A New Breed of Chaos

by ArchAngelGundam

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Original Character, Self Insert, Princess Celestia, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Gore
Length: 5772

Awakened after a thousand years, but with no memory of being in Equestria, how will the fledgling Lord Chaos change what is to come? Let's find out, shall we?

One thousand years ago. A lot of things happened then. Some included me. Pity I don't remember any of it. Still, the Nightmare will be returning soon, so I'd better step up to the 'Lord Chaos' bit.
Here's hoping I don't mess things up in the process.
Let Chaos rise.

Tags to be add as story progresses to avoid spoilers. Updates will be sporadic and likely long in between.
Will contain: herds, battlefield gore, human-on-pony adult contact (skipable).
Special thanks to DungeonMiner for all his help.

Published 2015-05-03 04:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-05-03 04:00:02 UTC

I – From America to Equestria… in 10 Seconds Flat

“Yes Dad, I understand. Yes… yes… no… Dad… Dad?... DAD! I’ll be fine. I’m living on campus and have five years active duty service under my belt. Everything will be fine. Yes…" I sighed. "No Dad, I do not have a girlfriend yet. Right. Thanks. Love you too. Bye.” I sighed again as I ended the call on my cell.

“Family troubles, J.C.?” Tyler asked.

“Don’t get me started.” I answer. “Ever since the divorce he’s taken overprotectiveness to a whole new level. You’d think a retired Colonel would know what a combat vet can do. And don’t call me J.C.”

“Yes sir, mister the conqueror, sir!” Tyler said with a phony salute. I just facepalmed.

“Okay, what's J.C. mean?” Erik spoke up. “And where does ‘the conqueror’ come from?”

“You didn’t know?” Tyler asked, throwing his arm around my shoulders. “Combat vet here is descended from William the Conqueror. J.C. is Jason getting the title."

“Really?” Erik asked, looking to me for confirmation. “No wonder I can never beat you in C&C.”

“You never beat him because you suck.” Tyler said, removing his arm.

“You suck!” Erik replied.

‘Oh crap, here we go again.’ I thought.

“Your mom sucked last night!” Tyler said, right on cue.

“Why you!” Erik tried to lunge at Tyler, who was more than ready, but I managed to step in between the two and stop them.

“Fellas, fellas, cut it out or get a room!” I said. “We don’t need to get Officer Krupke up here again.”

“Oh no, not Officer Krupke!” Tyler said, words dripping sarcasm. “How will I ever survive another tongue-lashing from Officer Krupke!?”

“We still on for COD tonight?” I asked, ignoring Tyler’s antics.

“All I have left on the agenda is lunch.” Erik said.

“Lucky you.” Tyler’s tone was more subdued. “I’ve got a paper due Monday and I’m not even half done.”

“One and a half days for half a paper, sucks to be you.” Erik said.

“Us, actually.” I replied. “It’s a group paper in the class we share,” I lightly punched Tyler in the arm. “And guess who numb-skull here picked for his partner?”

“Ah, well, good luck you two.” Erik said sympathetically. “I’ll see you guys latter then. I’m off to lunch.”

“Take care.”

“Bye.”

Tyler and I started walking to the lab while Erik headed to the food court in the opposite direction. We got about five feet, just passed the 'clock tower' of Indiana University Southeast before I spoke up.

“I don’t like lying to my friends.” I stated.

“So we’re not going to work on a group paper.” Tyler replied. “Or even have a group paper. He won’t understand the real reason and will most likely react in an expected manner.” I stopped and grabbed his arm, harder than I should have.

“This is the last time I cover for you!” Tyler seemed to finally be paying real attention to what I was saying. “I don’t care what it is, or how important! Lying is bad enough, lying to a friend is intolerable! I would’ve thought you of all people would’ve understood how important Honesty is!” I let go of his arm and continued on, before I saw he wasn’t following and turned back.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” He said, tone more somber than most I’ve seen. “An Applejack fan shouldn’t be doing that sort of thing.”

“Well, at least you’ve learned your lesson.” I said after a pause. Then grinned at a thought. “Maybe you can write a letter to Princess Celestia while we watch the season opener?”

