Flying through the skies. I felt the wind brushing past my face. The clouds were a blur as I zoomed past them. The crisp high altitude air doing wonders for my lungs. My heart racing even faster with every beat of my wings. It was a jubilating feeling as I feel myself about to perform a loop-de-loop-wait a minute!

Wings?!

Huh, that's new. Usually when I have dreams like these I don't have wings. I just defy gravity and fly around like Superman before I-

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

~

"-AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" I screamed as I plummeted to my death. Or should have as I found myself lying in my bed. I held my hand up to my chest, willing my heart to calm down. I wiped the sweat that had developed off my forehead and gave out an exasperated sigh. It's never been that intense before...and why did I have wings? And why does my bed feel a little wet...?

Aw, crap!

I quickly lifted the sheets off of me to check if I had wet myself again. Mom would've flipped. Granted that I'm a jobless twenty-four year old who still lives in his mother's basement, I still had some dignity.

Checking my covers, I was relieved to see that my fears were unfounded, but upon closer inspection, I discovered something most peculiar...

These aren't my sheets.

I held out the offending piece of fabric before me, studying it, as if to confirm that yes, they were indeed not my sheets. These sheets had spaceships on them. Mine had rockets.

In fact, as my eyes adjusted to my surroundings, this place didn't look anything like the basement at all! And that bed that I was lying on was most definitely comfier than that poor lumpy sofa that tried to pass off as a bed.

Confused, I started walking around, holding my arms up and flailing them around like an idiot, looking for a light switch. Finding a door instead, I twisted the knob and entered. I fumbled around the wall next to the doorframe before I found a switch and flicked it on.

It was a bathroom, apparently. I walked through the threshold and made a quick survey. It was pretty big. A shower, a bath, a toilet and a sink.

Fancy.

Am I in a hotel that's way too expensive for the allowance that I had? Looks like mom's going to flip out after all.

Spotting a mirror, I walked over to it, curious to see what I would find. If I had no memory of I had got here, I was probably drunk out of my mind. Or hopped up on drugs. I hope it wasn't the latter. Don't do drugs, kids.

I walked up to the mirror and gazed upon the figure that was gazing me back.

"What the fuck...?" Was the only intelligent thing that I could mutter. Instead of a familiar pair of dull brown eyes, two bright green ones stared at me back.

Next I moved on to look at the creature's face.

It had fur. It had fur all over! It had a navy dark blue mop of hair that looked like a bird had decided to make its nest there. Weird floppy ears and-ugh, morning breath.

"What the fuck...?" I muttered again. Winding up even more confused since I woke up in this strange place.

Like a dam, something opened up in my mind. Memories once lost came rushing back to me. I was having a flashback it seems. Oh, joy. Now I get to sit back, relax, and enjoy watching my inebriated past-self make an idiot of my present-self, possibly in front of the general public. Wouldn't be the first time.

~

"What the hell are you doing in there, Ethan?!" A shrill voice came from the other side of my door.

"Go away, mom! I'm busy!"

"You've been in there the whole goddamn day! And I was hearing weird noises coming from down there. I could swear I heard a goat bleating!"

I looked down at the goat which looked back at me with its beady eyes.

"You're crazy, mom!"

"You would be too if you're nearly fifty years-old and still waiting on her son to give her grand kids!"

"Moooooooom!"

In a huff, I could hear her storming away from the door, undoubtedly upset. No matter. I'll make it up to her later.

Back to business.

In my hand, I had this book that I bought from an old Chinese man that looked like he was on LSD claiming that this book could help me open up a portal to hell and have satan grant me a wish.

Being hopped up on drugs myself, I bought it without hesitation with all the money I had in my wallet at the time. Which was five hundred dollars. Now, here I am, trying to get my money's worth. Did I mention that it was five hundred dollars?

I looked down at the pentagram that I had drawn on the floor to the large butcher knife I had in my hand and to the goat. "Sorry Earl," I had named him Earl. I'm not even sure why myself. "It was nice knowing you."

[Memory repressed due to severe mental trauma]

- Ugh, I remember now. I sacrificed a goat. What the hell was I on? I guess I now know why I had trouble remembering.

So. Much. Bleating.

I stood there in the middle of the pentagram, naked, covered in goat's blood, and briefly wondered if I had wasted my afternoon instead of doing something productive.

Nah, if I wasn't sacrificing a goat trying to summon satan himself, I'd probably be getting high. That reminds me, time to fix that.

As I was reaching under the bed to get my stash(mom would never check there), a vibrant light formed in the middle of the pentagram, steadily growing in intensity. I laid on my floor, naked and covered in blood, staring at the pulsating light with my mouth agape.

"Ethan! Open this door right now!"

"Shut up, mom! I'm about to summon satan!"

"Are you on drugs again?!"

Shit. She found my stash.

"No, mom!"

