Eight Out of Hell

by The card holder

Rating: teen
Tags: Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Comedy, Crossover, Human, Main 6
Length: 10608

Doomguy, Duke Nukem, BJ Blazkowicz, the guy from Marathon, Chexguy, the mage from Heretic, the cleric from Hexen, and Quakeguy all stumble into Equestria. Hijinks ensue.

Legends tell of a group of heroes, who fought the numerous forces of evil wherever they reared their ugly heads. It was foretold that, one day, they would return to finally rid the world of evil.

These legends were also completely made up, so instead we have these guys.

Starring:
·William "BJ" Blazkowicz as himself (From Wolfenstein)
·Marine as DoomGuy (From DooM)
·Duke Nukem as himself (From Duke Nukem)
·Cyber as Mjolnir Recon Number 34 (from Marathon)
·Ranger as himself (from Quake)
·Parias as himself (from Hexen)
·Corvus as himself (from Heretic)
·Chex as Chexguy (from ChexQuest)

This is a collaboration between myself, RoyalUnicornJohn1994, Perception Filter, and Lord General Kelly.
Based very heavily on the Samsara Doom mod (demonstration here), which you can also pick up for yourself here (it's a mod, so of course it's free!).

Published 2013-11-23 23:20:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-11-26 18:41:51 UTC

First Blood

Twilight Sparkle enjoyed the silence that came with reading a good book. Sure, the weather and everything was fine, outside, but even with her new wings, she much preferred to stay inside and read.

Of course, not all of her friends shared her sentiment. Namely, Rainbow Dash thought that she should get out and stretch her wings as much as possible, which was why she just flew through the (thankfully open) window and smacked into a bookshelf.

"You really need to work on your entrances, Rainbow," Twilight said, not looking up from her book.

Dash shook her head. "I know, I know. But you shouldn't stay cooped up all day, Twilight. The weather's perfect for some flyin'!"

Twilight sighed. "As nice as it is, as a princess, I feel that it is my duty to read about any and all legends that may or may not pose a threat."

Dash looked over Twilight's shoulder, trying to read what she was reading. "Such as?"

"Well, this one talks about eight beings that supposedly fought evil thousands of years ago, and it says that they'll return someday, for example."

"Pfft, what are the chances of that happening?"

The princess gave her friend an unamused glare. "You remember how Nightmare Moon was 'just a legend', right?"

That got Dash to stay quiet.

"Exactly. Although, you're probably right." Yawning, Twilight closed the book. "Maybe I should go outside..."

"Oh yeah, the girls are having a picnic later in the park," Dash said, getting ready to fly back out the window.

Twilight nodded. "Yeah, a picnic sounds-" Suddenly, she put a hoof to her head, letting out a small groan of pain.

"What's wrong, Twilight?"

Just as soon as the sensation appeared, it vanished. "Oh, just a small headache. I think I was reading a bit too much..."

Now that she knew nothing was wrong, Dash flew out the window, Twilight following behind her. Today certainly seemed like it would be a great day.

Meanwhile, in a dark, narrow, and gloomy cave, footsteps were heard, breaking the perpetual silence that had been there for many years. Then, eight shadows emerged from the darkness.

“God damn, it! BJ! You sure you read right the map?” A soldier in a green armor asked to a guy wearing a very worn blue uniform.

“You gave me the map, and I read the map! What else you want me to do?”

“I want you to get us the hell outta here!”

“Ladies, ladies! You’re all pretty and everything. Could you stop it?” A man with sunglasses said.

“Screw you, Duke!”

The man walked toward a nearby rock, laughing, and sat down, lighting up a cigar.

“What are you doing, Duke?”

Duke took his time on lighting up the cigar to answer BJ’s question.

“… Obviously, you nerds are going to discuss our exact location, and that is BORING.”

“As boring as it can be, we must know where we are.” Another man wearing a medieval suit of armor stood in front of him. “However, a little fume sounds good. Mind if I join?”

“Sure thing bub. Here” The badass with sunglasses gave the medieval guy a cigar and lit it up, although he looked hesitant to try it.

The rest of the team showed up. The mage was the first one to speak.

“I think we should all try to remember which way we took.”

“You really think I can’t read a map, Corvus? What if I give YOU the map and YOU read it?” BJ turned to the mage.

“BJ, I don’t think that he even realizes what technology is.”

“And I do? This kind of technology is far more advanced of what I’m used to, Marine. In my time, the television has just started taking off."

“What is television?” Corvus asked while BJ gave the green armored soldier a confirming look.

“What is our exact location?” A cyborg-like man approached the group.

“That’s what we’re trying to find, Cyber.”

“Our location is required to advance further. Otherwise-“

“Otherwise, we won’t get anywhere, we know. You’ve been saying the same thing every hour.” BJ practically shouted.

“Hey, don’t shout. We don’t know what could be in here.” A man resembling the green armored soldier came in scene, this one wearing brownish armor.

“Then, what do you suggest, Ranger? We just sit in here and wait for our mommies to come here for us?” Duke asked from his stone seat.

“That’s not my point, Duke. YOU saw what we are facing. And it’s not like I’d like to die without seeing the land I'm defending one last time."

“None of us wants to, Ranger.” A man with armor that looked suspiciously like cereal approached him.

“Then, I recommend that we start moving and analyze our location in the meantime,” the cybernetic man suggested.

“Agreed,” they all answered while preparing to move forward.

After a few hours of getting lost a few times…

The crew was tired and pissed by the fact that they hadn’t found the way out of the endless tunnels. Once again, they sat down and started to look for clues regarding where they were.

“Oh, dammit, not again.” Duke said while sitting between two rocks.

“Shut up, Duke. We need to figure out where we are,” the marine pointed at him.

“… According to the map… we are…” BJ started to say.

“… Completely lost?” Chex went ahead of the group while eying the surroundings.

“… Yeah… completely FUCKING LOST!” BJ shouted.

“Hey, man! Relax!” Duke gestured to BJ.

“RELAX!? RELAX!? HOW THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO RELAX? I DON’T KNOW WHERE WE ARE! STILL, YOU WANT ME TO RELAX!?”

“… yeah…”

BJ, angered, sat in the floor with the expression of a disciplined kid.

“Hey, guys! I can see a light!”

“Daylight?”

“Yeah! Come to see!”

The group went quickly to meet up with Chex. When they stood behind him, they saw he was right: there was daylight coming from the far end of the tunnel.

Without a moment to lose, they ran to the end of the tunnel, where the sun blinded them for a few seconds.

Looking around, they saw the green plains, trees in the far side of the field and a river flowing not too far from them.

“… Home.” Ranger said, mesmerized by the sight in front of him.

“Hey, looks like ol’ cereal man finally pulled through for us!” the marine said, smirking under his helmet.

Chex folded his arms. “So, I am inferior for not killing anything that moves like you people?”