“Heh, yeah, let’s go with that one.” He said as we walked to see what’s been happening in the magical land of Equestria since Rainbow Rocks.

The Two looked down on the humans as they continued on their way.

“I can see why you chose him.” She said. “He has a good heart.”

“Indeed.” He replied. “It’s almost a pity that his destiny lies outside of this realm. My world is in dire need of more like him.”

“My offer of help still stands.” She reminded.

“I know, but after all the work my Son put into this world, He deserves to see it come to fruition.” He remarked. “I’m sure your Daughters would feel the same way.”

“They would.” She admitted. “Still, Your world looks like it needs more help than Mine.”

“They just need time.” He said. “You know how mortals are.”

I had left Tyler in the lab, so he could do actual school work, while I went across the street to get lunch at a taco place I like. It was perfectly safe, stoplights, crosswalks, looking both ways, you know, everything parents tell their kids to do when crossing the street. Naturally, of course, that’s where it happened. I don’t remember what was on my mind to keep me from looking both ways, I don’t know what caused the vehicle not to stop at the red light, all I know was that, halfway across the street I heard a loud horn blare, looked left, and caught a face full of bus.

The next thing I knew, I was being woken up by a sonic boom, followed immediately by the sound of cracking stone. At that point I realized that I was fully encased in said stone. Remembering what happened to Han Solo, I felt and heard my heart race as I struggled to get free from the prison encasing me. After a second of struggling, and falling face first into the ground, I decided that it was easier than I expected.

“Oh!” I heard. “A-are you, okay?”

“Yeah.” I said, dusting myself off as I stood. The impact didn’t hurt nearly as much as I would have thought, and the stone seemed to have crumbled to little more than the dust I brushed off. “Yeah I think I’m…” I started, looking up at whom I was speaking, only to find a pink equine with a multi-colored mane, a unicorn horn, and pegasus wings. An equine I knew. “I think I’m having a dream.”

“A, a dream?” She asked. “W-why would you think that?”

“Because I’m talking to Princess Mi Amore Cadenza.” I replied.

“How… how do you know my name?” Cadence asked.

“That’s an in-depth answer that could take some time to explain.” I said, before taking a look at my surroundings. We were in part of the hedge maze, though the upper portion of what I assumed was Canterlot Castle was visible. A number of pony statues were in the area, many of which had armor similar to that of the Royal Guard, but most of the unicorns that had clothes at all wore robes. One such unicorn seemed to stand more prominently than the rest.

“Oh hey, Star Swirl the Bearded!” I exclaimed, making my way over to the statue.

Star Swirl The Bearded
Father Of Modern Magic
Archmage Of Canterlot
A Hero Of Equestria

“Yeah, that sounds about right.” I said as I looked over the plaque attached to the statue. It was getting harder to convince myself that all this was a dream and not the aspirations of most Bronies.

“You knew Star Swirl the Bearded!?” Exclaimed Cadence.

“More like I knew of him.” I answered. “I’ve never been to Equestria before, and I’m sure he never traveled to where I’m from.”

“You’ve never been to Equestria before?” Cadence asked. “Aren’t you Jason Williams?”

“Yeah…” I said, turning to look at her. “How do you know my name?” She pointed at the place where I woke up. I walked over to get a better look, and saw the same stone pedestal that all the other statues were on, but this one was empty. With the exception of some scattered stone shards it looked the same as all the rest, plaque included. When I got close enough I read the inscription.

Jason Williams
Gave His Life Defending The
Alicorn Sisters From Discord
A Warrior From Earth
A Hero Of Equestria

“Uh-huh. That’s uh, that’s something alright.” Not exactly eloquent, but this was just about the last thing I expected. I placed my left hand on the pedestal to get a better look at the plaque only to cut myself on a sharp piece of stone that I didn’t see.

“Ouch!” I exclaimed as I jerked my hand back.

“Are you alright?” Cadence asked, at my side in an instant.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I answered, shaking my hand. “It was more surprise than actual pain. Should probably get this looked at all the same.”

