Tale of Two Bronies

Tale of Two Bronies
A 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic' Self-Insert Fanfiction
by milesprower06 and FenixTheFox93

Chapter 4
Pizza Day For Ponyville

RAINBOW DASH'S HOUSE
THE NEXT MORNING

It had been quite awhile since I last remember sleeping as soundly as I did on Rainbow's cloud couch that night. I was so out of it that I was slow to respond to Rainbow's pokes and prods as I clearly slept in past her usual waking hour. And as I knew, Dash wasn't the patient type.

So my alarm clock wound up being a thunderbolt just inches above my head.

“Waaahhaaahhh!” I jolted awake, my wings flinging out as I rolled off the couch, onto the likewise soft cloud floor below.

“It's about time, sleepyhead! Come on, we're burning daylight!” Rainbow exclaimed.

Blinking to clear my vision, and rubbing my ringing ears from the stormy wake-up call, I followed Rainbow Dash out the front door and down into the bustling morning marketplace of Ponyville.

“So how do you usually start off your morning?” she asked.

“With the first truck stop restaurant that comes up on the interstate.” I mumbled, not a morning person, or, pony in this case.

“Well just wait until you try a Pony Joe doughnut with a grass-and-daisy bagel and a side of hay fries!” Rainbow stated, licking her lips.

“Isn't Pony Joe's up in Canterlot?” I asked.

“Yeah, Joe runs his main store up in Canterlot. He's recently expanded to Manehattan, Appleloosa, and Ponyville. Just wait, you'll love it!”

From my first taste test of Equestrian delicacies, I was somewhat skeptical of Dash's praise of what was probably her usual breakfast, but I kept in mind that I was a pony now. So perhaps my taste buds had adjusted to the local foods as well.

The small restaurant, not far from Sugarcube Corner, already had a small crowd of ponies inside waiting in line or sitting at tables eating breakfast. I took a quick glance at the menu, but it seemed Rainbow was intent on ordering for both of us. After all, she was a regular here, and she knew what was good. The employees working in the back were on the ball, so before we knew it, we were at the front of the line at the register.

“Two Pony Joe Specials, please!”

The cashier rung us up, Rainbow slid him the correct amount of bits, and in a matter of minutes, we were were sitting with two specials; a fresh donut with frosting and sprinkles, two halves of a bagel with grass and daisy topping, and a small side of crispy hayfries. I went for the doughnut first, as it was the only food on my plate I was familiar with. After that, I tried a bite of the grass and daisy bagel, and was satisfied with the flavor, proving my taste bud theory correct. Rainbow saw my immense satisfaction with the meal.

“Told ya” she said with a smirk, starting into her doughnut.

A moment later, Twilight, Pinkie and Brady came in for the morning meal as well, and spotted us at our table. Pinkie and Brady came over while Twilight went to order.

“Morning!” Pinkie greeted happily. “Ah, we've got our ponyriffic tastes aquired, have we?”

I nodded. “Yep, and I like it” I said, finishing off the bagel, and trying some hayfries.

“How's the flying coming?” Brady asked me.

“He's quite the learner! Finally, a Pegasus around Ponyville who loves it as much as I do!” Rainbow answered for me.

Twilight came over to the table, three plates hovering in front of her. Pinkie and Brady move out of the way, and the five of us crowded around the table.

“So how's the walking and magic coming?” I asked Brady in return.

Twilight smiled at Brady, and with a smirk, and Brady, his plate set in front of him, his horn glowing, levitated the doughnut to his mouth and took a bite.

“That answer your question?” he asked in return.

“He picked up on it quicker than I ever thought he would.” Twilight added, beginning with her bagel.

“So what's everypony doing today? Now that you two finally have a whole day here in Ponyville!” Pinkie asked, swallowing her bagel whole.

“Well, I'd like to help Rainbow with the weather. I could always use more practice. Just because I'm starting to get flying down doesn't mean you can't teach me some aerial maneuvers.”

