Brainy Envy

by Duke of Canterlot

Rating: everyone
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Mayor Mare, Spike, Comedy
Length: 4304

The ponies take an intelligence test- Twilight learns there is somepony just as smart as her.

At the request of the Mayor, the ponies of Ponyville and Cloudsdale take an IQ test. The Mayor wants to show that the ponies have become more intelligent since she was elected (knowing full well of course that Twilight now lives in Ponyville).. there are two genius ponies - Twilight Sparkle and a pony Twilight would never expect to be on par with her intellectually.

Published 2013-11-24 05:00:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-24 05:00:03 UTC

Brainy Envy

The Mayor of Ponyville went to the podium with pride. She never had such a fantastic idea before!

"Greetings, everypony! I am pleased to announce that our quaint little town will be taking a test certified by the Equestrian Empire."
She heard some groans.

"This test gives each of you the chance to prove your intellectual aptitude. I know the last time this test was administered, there was a different pony as mayor. So, the expectation is that Ponyville will perform much better now."

"Hey, I know why you seem so confident", said Rainbow Dash, "it's because of Twilight Sparkle."

"Yea, Twilight is the smartiest of all ponies in the whole universe", added Pinkie Pie.

"Oh, come on guys, you know that isn't true", said Twilight with modesty.

"C'mon Twi, now that ain't true, Twilight Sparkle here is the brainiest pony I've ever met and she's the reason why Ponyville is gonna be smarter. Not because we have a new mayor", said Applejack.

"Indeed! In addition, this mayor didn't even make the sky rain chocolate like she promised on her campaign", said Pinke Pie indignantly.

"Well, it technically did rain chocolate while I was Mayor."

"No, that was Discord and he did it all wrong anyways", argued Pinkie.

"Ugh..is there any other pony who is disappointed that I didn't personally make it rain chocolate?"
No other pony raised a hoof.

Twilight whispered to Pinkie, "Raining chocolate? Really, is that useful in any way?"

"I don't know, but it would be fun and delicious!"

"Good. I think this test will show the Equestrian Empire how much more smarter we have become since I was elected as Mayor or as I was advised to word it, in the past three years."

"Somepony certainly is lacking the element of honesty", commented Pinkie.

"I think it is time for us to begin the test!"

Twilight Sparkle didn't know what to think of this situation. These kinds of exams were always her forte but she didn't want to be taking it aside with her five best friends. However, it could be the case that one of them was as smart as her or smarter. Twilight chuckled to herself, you never know.

The Mayor approached Twilight and said, "Twilight Sparkle, we are counting on you to make us proud. Princess Celestia has told me so much about you and you already helped me a lot with Ponyville."

"I am always glad to help."

"Yes. Princess Celestia was threatening to force me out of power if winter wasn't wrapped up on time again but you and your brilliant organization skills helped save Ponyville. It is common knowledge that Ponyville is better off with me as Mayor."

"Well..uh.. I'm sure that's true, I guess I never been at Ponyville before you were Mayor."

"Of course! That is going to help Ponyville once again. We are honored that you have only seen the town at its best. Good luck."

"Thank you, Mayor."

Twilight was admittedly a little annoyed with the pressure the Mayor was putting on her. More importantly, Twilight hoped that the Mayor wouldn't make a big deal if she did much better than the other ponies on the test. The last thing she needed was her friends hating her and being jealous.

The ponies took their seats at Town Hall and began to take the test.
The Mane Six sat in a row towards the middle: Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Twilight, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rainbow Dash.
Twilight was reading through the questions and she could hear giggling fifteen minutes within the test. Not surprisingly, that giggling was coming from Pinkie Pie, who was barely focusing on the exam.
Rarity shushed Pinkie Pie and the giggling quickly stopped.
Ah Pinkie Pie, thought Twilight, the element of laughter. Twilight was almost done with the test anyway.

A week later, the Mayor summoned the town for another meeting.
She seemed awfully happy, it must have been good news.
Twilight suddenly remembered the test, oh my, she was hoping that everypony would have just forgotten about it.

"The tests have been graded and I am pleased to announce that it has been proven without a doubt that Ponyville has become more intelligent since I have become Mayor!"

"That's only because she didn't take the test herself", whispered Rainbow Dash to Twilight.

"Many of you did very well, as you will see from your results, but we have two geniuses in Ponyville! These two tied for smartest ponies in all of Ponyville. Deputy Dan, announce the results."

Deputy Dan, a stout brown earth pony with a thick moustache said, "The first pony is, not surprisingly, Twilight Sparkle and the second pony is... wait.. am I reading this right?"

