Eight in the evening. It is time to end my shift on the throne. Each day I fear the moment that I have to send everypony away, telling them to return the next day to stand in line for another few hours. I can only imagine what they would say to me if I wasn't their princess. Would they be angry? Sad that their pressing concerns would go unnoticed? Disappointed that their princess could not do more for them? Ultimately, there is no way to know and no reason to be concerned. Perhaps it is simply an old pony's figments of doubt. Imagined. Foolish. Insignificant. Every day that moment passes easier. That is what truly horrifies me.
There are tales of Equestria's rulers acting indifferent, dismissive, downright cruel. I don't want to believe them, but could they be a mere logical consequence of this position? Is it what happened to Discord? Is it what is going to happen to me? The throne room empties and finally falls silent. I am alone with only a decorative arrangement of guards around me. The sun is lingering on the horizon as if it was only a reminder. A message sent from one princess to another, telling me to drop out of my self-pity and rejoin them.
Others would call it a gift to poets around the empire, extending the moment between day and night by just those few minutes. Of course, those ponies don't have my knowledge. In truth, the sun is where she wants it to be. Only courtesy even keeps it vaguely on path. Knowing what she could do if I delay too much, I glide down from the throne and into the hidden passage off to the side. The guards no longer ask whether they should accompany me through the inner castle. Maybe they'll soon stop calling me princess off duty, as I asked of them; So far, only one of them complied. Unfortunately, he is off protecting Equestria elsewhere when I need him here.
Sometimes - about seven times a day - I have to wonder how I can even navigate the castle when every passage looks the same. Carpeted floor, wide doors, giant windows somehow always in the perfect place to let the sun draw long shadows on all passers. Not that the route was easy, either. Are the side corridors and bends and turns just an artifact from when the castle was built? Are they supposed to ward off the rabble by bringing them into a labyrinth so deep they can at best hope to be found by the guards? Did the princess have it built herself, or did it exist before her? Could she have been cruel enough to include even just the dungeons? In a land where it comes to pranks at worst, easily punished with some slaps on the flank and a few stern words?
"Are you going to come in, Twilight?" I am torn from my thoughts, finding myself right in front of the final door. Despite all the time that has passed, she still pulls me better than I could myself. I enter the room with head bowed in embarassment. Not because of what just happened, but because of how often it happens. "Nothing is going to get cold, but the sun can't stay where it is forever."
I want to respond, but all that results is a low grunt. Instead I sit down and try to focus on present matters. Before I can even think up a spell, aqua force already fills my dish. "Long day, then?" I look up. Cadance sits straight across the short side of the table. Perhaps I should add lacking perception to the list of my own flaws. "You'll get used to it as time flies. Rulership is only as heavy as you let it be."
I want to start fresh. I want to eat, laugh, and make merry. She spends little time here as is, there's no reason to waste any of it. Still I can't force myself to a single bite with the questions burning in my mind. "Cadance?" The words come out even quieter than I had expected. "How old exactly are you?"
"Oh." She gives me a genuine smile. She expects that it's just curiosity driving me and only the day past weighing me down. "Stopped counting a while ago. About a few centuries. Four, I think. Wouldn't see that, would you. You can get great beauty products as a princess."
Her joke does little to lighten the nervosity in the room. Everypony, including myself, dreads what is coming next. "Do you ever miss anypony? How can you bond with Shining Armour knowing that you'll stay tied to your young body even as he dies?"
A moment of silence, more cutting than any edge. Everypony wants to give me a reassuring answer, yet no one knows if they even have one. How could they, when I am already at a lack of confidence without the centuries that set us apart. "I... That's the wrong way of thinking. You need to focus on enjoying the present without forgetting the past. Otherwise, what is there to be had in life?"
"I suppose." I try my best to look at her while finally taking the first bite. It tastes like ash, with only a remote hint of the flavour I know it has. "I never asked for this. Would I have?"
"There's more to this than you're letting on." Cadance catches my eye again. How much further could I go starting from this? "Somepony you'd miss in particular? They say you were into one of your friends before you had to leave."
"They say you're pregnant," I respond. If she wants to dodge an iffy topic, she has to bear the consequences.
"Do they now?" For the first time, Cadance breaks eye contact. The others seem to be comfortable not being noticed. "Rumors." She looks back up to me as both of us see through the lie. "We haven't decided on any godparents yet, except that it's totally going to be you. Your turn."
I explore behind her, beyond the endless curtains. The sun still hesitates on the last hill's border as it does every evening. "She used to tell me about an entirely different world yet the same as this one. One where the sun never leaves the horizon. A place of eternal dawn and serenity. I wonder if it exists. I wonder if they'll go there. Speaking of which." I command the sun into hiding. Stars flare up as soon as it leaves as if they had been just waiting for the opportunity. It's not a trick I've practiced often, yet it comes with unexpected ease. Is it like that for everypony? Are the princesses merely glorified vessels for simple spells? "At least that's a reason for me to exist."
The others exchange shifting looks. Princess Luna breaks the silence, "At least our legacy is covered. You will find the answers you need soon enough, Twilight Sparkle. None of us can give it for you."
"Yes, Princess Luna."
I don't know how I passed the hours in between. I have a foggy memory of fleeing my work to the balcony. Now the moon stands bright above, not rivaling but harmonising with the stars around it. Canterlot is coming to rest; The last lit windows extinguish one by one. A cool breeze circles the castle. It's nowhere near uncomfortable, though. I wouldn't even notice it if it wasn't tickling the tips of my feathers.
The door opens behind me. "Twilight? What you said at dinner isn't resolved, is it?" asks Princess Celestia's gentle voice. Is she staying up to find a quiet moment with me?
I don't turn around, instead gazing further into the night. I hope she doesn't interpret it as a rude gesture; I wouldn't. I just don't see a reason why I should face her. "It is, princess. Like Cadance said, I have to let the present carry me into the future, not weigh me out of reaching it."
"We've studied together far too much that I could accept such an easy answer." One of her wings envelops me; As much as I appreciate it, I have to fight the urge to beat it back. "This is perhaps the biggest questions of immortality. One I wished I had better prepared you to face."
"I'm fine, really. That was just a bunch of bad factors coming together. Besides, I can't wait to get a student of my own!" The wing retreats at the lightest touch. Despite my arguing, she understands I need time alone. "I hope Cadance will be here tomorrow so that I can actually enjoy her company."
"I'm certain she will. Sleep well then, Twilight." As soon as the door closes, a crystal falls from my cheek. It is a drop of eternity's weight, yet releasing none of the emotions that produced it. Instead, it hits the ground without noise, at best moistening the tiles beneath. At least no one saw it. No one deserves to know my pain.