“Now you're talkin'” Rainbow said, liking what I had in mind.

“I'd be more than happy to go to the lumber store and get what supplies I need to get started on that shelf.”

“If you want to, sure. But I thought you'd want to take today to enjoy yourself.” Twilight said.

“That would be. If I can put a shelf together using my horn, I can only get better at it!”

“Well, sounds like you two certainly have your day planned. Hey, if you guys have time, stop by Sugarcube Corner, and we can do some baking! Now that you're ponies, I can't wait to show you all the sweets I can make!”

We told Pinkie that we'd certainly try to make it, and with that, we were on our way. Brady returned to the library with Twilight to get a wagon to pull the lumber, and I took off into the skies above Ponyville hot on the trail of Rainbow Dash.

PONYVILLE LIBRARY

Brady stepped into the harness, and Twilight gently set it on his back, and he was ready to pull the wagon. After that, she put a hoof-ful of bits into his small saddlebag.

“There. I can't imagine it'd be anymore than that for the lumber you need. It's just down that way on the east end of town.” Twilight said.

“Thanks. See ya in a few.” Brady replied, and he was off, the wagon wheels softly creeking. He still got some looks, but the majority of interaction was just friendly greetings. Not many ponies took into account his lack of a Cutie Mark.

That is, until, three familiar fillies spotted him coming down the street.

“Ooh, look, there he is!” Scootaloo said.

The three Crusaders came galloping towards him.

“See, I told you he didn't have one! See?” the ruby-haired Pegasus exclaimed, pointing a hoof at his flank.

“It'll be FOREVER before we get our Cutie Marks! Imagine how long he's been waiting!” Sweetie Belle whined. Brady wanted to quell this as soon as he could.

“Girls, girls, settle down. I've only been a pony for two days. I'm not even sure I'll get a Cutie Mark.”

All three Crusaders gave him quizzical looks.

“Then...what were ya three days ago?” Applebloom asked.

“A human.” Brady answered with a chuckle.

“Maybe you could help us get our Cutie Marks! A human might know more about it than us!”
“You don't even know what a human is! I don't think they even have Cutie Marks!”
“What are you, a physicist?”

“Girls! Settle down!”

As the Crusaders fell silent and looked up at Brady, he contemplated his options. He had to admit, he was tempted to end this debacle and tell them what their obvious talents were. But then again, that would take the fun out of earning their Cutie Marks.

But it would save Ponyville some headaches.

In the end, he decided to do tell them what Twilight had.

“Girls, you just have to work at what you're already good at. If you do that, you're Cutie Marks will be well on their way. And as much as I'd like to go crusading with you, I've already got plans, so have fun!”

With that, he was on his way.

“So what do we try next?”
“How about surfing!”

Brady just shook his head.

'One day...'

He got to the lumber store, and dropped the carriage just outside.

“Hey there. I'm looking for some wood to build a bookshelf.”
“Well, you've come to the right place. Welcome to Scrolls and Lumber! I'm glad you're here for lumber, we're out of scrolls until Monday. So, how big of a bookshelf are ya looking to build?”
“Two stories, to hold about 20 books.”
“Somethin' small. Gotcha. What kind of wood are ya looking for? We got oak, pine, timber-”

Brady set the bits Twilight had given him on the counter.

“Whatever kind that that's enough for.” Brady said.

The salespony counted up the bits, and took him down one of the aisles.

“I'm guessing you're gonna want some tools, nails, and finish too.”
“That'd be nice.”

When everything was said and done, Brady selected oak boards, and got nails, a hammer, and got everything loaded onto the cart outside. After making sure everything was properly secured and wouldn't fall out, he made his way back to the library to get to work.

And then he stopped, realizing what he was doing.

“Wait. What am I thinking? I can't go to a library and begin hammering away! Where to go...?”

