A Nopony in Ponyville

Chapters

Madness and Flight
Sanity's Return
Celestial Truths

Madness and Flight

There exist people in this world that are negative by their very nature. They cannot be bothered to truly be objective, looking at others that do not think like them as incurable idiots. Shane is one of these people. He and many others have formed the proverbial battle line against what they would call a plague, bronies. Men that enjoy My Little Pony is unnatural by their standards. What if one of these people, in this case, Shane, were to visit Ponyville?

Would they change? Can you change someone who is so different? What would it take?

Shane stared at the computer screen in front of him with a half glare. He didn't know how to respond to what he was seeing. A long time friend of his had sent him an email. It was mostly business as usual but at the very end he let slip that he had begun watching My Little Pony and had enjoyed what he watched.

He cracked his neck and slowly and deliberately typed, 'If you have become one of THEM we are done. I will disown you.' He meant it with slight humor but had every intention of considering it. In the meantime, it was late. He needed sleep.

When AJ, his friend, received it, he sighed and whispered to himself, "I wish he could understand." AJ turned off his monitor in a bit of anger and pulled the sheets over himself, going to sleep.

It felt like Shane had just closed his eyes when suddenly there was a light shining in his eyes. He opened them groggily and immediately, three things occurred to him. One, he was a pony. The second was slightly more shocking in the fact that a terrified Twilight Sparkle stood frozen in front of him. The third thing nearly made his brain crash. He was in her home, complete with pink walls and book shelves, everything exactly as he had seen from the show.

His brain teetered on the edge on consciousness as he tried to understand this, his face twitching involuntarily, his eyes fixed on Twilight who seemed to recover some semblance of calm long before he could even form words.

She cleared her throat and spoke, causing Shane to freeze if only from his mind starting to come around, "Um, Hello. I'm Twilight Sparkle."

He attempted to speak in return but his vocal cords wouldn't work. He couldn't tell if he was more freaked that this actually happened or that this was the place he was called to. She asked in a concerned tone, "Um, are you alright?"

This question brought a strange calm to him as his eyes glazed over, "You know what, I think I'm not. Maybe I am sick and this is a fever dream."

She laughed nervously and replied, "Actually, Princess Celestia gave me an assignment and I guess it was to summon you." He turned to her, lost in his temporary bout of madness. She continued, "I didn't know that she had a brother."

He looked very confused and asked, "Brother?"

Twilight nodded, pointing to him with her hoof saying, "You are an Alicorn."

Something broke in his mind when he heard that term, knowing what it meant only from hearsay and random crap he had seen on the internet.

The glazed over eyes began to fill with a firey denial. "No no no No No No NO!" He rammed open the door and shouted at the top of his lungs, passing out shortly afterwards.

He came to some time later in the library, seeing Pinkie Pie standing above him. With a smile she cried, "He's awake!" He froze again, realizing this probably wasn't a fever dream. It was more like he died and this was pony hell.

Rarity sighed, "He must be some form of loser. He has no Cutie Mark."

Twilight sighed, "Maybe Celestia wants me to help him get one."

At this he shot up and growled, "I don't need a damn cutie mark."

They all looked at him in surprise, both at his language and his sudden movement. Fluttershy hid behind Rainbow Dash as he moved letting out a small eep.

Rainbow Dash growled, "What is wrong with you?" As Shawn's eyes, full of anger locked with hers she returned in kind.

He shifted to a lower octave and in a menacing tone explained, "I was brought here, in the middle of the night... against my will... and ended up here, of all places. How would you feel?"

Pinkie Pie popped up in front of him and said, "You should turn your frowny-wowny up-sidedowny." His teeth grit as she said that, wanting to punch her. He wasn't sure if a hoof could punch but he wanted to try. She smiled, "Now just move your mouth like mine and you will be smiling."

Twilight cleared her throat and began, "I guess I should introduce everyone."

As soon as she finished that sentence, Shane cut in, "Sadly, I know who you all are. Look, I don't care what the princess wants. Send me back."

Twilight laughed nervously. Rarity explained, "I suggested it after your little outburst but Twilight said that she can't. Something about you having to learn something."

His eyes lit up with rage and through his gritted teeth, he asked, "So where is Applejack in all of this?" If he was going to make clear his stance, he wanted all of the girls here.

Twilight sighed, "She is down at her farm and couldn't hear you. Fluttershy was with Pinkie and Rainbow Dash was helping Rarity for the festival tomorrow."

Dash snorted, "I don't know why I bother. It's so boring."

