Idiot in Equestria

by beatbox9988

Rating: mature
Tags: Big Macintosh, Random, Slice of Life, Wonderbolts, Sex, Human, Anthro, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 7666

An idiot stumbles, trips and falls face first in Equstria!

Have you ever had something in your bucket list that you just have to do it no matter how inane it sounds?

Well I do, and I'm stopping at nothing to get it: to hug Rainbow Dash.

A/N:First person POV of an idiot. My first ever ponyfic. Don't hold back on the criticisms :)

Also, it's a clopfic. Sorta. I don't even know.

EDIT: Special thanks to tut895 for helping me get off my lazy ass and write something! Check out what he's written if you have the time!

Published 2013-11-28 13:30:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-12 14:58:34 UTC

Soarin through the skies~

Flying through the skies. I felt the wind brushing past my face. The clouds were a blur as I zoomed past them. The crisp high altitude air doing wonders for my lungs. My heart racing even faster with every beat of my wings. It was a jubilating feeling as I feel myself about to perform a loop-de-loop-wait a minute!

Wings?!

Huh, that's new. Usually when I have dreams like these I don't have wings. I just defy gravity and fly around like Superman before I-

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

~

"-AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" I screamed as I plummeted to my death. Or should have as I found myself lying in my bed. I held my hand up to my chest, willing my heart to calm down. I wiped the sweat that had developed off my forehead and gave out an exasperated sigh. It's never been that intense before...and why did I have wings? And why does my bed feel a little wet...?

Aw, crap!

I quickly lifted the sheets off of me to check if I had wet myself again. Mom would've flipped. Granted that I'm a jobless twenty-four year old who still lives in his mother's basement, I still had some dignity.

Checking my covers, I was relieved to see that my fears were unfounded, but upon closer inspection, I discovered something most peculiar...

These aren't my sheets.

I held out the offending piece of fabric before me, studying it, as if to confirm that yes, they were indeed not my sheets. These sheets had spaceships on them. Mine had rockets.

In fact, as my eyes adjusted to my surroundings, this place didn't look anything like the basement at all! And that bed that I was lying on was most definitely comfier than that poor lumpy sofa that tried to pass off as a bed.

Confused, I started walking around, holding my arms up and flailing them around like an idiot, looking for a light switch. Finding a door instead, I twisted the knob and entered. I fumbled around the wall next to the doorframe before I found a switch and flicked it on.

It was a bathroom, apparently. I walked through the threshold and made a quick survey. It was pretty big. A shower, a bath, a toilet and a sink.

Fancy.

Am I in a hotel that's way too expensive for the allowance that I had? Looks like mom's going to flip out after all.

Spotting a mirror, I walked over to it, curious to see what I would find. If I had no memory of I had got here, I was probably drunk out of my mind. Or hopped up on drugs. I hope it wasn't the latter. Don't do drugs, kids.

I walked up to the mirror and gazed upon the figure that was gazing me back.

"What the fuck...?" Was the only intelligent thing that I could mutter. Instead of a familiar pair of dull brown eyes, two bright green ones stared at me back.

Next I moved on to look at the creature's face.

It had fur. It had fur all over! It had a navy dark blue mop of hair that looked like a bird had decided to make its nest there. Weird floppy ears and-ugh, morning breath.

"What the fuck...?" I muttered again. Winding up even more confused since I woke up in this strange place.

Like a dam, something opened up in my mind. Memories once lost came rushing back to me. I was having a flashback it seems. Oh, joy. Now I get to sit back, relax, and enjoy watching my inebriated past-self make an idiot of my present-self, possibly in front of the general public. Wouldn't be the first time.

~

"What the hell are you doing in there, Ethan?!" A shrill voice came from the other side of my door.

"Go away, mom! I'm busy!"

"You've been in there the whole goddamn day! And I was hearing weird noises coming from down there. I could swear I heard a goat bleating!"

I looked down at the goat which looked back at me with its beady eyes.

"You're crazy, mom!"

"You would be too if you're nearly fifty years-old and still waiting on her son to give her grand kids!"

"Moooooooom!"

In a huff, I could hear her storming away from the door, undoubtedly upset. No matter. I'll make it up to her later.

Back to business.

In my hand, I had this book that I bought from an old Chinese man that looked like he was on LSD claiming that this book could help me open up a portal to hell and have satan grant me a wish.

Being hopped up on drugs myself, I bought it without hesitation with all the money I had in my wallet at the time. Which was five hundred dollars. Now, here I am, trying to get my money's worth. Did I mention that it was five hundred dollars?

