Inspector Origins, Joey Bonk

by Undercover Inspector

Rating: teen
Tags: Crossover, Tragedy, Random, Dark, Human, Comedy
Length: 8379

Joey Bonk, hero, good guy, all around great person. You would never have thought he would turn out this way after all the hell he has been through, losing his family, friends, and all trust in anyone. Lets turn back the clock and find out started.

Joey, today we find him back stabbed by his best friend, trapped in the Ponyville precinct. He will soon learn that nothing lasts forever when his dark past catches up with him. Let's enter this tale of darkness and misfortune, and see the personal hell of Joey Bonk AKA Inspector Bonk. Please note that this is a sad comedy kinda thing. I may not be the first to do it but I'm experimenting with it.

(Please note that I am new and Joey will deny any claims of him being a brony, he will say he was forced by his masters, but we all know it's just his ego talking, and with that, enjoy his torment and the grimlight world of Joey)
Also Lyra plays an important role but due to limits she cannot be on the list of main characters in the story. Enjoy the story and tell me how many references you find as read. If you count them all you get an imaginary cookie.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-10 10:04:49 UTC

FRAMED!?!?!

          Welcome, in case you couldn't already tell, I like to break the forth wall. I thought I should personally invite you to read as this dumb-ass of an author makes me suffer.(God help us if he sucks!) Now what's your name? ……… You have a nice name, I like you. Now where were we? Oh yeah! We were diving into the hellish nightmare that is me. Enjoy my suffering.

"But I swear, it wasn't me! I wouldn't even think of hurting any of you, much less killing anyone, er, anypony! I swear!" I tell him to no avail.

"Beg and plead all you want,but YOUR fingerprints were on YOUR scattergun, you have no one to back you up on your alibi besides Miss Dash, and she is in a coma, and Miss Sparkle claims she saw a humanlike figure in YOUR clothes running from the crime scene, so Joey, you gonna come clean, or are we going to railroad you in court next week?!" He yells at me for the whole world to hear.

It's like they had everything against me, but Doc Legend is the only other human alive here, but he would never betray me, he is the only friend who hasn't been targeted and can hold his own in a fight with only a stick and some flint, and besides his signature weapons are a crossbow and a bone saw. "Officer, I will go to court." As I finish Twilight or whatever her name is bursts through the door apologizing and saying she only told them the truth, not know that this would happen or something. Funny how I didn't figure it out sooner, friends are just going to backstab you, die because of you, or lie to you.

"Joey, I am soooo sorry! I thought they were just going to ask you a few questions! But Joey, why! Why did you do it! Glimmerflight never hurt you!" At this point, I flip my sh**.

"FOR THE LAST TIME I DIDN'T F**KING TIME IT WASN'T ME! WHY IS THIS SO HARD!" I screamed. Realizing my temper got the best of me I apologized profusely, stating that I get like that sometimes.

The guards escorted her out, and scolded me. "You shouldn't talk to a princess like that. You're lucky she's your friend, otherwise you'd be roosting on the sun right now. Now as much as I'd like to see you gone, there are more pressing matters at hand. Now try not to snap at anyone else."

At this point I had calmed down. I hope I didn't upset her, I have seen what happens when emotions cloud one's judgement. "Yes sir." I told him as he walked- er trotted away. I will never get used to this place. Now on to more important things, finding out who framed me.

Pinkie or… yeah Pinkie could of done it. Something's off about her, but I can't quite put my finger on it. Oh wait no, she doesn't have fingers, so she couldn't shoot, that rules out orange girl with lovely hat, and the pegasi. Doc is my only friend, so he couldn't have. Twilight could send anyone- I mean anypony out to the sun with the flick of her wrist, or hoof or whatever. The white tailor couldn't stand getting her mane dirty, let alone bloodying up herself. That freaky hand-obsessed girl said "No, burnt ones won't do, they'd flake too much." She still gives me the creeps. This is a classic whodunit, no motives, good alibis, all the evidence points to me, but I wouldn't hurt a hair on any of them. And they consider themselves friends of mine. In fact, Twilight had offered the aid of an excellent defense attorney but I told her I don't like lawyers.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

                                       *Meanwhile, with Doc Legend*

"Dammit!" I screamed out in anger, "Oh sorry but are you sure he will get off scot free? He is a friend of mine."

"I am certain, the only reason we have him detained is we don't want him meddling in our plans. If I wanted him dead, he would be a bloody mess just like that pony you killed. You did kill him did you?" He asked.

"I did, used his clothing, ran with the special shoes, and made sure no one got a good look at my face. I even used his special bullets that no one in this dimension can find. Everything points to him. But don't you think we went a little overkill here? I doubt he will win the case with just about every f**king thing possible against him?' I was doing my best to keep from yelling.

"Do not worry, but now I need you to get the hypnosis potion from the zebra or enroll the help of that.... Draconequus Discord.

I believe he would be easier, just mention causing some chaos for the ponies. He'll jump right on board. The only problem is I do not know where he is. Talk to Twilight, the purple one." he said, before babbling out another lecture on trust and decommissioning.

"Ok, but if joey doesn't make it I WILL kill you." I muttered as I left.

