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“Perfect!” Sweetie Belle snapped the shining obsidian and ruby amulet around her neck, finishing off with a flourish of her newly made cape. She glanced at herself in the mirror, turning on the spot a couple of times and watching her reflection.
The porcelain colored unicorn certainly did look intimidating, what with her shiny new amulet and fashionable new cloak. After all, if there was anything that Rarity had taught her, it was that the outfit makes the mare; and right now, the outfit was making this mare look especially evil.
So evil, in fact, that it scared Sweetie Belle, just a little.
“Gosh,” she squeaked, a grin spreading on her face. “You look so cool!” she complimented her reflection.
“Why, thank you ever so kindly,” her reflection was made to say as Sweetie stood on her hind legs and taking a bow. “Evilly cool!”
She carefully inspected the tips of the cloak to ensure that it was the proper length from the ground; after all, it wouldn’t do for an evil super villain to go tripping over their own highly stylized cloak, now would it?
“Sweetie Belle, are you going out to play again?” Rarity called after her as the bell signaling an open door rang throughout the shop.
“Nope!” the filly answered readily. “I’m just going off to conquer all of Equestria today!”
There was a moment’s pause, and her sister called back “Just be here in time for dinner, all right?”
“Okay, Rarity!” Sweetie closed the door behind her, prancing happily out into the sunlight before catching herself.
No, that wasn’t right. Super villains weren’t supposed to prance and galumph cutely about! Super villains were supposed to be terrifying and unsightly.
Sweetie Belle turned on the spot, thinking quickly. There were some things that were simply too difficult to do away with; for example, her bright colors of her coat. But that was where the big, black cape became useful. The smile, however, would simply have to go. Or at the very least, she needed to swap out her cheerful smile for something a bit more mean and scowl…y.
Perhaps she needed to go back to the mirror?
Sweetie shook her head, trotting toward Ponyville with enthusiasm. Unnecessary for a super villain – she would take the crash course in world domination!
Sweetie Belle trotted into the busy village with as much bluster and fluster as she could manage, holding her little nose high into the air and doing her best impersonation of Diamond Tiara.
Diamond Tiara was a super villain, right?
Regardless, she nearly tripped over her own hooves from lack of looking at the ground, and quickly righted herself, pretending that nopony had seen her stumble. Before long, the terrible and terrifying evil Sweetie Belle found a brightly colored orange earth pony struggling with a cart of carrots, straining to keep the overloaded bundle from falling to the ground as she pushed it up from the curb.
Ah ha!
Such was an excellent opportunity for the terrible and terrifying evil Sweetie Belle to display her newfound awesome powers of wickedness that her smile grew even wider.
“Hi, there!” Sweetie waved to the struggling Carrot Top, who nodded toward the filly before returning to hefting up the heavy cart. Promptly and with as much strength as she could muster, the terrible, spooky and terrifying evil Sweetie Belle summoned the dark powers of the accursed alicorn amulet, monstrous powers surging through her veins and bursting with nasty black light from her horn tip.
The resulting effect was not quite what she expected, as the entire carriage of freshly picked carrots promptly danced into the air, neatly realigned themselves in a manner that was at least seventeen percent more efficient, and trundled the entire bundle tidily onto the curb without dropping a single one.
“Gee, thanks, Sweetie Belle!” Carrot Top wiped a bead of sweat from her brow, beaming down at the agitated filly. She patted the filly kindly on the head before trundling away, her cart of seventeen percent more efficiently packed carrots closely in tow.
“What?” Sweetie said disappointedly, staring after the mare. “No, that’s not what was supposed to happen!”
She stamped a hoof angrily against the ground, and blew a lock of interspersed pink and lavender mane from her face in frustration. Surely there had to be some way of being more evil than helping somepony move a cart of carrots.
Her wicked, mean and awful green eyes scanning the street, Sweetie Belle the Terrible swiftly spotted a stallion balanced precariously atop a set of rickety scaffolding that swayed every time even a small breeze passed by.
Ah ha!
The Great and Powerful Sweetie Belle approached the tan earth pony painter with a devious sneer, her maliciousness knowing no bounds.
“Behold!” Sweetie Belle squealed in her most intimidating voice possible to the painter, who blinked down at her. “For the Great and Powerful Sweetie Belle shall be your demise!”
“Oh, hey there, Sweetie Belle,” the stallion waved politely, setting down his heavy rolling brush as the rickety scaffolding shuddered in the wind once again. “How is your sister doing?”
“The Great and Powerful Sweetie Belle knows no such sister!” she insisted, the abominable and hellish powers of the Alicorn Amulet powering up once again, an eerie light welling up within her as she channeled the awful magic into her horn.
