The First and Final Battle
Morning in Ponyville rumbled.
Morning in Ponyville shook.
And all knew for absolute certain: Nothing good can come of this.
Out of the darkness of the Everfree Forest, a darker darkness loomed, the darkest darkness of all darknesses, King Sombra, revived through dark magic to seek his revenge on the ones who had killed him, but since the Crystal Empire was filled with love he just had to settle for the Elements of Harmony.
But it wasn't just King Sombra emerging from the Everfree for Queen Chrysalis also emerged with her Changeling army from behind Sombra's dark darkness, after having recovered from her injuries, she vowed revenge on those who had defeated her, but since the Crystal Empire was so full of love that approaching it put her in a violent pleasure-coma she had to settle for the Elements of Harmony.
And yet still more villainous rogues appeared, the Alicorn Amulet attached to Sunset Shimmer for some reason, that one green dragon Spike stole from, Prince Blueblood who wasn't a villain but whatever, the Ursa Major and its husband, the somewhat larger Ursa Major, a large number of diamond dogs, Lightning Dust, the Parasprites, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon somehow, Trixie's arrogance, even Larry was there to invade ponyville.
Oh, and Gilda I guess.
But the worst had yet to come, as Nightmare Moon herself emerged from atop the cacophonous assembly of villains, ne'er-do-wells, and Blueblood to make her proclamation.
"Once the Elements are destroyed, the night, will last, FOREVER!" as the wicked nightmare laughed, the army and dark darkness below her moved to charge at Ponyville, "Who are those beings anyway? No matter, victory shall be mine!"
The Army and Darkness moved through Ponyville like a brisk and terrifying breeze, not actually damaging anything on the way, which is impressive for the Ursa Majors at any rate, for they knew what their target was, and soon enough their target was in sight.
The Army and Darkness arrived at the Ponyville Library and stopped, facing off against the six mares they sought varying amounts of vengeance upon.
Princess Twilight Sparkle, the Element of Magic, wielder of fathomless power and leader of the Harmony Rangers- Harmony Lavender!
Rainbow Danger Dash, the Element of Loyalty, the fastest pegasus in Equestria and the bearer or the Triforce of Courage, she's Celestia's chosen hero and it is she who possesses an unbreakable spirit, she's the Hero of Rainbows!
Applejack, the Element of Honesty, while she appears to be an ordinary earth pony the truth is that she leads a double life as a costumed crimefighter, after the tragic death of her parents she donned the costume and mistique of a masked vigilante, for she is Batmare!
Rarity, the Element of Generosity, who's secretly the reincarnation of the princess of an ancient race of gem-ponies, together with her fellow reincarnated royals she battles the forces of the alterplane, she is the one named Sailor Diamond!
Fluttershy, the Element of Kindness, she lives in a small shack with her animal friends.
Pinkie Pie, the Element of Laughter, who isn't really an earth pony at all! Sent to Equestria as an infant, Pinkie was adopted by the Pie Family as though she were one of them, and due to a concussion she experience while she was young she can no longer remember her alien heritage, but through a series of strange and drawn out events she discovered her true power and heritage, the power of Surprise, the legendary Super Pony!
"Alright girls!" Twilight grinned as the elements began charging up, "Now is the time when we transform through varied and incredibly interesting methods to attain a higher level of power!"
Upon hearing their team's catchphrase, the Harmonious Bat Hero Sailor Warrior Rangers Z Force each began their transformation.
Twilight's Element glowed with lavender light briefly and suddenly her body was covered in lavender armor with golden stripes, golden wingblades, and a black faceplate.
"Harmony Lavender, ready for battle!"
Rainbow Dash opened her inventory and equipped her green Hero's Tunic (with hat), her Wingblades of Mastery, and her Hover Horseshoes, which allowed for 20% faster speeds at the cost of 45% of traction.
"..."
Applejack ran first to the schoolhouse to abduct Scootaloo, then to Sweet Apple Acres, into the barn, behind the secret door, through the hidden teleporter and down the reverse stripper poles, which garbed the two of them instantly. Upon reaching the bottom, Applejack was wearing the grey jumpsuit and black boots cape and mask that marked her as Batmare, somewhat clashing with the bright yellow bat emblem and utility belt. Scootaloo was garbed in a tasteful mix of reds and greens marking her as The Sparrow.
