A Musician, A Maid, and A Merchant

by Rebel_Zebra

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Slice of Life, Romance
Length: 2676

The problem is that there's another unicorn's group that I should have avoided aside from Dusk Shine's and I just HAD to move in with him. They are so gay for each other but they wont admit it. And no, I don't have a fixation on gay couples.

A certain Ponyville musician and his confectionery companion are doing quite well for themselves. With BarBar's business in the black and the lyrist finally gaining some notoriety outside of Ponyville they begin to spend a little more than they normally would, primarily on a bigger house. Unfortunately they spent much more beyond their means thanks to Harpsy's misplacement of a decimal and now have a new roommate whom they know next to nothing about aside from her strange fixation on gay couples. The only problem with that is BarBar doesn't swing that way and Harpsy is…. well he's something else.

If you haven't figured it out yet this a R63 story. Read and enjoy.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-22 02:00:03 UTC

That One Mare...

The bar wasn’t as rowdy as it usually was. Not to say that it was usually filled to the brim with less than desirable company but most nights it was filled with those wishing to have a great time. It may have simply been a slow night but for whatever the reason only a handful of ponies where making memories, or forgetting a few in the case of an alabaster unicorn.

A small gathering of friends were clustered around at one end of the bar, expressions animated and gestures slightly uncoordinated. A lyre adorned his flank that acted as his cutiemark and candy decorated his curly haired companion. They were close enough to tell that they were comfortable in each other’s presence.  Intimately or otherwise was something that you would automatically assume as well but when the bartender came up to them and served them another round the lyre flanked stallion did little to hide his appraising golden gaze which she promptly ignored.

The alabaster unicorn raised his mug to take another sip of his hardened cider to find it empty of his precious poison. He gave the bar a strong but not unduly so, tap. Just because he was getting drunk didn’t mean he was not going to let himself become like the uncouth stallion down the bar. He stared into the mug so hard he jumped slightly when the amber liquid of his choice began to splash into its container. He heard a soft laugh, more like a chuckle really, “That eager to black out huh? I can always pour something a little harder if you want Elusive.” Her voice at first her voice sounded impetuous and condescending but the edge of it felt polished by concern.

The tailor cleared his throat and recovered as well as he could considering his alcohol addled mind, “No but thank you my dear, I still have to walk home after I finish last drink.” He still hadn’t even glanced up to look his server in the eye but he could see the strong dark blue hooves that crossed together and rested leisurely on the bartop. He didn’t even have to look up to know that those hooves belonged to an earth pony.  “And I’d rather be alone for both of them.”

The hooves removed themselves from his sight but her voice wasn’t as considerate to his ears, “Nah I call bullshit on that one Pretty Boy.”

After getting over his momentary shock he finally managed to put up an offended expression and looked up at the owner of the voice, “Well you may but you don’t need to use such crude language. It’s unbecoming for anyone let alone a mare of your standing!”

The bartender who’s back was turned to him the entire time as she cleaned a few mugs stood a little straighter with confusion and though her face was partially hidden behind a silver grey mane as it turned over her shoulder her muzzle had a wry smile. Gotcha.

“So this mare, she must have had quite the title and didn’t live up to like you had hoped did she?”

“What I neve-“

“We’ve never met before and the only ripples I’ve caused are in circles so tight that gossiping equals treason.” She frowned and shrugged before her head turned back to cleaning the last mug she had left. “Well perhaps I’m exaggerating a little but there are some groups that even you can get all the juicy tidbits out of and I've done nothing of note to garner the other townsponies attention so I effectively have no public standing. That leaves only the possibility of this being about another mare.”

Elusive was about to respond his mouth open for a retort and all that came with it but he couldn’t bring himself to it. She saw right through him with that one sentence he sputtered out.

“Or I could be wrong. It could be something else entirely that bribes you to drink. “

He gave a rather unrefined scoff and drank from his mug with much gusto.

“But I do know one thing. If you wanted to drink alone you would have stayed at home.” The unicorn felt his flagon being forced down rather firmly as he drank and saw this mystery mare’s hoof at the other end of it. At first he was angry that she would dare interrupt him but then her eyes, almost hidden in her bangs that fell just so, captivated him and he ceased to struggle. He was locked in her mismatched gaze of sapphire and silver.

