Byte sizedby a guy with many hatsChaptersDiscord.exeTestsStraight manDirtThe lushLockdownNBS: GolfGoing homeDiscord.exeMan it's cold outside, even in spring the nights get so bloody cold. At least I'm back home, bloody criminal to be stuck outside in this. I locked my door and hurried to my office. Spring session was over and I was going to be spending quite a bit of time in here. I ran my hand along the hard wood of the door before letting my hand fall limply on the knob. It seemed weird to complain about staying up all night for classes when others would kill for my position. A lofty government grant meant for a high end university being used on a community college meant I lived pretty well despite only working weekends. But it didn't really matter, college sucks so most days I duck out early and come home to browse the internet. "Bloody...start..." I plopped down in my chair and poked the power button with my toe. The familiar dim whirl of the machine broke the silence. Windows...desktop...chrome...now what... I circled the mouse around before clicking the search bar. Whenever I was bored I usually just searched random crap, today was going to be no different. Tin can. The first search of the day was simply tin can, today was going to be productive.... Porn...porn...cosplayer...grown men with doll...porn...picture of- op- never mind...porn... Why did my friend tell me to look this up? I was cut off before I could navigate away. A large popup sat infront of the back button. You've won! Click here to claim prize! Well...I- actually...I don't think I've once seen where these go. I check to see if my antivirus was up to date and clicked it. I always wondered how blatant they would be about trying to get your credit card, like...would they just outright ask for it or would they be more subtle. I clicked the claim button. Discord.exe Run Run Oh that wasn't good...there is no place to exit...bollocks. Uhhh....run? I clicked the run. It flashed for a moment before disappearing. Replaced by a video clip seconds later. Oh great...more of this, god don't let it be porn... I watched as the video clip ran on, some jockish cartoon character was poking some yellow one. She reeled back and shot up towards the screen. A few moments passed before the scene should have shifted, instead she plinked off the screen like a bug, "Huh?" She felt around in front of her, "What th-" "Well this is weird-" I was cut off by a tiny hoof sticking out of my monitor followed by the entire front half of the cartoon. I felt my eye twitch as she crawled out of my screen. I could feel myself suppressing a freakout as the tiny creature plopped out of my monitor and onto my keyboard, closing the video and sending it back to desktop. "What the hay- whoa!" She finally looked up at my face, her eyes shot wide as did mine. She started backing up, bumping into the monitor, "W-w-what the hay are you!?" I quickly looked around my desk, an empty pint was quickly made into a makeshift prison, trapping the tiny thing snugly inside it. I slid it towards the end of my desk, letting air flow from a small gap at the bottom. My brain was racing, mostly shooting to one realization: my friend was going to freak the hell out. "Okay...this...what is this...I don't know...but...I...uh- bollocks!" I grabbed the side of my head with my free hand. Maybe I'm drunk; maybe I just need to sleep this off. Where can I put this thing...closet!" I cupped my hand at the bottom of the glass, the cyan pony pounding her hooves against it as I carried her. "Hey you let me outta here before I- I...well I don't know but it won't be good!" Her breath was quickly fogging the inside of the glass, "Please! I don't like tight spaces!" She looked to be a little bigger than my hand, the size of a three month kitten, or a pug which meant the glass was a rather tight squeeze. I hurried into my bedroom, pulling my closet door open and tossed the rainbow maned mare to the floor, "Hey!" She managed to shout back before I slammed the door. A loud tapping coming from the other side, "Hey- I- I don't like it in here! It's too dark!" She sounded like she was starting to panic. In all fairness I was starting to panic as well. My heart was racing, this was a bit like that time I trapped a squirrel in the house, only now it could fly and talk so...also nothing like that time with the squirrel. "Please, I don't like the dark!" The voice squeaked from the inside of my closet. I felt a quick pang of guilt before running to find some sort of illumination. I found an old flashlight in my kitchen drawer and turned it on, running back to the closet I was rammed into by the mare trying to escape. She managed to regain her composure and start flying away from me. I pushed the bedroom door closed with my foot while trying to grab her. "Don't touch me! She growled hovering out of my reach. "Don't touch you? What?! Just what the hell are you!?" I yelled grabbing a nearby stool and stepping up. "Me!? What the hay are you!? You're bigger than a dragon!" "And you're- a tiny- horse!" I said between swipes. This wasn't working... I abandoned my current plan and found an old army cap. Back on the stool I used it like a makeshift net, after two failed attempts she bumped into a wall and sat dazed long enough for me to snatch her up. "Gottcha!" I pulled the hat closed and stepped down. The cloth started bulging as she kicked at the hat, "Let me go, let me go!" She cried as I slowly reached my fingers inside the opening, "Ah!" She squealed as I managed to grab her by her barrel, "No no no no no!" She started trying to push me off with her hooves and kick me away with her back legs. I slowly pulled her out of the hat and into view. She was frantically pushing my hand, trying to either push me away or herself free. "What in the world..." I shifted my grip and let my other hand hold her rump up as to not let her lower body hang, "This is just...crazy!" She was insanely soft, I was by no means squeezing her but my grip was tight enough to feel her muscles move as she tried to pull away. Her breathing was soft as she panted against my finger, her hooves pressing their hardest to free her. She picked her head up, her magenta eyes growing wide for a second before looking down and biting down on my finger. It didn't hurt, more of a slight pressure than a bite. I was about to say something about calming down when I felt a warm trickle on my lower hand, "Did you just..." I lifted her up and sure enough she had had an accident, "...I...you just...man..." She got slightly red as I closed my hand to keep it off the floor. I started walking into the bathroom, holding her over the sink and letting her back legs touch down on the basin. "I- I'm not scared!" she shouted up at me, hair flying about as she did. "You just peed on my hand..." "Did not!" I cocked an eyebrow at her, "...that's...not mine..." "Liar..." "You're a liar!" "How am I a liar!?" "Cause you...you, you never told me what you were!" "...that's not lying, that's just not saying anything...and you peed on me...I think I deserve an answer first!" "Make me!" I cocked my eyebrow again, lifting her up and out of the sink, turning on the faucet and hovering her above it, her back legs curled up as she got close, "What's wrong? Don't like ice cold water in the middle of the night?" I asked with a smug smile. "I- you wouldn't!" She snapped at me, prompting me to let her rump fall under the flow for a moment, "AH- Geez that's cold!" She shrieked as I brought her back up. "Jerk!" "Yep...now, what are you!?" I shook her a bit, nothing too much just enough to rattle her. "Rainbow Dash! B-Best flyer in Equestria!" I recognized a few words from my friend, idiot never shut up about it. "...okay...now...why are you here?" I asked leaning in to meet her eye to eye. "I don't know! I was flying when I hit some wall! I felt around and pushed through! How was I supposed to know what would happen?!" "You sho-" My voice caught as I was about to scold her. This just happened because you did something stupid too... "Huh...so..." "So?" Asked the rainbow maned one. I waited there for a moment, turned off the sink and set her down, "If I let you go you're not going to fly around are you, I mean I don't want you dripping everywhere..." Her face flushed as she looked down, "I'm not scared...fine..." I slowly relaxed my grip, letting her sit on her own in the sink, "So...stay here, I'll be right back with some...I don't know...a bowl or something..." I walked out and closed the door behind me. I hurried into the kitchen and found a soup bowl that looked about big enough. I hurried back to my bathroom and found the mare still sulking in the sink. "What is that?" She asked, leaning on the edge of the sink. "...well...you've got wings right? So a bird bath?" I turned on the bathtub tap and waited until it got warm before filling the bowl, adding soap, and setting it on the floor of the tub. A quick squirt of body wash would have to suffice. I turned back to the sink and pinched the mare's scruff and hovered her over the bowl. "Hey wait! Wait! WAIT!" She kicked her hooves as I lowered her in, "What if it's- Ah- ahhh~" She eased as I sunk her into the hot water. I let her slip out of my hands and into the water. She moaned as she slipped fully into the steamy water, her muzzle the only thing poking out. I stepped into the tub, sitting on the edge. "Oooohhh my gosh..." She dunked her head under it before popping back up and whipping her mane around, "Ow ow ow ow ow!" She started rubbing her eyes, "Why doe-" "Soap in your eyes?" I asked reaching for a towel. "Yeah...hey wait!" She threw her hooves out, "I don't...I'm not getting out yet!" She crossed her forelegs and sank a little deeper. "...not...not worried about what I am anymore? Cause...as much as I hate to say it...I think I know who you are..." I set the towel hanging over the side of the tub. "Well...you...you didn't do anything bad...but...big things are usually dangerous...but...this..." She lifted her hooves out of the water, "So...what are you?" "English." "Is that like a monkey? Cause you kinda look like a monkey." She leaned her head back and folded her ears to submerge them. "...uh...I'm compelled to say yes...but no. It was a joke: human is what I am but my name is Sean." I dipped my hand into the water and poured a bit over her. "Hey! ...do that again." I smiled as I dipped my hand back into the water and poured it slowly over her, she lifted herself up and snaked her head around the fall. "So...not scared of me?" She shook her head crazily, sending water all over the tub, "Well...there is one thing you're missing to be really scary-" "You peed yourself!" "-I- you...you were...I don't...anyways...you don't have sharp teeth, every big scary thing should have sharp teeth!" She dunked herself one last time before crawling out and stretching. She shook her head and rump, flapping her wings sent droplets everywhere. "So...you know me?" "Long story...I'll explain later..." I grabbed the towel and scooped her up into my lap. Taking the towel between my fingers I ran it across her head, following the arch of her back and pinching any moisture off her tail. "I can- hey!" I quickly flipped her on her back and started drying off her underside, "S-t-oop it!" She tried to hold it back, but quickly lost the battled and started laughing maniacally as I dried off her barrel. "What's wrong? Ticklish?" I finished drying her and let the towel fall away. I brought my finger across her belly and started rubbing tiny circles; sending her into a giggling heap of kicking limbs. "Stop- stop- stop!" She was almost crying so I gave her some rest. She quickly curled up and rested on her side. "I-pfff- don't do that!" She started glowing red as she looked away. I gave a weak smile as I bundled her up in the towel, cradling her like a baby and walking back to my room. I set her down on my bed while I rummaged through my closet. "No...no...no...no!" "What are you doing?" "Looking- for...aha!" I pulled a worn ushanka from my closet. I punched the center inward, making a crater to fit the mare in. I quickly set it down next to my pillow and set her inside it. "Hey wha-" "Tired...bed...hat will be warm." I managed to finish up just as a massive yawn washed over me. "Shazbot..." I quickly undid my jeans and shirt, tossing them in a small heap across the room. "Just...gonna get some sleep...and figure this out in the morning..." I crawled into bed, my head facing Rainbow Dash, who was watching me from the top of the hat. "But I-" "Shhh" I said closing my eyes. "But I'm not-" "Shhh..." "Not tire-" I reached my hand up and grabbed her back, quickly digging my nails into her coat and scratching her sides, "Shhhh..." "That's not going...to...work...I'm not even...tired...and...ahhhhh~" She finally gave up and pushed back against my hand. I ended up just letting my hand hold position and letting her scratch herself with my hand. I fell asleep to the feeling of a soft coat rubbing my palm and my fingers digging slightly into her coat. I half expected to wake up massively hungover or coming down from some sort of hallucinogen in the morning. It doesn't really matter though, this is actually a pretty good way to fall asleep. "Hey...hey...wake up..." "Eughwhua?" I grumbled, opening my eyes to the pitch black room, "What?" Rainbow had been pressing her forelegs against my nose, "I...I gotta go to the little fillies room..." I rubbed my eyes and rolled onto my back, "Which one...one or two?" "Two..." "Christ..."I laid back down and reached up to pull the door open, "Bathroom is...*yawn* first door on the left...just...in the toilet or...just not on the floor..." "But...dark..." "Uuugghhh...fine..." I rolled out of bed, my legs sore and joins stiff. I felt around and flicked on the light. Dash flew up and followed me into the hall, her back lags crossed and rocking slightly in the air. I felt my way into the bathroom and flicked on the light, "Go do your thing...I'll wait...somewhere..." She gave me a confused look before flying into my bathroom. "Hey how do I...oh!" I had a quick laugh before trundling back towards my bedroom. I was caught mid-thought and changed course to my office. I stumbled and knocked over my chair, kicking it aside I took up my position in front of the computer. Log in...alright...and...ready. The screen was blinding to my unadjusted eyes. After a bit of watering my eyes finally adjusted. One am...this is ridiculous...I rubbed my head and looked around my desktop. A new shortcut sat dead center in the screen. It was a picture of one of the characters from the show smiling widely and giving a thumbs up. Discord.exe. "This..." I felt an extreme urge to click it again. I decided I would hold off until I could figure out who I was dealing with right now. I would have to call my friend in the morning, for now though I think it was about time to get back to sleep. I closed up my office and started back to my room, Dash met me in the hall, "So...productive?" I asked walking past. She narrowed her eyes angrily and followed. I quickly crashed back in my bed and curled up. "So...you...naw you wont mind..." I was about to look for her when she landed next to me, digging her lower half under the covers. I looked down at her, "What?" I just shook my head, "Oddly comfortable around me already..." "Well...I figure if you try something, I could take ya..." "...you peed yourself..." "And I- ...I thought you were gonna crush me, and after the dark place I was...I was scared..." She sounded kinda down about it. "I'm not criticizing..." I reached up and started pulling her into my face, "I guess it was a little scary..." "Hey no no no!" She pushed off my face, "Hey! No!" I eased up, "What...I'm trying to hug you..." "...oh! ...I thought...actually...you probably can't fit me in your mouth anyways..." She gave a quick laugh, her hooves still pressed into my forehead. I gave her an incredulous look, "And hair is terrible...now..." I pulled her undercarriage onto my face, her coat was warm against my cheek. She tried to push off a few times before settling in, her breathing slowed as I scratched along her spine. Once again I drifted off to sleep with a warm body pressed up against my cheek. I could feel her kick slightly as I breathed across her stomach. A soft heartbeat rumbling in my ears was a nice change from the usual silence. It was going to be a very cozy night. Tests*Beep beep beep beep* "Oh shut up!" I swung my hand over and blindly grabbed at my nightstand, "Stupid...thing." I found the alarm and slammed the snooze button. Upon trying to wipe my face I was reminded of my guest. She curled up as my hand brushed against her back. "No~" She groaned, curling around my nose, "I don wanna..." "Don, is not a word...and it's time to get up," I blew a stream of air across her barrel, causing her to kick her back legs against my chin. "Come on," I scratched her back as I pulled my head away, "Get up, come on...time for food..." She perked up at that, "Food?" "Yep, just give me a second to change," I had slept in my street clothes last night so a quick change was in order. I rolled onto my back and sat upright. I swung my legs off the bed just as Dash was stretching out, her hind legs twitching as she did. I gave a quick internal laugh as I rummaged around my dresser, pulling a pair of shorts and a tee shirt. I pulled the shirt on first. Maneuvering my pants to avoid being seen was taxing, but not impossible. Once that was out of the way I chucked my old apparel in the hamper and started towards the door. Dash quickly floated next to me, "So, what's for breakfast?" She asked doing a lap around me as I walked. "I don't know...you're a horse right? So...carrots? I think I have some carrots." She stopped and flew backwards in front of me, "Horse?! I'm a