to mask your feelings. “You think it’s about what I want? I wanted you to talk to me, Twilight. I wanted you to come back into my life, even just as friends. But you couldn’t. Well guess what? Now I can’t, and- Forget it, just drop it.” She won’t break you. She almost did once, but not this time. You can almost feel her gaze leave you as she turns to look over Canterlot, “I’ve always enjoyed this view. I could spend an hour just watching…” “Yeah well… I haven’t had the luxury of time.” ”Even you found time to enjoy it. How often did you lose hours of sleep just to watch the stars?” How could she know that? You never let on that… She smiles at you knowingly, “I did the same thing, but one night I heard you start to sing.” “Ha, I guess I did find time to get lost sometimes, even if it made my work a little harder.” Looking off over the city, you can’t but feel like you’ve finally made it. After all this time. “You know, this is my first time ever going to a big city.” ”Really? Didn’t you tell me-“ You cut her off with a simple look. Even after all this time, Twilight still knows better than to bring that up. “Really. My boss always steered me away from the routes that ran this way. I guess his superiors didn’t want me to disturb the Canterlot hierarchy.” ”They aren’t all like that.” That she should definitely know better. “They sit up here all day and night, feasting on the spoils of those who do all the heavy lifting. A bunch of limp-dicked… I’m sorry, Twilight. That’s not me anymore.” ”Is that what you think of me?” “You know what I think of you,” you snap at her, clenching your fist against your forehead, “Why’d you have to come here… Tonight of all nights.” She looks hard into your eyes, “You know why,” and walks out. You follow close behind her, anger once again finding its way in your voice. “So that’s it? You’re just going to leave again? After all you’ve said!” ”I’m happy that you can put the past to rest, but not all of us are so cold…” Twilight takes a look around your room one last time, “Try not to make a mess. You don’t want to make it harder on the ‘working folk.’” Again. She thinks she- Does she even care?! “God dammit Twilight!” you nearly scream at her, stomping towards and leaning your head against the bathroom door, “Why can’t you see that I still love you? What am I doing wrong?!” She shakes her head, smiling painfully at you, “You were right. It won’t work between us anymore. It just can’t.” Twilight holds back the tears as she stops at the door to the hall, looking down at her hooves, “I guess a part of me still wanted to hold onto the past, hold onto you in a way… A childish dream…” “That’s not childish,” you try to explain. “Do you know how many times I couldn’t sleep because you weren’t there by my side? I had spent the last four years tossing and turning because I lost my hold of you. I prayed that I could find a way to earn your affection back then, but all I found was silence to answer me. I lived this childish dream of yours every day. There’s not a second goes by that I don’t want things to go back to the way they were.” You would give anything to relive those days long past. “But I didn’t part ways, it was you. YOU! You ran away because you couldn’t tell me no. You let me chase you for years, never saying no. That’s all I wanted, an answer, but you just couldn’t find the sincerity.” Her voice is hoarse as she avoids looking at you, “Is that what you really think? Do you really think that’s why I left?” You open your mouth to speak, only to close it. After all these years, you never questioned her motives. Could you have been wrong? “Were- It wasn’t my advancing away? Then what could it have…” She didn’t know how to respond, she wasn’t ready to. ”You were afraid… because you felt the same way?” Twilight sniffs again, eyes reddening once more, “After four years you finally figured it out. I hope you’re happy.” “Twilight wait-“ ”I only wanted to patch things up, and you manage to throw me to the timberwolves. You try and tell me how you feel,” she wipes a tears away and furrows her brow, “Well you have a funny way of showing it.” You don’t have time to respond before she runs out the door. You rush over to the door just as it slams in your face, and you begin fumbling with the handle. “Twilight !” God- Open you fucking door! You push through, ignoring the clamor of fans down the hall as you pursue after Twilight. “Twilight! Just wait! PLEASE!” 6 years ago… You cast your gaze upwards, making out the edge of the town, rolling hills of apple trees stretching past the horizon. The thought of taking a bite of even one of those juicy balls makes your throat ache, only accentuating the thirst that’s been building over the day. Giving your canteen a shake, knowing that it’s dry but still silently hoping that some deity would serve mercy unto you. It rattles, but no dice. It just goes to show, wishful thinking doesn’t take you anywhere. You could jog on over, cut your time roughly in half, but… it’s all the way over there. No sense in running, you never have a need. Turning you head right you spy where you’ll sleep for the night, a small rocky formation just out of town. It’s like Pride Rock, but scaled down a couple thousand times. So you guess it’s your own personal Mini PR. You shake your head, staving off drowsiness just a little longer. There’s no time to think about sleep. There’s a message to deliver and until that happens you’re not doing jack. The age of the town becomes clearer as you get closer, the fresh pine and cedar apparent from their newest building. It’s been roughly five months since you last came this way, and even then they weren’t quite done. One of the builders wipes his head with a towel, turning about to see you coming down the tracks. Please don’t do it. I swear if you do- “HOWDY THERE!” Ugh, why is it always him? At least he’s working right now, so that buys you some time to find a hiding place. The last thing you want is to hear is his rambling. Last time you did… You shudder thinking about it. Now, where’s the courier’s office? You head down the street, hand clutched to your satchel. These folks wouldn’t steal from you, but you know better than to lift your guard. Never again… An elderly mare looks up from her knitting and smiles, “Mornin’ sonny.” “Ma’am,” you nod to her, trying to keep your gaze forward. Another greeting comes here and there from a few of the p0nies who aren’t working in the fields, each getting the same nod of acknowledgement. Finally you spot the office, a little run down since you were last here, but still standing, so that’s a plus. No sign in the window though, you note as you walk up the steps. Ahh, they probably forgot to replace it. Twisting the handle you walk on in, your heart skipping a beat as you freeze in place. Two foals are kicking and running about, only stopping when they see you in the doorway, “What that?” “This… isn’t the courier’s office.” ”MOM!” the second one screams, “Weird thing!” A clammer sounds from the back as their mother books for the front door. “I said git you little-“ she pauses as she sees you standing in the doorway like a dumbass, “Oh! Howdy there, thoughts my kids was talking about them crab spiders. Darn things.” “Crap, sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude.” ”Nonsense,” she waves her hoof, ushering her kids away, “What can I do ya for?” “Nothing, I lost my way is all. This wasn’t a house the last time I was here.” ”You’re looking for the courier buildin’? Yeah, they moved out down the roads a bit, it’s got the Pegasus sign out front, can’t miss it.” Well, this turned out better than it could have. You haven’t spent a night in the stockades yet, and you don’t plan to. “Thank you, I’ll be on my way.” ”Can I getcha somethin’ to drink? Ya look thirstier than cured ham.” “No thanks,” you lie, wanting nothing more than a cold glass of water, “I’m good.” ”Whatever you say honey,” she waves you off, “Bush! Get down from there!” You make a quick escape, thankful you have some directions. After another little bit of walking you walk up to the door, this time a sign in the window and a door chime when you walk in. An earth pony sits behind the counter, a bushel of scrolls laid out across the top, a bell sitting just in front. You look around the corner, getting a glimpse of a Pegasus laying on in his hammock in the back. “Is it amateur hour already?” you ask out loud, moving back over to the