Dan Vs. Equestria

Chapters

Chapter Two: Unwelcoming Committee
Chapter Three: Dan's Departure
Chapter Four: The Great Return of the Powerful Trixie
Chapter Five: Angry Arrival
Chapter Six: King of the Humans
Chapter Eight: Scheme Most Sinister
Chapter Nine: Dan's Machine
Chapter Ten: Long Time, No Revenge
Chapter Eleven: Fleas and Thank You
Chapter Twelve: Mad Over Manners, Axe to the Applewood
Chapter Thirteen: Night Thief
Chapter Fourteen: Dan Takes On Canterlot
Chapter One: Highway To Hell
Chapter Seven: Princess Ultimatum

Chapter Two: Unwelcoming Committee

Dan and Chris sat in their seats dazed. Sand had settled all around them, making them look like they were tinted orange. Steam issued out of the front of the car as the engine shut down. The brand new, shiny red convertible had been completely totaled, and it had taken Dan only one day to do it. There was total silence and stillness as though time itself had froze. Then many things happened at once.

The first thing that happened was a loud siren that had started to go off. In addition to this, a great deal of yelling and footsteps could be heard as soldiers ran out of multiple places around the compound, guns at the ready. They soon found the source of the loud bang, and rounded off to the wrecked car. At this point, Dan and Chris snapped out of their stunned silence and began to piece together what was going on, and what had just happened. Chris gaped in horror as he saw what was once his great new car.

"Fantastic. Look what you made me do, Dan."

Dan shrugged, looking unfazed, "Hey, it's not my fault you can't drive under pressure."

Now it was Chris's turn to get mad.

"You attacked me!"

"Yeah, and you deserved it!" Dan retorted.

By now, the soldiers had gathered around the wreckage as the smoke cleared out. Chris and Dan looked around to find they had company. Company with guns pointed straight at them. Chris threw up his arms and crossed them angrily.

"Great! Now I get to die. Thanks. Thanks Dan. I never imagined this is how it would end."

"Meh, I've imagined worse ways for you to die." Dan said nonchalantly.

Before Chris could respond with something, one of the soldiers pointed his gun closer and said.

"You are trespassing on top secret American soil. You will now be terminated. A letter will be sent home to your families stating that you were killed in a horrific accident, and your bodies were never found."

Chris groaned uneasily shrank back in his seat. He was never going to see Elise again. On the other hand, Dan looked completely undisturbed, as though the soldiers weren't there at all. He didn't have a family, he had either done them off when they made him mad, or had cut ties with them completely. All there was to his "family" was Mr. Mumbles, and she was a natural stray, so Dan wasn't worried about her; she could live without him. The soldiers cocked their guns.

"Goodbye gentlemen. It was a pleasure knowing you."

Chris closed his eyes and tensed up for the end, but it didn't come. Instead, there was a female voice. A familiar female voice. Dan rolled his eyes angrily.

"Boys, boys, stand down! There's no cause for alarm."

The lady bent down to Chris and said, "Hi, honey."

Chris smiled weakly.

"Hi, Elise. Maybe we came at a bad time, maybe we should just leave."

Chris made an attempt to turn the key to start the car, but to no avail. The car was beyond gone.

Elise laughed softly.

"You're actually on time, it's just that you need to work on your entrances. But I have a feeling," She looked at Dan, "That this wasn't your idea. Hi Dan."

Dan said nothing, he just looked the other way and waved his arm in recognition.

Elise turned back to Chris.

"Well, we better get going, we have a lot of work to do. Well, Dan does at least."

Dan let out a grunt.

The soldiers wrenched open the car doors to let Dan and Chris out. Chris stretched. He had been on the road for hours. Dan walked right next to him, looking at Elise expectantly, as though she were going to hand him some strange pill to take, or some new weapon to test. Truth be told, that last bit wasn't to be expected. Nobody in their right mind would let Dan even hold a weapon of any sort.

"So what is it that you need me to do? Run through some mazes? Take a new pill you've created to cure some disease? Test an new weapon?"

He had added that last bit with a bit of a deranged voice.

Elise shook her head.

"Nope. None of the above. I'll tell you once we're inside. We can't risk saying it out in the open."

Dan put on look of disbelief.

"Oh really? Who the hell is going to hear us all the way out here," he gathered a lungful of air, "IN THE DESERT!!!"

The soldiers raised their guns again at Dan. Dan didn't flinch. He'd been in worse situations.

"Also, tell your little body guards to relax."

Elise nodded to the soldiers, who lowered their guns and disbanded.

Chris, who was still tensed up by having the guns pointed at him loosened up a little.

Elise said in a matter-of-fact tone, "Let's go inside. We'll begin there." She looked at Dan, "And no more interruptions."

Elise turned around and motioned for the two to follow. As they walked around the large brick building that had been used as their breaks, they saw it was one of many strewn about with a few hangars here and there. They got to the door of said building, where Elise paused. She pulled out a security card, swiped it on a small grey box beside the door, and the doors slid aside. Cool air rushed passed as Elise, Dan and Chris stepped into the large room, almost like a small stadium. Computers of all shapes and sizes covered the walls. There was a faint, rumbling noise emitting from them. But what caught Chris and Dan's eyes was something in the middle of the the room. A metal, arch-like something.

It was a portal.

Chapter Three: Dan's Departure

The rumbling continued in the stunned silence as Elise walked past Chris and Dan, but they didn't notice. There was a mesmerizing feeling that staring into the portal gave, which emitted a purple glow. Covering the portal's interior was a mysterious, yet friendly looking swirling pure purple tunnel. Around them, the computers continued to blip and bleep and occasionally whirr.

A few of the scientists working at these computers and machines looked up at Dan, Chris and Elise as they walked in, but most were occupied with making sure the portal was kept under control. Near the back of the room, there were a few metal tables. All three of them sat down at them, Dan and Chris staring at the portal.

Dan spoke up first.

"So this is it, huh? A swirling machine? THAT was your big secret project?"

Elise sighed. "It's not just a swirling machine Dan, it's a portal."

Chris finally looked away from the portal. "You mean like to another land? Another world?"

Dan rolled his eyes. "Of COURSE it's to another WORLD, stupid, why would we need a portal to somewhere here?"

Elise interjected before Dan could continue. "You know, I really hate it when you're right on accident."

Dan looked offended at this. "I'm always right, there are no accidents with me"

Chris looked at Dan. "Not even the time you crashed your car and got arrested?"

Dan looked at him nonchalantly. "That was your fault."

"I wasn't even there!"

"Guilt by association."

"Still wrong."

"The point is," interrupted Elise,"this is your assignment."

Dan turned to Elise again. "HAHHAHAHAHAHAAH! No."

"You don't have much of a choice."

"Yeah I do, you can kill me. Then I won't have to do it."

"But I'm not going to do that. You don't even know what you have to do. It might not even have anything to do with the portal."

Dan sighed angrily. "OK. What is it, and make it quick, or else I'll miss Population Control Johnny."

Elise got up, and Dan and Chris followed suit. She grabbed a clipboard and a recorder off of a nearby computer table. She then handed them to Dan.

"You'll need these."

"Obviously," Said Dan, "or else you wouldn't have given them to me."

Elise ignored this comment.

"As said before, this portal leads to a new world. We don't know much of it yet, but that's where you come in."

One of the computer engineers behind Elise swiveled around in his rolley chair. "What we do know is that it appears to be non hostile, whatever is through the portal."

Dan gave him a death stare, and the scientist looked down and quickly swiveled back in front of the large computer screen, which was one of many that was in the room. Elise continued.

"Your job is simple. I want you to record what you see in the portal, and answer a few simple questions."

"Alright, so it does have something to do with the portal, and for some reason, you still seem to think I'm going to do this. Chris, tell her I'm not doing it."

But Chris didn't answer. At the current time, he had quietly returned to the table and had started eating the meal the chefs had prepared for them.

"CHRIS!!!"

Chris looked up suddenly, a bit of mashed potato on his lips, and a turkey leg in his hand. He swallowed.

"Oh, uh, Dan, maybe you should just listen to Elise just this once."

"What?!?! You ALWAYS side with Elise!"

"One, that's not true, and two, she's my wife."

"When we get home, I'm turning Mr. Mumbles on you!"

Chris shrugged and continued stuffing his face.

Dan clenched his fists on the clipboard and recorder as he turned to Elise again.

"Is that it?"

"Yes."

"Well, I hope you can find somebody willing to do it. Meanwhile, I'm, going home."

Elise resorted to a last minute option. She knew Dan wasn't going to be agreeable, so this wasn't to be unexpected.

"Alright Dan, you can go. But if you could just come get a closer look at the portal, It would also suffice."

Dan eyed her suspiciously.

"Alright, fine, if it gets me out of this hell-hole any faster."

Elise followed Dan as he walked closely to the portal and peered in. Nothing but the purple swirling tunnel that had shone brightly since they had gotten there.

"Alright, there, I looked in it, now can I go?"

The scientist closest to the portal turned in his seat to look up at Elise.

"Code 503A?"

Elise nodded. "Code 503A."

The scientist turned back to the computer to continue his work and Dan turned around to Elise, still fully in front of the portal.

"Code 503A? What the hell is- OOUFF!!"

Dan never finished his question, but he got his answer. Elise sent a flying spin-kick to his chest, knocking him back into the swirling tunnel.

Dan tried to regain his balance and run his way out, but it was too late. The portal was already grabbing him, pulling him in with a strange force.

Dan saw the room, computers, scientists, Elise, Chris, and all get smaller as he zoomed away and the portal enveloped him. As the clipboard and recorder flew around Dan, he let out one last yell that faded into the purple void as he rounded a corner in the tunnel.

"I WILL END YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! ELISE!!!!!"

Then the tunnel, the purple, and the swirling closed in on him as Dans vision went black.

Chapter Four: The Great Return of the Powerful Trixie

At that very moment, hundreds of light years from Earth, a purple unicorn was getting ready to leave her treehouse library for the day. At least, she was ready, but her dragon assistant wasn’t.

“C’mon Spike, we’re going to be late for Rarity’s!”

The purple dragon came stumbling down the stairs, trying to slick back his spikes.

“I’m just trying to look my best for her, Twilight!”

Twilight rolled her eyes, but not in an annoyed kind of way. More of a ‘oh boy’ sort of way. Her horn lit up as she lifted him onto her back.

“Alright little Casanova, let’s get going.”

Twilight walked out of the library and locked the door with her magic behind her. It was a sunny day, a good one for a walk through the town to the Carousel Boutique. Twilight nodded in satisfaction, and set of in a leisurely trot into town. The multiple array of buildings in Ponyville were home to a large number of shops and service stores. There was Quills and Couches, which sold just that, quills and couches. There was the Sugarcube Corner, a pastry shop where one of her friends, Pinkie Pie, worked. Today she could be seen waiting table of the many patrons; Lyra and Bon Bon; The Doctor and Derpy; and many others. Pinkie let out a happy greeting to Twilight as she passed. Twilight waved a hoof, and looked at the other side of the street she was walking on. She could see a cloud house floating above the buildings lazily. It belong to her other friend, Rainbow Dash. Birds chirped overhead, heading to the outside of the town, no doubt heading to her fourth friend Fluttershy, who lived on the outskirts of town in her cottage near the dark and twisted Everfree Forest. Twilight hummed happily to herself. Today was the perfect day.

But as Twilight hummed, she had to do so louder and louder. There was a low rumbling gaining volume with every step she took. She stopped humming and walking. She looked around at all the other ponies milling about, but none seemed to have noticed the rumbling. She turned her head to look at Spike, who was still losing the battle against his spikes, but looking off into the distance dreamily.