I swear I don't know what will happen if he goes. Why doesn't being like a freakin super hero mean anything to anyone! At least he is friends with Twilight so he probably will get sent to the moon if he loses. I know what I'm doing is for good but backstabbing my friend? Hell has a special type of torture for traitors, as a wise man once said. I'm just glad this place doesn't do, "Swift Sovereign Justice!" like that one place we were. Times like this make me think about all our adventures into other dimensions. My favorite two were the one that has the people who can watch other dimensions, read stories about said dimensions, and sometimes alter the fabric of reality. And everyone just thought they were TV shows! My second would be the one with the guy who can't die, self-proclaimed "Merc with a Mouth." Ah! Here already. My knocks on the door were answered by Spike, I could hear sobbing in the background.

"Hi... uh Doc is it?"

"Who else!" I replied, dear god I'm so vain.

"Well Twilight is not available right now, she says she was yelled at by a friend. What do you want? Please whisper." He whispered

"I need to borrow Discord, recent events have made me ponder if he had a part in this. I whispered on over to him. He went over to twilight, who was out of my sight. Though they were whispering I still could hear Twilight:

"This is too organized to be Discord, plus he wouldn't kill anypony" She muttered softly while fighting back tears. I couldn't make out what spike was saying.

"Sorry dude, Twilight says no." At that point I walked off. Time to go on a safari.

Halfway through the forest I encounter a little shed. It was not Zecora's though. After that little horrorshow that I will speak of again, I find the hut not far from the shed from hell. I knock on the door and my knocks were answered by none other than cute little applebloom.

"Hey there tiger!" my notorious reputation with children... gah! I'm horrible with kids! How am I confusing myself in my own mind! She remains silent. I fail horribly with my next sentence. "So, do you watch cartoons! My favorite is Tom and Jerry!" Wrong dimension, wrong timeline, wrong animal. God can I be any worse at this.

"What's a cartoon?" she innocently asks.

"Nevermind that was my stupidity talking, where is your zebra friend?" I deflected the damage hopefully.

"Out getting plants. We're healing a sick bird! Wanna see it?" She asks, eagerly.

"No thanks, I have seen enough sick animals today. You don't happen to have a hypnosis potion do you?" I asked innocently enough not to cause suspicion.

"What's a hypnosis?" she replied in her southern accent.

Of f**king course an elementary school student wouldn't understand. "It's a potion that makes your eye all swirly and black and white, then whoever drank it does whatever you want them to."

"OHHHH! Why didn't you say so? It's right here!" she hands it over with her mouth. "I like you, even though you're a little weird."

For the first time in the history of the universe a kid likes me. Maybe I'm not the worst when it comes to children. "Thank you, tell your sister I said hi!" I happily reply.

"Will do! Tell Joey I said hi!" she yells.

Poor kid, she would understand the amount of trouble Joey's in. At least she doesn't know what's going on. At she is safe. I wonder if her family knows she just wanders off into the most dangerous place in Equestria alone. I bet that... my thoughts were interrupted by a single smack to the face. I woke up several hours later in a quaint little cottage. Dazed and confused I got up.

"Oh good, you're awake." a quiet little voice stopped me, "you'll have to forgive my alligator here, we were strolling too far from the swamp and he stepped on a thorn, I think he knocked you out with his tail, I'm sooo sorry!"

"Hey at least it wasn't his mouth right?" I searched for the hypno-serum, but I couldn't find it.

"Oh your backpack fell off you, let me give it to you" she quietly replied.

"Thanks, you know I never really got a chance to meet you, what's your name? And also, what's with all the animals?"

"I'm Fluttershy, I take care of animals who are sick or hurt." she told me.

"Well you certainly do a good job, I have yet to see a sick creature around here." Makes sense she would do a good job, she is an animal too, after all. "Well, I must be on my way. Stay safe!" I yell to her.

If only the human race wasn't so horrible. Why can't we be more like her? Why do we have wars? Because the old and greedy trick the young and energetic to fight for money, or for land. I should not be thinking these things, I should be thinking about how what I'm gonna say to my boss for being so late.

Visiting Day

Joey's log: today we honor the memory of Jackson Somfillmanson. He was killed with a shotgun to the face. he was a good friend. To this day I still have the graymatter on my shoes. Poor fellow. All he wanted to do was have a nice quiet office job. Fate had other plans that day.        <--(do not take seriously I can't afford another lawsuit)

Welcome. Hope you are happy author, you douce, making me relive my past through Joey's log. Sorry audience but I decided on what to do with my new assignment of intros to chapters. Sorry if it's a little dark. Goddam writer here is a fucked up guy, thinking he can let me do what I want without there being any consequences (sorry, the writer is good with spelling, I'm  not) anyways, where were we? Oh yeah visiting day. read on and have a nice day. GODDAMMIT! That was the writer not me. @$$hole thinking he can make me cheerful...

Oh! Ah! Oh! My claustrophobia is acting up! Of course the warden moved me to a smaller cell. Overcrowding my ass, the only people here are me and the town drunk. I need to get out. I NEED to get out. I do not care if it is a week till I go to court. I was never a fan of small places after the incident, GAH don't think about it! Don't think about it! Don't think about it! "GAH! BLAcking out...

I wake up several ours later with no memory of what I had done. I then realize I'm looking up at the night sky with a lot of blood on my hands and clothes. I figured I must have punched something or someone real- "AH OH MY F**KING GOD IT HURTS!!!" a sudden ocean of pain overwhelms me. I feel kind of lightheaded oh god I'm  passing out...