The group all looked at each other, then back at Chex.

“...kinda.”

“Yeah.”

“Pretty much.”

Chex threw up his arms. “Unbelievable, all of you.”

The group didn’t waste any time in getting to the river. They hadn’t tasted the flavor of fresh water in what seemed like months. Even Cyber, in his typical demeanor of a cybernetic man, seemed to enjoy the place.

After drinking some water, they went in a search for food. They spotted a few trees and bushes near them. Quickly, they went over to them.

“Wait!” Cyber suddenly shouted.

“What’s up, Cyber?”

“I am reading bio-signs.”

For a few seconds, nobody made a move, trying to connect the points. Suddenly, they realized what Cyber was saying. The group got in a defensive stance, scanning the area around them.

Suddenly, a sound could be heard over the river. Listening closely, the warriors tried to get a good listen.

“...is that…?” Parias asked, tilting his head in confusion. By now, the sound was identified as laughter, of all things, not too far away.

Duke shoved his way to the front of the group, cracking his neck and stomping out his cigar. “That sounds like babes,” he told them, “and since it’s been a while since I’ve seen any, I’ll take the honor of being first.”

With that, Duke strode towards the laughing. The other seven looked at each other confusedly, before shrugging and following the tank-top wearing man.

Up ahead, they could hear Duke. “Now, now, calm down, ladies, the Duke is… You’re not babes.”

Hearing this, the others stopped just short of where they heard their comrade, weapons now at the ready.

“Stay alert!” Marine whispered to the others. “When I say, blow them up!”

The seven of them got into offensive stances.

“Three…” Parias started the countdown, pulling out a war hammer.

“Two…” Ranger followed him, unholstering a rocket launcher.

“One…” Chex came along, too, arming himself with one of his “zorchers”.

“Shoot-!” Marine almost gave the order. Almost.

He didn’t quite follow through with it because a group of three horses were in the clearing ahead of them, a confused Duke standing in front of them. One of the ponies was a mint color with white mane, one was a gray one with black hair, and the other was a lighter gray one with yellow hair. Most notably, the green one had a horn, the light gray one had wings, and they all had some kind of markings on their backsides. When the ponies saw them, their jaws dropped even further. Duke glanced back at them, shrugging, showing that their guess was as good as his.

“… horses?” Ranger was the first one to ask in a hushed whisper.

“That’s what they look like.” Corvus assured him, “but these seem… smaller. And I’m all but certain that one is a unicorn and the other a pegasus.”

“...so, do we kill ‘em?” Marine asked.

“What?” Chex asked, dumbfounded. “Why would we kill them? For all we know, they’re harmless!”

“‘For all we know,’” BJ said back. “But Chex has a point. They look kinda harmless.”

Their bickering stopped, and silence filled the clearing. The eight looked at each other, before Cyber shrugged and walked forward. “Greetings, equine life forms. We are-”

He was cut off as the ponies screamed loudly, and ran away, leaving behind what looked like a picnic of sorts.

“… I didn’t know horses could shout,” Duke remarked. “They just do… horse noises.” His face showed nothing but confusion.

“Actually, they seem more like ponies than horses,” BJ said. “They’re smaller, after all.”

While the group was discussing about the why those ponies could vocalize distress, the ponies suddenly came sprinting back into the clearing, still screaming. They almost ran into the humans, and upon stopping and getting a good look at them, screamed some more in place.

“Alright, everyone calm the fuck down!” Marine shouted, firing a single shot from his shotgun into the air. “What the hell are you yelling about?!”

Before the ponies could answer, a loud roar erupted throughout the forest. From where the ponies came from, a large reptilian creature flew towards the eight warriors and three ponies. The dragon landed, letting out another ear-piercing roar at the eleven of them. The ponies began screaming again, hugging each other close.

The warriors, meanwhile, put themselves between the ponies and the dragon, drawing their weapons of choice.

“A dragon? Here?” Corvus asked.

“It seems so,” Parias confirmed.

“We kick its ass like everything else?” Marine inquired, loading his shotgun.

The dragon roared again and spit out a large stream of fire at them. While the ponies started to run as far as they could, the warriors stood in place. The fire was mainly heading towards Duke and BJ. The latter merely put one foot behind him and stepped back, facing Duke, letting the fire pass just in front of him.

Duke, meanwhile, merely stood a few inches to the side. When the flames passed next to him, he took out a cigar and lit it with the passing fire.

“Hell, I don’t see why not,” Duke answered, now smoking another cigar and pumping his own shotgun. The dragon roared again, and the eight went into action.

The group instantly fired all their weapons. Each one of them hit the dragon directly, making a thick cloud of smoke between them and the reptile.

They started to walk forward, in order to make sure that the dragon was dead.

“Is it… dead?” Corvus asked.

Duke got closer to the dragon and touched it lightly with his shotgun. As the dragon didn’t made any sound or any kind of reaction, Duke climbed over the dragon’s head. Once there, he got in a heroic (and also ridiculous) stance.

“Hail to the king, ba–woah!” He couldn’t finish the phrase, for the dragon started to move again.

“I was already thinking that it was far too simple.” Ranger said while pointing his rocket launcher at the dragon.

“Duke! Get off of that thing!”

Duke could barely hold his “heroic” position. The dragon suddenly jerking its head forced him to grab onto anything he could. He saw the eye of the dragon not too far from where he was hanging on.

Parias took notice of this. “Marine! His eye!”

The marine pulled out, from his personal hammer space, a rocket launcher, and pointed toward the beast’s eye.

“Hey, Ranger. I could use a little help.”

“Sure thing, Marine.”

It was difficult to aim, because the dragon was trying to shake off Duke, who was holding desperately to one of the dragon’s horns.

“Feel free to shoot any time!” Duke’s yells could be heard even over the dragon’s roars.

Ranger took his position next to Marine, ready to pump rockets into the beast’s head.

“FIRE!”

The two shot their rockets at the same time. Their aim was mostly good, but the dragon jerked its head away in time to make the rockets hit its chin, rather than its eyes. The sudden motion threw Duke off, who immediately rolled back onto his feet and picked his shotgun back up.

“Well, that didn’t work,” Ranger commented plainly.

“No shit,” Marine said back, thinking about what they could do, since their weapons didn’t seem to be able to penetrate the dragon’s scales; bullets simply bounced off, and explosives seemed to have little effect.

Unknown to the eight of them, the ponies had run away long ago.

Suddenly, Marine snapped his fingers. “I got an idea!” He turned to Corvus. “You have some kind of heat-shield spell or something?”

The mage dodged another jet of flame before answering, “Yes, but why?”

“I just got a crazy idea. Cast it on me, then put some kind of strength spell on Duke.”

Duke, who had overheard, commented, “The Duke doesn’t need magic to skin this lizard!”

Despite his outburst, Corvus backed up from the field of battle, concentrating on casting a pair of spells. The other seven kept the dragon distracted.