"What's happening Batmare?" Sparrow asked inquisitively, her bright eyes questioning.
"There's a fight brewin' Sparrow," Batmare lowered herself to Scootaloo's eye-level, her voice turning serious, "Ah need you ta stand on tha sidelines and cheer fer Rainbow Dash, you know she can't perform well without a naive audience to cheer at the littlest things she does."
"Gee willickers!" Sparrow's face brightened even more than it had been as she uttered her catchphrase.
"Now, to tha Batmobile!"
Rarity's element glowed in much the same way as Twilight's, but Generosity instead took Rarity to another plane, a dimension filled with light and untold energy. The transformation wasn't quick, as Rarity's body seemed to turn into light, and each individual piece of her fancy costume formed around her one by one, but eventually her inefficient battle gown was complete, and Rarity reappeared, now in her true Diamond Unicorn form.
"By the beauty of my diamonds, I'll punish you!"
Fluttershy strolled peacefully down the abondoned Ponyville streets, oblivious to the ominous orchestral score following her as she went.
Finally, she reached her home as the music built to a crescendo, ending on a high note as she opened her door, revealing what lay within.
"Come on Angel, Twilight has a job for us."
Pinkie Pie's transformation was a little... Different.
First she got up onto her hind hooves, and then, with a great scream, she flexed her forelegs as gravity ceased to apply to the nearby pebbles, golden energy built up around her and she started to change, her coat grew pale and her mane and tail took on a golden hue, with an explosion of energy wings emerged from her back.
"SURPRISE!"
Morning in Ponyville trembled.
Morning in Ponyville quaked.
And all knew for absolute certain: "Evacuate immediately! The Elements are active! I repeat, the Elements are active! Evacuate immediately!"
The populace fled as the mayor's voice echoed throughout town, leaving Ponyville empty for the climactic battle of good versus evil.
The time grew near, just as Fluttershy returned with Angel the Batmobile parked next to the library, Batmare and Sparrow stepped out of the vehicle, Batmare joining the others while Sparrow sat in the empty bleachers that were conveniently facing the final battle, there was just one piece missing: Sailor Diamond.
It only took five minutes of tense frilly accessorizing for Sailor Diamond to be ready, and once she appeared and said her little 'diamond punishment' spiel the battle was ready to begin.
The Army and Darkness were of course waiting and not doing anything interesting during the transformation sequences, as is the proper etiquette for such things.
But now it was really on!
"So, Team Harmony," Nightmare Moon cackled as she spoke the villain's pet name for our heroes, "you truly think that your old powers are enough to defeat the new and improved Nightmare Moon?"
"No!" Harmony Lavender exclaimed stiltedly, "You can't mean?"
"Oh but I can," Nightmare Moon covered herself in a coating of dark energy, pulsing and bubbling as it expanded, "and soon you will see the true power of The Nightmare Empress!"
But even as Nightmare Moon was boasting, King Sombra approached Sailor Diamond like a really dark smoky horned snake approaching a diamond shaped like a pony wearing a miniskirt.
"Sssso, thissss issss Sssssailor Diamond?" Sombra hissed double darkly, "You'll make a wonderful cryssstal ssslave."
"In your dreams, you horrid snake!" Sailor Diamond wasted no time giving the dark Dark Lord a swift buck and catchphrase combo, "Take that you ruffian!"
"The nerve!" Sombra's dark darkness billowed up around him even more as his eyes turned to solid green, "Now I'll sssshow you my newfound Ultimate Form!"
"It figures." Rarity deadpanned.
But even as Sombra was preparing to transform, Rainbow Dash and Batmare were being surrounded by Changelings, Parasprites, and Diamond Dogs.
"They certainly came prepared this time." Rainbow scanned the mixed crowd in fron of her, "Hey BM, how about one point for one of the little guys, three for the mutts, and five a bug?"
"Sounds fun RD," Batmare grinned viciously before leaping into the fray, "let's get started!"
