I climb the narrow, rocky path wearily. My hooves are sore and my body aches. I have walked all this way, all the way from Ponyville. I should have flown, it would have been infinitely easier and faster. But I just couldn't bring myself to do it. My wings were what failed me...failed you...and let to all this in the first place.
The climb is long and arduous. Several times I nearly lose my footing altogether, but this path is the only way up nowadays. I finally reach the summit of my climb, breathing heavily, sucking in the thin air. Though the winter day is cold, I do not feel the chill. The skies are heavy and leaden, like my heart, as both have been ever since that day.
The rocky plateau stretches out before me like a blanket. I pick my way across the boulder field carefully. Snow is falling; dirty, grey flakes, polluted. The towering mountains above me are bare, blasted clean and irradiated by your last-ditch effort to save us all. Save for the whistling wind, there is no sound; no chirping of birds, no rustling of leaves. There are no leaves to rustle. There is no life here any longer.
I reach the jagged edge of the plateau and stare out across the valley. It used to be lush and green; now, like the rest of Equestria, it is bare and lifeless. Canterlot used to be here; where I am standing would have been just about where the palace was sited. It no longer exists, of course; the broken remains of the city lie on the valley floor far below. I always thought building a city on the edge of a precipice was a foolish endeavour, but it had always weathered everything its enemies could throw at it. Peering over the edge of the precipice I can see the shattered spires lying in mute testimony to my failure. The wind blows forlornly around me. I take a scroll and a quill from my saddlebag and sit atop a small boulder. With Spike among the lost, this is a task I must carry out myself.
Dear Princess Celestia,
I do not know how to write this. I know there is no point to me doing so, but perhaps it will go some way toward assuaging my guilt. I failed you; I failed everypony, and for that I can only say that I am sorry. You put your trust in me, and I let you down.
With the Elements of Harmony gone, I knew our fight against Discord and his minions would be our toughest battle yet. With nothing to reign him in, Discord stopped playing around. He wanted control, and this time he would go to any lengths to get it. I believed, truly believed, we would still be able to triumph. We would have done, if not for me.
I was never comfortable using my wings- after so long without them it felt unnatural, and though Rainbow Dash trained me every day I never got the hang of it. I could get myself into the air, but sometimes I would seize up, or lose control of the direction I was heading in, or suddenly change altitude. None of it was under my direct control; maybe it was my subconscious rebelling at the idea of me flying. Whatever it was, it meant I could never rely on my wings to complete any task I gave them.
On that day, I tried my best. I really did. I guess I spent too long in the library trying to find some alternative, some way to defeat Discord without the Elements. I tried to make up for lost time. But my wings were just too unreliable; I couldn't make it to Canterlot in time. I just couldn't fly fast enough.
I watched, speechless, as it collapsed, as if in slow motion, tumbling from the mountainside. I was watching my friends die- Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash. They were all in the city, and there was nothing they could do to save themselves. I failed them first of all; I should have been there. Maybe I could have saved them.
You had told me that we might be able to combine our magic with that of your sister to defeat Discord as an alternative to the Elements. You were right, I'm sure, but again I was too late. Princess Luna was already dead by the time I arrived. Though you were weakened, you were still standing your ground. I could see the desperation on your face as you looked at me. What you said was the opposite of what I expected, and it shook me.
'Run, Twilight! It's too late; save yourself! Get underground!'
I couldn't believe what you were saying, what I was seeing. I knew it was my fault- I was too slow, too weak to make it there in time. I had spent too long in the library pawing through my precious books. Even before that, if I hadn't been so quick to sacrifice the Elements to restore the Tree of Harmony, we would still have had control over Discord and this would never have happened in the first place...
I didn't run. I came closer, until you turned to me and screamed.
'It's too late. Get out of here!'
Even then I hesitated, but I could tell you meant every word you said. It was too late. I was too late.
I ran.
To be more accurate, I flew, as far and as fast as I could. A small fraction of the population had already retreated to the caves and tunnels underneath much of Equestria when Discord attacked. I knew I had to join them. I did not know why, although I had my suspicions about what you were planning to do.
His minions were everywhere, chaotic demons and creatures that had already overrun most of the nation. The Guard were helpless against their sheer numbers; nothing we possessed could have defeated them now. I knew you were right. It was too late.
I made it to the deep caves not far from Canterlot when I saw the great flash in the sky. I knew immediately what you were doing. I cried,
'No!'
But I knew you had no other choice. I knew you had to sacrifice yourself and anypony caught on the surface to try and ensure the survival of the species as a whole. It was either that, or let Discord enslave us or kill us off one by one as it took his fancy. It was an almost impossible choice to make, but you knew what you had to do. He had to be stopped, whatever the cost. Ponies should live free, or not at all. Better to die on your hooves than to live on your knees. You made the right decision; you carried out your royal duty.
I did not.
Your Faithful Student,
Twilight Sparkle.
I sigh as I complete the message. The continuation of the species. There are so few of us left now. Though Discord is gone, so is our civilization. Your final solution achieved its desired effect, but at a terrible cost. The heat and hard radiation from the solar flare all but sterilised the planet's surface. Any living thing caught above ground was immolated; including you. But you knew the cost and you sacrificed yourself willingly to try and preserve some of the independence that we had long enjoyed.
I ran away.
I know you told me to, but that does not make the guilt any easier to bear. I abandoned you in your darkest hour, when you needed me most. You said it in good consicence; you were trying to save a friend, you had continuity of government to consider...but that doesn't matter now. The ponies no longer follow the monarchy of old. I am not a Princess; I am merely another survivor who happens to have wings as well as a horn. Many of them blame you for the disaster that has befallen us, though I do not think they fully comprehend the alternative. I do not blame you. I blame only myself.