pegasus!" "...Of course you are. Anyways, I'm sure I have something you can eat." This was starting to feel like that month I had a stray cat living in my back yard, granted this isn't a cat, and can talk, so nothing like that cat at all. She seemed be getting impatient and started taking laps around my head again. I ignored it and hurried to my kitchen. "Doo bee doo...ah there," I found a whole carrot in the bottom bin of my fridge along with some potatoes. Not exactly the breakfast of kings but a baked potato sounded good. I set the carrot on the counter and jabbed a few holes in the potato with a fork. "What's that?" Dash asked from behind as I shoved the potato into my microwave. "A potato." I felt something plink against the back of my head, "I know what that is, I meant that." She flew past and poked the door of the microwave. "Oh, microwave oven. Cooks food fast," I slammed the door shut and set it to cook, "Anyways, this okay?" I asked, taking the carrot in hand. She landed on my arm and poked the carrot, "Just like that?" "Sure, I mean I can cut it up if you want." She gave me a strange look, "I mean...it's kind of plain." I set it down as she took to the air again. "Then what do you want? I got just about everything." I stepped towards the fridge and pulled it open, Dash quickly flew in and started looking through the shelves, "What's this?" I leaned in and looked at a small bag of york patties I had, "Uh...mints. Can you eat chocolate?" "Heck yeah I can!" I gave a quick chuckle, "Bloody...carrot and chocolate breakfast. I cant say anything though, bloody baked potato." I tossed the packaged mint on the counter with the carrot, and turned to Dash, "Why don't you just go wait at the table." "But-" "Eh." "Wha-" "Eh." I shut her down again. "Sto-" "EH!" I poked her belly with my finger, "Go sit." She muttered angrily as she fluttered over and sat on the tabletop. And now...we wait. I stared at the microwave, "Hurry up...stupid potato..." The potato slumped onto a plate. I set it on my table and threw the mint and carrot on another plate. I jabbed the potato, sending a puff of steam into the air. Once it cleared I could see Dash poking at the carrot with her hoof, "Problem?" "I can't...where do I start with this?" She poked the whole carrot, "It's just too big!" I forked a bit of potato into my mouth, "That's dirty...here." I reached over and grabbed the carrot, snapping it in half and setting it back on her plate, "Better?" She reached her head down and gave it a quick bite, a large chunk torn out of it showed her hunger, "It's...kinda bland..." Again I dug my fork into the potato, taking some of the wondrously salty meal and tossing it on her plate. She gave it a moment before giving it a single lick, followed by her digging her muzzle deep into the mush. "And that is why I add extra salt." I laughed as her ear gave a single twitch before she pulled her head up, muzzle covered in bits of potato. I lowered my head, unable to keep a straight face. "Hey! I can hear you laughing!" "I know...I'm not going to stop." I looked up, Dash was standing face to face with me, the smell of potato coming from her. I set my fork down. "I can't...here," I slid my plate over to her side, "I can't deal with this." I swiped my thumb across her muzzle, smearing a bit of potato across her cheek, before bopping her mouth and standing up. "I'm gonna go check on my computer," She was angrily muttering and trying to wipe off her cheek, "If you can't find me just start yelling...I'm sure that will work out." I started leaving, a last look back saw her sulking back to the hallowed out potato on my plate and the carrots. "Alright...this is...well it's not a good idea...but..." This really wasn't a good idea, mostly because the last time I did it, it netted me a dependent, but nothing was ever accomplished through cowardice. And the way I figure it a second one couldn't hurt, keep Dash company or something...unless they ended up hating each other in which case...well...a third can't hurt at that point. I was stalling...and I knew I was stalling. My cursor was hanging over the icon for a long time, "Click it, come on, do it." Can it get any worse? Why am I hesitating. I wonder what- "No more!" I clicked the icon. Familiar music filled the screen as a window full sized and spread ten or so small pictures about, each with a small description. I quickly scanned the pictures, it was laid out like a dating site, which mad it just a little creepy. "Hello!?" Dash called from another room. Well this might actually be opportune, maybe she knows some of these. "Aye, last door at the end of the hall!" She flew in a few moments later, hovering next to my head, "Wha-at?" I turned to meet her, she had cleaned up and was carrying the wrapped mint in her mouth, "Here," I held my hand flat as she dropped the candy into it. I quickly ripped the package open and held the mint for her. She bit into it and floated up to my head, I could hear her chewing. "Are...are you eating that whole?" She didn't answer for a while, and when she did it was only after a long mmmmm, "Maybe...you have more of those?" I rubbed my face, a pair of hooves hanging over my forehead as I took my hand away. I reached up and started scratching her back as my other hand scrolled through the pictures. "Hey tch- look at these, you know any?" I tapped the screen with my knuckle. "Lean in." I complied, "Hmmm, are these...these are ponies!" She kicked her hooves against my scalp, "You're some kinda weirdo!" "Ow hey stop that!" I pulled her up by her tail, her hooves kicking the air. "It's not like I did it on purpose the first time!" She started stomping her forelegs on my head, "Oh but you're gonna do it now?!" I shifted my grip and pulled her in front of me, "Yes...the way I figure it. You might be stuck here..." Her eyes started widening, "...atleast until I can figure this out. I'm not great with computer code but I'm sure I can...maybe. Anyways I thought you'd enjoy some company." "So...stuck here? Like...forever?" She let her head fall, "But..." "Oohhhh no..." I could tell where this was going. I pulled her into my shoulder, "No crying...come on...no crying..." "I'm not crying!" She said, just before burying her head into my shoulder, "I'm not..." "Come on...please stop." I could feel her heaving into my back, "I'm sure I can find a way to send you back!" "You promise?" She eeked out between sobs. "I promise!" I let my hand rub up and down her back before putting her back atop my head. "But for the time being...here this one looks good..." Roseluck: AKA (Rose) Hobbies: gardening, recreational cooking, part time foalsitting. Age: twenty eight Demeanor: calm Dislikes: loud noises, showboats "Perfect." I double clicked it, a clip started playing. "Wait...Roseluck!? NO!" "What? Why?" "I kinda...kinda killed one of her rosebushes..." "I'm sure she won't-" "Or two...or three." "Oh...well, I'm sure you two can be civil." I was cut off by a loud clatter from my keyboard, a tan mare was finding her bearing on the plastic buttons. She shook her head, sending her mane flying around. Eventually she seemed to be okay, at least before looking up at me and freezing in place, "...Hello there." Her mouth fell open before she fainted, knocking her head against the keys, "Ohhh! That looked like it hurt." Dash said, flying down to check on her, "I think she's alright...maybe, I can't actually tell." "Well...I'll go start a bath then." "What? Why!?" I stood and scooped up the KO'd mare, "Well it worked on you...from my experience with your kind warm water is a universal: let's be friends." Dash just rolled her eyes, "Hey, before you go...got anymore of those minty things?" I stopped and leaned against the hall, "You mean the mints...yes, I do. Minty things, they're literally just mints, that's what they're called." I grumbled drudging towards the kitchen, "If I give you another you're going to be the one to explain things to her, deal?" "Fine," She flew up and bounced off my head, "And you don't have to be mean about it." She flew into the kitchen like a bullet. With some alone time I did what I've been putting off for a while. I cradled the new mare in my left arm while scratching her belly with my right. "Man...just so soft..." I let my hands crawl all over her, softly rubbing her stomach and scratching along her ribs. She curled up around my hand as I did. I might actually get some swim shorts and just wash her myself. It was an extremely pleasing tactile sense, not at all rough but it had some strength to it. Dash's was slightly rougher, but that was like comparing silk to cashmere. "What are you doing?" The mare said groggily, I froze, "I didn't say stop..." I looked down and got a good look at her face, her eyes were still closed. I was unsure if she even knew what was going on or not, but best way to make a good first impression is to listen to your guest. Scratching intensified. Straight man*Bang bang bang* "Sean!?" "Carmine?" I slowly walked to the front door. A quick peek through the peephole saw one of my few friends standing outside with a messenger bag. I unlocked it and pulled it open, "Carmine, what's up?" Before he could answer I could see a faint streak of bright blue hair peeking its way out of his bag, "John told you to look that show up too...I think we have a similar problem...you mind?" He waved his hand inside. "Uh...I really-" "I already know..." I tilted his head towards his bag, "Just let me in." Carmine pushed past me, reaching into his bag, "John really screwed us over." When her turned around her had a small mare with a neon blue mane. "Whoa..." The mare said looking around, "Mind if I look around?" She jumped down and ran off. "Sean...Vinyl Scratch." Carmine flopped back on my couch, "So yeah, shit's crazy." He lifted his legs just as Vinyl walked under him, "She likes to do that...." "Yeah I do." She laughed as she trotted around my living room. "Anyways....so far even Kenny said he had one...everyone John told about that stupid show got one." Carmine ducked as Dash flew into the room, "Jesus! They can fly!?" Dash flew out with Vinyl chasing after, "Yeah...they ca-" "Hello!" Rose walked in, "Who's this? Can I finally go home..." Carmine was frozen, staring at the mare before picking her up, "Sean...why do you have two? Sean...answer me. Sean!" "....Okay so maybe I-" "Rainbow Dash said he did it..." Rose snitched, "So, who are you?" Carmine slowly lowered Rose into his lap, staring at me with the fury of a norse god. "You do realize what I will do to you if you do it again, right?" I swallowed hard, "Y-yeah...so...what-" He stood up and handed me Rose, "I have to work...you take care of Vinyl, I'll try and figure this all out...delete the fucking program or hide it. If you do it again I will take them all away and smash your fucking computer.... Got it?" "Yeah." I said with a slight tremble, "Got it." Carmine just shook his head, "I'll drop by later. I'm sure I can figure this out...even if I have to do something stupid to do it." He walked out. "Hmmm is he single?" Rose asked from my grip, "Cause that. That is a stallion with presence." I just turned her around and looked her in the eyes, "Traitor..." "Kidnapper..." I grumbled something as I took her under my arm and walked her to the back yard. I'd set up a little garden for her since she showed up. Five days of ignoring me and she had already caused the plants to grow insanely fast. I set her down, "Rose can we-" She just gave my shin a quick buck and trotted off. My suspicions about being quick friends was utterly shattered when she started berating me for forcing her to leave her garden unattended. Needless to say she was not a fan of mine. I watched her drag the hose over before fumbling with the spigot. She was amazingly strong for being so small. Stronger than Dash at least. I left her alone and walked back inside, I had learned to leave the door open and to stack things for them to jump higher on. Needless to say Rose never slept in the same room as me but she seemed to enjoy the couch, while Dash had taken to curling around my head each night. I walked into my living room when a blast of dubstep burst from my office, "Jesus!" I had no idea my speakers could go that high! I rushed into my office, Dash was plinking off the walls while the mare Carmine had dropped off was bouncing up and down on my keyboard, "Du-u-u-ude this things- got some bass!" I quickly reached the computer and shut it off, "What the hell?! How did you even-" I was cut off by a soft aura surrounding the button before cranking the volume back to max, "I- can- use- machines!" She said, her glasses bouncing up and down her muzzle, "Totally- gotta- get one- of these!" It felt like my teeth were vibrating. I quickly grabbed Dash and ran into the hall, throwing the door shut and muffling the noise, "What the hell...she's gonna go-" Dash bit my hand, "Oi?!" "That is DJ Pon3! Why'd you pull me out!?" She popped free of my grip and tried to move the doorknob, "I freaking love DJ Pon3!" "Insanity..." I pulled the door just open, Dash flew in and was gone for a while. Leaving me alone with a house full of blaring music and an angry gardener. I decided to grab my laptop and go sit with Rose outside. At least maybe I'll have some quiet for a few minutes. DirtCarmine: "Jesus!" I bolted through the streets, two new additions in my bag, "God damn fucking idiots!" I took a sharp turn and slammed into Sean's side yard gate, "Sean! Sean let me in!" Sean quickly appeared over the fence. "Oi...what happened? I thought you had work?" He quickly undid that latch. Once I heard the door unlock I pushed through, "I checked on Kenny first! Idiot had two too!" "What, tutu?" "Shut up! Auggh...I can't deal with all this...the idiot said he got two because he thought he could make them fuck....You're just stupid right, cause I can deal with stupid, but him...augh, just augh." I felt the new duo poking through my bag as we reached his back porch, his other pony, the one with the red mane, busying herself with some flowers, "Jesus...I need a drink..." I set the bag down and let the new duo out. Noteworthy clawed his way out with Berry latched onto his leg. "Oh Celestia help! She's got my leg, she's got my leg!" I sat down on her back stoop and pulled them apart, "Oh thank you," He hugged my wrist, "You are the best....what are you?" "Human..." "Best human!" I shook my head as I set him down, he ran off before I set Berry down, quickly stumbling over and knocking her head onto the concrete. "Jesus...is she alright?" Sean asked as he stepped over. "I don't think so...Kenny gave her a shot of whiskey to try and get her and him," I pointed to Noteworthy, who was watching Rose work, "To....god damn idiot. I mean, you're stupid, but god damn you're not that stupid." I rested my head in my hands, "God damn...this is like the cat incident all over again." "Why do you always bring that up?" Sean crouched down and scooped up the drunken mare, "It was one time-" "You killed a bloody cat! Even if it wasn't direct, you lead to a cat dying! And then you wanted another!" I gave a long groan as I laid my head back in my hands, "I had to use a sick day for this..." "Well...sorry. I'm gonna go put her in bed or something...she really doesn't look good." Sean walked off, leaving me alone with the two in the yard. "Yeah fine...I'll just be here...waiting...for nothing...." My head was killing me, I had been awake for about three hour, woken up by a delayed arrival of a mare that decided blaring music at six am was fine. I even had take Kenny's power cord to keep him from taking more. "Hey...are you alright?" I pulled my head up to see the red head walking over, "You look...well, not good." I could see Noteworthy nodding behind her. How do I talk to her...do I talk to her? I guess I should. I took a deep sigh, "Ya know I guess I'm not." I devolved into a tired smile, "I've been running around like a madman, trying to sort this all out, I missed work, and now...I don't know. I'm just so damn tired." I let my head fall back into my hands. I heard some whispers followed by a small pressure crawling up my hip, "Hey, come on." I turned my head to see the red head was trying to shake my leg, "Come on, help me with the plants." She bit the tail of my shirt and started tugging me towards the lawn. "Oh come on don't-" Noteworthy walked over to my front, "Trust me friend, it's easier to just go with it." My words fizzled in my mouth, "Fine..." I scooped up the mare, pulling her off my shirt. She wiggled around until her forelegs were hanging over my forearms, "For the record I'm not a-" She cut me off, thrusting a hoof towards a small planter box, "That way!" I felt a quick jolt of annoyance before walking over and setting her down. "Perfect," She bolted off to what looked like an crumbly dog house. She slowly emerged, pulling a tray of starters out through the front door. She managed to pull the tray out and walked over to me, "Well, help!" This felt strange, like getting yelled at by a small dog. "Help with what?" She looked around, eventually finding a small trowel by the door, "Go get a shovel, Noteworthy: go pick some weeds." Note gave a quick shrug before running off, "Well, don't just stand there!" She chirped, "Get going!" I really didn't feel like arguing. I resigned myself to fetching the trowel. Once it was acquired I walked back and sat in the grass, "Just dig a hole?" I asked, scanning the lawn for the mare. She popped out of the greenery, "Yeah, maybe here." She stomped her hoof on a small patch of dirt, "So wait...your name's..." "Carmine." I started digging a shallow hole, "You?" She shook her body, throwing about a cloud of dust, "Roseluck!" I gave a single cough as I dug, "Charming. This good enough?" She looked into the small hand sized hole, "Should be," She