He stood and spoke clearly, enunciating each syllable with his rage, "I don't like any of you. I think you are all two dimensional, cutsie-wootsie, Childish, Idiots that can rot in the ground for all I care." He stormed out, hearing Twilight's door slam behind him.

As he walked to who knows where, Dash flew out in front of him and landed. Standing firm in her position she went off on him. "Where do you get off insulting us and thinking you can just walk away?"

He replied, his rage on an ice cold burn, "Because none of you honestly give a crap about me, I don't give a crap about you, and I was effectively kidnapped."

Dash sneered for a moment and in a demeaning and dissapointed tone said, "Your right. It's the middle of the night. Go out in the woods and get lost for all I care."

He stormed past her, not even brushing her as he went for the woods. She was right in one way. It was as good a place as any to escape this horrible horrible place. He walked in, the dark overcoming him quickly. He didn't honestly care where he was in the woods, he was just going to find a nice soft spot further into the woods, find something to vent frustration on, and get as much sleep as is possible in the wilderness.

He kept walking, hearing things following him. The creatures moved slowly, quietly, like a jungle cat stalking it's prey. He knew a few things about real animals but this worlds animals were something else. He found a nice soft patch of grass and stood on it. Turning back towards the creatures that were following him, He set a sizable patch of grass on fire, his rage over flowing towards the beasts as his outlet.

The beasts were visible for a second and then yiped, dissapearing into the woods once more. He lay his head down, hoping he wouldn't be woken up in the middle of the night again.

He awoke to a group of rabbits having gathered around him during the night. At least these were like his home, if a bit more expressive. He moved slowly so as not to wake them, petting one with his jaw. It was weird but very comforting.

As one of the rabbits came to, he decided that if he had already lost his mind, what harm could there be in talking to a rabbit. He opened up with, "I don't know what to do with myself. Those ponies can't send me home so I'd like to keep my distance, but I know that they mean well. It's not like I had a choice in coming here but Twilight made it sound like she didn't know what she was doing either."

He continued to talk the the rabbit, others sitting next to it and listening to him. He opened up about the shock of being here, his reasons for not liking or trusting bronies, and his now, more calm, opinions on the characters on the whole, the kind of thing he would say when trying to be reasonable when telling a brony he is wrong.

It was only once he had finished and regained some semblance of sanity that he heard Fluttershy's voice. "I am sorry. I didn't want to eavesdrop but you didn't seem to hear me before."

He sighed, "How much of that did you hear?"

Fluttershy kicked the ground he had burnt last night a bit, "Well, I heard the part you just said about us."

He stood, "Look, Fluttershy, It's nothing personal per say. Heck, I think you guys are sweet, but that is the problem. You guys are too sweet, too innocent. I can just tell that you guys always have it easy here."

Fluttershy looked at the rabbits and spoke quietly. He could hear her but only just barely. "That's not true. We have a lot of things to do."

He nodded, "And you have adventures. I am not saying that you guys are boring, just that you have never truly had death knocking on your front door asking for a cup of sugar."

Fluttershy looked at him confused. "So death is a person where you come from?"

He thought for a second and then nodded, "He might as well be."

Fluttershy sighed, "I don't think you are a bad guy like the others do. The bunnies wouldn't have trusted you to keep them safe if you were."

He smiled, "Thank you, Fluttershy. I guess I should get moving to find a way home."

She held up a hoof and stopped him from leaving. "If Twilight was told to summon you, then Celestia brought you here. You could ask her how to get home."

He thought about it and in all reality, his rage had blinded him to so obvious a solution. He asked kindly, "Where can I expect to find her?"

Fluttershy smiled, "At the festival today. If you help set up, I am sure the others will forgive you."

Shane looked at the ground, deep in thought. He hated the idea of staying here any longer than needed but if he could keep himself busy, maybe he would forget about where he was. Probably not but maybe. He sighed, "Fine, who should I go see first?"

Fluttershy looked at the ground herself and replied, "Rainbow Dash seemed really mad at you. You should apologize. She is helping with the weather."

He smiled and bowed awkwardly, it still being the best he could do as a pony, "Thank you, Fluttershy." He galloped a bit before shakily jumping into the sky and flying. As he did so, he felt the wind in his wings. Once he was about 100 ft off the ground, he even stopped noticing how far up he was and was paying more attention to the air. Flight here was everything he dreamed of whenever he watched the birds as a child.

