For Twilight and her friends, it was just another day with the reformed Discord. They’d met at Fluttershy’s house for lunch, and were taking quite a bit of joy in the “new him”. By new him, of course, one meant that he was now seen as little more than a house servant. He wouldn’t have minded so badly if the group was more inspired like Pinkie Pie, wanting grand and silly things that he always enjoyed taking part in. Unfortunately for him, however, most of them simply wanted to see the Embodiment of Chaos jump through hoops, metaphorically and literally.
Today, the little group of “heroines” decided they would enjoy him making things around the cottage look silly, or rather, silly by their standards. For Discord, however, it wasn’t fun in the slightest, and he was quickly growing tired of it all. Turning a vase into a chicken was child’s play. It would be more interesting to see it become a flying pig or a talking piece of bacon.
“Oh, joy,” Discord said with a sigh so low no one could hear. “Ain’t this a hoot.”
“What was that, Discord?” Pinkie Pie asked, suddenly bouncing in front of the draconequus.
Discord kept a straight face, for what it was worth. “Oh, nothing too important. Just mumbling about the weather. And the mosquitos. Now that you mention it, this party is pretty dull, eh?”
“I know! I totally wanted to play some board games, but Applejack was all like: ‘Oh, no Pinkie Pie, you’ve got to eat yucky muffins and tea and just sit quietly.’” Pinkie added a poor Southern drawl into her spot-on imitation.
The edge of Discord’s mouth twinged a bit, but not too noticeably.
“You know, I was planning on showing everypony here a super-cool board game with dice and monsters.” Discord forced himself to look defeated. “But I guess we’ll never get to that with this luncheon going on.”
Pinkie gasped with wide and twinkling eyes. “We should play your super-duper game, Discord! It sounds like so much fun!”
Discord looked away. “Oh, well I don’t mean to interrupt, of course. I’m sure you all would have a perfectly pleasant time with your scones.” He looked over his shoulder. Sure enough, Pinkie was already informing her pals of the game.
Rainbow Dash groaned. “Really? That sounds so lame, though! Board games are so slow.”
Twilight sighed and clicked her tongue. “You know, Rainbow, sometimes you should just try something new. Some board games are pretty long-winded, true, but they can be pretty thrilling sometimes.”
Rainbow was obviously unamused. “Really now? That coming from the pony that nearly pulled a Rarity over getting to look at some old dusty spell book?”
“That ‘old dusty spell book’ was filled with notes from the best unicorns in Equestrian history!” Twilight exclaimed.
“And what do you mean by ‘pulled a Rarity’, exactly?” Rarity asked, eyebrow raised.
“It was still old as dirt, and I mean the whole... you know,” Rainbow Dash made a gesture with her hoof, “the thing you do with that couch.”
“Divan, darling.”
“Whatever! It looks like a couch and you faint on it whenever you feel like being dramatic.”
“I think we should play his game.” Fluttershy said pointing to Discord “It’s nice to play games with others
“How bad can it be?” Applejack drawled. “Ah always play board games with the family and no harm ever came of it.” No one cared.
Twilight gave a nod, though more to Fluttershy. “Come on, things have been getting a bit boring lately. Let’s just give it a chance, everypony.”
Rainbow Dash groaned and sighed. “Fine, whatever. But this better be cool.”
Rarity gave a slight nod and smiled. “Well, I suppose we could do with a change of pace. Besides, it’s a board game, what harm could come of it, really?”
“Take it away, buddy!” Pinkie Pie cued.
Discord allowed himself a small smile. He was now absolved of any legal allegations that Celestia might come up with. And that, after all, was half the battle. He cracked his knuckles in preparation for the spell. Not because it would help in any way, but because he felt as though the situation called for a dramatic pause.
Discord allowed a more jovial tone to leak into his voice. “Well, my little ponies, enough waiting and discussing, let’s get to our game!” He made a show of his spell, letting the cottage seem to shift and morph, supposedly from the power of his spell, before simply snapping his fingers. As soon as he did, the mares in the cottage saw everything but each other vanish into black for a moment before a new room seemed to build itself around them.
First, the floor rose in one piece to meet them, and the walls pieced themselves together from the floor up. The room was stone entirely, save for what appeared to be logs forming a square frame around a large wooden door. On the other three walls were two chests each. The chests had a mark on the fronts, each being the cutiemark of one of the mares.
“Darnn it all, I’ve gone and lied to you,” Discord’s voice chimed in from an unknown source. “No board games today. Oh, well. Moving on with our lives. Welcome to your personal hell! Room and board, sadly, are not included.