The Mayor glanced over and frowned. She sternly nodded but Deputy grinned.
"I am proud to announce that the other genius is Pinkie Pie! She is just as smart as Twilight!"

Some gasped but most of the crowd cheered. It was no secret that Pinkie was mostly loved by her fellow ponies in Ponyville. For once in her lifetime, Pinkie was at a loss for words. Twilight was probably the most shocked of her friends but didn't want that shock to show.

The Mayor approached the Mane Six. She said, "Congratulations, Twilight and Pinkie, you both saved the town."

"It's no big deal... really", said Pinkie with an unusual air of timidity.

"Thank you, Mayor", said Twilight.

"Additionally, your four friends are all incredibly bright, each of them scored within the top 10% of Ponyville."

"Who did the best of us?" asked Rainbow Dash.

"I don't know", responded the Mayor, "results will come in the mail in the next few days."

"Oh Mayor, I bet you're so peeved that you're not a genius", said Pinkie.

"Well, as the Mayor, I didn't take the test but I would have done just fine, thank you. Yet again, congratulations."

There was one thought which Twilight couldn't stop thinking: How could Pinkie Pie be as smart as her? No Twilight. You can't think that. That's not how a friend thinks. A friend is happy for her friends. But she is so scatterbrained and careless, always blurting out random idiotic things.. no no, she does that to amuse others more than anything else, you were there for her "Smile" song, weren't you? No sign of intellectual promise in Pinkie Pie though, it's harder to get her than anypony to read a book on science or mathematics or anything of substantial importance besides birthday cake and party hats. Hmmm... maybe there was something wrong with the test..but if there was something wrong with the test, does that mean that she may not be that bright either?

"Twilight, what's got you in such a trance?", asked Rainbow Dash.

"Oh, I'm just a little tired. Maybe I should take a nap", said Twilight.

"Ooh ooh!! I have a better idea, we should throw a party!!", said Pinkie while bouncing.

"Oh yes I am so much in the mood for a party." Rarity smiled.

Twilight watched the other ponies, even Fluttershy, cheering at the suggestion.

"We have two super smarties in our group of friends, now that's something to celebrate", said Applejack with pride.

"Umm.. I don't think that's such a good idea for a party", said Pinkie nervously.

"No, of course it is, Pinkie Pie. You have a beautiful brain and you should embrace it", said Rarity.

"Who would have guessed that Pinkie was an egghead like Twilight", commented Rainbow.

"Well.. um... so about that party", said Pinkie. Twilight noticed that Pinkie looked unusually sad.

"Yea, you know what, I could go for a party actually" said Twilight.

Pinkie lit up. "Okie dokie lokie!"

The party was at Sugarcube Corner, the music was on. The Mane Six and Spike were enjoying themselves.

Spike commented to Pinkie, "I heard the good news. You know, I always knew you were a brainiac."

"I'm nowhere near as smart as Twilight. The test is stupid."

"No, I'm being serious. You have a better memory than anypony I've ever met, even Twilight."

"Oh come on, don't worry, I baked sapphire muffins for you."

"Sapphire muffins! Those are my absolute favorites.. an embarrassing favorite of mine.. one that I only mentioned briefly once at one of your parties."

"It wasn't at one of my parties, you brought it up at last year's Galloping Gala, remember?"

"Nah. I guess I don't remember it so clearly."

"You shouldn't be ashamed of that, I know Twilight thinks those are bad for dragons to eat, but it should be okey dokey in moderation."

"Wow, you are a good friend, Pinkie."

"I will get the muffins for you now. I know you're gonna love them! Whee!"

As Pinkie rushed to the kitchen, Twilight walked over to Spike.
"Spike, did Pinkie have anything insightful to say to you?"

"Oh yes! She remembered that I absolutely love sapphire muffins."

"I thought we talked about how those weren't good for you."

"Pinkie told me that they are okay in moderation."

"Well, I guess if Pinkie Pie told you. It must mean conclusively and without a doubt that they are okay!"

"Umm.. Twilight, I know I didn't hear sarcasm there."

"No, of course not. Sarcasm should not be applied to geniuses who think it is okay for dragons to be eating sapphire muffins."

"This might be different. You know, I never had one baked by Pinkie Pie before."

"Oh yes, that changes everything. Pinkie has some magical spell which can mitigate the negative effects of addiction on dragons. Any kind of muffin but sapphire muffins, please."

"Mitigating the negative effects of addiction on dragons? Twilight, of course, I made sure to do exactly that before baking these for Spike", said Pinkie with a smile on her face carrying a plate of sapphire muffins.

"Oh really?", asked Twilight.

"Of course, everypony knows that."