He remembered eventually that he was supposed to find Dash. He chuckled to himself, figuring that she would be the easiest to spot pony in the world. Sure enough, he saw her moving some clouds for a scheduled rainfall. He waited for her to be done and then flew over to her, calling out, "Hey, Rainbow Dash. Can we talk?"

She looked at him with the same look from that night, disappointment, rage, and disgust. She looked like she wanted to ignore him but against her better judgement, she asked, "What do you want, dirtbag?"

He sighed, "I wanted to apologize. I wasn't in the best of moods considering the light night abduction and all."

Dash growled, "Twilight didn't mean to kidnap you!"

Shane nodded, "When you are right, you are right. She didn't mean to, but she did." Dash didn't flinch so he continued, "Just like I didn't mean to offend you, but I did."

She seemed to relax a bit. She eventually grumbled, "Well, I guess I can forgive you..." She then got a mischievous grin. "If you can beat me in a race."

Shane sighed, not sure if he liked or hated the idea. She mocked, "What, is the mighty alicorn afraid of losing?"

He looked a bit disturbed, jolting at the reminder of his status. He knew that to any outside observer, this would be a very questionable form to be. He stared down at the ground, eyebrow twitching in frustration. He would have to add this to the list of questions he had for the princess.

Dash laughed, "I knew you weren't man enough to face me."

Shane looked at her, unentertained as he sighed, "Your on. What is the course?"

She laughed, "One lap around Ponyville. Ready? GO!" She flew off in a flash of color. Shane sighed and darted after her. He knew he couldn't beat her speed but he hoped that maybe he could out pace her.

As he got halfway around he felt her dart up behind him and stop at his side panting. "Your slow."

Shane chuckled, "I wasn't going as fast as I could. I knew I couldn't move faster than you. You are the fastest thing around."

Dash smiled at him, "How could you tell? Was it my super fast way of doing my job?"

He rolled his eyes, "Yeah, sure." He didn't have the heart to tell them that they were a TV show where he came from. It just felt wrong on so many levels, mostly like if he did tell them, the entire world would implode with him inside. It had been a long time theory of his but it had always been a joke. Now that the risk was quite real, he decided against it.

She laughed, "Well, I'd still like to see how fast you are. I haven't seen an alicorn race. Besides, I think it would be good for you, mister stick in the mud."

He sighed, "Fine, I guess. I'll push myself as hard as I can." He was surprised at how flying all by itself was coming so naturallly to him. Maybe it was because this was a dream realm and he would often dream of flying. He quickly realized however that many of his flying dreams included plummeting to the ground when the alarm clock rang.

He flew as high up as he could, Dash looking at him with a smile. He then began his dive bomb. If he was going to move as fast as he could, he was going to need gravity's help. His speed increased slowly at first but eventually, he could see the scenery melt as he shot down. He could feel the wind perfectly matching the force he was using. Was this the sound barrier? How was it possible for a living being to go this fast without assistance?

No matter how hard he pushed, he couldn't break the barrier before him. It was right about then that he noticed the ground was getting dangerously close. He tried pulling up, redirecting his momentum but that wasn't going too well. Right as he was about to hit the ground, he was tackled out of the air by Dash.

He lay on the ground for a moment, dizzy from the collision and trying to piece together what had happened. Dash groaned and stirred, lifting herself from off of him. "You need to pay more attention. You were nearly 6 feet under."

He woozily stood up. "Sorry, I felt something that I wanted to get past."

Dash laughed, "Yeah, you were almost as cool as me. I am impressed."

He looked at her oddly and shook his head, deciding not to comment. "Well, I guess I should get going to help the others."

Dash sighed, "Well, I would suggest avoiding Rarity. She wants boring help, nothing fun."

He nodded and rolled his eyes, realizing that helping a fashion designer would be the most demasculating activity he had ever participated in. He really hoped she wouldn't want a replacement mannequin.

He wandered aimlessly looking for the somewhat recognizable shape of Sugar Cube Corner.

Sanity's Return

After about 15 minutes, He found the place. He smiled, glad to not look like a complete fool. As he did, Pinkie Pie came out. He felt his urge to punch her return as she appeared. He forced a smile and said, "I was told you could use some help help."

Pinkie giggled, "Well, looks like mister grumpy is smiling!" His eye twitched as he nodded. She grabbed him and pulled him into Sugar Cube Corner, "Then help me with my baking."

He was suprised at the strength of her pull as well as the speed at which she moved. She reminded him of a 5 year old pumped full of sugar. When he got inside, he saw exactly what he was expecting. A colorful kitchen that perfectly fit this world he was in. He sighed and said, "Well, Let's get to work then. We are working on cupcakes I take it?"