“Here, let me.” She took my hand in her hooves and her horn lit up as she began to cast a spell. The same aura showed up around the cut on my hand, but beyond an overly weird sensation that I’d never experienced before, nothing happened. With a scowl, she put more effort into her spell and the sensation intensified, but nothing else happened. With a huff, she released both the spell and my hand.

“That was supposed to heal.” She said, irritated.

“No problem.” I said, pulling out my handkerchief and making a makeshift bandage. “We’ll just have to do this the old-fashioned way.” Cadence just stared at me while I applied the handkerchief, watching me work. I was about to say something when she spoke up.

“So, you really are Jason Williams, aren’t you?” She asked.

“That is my name, though I’m not sure I’m the one you’re talking about.” I replied.

“Why not? You’re the one that came out of the statue.” She asked.

“Yeah, it sure seems that way.” I said, looking down at the stone shards. “The problem is that I have no memory of being in Equestria before breaking out of said statue.”

“Well, you came out of the statue, you said your name is Jason Williams, and you’re human.” She said. “I say that’s more than enough to take you to see my aunt.”

“Sounds good,” I replied, flexing my hand to test the bandage. “But before we get going, there’s one thing I want to do first.”

“And what’s that?” She asked, slightly nervous.

“Greetings your highness.” I said, holding my right hand out to shake. “My name is Jason Williams, but you can call me Jason. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Cadence hesitated a moment before returning the gesture with her hoof.

“Greetings Jason Williams.” She said. “My name is Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, but you may call me Cadence. The pleasure is mine.” Now formerly introduced, she led the way out of the maze.

“Wait a minute.” I said as we walked. “How did you know I was human?”

“That’s all I could get out of Aunt Celestia when I asked about your statue.” She replied. “That, and that you were a good friend.”

“Ah, that explains it.” I said. “You know, there is one good thing your magic did back there.”

“Really?” Cadence asked. “What’s that?”

“I am now beyond all reasonable doubt that this is real.” I replied.

“What do you mean by that?” She asked.

“Back where I come from there have been studies that when the human mind dreams, or has delusions when in a coma, the mind can come up with a number of fantastic experiences for the dreamer, but everything is taken from the dreamers memory.” I answered, hoping I didn’t go too nerdy for Cadence. “Magic as you know it doesn’t exist back home, so the sensation of your spell trying to heal my cut was completely new to me. Therefore, it becomes highly unlikely that I am either dreaming or in a coma.” Cadence giggled before replying.

“You sound a lot like a filly I used to foal-sit.” She said. I smirked, knowing exactly who she was talking about.

“I hope I get to meet her someday.” I replied. “Though if things go the way I think they will, it may be sooner rather than later.”

“Why do you say that?” She asked.

“It’s tied in with how I knew your name when we first met.” I answered. “I’ll explain, I promise, but, like I said, it’s an in-depth answer that could take some time to finish. I’d like to only say it once, so if you could do me a favor and wait to hear the explanation until after we meet with Celestia I’d be grateful.”

She nodded her consent and fell silent, apparently thinking on what I had said. The silence didn’t bother me much, though it forced me to become more creative in keeping calm about the fact that, somehow, I’VE BEEN TRANSPORTED TO EQUESTRIA! While I’d always wanted to come, I had the distinct feeling I was here permanently, giving all the appropriate implications of what my family would end up going through. Hopefully Celestia would have an answer for some of my concerns.

A short walk latter and we were out of the maze and into the garden proper, and a short walk after that and we were walking through the palace doors. The guards had questioned my presence, but let us through after Cadence explained that it was a matter requiring Princess Celestia’s attention. Speaking up would probably have caused more trouble than it was worth, so I decided to stay silent. Despite the fact that I’d have loved to have seen the looks on the guards faces.

The throne room wasn’t quite as big as I would’ve thought, but it was impressive none-the-less, especially seeing all the stain glass windows that weren’t shown in the show. The only problem was that Celestia wasn’t there. Cadence walked up to a pale yellow stallion with an auburn mane, half-moon spectacles, and a scroll and quill cutie mark.

“Hello Noteworthy.” Cadence said. “Have you seen Aunt Celestia lately?”

“Hm, ah, hello Princess.” Noteworthy replied. “Yes, I believe she is meeting with her new student in her quarters. You will likely find her there.” New student? If that’s who I think it is, I am a number of years earlier than I thought I was.