counter. You tap your fingers on the wooden top, trying to get his attention, but it looks like he’s in a deeper sleep than you thought. “Come on dude, don’t make me use the bell.” Again, no response. You sigh, hitting the bell once, ears in pain from its annoying ring. His eye twitches, but other than that he’s as sound as a baby. “Fine, you want to play like that,” you mutter, finally put up with his sleeping bullshit, placing the bell right next to his ear, “I’ll fucking play like that.” You smash the bell with all your might, causing the whole desk to shake and ring like a bomb had gone off, “GAH!” The pony stumbles back in his chair, frantically dusting himself off and coming to a stand, “Uhhh, welcome to the Winged Courier, fastest courier in Equestria. How can I help you?” At least his boot-up’s fast. You reach into your bag, looking for the scroll. ”Hehe,” you hear him chuckle, “Nice purse.” “Excuse me?” you glare back at him, pausing in your search. ”I’m just admiring your purse,” he laughs, cracking open a bottle of cider, “Do you have a matching outfit with that?” This isn’t back home, Anon. Don’t let it get to you… Ignoring him you finally find the scroll, sliding it across to him. “Just send my letter.” He grabs a quill and paper and leans back against the wall, “Alright, who’s it addressed to and where’s it going?” You hear a yawn, followed by some hoofsteps as the Pegasus emerges from the back weary-eyed. “It’s addressed to Steel Bit, and he’s in Detrot City.” ”Hey,” the Pegasus groans in a deep beefy voice that reminds you of a jock, “Nice purse.” You’ve got to be kidding, “Hey! I said the same thing!” ”No way, did you ask if he had a-“ ”Matching outfit, totally!” the earth pony cheers, the two finishing up with a ‘hoof-bump.’ “If you two ladies are done with cheer practice, I need this on the next flight out, priority mail.” ”Yeah yeah,” the earth pony grumbles, making a few marks on the paper, “Alright, we’ll have it there in… about a week. That’ll be ten bits.” “What? Maybe I heard you incorrectly, did you say a week, and that it cost ten bits?” The pony grins like an idiot to himself, even putting on his thinking cap, “Uhhm, yeah that’s about right.” ”You got a problem with that, partner?” his partner adds in, “Ey, throw me a cider.” You’re stunned, these guys are just acting like this is normal and drinking a couple brewskies while on the job. “Yes. I do have a problem with that, a big fucking problem,” you turn back to the earth pony, “A week is unacceptable for a courier service, and ten bits? That’s highway robbery.” ”The price is the price dude,” the Pegasus takes a gulp of his cider in smug satisfaction, “Ey, this is some good stuff.” ”I know right? Braeburn sure knows his stuff.” “Are you two even listening? This is atrocious, where’s your manager, that unicorn what’s-his-face?” ”Him? He left months ago. Left it all to me and my bff here. So if you want the manager, you got to talk to me.” This motherfucker… “Alright then, why is this supposed to take so long, first of all? Any good Pegasus could make the run in a day.” ”Well dude,” the Pegasus juts in. “You see all these letters and stuff, well here’s where you are,” he takes your scroll and places it right at the end, “There’s a little wait.” You look at the tags on the other scrolls, the latest one dating two weeks back, “So until we get these out you’re just going to have to wait.” “These are from weeks ago,” you point out to them, the earth pony taking a gander. “Well, they just got to the front of the list. We’re very busy.” You can tell. Sleeping and drinking on the job is exactly what you’d expect from a service like this. ”You know, if you don’t like our service you’re more than welcome to go to the other courier service across the street.” This move… It would be funny if you weren’t the one getting led by the nose here, “Wait, there isn’t another service in town, darnit. I guess you’re going to have to wait.” Ahh you could laugh right now if they weren’t pissing you off. Just- fuck it, you’ll have to wait then. They’ve got all the cards. You’ll come back tomorrow, see if they sober up. You shell out ten bits onto the counter and head on out the door. The Pegasus chugs the rest of his cider, giving a disturbing belch and patting his chest, “Hmm that was darn tasty. Get me another will ya?” ”Don’t get too hasty now, we’re running out as it is.” You stop just as he says this, turning back to them. “Really?” ”Really,” the earth pony groans, tossing him another bottle, “Damn buffalo ran off with the rest of our cider making stuff. We ain’t got much left.” You stroke your chin in thought, going over the plan in your head, “And we don’t just hoof it out to any purse-having two leg neither.” “Oh I wasn’t going to ask,” you saunter back up and leaning against the counter, “Just wondering if that means you can’t make anymore cider now.” ”We’s got some,” he admits, “but Braeburn’s rationing us out, considering the party tonight.” You’re not interested in that last part, but the first part? That tickles you just the right way. “So… Where would you, get more supply, if I were to ask?” “Why’s you asking so many questions partner?” ”Maybe you’s looking for a date tonight?” “No. I was just wondering if you get supplies by train. That last one out was one way, so they didn’t drop anything off for you, did they?” They don’t have to answer. You already know. You reach back into your pocket, pulling out a small metal badge, your initials and railroad insignia engraved into it. “Because you see, I already shut this track down about a day ago, and that means there aren’t going to be any shipments coming through this way until I get that letter out.” ”Ur blowing smoke.” “This is the official seal of a Railroad Tech, that being me. I deemed that track hazardous. So nothing comes in, nothing comes out.” They both still look a little confused so you lean a little closer. “Let me put this in terms you’ll understand. No letter, no track. No track, no supplies. No supplies?” You reach out and snatch the bottle from the Pegasus, either too drunk or mind-fucked to care. “I guess you can kiss this sweet cider goodbye.” Taking a relieving swig you walk back to the door. “So unless you pair of drunks want to go cold turkey this time in about, say three days, I would get to sending that letter as soon as possible. Adios!” The door shuts just as you remember something. Walking back in you see the Pegasus drunkenly fumbling with his courier bag. “Oh yeah, and I’ll be taking this back,” swiping up your bits, “If you’re lucky, you’ll get a couple tomorrow.” Before they can say anything you shut the door behind you, giving a hearty yawn, not noticing the shadow approaching you, “Howdy partner!” Oh god not him… Just the sound of his voice is enough to last a lifetime. “Watcha doing out here? Sending a letter out to the misses?” he jokes, walking dangerously close to you. “No, Braeburn,” you move to escape him, but he follows right on with you. ”Sorry I couldn’t come down earlier. We’ve all been working on that house for the past week, ain’t no way I dropping my britches then and there.” “Don’t worry about it,” you reply coldly, swigging your cider with the same expression. ”Yeah… We’s fixin’ to expand out a ways. Ah had to get down from there, it’s hotter than a goat in a pepper patch up there, though I reckon you’s know something about that.” “Don’t I ever,” you look around, not wanting to make the same mistake as earlier, “Where’s the store?” ”Confused aren’t ya? That’s alright, it’s over yonder, I’ll show ya.” You really wish he wouldn’t, but the sooner you get some food and supplies, the sooner you can sleep. Braeburn eyes your cider with a grin, “Enjoy that did ya? Ya don’t got to answer, it’s uh- what you city colts call it? A something question.” “Rhetorical, and I’m not a city boy.” ”Don’t get your britches in a twist, I’s just playing around some, partner.” You don’t have them in a twist, and you’re definitely not his partner. ”Gosh darnit, I almost forgot to ask! All us ponies are having a little get-together tonight up in the saloon.” Christ man, can’t he take a hint? What makes him think you want to go? ”I knows you weren’t so keen on it last time, but I ain’t taking no for answer this time, ya hear partner? You’re gonna have a good time, even if it kills ya!” he laughs to your displeasure. “No, Braeburn. I’m busy.” He smirks purposely, “My flank you