Despair

by JeromeSaur

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Sad, Dark, Romance
Length: 2073

Three years ago, Twilight Sparkle's mother passed away. Since then, Twilight has suffered schizophrenia. Only one draconequus can bring light to her dark and despaired life.

Three years ago, Princess Twilight Sparkle's mother passed away. That was when she moved to Ponyville. Since then, she had to cope with her abrupt death. Her schizophrenia hadn't really affected her. She got used to blocking out the voices very quickly and all on her own, too. She saw no reason to tell anyone about it. She did notice that day by day it becomes less and less ignorable. Little by little, she grows more and more affected.

One day, Shining Armor, Cadence, and Twilight's father decide to visit and that's the day that she couldn't take it anymore. Discord asks Fluttershy if he can stay at Twilight's house to see what in Equestria is going on, ultimately, Fluttershy agrees. Discord for once feels bad for the purple unicorn. He tries to help, but neither her family or her herself will allow him to do it. Discord will stop at nothing to help, if it takes at least a little bit of her despair away.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-30 03:00:02 UTC

Panic

The lavender alicorn sits in her home, reading quietly. She is seeing the signs. It is returning. Whispers echo in her ear, along with degrading words and phrases. She freezes. Didn't they leave? Why, especially today, had they tried to come back? She tried to block out the voices, like she had been doing ever since her mother passed. Now, it wasn't just voices, but very loud, high-pitched beeps in her ear. She flinches at it. Her ear pierces with pain. She soon finds herself looking like a mad-mare, by running around her table, screaming.

Spike runs downstairs, "Twilight, what in Equestria are you doing?!"

"...Can't...explain!!! Ahh!!!!!!" She was very panicked, and Spike was very worried about her. She was not only like his mother, but his boss, master, older sister, and best friend.

"C'mon, Twilight, you're worrying me!"

"I'm sorry, Spike! I should have told you about them a long time ago! I'm not fit to be a princess in this state!"

Spike raises an eyebrow, "What are you talking about?"

"I've been hea-"

"Oh, my, is everything alright?" Twilight pauses and looks at the concerned yellow pegasus with a light pink mane looking curiously through the window. Next to her was Discord, who was carelessly carrying many grocery bags. He looks through the window, as well.

CLICK HERE FOR FITTING MUSIC

"I suppose it'd be nice to finally tell somepony about it," Twilight said, looking down. Even though the voices screamed that her supposed friends don't care and that it's a waste of time, she had to explain to somepony. She'd be called crazy, so be it. She knew that her crown could be taken away at being insane, and it'd be embarrassing, but she had to let out her feelings.

"It?" Spike echoed.

Twilight opened the door for Fluttershy and Discord. They walked in.

"Yes, 'it'. I've been bottling up this for far too long."

"What is 'it', exactly?" Discord said, tossing the groceries from his arms, "Man, these are heavy."

Fluttershy squeed when Discord glared at her for making him carry all of those groceries.

"I know this might sound ridiculous," Twilight began. It was hard to admit. She knew that she'd sound ridiculous, but she couldn't hold it in any more. After three years of endless taunting, you can't just have a straight face anymore, or turn your cheek any longer. "But I just-I..." She stopped herself. Maybe she just should have shut her mouth. It was her fault that she was hearing these voices; She created them.

"Twilight," Fluttershy looked deeply concerned," Is something bothering you?"

"No-I-I'm fine.."

"You can't expect me to believe that after you've ran around, screaming like the world was ending," Discord said," What is bothering you?"

Twilight looked down again. "Three years ago," she said quietly. "My mother passed. Ever since then, I've been hearing these awful voices in my head-telling me I wasn't worth it. And it was my fault she was gone."

They all gasped," But Twilight, we met three years ago!" Fluttershy said.

"I know, but after the whole Smarty Pants situation, I knew that if I said anything at this point, you'd all think I was a loon."

"Twilight, you know that we'd help you," Fluttershy said.

"When I tried to tell my dad, he just yelled at me...I thought if my family was like this, what would make my friends any different?"