Pinkie smiled and nodded, then she jolted as if in some realization. "Ooooh, Oooooh, I forgot my secret ingredient!" Turning to him with the biggest sad eyes he had ever seen she asked, "Would you help me look for it?" He rolled his eyes and with some hesitation he nodded.

She leapt up in the air with joy and screamed, "To the basement!" She darted off before he could react. A chill went up his spine. There is no way...

He shook his head. He had to be imagining it. The fear began to build in the back of his mind. He went to the stairs to the basement, realizing it was very dark. He kept imagining a phantom Pinkie watching him from the dark. He called out, "Hey, Pinkie, where are you?"

Her voice echoed back from the dark, "I'm over here!" He could still feel his body shaking in terror. What could she be planning... in the darkness that surrounded him? Was she aiming a dart gun as he thought or maybe a cloth with chloroform? His mind began to race. It was right about then that Pinkie turned on a flashlight under her face right in front of him and whispered, "Boo."

Shane Leapt back in terror, screaming, seeing a multi-colored cape on her back. He passed out.

When he came to, he saw he was in a brightly colored if not a bit cold and dank room filled with spices and herbs. Pinkie was rolling on the ground laughing. She tried to speak a few times but kept interrupting herself with more laughter.

He shot up full of anger and growled, "What was that for?"

She squeaked out, "You were scared so I thought I would prank you!"

He realized now that she was wearing a quilt on her back, clearly fabric but with many designs and a necklace of seashells vaguely shaped like unicorn horns. He then looked at her and instead of seeing someone who was just too sweet to be taken seriously he saw someone who had lost their mind in the best way possible. She wasn't an airhead because she was innocent. She had just stopped caring about being normal and wanted to have fun.

With this in mind he half glared at her, "You think scaring me to death is hilarious?"

She nodded, "You think that I don't know what people say about me?" Her smile was huge. Did she just...

He wondered so he replied, "You haven't told Rainbow Dash about it?"

Pinkie shook her head, "Dashie wouldn't help me bake if I told her. She can over react."

He then sighed, "Well, what do you expect when you walk around so innocently and brain dead? Normal people aren't like that."

She laughed and replied, "Who is more fun to be with? Someone who is always serious and angry or someone who is always happy and joyful?"

Shane realized something. Her words made sense to him. That could only mean one thing. He had always felt his healthy distance from sanity was something that helped him, made him stick out and solve problems no one else could. Had one day in this world have snapped even that? He shook his head and began to take deep breaths, before letting out a loud scream.

Pinkie looked at him concerned and he turned to her. "Excuse me... I seem to have misplaced my marbles. Could you give me a second to relocate them?"

Pinkie bounced, "I'll help you look for them! They might have rolled under the dryer! I hate it when they do that because then when I want to play with them I have to go get the broom and..." Her voice trailed off as he left the basement.

He stared at the ground as he walked, eyes distant as he tried to regain his logical thinking. He kept walking not caring where. His mind began to grab back onto what he could call reality. Shane was having another of his theories confirmed. The longer you spend in a realm like this, the more it influences you. He had been in here long enough where his insanity was starting to feel at home.

He cleared his mind and took apart what had happened so far. When he was first here, his anger at being kidnapped anchored him to reality. To be fair, he was still angry about that, but Twilight had nothing to do with it. He needed to focus. It was at this point that he bumped headfirst into Applejack.

He fell back onto his rear, shaking his head. Applejack got up and said, "Watch where you are going!" Seeing him she sighed, "Oh, it's you. Fluttershy told me about this morning. You seem pretty calm for a colt that ain't from around here."

He sighed, "Yeah, trying to figure that one out myself. I think that I have accepted that I have lost my mind. There is no other way around it."

Applejack looked at him worried and said, "Well, you want to go home, right?"

He looked up at her, still clearly lost in his own mind but nodded. She smiled, "Then we will all get together and talk to Celestia. I am sure that If you talk to Twi she would be willing to help."

He tilted his head, "Why would you guys help me?"

Applejack sighed, "Well, the way I figure it, if I was called somewhere I didn't want to be when I didn't expect it, I would have lost my mind. You talkin to bunnies makes that clear as day. Being as that is the case, you need someone who can fix it. Celestia is the pony to do it."

He repeated as some presence returned to his face, "WHY would you guys help ME?"