After about thirty seconds of dodging fire and returning their own, Corvus called out, “Marine, Duke, it is ready!”

The two warriors in question backed up to where Corvus was, and the mage started casting two different spells on the both of them with each hand. Marine was now shielded by a deep blue aura, and Duke had his muscle mass nearly doubled.

“Alright, Parias!” Marine called out, getting the attention of the cleric. “Make him open his mouth!”

It didn’t take long to figure out the marine’s plan. “Art thou completely insane?”

“Of course!”

Rolling his eyes underneath his helmet, Parias took out his magic war hammer and sprinted forward before slamming it down on the dragon’s claw, and it roared out in anger and pain. Seeing their chance, Duke picked up Marine, and with a deep yell, threw him like a pitcher would throw a baseball. In mid-air, the marine took out his chainsaw, giving a war cry the entire flight.

The marine flew into the dragon’s mouth, and it closed it shortly after. When nothing happened, the remaining seven all looked at each other. Even the dragon seemed a bit puzzled by what just happened.

After a few seconds, BJ clapped his hands. “Alright, what’s plan B?”

Suddenly, a faint buzzing could be heard, and the dragon started grasping at its neck. A single chainsaw blade then burst forth from its throat, sending broken bits of scales to the ground. The trauma from the initial puncture loosened the others on its neck, and the chainsaw quickly made a full circle around the dragon’s throat. Then, with a single kick, Marine burst from the beast’s neck, sending its severed head tumbling to the ground. He was covered in purple blood, and the others could still see the blue of the heat shield underneath.

“I FUCKING LOVE MY JOB!” the marine shouted, cutting himself the rest of the way out of the dragon’s carcass. After wiping off a good portion of the blood, he turned and gave a thumbs up to the others, running chainsaw still in his other hand.

“This is the first dragon we’ve killed, right?” Ranger asked, looking to the others, namely Corvus and Parias, for confirmation. After a bit of thinking, they both nodded.

“I think this is a new record for you, Marine,” Chex deadpanned.

“What, for biggest ass kicked?”

“No, for sheer insanity.”

Marine thought this over for a bit, then just shrugged. As Chex face-palmed, Duke walked over to the dragon’s head, magic muscles still on him.

“What’re ya looking for, Duke?” BJ asked.

“I’m wondering if I could make a belt or something out of these scales…”

This got the others chuckling, and soon Corvus’s magic wore off, and Marine had gotten most of the blood off of himself.

“Wait, what happened to those horses?” Duke asked after a while.

“I suspect they left early on while we were fighting,” Cyber said. “My sensors show that they went…” He pointed in a direction. “...that way.”

“Do we follow them?” Corvus asked.

“I don’t see why not,” Ranger said. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

As soon as that was said, all eyes fell on Marine. “What?”

“You probably shouldn’t be the one to speak for us,” Chex said simply. The others quietly murmured in agreement.

“Come on, what would I do?”

“Correct me if I’m wrong,” BJ started, “but didn’t you tell those last aliens we met, and I quote, ‘The only negotiations I’m gonna make is the ones between my fists and your guts’?”

“...point taken.”

Now with a vague plan of action in mind, the eight warriors strode forth into the unknown, leaving behind the dragon corpse. If their arrival was anything to go by, this would be one hell of a trip.

First Encounters of the Weird Kind

Today was perfect outdoors weather in Ponyville. Everypony was out of their homes, enjoying the day by spending it with their friends and family members.

Twilight and her friends were also enjoying the pleasant weather, their picnic in the park just now starting.

“Ahh! What a beautiful day!” Rarity said while looking to the sky, spotting the odd pegasus flying around.

“Yes, it’s… nice,” Fluttershy agreed.

“Alright, girls. I brought some sandwiches to share, some muffins, enough tea…” Twilight paused in her taking of inventory to see Pinkie smiling at her. “Pinkie, what did you bring?” she asked her pink friend.

“Oh! I brought something neat! Check it out!” Pinkie gave Twilight a small basket with some bumps on the cover.

The unicorn took off the cover, only to reveal some balloons tied to the basket.

“Surprise! Isn’t that neat?” Pinkie jumped in front of Twilight.

“Yes, Pinkie. It’s neat to see that you lost another basket.” Twilight deadpanned to Pinkie, watching the basket fly higher into the sky.

Suddenly, the basket fell onto the head of a certain blue pegasus.

“Hey! What happened?” Rainbow Dash asked, looking to the sky.

“Oops! Sorry!” A grey pegasus apologized, flying down to talk with the six friends.

“Derpy! What’s wrong with you?”

Suddenly, other two ponies got out from the bushes. They had bruises and they seemed very tired and frightened, just like Derpy hovering just above them.

“Oh, by Celestia! Lyra, Octavia! What happened to you?” Rarity exclaimed, fretting over the state both their manes were in.

Derpy landed next to the worrying unicorn.

“It was horrible! There were these things! It was like—oh, hey! Muffins!” she said, spotting the pastry in question, and took one and chewed it vigorously.

The group only sighed at the sight.

“Could anypony be more specific?” Applejack asked to the other two.

“Well… as Derpy started to explain, we were enjoying our day, doing a picnic near the river,” Octavia began. “We were chatting and laughing, when suddenly… something… a creature we haven’t seen before appeared before us!”

“A creature? What did it look like?” Twilight asked them.

“Well…” Lyra answered, “it had these… things… somehow like Spike’s claws, but they weren’t claws… they had naked skin on them… “

“Alright.” Twilight said at the time she grabbed a piece of paper and started to draw something.

“It also had a pair of legs. It didn’t was like ours. It had only one knee on each leg.”

“Mmhmm.”

“And his head… it didn’t had a nuzzle like us. Instead, it seemed flat. Except for his nose.”

“And his mane wasn’t large, it was cut in a guard-like style,” Octavia added.

“It also had sunglasses.”

Twilight murmured something to herself, still drawing in the piece of paper. A few moments later, she turned over the drawing to show it to the others.

“It was something like this?” In the drawing, they saw the first creature perfectly drawn to match their description.

“Yes… It was almost exactly like that… at least that one.”

“That one? What… do you mean there are more than ONE of these things?”

“We could count eight of them.”

The six ponies stood in there like that for a while.

“So… what about these creatures?” Rarity asked after a while. “Do you think they are-“

“Dangerous? I don’t think so. Or at the very least, they’re somewhat friendly, in retrospect...”

“What makes you say that, Lyra?”

“Weeeell, when we first saw them, we kiiinda… ran away screaming.”

Twilight nodded. “Mmhmm. And after that?”

In the forest, the eight fighters approached what looked like the edge of said forest.

BJ was breathing heavily from exhaustion. “Hey, Cyber. You sure your sensors pointed to this direction?” he asked the cyborg.

“My sensors are well-calibrated to locate any source of life in a ratio of 50 light-years.”

