Crashing at Gil’s place has been a real drag, lemme tell ya. But a bigger drag would be letting my folks get their hooves on me. Gil made the brilliant suggestion of going back, confess and publicly apologizing to the school. Really, it’s the perfect plan! It’s so perfect that I’ll go with a worse plan for the added challenge. Pfft. She’s gettin’ soft.
I keep yammering on about something I haven’t actually said what it was yet. I don’t know how to word that previous sentence, but you get my meaning, right?
See, my folks are like cream filled cookies, except the cookie and filling parts are ‘weather pony’. Our family has been weather ponies through and through, and they expected their latest spawn to be no exception. Little did they know —
Wait, I should actually ‘establish the scene’. Right now, I’m a formless but undeniably sexy mare serenading you with her life story, floating in a black void. I’m currently (chronologically in the story, not at this very moment) in a waiting room of a weather administration office in Baltimare, which is three towns away from where I screwed up that school. Waiting rooms are still technically black voids, so that’s all I’ll say about this ‘strikingly modern’ decor in here.
LITTLE did they know, they gave birth to a national treasure like me. Seriously, it would be criminal to stick me in a dead end job like that, when I got the style and moves for bigger and better things. So I got this idea, hear me out. I was attending this weather school thing, and at that school that had a lightning generator. I took the bolt battery (as it is known) in the dead of night and tossed it in a lake below Cloudsdale. Bolt batteries don’t like water, you see, and by that it means they explode. Let’s just say Glimmering Glade Lake won’t be ready for it’s close up when they remap the area.
The following day, the dean guy basically lined up every pony at the academy, and boy was he pissed. He shook down everypony down the line, trying to find to culprit. It was sooo hard keeping a straight face, but I managed. I gave them the slip with their first pass, but I didn’t wanna risk it, so I skipped town with my incredible speed. Now here I am, in weather office waiting for Thunder.
Thunder? Oh, I guess you don’t know her.
Thunder Burst is my older sister. The last I really hung with her was when I was nine years old. We write all the time, but it’s just become part of the routine. I don’t actually ‘feel’ what I say to her, and for all intents and purposes I’m the same little filly to her. She definitely WRITES to me like I am. I am NOT cute, squishy, adorable, loveable or heart-melting. I’m a brute, abhorable, loathable and face-melting. That’s me, Lightning Dust.
Anyways, I’m just sitting in this strikingly modern chair, inhaling the scent of strikingly modern garbage since the only open chair is next to a can. My shaggy mane is the only thing in my vision worth caring about, annoying as it is. Yeah, I had a longer mane back then. All the cool kids had long, greasy manes, you know.
Strange for a weather office to have a waiting room, but Thunder’s place did most of their weather stuff for profit, so you had to come in and contract them for your plot of land. I ain’t political in any sense of the word, but I will say I think that’s bogus.
Ahem, I’m getting off topic. Must be a reflection of the boredom I felt.
A tacky cuckoo clock above the desk told me I have just a few more minutes left before Thunder’s shift ended. The sudden urgency was a reminder: that I was still wanted by the Guard, and every second I sat still could mean I get caught. But totally I forgot. Ms. Ketchup and Mustard, this is a tessi-ment, er, testament to how boring waiting rooms are.
I had already earned the stares of everypony in the room, looking like a paranoid hobo hunched over in her chair, all shifty-eyed and shady. Doubly so, since I came in and sat like a normal pony, then slowly transformed. I spied a stallion in the corner of the room sniff his coffee for some chemicals or something.
“Don’t worry LD, you’re fast, the fastest! They’ll never catch you and if they did well you’re real slippery, I’d be slippery after running, but wait I’d never run, dammit! -- I wish I had superpowers, then I’d show them, they’d kick out Celestia and make me queen, smiter of sparkly lakes! Hehe!” I continued to mumble under my breath, but then a hoof stroked my back.
“WHAT?”
“Calm down, miss!” said this old looking guy next to me. “Are you alright? Do you need to see a doctor? Can I get ya anything?” His voice was urgent, but in no way forceful or worrying. He seemed genuinely concerned. But then again, he was sitting right next to me, and there were witnesses.
I glared at him. He thought I was nuts, or what? I slapped his hoof away. “No, bro, I don’t. I just had… erm… a bad memory come up. That’s all,” I fell back into my chair.
He seemed hesitant to drop it, but since I got it together, he probably didn’t feel the need to pry further. Jackass.
I looked over to the receptionist. She was standing up from her chair, but she parked it when she saw me lookin’. Probably scared the pony pellets outta that one. ‘Excuse me, Mrs. Boss Mare, but this crazy mare mauled some of our clients on my watch!’. Ponies like me are probably her worst nightmare. I tried taking in the look on her face, but she was already buried in whatever she was doing.
Over yonder near the entrance to the office was a water fountain. Very schnazzy piece of hardware to have. I blew my mane out of my face and trotted over to it, as the ponies around me pulled back into their chairs before I was past them. A grin I couldn’t help tugged at my cheek.
I had to feel up the thing before I found the button, and out came the oasis in this desert of months-old magazines. The water tasted nothing like I imagined it, considering it was carried by metal pipes under the ground, of all things.
With a few splashes of water, I felt pretty calm. My mane was dripping, a lone droplet crawling down my nose. In the midst of a sneeze, a voice, heh, penetrated the silence.
“Little Lady! Is that you?!”
Honestly, I was pretty excited to hear Thunder’s voice after so long. Reading letters was a chore, and I always imagined our eventual ‘reunion’ to be awkward and painful and I DREADED it… but I forgot all that.
...oh, come off it Kim. I’m allowed some touching moments in my magnum opus. Ponies need to remember I’m just like them, so they don’t hate me for being better in every way. And I’m gonna keep calling you Kim, so deal.
It was sooo uncool, but I dashed over to her, possibly giggling in excitement. Hugging Thunder made me feel like I gave a hug for the first time in my life.
