This Day That Was When Ponies Had Got A Sad

by Alondro

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Dark, Comedy
Length: 1890

I dunno... I was getting experimental drugs at the time!

Ok, this is the kind of pony fanfic that happens when you spend too much time in your lab, get frustrated as hell when your mouse colony is unexpectedly quarantined, then go straight to a clinical trial where mysterious substances are injected into you and blood is sucked from your body every 4 hours.

Enjoy!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-23 20:56:44 UTC

The only one (thank god)

Their was a time suddenly had come when Pinkie Pie had got the powers, because secretly she was a witch who wanted to steal some of the princesses stuff, but that comes later so I won’t spoil it for you.

Big Mac came into teh library and sad, “Twilite we aren’t not married no more nows cuz I gotted a divors with you and marries Fluttershy today.  Eeeyup.  I am gonna live with her now and not with you ever again.  Eeeenope.  And our 16 baby horses that we had from having sex alot don’t like you anymore but only Flutewrshy and they will live too with her and me foreverrrrrr.  Eeeeyup.’

And Twilite tryd to say words that could make Big Mac come back and be with her again, but he would not lissen too her because of Flutershy, who was also secretly an evil wich like Pinkie Pie, and she wanted to make Big Mac and Twilite not is love anymoar so he would love only her and not Twilite.  So Fluttershy made a magic lov poshun, #10, becuase she runned out of love poshun #9 by using it to sedoos lots of other mail ponies (beacause that is how really evil of a which she is in this story) and she desided she could use love to make herself powerful like Krisaliss and defeet princes Cellesita and then Luna and then rule all of Equestia.  And also love poshun #10 is much stronger than #9, (it’s based on a logarithmic scale, similar to the Richter Scale, but different.)

(struggle, dull thud...)

(Ok, this is not Alondro writing anymore.  I’m his much older half-brother from another marriage who just showed up, a messenger of truth and about the alien conspiracy, hijacking his story for a little while since he’s clearly a member of the Zionist conspiracy.)

So, like I was saying, humans had invaded Equestria from China and were slaughtering the ponies in terrible ways, tying them in the air upside down with their legs splayed so tight they could barely breathe or struggle and then gutting them alive, and pouring boiling water into their empty abdominal cavities before slicing off their flesh, just like the Chinese are apt to do because they’re inhuman commies who must be nuked out of existence. But not that any of that really mattered because talking ponies are clearly a blasphemy against Allah.

So, once the Tea Party took over America, they launched tons of nukes at China, blowing those yellow Reds to hell after finally passing the 39th parallel into North Korea and kicking their fat bastard leader’s ass.   Then they blew up Iran, Sudan, Somalia, Libya, North Korea, Mexico and France (because they’re French, ya know?) and then took all the oil for the good ol USA!!  Gas went down to $0.50 a gallon and guns and Bibles were plentiful!

But they were soon overthrown by the Scientologists, who've been masterminding everything from behind the scenes, because they were secretly the Nazis the whole time!  What a twist!

Then Robot Hitler then turned his attention to the horse demons of Equestria and ‘cleansed’ them from the land along with all the other evil talking animals and dragons, which were obviously Satan and the fallen angels prophesied by the prophet Dale Earnhart.

And after all the evil monsters and devils were removed, the victorious Fourth Reich stormed Canterlot and…

(sudden struggling.... screaming and gunshots and explosions)

(Okays, I’s back now.  I took care of the guy ptending to be me writing the sotyr.  He are been sent to gulag by communist masters.)

So, Twilite was realy sad that her family was gone and the creid a lot at first, but then she cheered up becuase she new that Spike was still in the library and she could love him still.  Not in the way that Big Mac and her had loved, because that would be kinda creepy and weird, and anyway it was against the law for poneez and dragons to have sex because it could be really dangerous for the poneez.  I mean, dragons are usually so big.  I don’t even wanna think how that’d go if they did try.   But spioke and Twilite they cold love eech other plat… platonikly and so they did for a little while.

“Oh Pike,” said Twilite in a voice that was very sad, but not too sad since Spike was there for her.  “Big Mac and out babies left me and now you are the only one I have left to love.”

And Spike said, “I know Twilite,  I wil always love you, but not for sex since that would be wrong for us.”

Twilight agreed and it looked like everything wood be ok but just then Rarity busted in to the library and she was crying and blamed Spike for having sex with her!  Rarity said she did it because Spike liked her and she kind of liked Spike, so they did it , but the sex was really bad becuse Spike was a reely dumn virjin and made Rarity feel empty and depressed inside.

SO then the Royal Guards came and wanted to arrest Spike for pony-dragon sex (but not Rarioty since she was a unicorn and better then dragons and other poneez who aren’t unicorns like pegasuses and mud poneez) after which they would execute him for the sex.