I looked down at the pentagram that I had drawn on the floor to the large butcher knife I had in my hand and to the goat. "Sorry Earl," I had named him Earl. I'm not even sure why myself. "It was nice knowing you."

[Memory repressed due to severe mental trauma]

- Ugh, I remember now. I sacrificed a goat. What the hell was I on? I guess I now know why I had trouble remembering.

So. Much. Bleating.

I stood there in the middle of the pentagram, naked, covered in goat's blood, and briefly wondered if I had wasted my afternoon instead of doing something productive.

Nah, if I wasn't sacrificing a goat trying to summon satan himself, I'd probably be getting high. That reminds me, time to fix that.

As I was reaching under the bed to get my stash(mom would never check there), a vibrant light formed in the middle of the pentagram, steadily growing in intensity. I laid on my floor, naked and covered in blood, staring at the pulsating light with my mouth agape.

"Ethan! Open this door right now!"

"Shut up, mom! I'm about to summon satan!"

"Are you on drugs again?!"

Shit. She found my stash.

"No, mom!"

"I found the spare keys to the door! If you don't open this by the count of three there's going to be hell to pay!"

Now that's ironic.

"One!"

The light wasn't just bright anymore, but spewing out all the colors of the rainbow. A low rumbling could be felt and I suddenly got a bad feeling about this.

"Two!"

I had to shield my eyes now, lest I be blinded completely. I knew I should've gotten high instead.

"Three!"

The light exploded and...imploded? All I know was that one second I was lying butt naked on the floor, and the next second I was lying butt naked on- oh my God I'm on fire!

"Who dares to summon me?"

"Uno momento," I grunted, trying desperately not to puke my guts out due to the vertigo I was experiencing.Wait, wasn't I supposed to be on fire?

"Do not make demands of me, human."

The distorted voice reached my ears, all the way sown south and making my stomach rumble. I think I'm going to be sick.

Using all the past experiences I had trying not to puke onto someone else's face, I swallowed the bile in my throat, if only to delay the inevitable for a little longer.

"Speak, human. Why have you summoned me?" He boomed with his otherworldly voice.

Standing in front of me, in all his glory, was satan himself. He had long dark black hair that was slicked to the back of his head. A sharp nose that could probably stab someone which supported his thin, metal-rimmed glasses. He also had a thin mustache above his thin lips. His look was complete with a luxurious business suit.

He looked like a politician.

Why, do you ask? It was probably because he was disguised like this all along so he could fuck around on Earth without God noticing.

Cunning bastard.

"Wait, if I summoned you, then why am I here? Shouldn't you be in my basement?"

His reply was to turn up the temperature and nearly burn my skin off.

"Agh, okay okay, I'm sorry!"

He turned the temperature down, but only just.

"Speak, human. My patience wears thin."

"Wait," I said as his words finally registered in the few brain cells I had left that weren't completely fried,"are you telling me that you're granting me a wish?"

"Yes, that is what I have said, stupid human. Now tell me what it is you desire."

"I want to hug Rainbow Dash!" I blurted out without thinking. I have been doing that a lot lately. It never ended well. But I am speaking with the devil here man, like who knows?

"Very well"

~

And then all he told me to do was to sign this contract he pulled out of nowhere with my blood. Couldn't he have just used ink? And then he goes on and on about when I'm done that I'd serve him for the rest of eternity. I think I nodded off when he started talking about eternal damnation.

Welp, I guess I'm getting my wish now. I guess it'd make sense that he would put me in Soarin's body. Rainbow Dash would probably be hugging me.

I took a step back to admire the new body that I was inhabiting.

I stood on two legs and had two hands. I didn't remember asking him to turn me ahthro. Damnit, satan. Another thing that stood out to me was the star-spangled pajamas that I was wearing. And was that a night cap? Looks like all of the fanon's claims that Soarin was really just one big, fat man-child weren't completely unjustified.

Feeling adventurous, I decided to take a look at the whole package. I unbuttoned my shirt and, with practiced grace, tossed it over my shoulder. My pants came off next.

All that's left was the boxers that I was wearing. I briefly wondered if I was violating someone else's privacy, but I also remembered that it was technically my body too and that I was bound to see it, so I might as well get it over with.

I pulled off my boxers and- oh dear God, was that my dong or a hose?!

I stood there for a few minutes with my mouth agape, at how large my dick was. Was this average in this world?

Then, of course, I had another stupid idea. Y'can't go too long without one of those!

Spotting a full-body mirror on the other side of the bathroom, I strode over to it, my inhumanely large dick swaying with each step. God, this is going to be so awesome!

I stopped in front of the mirror to briefly admire myself, before putting my hands on my hips.

And gyrating them really quickly.

