The Real Princess Twilight

by ThaumicSlime

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark, Alternate Universe, Random, Crossover
Length: 2292

Twilight is summoned to the royal throne room.

NOTE: This was initially written as a half-assed edited joke copy of The Real Prince Blueblood, which my friends urged me to put on this site. The original story can be found here. So yeah, don't expect quality. Or effort.

Twilight is summoned to the royal throne room. The exact reason behind it is unclear, however Twilight proceeds down the hallways searching for an answer.

Inspiration for this story found here

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-11 22:23:21 UTC

The Real Princess Twilight

The City of Canterlot. The centre of Equestria, dubbed the Kingdom of the Mountains. The city and its residents flourished in the light that bathed the land in luminance. The city itself shined in a brilliance which could disperse any despair residing in a depressed pony, and within the Canterlot Castle walls resting in the city ruled the two regal sisters, each commanding a celestial body.

A lavender blur sped down the royal halls of Canterlot. That blur was of course the newly crowned princess, Twilight Sparkle. It seemed as if she was late for a big event or meeting, and anyone who knew Twilight also knew how much she despised being tardy.

Unfortunately for the hyper Element of Magic, her rush was cut short when she crashed into the pink Princess of the Crystal Empire, Mi Amore Cadenza.

"Wahh!" Twilight yelled in both surprise and pain as the back of her head made contact with the floor, along with the rest of herself moments later.

"Twilight!" Cadence shouted, clearly not expecting Twilight to be speeding down the Canterlot Castle halls in the very early morning.

"Cadence!" Twilight grinned, realizing who she happened to stumble upon. And then almost by instinct, both ponies got off of the floor and engaged in a very heartwarming series of motions followed by an amusing chanter most of you would recognize:

"Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake, clap your hooves and do a little shake!" Both ponies sang in unison, followed by a playful laughter. The two princesses were very much overjoyed at their sudden meet.

"Twilight, I’m so glad I can finally meet up with you!” Cadence exclaimed, tapping her hooves off the tiled floor unable to contain her excitement. “But, why are you up and running so early in the morning? You should be gathering up the energy necessary to complete your royal duties, otherwise you’ll be overwhelmed.”

"I received a message from one of the guards.” Twilight explained to the disoriented pink princess. “Celestia wants me to report to the royal throne room right away.”

"Oh. Well that’s a bit peculiar of her." Cadence said, clearly suspicious of Celestia’s odd behavior. “You know where the throne room is from here, right?”

Twilight took in her surroundings, and a blush formed on her cheeks. “I may have ran through the wrong hallway.”

A smirk formed on Cadence’s lips as she saw the embarrassment Twilight was clearly experiencing. “Come on. We’ll walk to there together. I’m not busy either way, and we can chat while we head to the throne room.”

The two set off toward their destination, while having a pleasant conversation. Halfway during their trot however, Twilight came to a halt as strange thoughts raced through her head and a sudden realization dawned on her.

Why am I still walking? With every inch that I go forward, I only advance the plot even more, which has undoubtedly been thought up by a thirteen-year old child. And to add to that thought, judging by the original version of the first chapter, this author isn’t even good at writing; much less plot devising and development.

“You going to catch up, Twilight?”

And if I keep following the plan the author thought up for me to go through with, I’ll just become a mindless puppet; the author being the ventriloquist.

“…Are you okay, Twilight?”

I’m no puppet! I’m Princess BUCKING Twilight Sparkle! I do what I want! I make my own stories! I choose my own path!

“Can you even hear me?”

Twilight snapped back to reality, filled with an unbridled rage. She turned towards Cadence, who was now in a state of shock and fear. For a moment, Twilight almost felt pitiful for the pink alicorn, however she didn’t hesitate to launch herself towards Cadence in a burst of energy and magic.

Her hoof collided with the terrified princess, sending her toward the sturdy castle wall. Upon contact with the solid barrier, a snapping sound was heard and Cadence let out a painful shriek that was heard throughout the entire castle.

Before Twilight could cause anymore damage to the hysterical princess, doors busted open and windows shattered as guards piled into the room, surrounding Twilight. A wide grin formed on her face. The guards gasped as her whole body started to glow and morph. Her fur turned yellow and squishy, her equine body twisted and turned until it was shaped as a square, and clothes formed on the lower half of her new body. As the light faded, her form became much clearer. Spongebob Squarepants had returned.