Applejack smiled, "You need friends at a time like this."

He rolled his eyes as he felt his normal self return, the bright colors making him even more regretful of what had transpired. "You are a pretty smart girl for an apple farmer."

Applejack tapped her hoof, "Excuse me?"

He turned and said non-chalantly, "I was just saying that you are pretty smart for someone who works with apples all day."

She glared at him and shouted, "I ought to flank you, you arrogant, ignorant Alicorn!"

He turned with eyes so cold they could freeze a glass of water, "When I compliment you, don't take offense that isn't there. Also, I don't take kindly to threats."

She bonked her head against his, matching his glare. He was unaffected until he heard Pinkie. "Hi, Applejack! Looks like you have a new boyfriend." This time, he realized he wasn't alone in wanting to harm her, but Applejack pushed Pinkie over before he could aim for her face.

Applejack said, "Pinkie, I ain't datin him. I am waiting for him to take it back."

He smiled, "Alright, you aren't smart." When he next came to, an apple was in his mouth, his ribs were sore and so was his head. He got up with a sigh, Pinkie shouting from a distance, "It's ALIVE!"

It was now that he started seeing things in his mind, and not from the insanity. He began to see the world in his own light. This world in reality was just a more girly version of the human psyche. Fluttershy being inner child, Rainbow dash being pride, Pinkie being insanity, Applejack being ... No, wait, that was just his concussion.

He stood weakly and growled, "I wish people would stop bumping into me, tackling me, scaring the crap out of me and other forms of punishment on my body. I am not sure how much more I can take."

It was then that Rarity grabbed him and started dragging him off. He began trying to fight it but before he knew it, he was in Rarity's boutique. She made him stand on a pedestal. He sighed, "I take it you want to use me as a fashion dummy."

She shook her head, "No no no no no no. I heard that you were going to meet Celestia today. I can't have you embarassing yourself by looking so plain and without a cutie mark."

He shot back, "Oh, I am sorry, were you talking? I stopped listening after you told me no half a dozen times."

She sighed, "Honestly, i try and help you and all you do is complain."

He rolled his eyes as she took his measurements, "You call what you guys have been doing as help? I call it driving me nuts. You people let me wander off in a forest and as soon as you hear that I am feeling friendly you decide to drag me in here to play dress up, not to mention your other friends."

Rarity chuckled, "If you are so bothered by this, why are you just standing there instead of trying to leave?"

He replied with some disdain, "Because I have resigned to my fate until I can talk to Celestia."

Rarity smiled, "There I have your measurements. Stay here just a tick while I get the materials." She walked out with a look of satisfaction on her face. He could tell she was going to go all out and if he wasn't put in a full blown ball gown or micheal jackson outfit he would count himself lucky.

It was then that Twilight came into the room. His face twitched as a bit of anger resurfaced, "If it isn't the kidnapper."

She seemed hurt by the comment and replied, "I thought you had forgiven me about that. I said I was sorry-"

He cut her off, "Sorry doesn't send me home, nor does it fix anything."

She looked at the ground, obviously regretting even coming over. Even if she was a pony, she still was a girl. He sighed, "I am sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. It wasn't your idea to bring me here. I have to talk with Celestia about it."

Twilight smiled weakly and said, "I am sorry about all of this. I didn't know it would bother you so much."

He sighed, finding himself even more agitated now that he had yelled at her. Why was he dragged here?

Twilight's smile strengthened as she said, "Maybe you can look through some of my magic books with me for a way for you to go home!"

He chuckled and hopped off the pedestal, "You are the first person legitimately trying to help me."

Rarity scoffed in offense, "I have been trying to help you as well. Do you really believe that looking fashionable in front of royalty is such a small thing?"

He turned to her, "I don't need to show off to someone who planned my kidnapping."

Twilight sighed and dropped her head, "Why are you mad at her? I am the one that did it."

He nodded, "But it was her idea from everything I have heard. I want answers and I don't care what it takes."

Rarity laughed, "Well, when you are done being moody, I'll have the outfit all prepared for you."

He rolled his eyes and made his way back to Twilight's house. He really didn't feel like dealing with this prissy brat today, hopefully ever.

When they arrived at her library, he sighed, "Where do you keep your spell books?"

She smiled, "Well, the third shelf from the left on the bottom floor and the three furthest right shelves on the second floor."

He turned to her in unentertained disbelief, "You are kidding, right?"

She looked at the ground, blushing and saying quietly, "I really like books. there is nothing wrong with that, is there?"

He rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Moving on, At a bare minimum, I would rather stop being an Alicorn."

She looked at him in shock. "You want to stop being an Alicorn? Why?"

He looked at the bookcase, not sure how to grab a book without hands, "Because, it's... unnatural."

Twilight lifted it down with her telekinesis and opened it up, "You can lift things with your horn you know."

He shot her an odd look and snarkily asked, "How do I do that?"

She smiled, "I'll show you. I am sure you will find it very easy... given time."

Celestial Truths

Twilight smiled as she kindly continued, "Now, Imagine the book floating, like a feather on the wind." His eyes strained shut as he exerted all of his mental effort into this stupid exercise. He had been here the last hour and began to feel his madness return from sheer lack of progress and her constantly soft demeanor. He was failing and he knew it! He wished she would stop being so nice about it.

As these thoughts occurred to him, his eyes shot open, glowing as all the books on the shelves came flying off, coming to the the ground with a massive crash. At first he was shocked but then a sense of grim satisfaction came to his face. That WAS one way of lifting the books. Twilight seemed frozen in horror, all of the books out of order, all of them now with some form of damage. Her eyes began to tear up.

Upon seeing this Shane rolled his eyes and said, "I'm sorry. Let me fix it." He began grabbing the books with his mouth and filling the middle shelf with them, not sure how to bend his body to lower shelves or twist his neck to place them upright on higher shelves. His own respect for literature caused him to be gentle, not licking them or biting too hard. It still felt weird using his mouth for his hand but it almost came natural to his body.

When he finished filling the middle shelf, he saw some of them start to glow and reorganize themselves on the shelf. He rolled his eyes, knowing he had to have messed up the order she had worked so hard for. It was then that Spike came in. He looked at Shane with awe. "An Alicorn? Is he the one I missed last night?"

Shane nodded, "I think we will need your help. I don't know what order she had these in and..."

It was here that Spike noticed the books. "Aw man! I just finished dusting these!" Shane seemed to shrug as best as he could. Spike sighed and began stacking books together and sliding them onto the shelf. He was amazed at the speed the two put the books back in. He looked at the order and noticed a bit of the filing pattern she had. Shane did the best he could to start trying to put them back, being occasionally corrected by Twilight's purple glow moving the books.

He really focused on it and noticed at one point one of the books was glowing and sliding into place elsewhere. It didn't look like Twilight but maybe that was a good thing. Perhaps another pony hopped in to help. He sighed, "This is going much faster with all of us vaguely knowing what to do." He felt a smile in the air, not even saw, but felt. He looked around after finishing his shelf and saw Twilight looked very full of herself. He sighed and asked, "What are you so pleased about, purple one?"

She laughed, "You are doing it and you don't even realize it."

He tilted his head, feeling a book smack into his head when he did so. He looked at her with a half glare, "Hey! What was that for?"

She giggled, "Why don't you ask yourself? You were the one that did it."

He looked confused but shook his head, wanting nothing more to do with this line of questioning. He went back to work on the books and it was then that he saw the unfamiliar glow again. turning to see it, he realized the glow matched the color of his own mane. He then with his mind called the book to hit him in the face, careful to avoid his horn so he didn't impale the book.

It hurt but was well deserved. He had begun to go native again and the thought didn't appeal to him. He had to stay focused. At a bare minimum, he had to get rid of either the horn or the wings. He really didn't like the status forced upon him by Celestia. It had to be her. She was the mastermind behind all of this and she was going to answer for it.

Twilight smiled as the task was complete, Rainbow Dash running in with an excited smile. "The festival is about to start! I heard the Wonderbolts were going to come this year."

Shane sighed, "You can only hope, Dash."

She gave him a snarky look and stuck her tongue out at him. Twilight sighed, "Can't you two be grown up?"

Shane shot her a very unentertained look. He really hoped that was his imagination and not being called immature by a purple pony with hair that would make most emo's cream their pants. It almost sickened him that she probably fueled many emos with that hair. Shaking his head, he asked, "How long until this festival I have been hearing about all day?"

Twilight smiled, "It will start in about a half hour. We should probably start looking for spells if you want to change your look before you see her."

Shane sighed and nodded, glad at at least the thought of being something less... arrogant. The last thing he wanted to be as far as this place was concerned was arrogant about it. He would rather find out why he was here and go home.

Twilight pulled out a book with her horn and started to explain, "Many of these spells are temporary, usually only lasting a short time or just changing your appearance to others. They usually don't last long enough to be of any use to anypony," He wanted to correct her right there but chose not to, "But in your case, I don't see the harm it could cause."

