Hay Fever

by Bolding

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Original Character, Spike, Comedy
Length: 1115

Hay fever—or allergies—is a pain in the butt. Unfortunately for you, it turns out to be a bigger problem among pony kind...

Stuffed nose, clogged sinuses, itchy eyes: all are tell-tale symptoms of hay fever. With no allergy medicine to help you out, you turn to Twilight for help. Probably not one of your better ideas...

This is an Anon in Equestria story, featuring you as Anonymous. If you have a problem with stories being in second person and the main character being called Anon, please, by all means, leave now.

Published 2013-11-20 20:00:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-20 20:00:03 UTC

Damn Allergies

Clogged sinus, runny nose, itchy eyes: it's just like the fucking commercials. The mound of tissues in the corner is getting taller by the minute. With a forceful sneeze, you blow your nose into the tissue and throw it into the pile with the others.

Fucking allergies. You thought they were bad back home, but living on the outskirts of Ponyville—surrounded by forest—wasn’t any better. Grabbing another tissue, you clear out your nostrils only to have them fill back up with mucus. There’s got to be some kind of medicine for this shit. Maybe Twilight knows something.

With a fist full of tissues, you head out the door and into the blinding sunlight. Today is a beautiful day… for someone that doesn’t have allergies.

“Achoo!” Burying your face beneath your shirt, you try to block out the allergens as you venture to Golden Oaks Library. Ponies go on about their business as you pass by, but don’t hesitate to glance in your direction. You can only assume how shitty you look right now, wheezing and sniffling like a dying orphan. Murmurs fill the main avenue as you pass each pony, growing louder as you move away from them.

With a heavy sigh, you nearly pass out from lack of oxygen. It feels like your lungs are being constricted, barely letting you breathe. With a weary arm, you open the door to the treebrary and stumble inside. Spike looks up at you, horrified by your current state.

“Anon, are you okay?” Taking out a tissue from your pocket, you blow your nose and shake your head.

“I feel like shit. Where’s Twilight? I need her help.” Spike sprints upstair, screaming out Twilight’s name.

”Twilight! Twilight! Anon needs your help! It looks serious!” The sound of hooves clip-clopping echo throughout the building as Twilight comes galloping down the stairs. A sickened look twists onto Twilight’s face as you come into her view.

“Goodness, Anon! What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Rolling your eyes, you let out another sneeze and take a seat down on one of the available seats.

“I’m just peachy, Twi. You know, enjoying my hay fever.” Twilight’s eyes nearly pop out of her head at the sound of “hay fever”. Her horn quickly glows a shade of light purple, covering you in a protective shield.

“What the hell?” you blurt, trying to break free of her magical barrier.

“Anon, please! We don’t have much time!” She turns to Spike and motions her hoof towards to the closet in the room. “Spike, grab the emergency kit. We have to quarantine the area so nopony else will catch hay fever.” Spike, face replete with fear, sprints as quickly as his little legs will take him to the closet. He returns with a large box filled with disposable booties, bottles of different colors, and two hazmat suits.

“Quickly Spike. Put this on.” Twilight gives Spike one of the suits before putting on one herself. Grabbing one of the bottles, she begins pouring a green liquid across the floor. As it makes contact with the wood, it begins foaming up into huge suds.

“How can you be underreacting at a time like this?” she snaps. “We have a major crisis on our hooves!” Twilight splashes the other bottles all over the room, ruining books and walls alike. ”Hay fever is a life-threatening disease! Not only is it uncurable, but no pony has survived after catching it.” She looks down at her hooves in terror.

“I can only hope that I haven’t caught it…” Pinching the bridge of your nose, you shake your head.

“Achoo!” Twilight sneezes from inside of her suit, spraying saliva all over the face plate.Removing the suit’s helmet, she peers inside, a look of sheer terror bound to her face.

“Oh no. It’s already too late.” Twilight’s knees buckle, causing her to collapse down on the ground. Spike jumps to his friend’s aid, holding her in his tiny arms.

“Twilight! Twilight, speak to me!” With a small smile, she inches closer to Spike’s face, her voice dropping down to a whisper.

“I lived a good life. I made many friends, learned a lot about magic... I’m so sorry to leave you, Spike.” Spike’s eyes fill with tears as he listens to his best friend’s last words.

“Twilight, please don’t go! I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Twilight’s eyes slowly droop, nearly shutting for the last time in her short life.

“It’s allergies.” Her eyes shoot open as she turns her head to you.

“Come again?”

“Allergies. Humans call it ‘hay fever’ because the symptoms are very similar to a cold or the flu. It’s caused by pollen, dustmites, and many other outdoor allergens. My body thinks they are invaders and tries to prevent them from entering my body by making me sneeze and clogging up my nose.” Twilight’s face turns a bright shade of red as she looks between you and Spike.

“So, it’s…”

“Not life-threatening? Correct. I was just wondering if you guys had anything for allergies, not your deathly illness.” Spike lets his arms go, dropping Twilight down back on the ground.

“Drama queen,” he mutters, a sour look on his face, before walking away. Twilight stands back up on her legs and clears her throat before wiping the dust off her coat.

“Well, that was enough excitement for one day.” Her horn ceases its glow, releasing you from your magical prison. Grabbing another tissue, you blow your nose and pocket the used paper.

“So do you have anything that could help me out?” Twilight puts a hoof to her chin, deep in thought.

“I have some tea that Zecora gave me. Maybe it’ll help.” Sixteen tissues and one sneezing fit later, Twilight returns with a pot of piping hot tea. Taking a sip, you can feel the air fill your lungs as your sinuses clear right up.

“Peppermint tea? Why didn’t I think of that?” Twilight giggles as she takes a sip herself, letting out a relieved sigh. The front door swings open as Pinkie, Rarity, and Applejack enter the building.

“Howdy… Twi… light?” The three mares stare at the room, still covered in suds and green liquid.

“My goodness, Twilight! What happened?” Rarity shrieks, trying her best to avoid contact with the floor. Twilight shakes her head before you butt in.

“Hay fever.” The three mares’ eyes widen as the two words register in their heads. With a crooked grin, you pretend to sneeze, sending the mares into a screaming frenzy.

This is going to be fun.

Author's Note

I'm supposed to put something important here, but instead I left a spoiler with no spoiler.