But unbeknownst to either of the noble warriors, Lightning Dust and the green dragon, known to his friends as Bill, were looming above, preparing to strike.
"Now I zall finally havez ma revanch!" Lightning Dust exclaimed in an inexplicably bad prench accent, "William, we chargez now!"
Bill complied wordlessly, diving toward the two mares with Lightning Dust, totally unaware of the fate about to befall him.
It happened faster than either of them could react, something hit Bill out of the air, making him crash into both Lightning Dust and a glassware shop.
"Oh I'm terribly sorry," while Fluttershy sounded sincere her blushing smile told a different story, "I'm afraid Angel doesn't know his own strength."
Angel was of course completely aware of how strong he was, standing atop Fluttershy's head with his forelegs crossed, he radiated an oppressive energy.
"Hon hon!" miraculously, Lightning Dust emerged from the wreckage unscathed, "Zo, vous muzt be one of Rainbow Dazh'z zo-callez friendzhipperz!"
"Oh, you're not hurt." both Fluttershy's voice and face were unreadable and bereft of emotion.
"Oh but ov courzez!" Lightning Dust motioned to herself wordlessly, "Iv I couldez not zurvivez zuch a tiny-"
"I'm afraid that's not okay," the yellow pegagus barely raised her voice, but somehow the force of her words hit like a truck, "you see, you just tried to hurt my friends, and that dragon was supposed to crush every bone in your body and reduce your organs to a disgusting puddle."
"What are vous talkingez abo-" Lightning Dust stopped.
She made a mistake.
She looked.
Surprise was flying in the sky when she felt the disturbance, it was a power she'd not felt since...
"So she's done it," she closed her eyes and starting breathing deeply, "well, we can worry about that later." the Super Pony opened her eyes to behold the Greater Starbeasts in front of her, filled with stars and power.
Surprise rushed in with a throaty scream, she delivered a mighty kick to the larger Ursa, sending it flying through the housing district, then before the second even realized what happened she lifted it into the sky and threw it down on top of the first.
Surprise giggled innocently, "Is that all you've got?"
Strangely, the Starbeasts seemed to take offense to that remark, and even stranger was when they started merging into one another.
"That's not good."
Back with Harmony Lavender, Nightmare Moon was just finishing her transformation sequence.
"Now Harmony Lavender, you will feel my wrath!" the dark magic blasted off the dark mare, revealing her newly corrupted form, black tendrils now snaked through her body and writhed out of holes in her flesh, but it wasn't gory or anything because she's some kind of magical construct, "The wrath of the Nightmare Empress!"
"So this is how far you've fallen, Nightmare," Harmony Lavender averted her gaze even as she shifted into a battle stance, "I see that there can be no redemption for you now!"
Harmony Lavender charged at the Nightmare Empress with a heavy heart.
Meanwhile, Sombra's transformation was also taking place.
"King Ssssombra, Darkivolve to..." Sombra spun in place as dark darkness seeped into him, "Emperor Sombra!"
Emperor Sombra was massive, his mane was like fire and ash, and his coat was as brimstone, his horn shone like a red sun, and the ground touching his eight hooves blackened and died.
"It is only now on the sunrise of my victory that you can see the true folly of resisting my rule! Weep! For I! Emperor! Sombra! Have arrived to defeat and enslave you, and from the ashes of this battle I shall construct a new Dark Crystal Empire and rule over it in a mighty veil of hatred, fear, and oppression! Bow down now or face my wrath, the wrath of Emperor! Sombra! Wrath such that you have never experienced before today, for today is that day upon which you will experience the thrice aforementioned wrath that I am speaking in reference to!"
"Oh please," Sailor Diamond smirked cockily as she prepared her attack, "do you really think that-"
"Taste! The fear that will be instilled by a mere glance at my most glorious of mighty actions! The least of which was known to bring even Celestia to tears in shame at its glorious magnificence! Behold the grandeur and glorious radiance of my greatness!"
A heavy silence fell over the two as they glared deeply into each others' eyes.
"You said glorious three times."
"I will murder you!"
But just nearby, Batmare and Rainbow Dash were still fighting a large number of parasprites, diamond dogs, and changelings. But suddenly Gilda tried to attack Rainbow Dash when she was distracted!
