The Princess's Apprentice

The Princess’s Apprentice

Chapter One: Calling All Plot Devices

Twilight Sparkle was not the type to take to boredom easily. Of course, when one’s favorite thing is books, and one live in a library, this is normally a very easily addressed issue. One would just walk up, pick a book off the shelf, and let several hours disappear. Off into some brilliant fantasy one would go, having wonderful adventures with beautiful ponies across vibrant landscapes. In a world of such wonderful prose and immersion that the real world just melted away.

Twilight was trying another method of making the real world melt away recently: staring at a wall until she spontaneously developed heat vision, which hadn’t happened yet. So she did the only other thing she could do.

“Next!”

She sat upright in her rather modest throne, waiting for the next citizen to approach her with whatever issue they felt required near-divine intervention. At first Twilight had been excited to help so many ponies address real-world problems in a setting that she actually had influence in. Unfortunately...

“You have got to teach those ruffians some common courtesy! Honestly, how can anypony be expected to sleep properly under such conditions?!” screeched the rather pompous-looking mare before her. She was familiar to Twilight, of course, but not for any kind of previous contact prior to having become royalty. No, this mare had only ever expressed interest in taking her personal matters straight to the highest possible authority. Or Twilight Sparkle, whoever was stupid enough to let her in. “I can’t believe the volume at which they play their music! It’s unbearable!”

Twilight massaged her temples with her hooves, feeling another one of her heads coming on. Were alicorns prone to aneurysms? This sounded like a great topic to research. Later. When ponies weren’t wailing at her. “Miss Society, please. It’s a music club. They play music at all hours because they’re open at all hours and have permits to do so. I have looked into this extensively. I’ve even had a few drinks there. They’re doing nothing illegal, and thus I have no power over their activities. Now please, if you have a legitimate legal claim to make, I can once again show you where and what forms you need to fill out and leave you to pursue the issue legally.”

High Society looked ready to glare at the Princess of Magic, but thought better of it. Especially considering the fact that she’d done so on one or more previous occasions and the guards on either side of Twilight’s throne were just waiting for an excuse to kick her out of the room. Again. Twilight swore she even saw the unicorn on her right smile slightly.

’I really hope he doesn’t go overboard this time. I really don’t like filling out paperwork in triplicate that includes the phrase “And he was laughing maniacally the entire time.’ Fortunately for her sanity and the safety of the occupants of the room, High decided now was a good moment to “leave and pursue the issue legally.” Especially after she, too, seemed to have caught the stallion’s anticipatory grin. Without a word, she turned on her hind hoof and left, her head high in the air.

Not waiting for another “loyal subject” to enter, she motioned for the guards on the far side of the room to close the doors. One of the few things she enjoyed about her required time with the citizenry was that there weren’t actually any listed number of hours she had to do so. Any and all legislation requiring her to listen to the meanderings and whining voices of the over-privileged populace only ever stated “hours must be set aside to... yadda yadda yadda.” Watching the doors close with a satisfyingly loud thud, Twilight hopped down from her throne and stretched her legs.

Walking around the room, she thought about what it could use. Bookshelves, obviously. Her throne room was horribly under-booked. Really, the only decorations were the carpet from the door to her throne, the banners and royal symbols behind it, and the drapes. There were a couple of candle stands here and there for when it was dark, but that was about it. Of course, this train of thought was only a distraction from her current worries.

“I’m so bucking bored! What’s the point in being a Princess if you can’t entertain yourself all day!” she whined, looking for something to kick over. She reconsidered, because actually doing so would be rather unladylike, which, she reminded herself, she was never very good at.

She also had guards watching her. A thought that led to her considering her current company. She glanced about, eyeing the four stallions in the room. There was the unicorn she’d grown to associate with wanton destruction in the name of protecting his charge. The two by the doors were both pegasi, built for speed to prevent anypony from rushing through the door and charging the princess. They’d had little occasion to do more than open and close the doors for her, and they always looked bored. The fourth, another unicorn, was a size bigger than his over-eagerly defensive partner, and significantly more stoic.

All in all, they were handsome stallions, and if any of them had been mares she’d totally have rutted them. Or, at least, she would have, had a chance drunken encounter with a hoofmaiden in which she'd “propositioned” said member of the staff. The answer had been “no” and a stern reprimand from Celestia about sexual harassment and drinking too much at parties.