“Thank-you Noteworthy.” Cadence said with a slight bow of her head.

“My pleasure Princess.” Noteworthy responded with a full bow. “May I presume that it has something to do with that odd creature with you?”

“Yes, and if I’m right, Princess Celestia will want to see him as soon as possible.” Cadence replied.

“Ah, then I shan’t keep you any longer.” Noteworthy said. “Have a pleasant afternoon Princess.”

“Thank-you.” Cadence said. “A pleasant afternoon to you as well.” With that, we exited through a side door and went through the palace. Thankfully it wasn’t a long walk, but the décor seem a bit fancy for my tastes. Given that this was a palace, it was probably unavoidable. Cadence was kind enough to point out some of the more famous paintings, or the more famous ponies they depicted, and a brief history of each. I was pleased to find out that Hurricane, Pudding-head, and Platinum had mellowed out some after some initial trouble in early Equestria. Soon enough, we came to the guarded double doors with Celestia’s cutie mark above them. One of the guards reacted the instant we stopped in front of the doors, knocking three times before announcing our presence.

“Princess Mi Amore Cadenza to see you, your highness.” He said.

“Please show her in.” Came Princess Celestia’s voice from inside. I was suddenly having second thoughts. Here I was about to meet a princess, the ruler of a nation, one of, if not the, most powerful beings on the planet, one that moved the sun and moon across the sky, and I didn’t even have a tie. Would she believe my tale? Would she consider me a threat to her ponies and lock me up somewhere? Perhaps the sun? Oh look, they’re opening the door.

My thoughts were interrupted by Cadence walking into Princess Celestia’s room. I didn’t want to keep them waiting, so I followed. What I saw inside was enough to distract me from my anxiety long enough to bring a smile to my face. Filly Twilight Sparkle, with her brand new cutie mark, was lying there reading a book, she hadn’t even looked up at whom had come in. Wrapped halfway around her was Princess Celestia herself, a content smile across her muzzle.

“Good afternoon Cadence.” Princess Celestia said. “How have you been today?”

“Good afternoon to you as well, Auntie.” Cadence replied. “I’ve been well, but I think I’m about to make your day much better.” Before Cadence could explain further, Twilight had finally looked up from her book.

“Cadence!” She yelled, as she ran over to meet her old foal-sitter. Two guesses what happened next.

“Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake! Clap your hooves, and do a little shake!”

I smiled at their antics before looking back over to Princess Celestia, only to find her looking straight at me with a shocked expression on her face. She rose to her hooves and slowly made her way over to me. At this point Twilight and Cadence had noticed what was going on and were paying rapt attention. Figuring this was the best time to make a good first impression, I snapped to attention and gave my best salute.

“Williams, Jason R. formerly Sargent of the United States of America, at your service Princess Celestia.” I said. I then dropped the salute and went to parade rest. Princess Celestia’s expression switched to a mix of confusion and sadness.

“You don’t… Do you remember me?” She asked, or maybe pleaded. WTF?

“My apologies’, your highness.” I said. Curt, crisp, polite, and trying not to show how uncomfortable I was with the situation. “I have no memory of ever meeting you before.” There was a momentary expression of hurt on her face, before the neutral mask of a ruler took over. I reiterate; WTF?

“We shall have to do this the hard way, it seems.” Princess Celestia replied. “Cadence, please take Twilight to her room. There are things I need to discuss with Jason in private.”

“May I ask what’s going on, Auntie?” Cadence asked, a touch of worry on her face.

“I want to know too!” The voice, and pressure on my foot, caused me to look down at Twilight while she inspected my shoe. It was too cute to interrupt so I just looked back to Celestia, trying to keep my face neutral. Here’s where five years in the army pays off.

“You both will have plenty of time to get to know Jason latter at dinner,” Princess Celestia replied. “But what I need to say must remain between him and myself for now.” Accepting her request, Cadence and Twilight said their farewell’s and left the Royal Bedroom. Once we were alone, Princess Celestia sat down on a throw pillow (is that the right term?) and levitated her desk chair over beside me.

