CUTIE MARK

by blayzekohime

Rating: teen
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Pie Sisters, Applejack, Trixie, Comedy
Length: 6529

We have your cutie mark. Give us 2 million bits or you'll never see it again.

Pinkie Pie wakes up with a hangover after having too much cider only to find that her cutie mark has been stolen! What's more, it seems that a mystery pony is holding it for ransom for forty cakes. Forty cakes! That's four tens and that's terrible. Desperate for revenge, Pinke has a plan to turn the ransom around on the thief.

This occurs in the same universe as my story Substitute Harmony; reading that is not necessary, but these characters have been through those events; I've taken steps to avoid outright spoiling of that one though. Like Substitute Harmony, it was edited by Florentine.

This is also a very loose parody of the 1996 Mel Gibson movie "Ransom" (and thus of the movie that was based on). And that's terrible.

It's marked as teen because there are adult things strongly hinted at in comedic fashion, but nothing worth checking the sex box for.

This occurs after season 2 episode 15 (The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000), while Cider season is still occuring.

Features Blinkie and Inkie, for which there are no checkboxes. Cover image by me; I'm no artist.
EDIT: They have boxes for them now!... but I got their personalities completely wrong. ... Okay Blinkie's isn't THAT far off from Limestone, But Inkie/Marble is a complete miss. Strangely, my Inkie/Marble acts like Maud, who didn't exist at the time of writing this.

Published 2012-04-12 06:54:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-12 06:54:02 UTC

CUTIE MARK

Pinkie Pie was awoken by a pounding in her head, although the pain made her reluctant to even open her eyes. When she did open them however, she was delighted to find it was still quite dark in her room. On the other hand, she was having a great deal of difficulty breathing.

That turned out to be due to another pony's body laying haphazardly across her face, a second one practically curled up on her chest. Pinkie struggled briefly, flailing all four legs about for a moment before finally taking her forelegs and rather harshly shoving the pony off of her face. The sound of a dull thump broke the silence of the room as the other pony slammed into the floor next to the bed.

"I swear I'm gonna' shove dynamite so far up your-" the voice of her sister Blinkie Pie complaining immediately ensured that the silence would stay broken.

"Sorry!" Pinkie blinked her eyes fully open again, the morning light coming through an open window serving to increase her throbbing headache.

Pinkie drowsily wriggled her way out from under Inkie Pie, who grunted as she too started to wake up thanks to Pinkie’s shifting back and forth. Pinkie literally tumbled onto the floor on the side opposite from where Blinkie had landed, then bounced neatly to a standing position while making a noise akin to some kind of giant squeaky toy. She blinked as she looked into the mirror of her dresser, giggling for a moment at her completely frazzled mane and tail. Giving herself a shake, they seemed to magically pop back into a perfectly curled position, looking not unlike cotton candy stuck to her head and behind. Looking about again, she checked several overturned tankards on the floor, finding them all devoid of drink and looking disappointed.

"Where is she? And where’re my 'splodies?" Blinkie climbed up onto the side of the bed, her yellow eyes gleaming wildly at Pinkie like an angry cat as she had one of her typical fits of over-reaction. Her own purple-blue coat looked almost dark grey in the meager light that was presently available in the bedroom, well contrasted by her white mane. She gave a shake of her head, and her own tangled bed-mane fell into a perfectly straightened state on either side of her head. The cutie mark on her flank, a black, round, and almost cartoonish-looking lit bomb, gave a good indication of why she was acting this way.

"Now, now sister." Inkie's voice was devoid of any alarm, as if she were used to this sort of behavior. She pulled herself sluggishly off the same side of the bed as Blinkie, just in case her faith that Blinkie was only joking was misplaced and she had to restrain her sister. She gave a wave of her head to straighten out her own dark grey mane, contrasting her light grey coat. Her purple eyes kept a wary watch on Blinkie as she continued, "Did you not learn anything from the thing at the place, dear sister?" Her own cutie mark consisted of a blue dot surrounded by two concentric, crystal blue rings, with what appeared to be white cracks emanating from the center, representing her special talent for breaking things.

Pinkie shook her head again, giggling, "Wow I got the greatest hangover ever!"

"Words that could only be spoken by you, Pinkie..." at least Blinkie was calmed down now. If she didn't kill anything in the first few minutes of her rage she was generally okay.

"You look different," observed Inkie towards Pinkie Pie, leaning forward to peer at her over the bed and wrinkling her nose slightly, "Have you lost weight?"