“Hey, Spike, can you hear that?”

Spike snapped out of his trance and looked down at Twilight.

“Wha? No, I don’t hear anything.”

He leaned forward, and then he heard it. The rumbling was coming at an all time high. Even some of the other ponies had begun to wonder what it was. Twilight asked what was on everyone’s mind.

“What the hay is that?”

And as if on cue, around the corner ahead, a large, black carriage with red lining, drawn by four dark ponies with red eyes roared down the street, straight toward Twilight.

“Twilight! Get going!” Spike yelled.

Twilight sprang out of the way just in time, falling in the dirt, but didn’t see who the figure was that was riding on top of the carriage. She heard whoever it was, though.

“Outta my way, I got unfinished business here, and I want to finish it FAST!”

A loud pounding of hooves passed Twilight in her confusion, as well as the turning of large, darkened wagon wheels. Spike scrambled up off the ground and hid beside Twilight, peering over her at the street.

“T-t-t- Trixie!” Was all he could stammer out.

“I wonder what she has to finish?” Twilight wondered.

“I dunno, but it won’t be anything good, she must be really upset about what happened before.” Spike said as he clambered onto Twilight’s back again. Twilight shook her head.

“Spike, you know she’s just all talk, she won’t really do anything truly bad.”

“Believe what you will.”

Twilight continued on her merry way as she hoofed it down to the Boutique. Around her, however, ponies were pulling themselves together after the surprise of Trixie just up and returning unannounced. Down the dirt trodden road through town, the Carousel Boutique, the only fashion shop for miles around, probably the only closest one that wasn’t in Canterlot, but Canterlot was still pretty far away.

As they approached the door, Spike tried one last vain effort to slick his spikes over, then gave up. Inside they could hear two voices, one of them sweet and the other aggravated and annoyed. Twilight lifted her hoof and knocked on the door. The talking stopped until-

“Come on in, darling, just putting the finishing touches on my new dress.”

Twilight opened the door and stepped into the cool air inside the Boutique. Many spools and needles and sewing machines worked about, being charmed by magic, to repair dresses, suites, and other clothing, or else making them. In the back, the was a raised platform where none other than Rainbow Dash was standing in a frilly dress, looking the utmost disgruntled while Rarity trotted around her with a pair of scissors and a needle threaded with string.

“Or, at least,” said Rarity, “I would be finishing if Rainbow would just keep still.”

“You know I can’t stand this frou-frou garbage!” Said Rainbow, rolling her eyes.

“This is what you get for crashing into my store again.”

“It was an accident. I may be the best flyer in Equestria, but I’m still not entirely perfect.”

Twilight smiled. Same old friends. Maybe today could be normal after all. Spike had gotten down to help Rarity. Over in the corner, something stirred. It was an abnormally large stack of pink yarn.

“Uhh, what is-“

Rarity didn’t look up. “It’s Fluttershy, dearie. I must say, that whole business earlier with the stagecoach really frightened her.

Fluttershy poked her head up. “Is it gone yet?”

“Yes, it’s gone.”

“Oh good, I don’t think I could take much more.”

Rainbow pulled the dress and turned around to Fluttershy. ”C’mon, you shouldn’t be afraid of whoever that was, they were probably just in a big hurry for something.”

Twilight sat down on the couch that was nearby. “Yeah, Trixie did seem to be in quite the hurry.”

Everyone froze, then Fluttershy ran to hide under the couch, but was too big and bonked her head. Rarity went back to her work, but continued the conversation.

“Trixie, you say? Well, if she wants any business here, she won’t get it. Not after all the dreadful things she did last time. I thought I would never get my mane fixed.”

“Yeah,” said Rainbow, “If she’s got a problem here, she’ll have me to contend with, and this time, I won’t be so easily fooled!”

Fluttershy got up and sat down on the couch next to Twilight.

“Oh my, I hope she just leaves us alone. I couldn’t even imagine what she has planned.”

Twilight nodded, and they all sat in silence for a few minutes in thought. Twilight stood up.

“Well, I really must be going. See you guys later, then?”

There was a chorus of “OK, goodbye, Twilight!” and she left the Boutique, with Spike reluctantly on her back; he had wanted to stay. The sun was beginning to set now. All the ponies from earlier had either gone home or were packing up. Shop owners were ushering the last of the patrons out the door. A calm, warm breeze swept over, and all was good.

“Hold on Spike.” Twilight said, and as Spike gripped tighter, she set off on a quick trot through the town to her treehouse.

Chapter Five: Angry Arrival

The rest of the night was uneventful. Owlicious swooped in every so often from hunting, bringing bits of mice along. Twilight had stayed up a bit wondering what Trixie was up to. It couldn’t be anything good, but maybe she was wrong. Perhaps Trixie really did have an appointment or something else she had to do. It wasn’t until late that Twilight went to sleep. She had an appointment herself tomorrow. She was to help Applejack down at the farm with fixing up a barn that Rainbow had accidentally flown into.

Early the next morning, Twilight arose to another sunny, perfect day. Spike was still asleep, and Twilight decided to leave him be. She got up and made some breakfast, and did all the other things she did normally to get ready to do for the day. She put her saddle bags on and closed the door quietly, as to not wake Spike up. Twilight looked out at the town. Another sunny day, and a nice warm breeze to boot. She walked off in the direction of Sweet Apple Acres.

And almost as if on cue when Twilight was out of sight of the tree house library, a large, round, purple swirling mass erupted out of thin air. It stayed for a few moments, spinning normally, until a low yell was starting to issue out of it. It got louder and louder, until finally, the figure of a short man came into view. None of the residents of Ponyville would come to notice this event, but even if they had, there was no way of stopping it. After a few moments, the portal gave a quiet roar, spit out the man flat on his face, where he got a mouthful of dirt because his mouth was wide open from the yelling, and immediately disappeared with a quiet pop.

The figure lay quietly on the ground, dazed. Finally, it moved and lifted itself up from the dirt, sputtering, trying to get the dirt out of his mouth. It was Dan, of course, but nobody around would know this, at least not yet. He dusted his already dirty clothes off, and looked around angrily, trying to find something to yell at, but all he found was an unnaturally large tree. He decided to get mad anyway, and started talking to himself.

"I don't know where I am, but when I get back home I'm going to deep-fry Elise and feed her to the werewolf down the street. What kind of jerk kicks a person into a portal?"

Dan started to pace back in forth at this point. A quarter mile away, Twilight Sparkle was headed back to her house, because she had forgotten something. Dan didn't notice.

"And then she has the nerve to make me document everything and answer questions. Oh, and Chris just sat there eating, of course. Some friend he is. I hope Mr. Mumbles is ripping them both apart."

He turned around and saw a strange purple unicorn pony with a tattoo on it's flank smiling up at him.

"Dan log one. there are no words to properly express how much I hate everything."

Dan then promptly turned around and walked off in the opposite direction. Twilight frowned. Who was this thing? She straightened up a little and trotted after him.

"Well, you could at least tell me who you are!" She said as she trotted faster to keep up with Dan, who had been ever-so-steadily increasing his pace.

"No, shut up."Dan stated flatly.

"You know that's kind of rude." Twilight said a little crossly.

"Don't care, shut up."

"Do you even know where you're going?"

"Don't know, shut up." Dan was beginning to lose his patience. Well, at least what was left of it.

"Please, will you talk to me? Say something other than shut up!"

Dan's face contorted with annoyance. He spun around to look at Twilight. "You dense, irritating, little horse! Go AWAY! And SHUT UP!!!"

Twilight sat down. "Not until you tell me what you are, who you are, and why you're here."

"I have an idea, how about I don't and say that I did! That works for me, ok bye." Dan headed off again.

"I'm not leaving you alone until you do."

Dan stopped. He took a deep breath. "Fine then. You want to play that game? Fine. I'll answer your most likely stupid questions, that will do nothing but waste my time."

Twilight smiled. "Good. We should go back to my house. Then I can document everything, and send a letter to Princess Celestia!"

"Princess who?"

"I'll tell you everything once we get back to the library." And with that, they both made their way back to the library, Applejack completely forgotten.

Chapter Six: King of the Humans

The bright yellow sun was still bright over the treehouse library as Twilight droned on the many random and obscure questions. Twilight had seated Dan in a rather uncomfortable wooden chair as she trotted back and forth as Dan answered her questions one by one. So far they had covered pretty much everything, and Dan was even going to be able to have lodgings in the Library. As Twilight cavorted back and forth, Dan had time to think. This was a whole new world. He could be anything he wanted. And of course, he had a plan. He spent all day explaining to a very confused Twilight about how he was king of the humans. Dan stood up.

"I dare say, you might even replace Chris."

"I still don't understand half the things you've said. And who is Chris?"

Dan raised his hands in anger and balled them into fists. "A selfish BASTARD that cares more about ice cream than his best friend! I'm going to burn him alive whenever I get home!" Twilight flinched as he yelled.

Dan walked towards the door. "Speaking of cooking, is there a Burgerphile nearby? I'm getting hungry." He got to the door. Twilight was still frozen on the spot trying to comprehend what was happening.

"Come along new Chris, you might as well show me around if I'm going to be stuck here for a while."

Twilight turned around and walked silently to Dan as he began out into the town. It was still a wonderful day outside. The sun was still as bright as before, and the birds were singing. As they kicked up dirt on the path into town, Twilight found her voice.

"Um, Dan, there are no Burgerphiles in Equestria."

Dan stopped mid step and turned around. He fell to the ground in front of Twilight, wide eyed.

"What do you mean there's no Burgerphile?"

"I don't even know what that is!"

Dan got into a fetal position, and put his hands in his hair. Twilight smiled, regaining her confidence a little. She lifted Dan onto her back and trotted to Sugarcube Corner.

"But I think I know somewhere you might like. Everyone loves treats."

They got to the wooden and colorful front doors of the bakery. Delicious smells wafted out from within. Dan got off Twilights back and pushed open the door. He walked inside with Twilight next to him as the pony behind the counter came out to greet her friend.

"Hi Pink-"

"YOU!" Dan shook with rage and made his hands fists again.

"Hi Dan."

Twilight got confused again. "Wait, you know each other?"

Dan ran and lunged at Pinkie Pie, but Twilight caught him with her magic as he dived at her.

Pinkie didn't even flinch. "Of course! He's a bit of a grumpy grumps, though."

Dan was frothing at the mouth with anger like a ravenous dog. "YOU BEDAZZLED MY CAR! I'LL END YOU!"

Twilight frowned. "That's putting it mildly."

At that moment, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Fluttershy came into the sweetshop. Twilight put Dan down and he sprinted behind to glass counter.

"Hi girls!"

"They're outnumbering us! My worst nightmares are coming true!" Dan yelled as he ran behind the counter. He peeked out from behind it. "Quickly New Chris! Smother them before they attack!"

Rainbow Dash made an are-you-kidding face. "Should we even bother asking?"

Twilight shook her head. "I don't even know myself. Maybe I should go see if Princess Celestia knows anything."

Dan looked over the counter again, angrily. "Traitor! I considered you my new best friend! You're a monster!"

Twilight sighed. "Let's go Dan, I have a trip to plan."

"Hey! YOU don't give the orders, I do!"

"Let's go!"

Dan frowned and got out from behind the counter and left, but not before giving all the other ponies a death stare.
Dan and Twilight continued to walk back to the treehouse library in the warm sunny afternoon. The sun was going down now, and ponies were once again closing up shop and saying their goodbyes. Twilight kept beside Dan.

"Don't worry, Dan. I assure you that Princess Celestia is one of the nicest ponies you'll ever meet."