“So this mare.” Her eyes never left his even as she refilled his drink to the brim with cider. “She got a name or will she forever be faceless. Assuming of course that she is even a she but hey whatever gets that bed arockin so no one comes a knockin.” She closed her eyes briefly as she let out a laugh and Elusive found his voice again.

He only laughed at crude jokes with those a little closer to him then some random barmaid but he could not deny himself the humor. Even with them shut away from the world he was still helpless from the hidden orbs. “It… I mean yes she is a she.”

“Glad to hear it, not that I have anything against same gender preferences but now I know if you compliment me there might be more to it.” She leaned against the bar top again with a smirk toward him.

He cleared his throat with a wry smile, “I promise you that I’m above such things. When I court a mare, it is not for such…. short term intimacies.”

“Oh? I suppose the get up isn’t just for show, you really are a gentlecolt aren’t you?”

“This “get up” comes from years of fine tastes, manners and knowing what’s in before it truly is in.” He took a much smaller sip this time from his cider.

She rolled her eyes to that statement, “Is that why you came here too? Your fashion instincts told you that this place was going to be big soon?”

“I… No I came here simply to drink.” His ears drooped a little and he held back a sigh. He tried to lift his mug again but found it much heavier than usual. He looked down and saw her hoof planted rather firmly on the top of it to keep it in place.

She gave him an expectant look, “And?”

“And what?”

“You came here to talk too ya dingus.”

“Oh yes, that as well I suppose.”

“Damn straight.” Her hoof receded from his drink and not too long after a crash was heard at the opposite end of the bar. The lyre unicorn just couldn’t quite hold his alcohol like his earth pony friend and was just about to vacate his stomach of all contents he was yanked off the floor and roughly guided to the garbage can. His wretches echoed in the quiet tavern and Elusive found himself slowly pushing away his cider. All it took was “one last sip” to cause an incident like the unfortunate musician just had.

Elusive watched Bar-Bar apologize for his friend and the mystery mare helped them get through the rather unpleasant ordeal, “B. don’t worry about it, We’ve both seen and unfortunately been a part of worse things that he’s done.  Remember the pants parade? I’m pretty sure your wallet does.” The confectioner facehoofed while Elusive quietly wondered what it could have been. Soon enough she was escorting the two out, “try not to lock me out this time okay?” she waved them off and that’s when Elusive realized a few things. Least of which was that he was now alone with this mare since he was the only patron left.

With a leap that was both surprising and graceful she landed behind the bar and out of sight only to reappear right in front of her customer, “Anyways where were we? Ah yes you were talking about a mare who didn’t turn out like you wanted.”

“Yes, something like that…...” The cider in front of him was whispering sweet promises again.

“Well?”

“Well what?”

“Get talking then! I don’t have all night just most of it.”

Elusive let out a long suffering sigh, “Very well. When I was little I had a few fairytales that I held close and still did until very recently.” He paused unsure of how to form his but the stallion wasn’t pressed into talking like before instead the mare wiped down the counter with practiced and precise movements. “I thought well…. After meeting Prince Solaris that….”

“That the nobles would be the same? That just maybe you could wisk one away to live happily ever after?”

The tailor sighed and ran a hoof through his mane, “It sounds silly when you put it that way but I won’t deny the truth in it either.”

“Maybe it sounds that way but I promise I’m not trying to poke fun at it either. If we don’t hope for the best for ourselves we’d all just be complacent sheep who never change or the like.” She laughed softly, “And while I don’t care much for it that doesn’t mean I want fashion to become some disgusting creature of habit.” He nodded to that but a brow raised when he saw her pour an extra mug of cider when his was still partially filled, “What? The bar closed ten-twenty minutes ago when our harp enthusiast got reacquainted with his dinner.”

Elusive immediately rose from his seat and dropped a few bits on the table to cover his table, “Oh then I should really be going and get out of your mane I’m sure you have a busy day-“

“It’s cool we still have time to talk. I’m bit of a night owl to be honest. Not to say I shun the day or anything but the moon has always been…. kinder.” It was her turn to stare a little into her own mug.

“That is certainly a curious way of putting it.”

She snapped out of her reverie, “Hey we are talking about you and your filly problems not mine.”

“Well thank you for clearing that up because I thought you might have actually had a herd from what was said between you and Bar Bar was it?”