Pinkie perked her ears up, moving a hoof to poke at her slight chub of a belly, then responded almost proudly, "Nope!" Pinkie then turned and looked into the mirror again, looking herself over and turning around. She was a great deal more 'pastel' than her sisters, her coat about as vibrant a pink as it could be without hurting one's eyes, and her mane and tail a few shades darker. She had gleaming blue eyes and a yellow balloon surrounded by two blue balloons as a... wait.

Pinkie stared into the mirror at her flank. Her solid pink, blank, flank.

"My cutie mark!" Pinkie's scream rippled through the room like a banshee's, causing both her sisters to go wide eyed and cover their ears until they were sure she was done.

And she was. Pinkie was just sort of frozen in a state of abstract terror at this point.

"Well that is interesting," Inkie spoke as calmly as if she were observing the weather.

"Maybe it's changing," Blinkie suggested, "Like... if you drank so much cider that it’s going to come back as a booze cutie mark. I will be so jealous..."

"I am almost positive that cannot happen," observed Inkie.

"You're almost positive," Blinkie pointed out. "Maybe we should check with Pinkie's geek friend, the one that attacked us and tried to solve our friendship problems on our last visit."

"Hopefully we won’t have to resort to that. I have yet to get over the nightmares from last time." There was just a hint of a shiver in Inkie's normally monotone voice.

"My cutie mark!" Pinkie blurted out again, apparently not having heard a bit of that. She shivered as she turned around to check her opposite flank, as if expecting to find two on that side, but again found nothing but pink fur.

"Pinkie?" Inkie calmly waved a hoof until she got the panicked Pinkie's attention before continuing, "Maybe it has something to do with that thing in your mane."

"This?" Pinkie reached a forehoof to her mane, yanking out her smallish pet alligator Gummy. The green, purple-eyed critter landed on the bed, casually rolled across it, and latched onto Inkie's face.

"No not that," Inkie's muffled voice sounded from beneath Gummy's fortunately toothless maw. "The other thing."

"This?" Pinkie reached up again, and a terrifying tarantula-like spider as large as her face crawled out of her mane. It flopped onto the bed, skittered across it, and leaped onto Blinkie's face, latching on and letting out an ungodly screech.

"Not now, Bitey," Blinkie seemed mildly annoyed at best, as she was presently trying to yank Gummy off of Inkie's face, "I'm busy!"

"No, the other thing that isn't either of your pets." Inkie calmly spoke, even as her muzzle stretched from Blinkie trying to remove the suction-cup maw that was Gummy.

"This?" Pinkie reached up a third time, this time pulling out a letter that had been tacked to her head at some point during the night. She reached her other hoof up and yanked out the tack.

"Did that not hurt?" Inkie asked, just before being finally relieved of the alligator on her face. Gummy let go with a wet slurping noise as Blinkie flew across the room, rolling several times before slamming into the wall next to the open window.

Pinkie didn't answer; she was staring at the letter, apparently stunned by its contents. Sighing, Inkie casually walked around the bed and moved up next to her, looking at the letter itself while Blinkie was recovering her wits.

"We have your cutie mark," Inkie read, "Give us forty cakes, or you will never see it again." A brief pause, and she raised an eyebrow, "Forty cakes?"

"That's as many as four tens," observed Blinkie, suddenly sitting back up and walking around the bed to join them while the pets ran beneath said bed to play.

"And that's terrible!" Pinkie shrieked, suddenly collapsing against Inkie as if the entire situation had sapped all of her strength, almost rivalling Rarity for drama.

"So that's why the window's broken," Blinkie observed, a hoof pointing at the breeze blowing through the nearby window, which was indeed shattered and not simply open.

"I am not sure how we just noticed that," Inkie blinked over towards it.

"Eh, I noticed it before," Blinkie shrugged, "But just figured I had thrown someone out of it while drunk last night. Didn't occur that someone would have came in and-"

"Stole my cutie mark!" Pinkie had went from despair to sudden blind rage, breathing heavily as she stood back up tall, but clearly not hearing most of her sisters' deductions.

"Okay," Inkie looked over at Blinkie while calmly holding Pinkie down, keeping the pink pony from rocketing through the roof in anger, "I have to admit I am wondering why they would do this instead of say... stealing forty cakes."

"Duh," Blinkie rolled her eyes, "Maybe there weren't forty to steal, or maybe they wanted fresh cakes."