"So what you're saying is that I could easily overthrow her?"

Twilight got a worried look. "I.. that's not what I said at all!"

Dan smiled mischievously, trying to work up a plan. "Sure sounded like it to me."

Twilight huffed. Whatever was going to happen, it was going to be a bumpy road. At Least they were at the Library now.
They went inside, and Twilight lit a lamp, as it was dark now.

"Follow me to your bed. It's up the stairs here."

Dan followed Twilight to the top, and she led him to the other side of the room, opposite of her bed. There was a pink bed, neatly made just the way Twilight liked it.

"And this is your bed!" She smiled happily up at Dan.

Dan frowned. "It's pink."

Twilight frowned too. There was no pleasing Dan. "We'll change it tomorrow."

"Why do you hate me?"

"Please Dan, I'm tired"

Dan fell forward onto the bed face first, and landed with a soft pomf on the blanket and pillow and closed his eyes. "Fine," he mumbled, "But if you don't wake up tomorrow, you only have yourself to blame."

Twilight smiled a little bit and walked back to her bed. "Okay Dan. And if you need anything, there's water and snacks downsta-" She had turned to look back, and wished she hadn't. The covers on the bed were all mangled around Dan who was now asleep, the pillows had stains on them as well as most of that side of the second floor, the curtains were ripped, and trash was everywhere while a few small fires flickered in the darkness on top of the trash piles. Twilight was horrified to say the least, but didn't say anything because she didn't want to wake Dan. Twilight shook her head, mane flopping a little. She went and tucked herself into bed and drifted off into dreamland.

Author's Note

So this is the part in the story, after Sugarcube Corner, that I differ from the tumblr comic, and head off in my own direction in order to make this whole story have a beggining, middle, and end. So, if you've been reading the tumblr, that won't happen come into play after these next two chapters, maybe even three. Happy reading!

Chapter Eight: Scheme Most Sinister

Hundreds of miles away, south of Ponyville, dark clouds formed over a twisted and sandy land. In the center of this land, there stood a castle, black and twisted stained with the sand that whipped up around it. It stood high upon a tall island that was surrounded by a large pit of lava. The heat radiated off of it would be deadly had it been a few degrees hotter. A long, narrow, ricketty, wooden bridge held up by a few, frail lengths of rope spanned the entire chasm of lava, from the charred rocky land to the island. On a small out cropping of rock that lay a few yards before it, a lone mare with a black cloak and hood stood staring at her destination. The wind began to pick up, and the mare pulled her cloak closer and began the trek that would lead her to the castle.

This castle was in the Badlands, the Changeling's Kingdom all ruled by the evil Queen Chrysalis. All the changelings, and the Queen, were dark, vile creatures, all sporting wings and horns, and they could turn into anyone they wanted. They had just been recovering over a heavy loss because the Queen's last attempt to take over Equestria had failed. Now, they were holed up in the castle, waiting, biding their time untill the next chance to take over the world arrived. Soon enough, though, this opportunity would be presenting itself.

The cloaked mare crossed the bridge carefully, as it swayed in the wind, making each step deliberatly soft as not to break the dry rotted boards that held the hoof path of the overpass of the lava lake together. She reached the tall, rotten wood door that lead to the enterance hall. She knocked on the door, but to no answer. The door creaked open from the force of the knocking, however, and the mare let herself in. Most ponies were terrified of even thinking of the Badlands themselves, for tales of ponies going and never returning plagued the conversation if it ever came up. The mare stepped inside and pushed her hood off to get a better light inside the dark, grimy castle which glowed green in some places.

She looked around. In the soft green light, it could be seen that this was Trixie, the great and powerful, come to begin her plan of vengance against the town who ridiculed her, who tore asunder her very way of life. She had been living on the road without shelter, as her home had been destroyed by a rampaging Ursa Minor. Everywhere, there were large, black obsidian pillars that reached high into the ceiling. There was a huge, cracked staircase in the center, which led to the throne room. After weeks of searching, Trixie had finally found the place that was said to never be findable.

She trotted to the stairs across the room as her hoofsteps made an echo throughout the great enterance hall. On both sides, the railings were falling apart, and the stairs crumbling. At the top, there was another large black wood door. Trixie pushed it open slowly, and it creaked as well. Another long, large room presented itself, and at the end there stood a lone chair, tall and made of a shiny black obsidian found near the volcano that loomed over everything in the Badlands. On this chair laid the one and only Queen Chrysalis, sleeping, resting from her recent defeat. Trixie kneeled.

"Your majesty."

The Changeling Queen awoke from her pained slumber. She looked around the darkened hall, and her eyes rested on Trixie.

"Who are you? How did you find this place? I demand you leave at once before I execute you."

Trixie stopped kneeling. "It matters not who I am or how I found you. I am here because I have a plan you may be interested in."

The Queen frowned. "I do not make deals with you common, wretched ponies from the light. Your kind ruined us. YOU DIRTY HALF BREEDS! How dare you come here, thinking that you, a lesser than us, could have anything to offer. We are the top. We all are alicorns here, but the ones you revere the most, your leaders, you act like they are the only ones in existance! You regard them as gods, but you throw us to the wayside! We are much stronger than you can image!"

Trixie sneered. "So is that why you were defeated by a so-called 'dirty half-breed' and his wife?"

"It was only a minor setback. Now I am going to give you the option to leave now, or you will perish at my hooves."

"You must hear me. I have a plan that will ruin Equestria, that will help both of us if it succeeds."

Chrysalis turned her head slightly, staring in Trixie's eyes. "Why do you wish to betray your own kind?"

Trixie recoiled. "It matters not. What matters is that you listen."

Chrysalis said nothing for a moment. "Go on."

"I propose, with some help from you, that I steal the Elements of Harmony, bring them here. Once here, Canterlot will have no way to protect itself. Soon after they discover the Elements are gone, they'll send out the Bearers of the Elements to find them. They'll find them here, and when they arrive, you ambush them and destroy them. At this point, we will have the Elements, and with the Bearers gone, nothing will stop us."

The Queen sat in silence, mulling over the plan. "And if this plan goes awry? What of the Princesses?"

"It won't. Believe me it won't. And you defeated Celestia before, have you not?"

Chrysalis nodded, remembering. "How do you plan on stealing the Elements, then?"

"Under the cover of darkness, I'll break in and steal them. I know where they are located, but this is where I will need your help. I cannot get into the vault which contains them. You must send one of your changelings with me so they can turn into Celestia, so that I may use her horn to get in."

Chrysalis narrowed her eyes. Trixie continued.

"I'll garuntee your subject's protection, and afterwards, I'll bring the Elements directly here, where the rest of the plan will go into motion."

Chrysalis stood up and paced back and forth in front of Trixie. Trixie kneeled again.

"You know, I kill anyone who dare approach my throne uninvited, especially someone like you." Chrysalis sneered.

"However, I'll make an exception. You seem to have this planned out well enough. I'll help you on your little revenge stint. First thing tomorrow, I'll send someone to aid you. But should this plan fail, or this be a trap, there will be no world nor crevace that you can hide in that I will not find you." Chrysalis stopped pacing. "Oh, and don't think about running away if it does fail, because if you do, I'll hunt you down and kill you. Understood?"

Trixie nodded feebly.

"Good. Now leave my sight before I change my mind."

Trixie got up and backed out of the room. She made her way down the steps, and through the pillars in the large enterance hall. She looked behind her before she opened the doors to the outside and left the castle. There was a storm brewing. Trixie pulled her cloak over her head and trotted across the rickkety bridge over the lava. She cautiously made her way back to solid land, wishing she had wings, or at least, knew the spell that would give her wings.

Trixie found a cave-like structure of rocks just outside of the large round basin of magma to bundle up for the night. She made a small fire for warmth, then drifted off to sleep, as dreams of revenge finally being hers played in her head.

Author's Note

Oh boy, another original chapter. I'm just wanting to know if my original ideas are good, seeing as anything story driven is mine. Tell me what you think in the description below. Am i going a bit too over board on this revenge plot? Or is it just right for an amazing story?

Chapter Nine: Dan's Machine

Back in Ponyville, the sun was rising once again. Today, Dan was to begin his new mission of doing something nice for someone. Well, at least, he was supposed to be doing that. By all accounts, Dan was not one to be nice to people for no reason. If he was going back home, he was going to do it by force. All he needed was a plan, and a plan he had. He awoke early that day. He sat up and squinted in the darkness, as the blinds were pulled. He wiped some garbage off the blanket and pulled his legs over the side of the bed, still trying to wake up. He looked over at Twilight, who was still asleep, and then he crept across the floor next to her bed.

He leaned down close to her ear. "Hey Twilight." He whispered. She mumbled in her sleep. "Twilight," Dan took a deep breath."WAKE UP!"

"WAAA!" Twilight jumped up in surprise and rolled off the bed, getting wrapped up in the blankets as she went. She hit the cold, wooden floor.

"Oww! Dan! What was that for?" Twilight said as she picked herself up, rubbing her head.

"We have work to do."

Twilight used her magic to lift the blankets onto the bed. "No, you have work to do. I have nothing to do with this. I can point you in the right direction, but I'm not doing anything for you."

Dan rubbed his chin. "Alright then, can you point me in the direction of the nearest junk yard?"

Twilight pulled the blinds up. "Oh! Are you going to volunteer? That's very nice of you!" She stopped. "Hold up. What do you need the junkyard for?" She narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

Dan put on a faux surpised face. "I just want to do good so I can go back home. But, if you rather I stay here forever, that's fine too."

Twilight shook her head. "No, no, no, not what I meant by that! Alright, I'll show you where the junkyard is. After breakfast, though."

They headed downstairs, where Spike was on a stool and was already making breakfast. "Hey Twilight!" He said cheerfully. "Oh, hi Dan." He said less cheerfully.

Dan just frowned and sat down. Twilight didn't. "No big breakfast right now, we just need something to take along." She magiced two apples out of a fruit basket.

"C'mon Dan, let's go."

Dan got up and kicked the stool out from under Spike. "See ya, football."

Spike steadied himself. "I'm not a football!"

Dan laughed and walked out the door of the library after Twilight.

"You know," Twilight said as they walked towards the junkyard. "You won't get home by doing that to ponies."

"Meh, I think I'll manage."

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Here's your apple. Straight from Sweet Apple Acres, that's where my friend Applejack lives."

"Sounds miserable."

"It's really not."

Dan took a bite out of the apple. "Hmm, I suppose it's good enough."

Twilight smiled knowingly. "Right, 'good enough'." Nobody could say no to a Sweet Apple Acres apple.

As they headed through the town, ponies turned and looked at the spectacle that was Dan. None of them had seen a human before. Some of them even had taken to following him. Dan looked over his shoulder, and they all tried to act natural. He looked forward again, and they continued following. Dan stopped, so did the ponies. He truned around with and angry and annoyed expression. He held his hands up like claws.

"Boo." He lurched at them. The ponies all stayed together, but backed closer to each other. Twilight turned around.

"C'mon Dan, we don't have time for this."

"No, no, I want to see what happens when I do this." He took a step forward. The ponies backed up a little. Dan took a few more steps, and the ponies just stood together, closer to eachother.

"Dan, just leave it."

Dan ignored her. He got right up in their faces. "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

They all stood together, stunned. Dan leaned in.

"This is the part where you all scatter."

They yelled and bgan to run in different directions.

Dan smiled. "You know, I think I could learn to love this place."

Twilight sighed. "Right, can we go now?"

Dan turned. "Yes. Lead on Twilight Chris."

"Don't call me that."