are. Come on partner, when’s the last time ya took off the saddle and cut yourself a piece of pie.” Take off the saddle? That sounds like some kind of sexual innuendo coming from them, well, riding bareback isn’t your fetish either. He takes your silence as license to keep talking, “It’ll be good for ya, Apple’s Honor. What’s the worst that could happen?” “I could have fun,” the word almost causing you pain just to say. Life isn’t about having fun. It’s about getting through the day to day, putting in the work to make it a better place. This ‘get-together’ is just a distraction from the goal, and you’ll have none of it. Braeburn snickers at your remark as the two of you round the road, “If ever I saw one, you’d be the joker. See, this is why ya need to come out tonight, get a little socializing time with the rest of us.” “Not the social type.” ”Don’t be a stick the mud. Aha! You looked like you enjoyed that cider, didn’t ya? Rhetorical question!” You’ll admit, that was kind of funny, but he’s still not going to convince you. ”Well, I’ll have you know, Mr. Anon Mud Stick, that there’s a lot more where that came from, tastier too. Finished up the brew this morning, and MMM-UHMMM! I think my grammy might have her work cut out for her.” “I don’t drink,” while you finish the rest of the cider. You cut him off before he can draw this to your attention. “I don’t drink in excess. One’s more than enough.” ”Where’s the fun in that? Half of the fun is waking up in a bale of hay, bruised hooves, and a whole bucket of questions. Ya can’t say that ain’t fun.” “I don’t drink,” you repeat once more, making it very apparent that this subject is over. He swallows hard, perhaps your wish has finally come true and he’s swallowed his tongue. But after a few seconds he speaks again, much to your displeasure. ”Mares, there ain’t nothing in Equestria than spending some quality time behind the old barn than that I reckon. Ugh, that’s sick. There’s no way you’d ever go for that, you’re not that desperate. Shrugging off his utterly disgusting suggestion, you look onwards, spotting the store you’re headed for. ”I saw you walk in on Ms. White down the road, getting mighty comfy with her hmmm?” Braeburn’s tone hinting at something much more. “I walked in by mistake and that’s that,” you reply, finally stopping in front of the store with a sigh. ”No mares huh. Alright, I better let you get to it.” You’d jump for joy if it wasn’t for the fact that you’d have to hit yourself afterward. ”Unless,” Braeburn turns his head up curiously, “You’re more of a- *cough cough* stallion man.” Why is it so hard to get a little peace and quiet? He chuckles as you walk up the steps, “Just yanking yer chain, partner. So how about it? Do I save you a seat?” “I’ll think about it.” ”Really?” “No,” you enter the store as swiftly as possible, leaving him back outside. ”Hey now don’t be such a stick in the mud,” you hear him call in his overly friendly manner, but you just roll your eyes and move to the desk. The mare behind the desk looks up just long enough to show that she knows you’re there, then moving back to her book with a yawn. So… You’re not the only one who’s a tired wreck. Good, you shouldn’t be carrying all the baggage around here. Grabbing a loaf of bread off the shelf you scratch your chin, grabbing a second one just in case. If that Twilight girl does come… God, don’t even think about it. You’ve got enough on your mind as it is. Then again, if she really does… You pick up a small bag of potatoes as well and head for the counter. She yawns and puts down her book, “Will this be it for you?” “Do you have a water pump here?” waving your empty canteen, “I could use a refill.” ”Yeah, it’ll take a minute.” Handing it over she goes to the backroom, letting you twiddle your thumbs and wait. What if she does come? What if you actually have to let her tag along? Oh lord, what have you done… She’d be there, all the time. Always watching and talking, asking questions like some shrink. Pfft, and to think you’d have gotten away from it all. You check your watch, drumming your fingers against the counter until she comes back out, “Will that be it?” “That’s it.” You hand over your bits that you would’ve used for that damn courier service with a small grin. ”So… Breaburn huh?” she asks, counting your bits. “Yeah. He’s- something else.” ”You’ve got that right. At least you get to leave, I’m stuck here in this town.” “It’s a bit of a shitbox isn’t it?” ”No need to be so nice about,” she finishes bagging up your purchase, “What’s it like out there?” “Free. Do I need to sign anything?” ”Doesn’t it get lonely?” Does it? “No,” you answer, “So do I sign anything?” ”No, I’ll see you around,” nestling back into her book. Not likely. Walking out you head to your little get-away up in the rocks. The sun’s fading behind the horizon at this point, so you whip out your bag and get a small fire going. You rub your hands over the flames, combating the rapidly approaching chill of night. It’s a good feel though, helps make sure you’re still up and ticking. A grumble from your belly tells you it’s time to eat, so you break off a hunk of bread and sate your hunger. Leaning back you watch the stars overhead, far brighter than you ever remember them being back home. Astronomy always bored you, but the stars still grabbed your attention. Light-years away those giant masses manage to push out such a glow. A part of you wonders if your sun is out there somewhere, somewhere in the sky. Your home’s out there as well, all the people you left behind. Not really many of those actually. Just one you really cared about… Your heart sinks as you think about the past, and you quickly thrust the thoughts aside for the stars to shine into your mind. Biting off another piece makes the scene complete, just you and the stars. A laugh breaks your silence, forcing you to get up and investigate. The town’s alight with the buzz of ponies trotting down to the local tavern, the mare you heard erupting into another fit of laughter before being escorted back inside. ”Who’s that up there?” you hear another pony ask closer to the edge of town, a filly and his father. ”Doesn’t matter, some nut or another, come on, mommy is waiting for us.” Just enjoy the night Anon. Let it go. Back by the tavern, you can barely make out the frame of Braeburn at the doors, looking over the approaching crowd. He greets each one that comes in but… You slink back down into your nook, throwing a stick in the fire. “Damn fool…” Kicking another twig into the fire you lay down and close your eyes. You just need some sleep. That morning… You stretch your arms out, brushing it against the lukewarm twigs from last night’s fire. Breakfast, or a shower? Breakfast. Shower. Tentatively, you raise your arm and whif, instantly wheezing like a smoker on his eighth pack. “I guess my body chose for me.” Standing up, you crack your back and look down on the town, the street laden with empty bottles and quite a few snoozing drunks. “See kids, this is why you don’t drink.” Bagging your stuff you head down again, not entirely sure where you might go to take a shower. This place isn’t exactly the pinnacle of civilization, so running water might be as rare as a giant poke doted leprechaun. You’ve actually seen one once, that was a creepy ass fair though. You don’t know where they got that pig-bear-man. Then again, you could’ve been hallucinating, but this doesn’t help you now does it? It’s not like you know anyone here besides Braeburn, and even then, you wouldn’t use his shower if he paid you. Wait what about that one mare? You walked in on her by accident, oh damn, what was her name? You remember Braeburn saying it, but you were actively not paying attention. Urrr- White! That was it, thank you ears for being so keen. Perhaps she’ll be kind enough to let you use her shower, or whatever she uses to wash herself. Come on, hurry up Anon. The grim feels like its multiplying. Jogging down the dead street you eventually find her home, giving a short one-two knock. What if she’s hungover and you just pissed her off? Fuck, why didn’t you think this through? The door opens, and you can barely see a groggy eye peeking through the hole, “Hello?” “Sorry to bother you, but can I use your shower?” ”No.” Well that was quick. ”Feel free to use the hose out back. No offence hun, but you showing up here twice puts me on the wrong side of tomorrow, if you get my drift.” “No, I