“It’s been too long!” I, ahem, squealed. “How’s my biggest, baddest sis doing?”
“Aw, look at you! I’m so used to being a head taller. I’m s-so proud. Little Lady’s all grown up!” she said, sniffling. We had this habit ‘dawwing’ louder and louder, when we hugged, so I’m sure everypony in the room was feeling awkward already.
“And I’m used to running under you when you try and tickle me, but those days are over, sadly,” I said. We pulled back from each other to see what time had done to one another. I looked at her eyes first. There was some noticeable but mild wrinkles, but they didn’t make me feel… tired, looking at them. Her hoof idly combed my mane, feeling for length that wasn’t there. Something bubbled in my tummy, er, stomach when she patted behind my ear, the hurt in her eyes when it wasn’t there.
The wrinkles at the corners of her mouths fit her smile just perfectly, like somepony traced it with marker. Becoming an adult didn’t change too much for her. Heck, her mane was just the same too.
The growing disappointment put the kibosh on my, uh, elation. She’d paw at some parts of me, as if one of my wings withered and fell off, but she fought that look back. Not well enough.
“What’s wrong, sis?” I said, putting a hoof to her chest.
“Hm?” She blinked once. “It’s nothing, Little Lady. You’re just, j-just getting older. It’s pretty surreal,” she said. She rubbed her nose, fighting back emotions until she was straight faced. “I mean, you sent me photos over the years, but all I could see was the little filly I read stories to when she was scared and had a nightmare.”
“Shh!” I pushed her down. “You’re gonna embarrass me!”
Thunder waved me off before I could trample her into the rug. She got me in this bear hug, and started swinging me back and forth “Oh geez, Lady, are you too old to embarrass now? Did you roll a twenty in swagger, or did they pass a law saying ‘you must be this old to be humiliated by your family’?”
“Every. Pony’s. Watching. THUNDER,” I did my best to say. It was over nothing, but the little scene she was causing brought the old panic attack on again.
“Hee hee, you’re right Lady,” she said as she released me. I stumbled around to find the nearest chair, which happened to be occupied by the ‘concerned’ guy from before, so I sat on his lap. “We should, you know, skedaddle. I’m starved!” she said over his surprised yelp.
“Aw, what a touching reunion!” said the chair guy. I was too dizzy to consider that a sarcastic remark or to even, uh, p-parse it, so I just hopped back to my hooves.
“Yeah, yeah. Start walkin’, sister!”
She did her ‘cute, but actually annoying’ laugh as I headbutted her butt ahead. She scrabbled her hooves on the floor for a few moments, but then surrendered when it was clear she wasn’t strong enough. My boundless charisma caused the universe to open the front door to the place right before we reached it, so I gave Thunder one final nudge to send her stumbling out.
Thunder spent most of our trip to the ‘best cafe in Baltimare’ pointing things out to me while I just nodded along. And I have to admit, this ‘city of the future’ is pretty decent. I wouldn’t mind owning a condo or two there, Ms. Ketchup and Mustard. Hint, hint.
“That’s the Monarch High Rise, Lady. Tallest building in all of Equestria, they say,” Thunder said. We stopped just at the foot of the place. It was PLACE, Kim, lemme tell you. Hint, hi —
Ouch! Okay, okay. Get off my case.
“Hey, Thunder, how long do you think it’d take to scale that height?” I said. Any normal building wouldn’t merit the challenge. But this thing was WAY past cloud level.
“Um, probably a few minutes Lady. If you really want the workout, I can wait,” Thunder said. She sounded a little airy, as if she was expecting to mill about for a while. She was so, so wrong, Kim. Seriously.
“Few minutes? I suppose that’d be a good estimate, if I intended to climb it with my hooves.”
“What are you — “
Her sputtering from the sudden pressure wave was already out of earshot. From the bottom corner of my eye, the panes of glass were choppy, seen through a fan, rattling in their frames. I threw out my wings to brake, a few moments before I overtook the whole thing. The g-forces, suddenly reversed, threatened to dislocate my wings all the way to my hips, but I held them taut. My body wobbled, about to stray into the building, but I just barely stayed straight with some small adjustments to my wings. The burn ended, and I completely halted. The billboard at the top, once a heavenly speck, was now being tacky right in my face.
My neck felt like stirred jelly, so looking down at Thunder was sort of involuntary. I really couldn’t see her face, but if you dropped a penny from here, chances are it’d make it into her slack-jawed mouth.
After the rattling of all the glass died down, I slackened my wings and dipped my head toward the ground. Wings pumping, fore legs outstretched, blood pooling in my perfect butt. I was a rocket, a missile! And my sights were set on… the general direction of the ground. My arms rattled, struggling with the cone of air forming around me. I’d say it was like trying to, and just about popping a bubble, but constantly. An idle thought passed: if my legs gave out, the pressure would splatter me against the wall. Just made me flap my wings more and more! Rip it like a bandage!
On the ground, Thunder was rooted on the spot, her and her big mouth growing. My hooves were through a grinder and back, completely numb. Heart thundering, muscles begging for oxygen. I couldn’t open my mouth, or my lungs would collapse or something. A dozen ways I could die right now. Nopony to catch me.
Just me.
Just perfect.
My hind legs, throbbing and very much awake, kicked forward, righting me with the ground, about six floors away. My wings flared out once more, and all the juices evened out in me. Air ripped and whistled from either side. My wings tore it up! And then everything became still.
I came back to my senses. Looking around, the words “Monarch High Rise” were on the level with me. I slowly drifted below the red awning at the building’s entrance. To my left, Thunder’s head lowered with me, not letting me out of her sight. Then, I touched down right where I started. A whole lifetime had passed for me, and here Thunder was, same old. My legs gave out pretty quick, and I was on the ground. THAT snapped her out if it.
“Ohmigosh, Lightning Dust!” she said. She rushed over pretty quick, I have to say, hoisting me up into her arms. I was panting like a goldfish that was almost strangled to death on dry land, and boy was I sore. Okay, it was more like finely pulverized glass made its way into my joints, but that was normal when I made sprints like that. All things considered, it was totes —
“Aughughuhh, Thunder,” I wheezed. She leaned in, as if these were my last words. “What was my time?”