Dan was in happier spirits for the rest of the way, and no other ponies followed them, though they still turned to look at Dan.

After a few more minutes of walking, they finally rached the junkyard. It was a large area of land surrounded by a justy fence, and a gate falling off it's henges. Twilight looked up at Dan.

"What are you going to do here?"

Dan didn't take his eyes off the junk. "Never you mind. Now you just run along home like a good little pony and take care of your football."

"His name is Spike."

That's great." Said Dan as he walked under the large sign that said "PONYVILLE JUNKYARD".

Twilight shook her head again. She turned and began the trek back to her treehouse.

Dan looked at her untill she was out of sight. He slumpped. "Finally, now that she's gone, I can get started."

He walked into the junkyard. All around were old and worn out machines. Some of them looked like they were in alright condition. Dan began his search on where a good starting object would be, and finally, he found it near an old shen in the middle of the compund. He open the shed door. Inside, there were tools of all shapes and sizes, anything one would need to build anything they wanted. Dan smiled. Finally, things were going his way. He spotted welding equipmenton the table. It was only too easy, it was almost as if the shed was handing him all the tools he needed. Dan stepped back outside. All around him were his materials.

He set to work, grabbing anything of use. When he was done, he would have the ultimate machine. It would be a mobile machine, sporting large tires, and made of metal for rugged use. On the front, there would be a metal claw for destoying anything that got in his way. Dan smiled evily. This was too good. He sat down with the welding tools and other normal tools and set to work. All day, he put together, connected, twisted, and created. Since he had helped build that mechsuit, this was a piece of cake.

Morning turned to afternoon, and afternoon turned to dusk. All day, ponies that happened to walk past the junkyard would hear the clanging of Dan's handiwork. None of them went in to inquire, as they were all busy. Dan worked tirelessly on his machine, dubbed "The Claw". Finally, after a full days work, Dan stood up and wiped his brow. He stepped back and viewed his creation as a whole. It was perfect. Dan nodded, and pulled a large tarp he found in the shed over it. He yawned and looked up. Night was upon him. He walked out of the junkward and closed the gate, that screeched when he moved it. He ran back to the library.

Twilight was reading. "Oh hi, Dan. Busy day?"

"It was whatever. I'm tired. Being nice takes a lot out of me."

"You know that's really not- "

"Goodnight Twilight Chris." He crawled into bed. He had another busy day ahead of him tomorrow.

Twilight looked up at the ledge and shrugged. She went back to her book. "Goodnight to you too, Dan."

Chapter Ten: Long Time, No Revenge

Dan woke up the next morning with phase two of his revenge plan. He was about to solve two problems at once. For this, though, he needn't wake Twilight, even if she didn't know of his sisnister intentions. He crept past her bed and heard snoring down stairs. He tip toe'd down the wooden steps and saw Twilight sleeping at her desk where she was last night. She had her head laying in her book, and a small pile of drool was forming near her mouth. Dan walked as quietly as he could, stepping around various books layed out on the floor. He reached the door and pushed it open slowly as to not make any noise. He looked back at Twilight one last time before he left.

He looked around in the bright sunny day. He rubbed hius hands together menacingly and laughed. This was just way too easy. He took of at a nice stroll through the town as if he owned the place, looking at all the shops and ponies as he walked by. There was only one pony he was looking for, but her time would come. As for now, Dan made his way to the junkyard where his coal powered machine awaited him.

He finally made it to the gate of the junkyard and walked in between the rusting heaps of metal. All around him the junk towered over him just like the day before. In the middle, he could still see that The Claw remained untouched. He removed the blue tarps and looked at his machine in all it's glory. It was finally time to get down to business. It gleamed in the sunlight. He climbed inside the control cab and began pressing buttons. The machine roared into life and puttered out black smoke out of the metallic smokestack that lead to the furnace in the back.

He grabbed the wheel and pushed forward. The machine jolted but Dan remained steady. He turned to avoid the large pile of junk in front of him and moved The Claw to the back of the compound. It easily rolled over the bits of metal, all twisted and old. In the back, there was no gate like in the front. Instead, it was the same tall fence that was around the front. Now it was time to put the actual claw to the test.

"Let's see how this works."

Dan grabbed the joystick he had installed to control the claw with, and it had a button on top to grab and release things. He raised the claw and lowered it onto the fence, and he pressed the button. The claw clamped down on the fence like it was nothing. Dan smiled and shook his head as he ripped the fence out of the ground with easy.

"Oh yeah! This is just TOO good!"

He moved the joystick right quickly and pressed the button again. Bits of fence flew through the air and landed with a loud clang. In Ponyville, ponies looked to the junkyard, where smoke was issuing out of, and a loud clang was just heard. Twilight woke up with a start. She looked out the window above her desk and saw the smoke. Twlilight frowned.

"Dan."

Dan pushed forward again. He was on a mission. He smiled evily as he went full speed looking for the one they called Pinkie Pie. Back at the treehouse Twilight was running around getting her things together. She bolted out the door as she headed toward the junkyard. All around her as she went, here were ponies who were also trotting out to investigate the sound of the crash. They all gathered around the gate of the junkyard as Twilight took the lead.

"DAN!"

No answer, as Dan was long gone. Ponies began mumbling around her.

"Dan! Come out here right now!"

No answer still. Just then, Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash joined the fray.

"Darling, what's all the commotion? I heard a loud crash and saw smoke, I knew something was wrong."

Rainbow Dash rolled here eyes. "Three guesses who caused all this."

"But you can't possibly think Dan-"

Fluttershy interjected. "Uhm, where is Pinkie Pie? I haven't seen her today."

Twilight turned around concerend. "You mean she's not with you guys?"

Rainbow Dash shook her head. "No, she said she was going hiking today."

Twilight looked up at Rainbow Dash with a sudden realization on her face. Dan was looking for Pinkie no doubt. "Oh no. Quick! We have to find Pinkie! I think Dan's after her."

Rainbow Dash frowned. "If he lays one finger on her, he'll wish he never came here!"

"He already wishes that."

"Well then he's gonna wish he was never born!"

"C'mon girls we're wasting time, let's go!" Rarity sped off into the junkyard, and the others followed.

A few miles away, Pinkie Pie was enjoying a well deserved day off with her pet gator Gummy. She hopped happily as she smelled the sweet, warm summer air. A few feet ahead was a large bridge that she liked to sit on sometimes and watch the water stream below. Behind her, there was sound of rumbling that was beginning to get louder.

"Hello you little devil! Remember me?"

Pinkie looked around behind her and saw Dan in The Claw coming up the road. She bounced faster as Dan stretched out the claw to reach her.

"Oh I see you forgot to bring your rhinestones. How irresponsible of you! Say hello to The Claw." He laughed evily and grabbed her in the claw. Pinkie gasped.

"Ohhhhhhh."

Dan drove the machine over to the bridge, lifting Pinkie into the air. He laughed evily again as he stopped the machine and turned the joystick so that the claw and Pinkie were hanging over the cliff.

"Alright you little pink demon, I’m here for revenge. However, I’m going to give you a second chance. I know about the Elements of Harmony and how they can take me home. If you tell me where they are, I’ll let you go, so start talking. NOW! Ya got ten seconds."

Dan jolted the joystick, bumping Gummy out of Pinkie's puffy hair. Dan didn't notice as Gummy was small. He continued staring at Pinkie intensly as he counted down.

"Ten... nine... eight..."

Pinkie leaned down to Gummy. "Go save mommy, Gummy. Please?"

Gummy blinked and turned tail.

"Five... four.. three..."

Gummy ran down the arm of the claw and began chewing on the wires that controlled it.

"Two... one!"

Gummy gave an exceptionally hard tug, and the claw swung around uncontrolably. Dan looked surprised.

"What the?"

The claw released it's grip on Pinkie and she went flying miles away from Dan and The Claw. Fortunatly, she landed in a soft bed of flowers just outside Fluttershy's Cottage.

"Boy, it's really lucky Fluttershy's got a green hoof. That could've been a disaster."

She looked around and got up. Pinkie smiled.

"Well, I should be heading off to Sugarcube Corner. Maybe some of my friends will be there!"

Miles away, Dan was still swearing at the claw malfunctioning. He got out the cab and looked at the damage. Gummy had been long gone by that point. Dan saw the ripped wire. He frowned. He reached down and ties the frayed wire together. The claw jumped back into life and hit Dan in the chest. He flew back and hit the other wall of the bridge. In the distance, the other five ponies of the Mane Six were approaching. As they got closer to the bridge, they saw The Claw, and Dan getting himself up next to it.

Rainbow Dash flew at top speed towards Dan. "What did you do to Pinkie? You better not have hurt her!"

"Are you kidding me? She used here evil gypsy magic to ruin my machine!"

"Why you!"

She lifted her hoof to punch him, but Twilight intervened. "No! That'll just make him do more bad stuff!"

"Hey! Now, I don't always do bad things!"

"That's all you've done since you've got here!"

Dan said nothing. He just kept frowning. Twilight looked at The Claw.

"And get rid of that horrid machine."

"It happens to be a work of art, created by yours truly."

"I don't care what it is Dan, just get rid of it and forget it."

Dan looked at all the other ponies. "Fine then."

Twilight nodded. "Good. Let's go girls."

They all turned to leave, except Rainbow Dash.

"I'm gonna get you when you least expect it."

"Shoo fly, don't bother me."

"Hmpf." Rainbow Dash turned and flew away.

Dan looked at The Claw. "Such a waste of perfectly fine machinery."

He climbed in the cab one last time and drove it to the outside of the town, away further than even Fluttershy's Cottage. He looked at it one last time before leaving it. He walked back into Ponyville, where all the ponies were once again closing up shop. Some of them looked up at him, but not for long. He made his way back to the treehouse library. Twilight was reading again.

"Did you get rid of the thing?"

"Yes."

"Are you going back for it?"

"..."

"Dan!"

"NO!"

"Good. This isn't the way you be nice to ponies. You should try again tomorrow."

"Yeah, yeah whatever." Dan plopped himself down onto his bed.

Twilight extinguished all the lights except her reading one, leaving the treehouse in total darkness except for the soft candle's light.

Chapter Eleven: Fleas and Thank You

The sun rose once again over the tranquil land of Equestria. The warm summer air breezed through the leaves of the treehouse library, and Dan set out once again to find something to do. Twilight was still alseep when he left, so he was sure to be quiet, as Twilight would want him under supervision where ever he went. He began the small walk into Ponyville as a dark raincloud rollowed behind him slowly. Dan stood unawares as the clud moved into position over his head.

Rainbow Dash was hding on top of it. She peered over the side and laughed. "This'll teach him."

She turned away from the cloud and bucked as hard as she could. A bolt of lightning shot out from underneath the dark cloud and zapped Dan right on his head. His whole body lit up and lightning crashed around his whole body as he yelled.

"AAHHHHRRRRR!!!!"

Rainbow Dash flew away laughing hard as Dan stood there trying to piece together what happened. His hair was standing on end, and his body was still fizzing. He narrowed his eyes and his face contorted with rage as he saw Rainbow Dash fly away. He turned and yelled to the skies as fire erupted around him and out of his eyes as he seethed with rage.

"RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNBOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW DAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

Rainbow continued to laugh and fly as Dan chased her at full speed yelling and frothing at the mouth as he tried to jump and grap her.

"Told you I was gonna get ya, Dan! Hahahahah!"

Dan stomped his feet and yelled some pretty obscene things as Rainbow raced off into the sky. Still crackling from the shock, Dan stomped all the way back, still pissed off as ever. He slammed the door open. Twilight was downstairs.

"Oh, good morning Dan!"

