Doctor Who's Equestrian Adventure

by Akasuna no Sasori

Rating: mature
Tags: Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Main 6, Comedy, Other, Crossover
Length: 961

Doctor Who's human-form (11th doctor) travels back in time to the Age of Equestria!

The 11th doctor finds himself in his RETARDIS once more as he travels back in time to the Age of Equestria!
Unbeknownst to him, the ponies HATE the Doctor Who show, after they had already seen the first 3 seasons.

*AUTHOR'S NOTE* If you haven't figured it out already, this is a satirical fiction about Dr. Who (who, consequently, is also fictional). If you are offended by such a thing, or believe that you would be once you started reading, then just don't read it, because I don't want to hear bitching about how "I insulted the greatest show in the world." YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Published 2013-12-02 15:10:05 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-02 15:10:05 UTC

Chapter 1: Arrival

The doctor was gazing at a large wallpaper with all the eras that have ever existed in time on the wall of his space laboratory; an activity he enjoyed when he couldn't figure out what to do with himself.

"Hmm, I can't go to 1944, I already helped the Allies defeat Hitler. 1775 won't work either, since I already helped America defeat the British, and ascend to become one of the worst countries planet Earth has ever dealt with."

The list went on and on, from helping Tom Bundy avoid capture, all the way up to preventing the Mongolians from invading Russia.

Finally, he noticed an era he had never thought to bother with: 2013.

"Huh, I didn't the think the future would be fun to mess with, but I'm all out of eras, so I guess I'll go stir up some trouble like usual."

And so, Doctor Who stepped over the semen-encrusted tissues that littered the floor, because he's never had a girlfriend, and stepped into his RETARDIS (Retarded Exaggerated Time and Relative Dimension in Space) machine, which was basically just a suped-up London phone booth, with a stolen police banner taped to the top.

Once inside, he typed in '2013' on the phone keypad.

Within moments of typing the '3', the RETARDIS whisked Doctor Who through time and space.

"JESUS CHRIST!" Screamed the Doctor, as the RETARDIS traveled at over mach 1,000,000.

After a couple minutes of face-splitting speed, the RETARDIS slowed to an immediate stop in the....CLOUDS?!

The Doctor noticed he was no longer in space, but floating in the sky!

"Oh, fuck me!" He screamed, as the RETARDIS dropped from the sky, falling toward the ground below.

"Why did I make this stupid thing?! I knew I should've just created a portal to travel through time like normal time-travelling scientists!"

The RETARDIS continued to fall, gaining speed, before finally crashing into the ground; leaving only the top half of the RETARDIS exposed.

Inside, the Doctor shook himself off, stood up, and attempted to push the door of the RETARDIS open.

Realizing he was stuck, the Doctor opened a small case on the wall that contained a conveniently located hammer for destroying his ridiculous device, and ensuring his escape from said device.

And so, the Doctor began to violently bash the roof of the RETARDIS, over and over again.

Eventually, the roof weakened, and with one final swing, sunlight poured into the once-dark time-travelling device.

The Doctor climbed outside and took the first good look at his surroundings.

He was surprised to see that for once, he didn't land in a futuristic, or obviously very old time period. No, this area seemed....normal.

But normal, as most people know, is very subjective, and that's exactly what the Doctor learned, when he heard a voice behind him, then turned to gaze upon the hideous creature.

"Hiya! What are you supposed to be?"

The Doctor began to turn, laughing.

"My dear lady, I'm the Doctor! Who else could I..."

When he saw Pinkie Pie for the first time, the Doctor nearly shit himself.

"What the fuck are YOU supposed to be?"

Pinkie Pie snorted, then replied: "Well, I'm a pony, silly! Now you tell me what YOU are supposed to be."

The Doctor sighed.

"I am an alien from a far off planet, hopefully, from yours. My race specifically, is human."

Pinkie Pie was too fun loving as a child to attend school for more than half of the day, so she didn't learn many big words. Almost everything the Doctor just said went in one ear and out the other.

"OK, start over again from 'I'." Said Pinkie Pie.

The Doctor face palmed. 'How could the first being I meet be no smarter than a pinto bean?'

The Doctor looked up from his hand and saw Pinkie Pie was still looking at him, smiling just as big as when she first saw him.

He furrowed his brow, then took a deep breath.

"It was fun and all meeting you, but I must be on my way. Good day, madam."

The Doctor attempted to walk by Pinkie, but she blocked his path.

He blinked in surprise at her action, but shook it off as nothing, and tried to walk past her again. And again, she just stood in his way.

Despite the Doctor's supposed high levels of intelligence, he didn't realize this would go on and on for a couple of minutes, as it did.

At last, he grew tired of their game and looked sternly at the pink pony.

"Listen here, you. If you don't get out of my way, you will feel justice I really don't want to dispense!"

Pinkie just smiled and laughed.

"I don't want you to go yet! We didn't play any fun games yet!"

"I have business I need to attend to elsewhere. Now get out of my way, this instance!"

Pinkie cringed at the Doctor's booming voice but still stood in his way.

"Fine, it's not like there isn't more of you. So I suppose you are disposable."

The Doctor took out his Sonic Screwdriver, and set it to Phillips head.

Without warning, he jabbed the tool into Pinkie Pie's face. The tool rotated wildly, and tore apart the pony's pretty little face.

After the facial tissue was removed, the Doctor decided to keep going and analyze the pony's anatomy while he killed this hated creature.

The screwdriver kept going, and going, until finally, brain tissue was exposed, and the journey into the pony's head anatomy was complete.

The Doctor removed his Sonic Screwdriver, wiped off the blood, and slipped it back into his pocket.

He continued walking away from the RETARDIS' crash site; leaving his murdered victim behind him.