Trixie would like to start off by saying she isn't here to apologize for anything. She isn't here to apologize because she hasn't done anything wrong. She is only here to tell anypony who gets their undeserving grubby little hooves on this why she isn't here any longer. Why she.. why she did what she did.
First off, Trixie would like to clear up the meaning of her cutie mark. She's heard the rumors. That icky purple princess and Trixe do NOT share the same talent! While Sparkle Butt's talent is vaguely listed as "magic", Trixie's talent involves wowing everypony with magic! Trixie's talent has a purpose.
Trixie's parents didn't think so. They thought that Trixie's talent was a waste of time and that she should try to interpret it as something else so that she may become "more successful". But Trixie had showed them! Until... until those imbeciles in Ponyville made her look like a fool. But her parents hadn't ever known about that. They kept right on believing that Trixie was stupid, having a delusional plan about her magnificent life, and thought that she was cruel. They called her a liar. They called her heartless. She she'd thought she'd show them.
She.. Trixie didn't listen to them. She disobeyed them as a filly. She hated them for everything they said to and about her. They were even worse than Twilight Sparkle.
She would get into fights with them, over trivial things. The fights could last hours. Trixie's father was in the Royal Guard. He would yell at her when she was being defiant, yell so hard that his eyes were bulging and spit was flying from his mouth. Most times Trixie would cry--yes, cry. I know it is hard to believe that somepony as great as Trixie could do something so weak--but others she would stand tall and still, and look him straight in the eye. This was after she became accustomed to these... events. But just barely.
But a few times, near the end of her years living with her parents, she would stand and look at him with a crazed look in her eye. She would stare right into his eyes and laugh. Laugh at the stupidity of it all. Laugh at how incredibly terrible her life was. Laugh at how it was all her fault...
Trixie's father would sometimes.. push her around. But as it happened again and again, she began to push back. But she wasn't any match for a trained military pony in physical strength.
She was thrown over the couch like a sack of flour.
Her mother though... her mother didn't fight with hooves and magic. She fought her with words. Hurtful words. Words that made Trixie hate herself. Words that sometimes made her cry when she was alone. But Trixie also learned much from her mother. She learned how to work with the words herself. As she grew older she fired back in arguments and the like. Her mother asked her where she got it from. She didn't believe Trixie when she told her.
She earned a slap instead.
Her mother called her names, bad names, as she grew older. Even around her little brother. Yes, Trixie has a little brother. He is five years younger than Trixie. Trixie isn't allowed to see him though, as was the will of her parents. He used to stick up for her when he was little. But then he grew to hate her too.
Trixie doesn't want anypony to feel bad for her. She doesn't want their pity. She just wants to be understood.
She kept in this detached relationship with her parents until they died. She knows that deep down inside that they must have loved her... they never sent her away... but she left them anyway. Left them all by themselves.
Maybe if she had been there, she could have saved them from the fire.
It was the night of Trixie's first big show.
She asked them to come.
They told her no.
They told her that she was a disappointment.
I told them I hated them.
Those were the last words I ever said to them.
Later that night, there was an accident with a stray lightning cloud.
Only my brother survived.
I--Trixie--thought that that would bring her and her brother closer together. But it only pushed them father apart. He blamed her. And so did Trixie. Sometimes Trixie wishes she could talk to them again. But most times she doesn't think about it. It was their choice. If they'd have come to her show, they wouldn't have died.
But thinking about the past doesn't help anything. Trixie can only strive to be better.
Her fame only went up from there. That is, until an incident in Las Pegasus. You thought Trixie was going to say Ponyville, didn't you? But that isn't where it started. Ponyville was just a reopened wound. Trixie had gone to Ponyville to let the bad reputation die down. But from what you may know, you can see how well that turned out.
She was due for a show in Las Pegasus, in one of the flashiest, most expensive casinos around. South Pinon. Of course, Trixie was delighted to preform there. It would mean a lot of new business and fame; and money of course.
But something went wrong.
Trixie preformed everything right.
But
something happened.
Her final trick was to steal the sun. It was a simple trick, really. An outdoor show. Trixie was going to cast an illusion spell as the sun rose to make it look like it had snuffed out, or never risen. A thin layer of magic across the sky over the area. To make it appear dark. This was during the summer sun celebration.
The one when Nightmare Moon returned.
They called Trixie a witch. A demon worshiper. A traitor.
It wasn't my fault that the sun had actually been stolen. Or hidden. Whatever.
But this was not good for Trixie's reputation, and she was getting threats and the like on a daily basis after that.
"TRIXIE LULAMOON, THE PONY THAT HELPED THE INFAMOUS NIGHTMARE MOON" read the headlines in the tabloids. Trixie was horrified. How could anypony think that? That is just so incredibly stupid that Snips and Snails look like geniuses in comparison!
After a while, Trixie picked a random small town and ran. Ponyville. Far, far away from Las Pegasus. She decided that she could give some small shows and build her fame back up. But Trixie wasn't prepared for what happened after that.
Trixie supposes that you probably know everything else.
She was humiliated.
She became obsessed with showing Twilight Sparkle up.
She became corrupted by the stupid Alicorn Amulet.
She took over Ponyville.
And Twilight Sparkle defeated her.
Why.
Why why why?
Why must Twilight Sparkle have everything I ever wanted? She has a family that loves her. Adores her. Her magic capabilities are.. far greater than mine. She defeated me when I had the upper hoof by tricking me, then tried to befriend me.
I could only run away.
I think she really wants to help.
But how could she ever begin to understand? Understand what bull crap I have to hear everyday about myself, about how stupid and pompous I am. Maybe my parents were right. Nopony will ever like me.
I ran away because I'm afraid.
Afraid that if I try to get close to anypony, they'll eventually push me away. Just like my family.
Why can't I be normal? Why can't I understand all this stuff about friendship and harmony? Why can't I have what everypony else has?
I just want to be liked. Or at least tolerated.
But nopony will give me that.
And I deserve it.
Because I am a heartless witch. Aren't I? I've heard it too many times to think otherwise. Nopony else but Twilight seems to think I can ever be something better.
Why does she insist that I can?
Why?
Why was she so ready to forgive me, after everything I did to her friends?
Why must she continue to be so much better than me?
If I had friends like that, I would have destroyed ANYPONY who dared hurt them. But Sparkle... in that brief moment after her show... she seemed to understand... and I ran away.
Will I ever go back? Maybe.
But not now..
Now I must go.
I need to find myself.
And if anypony wishes to find me... well, let's hope it's for a good reason.
And I wish them good luck.
For I don't intend to be found.
Author's Note
o-o
I might do more if people like this I'm not sure ok