Equestria is in a state of permanent daylight- nopony can lower the sun or raise the moon. I tried lowering the sun to bring back the diurnal cycle, but I am not strong enough and I have no spellbooks from which to create my own magic. They burned along with the cities.
The planet's atmosphere was almost ruined by the solar flare, too. It is much thinner than it used to be; makes it tougher to breathe, especially at altitude. I have noticed the few surviving Pegasi fly much lower than they used to. The heat melted the polar ice and the radiation caused strange chemical reactions. Equestria is almost constantly covered in cloud and thick petrochemical fog, so that, despite the sunlight, the world is dark and dull. Nothing grows on the surface; our dwindling food supply comes almost entirely from subterranean hydroponic farms.
I gaze out across the valley. The bare mountain peaks disappear into the miserable, grey clouds. I think I know now how Princess Luna must have felt during her banishment; except for the clouds, the view I am observing could easily be the surface of the moon. It is utterly lifeless, a barren, scarred wasteland. Ponies no longer venture out of their caves except for the trading caravans and the occasional scavenger.
Or the occasional pilgrim, like me. I am here once a month; have been for the past year, every month since it happened. I don't know why I come. It doesn't make me feel any better. I would lay flowers, but we cannot grow them any longer- it would take up space in the hydroponic beds that must be filled with more nutritious food.
Visiting the place where my friends and my teacher died brings no catharsis, but neither does it make my grief worse. I have felt nothing for a long time now. I am numb. My mind has tried to shut out what I knew to be true; that this is all my fault. Every dead pony, every destroyed city, every starving foal is because I was too slow and too weak to carry out my duty.
I have stumbled through life for a year, eking out the same meager, futile existence as every other survivor. I have no family, no friends. They all died along with our world. Though it has been only a year to the day since it happened, half the ponies don't even know who I am anymore. Some don't even know who you are. I don't think they care. How quickly they forget.
The snow continues to fall. I don't know how I have lasted this long. I am alone, completely alone in this world; alone with my memories and alone with my guilt. That is all I have left of the old world; I do not even have a photograph of my friends. They were all destroyed. I am ashamed that I have trouble recalling their faces. Maybe my mind tried to block them out because their deaths are on my hooves. All of this is. Everything. It's all my fault.
For the first time in many months, I feel something. Tears fill my eyes; I have not cried in a long time; I have made no emotional outbursts of any sort. I have simply been numb, ignoring the pain that simmered deep inside. I do not know what has caused this. I have visited this place before and felt nothing, just as I have thought these thoughts countless times. Perhaps it is because it has been precisely one year?
Images flash before me, and I see clearly. I see their faces. Rainbow Dash, grinning boisterously. Applejack, nodding assuredly. Pinkie Pie, bursting with inner happiness. Fluttershy, smiling timidly. Rarity, beaming with sparkling eyes.
And the others, everybody I ever knew, dead and gone, burned to ash.
Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, Big Mac, Granny Smith, Cheerilee, Zecora, the Cakes and their foals. Spike. Princess Luna.
You.
I failed you, Princess. I failed you when you were relying on me the most. At the pivotal moment, when Equestria needed me, I was not there, and then I ran. I ran for my life, though that is worth nothing now. I fled like a cowardly foal.
The tears stream down my face, their warmth a direct contrast to the cool air and the snow that still falls. I sob, long, anguished cries wracking my body. I bury my face in my hooves, praying for somepony to comfort me.
But of course, I am still alone. There is no solace for me.
And there never will be; not in this life, at least. I do not know how I have lasted this long. A year has passed, and yet I have never given any serious thought to what will happen next. How long could I go on like this? How have I gone on for a year?
Perhaps it is fitting. At the twilight of our species, perhaps Twilight Sparkle should leave this world.
Heaven knows nopony would miss me, and there is nothing for me here. I have thought about suicide before, many times, but I was just so numb I didn't feel like I could even accomplish that, but now, with these emotions flooding back...
At first I had some foolish notion of rebuilding Equestria, but that soon fell by the wayside. It will never recover- the surface is stripped bare and irradiated. It is a dead nation, and we are a dying species. There is nothing I can do to change that. We are already short of food- I think the last of us will be gone within the year. Already we are dwindling. The birth rate is so low, and foal mortality rate has skyrocketed; there is almost no medicine.
I wipe the tears from my eyes and stand up. I look at the letter clutched in my hoof, now stained with my tears. I tear it up, take out another scroll, and start writing.
Dear Princess Celestia,
I'm sorry.
Your Faithful Student And Friend Always,
Twilight Sparkle
I put the scroll on the boulder and place a smaller rock on top of it to hold it in place. A few of the dirty snowflakes that are still falling settle on it. I step towards the edge of the plateau, where it drops away into nothingness. Below me lie the broken remains of Canterlot, the final resting place of my friends. There is a certain poignancy about this, I decide.
I look down, then I look up. Through a gap in the overcast, your sun is shining through, still burning as strong as ever, though you are no longer here and we hardly ever see it. I feel as though you are reaching out to me, waiting for me to join you.
Even now, I hesitate. Suicide is never the answer; that's what they always taught us. But what if the question was 'you have nothing to live for, caused the destruction of your species, and will be dead soon enough anyway?'
I look back down, poised on the edge of forever. The sunlight shines down on me as if your hoof is on my shoulder.
I take the final step. There is nothing left for me here.
Author's Note
Listen to an amazing reading of this story by Scribbler Productions on Youtube here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=31&v=dCvV_8CN04I