“Bwah? Lady, you nearly killed yourself, and that’s all you care about?!” Thunder cried. She put a hoof to my forehead, then cheek. “And you’re just burning up. What possessed you to — “
“The. Time. Please!” I tried.
After sputtering, Thunder sighed. She observed her wrist watch (which was also something I had never seen before) for a moment. “Ugh. About forty six sec… uh. F-f-f-orty six seconds?” The corner of her mouth twitched.
“Thunder?”
“Forty six. F-forty six seconds. Sorty Fix beckons. Huh.” Then she just dropped me on the ground! Skull on concrete is never a good combination.
“Thunder!”
“Lady!” she said, grabbing me around the waist. “That was incredible! Incredibly reckless, and I WILL have words with ma and pa about it, but incredible! I new you were big and strong now, but this! This!” she gushed, swinging me around again.
“Heh. You know you done good if you shocked your overprotective sister into a fangirl,” I muttered.
“Shush,” she said into my mane. “Oh, I remember when — “
“Thunder, run.” I shoved her chest. “Go, get!”
“What? Ouch!” I kept on pushing though. Over her shoulder I could see a bunch of the hotel’s employees running in circles. This big, and I mean BIG, stallion was shoving them all left and right, storming for the door. He had a suit on. He was the Boss Man, and he was on a mission.
The doors slammed open. I had Thunder practically on my back as I ran, and I just rounded the corner when he shouted.
“Alright, ALL. RIGHT. Where’s the hooligan, the hoodlum the fiend! I want justice!” He prattled on more about that, but I could barely hear it. The idea of ‘witnesses’ never crossed my mind during the mad dash, but it somehow worked out okay. Just trashed every room I flew by, no biggie. Not like I drew attention to myself.
Okay, so I just carried my somewhat overweight sister bodily for six blocks after that sprint, so you could imagine how super I felt. We collapsed in a stinky alley way when my body gave out.
“Thunder,” I said. Well, more like “I uttered in the vacuous voice of an eldritch being” because I was so winded.
“Did you turn into a cave pony, Lightning?” Thunder said, now back on her hooves. She hoisted me up by the shoulders, looking me right in the face. “Seriously. Listen up. Hark, knave! You nearly kill yourself with these ‘Mareculean’ feats of strength, you vandalize the tallest building in Equestria, and now you run from the scene of crime, all while treating me like an undercooked flapjack!” She was practically shouting at the end of that.
“Somepony needs to lay off them flapjacks,” I responded, level faced.
“Excuse me?” She huffed. “Now you’re suddenly a rude little brat?” Her face loosened up a little. “Oh, don’t get the wrong idea. I’m not, like mad AT you. I’m proud and all of how big and strong you are, but you’re just flying off the handle every chance you get. You’re like a different, uh. A d-different… Hm.”
“Quit being all flaky, sis,” I said. For the sake of theatrics, and nothing more, I slapped her hooves off my shoulders and stood up on my own. “Ouch ouch ouch, uh, see here. You didn’t crash into any trees lately, did you?”
“W-well, what kind of question is that?”
I snorted at her ‘hoof in the cookie jar’ tone. “You must have forgot the stick up your butt, then.” I made for the road, not sparing a glance to Thunder. “C’mon, I’m starved.” I listened for her hooves. Silence. I kept facing straight ahead. “Look, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry for dragging you along. But it’s how I roll, Thunder. It was boring when you left, so I started living a little more exciting.”
She made some noise. A sigh? It was sharp, though. “Alright. We’ll talk over dinner,” she said with a quiet growl. I felt a pang. An alien pang. I wanted to ignore it like before, but it was Thunder for Celestia’s sake. I decided to face her, but she bumped her shoulder into me as she walked on by. My left knee wobbled treacherously, and it took all I had to straighten it out.
Because Thunder shoved me. She already jaywalked halfway across the street before I could even think. The nerve! From my sister. My own sister.
I hung my head, following silently.
Oh shut up, Kim. Thunder never got like that because of me before. Ma coulda made her special, homemade mashed potatoes and scraped them into my flight goggles, and I wouldn’t care. But I still cared what she thought at the time.
Imma keep calling you Kim, alrighty. I’m called ‘Lady’ by everypony and their grandma because of my initials, so I’m gonna do the same for you. I’d have to call you ‘Sis’ then if I used your real name… which may not be too far from the truth.
…
Oh, nothing.
My legs, which felt like wet mops, screamed Germane curses at me by the time we came to a stop. Thunder Burst was a few yards ahead at all times, and I had the sense to keep it that way. Not that I was like a guilty little kid, or anything. Just… just forget it.
The place was the Half Moon Cafe. Opened when that one forgettable princess returned, or something. Better hold my tongue on that one; the place was full of vesper ponies, and I knew I’d sink lower of Thunder’s shit list if I started offending somepony with blasphemy.
We zeroed in on this particular stall in the back, miraculously open during this rush hour. Thunder stopped just short of her seat, then gestured to the other one. “Sit.”
I gave no answer, and did as told, mostly due to my kingdom for a chair. I wasn’t about to act like I was actually guilty, you know.
“I’m surprised you didn’t march me back to that place instead of run like I did. You chicken?” I said with a smirk.
“Lightning, please,” Thunder groaned. “Between doing the right thing and losing my job, it doesn’t take half a brain to choose.” She eyed my smirk, then huffed. “Don’t make this about ME now, kid.”
“Sit,” was all I said, motioning to her side. Oh, how it pained her to take that seat Kim.
“So you’ve made it abundantly clear that you became a troublemaking turd since we last saw each other. And don’t think I didn’t see the faces you made during my tour,” she said.