“Let’s see here… I’ve got the dice and everything… I know I’m forgetting some blasted thing,” Discord muttered. “Ah, right. Character sheets. I really should ask you about your OC description... Nah. You’ll be fine.”
Discord cleared his throat. “‘Six adventurous, young ponies find themselves in a dark and mysterious cave. What lies beyond these halls is unknown, but they can just make out the six chests waiting for them in the middle of the room.’”
Rainbow Dash, impulsive as usual, is quick to react. “Hey! What gives?! I didn’t agree to this! What the hay’s going on?”
“Be quiet! I’m narrating,” Discord snapped. “Where was I? ‘Each one of the chests has a corresponding mark for its recipient. It would be best if you grabbed what is inside.’”
Twilight sighed and managed a smile. “Don’t worry, I’m sure this is just part of the game. Let’s just play along for now.”
She walked up to the chest marked for her and opened it with her magic. Rarity took Twilight’s advice and followed suit almost exactly, going to the chest marked for her and opening it with her magic. Rainbow Dash begrudgingly walked to hers, kicking it open with a forehoof upon approach. Applejack and Fluttershy, figuring it was just a game as Twilight said, followed in part as well. Pinkie had somehow already teleported inside the chest and burst out with cupcakes in hand.
“There’s all kinds of cool stuff in these thingies, Twi!” Pinkie said, chomping down on one of the baked goods.
Twilight blinks a few times before shaking her head and reminding herself to not be so surprised at Pinkie. The mares pulled their equipment from the chests and situated their things into a kind of make-shift inventory before donning their “armor” and turning to one another.
The group shared an expression of slight concern at the items they’d found, and the idea of this all being “just a game” was quickly losing any ground to stand on. Finally, they all turned to the door.
Twilight steeled herself and stepped toward the barrier. Her horn lit up, the door following soon after. With one last, deep breath, she pulled the door open, bracing for whatever may come on the other side.
As she pulled, though, the group heard Discord’s voice.
(51)
At the sound, Twilight’s horn sputtered and the door grew an arm, shoving her backwards. Her horn stopped glowing and the door returned to normal, though remained shut.
The group stared in bewilderment at the scene. Rainbow Dash was the first to recover and speak up. “What the buck just happened?!”
The sound of Discord laughing filled the air for a time before he spoke. “Don’t you remember? This is my game. Every action you make, and I intend for you will be decided on a roll of the dice. The higher the number you get, the worse the luck for whomever is rolled for.”
“Twilight got a fifty-one on opening the door, and because she used magic, I certainly couldn’t let it go without a roll. That fifty-one meant she failed to open the door, and quite hilariously, if I may speak for myself.”
“Hey, now you never said a darn thing about all o’ this! So, what, you roll and all kinds o’ anythin’ can happen ta us? How’s that fair?” protested Applejack.
“Oh, my. It appears you’re right on one account. I don’t believe I told you how the rules work too well, did I? Allow me to fix that, will you?”
A single, rather large, one-hundred-sided die appeared before the group. “This is the tool that will decide almost everything to happen in this little game of ours. As for being fair, I assure you that this makes everything as absolutely fair as fair gets.”
“How d’ya figure that?”
“Oh, don’t worry, I don’t expect a simple farm pony to understand right away. Here, allow me to explain: You all have character sheets based on who you are, and what you’re both good and bad at. If you attempt an action that requires a skill check, then the roll has to be equal to or less than your skill.”
“There will also be certain actions that will be rolled for depending on a threshold I, as Game Master, set prior to the roll. If your roll exceeds the threshold, you fail. If not, then you succeed.”
“Now, since the die is not affected by any magic other than what is required simply to roll it, it will give a fair, unbiased response every time. Your abilities will increase or decrease the chance that the die will land in your favor.”
“Finally, taken that the dice can just as easily land on, say, a one for you lot, there is always a chance of an absolute miracle in your favor, even, say, the rainbow one passing an Intelligence check.”
With that last line, the air erupted in Discord’s laughter for a while before slowly fading out. The six mares stared upwards, though not at anything in particular as the last words settled in. The six then looked amongst each other for a moment.
A moment later, the group heard a resounding snap before each had a floating piece of paper before them. Upon closer inspection, they soon figured them to be their character sheets.
Once it seemed they had all looked their respective sheets over, the papers swirled and stored themselves in each respective pony’s inventory. “Now that you’re aware of the rules, as well as your abilities and inventory, how about we try again with the door? We can’t very well start until you get it right, you know?”