“In English, please.”

“I can find living things really well.”

“I wouldn’t doubt Cyber’s capacity for guidance. He has proven to be quite the trustful navigator,” Corvus assured the soldier.

“Yeah, but… anyone can make mistakes. Right?”

“Look, I don’t care what we find,” Marine said, “as long as it has something there. Killing a fucking dragon from the inside was the highlight of my day, but I don’t want to spend the rest of it wandering around, looking for keys, nudging every possible wall, or any of that bullshit.”

The others agreed wholeheartedly with his sentiments, especially BJ. “Just what kind of architect makes literally every room look the same, then hides secret passages in one of them, but not the rest?”

As they continued to complain about erratic architecture, Ranger soon held up a fist, stopping the group.

“What’s up?” Duke asked, just about through with yet another cigar.

“I see what looks like a settlement ahead.”

Sure enough, some distance from the tree line was a small town of sorts. A pair of binoculars was passed between the group, and they saw that it was full of more of those “ponies”.

“God, it’s like something out of a little girl’s cartoon,” Marine commented.

“Regardless, tis civilization,” Parias said. “How I yearn for a pint or two of mead, or the like.”

“I could stand to get liquored up, myself,” Chex said. “It’s the only way I can tolerate you people.”

“Now, now, Chex, I’m sure you’ll find a nice Fruit Loops piece someday.”

This nearly made the group burst out laughing. Even the normally-stoic Cyber cracked a grin.

“Duke?”

“What, Chex?”

“Do I need to remind you about how you took forever?”

“What do you mean-” The meaning behind Chex’s words sank in at that moment. But before the two could start a fist fight (and it wouldn’t be the first time), BJ spotted something. “Hey, guys, I think I see those ponies we saw earlier.”

After everyone got a confirming look through the binoculars, they too saw the three ponies from the clearing. They were talking to a group of six other ponies, one of which had both wings and a horn. This didn’t go unnoticed.

“Wings and a horn?” Corvus asked. “Is she special?”

“I-dunno, but it looks like she’s listening to them about something…”

As Marine studied the other ponies, suddenly the pink one looked in his direction and cracked a smile and waved. This was unnoticed by the other ponies.

“What the… does she see us?”

“Does who see us?” Ranger asked.

“That pink one, there. I swear she just waved at me…”

By now the pink one’s waving was noticed by the nearby orange one, who looked to be asking her friend a question. The pink one pointed in their direction again, this time getting the attention of the other eight. Ranger grew uneasy, but he was convinced that they couldn’t be seen at that distance, hiding in the tree line like they were.

Unless, of course, they used a telescope. Like the one that the purple one just picked up with some sort of levitation spell and brought to her eye, aimed straight at the eight warriors. The sudden surprise on her face told them all they needed to know.

“Welp, looks like we’re spotted,” Marine said, putting away the binoculars. “How do you guys want to go about this? Diplomacy, running, or murder everything?”

“Murdering everything can only bring us so far,” Chex said simply.

“Hey, it’s worked for just about everything else.”

“Because almost everything so far has tried to kill us.”

“Details, details.”

“Regardless, I still think diplomacy is the best course of action,” Chex said, crossing his arms.

Marine groaned. “Fine, we can not kill everything this one time. But the moment they start trying to grind our bones into bread or some shit, I’m rippin’ their guts.”

“Fair enough.”

With everyone in agreement, all that was left was to decide how to go about this. Simply walk in like they own the place, or just wait and see if the ponies come to them.

Their answer came in the form of Duke cracking his knuckles, calling the others a bunch of wusses, and striding forward from the trees.

Realizing he’d probably have to follow close behind so any potential relations don’t get ruined by a “clever” quip from his musclebound comrade, Chex followed close behind, looking noticeably less confident in his steps. The other six just shrugged and followed, watching as ponies soon dropped everything and stared at them. None of them ran away, perhaps because they were equal parts scared, confused, and curious.

And why wouldn’t they be, when eight strange creatures walked into town, all of whom look like they’ve been to Hell and back (which, funnily enough, they have, multiple times).

Soon, they were approaching the purple winged unicorn, who was just as shocked as the others, perhaps even more so because they walked right towards her and stopped right in front of her.

“You in charge here?” Duke asked, his voice making the ponies shrink back in fear.

Slowly, Twilight nodded.

“Alright, good. Now, mind telling us just where the fuck we are?”

“What my colleague means to ask,” Chex said, trying to prevent any hostilities, “is, where are we, at the moment?”

It took a second for Twilight to register that she was being asked a question. “P- Ponyville.”

Behind them, Marine started chuckling, only to be silenced by an elbow from BJ. “What? That’s name’s so stupid!” he whispered, just quiet enough that the ponies didn’t hear.

“And what country are we in?” Chex continued.

“Equestria,” Twilight said, watching the eight things like they might suddenly start attacking.

“And the planet?”

This got the princess to raise an eyebrow. “Earth…?”

“Why are so many parallel worlds still called ‘Earth’?” Corvus asked quietly from the back, receiving a shrug from Ranger next to him.

This time, it was Twilight who had the question. “What exactly… are you all?”

“For the love of God, this is taking too long,” Marine suddenly said, scaring all of the ponies in the area. “We’re humans, we kill bad shit, we got lost, yadda yadda.”

“Marine,” Chex began, “would you please just-”

“Oh, can it, you space hopping cereal piece!”

Before the two could start lunging at each other’s throat, a loud voice suddenly shouted, “Quiet!”

All activity stopped, as the eight humans and numerous ponies all looked at the source of the shout: a yellow pegasus that, as soon as she noticed all the attention on her, did her best attempt at disappearing into thin air via extreme compression.

Silence reigned for a little while longer, before Duke loudly stomped out his cigar and said, “Well, he pretty much summed it up.”

And then pandemonium broke out.

All at once, the gathered ponies began screaming and running away, causing a massive tidal wave of bodies to surge through the streets, running away from the eight creatures that now were a lot more threatening.

By the time everypony was indoors, all that was left in the park were the eight humans, and nine ponies, including the purple one.

“...Well that went well,” BJ said.

“Look, can we go somewhere else to discuss all this?” Ranger asked. “My feet are killing me.”

“They’d probably feel better if you stop that rocket jumping bullshit,” Marine snarked.

Twilight, who was still taking all of this in, could only nod as she almost mechanically led the eight ponies and eight humans towards her library home.

Whatever was happening, it was just too good a day for this shit.

In Which Things are Explained

After entering the library, the eight warriors plopped down on any available chairs, and once those were gone, the floor. As the ponies followed, a rather distinct smell could be detected.

“Geez! What is that smell?” Lyra asked, covering her nose with one hoof while the other one tried in vain to dissipate the odor.

“Sweat, blood, maybe some of Corvus’s potions,” Marine began listing off.