“This is the attitude I get from my sister whom I haven’t seen in seven years?” She leaned back, stricken. “So now you finally — “
“Nope,” she said, completely dropping the ruse. “And then you try to guilt trip me! I’ll have you know that my resistance to guilt tripping has sharply increased since I got this job, and it’s as sad as it sounds. Ugh, neophytes…” Thunder pondered something unknown to me. “On topic! My adorable little Lady would sooner break down crying than try something like that, and yet here you are.”
I gagged. “Don’t, and I mean DO NOT remind me of that. I can’t believe what a pansy I used to be.”
“But you weren’t a pansy!” Thunder opened her mouth to continue, but then the waiter guy came into view. I suppose I can leave that pleasantry out Kim. See, I’m learning. I will say, he was hot as any vesper is. Don’t give me that look!
The waiter side eyed me when I ordered apple juice. What, was apple juice not good enough for the city of the future? Thunder certainly got a chuckle, albeit short lived, from that.
Thunder watched me fiddle with the bendy straw to the box for a moment. I say this, because it was this really creepy stare. Like, you could slap it on to a mouthbreathing old stallion and it wouldn’t look out of place.
“You weren’t weak, Lady,” she finally piped up. “It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have left you when you were so young. I saw a chance to get a jump on life, and I took it! And yet, I left you behind.”
I just snorted, sucking down the juice in one breath. I always tried to crumple the box just a little after the big gulp. Breath training!
“You don’t have to hide your feelings from me. We’re sisters. Maybe somepony said “you aren’t good enough”, trying to make you feel bad, and since big sis wasn’t there you got this ‘tough’ act wrapped around you. I don’t know how or why, but I will make it up to you.” Thunder was actually sniffling a little during this speech. It was as pathetic as it sounds Kim. Okay, what’s THAT look for?
“Really.” I raised an eyebrow.
“Yes, really,” Thunder blabbed. “I want to make up for lost time, to make us friends again. So what say you to…” She did this flourish with her hooves, then whipped out…
No way.
“A trip to the Crystal Empire?”
“Get outta town.”
“I could sense the negative energy in your last letter, so I decided to set up a little surprise. Did I guess wrong?”
I just stared at those tickets, filly. “Are they jewel encrusted?!”
“Hee hee, I am pro at gifts!” Thunder held the ticket up, and read off the back. “The Crystal Empire spares no expense in welcoming its neighbors with open arms. So grace us with your visit, and remember to carry a small bit of the joy we have to share wherever you go!”
“Okay, that’s pretty corny. But this is really intense, Thunder. That place just popped outta nowhere, and now everypony wants a piece of it. How did you fight the dogpile and win, sis?”
“Now, now, Lady,” Thunder said with a click of the tongue. “You shouldn’t worry about how somepony gets your gifts. Let’s just say it wasn’t easy.” She shuddered. “But it was worth it for my sis.”
“Gimme!” I snatched that sucker up, before she could even blink. The thought crossed my mind: I could sell this bad boy, and be set on bits for at least two weeks while I found somewhere to bunker down. I’d be a free mare! No more ma and pa; excuse me, blah and grah, breathing down my neck!
...but I looked up at Thunder, her face beaming.
“It-it’ll be fun, eh sis?” My voice was weak.
“Oh, Little Lady, just you wait!” She reached over and trapped me yet again in one of her bear hugs. “We’re going to redefine fun!”
I swallowed. Swing. “Can’t.” Swing. “Wait.”
The fates must have rolled me a twenty in luck, because we made it through the train station without getting pulled aside and asked “were you the one who almost leveled a building with pure, raw, unbridled wing power?”. Darn it, I keep regressing with the Wendigos and Wyverns stuff.I had to endure Thunder packing, realizing I had nothing for myself, convincing her not to swing by Cloudsdale, going shopping, ugh, packing my stuff just as painstakingly, and going through a mini tour on the way there.
All for the grand prize of… riding a train. Seriously, wings.
The train, understandably, was cramped, because Crystal Empire. It was a cruel joke. Riding first class, and yet packed like sardines. The universe wouldn’t let me have even that. But by Celestia, Thunder would enjoy every second of this trip like she promised. Never once complained about something. Hey, I’m not whiny Kim. These were legit complaints! Ouch! What do you have against ‘legit’?
So we periled the frozen wastes in strikingly modern comfort to reach the Crystal Empire.
You want me to elaborate? Why? It’s the Crystal Empire. Anypony who’s spend more than three minutes at a convenience store with a magazine, waiting in line, knows what that place looks like. Ugh, fine Ms. Literary Critic.
So, we were rolling up to the place. This angry blizzard was completely whiting out the outside world. For all we knew, Princess Celestia was beyond the great white wearing a luchador costume. Suddenly, the white was just… gone. My eyes were spotty, and I almost made to rub them, but the summertime wonderland just outside was something else. Alien’s the word. Rocks were floating on their own like clouds. Perfect blue sky above, not a pegasus in sight. Giant crystal needles at the four corners of the place. An in the middle, the Crystal Castle. It looked pretty flimsy with it’s spacy design, but then you saw it was pure crystal. Pure crystal! You’d break your neck if you ran into it, unless you had superequine durability. I know a pony like that.
It was bright, and it was shiny. It was basically a deathtrap for a pegasus. I’m starting to like this place.
So now here we were, just outside of the crystal train station, on this crystal sidewalk.
“This. Is. Beautiful,” Thunder whispered. I followed her eyes over the all the buildings. Eh, it was just a crystal Canterlot. It was neat, don’t get me wrong. But these schmucks over there were standing around a lamppost, gawking. If you had an even number of brain cells, you could deduce it was a lamppost. So what if it was a crystal floating by itself, with brightly glowing ring orbiting the very tip top? Some of the crystal pones (go figure) just kind of shuffled away from the crowd, as if they were worshiping a misshapen boulder like caveponies.
“Geez, look at this Thunder. Do these ponies spend their days staring at a wall, or something? Ain’t it pathetic?” I turned to face her, but she was, ugh, already shoulder to shoulder with them. She nudged the post with a wing, expecting it to float away by itself.