trotted off and started pulling the starters over. I quickly leaned over and picked the whole thing up, pulling a starter out and planting it in the ground. "Hmm, glad to see you get it." She walked over to it and stomped the ground, "So you know the other one?" "Who, Sean? Yeah...kids dumb...I mean he means we-" "I was just sitting in my garden, tending some flowers, then bam, duddenly here. Then Rainbow Jerk said he knew what would happen!" I stuck the trowel in the ground, "Like I said, he's dumb. He does mean well...he tries rather." I started to stand up, "He's just kinda dopey, A for effort if you will." Noteworthy joined us, his coat covered in dust, muzzle colored brown from his digging, "I'll go get a towel." "Hey Carmine..." Sean was sitting with the KO'd mare on the couch, "Did Kenny really-" "What do you think? Anyways I need a towel, where are they?" I asked with a bit of bite to my voice. I could never get rid of it even when I wasn't mad at him. "Top shelf in the bathroom...why do you need a towel?" "The gardener and the bookish one are all dirty, and I don't know about you but I usually try to keep my carpet clean." I hurried off to fetch a towel. "Hey you got some money?" Sean yelled from the other room, "I was gonna go pick up some food, but I ain't paying for both of us." "From where?" "A deli I go to, it's kinda expensive but really worth it." "...Yeah alright, and pick up some fresh stuff for the horses...ponies...whatever they are." I said as I grabbed the towel and started back outside. "Oi! Uh...ponies!?" I yelled, the duo walking over to the steps, "Alright..." I leaned over and grabbed the hose, "This might be a bit cold." I quickly turned the spigot ever so slightly, jamming my thumb in the faucet sent a thin spray of water towards them. Rose seemed to be enjoying it, "Cold on a warm day is always nice." She weaved her head around to thoroughly soak herself. Noteworthy on the other hand seemed to be tolerating it at best, "Not a fan of cold water?" I asked with a laugh. He shook his head, "Not really a fan of water in the first place." I gave a quick, tired, laugh. It was kinda nice standing there, enjoying the soft cold of the water, watching the two people below me enjoying it as well. All I needed now was a beer and I'd look like my dad back when we were kids. No wonder why he did it, this is extremely calming. As the water that ran down the concrete landing went from brown to clear I shut the tap, "Right, enough of that." I took the towel off my shoulder and ducked down. Noteworthy quickly ran over, "Geez...you really don't like the water." I quickly dried him off, squeezing his mane free of water. "Thank you..." He slowly turned to Roseluck, "Sorry...I'll just go wait by the door." She gave a quick laugh before walking over and holding her head high. I quickly worked my hands around her, squeezing the water out of her mane and tail, rubbing her neck through the soft towel, letting my fingers crimp around her flank to pull any moisture out. As I pulled my hands away she shook her mane out, she was rather cute with the spiky mane look. What did I just think?! And so I sat with a bunch of ponies crowded around me, the drunkest of all snoring heavily, "Yo Carmine...food." Sean shook my shoulder. "Huh? Oh...right." I slowly set the ponies down, freeing myself and walking into the kitchen with Sean, "Sorry, kinda fell asleep for a little bit." "It's fine man, here." He handed me a wrapped sandwich and a small container, "French dip, change is-" He started to dig around his pocket when I interjected, "Keep it, figure I just dropped off three more headaches for you, so...yeah. I'll try and drop by on Saturday or something, help you out." I took a seat at a nearby table. Sean quickly joined me, "I'll try to figure this out...just don't bring anymore through. I already had to take away Kenny's power cord. Damn idiot told me outright I'll just get another one.... Daft idiot." "Carmine that's technically theft...." "And what he did was technically kidnapping and attempted rape, some how I think I'm in the right here." I unwrapped my sandwich, "Like I said, I'll drop by on Saturdays, help you with them, and I promise ya I'll find a way to get em back...or die trying at least...." Sean gave a quick shrug, "I really don't mind it too much." I closed my eyes and shook my head, "Sean...these aren't animals...they may look like it but they're not. They're people, they have lives, we can't just rip em away because they're..." The image of the red head whipping her mane around cut my thoughts, "...cute...." He gave a deep frown, "I suppose." "Aye." "Yep." After that quick little bout of yeses we quickly took to eating. After this I was going to head home and do my best to figure out the program, "Good isn't it?" I took another bite of the sandwich, "Aye...that it is...that it is." The lushSean Two weeks is a long time when you think about it. Two weeks I've had them here. They fight, they play, they keep my company, they make this place feel rather warm. Noteworthy has taken to books, Roseluck has her garden, Rainbow flies around out back, Vinyl has her music, and Berry...well berry.... "Go you weirdo ape, pour it!" Berry stomped her hoof, "I shaid do it!" I poured some vodka in a shot glass, "Ya know...it'sh not really fair if- *hic* if'in ya only drink...like...barely any." I had taken to drinking out of a full glass while she settled for the shot glasses a quarter full, "Shtill not goona win!" I poked her nose with my finger. She seemed dazed for a moment before biting at thin air. She quickly shook her head, "On tree...one...twoo...tree!" We both slammed our drinks, "Ahh, more!" "No more...you're too drunk...an sho am I..." I leaned back in my chair, "Okay...sho...who won?" Berry was about to open her mouth when a soft glimmer enveloped the shot glass. A few moments later Vinyl climbed some makeshift steps I had made and joined us on the table, "Brony don't forget about the best DJ here, hook it up!" She slid the shot glass over to me. My reaction times dumbed down, I was unable to stop the glass from sliding past me and off the table, shattering on the floor below, "NoooOOoo!" Berry screamed stumbling to the edge of the table, "My besht friend!" She quickly turned around and ran over to Vinyl, "You are- ta worsht pony!" She took a quick swing at her, only managing to swipe at the air once more. Other quick bat of her hoof saw it resting on the back of Vinyl's neck, "I jusht..." Berry started crying into Vinyl's shoulder, "I jusht...so sad..." Vinyl's eyes were pleading from under her glasses, she mouthed a silent "Help me" before slowly dragging herself and Berry towards me. In my slight stupor it took me a few moments to realize, but once I did I reached up to the table and pulled them apart. Vinyl shook her head, a small string of slobber clinging to her mane, "Eww...." I laughed quietly, "I'll...I'll go do the thing with the water.... Uh, okay up...." I pushed off the table with my right while cradling Berry in my left, "Whoa-" I got to my feet only to stumble sideways and jam my shoulder into the wall, "You know...how to work the thing...the water thing?" "Dude...go lay down, ya look like you're gonna be sick." Vinyl tried to ignore the slobber in her mane and jumped off the table, "Yeah I can figure out something...still gross though." "Heh...heh..." I grumbled, hazily walking through the hall towards my bed, "Berry?" She answered with some horrid groan, "Berry...we're gonna go...take a nap...then we'll be...better!" She gave another incoherent groan as I walked into my room, resting my weight on the wall the whole while. I had Berry cradled in my arms, and thus couldn't just toss myself onto the bed like I normally do. Instead I had to gingerly sit in bed and roll over. I set berry on my pillow while I drunkenly threw my shoes across the room. "Quiet you...pony humping...weirdo..." Berry croaked, covering her head with her hooves, "Too loud..." "Noo...no sad." with my feet free of my shoes I slammed my head down next to her, grabbing her and forcing her against my cheek, "No sad..." She obviously didn't like being this close to me, quickly biting the bridge of my nose to show her disapproval, "I ain't sad...you're sat!" "Is no chair..." I grumbled, pulling her off my nose, "You smell like...horse." "You smell like stupid!" "Yeah well...drunk." I sputtered out, taking Berry's stomach into my mouth and blowing. Berry quickly let go of my nose, melting into an organic puddle of alcohol and pony on my pillow. Seizing the opportunity I pulled her against my face. Her belly still war from my breath. Carmine might be mad at me for getting her drunk, but this time she asked for it first. As I nodded off to sleep Berry started wriggling. She popped her head out and bit my nose again, "Stupid, monkey, thing." I ignored her and pulled her off my nose by the scruff of her neck, "No bite...sleep now..." Slowly but surely her writhing and hitting slowed. Once she was sufficiently out of it I tucked her next to my head and turned away from her. After a little bit she started gnawing on my hair until finally she gave way to labored snores. She sounded like a damn chainsaw. My head went a bit swirly as I fell asleep. Meanwhile... "Doc you need any help?" "No my friend...give me some time. I'm better with time...but I think I can figure this out...." Doc Hooves tapped a few keys. "Alright mate, let me know if ya need anything." Doc Hooves typed away, digging deeper and deeper into the computer code that made up the program, "Carmine, a moment..." I walked over and sat next to him, "Do you mind if I bring in some more help? Someone familiar with chaos magic." "Hey if you think it'll get ya home quicker, go ahead." Hooves nodded and moved the screen along to a yellow pegasus, "Wait...you sure this will help?" Hooves stared hard at the screen, "If I'm correct this might just be the first step...but who knows. I'm not perfect." With a gleam in his eye Hooves jammed the mouse and summoned up some help. The screen lit up and plopped out another pony. I wasn't ever going to live down bringing more to earth but I couldn't figure out how to fix this on my own. I looked through the ponies on the list and found the smartest, most technologically adept one I could find. Once the screen dimmed back down the dazed mare looked around and crumbled under my gaze, "Ms. Fluttershy, hello." Hooves walked over and helped her up, "Not much time to explain, this is Carmine, current assistant. I know you've been in charge of Discord since his return, we need your help." "Oh..." Fluttershy brightened out, "Uh...hi." She waved meekly at me. "Morning...sorry for the rude landing." "Oh...it's fine...where are we?" I looked around my bright room, "Long story...Hooves quick break? Explain everything and get some food?" Hooves waved me off, "You two go ahead...I'll keep working." I nodded and held my hand flat on the desk, "Right doc...I'll bring ya something." I looked back to the petite one, "Well come on, burning daylight." I scooted her onto my hand and held her loosely against my chest before walking into the kitchen, "Oh...my..." She scanned my room, "It's so big..." I set her down on the kitchen table and grabbed some cereal. I slid the small bowl in front of her, "Oh....thank you." I sat at the table across from her, "Long story short...something called discord popped up on my computer...then, ponies." Fluttershy froze, "...Oh no...I should have kept a better eye on him..." "Anyways...you think you can help?" She stared hard at the bowl before looking up determined, "I'll try. Oh...and...I like your clothes." "Oh...thanks? I like your tail." I ran my hand along her body, she chirped at my touch before pushing herself agaist my hand like a cat, "Well...alright then...ready to get to work?" "Work? But how-" I cut her off and scooped her up. I couldn't really afford to waste time. The sooner we figure this out, the sooner we can start getting them back home. Lockdown"Rainbow? Vinyl?" I wandered through my house, "Anybody?" "Sean!" A panicked whisper came from below, "Sean!" Noteworthy started shoving my leg, "Sean you have to hide me!" I leaned down and picked him up, "Why, what's going on?" Noteworthy looked around from his now elevated position, "I think they're in heat. Sean, I need you to hide me, I won't make it out there alone!" I started scratching his back, trying to calm him down, "What the hell is-" I was cut off by a blue streak slamming into the wall next to me, "Oookay then...Dash, you alright?" She shook her head out and stared up at my hand. "Hey, can I borrow that?" Dash shot a hoof towards my hand, "Just for a little bit." "Sean!" Noteworthy caught my attention again, "Don't do it, please." He started shaking his head violently, "Please don't!" I shrugged and started towards my room. Dash zoomed past and blocked the way, "Sean...I need that." I cocked an eyebrow and grabbed her. I dug my nails into her back as I leaned down and set the laughing mare on the carpet. With her out of the picture I scooted her away from the door and stepped in. I let Noteworthy walk down my arm and jump onto my bed, "Oh thank you! Thank you so much!" "Sure mate," I sat on my bed and turned on the TV. Things grew quiet as Noteworthy paced around the bed, "So, what now?" I looked down at him, "I don't know. You can leave when you want." Noteworthy shook his head, "Not yet, not for a while." He looked around, "You got something to read?" "Just watch TV," I pointed at the TV. Some show showcasing some car chase was on, "...Err, maybe not." I got up and wandered to the shelves above my dresser. I pulled a stack of books down and set them down on the bed, "There, take your pick." Noteworthy quickly looked over the spines of the books, "Got any about space?" I lifted up the stack and looked them over, "Maybe." I picked one about and set it down in front of him, "Might like this." Noteworthy laid down on the edge of the book and started reading. A loud thumping kept coming from my door, "It's just Rainbow Dash." Noteworthy pawed at the pages, "Rose locked herself in her little house, Punch is...somewhere, in the kitchen I think. And Vinyl, Vinyl just- I don't actually know where she went." "You're so helpful." I pinched the skin on Noteworthy rump. "Ow, trying to read." Noteworthy whined angrily. A bit annoyed I stood up and started towards the door, "Sean?" I put my hand on the door, "Sean, what are you doing?!" I turned the knob and held it closed, "Sean don't!" Finally I swung the door open. Dash flew in and landed on my desk. Her wings fully extended, pose rather violent, entire body language rather aggressive, "Sean you asshole!" Alerted by Noteworthy outburst Dash locked on and flew at him like an arrow. Noteworthy panicked, tumbling backwards over the book and trying to crawl away, "Oh no you don't!" Dash bit his tail and yanked him back, "Come here big boy!" "Sean help me!" Noteworthy was nearly crying as he was nearly dragged behind a pillow. I intervened and pulled Dash up and away. She grew extremely angry, biting my hand and kicking with every limb she could move. I moved my hand around her barrel and held her tight, "Sean! Why!?" I lowered the angry mare and stared at Noteworthy, "Do not bitch at me, I am not nice to bitchy people." "Sorry! I didn't mean it!" I nodded and started out the door, I kicked it closed with my foot and set Dash down. She started swearing and kicking the door, "Why!? What did I do to deserve this!?" She went from angry to crying rather fast, "Augh! Why!?" I ducked down next to her, "Oh calm down, what's wrong with you anyways?" She let her chin rest on the door as she slid down it, "Hot...." I blinked hard as I shot upright, "Are we- we're talking about- oh wow." I picked her up and pet her. I rubbed her ears as I walked her to the kitchen. I set her down on my table and found a tray of ice cubes, "This might help." I set an ice cube on a plate and sat Dash on one. It quickly started melting, lowering Dash to the plate and causing her to effectively melt along with the ice cube. I quickly switched her form ice cube to ice cube, melting them little by little until Rainbow was wearing a stupid smile as she laid in a puddle, "Oh my gosh..." "You good?" "Totally...I'm Rainbow Dash...I'm awesome." She quickly flattened out on the plate. I picked her out of the puddle and held her dripping above the plate, "...All soggy now." I found a paper towel and wiped her down. I walked into my den and set the dopey mare on the nearest seat. Berry was sleeping on the carpet next to a shot glass. Three out of five accounted for. I looked outside and saw the doghouse Rose had moved into rocking. I pulled the slider open and walked outside, "Rose? You alright?" "Just fine! Go away!" I saw her head poke out the small window on the second floor, "What do you want!? Spit it out, go away!" I ducked down and looked at her on her level, "So should I stay or go?" She stared at me angrily, "I don't know...wait a minute." She pulled herself back into the door and walked outside, "What do you want?" Even while she asked she was constantly shifting her back legs. "Just checking on everybody...something weird's going on." "Oh ya think!? You're a freaking genius!" Rose sat down hard, "Augh...sorry, I don't mean it." "It's cool. You gonna be alright?" I ran my hand along the short of her neck, "So what's going on?" She wiggled her rump in the grass and enjoyed my hand along her head, "Don't worry about it, everypony's gonna be a bit moody for a while." I sat back in the grass, "You gonna be alright?" "No! Augh...sorry, I'll be fine. I'm dealing with it! ...Maybe not well, but I'm fine." Rose sulked in the grass, "The grass is cool." "Eugh. I picked her up and brought her inside, "Can I help?" She