“Please, be seated.” She said. I was hesitant to sit on a surface higher than royalty, but since she offered. “Tell me, Jason, what is the last thing you remember before arriving in Equestria?”

“Do you want the very last thing, or the events leading up to it, your highness?” I asked.

“The very last thing will do, Jason.” She said, her mask slipping to show her smile. “And please, I was ‘just Celestia’ when we first met. I see no reason it should be different now.”

“Um, very well… Celestia.” I said. If she didn’t look so serious I might’ve thought this an elaborate hoax, but something felt off about this situation in a different way. “The very last thing I remember is being hit by a bus.” She winced slightly. “The next thing I know, I’m breaking out of a statue in front of Cadence.”

“I see.” Celestia sighed. “No wonder you’ve been acting the way you are. To make a long story short, shortly after you first arrived in Equestria you helped my sister and I defeat the villain Discord.”

“The plaque on my statue said as much.” I replied. “But if all this is true, why don’t I remember it? For that matter, why was I a statue in the first place?” Celestia hesitated before answering, gathering her thoughts, no doubt.

“You were caught in the same blast of Harmony Magic Discord was.” She explained. “As humans are chaotic beings, especially compared to ponies, you were turned to stone as well. My theory why you don’t remember anything is because you had been in Equestria for so little time compared to your home world. The Elements saw this as an imbalance and tried to restore you to harmony, by blocking your memories of your time in Equestria from your conscious mind. It is likely that they will return with time.”

“I don’t suppose there’s a spell that could restore them more quickly?” I asked. She smiled and looked at my bandaged hand.

“Tell me, how did you injure yourself?” She asked. Figuring that she had a point she was trying to make, I played along.

“I cut myself on a sharp piece of my statue.” I answered.

“No doubt Cadence tried to heal it with no success.” She said.

“Ah, yes.” I said. I didn’t know why I didn’t think it strange at the time, but how did that happen? Or rather, not happen?

“I recall you speaking about legends from your world.” Celestia said. “Stories that included mythical beasts and powerful magic.”

“True, but those are just that, stories.” I replied.

“Are they?” Celestia smirked. “Humans have an innate resistance to magic so powerful that they may as well be immune to it.” Seriously, is this some wannabe author trying to make a bad fanfic? “From what I understand, they developed this resistance after countless generations of exposure to it yet having comparatively few able to practice it. That would be why you see no real magic on your world at all.”

“Okay.” I said, trying to take this all in. “So no memory spell. Still, it’ll certainly make my life more interesting, and probably safer.”

“No doubt.” Celestia replied. “Now, on to other things. I recall you speaking of a play in your world that told of events in ours.”

“It wasn’t exactly a play.” I respond. “But now that I think about it, that’s a good analogy.”

“In any case,” Celestia continued. “You know of events to come, yes?”

“To a degree.” I said. “The show mostly follows your new student after an event a few years from now, I don’t know exactly how long.”

“And what ‘event’ would this be?” She asked.

“The one thousandth Summer Sun Celebration.” I replied. “The stars will aid the Nightmare and allow it to escape.”

“And Twilight? Is she really…” She begins, but can’t finish.

“She will inherit the Element of Magic, yes.” I finish for her. A smile graces her muzzle before she speaks again.

“Well, we still have eleven years before that happens.” She said, and then smirked. “In the meantime, I should probably tell you of your title.” Wait, what?

“Um, what title?” I asked. “No offence, your highness, but I’m not a citizen of Equestria.”

“While you are technically correct,” She replied. “You do qualify for citizenship. You were also granted a title for your service to myself, my sister, and Equestria as a whole. If you accept the title, you will also have to accept the responsibilities that go with it.” She was having way too much fun with this.

“Right.” I sighed. “Could you tell me what’s involved with all this before I accept?”

“We’ll go over the details and your acceptance another time,” She said. “So that you have time to acclimatize to what is undoubtedly an unusual situation for you.” Well that’s nice of her. “For a general overview, the name of the title is ‘Lord Chaos.’ It’s symbolic in that you would be the only chaotic species within the Royal Court. Officially, and after proper training, you’d be second only to myself, and Luna when she returns… She will return, won’t she?” I got up and laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. Wither?