“Hey!” I said, clamping onto her tail with my teeth. “Kit enneressin ee!” Boy, was she heavy. The crystal pavement made it easy enough to yank her away.
“Hm?” She fluttered her eyes, like she was just hypnotized. “Ooh, lookie! A gift shop! Hee hee!” She galloped off before I could let go.
“‘anda!” I tried pulling her back with my wings, but I only lifted her fat ass off the ground, so she kept dragging me along with her forelegs only. I thought she was a wimp! The socially awkward wheel barrow ended with me slamming into the doorframe of the place with my nose and falling on my chin. At least the ‘welcome’ mat was soft. Mmm, it was pretty cushy…
“Ahem.”
I looked up. Some pink pegasus was just standing there, staring down at me.
“Would you mind finding somewhere else to sleep? I have a spare newspaper, if that will speed things up.”
“Excuse me?” I hopped up in an instant. My mane fell into my face, and there was a smudge of dirt on my cheek. “Are you calling me a hobo?”
The pegasus smirked. “You don’t have anything on you. Not even a saddle bag. I know your type. The last time mom and dad close the door behind you, you end on the streets.” I gritted my teeth. “The last thing these crystal ponies need is walking social commentary digging in their garbage.”
“You know, you’re awfully presumptuous,” I said. “I know YOUR type. You just make up bullshit to rile ponies up.” I flicked one of her oversized eyebrows with a hoof, causing her growl at me. “How much eyeliner did you need to put on today before you could look at yourself in the mirror, hm?”
She took a step back. I thought she was on the ropes! However, she was just winding up. She hopped toward me, and with a mighty flap blew me off my hooves. I snapped out of my shock a few feet from the ground, then righted myself.
“Hey! You wanna start something?!” I flared my own wings out. She was all smiles, though. My face screwed up, until somepony cleared their throat behind me.
“Is there a problem, ladies?” Damn it, it was the fuzz. He didn’t sound very manly, but looking at him, he was pretty hot. Definitely fit for the great Lightning Dust. He was Equestrian, too, a pegasus.
“Not at all, sir,” said pinky. “This young mare was harassing me, buuuut I’m willing to forgive and forget.” Man, I wanted to punch her in the face.
Orange-y looked between the two of us. “While that may be, we don’t tolerate the use of pony magic outside of self defense. This was a verbal dispute, one that didn’t call for it.”
Pinky grimaced. “So what do you plan to do, hm?”
“We’re gonna have to take you in, ma’am. You know how it is.”
“What about this brat here?” she said, stomping a hoof. “She laid a hoof on my, so I reacted!”
Orangey nodded. “Yes, I planned on escorting her as well. It shouldn’t be too long, if you’re both willing to forget this business.”
Unfortunately, I didn’t see a good reason to drag this out, and risk being caught for something I actually DID do. I could jump this mare some other time if I really, really wanted to. And I really, really did.
“Ugh, alright.” We had drawn quite the crowd. Seemed like it mostly crystal ponies, trying to get a look at these strange, winged ponies. I underestimated how much of an airhead Thunder was, because I didn’t even see her until the guard dude let us go, two hours later.
Okay, Kim, you’ve been poking me for three minutes straight. What. The hell. Do you want.
...Orangey? His name? Bash Entry, or something. Okay, moving on.
The only thing of note in this exciting look into Crystal Empire bureaucracy was that pinky seemed like she was in a pretty good mood. She tried to start up conversations like nothing had happened, and was all bubbly and giggly. I ignored her easily enough, but this one-eighty threw me off. She had lots of questions for ‘ol Vash the Centipede (or whatever) about guard stuff. Like she’s still on tour. Orangey took her annoying blabbing like a champ. I wonder if he had practice before.
Ouch! What, a fly? Thanks, I guess.
“And here… we… go. You’re good to do ma’am,” Orangey said after spitting out the quill. I just gave him a curt nod and made for the door.
“Alrighty, you’re set too.” He hoofed over the paper thingy to pinky.
“You’ve been such a gentlecolt, Officer Sentry,” she said, eyes half lidded. Flash Sentry! That was it.
Flash just kinda stared. “Well, it’s what I do, in and out of uniform. No need to thank me for doing my job.”
“Oh, but really! Most guards I meet are so brutish. Not nearly as, hm, handsome and kind as somepony like yourself. Why, I’m surprised I am now walking away with nary a bruise!” She chortled for a moment.
“I’d be inclined to say that you’re mistaken about how my fellow soldiers behave,” Flash muttered. “So… yeah. Have a good day — “
“I just lost my head back there, but your calm ruggedness brought me to my senses! Why would I tussle with some uncouth hobo when I’m in such a wondrous, new place!” Why was this room so big? Almost to the door, at least. Keep it cool, Dust. “You’re my hero, frankly. I have trouble, hm, controlling myself you see.” Please kill me.
“Ma’am, I’m… flattered, really. But you should get going now. Duty calls!” And he was outta there. I heard the door to the back office slam with a resounding echo.
As soon as I was out, I took off like a madmare, back to the gift shop.
It was darker than before, that’s for sure. In the back of my mind, I was a little guilty about ditching Thunder like that. It totally wasn’t my bad this time, though. And these stupid crystal guards kept telling me not to fly, that it was ‘dangerous’ with the randomly floating rocks and highly reflective surfaces of all the stuff here. Isn’t that the point of flying, Kim?
So I had to hoof it, and get lost while doing it. You can tell me that I was worried about Thunder, but in reality I was worried that she’d ditch me and rat me out to ma and pa. That’s it.
The roads were incredibly solid, so my already aching hooves were on pins and needles when I managed to find the place again. This part of town was deserted by this time, around six o’clock. Everypony in this kingdom must be a bunch of girl scouts, if the nightlife only exists for the tourists.
I hovered near the front of the shop for a minute, trying to figure if it was still open. The lamp hanging by the door was still lit, but there was no signs of life.
