Trouble in Detrot

by ZealousHeretic

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Comedy
Length: 3147

It's a well known fact that alcohol and mares don't mix well. Incidentally booze, powerful street-gangs, and escape plots don't either. I regret even going to the bar that night.

It started in a bar. As many half-baked and poorly executed plans do. It’s almost a shame such a nice night got ruined by a simple misunderstanding. There I was, chatting up a nice mare and consuming copious amounts of alcohol, then suddenly I’m wrapped up in some scheme to get out of the city. First off, no one leaves Detrot without the consent of the Equine Nation, the gang that runs the slums. Second, no one gets consent to leave the city from Equine Nation. No one tries anything either because no one messes with the gang, I should know, I work for them. Third, it’s not fair to be asking for favors when a stallion is intoxicated. I was in no position to make a decision regarding life choices. Well, I’m in a ton of trouble anyway I suppose, what could adding some more hurt. This definitely won’t end well.

Pre-read by:
Auramane
Skeeter the Lurker
Edited by:
Prak

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-01 00:25:08 UTC

Chapter 1: One too Many

In most cities, the streets come alive at night. The city lights brighten the sky and outshine the stars. Detrot is not most cities. The lights here haven’t really shined for a while, save the street lights. The nights in Detrot are quiet. The few bars that we do have usually only have a few patrons at night. It’s honestly a miracle that they’re still in business.

Tonight must’ve been special though, because there was a mare I hadn't seen before that walked into the Stumbling Pony. I was already closing in on that magical phase called “roaring drunk”, so striking up a conversation was simple. I would love to say I’m a masterful pick-up artist at any level of sobriety, but I was too drunk to remember how I started our chat. Even now, I only remember pieces of it. I can sum it up in one sentence.

I’m Nimbus, she’s Opal Rain, and for some reason, I said I’d get her out of the city.

That should’ve been the first red flag. The outskirts of the city are poor as dirt. The gang I run with controls the entire district. Nopony leaves Detrot without their consent, and nobody that would come to the bar we were sitting in would possibly get consent. Of course, decisions are hard when you’re inebriated, so I promised I’d help her out.

I have a slight bit of influence in the gang. I pick the locks, plan some out the heists, and make sure that we can’t be connected to the crime. I even have—or, well, had—an official title. I was the “Lock Jock”, the expert in all things lock. But letting people out of the cities is serious business. The majority of the gang’s influence comes from keeping information under our control. Officially, the Equine Nation doesn’t exist. Every heist is made to look like an independent crime. That way, the guards never catch wind of us.

We control the slums, which happens to be everything in Detrot besides the upper-class housing district that surrounds City Hall. How do we trap an entire city? Well, we don’t. We take from the rich, keep for ourselves. Leave the poor alone and give them funny news stories about the nobles getting their stuff stolen. It might inspire more loyalty if we gave to the poor, but we decided as a group that they can just work for their own money like we “work” for ours. No one has any reason to leave.

Police reports say the slums of Detrot have a high crime rate, but it isn’t random crime, it’s organized. We have the influence to sway just about any situation our way. All the right ponies in all the right places, if you catch my drift. In the event one of our guys gets caught, we can typically get him or her out pretty quickly without many repercussions.

Would you believe the gang that is currently running most of Detrot got its start as a local pranking guild?

We used to get a bit of coin to steal something for somebody like, all the mattresses in a particular villa or all the plates, give them back a day later, everypony laughs and life goes on. Then things started getting malicious. Someone forgot to give the cups of some snobby noble back in time, so he buys a new set and hires guards. The gang takes it as a challenge and robs him blind. Charges are filed, ponies are disgruntled, and suddenly there is some sort of mafia like the one in Griffonia. Granted, all this went down before my time, which means like two decades ago. Now it is just another part of life here in Detrot. A petty war being fought over the mistake of a forgetful pony and the subsequent overreaction of both parties involved.

But those kinds of things don’t happen often.

Wow, we got sidetracked. Bottomline, the gang is part of the city now and remains under the nose of the crown by way of controlling information. And this mare wants me to go against all that so she can leave the city and go on an adventure or something. She must have thought I wanted to get out of the city too. I apparently look a bit depressed when drunk. My agreement, however, didn’t stem from a desire for me to get out of the city. Rather, it came more from a desire to get in her. Yelling out my answer probably contributed to getting caught so quickly, seeing as there were only me and some of my fiercely loyal gang mates in the bar. They took exception to me expressing the intent to break the rules. Lesson of the day, my little foals, never make life choices when you’re drunk or horny.

I was a bit of both, of course, so I guess I’m a hypocrite.

The sound of toppling chairs and glass cups shattering on the floor filled the bar.

“Just what are you tryin’ ta pull, Lock Jock?” one of my apparently now former gang mates exclaimed.

A calm silence filled the room. Nopony moved; each side eyed the opposition waiting for the slightest twitch.

The moment dragged on for what seemed like hours, till one of my former mates made a move to go block the exit.

I wasn’t in the best state of mind at that time, so when I heard somepony yell run, I bolted out of that bar faster than a fat pony to a cake buffet.