He took a moment to look around, and then got an idea.

“I bet Applejack would loan me the barn for a few hours!”

With that, he set off out of Ponyville towards Sweet Apple Acres.

WEST PONYVILLE

Flying around Ponyville, watching Rainbow zip around with the clouds, the only thing I could play in my head was Flight of the Bumblebee. I honestly couldn't tell if she was this erratic and fast because she was used to doing this, or if she wanted to get it done as quickly as possible because, you know, she took like four naps a day. And yet, even with how fast she was moving, I was still itching for her to get done faster so I could learn some new tricks. So far, I had gotten flying forward, left, right, up, and down.

That was it.

“So what are ya gonna teach me today, Rainbow?”

“I'm gonna show you what's it's like being part of the weather patrol.” she replied, pulling a scroll seemingly out of nowhere, coming back to be and unfurling it.

“This is today's forecast. Mainly it's just getting the clouds to the right places, except if there's rain, and no rain today!”

The “forecast” was a simple top-down sketch of Ponyville, with simple puffy clouds drawn in various areas of the town.

“After I place them, the wind takes care of the rest. So it never takes long if I move fast.”

“Huh? What about the spins and loops? When do I get to those?”

Rainbow chuckled.

“Speaking of moving fast, you're moving way too fast, Jake. This is only your second day. Practice what you've already learned. You don't want to move too fast. I've been flying for years and it's taken me this long to get some of these tricks down.” Rainbow lectured, moving another cloud into position.

“But I'm ready, I know I am! Come on, show me what ya got!”

When Rainbow turned to me with that slightly annoyed look in her eye, I immediately wish I hadn't said that. She zoomed down to me, flew directly above me, and wrapped her hooves around me.

“You asked for it.”

With that, we took off like a bullet from a gun.

“WhaaaahhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHH!”

Rainbow, with a death-lock grip around me, spun, barrel-rolled, twisted, looped, and dove in a super-complex flight routine that I could not even begin to comprehend. Sky, Ponyville, sky, Ponyville. That's what my eyes were showing me.

Rainbow leveled out, zooming out of Ponyville in a continuous barrel roll.

“Okay! Okay! I believe you!!!”

She at last stopped the spinning, and then my hooves touched solid ground. When I dared to open my eyes, we were on the Sweet Apple Acres farmland, with the barn just 10 feet away. The front door opened, and Brady's horned head popped out.

“What's going on out here?” he said, looking at us curiously, as I struggled to keep my breakfast down. “Oh, nothin' just proving a point to our new overenthusiastic Pegasus here.” Rainbow said, a cocky grin on her face. “What are you doing back here?” I asked, shaking my head to clear out the dizzyness. “I asked Applejack if there was any place I could do some woodwork. She said just find a space in the barn.”

“If you two want to hang out, I have to get back to work.” Rainbow said.

“They could come to Sugarcube Corner and bake!”

The voice out of nowhere startled all three of us, causing us to jump off the ground. There stood Pinkie, head poking out from the barn door. “How does she do that?” Brady mumbled. Pinkie Pie bounded up and down in her usual fashion. “I've been so excited looking forward to having a couple new bakers in town!”

When we thought about it, breakfast was starting to wear off, and that sounded like the perfect place to get a snack. “Alright Pinkie. Let's go do some baking.” I replied.

“Wahoo!!!” and with that cheer, the physics-defying pony zoomed off back towards Ponyville. “Thanks for the, um...roller coaster ride, Rainbow.” I said over to Rainbow. “Hehe, no problem. Catch you two later.” the Pegasus replied before taking off again. Rather than fly there, I opted to trot back to town with Brady.

“So how's the bookshelf coming?” I asked him as we exited the front gate of the farm. “It's off to a good start. Got the edges smoothed down. After that it's just a matter of hammering it together and painting it.” he explained. “Anyway why did you decide to do this?” I asked.