"Are you sure this is right Fluttershy? If the royal guards catch you taking care of him you could get in serious trouble." I wake up to Twilight and Fluttershy talking about me, as I hold back my groans of agony, I listen on.

"But I couldn't leave him there, he looked horrible, I thought he wouldn't make it! Besides, I know he's innocent. His friend was here a few days ago, worried about him." Fluttershy replies.

"He punched a warden before smashing through solid brick." Twilight says, trying not to yell.

"His friend told me all about him. He said, 'Sure he may be a reckless goofball but he is very protective of people he cares about. The only time this has ever happened was when his daughter was killed and when Dash got in that accident and was put into a coma.' so something set him off!" Dammit Doc, why not reveal all my secrets. At this point Twilight loses it.

"WHY ARE YOU DEFENDING HIM!?!" She yells.

"WHY AREN'T YOU!" Fluttershy screamed back. She sounds so weird when she isn't whispering.

At this point I let out a moan, stopping the two from their argument. "What happened?" I ask still feeling lightheaded.

"Oh let's see, you punched a warden, broke through solid brick, and ran to an open field where Fluttershy goes to pick flowers, far from Ponyville. Shall I go on?" Well now I know Twilight is pissed at me.

"Leave him alone! Now Joey what's the last thing you remember?" She asks, keeping her distance as if I was a wild bear.

"Before the my blackout or me passing out?" I ask sarcastically.

"Both." They both reply in unison before looking at each.

"Last thing I remember is the warden putting me in a smaller cell, making me VERY claustrophobic. Then I remember waking up in a field looking at the sky, then I tried to get up. You know when they say, 'I can feel an overwhelming river of pain wash over me' well that's how I felt before passing out. And now here I am, looking like a mummy while a sarcastic unicorn tells me how bad I screwed up." I tell them.

"Twilight please apologize to Joey." I am starting to like this sweetheart even more.

"He. Punched. A. Warden." She does NOT like me at all.

This may take a while.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

                                                                             *Meanwhile with Doc Legend 4 days ago*

"Look I'm sorry I'm late but-" the sound of a bloodcurdling scream that of which could only be made by Joey followed by the sound destruction and chaos interrupt me.

"CHECK IT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!" He screamed at me. What followed was a rabid Joey (not the kangaroo) running past me at about 88 miles per hour.

"Joey, what in the name of fu-" He runs off before I could get anything out of him. Not that I could, he was snarling like a beast. I check on the prison and immediately discover what sent him into this hysteria. I find a warden with a bloody nos- err snout. (muzzle?) "I may have forgotten a few details about him, sir." I say to the warden.

"YOU MOTHERF**KING THINK?!?!??!?!?!?" Jesus who pissed in your Cheerios.

I immediately run to Fluttershy's cottage to see is she was ok. I nearly bust down the door to find her packing carrots for a trip to somewhere. "DID YOU SEE JOEY?!?!" I might have yelled a bit too loudly, she was trembling with fear.

"n-n-noooo... eek" Now I feel horrible.

"Sorry, I was worried. Sure he may be a reckless goofball but...."

                                                                 *present day*

"FUU*********KING HELL!" Jesus, boss are you trying to give away your position.

"Careful boss, you almost made it past the censor!" Hehehe

"What the he- never mind that, we are screwed, you know all the evidence against us, well I couldn't burn it. So now it's your job to hide it! After you do that, I am going to need you to do me one favor and I will let you go and will give you the device." Ok... a little ominous there boss, even for you.

I dump it all in hellish shed of nightmares from before. No one will check there. Now I make it back.

"Did you dispose of all of it?" oh boss, your underestimating me will be your undoing one day

"Of course, I dumped it a freaky shed in the forest. No one will find it, and even if they did, i doubt they would be sane enough afterwards to use it against us."

"Good. But I will need you again in the future, so I will keep the device. For now, get me another  hypno-potion. But this time, get it from Discord. He know how to make a more potent one than that zebra friend of yours." Well let's hope Twilight has stopped crying.

When I knocked on the door, I was answered again by spike. "Hey spike, can you get me Twilight?"

"Sorry dude, Twilight is with Fluttershy mayb-" he was cut short by a mysterious voice.

"Hoo."

"You know, Fluttershy, she is good with animals." Spike replied to who I presume is Owlicious.

"Hoo."

"C'mon, Fluttershy, yellow pony with pink mane, very sweet and kind." I replied instead of spike.

"The path your on, dude, leads to nowhere." Spike replied sounding a little annoyed.

I head for Fluttershy's place. She's a good friend of Discord. If she can't convince him, no one can. So this literally cannot go wrong, can it?

Joey's Lowest Point

Joey's log: Today we honor Mary Bonk. She was my wife, she died while pregnant, I'd rather not go into detail but long story short, I can never eat spaghetti again and always count to 1 1/2 before throwing a grenade,

Ah sweet Mary. I'm sorry, just so sorry reader could you read the story I'm too sad to talk to you right now. I'm, just god, I'm gonna get a tissue. I just need to grieve for a bit, don't worry I will be back to redefining breaking the forth wall soon, just writer, just please write the story I'm too sad to yell at you ok. Where were we, just dammit. I'm sorry the woman I loved died so I'm gonna shut up and get on with it I'm making a scene sorry.

"Hey Fluttersh- HOLY F**K JOEY WHAT THE @$$ ARE YOU DOING HERE!?" That's what my ears were greeted to after Twilight and Fluttershy finished arguing.