scrunched her muzzle up, "You want me to lift my tail for you ya weirdo!" She realized what she said and shrank back in my palm, "I'm really sorry. You leave me alone most of the time and that's fine, but I don't- I'm not- ...I'm not okay." "Tea?" I started walking to the kitchen, regardless of her answer I could go for some tea. I set her down on the kitchen table, "Do you want tea yes or no?" She stared at the water laden plate, "Yes...please." I started up the kettle and waited. "Tea...bag...." I mumbled as I dipped the bag, "Tea, bag? Teabag. Tea-bag." "Can you stop!" Rose laid across the table, "Seriously, you're annoying." "Teabag." I finished and poured her a shot glass's worth of tea, "There. Should help, maybe." Rose lazily brought her head up and lapped up the tea. Things went quietly as she sipped the tea. "Okay, so this is good." She sat upright and drank her tea, "I'm really sorry for that. Yelling at you I mean." "Ain't nothing but a thing." I groaned as I drank my tea. I was happily sipping my tea as the phone started ringing. I picked up my cup and found my phone, Carmine's picture popped up, "Hello?" "Sean! I figured it out- err- Hooves figured it out! Get the hell over here and bring the- Holy shit!" What followed was the sound of tires, a loud thud, and the plastic clattering of the phone. I froze as the call dropped, my cup slid out of my hands and shattered on the floor, "Oh my god." I hit redial, "Come on man..." Nothing, "Carmine come on man!" Again, nothing, "Carmine!? Fuck!" I hurled my phone across the hall. I slowly walked back into the kitchen and plopped down into my seat. "Sean..." Rose walked over and tapped my head, "What just happened?" I stared at the table, "I don't know, nothing good." NBS: GolfCarmine "Right so you know what I'm gonna have to do right? Kenny?" Kenny cringed as I picked up his computer and yanked the cords away, "Damn...fucking...idiot." I muttered to myself as I hurried outside and threw the machine in my trunk. I closed the door and waited for the herd of ponies to walk down his drive and into my car, "Blood ridiculous." Rose hopped over the seats and onto my lap, "What's ridiculous?" I pointed over to the massive conga line of ponies filtering into my car, "This, I mean it's nice to see you all again but...this is just bloody stupid. There's like fifty of you!" I folded my arms on the steering wheel as the last ponies jumped inside. I reached over and pulled the doors closed, "Right hang on a tic." I found my phone with my right hand and let my left run along the pony in my lap, "Oi yo Sean, yeah mate, yeah. Right you still got the golf clubs? Great, bring the nine down to the mountain." I hung up and grabbed the steering wheel. "Hey did I say you could stop?" Rose called from below. "It was either I stop or we sit here for half a day waiting for you ta fall asleep." I complained at her. "Hey don't act like I wouldn't be okay with that." Rose nestled into my groin. I ignored it and started off. "Right well sorry missy you're not the only one in the bloody car!" I hurried off and started down the highway. As I drove the ponies in the backseat started moaning at me, "Carmine I'm hungry," "Stop touching me," "It's too cold," "Can you play music?" I jammed on my brakes, stopping dead in the middle of the road, "I swear to Christ above I will take you straight back if you don't stop!" Things got quiet as I hurried off again, "If you're good I'll find some fresh something." "Oh...you don't have to-" I knew that voice. I started reaching back to the backseat and eventually found her, "Eep!" I scooped her up and brought her to the passenger seat, "Oh...okay." I smiled and shook my head as I tried to focus on driving, "So...who else is back there?" Rose crawled up my chest and looked over my shoulder at the back seat, "Hmm...no one you would know- Trixie..." She hissed at the back seat. "Yes, it is I: the Great and Powerful Trixie!" "Shut up Trixie." Rose hissed past my ear, "No one likes a pompous pony!" "Oi be nice-" Rose poked my cheek with a hoof, "You don't even know what she did!" "I'm sure it was-" I was cut off by a roar of voices from the back seat, most along the lines of: "She nearly destroyed Ponyville." "Okay...still don't be mean." I plucked Rose off my shoulder and sat her back down in my lap. "Fine." Rose sat across my lap again, "Speaking of Ponyville when are you going to visit?" I nearly drove us into a stop sign as I pulled off to the side, "Okay, I really can't talk and drive. I told you I can't fit through my bloody computer screen." I started back onto the road. "Well...find a bigger screen! I need a giant friend to help move stuff...and...enact my plans." "Enact your plans?" I started laughing, "You got bloody plans? Are you secretly a Bond villain?" Rose poked my legs, "I don't even know what that is, but it would be really cool to have a giant as a friend." I nodded and hurried off, "True, now I really need to focus." We pulled onto the gravel path and pulled up along side Sean, "Oi about time, so what's up?" I got out and set Rose and Fluttershy on my shoulders, "Bloody Kenny and the bloody ponies." "Oh Christ...how many this time?" Sean asked with a laugh, "Just those two?" I gave a single rasp laugh and pulled the back door open, "About forty or so." The ponies inside started nervously waving as Sean leaned against the car. "Fucking hell." Sean laid his head against the door jam, "So why the golf club?" I took the ponies off my shoulders and handed them to him, "Can't let this keep happening right?" "Yeah...right." I reached into the back seat and pulled the computer out, "So we're gonna make sure Kenny stops for good." I hoisted the computer over to the edge of the turnout and lined it up. I went over to Sean's car and found a golf bag in his back seat. I pulled the nine iron out and took a practice swing, "Ya don't mind right?" "Naw mate, go ahead." He was cracking up as I lined up my shot. A final practice swing and I made sure everyone was clear. I brought the club back and hammered it forward. "Bugga!" I screamed as the club sent the cheap computer off the cliff, "Fucking hell I think I sliced it." I laughed as the case burst open on a rock and computer parts went everywhere, "Yep, sliced it." "Oi mate, bloody littering." Sean laughed as he traded me the ponies for the golf club. I sat on my hood as Sean watched the computer tumble down the steep hill, "Phew! Damn, that's gotta suck." Sean walked over and looked into my car, "So you gonna send em back or should I?" I had busied myself messing with the two mares, pressing them together and tickling them, "Huh? Oh right, no it's fine I'll see em home." Sean nodded and sat in his car and watched me, "Alright bugger this I want one." He reached into my open passanger window and pulled one out, "I can't help it." He tugged lightly at the mare's tail and scratched her flank. "Oh- how- crude!" She muttered angrily as her styled mane was ruined, "Ruffian!" "Oh...hi Rarity." Fluttershy said meekly as I set her down on my left knee, "I didn't know you where here too." "Fluttershy?" the mare kicked Seans hand away and climbed down his leg, "Fluttershy hello!" I lowered my hand down life a ramp. She slowly walked up my arm and sat next to her, "Do you know what's going on?" While the two mares conversed I looked at Sean, "Right head home and I'll sort this out." He shook his head and laughed as he got into his car. "Right mate, drive safe." He pulled back and hurried off. This left me absolutely covered in mares, "Oi Rose do I smell or something, you all just can't get enough it seems." Rose rolled her eyes and laid her chin down agaist my knee, "It's because you're big." "Oh- kinky." "Ew, don't say it like that." Rose commanded with a laugh, "Sounds like a creeper." I made a farting sound as I started moving the ponies back into the car, "Sorry but I don't think it'll ever happen. You're a wee bit small compared to me." I set the trio in the passenger seat as I started off. "Carmine you are a really strange thing. I'm really just glad you're not dead." "Dead?" "You got hit by a car right?" "Ah...yeah, bloody rectum was speeding on a residential street." I grumbled angrily as I focused on the road, "Bloody arse." Rose laid down across my lap, "Well just remember you should come and visit soon. It's been too long." "It's been two weeks!" "Two weeks too long!" I gave a loud grumble, rubbing along Rose's body and driving slowly, "I'll think about it." I calmed down and focused on the road. First things first I needed to send this horde back home. Going home"Right this way sir," The nurse lead me through the halls, "Here we are." She opened the door for me. Carmine was watching TV, his leg slung up, "Oi." He waved at me, "Hold up." I walked over and watched the TV. He was watching some weird show with a girl in a bikini, "Carmine can you-" "Don't start with me. Bloody asshole broke my leg, gonna be in here for the rest of the week." He crossed his arms, "Anyways...everything's ready. Hooves figured it out yesterday." "Who's Hooves?" Carmine looked away, "Look, I keep a key taped to the back of the planter by my front door. Head over and send em home." I scratched my head, "That it? Dude you got hit by a car! You don't even want to say bye?" He looked at me angrily, "Trust me, the way things worked out...we're not gonna stop seeing em." Carmine looked back at the TV, "Well...get going!" He looked around and found the TV remote and chucked it at me, "Get on with it!" He chucked the remote at me, "Schnell! Los los los! Come back when you've seen em home." I walked out into the hall. I waited for a nurse to escort me out. I scooped up Berry, napping on the couch as per her usual Monday plan. I walked around and found a duffel bag. I set the KO'd mare inside and went to find the others. Vinyl was enjoying the bass pumping through my desk as she played her music. I grabbed her and turned off the music, "Enough of that then." "Aw dude, why?" "Time to go home. Apparently Carmine found a way back." I set her down and shoved her towards the bag, "Chill here," "Fine." She sat and waited, bobbing her head as she listened to her own internal music. "Strange mare." I wandered around my house and found Rainbow waiting outside my door. "Good, let him out now..." Rainbow pressed her hooves against the door. "Don't do it!" A voice squeaked from the other side of the door. I shook my head and snatched Rainbow up, "Time to go." "No! Not yet! Oh you jerk!" She started swearing and yelling as I sat her with the others. "Right just sit here and be good...I will lock you in the bathroom if I have to." She took my bluff to heart and sat with her forelegs crossed, "Right, Rose!" I started yelling as I made my way to the back yard, "Oi Rose, time to go." She peeked out and looked around, "What the heck do you want!?" I threw my arms up, "Time to go." "Go where!?" "Home!" "Oh!" She looked around after she said it, "Okay then." She simmered down and walked to the back door and went inside. I followed her and saw her to the others, Berry was still knocked out in the bad, Vinyl was talking the the sour faced Rainbow, and Rose took her place on the edge of the bag, "So...is Carmine alright?" Rose asked as she slid into the bag. "He broke his leg. Aside from that I think he had a busted hip." I started corralling the mares into the bag. Rose resurfaced from the pile of hair, "Is he gonna be alright?" "Yeah, he's fine. He'll winge at me about all this later but yeah, he'll be fine." I stood up and knocked on my door, "Noteworthy time to go." I pushed my door open. Noteworthy was waiting quietly on the side of the bed. I walked back and opened the bag. The three concious mares watched eagerly as I slowly dropped Noteworthy in, "Wait, wait! Stop! Sean! Sean wait!" "Oh shut up you." I dropped him in the bag and watched as Vinyl and Dash tackled him. Rose just watched in amusement as Noteworthy was dragged deeper into the bag. "They're killing me! They are killing me!" He screamed from the bag. I looked down at Rose, "You mind making sure they don't ruin the bag?" She gave a quick grunt, "Fine...got nothing else to do." She faded into the darker sections of the bag. Wasting no time I picked up the bag and started off to my car. I reopened the bag and set the five sit in the back. The trip was short, Carmine only lived a few blocks away. I pulled into his driveway. It was a bit creepy seeing the tire tracks where Carmine had been hit. From what I heard we had run to his car and got hit by some guy that was hauling ass down the street. I found the bag, recollected the ponies, and hurried to his front steps. I felt around the back of a large planter and felt the key. I pulled it free and stuck it into the door. The inside of his house smelled like fruit as I stepped inside, "Hello!?" A voice called from down the hall. I hurried towards it and found a pair of ponies waiting on a desk, "Ah, hello." A brown coated one stepped forward, "I believe you're here to see us home." I set the bag down and released the ponies inside. I had to pry a sweat covered Noteworthy out and set him on the desktop, "The horror...the-" "Quiet you." I poked his belly, he spread his limbs in response, "I take it you're Hooves?" He nodded, "Doctor Hooves." He looked around, "This is Fluttershy, and this-" He gave an exasperated sigh, "Fluttershy...make him stop." The pink maned one bopped a cup that was sitting on the desk. The cup jiggled before popping into a weird snake thing, "Oh you're no fun. He would have never found me!" "Discord..." Fluttershy stared him down. "Fine..." He walked on the keyboard and did a quick dance. The computer started up and Discord .exe started up. He looked at the screen and snapped his fingers. A large icon with the word: Return, popped up on the lower left of the program. I stared angrily at the screen, "Are you kidding me? Who the hell is this!?" I closed the program and looked at the icon. The icon was the spitting image of the creature standing on the keyboard, "Okay...so...what's keeping me from burying you in the back garden!?" I grabbed the creature and shook him until he started rattling. "Easy, I fixed it...eventually." He started laughing, "Oh don't look at me like that. You enjoyed it, look me in the eyes and tell me you didn't enjoy petting your little Dashie." I grimaced at him, "Shut up." I turned to the computer and started the program in. I clicked the return button and the screen glowed bright white, "This it?" Hooves stepped forward and leaned his head in. He popped back out, "Yes, Equestria. Good sir, it's been a pleasure." Hooves walked through the screen. "Brilliant. Who's next?" Noteworthy hazily raised his hooves, "Right, in ya go." I picked him up and put my hand through the doorway and felt around. I found solid ground and set him down. As I pulled my hand back I could feel something holding onto my hand. I pulled it back and found a rope attached to my finger. I yanked my hand back and pulled an orange mare out like a yoyo, "What in tarnation!" "Nope." I pulled the rope off my finger and shoved the mare back through, "Not dealing with that." Fluttershy walked to the screen, "Oh...I guess I should..." She slowly started towards the screen. Her hoof shaking like a leaf as she drew closer. I frowned and shoved her in with a soft eep. "Sure she's fine." I looked around and picked up Berry, "Who want to go with her? I don't feel right sending her through alone." Vinyl hopped up the makeshift ramp Carmine had built, "Got your back dude." She levitated the tired mare next to her and started towards the door. I pinched along her spine and gave her tail a quick yank, "Dude, feels weird." She kicked her leg and hurried through the doorway. Rose climbed the ramp and stood there watching me, "Discord...make me big." Discord cocked an eyebrows and snapped his fingers. I was quickly blinded then suddenly standing next to a chest height mare, "What the heck!?" "I feel bad...I've been all moody lately, and I was mad at you before and....you know." She swung a hoof around my waist and pulled against me. I hesitantly returned it. "Man you're soft." I ran my fingers through her mane, "Wait...so- yo weirdo. Does this thing work both ways now?" Discord looked at the screen, "I am nothing if not thorough. Are we done here, because I have birds to chat with." He threw his head back and started walking through the screen. His hand quickly shot back through and snapped his fingers. Rose suddenly started falling. I managed to grab her before she hit the ground, "Jerk!" Rose screamed at the screen, "Eugh...anyways...I'm sure we'll keep in touch." She waved bye as she walked through. I started smiling, even after Dash landed on my head, "So this is it?" "I guess so." I said, pulling her off my head, "Been fun though," She scrunched up her muzzle and looked away. She snapped her head at me and pecked my nose, "Tell no one." I smiled and set her down. I scratched her back and ran my fingers along her underside, "Okay..." I continued my soft onslaught, "Okay...okay! That's enough..." I pinched her rump, causing her back leg to kick involuntarily, "Okay!" "Fine!" I threw my hands up, "Go on. Get." I nudged her towards the door. She waited and watched me, "Go!" "I will!" "Then do it!" "Fine!" She sat on the keyboard. "You're still here~" I said with a bit of a song in my voice. "Shut up!" She snapped upright and started backing into the screen, "I'm going." I started laughing until finally she disappeared into the screen. I gave a loud sigh as I turned off the monitor. Back home safe, can't really ask for more. I felt a small sadness at their absence. But I can always bring one over to hang out some time, "Man...I wonder if Carmine has any beer." I started off to his kitchen. Best way to celebrate I suppose.