There's something just poetic about twirling oneself's dick, watching it spin like the propellers on a helicopter. It boasts the size and length of it, as well as how confident you are in doing such an act. It was also very immature and somewhat moronic.

"Yeah! Woohoo!" I yelled jubilantly as I watched my dick flop around. It was glorious.

"Soarin! What in Equstria are you-!"

Shit. I know that voice from that one episode. I turned around and confirm my suspicions that yes, it was indeed, Spitfire, captain of the wonderbolts, and she was staring directly at my penis.

A few awkward seconds pass with neither of us saying anything. I saw her cheeks slowly lighting up as she couldn't tear her eyes away from my member.

Being the gentleman-er horse that I am, I decided to play it cool.

I lifted one hand and leaned against a wall while I put my other hand on my hip and said,"How's it hanging?"

Whew, nice save there, Ethan.

She then slammed the door on my face. That could have gone better. Looks like I have a roommate.

Yay~!

Author's Note

Just want to say thank you to the people who took the time to read my stuff!

Please don't hesitate to tell me how I can improve my writing in general, as you can see that it needs a lot of work.

As for the concept and the premise though...yeah it's a little weird. Ergo, the random tag :)

Crashin' through the snow~[clop]

I stood there in the bathroom for a couple of minutes, wondering what I should do next. Maybe I should go speak with Spitfire? Confront her about what happened in the bathroom? Sure, why the hell not? It'd be one step further than just staring at myself in the mirror the whole night.

I strode out of the bathroom, still completely in the nude, and spotted Spitfire sitting on the single bed right next to the one I woke up in, her back facing me. She was wearing a blue tank top with a pair of red shorts.

Huh, how in the hell didn't I notice another freakin' bed next to me?

"Hey, Spitz-"

"Look, Soarin," She began, still having her back towards me,"what happened just now was completely awkward and I think that we would both be better off not mentioning it ever again. Are we clear?"

"But-"

"I said are we cle-" She stopped mid sentence after finally turning to face me. Her mouth hung open as she stared in a mixture of shock and disbelief at my nude form, her eyes slowly traveling south to semi-hard phallus. I was standing right next to her now, my penis dangling dangerously close to her face.

"Hey Spitz, I was wonderin' that maybe...y'know...you could get my rocks off?" I said. This was dangerous. Even more dangerous than sticking my dick into that one hornets' nest that one time. My 'best friends' had dared me to do it. It was the most painful five bucks I had ever earned.

But damnit I'm horny, and I'm not willing to turn down the opportunity for a quickie, especially from a mare like Spitfire.

"C'mon, Spitz. You know you want it," I cooed. I then proceeded to do what could questionably be the most moronic thing to do in this situation.

*smack*

The sound of my penis making contact with her face reverberated throughout the room, enhanced further by its dead silence.

Did I go too far? Nah, I just sold my soul to the devil (I had just realized that) and damnit if I'm not going down in a blaze of glory!

Looking back at her, I saw that she had still the same look on her face. She looked kinda funny, with her face like that.

Desperate to avoid another awkward situation like the one in the bathroom, I then proceeded to do what any other man in this situation would do.

*smack*

I chuckled, suddenly finding the sound of my dick slapping on her face highly amusing.

*smack smack smeck* Smeck?*smack*

Hey, I wonder if she minds that I'm doing thi-owowowowow!

My thoughts were interrupted by her grabbing my dick. Hard.

"Hey Spitz...y'might wanna...soften your grip...just a little...?" I said through gritted teeth.

"Soarin...," her voice was low and dangerous, and I suddenly got the feeling that I might be in for some shit. "You have ten words to explain to me what you're doing and if I don't like your answer, your dick will be the least of your worries." She punctuated her sentence by squeezing my dick even harder.

"Understood?"

"Y-yes ma'am." I wheezed.

"That's two."

"Hey, that's not-"

"Five."

I got her message, and wisely shut up. Oh why oh why must I be so impulsive? And why did I think that smacking my dick against a Spitfire's face would get me any? Was I high again? Looks like I didn't need drugs in order to do something stupid.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by Spitfire, who continued to tighten her grip. If this continued, my time with my new equipment would have been short-lived! If there was any moment for divine intervention, now would be a good time!

"Hey, Spitfire I was wondering if-"

Time seemed to freeze for everyone except for me, who was too busy trying not too scream like a little girl due to the increasingly tightening grip on my dick.

The new voice, which I didn't recognize, belonged to none other than Fleetfoot, who was standing in the doorway (which she so rudely barged in without knocking), looking not unlike a deer caught in the headlights.