"What's it look like Doc, healing! Now get your ass over here and use your medical expertise to help me or something!" I yelled at him.

"Well I see you were in good hands before I got here." Fluttershy blushes. "Now I'm gonna remove the bandages. This may sting a little." Oh god.

"Hey, I've been shot in the pe- OH DEAR GOD IT HURTS LIKE LEMON JUICE IN A PAPER CUT!" HOLY F*CKING @$$BREATHING FIRE MONKEYS THE PAIN, IT SURGES THROUGH MEEEEEE

"Sorry, now I can see it's been infected. You see that little dark part? That's an infection. Now Flutter, get me a pale of water, you don't have sinks here do you? Oh even if... what the hell is this?" Thank god he carries moist towels with him everywhere, they are so soothing to me even though Doc sounds a bit worried. But hell he healed me from a gunshot to the face so I'm not worried.

"That's red poison joke, thank god it wasn't green though. However it is only a small bit of it, so he will probably just stay the same age for a bit. Odd, the insignia... GET ZECORA HERE NOW!" Twilight screams. In my ear I might add. But as I'm Whisked away into a land of quadruple rainbows and happiness passing out. I'm in the depths of my inner mind and it is hell. I'm reliving the worst moments of my life, I see images of my dead parents. Whatever the hell I fell in, prolonged exposure to it led to this. I'm relieving my wife's death, every horrible second was worse as I know she wouldn't make it.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________                                                                      *too much sad going to Doc*

"This wound, I cannot mend, your friend's life just might end." Zecora said, rhyming as usual.

"Is there Nothing we can do!?" Twilight yelled.

"It all depends on his mind, that of which he must find." Zecora replied.

"I know for certain he is not mentally sane, he witnessed his parents' murder, received multiple head trauma, saw his wife and son die in front of him, and has seen many of his friends die right before him. Fate practically made him it's b!*ch."

"If he is not sane, we must refrain from contact, or his mind will practically compact!" Zecora made the stretch with that rhyme.

"What was that plant we found on him?" I asked worriedly.

"A special form of poison joke, there are five. Blue makes something you value about yourself not work or negates it. Red is basically anti-ageing you, with all of your thoughts intact, we have had some experiences with it but the Alicorn Amulet was the only as the only tangible cure. Red with skull makes you wonder through the dark alleys of memory lane, or makes you relive all the horrible things that have happened to you over and over for a random number of times, many who have been exposed to it go insane afterword. Green, well um... eh he he he, oh umm.. 'heat season" nuff said. Orange gives you amnesia.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------                                                               *back to the pits of Tartarous*

After I got through the war segment. I was back in my old bedroom 19 years ago. So many fond mem- oh dear god and mormon jesus the comedian no. Oh dear sweet Jesus no no NO. SWEET MARY MOTHER OF F*CKING GOD NO!!!!!!

It was 19 years ago today that psychopath Josh McFlinigin broke in and murdered both my parents. It was bedtime, 8:00pm on February the 7th 1995. My mom was reading me "Goodnight Moon" with my dad there beside her. Right before they finished reading, a shotgun blast took my mother's head off. He then took out a 'Finer Diner Silverware' knife and repeatedly stabbed my dad right before my eyes. Even when I closed them I could still see him stabbing.

"I thought you were supposed to be a hero!" I knew that familiar voice any where.

"Dash, but aren't you in a coma?" I ask.

"You are too featherbrain!" Oh dashie, sometimes you make me hate you. "Hey! I heard that!" What this? "Yeah!" Oh great! Does this mean that because we are each other's dimensional equivalent we arre pyshically locked? "Eh could you translate that into english, egghead?" Because i am basically you in human guy form and you are me in lady pony form, we can read each other's minds? "I guess so. But look at you, crying and cringing in fear, stand up for yourself!" But i'm just a kid. "Says the 21 year old guy?" Your right.

"I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU ANY MORE!" I scream out at the top of my lungs before he Grows gigantic.

"Really? Ha kid you're making me laugh. You're weak and helpless, forever alone in the world." Not any more.

"I have friends, 6 of them to be exact. Now girls, kick his ass." He lets out a hearty laugh before being beat up by me and my friends.  Maybe the world isn't so bad after all.

I wake up momentarily, cough a bit, and then tell everyone I'm ok. "You look different, more happy. Judging from the flower, you either took one hell of a trip, or faced your internal conflict."

"DASHIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I scream before running to the hospital.

"That is one hell of a hero." I hear Doc mutter as they all chase after me.

Fallen Friend

What happened is here must watch

Today, we honor the fallen element of loyalty, Rainbow "Danger" Dash. She died from heart failure, right after waking up from her coma. she will be missed. D.o.D. Date of  Death: February 8th, 2014

She opened here eyes for a second, smiled at Joey, and said, "Good job featherbrain, you faced your fears." Her eyes closed and I heard the monitor flatline.

"F*CK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Joey screamed to the heavens like they had forsaken him.

And now we return to our story. (This episode/chapter revolves around Doc Legend)

'It was my fault. I left a patient unattended for a mere second, and they died.' I remember it like it was yesterday. The man's name was Jimmy McCormic. Irish drunk died of kidney failure. The news said everything. "Drunken Degenerate Destroyed by Desperate Doc"

He was practically the nicest guy you'd ever meet. If you spilled something on him, he'd shrug it off, if you forget to tip, he'd go back and pay it back double, if you cat was stuck in a tree he'd scale up the tree no matter how tall it as. And. I. Let. Him. Die.