Opal and I beat him to the door and lost the bar patrons once we got outside. They were Earth ponies. We’re both pegasi. They really didn’t have much of a chance once we got into the open.

The damage was done, however, and in about ten minutes, news of this would reach the top. Since they don’t really take kindly to rule-breaking, I would get disciplined.

If I was still there anyways.

I would rather not get shaved, so leaving seemed the best course of action.

Ok, in retrospect, hair grows back, and I would have been fine, but I was drunk and it was cold that night, so being shaved seemed like a fate worse than death.

“We have to get past the city limits quick,” she said, “before they close them up.”

They didn’t physically close the city up.They just put more guards out and they sent out pegasi with homing devices to follow anyone who left, then more ponies would follow the homing beacon and deal with the runners.

She was right, however, the difficulty of the escape would be doubled if the gang got the chance to put more guards out.

I nodded to her in response, and we both took off into the sky, heading towards the edge of the city.

The night sky was cloudless, meaning we were easy to spot. I didn’t see the flash of any magic from the ground, however, so I figured the news of our escape attempt hadn’t yet reached the unicorns of the gang. If we added having to dodge spells being shot at us to the laundry list of things we had to avoid, tonight might have turned into a real bummer.

All seemed to be going well until one of the trackers came up behind us.

There was no way for him to hide from us, the cloudlessness was a double-edged sword.

I split off, hoping to draw him away. I succeeded, but didn’t know where to go from there. Stopping and trying to explain myself seemed as good an idea as any.

“Wait,” I slurred, “thish is all just a mishunderstanding.”

“Lock Jock, are you drunk?” the tracker whose name I could not place asked.

“Maybe.”

“Thank Celestia, I was worried you were actually tryin’ to leave us, br—” The tracker was cut off by a blue blur slamming into him and carrying him all the way down to the ground.

My intoxicated reflexes took a whole seven seconds to react to this. By the time I registered what was happening, Opal was flying back up to me.

“Nice distraction, that gave me the perfect opening,” Opal said. “We make a pretty good team.”

I was excited to be moving up from the “Guy I met at a bar” level to the “Guy I make a pretty good team with” level, so I just smiled and followed her after we began to fly off again.

Our pace was solid due to Opal being surprisingly fast. I am no slouch when it comes to speed, but I was being weighed down by large amounts of alcohol.

Everything was going great. Till a wave of nausea hit me. I don’t know if you've ever tried it before, but take my word for it, flying and barfing can’t be done simultaneously.

We had to touch down behind a tree, a little bit outside the city limits. Way too close to the outskirts to be considered safe. I released all the vomit I could’ve possibly contained in my body, then dry heaved for a couple more minutes after. I was relieved for it all to be over. Then I saw that we were surrounded by ponies whose approach was probably masked by the sound of my body trying to turn itself inside-out.

The world must hate me.

If an oath to never touch alcohol again would get Opal and me out of this, I would make it, but it wouldn't, so I won’t.

Chapter 2: Too many Schemes

The situation looked dim, both figuratively and literally, because we were surrounded, I was still nauseous, and it happened to be nighttime.

“I think the jig is up, Opal. We’re surrounded,” I muttered to her.

“They’re Earth ponies,” she said.

“I know. We can’t bust our way out by force. They’re too strong.”

“We’re pegasi.”

“Exactly, they’re naturally stronger than us,” I said.

“We have wings, Nimbus.”

“I am aware of our anatomy, Opal.”

“We can fly, you drunk idiot!” she shouted.

“Ah yes, we can do that.”

We both took to the skies, leaving our hunters contemplating their lack of useful extra appendages.

The moon and stars were our only source of light by the time a small town, surrounded by a forest, came into sight. I didn’t know the name, because I had never actually left Detrot before and I was just following Opal blindly.

The view was nice though, despite the low light making it difficult to see.

“We should land in those trees,” Opal called back to me.

“Why? We can just go straight to town,” I answered.

“Would you rob a mare of her romantic walk in the woods?” she asked.

Well, she was a bit forward, and I was still tipsy, so I had thought this might turn into a wonderful evening.

I followed her down into the trees. It was quiet, too quiet...

Banging should fix that.

I took a step toward her.

“Don’t move, you’re surrounded!” somepony who was out of sight yelled.

“This isn’t possible. They wouldn’t chase us this far,” I exclaimed.

“These ponies aren’t from your gang, Nimbus,” Opal said. “Or Lock Jock, whichever you prefer to be called.”

I was surrounded.

The glow of combat spells lit up the landscape all around me, the bushes rustled as large armored earth ponies rushed out, and the sky above me quickly filled with pegasi. I might have been able to pull off a brilliant escape, had I not been recovering from consuming what could probably be considered a week’s supply of booze. Even with my brain not quite firing on all cylinders, it was plain to see I would be in a world of hurt if I so much as twitched the wrong way.

“All this for little old me?” I said, trying to hide the fear in my voice.

“This mission is important. We can’t allow any extra chance of failure.”

“And just who is this mission being done for?”

“You have to agree to help us first,” Opal said.