Now, Twilight Sparkle wasn’t exactly a debaucherous mare, but with the acquisition of a royal title and the move into her own personal castle in Canterlot, she had been of the assumption that her mare in shining armor (a phrase she abhorred for obvious reasons), would have arrived well before now to sweep her off her hooves. So far, her life in the true lap of luxury had been little more than meetings, royal duties, curtsies from ponies she didn’t know, and an endless stream of boredom.

Even Spike had been left with little to do but read, because all of the household chores and the care-taking of her private library had been left to her servants. Thus they had enrolled him in a private school not far from castle grounds.

Twilight looked at the clock in anticipation, wondering just how long until her number one assistant would be set free and she could have somepony nice to talk to. Seeing it to be a couple of hours yet, she looked about the room one last time. She’d tried talking to the guards, but all they were allowed to do was respond to orders. Fraternization was forbidden, or, at least, highly frowned upon. None of the hoofmaidens spent a great deal of time around her because they were busy actually doing their jobs.

She climbed back on her throne to think some more, for it was at least comfortable. She had at least some paperwork to... no, that had been finished this morning, the first time she got bored. She could visit one of the other Princesses... no, not that either. They were either across the country, asleep, or busy with their own responsibilities.God forbid she try to have a conversation with any of the non-alicorn members of the family. She’d been hopeful Prince Blueblood had simply been a bad apple at the bottom of a yet-unspoiled barrel, but her hopes were dashed when most, if not all of the royal family (as small as it was), had proven to be just as up themselves as the snotty elites she tried her best not to cater to every day.

She needed somepony to talk to. Somepony who could keep her occupied. Somepony intellectually engaging, and maybe a little bit malleable. She’d had that in Spike, but the little she saw of him now meant there was a small void in her everyday life. Even Owlowiscious had taken to sleeping the days away properly, and only really kept her company during the evening or early morning. In short, she was lonely.

Twilight pined for attention, for interaction, for... something that kept her stimulated and engaged and that she could look forward to. Even if it wasn’t a romantic pursuit of some kind, she needed... company.

But what could she do about it?

“An apprentice?” Celestia asked quizzically, giving her former student a curious look. Twilight looked up from her dinner plate to return the gaze. “Whatever for?”

“Yeah, Twilight,” said a rather sad and tiny male voice from beside her. A dejected Spike stole glances over his dinner plate at his best friend. “What do you need an apprentice for, you have me.”

The lavender alicorn shook her mane. “Not like that, Spike. An assistant and an apprentice are two different things. You help me with all my paperwork and housework and cooking, and are supportive and trustworthy. I’m not looking for an apprentice to do any of that,” she said reassuringly, patting a hoof on Spike’s back. She turned her attentions to the Solar Princess as she continued to explain, “No, I’m looking for somepony to share my knowledge with, like you have with me. Somepony who I can teach the fundamentals of more advanced magic, who can help me develop new and more interesting, and possibly more helpful, spells and incantations to further the scientific and arcane advancements of Equestria. I’ve got quite a lot of free time and not a lot of contribution around here. I mean, I’m not exactly responsible for half the ecosystem, as it were.” ’Not to mention somepony to keep me entertained all damn day.’

Celestia smiled knowingly. “I see. Being the Princess and Element of Magic, you want to actually help progress and monitor it’s advancement. An admirable cause, Twilight. But do you really need an apprentice to help you?”

Twilight nodded. “Think about it this way. Do you want me experimenting with powerful and untested arcane arts in the middle of castle grounds without somepony there who knows enough to say ‘stop’?” Or whatever their safe word might be.

Spike and Celestia traded glances, and shuddered. Twilight learning new magic was one thing, and they had all experienced the pitfalls of the little bookworm biting off more than she could chew. Creating magic from scratch and researching advancements in technology and the mystic arts that could affect all of Equestria? Without supervision? “Twilight, you make a solid argument. Of course, it will be entirely on you to organize this program. If you are looking to take on more responsibility for yourself, and somepony else, then I think it important that nopony hold your hoof in the process.”

Spike smiled widely and patted Twilight on the back with an eager claw. “Yeah, good luck with all that! There’s no way on Equis you could get me to sit through all that magic mumbo-jumbo all day, on top of school!”

Twilight’s expression was flat and hardly amused, but she was glad the tiny dragon no longer felt threatened by the proposition of a new body in the castle taking up his friend’s time. “Well, Princess, I can understand you wanting to leave me to my own devices. But there is one thing I’d like to ask you before I begin.”

Celestia nodded, not seeing much harm in answering a simple question. “Of course, my faithful Princess.”

Sheepishly, and with a slight blush, Twilight asked, “Where do I start?”