"Or maybe..." Pinkie finally calmed down, her eyes narrowing to slits, "It was a super-villain! They can never do things the easy way; it’s in the super-villain rules."

"Or... that..." Blinkie didn't bother to contradict her sister; she appeared to know better. Inkie stayed similarly silent.

"They won't get away with this!" Pinkie blurted out, sounding determined as she crashed through her bedroom door and towards the stairs.

Pinkie tumbled down the stairs head over hoof, but it didn't seem to bother her much as she simply sproing’ed back to her feet when she hit the floor at the bottom. Inkie and Blinkie followed behind her, somewhat cautiously.

The shop, Sugar Cube Corner, was quiet at the moment, though no less cheery than usual. Brightly colored yellow walls with orange trim, a green floor, and candy cane styled supports made the shop's interior a true assault on the eyes. The glass counter contained some examples of treats, though there were no freshly baked goods out at the moment. Normally Pinkie's employers, the Cakes, would be baking the first batches, but they had left on vacation with their foals, and the shop was to be closed today. Of course, this is why the sisters had been able to have such a crazy cider party to begin with.

"When will the Cakes be back?" Inkie asked.

"Not ’til tomorrow," Pinkie answered, "But we can't wait for their help, we have to take care of this today!"

"I don't get it..." Blinkie walked up to Pinkie, peering at her flank more closely and arching one eyebrow, "How do you even do that?"

There was a knock at the front door, which was still locked for the moment. As Pinkie seemed to be distracted by her own plotting, and Blinkie was distracted by staring at Pinkie's plot and trying to figure things out, Inkie trotted over to the door, pulling it open and peering out.

Inkie stepped out of the way as a beautiful blue unicorn with a lightly streaked white mane and purple eyes walked into the shop. It was Trixie, who strolled into the shop, donned in her trademark pointy hat and cape, the purple clothing decorated with a myriad of variously sized blue and yellow stars. She practically ignored Inkie, walking straight towards Blinkie and Pinkie.

"Trixie heard that the Mad Bomber was visiting Ponyville, so she took time from her studies to come see her," Trixie paused, eying Blinkie as she stopped mid-poke, her hoof on Pinkie's behind, "Trixie is not sure if she should be excited or jealous that the Mad Bomber is into that sort of thing."

"What?" Blinkie took a moment to understand, before hastily putting her hoof back on the floor, looking slightly peeved, "You should visit me at the mines more."

"I am not entirely certain they would allow it, after her last show there," Inkie pointed out.

"Oh come on!" Blinkie waved a forehoof in the air, "It was a good show and there wasn't a single fatality, I don't see what ponies were complaining about."

"Aha, I knew it!" Suddenly Pinkie's hoof was pointing at Trixie's face, "You stole my cutie mark, didn't you?!"

Trixie quirked an eyebrow, "And why, Pink One, would the Great and Powerful Trixie want your cutie mark?"

"Because you're a super-villain!" Pinkie further accused, "And you are all magiciful!"

Trixie rolled her eyes, "Trixie is certainly super, but not a villain, if the Pink One remembers saving the world with her. Now what is it that Trixie is being accused of?"

"Oh yeah," Pinkie gave up on that claim, sitting down and rubbing her chin as she thought.

"Someone stole Pinkie's cutie mark, somehow." Inkie hooved the letter over to Trixie, who took hold of it with her magic.

"That's impossible," Trixie tossed the letter aside, where it landed on the floor, "This is obviously some elaborate cake scam."

"But it's gone! We can see that it's gone!" Pinkie pointed at her behind.

"If it were possible to take a pony's cutie mark without killing them, Trixie would know how," Trixie nodded matter-of-factually. "Since Trixie cannot perform such a feat, it is obviously impossible. Anyway, Trixie is only here to visit the Mad Bomber. We have business."

"Business?" Blinkie turned back from Pinkie's lack of cutie mark, quirking her head.

"Business... upstairs." Trixie waggled her eyebrows at Blinkie, then calmly began walking upstairs, apparently already knowing from past visits where Pinkie's room was, "Bring the dynamite."

Blinkie's eyes became shifty for a brief moment, glancing at her sisters. She then cleared her throat and moved to follow Trixie upstairs, "Ah... uh, they're in Pinkie's room."

"Aren't you gonna’ help?" Pinkie called up after them.