He chuckled, "Don't mispronounce anything or you might summon the undead."

He was referencing an old movie he had seen but was almost a bit frightened when Twilight laughed, "No, there is no way this spell could ever do that." He almost feared that perhaps such a spell did exist in Equestria. If it did, that could be very very bad. He knew that, knowing his luck, he would be the one to stumble across it if it existed.

Twilight began her chant and there was a flash. He didn't feel any different but Twilight told him clearly, "This should last as long as you don't make any sudden moves and you stay calm. If you can do both, it should last you until you can talk to Celestia."

There was a hint of sorrow in her voice so he asked, "What is up with you, Twi? You okay?"

She nodded and walked out, "You should go see Rarity. She would love to see you in her outfit I am sure." He didn't like the idea of getting into anything of Rarity's so he tried thinking of a way to stall. He then decided that he should go check himself in the mirror. When he did, he smiled. The horn and the wings were both gone. As far as anyone would know, he was just a normal pony. He knew it would make it harder to get close to Celestia but he was sure she would be looking for him anyway. He waited inside Twilight's house for the Festival to start. He was glad to be on his way out of this world, but to an extent, an excuse to let himself go mad was kind of refreshing. He might actually miss this place... not likely though.

He stepped out of the house just as Celestia arrived, having decided that a horn, though a sign of status he didn't want, would get him closer to her than being normal. As he did, Rarity pulled him into her boutique again. Before he could even process, he was put in what he could only describe as a white naval captain's uniform, pants included, with gold trim and without the hat. He almost felt like royalty... which irked him a bit given context.

Rarity laughed, "Now your embarrassing blank flank will cause you no more trouble."

He wanted to say something but was so close to leaving, he decided he would rather let it go. He turned to leave and said, "Thank you for the thought."

She called after him, "Your Welcome!"

He stepped out into a crowd who upon seeing his attire and horn, parted in his wake. He wasn't sure if they were in shock from the stupidity of his attire or respecting his 'status'. Celestia smiled as she came into his view. She motioned the crowd apart and said, "Allow him through. He will be the other competitor in this."

He spoke up, "I would rather not play anymore of YOUR games. I want answers and I want them now!"

She held up her hoof, "All will be explained in good time. If you win, you will be able to ask me about anything you wish and I will help you to the best of my ability."

He knew that here, her word was law. He also knew she wouldn't lie to him or mislead him. He sighed, knowing that he would have to jump through her final hoop. He nodded and defeatedly replied, "Sure, whatever. Let's just get this over with."

Celestia smiled kindly and called, "Trixie, are you ready?"

Trixie nodded with an evil grin. He could tell she thought he was one of Twilight's friends. That also meant however that she was going to be so hung up on humiliating him that he would have the upper hand.

Celestia pointed to a horse-shoe shaped obstacle course, the course mirrored on either side and the goal clearly in the middle. Celestia explained, "The rules are simple. You must clear this obstacle course. You may not skip any of the obstacles but you may clear them in any way you choose. The fastest pony wins. On your marks!"

He walked over to his starting point and as he did so, he heard Trixie laugh, "I, Trixie the Magnificent, shall see you humiliated, weakling."

He suppressed a smile and delivered dryly, "Oh, I am sorry. A hot air balloon must have gone by because all I heard was hot air."

She seemed more insulted at the low quality of the joke than the actual burn but she galloped to her spot, now more determined than ever to see him lose.

He readied himself, looking over the obstacles from here. There was those tires you needed to step between first, followed by a climbing wall, followed by a wall you had to knock over a mud pit, presumably by using the rope hanging over the miniature lake between the wall and the first part of the course. The final part seemed to be some form of egg carrying.

Celestia lowered her hoof as she called out, "Go!"

He began the instant she had started calling go, leaping nimbly between the tires, chuckling as Trixie was moving a bit slower than he was. It was then that one of his tires popped up on it's side and tripped him. He glared at Trixie who continued on the course, moving slowly but steadily and with a smile.

He eventually cleared the tires as Trixie finished the Climbing wall. As he did, he saw the rope he was supposed to use to swing across had been draped over the wall he was supposed to tackle over. It was here that his agitation broke the spell Twilight had cast. He NEEDED to talk to Celestia and come hell or high water, heck even if he had to kill Trixie, he was going to win this.