"We lived in Canterlot for years with a ton of dragons like Spike and we have never seen a sapphire muffin which doesn't have disastrous effects on dragons."

"Oh, not this one. Only thing is that if Spikey eats too many of them, he may get fat."

"Spike, you know, Rarity hates fat things, so maybe you should pass. Thanks, Pinkie, for being so thoughtful but.."

"..no, Twilight", said Spike, "I must try them."
Spike took a sapphire muffin and ate it one bite. He gave a thumbs up.

"Oh my goodness.. these are so good but I still have complete control over myself." Spike took another muffin.

"Oh yes, I am so glad you like them."

"So, Pinkie.. are these really sapphires", asked Twilight.

"Of course, they are.. I wanted to make them for Spike without him going ballistic so I was able to pinpoint the effects the muffins had in dragons and get rid of those effects?"

"How so? Everypony knows that it stems from the sapphires themselves and that it is impossible to get rid of saphocol, without shattering the sapphire completely."

"Well duh. Any pony that has read a book knows that, but what I realized was that the sapphires had no effect on ponies but all of its effects were on dragons.. so I was able to alter its addictive effects to make it not so bad for dragons. As I am sure you read, centuries ago, the unicorns created these sapphires to.."

"Oh of course, I know, I know!! To dumb down the dragons."

"Yes and they were originally bad for ponies.. so I was able to modify its chemical structure to make these sapphires bad for ponies instead"

"Oh please. You know what, Pinkie. I think I'll eat one for myself."

"No Twilight!! Those are for Spike!!"

"Just one."

"Please, you don't know what you're doing. They'll make you crazy"

Twilight took a muffin and quickly felt an uncontrollable desire for more sapphires. She couldn't help herself, scooped up the rest of the muffins and ate them all. Twilight then ran off.

"Oh no. Pinkie, is there anything we can do?"

"We gotta find Twilight first. She's going to be looking for more sapphires for sure."

"Does Ponyville even have them?"

"Yep, there's a whole bunch at Sweet Apple Acres."

Pinkie and Spike ran over to Applejack.

"Applejack, we're gonna need your help", said Spike.

"What's the problem?"

"Umm.. I've heard about the sapphires which are buried under your farm"

"Oh, lordy, those ain't for you, Spike."

"Long story but Twilight has an uncontrollable craving for sapphires, since she's a unicorn, she might be able to find them."

"Sapphire craving?", said Rarity, "such hideous, low-life gems, meant for dragons. What would Twilight want with them?"

"Umm.. Pinkie did some kind of crazy genius thing and now Twilight has an uncontrollable desire for sapphires.."

"Very well. Let us go to Sweet Apple Acres!"

"With Rainbow Dash, we are definitely going to get there before Twilight!", shouted Rainbow Dash, "c'mon!"

Sapphires sapphires sapphires, thought Twilight, as she ran through Ponyville.. hmmmm.. yes... I can use my advanced magic to figure it out. Hah, something Pinkie can't do. Yes... the closest set of sapphires is at Sweet Apple Acres! Sapphires sapphires sapphires....

The sun had already set. The Mane Five and Spike arrived at Sweet Apple Acres.

"Good, we beat Twilight", said Rainbow Dash.

"Not so fast, there's a lot of land here. We don't know where Twilight is", said Applejack.

"Oh no.. this is all my fault", said Pinkie Pie.

"No, it's not your fault. I saw you trying to warn Twilight but she wouldn't listen", said Fluttershy.

"Now, what would cause Twilight to go eat sapphire muffins anyway, such disgusting things", said Rarity.

"How do you know if you haven't even tried them?", asked Spike.

"Who said I never tried them?"

"Oh my.. so you.. actually."

"Yes, Spike, and they were gross."

"Not really good for ponies. I'm surprised Twilight didn't know that."

"I..um..think I know why", said Fluttershy.

"Speak up, Fluttershy", shouted Rainbow Dash.

"Well..um.."

"Spit it out!"

Fluttershy gave a deep breath and then said quickly, "I think Twilight is jealous of Pinkie because Pinkie scored as well as Twilight on an intelligence test. Twilight thinks Pinkie is a dunce who doesn't have any decent brain cell working and she sees all the attention ponies are giving Pinkie to her smarts which Twilight is convinced don't exist. So, that's why Twilight didn't listen to Pinkie's warning regarding the sapphire muffins."

"That's silly, Fluttershy. Why would anypony be jealous of me? But don't y'all see we're wasting time here, let's go find Twilight. Rarity, can you find sapphires with your horn?"

"I never tried looking for them before for obvious reasons, but I suppose it could work. Such grotesque things.."... "oh no, I can detect the ugly too, follow me!!"