“Oh, my goodness! When was the last time any of you bathed?” Octavia said while also covering her nose.

“Not counting the times we had to go for a swim for a bit?” BJ sat in silence, thinking over the issue, before shrugging. “I don’t have a clue.”

As the warriors started to partake in small talk, Twilight and her friends entered the room and whispered to the other ponies. “Will you excuse us?” she told the humans before leading the ponies up to her room.

“So, Twilight. What do you think these beings are?”

“I don’t know, Octavia. Haven’t read anything of bipeds like these.”

“Well… Maybe we can ask them?”

“Well, one of them said they were humans, but that doesn’t tell us much. You’re probably right, Lyra.”

Her friends also voiced their approval of this plan, so Twilight went back downstairs alone, where the one in green armor was about to punch the one in a chex-like suit.

“For the last time, I don’t know why I’m the only marine who survived! Stop implying I killed them all!”

“Right, because you’re just a shining example of sanity, aren’t you?”

Twilight cleared her throat, gaining the attention of the two who were about to fight and the other six, who were either trying to separate the two or were in the middle of placing bets with the others.

“Sorry to interrupt, but… My friends and I want to know… What are you?”

“I already told you, humans,” Marine said.

“Yes, but what exactly are humans?”

Duke shrugged. “...us?”

Twilight face hoofed. “Alright, well, since you’re the first humans to ever be in Equestria, I think it’s only right that I document such a thing.”

The warriors just nodded at the obvious conclusion that the purple pony made.

“So?...” BJ asked, using his hand to allude to his unspoken question.

“So… I’d like to study you. If you are a new species, then you must be cataloged at once.”

Marine was angered by that last sentence.

“Listen, you talking pony! We’re not an experiment for you! We just got out of the Hell itself for the umpteenth time, I think! And you’re saying that you want to catalog us like if we were-”

“What is that ‘Hell’ thing you keep mentioning?” Twilight asked, interrupting the annoyed human in front of her.

“This ‘Hell’ thing is the place where the bad guys go when they die, basically. Also, it’s full of demons and shit,” BJ answered her.

“... Demons…” Twilight started to think for a moment. “Oh, I think that you’re referring to Tartarus.”

Suddenly, her eyes became tiny at the sudden revelation she had.

“... Y-You came… from… Tartarus?”

“Nah. We just got out of there again, as Marine said,” Chex explained.

“But… Tartarus is inescapable! Nopony has ever returned from there!”

“Oh, that. Look, we’re not dead. We just went in there to give those demons an ass-kickin’ they’ll never forget,” Marine said.

“Although we have also fought the likes of aliens, mythical creatures, and at one point other humans,” Cyber added.

“Nazis,” BJ corrected. “With what I’ve seen those bastards do, they don’t deserve to be called the same species as us.”

Twilight was speechless, trying to process all that was said. “So, have you all known each other for all of that?”

“Not quite,” Ranger said. “We each had our own evil to fight, and eventually we just happened to run into each other after a series of teleports through time, space, and dimensions.”

“So you each have your own stories?” The humans’ nods told Twilight the answer. “Well… I suppose it can’t hurt to listen to all of you.”

BJ went first, telling of his imprisonment at the hands of what he referred to as “Nazis”. Twilight was horrified when he said that they were also humans, but he was quick to assure her that they were a hated minority.

After him was Marine, who told his story about how his unit was killed by demons, and he singlehandedly not only pushed them off the base, but even followed them to Hell and killed them there. Twice, no less!

Duke’s story was quite a bit shorter, considering that he only said that aliens kidnapped his “babes” and trashed his planet, so he returned the favor by way of killing them all.

Ranger was short and to the point about his story, saying that it was fairly similar to both Marine’s and Duke’s stories.

Cyber said that he was a cybernetically enhanced human who fought against a horde of aliens.

Chex told them that he helped defend his planet from a race of slime creatures, though he made sure to mention that he didn’t actually kill them, just sent them back to their home planet. Marine’s mocking of his method didn’t help anything.

Corvus and Parias both had very similar tales, telling of how they fought against an evil warlock. Notably, Corvus seemed to have a personal grudge in the matter, but he wouldn’t say why.

Once Twilight heard all of their stories and took notes over them where appropriate, she just sat there, thinking about every single thing she had just listened to. Eight beings, all of whom fought evil in one way or another…

It was just as the legend said.

“... C-Can you excuse for a few seconds?”

“Of course, purple one,” Parias said. Strangely, he had removed most of his armor, but had chosen to keep the helmet on.

Twilight rushed to her room, only to find the rest of the ponies with their ears glued to the floor.

“...What are you doing?”

“Listening to them,” Dash said, matter-of-factly. “What else?”

Twilight guessed then that they heard all the creatures’ stories.

She just shrugged and began walking over to where she left her book on various legends. However, on the way, she saw Spike with an ear glued to the floor, too.

“Spike! I thought you were asleep!”

“I was, but I woke up when you brought those things here.”

“Well… doesn’t matter. In fact, it’s a good timing that you are awake,” Twilight said, looking over the book she read earlier for confirmation.

“Why is that?”

“Can you write a letter to Princess Celestia?”

Meanwhile, the heroes continued their small talk. By now, they were all starting to enjoy the relaxation involved with not having to deal with all manner of creatures trying to kill them.

Soon, however, they started to doze off, one by one. Even Cyber, who was more cyborg than human, started to fall asleep to appease the human side of him.

However, a sudden knock on the door made them stand alert.

“Who goes there?” Parias asked to the door, scrambling to find one of his weapons in his pile of armor.

Almost immediately, the purple unicorn came from downstairs. Opening the door, a white pony with both wings and a horn, and a strange flowing mane, was waiting.

“Greetings, Twilight. Your letter said that you needed me immediately, correct?”

“Yes, Princess Celestia.”

“Princess?”

Both ponies turned around to see both Parias and Chex kneeling, while the others just looked on. BJ, who was as confused as the others, shrugged and settled for a simple salute. Celestia started to walk toward them.

“And what do we have here? Sorry for my manners. My name is Celestia.”

The group immediately started to mumble something between themselves and then, one of them went ahead, wearing cereal-like armor. “We are pleased to meet you,” he said, making a small bow.

“Pleased to meet you, too.”

Then, Chex turned to his comrades.

“These here are my…” Chex started to think for a word to describe the curious relationship they had.

“Friends?”

“I think the term ‘comrades in arms’ is more appropriate,” Marine said.

“What? You’re telling me that you’re not friends?”

“Nope. We’re just co-workers.”

Celestia eyed them for a moment. It was only then that she noted the discarded armor not too far away from them, and how worn it all looked.

“Well, I think it’s only appropriate that I get to learn your stories.”

“Here we go again,” Duke said, lighting up yet another cigar, despite Twilight’s protests.

In a dark cave, torches were suddenly lit, revealing a huge room and a pit next to it. On the other side of the pit, a huge demonic face was displayed.