His wings appeared and Trixie's jaw hit the floor, her concentration breaking just enough for the egg she had just grabbed to fall and hit the ground. She looked at the shattered egg in a bit of fear. Shane Flew into the wall full force and knocked it over, though it didn't matter because he was allowing his mind to carry him along the course.

He landed next to the egg carrying station and carried it on the tip of his horn, as was part of the challenge. He could hear everyone cheering for him but found it odd out of the corner of his eye that Trixie was right next to the finish line with a smile on her face. What was she planning?

It wasn't until it was too late that he realized. The egg on his horn flew off and floated near Trixie. He was in shock at this, looking to Celestia for some form of ruling on this. She nodded to him reassuringly. Trixie balanced it on her horn and crossed the finish line. Shane dejectedly walked up to the goal. He didn't give Trixie eye contact or even acknowledge her. To be fair, Celestia did say that we could get through the obstacles however we chose. Who knew I was Trixie's obstacle?

Celestia flew to the goal and landed, she announced with a smile, "We have a wonderful tie." Both Trixie and him turned to her and shot her a look like she was mad. She continued, "I have never seen teamwork quite like this before. Trixie brought out the best in our friend and he not only gave her a reason to push herself, but also allowed her to use his egg to cross."

Shane wasn't one to argue. If this backwards place really wanted to let them both win, that was fine by him. As long as he got his time to question Celestia, he would have shared victory with Hitler. Realizing the illustration his mind came up with, he realized perhaps this place had caused more damage than he had realized.

She smiled at him, "Alright, I am sure you, being our visitor, have far more pressing questions than our local Trixie. Please, follow me and we can talk privately." She lead him into the woods. For some reason, he liked where this was going, if only because it lead home.

When they got to a clearing she stood there, waiting for his questions. He started, "Why did you bring me here?"

Her smile grew, "Your friend wished that you could understand our world here for what it is, so I thought I would help. Don't worry. Time passes differently in Equestria. When you leave, you will wake up in your bed, well rested."

He looked at her unentertained but continued, "Why did you make me an Alicorn?"

She laughed, "How else were you to understand everything in Ponyville? Pegasi can't cast spells and unicorns can't fly. Earth ponies can't do either so this was the only form I could give you." She looked thoughtful a moment and asked, "What would you like to be from now on when you visit?"

He growled, "What makes you think I will want to visit again?"

She smiled, "Because, you are starting to get it."

He kept his glare, "Get what?"

She giggled, "The point of this place. You have a strong mind and a great creative spark. This place is like a playground to you."

He closed his eyes and sighed, "If you ever NEED my help, need being a very key term, I wouldn't mind coming back. I would prefer a pegasus form but if you NEED, this being triply as important as the last time, you can make me an Alicorn again."

She still looked very happy and kind, "Any other questions or may I ask one of my own?"

He nodded, "I have one question left. Did you count on me losing my mind or was insanity just a mistake?"

She sighed, "I knew you wouldn't take well to the process. I mean, you were taken from your sleeping human form and put into a wakeful Alicorn form. I'll admit you dealt with the process very well."

He sighed, "Alright, ask your question so I can go home."

She smiled, "What is your final say about our world, my dear guest?"

He rolled his eyes, "There is nothing wrong with your world, per say, I guess. Living in it seems like it would be kinda fun if it weren't for the bright colors burning my corneas. It's just that as a fantasy realm goes, it feels too girly for guys to adore it. I guess to each his own but that is my opinion and that is alright too. We are all entitled to our opinions, I guess and just because I don't understand why other Males like it doesn't make it crap. It is still too cutsie but that is just me." It was then that, and He hoped he would never use this term again, a bright flash of light came out of his pants.

He lifted it up to see what he expected and made him want to ram his head into a tree. A cutie mark had appeared on his flank. It was old scales made of ice. Celestia laughed kindly, "From now on, here you will be called Cold Peace. I knew you would earn it." She touched him lightly with her horn.

He jolted awake, back in his bed, his alarm clock blaring in his ears. He turned off the alarm and looked around his room. It was all as he had left it. He placed his hand to his forehead. His temperature was normal. All of this seemed too simple... too easy... had any of that truly happened?

He felt something hanging around his neck that he had never put on before bed. He picked it up and looked at it wearily. It was a circular pendant with the cutie mark he had in the dream on it. A chill went up his spine and he pondered whether he should share his story. That is why I, AJ Cunningham, am writing this in his behalf. He is still not a brony, but he has no more wars to fight because there was no war.

It's times like this that, though cliche, I have to admit friendship does have it's own magic.