The king and The chef

by Jotink27

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Random, Adventure, Human, Dark
Length: 1110

It was a normal day in The Lands of Hubabuba , Juice was kidnapping children and King Chartink was flirting with the maids. But then some strange ass portal appeared that took them to Ponyland (Equestria).

It was a normal day in The Lands of Hubabuba , Juice was kidnapping children and King Chartink was flirting with the maids. But then some strange ass portal appeared that took them to Ponyland (Equestria). Follow them as they take down villains, rivals and The evil Ass Monkey. (Looking for cover art)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-25 21:39:30 UTC

Baby Stew

It was a peaceful day in The Land of Hubabuba, the birds were chirping and the sun poured it's warmth over the land. Soft tufts of clouds floated lazily in the air while the wind blew softly, shaking the grass in like soft ocean waves. A Small castle was atop a rather large hill with tiny houses surrounding it. The castle itself was damp and almost devoid of light for the sun was facing the other side of the castle.

The mainly used rooms was the Servant Quarters and the kings thrown and bedroom. A large man walked out of a room filled with pots, spices and meat. He was dressed with a dark red cloak that covered his head, long orange hair poked out of the front of the cloak's hood. The man walked in a hunched position towards a grand room with purple and green flags with a huge shirtless man sitting atop a golden throne with the grim reaper on his chest.

"Hey Chartink I'm making dinner soon, what do you want" The Man with the cloak said in a scratchy voice as he approached the throne.

"I don't know, surprise me," Chartink replied while sitting up in his throne and cracking his neck.

"Ooooooooo, I love surprises." said the chef while rubbing his hands in anticipation.

"Juice, just don't go overboard this time" said the king's informer in a nervous tone.

Juice smacked the servant as he walked out of the castle into the town below. The town smelled like horse shit and weed, he took some weed from some high dude that was taking a poop.

Juice scratched his ass while he walked into some peasant's house. The woman who was sitting in a chair while rocking a baby to sleep looked up.

"GUARD! SOMEONE IS IN MY HOME!" yelled the skank at the top of her lugs thus waking up her child. Ignoring her, Juice walked up to the mother and took the baby from her grasp.

"I need this." Juice said in a nonchalant tone while walking out of the shitty house. A guard finally came and tried to stop Juice, but he got bitch slapped and a dagger in his neck. Walking back into the castle covered in blood, the baby started to fall asleep in his arms, but Juice smacked the baby causing it to cry out in pain.

Going into the kitchen, Juice placed the baby on the counter while he got a pot. He filled it with water and set it over a pre-made fire to let it boil. Juice continued to get spices, veggies, and moonshine.

After the water was bubbling, he picked up the now sleeping child and dropped it into the pot of water. As soon as the infant came into contact with the searing water it started to scream in a shrill voice. After a couple of moments, the voice of Chartink bellowed through out the castle "WHATEVER YOU ARE COKING TELL IT TO TELL SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!" yelled Chartink.

Juice looked around until he found a tenderizing hammer and smacked the child on the head, causing it's head to explode into gray matter and blood. As he cooked the food, he put in veggies, spices, and lady fingers. (real ones mind you.)

About after a half hour, Juice poured the soup into a large serving bowl. He carried it into the throne room were Chartink was looking at the food hungrily. Juice placed it on the table and served the both of them the gruesome soup.

It was always fun to see what parts you got in the soup. A guarded walked by and almost puked when an eye floated to the top of Juice's bowl. After dinner, Chartink and Juice started to drink. Juice had a Pint of vodka and a bottle of moonshine, while Chartink drunk a pint of moonshine and a bottle of rum.

They stumbled around the room like retards for a couple minutes before some weird ass portal appeared on the wall.

"What the fuck?" slurred Juice while looking at the portal.

"Hey, we should like, go through that shit." said Chartink to Juice."There might be some chicks there"

"TROJAN MAN" said the two as they stumbled into the mysterious portal.

Look, Horsies!

After the two jumped through the strange portal thingy, they found their dumb asses in some colorful forest. Chartink was the first to wake-up. Sitting up from the forest floor, he groaned as he rubbed his aching back from sleeping on the floor. Chartink looked around and immediately jump to his feet, only to hear a shout if pain from below him.

"AHHHHH, GET THE FUCK OFF ME!" screamed Juice as he sunk his teeth into the king's left leg.

"FUCK!" screamed Chartink as he stomp his friend in the face with his free leg. This caused Juice to released his grip and punched the king's thigh with his bony knuckles. The two continued to brawl until they heard a high pitched yell.

"STOP!" said what they presumed to be a woman, and one thing they learned is never disobey a woman. Chartink and Juice looked over across the clearing to not see a woman, but a bright yellow horsey. Chartink then ran over to the horsey much to it's surprise and gave it a big hug, only to get hit in the face by something that looked like a rainbow.Although Chartink continued to hug the horsey, Juice then tackled a blue one and started to hug it.

Four more horsey's  came out from behind the trees and started to yell at them, Chartink suddenly stopped and placed the horsey on the ground. What he did next was quite unexpected, the king bent over on all fours and stuck his nose into the ground and started to sniff around the area. He continued to do this until his nose led Chartink to a pure white horsey's front hooves. Chartink then stood up and bellowed at the top of his lungs "WHORE! ALERT, ALERT, WHORE! THIS IS NOT A DRILL I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL!"

Chartink then ran from the shocked horsey and said "Hello my name is Chartink, and this is Juice, we are drunk. Prepare your anus." There were mixed results from everyone in the area, Juice continued to hug the blue one, the pink one looked confused, the yellow horsey, white horsey, orange horsey, and purple horsey all had a huge blush on their equine faces, while the blue one was too occupied by being hugged by Juice.

The pink horsey spoke first "Awwwwwww, I didn't get it"