"Trixie suggests that you bother the Twilight Sparkle," Trixie called back, allowing Blinkie to walk into Pinkie's room in front of her, "The Great and Powerful Trixie is above such things." With that, she strolled into the room after Blinkie and slammed the door shut.

"Well," Inkie turned to look at Pinkie, "Whoever this is, they will have to contact us again to tell us where to send the cakes. So you go and check with Twilight while I wait here." Clearly she was not keen on going to see Twilight herself.

Twilight Sparkle sat at a table in the lower level of the Ponyville Library, where she lived and worked. Surrounded by countless books of all colors and sizes on every shelf, she was certainly never any happier than when she was here. The purple unicorn's horn was illuminated with the violet glow of her magical energy, turning the next page of "Theories on Copying the Magical Resonance of Ancient Artifacts", her purple eyes eagerly looking down the next page and her mane, dark purple with a single, pink stripe, swayed back and forth from the movements. Her own cutie mark, a pink star with five smaller white sparkles around it, signified her own special talent of magic.

Enjoying her book, she casually reached her magic out to pour herself another cup of tea from the nearby tea kettle. She blinked when she tilted it and nothing came out of the spout. Turning it further and shaking it, she tilted her head. It felt heavy enough to have tea in it, so she pulled off the top and-

"Twilight!" Twilight was knocked out of her chair as Pinkie Pie leaped out of the teapot, causing it to clang onto the floor as Pinkie landed atop the stunned unicorn, "You gotta help me!"

Twilight gave a startled yelp as she hit the ground, "Pinkieeeee! What are you doing?"

"Twilight it's horrible!" Pinkie started, then realized she was still standing upon Twilight, moving quickly off of her and onto the floor, "Somepony stole my cutie mark and they're holding it for ransom!"

"Oh Pinkie Pie," Twilight sighed dismissively, "Nopony can steal your cutie mark. It's right there on your-"

Twilight paused, mouth hanging open, hoof pointed at Pinkie's apparently blank flank. It took her a moment to right her mind enough to respond further.

"See?" Pinkie hopped up and down, fretting herself once again, "It's gone! You have to use your magic to find it!"

"This... well this is certainly interesting!" Twilight quickly went from disbelief to fascination, "I've never heard of any magic that could do this." She poked her hoof at Pinkie's flank, "Does it hurt? Is it tender?"

"No," Pinkie frowned, "It doesn't feel anything! I just woke up this morning and it was gone!"

"Do you... feel any different?" Twilight looked over towards Pinkie's face, "Like... do you still have the urge to throw parties?"

Pinkie gasped with sudden realization, "Oh no! I haven't thrown a party in hours! Do you think that I'll stop being fun?"

"I... don't know?" Twilight was still stunned, "Your sisters are visiting right? Did they see anything? Where are they now?"

"They were asleep when it happened too," Pinkie pouted, "Inkie is waiting to see if the super-villain returns, and Blinkie is... engaged in a business transaction, with Trixie."

"Trixie's here?" Twilight pondered, "You don't think she..."

"Well she said she didn't..." Pinkie hmm-ed. "Should I go back and make her Pinkie swear?"

"Well," Twilight shook her head, "I suppose Trixie has proven herself, so I should give her the benefit of a doubt."

"So what do I do?" Pinkie sniffled.

"Uh," Twilght was clearly unsure. "I think I should research this a bit, and get back with you. Why don't you go check on Inkie."

"Oh," Pinkie looked incredibly sad, apparently having thought Twilight would have an instant answer, "Well okay, just work fast okay?"

"I Pinkie swear," Twilght gave an encouraging smile to her friend, placing one hoof on her closed eye as she made the motion for Pinkie's special swear.

Inkie sat at one of the tables on the first floor of Sugar Cube Corner, a large tub of strawberry ice cream in front of her, which she was consuming directly from the tub. Next to her was an empty tub of chocolate ice cream, an ice cream scoop that hadn't even been used, and an empty plate that looked like it had once contained a number of cupcakes or similar crumby treat. Her expression was completely deadpanned as usual, but somehow her mannerisms made her seem even more depressed than usual.

Inkie sighed at the occasional squeal, thud, or crash coming from upstairs, "How does my brutally insane sister score a mare like that when I still can't find anypony?"

So engrossed in her depressed binge-eating was she, that Inkie didn't notice another pony approaching her. The only thing that clued her in was when she saw the shadow of said pony on the wall in front of her, her eyes going wide as the shadow raised what looked like a baseball bat and slammed it down onto her head.