With an eye-piercing scream, the face called for his minions.

On the other side of the pit, a huge door opened. A number of monstrosities, including spider-shaped demons and a few one-eyed, armored giants, entered the room.

One of the spider-demons said something that no mortal could understand.

The face on the wall emitted another scream in reply.

The spider-demon continued to speak in its language, seeming to explain the details to a specific place.

Another scream was heard from the huge face.

The spider-demon said just a few words in its untranslatable language.

A cyclops came to the front, armor hugging most of his giant frame.

The cyclops spoke, in a language similar to the one the spider-demon used. From its tone, it sounded as if it was talking about something it hated very much.

Another scream from the face.

The cyclops continued talking, now using a tone that was usually associated with scheming.

The face emitted another scream and the assembled creatures left.

The torches blew out, and the whole room fell into darkness again.

A Moment of Peace

The eight warriors all told their stories again, though notably less enthusiastic this time. Regardless, Celestia listened to them with rapt attention. She noticed that Marine in particular seemed fond of his memories of, as he put it, “ripping and tearing through demons galore”.

Once they were all finished, the princess nodded, looking from one human to the next, thinking about just what to do.

Before she could come up with an answer, Twilight came downstairs. “Celestia, could I see you for a second?”

“Of course, Twilight.” She bid farewell to the eight, who waved halfheartedly back. Celestia ascended the stairs, finding Twilight in her room. A book was open on her desk, turned to a particular page.

“You know that legend I mentioned in my letter?” Twilight asked.

“I am aware of it, though it has been a while since I’ve read it. Why?”

“Well…” Twilight pointed a hoof at the open book. “I’d look at it again. Tell me if any part of it sounds… familiar.”

Curious about what her former student meant, Celestia leaned over to read the book.

Zandronum

Thousands of eons ago, before the pony race even existed, there were many evils roaming in the lands. These evil beings threatened to annihilate all life in the world.
But it was impossible, for it always was a group of eight heroes to stop them.
These eight, the chosen ones, stood in the way of the darkness, stopping them from destroying life as it was known.

These heroes rose from the midst of the population, showing incredible skill and valor in battle. Of the eight, two came from similar origins, but bear no relation; one will carry an incredible bloodlust, but will remain on the side of good; one will not kill his enemies, with the belief that then he would be no better; one will succumb to numerous vices, but is still firmly a hero; one will rise far above himself to combat evil; one will have traveled across space to defeat evil; and another will have been captured by the evil forces, before fighting his way out.

These eight protected the world from evil, but one day, they vanished. It is foretold that, one day, the greatest evil ever seen will arrive, and the heroes will once again return, to combat the threat, and destroy it for good.

Celestia read and reread the passage many times, thinking over the implications that the words carried. She turned to face Twilight. “So, you think that the eight of them are the ones from this legend?”

Twilight could only nod in response. Suddenly, they heard a loud noise coming from downstairs. It almost sounded like a roar.

They went downstairs as fast as they could, just to find the rest of the ponies looking at a surprisingly endearing scene: the eight humans were asleep on Twilight’s floor, a couple of them even using Chex’s armor as a pillow, despite it not being soft at all. The loud roar was heard again. Twilight and Celestia glanced all over the room, just to be surprised when Rarity made a sign with her hoof to keep silence. She then pointed to the human in green armor, who snored loudly, the sound being very similar to a roar.

Celestia just smiled softly and pointed Twilight to the upper room.

Once in there, Celestia headed to the balcony and stretched her wings. “I’ll talk with Luna about this. We’ll communicate our decision to you in the morning. Goodnight, Twilight.”

And with that, she took off to the nocturnal skies, heading towards Canterlot.

Back in the lobby, Twilight said her good nights to her friends and went to her bed, leaving the humans in their pile.

Just as she was starting to get comfortable, Marine’s snoring was heard again, almost making the whole tree-house tremble.

“Oh, Celestia… this is gonna be a long night.” Twilight said to herself.

Twilight opened her tired eyes at the warm feeling of the sun in her face. That was the little inconvenience of sleeping near the window. For who-knows-what reason, she never thought to change her bed from that position.

She got up and stretched her legs and wings, letting out a long yawn. Next, she brushed her mane with the aid of her mirror. After that, a nice breakfast would be required.

Going downstairs, she noted her refrigerator somewhat dirty and disorderly. Why it was like that, she couldn’t figure out. After all, she couldn’t think straight when her stomach was empty.

Going through her breakfast, she eyed a book while eating. She thought over the fact that she really liked reading all kind of books: the ones which contained pony history, the ones which contained botanic lessons, the ones which had legends in them, the ones that had…

… Wait, legends?

Suddenly, her brain made all the connections: her waking up still somewhat tired, her refrigerator was a mess, the humans weren’t in the lobby…

THE HUMANS WEREN’T IN THE LOBBY!

She instantly ran from the kitchen to the window, looking frantically for where those humans could have gone. Hard to guess, due the fact that there wasn’t a single trace of their existence left in the library. Suddenly, looking at a table, she found a small note written in a sloppy, but still readable style:

We left to explore the town, get used to things.

Marine and the Seven Others

The Total Badasses and Chex

The Humans

She instantly panicked. If those eight beings were out there, who knew what could happen. After all, they caused a total commotion yesterday just by walking into town, and a few of them seemed quite violent, especially Marine.

Rushing out of her library, Twilight noticed that everypony was going about their business as usual: walking around, chatting with other, buying stuff, etc.

“Hey there, Twilight!” A voice called to her from the sky.

Twilight looked up to see Rainbow Dash floating above her in a cloud.

“Good morning, Rainbow! Hey, have you seen … them?”

“Them? Who?” Rainbow asked while scratching her head. Suddenly, she figured out what she was talking about. “Oh, them. Yeah, I think I saw them over by the town hall.”

Twilight got more and more panicked while she strode toward the town hall, soon breaking into a full gallop. Once she got there, she saw a crowd of ponies surrounding something. Some of them were cheering.

Using her wings, she flew over the crowd just to see one of the humans in the middle. It was the one with sunglasses, posing with his chest naked, showing his muscles to the ponies in there.
Now that she looked closer, the crowd was entirely made up of mares. She just sighed and landed next to the building.

“He’s such an asshole, isn’t he?” Twilight turned to see the other humans sitting at a table while eating some apples from a large bucket in the middle. BJ, who said the remark, punctuated his statement with a large bite.

“Oh, good morning,” she greeted them, her earlier panic disappearing. “Umm… Can I ask where did you got those apples from?”

“Oh, your friend, the orange one, gave these to us,” Corvus explained.

“So… what is he doing?” Twilight asked while looking at the crowd of ponies cheering again to the human.