But Rainbow bucked her into a tree, so it was fine.
But.
And a little ways from there Fluttershy was dealing with Lightning Dust in ways I can't describe here.
And a little ways from there Surprise had her own troubles to deal with.
The two Ursa Majors had fused together to form Grand Ursa Prime, simultaneous king and queen of all Starbeasts. It reared up menacingly, revealing both its much larger size and shimmering silver colouration,
"So this is your final form?" far from being scared, Surprise seemed eager to face this new threat, "Well then, Cheese!"
Suddenly Cheese Sandwich was there, in accordance with the prophecy.
"What's up Pinkie?" Cheese cheesed cheesingly.
Surprise suddenly looks extra-special super-duper serious as she spoke, "Hit. My. Music."
"Okey-dokey artichokey!" In accordance with the prophecy Cheese did indeed hit Surprise's music. He also played it.
With the assumption that you would click the link, so please do so, and contact the author if the link fails.
"Yeah, that's what I'm talking about!" Surprise started dancing, in accordance with the prophecy.
Meanwhile, Harmony Lavender and the Nightmare Empress stopped fighting to dance as well. In accordance with the prophecy.
Also meanwhile was Sailor Diamond, also dancing, also Sombra, also prophecy.
Rainbow and Batmare? Dancing. Also fighting. They're dance-fighting, just as the prophecy foretold.
Fluttershy may or may not have danced, but if she had it would also be in accordance with the prophecy. The prophecy does not mention Lightning Dust.
I'm tired of the prophecy, let's forget it or Cheese Sandwich were brought up. And get new music.
Surprise hovered menacingly in front of Grand Ursa Prime, the air was tense, and she knew that only one move in her arsenal had the power to destroy this foe.
And no, it's not the Spirit Bomb, that never works.
"TUR...TLE," Surprise adopted a pose you all should be familiar to all of you as energy began to gather in her hooves, "HUR...TY," the energy intensified as she focused more power into the attack, "BEAM!"
For some reason Grand Ursa Prime didn't think to move at all during the attack, and so was vaporised by it.
Well that was anticlimactic, let's see how Harmony Lavender is faring.
Harmony Lavender and the Nightmare Empress charged at one another, but unlike their last encounter Lavender wasn't bluffing.
Naturally though, the Nightmare Empress fell apart due to the multiple holes in her body.
Did they even fight?
And of course, since Sombra was also touching his hooves, HE blackened and died.
But wait! Rainbow and Batmare finished dealing with their horde of foes and now stand before Queen Chrysalis!
"So, you two have defeated my army?" Chrysalis laughed maniacally, "It matters not, I have finally consumed enough love to assume the same form as my mother one thousand years ago! Now bask in the glory and power of the daughter of Manti-"
Chrysalis was cut off by Rainbow's sword beams. Well, her head was at any rate.
So I guess love doesn't protect you from decapitation? You learn something new everyday.
Fluttershy returned to the scene of the battle, now fully cleaned of her transgressions, "Hello Rainbow, Batmare, Harmony Lavender, Sailor Diamond, how did your climactic battles go?"
Indeed! The majority of our heroes were standing not thirty feet from one another as they fought, but before they could answer, Sparrow rushed over to the five to interrupt!
"Gee willickers, Harmonious Bat Hero Sailor Warrior Rangers Z Force, that was an amazing battle!"
"You can say that again," Said Surprise with a wink.
"But I bit my tongue the first time I said it."
And with that, everypony laughed and there were absolutely no loose ends to tie up.
HAPPY END.
Author's Note
Next Time, on The Harmonious Bat Hero Sailor Warrior Rangers Z Force, Rainbow Dash is faced with the most eXtreme of challenges: A perfectly average day!
How will she deal with such a tremendous threat? Tune in next time to find out.
Morning in Ponyville was overcast with a scheduled shower in the afternoon.
It was a relatively average day, though not as average as some.
Of course the Ponyville definition of average can be very broad, which can be seen today as two Space™ Pods crashed into town hall.