"Inkie! Are you all right?" Pinkie shook Inkie, having found her laying on the floor next to the result of her depressed gorging.

Inkie immediately sat up, blinking slowly, calmly looking over to Pinkie, "Oh hello sister. A message came for you while you were gone." Inkie casually pointed to the sticky-note on the side of her muzzle, "They hit me with a bat and left it there."

"A bat?" Pinkie blinked, then reached a hoof to feel at Inkie's head, "Are you okay?"

"Oh, sure," Inkie calmly explained, "It was a nerf bat. I just decided it was best to fall over and not move. You know, in case they had a real bat on them too. Then I was too depressed to get up, so I am afraid I did not get a look at them."

"Why were you depressed? Are you worried about my cutie marks, too?" Pinkie head-tilted.

There was a thump from upstairs, followed by another squeal as if to punctuate the moment.

Inkie replied, dead-pan, "Yes, Pinkie. That is exactly why."

"What does the note say?" Pinkie grabbed for it, then began to read to herself, "It says to meet them at the edge of the Everfree Forest next to Fluttershy's house, and bring the forty cakes! Then they will give me the location of my cutie mark! Oh and don't bring any help blah blah, I better get to baking!"

Pinkie Pie slaved tirelessly to make the cakes, despite Inkie's insistence that they probably shouldn't be negotiating with cutie mark thieves. Eventually, they had gathered forty double layer cakes with icing, placing them neatly on a quad-layered, brown cake table with wheels on the bottom.

"You know at the very least we should all go together," Inkie suggested. "If somepony is that powerful you really should not face them alone."

"You're right!" Pinkie Pie headed up the stairs, practically bouncing as she went, then tugging at the upstairs door. Unsurprisingly, it was locked from the inside.

"Blinkie? Trixie?" Inkie called inside, moving to stand next to Pinkie, "We’re going to confront the evil super-villain. Did you want to come?"

"Trixie is busy!" came a near-squeal of a response from Trixie.

"-et yer own -oom" came the more muffled voice of Blinkie.

"This is my room!" grumbled Pinkie.

"This room has been confiscated by the Great and Powerful Trixie for business dealings with the Mad Bomber," responded Trixie, "Trixie shall return it to the Pink One when said dealings are complete."

"It seems like we are on our own," commented Inkie. "Should we go get Twilight?"

"I don't know," Pinkie thought about that, "I really want her to finish her studying."

"How about Rainbow Dash?"

"Nah, she's probably in line for cider. She'll think I'm tricking her to get ahead of her in line again."

"Okay well... they said near Fluttershy's house, so maybe she can help us."

"It's worth a try!"

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Fluttershy's nervous, light blue eyes peeked over the edge of the cloud, her yellow coat and pink mane showing barely over the edge. The rest of her body was hidden within the cloud itself, "You know I'm not much of a fighter, and what if they steal all our cutie marks? I don't know what I'd do without my butterfly mark and..."

"I have faith in you Fluttershy!" Pinkie smiled up at her, waving as Fluttershy ducked her head back down to hide.

Pinkie was out in the open, the cart with forty cakes on it right behind her. Inkie was nearby, hidden in a thick bush. She appeared to somehow be holding a sledge hammer in her mouth as she waited. They were at the edge of the Everfree forest, not more than thirty feet from Fluttershy's small chicken coop, on the opposite side of it from her small cottage.

They didn't have to wait for long before a figure appeared in a nearby tree, the pegasus swooping down and landing about twenty feet away before approaching them. It was a plain white pegasus with such an intensely yellow mane and tail they were almost hard to look at. She had on a large saddle that allowed her wings to poke through, and was apparently fitted up to carry a large number of pies. Her face was covered with a goofy-looking mask consisting of large, dark glasses, a fake nose, and a moustache.

"You came!" the happy voice of the white pegasus called out, bouncing across the ground to come to Pinkie.

"Give me my cutie mark!" Pinkie instantly demanded, "I have your cakes, now you have to give it to me!"

"I don't have it!" laughed the pegasus, "But what I do have is- HOLY HELIOS!"

The pegasus barely dodged out of the way as Inkie leapt out of the bush, swinging the hammer. The business end of it struck against the base of a tree, sending shivers through the wood as it cracked, wobbling slightly before the trunk practically shattered and the top of the tree fell to the ground directly towards the two sisters.

