Everything You Know Is Wrong--But You Knew That Already.
View Online
Princess Twilight Sparkle Hangs Out In My Bedroom (Not Like That) and Keeps Me Company While I Finally Do the Saddleback Community College Geography Field Studies Morro Bay Camping Trip Post-Trip Photo Journal and Essay Assignment I've Been Avoiding
Everything You Know Is Wrong--But You Knew That Already.
It was 3:43 a.m., Wednesday, November 20th, 2013, and about ten hours ago I had an extremely stupid idea. Which I am now carrying out.
Knock knock knock "Twilight!" Knock knock knock "Twilight!" Knock knock knock "Twilight!" I rapped on the door of her tree house library.
I heard mumbles and groans and possibly a dragon cursing. Twilight threw open one of her upper windows and sharply whispered down to me. "Super, what the buck it's almost four in the morning!"
"Really Twilight?" I said. "I didn't know that. I thought it was a wonderful sunny afternoon. Yeah, I'm sorry to wake you, but I kinda ~~need~~, no ~~would be pleased by~~--no that sounds wrong... I want your help Twilight."
Twilight sighed and threw her head back lightly in frustration. "Can it wait until morning dude?"
"Um, well, technically, it was due like eight or nine hours ago, but I figure it's better late than never, right?"
Twilight unsurprisingly groaned. "You want help on an assignment or something? But it's already tardy? Seriously, of all the Super Trampolines in the world, you're the Super Trampolinest. Guhhhh! I'll be down in a moment." She shut the window just a bit too loudly, and the clap echoed starkly through the deserted town. Yeah, Ponyville can be kinda creepy at night.
My ears flicked listlessly about, tuning in to the cricket chirps here and there, or the occasional rustling of the fall leaves in the gentle breeze. It was a great opportunity to work on my scene description skills, but it was cut short when Twilight opened her front door, clad in her pajamas. "You're lucky I'm feeling like a benevolent ruler tonight. Come in and tell me what's up."
I trotted inside, which was pleasantly a few degrees warmer, and she closed the door behind me with one of her wings. I'm still not used to seeing those affixed to her back. I don't think she is entirely either. "Would you like some hot tea?" she asked groggily.
"Sure," I replied, even though I really prefer Dr. Pepper. But beggars can't be choosers and I was definitely about to beg Twilight for a huge and unusual favor.
She walked to the kitchen while stifling a yawn, and I sat down on the stool in front of her writing desk. Remembering that I was currently a pony and that it is perfectly normal and acceptable for ponies to sit on the floor, I hoped off of the stool and did just that. I eagerly waited for the tea; one can only run on fumes and ADHD medication for so long when it is one's second night in a row getting hardly any sleep. Fortunately, she soon poked her head out from the doorway and invited me to the kitchen to consume the boring but all natural caffeinated beverage she had made for me. Is it just me, or am I superfluously wordy when I'm tired? So yeah, we started talking.
"So what can I do for you?" she asked.
"Well, remember how a few weeks ago during the 100th chapter special of my horrible shipfic anthology (A few weeks ago that is, in the Equestrian universe; here on earth I am nowhere near writing that chapter yet, you know weird wibbly wobbly timey whimies and all that.) it was revealed that I am not actually a real pony, but rather a fictional avatar for an alien residing in another dimension, created so that he can pretend to interact with you and other ponies in Equestria in a ritual known as 'role-playing', or perhaps more cynically as 'crappy self-insert fanfiction'?"
Twilight's eyes bugged out for a moment, and she shook her head vigorously. "Come again?"
Yeah, I'm a sucker for overly complex sentences. "Remember," I again started, "how a few weeks ago I revealed that I'm not of this world?"
Twilight nodded. "Yeah, I also remember you claiming I'm a written-word fan reconstruction of the lead character in a beloved children's cartoon on 'Earth'. In other words, I had to bust you out of the psychiatric ward which you were thrown in for emphatically insisting that I am a fictional character. How could I not remember?" If there was frustration in her bosom, she was doing a good job hiding it behind her second cup of tea. I think she's taking after Celestia.