"DOC use the defibrillator! SAVE HER DOC WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!" Joey was losing his s*! "Don't you quit on me god-mother**king dammit! YOU ARE A HERO! YOU CANT DIE! SOMEONE GET DISCORD TO DO A MAGIC THINGY OR SOME GODDAM S*!T! YOU CAN'T DIE! HEROES DON'T DIE!" I could tell something happened between him and her while Joey was in that coma.

"CLEAR!" I zap and get nothing.

"CLEAR!" nothing.

"CLEAR!" nothing again. At this point Joey punches a wall, bloodying his already messed up hand

"THIS WILL NOT BE A REPEEAT OF JIMMY! CLEAR GOD DAMMIT!" nothing. I try 5 more times to see if she would somehow spring to life. Joey had clearly lost his mind. I had to knock him out so he would calm down. " WAKE UP DAM YOU!" I try CPR but it doesn't work.

"Well, she flew to heaven, or whatever place good people go to. Now what are we gonna do? How is this place going to stay safe? WHAT ARE WE GONNA TELL EVEYONE?" I sadly ask. No response. Still in shock after the initial death. Rarity's maskera as running as she was crying. Fluttershy just hugged Twilight, Pinkie ran out of the room, Applejack just stood there, dumbstruck, and began to tear up.  "By the f***ing way, WHERE IS THE DOCTOR?!?!" <--totally not having a vendetta against time lords. That was the comic relief for this chapter. It was horrible.

All at once I remember all my failures, every person I had killed, every operation gone wrong, everything I screwed up, every time I should have done something different. I try to run out of the room, but run into a wall instead and get knocked out. No good can come of this. Well, it's official. It hasn't even been 2 months and we ruined a happy utopian society. Instead of death and sadness, what I had seen was proof of "If there's a will, there's a way" I knew what had to be done.

****

3 weeks have transpired, Doc went searching for  an obscure artifact, fabled to be able to bring back fallen friends to life, depending on if you really care for that person. Joey lost the case, but compelling evidence showing that he did care for the ponies of the town led to him being sentenced to live with Vinyl Scratch. He was not allowed to bring earplugs. Everypony was sad, as today the Wonderbolts would be performing their greatest show in the rain. At Rainbow's funeral. Joey was too hysterical and was thinking too many depressing things, and I did not want to be sued for causing people to kill themselves, so either I had to write someone somepony in, or tell the tale from another viewpoint. So I, the writer will tell you what everyone is thinking and saying and doing.

This is truly sad funeral music, Play at own risk

Joey is crying in the back row, everyone felt sorry for him. 'They were kind of perfect for each other, even though they had an awkward relationship. They are basically the same person but in different forms.' Twilight thought.

The hearse had arrived, and the casket was closed. they got it in position to be lowered there was not a dry eye in the house. Applebloom said, "But Applejack, you said she was gonna be alright."

"We all thought she was... but... she..." for the first time in her life, Applejack didn't know what to say, she thought up something quick, "sometimes you can do everything right... and it's still not alright... in the end... all we do is the best we can... nothing more... and for this? Nothing less..."

Twilight thought, 'What lesson is there to be learned from this!'

As the casket was buried, everyone was still crying.

*****

I have skipped ahead to when joey is sane enough to talk and think (semi)normally

"She was taken too soon." I reply to Twilight. "Don't you have, like, an immortality amulet or a... I don't know something to bring back the dead, preferably in a way so that they aren't zombies?" I asked her.

"There are rumors about something like that, but your friend left to find that months ago.  He left right before the funeral, cheeky bustard." Twilight informed me.

"We all grieve in different ways, when I died that one time, he went on an epic quest to get something to save me. Sure he was lost for two years before he got back but I healed up quite nicely. I have never seen him cry you know? By the way how are the girls?" I asked, trying to keep my mind of Rainbow.

"Applejack's working nonstop, Fluttershy adopted a filly, Rarity's business has made a killing in tuxedos, Pinkie threw a mega jam blast, and her hair is back to normal, so things are kinda bad, but hey..... at least no one else died." Twilight was about to go on but was stopped by a knock the door.

"DOC!" I screamed and opened the door, nearly tearing it off it's hinges to find  our local mailma- mailmar- AUGH WHOEV Derpy Hooves with a letter.

"Dis is for U Joey!" she means well, but isn't exactly the brightest. She is kinda cute in a....... well she certainly is one of a kind.

"Thanks! What the- I WAS SUPPOSED  TO GET THIS A MONTH AGO!" This was followed by:

"I'm sorreh, i jus don't know what went wrong!"

"Awww,  i could never say mad at you. Stay adorable Derpy!" Did I say that out loud?

"OKEH!" She replied and flew away to deliver more late letters.

"You like her don't you?" replied a very smug Twilight.

"SHUDDAP! Oh dear, she may be rubbing off on me." I informed her. "OH IT'S FROM DOC! IT SAYS, 'Meet me at the forest 1 month from now on the 28' WE GOTTA GO NOW TWILIGHT THAT'S TOMMORROW!" I yelled at her.

"But the forest is just a short walk from here."

***** The 28 of the current month they are in. (I'm bad at remembering dates so I'm specific and I don't want any continuity error)

"DOC WE'RE HERE!" Me and Twilight Twilight and I both yelled out in unison.