"Inkie you were supposed to wait for my signal!" Pinkie screamed, quickly shoving the rolling table full of cakes out of the way of the tree.

Inkie dived out of the way in the opposite direction, thumping against the ground, voice still calm despite her rather violent action, "I am sorry sister. I just get so jumpy when I am extra depressed."

"Fluttershy!" Pinkie called, "Can you get them?"

Fluttershy wasn't listening however. As soon as the tree had been struck, she had dove for it, sweeping a bird's nest out of the branches and placing it neatly in a neighboring tree, eggs and birds somehow still intact in the process. Then, rather than flying after the escaping white pegasus, she immediately flew down to the tree, looking horrified. She landed on the ground beside it as tears rolled down her face and she began to pet the fallen plant.

"Fluttershy, did you see which way she went? We have to catch-" Pinkie started, but then trailed off awkwardly when she noticed that Fluttershy was crying.

"Um." Inkie was clearly unsure of what to say, "She wasn't related to that tree, was she?"

"It... was just one of my favorite trees. I'm sorry I messed up." Fluttershy sniffled.

"Well anyway," Inkie tried to change the conversation, "At least we know who took your cutie mark though, even if I have no idea how she did it."

"What do you mean?" Pinkie tilted her head at Inkie, "They were in a disguise; I couldn't tell who they were!"

Inkie stared at Pinkie, as if not quite sure she was serious at first, "But it looked just like-"

"If only we had gotten her mask off!" Pinkie cut her off, striking one of her forehooves against her other, as if truly frustrated by not knowing, "Her disguise was completely impenetrable though, who could it have been?"

"Right," Inkie stared a few more moments, then calmly suggested, "We should just get Fluttershy home first so she can... properly mourn. I still really think though that it-"

"And they didn't even have my cutie mark!" Pinkie raised her forehooves in anger, then gasps, "What if they intended to take the cakes and then KILL my cutie mark?!"

"Can they do that?" Fluttershy seemed timid, but was drying her eyes, "Can they really kill somepony's cutie mark?"

"If the two of you would just-"

"If they can steal it, they must be capable of anything!" Pinkie ignored her sister's pleas, grabbing hold of the tray of cakes, then racing back towards town in a blur of pink anger.

"Oh dear," Inkie shook her head. She paused to politely give Fluttershy a hug of apology, then raced off after her sister, trying to catch her before she did anything too extreme.

Applejack sat at her apple stand, hoofing over the last apple cider that they had to sell today, giving the customer a thankful smile. She then stood up, her tan coat and blond mane glistening in the sunlight, and adjusting her cowgirl hat before picking up the megaphone with one hoof, intending to announce that they were out for the day to the remaining crowd.

What she didn't expect, however, was for Pinkie to dive at her, bump her own hips against Applejack's apple cutie mark, and send her flying out from behind the stand. Pinkie Pie was immediately hopping up onto the counter with a heave, and raised the megaphone to her own lips.

"What in tarnation?!" Applejack blurted out, slamming against a nearby apple tree and momentarily looking wall-eyed.

Pinkie however wasn't listening, she was angry and not going to be stopped in her speech, "Let the whole of Ponyville know... my cutie mark... was kidnapped, for ransom, this morning!"

There was a gasp through the crowd, shortly before said crowd realized how absurd that was and a few murmured questions were tossed about. These questions were promptly ignored.

"This is a recent photograph of her!" Pinkie pulled a photo of her own cutie mark, as if from some invisible pocket on her flank, then tossed it so that it floated down to the crowd. "Cutie mark.. if you're out there somewhere, I love you!"

The crowd now stood mostly in silence, a number of confused expressions on their faces. Even Applejack was too confused to argue that Pinkie had stolen her megaphone and was now wrecking her stand by walking on it.

"And this," Pinkie pointed to the nearby tray of forty cakes, "This is what waits for the pony who took her; this is your 'ransom'. Forty cakes, just like you wanted, but this is as close as you'll ever get to it. You'll never get one cake, because no ransom will ever be paid for my cutie mark. Not one slice, not one crumb. Instead, I'm offering these cakes as a reward on you."

This drew the crowd's attention, both those that had still been waiting and those that had recent purchased cider. Forty cakes was a lot of cakes.

"What do they look like? The thief?" a voice from the crowd asked.

"The only time we saw them, they wore a cunning disguise," Pinkie claimed, "It was impenetrable; they could literally be anypony! I'm pretty sure they have a big funny nose, a moustache, and glasses though."