The white alicorn smiled gently and said simply, “Advertise, Twilight Sparkle. Advertise.”

The flyers were all over town the next morning. On the sides of businesses, on light posts, and on walls all across the great City of Canterlot:

Looking for a world of adventure in the field of magical study?

Tired of your everyday life filled with the same ins and outs?

Want to help advance the progress of magic and science all throughout Equestria, and seal your name in the history books forever?

Not afraid of explosions, abrasions, transmutation, transmogrification, parallel worlds, elder beasts, and copious amounts of chickens?

Then look no further! Her Highness, Princess Twilight Sparkle, is seeking applicants for an apprenticeship in the field of arcane study and scientific research! Apply today at the Royal Palace!

Ask for Spike or Princess Twilight Sparkle.

Nopony was sure where they had come from, and even fewer seemed to care. Those who stopped to read them almost never got farther than the words “transmutation, transmogrification, parallel worlds, elder beasts...” before they decided rather quickly that they had much more important things to do. One rather hopeful mint-green unicorn, however, did get as far as “copious amounts of chickens” before she ran screaming the other way.

Of course, Vinyl Scratch was not most people. And she sure as hell wasn’t some namby-pamby mint green lyricist with a chicken phobia. Leaving her mark on history forever? Blowing shit up and inventing new magic in the name of scientific progress? Spending hour after hour in the immediate vicinity of a particularly sexy purple alicorn?

“Awww, hell yeah.”

A delicate hoof wove its way through a luxurious mane of light pink hair as purple eyes scanned the flyer carefully. They narrowed in anticipation as a sly smile spread across delicate lips.

“So, the Princess is looking for an apprentice, is she? What an... influential position. Who knows what I could learn from this... mare,” Fleur Dis Lee purred, eying the advertisement with great intensity. She barely noticed as many a passerby caught sight of her, quickly losing interest in whatever it was they were doing. The sounds of carts crashing, ponies falling down and/or running into things, and the scattering of miscellaneous materials lost in the grips of their distracted owners surrounded the stunning model as she plucked the piece of paper off of its lamppost with an elegant pink sheen of magic.

She rolled it up delicately, and slid it into her saddle bag. Giving it a small, affectionate tap to secure its place, she looked up at the top of the hill, where the Royal Palace loomed over the city of Canterlot. “Twilight Sparkle, I hope you’re ready.”

The Great and Powerful Trixie could not believe her eyes. She had returned to the great city of Canterlot only days before, and the first viable job opportunity she could find was to work for that conceited, self-important, showy, delicious, curvy, luxuriously graceful mare that had ruined her life and occupied every wet dream she’d had in the last several months?

Her entire body quivered with anger and need as she gripped the flyer somepony had callously stuck on the side of her carriage. How dare they blight the face of her beautiful stage/mobile home with the arrogant, uptight, beautiful and incredibly sexy visage of the one and only Twilight Sparkle!

Oh, she would apply for that apprenticeship, alright! She would apply, and she would get the job! And then Twilight would have no choice but to acknowledge how much more talented, and superior, and important she was! She would make that “Princess” beg on her knees for her approval! Beg, and crawl closer... to the edge of the bed... wearing that little maid’s outfit she just so happened to have held onto for a lonely summer’s night...

“...fuck,” Trixie grumbled, and crawled back into her carriage, putting up a “Do Not Disturb” sign as she slammed the door.

Rarity was having quite a normal morning, as mornings go. She would even go so far as to say that it was a great morning. She was in Canterlot, staying in a rather swanky hotel (courtesy of her ties to royalty), and had been spending her weekend shopping for new materials to make even grander dresses with. Really, being the best friend and personal tailor of a Princess was the best thing to ever happen to her career! And her social status. Bless Twilight Sparkle.

She was busy mentally praising her newly alicorned friend, until she heard her little sister screaming in joy from the other room: “Sis, Sis! I’m gonna be an apprentice!”

More than a little confused, and slightly alarmed, Rarity strolled into the bedroom, where her little sister Sweetie Belle was jumping up and down on the bed, holding a piece of paper. “Now Sweetie, what- could you please- you’re not supposed to-” finally, with an angry growl, she tugged the paper free from her sister’s grasp, the distraction sending the small white filly tumbling over herself on the bed.

Floating the flyer over to herself, Rarity read it quietly. Word by word, her expression changed, as did her faith and joyful disposition toward a certain purple librarian princess know-it-all egghead. “Ooooh, Twilight Sparkle!”