"What's so morning about it!"

"Listen, I think that if you get to know everypony better, it might help you do something nice for them. I'd like you to go visit Fluttershy today."

Dan turned towards Twilight, as he had been pacing angrily up and down the library. "Who?"

Twilight smiled. "Exactly! You don't know anypony here. So the princess and I thought it would be good if you became friends with my friends!"

"That sounds awful."

"At least try? Fluttershy is very nice, you might like her." She continued. "Then after that, you can visit Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash!"

Dan clenched his hands into fists and raised his arms as his face turned red. "RAINBOW DASH!?""

Twilight recoiled a bit as Dan raged. "Perhaps we'll visit her last."

Dan and Twilight walked through Ponyville and at last reached Fluttershy's Cottage on the outskirts of the town. Dan opened the door, and immedaitly thudded his head on the frame.

"Oof!"

He walked in further and clanged his head on the ceiling lantern.

"Ahhrr!"

The sting attatching it to the wooden ceiling snapped and it crashed on the rug below, smashing the glass in it.

"AAAHHHHRRRRR!"

Fluttershy was hiding behind a green chair. she looked fearfully at Dan.

"Eep."

Twilight walked in behind Dan, annoyed. "Do you have to break something wherever you go?"

Dan crossed his arms and looked the other way. "Hmpf."

Fluttershy came out from behind the chair when she saw Twilight, though she kept her distance from Dan. Twilight began talking to Fluttershy.

"I'm very sorry, Fluttershy."

"Oh no. I-it's ok..."

Dan snuck out the door as the two were occupied with eachother.

"Once you get to know him, he's really not so-"

Twilight looked over to see that Dan was gone. "...Bad? Where did he go now?"

Fluttershy looked out of her window. "I think he took parts of my chicken coop..."

By the time Twilight and Fluttershy figured out what happened, Dan was already back in Ponyville at Sugarcube Corner.

Pinkie Pie was at the counter. "Hi Dan, no hard feelings about the other day, right! It was so much fun, flying was! What are you doing here?"

Dan frowned. "I need a cupcake."

"Ooooooooo! What kind of cupcake?"

Dan threw his arms up. "I don't know! A big fancy rainbow one!"

Pinkie ducked down beneath the glass counter to get it. "You only want one."

Dan crossed his arms impatiently. "That's what I said."

"Why do you only want one?"

"Because hurry up."

"Whos it for?"

"It's for shut up."

Pinkie emerged again with a big ranibow cupcake with sprinkles. "like this?"

Dan leaned down to look closer at it. "Perfect! And I think I will take another one."

Pinkie pulled up another cupcake of the exact same variety, and Dan took them and left.

He went to work by some bushes where he left the chicken coop parts. "So, she thinks she can shock me and get away with it? We'll see about that."

He fasioned a cage out of the metal and wood, with an open bottom so that he could trap Rainbow Dash. Next, he tied it down and put the cupcake with a note that read:

For: Rainbow Dash

in blue crayon and set them both where the cage would fall. All Dan had to do was pull the string and the cage would snap out from behind the bushes and trap Rainbow Dash. He hooked a storm cloud to the cage to shock her as well. Dan sat in the bushes and waited.

Not to long after, Rainbow Dash came soaring over the place where Dan was hid with his trap. What she saw, though, was a big, bright rainbow cupcake with the note saying it was for her on it. She smiled and zoomed down. She trotted up to it and smiled.

"Aww yeah! being awesome has the best rewards!"

She leaned down to take a bite when Dan yanked the string from behind the bushes. There was a loud SNAP and the metal cage, cloud and all canme crashing down on Rainbow Dash. She got squished inside the cage as the lightning shoked her, causing the entire area to light up and crackle loudly. Dan jumped out of the bushes.

"HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?!"

Just then, Twilight and Fluttershy heard the commotion and came running. Twilight used her magic to lift the metal death trap, and looked agrily at Dan as Fluttershy helped Rainbow Dash to steady herself. Dan ddin't even look mad.

"What? She should have known better."

Rainbow Dash was sizzling from the electricity. Dan walked over to them, crossing his arms. Twilight looked at him angrily.

"Now apologize."

"Apology accepted."

"What? No! You apologize to her!"

Rainbow Dash spoke up. "Well, to be fair, I did kinda prank him first. And that was a pretty awesome trap."

"See Twilight? It's fine. Stop being a jerk."

Twilight lowered her eyelids. "I don't believe this..."

She grabbed Dan and pulled him with her magic all the way over to another building. A tall, pink and blue building with bows and ribbons decorating it.

"It's time for you to learn some manners."

Chapter Twelve: Mad Over Manners, Axe to the Applewood

Twilight knocked on the white door. After a moment, a voice rang out from inside.

"Come in, I'm open right now."

Twilight opened the door and pushed a reluctant Dan inside the Boutique. Dan frowned at all the ribbons and frou-frou decoriations that littered the inside. He looked at all the mannequins.

"What is this place? A texidermy shop?"

Just then, Rarity appeard and looked quite offended. "How could you say such a thing? I make ART, not taxidermy."

"Oh is that art? It looked more like piles of cra-"

Twilight interrupted Dan. "Dan! No!" She sighed and truned to Rarity. "Do me a favor and teach this one some manners while I take Rainbow to the nurse."

Twilight turned tail and left the boutique. Dan folded his arms and stared menacingly at Rarity. Sweetie bell peeked around a curtain. Rarity regained her composure. She smiled up at Dan.

"I do believe we havn't been properly introduced yet. My name is Rarity. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"I don't understand. Are you some kind of fancy pony model or something?"

"Oh no, no, no. I am flattered you'd think that, but I am a designer of high class clothes. A fashionista!"

"Gesundheit."

Sweetie Belle snuck around to Dan's back and tugged on the bottom of his black shirt with her hoof. "Umm.... excuse me what are you?"

Rarity gasped. "Sweetie Belle, no!"

Dan looked down into Sweetie's big, puppy dog eyes and small smile. For the first time, he didn't have anything negative to say. He smiled warmly and kneeled down. He took out his cupcake.

"Well, aren't you precious! Would you like a cupcake?"

Rarity sighed. "Sweetie Belle, don't eat that. You don't know where it's been."

"Don't worry, I've been keeping it safe in my pocket."

"I'm not sure how that makes it better."

Dan turned around, annoyed. "And what's with that tone of voice?"

"What's with that breath?" Rarity retorted, "Ever heard of brushing?"

Dan stood up and got in her face. "EVER HEARD OF ARSON?!"

"You wouldn't DARE!"

"And I'll start with that mane of yours!"

"That crosses the line! You need to calm down!"

"Hey, Fussy Rude, maybe you shouldn't be such a mule, ok?"

Rarity stopped, wide eyed. She started to wimper. "M- mule?"

Rarity went into a full blown meltdown.

Sweetie Belle came to her aid. "He was just kidding Rarity, you'd make a very nice mule."

Rarity cried harder. Dan smiled and left as Rarity threw a fit on the wooden floor of the boutique. He stood out in the sunny world.

"Sweet Apple Acres."

He started walking in the direction of the orchard, as it was pretty hard to miss, it being so big.

A while later, Twilight returned to the Carousel Boutique to find Rarity still sniffling, but working on a dress, using Sweetie Belle as a model.

"Okay, I'm back." She looked around. "Wait, where's Dan?"

Rarity was still sniffling a bit, and red eyed. "He left. But he certainly didn't learn any manners. He is impossible."

Twilight sighed. "Yes, but where did he go?"

Sweetie Belle spoke up. "I think he said something about Sweet Apple Acres."

"Oh, ok. Maybe Applejack has put him to work somehow. I hope he hasn't done anything destructive."

Twilight left the boutique and headed for the apple orchard. She wistled as she trotted through the dirt streets of Ponville. She finally arrived at the orchard, but wish she hadn't. Standing in the middle of a ring of felled trees was Dan brandishing two axes looking like a madman and brathing heavily. Twilight groaned
.

Big Mac and Applejack galloped over to Dan, and Big Mac lifted Dan up un his mouth by the back of his shirt. Twilight walked over.

"Applejack what happened?"

"Well... it started out nice with some apple pickin'. Then one fell on his head."

"THOSE TREES HAD IT COMING!!!"

"So," Applejack continued, ignoring Dan's outburst, "he kicked the tree, which hurt his foot and caused more apples to fall on him, and so on. Ya think you could take him back? For now, at least. I don't think we can lose any more apple trees."

Twilight nodded. "Alright, see you Applejack. Dan, let's go. NOW."

Big Mac set him down, and him and Applejack left to assess the damage dan had caused. "I don't like that tone."

Twilight looked furious. "DAN!"

Dan rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

They both walked back to the treehouse library. Twilight slammed the door behind them.

"What am I going to do with you? Have you learned anything at all since you've been here?"

Dan crossed his arms in triumph. "As a matter of fact, I did!"

Twilight got excited. She jumped up at Dan, eyes bright. "Really?!"

She quickly grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill with her magic and floated them to Dan.

"Here!"

"...And this is for?"

"I want you to write what you learned to the princess!"

Dan grabbed the quill and parchment and frowned.

Twilight smiled feebly. "...Please?"

Dan sighed. "Ok."

He began to furiously write at top speed. Twilight stood back, afraid anything she did would change Dan's mind. Finally, he finished and held the paper to Twilight.

"There."

"Yay! Now we just have to send it! Spike!"

Spike showed up in an instant. He saluted.

"Spike at your service! What is it that you need?"

Twilight handed him the letter. "I need you to send this to the princess."

Spike nodded and held the scroll out in his hand. He took a deep breath, and in a large bellow of flame, the letter disappeared. Dan looked at Spike greedily. Twilight noticed.

"I will NOT allow you to use Spike to be a tool in any nefarious plans you may have."

Dan shook his head condescendingly. "So quick to judge."

Twilight rolled her eyes. "It's getting late, we should all hit the hay."

Dan wasn't about to argue. Spike had already gone off to his bed, and Twilight and Dan made their way upstairs. Twilight slid into her bed as Dan did to his.

"Goodnight, Dan."

There was a pause, then. "Goodnight, Twilight."

Twilight smiled and drifted to sleep.

Miles and miles away in Canterlot, Princesses Celestia and Luna were relaxing by the fire before bed. Suddenly, a scroll appeared in a burst of green fire. Celestia read it off to her sister.

"Oh! It's from Dan!"

"What does it say, dear sister?"

"Dear Princess Salestia,

Today I learned that I hate you. Twilight is such a jerk.

How could you make me live with her? I demand you

provide me with better living conditions.

P.S.

I'm taking your crown next time I see you.

Love,

Dan"

Celestia laughed. "Ha ha, oh dear..."

Luna, however, looked concerned. "Elder sister, shall we alert the royal guards?"

Celestia smiled brightly. "No dear, he is just being playful. Perhaps this is a sign he might be changing."

Luna frowned. "I don't see it."

"You will in time, and so will he. But now, it is time for bed. Have fun with the moon."

Luna walked out of the room and Celestia after. They both parted ways, and Luna went out in the sky to raise the moon, and Celestia, off to her chambers for a well deserved rest.

Chapter Thirteen: Night Thief

Late at night, two dark figures appeared on the grounds of Canterlot Castle. Both had horns, however one was sporting wings. The wingless unicorn moved forward and motioned for her cohort to follow. The accomplice obliged, and they both made their way across the damp gardens. They both arrived at the gates to the castle. They both stopped.

"What of the gaurds, Trixie? They will compromise the mission."

Trixie turned to her companion. "Quiet you. The gaurds will not be a problem. The Canterlot gaurd is the laziest in all of Equestria. Look there."