Discord.exeMan it's cold outside, even in spring the nights get so bloody cold. At least I'm back home, bloody criminal to be stuck outside in this. I locked my door and hurried to my office. Spring session was over and I was going to be spending quite a bit of time in here. I ran my hand along the hard wood of the door before letting my hand fall limply on the knob. It seemed weird to complain about staying up all night for classes when others would kill for my position. A lofty government grant meant for a high end university being used on a community college meant I lived pretty well despite only working weekends. But it didn't really matter, college sucks so most days I duck out early and come home to browse the internet. "Bloody...start..." I plopped down in my chair and poked the power button with my toe. The familiar dim whirl of the machine broke the silence. Windows...desktop...chrome...now what... I circled the mouse around before clicking the search bar. Whenever I was bored I usually just searched random crap, today was going to be no different. Tin can. The first search of the day was simply tin can, today was going to be productive.... Porn...porn...cosplayer...grown men with doll...porn...picture of- op- never mind...porn... Why did my friend tell me to look this up? I was cut off before I could navigate away. A large popup sat infront of the back button. You've won! Click here to claim prize! Well...I- actually...I don't think I've once seen where these go. I check to see if my antivirus was up to date and clicked it. I always wondered how blatant they would be about trying to get your credit card, like...would they just outright ask for it or would they be more subtle. I clicked the claim button. Discord.exe Run Run Oh that wasn't good...there is no place to exit...bollocks. Uhhh....run? I clicked the run. It flashed for a moment before disappearing. Replaced by a video clip seconds later. Oh great...more of this, god don't let it be porn... I watched as the video clip ran on, some jockish cartoon character was poking some yellow one. She reeled back and shot up towards the screen. A few moments passed before the scene should have shifted, instead she plinked off the screen like a bug, "Huh?" She felt around in front of her, "What th-" "Well this is weird-" I was cut off by a tiny hoof sticking out of my monitor followed by the entire front half of the cartoon. I felt my eye twitch as she crawled out of my screen. I could feel myself suppressing a freakout as the tiny creature plopped out of my monitor and onto my keyboard, closing the video and sending it back to desktop. "What the hay- whoa!" She finally looked up at my face, her eyes shot wide as did mine. She started backing up, bumping into the monitor, "W-w-what the hay are you!?" I quickly looked around my desk, an empty pint was quickly made into a makeshift prison, trapping the tiny thing snugly inside it. I slid it towards the end of my desk, letting air flow from a small gap at the bottom. My brain was racing, mostly shooting to one realization: my friend was going to freak the hell out. "Okay...this...what is this...I don't know...but...I...uh- bollocks!" I grabbed the side of my head with my free hand. Maybe I'm drunk; maybe I just need to sleep this off. Where can I put this thing...closet!" I cupped my hand at the bottom of the glass, the cyan pony pounding her hooves against it as I carried her. "Hey you let me outta here before I- I...well I don't know but it won't be good!" Her breath was quickly fogging the inside of the glass, "Please! I don't like tight spaces!" She looked to be a little bigger than my hand, the size of a three month kitten, or a pug which meant the glass was a rather tight squeeze. I hurried into my bedroom, pulling my closet door open and tossed the rainbow maned mare to the floor, "Hey!" She managed to shout back before I slammed the door. A loud tapping coming from the other side, "Hey- I- I don't like it in here! It's too dark!" She sounded like she was starting to panic. In all fairness I was starting to panic as well. My heart was racing, this was a bit like that time I trapped a squirrel in the house, only now it could fly and talk so...also nothing like that time with the squirrel. "Please, I don't like the dark!" The voice squeaked from the inside of my closet. I felt a quick pang of guilt before running to find some sort of illumination. I found an old flashlight in my kitchen drawer and turned it on, running back to the closet I was rammed into by the mare trying to escape. She managed to regain her composure and start flying away from me. I pushed the bedroom door closed with my foot while trying to grab her. "Don't touch me! She growled hovering out of my reach. "Don't touch you? What?! Just what the hell are you!?" I yelled grabbing a nearby stool and stepping up. "Me!? What the hay are you!? You're bigger than a dragon!" "And you're- a tiny- horse!" I said between swipes. This wasn't working... I abandoned my current plan and found an old army cap. Back on the stool I used it like a makeshift net, after two failed attempts she bumped into a wall and sat dazed long enough for me to snatch her up. "Gottcha!" I pulled the hat closed and stepped down. The cloth started bulging as she kicked at the hat, "Let me go, let me go!" She cried as I slowly reached my fingers inside the opening, "Ah!" She squealed as I managed to grab her by her barrel, "No no no no no!" She started trying to push me off with her hooves and kick me away with her back legs. I slowly pulled her out of the hat and into view. She was frantically pushing my hand, trying to either push me away or herself free. "What in the world..." I shifted my grip and let my other hand hold her rump up as to not let her lower body hang, "This is just...crazy!" She was insanely soft, I was by no means squeezing her but my grip was tight enough to feel her muscles move as she tried to pull away. Her breathing was soft as she panted against my finger, her hooves pressing their hardest to free her. She picked her head up, her magenta eyes growing wide for a second before looking down and biting down on my finger. It didn't hurt, more of a slight pressure than a bite. I was about to say something about calming down when I felt a warm trickle on my lower hand, "Did you just..." I lifted her up and sure enough she had had an accident, "...I...you just...man..." She got slightly red as I closed my hand to keep it off the floor. I started walking into the bathroom, holding her over the sink and letting her back legs touch down on the basin. "I- I'm not scared!" she shouted up at me, hair flying about as she did. "You just peed on my hand..." "Did not!" I cocked an eyebrow at her, "...that's...not mine..." "Liar..." "You're a liar!" "How am I a liar!?" "Cause you...you, you never told me what you were!" "...that's not lying, that's just not saying anything...and you peed on me...I think I deserve an answer first!" "Make me!" I cocked my eyebrow again, lifting her up and out of the sink, turning on the faucet and hovering her above it, her back legs curled up as she got close, "What's wrong? Don't like ice cold water in the middle of the night?" I asked with a smug smile. "I- you wouldn't!" She snapped at me, prompting me to let her rump fall under the flow for a moment, "AH- Geez that's cold!" She shrieked as I brought her back up. "Jerk!" "Yep...now, what are you!?" I shook her a bit, nothing too much just enough to rattle her. "Rainbow Dash! B-Best flyer in Equestria!" I recognized a few words from my friend, idiot never shut up about it. "...okay...now...why are you here?" I asked leaning in to meet her eye to eye. "I don't know! I was flying when I hit some wall! I felt around and pushed through! How was I supposed to know what would happen?!" "You sho-" My voice caught as I was about to scold her. This just happened because you did something stupid too... "Huh...so..." "So?" Asked the rainbow maned one. I waited there for a moment, turned off the sink and set her down, "If I let you go you're not going to fly around are you, I mean I don't want you dripping everywhere..." Her face flushed as she looked down, "I'm not scared...fine..." I slowly relaxed my grip, letting her sit on her own in the sink, "So...stay here, I'll be right back with some...I don't know...a bowl or something..." I walked out and closed the door behind me. I hurried into the kitchen and found a soup bowl that looked about big enough. I hurried back to my bathroom and found the mare still sulking in the sink. "What is that?" She asked, leaning on the edge of the sink. "...well...you've got wings right? So a bird bath?" I turned on the bathtub tap and waited until it got warm before filling the bowl, adding soap, and setting it on the floor of the tub. A quick squirt of body wash would have to suffice. I turned back to the sink and pinched the mare's scruff and hovered her over the bowl. "Hey wait! Wait! WAIT!" She kicked her hooves as I lowered her in, "What if it's- Ah- ahhh~" She eased as I sunk her into the hot water. I let her slip out of my hands and into the water. She moaned as she slipped fully into the steamy water, her muzzle the only thing poking out. I stepped into the tub, sitting on the edge. "Oooohhh my gosh..." She dunked her head under it before popping back up and whipping her mane around, "Ow ow ow ow ow!" She started rubbing her eyes, "Why doe-" "Soap in your eyes?" I asked reaching for a towel. "Yeah...hey wait!" She threw her hooves out, "I don't...I'm not getting out yet!" She crossed her forelegs and sank a little deeper. "...not...not worried about what I am anymore? Cause...as much as I hate to say it...I think I know who you are..." I set the towel hanging over the side of the tub. "Well...you...you didn't do anything bad...but...big things are usually dangerous...but...this..." She lifted her hooves out of the water, "So...what are you?" "English." "Is that like a monkey? Cause you kinda look like a monkey." She leaned her head back and folded her ears to submerge them. "...uh...I'm compelled to say yes...but no. It was a joke: human is what I am but my name is Sean." I dipped my hand into the water and poured a bit over her. "Hey! ...do that again." I smiled as I dipped my hand back into the water and poured it slowly over her, she lifted herself up and snaked her head around the fall. "So...not scared of me?" She shook her head crazily, sending water all over the tub, "Well...there is one thing you're missing to be really scary-" "You peed yourself!" "-I- you...you were...I don't...anyways...you don't have sharp teeth, every big scary thing should have sharp teeth!" She dunked herself one last time before crawling out and stretching. She shook her head and rump, flapping her wings sent droplets everywhere. "So...you know me?" "Long story...I'll explain later..." I grabbed the towel and scooped her up into my lap. Taking the towel between my fingers I ran it across her head, following the arch of her back and pinching any moisture off her tail. "I can- hey!" I quickly flipped her on her back and started drying off her underside, "S-t-oop it!" She tried to hold it back, but quickly lost the battled and started laughing maniacally as I dried off her barrel. "What's wrong? Ticklish?" I finished drying her and let the towel fall away. I brought my finger across her belly and started rubbing tiny circles; sending her into a giggling heap of kicking limbs. "Stop- stop- stop!" She was almost crying so I gave her some rest. She quickly curled up and rested on her side. "I-pfff- don't do that!" She started glowing red as she looked away. I gave a weak smile as I bundled her up in the towel, cradling her like a baby and walking back to my room. I set her down on my bed while I rummaged through my closet. "No...no...no...no!" "What are you doing?" "Looking- for...aha!" I pulled a worn ushanka from my closet. I punched the center inward, making a crater to fit the mare in. I quickly set it down next to my pillow and set her inside it. "Hey wha-" "Tired...bed...hat will be warm." I managed to finish up just as a massive yawn washed over me. "Shazbot..." I quickly undid my jeans and shirt, tossing them in a small heap across the room. "Just...gonna get some sleep...and figure this out in the morning..." I crawled into bed, my head facing Rainbow Dash, who was watching me from the top of the hat. "But I-" "Shhh" I said closing my eyes. "But I'm not-" "Shhh..." "Not tire-" I reached my hand up and grabbed her back, quickly digging my nails into her coat and scratching her sides, "Shhhh..." "That's not going...to...work...I'm not even...tired...and...ahhhhh~" She finally gave up and pushed back against my hand. I ended up just letting my hand hold position and letting her scratch herself with my hand. I fell asleep to the feeling of a soft coat rubbing my palm and my fingers digging slightly into her coat. I half expected to wake up massively hungover or coming down from some sort of hallucinogen in the morning. It doesn't really matter though, this is actually a pretty good way to fall asleep. "Hey...hey...wake up..." "Eughwhua?" I grumbled, opening my eyes to the pitch black room, "What?" Rainbow had been pressing her forelegs against my nose, "I...I gotta go to the little fillies room..." I rubbed my eyes and rolled onto my back, "Which one...one or two?" "Two..." "Christ..."I laid back down and reached up to pull the door open, "Bathroom is...*yawn* first door on the left...just...in the toilet or...just not on the floor..." "But...dark..." "Uuugghhh...fine..." I rolled out of bed, my legs sore and joins stiff. I felt around and flicked on the light. Dash flew up and followed me into the hall, her back lags crossed and rocking slightly in the air. I felt my way into the bathroom and flicked on the light, "Go do your thing...I'll wait...somewhere..." She gave me a confused look before flying into my bathroom. "Hey how do I...oh!" I had a quick laugh before trundling back towards my bedroom. I was caught mid-thought and changed course to my office. I stumbled and knocked over my chair, kicking it aside I took up my position in front of the computer. Log in...alright...and...ready. The screen was blinding to my unadjusted eyes. After a bit of watering my eyes finally adjusted. One am...this is ridiculous...I rubbed my head and looked around my desktop. A new shortcut sat dead center in the screen. It was a picture of one of the characters from the show smiling widely and giving a thumbs up. Discord.exe. "This..." I felt an extreme urge to click it again. I decided I would hold off until I could figure out who I was dealing with right now. I would have to call my friend in the morning, for now though I think it was about time to get back to sleep. I closed up my office and started back to my room, Dash met me in the hall, "So...productive?" I asked walking past. She narrowed her eyes angrily and followed. I quickly crashed back in my bed and curled up. "So...you...naw you wont mind..." I was about to look for her when she landed next to me, digging her lower half under the covers. I looked down at her, "What?" I just shook my head, "Oddly comfortable around me already..." "Well...I figure if you try something, I could take ya..." "...you peed yourself..." "And I- ...I thought you were gonna crush me, and after the dark place I was...I was scared..." She sounded kinda down about it. "I'm not criticizing..." I reached up and started pulling her into my face, "I guess it was a little scary..." "Hey no no no!" She pushed off my face, "Hey! No!" I eased up, "What...I'm trying to hug you..." "...oh! ...I thought...actually...you probably can't fit me in your mouth anyways..." She gave a quick laugh, her hooves still pressed into my forehead. I gave her an incredulous look, "And hair is terrible...now..." I pulled her undercarriage onto my face, her coat was warm against my cheek. She tried to push off a few times before settling in, her breathing slowed as I scratched along her spine. Once again I drifted off to sleep with a warm body pressed up against my cheek. I could feel her kick slightly as I breathed across her stomach. A soft heartbeat rumbling in my ears was a nice change from the usual silence. It was going to be a very cozy night.