But Spike fawt back really hard and was winning because the royal guards didn’t have any thing to penatrate Spike’s scales that were hard like gems.  Spike leaped up and bit one guards throat and ripped open the other ones guts when he tried to stab Spike with a sword.  Twilite was horified by whut Spike had dun, but she admird him too because he was so strong and brave.  But then the Princess Celestita teleported into the library and said Twilite was a bad pony for letting Spike do that and that she was not her #1 student anymore.  Then she threw Spike into the sun and he died because only the Princess can go into the sun and not die.

This made Twilite even sadder then before and she cried a lot.

“Twilite,” said the Princess after Spike was dead.  “You are very bad and I’m sorry I ever taught you magic.  So I want to ask one last thing before you get punished.”

“What is it?” ashes Twilight very scaredly because she was afraid what the princess wold do to her for having dragon sex.  If only she had had spider sex.  Spider sex was crunchy and weird, it is said, but its perfectly legal.

Then the Princess asked, “Do you like mmmmmbananas, Twilite?”

Twilight screamed in terror because she knew what would happen to her and ran for her life.  The rprincess almost was ready to pull out the big canon and blast Twilite to the moon.

The owl in the library, Owloishus, hooted in anger and flew into Celestia’s face and clawed one of her eyes out.  But then Twilite notices a green eye behind the fake one and cryed out “Krysalis! It you!”

Kryasalis laffed and said, “Yes, it is me again!  And now I will kill your real brother like I killed the dragon one!”

Twilite gasped because this was not what she did before, “You need love fdor power!  You can‘t kill everypony when you want or you’ll never get love to eat!”

Krisalis just laffed and said, I got new powers from shipping with Discord, so now I-ACK!!”   She looked down and saw a huge spaer shoved through her body.  She coughed up green blood and turned to see Fluttershy with a evil smile on her face.

“This was all part of my masters' master plan!” Fluttershy yelled in a really loud voice and had her eyes black inside, to show that it was not really Fluttershy but was a demon that had done invaded her body and using her to kill her frends witch had th Elements which are the only things that can stop evil but are really dumb because you just has to kill one of the Main 6th and the Elements dion’t wurk any more.

“Who is you’re master?” cryed Twillight in scared fright because of demon Fluttershy.

“I will not tell you because it is not yet time for the twist!” laffed Flutterdemon and she cut her own throat with the knife she suddenly had gotten from a place where her boss secretly has hidden a knife for a special suprise (I preshadoed this event what is to be coming soon which is smart!)

“Know!  Fluttershy!  Why!  Did!  You!  Kill!  Yourself!” Twlight screamed out each word in a different breth, which made her get that thing when you breeth to hard and your throat closes up and then you need the tube stabbed into yur throte.

“Becaused I telled her two, stupid Twilight!  Ha ha ha ha!” laffed a sinister but familiar voice that sounded full of cheer and lafter, but also pure evil.

It was Pinkie Pie, but now she was clearly evil because she was wearing black and had a scary soundtrack, and she had fangs and was  walking away from a dolphin scientist that she had just stabbed that was only one step away from curing cancer, so Pinkie killed the dolphin scientist so cancer would last FOREVER!!  Because that’s how evil Evil Pinkie was.

“Pinkie!” Twilite said, but screamed loudly for extra drama.  “Why have for you dun this?  Do you has a demon in you mind 2?”

“No Twilight,” said Pinkie, still laffing in her evil voice that sounded like croolty and meanness even though it was lafter.  “I AM THE DEMON!!”  And she tansformed into a giant pony demon with fire and bat wings like Sunset Satan, but still kinda like a pony when you looked at her.

Pinkie was also a witch, because of kontinooity with what I said in the starting.  And she cooked Twilight in a big tasty stew, like wunce she said the Zecora was had to did, but is has now turned out that Pinkie is the evil enchantress and a witch and then she eated Twilite along with Twilite’s soul, because souls give evil demons powers like lots of stories say because I guess it makes cents.

So it turned out it waz Pinker Pie all a long and she had plotted this plot for years since she worked on the rok farm, where her family was a cult and worshipped Old Ones and they neaded moar pony sakrifises for the dark gods.

And Pinkie used her powers to make pony cupcakes out of them all and then she ate them and they were all dead.  Even Selestia and Luna, because Pinkie’s demon powers were just to stronger then thems.  Cadance couldn’t do anything even if she tryed, so she died reel kwickly.

This was a bad end for Ekwestria because all the poneez dyed, ekcept for Pink Pie but she turned into a demon.

And, I guess Pinkie and Discord had a kid wich they luvd even tho they didnt have any luv in them becuse of the evil that they were had inside the place where there harts shud bee.  But they luvd it anyway because they named it Damien and it was Satan, so the evil that they liked maed them have sortof luv, but really in a weerd way that was sick and twisted.

And they livd hapily evar after, until they all killed theyselves because of the evil they had.

The Fin.