The Ways of the Ponies

by Dylmesse2017

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Adventure, Alternate Universe
Length: 2124

I have fallen into Equestria. I have no money, no ID, and no set skill level. In order to survive until I can find a way out of this place, I'll need to find a job I'm good at, and make sure that I find out the ways of the ponies…

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-23 17:25:33 UTC

Prologue: The Start

Orange.

Everything around me was orange. The beds, the sheets, the giant bodies that were looming over me when I woke up. Oh wait, those were my prison buddies.

"Yo Tom, we've came up with a radical plan to escape. It will take complete precision and timing. We've got the wool blankets, and it's time to jump over the fence." That is what my BEST prison friend, Jacob, said to me.

"You're kidding, right? You're super-bright idea is to do the most cliche escape ever?" I said, half-asleep.

"But we've also got these. Guys, show him." Jacob's guys, Jack and Billy, came up from behind him and showed me what they had. Jack had some knives. High quality and very sharp. Billy had some 9mm handguns. Perfect for crippling and potentially KILLING some prison guards.

"Look dude, you're either gonna have to suffer the consequences tomorrow for getting in here. OR, you can leave everything from the god-forsaken prison behind, and be done with it for good."

It wasn't exactly an easy choice. Someone had already tried to escape, but they cut their hand on some barbed wire at the top. It was pretty beat up. He will not recieve any proper medical treatment before the sentencing tomorrow. This whole damned place is corrupt. Everyone gets in, but no one gets out. But then I also realized that if we did pull this off, I could actually do what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to open a deli shop. But that's another story.

"Yeah, I'll join your escape." I finally agreed to do it.

"Good, now let's get a move on. We've only got 1 hour until sunrise." Jake tried to make it a point that we had to be quick, or we'd suffer double the consequences. But with this hellhole, that was a chance I was willing to take.

Me, Jacob and his goons got to the fence. Standard issue. 3 fences to the outside. All with more and sharper barb wire. So by fence 3, you're either dead by barbed wire, or killed by the guards. But I've actually heard that the guards usually forget you at about the 2nd or 3rd fence. I guess they figure you'll get tired and surrender, or the 3rd fence will kill you.

"Alright. Tom. You go first. Here's the blanket." Jake handed me the wool blanket. The 1st fence was just standard, barbed wire. It was no problem getting over the first fence... That is, compared to the second fence. The guards must have heard the rattling of us all leaping the fence. The lights were looking all over the place, the sirens were going off, and they even dispatched most guard dogs and guards.

     "Damn." Jacob grumbled. "It doesn't seem luck is on our side, boys. We've got to hurry and jump the second fence." Easier said than done. The second fence was traditional barbed wire, mixed with just plain 'ole sharp wire. If I remember correctly, this is the one that the one guy got his hand cut up on. And all I needed to do was get across that fence, and I'd be home free.

This was going to be close

I was almost to the top of the fence. I could smell the freedom. Hamburgers? It doesn't matter. I was close. And that's when I had a sharp pain in my rear. I tried to pursue my escape through it, but then I got tired, and the last thing I remembered about that moment was hitting the ground and hearing a guard say, "Good shot. We couldn't risk letting THIS one get away." Why was I so important? They... If they didn't want me dead, they why the hell was I still here?

I ended up waking up in my bed. I didn't know how I got there, but I do know what that means. It means I have failed. My escape attempt was futile. I shouldn't have gone with Jacob's plan, which by the way, the group was no where to be seen. But I guess the only thing I can do is wait until my sentencing tonight. God, I hope I don't get death on the spot. But I guess there's only one way to find out.

Wait

I'll be honest with you, It was kinda surprising to find out that i would be thrown into The Pit. I honestly thought death on the spot was gonna be it.

     "Subject 2314, any last words before you're thrown into The Pit?" Those were the warden's last words before he personally threw me into The Pit. I didn't even get my last words.

Dick

Chapter 2

I finally checked out of the hospital. I don't know how long I've been there, but I just know it was in there a long time. I checked my bag to see what I had. I had some pencils, a pad of paper, and about 10 dollars. Oh, I'm sorry, bits. I forgot that this isn't Earth. This is Pony Earth. Instead of fries, i have hay. Instead of saying "everybody" i have to catch myself saying "everyPONY" I don't have 2 hands and 2 feet, but 4 hooves.

I have arrived in PonyVille and have been eagerly searching for a job. But there doesn't seem to be any luck on my side for getting a job.

First, I went to Quills and Sofas to see if I could get a job as a salespony. But here's how it went.

"Alright. So first question; What is your name?" The manager of Quills and Sofas.

"Heh, funny story. I actually don't HAVE a name."

"Mister, are you some sort of pony criminal?"

"No sir, I just woke up in a hospital bed in Canterlot."