Tests*Beep beep beep beep* "Oh shut up!" I swung my hand over and blindly grabbed at my nightstand, "Stupid...thing." I found the alarm and slammed the snooze button. Upon trying to wipe my face I was reminded of my guest. She curled up as my hand brushed against her back. "No~" She groaned, curling around my nose, "I don wanna..." "Don, is not a word...and it's time to get up," I blew a stream of air across her barrel, causing her to kick her back legs against my chin. "Come on," I scratched her back as I pulled my head away, "Get up, come on...time for food..." She perked up at that, "Food?" "Yep, just give me a second to change," I had slept in my street clothes last night so a quick change was in order. I rolled onto my back and sat upright. I swung my legs off the bed just as Dash was stretching out, her hind legs twitching as she did. I gave a quick internal laugh as I rummaged around my dresser, pulling a pair of shorts and a tee shirt. I pulled the shirt on first. Maneuvering my pants to avoid being seen was taxing, but not impossible. Once that was out of the way I chucked my old apparel in the hamper and started towards the door. Dash quickly floated next to me, "So, what's for breakfast?" She asked doing a lap around me as I walked. "I don't know...you're a horse right? So...carrots? I think I have some carrots." She stopped and flew backwards in front of me, "Horse?! I'm a pegasus!" "...Of course you are. Anyways, I'm sure I have something you can eat." This was starting to feel like that month I had a stray cat living in my back yard, granted this isn't a cat, and can talk, so nothing like that cat at all. She seemed be getting impatient and started taking laps around my head again. I ignored it and hurried to my kitchen. "Doo bee doo...ah there," I found a whole carrot in the bottom bin of my fridge along with some potatoes. Not exactly the breakfast of kings but a baked potato sounded good. I set the carrot on the counter and jabbed a few holes in the potato with a fork. "What's that?" Dash asked from behind as I shoved the potato into my microwave. "A potato." I felt something plink against the back of my head, "I know what that is, I meant that." She flew past and poked the door of the microwave. "Oh, microwave oven. Cooks food fast," I slammed the door shut and set it to cook, "Anyways, this okay?" I asked, taking the carrot in hand. She landed on my arm and poked the carrot, "Just like that?" "Sure, I mean I can cut it up if you want." She gave me a strange look, "I mean...it's kind of plain." I set it down as she took to the air again. "Then what do you want? I got just about everything." I stepped towards the fridge and pulled it open, Dash quickly flew in and started looking through the shelves, "What's this?" I leaned in and looked at a small bag of york patties I had, "Uh...mints. Can you eat chocolate?" "Heck yeah I can!" I gave a quick chuckle, "Bloody...carrot and chocolate breakfast. I cant say anything though, bloody baked potato." I tossed the packaged mint on the counter with the carrot, and turned to Dash, "Why don't you just go wait at the table." "But-" "Eh." "Wha-" "Eh." I shut her down again. "Sto-" "EH!" I poked her belly with my finger, "Go sit." She muttered angrily as she fluttered over and sat on the tabletop. And now...we wait. I stared at the microwave, "Hurry up...stupid potato..." The potato slumped onto a plate. I set it on my table and threw the mint and carrot on another plate. I jabbed the potato, sending a puff of steam into the air. Once it cleared I could see Dash poking at the carrot with her hoof, "Problem?" "I can't...where do I start with this?" She poked the whole carrot, "It's just too big!" I forked a bit of potato into my mouth, "That's dirty...here." I reached over and grabbed the carrot, snapping it in half and setting it back on her plate, "Better?" She reached her head down and gave it a quick bite, a large chunk torn out of it showed her hunger, "It's...kinda bland..." Again I dug my fork into the potato, taking some of the wondrously salty meal and tossing it on her plate. She gave it a moment before giving it a single lick, followed by her digging her muzzle deep into the mush. "And that is why I add extra salt." I laughed as her ear gave a single twitch before she pulled her head up, muzzle covered in bits of potato. I lowered my head, unable to keep a straight face. "Hey! I can hear you laughing!" "I know...I'm not going to stop." I looked up, Dash was standing face to face with me, the smell of potato coming from her. I set my fork down. "I can't...here," I slid my plate over to her side, "I can't deal with this." I swiped my thumb across her muzzle, smearing a bit of potato across her cheek, before bopping her mouth and standing up. "I'm gonna go check on my computer," She was angrily muttering and trying to wipe off her cheek, "If you can't find me just start yelling...I'm sure that will work out." I started leaving, a last look back saw her sulking back to the hallowed out potato on my plate and the carrots. "Alright...this is...well it's not a good idea...but..." This really wasn't a good idea, mostly because the last time I did it, it netted me a dependent, but nothing was ever accomplished through cowardice. And the way I figure it a second one couldn't hurt, keep Dash company or something...unless they ended up hating each other in which case...well...a third can't hurt at that point. I was stalling...and I knew I was stalling. My cursor was hanging over the icon for a long time, "Click it, come on, do it." Can it get any worse? Why am I hesitating. I wonder what- "No more!" I clicked the icon. Familiar music filled the screen as a window full sized and spread ten or so small pictures about, each with a small description. I quickly scanned the pictures, it was laid out like a dating site, which mad it just a little creepy. "Hello!?" Dash called from another room. Well this might actually be opportune, maybe she knows some of these. "Aye, last door at the end of the hall!" She flew in a few moments later, hovering next to my head, "Wha-at?" I turned to meet her, she had cleaned up and was carrying the wrapped mint in her mouth, "Here," I held my hand flat as she dropped the candy into it. I quickly ripped the package open and held the mint for her. She bit into it and floated up to my head, I could hear her chewing. "Are...are you eating that whole?" She didn't answer for a while, and when she did it was only after a long mmmmm, "Maybe...you have more of those?" I rubbed my face, a pair of hooves hanging over my forehead as I took my hand away. I reached up and started scratching her back as my other hand scrolled through the pictures. "Hey tch- look at these, you know any?" I tapped the screen with my knuckle. "Lean in." I complied, "Hmmm, are these...these are ponies!" She kicked her hooves against my scalp, "You're some kinda weirdo!" "Ow hey stop that!" I pulled her up by her tail, her hooves kicking the air. "It's not like I did it on purpose the first time!" She started stomping her forelegs on my head, "Oh but you're gonna do it now?!" I shifted my grip and pulled her in front of me, "Yes...the way I figure it. You might be stuck here..." Her eyes started widening, "...atleast until I can figure this out. I'm not great with computer code but I'm sure I can...maybe. Anyways I thought you'd enjoy some company." "So...stuck here? Like...forever?" She let her head fall, "But..." "Oohhhh no..." I could tell where this was going. I pulled her into my shoulder, "No crying...come on...no crying..." "I'm not crying!" She said, just before burying her head into my shoulder, "I'm not..." "Come on...please stop." I could feel her heaving into my back, "I'm sure I can find a way to send you back!" "You promise?" She eeked out between sobs. "I promise!" I let my hand rub up and down her back before putting her back atop my head. "But for the time being...here this one looks good..." Roseluck: AKA (Rose) Hobbies: gardening, recreational cooking, part time foalsitting. Age: twenty eight Demeanor: calm Dislikes: loud noises, showboats "Perfect." I double clicked it, a clip started playing. "Wait...Roseluck!? NO!" "What? Why?" "I kinda...kinda killed one of her rosebushes..." "I'm sure she won't-" "Or two...or three." "Oh...well, I'm sure you two can be civil." I was cut off by a loud clatter from my keyboard, a tan mare was finding her bearing on the plastic buttons. She shook her head, sending her mane flying around. Eventually she seemed to be okay, at least before looking up at me and freezing in place, "...Hello there." Her mouth fell open before she fainted, knocking her head against the keys, "Ohhh! That looked like it hurt." Dash said, flying down to check on her, "I think she's alright...maybe, I can't actually tell." "Well...I'll go start a bath then." "What? Why!?" I stood and scooped up the KO'd mare, "Well it worked on you...from my experience with your kind warm water is a universal: let's be friends." Dash just rolled her eyes, "Hey, before you go...got anymore of those minty things?" I stopped and leaned against the hall, "You mean the mints...yes, I do. Minty things, they're literally just mints, that's what they're called." I grumbled drudging towards the kitchen, "If I give you another you're going to be the one to explain things to her, deal?" "Fine," She flew up and bounced off my head, "And you don't have to be mean about it." She flew into the kitchen like a bullet. With some alone time I did what I've been putting off for a while. I cradled the new mare in my left arm while scratching her belly with my right. "Man...just so soft..." I let my hands crawl all over her, softly rubbing her stomach and scratching along her ribs. She curled up around my hand as I did. I might actually get some swim shorts and just wash her myself. It was an extremely pleasing tactile sense, not at all rough but it had some strength to it. Dash's was slightly rougher, but that was like comparing silk to cashmere. "What are you doing?" The mare said groggily, I froze, "I didn't say stop..." I looked down and got a good look at her face, her eyes were still closed. I was unsure if she even knew what was going on or not, but best way to make a good first impression is to listen to your guest. Scratching intensified.
Straight man*Bang bang bang* "Sean!?" "Carmine?" I slowly walked to the front door. A quick peek through the peephole saw one of my few friends standing outside with a messenger bag. I unlocked it and pulled it open, "Carmine, what's up?" Before he could answer I could see a faint streak of bright blue hair peeking its way out of his bag, "John told you to look that show up too...I think we have a similar problem...you mind?" He waved his hand inside. "Uh...I really-" "I already know..." I tilted his head towards his bag, "Just let me in." Carmine pushed past me, reaching into his bag, "John really screwed us over." When her turned around her had a small mare with a neon blue mane. "Whoa..." The mare said looking around, "Mind if I look around?" She jumped down and ran off. "Sean...Vinyl Scratch." Carmine flopped back on my couch, "So yeah, shit's crazy." He lifted his legs just as Vinyl walked under him, "She likes to do that...." "Yeah I do." She laughed as she trotted around my living room. "Anyways....so far even Kenny said he had one...everyone John told about that stupid show got one." Carmine ducked as Dash flew into the room, "Jesus! They can fly!?" Dash flew out with Vinyl chasing after, "Yeah...they ca-" "Hello!" Rose walked in, "Who's this? Can I finally go home..." Carmine was frozen, staring at the mare before picking her up, "Sean...why do you have two? Sean...answer me. Sean!" "....Okay so maybe I-" "Rainbow Dash said he did it..." Rose snitched, "So, who are you?" Carmine slowly lowered Rose into his lap, staring at me with the fury of a norse god. "You do realize what I will do to you if you do it again, right?" I swallowed hard, "Y-yeah...so...what-" He stood up and handed me Rose, "I have to work...you take care of Vinyl, I'll try and figure this all out...delete the fucking program or hide it. If you do it again I will take them all away and smash your fucking computer.... Got it?" "Yeah." I said with a slight tremble, "Got it." Carmine just shook his head, "I'll drop by later. I'm sure I can figure this out...even if I have to do something stupid to do it." He walked out. "Hmmm is he single?" Rose asked from my grip, "Cause that. That is a stallion with presence." I just turned her around and looked her in the eyes, "Traitor..." "Kidnapper..." I grumbled something as I took her under my arm and walked her to the back yard. I'd set up a little garden for her since she showed up. Five days of ignoring me and she had already caused the plants to grow insanely fast. I set her down, "Rose can we-" She just gave my shin a quick buck and trotted off. My suspicions about being quick friends was utterly shattered when she started berating me for forcing her to leave her garden unattended. Needless to say she was not a fan of mine. I watched her drag the hose over before fumbling with the spigot. She was amazingly strong for being so small. Stronger than Dash at least. I left her alone and walked back inside, I had learned to leave the door open and to stack things for them to jump higher on. Needless to say Rose never slept in the same room as me but she seemed to enjoy the couch, while Dash had taken to curling around my head each night. I walked into my living room when a blast of dubstep burst from my office, "Jesus!" I had no idea my speakers could go that high! I rushed into my office, Dash was plinking off the walls while the mare Carmine had dropped off was bouncing up and down on my keyboard, "Du-u-u-ude this things- got some bass!" I quickly reached the computer and shut it off, "What the hell?! How did you even-" I was cut off by a soft aura surrounding the button before cranking the volume back to max, "I- can- use- machines!" She said, her glasses bouncing up and down her muzzle, "Totally- gotta- get one- of these!" It felt like my teeth were vibrating. I quickly grabbed Dash and ran into the hall, throwing the door shut and muffling the noise, "What the hell...she's gonna go-" Dash bit my hand, "Oi?!" "That is DJ Pon3! Why'd you pull me out!?" She popped free of my grip and tried to move the doorknob, "I freaking love DJ Pon3!" "Insanity..." I pulled the door just open, Dash flew in and was gone for a while. Leaving me alone with a house full of blaring music and an angry gardener. I decided to grab my laptop and go sit with Rose outside. At least maybe I'll have some quiet for a few minutes.
DirtCarmine: "Jesus!" I bolted through the streets, two new additions in my bag, "God damn fucking idiots!" I took a sharp turn and slammed into Sean's side yard gate, "Sean! Sean let me in!" Sean quickly appeared over the fence. "Oi...what happened? I thought you had work?" He quickly undid that latch. Once I heard the door unlock I pushed through, "I checked on Kenny first! Idiot had two too!" "What, tutu?" "Shut up! Auggh...I can't deal with all this...the idiot said he got two because he thought he could make them fuck....You're just stupid right, cause I can deal with stupid, but him...augh, just augh." I felt the new duo poking through my bag as we reached his back porch, his other pony, the one with the red mane, busying herself with some flowers, "Jesus...I need a drink..." I set the bag down and let the new duo out. Noteworthy clawed his way out with Berry latched onto his leg. "Oh Celestia help! She's got my leg, she's got my leg!" I sat down on her back stoop and pulled them apart, "Oh thank you," He hugged my wrist, "You are the best....what are you?" "Human..." "Best human!" I shook my head as I set him down, he ran off before I set Berry down, quickly stumbling over and knocking her head onto the concrete. "Jesus...is she alright?" Sean asked as he stepped over. "I don't think so...Kenny gave her a shot of whiskey to try and get her and him," I pointed to Noteworthy, who was watching Rose work, "To....god damn idiot. I mean, you're stupid, but god damn you're not that stupid." I rested my head in my hands, "God damn...this is like the cat incident all over again." "Why do you always bring that up?" Sean crouched down and scooped up the drunken mare, "It was one time-" "You killed a bloody cat! Even if it wasn't direct, you lead to a cat dying! And then you wanted another!" I gave a long groan as I laid my head back in my hands, "I had to use a sick day for this..." "Well...sorry. I'm gonna go put her in bed or something...she really doesn't look good." Sean walked off, leaving me alone with the two in the yard. "Yeah fine...I'll just be here...waiting...for nothing...." My head was killing me, I had been awake for about three hour, woken up by a delayed arrival of a mare that decided blaring music at six am was fine. I even had take Kenny's power cord to keep him from taking more. "Hey...are you alright?" I pulled my head up to see the red head walking over, "You look...well, not good." I could see Noteworthy nodding behind her. How do I talk to her...do I talk to her? I guess I should. I took a deep sigh, "Ya know I guess I'm not." I devolved into a tired smile, "I've been running around like a madman, trying to sort this all out, I missed work, and now...I don't know. I'm just so damn tired." I let my head fall back into my hands. I heard some whispers followed by a small pressure crawling up my hip, "Hey, come on." I turned my head to see the red head was trying to shake my leg, "Come on, help me with the plants." She bit the tail of my shirt and started tugging me towards the lawn. "Oh come on don't-" Noteworthy walked over to my front, "Trust me friend, it's easier to just go with it." My words fizzled in my mouth, "Fine..." I scooped up the mare, pulling her off my shirt. She wiggled around until her forelegs were hanging over my forearms, "For the record I'm not a-" She cut me off, thrusting a hoof towards a small planter box, "That way!" I felt a quick jolt of annoyance before walking over and setting her down. "Perfect," She bolted off to what looked like an crumbly dog house. She slowly emerged, pulling a tray of starters out through the front door. She managed to pull the tray out and walked over to me, "Well, help!" This felt strange, like getting yelled at by a small dog. "Help with what?" She looked around, eventually finding a small trowel by the door, "Go get a shovel, Noteworthy: go pick some weeds." Note gave a quick shrug before running off, "Well, don't just stand there!" She chirped, "Get going!" I really didn't feel like arguing. I resigned myself to fetching the trowel. Once it was acquired I walked back and sat in the grass, "Just dig a hole?" I asked, scanning the lawn for the mare. She popped out of the greenery, "Yeah, maybe here." She stomped her hoof on a small patch of dirt, "So wait...your name's..." "Carmine." I started digging a shallow hole, "You?" She shook her body, throwing about a cloud of dust, "Roseluck!" I gave a single cough as I dug, "Charming. This good enough?" She looked into the small hand sized hole, "Should be," She trotted off and started pulling the starters over. I quickly leaned over and picked the whole thing up, pulling a starter out and planting it in the ground. "Hmm, glad to see you get it." She walked over to it and stomped the ground, "So you know the other one?" "Who, Sean? Yeah...kids dumb...I mean he means we-" "I was just sitting in my garden, tending some flowers, then bam, duddenly here. Then Rainbow Jerk said he knew what would happen!" I stuck the trowel in the ground, "Like I said, he's dumb. He does mean well...he tries rather." I started to stand up, "He's just kinda dopey, A for effort if you will." Noteworthy joined us, his coat covered in dust, muzzle colored brown from his digging, "I'll go get a towel." "Hey Carmine..." Sean was sitting with the KO'd mare on the couch, "Did Kenny really-" "What do you think? Anyways I need a towel, where are they?" I asked with a bit of bite to my voice. I could never get rid of it even when I wasn't mad at him. "Top shelf in the bathroom...why do you need a towel?" "The gardener and the bookish one are all dirty, and I don't know about you but I usually try to keep my carpet clean." I hurried off to fetch a towel. "Hey you got some money?" Sean yelled from the other room, "I was gonna go pick up some food, but I ain't paying for both of us." "From where?" "A deli I go to, it's kinda expensive but really worth it." "...Yeah alright, and pick up some fresh stuff for the horses...ponies...whatever they are." I said as I grabbed the towel and started back outside. "Oi! Uh...ponies!?" I yelled, the duo walking over to the steps, "Alright..." I leaned over and grabbed the hose, "This might be a bit cold." I quickly turned the spigot ever so slightly, jamming my thumb in the faucet sent a thin spray of water towards them. Rose seemed to be enjoying it, "Cold on a warm day is always nice." She weaved her head around to thoroughly soak herself. Noteworthy on the other hand seemed to be tolerating it at best, "Not a fan of cold water?" I asked with a laugh. He shook his head, "Not really a fan of water in the first place." I gave a quick, tired, laugh. It was kinda nice standing there, enjoying the soft cold of the water, watching the two people below me enjoying it as well. All I needed now was a beer and I'd look like my dad back when we were kids. No wonder why he did it, this is extremely calming. As the water that ran down the concrete landing went from brown to clear I shut the tap, "Right, enough of that." I took the towel off my shoulder and ducked down. Noteworthy quickly ran over, "Geez...you really don't like the water." I quickly dried him off, squeezing his mane free of water. "Thank you..." He slowly turned to Roseluck, "Sorry...I'll just go wait by the door." She gave a quick laugh before walking over and holding her head high. I quickly worked my hands around her, squeezing the water out of her mane and tail, rubbing her neck through the soft towel, letting my fingers crimp around her flank to pull any moisture out. As I pulled my hands away she shook her mane out, she was rather cute with the spiky mane look. What did I just think?! And so I sat with a bunch of ponies crowded around me, the drunkest of all snoring heavily, "Yo Carmine...food." Sean shook my shoulder. "Huh? Oh...right." I slowly set the ponies down, freeing myself and walking into the kitchen with Sean, "Sorry, kinda fell asleep for a little bit." "It's fine man, here." He handed me a wrapped sandwich and a small container, "French dip, change is-" He started to dig around his pocket when I interjected, "Keep it, figure I just dropped off three more headaches for you, so...yeah. I'll try and drop by on Saturday or something, help you out." I took a seat at a nearby table. Sean quickly joined me, "I'll try to figure this out...just don't bring anymore through. I already had to take away Kenny's power cord. Damn idiot told me outright I'll just get another one.... Daft idiot." "Carmine that's technically theft...." "And what he did was technically kidnapping and attempted rape, some how I think I'm in the right here." I unwrapped my sandwich, "Like I said, I'll drop by on Saturdays, help you with them, and I promise ya I'll find a way to get em back...or die trying at least...." Sean gave a quick shrug, "I really don't mind it too much." I closed my eyes and shook my head, "Sean...these aren't animals...they may look like it but they're not. They're people, they have lives, we can't just rip em away because they're..." The image of the red head whipping her mane around cut my thoughts, "...cute...." He gave a deep frown, "I suppose." "Aye." "Yep." After that quick little bout of yeses we quickly took to eating. After this I was going to head home and do my best to figure out the program, "Good isn't it?" I took another bite of the sandwich, "Aye...that it is...that it is."