“Oh worried that I was playing baby maker for those two? Jealous?”

He held his head up high, “a gentlecolt is never jealous. He is always happy for his friends.”

“And now we are suddenly friends too, my my my are you sure you don’t have your short term and long term activities mixed up?”

“Oh shush, after that whole debacle at the Gala I think I’m going to simply stay out of the market for a while.” He facehoofed softly and muttered about his own naiveté.

“Hey it could have been worse.”

“How so?”

“She could have fallen for you. If it is as bad as you make it out to be imagine being married to the girl before you actually get to know the real her.” She took a long drink from her mug as she let what she said sink.

“By Solaris you are so right. That would be the worst happy ever after ever.”

“It’s happened before so I have no doubt about it.”

“Oh those poor ponies.”

“Yeah tell me about it, they even have an old legend about it.”

“Truly they do?” He sat up a little and leaned forward.

She cracked a smile, “Nah that isn’t the right word more like a… like a fairy tale.” They laughed at her choice of words and took a final sip from her mug.

“Well would you be so kind as to reiterate such a story?”

She shrugged, “Sure.” The mare climbed onto the bar and lounged across it with infinite ease despite the Stallion just brush away, “Let’s see it all started with a mare. I mean of course it does. It always starts with a mare. One who has been looked down all her life or never once handed anything and all she has been earned through the blood, sweat and tears of her hard labor. She never once complains though. She has cried from the hardships but never once did she wallow in self-pity. After all why worry about the shit you can’t change when there’s still stuff you can. Just when she had grown use to such a hard lifestyle she has royalty thrust upon her but she still doesn’t complain. She takes it in stride and works harder to have them both live comfortable. At first she doesn’t really want anything to do with the royal monarch but soon enough she warms up to this prince, this…. Pony.”

Elusive sat there his drink all but forgotten as this mare casually took a drink from his mug before continuing, “She didn’t think much of him at first aside from the negative stereotypes that often plague nobles and the like but after one tense evening they learned that they weren’t so different. They both always had to be at a hundred and ten percent at all times if they hoped to accomplish even their day to day tasks and idleness was heavily frowned upon by both of them.While one did it to take care of themself the other did to take care of a nation. Not to say the poor mare was selfish but her life didn’t have room for much else. Soon they grew to like and even love each other then one day-

The door opened suddenly with an angry mint coated unicorn yelling, “Where in tartarus are my pants!” Harpsy bull rushed Elusive and glard down their touch snouts, “Do you have them?”

Elusive stammered out of pure confusion and perhaps a little fear, “I-I what? Pants?”

The inebriate raised his hoof to strike, “Yes! Where did you take my pa-“

The buck to his side was strong and all air rushed out with with some spittle landing on Elusive as the belligerent unicorn fell hard onto the floor and proceeded to pass out. Elusive slowly wiped off some of the spit on his face after his savior handed him a clean napkin, “I- uh thank you for that miss… I don’t believe I ever got your name.”

She shrugged and got off the bar before tending to the unruly drunk she so viciously handled, “Mare Do-Well.”

He hesitated slightly, “You’re pulling my leg aren't you?”

She laughed and nodded, “Yeah, It’s really Comet. Just Comet thank you.” She hauled her former patron onto her back, “Look, unfortunately I have to take this idiot home so I’m gonna have to finish the fairy tale some other time okay?”

Elusive nodded, “Of course, till next we meet. Hopefully soon?”

Comet gave him a smile, “Maybe but I don’t do well with free time, now go I gotta close up and take care of him.”

Elusive baded his new friend goodbye and stepped outside into the crisp cool air of the night. The chilly air refreshed both his body and his mind only letting him stumble twice on his way back home thoughts on a mare he had never seen before tonight.

~~~~~~

Comet smiled to herself, “Yup. Cutest couple in town.”

BarBar groaned and opened his eyes when a bright flash of light disturbed his sleep, “The buck?” He tried to move and sit up to address the source of his complaint but something firm held him down. Someone. Slowly he turned his head and was met with a strong nuzzling from a booze-breath suffering unicorn right up against his cheek. Another flash temporarily blinded him and when his vision cleared he saw a dopey faced culprit.

“Comet! For the last time I’m not gay so stop putting him in my bed for your weird fantasies!”

“Hey who says wishes can’t come true? And you two look great in these photos I took!”