“Screw it,” I uttered, then pushed the door open. My very first step in, and I almost knock something over. There was this table covered in glass ducks that I bumped into. The quackers rocked back and forth for a moment, but stayed put. “Phew.” I stood stock still, in case somepony heard me. A voice came from upstairs.
“...a-and, she had them arranged juuust right. Said they were a team! They’d never leave each other’s side. Everyday, after I brought her home from school, s-she’d make sure they were as straight as could be. She even repainted them with me every month, after our big game with my friends.” Thunder was crying about something. At least she was here, so I didn’t waste my time.
“Shh, it’s okay,” said a stranger’s voice.
“No! It’s not! I-I sent a letter, about a year later, just to ma and pa. I asked if she still kept an eye on those figures. Know what they said?” She laughed a humorless laugh. “Said ‘Lady just sold them at a garage sale! She just had to have those flight goggles all the other kids had!’”
“So you went back to Cloudsdale?” The stranger sounded a little choked up too. Seriously, what was the deal?
“I couldn’t bear it. The thought that she just abandoned something so important to her, to ME. I tracked down the colt she sold them to, and bought them back. They’re in my living room still. Lightning didn’t even notice them when we were packing, so I dragged it out a little. Nope! Hee hee, she still didn’t bucking notice!”
Thunder broke down sobbing. What, over some Wendigos and Wyverns junk? And that’s why she took so long? Son of a mule.
“Ahem, Thunder?” I said sweetly. “I’m back. Some harpy got me arrested, but we cool now! A-Okay!”
“Lightning Dust?” I heard hooves shuffle. Thunder peeked down at me over the rail of the stairs. “Lightning Vivian Dust! Where in Equestria have you been!” She shrieked. Her neck, like, stretched over the rail as if she were turning into a camel monster.
“Hey, don’t yell! I just said, some hussy started something with me. She hit first. I didn’t hit back. Then the guard made us sit through two hours of processing.” All Thunder did was rub her temples. “What, you don’t believe me?”
“It’s not that,” she said, ruffling her wings. “You just have to cause trouble, don’t you? Ma and pa said you became a troublemaker when I left, but I didn’t think it’d be like this.”
“Well, it’s history now sis. Like that thing you were crying about. Seriously, it’s really sad, so stop it,” I said. She had this look, like she ate something spoiled. “We’re here to have fun, right? I’m sure the, er, kind pony who owns this place has other things to do.”
Another pony rounded the corner, standing at the top of the stairs. She was a crystal pony, deep gray. And she didn’t look very happy with me. “Marble Carving. And I’m willing to spare two hours for a pony who needs a friend. I hope I’m setting an example.”
“Hey, butt out. Thanks for putting up with HER and all that, but it’s nunya,” I said.
Marvel Craving looked ready to capitalize on her height advantage, but Thunder held a leg out. “It’s alright. I’ve got my work cut out for me, eh?” she said with an exasperated laugh. She strafed around the angry mare, slowly creeping backwards down the stairs to keep us separate. “I’ll visit next chance I get, alrighty? It’d be a while, though. You know, you can visit Baltimare. Much cheaper, and I’ll pay for you.”
Argyle snorted. “That’s very kind to offer, but I’ll manage some way on my own. Nice to meet you, Thunder Burst.” She turned away. “And, for what it’s worth, good luck. Just… think about what I said, alright?”
Thunder nodded, then grabbed my shoulder.
“We’re going to have fun, Lady. I mean it.” She dragged me out of the store, despite my protests.
“C’mon, sis, I said I was sorry!”
She let go of me. Well, more like shoved me away. “I’m sorry too. Marble helped me get passes to the Crystal Palace. We’re going to have a tour of it right now.”
“Now? I’m tired, though,” I said, flattening my ears.
“We could have gone earlier, you know, but then you decided that good behavior was ‘uncool’. That being likeable was ‘lame’.”
I flinched. “Look, just forget what ma and pa told you over the years. They had it out for me, sis. Ever since they found that Wonderbolts poster under my bed.”
“So now they’re magically making you act like a hooligan now?” She rested a wing to her hip.
“Okay, I already said it once: it was not. My. Fault! You smacked me into a wall, then some zit-pink whorse starts insulting me. I gave just one lousy, though genius, retort, and she attacks me!”
“Okay, I may have done that. It was needless, though! You could have just let go of my tail! I know you have better reflexes than a turtle themed windchime.”
“What’d you say?!”
So we kept going back and forth all the way to the Palace. I was too intent on winning this unwinnable argument to notice the snickers we earned, as was Thunder. Hey, you get like that too Kim.
So we were kinda standing at the front door of the palace, and some guy was holding the door, waiting on us.
“They totally cheated, alright?” I said.
“You’re just a sore loser, Lady. That was eight years ago!”
“But they brought the dice, Thunder! Look, if you want me to play W.a.W. again, you have to ban those two from our games.”
“But Roller and Zephyr have been our friends for years! I can’t just turn them away!”
“You’re asking a lot as it is, making me place this nerdy game.”
“You loved Waw, Lady! Don’t tell me you’re one of those ponies that thinks you outgrow stuff!”
“Maybe I am. I AM an adult, Thunder.’’
“You’re sixteen!”
“You wanna fight?”
“LADIES!”
I rubbed my ear. I wanted to give him a what-for and how-to, but Kim. Kim. Kim, I think I’m seeing a bright light. This guy was sexy. Like, he fell from the freaking sky, probably spent years in physical therapy from the injuries because he fell that far. Thunder was thinking the same thing from the looks of it.
“Er, sorry for shouting,” he said with a strained laugh. “The tour is about to begin. The name’s Shining Armor.”
Me and Thunder just exchanged glances.
“Um. So, come in? Make yourselves at home?” Shining said, real polite. He was more of a boy scout than Crash Gentry, but Kim. Kim.
Ouch! What crawled up your leg and died?
Thunder nodded almost imperceptibly.