The lushSean Two weeks is a long time when you think about it. Two weeks I've had them here. They fight, they play, they keep my company, they make this place feel rather warm. Noteworthy has taken to books, Roseluck has her garden, Rainbow flies around out back, Vinyl has her music, and Berry...well berry.... "Go you weirdo ape, pour it!" Berry stomped her hoof, "I shaid do it!" I poured some vodka in a shot glass, "Ya know...it'sh not really fair if- *hic* if'in ya only drink...like...barely any." I had taken to drinking out of a full glass while she settled for the shot glasses a quarter full, "Shtill not goona win!" I poked her nose with my finger. She seemed dazed for a moment before biting at thin air. She quickly shook her head, "On tree...one...twoo...tree!" We both slammed our drinks, "Ahh, more!" "No more...you're too drunk...an sho am I..." I leaned back in my chair, "Okay...sho...who won?" Berry was about to open her mouth when a soft glimmer enveloped the shot glass. A few moments later Vinyl climbed some makeshift steps I had made and joined us on the table, "Brony don't forget about the best DJ here, hook it up!" She slid the shot glass over to me. My reaction times dumbed down, I was unable to stop the glass from sliding past me and off the table, shattering on the floor below, "NoooOOoo!" Berry screamed stumbling to the edge of the table, "My besht friend!" She quickly turned around and ran over to Vinyl, "You are- ta worsht pony!" She took a quick swing at her, only managing to swipe at the air once more. Other quick bat of her hoof saw it resting on the back of Vinyl's neck, "I jusht..." Berry started crying into Vinyl's shoulder, "I jusht...so sad..." Vinyl's eyes were pleading from under her glasses, she mouthed a silent "Help me" before slowly dragging herself and Berry towards me. In my slight stupor it took me a few moments to realize, but once I did I reached up to the table and pulled them apart. Vinyl shook her head, a small string of slobber clinging to her mane, "Eww...." I laughed quietly, "I'll...I'll go do the thing with the water.... Uh, okay up...." I pushed off the table with my right while cradling Berry in my left, "Whoa-" I got to my feet only to stumble sideways and jam my shoulder into the wall, "You know...how to work the thing...the water thing?" "Dude...go lay down, ya look like you're gonna be sick." Vinyl tried to ignore the slobber in her mane and jumped off the table, "Yeah I can figure out something...still gross though." "Heh...heh..." I grumbled, hazily walking through the hall towards my bed, "Berry?" She answered with some horrid groan, "Berry...we're gonna go...take a nap...then we'll be...better!" She gave another incoherent groan as I walked into my room, resting my weight on the wall the whole while. I had Berry cradled in my arms, and thus couldn't just toss myself onto the bed like I normally do. Instead I had to gingerly sit in bed and roll over. I set berry on my pillow while I drunkenly threw my shoes across the room. "Quiet you...pony humping...weirdo..." Berry croaked, covering her head with her hooves, "Too loud..." "Noo...no sad." with my feet free of my shoes I slammed my head down next to her, grabbing her and forcing her against my cheek, "No sad..." She obviously didn't like being this close to me, quickly biting the bridge of my nose to show her disapproval, "I ain't sad...you're sat!" "Is no chair..." I grumbled, pulling her off my nose, "You smell like...horse." "You smell like stupid!" "Yeah well...drunk." I sputtered out, taking Berry's stomach into my mouth and blowing. Berry quickly let go of my nose, melting into an organic puddle of alcohol and pony on my pillow. Seizing the opportunity I pulled her against my face. Her belly still war from my breath. Carmine might be mad at me for getting her drunk, but this time she asked for it first. As I nodded off to sleep Berry started wriggling. She popped her head out and bit my nose again, "Stupid, monkey, thing." I ignored her and pulled her off my nose by the scruff of her neck, "No bite...sleep now..." Slowly but surely her writhing and hitting slowed. Once she was sufficiently out of it I tucked her next to my head and turned away from her. After a little bit she started gnawing on my hair until finally she gave way to labored snores. She sounded like a damn chainsaw. My head went a bit swirly as I fell asleep. Meanwhile... "Doc you need any help?" "No my friend...give me some time. I'm better with time...but I think I can figure this out...." Doc Hooves tapped a few keys. "Alright mate, let me know if ya need anything." Doc Hooves typed away, digging deeper and deeper into the computer code that made up the program, "Carmine, a moment..." I walked over and sat next to him, "Do you mind if I bring in some more help? Someone familiar with chaos magic." "Hey if you think it'll get ya home quicker, go ahead." Hooves nodded and moved the screen along to a yellow pegasus, "Wait...you sure this will help?" Hooves stared hard at the screen, "If I'm correct this might just be the first step...but who knows. I'm not perfect." With a gleam in his eye Hooves jammed the mouse and summoned up some help. The screen lit up and plopped out another pony. I wasn't ever going to live down bringing more to earth but I couldn't figure out how to fix this on my own. I looked through the ponies on the list and found the smartest, most technologically adept one I could find. Once the screen dimmed back down the dazed mare looked around and crumbled under my gaze, "Ms. Fluttershy, hello." Hooves walked over and helped her up, "Not much time to explain, this is Carmine, current assistant. I know you've been in charge of Discord since his return, we need your help." "Oh..." Fluttershy brightened out, "Uh...hi." She waved meekly at me. "Morning...sorry for the rude landing." "Oh...it's fine...where are we?" I looked around my bright room, "Long story...Hooves quick break? Explain everything and get some food?" Hooves waved me off, "You two go ahead...I'll keep working." I nodded and held my hand flat on the desk, "Right doc...I'll bring ya something." I looked back to the petite one, "Well come on, burning daylight." I scooted her onto my hand and held her loosely against my chest before walking into the kitchen, "Oh...my..." She scanned my room, "It's so big..." I set her down on the kitchen table and grabbed some cereal. I slid the small bowl in front of her, "Oh....thank you." I sat at the table across from her, "Long story short...something called discord popped up on my computer...then, ponies." Fluttershy froze, "...Oh no...I should have kept a better eye on him..." "Anyways...you think you can help?" She stared hard at the bowl before looking up determined, "I'll try. Oh...and...I like your clothes." "Oh...thanks? I like your tail." I ran my hand along her body, she chirped at my touch before pushing herself agaist my hand like a cat, "Well...alright then...ready to get to work?" "Work? But how-" I cut her off and scooped her up. I couldn't really afford to waste time. The sooner we figure this out, the sooner we can start getting them back home.
Lockdown"Rainbow? Vinyl?" I wandered through my house, "Anybody?" "Sean!" A panicked whisper came from below, "Sean!" Noteworthy started shoving my leg, "Sean you have to hide me!" I leaned down and picked him up, "Why, what's going on?" Noteworthy looked around from his now elevated position, "I think they're in heat. Sean, I need you to hide me, I won't make it out there alone!" I started scratching his back, trying to calm him down, "What the hell is-" I was cut off by a blue streak slamming into the wall next to me, "Oookay then...Dash, you alright?" She shook her head out and stared up at my hand. "Hey, can I borrow that?" Dash shot a hoof towards my hand, "Just for a little bit." "Sean!" Noteworthy caught my attention again, "Don't do it, please." He started shaking his head violently, "Please don't!" I shrugged and started towards my room. Dash zoomed past and blocked the way, "Sean...I need that." I cocked an eyebrow and grabbed her. I dug my nails into her back as I leaned down and set the laughing mare on the carpet. With her out of the picture I scooted her away from the door and stepped in. I let Noteworthy walk down my arm and jump onto my bed, "Oh thank you! Thank you so much!" "Sure mate," I sat on my bed and turned on the TV. Things grew quiet as Noteworthy paced around the bed, "So, what now?" I looked down at him, "I don't know. You can leave when you want." Noteworthy shook his head, "Not yet, not for a while." He looked around, "You got something to read?" "Just watch TV," I pointed at the TV. Some show showcasing some car chase was on, "...Err, maybe not." I got up and wandered to the shelves above my dresser. I pulled a stack of books down and set them down on the bed, "There, take your pick." Noteworthy quickly looked over the spines of the books, "Got any about space?" I lifted up the stack and looked them over, "Maybe." I picked one about and set it down in front of him, "Might like this." Noteworthy laid down on the edge of the book and started reading. A loud thumping kept coming from my door, "It's just Rainbow Dash." Noteworthy pawed at the pages, "Rose locked herself in her little house, Punch is...somewhere, in the kitchen I think. And Vinyl, Vinyl just- I don't actually know where she went." "You're so helpful." I pinched the skin on Noteworthy rump. "Ow, trying to read." Noteworthy whined angrily. A bit annoyed I stood up and started towards the door, "Sean?" I put my hand on the door, "Sean, what are you doing?!" I turned the knob and held it closed, "Sean don't!" Finally I swung the door open. Dash flew in and landed on my desk. Her wings fully extended, pose rather violent, entire body language rather aggressive, "Sean you asshole!" Alerted by Noteworthy outburst Dash locked on and flew at him like an arrow. Noteworthy panicked, tumbling backwards over the book and trying to crawl away, "Oh no you don't!" Dash bit his tail and yanked him back, "Come here big boy!" "Sean help me!" Noteworthy was nearly crying as he was nearly dragged behind a pillow. I intervened and pulled Dash up and away. She grew extremely angry, biting my hand and kicking with every limb she could move. I moved my hand around her barrel and held her tight, "Sean! Why!?" I lowered the angry mare and stared at Noteworthy, "Do not bitch at me, I am not nice to bitchy people." "Sorry! I didn't mean it!" I nodded and started out the door, I kicked it closed with my foot and set Dash down. She started swearing and kicking the door, "Why!? What did I do to deserve this!?" She went from angry to crying rather fast, "Augh! Why!?" I ducked down next to her, "Oh calm down, what's wrong with you anyways?" She let her chin rest on the door as she slid down it, "Hot...." I blinked hard as I shot upright, "Are we- we're talking about- oh wow." I picked her up and pet her. I rubbed her ears as I walked her to the kitchen. I set her down on my table and found a tray of ice cubes, "This might help." I set an ice cube on a plate and sat Dash on one. It quickly started melting, lowering Dash to the plate and causing her to effectively melt along with the ice cube. I quickly switched her form ice cube to ice cube, melting them little by little until Rainbow was wearing a stupid smile as she laid in a puddle, "Oh my gosh..." "You good?" "Totally...I'm Rainbow Dash...I'm awesome." She quickly flattened out on the plate. I picked her out of the puddle and held her dripping above the plate, "...All soggy now." I found a paper towel and wiped her down. I walked into my den and set the dopey mare on the nearest seat. Berry was sleeping on the carpet next to a shot glass. Three out of five accounted for. I looked outside and saw the doghouse Rose had moved into rocking. I pulled the slider open and walked outside, "Rose? You alright?" "Just fine! Go away!" I saw her head poke out the small window on the second floor, "What do you want!? Spit it out, go away!" I ducked down and looked at her on her level, "So should I stay or go?" She stared at me angrily, "I don't know...wait a minute." She pulled herself back into the door and walked outside, "What do you want?" Even while she asked she was constantly shifting her back legs. "Just checking on everybody...something weird's going on." "Oh ya think!? You're a freaking genius!" Rose sat down hard, "Augh...sorry, I don't mean it." "It's cool. You gonna be alright?" I ran my hand along the short of her neck, "So what's going on?" She wiggled her rump in the grass and enjoyed my hand along her head, "Don't worry about it, everypony's gonna be a bit moody for a while." I sat back in the grass, "You gonna be alright?" "No! Augh...sorry, I'll be fine. I'm dealing with it! ...Maybe not well, but I'm fine." Rose sulked in the grass, "The grass is cool." "Eugh. I picked her up and brought her inside, "Can I help?" She scrunched her muzzle up, "You want me to lift my tail for you ya weirdo!" She realized what she said and shrank back in my palm, "I'm really sorry. You leave me alone most of the time and that's fine, but I don't- I'm not- ...I'm not okay." "Tea?" I started walking to the kitchen, regardless of her answer I could go for some tea. I set her down on the kitchen table, "Do you want tea yes or no?" She stared at the water laden plate, "Yes...please." I started up the kettle and waited. "Tea...bag...." I mumbled as I dipped the bag, "Tea, bag? Teabag. Tea-bag." "Can you stop!" Rose laid across the table, "Seriously, you're annoying." "Teabag." I finished and poured her a shot glass's worth of tea, "There. Should help, maybe." Rose lazily brought her head up and lapped up the tea. Things went quietly as she sipped the tea. "Okay, so this is good." She sat upright and drank her tea, "I'm really sorry for that. Yelling at you I mean." "Ain't nothing but a thing." I groaned as I drank my tea. I was happily sipping my tea as the phone started ringing. I picked up my cup and found my phone, Carmine's picture popped up, "Hello?" "Sean! I figured it out- err- Hooves figured it out! Get the hell over here and bring the- Holy shit!" What followed was the sound of tires, a loud thud, and the plastic clattering of the phone. I froze as the call dropped, my cup slid out of my hands and shattered on the floor, "Oh my god." I hit redial, "Come on man..." Nothing, "Carmine come on man!" Again, nothing, "Carmine!? Fuck!" I hurled my phone across the hall. I slowly walked back into the kitchen and plopped down into my seat. "Sean..." Rose walked over and tapped my head, "What just happened?" I stared at the table, "I don't know, nothing good."