really don’t.” You can hear her sigh through the door, “Just don’t use it all, alright? My foals still need a wash.” ”No we don’t.” ”You’s getting a bath whether you like it or not!” she yells back at them, “Sorry, just head around back. Pump’s by the shed.” “Thanks,” you head around back, taking off your bag as you walk. A nice wash will do your body good. You can hardly remember the feel of hot water. You give the pump a few good turns, jumping as the icy water hits your hand. “I guess I won’t remember it for a while yet…” You start to undress, taking off your shirt, when you realize that here in the back you’re wide out in the open. As much as you’d like to show the world what you’ve got, there’s a fine line in the sand, and this is about a mile over. Your eyes dwindle over the shed, the boards almost falling off the damn thing. Sporotrichosis or public nudity? You’ll take the infection anyday, you think pulling the hose along to the shed. You wind it through one of the windows that line either side, draping your clothes on the other. The water trails down the sole of your foot, almost causing you to jump. You raise the hose away from you and prepare to swallow your tongue. “This is going to suck,” slowly turning it back to you. “Fu- fu- fu- fuck!” Your whole body shudders as it feels like you’ve been dunked in arctic waters. You have to hold your hands together to stop them from shaking. “Why couldn’t I have picked breakfast?” No soap, so you won’t be getting completely clean, but a rinse is better than a stew in your own filth. Your mind travels back to the water and you instantly shiver. “Gah- I’ve got to get my mind off of this.” Think about something else, anything else. You’re back home, in a nice hot shower. Ohh… Your body almost feels like it’s getting warmer. Why don’t you do this more often? Closing your eyes, you envision the porcelain tiles that line the walls, showerhead running off above. A smile creeps onto your face as you relive that moment, getting ready for graduation, the smell of freshly cooked bacon seeping into the air. “Michelle, my belle. These are words that go together well, My Michelle.” You wave a single back and forth as you hum the tune, completely forgetting how crappy your situation is. “I love you, I love you, I love you. That's all I want to say.” The water really does feel hot again, almost stingingly so, but it fits your memory so well. You don’t even hear the hooves outside in your daze. “My Michelle...” ”Who’s Michelle?” Your eyes snap open to a pair of purple eyes… and hair… mane… horn… “Twilight…” you grumble, your mind finally coming to. Why’s the water still hot? “Gah!” Your hands push the hose away, Twilight’s eyes strolling up and down your body, “So that stuff wasn’t your skin? It was clothing?” “Don’t look-” your hands cover your privates, the hose falling back into position, “Ga- Stupid hose!” ”I was told you went this way so I warmed up the water for you,” she smiles as you avoid the blistering water. “I’m bathing, get out!” ”I was just-“ ”I said-” you begin to shout, another spray of water forcing you to jump away into the opposite wall, a sickening creak following your impact. “Please no…” The weight of the structure begins to shift, and before you can escape the entire building leans over, collapsing on top of you. This is why you work alone… You crawl out of the wreckage, pulling your now soaked clothing with you through the muddy soil. Meanwhile, Twilight, the unicorn with less brains than half a downs-zombie, is tossing the wreckage left and right looking for you. ”Anon? Omigosh, I’m so sorry. Are you down there?” If you were, she’d be crushing you, the dumb mare. You stand up, marveled at the fact you haven’t been impaled, and also enraged at how you’re dirtier than you were before. Well, at least your satchel came out mud and water free. With one hand you scoop off a glob of mud from your leg, flicking it away so you can at least put on your boxers. ”Mom! That weird thing is throwing poop!” No- God you hate children. They just make everything worse. Twilight finally looks over as you finish zipping your pants, “Oh thank Celestia you’re alright. I thought you were crushed.” “No thanks to you. What the hell were you thinking?! Do people not know the meaning of privacy here?” ”What in Tartarus happened here?!” Rubbing your eyes, you turn around facing Ms. White who’s livid to say the least, “My kids were telling me you were throwing poop around! And my shed! I hope you’re going to pay for that.” There goes your plans for a vacation… “I can explain…” ”And who they hay is this?” she points to your ‘accomplice.’ ”My name’s Twilight Sparkle.” ”Oh that’s just grand,” she looks back to you, “What happened? You two were butting hooves in my shed? There’s plenty a bush if ya need privacy.” “It was an accident. I slipped in shower after… Twilight here,” you hiss the last part, “Surprised me. It didn’t help that the shed was an accident waiting to happen.” ”You trying to blame my shed? Besides, who said you could go in there? All you were supposed to do was use the hose.” “Look, I’ll pay for the fucking shed, okay? Get off my ass, this whole place is starting to piss me off.” ”Good, I think a hundred bits otta do me good.” “A- a hundred? Are you off your rocker?!” She sits on her flank and crosses her hooves, “That, or I could call Braeburn.” The alternative never crosses your mind as you scour through your bag, “A hundred right?” After handing over the bits, leaving you with a whopping three fucking coins left, you being skulking over to the couriers office, Twilight by your side. You stretch your arms, some of the mud crusting up under your arms, your clothes still sopping wet. ”If you want, I can dry those-“ “You know, the last thing I wanted was for you to show up in the fucking first place, so if you could do me a solid and shut that trap of yours, that’d be great.” ”My trap? I don’t get it.” How much bad karma do you have to deserve this? “Of course you wouldn’t. Just be quiet.” She smiles, her horn beginning to glow as she opens up the bags on either side of her back, a scroll floating in front of you. “And what is this supposed to be?” ”It’s my permission slip,” she says with almost childlike glee, “Open it.” You snatch it, unamused at how happy she can be after what she’s done to you. Been here a whole ten minutes and she’s already made you lose two years of saving. “Let’s see here… ‘To whom it may concern, It has come to my attention blah blah blah, Twilight Sparkle, my most faithful student,” you eye her with suspicion. ”It’s true.” “Doubt it. Where were we… ‘faithful student is tasked with accompanying you on your future ventures… From, Princess Celestia.’” Prin- Princess. A- The princess wrote you a letter. A motherfucking princess! Why couldn’t it have been about something else, anything else. ”Does this mean I can come with you?” You shake your head in your hands, sobbing like a little baby in your mind. “This is going to be a long week.” ”Week? I’m not leaving that soon, I’ll be here for months. We’ll learn so much about each other,” she squees in delight. “Forgive me if I don’t hold my breath… Here it is.” ”Here’s what?” she asks as you walk up to the courier’s door. “This is where our, god I hate saying that word, ‘our’ journey begins.” Please Steel Bit, if you have any powers of omnipotence, fire me here and now. The door chimes open, the desk still littered with scrolls, but at least that drunk bastard is awake. Well, sort of. He’s leaning against his hoof, struggling to stay up. “So I guess the threat of losing your booze didn’t get it through huh?” He snaps to attention, stumbling back on his school for a moment, “You! No no, we’ve got it out alright. I’m just waiting on that pair of wings to get back.” “I’m losing my patience,” you cross your arms with a squelch. ”It coming, don’t ya worry none. It should be back any minute now.” He looks behind you as Twilight enters, immediately putting on his cool face, “Well hello there gorgeous. Welcome to the Winged Courier, fastest guys around. Let me start off by saying that you’re the prettier than a slice of pie.” ”Oh, thank you,” she blushes. Why does this shit never work for you? Nevermind… “The flight shouldn’t ever take this long. Hell, this chick got here faster than him.” ”It’s ain’t a fault of mine. Just calm down.” Grumbling, you sit and wait, tearing through another hunk of bread. Twilight