Yeah, I think I use the word "Yeah" too much. "Yeah, and you're still not real. I'm so sorry. But that's okay! I can still use your help."
"Cut to the chase Super. I'm afraid I am not as amiable as I normally am at this late hour."
"Right, right! So, um, I'd like you to hang out with me in my world for a little bit."
You know what is evil? I purposely timed my delivery of that line so that it took place just as Twilight took a sip of her third cup of tea. It worked.
"PPPTHTHTTPHBBTHTBHT!!!" She ejected the tea from her mouth as an involuntary reaction to my outlandish statement. Just as planned.
"Gahhh! Look what you made me do!" she exclaimed when confronted with her tea and saliva varnished table. "You want me to do what?"
"Come with me Twilight." From nowhere, swelling strings rose up and soared over the room (I may have gotten Pinkie to teach me her ways.). I began to sing.
... Well, I'd like to to relate what I sang, but site rules state that I can't. But I will point out the pleasant coincidence that Aladdin was likewise serenading a sequestered princess who had only recently discovered life outside the castle walls.
Needless to say Twilight was unamused. "I'm sure that's a trite pop culture reference where you come from. But seriously, you want me go through a portal or something? I went through a portal once. It was awful."
I and many others share your sentiments Twilight. "Right, well, I'm not asking you to recover a crown in a highly convoluted and cliché way. Furthermore, no dancing will be involved. I understand that's a weakness of yours.
Twilight flinched. "Uhhh I-I-I don't w-what you're talking about. Heh, I'm a-a-a a great dancer!"
"Twilight, you can drop the act. Remember, my world has a documentary series on you guys?"
"Umm, oh yeah. I still don't get how that works. Oh hey! If I hang out with you in your world, I can do SCIENCE! Why didn't I realize this sooner! Sure, whatever, I'll hang out with you while you do your (late) assignment. Let's go!"
Wow, that was easy. Note to self: the promise of research is the ultimate carrot on a stick for Twilight. "Okay Twilight, you ready to help me with geography homework? Off we go!"
POOF! and we were gone.
Author's Note
I'M SO SORRY I DON'T EVEN KNOW!!!!
"You should be Bryan!" 
Hey, these are my Author's Notes. Shoo!
Princess Twilight Sparkle Hangs Out In My Bedroom (Not Like That) and Keeps Me Company While I Finally Do the Saddleback Community College Geography Field Studies Morro Bay Camping Trip Post-Trip Photo Journal and Essay Assignment I've Been Avoiding
When we reappeared, it was not in my bedroom, but instead in the Lamppost Pizza where I am sitting now eating my lunch ($6 for two slices and a drink.). I like hanging out here because they have free fast wifi. Twilight was sitting awkwardly next to me, her shield of boringness running at full blast to avoid notice from the copious amount of high schoolers here on lunch break. My blue and dirty blond hair left over from BABSCon draws enough attention as it is.
She is confused at first. "Super, why did you bring me here?"
"Because I want to show you what I'm doing in person. Err, pony." I publish a new chapter of this story on FimFiction, then go to edit the story and click story status and change it to "Cancelled."
"Wait!" she shouted. Don't cancel this. Won't that... Destroy me? I'll cease to exist, right?"
"Nah, silly filly," I reply, "You still show up in hundreds, if not thousands of other stories every day. This story on the other hoof is stupid and needs to end. Plus, isn't the season finale next week?"
She gives me a deadpan stare. "That was filmed almost a year ago. Do you have any idea how hard it's been keeping my muzzle shut about spoilers? We're already in season 5 pre-production."
"Oh," I say. "Well, good luck and have fun I guess?"
"Thanks. Hey, you gonna just eat all that pizza yourself?"
I titter, and hand her a slice. She greedily devours it. Well, all of it but not the crust. I'll never understand ~~people~~ ponies who don't eat the crust. What ever.
"So, I guess you'll head back to... what ever it is you do at the library then?"
"Yeah. See ya Super." With a poof, she disappears. A few high schoolers look over at the brief flash of light, but most of them have left already."
I'm left by myself. I sigh, clicking not "Cancelled", but instead "Complete", and save the changes.