“Duke has a massive ego boner like nothing else,” Marine said bluntly, his somewhat crude manner forcing a small blush to her face. Since he had to take his helmet off to eat (although Parias somehow didn’t), Twilight couldn’t help but notice that him and BJ had somewhat similar faces...

Well, that wasn’t important. “So, what exactly are your plans here, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“We were hoping to just pass through and continue on our way fighting demons and such,” Chex began, “but Cyber did some math, and apparently for now we’re stuck here.”

Twilight hummed in response, thinking. A sudden collective gasp from the nearby crowd of mares broke her out of her concentration.

“Wait, so why is it all those mares are suddenly captivated by… whatever he’s doing?” she asked.

“Duke, for all his arrogance, has an undeniable charm of some sort about him, especially with females,” Parias said. “A number of times in our journeys, he had caused many a woman, human or otherwise, to swoon. It baffles me, honestly.”

“Well, he can fight,” Ranger said, “and that’s good enough for me.”

As if he could tell he was being talked about, Duke broke through the crowd, his tank top now back in place. “I see you ladies are getting along with Twibright Speckle here.”

“It’s Twilight Sparkle.”

“Whatever.” Duke snatched an apple and bit into it. “So, what’s our plan?”

“Just stay here and take it easy for a bit,” BJ explained. “It’s really all we can do.”

While the crowd of mares was dissipating, Applejack made her way to the humans and Twilight. “Howdy Twi; humans.”

The group gave various grunts of acknowledgement.

“Alright, so,” Marine began, tossing an apple core behind him, “what exactly are we going to do now? Because I’m honestly not a big fan of sitting on my ass for too long.”

Twilight looked towards Canterlot in the distance. “Princess Celestia said she would discuss the matter with her sister, Luna, but I’m not sure what they’ll come up with, yet.”

“Ah’m sure everythin’ will be fine,” Applejack said. “It’s not like anything’s gonna go horribly wrong today.”

Before any of them could even say ‘Murphy's Law’, a small pegasus filly came running towards them, screaming and even crying slightly. She stopped in front of Twilight and Applejack, still sniffling. This close, they could see that she was dirty and unkempt, as if she was just attacked.

“Shh, calm down,” Twilight said, using her best impression of Celestia’s motherly tone. “What’s wrong?”

The filly took a few calming breaths, but it was obvious that she was still very scared. “W- We were taking a school t- trip to Zecora’s place, a- and on our way back, we were at- attacked b- by…” She paused for a few seconds, before a reassuring hoof from Twilight spurred her to go on. “...by timber wolves…”

Applejack gasped. “Where are they?”

“I- I don’t know, somewhere in the forest. I- I ran as soon as I c- could…”

Applejack looked towards the direction of the forest, a determined look etched into her face. “Come on, ya’ll, we gotta save mah sister and ‘er friends!”

She took off at a gallop, Twilight following close behind her. The humans just looked at each other and shrugged, before taking off after them.

“‘Bout time we got some action,” Marine said.

“You realize we fought a dragon just yesterday?” Chex remarked.

“And we went nearly a whole day with nothing else. That’s quite a bit for my tastes.”

“You’re psychotic, you know that?”

Marine grinned. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

A Moment of Violence

Author's Note

For the record, the reason this took so long is something something video games.

A Moment of Violence

While Marine was happy to lead the group into the forest, his pace being matched only by Applejack, the others were trailing some distance behind, though still moving at a decent pace.

After a couple minutes of running through the foliage, something other than the natural sounds of the forest could be heard. There wasn’t any doubt that it sounded like growling. Somewhat harder to hear was the unmistakable sound of scared children.

Hearing this, Applejack dashed forward, reaching speeds that would make Rainbow Dash impressed.

Quickly outpacing Marine and the others, she emerged into a clearing, where she saw a dangerous sight. Up ahead, surrounded by a group of timberwolves, were the fillies and colts that made up Miss Cheerilee’s class. The teacher herself was in front of them, slightly injured, but still standing, though it didn’t look like she would be for long.

The wolves were advancing on the group, but at Applejack’s sudden intrusion into the clearing, they turned to face the newcomer. “Y’all get away from them!” she shouted, thankful that she wasn’t too late.

Behind her, Twilight also entered the clearing, followed by Chex. However, when seven other humans didn’t enter the clearing with them, the ponies looked around in confusion.

“Where the hay are the others?” Applejack asked, her temporary confusion being mirrored by both the wolves and the trapped ponies. Nearly all of the cornered fillies and colts, Cheerilee included, were now staring at Chex, curious as to just what he was.

Suddenly, from a nearby bush opposite of Twilight and Applejack, there was the sound of an engine turning on, followed by a large amount of rustling as a green armor-clad figure leaped high into the air, clutching a chainsaw in his appendages.

“SURPRISE ATTACK, ASSHOLES!” the newcomer shouted, before landing chainsaw-first on an unlucky timberwolf. Its yelp of pain and surprise was cut off as the chainsaw did its job, reducing the wolf to a pile of kindling.

From the bushes all around the group, six other bipedal creatures emerged from the bushes, carrying various weapons. However, instead of jumping into the fray, they simply sat and watched as the chainsaw-wielding creature went to work on the timberwolves.

“I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A LUMBERJACK!” he shouted as he cleaved a wolf in half with his roaring blade. All of the spectating ponies just watched in both shock and awe, while Chex simply brought a hand up to his face, sighing loudly.

“Leave it to him to go on a bloodthirsty rampage.” He looked back at the massacre in the center of the clearing long enough to witness Marine running his chainsaw straight through a wolf. “Even though there’s no blood, this time…”

Suddenly, one of the wolves managed to land a hit, removing the still-running chainsaw from Marine’s hands. This victory was short lived, however, as he then proceeded to tear the wolf in half with his bare hands, laughing maniacally. The trapped ponies were now unsure if they were actually being saved.

Meanwhile, Duke offered a cigar to BJ, who waved it away. “You know I don’t smoke.”

“Well, if he’s gonna hog all the fun, we might as well have something to do.”

Whatever logic Duke was using was lost, and BJ still refused the cigar. Shrugging, Duke lit it for himself, just as Marine crushed a wolf’s head in with another wolf’s head.

However, unknown to the yelling, fighting human, the scattered remains of the wolves were slowly levitating off the ground, a soft green glow directing them to a central point some distance away, where all shapes and sizes of branches were beginning to clump together.

Seeing this, Chex’s eyes widened. “Uh, Marine?”

“I GOT A HAND FULL OF BRANCHES AND A HEAD FULL OF MAD!”

“Marine?”

“DON’T NEED A GUN! GUNS ARE FOR WUSSES!”

“MARINE!”

Chex’s outburst was enough to interrupt the crazed human as he was stomping a now-limp pile of sticks. He looked over to Chex, then to where he was pointing, where the gathering mass of wood was now quite large.