For a while, there was silence and not a single sane living being moved. For a while, the guards stood frozen in defensive stances with looks of shock and fear plastered on their faces. For a while, there was no hope for the guards it seemed.

That was until one guard charged towards the former Twilight Sparkle. It was unclear on whether the guard was brave or foolish, however that mad dash must have inspired the other guards to fight, because after the first guard’s act every single guard in the room charged the spongy mass.

At this point it became very clear that the guard’s act was foolish however, because as soon as the sudden turn of events happened, Spongebob Squarepants’s yellow mass expanded, fierce tendrils shooting out. The tendrils grabbed hold of the guards, Former Twilight Sparkle consuming them by stuffing the helpless stallions into her gaping mouth.

A yellow magical aura enveloped the doors at the entrance to the throne room as the massive doors were slammed open, both regal sisters jumping out to see why there was screaming happening outside their bedchambers. A look of horror spread across the sister’s faces as they saw the massive spongy monstrosity mutilate and devour the royal guards.

Suddenly, Gabe Newell came out of the shadows and beat the absolute living shit out of Celestia. Luna channeled her magic through her horn to create The Mighty Spork and thrusted it into the skull of Gabe. The force was enough to obliterate Gabe Newell in a fiery explosion, finally releasing the highly anticipated game Half-Life 3. The world then rejoiced for ages.

The explosion also obliterated the entirety of Canterlot, leaving the once beautiful city reduced to rubble.

The End

Da Real Supa-Hoe Twilight

Da Citizzle of Canterlot. Da centre of Equestria, dubbed tha Mackdaddydom of tha Mountains. Da hood n' its gangstas flourished up in tha light dat bathed tha land up in luminance. Da hood itself shined up in a funky-ass brilliizzle which could disperse any despair residin up in a thugged-out pissed off pony, n' within tha Canterlot Castle walls restin up in tha hood ruled tha two regal sisters, each commandin a cold-ass lil celestial body.

A lavender blur sped down tha royal hallz of Canterlot. That blur waz of course tha newly crowned bizzatch, Twilight Sparkle. Well shiiiit, it seemed as if dat biiiiatch was late fo' a funky-ass big-ass event or meeting, n' mah playas whoz ass knew Twilight also knew how tha fuck much her dope ass despised bein tardy.

Unfortunately fo' tha hyper Element of Magic, her rush was cut short when dat thugged-out biiiatch crashed tha fuck into tha pink Supa-Hoe of tha Crystal Empire, Mi Amore Cadenza.

"Wahh!" Twilight yelled up in both surprise n' pain as tha back of her head made contact wit tha floor, along wit tha rest of her muthafuckin ass moments later.

"Twilight!" Cadence shouted, clearly not expectin Twilight ta be speedin down tha Canterlot Castle halls up in tha straight-up early morning.

"Cadence!" Twilight grinned, realizin whoz ass dat freaky freaky biatch happened ta stumble upon. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. And then almost by instinct, both ponies gots off of tha floor n' engaged up in a straight-up heartwarmin seriez of motions followed by a amusin chanter most of y'all would recognize:

"Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake, clap yo' hooves n' do a lil shake!" Both ponies busted up in unison, followed by a playful laughter n' shit. Da two bizzatches was straight-up much overjoyed at they sudden meet.

"Twilight, I’m so glad I can finally hook up wit you, nahmean biiiatch?” Cadence exclaimed, tappin her hooves off tha tiled floor unable ta contain her excitement. “But, why is you up n' hustlin so early up in tha morning, biatch? Yo ass should be gatherin up tha juice necessary ta complete yo' royal duties, otherwise you’ll be overwhelmed.”

"I received a message from one of tha guards.” Twilight explained ta tha disoriented pink bizzatch. “Celestia wants me ta report ta tha royal throne room right away.”

"Oh. Well that’s a lil' bit peculiar of her muthafuckin ass." Cadence holla'd, clearly suspiciouz of Celestia’s odd behavior. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. “Yo ass know where tha throne room is from here, right?”

Twilight took up in her surroundings, n' a funky-ass blush formed on her cheeks. “I may have ran all up in tha wack hallway.”