looks over you with interest, fervently taking notes. With a grunt you swivel in your chair, turning your back to her as you eat. At least you would, if she didn’t scoot hers around so she could get a better glimpse of you. “Git!” you shoo her away, “No privacy, Christ.” A stumble and groan sounds from the back, the backdoor creaking open as the Pegasus limps through, “I- I got it!” He falls on his face and starts crawling along, Twilight looking on in shock. You just smile smugly and eat your breakfast, the feathery fuck deserved it. The earth pony helps him up and takes the letter, reading over the tag, “It’s for you.” “About damn time,” you put your food away, hearing him snicker ever so slightly. “Unless you’d like to forget the taste of cider, keep the snickering to yourself.” You rip it off his hooves and pull it open, traveling over the lines carefully as you sit back down. In this job, every little detail is key. The more you know, the better you can perform. Hushed breaths line your neck with unwanted heat, Twilight hovering just over your shoulder. ”Who’s Steel Bit?” “My boss. Let’s go Twilight, we’ve got ground to cover.” ”Hey!” the earth pony exclaims before you can leave, “We haven’t been paid.” “Oh yeah,” you pull out your last three bits, giving Twilight one last glare before tossing them his way, “Keep the change.” As you start walking it’s silent but then she has to open her mouth, “So-“ “Tampa Neigh. My boss will be there. He’s already reopened the railway until we can get the resources to fix the problem.” That fool… Don’t say that, Steel Bit’s done well for you. He must have his reasons. ”That’s not what I was going to ask.” “Please, feel free to hit me with any question you want then. I’m at your disposal,” resent heavy in your tone. ”I was wondering who Michelle was. Is that your wife?” “I could laugh right now, but I’m too pissed at the moment.” Oh, she’s still waiting for your answer huh? Figures. “It’s just a song, and no, I didn’t have a wife back home.” ”Back home? You’re not from here?” Really, is she this dense? “Unless you’ve seen others like me around here, then obviously no, I’m not from this cesspool.” ”Then where? Is it like this one?” “Remember when I told you to be quiet?” She shakes her head, typical. “Oh! I have to get the rest of my stuff!” Twilight gallops off the opposite direction, “Come on.” “Have mercy…” you groan, trailing behind. Eventually you come to a… chariot, two guards in the front who are dripping sweat. You recognize them by their armor. They… greeted you, when you first came to Equestria. Quite the pushovers actually. But it isn’t the guards or the chariot that catch your attention, but the five colossus bags that are in the back. “You’ve got to be shitting me?” No wonder the guards are sweating, they’re hauling a boxcar worth of haul! They were lucky to get off the ground. Using her magic, Twilight finally manages to get one, ONE, off the back before she starts to sweat, “Care to give me a hoof?” You wiggle your fingers as the guards sadly unclamp and go to help her, Twilight instead taking more notes. ”Fingers… instead… of… hooves. What are they called? Is it a foove?” You sigh, rubbing your temples in hopes to stave away the oncoming headache. “This is going to be a very long trip…” Author's Note Credit to The Beatles for "Michelle"
One Too Many“Twilight !” God- Open you fucking door! You push through, ignoring the clamor of fans down the hall as you pursue after Twilight. “Twilight! Just wait! PLEASE!” You take a sharp left after her, the two of you moving away towards the fans. Bigs makes sure they won’t follow, but the mob doesn’t concern you right now. How could you have been so blind, so fucking ignorant that you couldn’t see it? You were convinced- Screw it, your mistake is in the past. It’s time to fix the present. She makes it to the end of the hall first, taking a swift right around the corner. Even as small as she is, ponies can be remarkably fast, but you won’t let her get away this time. You can’t let her. Not again. Come on legs, once more unto the breach. Pushing the pain in your fatigued chest to the back of your mind you pick up the pace and round the corner. “Twilight, stop running!” By god you’re out of shape. “We need to talk!” She glances back for a second only to skid to a halt as she reaches a dead end. Thank the architect for making this place a maze. You can see her glancing every which way for an exit as you come to a tired halt. Seriously, you have to find a gym or something. At least she’s finally stopped, any further and you’d swear your lungs would collapse. You don’t even smoke! ”Just leave me alone, Anon. I…” Twilight’s eyes are a hot red with tears on the verge of emergence. You never wanted this. “I just want to be alone right now.” “How can you expect me-” Deep breathes Anon, “not to follow you, after what you said.” You put your hands on your hips and push your chest up to help your breathing. You’ve got to lay off the cheesecake. Chocolate’s still on the table. “How long? How long have you felt that way?” You watch her horn begin to glow and you know you can’t stop her. “Please, I need to know.” Doomed to repeat history, Twilight would simply ignore your pleas and faze out of your life once again. Leaving you without answers… once again. But you can’t help but show a slight grin as the glow loses intensity and she finally looks back up at you. She doesn’t want to leave you, you can see that, but you also know just how strong her instincts are telling her to flee. You know that feeling all too well, it’s how you got here in the first place. ”I never meant for it to go this way,” her admission more pained than you’d ever want to hear. “Neither did I, but we can’t change the past.” She shakes her head, “No, I meant this, me meeting you again. I hoped we could heal old wounds, but all I did was make them bigger.” Now it’s your turn to shake your head. Despite what you’ve blamed her for, it wasn’t her fault alone. “I made this happen, Twilight. I pushed too hard then, and I pushed you again now. It was a different type of pushing, but… It was never your fault, not really.” ”I could’ve said something. Told you how I felt, I could have stopped all of this.” She has a point, you can’t disagree, but you can’t change the past. Twilight knows that, she tried after all. She wipes a tear from her eye, the first to have escaped, “You asked how long I felt about you like… like this.” You can’t help but mirror her smile, or is it the other way around? ”Do you remember the first time you sang on stage?” How could you forget? You wanted to strangle Twilight for it… in a good way. “You mean, the first time you forced me to sing on stage? Because that I remember.” She giggles at the memory, piece by piece her teary exterior breaking down, “I couldn’t let you squander your gift.” That was so long ago, you were so nervous at the time, clammy hands and a couple dozen ponies with their eyes on you. God how you hated the crowd. You got over it… ”Do you remember the song you played? You should, you-“ “Sang it tonight,” you finish the sentence for her. “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic. It was fitting.” ”When you sang that song, you looked so happy.” You had to get into it first, but when you did, it was a magic all of its own. “I thought you chose it random, one of the dozens you had sung before.” “It wasn’t…” ”When you looked down through the crowd, you looked right at me. You weren’t singing for the crowd anymore, you were singing for me.” “Like I said, it was fitting.” Hell if you keep downplaying it you might end up convincing yourself. ”I didn’t know how you felt at the time, but for me, it was the most sincere, the most touching thing anypony had ever done for me. You stole my heart that night and you never gave it back.” “Could’ve asked. I’d still probably say no but…” you joke, both of you sharing the laugh. “That song was for you, Twilight. As far as I’m concerned, it’ll always be yours.” Her smile fades with a strained sigh. Don’t tell me you ruined this with that sentence. You’ve come too far to fail because of that. Thankfully not, as she sports another grin as stressed as her sigh, “Then can I ask you a question?” “You can, but I can’t guarantee it’ll be the truth,” your joke falls on deaf ears this time. You guess it’s time to serious the fuck up, “Alright.” She doesn’t move any closer, neither of