NBS: GolfCarmine "Right so you know what I'm gonna have to do right? Kenny?" Kenny cringed as I picked up his computer and yanked the cords away, "Damn...fucking...idiot." I muttered to myself as I hurried outside and threw the machine in my trunk. I closed the door and waited for the herd of ponies to walk down his drive and into my car, "Blood ridiculous." Rose hopped over the seats and onto my lap, "What's ridiculous?" I pointed over to the massive conga line of ponies filtering into my car, "This, I mean it's nice to see you all again but...this is just bloody stupid. There's like fifty of you!" I folded my arms on the steering wheel as the last ponies jumped inside. I reached over and pulled the doors closed, "Right hang on a tic." I found my phone with my right hand and let my left run along the pony in my lap, "Oi yo Sean, yeah mate, yeah. Right you still got the golf clubs? Great, bring the nine down to the mountain." I hung up and grabbed the steering wheel. "Hey did I say you could stop?" Rose called from below. "It was either I stop or we sit here for half a day waiting for you ta fall asleep." I complained at her. "Hey don't act like I wouldn't be okay with that." Rose nestled into my groin. I ignored it and started off. "Right well sorry missy you're not the only one in the bloody car!" I hurried off and started down the highway. As I drove the ponies in the backseat started moaning at me, "Carmine I'm hungry," "Stop touching me," "It's too cold," "Can you play music?" I jammed on my brakes, stopping dead in the middle of the road, "I swear to Christ above I will take you straight back if you don't stop!" Things got quiet as I hurried off again, "If you're good I'll find some fresh something." "Oh...you don't have to-" I knew that voice. I started reaching back to the backseat and eventually found her, "Eep!" I scooped her up and brought her to the passenger seat, "Oh...okay." I smiled and shook my head as I tried to focus on driving, "So...who else is back there?" Rose crawled up my chest and looked over my shoulder at the back seat, "Hmm...no one you would know- Trixie..." She hissed at the back seat. "Yes, it is I: the Great and Powerful Trixie!" "Shut up Trixie." Rose hissed past my ear, "No one likes a pompous pony!" "Oi be nice-" Rose poked my cheek with a hoof, "You don't even know what she did!" "I'm sure it was-" I was cut off by a roar of voices from the back seat, most along the lines of: "She nearly destroyed Ponyville." "Okay...still don't be mean." I plucked Rose off my shoulder and sat her back down in my lap. "Fine." Rose sat across my lap again, "Speaking of Ponyville when are you going to visit?" I nearly drove us into a stop sign as I pulled off to the side, "Okay, I really can't talk and drive. I told you I can't fit through my bloody computer screen." I started back onto the road. "Well...find a bigger screen! I need a giant friend to help move stuff...and...enact my plans." "Enact your plans?" I started laughing, "You got bloody plans? Are you secretly a Bond villain?" Rose poked my legs, "I don't even know what that is, but it would be really cool to have a giant as a friend." I nodded and hurried off, "True, now I really need to focus." We pulled onto the gravel path and pulled up along side Sean, "Oi about time, so what's up?" I got out and set Rose and Fluttershy on my shoulders, "Bloody Kenny and the bloody ponies." "Oh Christ...how many this time?" Sean asked with a laugh, "Just those two?" I gave a single rasp laugh and pulled the back door open, "About forty or so." The ponies inside started nervously waving as Sean leaned against the car. "Fucking hell." Sean laid his head against the door jam, "So why the golf club?" I took the ponies off my shoulders and handed them to him, "Can't let this keep happening right?" "Yeah...right." I reached into the back seat and pulled the computer out, "So we're gonna make sure Kenny stops for good." I hoisted the computer over to the edge of the turnout and lined it up. I went over to Sean's car and found a golf bag in his back seat. I pulled the nine iron out and took a practice swing, "Ya don't mind right?" "Naw mate, go ahead." He was cracking up as I lined up my shot. A final practice swing and I made sure everyone was clear. I brought the club back and hammered it forward. "Bugga!" I screamed as the club sent the cheap computer off the cliff, "Fucking hell I think I sliced it." I laughed as the case burst open on a rock and computer parts went everywhere, "Yep, sliced it." "Oi mate, bloody littering." Sean laughed as he traded me the ponies for the golf club. I sat on my hood as Sean watched the computer tumble down the steep hill, "Phew! Damn, that's gotta suck." Sean walked over and looked into my car, "So you gonna send em back or should I?" I had busied myself messing with the two mares, pressing them together and tickling them, "Huh? Oh right, no it's fine I'll see em home." Sean nodded and sat in his car and watched me, "Alright bugger this I want one." He reached into my open passanger window and pulled one out, "I can't help it." He tugged lightly at the mare's tail and scratched her flank. "Oh- how- crude!" She muttered angrily as her styled mane was ruined, "Ruffian!" "Oh...hi Rarity." Fluttershy said meekly as I set her down on my left knee, "I didn't know you where here too." "Fluttershy?" the mare kicked Seans hand away and climbed down his leg, "Fluttershy hello!" I lowered my hand down life a ramp. She slowly walked up my arm and sat next to her, "Do you know what's going on?" While the two mares conversed I looked at Sean, "Right head home and I'll sort this out." He shook his head and laughed as he got into his car. "Right mate, drive safe." He pulled back and hurried off. This left me absolutely covered in mares, "Oi Rose do I smell or something, you all just can't get enough it seems." Rose rolled her eyes and laid her chin down agaist my knee, "It's because you're big." "Oh- kinky." "Ew, don't say it like that." Rose commanded with a laugh, "Sounds like a creeper." I made a farting sound as I started moving the ponies back into the car, "Sorry but I don't think it'll ever happen. You're a wee bit small compared to me." I set the trio in the passenger seat as I started off. "Carmine you are a really strange thing. I'm really just glad you're not dead." "Dead?" "You got hit by a car right?" "Ah...yeah, bloody rectum was speeding on a residential street." I grumbled angrily as I focused on the road, "Bloody arse." Rose laid down across my lap, "Well just remember you should come and visit soon. It's been too long." "It's been two weeks!" "Two weeks too long!" I gave a loud grumble, rubbing along Rose's body and driving slowly, "I'll think about it." I calmed down and focused on the road. First things first I needed to send this horde back home.
Going home"Right this way sir," The nurse lead me through the halls, "Here we are." She opened the door for me. Carmine was watching TV, his leg slung up, "Oi." He waved at me, "Hold up." I walked over and watched the TV. He was watching some weird show with a girl in a bikini, "Carmine can you-" "Don't start with me. Bloody asshole broke my leg, gonna be in here for the rest of the week." He crossed his arms, "Anyways...everything's ready. Hooves figured it out yesterday." "Who's Hooves?" Carmine looked away, "Look, I keep a key taped to the back of the planter by my front door. Head over and send em home." I scratched my head, "That it? Dude you got hit by a car! You don't even want to say bye?" He looked at me angrily, "Trust me, the way things worked out...we're not gonna stop seeing em." Carmine looked back at the TV, "Well...get going!" He looked around and found the TV remote and chucked it at me, "Get on with it!" He chucked the remote at me, "Schnell! Los los los! Come back when you've seen em home." I walked out into the hall. I waited for a nurse to escort me out. I scooped up Berry, napping on the couch as per her usual Monday plan. I walked around and found a duffel bag. I set the KO'd mare inside and went to find the others. Vinyl was enjoying the bass pumping through my desk as she played her music. I grabbed her and turned off the music, "Enough of that then." "Aw dude, why?" "Time to go home. Apparently Carmine found a way back." I set her down and shoved her towards the bag, "Chill here," "Fine." She sat and waited, bobbing her head as she listened to her own internal music. "Strange mare." I wandered around my house and found Rainbow waiting outside my door. "Good, let him out now..." Rainbow pressed her hooves against the door. "Don't do it!" A voice squeaked from the other side of the door. I shook my head and snatched Rainbow up, "Time to go." "No! Not yet! Oh you jerk!" She started swearing and yelling as I sat her with the others. "Right just sit here and be good...I will lock you in the bathroom if I have to." She took my bluff to heart and sat with her forelegs crossed, "Right, Rose!" I started yelling as I made my way to the back yard, "Oi Rose, time to go." She peeked out and looked around, "What the heck do you want!?" I threw my arms up, "Time to go." "Go where!?" "Home!" "Oh!" She looked around after she said it, "Okay then." She simmered down and walked to the back door and went inside. I followed her and saw her to the others, Berry was still knocked out in the bad, Vinyl was talking the the sour faced Rainbow, and Rose took her place on the edge of the bag, "So...is Carmine alright?" Rose asked as she slid into the bag. "He broke his leg. Aside from that I think he had a busted hip." I started corralling the mares into the bag. Rose resurfaced from the pile of hair, "Is he gonna be alright?" "Yeah, he's fine. He'll winge at me about all this later but yeah, he'll be fine." I stood up and knocked on my door, "Noteworthy time to go." I pushed my door open. Noteworthy was waiting quietly on the side of the bed. I walked back and opened the bag. The three concious mares watched eagerly as I slowly dropped Noteworthy in, "Wait, wait! Stop! Sean! Sean wait!" "Oh shut up you." I dropped him in the bag and watched as Vinyl and Dash tackled him. Rose just watched in amusement as Noteworthy was dragged deeper into the bag. "They're killing me! They are killing me!" He screamed from the bag. I looked down at Rose, "You mind making sure they don't ruin the bag?" She gave a quick grunt, "Fine...got nothing else to do." She faded into the darker sections of the bag. Wasting no time I picked up the bag and started off to my car. I reopened the bag and set the five sit in the back. The trip was short, Carmine only lived a few blocks away. I pulled into his driveway. It was a bit creepy seeing the tire tracks where Carmine had been hit. From what I heard we had run to his car and got hit by some guy that was hauling ass down the street. I found the bag, recollected the ponies, and hurried to his front steps. I felt around the back of a large planter and felt the key. I pulled it free and stuck it into the door. The inside of his house smelled like fruit as I stepped inside, "Hello!?" A voice called from down the hall. I hurried towards it and found a pair of ponies waiting on a desk, "Ah, hello." A brown coated one stepped forward, "I believe you're here to see us home." I set the bag down and released the ponies inside. I had to pry a sweat covered Noteworthy out and set him on the desktop, "The horror...the-" "Quiet you." I poked his belly, he spread his limbs in response, "I take it you're Hooves?" He nodded, "Doctor Hooves." He looked around, "This is Fluttershy, and this-" He gave an exasperated sigh, "Fluttershy...make him stop." The pink maned one bopped a cup that was sitting on the desk. The cup jiggled before popping into a weird snake thing, "Oh you're no fun. He would have never found me!" "Discord..." Fluttershy stared him down. "Fine..." He walked on the keyboard and did a quick dance. The computer started up and Discord .exe started up. He looked at the screen and snapped his fingers. A large icon with the word: Return, popped up on the lower left of the program. I stared angrily at the screen, "Are you kidding me? Who the hell is this!?" I closed the program and looked at the icon. The icon was the spitting image of the creature standing on the keyboard, "Okay...so...what's keeping me from burying you in the back garden!?" I grabbed the creature and shook him until he started rattling. "Easy, I fixed it...eventually." He started laughing, "Oh don't look at me like that. You enjoyed it, look me in the eyes and tell me you didn't enjoy petting your little Dashie." I grimaced at him, "Shut up." I turned to the computer and started the program in. I clicked the return button and the screen glowed bright white, "This it?" Hooves stepped forward and leaned his head in. He popped back out, "Yes, Equestria. Good sir, it's been a pleasure." Hooves walked through the screen. "Brilliant. Who's next?" Noteworthy hazily raised his hooves, "Right, in ya go." I picked him up and put my hand through the doorway and felt around. I found solid ground and set him down. As I pulled my hand back I could feel something holding onto my hand. I pulled it back and found a rope attached to my finger. I yanked my hand back and pulled an orange mare out like a yoyo, "What in tarnation!" "Nope." I pulled the rope off my finger and shoved the mare back through, "Not dealing with that." Fluttershy walked to the screen, "Oh...I guess I should..." She slowly started towards the screen. Her hoof shaking like a leaf as she drew closer. I frowned and shoved her in with a soft eep. "Sure she's fine." I looked around and picked up Berry, "Who want to go with her? I don't feel right sending her through alone." Vinyl hopped up the makeshift ramp Carmine had built, "Got your back dude." She levitated the tired mare next to her and started towards the door. I pinched along her spine and gave her tail a quick yank, "Dude, feels weird." She kicked her leg and hurried through the doorway. Rose climbed the ramp and stood there watching me, "Discord...make me big." Discord cocked an eyebrows and snapped his fingers. I was quickly blinded then suddenly standing next to a chest height mare, "What the heck!?" "I feel bad...I've been all moody lately, and I was mad at you before and....you know." She swung a hoof around my waist and pulled against me. I hesitantly returned it. "Man you're soft." I ran my fingers through her mane, "Wait...so- yo weirdo. Does this thing work both ways now?" Discord looked at the screen, "I am nothing if not thorough. Are we done here, because I have birds to chat with." He threw his head back and started walking through the screen. His hand quickly shot back through and snapped his fingers. Rose suddenly started falling. I managed to grab her before she hit the ground, "Jerk!" Rose screamed at the screen, "Eugh...anyways...I'm sure we'll keep in touch." She waved bye as she walked through. I started smiling, even after Dash landed on my head, "So this is it?" "I guess so." I said, pulling her off my head, "Been fun though," She scrunched up her muzzle and looked away. She snapped her head at me and pecked my nose, "Tell no one." I smiled and set her down. I scratched her back and ran my fingers along her underside, "Okay..." I continued my soft onslaught, "Okay...okay! That's enough..." I pinched her rump, causing her back leg to kick involuntarily, "Okay!" "Fine!" I threw my hands up, "Go on. Get." I nudged her towards the door. She waited and watched me, "Go!" "I will!" "Then do it!" "Fine!" She sat on the keyboard. "You're still here~" I said with a bit of a song in my voice. "Shut up!" She snapped upright and started backing into the screen, "I'm going." I started laughing until finally she disappeared into the screen. I gave a loud sigh as I turned off the monitor. Back home safe, can't really ask for more. I felt a small sadness at their absence. But I can always bring one over to hang out some time, "Man...I wonder if Carmine has any beer." I started off to his kitchen. Best way to celebrate I suppose.