The rest of the fallen wolves joined the huge ball of wood, where it soon began to take shape. In a matter of seconds, the formerly shapeless blob of wood was now shown to be a giant timberwolf. It looked down at Marine, and let out an earth-shaking roar.

Despite this new turn of events, the human was unfazed. He slowly brought his shaking fist up, then pointed it at the offending colossus.

“YOU’RE HUGE!” he shouted. “THAT MEANS YOU HAVE HUGE… KINDLING! RIP AND TEAR YOUR KINDLING!”

While Chex facepalmed again, Marine began to advance towards the behemoth, slowly gaining speed. Letting out a war cry that was nearly as loud as the one the giant timberwolf let out, he punched a hole straight through the monster’s chest. Grinning, he retracted his fist, only for the hole he made to almost instantly rebuild itself.

In a single moment, Marine’s combat high, and the resulting temporary insanity, wore off. “...well shit.”

Meanwhile, the other six humans, who were all watching with amused expressions as Marine shouted his various ramblings, began to aim their weapons.

“Looks like we do need a gun,” Duke quipped, before all of them opened fire. As Marine dove out of the way, picking up his fallen chainsaw at the same time, the incoming fire blasted into the massive timberwolf, sending chips of wood flying. Bullets, rockets, and even a few bolts of fire magic impacted with great force, quickly reducing the beast to a large pile of wood, still smouldering.

Twilight and Applejack were sitting frozen in place, mouths agape the entire time. Chex let out a quick amused grunt, then strode forward, towards the other seven humans, as well as the frightened children and their teacher, who were now cowering from the humans in much the same way they were from the timberwolves.

After a while, the huge timberwolf was reduced to a huge pile of wood and sticks. Then, Duke got out another cigar.

“Another job well done,” he said as he lit another cigar and dropped his lighter onto the pile, burning it to ashes.

“Well… at least, this time we did it for good reasons.” Chex said while watching the fire.

“Speaking of which...” BJ said while turning toward the ponies in the corner of the clearing, who were staring at them with fear on their eyes. BJ then saw a bag in the ground of what seemed to be marshmallows, most likely what one of the children brought for a snack.

Seeing that they wouldn’t trust them so easily (not that he blamed them), he picked a marshmallow, inserted it on a stick and put it on the fire.

Twilight and Applejack, curious at what BJ was doing, approached to see him burning a marshmallow.

“Is right now really th’ best time for that?” AppleJack asked.

Ignoring her, BJ just got the marshmallow out of the fire and inspected it for a few seconds before pointing it to Applejack.

“Taste it,” BJ said while holding the stick at her.

AppleJack, though unsure for a few moments, took a bite of the marshmallow. Suddenly, she realized that, even burned, it tasted good, since, regardless of who cooked it or what the source of the fire was, it was still a roasted marshmallow.

She just grunted in approval.

Burning another one, BJ turned to give it to Twilight, who reached out like Applejack and tasted it, before eating it in one single motion.

The foals, seeing how the others seemed to enjoy the sweet treats from the strange creature, opted to get closer and see for themselves. After a few moments, they saw the strange creature turning around with enough marshmallows for each one of them. Advancing slowly and nervously, they saw the human walking toward them. The human then leaned down and offered a marshmallow to a random foal.

The foal in question took the marshmallow and tasted it, instantly liking it. Seeing his reaction, the other foals joined his classmate to enjoy the burnt marshmallows.

Content with how the foals seemed to get closer, the human retreated with his human fellows, who just looked at him with a mocking wide grin, except for Cyber. BJ just looked at them.

“... What?”

The other humans just grinned wider until Chex approached him.

“D’aaawwww”

“Oh, shut up.”

The humans walked up to the group of ponies, who welcomed them, though they maintained their distance from Marine. Almost instantly, they were bombarded with questions from the foals as for what they were and where they came from. The humans did their best to answer their questions, but there were just too many to answer. Despite this, once Cheerilee calmed them down, the foals cheered for having eight heroes escorting them back into town.

Behind them, Applejack and Twilight simply looked at each other. The humans had just slaughtered a large group of timberwolves (albeit most of that was Marine), and not moments later they were cheerfully chatting with children.

Shaking their heads, the two of them followed behind the humans and the foals, simply glad that everypony was safe.

The next morning, Cheerilee decided to make another trip to Zecora’s hut, since the foals were pretty adamant on going there, despite what happened last time.

It probably helped that, this time, the humans would be escorting them, along with Princess Twilight Sparkle and her friend, Applejack.

The journey went without any issue, until the humans called for the group to stop at a seemingly empty clearing.

“Hey, guys. Do you recognize this place?” Chex asked the others.

“Kinda… I’d say that we’ve been in here before but… I can’t remember,” BJ responded.

“Hey, guys, look,” Ranger said, picking up an object. The group got closer and noted that it was a stomped cigar. “We’ve been definitely in here before,” Ranger continued, looking at Duke, who simply shrugged.

Suddenly, the humans noted some broken scales in the ground, followed by a huge trail just ahead of them, which looked like something was dragged through there.

Seeing the broken scales closer, Marine had a sudden realization.

“Hey, I think I remember! This is the place where we skinned that lizard yesterday!”

“What lizard? What are you talking about?” Twilight trotted over to them, having heard their chatting.

“Yesterday, after our first encounter with your three friends, a dragon came by and attacked us. Quite frankly, it was kill or be killed,” Duke explained while lighting another cigar and starting to smoke again, ignoring the glare Chex gave him for being so blunt.

Twilight opened her mouth in awe. “You… you k-killed… a dragon?” The group hesitated, then nodded at her. Twilight just stood in there with a nervous expression in her face, shifting her eyes from one to the other. Suddenly, something occurred to her.

“How did you kill it?”

Chex stepped forward. “Well, we pretty much did the same thing that we did to-”

Marine cut him off. “I jumped into its mouth and chopped its fucking head off. It was sweet!”

Wincing noticeably, and ignoring Chex’s facepalm, Twilight looked around the clearing, when she just realized something. “And where’s the body?” she asked, causing the humans to turn around, searching for it.

Duke just shrugged as he continued leading the group into the forest. “Who knows? Not our problem anymore.”

Torches were lit again in the huge cave, where the huge demonic face was displayed. The face opened its eyes and looked to the other side of the cave. With an ear-piercing scream, it summoned his minions again.

Once that all the demons entered the cavern again, the face screamed at them. One demon got in front of the group. In their own language, the demon sounded excited as for something. A cyclops came in the front of the group, interrupting the other demon. The cyclops made gesture with his hand of something big, and then made gestures as if describing something even bigger.

The face screamed again.

The demons turned in time to see other demons carrying a table in which, a dragon with its head severed was shown.

The face emitted a scream. The demons retreated from the chambers, the spider-like one, showing more excitement than the others, eyed the dragon’s corpse, then turned to look at its own mechanics parts. An idea popped in its mind.

A wonderfully, awfully, positively evil idea...