There was an immediate uproar, as the ponies in the crowd went in every direction. Most everypony there had taken it to be one of Pinkie's silly party games, but either way forty cakes was a lot of cakes, and they might very well tear apart Ponyville looking for that cutie mark. Pinkie was about to continue her speech even then, but the poke of Inkie's hoof against Pinkie's hind leg caused the pink mare to turn around to look at her.

"Pinkie. What have you done," Inkie didn't even state it as a question, it was more a calm reservation of fate.

"What had to be done!" Pinkie responded, breathing heavily as she dropped the megaphone.

"I do not suppose you could be convinced to listen to rea-"

"No! It's just too important!" and with that, Pinkie hopped over to the cake table again, landing with a noise not unlike a squeaky toy before grabbing the cart and zooming back towards Ponyville.

Ponyville was quickly in a state of chaos as word spread of the forty cake bounty upon finding whoever had Pinkie's cutie mark. This led to no small amount of destruction as hungry or slightly intoxicated ponies stomped through bushes or crashed through shops or houses. Ponies unlucky enough to have cutie marks that looked similar to Pinkie Pie's were chased by the other ponies, hoping that maybe they could get at least some of the cakes if they brought them in.

Pinkie Pie herself had waited for some time outside of Sugar Cube corner, certain that her proclamation would get the mystery pegasus caught, but she was quickly losing hope. Now she lay on her back, all four legs sprawled, staring at the sky with a pout on her face.

"How ’you holding up?" Inkie slowly walked up to Pinkie, simultaneously stuffing another cupcake in her muzzle. She had long since given up on trying to point things out to her sister.

"Not good," Pinkie sniffled, "I think... Inkie I think I might... I might not be fun anymore!" she spoke as if the very thought of such should drive terror into the hearts of ponies everywhere.

"Pinkie?" Twilight spoke as she approached, looking about at the chaos nervously, then focusing on Pinkie, "Pinkie I'm sorry, I just couldn't find anything anywhere about this. I guess I'll have to go to the Canterlot archives and check there; this really has me baffled."

Inkie's eyes got slightly wide at Twilight's approach, but she quickly recovered herself and casually walked to the opposite side of Pinkie, where she stuffed another cupcake into her mouth. Pinkie didn't say a word. Convinced that she was no longer fun, she just lay there and stared into space.

"Trust me Pinkie, I won't rest until-" Twilight cut herself off, her ears perking, "Did anypony else here that?"

Indeed, there was a soft giggle from one of the bushes just outside of Sugar Cube Corner, and Twilight and Inkie's eyes both went in that direction. Twilight took a few steps closer, while Inkie promptly pulled out her trademark sledgehammer from her saddlebag.

"Nononono!" came a suddenly cry from the bush, apparently begging for mercy as soon as Inkie pulled out the dangerous sledgehammer, "Not that again, I give up!"

Up from the bush popped the white pegasus from before, both forehooves in the air, the incredibly silly mask still on her face, though she was lacking the saddlebags at this point. As she put her hooves down and walked out from the bushes, her own cutie mark was visible, which was actually quite similar to Pinkie's, only with purple balloons and pink strings.

Pinkie gasped, sitting up with a 'sproing' noise, "I knew it it's... who are you? Your disguise, it's impenetrable!"

Inkie rolled her eyes, sighing. Twilight actually blinked, looked at Pinkie to see if she was serious or not, then over to Inkie, who just shrugged helplessly. Twilight sighed as well, facehoofing as her horn glowed its purple magical hue and her telekinesis pulled the mask off the pegasus' face. Bright, purple eyes blinked, and the pony watched the mask float away.

"Surprise!" Surprise grinned widely, waving about.

"You!" Pinkie pointed a hoof at Surprise's face, "I would have never known!"

"Surprise!" Twilight peered at her even more seriously, "How did you take Pinkie's cutie mark? You're not even magical!"

"Not to mention," pointed out Inkie, "I sorta thought you were a good guy. Or something like that."

The door to Sugar Cube Corner opened up, Trixie and Blinkie promptly exiting, both outfitted in their favorite attire. For Trixie, this was of course her trademark cape and hat. For Blinkie, this was just Bitey perched on the side of her face.

"Are you done yet?" Trixie asked, immediately walking over to the group, then to Surprise, "Oh, it’s you."