I silently thanked whatever God that had answered my silent prayer, as I let out a sigh of relief.

This must be somewhat terrifying for Fleetfoot, walking in on her superiors, with one of which is completely nude and the other has her hand on the other's dick.

A few awkward seconds past. There was enough awkwardness in the air that if it were substantial, we'd all be drowning in it.

Me, being the gentleman-damnit-horse, I once again decided to diffuse the situation.

"Wanna join in?" I said with the most shit-eating grin.

"..."

"..."

More awkward seconds past.

Finally taking back control of her mouth, Fleetfoot said,"Um, I'm s-sorry for interrupting you guys! I'm just going to leave now!"

I saw her face was a rosy red, as she shut the door with a little more force than necessary.

"Our door's open anytime!" I yelled after her, admittedly having way too much fun at someone else's expense.

I felt a certain pressure has been lifted and I looked down and was happy to see that Spitfire had relinquished her vice grip on my cock.

Replacing her stunned expression was a scowl so deep and a gaze so intense that it made me wish I was back in hell, bent over satan's office desk and being spanked by a cattle prod.

Her blush was still there though, so I still had that going for me.

"Hey, Spitz...," I began, "no hard feelings, right?"

*smack!

This time the sound did not come from my dick coming in contact with Spitfire's face.

Ow...

I held my hand to my face, cupping my cheek due to the new stinging sensation. Before I could come up with a retort that I would more than likely regret in the future, she promptly got up and left, slamming the door on her way out, probably to catch up to Fleetfoot before any scandalous rumors started popping up.

Not like she could do anything about it, considering the compromising position we were both in.

Great. I guess I done fucked up now. My only hope would be to apologize to her. Hopefully she won't slap me again. That shit hurt.

I walked around the room, looking for something to occupy myself with while I waited for Spitfire to return. I saw a pile of suitcases, and decided that sneaking a peek wouldn't hurt. One of them is bound to be mine.

I opened one of them and was greeted by the sight of many articles of clothing belonging to the opposite sex. I looked around as if to check if someone was watching me. Well, what Spitfire doesn't know won't hurt her. I thought to myself.

I rummaged through her luggage as quickly and as neatly as possible, trying not to leave it in a complete mess. I felt around until I felt something soft and silky. Liking what I feel, I pulled out a small, frilly black thong with a tiny pink ribbon on the front. If she wasn't planning on getting laid, why the hell would she pack panties like this?

Well I'm not complaining. I stuffed the provocative piece of clothing in my...oh wait, I'm still naked. Fitting it on my head, I zipped up the luggage and placed it back where I found it.

I admit it. I'm a huge perv.

I would have rummaged her luggage a little more thoroughly, but I didn't want to push my luck. All that's left to do is to wait for her to come back, I guess.

~

I was lying down on my bed, reading an issue of playpony that I had procured from Soarin's luggage. Damn, those mares are flexible!

I was also wearing a pair of shorts now. It probably wouldn't do me any good to try and apologize to Spitfire in the nude.

As I was mildly wondering as to why almost all of these pages were stuck together, I heard the door open and close with a soft click.

I looked up from the magazine to see Spitfire wearing a completely neutral face.

We didn't move. I was still lying on the bed while she stood a few feet away from me.

"I'm sorry." We both said at the same time.

Both our eyes widened at the same time. Do my new freakishly large ears deceive me?

Taken aback by her abrupt change of behavior, I said, "Ladies first."

"Urm, well, I know it's your fault that you so rudely slapped your penis against my face,"

I winced at her words. Wait, wasn't she apologizing?

"But I also realized that I may have gone too far by squeezing it as hard as I did, so for that I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?"

"I will if you'll forgive me too." I said with a soft smile.

"Deal." She replied warmly. She hugged me, and I hugged her back. I guess the love and tolerance theme isn't just a gimmick.

"Does it still hurt?" She asked.

"What? Nah, I'm a big boy. I can take it." I replied, sweating a little.

"Are you sure? I know some basic first aid that could help with the pain." She said while reaching out for my shorts.

"No!" I replied a little too quickly. "Er, I mean, that won't be necessary."

She raised an eyebrow and put both her hands on her hips, clearly suspicious. "One minute you're slapping your dick on my face and the next you're not willing to take off your shorts when I want to see it?"

This is bad. Retreat! Retreat!

I got off of my bed and started thinking quickly. My eyes looking everywhere except for Spitfire.

"Uh, I-I need to pee! Yeah! I drank lots of fluids while you were gone and now I need to pee! Yup, so if you'll excuse me I'll be heading over to the bathroom now-" my rambling was cut short as I felt a sudden breeze through my thighs. Did she just pants me?!