"Perhaps there is hope for me", Spike whispered to Pinkie.

"Of course, you're adorable."

Spike shyly smiled back.

Twilight was able to determine the coordinates as to where the sapphires must be... of course.. and it made sense that Applejack would hide them between the two tallest apple trees in Ponyville. The most valuable.. how symbolic.. but must have sapphires....

Rarity spotted two incredibly tall apple trees, this must be where the sapphires were buried. Rarity put her head to the ground trying to get a feel for where exactly the sapphires were. Rarity did so and bumped into Twilight.

"Oh no. You're not going to get in the way of my sapphires."

"Twilight, sapphires are such ugly things, why would you??"

"Must have them..." Twilight began digging at the ground with her hooves.

"You won't! I will get them first and then you can't have them."

"No, Rarity, they are mine!!"

Twilight and Rarity began digging at the ground.

"So much for the best party ever", said Pinkie sadly.

"Are you nuts? This is so much fun, so much adventure", said Rainbow with joy, "it's awesome!!"

"But we have to figure out how to save Twilight", said Applejack.

"I know, back in Canterlot, whenever I got like that, we would have to get a pegasus to create a storm cloud and zap me.. but dragons have more tolerance for that than ponies. It would most likely kill a pony."

"Hmmm.. storm cloud... zapping dangerous for ponies.. what if we.. oh, I got it!!", said Pinkie bouncing with joy.

"What's your idea?", asked Applejack.

"Let it rain chocolate", said Pinkie with a grin, "Rainbow Dash, I'm gonna need your help.. you too, Fluttershy."

Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy began gathering up clouds. Applejack ran to her house to get some chocolate. Pinkie Pie and Spike watched Twilight and Rarity dig.

"Chocolate rain? Where did you get that idea?", asked Spike.

"I remember reading about it in "The History of Equestria" book when I was a filly."

"You read?"

"I..um.. love reading actually. It's been my secret."

"Why would you keep that a secret? It's cool like Twilight", Spike said as he watched Twilight dig at the ground, "well, most of the time.."

"Oh, of course.. you haven't been here that long. Let me tell you about what happened ten years ago, it was before I got my cutie mark."

It was another day at Ponyville Elementary.
Ms. Trotter asked, "Does anyone know how to calculate the square root of two?"

A young Pinkie Pie with straight hair shouted with glee, "Ooh ooh, I know, pick me! Pick me!".

"Does anyone else know? Or is Pinkie my only good student in a stall of retards?"

"Of course, she would know. What else would she be doing on that stupid rock farm her family lives in", said a golden unicorn named Brilliant Beauty. Brilliant Beauty and her friends laughed hysterically.

"I might be wrong. I don't have a calculator with me", said Pinkie.

"It's okay Pinkie.. somepony will figure it out", said Ms. Trotter.

"But I think I got it, the answer is 1.41421356.. I can go on further if you want."

"No, it's okay, Pinkie Pie. Thank you."

"Ugh, what a freak", moaned Brilliant Beauty while rolling her eyes, "I guess she's as weird as those rocks her and her family have to work with.. I mean how weird must you be to know that." Brilliant Beauty and her friends began chanting, "FREAK!! FREAK!! FREAK!!"

Pinkie Pie began to cry.

"So, over the years, I have learned to hide my intellect from other ponies. I knew that Brilliant Beauty and her friends were mean to me because they were jealous and I wanted them to like me.. so I began to focus on making the world happy, so that I too could be happy.. and it worked... I became who I am because of that and I didn't have to go to that stupid magic school my parents wanted me to go to."

"Stupid magic school? The one Twilight went to?"

"Yea, that one.. so, there was this entrance exam anypony who wanted to go to magic school needed to take."

"Yea, I know, that's how I was born."

"Huh? Oh.. I never hatched a dragon egg before. They didn't let earth ponies do that for obvious reasons. Instead, they fully tested our comprehension of magic. Apparently, I did well and Princess Celestia wanted me to be one of her star pupils.. but I turned down the offer. Because I was finally making so many friends in school just by acting the way I act..and that was something I couldn't give up. When I became silly and funny, Brilliant Beauty began inviting me to her parties and then I was the one throwing parties for all of my friends and it was just something I knew was more important to me than magic school..."

"I remember something."

"Ooh, what?"

"This was shortly after I hatched. Celestia was telling us that another top student would be joining us, a very capable earth pony from Ponyville. You made a really positive impression on Celestia, especially when you explained to her in a letter why you couldn't go on with magic school. I think that led the way for Celestia to consider teaching Twilight the "magic of friendship." Celestia had trouble remembering your name but she always told stories about the crazy yet lovable and crazy smart pink earth pony she met in Ponyville.."