Fluttershy pulled Twilight into a hug, "We'll do anything to help you."

Twilight pushed her away," Excuse me? I wanted help, not insults! As if I didn't get enough of that already," She hissed.

"Wait, what?"

"Just...Go away. If you don't want to help me, fine, but you don't have to insult me."

"But I-huh?!"

Discord whispered to Fluttershy that Twilight might have heard her say something else, considering her condition.

Fluttershy looked at Twilight, with a curious face. She had been taunted as a filly, for oh-so long, but the pain Twilight must be going through must be so hard. She wondered how she could hide this from her friends, let alone not express how she truly felt.

"Twilight, we just want to help-"

"No, I'm fine. I shouldn't have said anything. Somepony just give me a straightjacket at this point! I'm a totally lost cause!"

Discord found this quite hard to watch. Over thousand years ago, he had gone through the same thing; that's what made him love chaos so. But he didn't have anyone willing to help him, therefore, he went to the "dark side". But knowing what Twilight is going through, how can she just act like nothing is wrong? Watching somepony else suffer made him feel awful. He knew that Twilight needed help, whether she wanted it or not.

He walked over to Twilight.

"Twilight, we just want to help you-"

"I don't need your help! And what makes you think I'd trust you after all that you've put my friends and me through?!" She screeched, "Just...just go away..." Anger vanished from her face, and was replaced with despair.

Spike, Discord, and Fluttershy all shot looks of confusion, and concern. Then, there was a knock on the door. Twilight sighed, as she unwillingly walked up to the door, to see Cadence, her dad, and Shining Armor all smiling.

"Twilight!"

"Guys! I missed you all so much!" Twilight had faked a smile. That was something Discord noticed, that he couldn't block out of his head. "Come in! I hope you all don't mind; Discord and Fluttershy just dropped by for a visit," She gleefully said.

"We don't mind," Cadence said," So, how have things been, princess?"

Twilight rolled her eyes," You don't have to call me princess...imnotworthyofbeingone," she mumbled.

"What was that?"

"What?"

"Must have just been me."

Twilight nodded. She awkwardly pawed at the floor," So....anything new at the Crystal Empire?"

Cadence's expression lit up," You have no idea," She said laughing. Shining began to giggle,

"Oh my Celestia, we have to tell her about the story!"

"Okay, so at the Crystal Empire..." Cadence began to tell a humorous story about a drunk crystal pony doing outrageous things, such as saying how much he loves Shining Armor. Twilight nodded and laughed when Cadence and Shining laughed, but it was hard to pay much attention. After all, her voices were making it hard to hear anything that they said.

Meanwhile, Discord and Fluttershy awkwardly just stood there. They both noticed Twilight's struggling, even if it wasn't obvious. Sometimes when you know something's wrong, you can tell when someone's faking it. Fluttershy and Discord made a plan.

Fluttershy whispered to him that she could say that there were too many animals in her house, and was wondering if Discord could stay for a little bit. Discord then nodded his head, and said that he can take note of anymore behavior, since Twilight probably won't be too open about her condition. According to her, it's "embarrassing".

Fluttershy spoke up," Um...I don't mean to interrupt or anything...But, um, I just remembered that I'm going to take care of a lot more animals now since um...mating season just passed a few months ago for squirrels and I'm not sure if I can take care of them and have Discord in my house....I was wondering if he can stay here for a little bit?"

Shining Armor looked at Nightlight (His father.) in curiosity.

Twilight nodded her head," That's fine, I suppose."

"Okay, I should probably get going. Thank you!" She struggled picking the groceries up and walked out of Twilight's home without looking back.

"So, you must be the famous reformed chaos lord?" Cadence asked.

"That's right," Discord said.

"Princess Celestia wouldn't stop bragging about your behavior change," Shining Armor said," It's nice to finally meet you."

"And it is an honor to meet the prince and princess of the Crystal Empire," He said, shaking hands with the both of them.

"Well, I didn't expect the spirit of chaos to be so...proper," Nightlight said, raising an eyebrow.