Not good. Abort! Abort!

"Soarin?"

"Uh...yes?" I replied.

"Are you wearing...my underwear?"

"What? No, what are you talking about? You mean these?" I said pointing down to the offending garment.

Fucking think, Ethan! Think like you've never thunk before!!

"These? Well u-um t-these? Uh,these are mine. Yep. Totally mine." I said feigning confidence.

There's a window to your right! Do what the assassins do!

"Don't you know that a guy would want to get in touch with his feminine side every now and then?"

Leap of Faith!

She pushed me back down on the bed. "What the hell Soarin?!"

"Agh! I'm sorry! Don't hurt me! I'll do anything!" I said using my arms to shield my face.

She paused at this."Anything?"

Damnit, brain!

"...yes?" I whimpered, already regretting my proposition.

She grinned evilly and I started to wonder just how far this love and tolerance bullshit would go.

"Alright, then," she said, all of her previous malice gone from her voice. "Obviously you're hornier than a rabbit in mating season, and I don't want to be constantly bothered by your advances. Since we're going to share this room for at least a couple more days, I think we should resolve this problem right now. Plus, I'm in heat, so we'd be helping each other out."

Wait, seriously?

"Unfortunately, I don't want children right now so we're going to have to settle with oral play."

Aw sweet, so I am getting some!

"On two conditions."

Crap.

"One.You do not mention this to anyone. Ever. If my coltfriend ever finds out, I'm coming for your head."

Wait, she has a boyfriend?!

"Two. You will do what I say, when I say, got it?"

I nodded curtly, fearing to step out of line.

"Good." She then proceeded to take off her pair of red shorts and unceremoniously tossed it aside. She laid down on my bed and splayed her legs, showing off her small, tight vagina.

I must've been staring for a little too long as she was calling my name repeatedly to get my attention.

"You are going to eat me out Soarin, and you are not going to stop until I'm satisfied. Got it?"

Wiping the drool from my mouth I nodded so fast, you could hear my head rattle. I covered the distance between her and me clumsily as my massive dick would get in the way, swaying with each step I took.

I placed my head between her legs and I took my time to admire the object of my desire. Her smooth yellow mound was a shade darker than the rest of her body. It was winking at me, her clit visible every few winks.

Neat.

It looks like I'm not the only one excited.

I stuck out my tongue and tentatively ran it along the entire length of her opening and was rewarded by a long lengthy moan.

"Fuck, it's been so long~!" She cried.

I continued my ministrations, suddenly finding my throat as dry as a desert, and eager to quench my thirst. I used both my arms and placed it on top of her stomach to stop her from squirming. I licked her inner thighs and continued to prod and tease her entrance with my tongue, never actually entering her and savoring her flavor. I can be such a tease sometimes. She tasted like...cherries? Interesting.

My musings were cut short as my partner gave an impatient whine. "Soarin! Stop teasing me already for Celestia's sake! You're lucky I'm letting you do this to me!"

Deciding to comply, I dove right in. My tongue lashing at her inner walls, reaching in as far as it could. Her love button poked out every few seconds and I would immediately shower it with my attention, licking and sucking it as hard as I can, before switching back to my usual tongue lashing. My chin was soaked with her juices at this point. She gasped and panted, and her moans grew steadily louder and throatier. I wouldn't say that I'm experienced in eating girls out, but judging by her thrashing and squirming, I'd say that I'm doing a good job.

I looked up at her and her eyes were completely glazed over, completely lost in her own euphoria. She had subconsciously put one hand behind my head, keeping it in place, while her other hand was fondling her breast, tweaking the nipple. Her tongue was lolling out, and she was drooling on her now wet tank top.

Damn I'm good! I mentally congratulated myself.

I continued my service for a few minutes, as my tongue licked and thrashed around inside her warm, slick entrance. Her moans became louder, until she was nearly screaming and I briefly wondered if I should be worried that someone would hear us.

"S-Soarin!" She cried in between pants." Ah~! I-I'm close, Soarin! Ah~! Soarin,I-I'm cumming!!"

I suddenly felt a warm flood of her juices coming from her love canal, dribbling down my chin. I wrapped my lips around her clitoris, and suckled on it, not unlike how a newborn foal would its mother's teats, prolonging her orgasm. She had grabbed a pillow, and was currently screaming her head off into it. As she came down from her pleasure-induced high, I lapped up her sweet nectar, sending post-orgasmic tingles up her spine, and swallowing it without hesitation.

I looked up at her. She had moved the pillow from her face. Her eyes were still glazed over and she had the goofiest grin plastered on her face that could mirror mine. I climbed up on her until my face was level with hers, and shoved my tongue past her lips. We made out sloppily, making obscene squelching noises as I shared her honey and saliva with her.