Two hours after the crash the passengers got bored of nopony coming to investigate and stepped out, dramatically revealing their identities as being-
"And while I was home my long-lost Space™ sister Reprise showed up, and Piccoluna and I had to team up to fight her, but I ended up having to sacrifice my life so that Piccoluna could defeat her!" Pinkie Pie nodded as she took a pause from telling her story, "I thought I was a goner, but my family got together the seven mystical Super Dragon Saint Relics, and revived me from death."
The rest of the Z Elements could only stare on in bafflement after hearing their friend's... interesting story.
The first to recover from their stupor was Twilight, the resident single genius, "So the reason you were gone so long is because your family had to track down seven mystical relics of untold magical power?"
"Oh no no no no," Pinkie corrected emphatically, "I was just busy training in Otherworld with King Kai to prepare for the super-dangerous Space™ Ponies that are even MORE powerful than my sister and who will be arriving any day now."
Rainbow Dash smacked herself in the face in exhasperation, "And you didn't warn us about this because...?"
"I was dead silly, how was I supposed to?" Pinkie shook her head dismissively.
"You could've sent Celestikami a message," Rarity chimed in, "she is the Guardian of Equestria after all."
"Or you could've had King Kai send us a telepathic message," Twilight sagely pointed out, "my books say he can do that."
"If Piccoluna was there when you kicked the bucket you could've had her pass on the message." interjected Rainbow Dash.
"Oh." Pinkie rubbed the back of her head and blushed, "My baaad."
"Oh don't you worry too much," Applejack struck a saucy pose, "yer disappearance had us mighty worried, so we went ahead and put in some special training in Canterlot just t'be safe."
Pinkie Pie gasped dramatically, "That means you guys can help me fight the Space™ Ponies that landed a couple hours ago."
"Yeah, we'll kick those Space™ ponies' bu- wait they've already landed?" Rainbow's eyes bugged out as the news sank in.
"Well yeah," Pinkie smiled knowingly, "didn't you hear their Space™ Pods crash in town earlier?"
The others responded with mumbles of 'not thinking much of it' and 'not anything special really' and other humorous anecdotes.
"But even though they're here already we don't have anything to worry about with you here, right Pinkie?" Fluttershy looked up hopefully.
"Actually I gotta go do something vague in Canterlot try to not all die out there bye." Pinkie suddenly flew towards Canterlot, leaving her friends horrified at the prospect of facing-
-none other than King Sombra and Bulk Biceps, two of the few surviving Space™ Ponies. The duo strode confidently from their Space™ Pods, their Space™ Armour glinting in the sunlight and their Space™ Scouters staying attached by no visible means.
"So this is Equestria," King Sombra mused, "the gravity here is light, I doubt we'll have much trouble with the inhabitants."
"YEAH!" Replied Bulk sagely.
"My thoughts exactly, let's go find those Super Dragon Saint Relics."
"NOT SO FAST, SPACE™ KNAVE!" Piccoluna alighted upon the ground with Pipsqueak, "You may have come a long way for our relics, but there's no way We will allow that."
"Wait, weren't we supposed to come to you?" King Sombra seemed metaconfused, "And I'm positive there are supposed to be more of you."
"YEAH!"
"WE WILL NOT WAIT WHILE YOU CRETINS SLAUGHTER INNOCENTS!" Piccoluna reared up on her back legs and lit up her horn, a bright light flashed from her horn as she summoned THE Z ELEMENTS MINUS PINKIE® to the battlefield, "There, now we may begin the battle for the fate of this world!"
Rainbow flew up and started shadowboxing, "Oh yeah! Now to kick some Space™ Pony bu-"
"Actually, since I'm a non-combatant can I just go examine alien technology?" Twilight asked sheepishly.
"By all means Twilight Sparkle." Piccoluna turned to the Space™ Ponies, "Could one of you lend her some of your alien technology?"
"Meh, whatever," King Sombra closed his eyes in a bored fashion, "Bulk, pass her your Scouter, let her play with that."
"YEAH!" Bulk flew menacingly towards Twilight at super speeds, stopping just short of impact to politely give her his scouter.
"Thank you Bulk!" Twilight accepted the scouter gleefully.
"YEAH!" Bulk floated back to King Sombra as Twilight skipped away happily.
