Death, would it be so bad? Nothing could be as bad as today, not even burning in the hottest level of hell. Well that may be an exaggeration. Burning is hell would be bad, so I don’t want to do that. But anyway today was bad. I got caught with my assistant and my boss in the kitchen of the cafeteria of my boring IT Company. At the same time! Go me. But then I got fired and the others didn’t because my boss didn’t wont to fire herself and she was lesbian so she didn’t fire my assistance, and she fired me because she said I wasn’t lesbian and she had to fire someone because her wife was mad and it was on camera. After that, she called my mom. My mom was not happy she said she would wash my mouth with soap. You know iz saying nigga. Then, my mom called my girlfriend, and I made a sad face. She was mad and said she was leaving me for my ex-boss. So that made me even more upset and to top it all off my dog named Flutter Pie died. (I’m a brony)
So I took a walk. I used to get picked on at school because I was to cool. I wish I could go Carrie on their butts. It made me colon shift 9. The only thing that kept me sane was just to keep moving I always figured if I could keep moving then I could make it through. I do not think I’ll be coming out of this predicament alive.
I tried to think about the positives in life, but I could come up with two. First that I got laid, the second was that at the end of the day, I could always go and watch “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic”. Not the original “My Little Pony” because it is really stupid. I always wanted a plush Rainbow Dash but Hasbro did not sell them. One time I saw where someone hand made them and sold them cheap, but it had like a year waiting list. I am impatient and lazy.
Here I was returning to happiness, then I remembered “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic” season 1 episode 14 Suited for Success when Rarity made the dresses. I always hated that episode, mainly because I HATE Rarity. Rarity is enough to send me over the edge.
As I continued my stroll, I found myself rapidly approaching the Brookland Bridge. As I walk, I see the shimmering water. It looks so inviting. I begin to recall my earlier thoughts about Rarity, and the empty void my life was, I jumped. Not at that the thought of my life sucking but because of Rarity. I saw the water rapidly approaching and I knew my time was limited. Maybe this was the wrong decision but it was too late to second guess myself. Then I pictured the retarded diamond cutie mark and felt no regret. Then, I could have sworn I heard my brain go out my butt as I hit the water.