A smirk formed on Cadence’s lips as her big-ass booty saw tha embarrassment Twilight was clearly fuckin wit. “Come on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. We’ll strutt ta there together n' shit. I’m not busy either way, n' we can chat while our crazy asses head ta tha throne room.”

Da two set off toward they destination, while havin a pleasant conversation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Halfway durin they trot however, Twilight came ta a halt as strange thoughts raced all up in her head n' a sudden realization dawned on her muthafuckin ass.

Why is I still strutting, biatch? With every last muthafuckin inch dat I go forward, I only advizzle tha deal even more, which has undoubtedly been thought up by a thirteen-year oldschool child. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! And ta add ta dat thought, judgin by tha original gangsta version of tha straight-up original gangsta chapter, dis lyricist isn’t even phat at writing; much less deal devisin n' pimpment.

“Yo ass goin ta catch up, Twilight?”

And if I keep followin tha plan tha lyricist thought up fo' me ta go all up in with, I’ll just become a mindless puppet; tha

lyricist bein tha ventriloquist.

“…Is you aiiight, Twilight?”

I’m no puppet son! I’m Supa-Hoe BUCKING Twilight Sparkle biaaatch! I do what tha fuck I want son! I make mah own stories muthafucka! I chizzle mah own path!

“Yo ass betta even hear me son?”

Twilight snapped back ta reality, filled wit a unbridled rage. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch turned towardz Cadence, whoz ass was now up in a state of shock n' fear. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. For a moment, Twilight almost felt pitiful fo' tha pink alicorn, however her dope ass didn’t hesitate ta launch her muthafuckin ass towardz Cadence up in a funky-ass burst of juice n' magic.

Her hoof collided wit tha terrified bizzatch, bustin her toward tha sturdy castle wall. Upon contact wit tha solid barrier, a snappin sound was heard n' Cadence let up a fucked up shriek dat was heard all up in tha entire castle.

Before Twilight could cause no mo' damage ta tha hysterical bizzatch, doors busted open n' windows shattered as guardz piled tha fuck into tha room, surroundin Twilight fo' realz. A wide grin formed on her face. Da guardz gasped as her whole body started ta glow n' morph yo. Her fur turned yellow n' squishy, her equine body twisted n' turned until dat shiznit was shaped as a square, n' threadz formed on tha lower half of her freshly smoked up body fo' realz. As tha light faded, her form became much clearer n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Spongebob Squarepants had returned.

For a while, there was silence n' not a single sane livin bein moved. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! For a while, tha guardz stood frozen up in defensive stances wit lookz of shock n' fear plastered on they faces. For a while, there was no hope fo' tha guardz it seemed.

That was until one guard charged towardz tha forma Twilight Sparkle. Dat shiznit was unclear on whether tha guard was brave or foolish, however dat mad dash must have inspired tha other guardz ta fight, cuz afta tha straight-up original gangsta guard’s act every last muthafuckin single guard up in tha room charged tha spongy mass.

At dis point it became straight-up clear dat tha guard’s act was foolish however, cuz as soon as tha sudden turn of events happened, Spongebob Squarepants’s yellow mass expanded, fierce tendrils blastin out. Da tendrils grabbed hold of tha guards, Forma Twilight Sparkle consumin dem by stuffin tha helpless stallions tha fuck into her gapin grill.

A yellow magical aura enveloped tha doors all up in tha entrizzle ta tha throne room as tha massive doors was slammed open, both regal sistas jumpin up ta peep why there was beatboxin goin down outside they bedchambers fo' realz. A look of horror spread across tha sister’s faces as they saw tha massive spongy monstrositizzle mutilate n' devour tha royal guards.

Suddenly, Gabe Newell came outta tha shadows n' beat tha absolute livin shiznit outta Celestia. Luna channeled her magic all up in her horn ta create Da Mighty Spork n' thrusted it tha fuck into tha skull of Gabe. Da force was enough ta obliterate Gabe Newell up in a gangbangin' fiery explosion, finally releasin tha highly anticipated game Half-Life 3. Da ghetto then rejoiced fo' ages.

Da explosion also obliterated tha entirety of Canterlot, leavin tha once dope hood reduced ta rubble.

Da End