Here, I noticed his cheeks changed by exactly three shades of red.

“Well, uh...I noticed Twilight didn't have enough room in the library for her books, so I offered to make her a new shelf.” he said sheepishly. I snickered. “Brady and Twilight sitting in a tree-”

“Hey!” he said, knocking into me, clearly getting embarrassed. I galloped ahead towards town, laughing, him chasing after me. “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the filly in the filly carriage! Hahaha!” I chanted, laughing. I know by then, he probably wanted to buck me across the face for such a comment. We closed in on Sugarcube Corner, and I skidded to a halt, almost knocking over a customer just coming out of the bakery with a tray of sweets. Not wanting to cause a scuffle or a scene, Brady decided just to let it go for now and simply shot me a look. We headed into the bakery, and saw Mr. and Mrs. Cake busy with a few customers.

“Well, look who it is. Ponyville's two new ponies. How are you doing, dearies?”

“We're doing great Mrs. Cake. We're here to bake with Pinkie.”

“Yep, she said as such when she came zooming in here five minutes ago. The kitchen is in the back on the left, through the door.”

We passed the front counter, and went through the double swinging doors, and Pinkie was already busy at getting trays and spoons and mixers out.

“Oh there you guys are! I was wondering if you had gotten lost! What took you so long?” Pinkie asked. We walked up to the counter. “It's nothing, we just don't move at the speed of Pinkie.” Brady replied. “So, what would you like to make first, huh? Huh huh huh?” Pinkie said excitedly. How Twilight could ignite her mane with a little pent up frustration, and how Pinkie didn't spontaneously catch on fire from all that energy was beyond us.

“Hmm, well, being in a kitchen with this many utensils makes me hungry for pizza.” Brady said.

“Oooh! Yeah! We could make pizzas! Wait, um, what's a pizza?” Pinkie asked, giving us a quizzical look. It didn't occur to us that every food in our world would have an Equestrian equivalent. “Well, a pizza is usually a disc-shaped flatbread, covered in tomato sauce, cheese, and whatever toppings you want, and then baked in an oven.” Brady said. Pinkie's eyes went wide.

“That sounds like the GREATEST MEAL EVER! I'll get the ingredients for bread dough!” Pinkie Pie went enthusiastically through the kitchen, bringing more bags and cups and spoons to the center counter. “What else do we need? Tomato sauce? Cheese? I've got five types of cheese! And what toppings?”

Brady mulled this over. “Well, other than cheese, there's pepperoni, sausage, peppers, onions.” Pinkie Pie looked clueless. “Um, I don't think I have any 'pepperoni' or 'sausage'. What are those, anyway?”

And it hit Brady on the head. Ponies didn't eat meat.

“Uh, I don't think that would be available here in Equestria. But I've never made a pizza for ponies before. So we could put new toppings on. Hay, all kinds of flowers, veggies.”

Clearly, we were going to have our hooves full. Which was fine with us, we were plenty hungry. “You guys gather the toppings and cheese. I can make dough faster than anypony!” Pinkie exclaimed, grabbing the rolling pin, and was soon engulfed in clouds of flour dust.

“How's it coming in here, you three?” Mr. Cake poked his head through the doorway. “Just dandy, Mr. Cake. We're making a NEW recipe! It's called pizza!” Pinkie excitedly announced. “That sounds delicious. Give us a holler when it's done. We'll be your taste testers!”

We barely had the cheese and hay for one pizza crust when Pinkie had three rolled out already. “Looks like we have to pick up the pace.” I told Brady, who was using his horn as best he could to shred mozzarella and cheddar cheese. Pinkie Pie opened one of many cans of tomato sauce and expertly spread it evenly over the three unbaked crusts. “How hot should the oven be?” Pinkie asked. “Usually it's 350 degrees.” Brady replied. Pinkie Pie went over to the ovens and set the dials. She then took the cheese we had shredded and spread it evenly over her three crusts.