"Good, it's a bit away, follow me." and so we followed him to a weird shed that had a red glow on the inside.

"Hey, isn't that Flut-" I interrupted her with a b***hslap to the mouth.

"WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT THAT MADEME! IT IS FORBIDDEN IN THIS REALM!" Jesus Christ I swear to god that was so bad a joke it could give someone cancer!

Little did we know that the creepy shed would turn out to be....

Reunions

Today is a happy and disturbing day for all of us. No one I know has died today. YET.

...a portal to other dimensions, as well as other fanfictions. That means, I can reference more people correctly and study the effects. I found a nice dimension with tons of foals, even one of rainbow dash. Here's the catch, a younger more energetic discord was watching over them, however I didn't get that feeling I did when I last saw him.

"Let's pull him out." Twilight and Doc said in perfect unison. And so they did. "What did you see?"

"Something to do later." I said. I heard something come form the portal.

"Kit, who was dat?" I heard a familiar voice say.

"I don't know. But he had a gun I haven't seen before. Let's look into that later for now we-" at this point the portal closed.

"WHAT DID YOU SEE?" Doc and Twilight both asked me again, wanting a more clear definitive answer.

"Multiple dimensions, if we augment the portal and adjust frequencies we could go home. But for now let's leave it alone until wwe can scan it. It goes somewhere fun. How often does this appear?" I ask, eager to see if I could go back.

"At most frequent, once a day. At least frequent once a month. I was too afraid to go in myself, so I needed someone reckless enough to venture in." Doc said. I swear sometimes he thinks he is a genius.

"So if we develop the right technology and a proven method to get back, we could mess around in more dimensions like a TV station? AWESOME! Oh that reminds me, did you get the artifact?" I asked, eager to see a certain someone again.

"I did, as well as a number of extra roo-" He started before I cut him off.

"WELL GIVE ME THE MOTHERF**KING THING NOW @$$HOLE!" I yell out.

"Ok it's- ARE YOU LOOKING THROUGH MY BAGS ALREADY!" He annoyingly yelled out at me.

"OF F**KING COURSE I AM, WHEN YOU FIND SOMETHING LIKE THAT TELL ME FIRST" I retorted right before finding a necklace with a star on it. "This is it right?"

"No that will kill you if you hold it for too long." He said. I screamed and dropped it. "Just kidding that is it. Just don't hold it too long or it will try to merge with you or something. Wearing it caused me to think different but feel more alive. Now let's save your girlfriend."

"Wha- tha- su- F**K YOU WE ARE FRIENDS ONLY! Besides it's forbidden. Now hand me a shovel so we can dig up the grave." Yet another sentence I though I wouldn't say.

When we dug her up, luckily by the power of screwing logic she didn't decay and was as beauttif- holy f**k I am starting to like her as more than a friend. BUT IT'S FORBIDDEN. And I am not a hypocrite when it comes down to following my own rules. She still is pretty in a pony sort of way. But I'm human and she isn't. It wouldn't work. Still a better love story than Twilight. (Couldn't help it sorry but Twilight's love stories are a little bad. No offense Sparkle.) I put it on her and she springs to life.

"AH! Oh it's you guys. I had the weirdest dream. You totally wouldn't believe it though." She said.

**************************************************************************************************************************

*one long explanation of what has happened and how everyone is affected and  how everything changed*

"SO I DIED!?!" She screamed out. Well, this is awkward.

"Yeah, so please, never leave us again. Now let's gather at sugar cube corner." As everyone is gathering Rainbow could not get over the fact that she died.

"Now that everyone is here let me explain why I brought you here, fillies and gentlecolts, let me show you, RAINBOW DASH!" She came speeding through the window on cue. Fortunately due to the show's logic, she was unharmed.

"GROUP HUG!" Pinkie yelled.

"Guess my job is done." I say as I start to walk off but was interrupted by pinkie.

"GET OVER HERE!" She yelled in a gruff voice.

"Who me?" I asked, I have been part of a group hug before.

"We are all friends here darling come on!" Rarity, I...

"What are you waiting for silly!" Pinkie...

"We aren't gonna wait all day sugarcube." Applejack... I Ah this is corny enough

"Ok." And so I did. Maybe this place isn't so bad after all. "Ok girls, you can let me go now, me and Doc have something to confess."

"Okay...." They all replied in unison.

"We haven't been entirely truthful to you guys when we first came here." I began.

"We are from a race of warriors called the Derpscouts. I however, am a lone medic who met Joey when he was stranded in a post-apocalyptic world, we traveled through the war-torn streets before we had realized the cruelty of our actions." Doc continued.

"We planned to secede from our clan. We didn't know when to do so though." I started from where Doc left off.

"Then we were test subject of a new kind of teleporter, one said to be able to teleport anywhere without the use of an exit, however in order to get back we needed to wear these special watches, we modified ours to control time. They cannot however tell time." I Doc stated.

"We were told that we were to study whoever was in the area. Then kill them. But seeing as you think of us as friends, we will stay here. Doc will remove the function to return back. Doing so will destroy their teleporter, so hopefully they will assume we died." I said.

"Also, Joey, I am your father." Doc sai- wait what?

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I scream.

"Just kidding." Goddammit Doc, I'm supposed to do references.