you have despite every impulse sent by that damned brain of yours. Instead she looks to the floor, a single hoof pawing at the tiled floor. ”Tonight, when you sang that song. Who were you thinking of?” “Oh Twilight…” you take a step closer, Twilight tensing up at the movement. ”Please, just tell me.” If you move any closer you’ll lose her, so you move back a step. “It’s your song, Twilight. You’re the only mare I think of, song or no. It’s always been you.” Please say that’s what she wanted to hear. Please say that’s what she wanted to hear. Please- When she moves back, you could swear you fucked up, ruined everything by telling her the truth. “I can’t apologize for keeping these feelings…” Be stern, Anonymous, chest up, hands at your side. “…and I won’t. You’re the only mare I’ve ever cared for, past or present, and I don’t see that changing.” “Thank you…” You’re not sure you heard her right but she hasn’t left yet. That’s gotta be a good sign, right? “I needed to hear that.” “We can make things better between us.” Reason has never been your strong suit. Emotion and impulse have always been your sword and shield. “It’s not too late to make things right.” ”I- I need some time to think.” Twilight looks up at you, “Alone. Can… Can you wait for me, just until tomorrow?” Today has to be one of the happiest days in your life, and it shows on your face. “Princess, I’ve been waiting 4 years for a chance like this. I can wait another day.” A smile, a genuine warmhearted smile grows on her face as her horn glows, “I do love you, Anon.” “I know.” Hmm, no carbonite? Damn. With that and a flash of light, she’s gone. Where? You don’t care much at the moment. You turn in triumph, the opportunity you’ve long awaited for all these years finally here. … Shit, now you’re up and don’t want to sleep. Hell, might as well hang with the band for a few. Wonder if Fumble Note managed to guilt some more bits from your mates. You chuckle to yourself as you begin the walk back, unaware of the pair of yellow eyes that had been watching over the two of you. ~~~ 6 years ago… Wiping another streak of sweat from your face you eye the horizon, Detrot a good week of walking to actually reach. You’re fairly sure you’d rather take a cactus up the rear than go there, but orders are orders. No pony is going to let you use your hose out there. The big cities always manage to bring out the worst in people, and ponies aren’t an exception. Dickbags, the lot of them. At least Steel Bit equals them out somewhat. Good guy, even for a pony. Your mind wanders to how dry your mouth is, but you know better than to let it get to you. Maybe you’ll catch some rain sometime once the terrain decides to green up a bit. Until then, ration time. Joy… Looking back at your companion you can’t help but stifle a laugh. Unicorns, their prissy little hooves were never meant to handle this type of beating. Welcome to my life, sucks doesn’t it? “How… much further?” She manages to get out between gasps of air. She’s just lucky she brought some water for herself. Unlucky for you. “Take a look at the horizon, keep looking and really get a feel for it. It looks like a long way, and you’re right. We’ve got quite a few more of those to go.” You almost say that with a bit of glee in your voice. You haven’t heard a tone like that in a while. Sounds kinda nice. “You don’t… seem to be -whew- having much… trouble at all!” This mare just doesn’t shut her trap does she? Three days. Three fucking days and she hasn’t slowed down. Not. One. Bit. The thought of bribing her crossed your mind once, and then you remember feeling a bit lighter than usual. Can’t very well bribe someone without any money. Apparently one thing does get her to slow down, you answering. Honestly, you’re not too keen on that idea, but it’s either that or your sanity. Sigh… If you didn’t have enough baggage already. “No, I don’t have much trouble. It’s called exercise, look it up.” A hefty thud reaches your ear causing you to stop. Not because you’re alarmed, but because facepalming when your walking is just a bit too much work. “What are you doing?” You know exactly what she’s doing, being a dingbat with a touch of downs. ”Looking up ‘exercise’ like you said.” Why? Why can’t she have been born a deaf mute? Your life would’ve been so much simpler. She unbuttons her saddle, alternating between rubs of her hooves before she takes out a- Why did she take a god damn dictionary? “Oh for fuck’s sake… I told you to take the essentials, not- A book isn’t essential.” ”But how else could I look up ‘exercise’ for you? Ah, here we go. ‘Exercise: bodily or mental exertion, especially for the sake of training or improvement of health.’” She lets out a gasp to your surprise, “That means I have been exercising! Rainbow Dash can’t make fun of me for it anymore!” Rainbow Dash? You don’t- No, you can’t begin to think of who or what that is. Still, you don’t think it’d be hard to find something else to insult her. “Are you done now? We’re burning daylight.” You standby tapping your foot in irritation as she plops her book back in its ‘designated position.’ You’re going to burn that book by tonight. It’d make fine fuel for a fire. “There, all do- Oww!” As she tried to get up her legs buckled beneath her, giving her a nice taste of dry earth. Serves her right. “Can- Can you help me up?” She extends a hoof upwards, reaching to the hand of god, that being you in this situation. You just look at it in disgust. “Seriously?” ”If I can’t get up, we’ll be late. I don’t want you to get in trouble. Please?” Her eyes plead that weak part of your heart that still thinks of mares as girls, the ‘gentleman.’ Too bad for her, that guy took a vacation long ago. That being said, you hate being late. Be nice and get there on time? Or be you and have Steel Bit ride your ass? Easy choice, you aren’t gay yet. “Ugh, fine. Tttthere we go,” you pull her up with ease and help her keep balance for a second. “Are we good, can we go now?” ”Yep!” She does a little hop and starts a steady trot to both your shock and irritation. It gets that much worse when you see her pull her paper and quill from her bag with magic. That bitch made you wait, and now she’s just fine and dandy? Bullshit! “Excuse me, but what the fuck was all that about?” You want to pelt that smile of hers into the dirt and give her a first-hand introduction to Satan, or whoever it is here. ”I’m sorry, what was that?” Satan. Meeting. This shit’s happening. “Oh, you mean that? I just wanted to test something really quick.” Pawing at you face is generally a sign of repressed rage and if you were doing it any harder you’d rip the flesh right off the bone. “A test?! Are you kidding me? I don’t have time for this!” You stomp off ahead of her, this time not slowing down for her sake. You’d given her that luxury and now she’s lost it. “But… I wanted to test your fingers, you know… to see how they worked!” She futily tries to keep up with you now, and this time, you know that her grunts of exertion are genuine. “Could you, slow down a little? It’s hard to- You’re really fast.” “You didn’t even need to look that up in the dictionary did you?” you shout back to her, not giving up an inch. “It was just an excuse to begin your act. Bravo, ten out of ten.” ”T-thank you.” You’re seeing red at this point, like, everything is blood red. You might want to get that checked out. “I was being hypocritical you stupid… Gah, fuck it.” Slow down, Anon. You’re going to give yourself a stroke if you keep up this pace for much longer. There we go, easy does it. You’re still angry, but at least things are returning to their normal color… and you won’t die from the heat. Then you hear it, that scribbling on parchment that reminds you of nails on a chalkboard, only this time it isn’t you who’s doing it. ”fuuuuuck… How do you spell that?” Alright, even you will admit that tickles your funny bone but only for a second. You’re still angry with her. “F, U, C, K.” You say, keeping your chuckle to yourself as you pull out your canteen for a sip. By god is that refreshing. Funny how good water can taste when you’re an inch from dehydration. Twilight hums to herself for a minute, apparently staring down at the mysterious word before her when you snuck a peak. ”Anon?” I can’t hear you. Lalalalala. “Hey, Anon?” This place is going to be your tomb. “What?” ”What does ‘fuck’ mean?” “What, you can’t look that one up?” ”It’s not in the dictionary.” She