"I found the spare keys to the door! If you don't open this by the count of three there's going to be hell to pay!"

Now that's ironic.

"One!"

The light wasn't just bright anymore, but spewing out all the colors of the rainbow. A low rumbling could be felt and I suddenly got a bad feeling about this.

"Two!"

I had to shield my eyes now, lest I be blinded completely. I knew I should've gotten high instead.

"Three!"

The light exploded and...imploded? All I know was that one second I was lying butt naked on the floor, and the next second I was lying butt naked on- oh my God I'm on fire!

"Who dares to summon me?"

"Uno momento," I grunted, trying desperately not to puke my guts out due to the vertigo I was experiencing.Wait, wasn't I supposed to be on fire?

"Do not make demands of me, human."

The distorted voice reached my ears, all the way sown south and making my stomach rumble. I think I'm going to be sick.

Using all the past experiences I had trying not to puke onto someone else's face, I swallowed the bile in my throat, if only to delay the inevitable for a little longer.

"Speak, human. Why have you summoned me?" He boomed with his otherworldly voice.

Standing in front of me, in all his glory, was satan himself. He had long dark black hair that was slicked to the back of his head. A sharp nose that could probably stab someone which supported his thin, metal-rimmed glasses. He also had a thin mustache above his thin lips. His look was complete with a luxurious business suit.

He looked like a politician.

Why, do you ask? It was probably because he was disguised like this all along so he could fuck around on Earth without God noticing.

Cunning bastard.

"Wait, if I summoned you, then why am I here? Shouldn't you be in my basement?"

His reply was to turn up the temperature and nearly burn my skin off.

"Agh, okay okay, I'm sorry!"

He turned the temperature down, but only just.

"Speak, human. My patience wears thin."

"Wait," I said as his words finally registered in the few brain cells I had left that weren't completely fried,"are you telling me that you're granting me a wish?"

"Yes, that is what I have said, stupid human. Now tell me what it is you desire."

"I want to hug Rainbow Dash!" I blurted out without thinking. I have been doing that a lot lately. It never ended well. But I am speaking with the devil here man, like who knows?

"Very well"

~

And then all he told me to do was to sign this contract he pulled out of nowhere with my blood. Couldn't he have just used ink? And then he goes on and on about when I'm done that I'd serve him for the rest of eternity. I think I nodded off when he started talking about eternal damnation.

Welp, I guess I'm getting my wish now. I guess it'd make sense that he would put me in Soarin's body. Rainbow Dash would probably be hugging me.

I took a step back to admire the new body that I was inhabiting.

I stood on two legs and had two hands. I didn't remember asking him to turn me ahthro. Damnit, satan. Another thing that stood out to me was the star-spangled pajamas that I was wearing. And was that a night cap? Looks like all of the fanon's claims that Soarin was really just one big, fat man-child weren't completely unjustified.

Feeling adventurous, I decided to take a look at the whole package. I unbuttoned my shirt and, with practiced grace, tossed it over my shoulder. My pants came off next.

All that's left was the boxers that I was wearing. I briefly wondered if I was violating someone else's privacy, but I also remembered that it was technically my body too and that I was bound to see it, so I might as well get it over with.

I pulled off my boxers and- oh dear God, was that my dong or a hose?!

I stood there for a few minutes with my mouth agape, at how large my dick was. Was this average in this world?

Then, of course, I had another stupid idea. Y'can't go too long without one of those!

Spotting a full-body mirror on the other side of the bathroom, I strode over to it, my inhumanely large dick swaying with each step. God, this is going to be so awesome!

I stopped in front of the mirror to briefly admire myself, before putting my hands on my hips.

And gyrating them really quickly.

There's something just poetic about twirling oneself's dick, watching it spin like the propellers on a helicopter. It boasts the size and length of it, as well as how confident you are in doing such an act. It was also very immature and somewhat moronic.

"Yeah! Woohoo!" I yelled jubilantly as I watched my dick flop around. It was glorious.

"Soarin! What in Equstria are you-!"

Shit. I know that voice from that one episode. I turned around and confirm my suspicions that yes, it was indeed, Spitfire, captain of the wonderbolts, and she was staring directly at my penis.

A few awkward seconds pass with neither of us saying anything. I saw her cheeks slowly lighting up as she couldn't tear her eyes away from my member.

Being the gentleman-er horse that I am, I decided to play it cool.

I lifted one hand and leaned against a wall while I put my other hand on my hip and said,"How's it hanging?"

Whew, nice save there, Ethan.

She then slammed the door on my face. That could have gone better. Looks like I have a roommate.

Yay~!

Author's Note

Just want to say thank you to the people who took the time to read my stuff!

Please don't hesitate to tell me how I can improve my writing in general, as you can see that it needs a lot of work.

As for the concept and the premise though...yeah it's a little weird. Ergo, the random tag :)