“She will return, Tia.” I said, looking straight into her eyes. “One way or another, I will ensure that she returns.” I wasn’t sure how I was going to keep that promise, but I’d think of something. She gave a nod of thanks and continued while I retook my seat.

“You would have to play the political game with the nobles, however.” She said. “They hold no small amount of political power after all.”

“I’ll try not to piss too many of them off.” I replied with a smirk which she returned.

“If you’re agreeable,” She continued. “You will be joining Twilight as my student.”

“Won’t she be learning mostly magic?” I asked.

“Over her years here, yes.” She answered. “Her position as my student will give her some degree of political clout, and she will need to know how to respond to others seeking to use her for their own devices… Is there a problem, Jason?” She asked in response to my facepalm.

“Nothing that can be solved without a massive cultural revolution.” I replied, then continued to answer her unspoken question. “She’s just a kid, sorry, foal. Political intrigue should be one of the last things she has to deal with.”

“I agree.” She said. “However, I believe your Shakes-a-Spear made a relevant quote.”

“’Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em.’” I quoted for her. “Shakespeare had a way with words alright.”

“Indeed.” She continued. “You would be learning that ‘political intrigue’ alongside her. Through both of your other studies you’ll hopefully learn enough about Equestrian society to ‘fit in.’ You won’t, of course, be doing anything you’re not capable of.”

“Like magic.” I said, to which she just smiled.

“Beyond that, you’ll have your own room and free reign of the unrestricted parts of the palace.” She stated. “Though I may ask for a human opinion of you from time to time.”

“I’ll do what I can,” I respond. “Though I’m not sure how much I could help someone with over a thousand years of experience ruling a nation.”

“You’d help by coming from a species with six thousand years of experience ruling a planet.” She replied.

“Unsuccessfully, I might add.” I said. “Still, I see your point and I’d be glad to help out however I can.”

“That’s all I can ask.” She said, standing up. I followed suit as she made her way out the door. “Come, we shall regroup with Cadence and Twilight in the dining hall.” My stomach voiced its consent at this plan as we walked through the halls. If her smile was any indication, Celestia found that amusing.

"One thing before we get there." I stated. "Do you know of any way to get me home?" Celestia hesitated for a moment before speaking.

"I shall look into it." She said. "But it may take some time." Figures she wouldn't have the answer on hand. Still, it wasn't a no.

Dinner was what you’d expect from a society of herbivores, read utter lack of meat. I was really going to miss meat. Especially ham. I like ham. And bacon. I knew cows were almost certainly out of the question, I’d never eat anything sapient anyway, but I was hoping that pigs weren’t. They don’t have proper hooves so I didn’t think it was a false hope. I was thankful that they did have pasta and wound up having that with a side of salad, hold the grass and hay.

At first the meal was a silent affair, beyond the initial exchange of pleasantries. Twilight was openly staring at me in between bites, while Cadence was more discrete about it. Finally, I decided to break the ice.

“So Twilight, how old are you?” I asked.

“Eight.” She answered.

“A good year.” I said. “A lot of fun times to be had at eight. You think you’ll have fun with your new teacher?”

“Of course!” She exclaimed. “She’s Princess Celestia! I’m going to be learning so much magic I can hardly wait!” Ah, there’s the Twilight we all know and love.

“Is there anything you want to know about me?” I asked.

“What are you?” She asked. “I’ve never read about anything like you. Except for maybe minotaurs.”

“Well, no horns so I’m definitely not a minotaur.” I said with a smile, tapping the side of my head. “My species calls itself human. Where we’re from, we are the only sapient race.”

“Sounds lonely.” Cadence said.

“Maybe.” I replied. “But we’ve never known any different so we have nothing to compare it to.”

“Why are you wearing so much clothes?” Twilight asked.

“You may have noticed that I don’t have a fur coat like you do.” I start, continuing at her nod. “Without one, we are more likely to catch cold in winter and get a sunburn in summer. We wear these clothes to protect ourselves from such things.” As well as keep our modesty intact, but she’s too young to hear about that.

“What about-“ Twilight begins, but is cut off by Celestia.