says almost matter-of-factly like she knows everything there is to know about it. Seriously, unicorns are pretentious cunts through and through. “Yeah, and I’m sure you read the whole damned thing too,” shaking your head at the mere notion. ”I’m very good at memorization. That’s why I’m Celestia’s star pupil,” her sheer joy coming out in almost a squeak there at the end. “Do you know what you’d get if you looked up the word ‘nuisance’ in the dictionary?” Wait for it… Wait... “A picture of you.” ”But dictionaries don’t have-” “Oh god, just shut your face hole. Damn.” … ”damn…” You’re going to kill her. ~~~ That night… You light up your watch, the soft green glow telling you that it’s a few past nine o’ clock. Sun’s down, heat’s gone, you can almost hear the critters scampering about, and… Yawn… Yeah you’re tired, at least you think that’s what yawning means. Right? Sure let’s go with that. You turn back and look at your reluctant companion through the moonlight, some square object basked in a purple aura in front of her. “We’re stopping for the night. I hope you brought a nice bed with you,” you scoff, insulting the pleasantries she’s grown accustomed to. “We wouldn’t want you to sleep on the nasty ground.” ”My bag isn’t big enough to…” Aaaand tuned out. It’ll only last so long. Twilight adapts quicker than you care to keep up with. “…keep going. By my calculations we should-” So that’s what that thing is? Sheesh, she’s a bigger nerd than you thought… she did read the whole damn dictionary though. You should feel sorry for her. Should. “Keep going? And exactly how much further are you thinking to go exactly?” you cross your arms and await her answer. ”Well, calculating our speed over the past two days, I surmise that if we add an additional-” “Ha ha whoa now, hold your horses for a second. I asked how long -you- were thinking about going.” Even as dark as it is you can still see the mix of shock and confusion on her face as she looks between you and her calculator, “But if we just-” “No, Twilight, there is no we. There’s just me, myself and I and guess what? Not one of those is you. Go on and keep walking, but I’ll be making camp and having some dinner.” You swiftly turn your back on her and make your way to one of the trees a couple dozen yards away from the train tracks. About halfway there you can hear her shout after you, “But what about me?” Don’t laugh An- Okay, fine you can have a little one but no more. “What about you?” That should set her head straight. You set down your bag and grab some twigs for a fire, your grin losing form when you hear Twilight come back trotting over. “I think it’d be better if we stuck together. Strength in numbers.” “Trust me, honey, you need me a lot more than I need you,” you reply with a roll of the eyes. The audacity of it… “I can take care of myself just fine, and- I don’t know you well enough for you to call me honey.” Thankfully you don’t have the fire going yet, because you’re about to throw yourself into it. “It was sarcastic… Hey, can I see that dictionary of yours for a second?” Maybe she thinks you’re opening up to her or maybe she’s just a certain kind of stupid, but she levitates it to you without question. “Sarcasm: the use of irony-” *rip* “I know what sarcasm means,” tossing a couple pages in with the other combustibles, “Maybe you should look up gullible.” ”My book!” La la la, where did you put that flint and steel? It has to be in here somewhere. “How could you do that?” Ah there it is, right under a potato. Darn thing always manages to lose themselves. You turn to get a face full of angry Twilight face. “I’m sorry, what was that?” Oh mockery, sweet mockery, how you sustain me. Even in these trying times- “You don’t just do that to somepony’s books you meanie!” “What’s the big deal? You’ve got the definitions wound up in your head anyways, so how I see it, it does me more good than you.” ”Than does -not- justify tearing a book apart!” “It’s just a few pages,” you reason with the flustered mare as you start up the fire. “Plus, you’ll be happy I did in a few hours when the cold hits you.” “I can make my own fire. I can’t make my own book.” You rub your eyes painfully, each second she talks more painful than the last. “These are my personal things and if you think-” “Alright, fine, if I apologize will you be quiet?” She sits back on her flank and taps her chin thoughtfully, “Maybe... If you meant it.” …is this chick serious? Ha, good luck with that one. “In that case, keep going. I’ll live with it, unfortunately.” You blow into the embers as you coax the first flames from the pages, the sweet warmth making you grin. ”You- You’re supposed to apologize! Apologize!” Once again you look over to see her standing right next to you, eyebrows down and face scrunched. “Now.” “Is that supposed to intimidate me?” You see the crack in her shell as her pout becomes a nervous smile, “Maybe?” There’s a few things in this world that piss you off… Okay, make that a lot of things, but this one has got to be like, top 5. Just below Equestria, ponies, socializing and more ponies. People trying to take advantage of you. That’s number five and that’s because they so often fail. So you decide to give her a lesson. You stand up straight taller than a minotaur and tower above her, looking down on her with furrowed brows. “I’ve uh- never seen you this tall.” “You’ve been with me for three days,” you lean down, “it’s called perspective. Now sit over there and be quiet… Please.” “Okay…” she turns and walks to the other side of the fire, tail between her legs like a scared dog. Dammit. Fine, that wasn’t really number five. That’s seeing people sad… unless they really pissed you off. Like that winged chick and her unicorn friend. Those were kind of okay. You’re going to regret this, you think as you sit down and tear off a piece of bread. “Hungry?” She hesitates to look up at you, even when you are trying your hardest to be sincere. No seriously, you are. If you were any more serious you’d be in a Christopher Nolan movie. Even still she doesn’t seem to answer you. Maybe if you wag it around a bit. “Look, I know you ran out of food this morning. You didn’t think I knew what that comment about you not being hungry for lunch meant? C’mon, I wasn’t born yesterday. Now take the food already, jeez.” You feel the piece slip from your fingers and make its way over to her hooves where she nibbles at it. “Thank you.” “Don’t mention it.” These ponies know you as somewhat of a stoic wanderer and you’d like to keep it that way. “I forgive you.” “Excuse me?” She silently swallows the last bit of bread, “I forgive you for tearing up my book.” You don’t need to hear this but you acknowledge her regardless. The last thing you need is a mopey ass companion. Actually the last thing -is- a companion but you digress. Fishing back around in your bag lets you lay a hungry eye on one of your potatoes but you decide to wait, instead grabbing your knife. “You’d best get as much rest as you can. You may have been pretending it was an act about being sore earlier, but trust me, I know you are. Some shut-eye will do us both some good.” Both of us. God, you hope the princess is at least going to pay you for babysitting her student. Maybe it’ll make up for the bits you lost, but there’s no sense thinking that far ahead. You just need to get to Detrot. Hopefully Twilight will have gotten the message and skedaddle by then. ”Aren’t you going to eat something?” “Does it look like I’m going to sleep,” you ask as you lie down, knife clasped in hand atop your chest. She gives you a onceover and nods, “I’d say you were going to sleep.” You strategically grin away from her as she’s technically right. “There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me.” Wait for it. “I’d like to know more.” You swear these ponies talk off scripts. “Just go to sleep.” ~~~ Hmm, bacon. Sweet sweet bacon. What you wouldn’t give for a nice thick slice, fat and all. Screw the bacon, just give me a pig. You wouldn’t know how to carve it but you’d find a way. Christ you need some meat right now. Beef, fish, pork, hell you’d go for a rat burger right about now. Where are you? I know you’re out there, skulking about and waiting for the fire to die down a little. You’re not sure how much longer you can hold this pose. The cold is starting to creep in and you’re having trouble fighting off the shivers. There! You little piece of shit. What’re