Rainbow Dash scoffed and walked over to the door. The moment her hoof touched it, however, Discord’s voice rang again.
(87)
With that, the others hardly had time to tense up before a wood goblin emerged from the door frame and flung Rainbow Dash into the group. Before anypony could recover from the fall, the wood goblin had disappeared back into the frame.
After getting back to their hooves, Rarity decided to give it a go. The group heard a hearty laugh before the number came.
(100)
Before Rarity could even register the number, the door grew an appendage none of the ponies had ever seen before and struck her across the face, sending her to the ground.
“Oh, you lot are so unlucky! I’m even giving you a fifty/fifty chance to get it right!” Another cackle from the Game Master sounded through the air.
With a groan and a bit of effort, Rarity picked herself up, a red mark smarting lightly on her cheek, through her fur. With that, Applejack rushed at the door, bucking it with all her strength.
(16)
Her hooves connect and the door is ripped clear off its hinges with almost no noticeable resistance. As it crashes down on the other side, the group hears a slow clap. “Bravo! The bumpkin bucked the door away. Not all too surprising, really. It wasn’t a very sturdy door to begin with. I’m surprised it took you lot so long.”
“Oh! One more little detail, to make sure you understand the stakes here: Your goal is not only to survive, but to retrieve the Elements of Harmony. If you fail, it will not only mean your death, but that the Elements will be locked away here until the next wielders come, and can conquer my game. Don’t let everypony down, now.”
If any of the mares had wanted to give up before, that was enough to convince them otherwise. Without another word, the group rushed out into the unknown, hoping that the dice will be in their favor.
All in All I'm Just Another Brick in the Wall
Twilight, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie set out from the room only to suddenly find themselves in an enormous, foggy forest. They all heard a laugh fill the air as Discord began the next narration.
“‘A forest maze lies ahead, but fog obstructs your view. You can see a path at your hooves, but not far beyond them. It would be best if you did as the voice tells you.’” Discord paused. “Except you, Pinkie. Just... go about your business.”
“What’s that?” Pinkie asked, currently thirty meters away from the path, inspecting a pile of pebbles.
Without so much as a warning, a strange form leaps from the fog at Pinkie.
(89)
“Tremble in fear as-”
Pinkie managed to sidestep the attacker with seeming ease.
“Wait… what?” The creature froze in place, as did the ponies. “I swear, if the dice are loaded, I’ll never trust myself alone with them ever again.” Discord flipped open his Dungeon Master notes. “Let’s see… ‘get them lost in forest’… ‘fools stray from path’… ‘pony dies at the clutches of a steel-plated warthog’, there. My roll was perfect, though! Did she just accidently the game?”
The ponies unfroze.
Twilight was the first to speak up. “What’s going on here?”
Pinkie shrugged. “This wacko came running at me, then Discord said eighty-nine, and I stepped out of the way.”
Rarity spoke up now. “Wait! High rolls are bad, right? Isn’t that why I was assaulted by that door?!”
“Well don’t ask me what the hay’s goin’ on here.” Applejack replied.
“Nopony was….” Fluttershy said so low no one heard.
“Yeah, well I wanna know what gives. No way Pinkie is that good. My agility wasn’t even high enough for that,” Rainbow Dash more griped.
“Calm yourselves, ponies,” Discord said. “Pinkie seems to have switched some of the rules in my handbook. While I try to find a pencil in the junkheap of a house, the new system is how it will go down.”
“So, what? Do high rolls turn out better now?” questioned a confused Twilight.
“Changing the rules like that doesn’t make any sense. Besides, that means I need to do some kind of math to know if my own rolls are good or not. That’s not cool.”
“‘That’s not cool’,” Discord mocked. “Oh, hush. You’re lucky to still have the pink one. Everyone else has the same roll system, so don’t worry your purty rainbow head.”
Twilight and Rainbow Dash shared a brief questioning glance before shaking their heads and speaking almost in unison. “It’s Pinkie Pie, don’t question it.”
“You’re still in mortal peril, by the way,” Discord said. “Just that I’d mention that.”
Twilight looked to the frozen creature for a moment. “Wait a second. How do we even fight?”
“Magic things. Flailing angrily might work, too,” Discord offered. “I’m sure you’ll find weapons sooner or later.”
Rainbow Dash scoffed and flared her wings. “Just chill out. I got this.” With that, she lifted up into the air and the warthog unfroze, already turning to charge Pinkie again. Without hesitation, though, Rainbow Dash rushed at the enemy.