“Fine, I’ll help with whatever it is you’re doing,” I replied, knowing full well this little vow would probably hurt a bit later. Curiosity can be annoying sometimes.

“The princess has desired a reformation in Detrot for a while. She regrets not stopping its downward spiral at the start, but relations with Griffonia were strained and had to be attended to first. Then other things just kept popping up and now we’re here.”

“This goes all the way up to the crown?”

“Hopefully you see the importance of our mission now.”

“Does this mean I get a fancy medal if we pull whatever this is off?”

“Maybe if you die. Otherwise, no pony will ever find out you were a part of this and you’re taking your involvement to your grave.”

“You servants of Celestia sure know how to bring the sunshine.”

“Quit whining. Are you ready to get briefed on your mission?”

“I guess now is a good a time as any,” I replied, still a bit shaken from the previous revelation.

“You’re going to help us fix the trouble in Detrot,” Opal answered.

“Ponyfeathers...”

“What? I haven’t even started explaining,” Opal said.

“How did I get myself into this?” I asked myself.

“You’re an alcoholic who has the skills we want and information we need, that’s how,” Opal replied.

“Listen here, Opal,” I said, “I might be a drunk, I might be a fool for falling for whatever act you put on, but I will always be loyal to Equine Nation. The only reason I helped you out of the city was because I didn’t think it would hurt the gang… and I was trashed, that contributed a lot to it in hindsight. So I won’t be a part of your scheme to take down my—”

“We’re not after your gang Nimbus,” she said with a sigh.

“Wha—”

“I need your help taking down a noble.”

My mind was spinning. This situation doesn’t make any sense. Maybe I passed out at the bar. This is all some dream. I’m wasn’t really in the middle of a forest with a crazy mare with a plot to take down some noble surrounded by guards that are ready to kill me…

“Nimbus, pay attention, Detrot is a rathole. There are five ponies that control nearly all the bits in Detrot. Between all of them they have sixty percent of the money in the city. Your gang, Equine Nation, controls thirty percent, and the other ten is held by the rest of the citizens.”

“If thats true, then why are you going after nobles instead of the gang?” I asked.

“Your gang steals money from the nobles. If we went after you guys, then the nobles would just control ninety percent of the wealth.”

Nothing made sense anymore. First I learn that the Equine Nation isn’t a secret at all; they even have figures on how much of the money we control. Second the crown knew that we were shameless thieves—of the rich anyway—and did nothing to stop or hinder us. Finally, the princess, the eternal monarch of Equestria, the all-powerful mover of the sun, is using tricks to get around the laws she created.

“Why do you even need my help? You have well-trained guards and the support of the crown. Why not just do whatever it is you do and leave me and my gang out of it?” I yelled.

“Because your gang controls nearly all the information in the city, we can’t do our job because our job requires intel, and we need proof before we can exert the will or the princess. So without you, unless the noble we’re after suddenly turns himself in, our hooves are tied.”

“So, all you dragged me out here for was information?”

“No, I need proof along with the information.”

“There is no proof. Everypony in Detrot covers their behind as much as a frigid virgin on a snowy morning,” I exclaimed.

“Which is why you’re going to plant proof.”

“Not possible.They would find it and get rid of it before you could ‘find’ it.”

“Not if they didn’t have time.”

“That would require planting your evidence after their workers swept the house for anything incriminating but before the guards stormed in.”

“Exactly,” Opal said.

“That isn’t possible.”

“For you, it is. You know this noble and his villa. You also can’t resist a chance at taking this one down.”

“I know every noble and their house layout. Now, who are you talking about?”

“I’m giving you a shot at the unicorn who you hate the most.”

“Gilded Emerald!?”

“Bingo.”

My blood boiled. I had never did forgive that pony. He bought up the block my family used to live on. He put us out on the street. I robbed him once before. That was actually the job where I earned the title “Lock Jock”.

So many doors in that mansion, too many of them with locks.

I hate to say this, but I already technically got my revenge on him. When I was there the first time, I only took the pillow from his room when I robbed him. I know, it sounds like I just wasted my time, but you haven’t slept on that thing. Made from enchanted silk that stays the perfect temperature no matter the temperature of the room, and on top of that, it is stuffed with specially-formed clouds imported from Cloudsdale that could be stood on by any of the pony races . It probably cost a small fortune. It is by far the greatest thing in existence, but I’m getting off topic. I never thought he adequately paid for what he did, and up until now finishing off my revenge has been impossible. He more than doubled his estate guard after I got out the last time.

“I’m in, but how do you plan on getting past all his guards?”

“You already said that you were in.”

“I’m double in now. Now, about the guards: that pony’s estate is guarded better than the royal cake pantry,” I replied.

“Leave that to me. You just focus on your job of planting the evidence in his office.”

“And how exactly do you plan on me doing that?”

“Let me put it into words you’ll understand. It’s quite simple, really. You’re going to get in unseen while we distract the guard, then get out unseen after you plant the incriminating evidence.”

“You know, that is just vague enough to work,” I remarked sarcastically.

“I’ll give you more details when we get back to Detrot. Until then, you will just have to be satisfied knowing you are going to be following a schedule tighter than a dress on your mother,” Opal quipped.