Psychological Warfare-1
(AN- For some strange reason this popped into my head. So I went with it. Kind of along the lines of detective Pinkie, but kind of not. A weird pair up, Pinkie Pie and Derpy, I know. But it works and I'm proud of it, so here goes. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I have writing it.)
Chapter 1:
'They don't call me the finest in Equestria for no good reason. No, I earned that title. And no case is going to stump the finest. So this case is not different, but why does it befuddle me so. The mere complexity of this dastardly doer intrigues me so. No half-wit criminal pulls off these stunts, and I don't plan on this one to either'
I lean back in my chair, both hoofs propped up on the only clean part of my desk. The rest of the surface area is tenanted with a whole slew of papers. Papers and folders that all accumulate to one case. An ordinary case cannot stump the finest, that's preposterous.
'Something must be missing. Even though I have a mickle of crucial information, not a single pen stroke is pointing me in the right direction.' I grab my pipe, and from it rise bubbles. I don't smoke tobacco, for that would only cloud the sharp mind that is of uttermost importance in my line of expertise. No, I keep my mind clean. But due to the public and their stereotypical ways, I must have a pipe in order to the one of the greats. So my pipe has bubbles that arise from the end.
'Besides, I may just have a thing for bubbles.' I smile, thinking of Derpy, my lovely assistant. With her on the job, or in the room, anybody can seem like the most brilliant mind around. But my scintillating mind doesn't shame poor Derpy, but instead it seems to compliment her. And deep down inside I know I have a guilty pleasure whenever she agrees to anything I say, which is always.
'I'm getting absolutely nowhere with this tonight' I grab a small bell that sits next to my shut down computer, and give it a solid ring.
In bounds Derpy, her wings flapping awkwardly in the small space of my office. "You rang Miss Pie?"
"Please Derpy, we've been through this before. My name is Pinkie, although I may be called Ms. Pie on the job. To you, though, I am Pinkie. Understand?"
"Yes Miss Pie. I understand." She stops flapping her wings and plops on the ground, almost loosing her balance.
I let a small chuckle slip through my cold and analytical demeanor, which Derpy's actions usually do to me. "I don't believe you do, Ms. Hooves."
"Why'd you call me by my last name?" Derpy tilts her head approximately 21.3 degrees to her right. Yeah, I'm that good.
"Well, you see, I am having the same problem with a certain pegasus I know." I take a puff on my pipe, and watch the bubbles dance, suspended in the thick air.
"Who is it? I could give them a talking to if you want!" Derpy's wings raise, as if to show her ability to put someone in their place.
I remove my legs from atop of my desk and rummage through my desk drawer. I pull out a mirror and hold it in front of me, then turn it around to face Derpy.
"But Miss Pie, that's me." Derpy looks into the glass, then gasps. "Am I giving you problems Miss Pie?" She looks at me, her crooked eyes saddened.
"That's just it Derpy!" I stand up and walk around my desk, then sit on the front of it, crunching a few papers as I lay my weight on the desk. "You keep calling me by my last name, which should be only used by those who require my assistance." I blow another bout of bubbles into the air, and I can tell Derpy is having a hard time focusing on me with the bubbles dancing around her.
"So I should call you by your first name?" Derpy asks, one eye trailing after a bubble that nears her head.
"Yes." I sigh, hoping this will drill into her head this time.
"Alright Pinkimena." Derpy beams.
"No no no, Derpy!" I place my pipe next to me. "See, now you have addressed me by my birth name. Only my family call me that, and I haven't seen them in ages. Granted, it is the name on my business card, but it is purely reserved for my folks. Heaven knows whats happening with them. Now, repeat after me. Pinkie."
"Pinkie." She folds her wings back against her side.
"Again, Pinkie." I grab my my coat and put it on.
"Pinkie." She stands taller, as if saying Pinkie is filling her with a sense of accomplishment.
"Splendid. Now, you shall refer to me as Pinkie, is that understood?" I say, wrapping this whole ordeal up.
"Yes Miss Pie." She smiles big, bursting with pride.
I freeze in place, shell shocked at the turnout. That was a lot of work for no return, which I am not used to. "Good day Ms. Hooves. I'll see you first thing tomorrow morning." I grab my hat and walk into the hall. "Try not to be late this time. As I always say, punctuality is key." I reach the door to exit and swing it open. The winter chill hits me in the face, but before I close the door behind me, I look down at my hoofs and frown. I am at the brink of solving the grandest crime of my career, I cannot have an assistant that can't follow simple orders. I look back to the grey mare who has followed me to the door. "Don't disappoint me, Derpy." I let the door slam shut.
I place my hat over my straight hair as the encroaching bitter cold nips away, trying to pierce its unwanted existence into my coat. 'Winter Wrap Up better arrive in a hurry, business is never good in the dead of winter, because no one wants to commit a horribly thought out crime during the winter. Too bad we are but two months away from spring.'
Apparently, due to this case's severity flung upon me, I realize that only the cunning strike during winter.
But whatever the weather may be, nothing will stop justice being served to those who have brought it upon themselves to break an Equestrian law. No one stops the detective on the job. 'The name's Pinkamena Diane Pie, be scared.'