"So..." Rainbow Dash began tentatively shadowboxing, "do we start kicking their bu-"
"SAIBAGIBLETS!" as soon as Bulk screamed six green pony-ish things sprouted in front of him, presumably Saibagiblets.
"That's it!" Rainbow surged forward with incredible speed toward the nearest Saibagiblet, "I'll juet kick this thing's bu-"
KA-BOOM!
"Wow," King Sombra looked on in contempt, "truly is she greatest tactical mind of our generation."
"Rainbow!" yelled her allies in sorrow.
"Yea shall her genius deliver us from darkness and lead us to salvation."
"Do you mind?" Rarity stared coldly at the Space™ Pony, "In case you hadn't noticed our friend just died!"
"My entire planet was destroyed," King Sombra countered coldly.
"Oh." Rarity's face fell as she processed the ramifications of his statement, "I'm so sorry for your loss."
"Holy shit you are such massive pussies," King Sombra looked around pensively, "Where the hell is Surprise anyway? I'm pretty sure she's the only one around here who'll provide any challenge."
"HEY!" Piccoluna shouted angrily.
"What's the matter alimekian?" King Sombra grinned wickedly, "Are you mad that you're so weak even Reprise was too much for you?"
"ALI-WHAT?"
Ali-what? thought Celestikami.
Celestikami was sitting in her throne room. She had been observing the proceedings for some time, which was strange since so little had happened.
"Celestikami? Is everything alright?" Celestikami's aide approached uncertainly.
"I'm afraid not Shining Armour, and yet there still may very well be yet possibly hope for this world of ours."
"Whatever do you mean?" Shining Armour was torn between sadness and relief.
"While I can still feel the certainty of Piccoluna's demise looming, the Space™ Pony's words are very promising," Celestikami raised her head to the heavens gravely, and yet also smiled, "for you see, Shining Armour, there may yet be more Super Dragon Sain Relics."
"Truly? But where?"
Celestikami's smile widened as she looked to Shining Armour, "My home planet, the birthplace of the Alimekians."
"ALI-WHAT?" yelled Piccoluna, "Really though, what is that?"
"It doesn't matter," King Sombra smiled evilly, "I doubt you'll even live long enough to fight Bulk, so there's no need to get caught up on trivial details."
"THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK FIEND!" Piccoluna grasped Fluttershy in her magic, ignoring the pegasus' squeaky objections, "FEEL THE POWER OF A PROUD EQUESTRIAN!"
Piccoluna threw Fluttershy hard at the collected Saibagiblets, but instead of making contact and exploding like Rainbow Dangerounknobodon'tellaunlesanitary.
King Sombra and Bulk could only stare in horror at what remained of the Saibagiblets.
"What the hell was that?" King Sombra stepped back, his face turning green, "I think I'm gonna be sick."
Pipsqueak sidled closer to his master, "Piccoluna I'm scared."
"FEAR NOT LITTLE PIP!" Piccoluna proclaimed patriotically(?), "for Fluttershy is and always has been our ally."
"Excellent work Fluttershy," Rarity beamed, "Now you Space™ Ponies see the error of coming to-"
"YEAH!" Bulk, moving quicker than could be seen, killed Rarity in a method too terrible to describe while maintaining a teen rating, yet not nearly as terrible as what happened to the Saibagiblets.
"Rarity!" Applejack cried out, sorrow painted plainly on her face, "How could you, you mons-"
"YEAH!" Y'know, it occurs to me that Bulk killing everypony isn't all that amusing. If only he had a sexy gravelly voice and hilarious dialogue.
"Oh I'm sorry, what was that?" King Sombra, seemingly recovered from his nausea, what back to swaggering like the super-elite ponce he was, "I couldn't quite hear you over the sound of your organs shattering that windowpane!"
AND THEN SUDDENLY CLIFFHANGNAIL!
Author's Note
What will happen next? Will the remaining Fighters be able to withstand the dangerous assault of Bulk Biceps? Where is Pinkie Pie? Why did she leave? When will she return?
Do you want the answers to those questions? Well you'll have to wait for next time, on The Harmonious Bat Hero Sailor Warrior Rangers Z Force!