(1)
Rainbow Dash managed to pick up her signature high speeds quickly before turning and kicking out at the warthog. She lost none of her momentum in the turn and connected a direct hit on the creature, sending it a few meters back.
“Heck yeah! Told you I got this!”
“So it seems, the warthog still has steel armor. Zero damage,” Discord said with little enthusiasm. “I suggest you run.”
“What are you talking about? I hit that thing dead on. How is it not hurt?”
“Steel. Armor.” Discord made his words clear. “You know, metal. Pretty hard. Shiny.”
Upon seeing the warthog in question shuffling to its feet, Rarity quickly spoke up. “I say we run. Who else thinks that sounds good about now?”
Twilight looks and sees the path under her, as well as just far enough out to tell which way it led. “This way!”
Twilight quickly ran off down the path, Rarity hot on her tail.
“What are you talking about Twilight? Did you see that dent I made, he's almost down for the count! Just needs one more good shot-hey!”
“Oh no you ain’t!” Applejack yelled grabbing Rainbow Dash by the tail, pulling her away and practically dragging her across the ground for a bit.
“Wow, that piggie sure looks mad!” Pinkie whistled as she casually trotted up to the group. “I’m sure he’s a nice guy, though. Underneath all that muscle. And metal.”
After the six mares grouped back together and felt they were far enough away from the creature that attacked them, they slowed and checked on their surroundings.
(83)
As the group looked around, the only thing they could make out in the fog was the forest seemingly creating a wall on either side of them. With nothing more to go on than the path under their hooves, the group set out.
“‘You manage to lose the Mega-Hog in the fog for the time being’,” Discord narrated. “‘You should continue on, but you see a small chest off in the distance through a clearing in the fog. It is off the path, but still close. Maybe it holds something you lack. Like Hand-eye coordination. Or skill.’”
Twilight ignored the remark and turned to Rainbow Dash. “What’s your agility skill? I’m pretty sure it’s higher than anyone else’s, but I want to be sure.”
“It’s fifty. Why?”
“Anypony have anything higher?”
The group shook their heads and Twilight nodded to herself. “Then you need to try to get whatever’s in that chest. You’ve got the best chance of getting out of the way of anypony here.”
Rainbow looked to the chest and shrugged, donning her typical smirk. “No problem. I’ll have it open and everything inside it back her in ten seconds flat.” Rainbow Dash then lifted from the ground again and rushed to the chest.
(29)
As soon as Rainbow neared the chest, the hog from before burst from the fog, charging straight for her.
(20)
Luckily, Rainbow Dash’s years of stunts prior gave her plenty of room to react as she easily launched up to avoid the charge. Luckily for her, the hog rushed out of sight quickly. Rainbow Dash returned to the ground and opened the chest.
“Congratulations, ponies!” Discord said. “You have found the Sword of Eternal Whining. It sucks slightly less than the rest of your weapons, so you better decide who is the least awful in wielding it.”
Rainbow Dash took it and dropped it in front of Rarity. “There. Proper owner found.”
Rarity kicked Rainbow Dash in the side. “Well then! If you must be like that, then fine. My mace wasn’t nearly as elegant as I liked anyways.” She gave a ‘Harumph’ before stowing the sword in her inventory.
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Let’s just get out of here while we can, shall we?”
“Whatever, I’m ready. We can handle anything he throws at us, no problem!”
“That’s dandy and all Twi, but do any a y’all know what we’re all s’posed to do?” Applejack pointed a hoof at the maze of a forest before them.
Twilight looked around. “Rainbow Dash, shouldn’t you be able to clear some of this fog? After all, you were a weather pony back home, shouldn’t that kind of translate here?”
Rainbow Dash cocked her head for a moment before bringing her hoof to her face and groaning. “Ugh, how did I forget about that? Okay, let’s see what we can do.” Rainbow Dash lifted up into the air.
(57)
Rainbow dash focuses for a moment before fluttering her wings and focusing her pegasus magic. She manages to completely clear the fog, opening up the pathway before them.
“Heck yeah!” Rainbow Dash lands and trots in place triumphantly. “I am so awesome.”
“Good job, Dash. Now we can make it in no time. Let’s go girls!” Twilight reared and galloped off down the trail with Rarity and Rainbow Dash close behind.