Pinkie Pie felt the tears coming down her eyes, "She really said all of that?"

Spike nodded and then the two hugged.

"CHOCOLATE RAIN IS ALL READY!!", shouted Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow Dash got on the cloud and began jumping on it. The rain fell on Twilight and Rarity. Rarity quickly jumped out of the way and ran to the lake to clean herself up. Twilight kept on digging for the sapphires but then she stopped.

"Huh..what happened?", asked Twilight all confused, "why am I covered with droplets of chocolate?"

"Heh heh, long story", replied Pinkie Pie.

"What did you screw up this time, Pinkie Pie?", asked Twilight suppressing a chuckle.

Pinkie gave Twilight an angry glare and then said, "That's your problem, Twilight Sparkle, you always think. Oh Pinkie Pie can't do this.. Pinkie Pie can't do that.. she's too stupid... how can she do anything right?"

"Oh no.. I didn't mean it like that."

"Don't lie to me, Twilight. I just saved your life and that's all you can say to me! You have been a real jerk to me all day, I mean..why would you think I would bake sapphire muffins for Spike knowing full well the negative effects they have on dragons? I took that into account."

"But you don't read anything..you don't study anything..you're a scholar in nothing. How do you know all of this stuff? How do you know... possibly even more than me? I've spent all of my years studying and learning everything I possibly can to help develop my already highly capable brain."

"Twilight, Pinkie and I discussed this while you were in your sapphire frenzy... there's more to Pinkie than what meets the eye", said Spike.

"There is?"

"Yes, when Pinkie was a filly, she was an absolute brainiac but she got bullied in school and then she became ashamed of who she was and.."

"I am not ashamed of who I have become, I am still the same pony I was ten years ago in a lot of ways. But now life is so much more fun.. I have so many friends who I love so much.. these are things I wouldn't give up for the world", added Pinkie.

"Oh my goodness.. I just have realized how terrible I've been", said Twilight, "Pinkie Pie, can you ever forgive me?"

"Hmmmmmmmmmmm......"

Twilight gulped, she didn't want to lose such a great friend. Pinkie never did Twilight any harm.

"Of course I can forgive you! Besides... nobody listens to me anyway.. *sigh*."

"But I think the world would be a better place if we did listen to you more.. I should have not let jealousy get in the way when I didn't listen to you about the sapphire muffins.. it's just.. that is something I would have never thought of at all..and what about the chocolate rain?"

""Grand History of Equestria", pg. 451. Chocolate was used to cure ponies of rabies in the Middle Ages and Twilight, you were looking pretty rabid. So I thought, why not?"

"So you weren't sure it was going to work?"

"Not at all"

Twilight gave a nervous laugh, she realized that was a way she was very different than Pinkie Pie.

"I think you and Pinkie have different talents of brilliance", commented Spike, "Twilight is brilliant when it comes to planning, strategizing, concentrating, and truly understanding things on a deep level.. Pinkie has a photographic memory and an uncanny ability to think outside of the box. Both great but different."

"Ooh, I figured it out, Spike is actually the genius", beamed Pinkie.

"Yea.. too bad the Mayor didn't have dragons take the test", added Twilight.

"Does Rarity like smart things", asked Spike.

"Yep, Rarity loves smart things, always in fashion", responded Twilight.

"Okie dokie lokie, you know what guys, I think this was one of my most favorite parties of all times and we made it rain chocolate", cheered Pinkie Pie.

"Ugh, this chocolate is so hard to get off", said Rarity with a frown.

More laughter.

After a night of fun, Twilight and Spike returned to the library.

"Spike, I think I should write a letter to Princess Celestia."

"Definitely. You did learn one hell of a lesson today. Pinkie Pie is incredible."

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today was a crazy day but I did learn two important lessons about friendship. The first lesson is that you shouldn't let feelings of jealousy cloud your judgment about what your friends have to say because those types of feelings almost always block rational thought. The second lesson is that you shouldn't underestimate your friends simply because their talents aren't easily discernible, give your friend a chance to show her true strengths and she could pleasantly surprise you. In addition, I also learned was that there are someponies who are not princesses who are just as smart as me or even smarter. This is something I am okay with because it does not change who I am and that is something of which I should be proud.

Your Faithful Student,
Twilight Sparkle

Author's Note

Let me know what you think. This is my first complete fanfic. I have some longer ideas in the works, including one with my current avatar (the royal blue pegasus) as the main character...

I updated the fanfic a little bit to fix some of the structure problems.
I know I didn't get everything but I am glad people seem to like the subject matter of the fanfic.

I got some other ideas in the works.