She pointed to the archway where Dan had escaped a few days earlier. Sure enough, two gaurds were fast asleep. The changeling beside her hissed.

"Don't be so sure of yourself. Over confidence can lead to mistakes, and mistakes lead to failure, and your failure will lead to your death."

"Just follow me."

Trixie used her magic to carve a hole in the gate, and the changeling caught it with it's magic and let it drop slowly. Trxie squeezed through the gate and the changeling followed suit. They snuck throught the castle hall ways, checking for gaurds untill the changeling became aggrivated.

"What is the purpose of this?"

"Quite, fool! I am locating Princess Celestia's chambers. You will need to mimic her in order to access the Elements."

The changeling shook his head. "I can't stay as her for long. The bigger the pony, the harder it is to stay in shape."

"It's a good thing I know where the Elements are, then."

Trixie peered around the corner in the dim moonlit hall. No gaurds. She walked around and the changeling followed. Their hoofsteps were muffled by the extravagant rugs in the hall. Trixie looked at every door, muttering "No, no, not this." under her breath.

The changeling was growing ever more impacient. "I would like to get this done, tonight."

Trixie rounded on him. "We are! We are. This is a big castle. Give me a moment."

She stopped in front of a big, gold trimmed door. "This is it. Stand back."

Trixie pointed her horn at the door and shot a quiet, yellow spell into the lock. The door swung open perfectly. Inside, there was a dresser, a closset and a bed among other room objects. In the bed slept Celestia, under the big red comforter. Her bed was draped with gold linens and silver drapes. Trixie crept next to her. The chagneling followed, not making a sound in the darken room. Trixie turned to the changeling.

"OK. Do your thing."

The changling didn't move. "I can't." He said flatly.

"Oh yeah? And why not?"

"I can't see her."

Trixie face hooved. "Oh for the love of- alright fine, here."

Her horn glowed softly, illuminating the princesse's face. The changeling stared at the white princess for a moment.

"Well?" Trixie commented.

"This will take a minute. You can't rush art."

Slowly, the changeling began to change. It started at his hooves, then travelled up the rest of his body. Finally, Celestia in all her glory stood before Trixie. She smiled.

"You are exactly like her in every way!"

The changeling, now Celestia's doppleganger, smiled slyly. "Not entirely. You see, this was a male changing to female, and not EVERYTHING can be change."

Trixie looked disgusted. "Ugh." She trotted across the room to the hall.

The changeling Celestia laughed. "What? I think it's funny. Don't make this wierd."

The Celestialing joined Trixie, who was now keeping her distance, as she was making her way to the throne room. The moonlight illuminated their path. At long last, they came to the big wood doors that lead to the large throne room. Trixie swiflty opened the door, victory almost hers. The large hall of a room was completely silent as Trixie and the changeling trotted past the large, golden chairs Celestia and Luna sat on during the day. Both chairs glinted in the moon. Behind them stood a large, gold door with a hole in the center. Trixie addressed her partner.

"This is why I need you to be Celestia. This hole is the only thing that stands between us and the Elements of Harmony."

The changeling lowered its now big, regal head and stuffed his horn in the door. It clicked and bright, white light began to seep out of the cracks, seeming to want to dispel all the darkness of the night. Inside the white room stood a single pedestal in the center. On it there layed a purple pillow, and on that sat a box, bejewled with the most precious gems that most ponies would never see in their lifetimes. Trixie smiled deviously as the changleing turned back into its normal self. Trixie lifted the box with her magic.

"OK, now let's fly out of here."

"How are you going to do that?"

"You're going to carry me."

"I can't even begin to tell you how much I'm not going to do that."

"I can't even believe how much I'm going to leave you here if I don't."

"I really don't like you."

"I really don't care."

Trixie began to leave. The changleing turned and sighed. "Fine then. Get on."

Trixie smiled. "I'm going to blow open the window, then you're really going to have to get moving before we get caught."

The changeling nodded. Trixie climbed on his back with the Elements and the changeling took off toward the large windows in the room. Trixie focused her magic on an easy blasting spaell, and sent out a green spell like the gaurds had used on Dan. The window exploded in millions of shards of glass. There was a loud, resoning crash as the glass broke and fell. As the changeling took offf with Trixie on his back at full speed, yelling and confusion began to conjure in the caslte. Trixie laughed wickedly as she and the changeling zoomed off into the night.

Back at the castle, guards ran amok as they tried to decipher what had happened. A gaurd was sent to awaken Celestia, and as soon as she heard that there was a break-in, she jumped to action. They all met in the throne room, and Luna was already there assessing the damage. Luna looked very worried.

"What happened?" Celestia began.

"The window as shattered." Luna replied.

"I see that. Anything else?"

Luna took a deep breath and looked with a mixture of seriousness and fright.

"The Elements. The Elements of Harmony are gone."

Celestia nodded promptly. "We must alert every gaurd in the kingdom. Send word out to the neighboring towns, Ponyville, Dodge Junction, Manehatten, Cloudsdale, Appleloosa, everywhere. I'll send personal word to Twilight. Everyone is to be on high alert. Understand?"

Luna nodded and took off into the night. The gaurds were obeying everything the Princess had just said. She galloped back to her room and began her letter.

Dear Twilight,

I apologize for the promptness of this letter, but this is urgent matters. The Elements of Harmony have been stolen, by who we do not know. I need you to gather the other five bearers and bring them with you first thing as soon as you get this.
Oh, and bring Dan.

From,

Princess Celestia

Celestia magiced the letter into nothingness, and timed it so Twilight would aquire it as soon as she woke up. Celestia looked out her window. There was something truley evil ahoof, and whatever it was, it meant major harm to her and her kingdom. Now was the time to unite and find the Elements, something that would require everyone's help. Even Dan's.

Chapter Fourteen: Dan Takes On Canterlot

Back in Ponyville, the sun was beginning to rise. The dew glistened on the grass as light cascaded over the town. Twilight Sparkle was sound asleep, completely unaware of the terrible events that had transpired just hours before. She woke up as the sunlight poured between the cracks of the wooden blinds. To her surprise, a bright light exploded in front of her, and a pice of rolled up parchment fell on her bed, and she yelped.

Dan awoke with a start. "I swear officers, it wasn't me!"

He looked around and frowned. "Man, I thought I was home. Also, what was all that yelling about? Some of us need out beauty sleep."

Twilight rubbed her eyes. "I'm sorry, Dan. I saw something bright ust blow up in my face."

She looked down on her bed and saw the scroll. "Oh! It looks like I have a letter."

Dan sighed a throaty sigh. "Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

Twilight picked up the message with her magic. She read it line for line, and then her eyes grew wid. She dropped her letter. "Dan!" Dan was laying back down again. "Dan! Get up! We have to go immediatly!"

Dan sat up. "Why? Where are we going?"

Twilight was already out of her bed. "No time! Just get ready! I have to go alert the others."

Twilight bolted down the stairs, nearly tripping on them. Dan looked over the ledge onto the bottom floor. "Can't this wait till later?"

Twilight shook her head and began writing five letters at once with her magic. "No! This is urgent!"

"What is it already!" Twilight finished up the letters and sent them herself to her friends via magic.

She looked fearfully at Dan. "The Elements of Harmony have been stolen."

Dan looked uninterested. "And?"

"That's Equestria's only means of defense!"

"And?"

"And we're out of luck if somebody tries to attack!"

"And?"

Twilight sighed frustrated. "And it's your only way home!"

Dan immediatly regained interest. "Well what are you waiting for? Let's get going!"

Dan ran down the stairs as Twilight shook her head. "We have to wait for my friends!"

"I thought you said that there was no time for anything, and we must get moving immediatly."

"We do! But the Elements of Harmony are controlled by me and my friends. Together, we make the Elements work. Together, we all embody the traits of friendship."

Dan leaned in expectantly. "Which are....?"

Twilight sighed again. "Don't you know? You must surely have friends, being king of the humans and all. The elements are laughter, kindess, loyalty, generosity, honesty and magic."

Dan lifted his hand in a sort of stop motion. "Wait? Hold up. Magic? How is magic a trait of a good friend?" He laughed. "I mean, I'm wasn't friends with Chris because he can do magic. Mostly because he did what I told him."

Twilight frowned. "But that's what friendship is! Magic!"

Dan shook his head and rolled his eyes in a 'ok, yeah sure' kind of way. "Whatever."

Right then, the door bust open, and five poines came flooding in. Twilight jumped to attention. Dan jumped out of the way.

Rarity was panting. "I came as soon as I heard the news! Oh it's awful, darling! The Elements, gone again!"

Rainbow Dash was air boxing. "Yeah? Well, this time we're not playing around! We're gonna waste no time in kicking some flank!"

Fluttershy snuck in. "I hope nothing too horrible happens like last time. I didn't like being mean."

Pinkie was hopping like mad. "Ohh! I'm so excited to go to Canterlot again! But it's really bad what happened to the Elements! I'll have to be double careful to listen to my Pinkie Sense!

Applejack bounded in. "Ahh right, sugarcube! Let's get this show on the road!"

Twilight nodded. "There's no time to loose. We'll have to travel the fastest way possible. Pinkie, We'll need your balloon."

Pinkie smiled. "Okie dokie lokie! Let's fly!"

A few minutes later, everyone was at the hot air balloon behind Sugarcube Corner. Pinkie began inflating it as Dan joined the others in the wicker basket that the balloon held up. Soon, the balloon began lifting off the ground, sending the basket high into the sky. The balloon gently pushed the clouds aside as they breached into the bright sunlight. Rainbow Dash leaned over the basket.

"Alright! Let's speed things up!"

She grabbed a rope as all the ponies held onto the basket tighter.

"Uh, Dan, you might want to hold on?"

"Why?"

Rainbow Dash shouted from a few feet away. "Because this!"

She took off like a bullet, and Dan jerked back onto the floor, and stayed there for the rest of the trip.

an hour later, they all arrived in Canterlot, outside the town that lay before the castle. The ballon gently touched down, and everyone got out. Twilight truned to her friends.

"Alright, guys, we're here. Follow me to the castle, and there we'll meet the Princess. Oh, and Dan, maybe you should stay out of the way for a bit until we get some things settled out. Try not to ruin anything, OK?"

"You act like that's a re-occurring thing with me."

"I don't have time to argue. Let's go, girls!"

They all left Dan by the balloon. He sighed and walked through the gate to the town. It was empty. Dan looked at the shops and stalls. Nobody, nothing.

"Oh yeah. This is a great capital city. The best part is the busy streets."

Just then, a trumpet sounded off as Dan walked into an intersection. He looked to his right where the sound had come from and saw a huge white coliseum that gleamed in the sunlight. Dan norrowed his eyes, and began to walk toward the arena. He reached the entrance to the stadium and heard a voice ring out through the area.

"As you know now, the Elements of Harmony have recently been stolen by a currently unidentified their. Today, we shall choose a victor to persue the Elements, where ever they may be."

Dan stepped into the arena area unnoticed, and saw the voice belonged to Shining Armor. He was addressing the stadium, and the gaurds that stood before the raised platform Shining Armor stood on. Shining continued.

"The winner of todays' event will have the enetitlement to that opportunity. You may not return from your mission, but that is the risk you signed up for."

Dan frowned. "What a coward, sending all these gaurds to do his job." He said to himself. He took a deep breath and yelled, "Hey! Shield butt!"

The crowd in the stands turned to the noise and gasped. Shining Armor rolled his eyes. "Oh great. It's the almighty 'king' again. Looking a bit peasantly today, are we?"

Dan smiled. "Not me, just you."