you doing down there? You feel the soft pinch on your toes but remain still. Having trouble getting through the boot huh? I call them steel-toed-shoes you fucking nuisance. Just a couple more seconds, get your mandibles nice and deep. And… Now! Lunging forward off your back you hone in on the camel spider’s position, the tiny cretin not getting a chance to escape before you drive the knife in his back. His jaws retract while his legs try to recite his tap dancing lessons, but that won’t do him any good. “Who’s dinner? You’re dinner. That’s who.” Setting him down on his side you fish out your pan, twirling it around while you hum to yourself, adding some fuel to the dwindling fire. Big guy this time, would’ve taken another toe if you weren’t too careful. Whoever said these boots were a waste of bits? Not you, that’s for sure. As you hold the pan over of the fire, getting it nice and cozy for your guest, you look over to your squirming guest. “How much pain you in there, big guy? I hope a lot, you can’t imagine how hard it was to walk back to town with bolts of pain shooting up my leg. And it was all thanks to you,” you poke his behind for good measure. “Well, not you personally, but one of your many brothers and sisters.” The thought almost brings back a phantom pain in your left toe, the pinkie, so useless yet so damn cute. Your mom always used to- “Now,” you whisper between your teeth to your captive, “I know that you want it all to end, just let the pain go and die. But! Life isn’t always so fair. In fact, you can say it’s kind of a bitch. Life took my pinkie toe, so to me, fair’s fair right?” Planting him down with your fingers you take a little of his back leg before replanting the knife in his back. “That wasn’t so bad, now was it?” You flick your pan a couple times. Not too hot, not too cold. Just right. “Looks like its dinner time. Bone ‘petite.” You’re not a sadist. Really you’re not. Just because you take pleasure in watching these little assholes get what’s coming to them doesn’t make you a bad guy. After all, he bit your boots. You really like these boots. Just have to plant him down and there we go, a nice slow roast. Smell that aroma, how can something so bad smell so good. “It’s gotta be a strange twist of fate,” you begin to sing softly with the sizzle of carapace as your orchestra. “Telling you that heaven can wait. Telling you to get it right thiiiis time.” You’re about to continue when you notice your buddy isn’t moving anymore. He could’ve at least let you get through the segment first. Oh well, not like it matters. “Life doesn't mean a thing. Without the love you bring. Love is what we've-” ”Mmm.” Oh you’ve got to be kidding? You can’t even sing without being interrupted. Twice! “Anon?” Twilight rubs an eye as she stirs from her slumber. You guess you can’t blame her this time, you did get a bit vocal. “Wakey wakey, hands off snakey.” Right now, you reckon you’re a bit too happy to let her spoil the mood with simply existing. So she gets a pass until morning. A revocable pass that is. ”Snake?” She scratches her head one moment and the next her eyes almost pop out of her head, “Snake?! Where?” Coming close to losing that pass… “Just an Earth saying about boys. There’s not a snake in sight.” She keeps a cool Defcon One for a few more seconds before sliding in at a three or four. You may not be a knight in shining armor, but you’ve got her covered on snake duty. ”Earth… Like the ground. I don’t get it.” Of course she doesn’t. “Earth is the planet I’m from. Doesn’t take a genius to figure-” ”You’re an alien?!” Okay, her pass has been officially revoked on the grounds of calling you a filthy alien. Your skin isn’t even gray. “Aren’t you supposed to be asleep?” you ask, not entirely in a kind tone of voice but that’s kind of a gimme. ”So… that’s a no.” If she keeps distracting you, you’re going to burn your dinner. Inconsiderate wench. “I didn’t come down in a flying saucer if that’s what you mean.” ”Oh…” She seems visibly disappointed in your answer. You hope the rest can be just as satisfying, “But you aren’t from here?” “I made that clear back in Applefuckitstan. Weren’t you supposed to have a good memory, because you’re two kicks away from a bed post?” Flipping over your spider you decide to make use of the juices and cut up half a potato. “Then if you’re not from here, how did you get here? Are you from another dimension?” Just cut your potato, Anon. Slice, slice, slice, “Did you teleport here? Were you banished from your home?” Slice. Slice! “OH, are you a wizard?” “I came by train, holy mother of god. Happy now?” It feels like only a few moments ago she was scratching her head in confusion, “A train? That doesn’t make any sense.” “Yeah, I know. I stopped trying to figure it out a long time ago. One minute I’m taking a snooze, next thing I know there are guards around me and I’m in some kind of castle.” ”So you -did- teleport?” Slice… slice… “I don’t know, apparently they checked the train and found me asleep. None of the passengers even noticed I was there. Now if you don’t mind, I’m trying to cook here.” This too catches her interest as she stands up to see what you’re cooking. “Ooh, are you making a compote of roots and- EWW!” How you wish shutting your eyes would shut her up. You’d plug your ears, but your hands are full at the moment. She’s still squirming in disgust when you open them again, “What is that?” “Camel Spider, or what I like to call a poor man’s crab. You wouldn’t care for it.” ”Of course I wouldn’t, ugh eww eww eww,” she shivers at your meal. “How can you eat that?” “Well, I’m hungry… so I’m eating it. Cause and effect. I figured a nerd would get that.” She sits back down as she watches you, “So you’re a- *gulp* -carnivore?” You have to stop and look at her for her stupidity and not just for like a second, four or five. Each is equally awkward. “You do see me adding potatoes, right?” You’re not going crazy, are you? Are you? By god… ”So you’re an omnivore, cool.” “I’m not sure that’s the word I’d use to describe it, but whatever floats your boat.” She takes out her quill while you take a bite. Meat, delicious no-homo meat. Shame there’s not more of you. “Whoever said revenge isn’t sweet?” This draws Twilight’s attention, who has to avert her eyes as you take another bite, “Why would revenge be sweet?” “Payback. They take something from me, I take from them. Call me an agent of Karma.” ”I think Anon suits you more.” “And I think something something be quiet and let me eat.” For the first time since she got here, she actually did as you asked. It’s a Christmas miracle. You get to finish your meal in peace, at least if you don’t mind her scribbling while you do it. Which you don’t. The sound of crunching carapace blocks out pretty much everything else. Finishing up you wipe off your knife and rub your belly after a nice meal. “Was it, good?” Obviously she’s a bit disgusted about the fact you ate that, but hey, that’s her problem. “I wish I had seasoning, some actual food wouldn’t be too bad either, but when you live on the road you eat what you can. If you’re squeamish, these little assholes’ll take off your pinkie toe. Ask me how I know.” You lean back before you think about what you just said, “How do you know?” You sigh to yourself, this time the question is your doing. “Because that’s exactly what happened to me. First time out this way a couple years back. What would be the harm and letting my feet breathe in the cool night air? Pfft, sure showed me.” ”I’m sorry, but what exactly is a toe?” Holy shit, you almost forgot they don’t have toes. Well they’ve got to have something close. “You know what a bear is, right?” She nods. “It’s basically that digit on their paw except it doesn’t have a giant claw on the end. If you’re a bit wild you can think of it as a foot finger.” ”Wow! Are you able to grab stuff with those too?” You swear to all that is holy… “Toes are a lot smaller than fingers. They’re mainly for balance. Thankfully the pinkie toe is about as useful as a poopy flavored lollipop.” That one will throw her for a loop. You’re almost sure of it. In the meantime- ”I’d like to do some tests if that’s okay with you. I can even-” “Twilight…” ”Yes?” “Go the fuck to sleep.” Still got a long road ahead of you. Hopefully you sated her appetite until then. For some reason you find that highly unlikely. Author's Note Credit to Olivia Newton-John for "Twist of Fate."