Her eyes slowly came into focus, and she promptly shoved me off of her.

"Oof!

"What was the second condition, Soarin?!" She yelled.

"Uh..." Fuck! What was it?!

"What was it?!"

"To do whatever you say?"

"Yes! And did I tell you to shove your tongue down my throat?!"

"Um...no?"

"I'm going to give you this one warning Soarin. You step out of line again, you're going to go to sleep with that." She said, pointing at my crotch.

Now that my face wasn't buried in Spitfire's, I realized just how uncomfortable my erection was. My inhumanely large horsecock had stiffened to the point where it's starting to ache, made even worse by the incredibly tight, incredibly silky thong that I was wearing, which was now grinding up my ass and giving a very unpleasant sensation to the base of my new alien tail.

Wait, what did she say? Surely she must've been joking! She can't possibly expect me to go to sleep with this! Surely no one could be so cruel!

I looked into her eyes and saw no hint that that she was joking. By God's name, she's serious!

"I'm sorry, Spitfire! I swear I won't do anything unless you say so!" I begged pathetically.

"I dunno. I'm feeling kinda tired." She replied while nonchalantly inspecting her fingernails.

"Please!" I cried while getting on my knees, on the verge of tears. I must've looked ridiculous in my prostrate form.

"Alright, alright. Get up, you big baby. You look pathetic."

Giddy at the prospect of getting serviced myself, I shot up to my feet, only to be pushed back down on her bed.

"Excited, are we?"

You have no idea.

I sat up on the edge of her bed, my feet dangling off on the side of it. She kneeled down in front of me so her head was level with my massive erection.

She gave me the most smoldering bedroom eyes that could melt a glacier, and gently grabbed my dick, and started stroking it slowly. The friction with the fabric provided a welcome feeling as I felt it glide along my skin in time with Spitfire's stroking. If it was even possible, my erection got even harder, and I was afraid that it might tear through the fabric.

She finally pulled the panties down and let my boner free. She paused momentarily and gaped at my member's length. So it wasn't average after all!

Getting back to her senses she gently stuck out her tongue and ran it along my member, starting from the base, past my medial ring, right up to the tip where she swirled her tongue around it, before giving it a light kiss, all while keeping eye contact with me.

"Fuck..." I muttered, overwhelmed by the sensations. She's clearly done this before.

She then proceeded to lick all up and down my length, coating it with her saliva. She turned her attention towards my balls, and gently licked and nibbled them, doubling the pleasurable sensation.

I screwed my eyes shut, and clenched the beds sheets. It was incredible!

After a few minutes, she positioned her mouth at the end of my dick, looked up at me and smiled daintily. She suddenly wrapped her lips around my member, enveloping it, swallowing my length until about halfway.

Caught off guard by the new sensation, I gasped in surprise. She continued her service, bobbing her head up and down my length, while she used her hands to stroke the rest of my dick at a fast pace in a twisting motion.

She then used her trump card, in a bid to make me finish quickly. She swallowed my length, all the way past my medial ring and started gagging. Tears started to form in her eyes, but she remained firm. Her gag reflex was working overtime to try and push out the foreign object from her throat, but only served to massage my dick, as it contracted around my length to try and accommodate it.

Glk. Glk. Glk.

The obscene sounds were coming from her throat, due to my dick hitting the back of it every time. I was rocked with tidal waves of pleasure.

Glk. Glk. Glk.

She continued deepthroating me for some time, and I briefly wondered if she even needed to breath. I instinctively put one hand on the back of her head to help her keep rhythm, while my other hand kept the stray strands of her mane from her face.

Glk. Glk. Glk.

This was it. I couldn't hold on for much longer! My dick started twitching violently and she seemed to have acknowledged it, as she picked up her pace, her head bobbing quickly and her throat continued to contract around my member.

Glk. Glk. Glk.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!!!

In a torrent, I came. Hard.

I came down her throat. Load after load, she took it all, swallowing it seemingly with ease. After the fifth spurt, she had to come up for air. The rest of my semen landed across her face, on her mane, and on her cleavage.

We both laid there for a minute, completely out of breath, panting and gasping from the exertion.

The last thing I remembered before passing out was Spitfire's slow and steady breathing, as I made my trip to dreamland, where I would dream of milkshakes and boobies. Today was a good day.

Author's Note

Clop clop clop cloppity clop

Of Museums and Baton-wielding Tasers

I was sitting on a red velvet couch, splaying my legs languidly. My arms were in a similar position behind me, resting on the couch.