“Now what?” she asked. “Well, for variety's sake, lets keep one of them plain. The next one we can sprinkle hay on, and then the third, flower petals.” Brady suggested. By the time we had all the toppings good to go, we had three rather odd-looking Equestrian pizzas, and the ovens were pre-heated and ready to go. We slipped the unbaked pizzas onto wooden flat pans, and then played the waiting game.

“So what other toppings could we try?” Brady asked. “Dude, we have 3 pizzas in the oven, how much room do you think we have?” I asked in return. The timer set to 15 minutes went off, and we took the steaming pizzas out of the oven and set them on the counter to cool. They smelled incredibly inviting. Sure enough, it wasn't long before Mr. Cake poked through the doors again.

“My my, something sure smells good in here. Is that the new recipe?” he asked. “It sure is, Mr. Cake. Here, you can be our official taste tester!” Pinkie said. Brady had taken a knife and had cut the first pizza, just cheese and hay, into eight slices. Mr. Cake came over to the counter, picked up one of the slices, and took a bite. Chewing and swallowing, his face was one of immediate satisfaction.

“Mmm. Wow, that is delicious!” he exclaimed. He quickly consumed the remainder of his slice, grabbed a second, and took it out to his wife in the lobby. Moments later, Mrs. Cake came rushing through the door. “Pinkie Pie, this is exquisite! The customers have to try this!” she excitedly stated, grabbing the pan with the six remaining slices and going back out to the lobby. We slowly started to hear a commotion grow louder and louder out in the lobby. A minute later, Mr. Cake came back into the kitchen.

“Uh, hey guys? How many more of those can you make?” he asked. “Um, well we've got two more right here.” Brady said, levitating the other two pizza pans to the proprietor. Setting one on his back, and one on his head, Mr. Cake went for the lobby again. “This might get us through the next five minutes. I think all of Ponyville is going to want to try this.”

Brady and I gulped.

Pinkie went for the door. “You know what this calls for? A helping hoof! Or...maybe 12 helping hooves. Be back soon guys!” she exclaimed, zooming out of the kitchen.

Now I had had enough with customer rushes back in my three-year career in a mall food court. But these were ponies! How could I say no to them? “Okay, you know anything about making pizza crusts, Brady?” I asked. My best friend shook his head. “Fine. I did it once in high school. I can do the best I can until Pinkie gets back. You get more cheese and toppings ready.” With that, I grabbed the rolling pin and went to the mass of dough Pinkie had left on the counter, and got to work.

“Fillies and gentlecolts, please be patient. Pinkie just went for more help so we can get you more of this 'pizza' made.” Mr. Cake said out in the lobby. “That wasn't even five minutes.” I mumbled. Mrs. Cake came back into the kitchen to help us in Pinkie's brief absence.

“Oh, wow! Dears, I think we're going to break sales records today! A bit per slice, and they're going nuts out there! Here, let me help you with that, hun.” and I handed her the rolling pin while I went to get more tomato sauce. In five more minutes, Pinkie zoomed back into the kitchen, with Twilight, Spike, and Applejack.

“Whoo! I give you the Ponyville Pizza Cooking Staff!” she hollered.

“Yeah yeah, Pinkie. We gotta line out there that almost stretches to Canterlot, so lets get to work, yeah? I brought some more ingredients to use as toppings. Onions, carrots, daisies, celery, you name it.”

We surrounded the counter, and after a moment of bustled confusion in getting aprons and chef hats on, we each had a task. Pinkie handled the rolling of the crusts, I spread the tomato sauce, Twilight and Applejack did the cheese, Brady cut and administered the toppings, and lastly, when the ovens were full, Spike gave whatever pizzas that were ready to be cooked a brief toasting with his green fiery breath, cooking them almost instantly.

