When a Tree Falls... For a Tree
Part One
Life had been hard for Bloomberg. Monotonous. Lonely. In another word, BORING. He could remember back to a time long ago, a time when he was happy. But that time was not now. Instead, that time was in the past. But Bloomberg was a tree, so thinking of fancy mathematics like the difference between the then and the now was very hard for him.
Bloomberg’s days were always the same. The great ball of food making rose in the big blue up. Some days, the food blockers would leak on him, and he could drink. The annoying family of squirrels kept stealing his apple blossoms. The oak next to him kept showing off his nuts. In short, an unbearable life, and Bloomberg knew that anytree would agree.
Bloomberg thought back to that long ago not-now…
Many food times and not-bright times ago, Bloomberg had lived with other apple trees. The four trunks would leak him, and would make the squirrels stop. The other trees would tell stories about the big winds that they had felt in years past. But all that changed one day.
One of the four trunks had walked past him. Bloomberg was the only tree in the orchard who could speak Four Trunk, because his previous leaker had always spoken to him. But this four trunk spoke different words. It sounded… odd. It used the words ‘money,’ ‘sell,’ and ‘tree,’ but Bloomberg didn’t recognize some of the other words. ‘High?’ ‘Taxes?’ ‘Zebras?’ 'Extremely High Interest Rates?' These words were odd to him.
The other trees asked what was wrong with the leaker. But Bloomberg did not know. He did not tell them a lie, because his old leaker had always talked about honesty. So Bloomberg did not answer. The other trees called him names, but Bloomberg stood on his principles. He always did what was right, and tried to never offend anytree. After all, he wasn’t a bloody peach tree. Fracking bigots.
Anyways, that not-bright time, the leakers came for him. They stabbed at his roots with the pointy sticks, and lifted him from the softdirt. Bloomberg let out a great bellow of agony, and his friends swore to take revenge on the leakers’ family, but the leakers ignored them. They took Bloomberg and put him on a spinney round puller that was attached to a very odd four trunk. This four trunk had two-colored bark, the one that absorbs all visible rays of the light spectrum, and the one that absorbs none. Bloomberg had paid much attention to science class when he was a sapling.
The two-bark gave the leakers several shiny things, and Bloomberg finally understood. They were selling him into slavery. Just like his former leaker had! Bloomberg had a short-lived identity crisis, but being a tree, he decided to leaf it alone, and focus on the positive. At least he wouldn’t have to hear the teenaged trees talk about tentacles any more. The teenaged trees were into some wacked up stuff.
By the time Bloomberg had ripped his mind away from the horrors that the teenagers called ‘vintai,’ the two-bark had walked a big many moves. The two-bark talked to him. Its voice was odd. The end of every group of words sounded the same as the end of the last group. ‘Sun,’ and ‘fun.’ ‘Tree,’ and ‘Everfree’. When she stubbed her hoof, ‘water bucket,’ and something else Bloomberg did not understand.
They move-moved a big many more moves, until the two-bark pulled Bloomberg into another forest. This place felt familiar… yet different. As the two-bark pulled him through the forest, he finally realized why it felt so familiar. This was the forest next to his old home with his first leaker! He had smelled this forest for many big long food-times! Bloomberg twitched his roots, which was how all trees expressed happiness. Except for peach trees. Emotionless rock-lovers!
As Bloomberg looked around, he marveled at this forest. So many kinds of trees! There were oak trees, maple trees, orange trees, banana trees, apricot trees, grape trees, peanut trees, fish trees, money trees… and even a peach tree. Bloomberg ignored it.
And the animals! Bloomberg had never smelt so many animals! Rabbits, mice, squirrels, armadillos, porcupines, possums, chupacabras, deer, bears, jackelopes, butterflies, fruit flies, house flies, and even dragonflies! And dragons! Bloomberg knew he would love it here.
The two-bark pulled the spinneyroundpuller down into a deep valley, and Bloomberg’s metaphorical heart sank. This valley was devoid of life, with only an oak tree growing in it. There was a cave opening, and a sparkly blue light emanated from it. There were no apple trees around, and worst of all… He could see that bloody peach tree up above the cliffs. Mocking him.
The two-bark stopped the spinneyroundpuller, and took Bloomberg down. Bloomberg would have marveled at her strength to do so alone, but his first leaker had been able to do so without wheezing. Obviously, this two-bark was the peach tree of four trunks. Just not as good as the rest. Bloomberg laughed at the peach tree above him, but because they were different species, the peach tree did not understand. Stupid peach.
The two-barck spoke words to the ground, and the ground opened up. It forced Bloomberg into the hole, and the ground returned, burying his roots deep in the softearth.
The two-bark spoke, words like ‘happy here,’ and ‘have no fear.’ The then said something about the word ‘experiment,’ and then another word that sounded like experiment, but Bloomberg was pretty sure was made up.
Then the two-bark left him.
He was all alone.
Bloomberg tried to be happy in his new home. Really, he did! But the oak tree only cared about his nuts, the squirrels were obnoxious, and the peach tree above him was happy. Life was unbearable!
So time passed, with each food time being the same as the last. BOOOOOOOORING!
But one day, a stirring noise came from within the cave.
Bloomberg had never paid much attention to the cave. It was not bright in there, so Bloomberg had a hard time seeing. But that food-time, a blue glow began to shine from within the cave. And then, he saw her.
Bloomberg had seen many gorgeous trees in his life. Elegant cherry trees, graceful willows, and beauteous palm trees. But not peach trees. Nothing about peach trees was ever good. But none of them could ever come close to the… Bloomberg didn’t even have a word that conveyed his feelings, so he made one up. None could ever come close to her super-duper-uber-wonderful-melt-the-metaphorical-heart-of-a-physical-tree-beautifulness.
She glittered in the shadows, her light piercing the dark. Her leaves were like beauteous crystal, and her limbs… Ooh, those limbs made Bloomberg all toasty inside. He could feel her kindness in the wind, and smell her perfectness. In that moment, Bloomberg’s life suddenly became unboring. He had a purpose.
He would have her, no matter what the cost.
Author's Note
Part Two Coming Soon!
THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN! THE LOVE SHALL BE TRUE, AND NOT CRACKY IN ANY WAY!
(unless I decide to at the last second, because that's how I wrote the entire first chapter anyways...)
