Rainbow Dash looked down at her hooves, without really looking. Her vision blurred and she became lightheaded, not realizing what she was doing. When she came to her senses, she focused in on the rope coming down from her ceiling. She examined it closely, down to the last turn in the noose. She let out a small sigh and felt it, the coarse strands scratching the skin beneath her fur, making it burn a little. The rope felt heavy in her grasp, making it more intimidating than first anticipated. Her gaze suddenly felt out of body. Like her thoughts tried to grasp onto an outside force, looking at her flushed body in third person.
Again, she sighed. She knew what she was about to do. Something she had threatened her friends with many times before. They, of course, never believed her and she chickened out as soon as she saw the care leaving their eyes. She would argue for something that was shown yet covered. Acceptance.
It’s what many teenagers experience in their high school years. The feeling of being worthless, alone, unloved. Dash knew these feeling all too well, especially after her years in flight school. The confidence she wears is just a mask as she cries on the inside, almost breaking her hooves as she punches empty hallways and walls when no one is around. Not even her friends are aware of what she is capable of doing. It’s almost depressing to see that her friends are completely useless, shrugging her problems off as if they were just empty threats, with no one to blame but herself.
It was true, of course. Suicide because of self pity is a pretty distasteful way of going and pathetic. It was more likely for a pony to become stronger and beat the jeers of jealous onlookers and destroy the expectations of limits, yet they are never seen. The way how pony and human alike are prone to the same thought patterns that could make or break a life. We are lazy by nature. We never want to fail and that is why there are many successful ponies out there. They pushed through their limits. The rest...died off. So now here is Dash, in the crossroads of every life and it’s her decision to stay or go.
Rainbow weighed these thoughts as well, asking herself if it was worth it to throw away her life or stick with it.
On one hoof, her life was good. She had won Equestria’s most prestigious award for pegasi, and have completed many tasks for the public that has stapled her as a town hero and a modern day icon. Ponies of all ages and species look up to her, showering her with many fan letters and thanks for saving their lives on more than one occasion. With the help of Celestia and other ponies, they expanded her house and made it more luxurious than it previously was, which was difficult considering they now make her rainbow waterfall drop in one color at a time instead of all at once. She was living the high life and it seems like there is almost nothing wrong.
But on the other hoof, she had inner demons that stilled gnawed at her hoof tips, waiting for her to slip up at least once to get a good chomp out of her. Some of her mail contained threats, threatening to kill her and other dark things. One of them contained a picture of her after a shower, being seen through one of her windows. The way that these ponies could see her without her knowing chilled her down to the core and could even scare her so bad, she would just sit in deep thought while curling up in the corner, trying to deduce how they know her every move. There was also something that she strived for. She strived for acceptance. Her constant want to be on top and be the star of every show brought her own. Her small mistakes and slip ups, unknown to the observer, would make her panic, wondering if this hurt her reputation and cause her to do even worse the next time, trying to fix it. She just couldn’t handle failure. She was also being seen as old. Though her feats were amazing and seemed to top her last, some have said she became washed up, expending her fame for more than it was worth. It tore through her to realize she wasn’t as popular as she used to be.
All the work, all the effort, all the tears built up to this moment, waiting for her to take the next step off the stool. Either she would emerge a changed mare, or a sad image of yet another victim of self doubt. The choices felt like bricks on her back as she stood there in almost perfect silence, allowing her to hear her own heartbeats, drumming in her ears as if they were plugged and the whole outside world disappeared around her.
Her eyes opened, and they pierced through the darkness and her senses came back. She noticed her arms were still raised, noose in hoof, and they were starting to strain. She also noticed it was cold with autumn air flowing in through her cracked window, making the curtains sway.
Reluctantly, she dropped her head and let the noose hit the cloud floor, kicking some mist into the air. She had failed again.
She walked over to the window with a small puff of breath evaporating into the cool air. She was about to shut it when a small fluttering sound came in through the silence. A butterfly perched itself right on the window sill, almost being crushed by Rainbow bringing the window down. Rainbow stopped and looked at it.
Angrily, she screamed, “Get outta here!”
The butterfly sat there, Slowly moving its wings to stay warm. Rainbow started to tear a little and stuck her hoof out to let it perch there as she used her other hoof to shut the window.
Rainbow observed the butterfly and almost felt warmed. She smiled and the heavy atmosphere lifted. The vibrant colors on its wings seemed to pulse out, sending warm rays across her body, comforting her. She let out a single laugh before feeling drowsy. She dropped the hoof the butterfly sat on and watched it flutter about. She smiled once again and went to her bed. For the first time, her bed felt warm and inviting.
As her vision slipped away from her, butterfly fluttered into her room and perched t the foot of her bed. She opened one eye and looked at it.
“Thank you,” she whispered as she faded into a deep sleep, letting a single tear of real joy come down her cheek.
“Goodbye.”
The butterfly then evaporated into thin air and the home was quiet once again. Another mare has beaten the odds.
