Twilight has good plans

by Mad-Nug

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Sex, Tragedy, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad, Romance, Princess Luna
Length: 1088

Twilight has good plans for winning love but they fall apart

Twilight has good plans for winning the hearts of those she loves, but circumstances prevent her message from succeeding!

I am taking the hook from Checkmate, Chesshaver and running with it.

Published 2012-03-09 23:14:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-03-09 23:14:02 UTC

Twilight Sparkle has bad timing

Twilight Sparkle had a plan. A good plan. She had the best plan for finally revealing her feelings to her longtime object of affections Princess Celestia, one that was sure to win her heart.

Twilight Sparkle kicked in the door and shouted "Hey Celestia, let's have graphic sex in front of everypony!"

"Twilight, my most faithful student." Celestia said in a voice that made Twilight's innards quiver and her legs shake and other things that mean she is getting horny in public.

"Y-yes, princess?" Twilight said, barely able to stop from drooling.

"We're in the middle of an important meeting," Celestia said, pointing towards her various ministers.

"I uh..."

"And foreign ambassadors," Celestia said, pointing towards assorted ponies and griffons and saprolings.

"I er..."

"And the press," Celestia said, pointing towards ponies armed with cameras and microphones.

"I um..."

"And your own family," Celestia said, pointing towards her mom and dad.

"Twi, it's Mother's Day. Did you even remember?" Twilight's mother said. Her father just whinnied disapprovingly.

"I ah..."

"And Applejack, who was planning on proposing to you soon," Celestia said, pointing towards the farmer pony.

"I threw away mah family, mah farm, and mah livelihood fer mah love for you. Granny and Big Macintosh jus' couldn't accept a lesbian in tha Apple family, but I thought it was worth it ta be with you." Applejack began sobbing uncontrollably. "Why did you tell me you loved me, that night on the hill above the moor? It was only the day before yesterday!"

"I uh..."

"And Pinkie Pie, who was going to throw a party celebrating the event," Celestia said, pointing towards the
party pony.

"Fuck you Twilight you ruined another fucking party by being such a huge fucking stick in the mud!" The only party Pinkie was planning was an unveiled spite directed at Twilight party. "You see these balloons? I'm going to pop them at random when you're trying to sleep!"

"I um..."

"And Rarity, who made you a dress for the occasion," Celestia said, pointing towards the designer unicorn.

"Honestly, how am I going to sell a wedding dress made for your fat ass to anypony else? You should at least read on a treadmill darling, else it goes straight to your flank!" Rarity snarled.

"I er..."

"And Fluttershy and Rainbow, who... why are you two here?" Celestia said, pointing towards the pegasi.

"Um, I'm not sure," said the yellow pegasus. She turned to Rainbow Dash. "Why are we here again? I just came along because you asked politely.

"We were here to celebrate Applejack and Twilight getting engaged but since Twilight is a selfish shithead we clearly aren't getting that," Rainbow said.

"So um, why are we still here?"

"Probably to openly mock Twilight for being a bad pony."

"Oh, right. Uh, Twilight, your face is, uh, bad."

"Come on Fluttershy, she's a two-timing harlot! You can do better!"

"Twilight, um, you have profaned the name of love itself and have become the lowest form of garbage in Equestria due to your acts. Is that better Rainbow?"

"I uh..."

"And Princess Luna, who finds displays like yours very vulgar and uncouth," Celestia said, pointing towards her sister.

"We find thy display to be very vulgar and uncouth," said the Princess of the Night.

"I just said that," Celestia responded.

"Go fuck thyself," Luna said.

"Once I am done chiding Twilight I am washing your mouth out with soap."

"I ah..."

"And little Apple Bloom, who stuck by her sister after the rest of her family abandoned her due to her childlike notions of the idealized status of love," Celestia said, pointing towards the filly.

"What's graphic sex?" Apple Bloom asked.

"Oh sweet Jesus now we're going to have to explain that to her. Twilight Sparkle, do you grasp the gravity of how badly you messed up?" Celestia said.

"So... we're not going to have graphic sex in front of all these ponies." Twilight finally said.

"No."

"So when's a better time?"

"Get out of Equestria. I never want to see you again."

"Well crud." Twilight said and trotted out of the room.

Twillight Sparkle has a poor understanding of pronouns

Twilight Sparkle had a plan. A good plan. She had the best plan for finally revealing her feelings to her longtime object of affections everypony, one that was sure to win their hearts.

Twilight Sparkle kicked open the Library's door and shouted "Hey everypony, let's have graphic sex in front of everypony!"

Everypony in Ponyville stared in abject horror at the insane unicorn and her incredibly awkward proposition. Only Berry Punch, drunk as a skunk at 1 PM, questioned Twilight's statement.

"Ifin' we're all havin' graphic *hic* sex," Berry stammered with incredible difficulty. Her brain cells nobly fought against the tide of Mad Dog 40/40 with heavy casualties. "Who'd be watchin' us all?"

Twilight blinked. "So what you're saying is that if I am having graphic sex with everypony, it'll be in front of nopony?"

"Yep." Berry tipped over and fell on a bed of flowers. A pink earth pony named Lily fainted as her flowers were crushed, though not as a response. She had severe anemia.

"Then there's no point! Never mind! Sorry to bother you all!" Twilight retreated into the Library. The other ponies tried to go back to their daily lives, but they couldn't. Nothing was the same anymore. Cupcakes weren't sweet. Cider wasn't tasty. Some ponies even questioned the existence of god, until she came to visit her most faithful pupil. They were dead on the inside, the day's traumatic events had reduced them to mere machines grinding away until death.

Except for Berry Punch, who decided to have a relaxing nap in the bed of flowers.

Twilight Sparkle tries reverse psychology

Twilight Sparkle had a plan. A good plan. She had the best plan for finally revealing her feelings to her longtime object of affections Rarity, one that was sure to win her heart.

Twilight Sparkle kicked in the door of Carousel Boutique and shouted "Hey Rarity, let's not have graphic sex in front of everypony!"

"Oddly specific way to chart what the day's events won't be, but if you say so darling." Rarity went back to making dresses.

Twilight sat down on the nearest couch and pondered how every life choice she has ever made was poor. "So I guess reverse psychology doesn't work after all..."

"By the way," Rarity said, "if you had asked to I would've said yes."

"Goddammit!"