“Well, tell her that I said hello!” he smiled pleasantly at her before returning to work, wobbling a little again atop the scaffolding.
The drastic and scarring events unfolding burned horribly into the minds of passersby for years to come.
Sweetie Belle cackled victoriously as the black magic burned through the air, striking the scaffolding. No sooner had it done so that several pieces of the scaffolding realigned itself and sturdily reinforced the entire object, effectively reducing the amount of wobbling that the painting stallion suffered from by at least seventeen percent.
“Oh, cool!” he beamed down at her thankfully. “I’ve been meaning to get to that; thanks, Sweetie Belle!”
The terrible and terrifying yet-to-be overlord of all of Equestria stamped her hoof against the ground a couple more times, viciously stomping an innocent flower.
And such was the greatness of her wrath that her poor, defenseless victim was utterly annihilated. She didn’t even have the decency to inform its next of kin.
Sweetie Belle sighed dejectedly, traipsing away with her head hung low and her tail tucked between her legs. Perhaps she just wasn’t cut out to be the evil master of pain and despair that ruled Equestria with an iron hoof, after all.
However, just as the hopelessness befitting of one of the Great and Powerful Sweetie Belle’s potential victims began to set in, Sweetie the Terrible came upon a much welcome sight.
None other than her arch nemesis, Diamond Tiara!
AH HA!
Now, now would be the time to strike! Sweetie Belle the Awful and Magnificent gazed upon her weary foe with cold, vicious eyes as Diamond Tiara pleaded with her kitten to drop from the tree.
“Come on, Fluffers!” Diamond Tiara begged. “Come down from there, right now!”
Sweetie Belle stomped toward her clueless enemy with a heart full of rage so fiery that even the sun would take a step back, and go ‘whoa, chill out’.
“AH HA!” Sweetie Belle crowed vehemently, wicked magic broiling within her as she took joy in her enemy’s despair.
“What do you want, Sweetie Belle?” Diamond Tiara asked grumpily, placing both hooves on the tall tree and giving it a useless shake, the unruly tabby cat atop the branch refusing to come down. “I’m trying to save Mister Fluffers from this tree!”
“Oh, you won’t have to worry about Mister Fluffers for much longer,” the Great and Powerful Sweetie Belle vowed hatefully, an evil smirk riding high upon her features as whirling coils of raw, ebony evil sprouted from her horn. Sweetie Belle blasted the tree with as much force as she could, slamming it with an entire beam of hateful black energy.
The tabby, its doom eminent, yowled in terror as the tree responded to Sweetie Belle the Scare-ifying’s dark magic, and promptly animated one of the branches. It gently plucked the cat from its own branch with twigs like fingers, carefully dropping the frightened tabby into the outstretched hooves of Diamond Tiara before returning to its natural and unmoving state.
“Oh, uh…” Diamond Tiara shrugged. “Thanks, I guess.”
And with that, she carried her beloved cat home in what one could assume was probably a manner at least seventeen percent more efficient than she had previously been carrying the tabby.
Sweetie Belle stood utterly dumbstruck for a full minute, at last exhaling a heavy sigh of defeat.
Perhaps all this super villain business was just too much for one mare to handle.
“Surely there is something in my eye; is that the Alicorn Amulet I spy?”
“Oh, hey, Zecora,” Sweetie Belle sat in the shade of the tree dejectedly, holding her head in her hooves as she looked up at the startled zebra. “Are you here to foil my plans, too?”
“There is simply no time for that,” Zecora said swiftly. “How did you find that artifact?”
“Oh, this old thing?” Sweetie Belle plucked it from around her neck, holding the amulet in one hoof. “I found it last week when I was digging through your closet. You left it in a box next to your buzzy sti-”
Zecora promptly stuffed a hoof into the surprised evil overlord’s mouth, cutting her off as a flush rose into her cheeks. She reclaimed the wicked amulet, carefully wrapping it in a small bundle of cloth before scolding Sweetie Belle.
“I have just saved your soul; you have me to thank. Now take yourself home, before I tan your flank!”
Sweetie Belle the Great and Powerful, her reign of terror ended prematurely by the wise sage, dragged herself home in defeat. The battle had been a sight that thousands would remember throughout the ages, for sure.
And so, the ballad of Zecora the brave, who bested the most evil threat to Equestria ever, would be sung in the halls of heroes forevermore. Zecora, who singlehoofedly faced down such a terrifying monster. Zecora, who boldly confronted the Great and Powerful Sweetie Belle!
Zecora, who quietly returned home to store away the ancient artifact called the Alicorn Amulet, hidden safely between the Aloe Vera of Holiness and the Buzzy Stick of Doom.
Truly, an epic for the ages.
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Author's Note
And thus ends the greatest tale of our time.