"Anyway we are living here. And maybe the writer will make an ongoing series or something." Everyone but pinkie looked confused. Ah well. This is only chapter 5, I hope he doesn't make it 6 chapters, that would suck. Wait WHY AM I HINKING THIS TOO MUCH 4TH WALL BREAKING WHA- odd, I don't remember anything 5 seconds ago, what oh living here. Hey someone's calling Doc.

"Sorry, guys got to split." He said as he left. Oh shit I read my script it does end on 6 FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

Boss Battle! DUN DUN DUN!

Well friend, it has been a sweet ride. I discovered a portal to other's fanfictions, got framed, learned the meaning of friendship in a highly corny way, broke through solid brick, my writer got an editor, I referenced things, wrier got some followers, and now I live here and will probably terrorize other fanfictions. My favorite would be that baby dimension. Who knows, maybe one day I will explore alternate universes and even more dimensions. You know someone called this a satyr play? I don't know what it is but maybe my stupid writer will look it up. Ok I have invaded your privacy enough. Nice room by the way. Let's get on to the finale of this crappy fic so I can go into new ones and have fun there and be the background character that the writer don't always write in but sometimes do. By the way the pov is back to normal at 500+ words characters will switch. It's currently in Doc's pov. Yay.

*****************************************

I opened the door to he hideout "I assume this is for that 'one last thing you wanted before you let my people go' right?" I say.

"Yes, now the one last thing I want you to do, before that I want to look you in the face instead of the shadows." I get up close. "The last thin I want you to do is kill Joey and everyone on this pitiful planet." He s-

"WHAT!" SERIOUSLY WHAT? He then stands up. And aggressively walks toward me.

"Kill everything that breaths on this planet but me. Or do I have to end your people and yourself as well?" He menacingly says.

"F**K THIS S*!T AND F**K MY PEOPLE I AIN'T HARMING A HAIR ON ANYONE I KNOW'S BODY YOU TWISTED F**K!" I reply, he can hear he fear in my voice and he grabs me.

"IF YOU REFUSE TO DO SO WILLINGLY I WILL FORCE YOU TO DO SO, REMEMBER THE POTIONS YOU BROUGHT ME?!" How the hell did I not see this s*!t coming a mile away, it's like being a blindsided by an aircraft carrier, WHAT SORT OF DIPF**K GETS BLINDSIDED BY A F**KING AIRCRAFT CARRIER!?!?! "NOW DRINK UP!" OH GOD IT ASTES LIKE S*!T DIPPED IN PISS!

"IT DIDN'T WORK @$$HOLE!" I was wrong. I was losing all feeling, all judgment. My will is only so strong. "FORGIVE ME FRIENDS, IT WON'T BE ME IN CONTROL!"

"This is the stronger one from Discord, I got it while you were distracted by your friend. You will see every event, everything you do, EVERY FACE OF WHO YOU MURDER! EVERY SCREAM!" He laughs manically.

"BUT WHAT DID WE DO TO DESERVE THIS?!" I scream out, at least I can speak.

"NOTHING! I'M A MADMAN! HA HA HA! NOW DO AS YOUR TOLD AND KILL EVERYONE BUT ME, AND START WITH YOUR FRIEND JOEY! ALSO DEATH TO YOUR PEOPLE

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

*Batman transition theme with scout derpface*

world's must unfitting song that needs to be open in a new tab for this event and this event only yet it will be used for more events like this maybe.

"♪Walking song, walking song oh sweet walking so-♪ WHAT THE-" My beautiful generic song  was interrupted by a crossbow bolt that was red, a potential kill shot is my hearing wasn't amazing as it is. What the hell is doc trying to do? Kill me. Oh yeah last chap- another epic dodge. "YA WANT SOMETHING DOC!? YOU INTERRUPTED MY FAMOUS WALKING SONG!"

"RUN JOEY I'M NOT IN CONTROL OF MY ACTIONS AND NOW A MADMAN IS TRYING TO MAKE ME KILL YOU!" What the fu-

"Oh ha ha- AHHHH MY KNEECAP!" Wedged in there good, I run to the Everfree Forest as quick as I can after I remove the arrow. I'm almost to Zecora's hut. "Almost there, GAH MY KNEECAPS! ZECORA GET ME SOME BANDAGES!" She wraps them up and I run as fast as I can away. Lucky for me I have 2 more necklaces I figure if I kill him, I can revive him then he would be normal. I pull out one necklace, and lucky for me at the perfect time, as he shot me- BAGELS! well that is that  what happens when you die? Huh always tho- SANDWHICHES!! Well atleast I know these aren't single use. I HAVE AN IDEA, I throw it straight up just in time to-

"JOEY! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!"

"GAH! HOLY S*!T THAT WAS SCARY! Hey Doc you killed me, so you should be cured!"

"NO JOEY, NOW I'M GONNA KILL EVERYONE ON THE PLANET SHOOT ME WHILE THE PO-" I did it. I killed my best friend. Now-

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! F**************************************************************************************CK!!!!!!!!! THEY ABSORDED INTO MY SKIN! But I had two, wher-"

"Here." A mysterious voi-

"I did it! I KILLED HIM! MUAHAHAHA! I AM ♪JACK FLICKMAN♪-" Well, jack got shot in the back by none other than!

"Not mah man ya freak. I'm DERPY HOOVES! AND I SAVED DA UNIVERS YAY! Now lets go to da doctor freindz!" And so I, dah mighteh derpy took them to the doctor. After putting on dat pretty necklace. jacky had.