After a few minutes of running the mane 6 found themselves at the edge of a canyon that seemed to stretch endlessly in each direction. Directly in front of them was a bridge that looked as if someone carelessly nailed some boards together, it was wide enough for only one pony at a time but it’s most interesting feature is what was standing on it. Standing right on the center of the bridge was a strange creature, it stood on two legs, for one, and was the height of all 6 of them stacked on top of each other but any other features were completely obscured by it’s thick armor that looked as if it was ripped right from a rock. In each hand he held a tower shield with a third on his back. He was simply standing there, watching them.
“Um, guys am I the only one who has a bad feeling about this?” Fluttershy asked to the party.
“Ah that’s nonsense Flutters.” Came the confident reply of Applejack. “Ah’m sure if we just mosey on up to him and explain that we’re honest pony folk he’ll let us right through!” And on that Applejack set foot on the bridge walking up to the behemoth. “Um, excuse me, sir? Ah was just wonderin if ya’ll could maybe just scoot on back and let-”
“I AM A WALL” The giant yelled.
“Beg pardon?” Applejack jumped back at the booming sound of his voice
“I. AM. A. WALL.” It repeated and at the same time smacked Applejack with one of his shields sending her careening off the canyon. There was a minute of screaming as Applejack fell accompanied by a loud splash as her friends watched with horror. A few minutes later the Farmer appeared again after climbing up a ladder that was at the edge of the canyon on her friend’s side. she was covered in a foul smelling liquid.
“THE WALL, THE WALL, NOTHIN’ ON EARTH CAN MAKE ME FALL!” he colossi taunted while banging his two shields together rhythmically. Applejack just gave a low grumble as she joined back up with her friends.
“‘Brick, the Wall, is guarding the next room and will not fall’,” Discord read aloud. “‘He’s a charming fellow, really. Never does anything other than what he is told.”
Rarity looked to Applejack, then to Twilight. “Well, I’m certainly not going out there. I simply can not get so filthy.”
Rainbow Dash scoffed and smirked. “You girls are being silly. You remember what I did to that warthog? I’ll just fly into this guy and knock him off. No problem.” Rainbow Dash stretched her wings a bit and lifted into the air before climbing a few good meters up.
(89)
Rainbow Dash flies as fast as she can towards Brick, but just as she began to create a sonic rainboom, her armor nicked too much turbulence and sent her spiraling down to the muck below. A minute later, the pegasus made her way back up to the group.
“I’ll try!” Fluttershy announced confidently to the surprise of all her friends. “If-if that’s okay with you all, of course.” After seeing that, no pony was trying to stop her. Fluttershy approached the wall. “U-um mister Wall sir it would be oh so nice if you could maybe just move over for me and my friends, please?” Fluttershy asked, partially hiding behind her mane.
(41)
The towering giant leered over Fluttershy, putting his face so close to hers she could feel his breath on her face and he spoke so low so that only she could hear him.
“God save the queen.” and for some reason this phrase made Fluttershy stiff, so completely stiff that she could be nocked on a bow and fired. Which is exactly what happened. Straight into the pit.
With that, Rarity glared at the beast and took her new sword in her magic aura. “That. Is. It! Have at you!”
“Why do you want to get me all blunt and shabby? Do you hate perfection?” The sword asked in a nasally tone.
Rarity stopped mid-charge and looked at the sword. “Erm, come again?”
“Oh, no. Don’t stop for me. Go ahead. Tarnish this beautiful work of craftsmanship, murderer.”
Rarity blinked a few times, then looked to the rest of the group, out of which at least Twilight and Rainbow Dash seemed quite baffled as well. Rarity then turned back to the sword in her grip. “You, um, you talk?”
The sword had decided to turn on the silent treatment for the moment.
Rarity shook her head and looked at the brute she remembered just having knocked off Fluttershy, and picks up her charge from before as she prepares to swing.
(84)
“That was a horrid roll! Does your mother know that you make such horrid rolls? You should be ashamed. I demand a re-roll.”
“You know, I had forgotten why I created that,” Discord said with a groan. “Now I remember.”
(1)
“Better.”
Rarity resumed her strike with renewed vigor. She managed to stab Brick in the foot. The resulting motion to reach down somehow toppled the behemoth and sent him into the guck below.
“He might have been nice if you had gotten to know him.”
Rainbow Dash, having shaken off enough of the gunk to fly again, casually flew past. “Quiet, you. You did your job, and I’m not dealing with two Rarities.”
Rarity gave a simple Hmph! as she stowed the sword.
“Yeah, wonderful job, murderer.”
Rarity then looked to the sheathed sword. “Hush, you.”