I was naked, of course. My member was erect as my gaze followed Spitfire's movements, which were mesmerizing, to say the least.

She was pole dancing, showing off her assets in a most graceful and very modest way.

"Would you like another milkshake, sir?" I look to my left to see Spitfire, wearing nothing but a very tight red pair of panties. She also had fake devil ears on and a spiky tail instead of her usual furry one.

Kinky.

I questioned the possibility of Spitfire having a twin only briefly before I nodded my affirmation.

She then produced a glass out of nowhere and bent over, giving me an eyeful of her bosom. She proceeded to hold the glass underneath her. Instinctively, I reached out and grabbed one of her mammaries, and gave it a firm squeeze. I was rewarded by a frothy white substance quickly filling the glass.

She blushed and moaned as the glass filled and filled, until it overflowed, some of the white substance landing on my erect cock.

"Oh my, I'm so sorry about that. Let me clean that up for you." She said while eying my cock hungrily. She then proceeded to give me head, licking and sucking my cock clean.

I took a sip of my milkshake while enjoying both Spitfires pleasuring me, one giving the best show that I had ever seen, and one having her head in between my legs.

"Soarin!" The one in between my legs yelled with an angry expression on her face.

What's gotten into her?

"Soarin!"

~

I sat upright on my bed, my heart threatening to burst out of my chest. I put my hand on my chest, hoping to calm it down somehow. I look to my left, and saw Spitfire standing over me with her arms crossed and a scowl on her face.

"About time," she began irritably. "It's almost noon and I was beginning to think that you were in a coma. Get up ya big lug. You can't sleep the whole day."

I looked to the alarm clock on the bedside table and groaned. Only noon?! She's got to be joking! Who wakes up at this ungodly hour?!

...

Okay, I may be exaggerating a little, but this is hours before I actually begin my day.

I slumped back down on the comfy down and pulled the pillow over my head, hoping she would take the silent message to give me five more minutes.

I was rewarded by a very wet finger wriggling in my ear.

"Argh! What the fuck was that for?!" I shouted while cupping my ear.

"Just a little wake up call. I take it that it worked?" She replied sweetly.

I narrowed my eyes and scowled at her. "You're evil." I said with all the mock hate I could muster.

"And you're a heavy sleeper. So I did what I had to do for the greater good." She said while sticking her tongue out at me.

I stared at her for a long moment with a deadpan expression.

"Well, I expect you to take a shower and get yourself ready."

Ready?

"Ready for what?" I asked dumbly.

"To go out, remember? We arranged a trip with a few others from the team to tour around Manehatten before we have to do our show? Or did you forget?"

"N-no, of course not," I replied quickly. I sighed and made to push off the covers, my limbs feeling like lead only tempting me to listen to the siren call of my impossibly comfortable bed.

I stood up and stretched, hearing my joints give out a satisfactory 'pop!', before I noticed Spitfire staring at me.

I followed her gaze to see that I was still wearing her thong; and that I have an extreme case of morning wood.

"Oh, uh...did you want it back?" I asked her awkwardly, smiling at her sheepishly with a light blush on my cheeks.

"You know what? Keep it," she replied dryly. She then smirked playfully. "I think it suits you."

I blushed even harder and pouted, crossing my arms over my chest, while she chuckled at my embarrassment. "I only wished I had a camera with me!" She exclaimed between breaths.

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Then get your sexy butt in the showers, mister, before I actually consider it!"

I huffed and walked towards the bathroom, intending to open the door, but not before turning around and giving my firm ass a wriggle and a slap, making Spitfire blush herself, her eyes widening and biting her lip.

Hah! That's what she gets when she thinks she can embarrass me! I thought to myself, dropping the charade. One thing that she should know about me, is that I have no shame!

I twisted the doorknob and entered the bathroom, slamming the door behind me.

~

The air was chilly as we walked through the streets of Manehatten. Despite all the fur that I now have, I still had to wear multiple layers of clothing and a winter jacket to stave off the unrelenting cold. My breath came out as little gasps as my teeth chatter uncontrollably, and my ears were splayed back. Spitfire, on the other hand, didn't seem at all bothered by the chilly weather. She wore similar clothing but was otherwise unaffected.

We were currently entering a museum. I shivered, and this time it was not because of the chilly weather. I stepped up to the entrance of the building and recalled that my friends and I had been banned from my local one. For 'all of eternity' was what the manager had said. I had never seen anyone so livid before. Maybe it was because I was making fun of his funny accent. Oh well, someone should really get that stick out of his arse.