We were on our seventh batch, 25 pizzas in total so far, when Spike heaved, and belched up a scroll. Twilight went over to him, unfurled the scroll, and read it while we continued with the cooking. Her eyes went wide for a moment, and then she rushed over to Brady and briefly whispered in his ear, and he gave a curt nod, and started on another pizza.

We contently made pizza after pizza for an hour, when the lobby suddenly got very quiet, and Mr. and Mrs. Cake rushed into the kitchen and grabbed Brady and I, pushing us hurriedly out into the lobby.

And to the front hooves of none other than Princess Celestia. Our eyes quickly widened.

“These two told the idea to Pinkie, your highness, and, well as you can see, Ponyville has been just eating it up!”

Brady nudged me, and we bent our front legs and bowed in respect.

“Twilight sent me a quite detailed letter about you two last nigt. I'm relieved things have worked out so far, and you two are handling the transformation well. On behalf of Luna and myself, I bid you welcome to Equestria.” Celestia greeted.

“Thank you Princess. It's been very fun to say the least.” I replied. “So, this dish of yours is proving to be quite popular. Where might I get a piece?” the royal equine asked.

“A-actually, your highness, Twilight told me you were coming, and I prepared a special pizza just for you!” Brady said, running back into the kitchen. I heard one of the oven doors squeak open and closed, and Brady came out levitating a pizza pan, and set it on the table closest to Celestia before cutting it into slices. Upon looking at what Brady had done, I could not bring myself to speak, and my bottom jaw dropped slightly.

The pizza fit for a Princess had a light sprinkling of hay, and sliced bananas dotted over the entire dish.

Brady finished slicing it up, and presented a plate with one slice to the princess. Levitating both the plate and pizza slice, Celestia took a bite, and we bit our tongues in suspense.

“Oh my, this is delicious! And bananas! One of my favorite fruits. How did you know?” she asked. “Oh, just a hunch, your majesty. I'm glad you approve.” Brady replied. If looks could buck, Brady would have a couple of hoofmarks on his face from me right then.

Celestia finished her piece of pizza, and gave the plate back to Brady.

“I'm grateful that you've brought a little of your world to Equestria for us to enjoy. Sorry to eat and run, but I've other matters to attend to. I hope you two continue to enjoy yourselves.”

We each gave a respectful bow, and Celestia was on her way. When she was back on her chariot and on her way, me and Brady returned to the kitchen.

“I cannot believe you just did that...” I said to Brady, glaring at him. He chuckled. “What? Like there was ever going to be any connection to what the fanbase has made her out to be?” He had a point there. It was another 45 minutes of making pizzas, and at last, we had satisfied every customer. The six of us were now prepared to make our own personal pizzas. Mrs. Cake came in, also a little exhausted from making pizzas for over half a day.

“Oh my goodness. We haven't brought in that much in one day since...I can't remember! If you two ever need anything from here, rest assured, it's on us.” she said, thanking us for the business the bakery had, and now would probably continue to have if they kept making pizzas.

“It was our pleasure.” I replied.

Then, another new arrival came into the kitchen. “Alright Spike, now what did you want these spare rough gems for?” Rarity asked, coming through the door. “Ah, perfect! Thanks Rarity!” he said, snatching the small bag from her, and sprinkling the gems over another plain cheese pizza.

“What is that?” Rarity asked. “A pizza! Jake and Brady made a sample, and Ponyville went nuts for it! We've been making them all day!” Pinkie exclaimed. “THAT'S what that line was? Wow.” the fashionista replied.

“That line went all the back to your boutique???” Twilight asked, astonished. “Wow I wonder how many ponies we actually served today.” Brady wondered. “Any idea what kind of toppings Rainbow might like? She missed out on this, and I'd like to bring her one.” I said, as Spike broiled his gem-topped pizza with his breath.

“Oh you don't have to do that now. You can do it tomorrow for the party!” Pinkie told me.
“Party?”
“Yeah! It's her birthday tomorrow, and we're throwing a surprise party!”