Shining Armor faced the crowd in the hall. “Alright, ponies! Welcome to the Crystal Palace! You’re our honored guests, so don’t hesitate to ask for anything.” He waved off some pony whom I couldn’t hear. “Please, just Shining. No need to be formal, okay? My wife felt like I was too enveloped in my work, so she gave me this chance to loosen up, help my fellow Equestrians get to know the kingdom.”
I was enraptured, frankly. He could read a phone book while I was dangling over a pit of lava, and I’d be perfectly fine. Perfect vantage point right now, too.
“Let’s not be strangers, sis,” Thunder said in a hushed voice, and began dragging me to the rest of the tourists.
“But siiiis!”
“Nope. No, Lady, just no.”
You won’t get this one out of me too often, but the crystal artwork was pretty awesome. In the room with vaulted ceilings, you could find this levitating globe of crystal shards. They had these patterns to them, and they’d shift around in the most psychedelic ways, mare. Shiny Hiney let us take a few minutes for each just to stare, and get lost in infinity. So gnarly.
For reasons that invade, er, evade me, me and Thunder kinda cooled off. We were at each other’s throats, and Thunder was having some nerd crisis at the gift shop, but we were having fun. Funny, how something shiny can distract you from your problems.
So now we were in the corridor leading to the throne room. Every few columns sat display cases, containing some dumb pottery. Why would they end a tour in the castle of dreams with glorified dishes?
“...and that’s the colored history of the Groveling Gardener. Quite a sharp protest to King Sombra’s rule, in my opinion,” Shining said. He was really into this, and by extension so was I. That voice. Kim, I have the reflexes of a cat. Don’t try it! “Moving on, we have the Crystal Hawk,” said he, in a low voice. I strained my neck to see it, until I realized there was a towel over the display. What, is it some sort of adult toy?
“In the interest of maximizing this piece’s lifetime, we’ve shrouded it to help maintain its color. Behold!” With a spark of magic, the curtain was lifted.
Everypony jumped back in fright. Seriously, I thought there was a caged animal in there.
“The Crystal Hawk!” Shining declared. “As you can see, this rather small piece is packed with more detail than, heck, a real hawk. The sculptor is named Grinding Grip, one of the most influential crystal pony artists who ever lived.”
“Holy cow, Lady,” Thunder said from my side.
“Every work on display here today has been appraised by Equestrian collectors, and this piece right here is the single most valuable work in the world!”
Holy cow indeed.
“Yessiree, you heard me right. Why, you would never have to work a day in your life ever again if you had as many bits as this is worth.” Shining flashed a smile. “It just goes to show how profound an effect Grinding Grip has had. Most of the Empire’s architecture came from his genius. This was just a pet project, but it symbolizes all the hard work he and his apprentices put into building and protecting their home. It’s a very moving tale, you see…”
Not another day in my life? That little thing? While everypony was enraptured by the tale, I estimated the size of the Crystal Falcon with my hooves in front of my face. Yep, it could fit in my saddlebags Kim. That thing could be mine. I would never want bits again if I could sell that to the right pony. Yeah, in hindsight, the kind of pony who collects stolen art would probably just have my legs broken and generously relieve me of the extra weight, but the promise of riches was too great.
Gobdammit, Thunder was crying again. Her mouth trembled as Shining gave the stirring conclusion.
“...injuries were too grievous, and he didn’t survive the night. Still, his sacrifice halted General Makel’s abominations just enough for his neighbors escape. He died with a smile on his face, they said afterward.” Shining took a deep sigh. “To conclude the tour, we’re going to be meeting the princess, my wife, for tea.”
I must have been slobbering still, because Thunder had to shake me by the shoulders to get my attention.
“Lady, come on! I want to meet the princess!” She scanned my features with a grimace. “Are you… okay? Don’t tell me you were making faces during that story!”
“No!” I shouted. “No, I wasn’t. I… it was nothing.”
“If you’re sure,” Thunder said slowly. I wiped a bead of sweat off my brow when wasn’t looking.
“Eh, I’d rather hit the had Thunder, if that’s okay with you.”
“But the princess!” She looked at me as if I made a racist joke!
“Pfft, who cares? I read about that one. The princess of ‘love’? Get real. Even if a pony like that could be a decent princess, ‘love’ only gets you as far as a morning talk show. She should count herself lucky that an empire that literally runs on love just popped outta nowhere.” I crossed my forelegs. “Makes you wonder if they aren’t pulling strings behind the scenes…”
“Lady, you’re nuts. Seriously. And what’s more, you don’t even know Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. You’re just judging her for a childish reason!” said Thunder.
“But the cheese! I can’t handle it!” I whined. “I can see her still see her doing a dumb little dance with an equally lame pony! You’re bad enough as it is.”
“W-well, excuse me you little brat. I’m just trying to reconnect with you, and you treat me like I’m pulling your teeth.” Thunder gasped after a moment. “I m-mean, I’m sorry for saying that Lady. I just don’t get why you’re so combative all of a sudden.”
Thunder gave me this sad little pout while rubbing her shoulder. It was really making me sick to my stomach. And… I guess I could stand to learn more about Cadenza, seeing as I was planning on robbing her blind.
“Okay, let’s me the princess.”
Bear hug! Run, run! “Aw, thanks little sis!”
“Argh! Why do you do this to me!”
So now me and Thunder were sitting on a couch, right across from the Princess. She was taking turns having conversations with all of today’s tourists, for some unfathomable reason. I mean, doesn’t she have better things to do?
Her smile was, uh, beateriffic, I mean, beatific, but it was a little lopsided like she was nervous. On her left was Shiny Hiney, and her right some purple unicorn.
“I, uh, I’m Thunder Burst, princess,” Thunder suttered.
Cadenza chuckled. “Oh, loosen up will you. We’re all friends here!”
“Yes, of course! Er, anyways, I’m a weather manager from Baltimare.”