“Twilight, make sure you finish your dinner before it gets cold.” Celestia said. A muted ‘eep’ was all I heard before Twilight continued to eating, this time with more gusto. The questions didn’t look to be over as Cadence decided to speak up.

“You said you had an ‘in-depth answer that could take some time to explain’ when I asked how you knew my name.” She said. “Is this a good time to ask again?” I spared a glance to Celestia to make sure she didn’t want this quiet, but with a subtle nod I answered Cadences question.

“Where I’m from there’s this series of short stories that I, among many others, are a fan of.” I said. “The closest analogy to the stories would be a series of ongoing plays as it is both visual and audible. In these, ‘plays’ the audience follows along with the adventures of, among others, Twilight Sparkle.” Twilight perked up again at the mention of her name.

“You have plays about me!?” She asked.

“Not you here and now, but of what you will do.” I said.

“So you can see the future?” Cadence asked.

“I saw a future.” I clarified. “One possible outcome. Also, none of us who watched the, ‘plays’ knew what we were watching was, in fact, reality. To us it was all fiction.”

“So we’re all just a bunch of fictional characters to you!?” She demanded. I responded with my best deadpanned expression. Celestia looked like she was about to say something, but I beat her to the punch.

“If I put my hand on your flank, will I feel it?” I asked. She blushed and was about to respond with what would undoubtedly be an angry reply before I continued. “If you strike me for putting my hand on your flank, will I feel that? Will I hear the tone in your voice as you express your outrage? If your aunt were to throw me in prison with no food or water for my actions would I starve? The answer is yes. You may have been a fictional character when I first learned of you, but you, and evereone else in Equestria, stopped being one when I introduced myself to you.” The table was silent after my statement. I think I even saw a maid out of the corner of my eye drop a cleaning rag.

“I-I’m sorry. I-“ Cadence started.

“No.” I interrupted, taking a deep breath. “No, I’m sorry. I get defensive when someone acts like I’m deliberately being insulting when I’m not." I've fallen into many troll traps that way. "Even more so when they claim I’m insulting something or someone I care about. I’m sorry, I’ll try to be better.”

“This has been a rather eventful day.” Celestia said. “Let’s turn in early and get some rest.” A great idea. I nod my consent and bid everypony a good-night.

“Bulwark?” Celestia said to one of the guards as I stood. “Please take Jason to one of the guest quarters.”

“At once, your highness.” The guardpony said with a salute. He opened the door and started down the hall with me following along beside him, closing the door behind me. While we were walking, I decided to take the opportunity and ask a question that was never answered in the show.

“So, question.” I started. “Are all guardponies fur naturally white, or is it an armor enchantment?” He looked at me out of the corner of his eye.

“That’s a classified Equestrian military secret, sir.” He said. Something told me that he wasn’t going to be much of a conversationalist, so I decided to stay quiet after that. We got to the room not long afterwards, and Bulwark stopped with a simple “Your room, sir.” He left so fast I had to say thank-you to his retreating form. He slightly turned his head in response, but continued on. Must take lessons from the Queen’s Guard.

The room was overly nice, as expected from a palace suite. Still, the bed was soft, I was tired, and I saw the sun head toward the horizon. Time for bed.

Author's Note

There we are, my first FimFic. I'm hoping it stands up to the standards of the respectable people on this fine site. I'm looking forwar-
Hiya!
Wah! *CRASH*
Ooo. That looked like it hurt. Are you okay Archie?
Pinkie Pie? What are, how did you, huh?
You know, DungeonMiner is more collected when he talks to me.
Yeah, but I’m not… Pinkie, what are you doing here?
DungeonMiner told me how you asked him for some help and I thought I’d stop by.
You just stopped by? No mention of on loan or anything?
Of course not silly! You have to own something to loan it out.
Right, and slavery is bad.
I mean, if anything I'd be on loan from the Cakes to him, not from him to anypony.
Um, okay, but I'm not a pony.
What was that Archie?
Nothing important, just, please don't call me 'Archie.'
Sure thing Archie!
*Facepalm* Right, moving on. Be sure to leave a review of what you thought of the first chapter.
And like and favorite if you like and favor it!
Till next time, love and tolerate. Deus tecum.