Discord scoffed after he shook hands with Nightlight, " Please, I'm just trying not to get into trouble," He said," Otherwise, I could be turned into stone for," Discord's voice began awfully high-pitched," Disrespecting royalty."

Twilight's family laughed at Discord's impression on Celestia.

Later that night, they all sat at Twilight's dinner table, feasting on Nightlight's special homemade salad.

Twilight sat next to Discord and Spike. Nightlight sat at the head of the table, and Shining Armor and Cadence were across from Twilight, Spike, and Discord.

Twilight was very quiet and didn't even touch her meal, as her family laughed and talked to each other happily. That was, of course, until Nightlight noticed Twilight's suspicious behavior. The voices whispered in her head, telling her not to eat it, not to trust her family, and that it was poison.

"Why aren't you eating?"

No response. Twilight blankly stared ahead.

"Twilight? Twilight? I'm talking to you!"

Twilight jumped a little and stared at her father.

"I..."

"Dad," Shining Armor quietly said.

"What?"

"You know what," Twilight said flatly. Cadence stared at Twilight with concern and confusion. Discord and Spike both looked at each other like little foals do when they get called down to the office.

"Can you stop that nonsense?"

"But that's the truth....I hear voices." Cadence drops her fork, while she was in the middle of eating salad.

"Voices," Nightlight said, aggravated.

"They're talking to me again."

"How many times do I have to tell you? There is nothing wrong with you! You just need to get out more often instead of staying in your house all day," He frowned," You are a princess, not a loon! And all of these voices you are hearing- they are not there! How many times have I told you? It's just in your head! You are alright, you are perfectly okay! I'm telling you!"

At this point, Twilight was breathing heavily, and shielding her ears with her hooves. Discord and Spike sat there grimacing. Twilight runs out and to her room.

"I am not done talking to you yet, Twilight!" Nightlight face-hoofs and looks at Shining Armor," What's wrong with her?"

"How would I know? She's changed....Ever since mom died..."

Nightlight puts down his fork," Mom died three years ago, we can't keep using this as an excuse! Why is she behaving like this?! I'm not like that! Neither are you!"

"Maybe she misses mom?"

They continue eating in silence.

Twilight lay in her bed, curled up in a ball, trying to ignore the whispers in her ear that sounded so strangely real.

"Stop it," She told her self cautiously.

Discord opened the door, " Twilight?"

"Go away!"

"Twilight..."

"Just leave me alone!"

"You should know that...I decided to stay here because I was concerned...Your father...he's not a bad pony...He just doesn't understand. He came all the way from Canterlot to visit you."

Twilight didn't say anything. Shining Armor walked in, "What's wrong, Twily? You were never like this before...You used to be cheerful and active but...There's something wrong with your mind...What passes through it..."

Twilight snaps her head to the side, glaring at Shining Armor and Discord.

"You think I chose to be like this?!"

"Just go out and enjoy yourself! Go out with your friends!"

"You think I'm creating this?!"

"Oh, Twily..."

"I knew that it was better if I didn't speak at all...Nopony listens to me!"

"Twilight..."

"Nopony understands me!"

"Twilight!"

Twilight runs out of her room, past her father, Spike, and Cadence. Shining Armor and Discord follow her.

They see Twilight sitting on the edge of her balcony; sobbing, and ready to jump off. Jump, the voices told her.

"Twilight! What are you doing?!" Discord screamed.

"Dad!!!" Cadence, Spike, and Nightlight rushed to the balcony.

"Twilight!"

"I just need them to stop talking to me!" She said, sobbing.

"Why?! What's wrong with you?!" He screamed in horror, "Is life so bad that you want to kill yourself?!"

"I just need the voices to stop!"

"This doesn't make any sense!"

"Dad!"

"Twilight!"

"I just need the voices to stop!!" She continued sobbing, agony in her voice.

Nightlight pulls her off of the ledge, and everypony holds her tight.

"Stop acting like this! Stop acting so crazy!"

"Dad, Dad! Stop! She can't help herself now!"

Twilight continued sobbing, and covering her ears, and her Dad held her in his arms, feeling her pain.

Twilight, indeed, felt much despair.