He took some time to look at some notes on his desk (which he got from chairs and deli) and write some stuff on some notes. He then looked up at me and said,

"Well, thank you for submitting an application and taking some time to chat with me. But I hate to be a burdon, but we will have to hire somepony else. Not only that, but you don't excactly have any preferences"

I can't say I blame the quill & sofa guy. He's not wrong. I suck. I don't have any preferences. The only thing that I think I'd be good at is drawing, because there was drawing stuff in my satchel from the hospital and all.

So I continued around town to an art store, and they boldly let me in for an interview.

"Good marrow sir," The salespony said. "My name is Honey Withers, and I come to understand that you're in need of a new job?"

"Yes Miss Withers. But first let me tell you a little about myself." I explained that I don't really know my name, or what I'm good at, but I thought I'd be good at drawing and stuff because the bag the nurse gave me had some art supplies. She then took some time to write somethings down and told me,

"Well, it doesn't seem that you WOULDN'T be hired, but we definitely should make you a name." She then took a moment to look over my features. dark blue hair, and sort of a light blue body. She looked at my butt, but that's when I got up and said, "WOAH now, my face is up here"

"Mister, I was just looking at your cutie mark." I looked over and sure enough, there was a picture of..... of....... nothing.

"This seems quite odd, you don't have one"

Chapter 3: The Discovery

Many things have happened to me so far. I found  out I was a unicorn, woke up in a hospital bed in some town called Canterlot, but out of it all; being a blank-flank was the strangest.

"This is quite odd. I have not seen anypony like you. So big and without a cutie mark. Is this why you're applying for jobs all over the place?"

I couldn't exactly tell her no, due to the fact that, well, lying just wasn't in my nature. So I ended up telling her yeah.

"Hmm. Well, I'm going to need some time to look over your application. Come back tomorrow. Until then, I suggest applying other places. Not because you WON'T be hired or anything, but there's a possibility."

I thanked the mare for considering my application, and walked out.

It was about noon-ish and I realized that it was about lunch time. But nothing really sounded good. Flower sandwiches and hay fries just wasn't cutting it for me. I ended up getting a cupcake at some bakery.

"Here you are, Mister. But it's kinda weird; cupcakes for lunch don't you think?"

"Kinda. Hay fries and flower sandwiches didn't really sound appetizing today. Speaking of which, do you have a job opening?"

"Actually yes. My name is Pinkie Pie, and we'll get started right away." Pinkie wasn't joking. next thing I knew, I was sitting at a table with a tie. I didn't have that when I got out of the hospital. But let's just wait and see if I'd be a good baker. After all, I am a blank-flank

Chapter 4: The Bakery

I wasn't entirely sure if I'd want to be a baker. Well, actually it's something I've always wanted to do. But I'm not sure if I'd want to work NEAR this pony.

"Alright. First, what is your name?"

It took me a minute to answer, but I finally came up with saying "My name is, uh... Charming Blade." I came up with the first part, Charming, because of my seemingly high charisma rating. Blade was based off of my favorite comic book hero back on Normal Earth, Johnathan Blade. He was a barbarian or something.

"Alright. Second question. Do you have any preferences or set skill?"

"No Miss Pinkie. I have no skills whatsoever."

"Then why are you applying to work in a bakery?"

"I don't know. I thought you guys need another cashier or something. I just want to lend out a haaaaaaaoooooof. Lend out a hoof" It's so hard not to say hands.

"Well, it's just your luck. We do need another cashier. Me and the Cakes have had a lot on our hoofs recently, especially me. I'll definitley consider your application."

"Thanks. So i'll come in tomorrow and see if i got the job and-"

"Actually, if you're interested, I have some other work for you, if you need a job right now"

Chapter 1

I don't remember much of what happened after the guards flung me into the pit. All that I know is that I suddenly woke up in a hospital bed. I had no reason to be here, so I attempted to get up and leave. But that's when I realized when I went to put my foot down, it was a hoof. I was shocked, because last time I checked, I was a human. I tried to think of how this happened, but the only thing I could think of was basic. Everything that I used to know, like how to fix a broken clock, write a novel on how the universe was created, or even just basic surroundings. All those memories; gone. The only thing that came to mind was how to walk on 4 hoofs.

     With all that out of my head, I tried to make my way to the door. I didn't get very far. A searing pain in the back of my neck stopped me cold in my tracks, forcing me to sit back on the bed. That's when a nurse came in. She saw me sitting up, and rushed over to me. She said,

     "No mister. You can't wit up like that. You're still in the recovery stage."

     " recovery stage? I have no idea how I even GOT here! and now you're saying I'm in some sort of 'recovery stage'? How did I even GET here?" I asked, with all the respect I could give.

     "Well, you sorta fell out of the sky. Which I find weird, considering you're a unicorn."

     A unicorn? I lifted my arm to feel for a horn, which sure enough, there it was. "What else do you know about me?"

      "I'm afraid not much. But what I can tell you is that you're free to go tomorrow morning. There will be a taxi to take you where ever you need to go." The nurse handed me some gold coins, which I assumed was for the taxi, and perhaps some food for the journey.