"What you did was very heroic Derpy." Celestia said as I woke up to a monitor beeping slowly.

"What happened?" I asked,  a little dazed and confused but otherwise barely alive.

"Derpy shot your murder. How she pulled the trigger is a mystery though." Celestia told me. But nothing could prepare me for what she was about to say next. "However, in order for you to live, we are going to turn you and your friend into a pony. I know you would hate this, but if it's any consolation you can be turned into a Pegasus or a unicorn.

"Ok, on one condition, I get to chose the color and keep my clothing. I do not want my nether-region hanging out for the world to see." I reply. Celestia looked a bit weirded out but otherwise agreed. "Now, I want my coat to be a like Rainbow's, cyan but a bit darker than that. And my mane must be a dark brown, just like my hair." I wonder how this will- "AH EH AW AH AHH YEESH OOH GAH!" well now I know what they mean by out of body experience. "So now I am a talking miniature horse. Whoopdeefu- Sorry princess just thought out loud!"

"Oh god I had the weirdest dream. Joey was a pony and he and derpy-" I interrupted Doc before he could finish his sentence.

"Say another word and I will shoot you- I just realized I don't have hands. I'll, why I'll, I'LL TROT ON YOU!" Doc is laughing hysterically.

"OH GOOD GOD THIS IS TOO F**KING FUNNY! YOU ARE A HORSE! OH GOD! HA!" GODDAMMIT DOC!

"You know you will have to become one too you know." Celestia I love you sometimes.

"Fu**."

"Careful Doc, you almost made it past the censor."

"Chose wisely, Earth pony, Pegasus or Unicorn."

"Unicorn. I want to look a little like I do now but with clothing and make my coat teal and my mane black."

"Ok but this may tickle,  didn't it Joey?"

"Shut your mouth princess." I told her straight up. Doc made his sounds like me but a bit stranger.

Now excuse me princess, while i play our ending theme taht doesn't belong to us but is still awesome.

"Well Joey, now how do I do the levitate-y thingy?"

"Well you to enjoy figuring out your new bodies, I'm going to eat cake." She smugly replied. "I recommend Twilight teach you magic Doctor, and Joey, I recommend you Rainbow Dash, you'd be learning from the best.

"BUT-" We were cut short by black screen mid-sentence. Now writer, in a few days write the epilogue.

                            but for now, I guess I will learn to fly

                                   I leave you with this

                                                rainbows... they make me cry ;-;

THE END MOTHER F**KAHS!

Epilouge

Hi reader! Joey and pinkie here! It's been a while  since you last read about me, or maybe it hasn't. Maybe I already invaded a few fics and you saw me! Oh well. Let me update you on everything. I will go first, then Pinkie.

First off, Doc is doing good with his magic, he already knows how to shoot guns again as well as a few advanced spells. He is such a quick learner.

And Joey here is learning to fly from Dashie! Don't tell him I said this, but he hasn't quite got it down! But I'm sure he will be flying in no time! Remember Joey, the trick is the speed of how you flap, as well as flapping in perfect unison! How do I know this? Well some things are better left unsaid eh reader? Back to you Joey!

And the shed is not really all that creepy, Doc is just trying to scare us I think. Besides it has tons of underground rooms, which is a little weird, but I found the weapons cache! Shotguns and rifles galore!

I even found a hacksaw, but why do they call it a hacksaw when-

Pinkie, you're scaring me. Please stop.

Okie Dokie Loki! Now everyone is still getting used to Joey, but I'm sure they will like him. I do! Also Vinyl does too! What's that type of music you two seem to like? Dubstep? Or was it techno? I think both. Also who is that mare you like? Oh I know its Derpy!

E ARE STRICTLY FRIENDS!!!! NOTHING MORE! He he, Sorry about that folks! But I am not here to date, I'm here to protect! And in fact, I am learning how to shoot with hooves from this pony named Lyra.  Although she goes about how my stupidity cost her some valuable research, she seems to like me. She and her friend Bon Bon are nice.

And Luna seems to take a liking to you! Now you have two love interests! He he!

Pinkie, you are so immature sometimes. Even if I did want to be in a relationship right now, I doubt the princesses would allow me. Although, Prince Joey does have a ring to it- Pinkie, are you trying to corrupt me you silly goose?

(neck size increases and head raises into cake hat) Nope!

Wow, I didn't know you were part giraffe!

Me neither!

Now where were we? Oh yeah something bout how nights here are so beautiful right? Oh well going with it. Twilight has even given me a telescope so I can stargaze. There is something about nights here that are different from nights where I'm from. Probably because a goddess raises the moon everyday at 6pm.

Don't tell Joey I said this but I think he like Luna!

Also Doc found a way to use his magic to control where I go and how I get back to the portal! Now I can safely go anywhere with ease. Also, he found a way to make the portal never close again! So writers out there beware! I could slip in undetected! >:)

Oh PUH-LEASE, I already have done that years ago! How do you think I know about the forth wall?

Okaaaay, back to what I was saying. Something bout a new adventures? Be sure to check out Inspector's Adventures. It is coming as soon as my write gets better, he is sick while writing this. But don't worry about him. He will be looking up how to be a better writer in the meantime won't you writer?

Leave him alone Joey! Let's talk about your girlfriends more!

PINKIE!

And thus,

I  bid you farewell.