"It was just a prank!" Surprise blurted out, "I was gonna pay for the cakes after you gave 'em, honest, it just... sorta went too far and then ponies started tearin' stuff up!"

As if to punctuate her sentence, two ponies tackled each other nearby, fighting over what appeared to be several balloon stickers in the hopes of turning them in for cakes.

"Oh for crying out loud," Trixie rolled her eyes, walking forward and then leaning to examine Pinkie's flank more closely. She hmm’ed, then moved one of her hooves up, licking it slowly, "Watch in awe as the Great and Powerful Trixie returns your cutie mark."

With that she rubbed the moist hoof against Pinkie's flank, her horn glowing as she cast a simple cleaning spell. Sure enough, pink dye smudged away, revealing the cutie mark that had been there the whole time. The other ponies just stared, open-mouthed. All except for Surprise, who fell back over on her back, laughing hysterically.

"Surprise." Inkie stared down at her with a glare, and Surprise stifled her laughter, mainly because Inkie still had that giant hammer in her snout.

"Aw, I didn't mean to cause trouble, honest! I'll pay for the cakes..." Surprise adopted her best pouty face.

"Wait," Twilight stared at Trixie, "You mean after all that... after I interrupted my schedule and wasted hours of study..."

"The Twilight Sparkle should get a marefriend and learn to relax," Trixie advised, quite full of herself as usual, "She should also learn that magic isn't always the answer to the problem." It was unclear if she said that as actual advice or an intentional jab of superiority at Twilight, but either way, it left the purple unicorn's mouth agape.

Pinkie, meanwhile, just sort of sat there on her haunches, twitching one eye slightly as the others spoke, then finally looking back at the strip of her cutie mark that was visible. Inkie and Blinkie casually stepped over near her, unsure if they were going to have to restrain her, but their fears turned out to be baseless. Instead of exploding, Pinkie fall over onto her back, starting to giggle madly as her legs kicked about.

"It was... you dyed my... that was a hilarious prank!" Pinkie squealed out, then rolled over to suddenly glomp onto Surprise. The two of them lay there together for a moment, clinging together as they both laughed hysterically.

"No worse than my pranks I guess," Blinkie commented.

"Your pranks usually get us arrested," calmly added Inkie towards her sister.

"Yeah, I'm gonna go... catch up on my checklist," when Twilight recovered from her surprise, she got an exhausted look on her face that could have rivalled Inkie's depression, slowly turning about and heading home.

"Wait!" Surprise called to Twilight, "Don't be mad, I just bought forty cakes, let’s have a cake party!"

"Cake party!" repeated Pinkie, who grabbed hold of Twilight's tail with her muzzle, getting dragged for a few feet before Twilight stopped.

"Fine," Twilight sighed.

"Trixie approves of this idea," Trixie added.

And so the entire group went back into Sugar Cube Corner to enjoy their cakes.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Magic is quite a useful thing, but today I learned that not all my friend's problems can be solved with a spectacular spell or research. Sometimes problems can be solved with simple reasoning rather than complicated spells.

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle

Dear Princess Celestia,

Hi! I was wondering if you liked pink cake, particularly pink-flavored pink cake. I sent you some pink-flavored pink cake in the envelope with this letter. Let me know if it got squishied or if it got charred when Spike sent it, and I'll send you another one! It is really delicious, though not as pink as you would think it would be. Actually I think a chimey-cherry chonga (oh I invented that too, by the way!) is probably a little pinker than pink-flavored pink cake. Oh! I also learned a lesson. I learned not to panic even when things seem really bad, and to stop and listen to friends when they are saying 'noooo don't do that!' in case they are going to make a good point. Panicking always makes things worse, except when you're just panicking for fun then it's okay. Oh! And I also learned not to drink in excess because weird things happen to you when you're drunk.

Deliciously yours,
Pinkie Pie

Dear His Majesty,

I, the Great and Powerful Trixie, write to you now with yet another amazing lesson. Today Trixie learned that she can prevent catastrophe by carefully listening to her friends when they first bring her their problem, and not taking time for several straight hours of questionable activities before bothering to help them.

Your astounding student,
Trixie Lulamoon

Dear Prince Blueblood,

Surprise! Trixie said that we should all send letters to you, because you love our letters. Either that or that it was part of your punishment, but I forget which. Anyway, I have learned a valuable lesson about friendship. I learned to never go overboard with pranking a friend or pretend to hold their cutie mark for ransom, because that is going too far.

Surprisingly,
Surprise!