The crowd 'ohhh'd' and Shining Armor turned red. "Is that so? Alright, everypony, new idea. Whoever kills the human gets a promotion. Get him!"

Dans' smile quickly left as the gaurds, in full armor, raised their weapons towards Dan.

"Woah, now hold a minute. Wait up."

No one could hear Dan over the jeers and cheers from the crowd. Dan continued to walk backwards as the gaurds threw threatening jabs at him with their weapons. Dan backed into a rack with various weapons on it. It clanged as he hit it. Dan turned around and saw the rack, and behind it was a large pile of barrels layed on their side, constrained by a rope. He smiled. He walked behind the weapons rack and grasped an axe.

"Can't we just talk about this?"

The gaurds ignored hime and kept moving to wards Dan.

"You don't want to? Alrighty then!"

He pulled the axe away from the rack and kicked the rack towards the gaurds to slow them down. He ran to the barrels in the gaurd's confusion.

"Let's dance!"

Dan swung the axe with all his might and hit the rope, causing it to snap, and all the barrels came rolling and bouncing towards the gaurds in all directions. The gaurds started yelling in surprise as they saw the barrels coming at them. Dan grabbed a hammer and began going to town on the Canterlot Royal Gaurd. He knocked gaurds down, pulled off their helmets, dodged attacks, uppercutted some of the gaurds, and even at one point, hit one of the gaurds with a chair. The crowd was now on Dan's side, cheering him on. Never had there been such an exciting tournament. Finally, there were two gaurds left, a few feet away from Dan on either side of him. They charged, but Dan stood still untill the last minute, where he jumped staright up, and landed on the two gaurds heads, knocking them out, and causing their helments to ring out in the stadium. Dan walked toward the platform where Shining was, waving to all his new fans.

Shining Armor frowned. "Alright, that's it! I'm going to fight you myself."

He walked down the steps towards Dan, weilding his custom made spear. Dan smiled confidently.

"This is gonna be fun."

He cracked his knuckles. Shining raised his spear, ready to strike, when...

"Shining! What are you doing!"

Both Dan and Shining looked around to see Twilight, as well as her other friends, trotting into the stadium, walking around all the knocked out guards.

"Were you just going to fight Dan while he had no weapon?"

Shining lowered his spear. "Well, I, uh, look what he did to my guards!"

Twilight looked around. "Looks like you need to train them better."

Shining turned red as Dan laughed.

"C'mon Dan, let's go."

Dan turned around to walk out the arena, and yelled back, "Maybe next time, Shining! Ahahahaa!"

As soon they were out into the deserted town, Twilight turned on Dan.

"Dan! What's wrong with you! This is no way to get sent home!"

Dan frowned. "What does it matter, my only way home is gone."

Rarity chimed in. "He does have a point, dear."

Dan gave a cocky smile to Twilight and held his hand out in Rarity's direction.

Twilight led them to the castle. "It doesn't matter, right now, you must see the princess."

"Hmmm, nope. I'm thinking no. The last time I did that, she didn't listen, and this happened."

"You don't have a choice, Dan." Said Rainbow Dash, who was flying overhead.

"Why don't I ever have a choice?"

They made thier way to the gate, where they proceeded into the castle and into the throne room. There, in the large throne chairs, sat princesses Luna and Celestia.The Mane Six all bowed, except Dan, but after an angry look from Twilight, he did.

"What is it, your highness?" Dan said sarcastically.

"You have no doubt heard of the Elements disappearance."

Celestia was silent for a moment, waiting for Dan to respond.

"Aye."

"And this poses a major problem, as not only is our biggest means of defenxe gone, but so is your only way home."

"...Aye."

"And we have no leads onto who has stolen it, but we have a our top investigators-"

Just then, the door burst open. In came a brown unicorn with a magnifying glass on his flank. He bowed to the princesses before begining.

"Your majesties, we have found something."

Luna nodded him on. "Ok, what is it, subject?"

"Well, there was, uh, changling residue next to Princess Celestia's bed."

The room was completely silent. Celestia looked at her sister, and all the Mane Six looked at each other. Dan yawned.

"Leave us, sir." Said Celestia firmly, and the investigator did so.

They sat in silence some more. Dan coughed.

"OK, so we're gonna do, what?"

Celestia sighed. "Well, the Elements in the changling's hooves is probably the worst situation there could be. Looks like you're gonna be here for a while untill we figure this all out, Dan. Welcome to Equestria, your new home untill further notice."

Dan recoiled a bit. "Now.... now hold up a moment. I did not just win a tournament to be told my prize is living here forever. I have a life, a family. I mean, it's just Mr. Mumbles, but." Dan sighed. "I just... I can't stay here forever."

Luna looked sullen. "We're sorry Dan, but this has never happened before. We'll try to recover the Elements as soon as possible."

Twilight broke the silence for her and her friends. "Dan, you're welcome to still stay at my place."

Dan slumped his shoulders. "Yeah, whatever. Let's just go."

Dan walked out the room.

The Mane Six followed, but Twilight lagged behind. "I'll keep an eye on him, princesses."

Celestia and Luna nodded and Twilight ran out the room.

The ride back to Ponyville was a quiet one. All the friends got out of the balloon and parted ways.

The end was here.

Chapter One: Highway To Hell

The sun beat down intensely on the desert road near Area 51. For most of the time, nothing could be seen for miles around, not a living thing, nor any inanimate thing, save maybe a few cacti. However, on this particular day, off in the distance a red convertible could be seen kicking up dirt as it sped 11 miles over the posted, sand covered, sun bleached speed limit signs. There were two men in this car. The one driving was a tall, semi- pudgy man with a blue shirt, with an orange over shirt and jeans. His name was Chris. The other, a short, thin man with messy black hair, pale white skin, a black shirt with the word "Jerk" written on it in white letters, and a bad attitude toward just about everything. His name was Dan.

There was very little that didn't send Dan into a rage, one of the exceptions being his cat, strangely name Mr. Mumbles, because Mr. Mumbles was, in fact, female. But all in all, Dan was always angry about something, whether it was baseball, family Thanksgiving, or even at one point, the entire country of Canada. On this particular day, it was the fact that he would be spending the day working for Elise (Chris's wife), the person Dan either REALLY hated at times or was partial towards her other times, although these moments never lasted long. The reason he had to work for Elise was because Dan had once again tried to get revenge in one of his fits of rage against the state of Arizona. After he was caught trying to nuke the state out of existence, the judge that he was sent to told him he was going to spend the rest of his life behind bars, because his list of offences were too many to name off, most of them being extremely illegal and outright malicious in nature. He had been deemed a threat to society. It was at this point that Elise, who worked as a secret agent for the military, used her great, many contacts with higher ups to get him off scott free, but under the condition that he would have to be used as a lab rat of sorts in a rather super top secret experiment that had been in the works for a while.

Needless to say, the thought of having to work for Elise of all people was certainly something Dan would not abide by. On top of all this, in his eyes, Dan had done nothing wrong. Arizona simply had what was coming for it; it deserved what he had planned for it, which was total annihilation of the whole state. Dan sighed angrily as he did most days and looked out the open window (the car's top was folded back) while he propped his feet on the dashboard. Given the choice, Dan would have taken jail, because he could at least try to break out. With Elise, he wouldn't be able to fool anyone. Chris looked over at him.

"I'd really appreciate it if you would put your feet down. This car is brand new."

Dan didn't say anything. He just continued to look out the side of the car at the desert with the same aggravated expression he'd had since he found out he had to work for Elise.

"Did you hear me, Dan? I said put your feet down. Don't make me turn this car around!"

Dan turned to look at Chris, making his expression a calm one, "That would be great, actually."

Chris turned his attention back to the road and said, "This is your own fault that you have to do this. There's no reason to be all mad about it."

Dan had once again looked out over his side of the car to the desert, but still spoke up.

"I don't understand why YOU didn't get in trouble, you were right there with me! And working for Elise is just degrading. I would have preferred to take my life sentence. At least in jail there are others who would understand my pain."

Chris had about enough of Dan's attitude toward the whole situation.

"For your information, the reason I didn't get in trouble was because you had handcuffed me to the door of the launch room when I tried to stop you. Second, it was more than just one life sentence, try 17, so you were pretty dang lucky Elise decided to set you free. All you have to do is this one, small experiment, and you will be cleared of all charges. And will you PLEASE put your feet DOWN!"

Dan jumped up at Chris, "Don't you yell at ME!! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!?!"

Dan lunged at Chris, and grabbed his shirt. In surprise, Chris let go of the steering wheel. As Chris was grappling with Dan to push him away, the car swerved off the sandy, sun-baked road and into the open desert. Even more sand was being kicked up than ever before, causing a large cloud that enveloped the car as it sped out of control farther from the road. In the confusion of the mini sandstorm, Dan and Chris let go of each other. Both of them realized what was happening and yelled as Chris grabbed hold onto the steering wheel to get some control over the car. He was able to dodge a sign that they, if there wasn't a big panic, would have been able to read that it stated:

Area 51 1/4 mile

Trespassers will be shot on sight.

Continue at your OWN RISK.

It wouldn't have made a difference if they had somebody ready to shoot them or not, there was so much sand flying everywhere and the car was moving so fast that it would be impossible for anyone to be able even aim at them, let alone actually hit them.

The car continued to careen through a few cacti and bushes as it was moving closer and closer to the chain link fence of the secret military base. Looking through the dense sand wall, Chris could make out the fence, glinting in the desert sun. Apparently Dan had seen this to, because he yelled out,

"WATCH OUT FOR THAT FENCE!! HIT THE BREAKS!!"

Chris slammed the brake pedal as hard as he had ever in his life, but it was no use. The wheels stopped moving, but due to the high velocity at which the convertible was moving, it made no difference. The car ripped right through the fence as though it weren't even there, and left a large trail of sand behind it as it drove across the blacktop of Area 51. At this point, the wheels gained some friction, but it wasn't fast enough still. Almost at top speed, the sand covered car came to an abrupt halt against the large brick wall of one of the buildings.

Dan and Chris had arrived.

Chapter Seven: Princess Ultimatum

The starry, dark sky soon began to fade to light as the sun rose over the mountain that held Canterlot, which was precisely where Twilight had planned to take Dan that day. If there was anyone who could figure out what to do with Dan, it was Celestia and Luna. Light began to peek between the wooden shades of the treehouse library. Twilight awoke, looking around. She had the strangest dream. Some thing called Dan had come to Equestria and caused a scene at Sugarcube Corner. He had also been quite rude. She slid out of bed and wobbled for a bit, still groggy. She took a few steps forward, then immediatly slipped on a pile of burnt trash laying about on the floor.

"WAAAA!!" Twilight cried as she fell off the ledge onto the hard wood floor of the library, causing a loud crash as a few books fell on her.

She heard something grumble above her on the ledge, which quickly turned into a yell.

"CAN'T YOU STAY QUIET FOR FIVE MINUTES?!?! SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO SLEEP! So inconsiderate!" The figure who just relayed this loud information onto Twilight kicked some more trash onto Twilight's head as she struggled to get out of the stack of books. She frowned as she wiped herself off. So it hadn't been a dream. Twilight looked up towards the ledge.

"No point in going back to sleep now. We've got places to be and ponies to see!" She called out.

"You do. I'm not going anywhere. I'm sleeping in."

"Dan, this is important, if you want to find a way back home, you best get ready."

Dan stumbled around and got to the stairs. He looked out onto the library floor, which was now covered in books and Dan's undescribable trash.

"You should really clean this place up. Don't you know it's not safe to live in a dirty enviroment? Those books are clearly a fire hazard."