"Soarin?" I turned toward Spitfire, who had an eyebrow raised expectantly. I walked over to our little group, which consisted of ourselves, Fleetfoot, and a few others that I don't recognize.

By carefully changing the topics during conversation, I was able to get away with not knowing any of their names.

I've got to admit, being one of the Wonderbolts, I had half-expected to be beating paparazzi off with a stick, but no such thing had occurred yet. Even though we weren't being harassed by them, I still had my guard up, my new sensitive ears twisting every which way at the littlest of sounds, trying to pick up anything suspicious. I've got nothing so far though.

We entered the building while chatting amicably amongst ourselves. We had also unanimously decided that we would split up and do our own thing after a heated argument involving Spitfire and another fellow Wonderbolt. I saw the manager walking up to us and I had instinctively reached into my pockets for my BB gun. Shit, where is it?!

"Is there a problem here, miss?" He asked with a level tone.

"No sir, none at all. My colleague and I were just arguing about pegasi mating habits, that's all." She replied coolly.

The manager raised an eyebrow but said nothing to pursue the matter. "Enjoy your visit, miss." He said, no doubt keeping an eye on us from now on.

"Thank you." Spitfire said, while glaring daggers at the subject of her ire out of the corners of her eyes.

What was it about again? I believe my name was mentioned a few times.

...Oh!

My eyes widened in realization. They must've been talking about me and Spitfire! Man, I should really start paying more attention.

I suddenly find myself alone. Had everyone dispersed and left me alone?! I was suddenly starting to freak out, but I was determined to keep my cool. I had to remind myself that there weren't any security guards chasing after me with their long black batons and taser guns.

Was there a name for fear of museums?

"Ooooookay...." I muttered to myself. "God, I feel like a child whose lost their parents." Which, in retrospect, was not far from the truth.

Deciding that I had nothing to lose, I picked a random direction and started walking. I had also decided that I might as well try to learn something from my visit. As alien as the concept sounds to me, I do like to read the odd book from time to time.

The one I bought while high didn't count.

I walked through exhibit after exhibit, passing cursory glances to any that might seem interesting. Out of the corner of my eye, I spot something peculiar. It was definitely a mare, or maybe a very feminine stallion(hey, ya never know!), who was wearing a small black hoodie and skin-tight jeans. Her tail that was poking out was a two-toned yellow and orange one. Quite stylish in my opinion, but her attire was not what piqued my curiosity, but the fact that I had seen her before. In fact, now that I think about it, I had seen her throughout the entire time I was strolling through the museum!

Deciding to test my theory, I walked towards another exhibit, and pretend that I was interested. I watched through the reflection on the glass and, as I suspected, she moved to another exhibit that was closer!

She was definitely following me. Crap! Was she going to kill me?! My mind raced with all the possible ways that she could snuff me out, from the plausible to the absolute inane. Is she hiding a knife in that cloak? Maybe she's going to poison me!!

I realized that everyone around me was now staring at me. Then again, I did look like I was about to have a heart attack, so there's that. In my panic, I noticed that the strange hooded figure was no longer to be seen.

My heart started racing, doing its best to match the activity going on in my brain.

Where the hell did she go?! Maybe she's going to kill me from a distance!

Or worse... I gulped, maybe...s-she's...with s-security...

I imagined a group of gruff-looking security guards barreling down the hallway with their big black police batons and tasers that could make you wet yourself...

"Mister, are you okay?" Asked a little filly looking up at me.

"SHE DID IT!!" I yelled at the top of my lungs while I pointed at her. I then proceeded to push down a glass display of priceless china, shattering it into tiny unsalvageable pieces, hoping that it would stall the security guards that were no doubt closing in on me, and running a dead sprint down the hallway, screaming like I was being chased by baton-wielding tasers.

"I j-just wanted an autograph..." the small filly whimpered.

~

"That was close..." I muttered to myself. I had secluded myself in a stall in the public washroom, and I was pretty sure that no one saw me entering said washroom.

And I was also pretty sure that I might've possibly caused a scene.

But that little detail was unimportant. What matters was that I was safe and those mean security guards would never think to look for me in here-

*click*

My train of thought was interrupted as my ears perked up to hear the door opening and closing.

A slow and strangely light footsteps reached my ears. My heart beats a little faster as the sound grew closer, my breathing gradually turns erratic. My palms start to sweat, and my eyes were frantically searching for a way out. The footsteps stopped after it reached my stall, and for a moment I thought that maybe the stranger left.

The door swung open suddenly.

"Boo."

I fainted.

Author's Note

Here's my shoddy attempt at trying to improve my writing. I'm not sure it worked though...

Anyways, sorry for the late update. I've got no excuse. I was just being lazy :P