“Oh, Baltimare! I’ve heard many things about that city, Thunder. Is it true that the Monarch High Rise incorporates pegasus and earth pony engineering to be as tall as it is?” said the purple unicorn on her right. All in one breath. Please, spare me the nerds!
“Why, yes it does, actually,” Thunder said with a giggle. Purple nurple’s presence seemed to make her feel more at home.
“Oh, I’ve wanted to visit Baltimare myself one day. They have so many new and unheard of inventions that they’ve incorporated into their routines,” purple said. She looked to Cadenza. “Ponyville is wonderful, don’t get me wrong, but it’s pretty old fashioned.”
“I hear you sister,” Thunder said. “Cloudsdale looks nothing like it did eight years ago, with all the earth pony machines we’ve added to the weather control process. Less and less of its districts require cloudwalking spells for non-pegasus ponies each day!”
Kim, I can feel my soul escaping my body, even recollecting that conversation. It was mostly nerd talk between Thunder and… Princess Twilight? That’s who that was? Princess Twilight, with the tooth rotting stylings of husband and wife to fill in the silence. I knew the suffering only just begun when Twilight mentioned she played Waw. Mainly because Thunder pulled me into the madness.
“You would not believe, Twi, how good little Lightning Dust here is at Waw.”
All eyes were on me.
“What? I don’t want anything to do with this,” I said. I flipped my mane to show them I meant business.
“You’ve been awfully quiet, Lightning Dust,” Cadenza said. “Now now, don’t be a stranger.”
“Don’t be a sourpuss, alright? Siblings argue all the time,” Shining said. “I’m sure whatever that spat from earlier was can be forgiven. Don’t you think so, Twily?” Twily?! If I had claws like Gil, I would have ripped my hair out.
“Yes. Though siblings may argue from time to time, it never really stops them from caring about each other,” she said all methodical like.
All this positive reinforcement… it was disgusting! I needed, I dunno, hatred to even it out. I mean, some shriveled up part of my psyche jumped at the chance to talk Waw again, but I dropped all that years ago. Like, if style were like weight loss, regressing would mean I’d get fat again.
“Yeah, she always kicked my butt at the game, even when she was ittier and bittier than she is now!”
“Hey, I’m sixteen, not a toddler,” I said.
“Well, you’re the youngest here,” said Twilight. “By only three years, but it’s still something.”
“If being talked down to is all I have to look forward too, then I’m out,” I said. And I was. Screw the guilt. I hopped over the couch with a flap of my wings, landing right in front of the door.
“Lady, wait!”
“No, don’t go! I didn’t mean it like that!” cried Twilight. She seem oddly flustered over insulting the hobo looking mare with a bad attitude. Shoot, most ponies would feel obligated to make my day worse. Cadenza’s eye met mine as I gave them one last look. Resigned. That was the word. Next to her, Prince Charming just looked disappointed. Reminded me an awful lot of—
I shoved the door open and left without hesitation. The crowd of ponies waiting outside hushed up with the door struck the wall.
“Wait, I’m sorry!” She said it over and over, too. You met her once, Kim. So that’s how she is? Huh.
The boredom, guilt and apprehension had me wound up like a nightmare, so it was a relief to be outside the castle. I retraced the tour’s path to get another look at the Falcon. I remember how… inviting Cadenza was. Did I feel bad about my plans? Not really. I quashed most of the bad juju with good old fashioned rationalization.
Speaking of rational, or not, Thunder and Twilight hadn’t come after me. The castle was a way’s behind me already. I looked back every so often to see if Thunder had come out, but there was no sign. It made me uncomfortable.
Not the guilt, Kim. Drop it. She had the slip for the hotel. I spent a few minutes, looking for a cloud to sleep on. And wouldn’t you know it, the floating crystals actually control the weather. It was pretty entertaining to watch them drift about until they neared a cloud, the go apeshit it on it. They’d orbit the sucker, shooting lasers — lasers! — at the thing until it dissipated.
I’m a terrible pony for thinking lasers are cool? ...oh. Well, I needed a distraction. I may have played up the laser thing a little, too.
Finding a cloud would be hard enough, but I’d also have to keep it. Pinky came to mind just then. I really WAS a homeless mare, living up this kingdom like a freeloader. I’d just get THAT look if I tucked tail and went home to mamma. If I tried to make amends, I’d just get busted for vandalizing that lake. Thunder would never forgive me for that, ever. I pushed the envelope with her a lot that day, but she’d just shut me out like a book if she figured that one out.
I was broke, and to fix that I was planning on stealing a priceless sculpture that symbolized the sacrifice of some old guy. I’d get spat on by an crystal pony that knew I even tried it. I was in the corner to end all corners. I was all alone.
Just me.
Just perfect.
I had a habit for burning bridges, taking risks. Anyone could tell you that. But look what a stood to gain, Kim. Stop staring at me like I’m crazy. I ditched my old life, doing what ma and pa wanted and not what I wanted. I was fast, strong, and cool. And I could be the richest mare in Equestria. How many ponies can say their life could actually, REALLY be that perfect if they played their cards right?
I’ll take your silence as a resounding ‘zero’. This wasn’t all planned out, mind you. I wasn’t tormenting Thunder as part of my insidious ploy, or anything. She brought it on herself by trying to drag me back down to that weakling I used to be. I can’t understand why she’d want that Lightning Dust back, when I was standing right there.
I needed the rest, and that’s all there was to it. This would never happen now, but my body was still recovering from the sprint. I had been on my hooves all day, and my only chance to sleep was on a crowded train car. That was the plan, anyways.
The sun had set entirely. It was pitch black that night, just about. Northern nights did that. Still, a caught blinding gleams from the corner of my eye from all the crystal stuff. I was starting to get a feel for why the Empire was a ‘no fly’ zone, with the laser shooting rocks floating around about, almost entirely invisible in the dark.
This small, pitiable wad of cirrus was all I had. I had it set about twelve feet from the street, just below the roof of most houses in the area. The laser things, thankfully, didn’t notice me. It was hard to keep my eyes shut, but soon enough I was asleep.