Twilight gritted her teeth. "I know Dan, I have books on it."

"It looks like you also have some books on you."

Twilight frowned again, shook the rest of the books off her and looked around for Spike.

"Spike! Spike where are you?"

A very sleepy Spike sat up in his bed and rubbed his eyes. "Wha? What is it?"

"I'm taking this one," She jerked her head towards Dan, "To see the princesses. I need this cleaned up before I get back. I would make Dan do it, but unfortuantly, I have to take him with me."

Dan just crossed his arms angrily, rolled his eyes, shook his head, and looked the other way. Twilight grabbed her saddle bags off her desk, which was littered with quills, ink and paper.

Spike layed back into his bed and mumbled "Yeah, I'll do." as he went back to sleep.

Twilight opened the door. "Let's go, Dan."

Dan frowned and left the room, out into the warm, sunny morning. The grass was still dewey, and the birds were just beginning to awaken to start their morning song. Twilight began another trot into Ponyville.

"Just follow me and don't do anything to attract attention, or yell at anything. I'm going to hail a cab."

Dan said nothing. He still had his arms crossed and he stared straight ahead as they stood at the taxi stop just outside Ponyville. Even in the early morning, the taxis still ran. After a few minutes, a speck in the sky appeared, and became larger with every passing moment. As it got closer, a brown stallion pegasus pulling a wooden, yellow cart with a black band around it and "Taxi" written in white text on it could be seen more clearly. There were already two passengers inside, a mare and her filly.

The pegasus turned around and said, "Ponyville."

The mare and filly got out of the cart. The mare tried to walk past Dan without noticing, but her daugther stared at Dan. "Mommy, what's that?"

"I don't know dear. C'mon, we have to go." She pulled her daughter away as Dan gave a death stare.

Twilight climbed into the carriage. "Dan, pay attention."

Dan shot Twilight a big frown as he sat down in the yellow cart. "Don't tell me what to pay."

Twilight rolled her eyes and leaned up to the brown pegasus pulling the carriage. "Canterlot, please."

"Five bits." Twilight tipped some bits into the pagasus' saddle bags and he began to run.

The wind began to pick up as the stallion ran faster and faster. He lifted his large wings, and began flapping them, causing loud swooshing sounds as the pegasus began to lift off the ground. The cart began to creak and rock as the fast spinning wheels lifted off the ground. The brown stallion took off into the sky and quickly they were just below cloud level. Dan looked over the edge and back in front of him as he sat across from Twilight. Twilight had closed her eyes and faced towards the wind, her mane flying behind her. Dan scooted forward and leaned back. As he looked onto the horizon, he could tell this was going to be a long trip.

The trip passed by uneventfully. It was midday now, and Canterlot was fully in view. Twilight had gotten her things together and was ready to get off at the stop. Dan had sat up too.

"Canterlot stop approaching." Said the pegasus as he decended and slowed down. He hit the ground and the carriage jolted forward as the stallion slowed down the cart in time to stop at the Taxi sign.

He turned his head. "Canterlot."

Twilight hopped down from the cart and Dan followed.

"Wow." He said in surprise as the next passengers got in, all of which were staring at him, "That actually felt really good." He slumped his shoulders and frowned. "It was awful."

"Can't you find one nice thing to say about this place?" Twilight commented as the proceeded into the marketplace in front of the palace.

Dan looked up in mock thought. "Hmmmmm. Nope. Can't recall anything."

Twilight rolled her eyes for the hundredth time since Dan had arrived. They strolled through the gate. "Look, just try not to disrupt anything."

On both sides of the main road that led up to the castle, stallls and shops were bustling with activity in the afternoon sun. Ponies of all sizes, races, and colors zoomed in and out of the shops and stalls, buying wares, getting services, and window shopping. With all the hubbub, nobody seemed to notice as Dan and Twilight walked up the cobblestone path towards the castle. Side roads that led off the path had ponies trotting in them for even more shops and stalls. Deals and haggles could be heard as both Dan and Twilight reached the castle gate. It was tall and gold, connected on both sides by a tall white brick wall that stretched all the way around the castle grounds. They stopped in front of it, and it opened up to a brick path that lead up to the castle entrance.

All around the path were stone statues and hedges, along with large round flowerbeds and other various garden plants. A few gardeners were out tending to the plants, raking leaves and trimming bushes. Dan walked faster to keep up with Twilight as she was walking at a brisk pace towards the entrance. Just as Twilight and Dan were about to walk in the threshold of the castle, a large iron gate slammed down in front of them.

"Whoa!" said Twilight as she lept back.

Dan stepped back too. "What the hell?"

Two armor-clad gaurds with spears rushed out to see them.

Twilight regained her composure. "I'm here to see the princesses."

"We can't let him through. He'll have to stay with us for the princesses protection." Said one of the gaurds.

"He's fine really, he's the reason I'm here."

The other gaurd shook his head. "We must hold him untill called upon by the princesses."

Dan looked expectantly at Twilight. "Well?"

"Dan, go with them, I'll try to get you as soon as I can."

"What?!? I don't have time for this, I want to go home." He walked forward towards the gate, but the stallion gaurds pointed their spears at him.

"Don't go any further." Said one gaurd sternly.

Dan frowned. "Whatever. Fine, I'll play this stupid game."

"This way, sir." One of the gaurds trotted to the left as Dan followed, frowning again.

The first gaurd nodded to Twilight. "This way, miss. " He led Twilight into the castle as the gate lifted and both Twilight and Dan went their seperate ways. As Twilight disappeared into the main castle. Dan was lead to a room full of gaurds-in-training. All about, new recriuts were learning the ropes of the castle interrior and combat. A few unicorns were learning magic that would be used for defense. Dan shook his head.

"This is the damnedest thing I've ever seen."

The gaurd that led him spoke up. "Go take a seat over there. You'll be called for in a moment."

Dan frowned angrily as he walked over near the doorway to the outside, where there was an exceptionally nervous unicorn was trying to learn a levitation spell. Next to him was a white unicorn wearing purple armor lined with gold trim.

"I'm sorry, Shining, sir, I just can't get it."

"No, no, no, you can. We recruited you and we only accept the best. Try again on that." The unicorn, presumably named Shining, pointed towards a barrel.

Dan rolled his eyes as the unicorn shot the spell from his horn, making the barrel lift feebly for a few moments, then fall over. Dan scoffed. Shining frowned.

"What are you?"

"That's not very nice. You can't just ask people what they are. Didn't your mother teach you any manners? I happen to be King Dan, ruler of the humans."

"You know for some reason, I don't believe that."

"You best be believing it, peasant."

"I don't have time for this." Shining turned back to the recruit. "Now, I really want you to concentrate, put all your effort into making the barrel fly."

The unicorn closed his eyes, lowered his head and spread his legs for better support. His horn began to light up, and the glow began to get brighter and brighter, sparks were flying from his horn, and thats when Dan yelled.

"Don't mess up!"

The unicorn shot up, looked at where the sound came from, and lost his concentration. The spell hit Dan full in the chest, and he began to float upwards. All the other recruits and gaurds looked up at him as Dan realized this was his escape. He started swimming in the air, over the two gaurds that stood at the entrance of the doorway.

"See ya losers! Dan always gets away!"

Unfortunatly, the spell began to wear off, and Dan fell.

"Oh."

Everyone snapped out of their awe and Shining took action. He called out to the two gaurds standing in the open archway.

"You two, get him!"

Dan jumped up and ran into the castle where Twilight had gone as three gaurds and Shining chased him, shooting spell after spell at him. Dan jumped, ducked, and dodged as he ran as fast he could down the hallways of the castle. A green spell narrowly missed him and shattered a vase that was standing on a pedestal in a corner. Dan slid around the corner and saw a door on the right side. He entered the room an closed the doors just as the gaurds had rounded the corner after him, but Shining heard the door shut. He motioned for his fellow gaurds to follow him as he barged into the room.

"Shining Armor?"

Shining looked left and saw that there were already others in the room. Twilight and princesses Celestia and Luna were having some tea near the throne.

Twilight was the one who had said his name. "B.B.B.F.F., what are you doing here?"

Shining bowed because of the princesses. "I saw an intruder enter the room."

Celestia smiled. "Are you sure? I didn't see anyone. Did you, my sister?"

Luna shook her head. "No, my dear sister. What of you, Twilight?"

"Oh, uh, no, nobody came in here, except for you, Shining."

Shining lowered his head and backed out the room, and the other two gaurds followed suit. "My mistake princesses, I thought I did see someone come in here. Good day."

He backed completely out the room as the door slammed shut on him. Dan stood there with his hand on it, as he had been behind the door the whole time. Celestia began.

"So, Dan, or King Dan, Twilight here tells me you are the ruler of , what was it, my student?"

"The humans. King of the humans."

"Ahh, yes." Celestia sipped on her tea, held aloft be magic. "It's always nice to meet royalty."

Luna finished her tea. "What is it called, the place you're from?"

"Dantopia."

"Funny, Twilight told us you said it was called Earth."

"Yeah? Well, she lied."

Twilight got mad. "No I didn't! You told me many times it was called Earth!"

Dan looked at Twilight as he stood next to her, in front of the princesses. "Neat. Can we get to the real reason we're here? You know so I can go home?"

Celestia was still smiling. "Ah yes. You want to return home. Fortunately, there is a way to send you back to where you came from."

Twilight and Dan spoke at once. "There is?!"

Celestia nodded. "There is. The Elements of Harmony."

Twilight looked confused. "I didn't know they can open portals to other worlds."

It was Luna's time to talk. "There are a lot of things you don't know about the Elements."

Celestia nodded again. "However, I'm not going to send you home."

Dan got close to Celestia's face. "WHAT! HOW DARE YOU DENY ME A WAY HOME!! WHAT KIND OF CRUEL, UNJUST LEADER ARE YOU?!?!?!!"

Celestia didn't even blink. She just calmly sipped her tea and continued to smile. Twilight was wild eyed as Dan backed off.

"Dan! You can't yell at the princess like that! Y-"

Celestia waved a hoof at Twilight. "It's alright. I knew he would react this way. What I should say is, I will send you home, but not yet. I've heard stories about you from Twilight."

Dan cut her off. "And what? You believed her?"

Celestia got stern. "Yes. Yes I did. She has no reason to lie to me. My deal with you is this. You do something really nice for someone, and I'll send you home."

"No."

"Well, then it looks like we have a problem."

"You're the one with the problem. I want home, and for some reason you won't let me leave."

"I'm not going to negotiate this one, Dan. This is my final offer."

Dan narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips."Whatever."

"Good. Now, I excpect a letter from Twilight when you've completed your task."

Twilight nodded. "Yes, princess."

"And Dan, to the best of luck with you."

Dan and Twilight left the castle, but not before Dan got an eyeful of Shining Armor's scowl as he sat gaurd at the entrance.

"Bye Shining!" Chirped Twilight happily as she and Dan passed by him.

"Bye Twily." Shining said still scowling at Dan.

It was after midday now, and the streets were still busy, and some shops would still be busy untill midnight. Twilight hailed a taxi at the taxi stop they had gotten off at earlier. They took off as the sun was setting, and arrived back at the treehouse library, which was now clean thanks to Spike.

"Well, Dan, you've got a busy day ahead of you tomorrow. You need to get some rest."

Dan frowned. "Don't tell me what to get."

Twilight crawled into her bed. "Just go to sleep, Dan."

Dan fell back onto his bed. "Mph."

Twilight magiced the lantern in the room to go out, and they both fell asleep.

Author's Note

OK, so this is the first chapter that was my completely original idea.The next chapter will be, too. Tell me what you thought!